100% agree abour focusing on yourself. Wouldn't say to do it thinking you'll get one last chance. More as in "bettering myself will help me no matter what the future brings". Wether it is if my ex decides to come back, or not, or with someone new, or just by myself.
I think of it more being like I’m getting the last laugh and when they look back on their life they’ll be humiliated by how badly they fumbled someone who turned out to have an amazing life while their life hasn’t panned out the way they wanted. Doesn’t mean I want them back, more that I want the history books to show that I’ve “won”. Might not be healthy but it keeps me sane anyway.
>Yeah, the one last chance part made me cringe inside. It's like, do I even want that??
Yeah, let the past stay in the past. There's no need to rehash it.
I think some YouTubers are just trying to get "likes," new subscribers, and sell false hope to desperate and heartbroken people so that they can keep these people in a neverending feedback loop where every positive thing they do for themselves, is only for the purpose of seeking validation and proving themselves worthy to their ex, which keeps them in a trap of false hope and disappointment, and ultimately, in codependency on their ex.
This is mostly true, but I will say I’ve watched a lot of Craig myself, and while he does mention the prospect of getting back with your ex, his main focus really does seem to be working on yourself FOR yourself - whether you get your ex back or not. It’s just that the reality is, many ex’s do come back as a side effect, especially if they’ve seen that change. But that really isn’t the point of his channel. He and the other coaches on that channel understand that most people that start watching his content ARE desperate. Up until recently, I didn’t really care about working on myself for myself. I just wanted my ex back. I may not have listened to the good advice he or others had to offer if the prospect of getting her back wasn’t on the table. Sometimes people need that push to head to the right direction.
I am nearing a year out as the dumper... I have definitely flip-flopped somewhere between the optimism of healing and the discomfort in facing what I did that caused the conflicts. I think a lot of advice is targeting recent breakups recent no-contact folks.
It gets easier if you focus on you and keep track of your own accountability. Sometimes I feel the hope and wish for a return in just rose tinted glasses without addressing why people broke up.
A bit late to reply, but, the concept is not about *you* wanting or waiting for them to come back, but to be prepared in the case this person *might* do it, when you least expect it. If you are ready, you can then reply in an orderly fashion. If you really get yourself in a place in which you convince your mind that *they will never come back*, you could be in a really difficult, unexpected place when/if they try to do so. And even end up being toyed with.
On the other hand, in the early stages of breakup and for some people, it might be the perfect incentive to star moving on, and get better in the process. In any case, as you can see, being prepared instead than in denial (or will forcing an outcome in advance) leads to a positive mindset and outcome later on. Whether to be ready (even and *especially* to reject them), or to find happiness and finally move on your own.
Same with my take on this. Newly broken hearted people are desperate and wont listen to friends telling them “move on theres plenty of fish in the sea”. It hurts to hear that. But if you frame it in a way that it will attract their attention to help them, then go for it. The good thing about this is that in the process of bettering yourself , which happened to me many times, you start with a mindset of doing it to get him back, but this entire process will give you clarity and heal you and eventually, no one has to tell you not to get them back, you will find out for yourself that your ex is a loser and you can do better.
Its so easy to tell someone to move on but if you are in the situation, the first weeks and months of a breakup is pure suffering. Its basically just a different texhnique to pull someone out of the dark tunnel.
They always fill you up with expectations that they will reach out, however that's not always the case even though the odds are favored.
I haven't heard a single peep in 5 years and those coaches gibberish actually delayed my healing progress because i was "so sure" that they "would reach out sooner or later!".
Never did, and that's fine now. But back then it was hell. It made me question myself even more. Why wouldn't they reach out if almost all coaches tell you that they will?
Careful listening too those "experts".
I agree, if you have been blindsided, been told that the relationship was secure then broken up with, communication immediately ended from them in a cold manner, how could that possibly lead you to believe they'll eventually come back.
Pfffft god forbid bro. The peace i have right now is worth so much that i am actually happy that she's leaving me alone / has left me alone all the time.
back in the day that was different ^.^
I guess I don’t understand this advice. Assuming you’re dating to marry (and maybe that’s just me idk) then why are you holding out hope for someone who left?! That’s not someone you want on your team. Get better, yeah, but get better for yourself.
Honestly, if the other person an ex doesn't change themselves, there wouldn't be a chance to go back together, unless you want to experience the same issues and try to adapt to ur ex all the time and not have ur own personality.
