I think it’s so so valid to feel this way but also this should give you an idea why they aren’t right for you.
I mean, it seems what takes over your mind is just the exhaustion of having to repeat the process and not exactly the small, little unique things that no one else can offer but them. I have a feeling they are rather easy to find if that is the case you know?
I hope it all works out and that you find what you’re looking for.
Yes, you are right. I just feel exhausted now because I gave all my energy to him. When I found him, I thought I had found my soulmate. I don't really miss him anymore, but just the feeling of having someone to talk to. I just feel tired for now, but I also know that it gets better.
I was like this a feel weeks ago, being so attached to my ex and wanting him back. But now, I’m totally fine with him not being in my life anymore. So girl, trust me, you will be okay, and you will realize that you deserve so much better. If he was the one, he wouldn’t leave you.
I feel the same. While he is okay with just on to the next like we didn't matter, I feel this post. But I also know he showed me who he is and I am to accept it. People who truly care and love you, would not treat you in these ways.
Yes you are totally right. He probably never loved me. I am somewhat beginning to accept him for who he actually is rather than who he showed me he was. Let's hope we feel better soon and come back stronger
what if this person broke sobriety after 65days and made a hasty decision to break up, rather then waiting to see if sobriety was the needed item of adjustment for the other person.?
Ooh, anything with substances and mind altering is definitely tough. I'd hope in time being sober, this person will come to realization. If not, you can't be expected to wait around as you are worth so much more.
How far out of the relationship are you? And how long were you with this other person, and ages? Overall relationship experiences? This seems to be a key factor in a lot of peoples experiences, yet me sitting at 49, most people I know should have thought I could have gotten over this shit a lot faster, but that’s not always the case if you had what seemed to be the perfect relationship or the one person that you connected with like no other…this is the hard and confusing part to struggle through to find yourself again and on your own, find your happiness on your terms and build yourself back you so your self worth isn’t contingent on their validation that they so brutally threw away.
I went through this same thing about seven months ago and it is brutal how low a blindside or discard will knock you down. Building this connection with someone over a few years or decades is intimate and valuable, but you will have to see that they couldn’t be the one for you. It’s difficult to not take this personally if you felt your needs were being met and you feel like you were fulfilling theirs as well.
My last relationship was five years and ended via email that she was asked out on a date by a new friend that she keep secret from me and that she was going to keep pursing this new guy and she finally felt happy again yet I had no idea anything was wrong, but I did have to take a hard look at our relationship and review the earring signs I chose to ignore to accept that she simply was not holding up her end of our relationship.
It might help to do a honest deep dive to see if there was something that you chose to ignore or might have missed because they were keeping their true feelings to themselves about your relationship.
This shit sucks and it takes a lot of time and effort on your part to find yourself again before you can be open to dating again. I tried early on and knew I simply was not ready. Apps in my area are a shit show of red flags and hurt people that simply are not healthy to date. If you take the time, you will see all the warning signs before you invest in another person again, but the one person you will need to invest in right now is yourself or you will fall victim to your hurt and insecurities, shitty people will take advantage of that knowingly or unknowingly. You just have to do the work on yourself first and in time when you have rebuild yourself into a stronger version of yourself you will know what you will and will not accept.
Seven months out and I am just now feeling confident in myself again to be open to dating again. I’ve put myself out in the wild to be able to meet new and better people that will better align with my values and lifestyle and I had a few brief interactions that have reinforced my worth to myself as someone worthy of a better partner, definitely not my ex…never again with her, she showed me her true colors and what I will never tolerate again and can see right through this type of bs. Last week sent me into a completely new level of confidence with a brief interaction with a person that I now have the courage to just ask her out next time our paths cross again 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻
This will get better, you will be excited to meet someone new again and learn all about this new person but stick to NC for yourself so you will be a force to be reckoned with when that new person shows up in your new and better presence of who YOU are!
Keep your chin up and do the work, it’s worth it to not go back and dig through the garbage to find those old feelings the other person tossed out. YOU are better than that.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and giving me advice. This really gives me hope that it will turn out to be okay in the end.
The relationship ended two months ago. We dated for eight months. I know it's not much but we had a really strong connection. It felt like I had known him my whole life even though I had not. I am 25 and he is 27 years old. We had made each other a commitment of marriage but I guess for him it was just an empty promise.
Now that I look back on the relationship, then yes, there were many red flags that I ignored. For instance, whenever I used to bring up his lack of efforts he always used to tell me about his problems. I was just asking for his time and attention and I was worthy of that as well. Whenever I used to bring up concerns regarding the relationship he used to blame my overthinking and completely disregard my feelings. Now that I look back, I really think I was dating a narcissist.
I would never go back to him or anything. But I just wish this had not happened. I wish he had not changed on my face like that. I wish he had not ghosted me for 2 months only to breakup with me after that. I just wish it had not happened. But it did and I know I have to begin to accept this now.
I am trying to improve myself in many ways before I start dating again. I started therapy recently and I am observing my own patterns as well. I am setting up boundaries and trying to change my ways a bit so I don't end up getting hurt again.
Thank you so much for your words.
I hope your confidence fully builds up again. I hope you cross paths with that person again and ask her out. I truly hope that it works out for you. All the best!
Being dumped like this sucks no matter how long the relationship was IMO. Almost worse maybe if it’s under a year as you are more than likely still in the honeymoon phase as well, just makes it all the more confusing. But people can only keep up appearances for so long before those red flags show how they truly are and your still stuck in limerence.
The two month mark is also brutal as well because you’re still chemically dependent. Your dopamine levels are still crashing and cortisol levels are high. Post BU is a bitch to detox from and dose take time to regulate to a healthy baseline again. That’s why it is so important to make and take back your independent happiness again. Fortify yourself independently.
Their mask falls and you see their empty promises for what they are now, don’t forget that! You expressing your needs and him not meeting those is a huge red flag. I did the same with my ex as well and experienced the same thing. She would play along when I set up trips, made all the plans months in advance, booked and paid for reservations only for her to literally bail the day of leaving me out $$$ and going on trips alone many times…and you know how I reacted? I made excuses for her in my head to justify her shitty behaviors and she learned that she could get away with that. So I showed her how she could treat me with full disrespect to my time, money and efforts. Look up intermittent reenforcement, that’s the game avoidant types play. And avoidants have a similar level of narcissism as well. Not our job to figure out or allow, that’s 100% on him, not YOU!
It’s hard to not take this personally when you did everything in your power to make that investment in the relationship only to be let down, again…his responsibility not yours.
I was very fortunate to get into therapy two weeks prior to the BU. I had even talked to my ex many times before expressing that I needed to go to therapy and she actively and emphatically told me to not do that as they would just tell me how to live my life and that I could just get over whatever issues I was having…she was my main issue and she knew it, she just wanted to keep me on the hook until she could find my replacement. So good for you for doing that! Trust me it helps tremendously and I needed it as well! I am feeling so much better now that I am going through all of this, learning about my core issues around relationships and where they stemmed from. It sucks and is one of the hardest things I have ever done, truly painful at times, but it is liberating to learn about my core issues and how to cope with them in a far more healthy manner. Again, good for you, Stick with this!
