You were there first. I'm one of the older people in my family and disabled. When I go to my brother's there is one chair I prefer to sit in. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. If someone is already sitting there I find elsewhere to sit. She was the rude one.
Whether or not there were seats, she has no reason not to say please. And as every toddler knows, you don't get what you want without saying the magic word!
Older than what? OP says she's "way older than him", which to him could mean 30. There's zero evidence that she's "elderly".
If the person if so elderly that she can't stand for long, it's the host's job to find a seat for them as soon as they come in. It's rude not to.
I probably should've worded it better. She's elderly. She can stand fine on her own but as I said, she might not be able to stand as long as I can. But alas, there were so many other seating options
You didn’t really do anything wrong here and she definitely could have said please! One thing you may want to keep in mind in the future is that chairs with arms are prized by older people because they are a lot easier for people with limited leg strength to get up from. Couches and barstools can cause a real struggle. Again, her behavior was terrible and just being polite to people younger than you costs nothing, but there might not have been ample usable seating from her perspective either.
This is all true but, at OP’s age, if approached this way, I’d have gone mute and frozen in place, too, even though it was in my nature to offer the chair without being asked.
Some of us fight, some flee, and some freeze.
She's elderly and you don't want to move for her? I can't believe someone else in the family didn't speak up. She was rude to you but you lost the perfect opportunity to show her kindness and be polite when it wasn't given to you.
I have a feeling she wasn’t rude and it was interpreted as rude.
Everyone keeps forgetting that this kid admitted in the narrative that the elderly lady always sits there. So not only was this kid inconsiderate, the kid knowingly disrupted the order of things for personal comfort.
Not all seats are created equal when it comes to disability. She was most likely asking because that seat will prevent her chronic issues from flaring as much being there. Her empathy about the temporary disability that your dad lied about (gross) is what leads me to guess that she "gets it".
You know you're answering to OP? The OP who described her as 'elderly'?
ETA: I've just realised you said it was the "hostess's job" to find her a seat. If say it was the job of the *host/s*...
And this means she's entitled to her favorite chair? And to tell both the OP and his dad that he's "rude"?
There's 65, and then there's 65. OP didn't say she was infirm with a disability, but even if this was so there's no indication that there was anything about that particular chair other than it was "the one she always sat in".
Because common etiquete dictates that young able bodied people give up their seats for the elderly.
He had a great internal compass on this. She just wanted what she wanted, and it was warranted.
Disabled is a hell of a lot different from rich and entitled. If an older disabled family member asked me for their preferred seat because it's the most comfortable for their condition, I'd ~~hop up in a heartbeat~~ *actually I'm half broken myself, but I'd give them the seat as soon as I leveraged my fat middle aged ass out of it*. 🤣
One thing every etiquette and advice columnist agrees on: It’s rude to call out someone’s manners. Topping herself w/blasting him to dad is next level.
And the Oscar goes to…OP’s dad.
I gave up my seat to a pregnant woman on the F train going from Midtown to Brooklyn once. She was in fact, not pregnant. I got off at the next stop due to embarrassment. My ex was offered a seat on Disney monorail last weekend, and was horribly offended that someone WEARING a baby deemed him 'old enough' to deserve a seat.
Best pixie dust at Disney, ever.
This may also be a generational issue. I am 'older' and was taught that it was polite to stand to greet somebody when they enterered a room for the first time (obviously not family at home but visitors or people at a home I was visiting), this applied to anybody who didn't have trouble standing. It was also expected that younger people would take the less desirable seating if there was somebody older or less able in the room. Nobody really thought about it but a teenager choosing a comfortable seat when an elderly person came in would definitely have been considered rude. Even now I would automatically offer my seat to somebody less able than myself if other seating in the room was not as suitable for them.
Same here.
The other point is, if OP is as unsociable as indicated, why sit with the family in the lounge in the first place? Go sit on the patio or something, so he can socialize with his friends on his phone.
Yes, she should have said please, but OP doesn't have manners either.
Actually he does. He says he didn’t sit away from everyone because he was at a party and that would be rude. He said if there were no other chairs he would have got up. The kid wasn’t rude at all.
Lol nah there is no indication the lady in this post was “less able” than OP. She was just entitled to the seat and expected it for no reason other than she wanted it. Old person was wrong hands down.
And about your unsocial point… maybe he is unsocial, but he wanted to participate with the family because he wants to be a part of. You can not like something but still do it because you know it’s the right thing to do. Like sitting with his family is the right thing to do. Go away boomer
Where does it say the lady is elderly? All I read is that the lady was way older than 16, that doesn’t equate with being elderly. When I was 16 anyone in their late 20s was ancient. Also there were other seats, the lady, irrespective of her age, was not being left to stand all day and obviously did not have mobility problems as evidenced by her fussing over op after his father’s comment about his (made-up) walking problem.
In another comment OP clarifies that the person is elderly and probably can't stand as long but didn't want to give up his seat because there were other seats.
I think it can be assumed that "way older" means elderly.
Look, OP wanted a comfortable seat on which to play around on his phone and ignore everyone else at the party. Fine. But to act as though this older woman is somehow an asshole for asking him to move out of the seat that she's been sitting in for years is absurd. He couldn't even be bothered to answer her when she asked him to move? And brings up the completely irrelevant detail that she's "rich" so that we assume she's an awful person, as if that has anything to do with an older person expecting an able-bodied teenager to give up the more comfortable seat.
Imagine being entitled to a seat when there are tons of other seats mind you just because you’re older. Yall are acting like this was the only seat available. There were plenty of others. Why don’t you understand that?
what the fuck are these comments. respect is earned, not given. there were plenty of seats. this specific "elderly" person isn't the bastion of seating. you can't just demand someone out of their seat because you want it, especially without being polite about it
Seriously?!!! Who are these people? You can’t force someone out of a seat cause you are older. This is like elder sibling childish entitlement that one should grow out of.
And btw I’m “older”, 50 years old and disabled. I would never pull this shit on someone let alone a teenager.
Yeah, and what is to say she wasn't polite? Because she didn't say "please"?
The OP couldn't even be bothered to answer this woman. He also deliberately sat in a chair which has pretty evidently been set aside for this older woman for YEARS, and then had to audacity to applaud when his father lied about him being able bodied.
The old woman may or may not have "earned" anyone's respect, but OP certainly will never earn *anyone's* respect with this shitty attitude towards life. You don't have to think the woman is Mother Theresa to accept that sometimes the nice and socially acceptable move is to vacate a comfortable seat so the elderly have somewhere to sit.
Especially when you consider that this kid basically wanted to sit in the midst of a large social gathering and text his friends. Introvert my ass... he's a teenager and doesn't want to do a boring family function. Fine, but go be antisocial *somewhere else*. Everything about this kid screams "entitled asshole." This story is the absolute best he can make himself look and he still comes off as a total shitheel.
Lol you’re clearly old then. What don’t you understand about how she wasn’t disabled and could move around? Why do you believe old people should get what they want just because they want it? Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you deserve my respect. That is earned. And it sounds like this lady being super entitled has not earned any respect by the way she acts. Go away boomer
I'm younger than you, you just have no idea what's going on around you. Please go outside, when you're out there and you see elderly people, respect them. They've earned it. You'll have earned it if you make it that far.
I am sorry but I am middle aged now and I am also a bit of a recluse. I do force myself now but at his age I would’ve also been an introvert hermit. People misconstrue introvert people as rude and disrespectful more than anything I’ve seen, and that couldn’t be far more from the truth if they’re surrounded by their ‘people’. As a child I was taught that when you walk in to someone’s house you as the person that is arriving you are responsible in greeting anyone including the old and young.
My mom had an older friend that came to our house and walked in and didn’t greet me. I believe at the time I was 14 years old if my memory serves me right. She loudly asked why I didn’t greet her. I responded “with all respect but you walked into my house and it befalls on you to do the greeting and acknowledgement of everyone in my household which includes me and not the other way around.” My mom immediately backed me and told her friend that I was right just like it befalls on me (her daughter) to greet her (friend) when I go to her (friend’s) house.
If she walked in to the house of the person who’s hosting the party and arrived afterwards she should set the example and not expect to be given the seat just because she’s older. If she has a specific preference she could’ve easily explained it was due to “etc etc” reason and not feel automatically entitled to the seat. It’s not her house and it’s not her seat to call it her own, specially with other seats available. I am sure the kid would’ve eventually gotten up at one point and she could’ve then take it.
Older people believe young people have to suck it up for the sake of older people. My mom use to say older people are the ones the expect and request respect but are the first to lack giving any or set the example. Kindness and manners befalls on all regardless of age or sex. Introverts do not even like confrontation and the only reason he didn’t say anything is because he probably did not want to disrespect her, but yet she was quick to cry foul, call him disrespectful, and point out his lack of manners in a room which I am sure others heard in a room with available seats. So who’s truly disrespectful? Yeah I am with OP.
I think her behavior is less about age and much more about wealth. And this seems true regardless of how many years you've notched.
The more you have, the better you feel about and think of, yourself. You're not beholden to others.
You're special, your specialness sets you apart from the hoi-poloi.
The fuller you become of yourself, the less you care a damn for anyone else.
Where others pass gas, you have airs.
Your money does not license you to fart your contempt of those who are not on par.
Contrary to what you may believe, the greater wealth you accumulate, the more accountable you are, to everyone else.
Because you didn't create your wealth like some magic trick, independent of anyone else. Would that we could.
A great number of the madding crowd assisted, contributed, worked brutal hours while their children went hungry.
They continue to do this (considering you grow wealthier.) Your responsibility to the world increases.
It is a spiritual duty to elevate the lives of others when yours is elevated.
It begins with being kind. Considerate. All religions have this same fundamental rule. That's why it's gold.
Regard others in the same measure as you want to be (and are) regarded.
I don't know where you get this take. The fact that she's wealthy obviously has nothing to do with this story *except* that it makes her look worse to Reddit. Why should we trust the father, who also doesn't have the balls to tell this woman the truth and hides behind lying about his son being injured?
