the last sentence kind of bothers me and sees like bait. bc even if you reply just to say you prefer not to talk, heās still getting a reply out of you.
I just hate the presumption that he needs to warn her he's not going to to get back together with her, and if talking to her will take a toll on her mental health he'll back off.
How about she just doesn't feel the need to talk to her ex about their past?
Not because his presence in her life is so impactful that it'll cause her to break down but because most people don't wanna waste their time on pointless conversations like that.
To understand the situation, it is not enough to know who broke up with whom, but what led to the end of the relationship. Sometimes a person ends a relationship because the other person cheated, attacked, manipulated, treated them with indifference, ghosted them, etc. What was the reason for this breakup?
Now, analyzing the message, I found it arrogant and condescending. I wouldn't answer, especially if it was a toxic relationship.
I would add that sometimes its best not to seek out closure or understanding why the relationship broke down. I was that type of guy that needed closure and while seeking it I ended up finding out my ex got engaged like 3 weeks after the break up. Just walk away and work on yourself that all the closure people should need
Wow what a way to live life. Thatās the ultimate pop culture answer in a way and the conclusion after going thru explanation and closure states and still not feeling right. Itās almost like you can just be a person and do whatever feels right. I find anyway of black and white extreme thinking to just wreak of like infantile decision making. āIām not smart enough to take context into consideration therefore I follow this rule. Ok, Computer for real. Bugman mindset
Seems like heās afraid youāre forgetting him and are moving on, or he thought things through more and wants clarity about something. He broke up with you so you owe him nothing, itās your decision whether to have mercy on him or let him figure his shit out on his own šā ļø
god, i had the exact same situation. he also broke up with me, and we had a talk a month later after the breakup where we talked this through. iām telling you itās not worth it, they really start to feel when you start getting over them and itās not making them feel comfortable, so theyāre looking for ways to remind you of themselves but say crap like āthis isnāt about reconnectingā (happened after 3 months in my case, on the day that used to be our anniversary)
The first sentence is just such a blow. On one hand I do want to give him closure, but on the other hand digging into the relationship just resurfaces old feelings and emotions.
Closure for what though? He broke it off with you. What on earth could he possibly want to know about the break up (unless you cheated) that could somehow help him move on with his life?
Itās very self absorbed, I honestly think he just wants to see that youāre still pining and that if he needs you, you will respond. Donāt respond. He will reach out again. I guarantee it. At that point youāll have had time to mull this hole process over as well as more time will have passed and you just wonāt care
i was thinking, again, the same exact thing: i should give him closure at least because back then he gave me a closure, but then i realized he was meeting up with me not FOR ME, but for HIMSELF. he just wanted to remind me how heās not coming back but give a little bit of false hope. that aināt gonna work out, girl, he doesnāt need a closure, he needs your energy and youāre NOT gonna give it to him anymore.
Yeah I wanted to say, if all parties are mature enough and you know you wonāt be affected by it, there is a potential to talk it out āagainā
After reading your comment: leave him be. I donāt think it matters that he broke up. You already had more than one LONG call. He just wants to feel himself. Youāre worth so much more.
šÆāNo Iām Not Gonna Be Nastyā (Iām going to be EVIL š¹ Iāll come & give you a massage to your open wounds Iāve got a big old bag of salt and Iāll take my time and be gentle I promiseā¦āšššŖ But youāre right for the purpose of personal gain and to reassure themselves that you are not just getting along okay without their sorry full ass! Absolute Serpents,easily bored and never get tired of digging away at your soul for some uncomprehendable reasons to the average human beingš¤¦š»āāļøšššš¤Æ
I donāt think heās trying to be manipulative, but the push and pull is honestly a bit much for my emotional wellbeing. Somehow it always comes when Iām finally moving on
whether intentional or not, it's certainly manipulative. the "or i could just block you" is a dead giveaway. because it makes no sense to say that. he is the one who's texting you. YOU'RE the one who could just block him if it's putting you in a bad state. his phrasing is an attempt to get some subtle power over you, or maybe he just sees himself as having all the control over you and/or the relationship dynamic. people dont just say things randomly, or for no reason. it's also selfish based on the beginning. "first of all im not reaching out to reconnect" (im not actually stuck on you or wanting you back, in case i got your hopes up) "it's just for my own closure" (only willing to hear you out for his own benefit/personal growth, not interesting in your feelings) "may i ask you some questions" (as if he's holding a clipboard and pen, dispassionately interviewing you).
I'm not sure how you could read that message as anything but manipulative. He didn't need to say he blocked you/ can block you.Ā
Second clue is "puts you in a bad state." And he's not right? He's in control? He's not emotional about the breakup? He can handle himself but you might get in a bad state about it.Ā
Ā Also, if these messages always come when you seem to be moving on, that's a third clue he is good at baiting you.Ā Ā
I played this game way too much with my ex. .Ā
Every single time he would send a very neutral text and at first I would do really really good ignoring himĀ him. Then he would say something to bait me. Just like you're ex is doing.Ā Ā
I should have blocked him but I needed to know he was trying to reach out to me.Ā Ā
It was a sick cycle. I know exactly what you're going through but nothing of what you're going through.Ā So the kindest thing you can do, is block him.Ā Ā
I dont like the way the correspondence is worded. It's not friendly and caring enough, IMO.
Which leads me to believe you're better off emotionally, not responding, at all.
I see some of the screen shots people post here and can't believe the AUDACITY of what some people consider acceptable behavior and communication. *"I could just block you again and leave it if that's better".* Ew. Grow up. This entire message was awful on so many levels.
Block them and move on. I'm sorry.