You are very welcome too, and thank you for your kind words of encouragement as well!
Building yourself back up again truly will bring your greater strength and self confidence when you are ready to meet new people and date again.
My brief interaction last week was extremely enlightening as I know I can trust my gut when interacting with potential new people again. I could fully read her body language and how she initiated the conversation with me that she was very interested with me and making that connection, and just that alone has me over the moon with new possibilities!
My female bestie even confirmed my suspicions about that interaction as well and told me to ‘GO FOR IT!’
She had told me she wanted to introduce her to me as she said she would most definitely be into me and everything I was seeing was on point! Hoping to run into her again and asking her out! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻
You got this girl! Just keep doing the work!
I agree with you. I believe the only reason he decided to pack up and leave was because he could not keep up appearances.
I am sorry for what your ex did to you and I am glad you are out of that situation now. More power to you. I just searched up the term 'intermittent reinforcement' and honestly this is exactly what my ex did to me. He used to push me away most times and give me affection sometimes to correct his behaviour, I assume.
I am glad you went to therapy and did not end up listening to your ex. She just wanted to hold you back. I am happy to know that you are doing better now. It is giving me hope. Thank you.
Its great that you have learned to trust your gut instinct again. I am having a hard time with this currently. I am hoping that therapy will help me trust it again.
Thank you for your words. I will remind myself of them every now and then so I can feel better.
I could write a book or two on all the shit I have been through in my past relationships that would absolutely crush others souls to the fucking core. The shit I read here on Reddit is fucking child’s play compared to my life experiences when it has comes to relationships and yet I always find the strength and courage to see my own worth and will to persevere despite it all. I have changed others lives for the better and saved people from falling off the edge of this world and yet at 49 still struggle to find the love I deserve from another and wish to have…but I have not succumbed to the negative mindset of the toxic bullshit I see prevalent online through social media and beyond.
Filter out all of the noise and know yourself and your worth in this life and make the fucking most of it despite all other challenges you face that are out of your control.
You are only a victim to your own perception of your worth as others treat you and how you chose to not overcome that negativity built within.
Don’t try to bring someone back just because you don’t want to date. It’s perfectly okay to not want to date at all. Being single is actually fun and liberating.
It’s clear you aren’t in a place to date but there will come a time where it will excite you again. You don’t have to rush to get there. Heal yourself so that you don’t desperately want someone who left, to come back
I won't ever send him this. I won't take him back even if he came back because what he showed me who he really is. This is just how I am feeling these days, so I thought to write it here.
You're better than me...mine absolutely showed me who he was at the worst fucking time, but I would take him back in heart beat...
He won't show back up though, and I know he would do it again.
I have exactly the same feelings.
I just don’t understand why he acted so into me until I fell for him then suddenly shut down and pulled away. I miss how he was when I first met him. How could someone care so much about you then stop responding to your texts and even block you? I just wanna know why people do this? Why people can’t stay sweet and care about you forever? Why do they change? I don’t get it 😓
I felt like I finally found the love of my life, but it was all fake. I hate missing him, I hate that I still love him, I hate my memories with him 💔
Yes exactly. All of my energy goes into asking myself would he do this? Why did he change so easily? I still don't know why and I don't think I ever will. I guess we just have to live with this until it gets better.
I hope you feel good soon.
Going through this too. Been blocked for a week now. It’s my fault too, but I just can’t let him go. Having BPD as well, the rejection and attachment is hard. We live in the same small town as well and his work is like, a 1 minute drive from my flat. So, it’s fucking hard.
I have been blocked on 1 platform which he used to watch my stories religiously on. He did it once we broke up in December, although he was the one who broke his promises, lied, ignored and ghosted me etc..
I tried reaching out once and he gave me a cold two-words answer then stopped reading my texts. Yes it’s terribly hard, but at least now I know for sure that I tried and it didn’t work. I did my best to keep him and he abandoned me easily. He left me no other option but to move on with my life without him, it’s a hard pill that I have to swallow. I finally blocked him everywhere.
We live in the same town too and I see his car almost everyday which constantly reminds me of him.. it’s really hard. I hope we all recover from this soon and stop overthinking about people who don’t deserve our love.
Although I don’t want you to feel the way you do, I do find some comfort in the fact I’m not alone. I am so glad you are moving on and can see your worth.
When I broke up with my ex, it took me 13 months to even talk to someone else, and I’ve ended up in the same place I was. It’s not easy. With my ex though, he moved back to Scotland (I live in England), so although it was horrible, never seeing him again kind of made it easier. With this guy (we were never actually together, just 5 and a half months of pain for me but not him), I drove past him last week because I drive past where he works on my way home from work. That hurt.
He has a lot of horrible things going on his life but I’ve just been made to feel like I’m not good enough to be with. And now I believe he’s moved on. I drove past his house last night after dropping two friends off home, and his car wasn’t there. That also hurt, but there could be many reasons why that was the case, but for me, the only reason I could think his car wasn’t there is because he’s with someone else and again, I’m not good enough for him to be with. It’s horrible
I am sorry you’re going through this. l feel comfort too when I share this with someone.
He was struggling with depression and alcoholism. He has a drug-addicted father and his parents are divorced. He had a tough childhood, I didn’t have a very good childhood either so we really felt connected and I thought we can help each other heal from our past. He is seeing a therapist and I thought things will get better with time but it wasn’t, it was getting worse actually because his therapy isn’t helping much. The closer I got, the more he pushes me away. He didn’t want me to help him nor did he help himself or me, he thaught he was doing me a favor by running away so that he doesn’t hurt me but by doing so, he hurt me even more.
I no longer feel like going to the gym which he goes to because I don’t wanna see him. I recently told one my friends about it and he told me I made the right decision and because he ignored me then he is not worth it and I should not contact him again, otherwise I will hurt myself more. He is using a dating app now and I believe he is seeing someone, however I dated two other guys and it didn’t work so I stopped. I will stay single until someone worthy shows up, I won’t put any effort anymore. I am currently drained and exhausted from giving so much of myself and receiving almost nothing.
We are in the same boat with the last few lines of your post.
I know you are scared of running into him at the gym, but if it makes you happy, then your happiness shouldn’t be compromised because of some *expletive word* that doesn’t appreciate you. You are also then showing him that you are not bothered (even though I know you are). Working on yourself in every aspect is a positive thing, and someone else’s power to bring negativity to your life should not stop that! Once you start getting back to things you enjoy, like the gym, he will just become another gym member to you. Like the lots of people there that you don’t know and have never spoken to before. He will be another stranger.