She's an old woman. She's been coming to this Easter event for years, and always sits in the same chair. She came this year, saw a perfectly able-bodied teenager sitting in the chair, and asked him if she could sit there. So far the only thing you could *possibly* ding her for is that she didn't say please.
In response, the kid refuses to answer her questions, refuses to even give a one word answer (which is not being an "introvert", it's being an "asshole), lies about being disabled/injured, and then has the gall to complain that the woman in question is *too* nice to him for the rest of the day.
Like, dude, you literally couldn't even speak a real word to this woman and then went along with the story that you were too injured to move from the chair, and then complained about how this woman then offered to do all sorts of nice things for you so you wouldn't have to move.... and the moral of the story is that *she's* entitled?
She grabbed his shoulder and said "I'm here to help if you need me!" She didn't try and force him out of the seat!
It's like complaining that someone "put hands on you" because they shook your hand hello. I mean, technically it's true, but it is so far removed from being offensive or rude that why even mention it?
If the worst thing this woman did was give his shoulder a squeeze while *offering to help* then maybe you should be reconsidering who the asshole in this story is
Is shaking hands an invasion of personal space? You're really stretching here.
It's a family gathering, not a stranger on a bus. I understand that "old rich woman" cannot be less rude or entitled than the teenager, because you probably are also one, but this is just such an awful take.
This kid is complaining that the old woman whose seat he sat in is being TOO nice to him, and that she's doing it to what? Rub it in his face? It is unclear.
But you're going to have a really tough time in life and in navigating social situations if a little old lady giving your shoulder a squeeze and offering to help you if you need assistance is going to be a problem for you. If you are THAT sensitive to having your "personal space" invaded, then you need to be proactive about telling people that, and if you don't, it's your own damn fault. Because people are going to touch you, brush up against you, etc... it's part of living in society.
What if someone brushes against you in a crowded space? Call the police? What happens when your teammate slaps you on the back and says "good job"? If your grandma kisses you on the cheek, do you slap her in the face for violating your space? These are all things that happen to everyone, every day, and we put up with them because they're harmless and well meant and it would be exhausting to get up in arms about it the way you are. You've just realized that this kid was a total asshole, the woman was being perfectly nice, and you're grasping for any way to save face.
You are allowed to have whatever boundaries you want when it comes to your body. But you're being deliberately obtuse if you act like there aren't certain social courtesies which everyone tacitly agrees are acceptable. If a little old lady touching your shoulder and saying "I'm here to help you if you need it" is not acceptable, then *you need to communicate that in advance*. The same as if you don't like shaking hands, it is incumbent on YOU to say to someone "I don't like shaking hands."
You seem to be a child yourself, so maybe this hasn't come up for you, but you aren't the center of the world and everyone else on this planet isn't going to treat you with any special consideration merely because you exist. If you want to be treated to a different standard, then you need to be upfront about it and communicate that. This asshole teenager did not - he couldn't be bothered to respond to her reasonable question about the chair, he didn't communicate that he didn't want to be touched, he didn't communicate *at all!* Neither he, nor you on his behalf, are entitled to complain about not receiving a certain special degree of treatment that you didn't actually bother to request.
I like your mom, and OP's dad. I grew up often visiting my one pair of entitled grandparents, and my one pair of non-entitled ones. That whole "I'm old therefore I should be respected" thing is utter horseshit.
Like attendance awards at school. "Billy and Janie didn't miss a single day of school this term! Granted, Janie came to school with COVID and passed it on to several classmates and her teacher, and Billy spent most of the summer in the hospital with pneumonia because his parents were too obsessed with his school attendance to take him to a doctor. But Eva missed several days of school because she got hit by a car, and James missed more a *month* because he was abducted and kept in a basement for weeks before the cops found and freed him. So those two aren't worthy of any awards."
I'm not sure where the above rant about attendance awards came from, but there it is.
Same here exactly. Am Gen X. (USA) and I'd definitely give up a seat if I was in that situation as OP was. It's not a big deal and it's a polite thing to do for a guest. It's that simple. Keep it simple and kind.
The number of family functions I spent sitting on the floor, or leaning against a hearth. I cannot imagine making some sort of ridiculous stand for my great aunt’s favorite chair, especially if I wasn’t even willing to socialize.
This. The woman should have been more polite, but if either of my teenagers acted like you did, I would have been mortified. (1) You shouldn't have your phone out and you shouldn't be sitting alone moping at a family party. Older people come in, you greet them and act happy to see them. (2) This isn't right-of-way at a traffic stop, this is a family holiday party and you're sitting in a nice chair where an older person would be more comfortable, texting bullshit to your friends on your phone. I get that you are anti-social -- can't you find somewhere more private to hide with your phone? (3) Be aware that despite your dad standing up for you, this woman will now talk shit about you to the whole family forevermore. Why do that to yourself? Just act the way you are expected to act for the 2 hours or however long the party is. Even if you hate them all, it's good to have a good reputation with a bunch of older family members. They love telling you what to do, sure, but older family members also love giving you graduation presents, putting you in touch with someone who could give you a job, hosting you if you are in from out of town, etc. It's a give and take!
You really haven’t got a clue. Where did you read that op was moping? Where did you read that op never smiled at anyone? Where did you read that op wasn’t happy to see anyone else at the get together? What about op hating everyone? Where did you get that from? I get that you like to make up stories, that’s fine, but this thread is about op’s story, not the one you’ve made up. Can we get back to the original story now?
1. "Sitting alone moping at a family party". He was already made to go to a family party. There's no indication that he was "moping", he wanted to sit somewhere he would be less noticed, rather than in the middle of the action, because he's uncomfortable socialising and being touched. Most likely that's undiagnosed neurodivergence, but even if it's just anxiety, his feelings are valid. As a parent you may prefer that they're a social butterfly with no sensory needs, but that's not the child OP's parent has, and thankfully his dad accepts him and is fine with him accommodating his own needs instead of stamping all over them.
2. Who says the older person's comfort is more important than his own? She may have old bones, he also has perfectly valid reasons for wanting to sit there. I don't know why you're saying he should go find somewhere more private when he already made it clear that this is the most private place to sit at the party, hence his choosing it, so you're asking for the impossible with that comment. You seem set on viewing his struggles as faults in his personality/behaviour and something he can and should be able to overcome the moment somebody else with problems appears.
3. That's a lot of assumptions to make about how OP's family works. If the old lady was entitled enough that the dad felt justified in outright lying to her to help his son accommodate his needs, rather than explaining those needs, then more than likely this woman is not exactly the generous or considerate type. A tentative, imagined, materialistic quid pro quo is not sufficient justification for demanding he be subjected to a day of people touching him and engaging him nonstop.
OP wasn't being rude, he froze up and felt unable to explain why he needed the seat to somebody who was demanding to sit in it (which is inherently confrontational).
Characterising him trying to meet his own needs as "moping" tells us everything. You may have been mortified if your teens "acted like this" (translation: had these needs and tried to accommodate his own needs), but if OP was your teen then he'd probably sustain lasting damage from having such an unsupportive, unreasonable parent. Just ask any neurodivergent person in the subs here about their adult relationship with their parents when the parents had your attitude.
Children and teenagers are human people with valid needs and experiences, not your possessions or puppets. You shouldn't sacrifice their wellbeing or forcefully subject them to particularly unpleasant experiences so that you can look good. If your intention would be to encourage the child to overcome discomfort for their own personal growth, this is not how you do it. It requires trust, communication and consent.
I'm not ever usually on my phone at family parties. I'm anti-social yeah, but no one talks to me. The moment I go on my phone, I'm usually berated for it. At that moment however, I just needed some people to share that moment with. After I talked with my friends for probably all of five minutes, I was off my phone, just listening to other conversations because I don't really have anything else to do. I would try to join in but either I have no idea what they're talking about or I'm ignored.
I will always greet everyone with a smile, despite how much I don't want to be there.
To be honest, I don't really care if she talks shit about me. I'm already the disappointment of the family lol. We're not technically family anyways. I think she's my great aunt's ex-husbands wife. I only ever see her for family parties and gatherings.
In this young fellow’s defense. When you are antisocial it’s very hard to fit in. When telling him to go sit somewhere private then that is more isolation. This waman had no manners in being demanding. She’s older and should have more manners and not feel so entitled. Just because you’re antisocial doesn’t mean that you’re moping. Also nobody has mentioned any other young people at this party. When someone has a diagnosis such as his it lets people like you be judgmental. Learn about the disorder. Educate yourself before being so judgmental. Also I am a 69 year old female. This young man did nothing wrong and he’s probably been attacked more than just this time and that is a good indication as to why his dad felt the need to take up for him.
Well...you're right in that many in an 'older generation' were taught to have zero respect for anyone younger than them. And yes, I say this as a 'older person' myself.
The 'generational difference' is that younger generations see no need to offer respect to people just because they managed to get old. Especially since so many older people have managed to screw up the world for those younger people on multiple fronts. Respect from younger generations is earned by actions, not age. And frankly, that's a far better criteria.
Kid, I get you, I do. You're not a shit stirrer and you will probably go very far in life because of it. You're a good person. But you were given a golden ticket to absolutely fuck with this person for the whole afternoon. I would have taken it. 🤣
Man’s a genius and has probably been dealing with the entitled witch for far too long, wanted to hit her where it would affect her most. Sounds like he was dead on.
No he should have lied like, "op what did I tell you, even if your leg is injured and you have difficulty walking but still you should give up your seat when someone needs it MORE". Then look at the karen in the eye and tell her " kids these days are just too sensitive, all this drama for a sprain and a hairline fracture"
Why are people in the comments acting like they are personally offended?
She could choose so many other seats yet went over to you specificly, didn't even say please. Maybe shes used to people doing anything asks and enjoys the power rush idk
Yeah, I feel so bad that OP posted this story and somehow attracted all the entitled boomers/older people to the post….also so many of these comments don’t know what social anxiety entails.
I’m a “boomer” and I don’t feel like I deserve the world. Anything I have is because I’ve worked all of my life to get where I am today and I have never demanded anything of anyone. You comment is rude and judgmental just like the woman in this story. Try do a little education for yourself. You might learn something.