Maybe he just wants to see where you are in the healing/breakup process. Some people just want to feel better about themselves and will ask questions to confirm that they end up winning in the breakup and the other person miserable. Itās some sick ego boost or something (of course not all people but people I personally know are like that)
Soā¦. Depends on the questions? If itās about your relationship then maybe they are seeking closure, but if they start asking how youāre feeling, what they mean to you, how you are mentally and emotionallyā¦ those kind of questions, then yeah, theyāre just looking to stroke their ego.
It is. And your indifference will make him question his decision to let you go. If you respond, youāll be stroking his ego and a part of him will think you still want to be with him. He will have the control whereas if you donāt respond, you will have it.
You are stronger than you think. It may not feel good in the moment to ignore him, but later down the line you will be glad you did. From your comments, it sounds like you intuitively know he doesn't have your best interests at heart with these messages. He could have started his message out with something way more warm and empathetic, but he didn't, its not a good sign. You deserve so much better.
If weāre keeping score, you win.š You are moving on and healing. Heās feeling the breakup HE initiated and no-contact is kicking his ass so now he wants to drag you back, like a cat plays with a mouse instead of eating it when itās not really hungry. (Thereās a reason cat toys squeak - the cat gets satisfaction from hearing the sound. Google it - itās wild). Anyhoo, youāre being strong and leaving him alone so heās jonesing for the squeak. Donāt give it to him. Keep doing what youāre doing.
I'm unsure of the context. However, it sounds like an interrogation lol. Is he a cop or something? If he really wanted to understand, he would speak to you like a human being. This is giving off a bad vibe. I wouldn't reply.
Move on. Your ex needs to figure out this themselves. Itās not up to you to help them through this stuff. Youāre not their therapist. Just my personal thoughts/opinions
Short Answer: Donāt reply, doesnāt matter who was right or wrong. If he did miss you, heād be a tad bit sweeter about it. Hold your head up, put your heels on, and walk forward with life like a woman ā¤ļø
Heās very manipulative and his message makes it sound like heās all about himself, you donāt own him anything. Itās very unfair how they make it seem like we are the problem, when in fact they have things to resolve within themselves. I donāt know what goes through his mind, but I could tell you that his message is basically saying āYou either make me feel good about my own issues, or I will block you if you are not nice or donāt say what I want to hear, I donāt care how you feel, I only care about me. Me. Me. Meā immature
My ex reached out to me almost 10 days after no contact, nicely saying that he has been reading my last message to him and asked me if we could talk when I had the time. Made me wait 4 days to tell me he just wanted to say he had been feeling weird lately and that it wasnāt about me. Didnāt say why. And had the audacity to not respond after that and told me not to worry about him. I blocked him again. Thatās a way of messing with my head.
These guys are manipulative. They do things for their own benefit, they donāt think about the other person at all. Very selfish thing to do.
Doesnāt want you to forget him !! Donāt bother replying, nothing but a waste of time trying to ruin your healing. Heās obviously not doing so well as he thought
He's breadcrumbing, I've done shit like this and had it done. If your truly trying to heal just continue NC. Work on you and he'll be igh, his closure will come with time. It's the best for both honestly, if thats what you truly want. Grow and learn. Don't repeat the cycle.. Trust Me.
Hey, just really realized it's not about reconnecting. It's about... I don't know, though _definitely not about reconnecting..._ and if he doesn't get his closure, _that he's clearly owed_ especially since he broke up with her, he's BlOCkIng! _So OP better giddy up and give the man his closure ASAP Stat, and remember if he doesn't get his closure he can block the OP. So act fast and act now OP, while supplies still last, because sale ends soon._
Mine found me on Reddit and reached out to me on here. Blocked. Then a month after that , he sent me a text saying āIf for some reason this goes wrong, please please please tell Julia that I am sorry, do that for meā and then ā i am sorryā. Like ummm Iām Julia. Too big of an ego to tell me directly he is sorry, texting me as if heās texting someone else. So immature. I blocked him on my phone after that. Itās a piece of mind knowing you wonāt be waking up to random messages from someone you are trying to erase from your mind. If i were you , i wouldnāt respond, and block him. Responding could set you back in your healing process. Block on all social media too. I know itās easy to want to know what your ex is up to, but i have found that not knowing a single thing about him or what heās doing is what helped me the most. Your ex chose not to give you closure when he ended it. Donāt give him what he refused to give you. You are better than that. Also, your ex is likely a p.o.s.
I agree with your comment of "not knowing a single thing about him, or what he's doing, helped me the most."
Same here. It really has helped me to navigate through all of this. šš
He comes across arrogant and on the defensive. Also that last line is a threat if you donāt complyā¦ he wants to still have the control.. not worthy of a response
this is highly manipulative. he wants something and whatever that is it is no longer your problem because HE CHOSE TO ELIMINATE YOU FROM HIS LIFE ON HIS TERMS AND WITH HIM BEING GOOD AND READY. now he needs to suck it up. there is no true sincerity here.
Definitely. Block him and move on with your healing process. Donāt give him the satisfaction of a response. Not responding to him will let him know that you want to remain in no contact, but I definitely recommend blocking to avoid temptation.
Mine started checking out my social media again after she blocked me on every platform. Iām guessing her Friday night got her something sheās questioning now..
God, this is toxic AF! Blatant disrespect of boundaries and your attempt to heal. Part of their intent is to keep you on the emotional hook. So they can keep you in their back pocket. If I were you, I'd ignore, block, and stay gone.
Sounds like narcissist, it was kinda like the guy i used to know years ago. The way they express what they want is very disturbing, and they will always be on and off. From my experience, ignore them so they will just approach you again, or you can talk but just fool around. Don't ever stick your feelings into this, it's dangerous
Remove all the negations and you see what he wants.