I have started going back to the gym, and I am happy about that. I went this afternoon and getting back looking like a tomato made me see that I did well working on myself! I only went for an hour, but an hour is better than none.
I can’t write on here what the guy I am talking about is going through, because it’s too personal for the world to see. As much as he’s caused me hurt, that just doesn’t feel right. But essentially he’s got family problems and very poor mental health. But I also saw him on tinder a couple of months ago and his profile said “active”. He denied being on there and told me he wasn’t using it and needed to be on his own.
Nearly 3 months ago he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship but if he was going to be with someone it would be me. He knows I would never, ever do anything to him that his exes did to him, but it’s not enough. And I’m not enough, in his eyes. But I have to try and realise I am. I am starting private therapy in 11 days with the help of my incredible mother. I hope it helps.
He’s blocked me after I called him a liar multiple times. Guess he’s moved onto someone who he sees as good enough to fit into his complicated world.
This is how I feel as well. I just wish he would come looking for me. I can’t imagine my life with anyone else, I just want to work things out with him. I don’t care to find anyone new, I just care to be with him. I want him to look for me. I want him to put his pride aside for me.
I've been there, and it does take some time for this feeling to pass. Please remember there is nothing wrong with loving deeply and honestly. It sounds like this person was a huge part of your life and maybe a part of yourself. It's hard to lose someone and to have them walk away. It doesn't take away from your purpose on this planet, it doesn't make you any less of a person, and you are certainly going to have to work through this, but it will eventually get better. Don't give up hope on bad days. Cry it out and take your time. It's grief of a broken heart. You will come out of this stronger, but it takes patience to feel everything you're feeling. I hope you're okay.
Don't forget. Don't forgive. Don't take them back. Do it for yourself. Liar is always a liar. If they hurt you once, they will hurt you again and again.
I went through exactly the same questions, feelings and emotions. They are not worthy. You sort out yourself, karma will sort out them.
I’m sorry… in my case we broke up in April and was on and off texting and it’s like he was giving me hope we’d get back together so i threw all my cards on the table and he was going along with it too and we were supposed to meet but he cancelled twice in a row so I called him out and then he got mad and said he didn’t want to try again anyway after literally agreeing to talk things out so I blocked him and now I’m truly nc 3 days in.
I am experiencing same thoughts!! And that’s what’s making me not move on and go back to him everytime he comes back to me but break up again because we simply ARENT the right fit for eachother!!!! I’m just exhausted to repeat the whole process again with someone else and do small freaking talks again.!
This is exactly how I feel yet he’s dated so many people after our break up last year and even got gonorrhoea even though we were together for 14 years. Doing my second month of NC…hope I can forget him forever.
Yes i feel the ssme. He was my close friend, but he dumped me when I was venting to him. I don't get it but I'm tired of repeating the same thing over and over.
I went through this at the beginning of the year. It's the most excruciating pain I'd ever been in because they were my best friend for so long, and things changed, and they decided having anything to do with me just wasn't an option. It hurt so bad I had to start all over again mentally from the time I had met them to now so that I could rebuild my memories without them in it. I can't bring myself to open up and create a space for someone else not right now I've fallen into this loop of keep moving, don't dwell, and peace and while I don't exactly know what happened in your situation I know as cliche as it sounds you really do just have to take it one day at a time. I'm not telling you the pain will go away but it gets more and more bearable and they start to lose their importance then the thoughts lessen and it becomes a distant memory
Yes, once someone leaves, there is a hole in your life. So sometimes the heart just wants that person back to fill the space. Even if the mind knows they are not right for you and maybe never will be.
It’s definitely hard we broke up in Feb and he got with someone 2 weeks later, they broke up last month I believe.. but he seems more hurt over that break up then ours.. we were together 2 years too 😔💔
I hope you know the relationship after you was just a rebound for him. He may have been running away from the pain for all you know. You should let him be and focus on yourself instead. More power to you!
Thank you. It just hurt where his more hurt over this break up, even saying how he thought she was the one and his been crying day in and day out cause of it 😔
I am sorry if the truth hurts - but you know the truth - They don’t care - or if they do they can’t show you they care. They don’t deserve you. You can make yourself happy. You HAVE to make yourself happy - whatever the outcome. You don’t have to go looking for someone else - you aren’t ready yet. Make yourself happy and the right person will appear x
this really resonated with me when I read it..I miss her an unhealthily amount at tines....meaning breaking sobriety by drinking too much. annnnd sometimes getting the feels and Redditing are not a great but choice. My situation has a few more to it then most the rest...
is everyone else who feels similarly just going to keep waiting for feelings to change. , with hope in your hearts?
I hope that you feel better soon and that you go back to being sober. You deserve to be happy and healthy.
I don't have the answer to your question honestly. I am just hoping this feeling goes away with time.
AS an addition, if my ex SO felt like you talk in your message, Id walk bare foot the 22 miles to the Women's Shelter the second I say the message. Ive been so ready for her to "snap" out of all this like the last time........I dont think its happening this time..
Yeah Im in the same boat, only the last time I called on our anniversary with no malice intended, she called the cops again ,and went to jail... SO I would send it but I have 298 days left due to a silly arguement. (Thanks to this stated rules) we had a temporary once, and we coukdt make it more then three weeks. But this was in a different state with much different rules on severity. I know from checking her FB once that she and I both went through the first 20 days there same way.....wishing the other would break it so we could apologize to each other......that day came and went, then 40....then because she has dominantly an avoidant attachment style, (Im stable dominate but the remaining amount that is anxious attachment takes over) because of her unchosen AS, when I didn't fight for her back (no matter the reason according to the classes) she instinctively pulls away and grows bitter, then hate, then NOW.
Ask better questions. Their favorite color doesn’t matter their relationship with their family. Does how they handle their emotions does whether or not they know their attachments style or how to speak love languages that matters.
It sounds harsh but best move on. We have been through this. It's the best solution. Don't waste your time and your life. The only person you should love so much is yourself. Other people come and go..It does get better. After a while the pain gets dull and you forget. Forgetting is such a blessing and you become a different person. Let go; move on; get a new life; you can be happy again.
I have a note on my phone with all her favourite everything, every little detail I ever saved in my mind for reference later for thoughtful gifts or pre-empting food orders or anything else. I tried so hard. I went all in on this one. I wanted to be everything I could ever be for her.
I feel this so much. It’s been almost a year since she left me and it doesn’t even seem that she even has thoughts of me. 4 years together, I remember when she said it wouldn’t be that bad. She said that we would get back together and now my heart is still in pieces. A part of me has a gut feeling she will come back. When? the painful part. I acknowledge my mistakes, I never cheated but I was toxic before it ended. I just don’t want to go on with my life it’s so painful. I wish she knew how much I miss her. All the sweet things she said to me. She was so sweet and innocent and It feels like she is dead. She isn’t with anyone so at least I know she didn’t have someone lined up but the pain is still unbearable.