I agree 100% to this. You could be the best version of yourself, but if they are not working on themselves and their issues, there’s nothing you can do about it.
Isn't the point of a relationship to work through problems together? If they leave, do what you have to do but never take them back, they weren't there through what we have been through.
It happened to me. He came back after 7 months. And he just dumped me again. I am past the point where I want to put my best foot forward and “prove” myself to him. Yes, it seemed like he did start to care a few months into no contact, and he uncared again as soon as I allowed myself to fall for his bullshit again. And then blamed me for everything.
I understand that you might want them back. But believe me, it’s rarely ever rainbows and unicorns once they return. Convincing yourself that someone who already dumped you before won’t do it again pretty much requires you to gaslight yourself, because you need to make yourself believe the opposite of what reality has shown you. That alone is really difficult, and an extra big mindfuck when they dump you again.
Were you NC during those 7 months? How did he 'seem' to care?
Regardless, I'm sorry that you were let down again. You're not wrong for trying to give a second chance, it just sucks that it came at your expense. Here's to hoping the next one sticks.
Did you make significant changes in your own life before taking him back? If you were both the same people essentially returning to your previous relationship, then it was probably unlikely to work out.
Whether you want your ex back or you want to go on without them, focusing on yourself is the best path for that.
People don’t abandon people they love, they abandon people they were using.
If you tried your best and were abandoned, no contact indefinitely and focusing on yourself is the best thing for you.
So, I think the coaches advice is appropriate under amicable breakups without betrayal only.
The modification I would make to this is that if you focus on improving yourself, you'll get another chance at finding a partner who has also done the work. If you're really lucky, it'll be your ex. Not every ex is a monster. If your ex was basically a good person who could improve certain behaviors, then it's an appealing prospect that maybe you'll get another chance as better versions of yourselves.
They don't come back. Trust your guts. Let them go and don't expect anything. Why do you want to be with someone who dumped you? It is not worth waiting at all
In a lot of cases assuming there wasn’t extreme toxicity or abuse, I agree, but even then there is no guarantee they will be coming back because they want to get back together.
Best to not have expectations like that as it very likely could lead to disappointment.
Imagining/Believing that you have one shot to get back to your ex is just a temporary motivation to get you to no contact. Because some of us here are fresh from a breakup and are currently seeing our exes in the rose-tinted glass.
But, trust me. There will come a time that you will knock their perfect marble sculpture off that pedestal and feel nothing as you watch it crumble.
People are still finding a way to make this about the ex. Not what he’s saying. What he’s saying is, always put yourself first and become your best. Because even if that ex comes back around, you’re going to want them to see you looking your best. Not that you hope for them to return.
Strive to be a winner every day. Even if it’s to win the breakup, you can’t win if you’re living like a loser. Love yourself! Be your best self!
Without watching/listening to any of his content, I feel it's very sound advice
Regardless of anything & everything, it's always beneficial to be the best version of yourself at any given time
I'm diligently striving for this myself. It's not to get an ex back (especially not the recent ex I rid myself of back in January) But for me
It's been 19 months now for me. She quickly got with a new guy and I never heard a peep from her. 5 years gone like that. Just the other day I inadvertently saw they were still together and it really fucked me up again. She's didn't care when she left, she doesn't care now and she won't in the future. I want to believe otherwise but that's foolish and no matter how much my heart aches for her, she will never come back.
I’m starting to realize all the things he did and said during the last period of our relationship and I finally started to feel resentment, I mean, if he will come back he will find a totally different person (more assertive and self centered)…I don’t think I’d want him back right now…not like the way he was for sure. Wondering if that guy said anything about the dumper change, he should come back as a better version of himself too
At this point I don’t want him back. Even though I love him a lot, I would never be able to relax wondering when he was gonna leave again. Even with working on my anxious attachment, I don’t think that’s a healthy dynamic for any kind of attachment style. I just want a well thought out, sincere apology initiated by him, for his part to play and the words he said. That’s all I want. I’m not waiting around for it, but it would be nice to know he has thought about everything enough during no contact to feel the need to reach out and apologise
Look, they only come back if they're a narcissist and or an abuser.
Why? They operate in cycles. Idealize, devalue, discard then hoover. When someone comes back into your life like they never left and you pick back up where you left off that's an enormous red flag that you've got an emotional abuser on your hands. That's not the kind of relationship anybody should be holding out for.