"First, this is about reconnecting. I want to understand some things better for my own closure. Second, I am interested in talking if this will put you in a bad state (any state is good, and bad is good). I'm hoping this will be threat enough to get you moving on my agenda: I could block you again and leave."
one thing certain, you are the one to make the decision , and in most case, getting back is not good xuz the damaged might be done on both sides.
just block him and move on
I'm a bit confused reading this text. Here's my honest thoughts on it. The dumper says they want to ask questions to understand things better for their own closure. That kinda doesn't make any sense if you think about it. They should understand why they left. I think this dumper is emotionally confused. They could be second-guessing their decision. It's obvious they are still emotionally invested in whatever the situation is. It seems to me like there's some other motive behind this message, but obviously, it's disguised. Whether that is that this person is now curious about how you feel and wants to see where you're at emotionally now. Or they might actually have the idea of rekindling things as a possibility somewhere deep down. This seems crazy but dumpers will not make it look like they want to rekindle a relationship. They will say they don't want to or hide it, but in reality they just don't want to open up to be vulnerable and get rejected. They want to test the waters first. If they see you are emotionally centered and stable, then they will feel that they can open up and will maybe reach out more in the future after doing more reflecting and healing. I would not be surprised if this was the case. The psychology of a dumper is very complicated, they are human too and have lots of emotions just as you do. With this being said, if you want to keep the doors open to maybe having a chance at rekindling things in the future, then I would not ignore this person. You would want to respond in a mature, respectful way. Obviously, if you choose to do this, do not wait for the person keep working on yourself, living your life, and moving on. But if you don't care and are done with this person, then you can do whatever you want (block them, ignore them, etc..). But whatever you decide, just make sure you are always looking to learn and grow as a person :)
This might but become my default answer for all posts on this group, but I love this idea, grey rock her!
Leave them on read, maybe everyone once in awhile write back something non comittal, something like ālet me think about itā or ābusy now, write back laterā or āmaybeā but then donāt write anything back after that. Then repeat until you get bored with it š¤£š¤£š¤£
If you do decide to respond, I donāt think a conversation surrounding closure should be taken place over the phone. If you want to talk to them, Iād do it in person. But you have no responsibility for closure. If you are the dumper, it would be respectful to meet up and answer questions, but depending on the situation, youāre not expected to even respond. You know if this person has reasons to deserve closure, we donāt. You also know how much meeting up and talking to this person would mess up your healing process, and we donāt. Itās a difficult situation to weigh out, if I were in your shoes I would take a few days to think about it before responding. You can always respond and tell them that youād like to meet up at a later time to talk about things, because youāre not ready yet. That is what I would do in your situation, because I know I am not healed enough to see my ex in person. But I know I would be one day, so Iād tell them to wait until I am ready to talk. But I am also a dumpee (sorta amicable, they wanted a break and I donāt believe in breaks) and we ended in good terms, so my situation could be wildly different.
Curiosity killed the cat. If you feel this is pointless, dun reach out. Let that be the end of it and you can move on fully knowing there isn't anything to go back to. On the other hand, if u yourself need some questions answered, u can consider it. Good luck!
Here's what I think : take it or leave it. They always circle back somehow , someway. Has he grown as a human and whatever his reason for breaking it off get worked out? If the answer is no, you're likely going to get let down again and hurt even worse.
Bottom lime is that he said itās not for reconnecting and then said he could just block you again, so that tells it all. There is nothing there for you. Not resolution or even a friendship. I would have a hard time not responding, so I would say. I found closure in the fact I dont handle my friendships the same as you.
I think itās to get a response and rise out of you. If youāre asking opinions, I say donāt respond. Even if they are sincere, itās their work to do. Theyāre no longer entitled to ask for your emotional labor. (Does this dynamic look familiar?) As we know, they all need therapy. Focus on yourself and your self-care. If they are really worried about triggering you they would have not have said any of this. The āblockingā remark sounds like a thinly veiled threat. Dialoguing with them would not be helpful or useful for YOU so I say donāt do it. ā¤ļø
Block him like others said and donāt respond at all. Your silence is a response. Heās being bitter because you dented his ego and no contact is bothering him.
he does not care about you, that much is clear with the "my own closure" thing. idk if you decided already or if u replied to him or not but best course of action is probably to delete these messages and block him. he broke up with you, you owe him nothing
Lol fuck this guy.
Asks to talk to get answers to a break up he chose, then threatens to block you again if he doesn't like the response.
OP, reverse uno him, block and move on without response. Everything about his messages saya that would eat him alive.
People stop talking to you when youāre no longer what they want.
I stop talking to them when they donāt wander what I want.
Iām going to give this same advice.
Honestly, I don't like his comment to you about "I can just block you again." š°
Here's what I would say to him: "do let the door hit you in the ass, on the way out, dude."
This guy doesn't even deserve your time or attention! Eff him, you deserve so much better!
Alot of dudes like this come back and say things like this whenever their ego has run dry and they need a boost really quick, but once they get that boost, they pull back again.
Iād leave them on read. Their own closure. I could just block you again ?!?! lol oh naw. If you blocked me first time your closure wasnāt that important. Message seems selfish and they seem pretty high on the ego trip.
If you truly love each other, you will both find a way, but if heās manipulating you then I agree with everyone else and you should block his ass and move on , that way he will see that heās not the only thing that matters š
Wow, what a shitty thing for them to say. Like they're already devalue you. F that. I would say, something nasty but relevant and then block. What an asshole.
