You did him a kindness by letting him know how deeply disinterested in him you are. So he does not have to ponder the odds of getting you back. He is free to make other people miserable instead.
Nahhh he will DEF swing back around. Ive told some guys 2-3x and they have audacity to come back a 4th and 5th time, like bro take a hint cuz youre not getting anywhere with me. I will stay single the REST of my life rather than return to you lol. FOH.
The audacity ādidnāt know it was going to destroy youā. My response if it wasnāt nothing at all would have been. āThanks for the concern. Didnāt destroy me at all. Actually gave me clarity on my own needs. Wish you the best. Simply we were not a good match and Iām so grateful with the turn of events.ā Trust me. A douche like that. Would eat his ass up.
the over inflated ego was such a big problem in our relationship. its honestly sad, because clearly heās compensating for some deep rooted insecurities. i hope he does some self reflecting at some point in his life.
It would kill me being in that situation considering how much I love and respect her still. I feel like the more I let her go of her the more Iāll get my self respect back but some days I feel like I truly failed letting her go. Itās what she wanted/still wants though and it still bothers me almost every day.
I canāt even look at her social media thinking I might see pictures of her with guys or on dates. She was my love for over 14 years and now I can barely get a āhow are you? Would you like to catch up sometime?ā Out of her.
Stay strong!
This reminds me of how my ex had the audacity to "make sure" I don't put my love life on hold waiting for him to come back. He had a rude awakening when he realized I was doing just that when he broke NC then started saying how sorry he was he fumbled me. That's a narcissist in disguise.
he is, and i have. i just have his number unblocked for practical reasons, like in case he has my belongings or something happens to our cat we had together. heās never abused it before so i dont think its necessary
Yessss queen!!! šš½ā„ļø. I just got ex Sunday from ex I havent seen in a long time and I replied a long text telling him he is emotionally abusive, I no longer need his apology (there still is none), I dont want him in my life, and to not contact me again. š¤¢.
šŖš½š Proud of you!!!
HE doesnāt hate YOU! Love the audacity. /s
So happy for you that youāve moved on. Itās never easy, and definitely not when an ex wonāt just go away. Onwards and upwards!
Things like this donāt warrant any response. Donāt respond next time. He doesnāt even take accountability. Think of all the people who do own up their wrongs and who still get treated like dung, get stonewalled, get the silent-treatment, etc. Donāt entertain his fragile little ego with a text back. You donāt owe him any explanation or response, who youāre seeing or who youāre not! Just block, delete, move on.
Best revenge you can give someone like this is no response at all honestly. Just say bye to him in you head forever. You donāt need that toxicity. Heās gonna have a hard time finding someone else with that kind of attitude to say the least.
Sooo you say you donāt want revenge, but then you just contradicted yourself by saying you wish to leave a ābad taste in his mouth?ā Thatās not the way forward.
i think that youre just being combative for the sake of arguing.
i wish to leave a ābad taste in his mouthā because i want him to know that im not okay with what he did. not for revenge, but for my own healing purposes.
you literally just said you dont think i want revengeā¦ now youāre harping on *me* for being contradicting.
Iām not being combative at all, Iām offering constructive advice & so are others and you seem to be overly-defensive. You say I want to argue (even though I NEVER stated or thought that at all) and yet here you are wishing your ex some petty revenge. Something doesnāt add up.
I said āI thinkā at first, to order to give you the benefit of the doubt here, but after seeing some of your other responses, you sound honestly pretty bitter.
No one is harping on *you*, especially not me. Take a deep breath š®āšØ. I disengage from arguments, I donāt choose to live in the past with toxic people. You donāt deny that you should not have communicated back with the guy.
Out of sight, out of mind. Thatās all I was saying.