Look into traumatic bonding. You're more than likely not even in love with these people it's more like an addiction. An obsession. That's your trauma bond talking not love and it never will be.
If she reached out to throw a tantrum at you, chances are she does care about you. Especially if it had been 9 months in NC. People who are indifferent wouldn't go out of their way to do all of that.
What's the reason for saying she neve loved me then? If she still cares about me, why go out of her way to hurt me like that? And do you think I should have responded instead of ignoring her?
She's mad at you. Want's to hurt you. Depends on why the break up happened in the first place. I'm not saying she wants to welcome you back with open arms, just that she obviously still holds on to you in a way that is significant enough to want to reach out and say that.
You did the right thing by not responding. You don't want to put up with that sort of immaturity.
I am just pointing out that she clearly isn't done with you emotionally, however that may be to her.
Do you think there's any point at which I should reach back out to her? Since she technically already reached out to me and I didn't respond. I would be open to reconciling if she's willing to apologize for what she texted me.
Unless she apologized and said anything significant that would imply reconciliation, I wouldn’t.
Trust me. She wants you to reply for an ego boost. You give her that and you just wasted 9 months of no contact.
That's a good point. I needed to hear that. There's just a part of me that still hopes she's secretly sorry and just won't admit it, and maybe if I reach out she'll finally say it.
Anytime I wanted an apology in my life I didn't get one. I guess a mistake we all make is looking for closure. I'm afraid none of us are really owed it, and would accept it if it came.
I apologized when she broke up with me because she made me feel like it was all my fault and I desperately wanted her back. Now that I've had time to process it, I realized that I tried the best I could and she was the one who didn't appreciate me enough. So I feel like I shouldn't have apologized, and that I'm now owed an apology from her instead.
Understandable. You need to be your own source of closure in this. This usually comes from framing the break and relationship different. Instead of framing it in a way that puts the burden of apology on her, you can think of it as a more cosmic issue. “The universe decided she wasn’t the one for me”. “Life happens and we all make mistakes”. You need to find your own way to frame this to allow for closure.
No, I had a couple weeks of wanting my ex back, but lots of self-development and reflecting has made me realize she’s toxic and useless in my life. The only qualities she had disappeared at the end when she showed me her true colours, so if I’m being honest any woman would be an upgrade over her. Wanting revenge by showing I’m better than her is pointless. I was better than her before, and I’ve worked on myself since the heartbreak and I’m just widening the gap between us where everybody would laugh if they see I took her back. Always trying to improve on myself and she’s going backwards
I agree with this my ex affected my mental health so much. I need to focus on myself, build the life I truly want. Find happiness within myself the only thing that sucks is I give people motivation to help them, but I could never motivate myself no matter what I tell myself.
Hey coach Craig!
Anyways. For people wanting real advice - one of the most life changing books I read was called "the breakup manual for men". Lays out step by step how to get yourself back with two possible outcomes: get your ex back, or get yourself back and find someone else. Put a lot of blind faith into the practices laid out, but it worked. Took some time and a lot of suffering, but it worked and I met someone else on a similar life path as me.
I think the motives are irrelevant. As long as you're working on yourself it's win win. If they come back you'll be in a better position of 'power'. Knowing what you're worth now. So you'll be able to say yes, let's try this and have a clear mind or Thanx but no Thanx.
You should work on yourself, no matter what the outcome is. If it can help, "Fake it 'till you make it" if it will boost your confidence, but DO REALLY PUT IN the work. You cant fake it forever and the mask will crack. I started to really put in the work ive been avoiding and ive never felt so great and it has helped me immensly in that breakup situation. At first, i started it doing it in HOPE she'll see the improvements, but fkg do it for you ffs! You deserve a better version of you and you will thank yourself for it.
I can’t wait to tell my ex to kiss my ass. I don’t think he left any room for me to forgive him. And plenty of my exes don’t care about me at all and never reached back out so these kinds of posts can be very misleading and detrimental.
100% focus on you.
The rest of it new ageish, law of attraction, manifestation garbage.
You can focus on you and "just imagine/believe that you will get one last chance to get your ex back". It doesn't work that way. It sounds good because its what you want to hear. But that's how you get stuck.
You're ex very likely will not care enough for it to matter. Not now. Not later.
I agree with others saying that it’s cringe that the coach even brought up “imagine that you will get one last chance to get your ex back.”