Don't reply to this shit. He already foreshadowed that it will be terrible shit he wants to bring up because he said "put you in a bad mood" . Its a trap OP don't do it lol.
Many people in this subreddit:
Ow! No contact is so painful!
Also many people on this subreddit:
Block! Ignore! Donāt respond!
I understand the sadistic pleasure of inflicting no contact on others, especially in retaliation to others inflicting no contact on us.
But is it really worth perpetuating and normalizing this heartless and insensitive āno contactā culture when you know how much it can hurt?
Since nothing else seems to work anyway (none of us would be here if we figured out the answer!), why not consider the option of deeply learning from oneās own painful experiences of no contact to develop compassion and act compassionately no matter how others are acting and trust that this will actually lead to the least sadness and most happiness for both oneself and others in the long-run?
Dont reply. He was the one who cant stand not messaging you so he broke no contact and yet acting like he still has the power. Please dont give your power back. Dont reply and block him
Iām kinda familiar with my Evil Mofo ex texting with a passive aggressive type fashion like āI Dont Wanna Even Wanna Talk To You,let alone connect Iām just Wanting to know ifā¦ā (a kind of Reminder,like You Better āREMEMBER MEāā¦ āNot that I Actually Even Care About Your Whole Entire Existence upon the planet,But just wanted to check that youāre still there at the same addressā¦ā (& some sorry full excuses to Remind You of Them and Making Sure Youāre Still Suffering Your loneliness after they Binned You) itās like a Big Humungous āI DONāT CARE!!!!āšš¼ āBUT YOU BETTER HAD BE CARING FOR OR WORRYING ABOUT āME-ME-ME!āā¦ āBUT I DONāT CARE IF YOU AINāT!!!!ā (Even Spelling My Name Wrong āOn Purposeā and my point being is She/He is Just Checking in to Make Sure Youāre still there suffering,Barring once when she wanted to know I was still here so she could have her people hanging around to intimidate or even set about me. 2wks ago she rang up and told her male friends to come and hurt me because Iād tried to physically hurt her and wound up being surrounded by 4 fellaās screaming about me attacking her. Such a lovely girl š¤¦š»āāļøšš¹š¤š®āšØ
Uno reverse and block his ass
Exactly what I'd do. NO response is my response.
Best advice š
I refer to that as " The Long Game"
Do one better and just leave him on read
Hahaha :) omg :)
Best answerš
Real
šÆ,000,000%!!!šÆšš¼šš¼šš¼
Haha Took the words right out of my mouth lol well said!
the last sentence kind of bothers me and sees like bait. bc even if you reply just to say you prefer not to talk, heās still getting a reply out of you.
Exactly
I just hate the presumption that he needs to warn her he's not going to to get back together with her, and if talking to her will take a toll on her mental health he'll back off. How about she just doesn't feel the need to talk to her ex about their past? Not because his presence in her life is so impactful that it'll cause her to break down but because most people don't wanna waste their time on pointless conversations like that.
Petty asf, wow a reply!
Absolutely, it screams controlāthey donāt need closure. Itās a no win situation to reply.
Closure is him dumping her. The end.
Thisšš½
why does he need closure when hes the one that broke up with you?
To understand the situation, it is not enough to know who broke up with whom, but what led to the end of the relationship. Sometimes a person ends a relationship because the other person cheated, attacked, manipulated, treated them with indifference, ghosted them, etc. What was the reason for this breakup? Now, analyzing the message, I found it arrogant and condescending. I wouldn't answer, especially if it was a toxic relationship.
You don't have to explain anything to the person. The ball is in your court after receiving this message.
Explanations and closure are pop culture romantic notions. If someone ends it. Walk away, block them, and donāt look back
I would add that sometimes its best not to seek out closure or understanding why the relationship broke down. I was that type of guy that needed closure and while seeking it I ended up finding out my ex got engaged like 3 weeks after the break up. Just walk away and work on yourself that all the closure people should need
Wow what a way to live life. Thatās the ultimate pop culture answer in a way and the conclusion after going thru explanation and closure states and still not feeling right. Itās almost like you can just be a person and do whatever feels right. I find anyway of black and white extreme thinking to just wreak of like infantile decision making. āIām not smart enough to take context into consideration therefore I follow this rule. Ok, Computer for real. Bugman mindset
It's the zoomer state of mind. They are an extremely black and white generation. And it has infected relationships.
So lame..
it's not that simple, but this guy should still be blocked and ignored.
For context: weāve had like 4 hour phone calls saying our thoughts before. Heās also the one that broke up with me.
Seems like heās afraid youāre forgetting him and are moving on, or he thought things through more and wants clarity about something. He broke up with you so you owe him nothing, itās your decision whether to have mercy on him or let him figure his shit out on his own šā ļø
god, i had the exact same situation. he also broke up with me, and we had a talk a month later after the breakup where we talked this through. iām telling you itās not worth it, they really start to feel when you start getting over them and itās not making them feel comfortable, so theyāre looking for ways to remind you of themselves but say crap like āthis isnāt about reconnectingā (happened after 3 months in my case, on the day that used to be our anniversary)
The first sentence is just such a blow. On one hand I do want to give him closure, but on the other hand digging into the relationship just resurfaces old feelings and emotions.
Donāt answer. Itās your turn to block him. Heās trying to hold you back at this point
Closure is something that can only develop when a door is closed
Closure for what though? He broke it off with you. What on earth could he possibly want to know about the break up (unless you cheated) that could somehow help him move on with his life? Itās very self absorbed, I honestly think he just wants to see that youāre still pining and that if he needs you, you will respond. Donāt respond. He will reach out again. I guarantee it. At that point youāll have had time to mull this hole process over as well as more time will have passed and you just wonāt care
i was thinking, again, the same exact thing: i should give him closure at least because back then he gave me a closure, but then i realized he was meeting up with me not FOR ME, but for HIMSELF. he just wanted to remind me how heās not coming back but give a little bit of false hope. that aināt gonna work out, girl, he doesnāt need a closure, he needs your energy and youāre NOT gonna give it to him anymore.