Good luck
the reason i say that you come off as combative, is because i attempted to just agree to disagree, and you continued the conversation by egging on a response, saying im contradicting myself. yes, im defensive, especially in other threads, because a user on here started saying i am displaying a lack of self worth by replying to him. possibly because this is somewhat rooted in truth, that i lack self worth. but its something that im actively working on every single day, and genuinely improving on. ive been very introspective of my behaviors, and this is not an example of me lacking self worth or seeking revenge. possibly a year ago, i wouldve responded to him in kind, and probably tried to get close with him. the fact that i didnāt do that, and instead let him know that i am not okay with what he did to me, is a step in the positive direction for me. his ex that he rebounded on after me and i are pretty good friends. he tried to contact her, too recently. he instigated a conversation because he is lonely and probably wants to feel like someone wants him again, since i used to just always show my love and devotion to him no matter how shitty he was. i couldāve not responded, but to me, this helps me get a sense of closure that i never felt like i had. im learning to let go of getting closure in general, but im not quite there yet. and thats okay, i dont have to be perfect yet, or have super high expectations of myself when i know that i am still struggling with moving on from certain injustices in my life.
I can tell by the way the ex wrote the 4:40 am message that they were desperately trying to rewrite history with them as the high value person who had to leave. Totally transparent bs. Slither away, dude. Youāre probably just texting bc you just got kicked to the curb by someone else and you are trying to buoy your ego with some fantasy. OP canāt even remember your name and youāre probably saved in the phone under dbag or else not saved at all.
I like how OP didnāt address him with the name his parents gave him and just called him ādudeā like you couldnāt even be bothered to conger up his name.
Guys like this collect girls to stroke their egos. You did good by reminding him he wasnāt noble or mature in how he treated you and that youāre the one over him. Also āloveā how his narrative is that he left you instead of bread crumbing you.. when you were the one who broke contactā¦
Please donāt delete this! I work as a dating coach and would love to share it with my colleagues - itās that good.
While Iām primarily an advocate for āno response is a response,ā itās only because so many people donāt do what you did. Hence why itās great!
Good for you.
no response wouldve been better. he was just checking to see if you were really seeing someone and you gave confirmation youre not. even though you ended the convo with "id never date you again", his plan was successful and his ego was fed. No response wouldve made him feel dumb and also more curious about your new partner. no wonder he didnt reply. he doesnt need to now
Exactly. OP will never see it that way. She says she sent the message for herself but she also says she wanted to bruise his ego and put him in his place. She did neither. He will message her again because he now knows he can and she will respond.
Also, dude didnāt ābreak no contactā. No contact is 30-60-90 days. After 90 days, that person just isnāt apart of your life anymore. Sigh.
youre so obsessed with me lmao. both can be true, that i wanted to bruise his ego and i sent it for myself. can you just move on? i already told you that i wont respond to any future messages. but it makes me feel better to leave a bad taste in his mouth, at least. and thatās all that matters, is how i feel. not him, and certainly not random 40 year olds on reddit.
but you didn't leave a bad taste. bad taste is ignoring them, not falling for their bait. his only goal here was to check if youve moved on yet. why would he randomly say that with so much certainty? to get a reaction from you (denial). hes real happy and can sleep in peace knowing youre not going anywhere.
men on the internet are def not obsessed with you. what a narcissistic way to think. this is reddit. get a grip
you act as if you know him at all, and you were the one who dated him. your opinions dont really hold any water.
he wrote this message expecting me to act the way i used to with him, which was to respond in kind, feed his ego by being sad that he said he wouldnt date me again, try to get closer with him, tell him that im single and beg to try again. heās most likely lonely right now and wants to be wanted. i did tell him that im single, but it didnt feed what he wanted out of me, because i told him that even though i was single, id never want to date him again. im not going anywhere? i hadnt spoken to this person in almost a year š. i honestly dont even really think about him all that much. maybe thereās some unresolved resentment there, and thatās it.
that reddit user is a woman, and i said that shes obsessed with me because she keeps commenting mean comments on this post after losing an argument. is it not narcissistic to assume that you know this guy better than me just because of one text you read from him, when im the one who dated him for about a year and obsessed over him for months after? āget a grip.ā
No mean comments. No argument lost. Not narcissist. That word and other tenses of that word are thrown around a lot by people who lack the education/credentials to properly identify/diagnose that disorder.