Is it? I would disagree based on the comment section of this post. All the boomers are saying op should have given up their seat despite there being plenty of other seats because of the simple fact that she was “elderly”. If that’s not the definition of entitled, I don’t know what is
I'm 23, so I get you a lot.
You could've been more communicative, it's always polite and really benefitial to you to decline stuff verbally, no matter what we're talking about.
What resonates with me is a fact, that the expectations towards younger people seem to be unfair from our POV. If you're perfectly healthy (physically and mentally), then you should offer your place to everyone who is struggling in any way. It always ends up being you, though, cause you're in that magical age when you're too young to be considered as someone who should be offered a seat (children deserve it more than you), yet too old to not be kicked out (you're mature and that's your responsibility).
You also mentioned that you struggle mentally with social interactions, which is perfectly reasonable in this case. The seat was in a place where you felt comfortable, unless there were no other places to sit down or your armchair was some magnum opus of its makers, you were within your, invisible to others, rights to stay there.
And if she asked you politely or at least explained why she would like that seat, wouldn't you be naturally more inclined to even consider moving? But noo, you're young, so fucking deal with it. Sigh
It would have cost her nothing to use some manners herself. “Darling, I’m an old woman. Would you please let me sit there? I’d be so much more comfortable and I’d really appreciate it. Thank you so much; you’re such a lovely young man.” You’d likely have moved, she likely would have gotten the seat she desired. Resolved.
I’ve never understood all this hoopla some people have about seats. I grew up in a house here chairs were everywhere with a few spares hidden for events and dinners and couches were used religiously. Hell even if there were too many people some of us just pulled up pieces of floor or cushions or sat on the counters etc.
Like damn man just sit down somewhere it’s really not that deep at all
So an elderly person asked for a comfortable seat and somehow this is now the crime of the century? Not that she's a saint, but if you can't be bothered to say something more than "um" or "er" to her request to sit there, then you're not an "introvert" you're an asshole.
Also, the fact that she's wealthy has exactly what to do with this story? At the moment, it seems to be the tale of a teenager who was an asshole for an elderly woman looking for a comfortable seat and who is trying to make himself look good by mentioning a bunch of irrelevant details about this awful rich elderly woman who dared to think that maybe someone would give her a seat.
It’s actually shocking to me how many people have such underdeveloped social skills nowadays. Maybe next time OP’s dad should let him handle the situation himself instead of speaking for him so he learns to say more than “um” and “ok”
I didn't want to say outright 'no' because I would've felt rude. I didn't want to say yes either because I was already sitting there and she never said please. And also because of just how forward she was being, I froze.
I'm not very good at being social and I usually 'script' conversations in my head before gatherings and that wasn't part of my 'script' so I didn't really know how to respond despite it being a simple yes or no question
Right! I get some are introverts and anti social, myself included, but being able to respond to a query is one of the most basic life skills.
I’m probably gonna get downvoted for this, but get off the internet and learn to converse with people in real life. Don’t have to have a full on deep and meaningful conversation, but you should be able to reply to a simple question! You will struggle throughout life and career without these skills.
He’s a 16 year old kid. No one is perfect at his age. Some people have trouble saying no to people even when that other person is clearly wrong. Doesn’t mean he isn’t working on it
I'm absolutely trying to learn to get over my social anxiety and just being bad at being social in general. As I said replying to the original commenter, I tend to 'script' my conversations and I kind of short-circuited because this was not in my script.
I'm quite the overthinker so I usually think of a lot of 'scripts' but this one was definitely not one I'd think would happen so... I never created a script for it.
I'm trying to stop creating scripts for conversations so I don't run into situations like this again but... old habits die hard
Socially inept isn't anti social. Being awkward isn't anti social. Being unwilling to respond with a "no, I would like to sit here" isn't anti social. If he has friends, he's not anti social. Based on this representation of himself, you'd be hard pressed to find a psychiatrist diagnose him with APD.
Antisocial personality disorder (APD) is completely different from being antisocial? Please tell me you're joking. Words have meanings, let's keep it that way.
If you look it up APD is what most people would refer to as either psychopathy or sociopathy (can’t remember which), characterized as those who have a disregard for others (meaning struggle to feel compassion or guilt for those they have wronged), manipulative to get what they want, impulsive behaviors (such as excessive speeding, consuming illicit substances, or committing crimes)
While anti-social CAN mean the above it is also defined as not wanting the company of others
So yes, let words have their meanings, just make sure you know what the words mean first.
NTA she could have asked politely and stated why she may need the chair but demanding it, yeah no. I have some serious bone problems and find certain chairs are way easier for me to sit in and way less painful, but I don't demand them. Exception at home and my older kids get in it, yeah then it's just them playing games with me.
I think older people in general just expect younger kids to do what they’re told and give up “their” seat because they’re used to it. Idk if I’d call it entitlement, more rudeness and generational. And your dads on the spot excuse was great 😂 I do think you should let go of the negativity bc it does sound like that lady was trying to be genuinely nice after finding out about your “injury”, even tho you didn’t want to be social or touched. Unfortunately the white lie to save the seat drew her attention to you. It probably made her feel good to try and help a teen in need. Just laugh it off and remember next time that you can do it!! You went to a party, had a mild altercation, then spent the whole time annoyed. But you made it 😅❤️
B: "Can I sit there?"
Me: stares at her because wtf... "Um..."
B: "Could I sit there?"
Me: "Er..."
OP never answered. If he had said "No" or "I'd rather not move", we don't know how she'd have responded. Instead, OP gaped at her like a fish and said "Um" and "Er".
Yes we do, she would have called him rude and threw a fit.
He nonverbally refused, this is how she acted, if he verbally refused it would have exactly the same.
> B: "Can I sit there?"
"No. Because I'm sitting here. That's how chairs work. You need to find one that *doesn't* already have someone sitting there. Then you can sit down."
I once was literally stood over and berated by a woman for asking her three-year-old grand-daughter if she had washed her hands. Yelled at me that I was rude, insinuating they're dirty, and how dare I call her ma'am/not stare her in the face while she was screaming at me. I had gotten sick from a child two weeks before, so I was asking literally everyone.
Some older people really are just assholes who feel the need to flex for the dumbest reasons. Good for you for not moving, IMO, and your dad is awesome.
Also, for some others on this thread who are tearing you apart for possibly not giving up a more comfortable seat forgot this part
>The other seats are couches and barstools at a bench.
Couches=cushioned, comfortable.
The art of being taught manners / being a gentleman seems to be lost. A man should open doors and give up his seat for the elderly, handicapped or pregnant women. Wealth has nothing to do with this.
You sound entitled yourself. B asked Can I sit there? That was not rude just because she didn’t add please. She simply asked you a question and you didn’t give her an answer, Yes or no. Regardless of your justifications you were rude by not giving her a worded response. Of course she should have let it go at that and just walked away but she didn’t at which time she did become rude. I’m wondering why you even went to this family gathering. My daughter was introverted and suffered social anxiety disorder so I did not take her to family functions unless she was going to be comfortable enough to interact with the hosts and other family members.
Sometimes older people actually do need specific seating or they are physically uncomfortable even if the sofa looked just like the chair you sit differently on a chair than on a sofa. I have matching furniture and some spots are more comfortable on my old body than other spots. You both had reasons for wanting g to sit in that particular chair. You were being a dick head disrespectful teenager and you know it. Just own it.
while she was being rude, you were being childish. Use your words. You are old enough to have said, no, sorry, I am comfortable here, and as you have pointed out, there are plenty of seats.'
You’ve obviously never had problems with social anxiety or extreme shyness. Up until I was in my thirties I suffered from extreme shyness, at 16 I found it crippling. I would never have been able to stand up for myself, I was barely able to form a coherent sentence if an adult asked me what time it was.
Seriously. And she didnt even demand his seat. She asked but didn't say "please." OP is a grown child, "ummm." Speak up little boy, dont rely on daddy to help you. She was probably only rude after because he just ignored her, which is rude.
In my 20’s I worked at a nice department store in the wealthier part of town. Older, rich white women insisted that we carry their packages to their cars because they were helpless. I used to joke about these poor women afflicted with helpless white woman disease? I often wondered if for some it could be fatal.
There were plenty of seats and I would have told her to avail herself to any open seat. Age, income, gender does not automatically qualify you to take a seat from someone else. If there were no other seats and she was elderly and had a cane or walker then I could see it.
Sort like another Reddit I came across where a younger person was sitting in a handicap seat on the bus and an older woman asked the to get out of the seat it was for disabled and disabled elderly. The person sitting said they were disabled and would not be moving. The woman standing states she is not disabled and to move. That’s when the person sitting showed their prosthetic leg and said yeah I am disabled. The older woman said she should have told her that from the start.
The fact is the persons sitting didn’t need to explain anything to anyone. Nunya. None of your business.
That's not unfortunate. It's very fortunate that parents don't do what their children want. Imagine how messed the world would be with 16 year olds running it.
OP has said that if there were no other seats, he would have gotten up. But as the woman pointed out, there WERE other seats...she just wanted the seat that SHE wanted and was rude enough to try to appropriate it because of her entitlement.
I can't believe there are people here that are going after OP for SITTING IN A CHAIR and being man enough to not give up HIS chair when there were OTHER chairs available.
OP, you don't have to defend yourself over the woman's age and whether or not you would have given the chair up if it was the only one...the fact that you would have is commendable.
The ISSUE is that SHE thought it was OK for YOU to sit somewhere else, but NOT her.
That is entitled, rude and a bitchy move.
You, and your awesome father, were totally in the right.
I've sat in the other chairs before. They're all comfortable. Perhaps the barstools less than the couches but they're really good quality barstools. There were spots available both on the couches and with the barstools
She was babying you because she felt bad for harassing you for the chair when your father implied you were disabled.
She was attempting to be a good person but I’m sure it came off as icky because of her earlier entitlement
I am a boomer and kind of old myself but I would have done the same thing as you if there were other seats available. You are correct in how you and your dad handled it. She felt entitled. Wrong lady.