I felt all this while going through a terrible break up years ago, which is when I ended up on this sub. But because I went NC, it helped me immensely to heal and today I'm so happy he never came back :)
I had the same feelings early this year. I was so tired of starting over. How can someone love you today and then leave and ghost you forever the next day. I could not comprehend it. I still don't. I never will.
But the truth is that they didn't love like we did. Their love was there because they wanted you. Once they no longer need you, it was gone!
Though it hurts, you have to accept that it's better for them to stay gone. You don't want to be in love with a dream. They are not worth all the emotional burden you are carrying right now. Work on letting it go.
Four months in, I still miss her. I have hated her for what she did to me. I have also forgiven her, but it doesn’t matter. Forgiving her helps me move on with my life.. I have also decided to start living again. I know I will get over her eventually.
Give yourself some time and space to heal. The easy path of letting them come back never works. They will leave again and again. Why not stop that vicious cycle right now? You are much more than this.
I had met someone online dating we didn’t even date but the connection was amazing only went on 2 dates he make me feel so good,but he broke up with me and told me that he is not the right man for me his life is a mess as he was in the process of divorce ,I replied to him and wish him all the best I never beg or anything,the next day I saw a miscalled from him just for a second I don’t know if it was by mistake I never bothered to call back maybe he was testing me if I was desperate to call him back or he thought I would beg for him not to break up ,in any case I loved him it doesn’t matter how long you have been with someone or whether you have been intimate love is a dangerous thing,this guy made me laugh made me feel alive even by talking to him on the phone ,Just after a month to our break up I made a silly mistake because I wanted his attention send him a stupid screenshot about my ex husband questioning about his contact with me and warn him not to respond to my ex incase he contact him he replied and said ok and I told him take care he replied you too! .that was the last time I heard from him he had blocked my number right away ..after 4/5 months of no contact I couldn’t help myself and I reached out to him by calling him to my surprise he answered he didn’t know who I was told him who I was he remember me and laughed with his cheeky smile and we talk for few minutes the conversation went smooth he had just lost his brother and he was flying to Spain I ask if he would like to go for a coffee he said of coz but now he is in the middle of the funeral of his brother,he remembered all the details of the time we had together and said it was nice to hear from me he was older than me about 60 years a very rich guy he had properties we have been to together he was renting them out to footballers very posh every about him I don’t know If I was in love with his life he had or it was love ,I just needed closure I guess and he only had blocked me on WhatsApp still up to date but not on phone,Last month after the call I made me realise that there is no harm in trying than assuming beating yourself why he blocked you Right now I am at peace not so obsessed with him and even ready for friendship if he ever contact me that was my last attempt though I will never contact him again.I took me 7 months to get over a relationship that was not even a relationship 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️..I am proud of myself that I didn’t beg I cried myself to sleep though in those past months
I am going through the same thing as you. Although he isn’t divorced. But he has a lot going on in his life and I am struggling to accept that and think he just doesn’t want to be with me. Then I start to think he’s with someone else. It hurts very much.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am too and it is so unbelievably hard. I’m just obsessed with it all in hoping so bad that my guy will call me and say sorry and let’s start over. I reached out to my man yesterday after a month and a half, telling him how much I missed him and he ignored me. It hurts to the core because I know he’s a fearful avoidant scared. I just want the chance to show him I’m not going to leave or abandon him like everyone else in his life. I miss and love him so much.
All I know is don’t waste on your energy on someone who left. I dated someone for 2 years and 4 months and all the toxic things they did I didn’t realize it at the time. They were so horrible but when they left it broke me into pieces. When I say I loved this person with my whole being I truly did. He was my first real love. But the day I found out their lies and when they left is the day the person I thought they were died. And 4 months in no contact I feel slowly and slowly better and happier. You still have a whole life ahead of you, cry if you need to cry, keep busy, etc but don’t ever chase someone who left you or wish for them back. It will get better.
There’s no right or wrong answer. I’ve been through so many relationships in my life and each one of them ended differently. I’ve been on the dumper side and the dumpee side. With some of them, I never looked back after the break up. With others, my heart hurt like it was never going to be healed. But it was.
However, now at 47 years of age, I met a woman five years ago that initially I never thought I would ever care deeply about. She is much younger than me. She’s from a different country. She had a terrible childhood. We’ve been together three times and broke up three times over the last five years. Each time it is her losing to her mental health, severe anxiety, and depression. If I was smart, I would’ve moved on years ago. But I love her. I love her with all her flaws and her faults with her endless pride that gets in her own way.
I am by no means perfect. I have my own faults and my own trauma from my past. But here I am still wanting to be with her. We broke up for a third time June of last year. We had no contact for 5 to 6 months. I reached out over text. She had moved to another state on the other side of the country. She said she could not stay in the same state as me because she knew she would repeat the same pattern and end up with me again. I was hurt and I went back into no contact. She reached out to me several months later and said she was visiting her family. And asked if I wanted to meet her. I did we spent two days together. They were intimate. I found out she has not dated anyone since she moved because she keeps comparing everyone to me. This was a shock. We both saw other people between our first two break up’s. I even tried dating at the end of last year, I wasn’t ready.
I saw her in February 2024 for the first time in a year. We have exchanged texts here and there FaceTime maybe once or twice. I asked her if she wanted to get away. Let’s go to a beach somewhere in the Caribbean or South America just for a week and have some fun. No expectations. Instead she wants me to come out and see her. I booked a flight last month. But I won’t be out there until the end of June. We’ve only texted and FaceTime once since I booked the flight. Part of me wishes I could quit this and just move on. But I love her. I live with that pain every day. Why we both cannot date after this break up has me thinking maybe there is a chance for us. I mean we are further than we ever have been from each other and yet dating other people just seems wrong this time.
"Make me happy", " Make me feel alive". Big red flags for yourself. You have to do that for yourself, not him. It also doesnt say what the mutual relationship give and take was - it is very one-sided. Work on filling that void for yourself, and then your new standard will be to find someone
who is a nice addition to your already-full life. 😊
Ugh…favorite color…New parents, and not the exact same ones who took me in to their family. Middle name. Hometown, their history, their friends, making new mutual friends…
It was actually all really fun and exciting. But it took a while to be ready to do it again.
Literally the first sentences… I don’t have the energy to learn about someone. **SO** I learned more about myself cause that’s someone I actually give a duck about.
What are qualities and talents that I admire about myself? How can I bring those to light moving forward?
Dating myself and getting to know myself is a damn great distraction
Read the first few words and I feel this to my core. I can't do this again.
Same
I think it’s so so valid to feel this way but also this should give you an idea why they aren’t right for you. I mean, it seems what takes over your mind is just the exhaustion of having to repeat the process and not exactly the small, little unique things that no one else can offer but them. I have a feeling they are rather easy to find if that is the case you know? I hope it all works out and that you find what you’re looking for.