You are speculating. You have assigned deep meaning to a text from a man who was abusive and treated you poorly. You are no more aware of his motives than anyone else.
Iām happy to be a villain in your narrative. You have said yourself in many comments here that you lack self-worth and self-respect. Had you not made those self-deprecations, your audience would still know. You can be angry at me for pointing out what you admittedly struggle with or you can take these comments, all of them from everyone, and identify opportunities for growth and repair within yourself so that the next time someone treats you poorly, you prioritize your well being and honor yourself by refusing to engage.
yes, those are things that i struggle with. but this isnāt a reflection of that. only you and a couple of other people believe that. i think that you maybe have good intentions, but your original comments were definitely mean spirited in nature. and someone sent me a nice little āa concerned redditor told us about youā message in order to harass me over these comments. so i apologize for my defensiveness.
you are right, we are all speculating. but if anyone can be the most accurate, itād be me. not all of these other people who know nothing about me or him. it feels odd when you tell me how heās feeling, and psychoanalyze him like this. he never really cared about me, even in the relationship. more about the idea of me, the idea of having a girlfriend he can introduce to his family and give him all the relationship benefits. so thats why i strongly believe he didnt suddenly reach out to find out if im single and then dip. i think he wanted to be wanted.
Now that reply was scorched earth on his candy ass.ššššš. He didnāt reply cause you went in hard on him, but your last sentence, in my God motherās words, you made his feathers drop.šššš
it felt better to get that out, since the last time he heard from me, i was still obsessed with him and begging him to come back. heād take ignoring as a sign that he hurt me so much by leaving, because heās just so high value. id rather knock him down about a dozen pegs. ill obviously ignore any future messages.
I stand by what u/ridemecowboy said. Whatever your reasons for responding, the best response was no response. Highly doubt you knocked him down a few pegs. Youāll know youāre fully healed when your desire to have the last word and bruise his over-inflated ego is zero.
theres nothing wrong with not being fully healed. and it certainly did, he has a very fragile ego. after what ive been through with him, i owed myself at least this. its incredibly insulting to text me and project all of these delusions about how i feel towards him.
You owed yourself the self-respect and dignity to not respond to anyone who mistreats you. Your desire to teach him a lesson, knock him down a peg, etc. is bullshit. Less than a month ago you were completely obsessed with this man. You responded to his message to get a response. You are not over this guy. Itās glaringly obvious. When he didnāt respond, you came here because you know thereās enough delulu people who would co-sign. Of course theyāre going to say you go girl when they donāt value themselves. Those who do are the ones telling you to ignore and move on. Thatās the power. I guarantee you with 100% certainty you did NOT hurt your ex, bruise his ego or knock him down a peg. All you did was let him know he can text you with foolishness, let it get to you and that youāll respond. BECAUSE YOU DO NOT TRULY VALUE YOURSELF.
dude. you dont know anything about me, or him. my previous posts are about a different guy. i owe it to myself because i wanted to prove to myself that i can and will stand up for myself against people who try to tear down my boundaries. i am proud of myself, because i value myself. and you arenāt gonna take that away, no matter how you rationalize actions of mine that have nothing to do with you. now get off my profile and go touch grass or something.
Bro, not even for a second doubt yourself. You did the right thing and you did owe it to yourself if you say so. We are proud of you. Don't listen to the naysayers. Staying silent is the easy thing to do but you might hate yourself for it later as many people do..Thus those imaginary arguments we all have in the shower at some point in our life ;)
haha yea, or my notes app. or my dog. im pretty familiar with my emotions and my intentions in sending that text, so the people pretending like i donāt and they do, donāt really bother me. they can try to convince a flower that it isnt a flower. but that doesnāt make it any less of a flower.