Going no contact to make somebody miss you, to make them jealous, to punish them, is a form of manipulation. Going no contact should be for detachment and healing. I came across some coaches on TikTok and YouTube that are obviously monetizing people’s desire to get their ex back or focusing on how the dumpee “is going crazy without you”. They know many people wanna hear these things so they use it to garner a clientele. Idk Coach Craig but part of his statement here gives me opportunist vibes.
These "coaches" are in business, so I don't fault them for seeing an opportunity and exploiting it. But telling people what they wanna hear vs telling the truth are two different concepts altogether. Not that they are lying, but what you wanna might be technically true, yet emotionally less than healthy.
These "coaches" know the overwhelming majority of their clients are steaming piles of work who have no business attempting to sustain a relationship with anyone. If there is some success, it's most likely because the exes involved are even worse. If I can get a person to just shut up for a month, their disturbed ex will likely go batshit crazy and/or return in some form.
That doesn't seem like a healthy experience to me.
People have to use their powers of discernment and not their weakness of gullibility.
This is true. I’ve lived in, had her back for a bit too. But focused too much on her rather than on me. I am hoping I get a second chance again. But she’s dating someone so who knows (I’m dating 3-4 girls so kind of balanced out, but wish I had her in my life)
Women don’t care, they move on before dumping you a women is never single she had your replacement lined up, that’s why nice guys finish last, if you beat her and was a bad boy she would still be with you the cold hard truth is women like abuse, and women need to be punished
Why would you even want your ex back if they dumped you? If it’s been less than 2 months maybe…. After that? You just seem pathetic waiting around for someone who discarded you
100% agree abour focusing on yourself. Wouldn't say to do it thinking you'll get one last chance. More as in "bettering myself will help me no matter what the future brings". Wether it is if my ex decides to come back, or not, or with someone new, or just by myself.
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I think of it more being like I’m getting the last laugh and when they look back on their life they’ll be humiliated by how badly they fumbled someone who turned out to have an amazing life while their life hasn’t panned out the way they wanted. Doesn’t mean I want them back, more that I want the history books to show that I’ve “won”. Might not be healthy but it keeps me sane anyway.
Winnnnn winnn winnnn winnnnnnn!!!!
>Yeah, the one last chance part made me cringe inside. It's like, do I even want that?? Yeah, let the past stay in the past. There's no need to rehash it. I think some YouTubers are just trying to get "likes," new subscribers, and sell false hope to desperate and heartbroken people so that they can keep these people in a neverending feedback loop where every positive thing they do for themselves, is only for the purpose of seeking validation and proving themselves worthy to their ex, which keeps them in a trap of false hope and disappointment, and ultimately, in codependency on their ex.
This is mostly true, but I will say I’ve watched a lot of Craig myself, and while he does mention the prospect of getting back with your ex, his main focus really does seem to be working on yourself FOR yourself - whether you get your ex back or not. It’s just that the reality is, many ex’s do come back as a side effect, especially if they’ve seen that change. But that really isn’t the point of his channel. He and the other coaches on that channel understand that most people that start watching his content ARE desperate. Up until recently, I didn’t really care about working on myself for myself. I just wanted my ex back. I may not have listened to the good advice he or others had to offer if the prospect of getting her back wasn’t on the table. Sometimes people need that push to head to the right direction.
This is a fair take!
I am nearing a year out as the dumper... I have definitely flip-flopped somewhere between the optimism of healing and the discomfort in facing what I did that caused the conflicts. I think a lot of advice is targeting recent breakups recent no-contact folks. It gets easier if you focus on you and keep track of your own accountability. Sometimes I feel the hope and wish for a return in just rose tinted glasses without addressing why people broke up.
A bit late to reply, but, the concept is not about *you* wanting or waiting for them to come back, but to be prepared in the case this person *might* do it, when you least expect it. If you are ready, you can then reply in an orderly fashion. If you really get yourself in a place in which you convince your mind that *they will never come back*, you could be in a really difficult, unexpected place when/if they try to do so. And even end up being toyed with. On the other hand, in the early stages of breakup and for some people, it might be the perfect incentive to star moving on, and get better in the process. In any case, as you can see, being prepared instead than in denial (or will forcing an outcome in advance) leads to a positive mindset and outcome later on. Whether to be ready (even and *especially* to reject them), or to find happiness and finally move on your own.