Wow do not answer him then. This is just bait.
carry on
Yeah I wanted to say, if all parties are mature enough and you know you wonāt be affected by it, there is a potential to talk it out āagainā After reading your comment: leave him be. I donāt think it matters that he broke up. You already had more than one LONG call. He just wants to feel himself. Youāre worth so much more.
Thatās so disrespectful. Just ignore him
This
āMay I open your healing wounds for my own gain?ā
Exactly this.
šÆāNo Iām Not Gonna Be Nastyā (Iām going to be EVIL š¹ Iāll come & give you a massage to your open wounds Iāve got a big old bag of salt and Iāll take my time and be gentle I promiseā¦āšššŖ But youāre right for the purpose of personal gain and to reassure themselves that you are not just getting along okay without their sorry full ass! Absolute Serpents,easily bored and never get tired of digging away at your soul for some uncomprehendable reasons to the average human beingš¤¦š»āāļøšššš¤Æ
Blockety block block look at blocky go šš¤³šµ
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I'd say block and delete. Let them scream into the void.
Why isnāt he blocked. This is self absorbed bs.
Heās doing the push pull method do NOT reply he is manipulating you ignore it
I donāt think heās trying to be manipulative, but the push and pull is honestly a bit much for my emotional wellbeing. Somehow it always comes when Iām finally moving on
whether intentional or not, it's certainly manipulative. the "or i could just block you" is a dead giveaway. because it makes no sense to say that. he is the one who's texting you. YOU'RE the one who could just block him if it's putting you in a bad state. his phrasing is an attempt to get some subtle power over you, or maybe he just sees himself as having all the control over you and/or the relationship dynamic. people dont just say things randomly, or for no reason. it's also selfish based on the beginning. "first of all im not reaching out to reconnect" (im not actually stuck on you or wanting you back, in case i got your hopes up) "it's just for my own closure" (only willing to hear you out for his own benefit/personal growth, not interesting in your feelings) "may i ask you some questions" (as if he's holding a clipboard and pen, dispassionately interviewing you).
Push pull IS manipulative
I'm not sure how you could read that message as anything but manipulative. He didn't need to say he blocked you/ can block you.Ā Second clue is "puts you in a bad state." And he's not right? He's in control? He's not emotional about the breakup? He can handle himself but you might get in a bad state about it.Ā Ā Also, if these messages always come when you seem to be moving on, that's a third clue he is good at baiting you.Ā Ā I played this game way too much with my ex. .Ā Every single time he would send a very neutral text and at first I would do really really good ignoring himĀ him. Then he would say something to bait me. Just like you're ex is doing.Ā Ā I should have blocked him but I needed to know he was trying to reach out to me.Ā Ā It was a sick cycle. I know exactly what you're going through but nothing of what you're going through.Ā So the kindest thing you can do, is block him.Ā Ā
I dont like the way the correspondence is worded. It's not friendly and caring enough, IMO. Which leads me to believe you're better off emotionally, not responding, at all.
I agree... the text is only serving the sender and its so selfish
I see some of the screen shots people post here and can't believe the AUDACITY of what some people consider acceptable behavior and communication. *"I could just block you again and leave it if that's better".* Ew. Grow up. This entire message was awful on so many levels. Block them and move on. I'm sorry.
This is exactly what I thought. Wow, he sounds disgusting.
even im curious ngl but id suggest you to block him if you wanna move on
He's being an ass and you owe him nothing. Ignore and/or block.
It was better to not send that message. But it's good for you to know that you are in his mind
If you want to reconnect with him, ignore it. He flat out says that this isnāt about reconnecting.
ITS A TRAP!
šš¼šš¼šš¼
The ONLY reason you may respond if thereās a chance to reconcile. He flat out said itās about him not you, so fuck that and block him.
Last sentence says a whole deal of this person. How about you block him instead?
This is BS. I really hope you don't give him the satisfaction of replying.
It's your turn to block him š¤·āāļø
āI could just block you againā If itās that easy for him, it should be easy for you. Block HIM & delete the messages
āMy own closure.ā So selfish. Focused on their needs and not yours. Closure is something you give yourself.
Maybe he just wants to see where you are in the healing/breakup process. Some people just want to feel better about themselves and will ask questions to confirm that they end up winning in the breakup and the other person miserable. Itās some sick ego boost or something (of course not all people but people I personally know are like that) Soā¦. Depends on the questions? If itās about your relationship then maybe they are seeking closure, but if they start asking how youāre feeling, what they mean to you, how you are mentally and emotionallyā¦ those kind of questions, then yeah, theyāre just looking to stroke their ego.
Narcissists are not as rare as theyād have you believe.
Iām also quite weak lol. Given the chance I would run to him, but u guys are rightā¦itās time to move on. Perhaps itās the best for everyone
It is. And your indifference will make him question his decision to let you go. If you respond, youāll be stroking his ego and a part of him will think you still want to be with him. He will have the control whereas if you donāt respond, you will have it.
Yes!
You are stronger than you think. It may not feel good in the moment to ignore him, but later down the line you will be glad you did. From your comments, it sounds like you intuitively know he doesn't have your best interests at heart with these messages. He could have started his message out with something way more warm and empathetic, but he didn't, its not a good sign. You deserve so much better.