Yes, you are right. I just feel exhausted now because I gave all my energy to him. When I found him, I thought I had found my soulmate. I don't really miss him anymore, but just the feeling of having someone to talk to. I just feel tired for now, but I also know that it gets better.
I was like this a feel weeks ago, being so attached to my ex and wanting him back. But now, I’m totally fine with him not being in my life anymore. So girl, trust me, you will be okay, and you will realize that you deserve so much better. If he was the one, he wouldn’t leave you.
Bingo.
I feel the same. While he is okay with just on to the next like we didn't matter, I feel this post. But I also know he showed me who he is and I am to accept it. People who truly care and love you, would not treat you in these ways.
Yes you are totally right. He probably never loved me. I am somewhat beginning to accept him for who he actually is rather than who he showed me he was. Let's hope we feel better soon and come back stronger
We totally have this! We are worth it. ❤️
what if this person broke sobriety after 65days and made a hasty decision to break up, rather then waiting to see if sobriety was the needed item of adjustment for the other person.?
Ooh, anything with substances and mind altering is definitely tough. I'd hope in time being sober, this person will come to realization. If not, you can't be expected to wait around as you are worth so much more.
I saw her at the store, with three guy friends and looks like she's been on drugs for a bit now, I cleaned and removed all signs off phone and social
:(
You stole the words out my mouth 😭
😔😔
How far out of the relationship are you? And how long were you with this other person, and ages? Overall relationship experiences? This seems to be a key factor in a lot of peoples experiences, yet me sitting at 49, most people I know should have thought I could have gotten over this shit a lot faster, but that’s not always the case if you had what seemed to be the perfect relationship or the one person that you connected with like no other…this is the hard and confusing part to struggle through to find yourself again and on your own, find your happiness on your terms and build yourself back you so your self worth isn’t contingent on their validation that they so brutally threw away. I went through this same thing about seven months ago and it is brutal how low a blindside or discard will knock you down. Building this connection with someone over a few years or decades is intimate and valuable, but you will have to see that they couldn’t be the one for you. It’s difficult to not take this personally if you felt your needs were being met and you feel like you were fulfilling theirs as well. My last relationship was five years and ended via email that she was asked out on a date by a new friend that she keep secret from me and that she was going to keep pursing this new guy and she finally felt happy again yet I had no idea anything was wrong, but I did have to take a hard look at our relationship and review the earring signs I chose to ignore to accept that she simply was not holding up her end of our relationship. It might help to do a honest deep dive to see if there was something that you chose to ignore or might have missed because they were keeping their true feelings to themselves about your relationship. This shit sucks and it takes a lot of time and effort on your part to find yourself again before you can be open to dating again. I tried early on and knew I simply was not ready. Apps in my area are a shit show of red flags and hurt people that simply are not healthy to date. If you take the time, you will see all the warning signs before you invest in another person again, but the one person you will need to invest in right now is yourself or you will fall victim to your hurt and insecurities, shitty people will take advantage of that knowingly or unknowingly. You just have to do the work on yourself first and in time when you have rebuild yourself into a stronger version of yourself you will know what you will and will not accept. Seven months out and I am just now feeling confident in myself again to be open to dating again. I’ve put myself out in the wild to be able to meet new and better people that will better align with my values and lifestyle and I had a few brief interactions that have reinforced my worth to myself as someone worthy of a better partner, definitely not my ex…never again with her, she showed me her true colors and what I will never tolerate again and can see right through this type of bs. Last week sent me into a completely new level of confidence with a brief interaction with a person that I now have the courage to just ask her out next time our paths cross again 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 This will get better, you will be excited to meet someone new again and learn all about this new person but stick to NC for yourself so you will be a force to be reckoned with when that new person shows up in your new and better presence of who YOU are! Keep your chin up and do the work, it’s worth it to not go back and dig through the garbage to find those old feelings the other person tossed out. YOU are better than that.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and giving me advice. This really gives me hope that it will turn out to be okay in the end. The relationship ended two months ago. We dated for eight months. I know it's not much but we had a really strong connection. It felt like I had known him my whole life even though I had not. I am 25 and he is 27 years old. We had made each other a commitment of marriage but I guess for him it was just an empty promise. Now that I look back on the relationship, then yes, there were many red flags that I ignored. For instance, whenever I used to bring up his lack of efforts he always used to tell me about his problems. I was just asking for his time and attention and I was worthy of that as well. Whenever I used to bring up concerns regarding the relationship he used to blame my overthinking and completely disregard my feelings. Now that I look back, I really think I was dating a narcissist. I would never go back to him or anything. But I just wish this had not happened. I wish he had not changed on my face like that. I wish he had not ghosted me for 2 months only to breakup with me after that. I just wish it had not happened. But it did and I know I have to begin to accept this now. I am trying to improve myself in many ways before I start dating again. I started therapy recently and I am observing my own patterns as well. I am setting up boundaries and trying to change my ways a bit so I don't end up getting hurt again. Thank you so much for your words. I hope your confidence fully builds up again. I hope you cross paths with that person again and ask her out. I truly hope that it works out for you. All the best!
Being dumped like this sucks no matter how long the relationship was IMO. Almost worse maybe if it’s under a year as you are more than likely still in the honeymoon phase as well, just makes it all the more confusing. But people can only keep up appearances for so long before those red flags show how they truly are and your still stuck in limerence. The two month mark is also brutal as well because you’re still chemically dependent. Your dopamine levels are still crashing and cortisol levels are high. Post BU is a bitch to detox from and dose take time to regulate to a healthy baseline again. That’s why it is so important to make and take back your independent happiness again. Fortify yourself independently. Their mask falls and you see their empty promises for what they are now, don’t forget that! You expressing your needs and him not meeting those is a huge red flag. I did the same with my ex as well and experienced the same thing. She would play along when I set up trips, made all the plans months in advance, booked and paid for reservations only for her to literally bail the day of leaving me out $$$ and going on trips alone many times…and you know how I reacted? I made excuses for her in my head to justify her shitty behaviors and she learned that she could get away with that. So I showed her how she could treat me with full disrespect to my time, money and efforts. Look up intermittent reenforcement, that’s the game avoidant types play. And avoidants have a similar level of narcissism as well. Not our job to figure out or allow, that’s 100% on him, not YOU! It’s hard to not take this personally when you did everything in your power to make that investment in the relationship only to be let down, again…his responsibility not yours. I was very fortunate to get into therapy two weeks prior to the BU. I had even talked to my ex many times before expressing that I needed to go to therapy and she actively and emphatically told me to not do that as they would just tell me how to live my life and that I could just get over whatever issues I was having…she was my main issue and she knew it, she just wanted to keep me on the hook until she could find my replacement. So good for you for doing that! Trust me it helps tremendously and I needed it as well! I am feeling so much better now that I am going through all of this, learning about my core issues around relationships and where they stemmed from. It sucks and is one of the hardest things I have ever done, truly painful at times, but it is liberating to learn about my core issues and how to cope with them in a far more healthy manner. Again, good for you, Stick with this! You are very welcome too, and thank you for your kind words of encouragement as well! Building yourself back up again truly will bring your greater strength and self confidence when you are ready to meet new people and date again. My brief interaction last week was extremely enlightening as I know I can trust my gut when interacting with potential new people again. I could fully read her body language and how she initiated the conversation with me that she was very interested with me and making that connection, and just that alone has me over the moon with new possibilities! My female bestie even confirmed my suspicions about that interaction as well and told me to ‘GO FOR IT!’ She had told me she wanted to introduce her to me as she said she would most definitely be into me and everything I was seeing was on point! Hoping to run into her again and asking her out! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 You got this girl! Just keep doing the work!