Same with my take on this. Newly broken hearted people are desperate and wont listen to friends telling them “move on theres plenty of fish in the sea”. It hurts to hear that. But if you frame it in a way that it will attract their attention to help them, then go for it. The good thing about this is that in the process of bettering yourself , which happened to me many times, you start with a mindset of doing it to get him back, but this entire process will give you clarity and heal you and eventually, no one has to tell you not to get them back, you will find out for yourself that your ex is a loser and you can do better. Its so easy to tell someone to move on but if you are in the situation, the first weeks and months of a breakup is pure suffering. Its basically just a different texhnique to pull someone out of the dark tunnel.
They always fill you up with expectations that they will reach out, however that's not always the case even though the odds are favored. I haven't heard a single peep in 5 years and those coaches gibberish actually delayed my healing progress because i was "so sure" that they "would reach out sooner or later!". Never did, and that's fine now. But back then it was hell. It made me question myself even more. Why wouldn't they reach out if almost all coaches tell you that they will? Careful listening too those "experts".
I agree, if you have been blindsided, been told that the relationship was secure then broken up with, communication immediately ended from them in a cold manner, how could that possibly lead you to believe they'll eventually come back.
ehhhh. never say never, i read someones post that an ex reached out 10 years down the road.. haha
Pfffft god forbid bro. The peace i have right now is worth so much that i am actually happy that she's leaving me alone / has left me alone all the time. back in the day that was different ^.^
I guess I don’t understand this advice. Assuming you’re dating to marry (and maybe that’s just me idk) then why are you holding out hope for someone who left?! That’s not someone you want on your team. Get better, yeah, but get better for yourself.
What if the person that left is the person you married? 😅 Don't get me wrong, here. I am the one that filed for divorce because she wouldn't.
Same goes… why hold out hope for someone who left?
Honestly, if the other person an ex doesn't change themselves, there wouldn't be a chance to go back together, unless you want to experience the same issues and try to adapt to ur ex all the time and not have ur own personality.
I agree 100% to this. You could be the best version of yourself, but if they are not working on themselves and their issues, there’s nothing you can do about it.
Yep, I did everything to cater to my exes needs, figuratively and literally. She still left. Can't change how people feel.
Isn't the point of a relationship to work through problems together? If they leave, do what you have to do but never take them back, they weren't there through what we have been through.
It happened to me. He came back after 7 months. And he just dumped me again. I am past the point where I want to put my best foot forward and “prove” myself to him. Yes, it seemed like he did start to care a few months into no contact, and he uncared again as soon as I allowed myself to fall for his bullshit again. And then blamed me for everything. I understand that you might want them back. But believe me, it’s rarely ever rainbows and unicorns once they return. Convincing yourself that someone who already dumped you before won’t do it again pretty much requires you to gaslight yourself, because you need to make yourself believe the opposite of what reality has shown you. That alone is really difficult, and an extra big mindfuck when they dump you again.
Were you NC during those 7 months? How did he 'seem' to care? Regardless, I'm sorry that you were let down again. You're not wrong for trying to give a second chance, it just sucks that it came at your expense. Here's to hoping the next one sticks.
Did you make significant changes in your own life before taking him back? If you were both the same people essentially returning to your previous relationship, then it was probably unlikely to work out.
I did. But he didn’t.
I’m sorry you got hurt again. How shitty. Hope your path to healing is smoother than ever.
Whether you want your ex back or you want to go on without them, focusing on yourself is the best path for that. People don’t abandon people they love, they abandon people they were using. If you tried your best and were abandoned, no contact indefinitely and focusing on yourself is the best thing for you. So, I think the coaches advice is appropriate under amicable breakups without betrayal only.
The modification I would make to this is that if you focus on improving yourself, you'll get another chance at finding a partner who has also done the work. If you're really lucky, it'll be your ex. Not every ex is a monster. If your ex was basically a good person who could improve certain behaviors, then it's an appealing prospect that maybe you'll get another chance as better versions of yourselves.
They don't come back. Trust your guts. Let them go and don't expect anything. Why do you want to be with someone who dumped you? It is not worth waiting at all
In a lot of cases assuming there wasn’t extreme toxicity or abuse, I agree, but even then there is no guarantee they will be coming back because they want to get back together. Best to not have expectations like that as it very likely could lead to disappointment.
Imagining/Believing that you have one shot to get back to your ex is just a temporary motivation to get you to no contact. Because some of us here are fresh from a breakup and are currently seeing our exes in the rose-tinted glass. But, trust me. There will come a time that you will knock their perfect marble sculpture off that pedestal and feel nothing as you watch it crumble.