Idk, woman sounds rude, but I do hope you’re kind to your grandma. Trying to give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re not one of those 16 year olds who have no idea how rude they are to their elders, and everyone else. Sometimes kindness goes soo much farther than asserting which chair you deserve at Easter dinner of all places.
Older folks often hide pain and discomfort, a good chair makes all the difference.
Again, lady sounded rude, but don’t put your need to be antisocial over grandma’s aching back.
Last point: “… being that I’m anti-social and introverted”.
You’re not antisocial and introverted, you’re 16. A lot of who you are now is the lack of what you haven’t figured out how to be yet. If you label yourself this early in the game and use that as justification, someday you’ll wake up at 34 with no social skills, a habit of blaming others, and a chronic loneliness you’ll pretend isn’t your fault.
Just bein real.
I’m not sure if the post was edited to add some more context, but OP said that a. there were many empty seats in the room (imo, it is INCREDIBLY rude to ask someone for their seat when there are plenty of available seats to choose from) and b. That the recliner seat and the couch seats were about the same height and made out of the same material, so he wasn’t taking the high quality recliner and leaving an elderly woman to sit on the lumpy sofa with a popped spring. So OP did nothing wrong here…and frankly as a gen z myself, I am over just giving older people what they want because they’re older, if there are no other seats available then I will gladly give up my seat, if they have a an injury/age related mobility issues then I will let them have the better quality seat if applicable.
Edit: also at 16 you know whether you’re anti-social and introverted…none of that bs that older adults spout about “not being old enough to really know” some people have an easier time socializing with others and some don’t…it doesn’t matter how many friends hang-outs you have or the number of family get togethers you attend, if you find it hard to socialize with others or feel exhausted after socializing with others, than you’re an introvert. I’m 20, I’m an introvert, yes I love meeting up with friends when I have the time, can I do it every week? No, it drains my social battery no matter how much fun I had. Is it something that will go away? No.
Once upon a time people let an elder have the nicer seat out of respect. This clearly isn't how you and your family operate. But it explains her expectation.
I’m elderly LOL ready to turn 66. She was rude af.
But I have a question. If she would have approached you and said something like (after the greeting, of course) “I apologize I know this does sound rude, I have a very bad back and this armchair is the only comfortable seating for me, would you mind swapping chairs?”
It is perfectly fine if you say no, my next comfortable spot to sit is actually the floor so that’s where I would be, sitting in the floor in a corner with my phone.😃 oh, my husband would probably throw me a pillow at some point.
If she desperately NEEDED a seat that bad, she would've brought her own. Maybe it would've even had wheels so she wouldn't even have to carry it herself...
It was ok if her to ask once, but she shouldn’t have kept pushing or tried to get dad involved.
That said, maybe use your words. It looks like you just didn’t answer or made monosyllabic responses. By no means did you need to give up the seat, but it’s a family gathering, saying no thank you I’d prefer to sit here or literally anything other than “erm” or “uhh” or something, would’ve been better.
I think he was slightly overwhelmed or panicking a little, in an edit he says that he usually scripts his conversations in advance so the “erm” and “uhh” shouldn’t be something to criticize a TEENAGER for. He wasn’t prepared for her to just demand the seat and criticize him and didn’t know how to respond.
Gen x here. Personally i was taught to respect older people, whether they are right are wrong, and I do think too many people nowadays, especially the younger generation, lack respect. Imo you were both acting entitled. You're 16. And your dad is enabling you. Over a seat. But this is just my take what do I know.
From what I saw from the post, she asked him twice. Please or not, you show respect by saying yes or no. Not umm eerr. Then the dad proceeds to lie to her about an injury. Not saying she was right, but OP and dad, more so OP's dad, could've handled the situation differently. "Respect is earned not given", then proceeds to get respect from the lady by lying to her... what exactly do you think we are teaching the younger generation by the events that are happening in this post? This is exactly why more kids are becoming entitled... then the cycle repeats.
Cmon man- she could and should have been more polite but she’s elderly and a lady. Next time, I think you will feel a lot better just giving up your seat- maybe do it before she asks? Having some grace will make you feel good for doing the right thing!
Today isn't yesteryear but my parents would have pulled me off that chair and thrown me on the floor. Seating was for adults. It would never cross my mind to sit in a chair when an adult was standing. The guilt would be too big. I also taught my kids to give their chair to adults but I know other family did not teach the same.
Things change. Parents get to decide what to teach their kids.
That’s abuse. Not every child has abusive parents. I’m sorry you did. Did you miss the part in op’s narrative where he mentioned that there were other seats available or did you just decide to ignore it?
That's not helpful when someone is introverted and has social anxiety. It's the opposite of helpfull.
If the lady had been friendlier and more patient, op might have had an easier time to say something.
You’re rude and inconsiderate of not only your family but also your elders. Your dad doesn’t seem worth a shit either, which is likely how you got this way.
If you have so much anxiety that you can’t give up a low entry seat to a less able person, you should stay home.
Edit: you admit in the second paragraph that the elderly woman always sits there, which means you also disrupted the order of things for your own comfort.
You are the entitled person in this scenario.
I will say that these days people are not as well mannered as they used to be. I sometimes have to walk with a cane due to an old injury and here recently, I went somewhere with a small waiting room. I walk in and there’s a mom with two kids taking up all three chairs. Fine, right? Except one of these kids is a toddler and is in to absolutely everything. I don’t say anything, cause I’m not like that. I just stand there with my cane and wait. And after about, I kid you not 20 minutes, the mom finally decides to do something about the kid that’s into everything and she gets him and then tells me, you can sit there if you want. Like, gee thanks. I really appreciate it. Idk about y’all but even now if someone needs a chair, my kid can sit with me no problem. There wouldn’t have even been a question about it as a toddler, but whatever. Things are different these days.
Good for me! I'm rude. Not that I haven't heard that a million times by now on this post. I could've been nicer yes, by actually saying something instead of 'umming' and 'erring' but what's done is done and I won't stand for someone being rude to me by coming up to me and asking for my seat, and never saying please.
If she were nicer, or there was no other seating options, I would've given it up. She was rude. And she could've sat somewhere else
Good for you OP. Don’t listen to these people. They are all boomers for sure. They’re just mad because they’re miserable! Keep doing you. You weren’t wrong in this situation. The lady was!
She might need the arms to get in and out of that chair. But her entitlement is annoying. I would have said “I am sitting here.” When she asked. You and your dad are awful though. Tell the truth, tell her she is old enough not to tattle, that manners go both ways and respect is earned. If she needed the chair for her own comfort, she could have said so and let you decide if you wanted to be decent about it, but lying about a condition? That is awful.
ESH. You didn’t have to give up your seat. You were there first, and have an equal claim to getting a seat you want. B wasn’t wrong to ask—she was probably thinking that she really likes that seat and you might not care which seat you’re in—but she shouldn’t have pushed it so hard or escalated it to your dad.
That said, of course it’s rude to ignore people who are speaking to you. B asked you a question (twice!) and you just mumbled a nonresponse. Now, you mentioned you are anti-social, so maybe you were just struck dumb by anxiety, but B had no way of knowing that. And while being too anxious to talk to someone who approaches you like that is sympathetic and understandable, it doesn’t make the actual behavior (ignoring someone and then giving one word responses) not rude. You (perhaps unintentionally) did come across as bratty and passive-aggressive.
For God’s sake, next time just say, “No, I need this seat.”
As a parent I would have expected my 16 year old son to give up his seat to an older person. You a right to not do that but being kind is a good habit to have.
You were there first. I'm one of the older people in my family and disabled. When I go to my brother's there is one chair I prefer to sit in. Sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. If someone is already sitting there I find elsewhere to sit. She was the rude one.
If there were no other seats, I would've given it up, but, she was also the one to point out there were plenty of other seats
Whether or not there were seats, she has no reason not to say please. And as every toddler knows, you don't get what you want without saying the magic word!
Why would you give up your seat if there wasn't enough seating? Just curious.
She's older. She probably can't stand up as long as I can. And it is rude not to give up a seat to an elderly person if there's no seating
Older than what? OP says she's "way older than him", which to him could mean 30. There's zero evidence that she's "elderly". If the person if so elderly that she can't stand for long, it's the host's job to find a seat for them as soon as they come in. It's rude not to.
I probably should've worded it better. She's elderly. She can stand fine on her own but as I said, she might not be able to stand as long as I can. But alas, there were so many other seating options
You didn’t really do anything wrong here and she definitely could have said please! One thing you may want to keep in mind in the future is that chairs with arms are prized by older people because they are a lot easier for people with limited leg strength to get up from. Couches and barstools can cause a real struggle. Again, her behavior was terrible and just being polite to people younger than you costs nothing, but there might not have been ample usable seating from her perspective either.
This is all true but, at OP’s age, if approached this way, I’d have gone mute and frozen in place, too, even though it was in my nature to offer the chair without being asked. Some of us fight, some flee, and some freeze.
And if there weren't many other seating options, the hostess should have attended to them as soon as they walked in the door.
I didn't see anything indicating his cousin is female, why is that automatically the hostess' job and not the host's?
She's elderly and you don't want to move for her? I can't believe someone else in the family didn't speak up. She was rude to you but you lost the perfect opportunity to show her kindness and be polite when it wasn't given to you.
I have a feeling she wasn’t rude and it was interpreted as rude. Everyone keeps forgetting that this kid admitted in the narrative that the elderly lady always sits there. So not only was this kid inconsiderate, the kid knowingly disrupted the order of things for personal comfort.
When she said "You could learn some manners" you shoulda said "So could you".
Not all seats are created equal when it comes to disability. She was most likely asking because that seat will prevent her chronic issues from flaring as much being there. Her empathy about the temporary disability that your dad lied about (gross) is what leads me to guess that she "gets it".
Should add though your needs around not sitting too close to folks are also legit.
You realize you were replying to op right??
You know you're answering to OP? The OP who described her as 'elderly'? ETA: I've just realised you said it was the "hostess's job" to find her a seat. If say it was the job of the *host/s*...
Because I'm a woman and was relating to what I would do if I were hosting. Huge mistake. What's that got to do with the OP's story?
? He stated she was 65+yo.