I agree with you. I believe the only reason he decided to pack up and leave was because he could not keep up appearances. I am sorry for what your ex did to you and I am glad you are out of that situation now. More power to you. I just searched up the term 'intermittent reinforcement' and honestly this is exactly what my ex did to me. He used to push me away most times and give me affection sometimes to correct his behaviour, I assume. I am glad you went to therapy and did not end up listening to your ex. She just wanted to hold you back. I am happy to know that you are doing better now. It is giving me hope. Thank you. Its great that you have learned to trust your gut instinct again. I am having a hard time with this currently. I am hoping that therapy will help me trust it again. Thank you for your words. I will remind myself of them every now and then so I can feel better.
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I could write a book or two on all the shit I have been through in my past relationships that would absolutely crush others souls to the fucking core. The shit I read here on Reddit is fucking child’s play compared to my life experiences when it has comes to relationships and yet I always find the strength and courage to see my own worth and will to persevere despite it all. I have changed others lives for the better and saved people from falling off the edge of this world and yet at 49 still struggle to find the love I deserve from another and wish to have…but I have not succumbed to the negative mindset of the toxic bullshit I see prevalent online through social media and beyond. Filter out all of the noise and know yourself and your worth in this life and make the fucking most of it despite all other challenges you face that are out of your control. You are only a victim to your own perception of your worth as others treat you and how you chose to not overcome that negativity built within.
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Your dogmatic hubris on this topic is amazingly misguided.
Don’t try to bring someone back just because you don’t want to date. It’s perfectly okay to not want to date at all. Being single is actually fun and liberating. It’s clear you aren’t in a place to date but there will come a time where it will excite you again. You don’t have to rush to get there. Heal yourself so that you don’t desperately want someone who left, to come back
I understand and I won't rush to date either. However, right now I just cannot imagine doing it all over again. That's all
It’s okay to feel that way right now but it won’t always feel that way. And when it doesn’t, you’ll try again until you find your person.
Damn :/ I feel you so bad
I am so sorry 😔
Dont beg for someone to love you or stay in your life if they dont want too. Let go. Take care of yourself. Healing is challenging
I won't ever send him this. I won't take him back even if he came back because what he showed me who he really is. This is just how I am feeling these days, so I thought to write it here.
You're better than me...mine absolutely showed me who he was at the worst fucking time, but I would take him back in heart beat... He won't show back up though, and I know he would do it again.
I usually journal these kinds of things but whatever helps and works is good too
I have exactly the same feelings. I just don’t understand why he acted so into me until I fell for him then suddenly shut down and pulled away. I miss how he was when I first met him. How could someone care so much about you then stop responding to your texts and even block you? I just wanna know why people do this? Why people can’t stay sweet and care about you forever? Why do they change? I don’t get it 😓 I felt like I finally found the love of my life, but it was all fake. I hate missing him, I hate that I still love him, I hate my memories with him 💔
Yes exactly. All of my energy goes into asking myself would he do this? Why did he change so easily? I still don't know why and I don't think I ever will. I guess we just have to live with this until it gets better. I hope you feel good soon.
I lie to myself that I'm okay and I don't care, then I end up right back to what you said... everytime
Going through this too. Been blocked for a week now. It’s my fault too, but I just can’t let him go. Having BPD as well, the rejection and attachment is hard. We live in the same small town as well and his work is like, a 1 minute drive from my flat. So, it’s fucking hard.
I have been blocked on 1 platform which he used to watch my stories religiously on. He did it once we broke up in December, although he was the one who broke his promises, lied, ignored and ghosted me etc.. I tried reaching out once and he gave me a cold two-words answer then stopped reading my texts. Yes it’s terribly hard, but at least now I know for sure that I tried and it didn’t work. I did my best to keep him and he abandoned me easily. He left me no other option but to move on with my life without him, it’s a hard pill that I have to swallow. I finally blocked him everywhere. We live in the same town too and I see his car almost everyday which constantly reminds me of him.. it’s really hard. I hope we all recover from this soon and stop overthinking about people who don’t deserve our love.
Although I don’t want you to feel the way you do, I do find some comfort in the fact I’m not alone. I am so glad you are moving on and can see your worth. When I broke up with my ex, it took me 13 months to even talk to someone else, and I’ve ended up in the same place I was. It’s not easy. With my ex though, he moved back to Scotland (I live in England), so although it was horrible, never seeing him again kind of made it easier. With this guy (we were never actually together, just 5 and a half months of pain for me but not him), I drove past him last week because I drive past where he works on my way home from work. That hurt. He has a lot of horrible things going on his life but I’ve just been made to feel like I’m not good enough to be with. And now I believe he’s moved on. I drove past his house last night after dropping two friends off home, and his car wasn’t there. That also hurt, but there could be many reasons why that was the case, but for me, the only reason I could think his car wasn’t there is because he’s with someone else and again, I’m not good enough for him to be with. It’s horrible
I am sorry you’re going through this. l feel comfort too when I share this with someone. He was struggling with depression and alcoholism. He has a drug-addicted father and his parents are divorced. He had a tough childhood, I didn’t have a very good childhood either so we really felt connected and I thought we can help each other heal from our past. He is seeing a therapist and I thought things will get better with time but it wasn’t, it was getting worse actually because his therapy isn’t helping much. The closer I got, the more he pushes me away. He didn’t want me to help him nor did he help himself or me, he thaught he was doing me a favor by running away so that he doesn’t hurt me but by doing so, he hurt me even more. I no longer feel like going to the gym which he goes to because I don’t wanna see him. I recently told one my friends about it and he told me I made the right decision and because he ignored me then he is not worth it and I should not contact him again, otherwise I will hurt myself more. He is using a dating app now and I believe he is seeing someone, however I dated two other guys and it didn’t work so I stopped. I will stay single until someone worthy shows up, I won’t put any effort anymore. I am currently drained and exhausted from giving so much of myself and receiving almost nothing.