People are still finding a way to make this about the ex. Not what he’s saying. What he’s saying is, always put yourself first and become your best. Because even if that ex comes back around, you’re going to want them to see you looking your best. Not that you hope for them to return. Strive to be a winner every day. Even if it’s to win the breakup, you can’t win if you’re living like a loser. Love yourself! Be your best self!
Without watching/listening to any of his content, I feel it's very sound advice Regardless of anything & everything, it's always beneficial to be the best version of yourself at any given time I'm diligently striving for this myself. It's not to get an ex back (especially not the recent ex I rid myself of back in January) But for me
It's been 19 months now for me. She quickly got with a new guy and I never heard a peep from her. 5 years gone like that. Just the other day I inadvertently saw they were still together and it really fucked me up again. She's didn't care when she left, she doesn't care now and she won't in the future. I want to believe otherwise but that's foolish and no matter how much my heart aches for her, she will never come back.
I’m starting to realize all the things he did and said during the last period of our relationship and I finally started to feel resentment, I mean, if he will come back he will find a totally different person (more assertive and self centered)…I don’t think I’d want him back right now…not like the way he was for sure. Wondering if that guy said anything about the dumper change, he should come back as a better version of himself too
At this point I don’t want him back. Even though I love him a lot, I would never be able to relax wondering when he was gonna leave again. Even with working on my anxious attachment, I don’t think that’s a healthy dynamic for any kind of attachment style. I just want a well thought out, sincere apology initiated by him, for his part to play and the words he said. That’s all I want. I’m not waiting around for it, but it would be nice to know he has thought about everything enough during no contact to feel the need to reach out and apologise
Fuck em why would I want them back when they see me finding the best of me.
Look, they only come back if they're a narcissist and or an abuser. Why? They operate in cycles. Idealize, devalue, discard then hoover. When someone comes back into your life like they never left and you pick back up where you left off that's an enormous red flag that you've got an emotional abuser on your hands. That's not the kind of relationship anybody should be holding out for. Look into traumatic bonding. You're more than likely not even in love with these people it's more like an addiction. An obsession. That's your trauma bond talking not love and it never will be.
Nah. After 9 months she reached out just to throw a tantrum and say that she didn't love me and never did. Pretty sure she doesn't care about me lol.
If she reached out to throw a tantrum at you, chances are she does care about you. Especially if it had been 9 months in NC. People who are indifferent wouldn't go out of their way to do all of that.
What's the reason for saying she neve loved me then? If she still cares about me, why go out of her way to hurt me like that? And do you think I should have responded instead of ignoring her?
She's mad at you. Want's to hurt you. Depends on why the break up happened in the first place. I'm not saying she wants to welcome you back with open arms, just that she obviously still holds on to you in a way that is significant enough to want to reach out and say that. You did the right thing by not responding. You don't want to put up with that sort of immaturity. I am just pointing out that she clearly isn't done with you emotionally, however that may be to her.
Do you think there's any point at which I should reach back out to her? Since she technically already reached out to me and I didn't respond. I would be open to reconciling if she's willing to apologize for what she texted me.
Unless she apologized and said anything significant that would imply reconciliation, I wouldn’t. Trust me. She wants you to reply for an ego boost. You give her that and you just wasted 9 months of no contact.
That's a good point. I needed to hear that. There's just a part of me that still hopes she's secretly sorry and just won't admit it, and maybe if I reach out she'll finally say it.
Anytime I wanted an apology in my life I didn't get one. I guess a mistake we all make is looking for closure. I'm afraid none of us are really owed it, and would accept it if it came.
I apologized when she broke up with me because she made me feel like it was all my fault and I desperately wanted her back. Now that I've had time to process it, I realized that I tried the best I could and she was the one who didn't appreciate me enough. So I feel like I shouldn't have apologized, and that I'm now owed an apology from her instead.
Understandable. You need to be your own source of closure in this. This usually comes from framing the break and relationship different. Instead of framing it in a way that puts the burden of apology on her, you can think of it as a more cosmic issue. “The universe decided she wasn’t the one for me”. “Life happens and we all make mistakes”. You need to find your own way to frame this to allow for closure.
Agree 💯
I always wonder if these posts are the actual coaches who try to drive Reddit users to their channel. 🤔 Regardless that’s good advice.
Exactly!!!!