And this means she's entitled to her favorite chair? And to tell both the OP and his dad that he's "rude"? There's 65, and then there's 65. OP didn't say she was infirm with a disability, but even if this was so there's no indication that there was anything about that particular chair other than it was "the one she always sat in".
I was just helping you with your reading comprehension. Don’t be rude.
Very polite young man. Thank you from an older disabled woman who would never have asked for your seat, even if there were no others.
Because common etiquete dictates that young able bodied people give up their seats for the elderly. He had a great internal compass on this. She just wanted what she wanted, and it was warranted.
You could have said, *”Wow! There sure ARE a lot of seats, aren’t there?”* And just look at her.
Disabled is a hell of a lot different from rich and entitled. If an older disabled family member asked me for their preferred seat because it's the most comfortable for their condition, I'd ~~hop up in a heartbeat~~ *actually I'm half broken myself, but I'd give them the seat as soon as I leveraged my fat middle aged ass out of it*. 🤣
One thing every etiquette and advice columnist agrees on: It’s rude to call out someone’s manners. Topping herself w/blasting him to dad is next level. And the Oscar goes to…OP’s dad.
I gave up my seat to a pregnant woman on the F train going from Midtown to Brooklyn once. She was in fact, not pregnant. I got off at the next stop due to embarrassment. My ex was offered a seat on Disney monorail last weekend, and was horribly offended that someone WEARING a baby deemed him 'old enough' to deserve a seat. Best pixie dust at Disney, ever.
“You could use some manners.” “I was just thinking the EXACT same thing.”
This may also be a generational issue. I am 'older' and was taught that it was polite to stand to greet somebody when they enterered a room for the first time (obviously not family at home but visitors or people at a home I was visiting), this applied to anybody who didn't have trouble standing. It was also expected that younger people would take the less desirable seating if there was somebody older or less able in the room. Nobody really thought about it but a teenager choosing a comfortable seat when an elderly person came in would definitely have been considered rude. Even now I would automatically offer my seat to somebody less able than myself if other seating in the room was not as suitable for them.
Same here. The other point is, if OP is as unsociable as indicated, why sit with the family in the lounge in the first place? Go sit on the patio or something, so he can socialize with his friends on his phone. Yes, she should have said please, but OP doesn't have manners either.
Actually he does. He says he didn’t sit away from everyone because he was at a party and that would be rude. He said if there were no other chairs he would have got up. The kid wasn’t rude at all.
Lol nah there is no indication the lady in this post was “less able” than OP. She was just entitled to the seat and expected it for no reason other than she wanted it. Old person was wrong hands down. And about your unsocial point… maybe he is unsocial, but he wanted to participate with the family because he wants to be a part of. You can not like something but still do it because you know it’s the right thing to do. Like sitting with his family is the right thing to do. Go away boomer
The lady is elderly. Imagine not giving your seat up for an elderly person and then trying to brag about it on the internet.
Where does it say the lady is elderly? All I read is that the lady was way older than 16, that doesn’t equate with being elderly. When I was 16 anyone in their late 20s was ancient. Also there were other seats, the lady, irrespective of her age, was not being left to stand all day and obviously did not have mobility problems as evidenced by her fussing over op after his father’s comment about his (made-up) walking problem.
In another comment OP clarifies that the person is elderly and probably can't stand as long but didn't want to give up his seat because there were other seats.
I think it can be assumed that "way older" means elderly. Look, OP wanted a comfortable seat on which to play around on his phone and ignore everyone else at the party. Fine. But to act as though this older woman is somehow an asshole for asking him to move out of the seat that she's been sitting in for years is absurd. He couldn't even be bothered to answer her when she asked him to move? And brings up the completely irrelevant detail that she's "rich" so that we assume she's an awful person, as if that has anything to do with an older person expecting an able-bodied teenager to give up the more comfortable seat.
Imagine being entitled to a seat when there are tons of other seats mind you just because you’re older. Yall are acting like this was the only seat available. There were plenty of others. Why don’t you understand that?
Who cares that there were tons of other seats? An elderly person asked you to move. What dont you understand about what elderly means?
It means she's old. That's it. It doesn't mean she gets to demand someone else's seat when there are plenty of other seats she can use.
what the fuck are these comments. respect is earned, not given. there were plenty of seats. this specific "elderly" person isn't the bastion of seating. you can't just demand someone out of their seat because you want it, especially without being polite about it
Seriously?!!! Who are these people? You can’t force someone out of a seat cause you are older. This is like elder sibling childish entitlement that one should grow out of. And btw I’m “older”, 50 years old and disabled. I would never pull this shit on someone let alone a teenager.
Yeah, and what is to say she wasn't polite? Because she didn't say "please"? The OP couldn't even be bothered to answer this woman. He also deliberately sat in a chair which has pretty evidently been set aside for this older woman for YEARS, and then had to audacity to applaud when his father lied about him being able bodied. The old woman may or may not have "earned" anyone's respect, but OP certainly will never earn *anyone's* respect with this shitty attitude towards life. You don't have to think the woman is Mother Theresa to accept that sometimes the nice and socially acceptable move is to vacate a comfortable seat so the elderly have somewhere to sit. Especially when you consider that this kid basically wanted to sit in the midst of a large social gathering and text his friends. Introvert my ass... he's a teenager and doesn't want to do a boring family function. Fine, but go be antisocial *somewhere else*. Everything about this kid screams "entitled asshole." This story is the absolute best he can make himself look and he still comes off as a total shitheel.
Lol you’re clearly old then. What don’t you understand about how she wasn’t disabled and could move around? Why do you believe old people should get what they want just because they want it? Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you deserve my respect. That is earned. And it sounds like this lady being super entitled has not earned any respect by the way she acts. Go away boomer
I'm younger than you, you just have no idea what's going on around you. Please go outside, when you're out there and you see elderly people, respect them. They've earned it. You'll have earned it if you make it that far.
I am sorry but I am middle aged now and I am also a bit of a recluse. I do force myself now but at his age I would’ve also been an introvert hermit. People misconstrue introvert people as rude and disrespectful more than anything I’ve seen, and that couldn’t be far more from the truth if they’re surrounded by their ‘people’. As a child I was taught that when you walk in to someone’s house you as the person that is arriving you are responsible in greeting anyone including the old and young. My mom had an older friend that came to our house and walked in and didn’t greet me. I believe at the time I was 14 years old if my memory serves me right. She loudly asked why I didn’t greet her. I responded “with all respect but you walked into my house and it befalls on you to do the greeting and acknowledgement of everyone in my household which includes me and not the other way around.” My mom immediately backed me and told her friend that I was right just like it befalls on me (her daughter) to greet her (friend) when I go to her (friend’s) house. If she walked in to the house of the person who’s hosting the party and arrived afterwards she should set the example and not expect to be given the seat just because she’s older. If she has a specific preference she could’ve easily explained it was due to “etc etc” reason and not feel automatically entitled to the seat. It’s not her house and it’s not her seat to call it her own, specially with other seats available. I am sure the kid would’ve eventually gotten up at one point and she could’ve then take it. Older people believe young people have to suck it up for the sake of older people. My mom use to say older people are the ones the expect and request respect but are the first to lack giving any or set the example. Kindness and manners befalls on all regardless of age or sex. Introverts do not even like confrontation and the only reason he didn’t say anything is because he probably did not want to disrespect her, but yet she was quick to cry foul, call him disrespectful, and point out his lack of manners in a room which I am sure others heard in a room with available seats. So who’s truly disrespectful? Yeah I am with OP.
I think her behavior is less about age and much more about wealth. And this seems true regardless of how many years you've notched. The more you have, the better you feel about and think of, yourself. You're not beholden to others. You're special, your specialness sets you apart from the hoi-poloi. The fuller you become of yourself, the less you care a damn for anyone else. Where others pass gas, you have airs. Your money does not license you to fart your contempt of those who are not on par. Contrary to what you may believe, the greater wealth you accumulate, the more accountable you are, to everyone else. Because you didn't create your wealth like some magic trick, independent of anyone else. Would that we could. A great number of the madding crowd assisted, contributed, worked brutal hours while their children went hungry. They continue to do this (considering you grow wealthier.) Your responsibility to the world increases. It is a spiritual duty to elevate the lives of others when yours is elevated. It begins with being kind. Considerate. All religions have this same fundamental rule. That's why it's gold. Regard others in the same measure as you want to be (and are) regarded.
I don't know where you get this take. The fact that she's wealthy obviously has nothing to do with this story *except* that it makes her look worse to Reddit. Why should we trust the father, who also doesn't have the balls to tell this woman the truth and hides behind lying about his son being injured? She's an old woman. She's been coming to this Easter event for years, and always sits in the same chair. She came this year, saw a perfectly able-bodied teenager sitting in the chair, and asked him if she could sit there. So far the only thing you could *possibly* ding her for is that she didn't say please. In response, the kid refuses to answer her questions, refuses to even give a one word answer (which is not being an "introvert", it's being an "asshole), lies about being disabled/injured, and then has the gall to complain that the woman in question is *too* nice to him for the rest of the day. Like, dude, you literally couldn't even speak a real word to this woman and then went along with the story that you were too injured to move from the chair, and then complained about how this woman then offered to do all sorts of nice things for you so you wouldn't have to move.... and the moral of the story is that *she's* entitled?
She put hands on him.
She grabbed his shoulder and said "I'm here to help if you need me!" She didn't try and force him out of the seat! It's like complaining that someone "put hands on you" because they shook your hand hello. I mean, technically it's true, but it is so far removed from being offensive or rude that why even mention it? If the worst thing this woman did was give his shoulder a squeeze while *offering to help* then maybe you should be reconsidering who the asshole in this story is
Still an invasion of personal space.
Is shaking hands an invasion of personal space? You're really stretching here. It's a family gathering, not a stranger on a bus. I understand that "old rich woman" cannot be less rude or entitled than the teenager, because you probably are also one, but this is just such an awful take. This kid is complaining that the old woman whose seat he sat in is being TOO nice to him, and that she's doing it to what? Rub it in his face? It is unclear. But you're going to have a really tough time in life and in navigating social situations if a little old lady giving your shoulder a squeeze and offering to help you if you need assistance is going to be a problem for you. If you are THAT sensitive to having your "personal space" invaded, then you need to be proactive about telling people that, and if you don't, it's your own damn fault. Because people are going to touch you, brush up against you, etc... it's part of living in society.