Iām not on your profile. Iām on a post you created on Reddit. With this additional context, itās even more clear the most appropriate response was no response.
youre entitled to that opinion. but making character judgements on me and reading into my previous posts as if you suddenly know everything about me is ridiculous. ive been putting a lot of work into my relationship with myself, and i love and value myself very much. i sometimes use reddit to vent so that i can prevent myself from lashing out at the people in my life, and its important to me that other people learn from me and feel like they can relate to my struggles. but none of my posts are a complete reflection of what iām going through. yea, im not completely healed from what he did to me. theres a lot of things that im not healed from, and thats not a bad thing. its okay to care about how he views our previous relationship, and to feel insulted that he would write a message like this. and its okay to want to respond, and to respond. if it reflects to him how much i care about the situation and itās not really the āclap backā that i thought it was, then that doesnāt really matter to me. what matters is that it gets my emotions out and makes me feel a sense of closure. and my internalized trust to stand up for myself if i feel upset is more stable. so itās just another stepping stone in my healing journey.
Nah man, the healing from OP most likely not even caring about knocking him down, just getting it out for herself and moving away from it after. Thats the part you dont understand. The response is always about the receiver and is about messagers like OP. Sometimes the power comes in also saying something then never looking back.
Holy crap he did WHAT?!š Great response girl. Never go back to him.
i swear, that man is so out of my mind now that id never even consider that a possibility.
Good! He doesnāt deserve you. Iām glad youāre moving forwardā¤ļø
Nice reply, you deserve better
You did him a kindness by letting him know how deeply disinterested in him you are. So he does not have to ponder the odds of getting you back. He is free to make other people miserable instead.
the way he acts like i am in a relationship, but want him so bad that he has to reject me is so funny to me
Nahhh he will DEF swing back around. Ive told some guys 2-3x and they have audacity to come back a 4th and 5th time, like bro take a hint cuz youre not getting anywhere with me. I will stay single the REST of my life rather than return to you lol. FOH.
The audacity ādidnāt know it was going to destroy youā. My response if it wasnāt nothing at all would have been. āThanks for the concern. Didnāt destroy me at all. Actually gave me clarity on my own needs. Wish you the best. Simply we were not a good match and Iām so grateful with the turn of events.ā Trust me. A douche like that. Would eat his ass up.
i like your thinking.
That was my thought. Some of them have such audacity. SMFH
Does anyone else hate it when they throw your name in the message? Something about it feels so patronizing!
i agree, he used my actual name too instead of my nickname that literally everyone calls me, including him when we were together.
Ick. Like youāre not my coach or teacher and this isnāt the season finale of an ABC family show
That was as savage as it gets. Keep it up! Some people could really learn from you. Iām sure that text felt good as hell to send too.
you have no idea š
That response was everything! Who said u wanted to redate after a whole year of no contact? He needs to get over himself
i think he just tells himself these narratives so that he can feel better about himself. he has always had a very big ego
Right? lol
The way he thought you wanted him back š
then he ārejectedā me š i bet he felt so good doing that
I love your reply. Let him know he doesnāt stand a chance with you at ANYTHING. Gosh, that dude sounds like my ex.
the over inflated ego was such a big problem in our relationship. its honestly sad, because clearly heās compensating for some deep rooted insecurities. i hope he does some self reflecting at some point in his life.
This forum is like.. spring awakening, and I love it
I have to know the teaā¦ did he respond?
no he did not
I typically sigh in disappointment when people break no contact, but for some reason, responding to your ex made sense for this scenario.
i sincerely debated it. but he acted so self important that i couldnt resist š¤·āāļø he forced my hand
He needed to be humbled and you did a great job doing that š„
Perfect reply
love the replyš„š„
Proud of you!
Hahah shoot his ass down, great response OP
Good for you
I feel like a proud motha!! Such a satisfying reply. That emoji at the end...Icing ;)
thatās my āiām annoyed with youā emoji and he knows it š
Bravo šš¼šš¼šš¼ hope your ex went home and cried to his mommy.