We are in the same boat with the last few lines of your post. I know you are scared of running into him at the gym, but if it makes you happy, then your happiness shouldn’t be compromised because of some *expletive word* that doesn’t appreciate you. You are also then showing him that you are not bothered (even though I know you are). Working on yourself in every aspect is a positive thing, and someone else’s power to bring negativity to your life should not stop that! Once you start getting back to things you enjoy, like the gym, he will just become another gym member to you. Like the lots of people there that you don’t know and have never spoken to before. He will be another stranger. I have started going back to the gym, and I am happy about that. I went this afternoon and getting back looking like a tomato made me see that I did well working on myself! I only went for an hour, but an hour is better than none. I can’t write on here what the guy I am talking about is going through, because it’s too personal for the world to see. As much as he’s caused me hurt, that just doesn’t feel right. But essentially he’s got family problems and very poor mental health. But I also saw him on tinder a couple of months ago and his profile said “active”. He denied being on there and told me he wasn’t using it and needed to be on his own. Nearly 3 months ago he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship but if he was going to be with someone it would be me. He knows I would never, ever do anything to him that his exes did to him, but it’s not enough. And I’m not enough, in his eyes. But I have to try and realise I am. I am starting private therapy in 11 days with the help of my incredible mother. I hope it helps. He’s blocked me after I called him a liar multiple times. Guess he’s moved onto someone who he sees as good enough to fit into his complicated world.
This is how I feel as well. I just wish he would come looking for me. I can’t imagine my life with anyone else, I just want to work things out with him. I don’t care to find anyone new, I just care to be with him. I want him to look for me. I want him to put his pride aside for me.
I hear you!!! Starting in the apps again makes me sad. And annoyed it’s all the same questions
Omg thats just I probably should not say anymore 🤐
Desperation and hopium are a dangerous combo
Hopium is a word I never heard bf. Is it like hope and the effects of dope?
I've been there, and it does take some time for this feeling to pass. Please remember there is nothing wrong with loving deeply and honestly. It sounds like this person was a huge part of your life and maybe a part of yourself. It's hard to lose someone and to have them walk away. It doesn't take away from your purpose on this planet, it doesn't make you any less of a person, and you are certainly going to have to work through this, but it will eventually get better. Don't give up hope on bad days. Cry it out and take your time. It's grief of a broken heart. You will come out of this stronger, but it takes patience to feel everything you're feeling. I hope you're okay.
Thank you very much for your kind words. I am trying to get better. I know it takes time and patience.
Don't forget. Don't forgive. Don't take them back. Do it for yourself. Liar is always a liar. If they hurt you once, they will hurt you again and again. I went through exactly the same questions, feelings and emotions. They are not worthy. You sort out yourself, karma will sort out them.
How long have yall been apart?
2 months
In ma case 4months. Still crying :)
I’m sorry… in my case we broke up in April and was on and off texting and it’s like he was giving me hope we’d get back together so i threw all my cards on the table and he was going along with it too and we were supposed to meet but he cancelled twice in a row so I called him out and then he got mad and said he didn’t want to try again anyway after literally agreeing to talk things out so I blocked him and now I’m truly nc 3 days in.
I am really sorry to hear that. I hope you stick to no contact and don't let him take advantage again.
I am experiencing same thoughts!! And that’s what’s making me not move on and go back to him everytime he comes back to me but break up again because we simply ARENT the right fit for eachother!!!! I’m just exhausted to repeat the whole process again with someone else and do small freaking talks again.!
Condolences. It's tuff out here
This is exactly how I feel yet he’s dated so many people after our break up last year and even got gonorrhoea even though we were together for 14 years. Doing my second month of NC…hope I can forget him forever.
Ew
Yes i feel the ssme. He was my close friend, but he dumped me when I was venting to him. I don't get it but I'm tired of repeating the same thing over and over.
If only she felt this way, I’d be back in a heartbeat…
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Thank you ❤️
So much this. I felt this so much.
I went through this at the beginning of the year. It's the most excruciating pain I'd ever been in because they were my best friend for so long, and things changed, and they decided having anything to do with me just wasn't an option. It hurt so bad I had to start all over again mentally from the time I had met them to now so that I could rebuild my memories without them in it. I can't bring myself to open up and create a space for someone else not right now I've fallen into this loop of keep moving, don't dwell, and peace and while I don't exactly know what happened in your situation I know as cliche as it sounds you really do just have to take it one day at a time. I'm not telling you the pain will go away but it gets more and more bearable and they start to lose their importance then the thoughts lessen and it becomes a distant memory
Thank you, I am hoping it gets bearable with time.
I feel this.
That shit makes me want to stay in bed and skip the day, hoping for a better tomorrow. Hoping to have her tomorrow):
fuck this hits home
Just because its easier to have something than nothing you say this?
Yes, once someone leaves, there is a hole in your life. So sometimes the heart just wants that person back to fill the space. Even if the mind knows they are not right for you and maybe never will be.
True
It’s definitely hard we broke up in Feb and he got with someone 2 weeks later, they broke up last month I believe.. but he seems more hurt over that break up then ours.. we were together 2 years too 😔💔
I hope you know the relationship after you was just a rebound for him. He may have been running away from the pain for all you know. You should let him be and focus on yourself instead. More power to you!
Thank you. It just hurt where his more hurt over this break up, even saying how he thought she was the one and his been crying day in and day out cause of it 😔
I am sorry 😔
It’s okay, I thought she was a rebound to but it’s when he said how he thought she was the one. I hope your okay though
I hope you stop talking to him. Because honestly knowing these details will hurt you more. I am trying to be okay. Thank you
Bro, my ex deleted me slowly each week off everything. It sucks dude. But that’s life I guess. Maybe write a letter
I am sorry if the truth hurts - but you know the truth - They don’t care - or if they do they can’t show you they care. They don’t deserve you. You can make yourself happy. You HAVE to make yourself happy - whatever the outcome. You don’t have to go looking for someone else - you aren’t ready yet. Make yourself happy and the right person will appear x
That is what I am trying to do now. Fixing myself and hoping the right person finds me.
this really resonated with me when I read it..I miss her an unhealthily amount at tines....meaning breaking sobriety by drinking too much. annnnd sometimes getting the feels and Redditing are not a great but choice. My situation has a few more to it then most the rest... is everyone else who feels similarly just going to keep waiting for feelings to change. , with hope in your hearts?
I hope that you feel better soon and that you go back to being sober. You deserve to be happy and healthy. I don't have the answer to your question honestly. I am just hoping this feeling goes away with time.
Damn I thought I wrote this. These questions spiral in my head like an endless tornado.
AS an addition, if my ex SO felt like you talk in your message, Id walk bare foot the 22 miles to the Women's Shelter the second I say the message. Ive been so ready for her to "snap" out of all this like the last time........I dont think its happening this time..