If someone reaches out and grabs my hand when I wasn't offering or reciprocating an offer, yes, it's an invasion of personal space.
Did no one ever teach you about consent?
What if someone brushes against you in a crowded space? Call the police? What happens when your teammate slaps you on the back and says "good job"? If your grandma kisses you on the cheek, do you slap her in the face for violating your space? These are all things that happen to everyone, every day, and we put up with them because they're harmless and well meant and it would be exhausting to get up in arms about it the way you are. You've just realized that this kid was a total asshole, the woman was being perfectly nice, and you're grasping for any way to save face. You are allowed to have whatever boundaries you want when it comes to your body. But you're being deliberately obtuse if you act like there aren't certain social courtesies which everyone tacitly agrees are acceptable. If a little old lady touching your shoulder and saying "I'm here to help you if you need it" is not acceptable, then *you need to communicate that in advance*. The same as if you don't like shaking hands, it is incumbent on YOU to say to someone "I don't like shaking hands." You seem to be a child yourself, so maybe this hasn't come up for you, but you aren't the center of the world and everyone else on this planet isn't going to treat you with any special consideration merely because you exist. If you want to be treated to a different standard, then you need to be upfront about it and communicate that. This asshole teenager did not - he couldn't be bothered to respond to her reasonable question about the chair, he didn't communicate that he didn't want to be touched, he didn't communicate *at all!* Neither he, nor you on his behalf, are entitled to complain about not receiving a certain special degree of treatment that you didn't actually bother to request.
I like your mom, and OP's dad. I grew up often visiting my one pair of entitled grandparents, and my one pair of non-entitled ones. That whole "I'm old therefore I should be respected" thing is utter horseshit. Like attendance awards at school. "Billy and Janie didn't miss a single day of school this term! Granted, Janie came to school with COVID and passed it on to several classmates and her teacher, and Billy spent most of the summer in the hospital with pneumonia because his parents were too obsessed with his school attendance to take him to a doctor. But Eva missed several days of school because she got hit by a car, and James missed more a *month* because he was abducted and kept in a basement for weeks before the cops found and freed him. So those two aren't worthy of any awards." I'm not sure where the above rant about attendance awards came from, but there it is.
Same here exactly. Am Gen X. (USA) and I'd definitely give up a seat if I was in that situation as OP was. It's not a big deal and it's a polite thing to do for a guest. It's that simple. Keep it simple and kind.
Boomers and Z fight over who is most entitled
100% and it’s turning out to be a fierce battle.
Gen X middle kids🤷♂️
I'm Gen X and would have given up my seat without being asked. If the OP is able bodied, he could have just sat on the floor.
The number of family functions I spent sitting on the floor, or leaning against a hearth. I cannot imagine making some sort of ridiculous stand for my great aunt’s favorite chair, especially if I wasn’t even willing to socialize.
No need to sit on the floor as was stated there were plenty of extra seats. She was just entitled.
There were plenty of other seats
This. The woman should have been more polite, but if either of my teenagers acted like you did, I would have been mortified. (1) You shouldn't have your phone out and you shouldn't be sitting alone moping at a family party. Older people come in, you greet them and act happy to see them. (2) This isn't right-of-way at a traffic stop, this is a family holiday party and you're sitting in a nice chair where an older person would be more comfortable, texting bullshit to your friends on your phone. I get that you are anti-social -- can't you find somewhere more private to hide with your phone? (3) Be aware that despite your dad standing up for you, this woman will now talk shit about you to the whole family forevermore. Why do that to yourself? Just act the way you are expected to act for the 2 hours or however long the party is. Even if you hate them all, it's good to have a good reputation with a bunch of older family members. They love telling you what to do, sure, but older family members also love giving you graduation presents, putting you in touch with someone who could give you a job, hosting you if you are in from out of town, etc. It's a give and take!
You really haven’t got a clue. Where did you read that op was moping? Where did you read that op never smiled at anyone? Where did you read that op wasn’t happy to see anyone else at the get together? What about op hating everyone? Where did you get that from? I get that you like to make up stories, that’s fine, but this thread is about op’s story, not the one you’ve made up. Can we get back to the original story now?
1. "Sitting alone moping at a family party". He was already made to go to a family party. There's no indication that he was "moping", he wanted to sit somewhere he would be less noticed, rather than in the middle of the action, because he's uncomfortable socialising and being touched. Most likely that's undiagnosed neurodivergence, but even if it's just anxiety, his feelings are valid. As a parent you may prefer that they're a social butterfly with no sensory needs, but that's not the child OP's parent has, and thankfully his dad accepts him and is fine with him accommodating his own needs instead of stamping all over them. 2. Who says the older person's comfort is more important than his own? She may have old bones, he also has perfectly valid reasons for wanting to sit there. I don't know why you're saying he should go find somewhere more private when he already made it clear that this is the most private place to sit at the party, hence his choosing it, so you're asking for the impossible with that comment. You seem set on viewing his struggles as faults in his personality/behaviour and something he can and should be able to overcome the moment somebody else with problems appears. 3. That's a lot of assumptions to make about how OP's family works. If the old lady was entitled enough that the dad felt justified in outright lying to her to help his son accommodate his needs, rather than explaining those needs, then more than likely this woman is not exactly the generous or considerate type. A tentative, imagined, materialistic quid pro quo is not sufficient justification for demanding he be subjected to a day of people touching him and engaging him nonstop. OP wasn't being rude, he froze up and felt unable to explain why he needed the seat to somebody who was demanding to sit in it (which is inherently confrontational). Characterising him trying to meet his own needs as "moping" tells us everything. You may have been mortified if your teens "acted like this" (translation: had these needs and tried to accommodate his own needs), but if OP was your teen then he'd probably sustain lasting damage from having such an unsupportive, unreasonable parent. Just ask any neurodivergent person in the subs here about their adult relationship with their parents when the parents had your attitude. Children and teenagers are human people with valid needs and experiences, not your possessions or puppets. You shouldn't sacrifice their wellbeing or forcefully subject them to particularly unpleasant experiences so that you can look good. If your intention would be to encourage the child to overcome discomfort for their own personal growth, this is not how you do it. It requires trust, communication and consent.
Very well said. I wish I had been as eloquent.
I'm not ever usually on my phone at family parties. I'm anti-social yeah, but no one talks to me. The moment I go on my phone, I'm usually berated for it. At that moment however, I just needed some people to share that moment with. After I talked with my friends for probably all of five minutes, I was off my phone, just listening to other conversations because I don't really have anything else to do. I would try to join in but either I have no idea what they're talking about or I'm ignored. I will always greet everyone with a smile, despite how much I don't want to be there. To be honest, I don't really care if she talks shit about me. I'm already the disappointment of the family lol. We're not technically family anyways. I think she's my great aunt's ex-husbands wife. I only ever see her for family parties and gatherings.
In this young fellow’s defense. When you are antisocial it’s very hard to fit in. When telling him to go sit somewhere private then that is more isolation. This waman had no manners in being demanding. She’s older and should have more manners and not feel so entitled. Just because you’re antisocial doesn’t mean that you’re moping. Also nobody has mentioned any other young people at this party. When someone has a diagnosis such as his it lets people like you be judgmental. Learn about the disorder. Educate yourself before being so judgmental. Also I am a 69 year old female. This young man did nothing wrong and he’s probably been attacked more than just this time and that is a good indication as to why his dad felt the need to take up for him.
Well...you're right in that many in an 'older generation' were taught to have zero respect for anyone younger than them. And yes, I say this as a 'older person' myself. The 'generational difference' is that younger generations see no need to offer respect to people just because they managed to get old. Especially since so many older people have managed to screw up the world for those younger people on multiple fronts. Respect from younger generations is earned by actions, not age. And frankly, that's a far better criteria.
As an older person myself I agree 100%.
Your dad is a legend 😎
To be honest I would've rathered if he hadn't lied but at least she stopped bothering me about the seat
Kid, I get you, I do. You're not a shit stirrer and you will probably go very far in life because of it. You're a good person. But you were given a golden ticket to absolutely fuck with this person for the whole afternoon. I would have taken it. 🤣
Man’s a genius and has probably been dealing with the entitled witch for far too long, wanted to hit her where it would affect her most. Sounds like he was dead on.
No he should have lied like, "op what did I tell you, even if your leg is injured and you have difficulty walking but still you should give up your seat when someone needs it MORE". Then look at the karen in the eye and tell her " kids these days are just too sensitive, all this drama for a sprain and a hairline fracture"
You are diabolical in the best way possible!
Why do you think he felt the need to lie?
NTA. She could’ve said please. She was the rude one. Btw, your dad rocks.
Why are people in the comments acting like they are personally offended? She could choose so many other seats yet went over to you specificly, didn't even say please. Maybe shes used to people doing anything asks and enjoys the power rush idk
It’s cuz they’re all boomers and old people. They feel like they deserve the world now lol
Yeah, I feel so bad that OP posted this story and somehow attracted all the entitled boomers/older people to the post….also so many of these comments don’t know what social anxiety entails.
I’m a “boomer” and I don’t feel like I deserve the world. Anything I have is because I’ve worked all of my life to get where I am today and I have never demanded anything of anyone. You comment is rude and judgmental just like the woman in this story. Try do a little education for yourself. You might learn something.