I need to have this moment with my ex so bad.
Good for you. He sounds like a manipulative POS.
Would you like seconds? "no." You will get everything you want in life. You're a natural Ruler. You know about settling. I'm so happy for you.
It would kill me being in that situation considering how much I love and respect her still. I feel like the more I let her go of her the more Iāll get my self respect back but some days I feel like I truly failed letting her go. Itās what she wanted/still wants though and it still bothers me almost every day. I canāt even look at her social media thinking I might see pictures of her with guys or on dates. She was my love for over 14 years and now I can barely get a āhow are you? Would you like to catch up sometime?ā Out of her. Stay strong!
This was my situation. We were together for 5 years and he manipulated me into a friendās with benefits. This carried on for almost 3 yearsā¦ I had 0 respect for myself. I sometimes think if I did and set boundaries things would be different. They slowly test you to see what they can get away with to not push you away. I too was obsessed with him (clearly š) and was hoping it was a faze I guess and that he would eventually want to date me again. He was just using me until he found someone - he eventually did and said āš». We talked on the phone for about a month (he was always hot and cold) until she found out and she got him to block me and that was the end after 8 years of knowing me. I was really close with his family (so I thought), so not only did I lose him I lost them. I continued to talk to his Mom for about a year until she said it was hurting her because we were never gonna get back together. She seen my Dad and broke down and said I was the best thing to happen to him and his brother added me on Facebook and I just left it. His brother cheated on every single gf he had and his Mom/my ex knew and when they came over they would act like nothing happened. I wanted so bad to say something, but was too scared to lose them. I have no doubt that when we were together he cheated on me and they knew, and when we broke up and were FWB they knew. This is what I mean when I say we werenāt as close as I thought. What pieces of š©. When youāre inlove with someone you canāt see any red flags - itās crazy. Itās been 2 1/2 years and all I did was work on myself. Last time he seen me I was working at Tim Hortons and had no car, now I have a career as a PSW, have a car and Iām finally ready to date again. š To anyone reading this PLEASE HAVE SELF RESPECT FOR YOURSELF AND DONāT STAY IN SOMETHING TOXIC. PLEASE.
I fucking love that reply
Ouch my name is Alexis too
Who is Alexis? A dog or is new GF
what
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Bruh thatās literally the posters name.
This reminds me of how my ex had the audacity to "make sure" I don't put my love life on hold waiting for him to come back. He had a rude awakening when he realized I was doing just that when he broke NC then started saying how sorry he was he fumbled me. That's a narcissist in disguise.
He is still trying to put his foot in the door. Pathetic.
That was a good response but the most savage thing would just ignore his message and leave him full of anxiety
Just block on all platforms and move on
he is, and i have. i just have his number unblocked for practical reasons, like in case he has my belongings or something happens to our cat we had together. heās never abused it before so i dont think its necessary
Yessss queen!!! šš½ā„ļø. I just got ex Sunday from ex I havent seen in a long time and I replied a long text telling him he is emotionally abusive, I no longer need his apology (there still is none), I dont want him in my life, and to not contact me again. š¤¢. šŖš½š Proud of you!!!
Gotta take that power back
HE doesnāt hate YOU! Love the audacity. /s So happy for you that youāve moved on. Itās never easy, and definitely not when an ex wonāt just go away. Onwards and upwards!
People think āgaslightingā is just made up lingo that gets thrown around but gooooooooooooodness. Seeing the story and him say this.
How can people even do this?
Wow what a piece of shit!
Things like this donāt warrant any response. Donāt respond next time. He doesnāt even take accountability. Think of all the people who do own up their wrongs and who still get treated like dung, get stonewalled, get the silent-treatment, etc. Donāt entertain his fragile little ego with a text back. You donāt owe him any explanation or response, who youāre seeing or who youāre not! Just block, delete, move on.
im not going to reply to any more messages from him. but with this, it makes me feel better to leave a bad taste in his mouth at least.