Ignoring is POWER, remember that
If weāre keeping score, you win.š You are moving on and healing. Heās feeling the breakup HE initiated and no-contact is kicking his ass so now he wants to drag you back, like a cat plays with a mouse instead of eating it when itās not really hungry. (Thereās a reason cat toys squeak - the cat gets satisfaction from hearing the sound. Google it - itās wild). Anyhoo, youāre being strong and leaving him alone so heās jonesing for the squeak. Donāt give it to him. Keep doing what youāre doing.
If you respond youāll regret it because heāll leave you hanging and youāll hate yourself for falling for his antics
This is a pretty arrogant and condescending message, I would not bother
I donāt like the bullying tactics ā I could just block you again and just leave it if thatās betterā like WHO TF ARE YOU TALKING TO????
Last sentence pissed me off so much
its a trap, send no answer.
Block him
This time you should block.
This is narcissistic manipulation. Classic hoover.
I'm unsure of the context. However, it sounds like an interrogation lol. Is he a cop or something? If he really wanted to understand, he would speak to you like a human being. This is giving off a bad vibe. I wouldn't reply.
Move on. Your ex needs to figure out this themselves. Itās not up to you to help them through this stuff. Youāre not their therapist. Just my personal thoughts/opinions
āIf this will put you into a bad stateā they have already done that by messaging
Oh how sweet that he can just āblock you again and leave itā what a nice guyā¦š
Short Answer: Donāt reply, doesnāt matter who was right or wrong. If he did miss you, heād be a tad bit sweeter about it. Hold your head up, put your heels on, and walk forward with life like a woman ā¤ļø
Ya Iād ignore. Sorry girl I know this is sad and tough. :(
I hope you didn't answer him. Let his ass suffer because the message is clear manipulation
Heās very manipulative and his message makes it sound like heās all about himself, you donāt own him anything. Itās very unfair how they make it seem like we are the problem, when in fact they have things to resolve within themselves. I donāt know what goes through his mind, but I could tell you that his message is basically saying āYou either make me feel good about my own issues, or I will block you if you are not nice or donāt say what I want to hear, I donāt care how you feel, I only care about me. Me. Me. Meā immature My ex reached out to me almost 10 days after no contact, nicely saying that he has been reading my last message to him and asked me if we could talk when I had the time. Made me wait 4 days to tell me he just wanted to say he had been feeling weird lately and that it wasnāt about me. Didnāt say why. And had the audacity to not respond after that and told me not to worry about him. I blocked him again. Thatās a way of messing with my head. These guys are manipulative. They do things for their own benefit, they donāt think about the other person at all. Very selfish thing to do.
Doesnāt want you to forget him !! Donāt bother replying, nothing but a waste of time trying to ruin your healing. Heās obviously not doing so well as he thought
Thatās really selfish of him. He wants everything on his terms. Donāt answer and just move on quietly.
He's trying to play it cool..he really wants to see if you moved on. Because most guys do try to come back.
Iāll just block ya again if itās easier ā¦ baiting 100%! Youāre better off not answering ā„ļø
Block him!!!
He's breadcrumbing, I've done shit like this and had it done. If your truly trying to heal just continue NC. Work on you and he'll be igh, his closure will come with time. It's the best for both honestly, if thats what you truly want. Grow and learn. Don't repeat the cycle.. Trust Me.
Iād ignore that message completely
Nah, his message seems overly aggressive, hostile and egotistical. I'd leave him on read.
š¤£š¤£š¤£
Hey, just really realized it's not about reconnecting. It's about... I don't know, though _definitely not about reconnecting..._ and if he doesn't get his closure, _that he's clearly owed_ especially since he broke up with her, he's BlOCkIng! _So OP better giddy up and give the man his closure ASAP Stat, and remember if he doesn't get his closure he can block the OP. So act fast and act now OP, while supplies still last, because sale ends soon._
Mine found me on Reddit and reached out to me on here. Blocked. Then a month after that , he sent me a text saying āIf for some reason this goes wrong, please please please tell Julia that I am sorry, do that for meā and then ā i am sorryā. Like ummm Iām Julia. Too big of an ego to tell me directly he is sorry, texting me as if heās texting someone else. So immature. I blocked him on my phone after that. Itās a piece of mind knowing you wonāt be waking up to random messages from someone you are trying to erase from your mind. If i were you , i wouldnāt respond, and block him. Responding could set you back in your healing process. Block on all social media too. I know itās easy to want to know what your ex is up to, but i have found that not knowing a single thing about him or what heās doing is what helped me the most. Your ex chose not to give you closure when he ended it. Donāt give him what he refused to give you. You are better than that. Also, your ex is likely a p.o.s.
I agree with your comment of "not knowing a single thing about him, or what he's doing, helped me the most." Same here. It really has helped me to navigate through all of this. šš
He comes across arrogant and on the defensive. Also that last line is a threat if you donāt complyā¦ he wants to still have the control.. not worthy of a response
Bro I'd block them SO FAST lol I don't play the whole block me, then unblock me whenever you feel like bs game. Nah, good riddance!
I think he is trying to see if your still there as an option donāt reply and level yourself up
this is highly manipulative. he wants something and whatever that is it is no longer your problem because HE CHOSE TO ELIMINATE YOU FROM HIS LIFE ON HIS TERMS AND WITH HIM BEING GOOD AND READY. now he needs to suck it up. there is no true sincerity here.
Donāt reply they just want their ego fed
Hey so he msged again: Given that, may I ask some questions, or do you wish to remain NC?
Block. His. Dumb. Ass.
Girl block and be done with it. This man donāt want you, CLEARLY, based on his messages. Have some dignity, I beg.