Is it? I would disagree based on the comment section of this post. All the boomers are saying op should have given up their seat despite there being plenty of other seats because of the simple fact that she was “elderly”. If that’s not the definition of entitled, I don’t know what is
I'm 23, so I get you a lot. You could've been more communicative, it's always polite and really benefitial to you to decline stuff verbally, no matter what we're talking about. What resonates with me is a fact, that the expectations towards younger people seem to be unfair from our POV. If you're perfectly healthy (physically and mentally), then you should offer your place to everyone who is struggling in any way. It always ends up being you, though, cause you're in that magical age when you're too young to be considered as someone who should be offered a seat (children deserve it more than you), yet too old to not be kicked out (you're mature and that's your responsibility). You also mentioned that you struggle mentally with social interactions, which is perfectly reasonable in this case. The seat was in a place where you felt comfortable, unless there were no other places to sit down or your armchair was some magnum opus of its makers, you were within your, invisible to others, rights to stay there. And if she asked you politely or at least explained why she would like that seat, wouldn't you be naturally more inclined to even consider moving? But noo, you're young, so fucking deal with it. Sigh
It would have cost her nothing to use some manners herself. “Darling, I’m an old woman. Would you please let me sit there? I’d be so much more comfortable and I’d really appreciate it. Thank you so much; you’re such a lovely young man.” You’d likely have moved, she likely would have gotten the seat she desired. Resolved.
I’ve never understood all this hoopla some people have about seats. I grew up in a house here chairs were everywhere with a few spares hidden for events and dinners and couches were used religiously. Hell even if there were too many people some of us just pulled up pieces of floor or cushions or sat on the counters etc. Like damn man just sit down somewhere it’s really not that deep at all
I'd have just said, "Well, no. I'm already sitting here. And as you said, there are plenty of other seats."
So an elderly person asked for a comfortable seat and somehow this is now the crime of the century? Not that she's a saint, but if you can't be bothered to say something more than "um" or "er" to her request to sit there, then you're not an "introvert" you're an asshole. Also, the fact that she's wealthy has exactly what to do with this story? At the moment, it seems to be the tale of a teenager who was an asshole for an elderly woman looking for a comfortable seat and who is trying to make himself look good by mentioning a bunch of irrelevant details about this awful rich elderly woman who dared to think that maybe someone would give her a seat.
Who cares really but sounds like you need to develop social skills.
It’s actually shocking to me how many people have such underdeveloped social skills nowadays. Maybe next time OP’s dad should let him handle the situation himself instead of speaking for him so he learns to say more than “um” and “ok”
Yeah I was getting mad at the fact that he didn’t say much to this lady lol but it’s understandable as he’s young and probably shy
Why couldn’t you just answer her when she asked ? Saying “umm” and “er…” makes you the asshole.
I didn't want to say outright 'no' because I would've felt rude. I didn't want to say yes either because I was already sitting there and she never said please. And also because of just how forward she was being, I froze. I'm not very good at being social and I usually 'script' conversations in my head before gatherings and that wasn't part of my 'script' so I didn't really know how to respond despite it being a simple yes or no question
By the looks of this post You're plenty social. You're just a coward
Right! I get some are introverts and anti social, myself included, but being able to respond to a query is one of the most basic life skills. I’m probably gonna get downvoted for this, but get off the internet and learn to converse with people in real life. Don’t have to have a full on deep and meaningful conversation, but you should be able to reply to a simple question! You will struggle throughout life and career without these skills.
He’s a 16 year old kid. No one is perfect at his age. Some people have trouble saying no to people even when that other person is clearly wrong. Doesn’t mean he isn’t working on it
I'm absolutely trying to learn to get over my social anxiety and just being bad at being social in general. As I said replying to the original commenter, I tend to 'script' my conversations and I kind of short-circuited because this was not in my script. I'm quite the overthinker so I usually think of a lot of 'scripts' but this one was definitely not one I'd think would happen so... I never created a script for it. I'm trying to stop creating scripts for conversations so I don't run into situations like this again but... old habits die hard
I tend to do similar things, but I don’t know whether it’s my social anxiety or my autism, because I do have both.
Which part of social anxiety do you not get? If the lady had been kinder and more patient, op would have had an easier time of it.
YOU are the asshole. Did you not read, "anti social"!!!!
Socially inept isn't anti social. Being awkward isn't anti social. Being unwilling to respond with a "no, I would like to sit here" isn't anti social. If he has friends, he's not anti social. Based on this representation of himself, you'd be hard pressed to find a psychiatrist diagnose him with APD.
APD and being anti-social are completely different things, similar to being depressed and having depression is different….
Antisocial personality disorder (APD) is completely different from being antisocial? Please tell me you're joking. Words have meanings, let's keep it that way.
If you look it up APD is what most people would refer to as either psychopathy or sociopathy (can’t remember which), characterized as those who have a disregard for others (meaning struggle to feel compassion or guilt for those they have wronged), manipulative to get what they want, impulsive behaviors (such as excessive speeding, consuming illicit substances, or committing crimes) While anti-social CAN mean the above it is also defined as not wanting the company of others So yes, let words have their meanings, just make sure you know what the words mean first.
NTA she could have asked politely and stated why she may need the chair but demanding it, yeah no. I have some serious bone problems and find certain chairs are way easier for me to sit in and way less painful, but I don't demand them. Exception at home and my older kids get in it, yeah then it's just them playing games with me.
I think older people in general just expect younger kids to do what they’re told and give up “their” seat because they’re used to it. Idk if I’d call it entitlement, more rudeness and generational. And your dads on the spot excuse was great 😂 I do think you should let go of the negativity bc it does sound like that lady was trying to be genuinely nice after finding out about your “injury”, even tho you didn’t want to be social or touched. Unfortunately the white lie to save the seat drew her attention to you. It probably made her feel good to try and help a teen in need. Just laugh it off and remember next time that you can do it!! You went to a party, had a mild altercation, then spent the whole time annoyed. But you made it 😅❤️
It sounds like she asked you if she could sit there but I don't see where she demanded it.
The continuous harping is the demand.
B: "Can I sit there?" Me: stares at her because wtf... "Um..." B: "Could I sit there?" Me: "Er..." OP never answered. If he had said "No" or "I'd rather not move", we don't know how she'd have responded. Instead, OP gaped at her like a fish and said "Um" and "Er".
Yes we do, she would have called him rude and threw a fit. He nonverbally refused, this is how she acted, if he verbally refused it would have exactly the same.
> B: "Can I sit there?" "No. Because I'm sitting here. That's how chairs work. You need to find one that *doesn't* already have someone sitting there. Then you can sit down."
I once was literally stood over and berated by a woman for asking her three-year-old grand-daughter if she had washed her hands. Yelled at me that I was rude, insinuating they're dirty, and how dare I call her ma'am/not stare her in the face while she was screaming at me. I had gotten sick from a child two weeks before, so I was asking literally everyone. Some older people really are just assholes who feel the need to flex for the dumbest reasons. Good for you for not moving, IMO, and your dad is awesome. Also, for some others on this thread who are tearing you apart for possibly not giving up a more comfortable seat forgot this part >The other seats are couches and barstools at a bench. Couches=cushioned, comfortable.
The art of being taught manners / being a gentleman seems to be lost. A man should open doors and give up his seat for the elderly, handicapped or pregnant women. Wealth has nothing to do with this.
you're the asshole
You sound entitled yourself. B asked Can I sit there? That was not rude just because she didn’t add please. She simply asked you a question and you didn’t give her an answer, Yes or no. Regardless of your justifications you were rude by not giving her a worded response. Of course she should have let it go at that and just walked away but she didn’t at which time she did become rude. I’m wondering why you even went to this family gathering. My daughter was introverted and suffered social anxiety disorder so I did not take her to family functions unless she was going to be comfortable enough to interact with the hosts and other family members. Sometimes older people actually do need specific seating or they are physically uncomfortable even if the sofa looked just like the chair you sit differently on a chair than on a sofa. I have matching furniture and some spots are more comfortable on my old body than other spots. You both had reasons for wanting g to sit in that particular chair. You were being a dick head disrespectful teenager and you know it. Just own it.
while she was being rude, you were being childish. Use your words. You are old enough to have said, no, sorry, I am comfortable here, and as you have pointed out, there are plenty of seats.'
You’ve obviously never had problems with social anxiety or extreme shyness. Up until I was in my thirties I suffered from extreme shyness, at 16 I found it crippling. I would never have been able to stand up for myself, I was barely able to form a coherent sentence if an adult asked me what time it was.
Seriously. And she didnt even demand his seat. She asked but didn't say "please." OP is a grown child, "ummm." Speak up little boy, dont rely on daddy to help you. She was probably only rude after because he just ignored her, which is rude.
In my 20’s I worked at a nice department store in the wealthier part of town. Older, rich white women insisted that we carry their packages to their cars because they were helpless. I used to joke about these poor women afflicted with helpless white woman disease? I often wondered if for some it could be fatal.
It’s touch and go until they are older and demanding seats from 16 yo people for absolutely no reason. People like this drive me crazy.
There were plenty of seats and I would have told her to avail herself to any open seat. Age, income, gender does not automatically qualify you to take a seat from someone else. If there were no other seats and she was elderly and had a cane or walker then I could see it. Sort like another Reddit I came across where a younger person was sitting in a handicap seat on the bus and an older woman asked the to get out of the seat it was for disabled and disabled elderly. The person sitting said they were disabled and would not be moving. The woman standing states she is not disabled and to move. That’s when the person sitting showed their prosthetic leg and said yeah I am disabled. The older woman said she should have told her that from the start. The fact is the persons sitting didn’t need to explain anything to anyone. Nunya. None of your business.
I remember reading this. What a great example. She shouldn’t have assumed she deserved the chair OP was sitting in - there were plenty around.
Your parents should have left you at home.
Yeah but unfortunately parents don’t always do what their children want them to do.
That's not unfortunate. It's very fortunate that parents don't do what their children want. Imagine how messed the world would be with 16 year olds running it.
Especially ones like the rude whiny little AH OP.
*Parent I wish he did leave me at home.
OP has said that if there were no other seats, he would have gotten up. But as the woman pointed out, there WERE other seats...she just wanted the seat that SHE wanted and was rude enough to try to appropriate it because of her entitlement. I can't believe there are people here that are going after OP for SITTING IN A CHAIR and being man enough to not give up HIS chair when there were OTHER chairs available. OP, you don't have to defend yourself over the woman's age and whether or not you would have given the chair up if it was the only one...the fact that you would have is commendable. The ISSUE is that SHE thought it was OK for YOU to sit somewhere else, but NOT her. That is entitled, rude and a bitchy move. You, and your awesome father, were totally in the right.