Best revenge you can give someone like this is no response at all honestly. Just say bye to him in you head forever. You donāt need that toxicity. Heās gonna have a hard time finding someone else with that kind of attitude to say the least.
i dont want revenge.
I donāt think you do either. Just saying, the best way to respond sometimes is NO response- or let your silence do the responding for you.
agree to disagree i guess, this was the best response for me and my specific situation.
Sooo you say you donāt want revenge, but then you just contradicted yourself by saying you wish to leave a ābad taste in his mouth?ā Thatās not the way forward.
i think that youre just being combative for the sake of arguing. i wish to leave a ābad taste in his mouthā because i want him to know that im not okay with what he did. not for revenge, but for my own healing purposes. you literally just said you dont think i want revengeā¦ now youāre harping on *me* for being contradicting.
Iām not being combative at all, Iām offering constructive advice & so are others and you seem to be overly-defensive. You say I want to argue (even though I NEVER stated or thought that at all) and yet here you are wishing your ex some petty revenge. Something doesnāt add up. I said āI thinkā at first, to order to give you the benefit of the doubt here, but after seeing some of your other responses, you sound honestly pretty bitter. No one is harping on *you*, especially not me. Take a deep breath š®āšØ. I disengage from arguments, I donāt choose to live in the past with toxic people. You donāt deny that you should not have communicated back with the guy. Out of sight, out of mind. Thatās all I was saying. Good luck
the reason i say that you come off as combative, is because i attempted to just agree to disagree, and you continued the conversation by egging on a response, saying im contradicting myself. yes, im defensive, especially in other threads, because a user on here started saying i am displaying a lack of self worth by replying to him. possibly because this is somewhat rooted in truth, that i lack self worth. but its something that im actively working on every single day, and genuinely improving on. ive been very introspective of my behaviors, and this is not an example of me lacking self worth or seeking revenge. possibly a year ago, i wouldve responded to him in kind, and probably tried to get close with him. the fact that i didnāt do that, and instead let him know that i am not okay with what he did to me, is a step in the positive direction for me. his ex that he rebounded on after me and i are pretty good friends. he tried to contact her, too recently. he instigated a conversation because he is lonely and probably wants to feel like someone wants him again, since i used to just always show my love and devotion to him no matter how shitty he was. i couldāve not responded, but to me, this helps me get a sense of closure that i never felt like i had. im learning to let go of getting closure in general, but im not quite there yet. and thats okay, i dont have to be perfect yet, or have super high expectations of myself when i know that i am still struggling with moving on from certain injustices in my life.
Perfect response!
4:40 am is INSANE lol. He was in his feelings š
lol 4:40 AM
I can tell by the way the ex wrote the 4:40 am message that they were desperately trying to rewrite history with them as the high value person who had to leave. Totally transparent bs. Slither away, dude. Youāre probably just texting bc you just got kicked to the curb by someone else and you are trying to buoy your ego with some fantasy. OP canāt even remember your name and youāre probably saved in the phone under dbag or else not saved at all. I like how OP didnāt address him with the name his parents gave him and just called him ādudeā like you couldnāt even be bothered to conger up his name.
My ex was the same. Theyāre actual psychopaths . Block
Fuck yeah power moves š¤
That's an awesome reply to your ex! šš
Guys like this collect girls to stroke their egos. You did good by reminding him he wasnāt noble or mature in how he treated you and that youāre the one over him. Also āloveā how his narrative is that he left you instead of bread crumbing you.. when you were the one who broke contactā¦
fr, he never even left me, other than breaking up with me i guess. but i left him, since he strung me along for months after the breakup
That reply is ~chefs kiss~
From my gut feelā¦..they both want each other back. ā¤ļøāš©¹š
lmao
Please donāt delete this! I work as a dating coach and would love to share it with my colleagues - itās that good. While Iām primarily an advocate for āno response is a response,ā itās only because so many people donāt do what you did. Hence why itās great! Good for you.