Definitely. Block him and move on with your healing process. Donāt give him the satisfaction of a response. Not responding to him will let him know that you want to remain in no contact, but I definitely recommend blocking to avoid temptation.
Why is his sorry arse not already blocked ?! It's starting to sound like you want his attention..
I would never respond to this. Why is he coming off like that??
Yeah exactly.. Major BAD vibes.
Mine started checking out my social media again after she blocked me on every platform. Iām guessing her Friday night got her something sheās questioning now..
You donāt owe him anything.
Donāt answer.
What closure lol. Didnāt he have his closure when he broke up with you.
If they ended it, they don't need closure. Message is low effort af
God, this is toxic AF! Blatant disrespect of boundaries and your attempt to heal. Part of their intent is to keep you on the emotional hook. So they can keep you in their back pocket. If I were you, I'd ignore, block, and stay gone.
Sounds like narcissist, it was kinda like the guy i used to know years ago. The way they express what they want is very disturbing, and they will always be on and off. From my experience, ignore them so they will just approach you again, or you can talk but just fool around. Don't ever stick your feelings into this, it's dangerous
I wouldn't respond and just block šÆ
Remove all the negations and you see what he wants. "First, this is about reconnecting. I want to understand some things better for my own closure. Second, I am interested in talking if this will put you in a bad state (any state is good, and bad is good). I'm hoping this will be threat enough to get you moving on my agenda: I could block you again and leave."
sounds super selfish tbh, block them
Just ignore it especially when he left.
one thing certain, you are the one to make the decision , and in most case, getting back is not good xuz the damaged might be done on both sides. just block him and move on
hes the dumper? dont do ittt, sometimes no closure is the closure
Ouch š£. Iām sorry, OP. That hurts. If they donāt want to reconcile or apologize, then go away.
BLOCK
Shuttyupppppp
Don't ever respond to late night texts form ex's.
"I could block you again..", says the one who contacted me first XD
I'm a bit confused reading this text. Here's my honest thoughts on it. The dumper says they want to ask questions to understand things better for their own closure. That kinda doesn't make any sense if you think about it. They should understand why they left. I think this dumper is emotionally confused. They could be second-guessing their decision. It's obvious they are still emotionally invested in whatever the situation is. It seems to me like there's some other motive behind this message, but obviously, it's disguised. Whether that is that this person is now curious about how you feel and wants to see where you're at emotionally now. Or they might actually have the idea of rekindling things as a possibility somewhere deep down. This seems crazy but dumpers will not make it look like they want to rekindle a relationship. They will say they don't want to or hide it, but in reality they just don't want to open up to be vulnerable and get rejected. They want to test the waters first. If they see you are emotionally centered and stable, then they will feel that they can open up and will maybe reach out more in the future after doing more reflecting and healing. I would not be surprised if this was the case. The psychology of a dumper is very complicated, they are human too and have lots of emotions just as you do. With this being said, if you want to keep the doors open to maybe having a chance at rekindling things in the future, then I would not ignore this person. You would want to respond in a mature, respectful way. Obviously, if you choose to do this, do not wait for the person keep working on yourself, living your life, and moving on. But if you don't care and are done with this person, then you can do whatever you want (block them, ignore them, etc..). But whatever you decide, just make sure you are always looking to learn and grow as a person :)
lol sounds like heās going to ask you about other men? Does he want closure he made the right decision? What an idiot
This might but become my default answer for all posts on this group, but I love this idea, grey rock her! Leave them on read, maybe everyone once in awhile write back something non comittal, something like ālet me think about itā or ābusy now, write back laterā or āmaybeā but then donāt write anything back after that. Then repeat until you get bored with it š¤£š¤£š¤£
If you do decide to respond, I donāt think a conversation surrounding closure should be taken place over the phone. If you want to talk to them, Iād do it in person. But you have no responsibility for closure. If you are the dumper, it would be respectful to meet up and answer questions, but depending on the situation, youāre not expected to even respond. You know if this person has reasons to deserve closure, we donāt. You also know how much meeting up and talking to this person would mess up your healing process, and we donāt. Itās a difficult situation to weigh out, if I were in your shoes I would take a few days to think about it before responding. You can always respond and tell them that youād like to meet up at a later time to talk about things, because youāre not ready yet. That is what I would do in your situation, because I know I am not healed enough to see my ex in person. But I know I would be one day, so Iād tell them to wait until I am ready to talk. But I am also a dumpee (sorta amicable, they wanted a break and I donāt believe in breaks) and we ended in good terms, so my situation could be wildly different.
Block him back
Blocked
Itās a trap donāt fall for it
Curiosity killed the cat. If you feel this is pointless, dun reach out. Let that be the end of it and you can move on fully knowing there isn't anything to go back to. On the other hand, if u yourself need some questions answered, u can consider it. Good luck!
Ew, what a creep. Donāt reply!
Just some fun thoughts if you do chooose to respond, say itās a wrong number https://list25.com/25-epic-responses-to-wrong-number-texts/
I think blocking him is the best option right now.
Here's what I think : take it or leave it. They always circle back somehow , someway. Has he grown as a human and whatever his reason for breaking it off get worked out? If the answer is no, you're likely going to get let down again and hurt even worse.
RUN
Delete. That chapter has been closed. Keys turned in and you have checked out. Thank you, donāt come again.
Bottom lime is that he said itās not for reconnecting and then said he could just block you again, so that tells it all. There is nothing there for you. Not resolution or even a friendship. I would have a hard time not responding, so I would say. I found closure in the fact I dont handle my friendships the same as you.
Fuck them.
Iām never giving my ex a chance to talk to me. Block their ass.