Other COMFORTABLE chairs?
I've sat in the other chairs before. They're all comfortable. Perhaps the barstools less than the couches but they're really good quality barstools. There were spots available both on the couches and with the barstools
Depending on height, a barstool is not a comfortable seat. - a not old person, but a short person who is getting old
Convenient that you left out the couches
She was babying you because she felt bad for harassing you for the chair when your father implied you were disabled. She was attempting to be a good person but I’m sure it came off as icky because of her earlier entitlement
I am a boomer and kind of old myself but I would have done the same thing as you if there were other seats available. You are correct in how you and your dad handled it. She felt entitled. Wrong lady.
Your dad is a boss!
Idk, woman sounds rude, but I do hope you’re kind to your grandma. Trying to give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re not one of those 16 year olds who have no idea how rude they are to their elders, and everyone else. Sometimes kindness goes soo much farther than asserting which chair you deserve at Easter dinner of all places. Older folks often hide pain and discomfort, a good chair makes all the difference. Again, lady sounded rude, but don’t put your need to be antisocial over grandma’s aching back. Last point: “… being that I’m anti-social and introverted”. You’re not antisocial and introverted, you’re 16. A lot of who you are now is the lack of what you haven’t figured out how to be yet. If you label yourself this early in the game and use that as justification, someday you’ll wake up at 34 with no social skills, a habit of blaming others, and a chronic loneliness you’ll pretend isn’t your fault. Just bein real.
I’m not sure if the post was edited to add some more context, but OP said that a. there were many empty seats in the room (imo, it is INCREDIBLY rude to ask someone for their seat when there are plenty of available seats to choose from) and b. That the recliner seat and the couch seats were about the same height and made out of the same material, so he wasn’t taking the high quality recliner and leaving an elderly woman to sit on the lumpy sofa with a popped spring. So OP did nothing wrong here…and frankly as a gen z myself, I am over just giving older people what they want because they’re older, if there are no other seats available then I will gladly give up my seat, if they have a an injury/age related mobility issues then I will let them have the better quality seat if applicable. Edit: also at 16 you know whether you’re anti-social and introverted…none of that bs that older adults spout about “not being old enough to really know” some people have an easier time socializing with others and some don’t…it doesn’t matter how many friends hang-outs you have or the number of family get togethers you attend, if you find it hard to socialize with others or feel exhausted after socializing with others, than you’re an introvert. I’m 20, I’m an introvert, yes I love meeting up with friends when I have the time, can I do it every week? No, it drains my social battery no matter how much fun I had. Is it something that will go away? No.
IDK I think you're entitled too, it's respectful to give up your seat to the elderly - unless you're also disabled, which you didnt mention.
There were a lot of other seats. She pointed that out herself
It doesn’t say she’s elderly, only that she’s way older than 16, also there were other seats available.
Once upon a time people let an elder have the nicer seat out of respect. This clearly isn't how you and your family operate. But it explains her expectation.
I’m elderly LOL ready to turn 66. She was rude af. But I have a question. If she would have approached you and said something like (after the greeting, of course) “I apologize I know this does sound rude, I have a very bad back and this armchair is the only comfortable seating for me, would you mind swapping chairs?” It is perfectly fine if you say no, my next comfortable spot to sit is actually the floor so that’s where I would be, sitting in the floor in a corner with my phone.😃 oh, my husband would probably throw me a pillow at some point.
I like your dad.
If she desperately NEEDED a seat that bad, she would've brought her own. Maybe it would've even had wheels so she wouldn't even have to carry it herself...
It was ok if her to ask once, but she shouldn’t have kept pushing or tried to get dad involved. That said, maybe use your words. It looks like you just didn’t answer or made monosyllabic responses. By no means did you need to give up the seat, but it’s a family gathering, saying no thank you I’d prefer to sit here or literally anything other than “erm” or “uhh” or something, would’ve been better.
I think he was slightly overwhelmed or panicking a little, in an edit he says that he usually scripts his conversations in advance so the “erm” and “uhh” shouldn’t be something to criticize a TEENAGER for. He wasn’t prepared for her to just demand the seat and criticize him and didn’t know how to respond.
Gen x here. Personally i was taught to respect older people, whether they are right are wrong, and I do think too many people nowadays, especially the younger generation, lack respect. Imo you were both acting entitled. You're 16. And your dad is enabling you. Over a seat. But this is just my take what do I know.
Respecting your elders has nothing to do with caving in to an older person making demands rudely.
From what I saw from the post, she asked him twice. Please or not, you show respect by saying yes or no. Not umm eerr. Then the dad proceeds to lie to her about an injury. Not saying she was right, but OP and dad, more so OP's dad, could've handled the situation differently. "Respect is earned not given", then proceeds to get respect from the lady by lying to her... what exactly do you think we are teaching the younger generation by the events that are happening in this post? This is exactly why more kids are becoming entitled... then the cycle repeats.
Cmon man- she could and should have been more polite but she’s elderly and a lady. Next time, I think you will feel a lot better just giving up your seat- maybe do it before she asks? Having some grace will make you feel good for doing the right thing!
"And a lady" What does her gender have to do with anything?
Are you a male?
Ye
Today isn't yesteryear but my parents would have pulled me off that chair and thrown me on the floor. Seating was for adults. It would never cross my mind to sit in a chair when an adult was standing. The guilt would be too big. I also taught my kids to give their chair to adults but I know other family did not teach the same. Things change. Parents get to decide what to teach their kids.
There were plenty of other seats
“Sitting is for adults” I’m sorry your parents did not care about your comfort. 😭
That’s abuse. Not every child has abusive parents. I’m sorry you did. Did you miss the part in op’s narrative where he mentioned that there were other seats available or did you just decide to ignore it?
Im seeing an awful lot of entitled boomers in this comment section 🤣🤣
Speak the F up.
That's not helpful when someone is introverted and has social anxiety. It's the opposite of helpfull. If the lady had been friendlier and more patient, op might have had an easier time to say something.
Yes this. Not sure why people are completely ignoring the social anxiety aspect like ??
I mean, you were kind of rude. It would have been less rude to politely decline instead of essentially ignore her b
You and your father sound awful
Thanks! 🥰
You and your father sound like cool people
Yeah they do
Because they are. Awful.
I second this. The kid and father are the entitled ones. Sure, why don’t we just make the old lady jump up on a barstool. Plenty of seats!
Speaking of entitled...
You’re rude and inconsiderate of not only your family but also your elders. Your dad doesn’t seem worth a shit either, which is likely how you got this way. If you have so much anxiety that you can’t give up a low entry seat to a less able person, you should stay home. Edit: you admit in the second paragraph that the elderly woman always sits there, which means you also disrupted the order of things for your own comfort. You are the entitled person in this scenario.
Whoever downvotes this definitely doesn’t return shopping carts. Cowards.
I will say that these days people are not as well mannered as they used to be. I sometimes have to walk with a cane due to an old injury and here recently, I went somewhere with a small waiting room. I walk in and there’s a mom with two kids taking up all three chairs. Fine, right? Except one of these kids is a toddler and is in to absolutely everything. I don’t say anything, cause I’m not like that. I just stand there with my cane and wait. And after about, I kid you not 20 minutes, the mom finally decides to do something about the kid that’s into everything and she gets him and then tells me, you can sit there if you want. Like, gee thanks. I really appreciate it. Idk about y’all but even now if someone needs a chair, my kid can sit with me no problem. There wouldn’t have even been a question about it as a toddler, but whatever. Things are different these days.
You're rude, and your dad enables it.
Good for me! I'm rude. Not that I haven't heard that a million times by now on this post. I could've been nicer yes, by actually saying something instead of 'umming' and 'erring' but what's done is done and I won't stand for someone being rude to me by coming up to me and asking for my seat, and never saying please. If she were nicer, or there was no other seating options, I would've given it up. She was rude. And she could've sat somewhere else
Good for you OP. Don’t listen to these people. They are all boomers for sure. They’re just mad because they’re miserable! Keep doing you. You weren’t wrong in this situation. The lady was!
Okay, Grandma.
Worlds best dad!
[удалено]
Because you've spent more time writing about this than is worth keeping a seat, when, apparently, there were plenty of other options.
The audacity to make that ask without the obligatory explanation for it!
It's actually the host's job to see that people are comfortably seated.
NTA. You don’t owe anybody anything, especially not entitled people.
She might need the arms to get in and out of that chair. But her entitlement is annoying. I would have said “I am sitting here.” When she asked. You and your dad are awful though. Tell the truth, tell her she is old enough not to tattle, that manners go both ways and respect is earned. If she needed the chair for her own comfort, she could have said so and let you decide if you wanted to be decent about it, but lying about a condition? That is awful.
Op had nothing to do with the lie-he even said that he wishes his father hadn't lied.
All I can think of is Sheldon and "his spot" on "The Big Bang". Maybe that was HER spot.
ESH. You didn’t have to give up your seat. You were there first, and have an equal claim to getting a seat you want. B wasn’t wrong to ask—she was probably thinking that she really likes that seat and you might not care which seat you’re in—but she shouldn’t have pushed it so hard or escalated it to your dad. That said, of course it’s rude to ignore people who are speaking to you. B asked you a question (twice!) and you just mumbled a nonresponse. Now, you mentioned you are anti-social, so maybe you were just struck dumb by anxiety, but B had no way of knowing that. And while being too anxious to talk to someone who approaches you like that is sympathetic and understandable, it doesn’t make the actual behavior (ignoring someone and then giving one word responses) not rude. You (perhaps unintentionally) did come across as bratty and passive-aggressive. For God’s sake, next time just say, “No, I need this seat.”
65 is NOT elderly! 😂🫤
>B: "Can I sit there?" Me: stares at her because wtf... "Um..." B: "Could I sit there?" Me: "Er..." This is *very* weird behavior
As a parent I would have expected my 16 year old son to give up his seat to an older person. You a right to not do that but being kind is a good habit to have.
You are a total punk.
Let grandma have her armchair. Come on.