Never respond to them. You just gave him back power, what he wanted when he was craving any type of reaction from you.
as i told others, you dont know him and what he was ācravingā
Best response is no response sometimes
Wait, what happened between yāall in the relationship??
How did you get to this point! I want to but i cant ā¦
at the time, no contact was the best thing to help me get over him.
no response wouldve been better. he was just checking to see if you were really seeing someone and you gave confirmation youre not. even though you ended the convo with "id never date you again", his plan was successful and his ego was fed. No response wouldve made him feel dumb and also more curious about your new partner. no wonder he didnt reply. he doesnt need to now
Exactly. OP will never see it that way. She says she sent the message for herself but she also says she wanted to bruise his ego and put him in his place. She did neither. He will message her again because he now knows he can and she will respond. Also, dude didnāt ābreak no contactā. No contact is 30-60-90 days. After 90 days, that person just isnāt apart of your life anymore. Sigh.
youre so obsessed with me lmao. both can be true, that i wanted to bruise his ego and i sent it for myself. can you just move on? i already told you that i wont respond to any future messages. but it makes me feel better to leave a bad taste in his mouth, at least. and thatās all that matters, is how i feel. not him, and certainly not random 40 year olds on reddit.
but you didn't leave a bad taste. bad taste is ignoring them, not falling for their bait. his only goal here was to check if youve moved on yet. why would he randomly say that with so much certainty? to get a reaction from you (denial). hes real happy and can sleep in peace knowing youre not going anywhere. men on the internet are def not obsessed with you. what a narcissistic way to think. this is reddit. get a grip
you act as if you know him at all, and you were the one who dated him. your opinions dont really hold any water. he wrote this message expecting me to act the way i used to with him, which was to respond in kind, feed his ego by being sad that he said he wouldnt date me again, try to get closer with him, tell him that im single and beg to try again. heās most likely lonely right now and wants to be wanted. i did tell him that im single, but it didnt feed what he wanted out of me, because i told him that even though i was single, id never want to date him again. im not going anywhere? i hadnt spoken to this person in almost a year š. i honestly dont even really think about him all that much. maybe thereās some unresolved resentment there, and thatās it. that reddit user is a woman, and i said that shes obsessed with me because she keeps commenting mean comments on this post after losing an argument. is it not narcissistic to assume that you know this guy better than me just because of one text you read from him, when im the one who dated him for about a year and obsessed over him for months after? āget a grip.ā
No mean comments. No argument lost. Not narcissist. That word and other tenses of that word are thrown around a lot by people who lack the education/credentials to properly identify/diagnose that disorder. You are speculating. You have assigned deep meaning to a text from a man who was abusive and treated you poorly. You are no more aware of his motives than anyone else. Iām happy to be a villain in your narrative. You have said yourself in many comments here that you lack self-worth and self-respect. Had you not made those self-deprecations, your audience would still know. You can be angry at me for pointing out what you admittedly struggle with or you can take these comments, all of them from everyone, and identify opportunities for growth and repair within yourself so that the next time someone treats you poorly, you prioritize your well being and honor yourself by refusing to engage.
yes, those are things that i struggle with. but this isnāt a reflection of that. only you and a couple of other people believe that. i think that you maybe have good intentions, but your original comments were definitely mean spirited in nature. and someone sent me a nice little āa concerned redditor told us about youā message in order to harass me over these comments. so i apologize for my defensiveness. you are right, we are all speculating. but if anyone can be the most accurate, itād be me. not all of these other people who know nothing about me or him. it feels odd when you tell me how heās feeling, and psychoanalyze him like this. he never really cared about me, even in the relationship. more about the idea of me, the idea of having a girlfriend he can introduce to his family and give him all the relationship benefits. so thats why i strongly believe he didnt suddenly reach out to find out if im single and then dip. i think he wanted to be wanted.
well my response wasnt for him anyways, it was for me.