Focus on personal growth and improvement, yes. Imagining that you’ll get one last chance with your ex, no. Personally i’d never want my ex back
No, I had a couple weeks of wanting my ex back, but lots of self-development and reflecting has made me realize she’s toxic and useless in my life. The only qualities she had disappeared at the end when she showed me her true colours, so if I’m being honest any woman would be an upgrade over her. Wanting revenge by showing I’m better than her is pointless. I was better than her before, and I’ve worked on myself since the heartbreak and I’m just widening the gap between us where everybody would laugh if they see I took her back. Always trying to improve on myself and she’s going backwards
I love this!
I love it!!! I love watching him ❤️❤️
I agree with this my ex affected my mental health so much. I need to focus on myself, build the life I truly want. Find happiness within myself the only thing that sucks is I give people motivation to help them, but I could never motivate myself no matter what I tell myself.
Hey coach Craig! Anyways. For people wanting real advice - one of the most life changing books I read was called "the breakup manual for men". Lays out step by step how to get yourself back with two possible outcomes: get your ex back, or get yourself back and find someone else. Put a lot of blind faith into the practices laid out, but it worked. Took some time and a lot of suffering, but it worked and I met someone else on a similar life path as me.
Brilliant
It's true AF
I think the motives are irrelevant. As long as you're working on yourself it's win win. If they come back you'll be in a better position of 'power'. Knowing what you're worth now. So you'll be able to say yes, let's try this and have a clear mind or Thanx but no Thanx.
You should work on yourself, no matter what the outcome is. If it can help, "Fake it 'till you make it" if it will boost your confidence, but DO REALLY PUT IN the work. You cant fake it forever and the mask will crack. I started to really put in the work ive been avoiding and ive never felt so great and it has helped me immensly in that breakup situation. At first, i started it doing it in HOPE she'll see the improvements, but fkg do it for you ffs! You deserve a better version of you and you will thank yourself for it.
I can’t wait to tell my ex to kiss my ass. I don’t think he left any room for me to forgive him. And plenty of my exes don’t care about me at all and never reached back out so these kinds of posts can be very misleading and detrimental.
100% focus on you. The rest of it new ageish, law of attraction, manifestation garbage. You can focus on you and "just imagine/believe that you will get one last chance to get your ex back". It doesn't work that way. It sounds good because its what you want to hear. But that's how you get stuck. You're ex very likely will not care enough for it to matter. Not now. Not later.
I'm being prepared
This so true. My ex treated me like trash. Now she’s acting like I’m her soul mate.
I agree with others saying that it’s cringe that the coach even brought up “imagine that you will get one last chance to get your ex back.” Going no contact to make somebody miss you, to make them jealous, to punish them, is a form of manipulation. Going no contact should be for detachment and healing. I came across some coaches on TikTok and YouTube that are obviously monetizing people’s desire to get their ex back or focusing on how the dumpee “is going crazy without you”. They know many people wanna hear these things so they use it to garner a clientele. Idk Coach Craig but part of his statement here gives me opportunist vibes.
These "coaches" are in business, so I don't fault them for seeing an opportunity and exploiting it. But telling people what they wanna hear vs telling the truth are two different concepts altogether. Not that they are lying, but what you wanna might be technically true, yet emotionally less than healthy. These "coaches" know the overwhelming majority of their clients are steaming piles of work who have no business attempting to sustain a relationship with anyone. If there is some success, it's most likely because the exes involved are even worse. If I can get a person to just shut up for a month, their disturbed ex will likely go batshit crazy and/or return in some form. That doesn't seem like a healthy experience to me. People have to use their powers of discernment and not their weakness of gullibility.
I don’t think this is the healthiest thing to think.
This is true. I’ve lived in, had her back for a bit too. But focused too much on her rather than on me. I am hoping I get a second chance again. But she’s dating someone so who knows (I’m dating 3-4 girls so kind of balanced out, but wish I had her in my life)
Women don’t care, they move on before dumping you a women is never single she had your replacement lined up, that’s why nice guys finish last, if you beat her and was a bad boy she would still be with you the cold hard truth is women like abuse, and women need to be punished
Wtf women don’t like abuse or need punished! You need help!
Your haven’t seen women being all over their Cheaters and abusers, maybe in hell she will try to fuck Satan
I think you just described everybody.
Why would you even want your ex back if they dumped you? If it’s been less than 2 months maybe…. After that? You just seem pathetic waiting around for someone who discarded you