I think itās to get a response and rise out of you. If youāre asking opinions, I say donāt respond. Even if they are sincere, itās their work to do. Theyāre no longer entitled to ask for your emotional labor. (Does this dynamic look familiar?) As we know, they all need therapy. Focus on yourself and your self-care. If they are really worried about triggering you they would have not have said any of this. The āblockingā remark sounds like a thinly veiled threat. Dialoguing with them would not be helpful or useful for YOU so I say donāt do it. ā¤ļø
Block him like others said and donāt respond at all. Your silence is a response. Heās being bitter because you dented his ego and no contact is bothering him.
Don't indulge. This is a Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
If he's the one that broke up with you, tell him to piss off
Block his ass. Fuck him
DON'T EVER RESPOND!
Block. That message is so toxic
He was so respectful towards You about itš©!!
Disregard and ignore. There shouldn't be anything left to talk about
Yuuuuuuck.
Block them
Honestly I would just block. This usually doesnāt end well in my experience. Itās giving fishing.
Block. Iād only respond if they reach out in a nice, diplomatic, kind, and empathetic way.
he does not care about you, that much is clear with the "my own closure" thing. idk if you decided already or if u replied to him or not but best course of action is probably to delete these messages and block him. he broke up with you, you owe him nothing
Lol fuck this guy. Asks to talk to get answers to a break up he chose, then threatens to block you again if he doesn't like the response. OP, reverse uno him, block and move on without response. Everything about his messages saya that would eat him alive.
Provide your own closure.
Ignore him...
People stop talking to you when youāre no longer what they want. I stop talking to them when they donāt wander what I want. Iām going to give this same advice.
Honestly, I don't like his comment to you about "I can just block you again." š° Here's what I would say to him: "do let the door hit you in the ass, on the way out, dude." This guy doesn't even deserve your time or attention! Eff him, you deserve so much better!
Alot of dudes like this come back and say things like this whenever their ego has run dry and they need a boost really quick, but once they get that boost, they pull back again.
Iād leave them on read. Their own closure. I could just block you again ?!?! lol oh naw. If you blocked me first time your closure wasnāt that important. Message seems selfish and they seem pretty high on the ego trip.
If you truly love each other, you will both find a way, but if heās manipulating you then I agree with everyone else and you should block his ass and move on , that way he will see that heās not the only thing that matters š
The way he phrased it is bossy and arrogant. Iād block him without answering his questions
Rude. Sounds like your ex is just looking out for their own feelings and wants. Tell them to F off and block them.
Wow, what a shitty thing for them to say. Like they're already devalue you. F that. I would say, something nasty but relevant and then block. What an asshole.
Don't reply to this shit. He already foreshadowed that it will be terrible shit he wants to bring up because he said "put you in a bad mood" . Its a trap OP don't do it lol.
how long were yall NC?
Many people in this subreddit: Ow! No contact is so painful! Also many people on this subreddit: Block! Ignore! Donāt respond! I understand the sadistic pleasure of inflicting no contact on others, especially in retaliation to others inflicting no contact on us. But is it really worth perpetuating and normalizing this heartless and insensitive āno contactā culture when you know how much it can hurt? Since nothing else seems to work anyway (none of us would be here if we figured out the answer!), why not consider the option of deeply learning from oneās own painful experiences of no contact to develop compassion and act compassionately no matter how others are acting and trust that this will actually lead to the least sadness and most happiness for both oneself and others in the long-run?
Dick.
Dear OP, PLEASE BLOCK HIM AND DONāT REPLY. God bless you.
Block before he could lmao.
"I can just block you again" sounds like a threat. Ew.
Awful and inconsiderate way of reaching out. I would either tell him to think about his approach or just ignore it completely.
Itās a trap! Iāve dealt with this plenty of times with my ex. They donāt want closure, they just donāt wanna lose you
id answer "lol" and go on with my life
Run love!
Damnit, I keep seeing posts about exes reaching out and thatās literally all I want. Stop giving me hope if itās not gonna happen, Reddit!
Silence is the loudest response.
Dont reply. He was the one who cant stand not messaging you so he broke no contact and yet acting like he still has the power. Please dont give your power back. Dont reply and block him
Reply with who's this
Instant block. It's a lure message.
When you get fired from a job, do you plead your boss for an explanation so you can heal from it?ā¦ noā¦
Iām kinda familiar with my Evil Mofo ex texting with a passive aggressive type fashion like āI Dont Wanna Even Wanna Talk To You,let alone connect Iām just Wanting to know ifā¦ā (a kind of Reminder,like You Better āREMEMBER MEāā¦ āNot that I Actually Even Care About Your Whole Entire Existence upon the planet,But just wanted to check that youāre still there at the same addressā¦ā (& some sorry full excuses to Remind You of Them and Making Sure Youāre Still Suffering Your loneliness after they Binned You) itās like a Big Humungous āI DONāT CARE!!!!āšš¼ āBUT YOU BETTER HAD BE CARING FOR OR WORRYING ABOUT āME-ME-ME!āā¦ āBUT I DONāT CARE IF YOU AINāT!!!!ā (Even Spelling My Name Wrong āOn Purposeā and my point being is She/He is Just Checking in to Make Sure Youāre still there suffering,Barring once when she wanted to know I was still here so she could have her people hanging around to intimidate or even set about me. 2wks ago she rang up and told her male friends to come and hurt me because Iād tried to physically hurt her and wound up being surrounded by 4 fellaās screaming about me attacking her. Such a lovely girl š¤¦š»āāļøšš¹š¤š®āšØ
Hi
The first sentence of his second text saved you the guess work of figuring out if it was worth responding. Luck you. Ignore it!