Good for you!!!! Youāve definitely come a long way in your journey You should be extremely proud!! I LOVE LOVE your response
Now that reply was scorched earth on his candy ass.ššššš. He didnāt reply cause you went in hard on him, but your last sentence, in my God motherās words, you made his feathers drop.šššš
ignoring would have been the real power move. hopefully you can do that going forward
it felt better to get that out, since the last time he heard from me, i was still obsessed with him and begging him to come back. heād take ignoring as a sign that he hurt me so much by leaving, because heās just so high value. id rather knock him down about a dozen pegs. ill obviously ignore any future messages.
Don't listen to them. Your response was bad ass and far more likely to bruise his ego than not responding. I applaud you.
I actually think ignoring would be taken as a sign as you dont care but no harm in anything you wrote. keep moving forward!
I stand by what u/ridemecowboy said. Whatever your reasons for responding, the best response was no response. Highly doubt you knocked him down a few pegs. Youāll know youāre fully healed when your desire to have the last word and bruise his over-inflated ego is zero.
theres nothing wrong with not being fully healed. and it certainly did, he has a very fragile ego. after what ive been through with him, i owed myself at least this. its incredibly insulting to text me and project all of these delusions about how i feel towards him.
You owed yourself the self-respect and dignity to not respond to anyone who mistreats you. Your desire to teach him a lesson, knock him down a peg, etc. is bullshit. Less than a month ago you were completely obsessed with this man. You responded to his message to get a response. You are not over this guy. Itās glaringly obvious. When he didnāt respond, you came here because you know thereās enough delulu people who would co-sign. Of course theyāre going to say you go girl when they donāt value themselves. Those who do are the ones telling you to ignore and move on. Thatās the power. I guarantee you with 100% certainty you did NOT hurt your ex, bruise his ego or knock him down a peg. All you did was let him know he can text you with foolishness, let it get to you and that youāll respond. BECAUSE YOU DO NOT TRULY VALUE YOURSELF.
dude. you dont know anything about me, or him. my previous posts are about a different guy. i owe it to myself because i wanted to prove to myself that i can and will stand up for myself against people who try to tear down my boundaries. i am proud of myself, because i value myself. and you arenāt gonna take that away, no matter how you rationalize actions of mine that have nothing to do with you. now get off my profile and go touch grass or something.
Bro, not even for a second doubt yourself. You did the right thing and you did owe it to yourself if you say so. We are proud of you. Don't listen to the naysayers. Staying silent is the easy thing to do but you might hate yourself for it later as many people do..Thus those imaginary arguments we all have in the shower at some point in our life ;)
haha yea, or my notes app. or my dog. im pretty familiar with my emotions and my intentions in sending that text, so the people pretending like i donāt and they do, donāt really bother me. they can try to convince a flower that it isnt a flower. but that doesnāt make it any less of a flower.
Iām not on your profile. Iām on a post you created on Reddit. With this additional context, itās even more clear the most appropriate response was no response.
youre entitled to that opinion. but making character judgements on me and reading into my previous posts as if you suddenly know everything about me is ridiculous. ive been putting a lot of work into my relationship with myself, and i love and value myself very much. i sometimes use reddit to vent so that i can prevent myself from lashing out at the people in my life, and its important to me that other people learn from me and feel like they can relate to my struggles. but none of my posts are a complete reflection of what iām going through. yea, im not completely healed from what he did to me. theres a lot of things that im not healed from, and thats not a bad thing. its okay to care about how he views our previous relationship, and to feel insulted that he would write a message like this. and its okay to want to respond, and to respond. if it reflects to him how much i care about the situation and itās not really the āclap backā that i thought it was, then that doesnāt really matter to me. what matters is that it gets my emotions out and makes me feel a sense of closure. and my internalized trust to stand up for myself if i feel upset is more stable. so itās just another stepping stone in my healing journey.
Nah man, the healing from OP most likely not even caring about knocking him down, just getting it out for herself and moving away from it after. Thats the part you dont understand. The response is always about the receiver and is about messagers like OP. Sometimes the power comes in also saying something then never looking back.
Precisely.