On the other hand, my ex won't even reply if I sent him this lol
Yeah Im in the same boat, only the last time I called on our anniversary with no malice intended, she called the cops again ,and went to jail... SO I would send it but I have 298 days left due to a silly arguement. (Thanks to this stated rules) we had a temporary once, and we coukdt make it more then three weeks. But this was in a different state with much different rules on severity. I know from checking her FB once that she and I both went through the first 20 days there same way.....wishing the other would break it so we could apologize to each other......that day came and went, then 40....then because she has dominantly an avoidant attachment style, (Im stable dominate but the remaining amount that is anxious attachment takes over) because of her unchosen AS, when I didn't fight for her back (no matter the reason according to the classes) she instinctively pulls away and grows bitter, then hate, then NOW.
Ask better questions. Their favorite color doesn’t matter their relationship with their family. Does how they handle their emotions does whether or not they know their attachments style or how to speak love languages that matters.
I had a dream about him last night and it shook me so hard... I can't do this again.
It sounds harsh but best move on. We have been through this. It's the best solution. Don't waste your time and your life. The only person you should love so much is yourself. Other people come and go..It does get better. After a while the pain gets dull and you forget. Forgetting is such a blessing and you become a different person. Let go; move on; get a new life; you can be happy again.
I have a note on my phone with all her favourite everything, every little detail I ever saved in my mind for reference later for thoughtful gifts or pre-empting food orders or anything else. I tried so hard. I went all in on this one. I wanted to be everything I could ever be for her.
I feel this
I feel this so much. It’s been almost a year since she left me and it doesn’t even seem that she even has thoughts of me. 4 years together, I remember when she said it wouldn’t be that bad. She said that we would get back together and now my heart is still in pieces. A part of me has a gut feeling she will come back. When? the painful part. I acknowledge my mistakes, I never cheated but I was toxic before it ended. I just don’t want to go on with my life it’s so painful. I wish she knew how much I miss her. All the sweet things she said to me. She was so sweet and innocent and It feels like she is dead. She isn’t with anyone so at least I know she didn’t have someone lined up but the pain is still unbearable.
i feel the same way, especially with my birthday coming up. we’ll be okay, we’ll make it out alive <3
I felt all this while going through a terrible break up years ago, which is when I ended up on this sub. But because I went NC, it helped me immensely to heal and today I'm so happy he never came back :)
I had the same feelings early this year. I was so tired of starting over. How can someone love you today and then leave and ghost you forever the next day. I could not comprehend it. I still don't. I never will. But the truth is that they didn't love like we did. Their love was there because they wanted you. Once they no longer need you, it was gone! Though it hurts, you have to accept that it's better for them to stay gone. You don't want to be in love with a dream. They are not worth all the emotional burden you are carrying right now. Work on letting it go. Four months in, I still miss her. I have hated her for what she did to me. I have also forgiven her, but it doesn’t matter. Forgiving her helps me move on with my life.. I have also decided to start living again. I know I will get over her eventually. Give yourself some time and space to heal. The easy path of letting them come back never works. They will leave again and again. Why not stop that vicious cycle right now? You are much more than this.
I had met someone online dating we didn’t even date but the connection was amazing only went on 2 dates he make me feel so good,but he broke up with me and told me that he is not the right man for me his life is a mess as he was in the process of divorce ,I replied to him and wish him all the best I never beg or anything,the next day I saw a miscalled from him just for a second I don’t know if it was by mistake I never bothered to call back maybe he was testing me if I was desperate to call him back or he thought I would beg for him not to break up ,in any case I loved him it doesn’t matter how long you have been with someone or whether you have been intimate love is a dangerous thing,this guy made me laugh made me feel alive even by talking to him on the phone ,Just after a month to our break up I made a silly mistake because I wanted his attention send him a stupid screenshot about my ex husband questioning about his contact with me and warn him not to respond to my ex incase he contact him he replied and said ok and I told him take care he replied you too! .that was the last time I heard from him he had blocked my number right away ..after 4/5 months of no contact I couldn’t help myself and I reached out to him by calling him to my surprise he answered he didn’t know who I was told him who I was he remember me and laughed with his cheeky smile and we talk for few minutes the conversation went smooth he had just lost his brother and he was flying to Spain I ask if he would like to go for a coffee he said of coz but now he is in the middle of the funeral of his brother,he remembered all the details of the time we had together and said it was nice to hear from me he was older than me about 60 years a very rich guy he had properties we have been to together he was renting them out to footballers very posh every about him I don’t know If I was in love with his life he had or it was love ,I just needed closure I guess and he only had blocked me on WhatsApp still up to date but not on phone,Last month after the call I made me realise that there is no harm in trying than assuming beating yourself why he blocked you Right now I am at peace not so obsessed with him and even ready for friendship if he ever contact me that was my last attempt though I will never contact him again.I took me 7 months to get over a relationship that was not even a relationship 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️..I am proud of myself that I didn’t beg I cried myself to sleep though in those past months
I am going through the same thing as you. Although he isn’t divorced. But he has a lot going on in his life and I am struggling to accept that and think he just doesn’t want to be with me. Then I start to think he’s with someone else. It hurts very much.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am too and it is so unbelievably hard. I’m just obsessed with it all in hoping so bad that my guy will call me and say sorry and let’s start over. I reached out to my man yesterday after a month and a half, telling him how much I missed him and he ignored me. It hurts to the core because I know he’s a fearful avoidant scared. I just want the chance to show him I’m not going to leave or abandon him like everyone else in his life. I miss and love him so much.
All I know is don’t waste on your energy on someone who left. I dated someone for 2 years and 4 months and all the toxic things they did I didn’t realize it at the time. They were so horrible but when they left it broke me into pieces. When I say I loved this person with my whole being I truly did. He was my first real love. But the day I found out their lies and when they left is the day the person I thought they were died. And 4 months in no contact I feel slowly and slowly better and happier. You still have a whole life ahead of you, cry if you need to cry, keep busy, etc but don’t ever chase someone who left you or wish for them back. It will get better.
My exact thoughts of missing my ex from 4 years ago.
There’s no right or wrong answer. I’ve been through so many relationships in my life and each one of them ended differently. I’ve been on the dumper side and the dumpee side. With some of them, I never looked back after the break up. With others, my heart hurt like it was never going to be healed. But it was. However, now at 47 years of age, I met a woman five years ago that initially I never thought I would ever care deeply about. She is much younger than me. She’s from a different country. She had a terrible childhood. We’ve been together three times and broke up three times over the last five years. Each time it is her losing to her mental health, severe anxiety, and depression. If I was smart, I would’ve moved on years ago. But I love her. I love her with all her flaws and her faults with her endless pride that gets in her own way. I am by no means perfect. I have my own faults and my own trauma from my past. But here I am still wanting to be with her. We broke up for a third time June of last year. We had no contact for 5 to 6 months. I reached out over text. She had moved to another state on the other side of the country. She said she could not stay in the same state as me because she knew she would repeat the same pattern and end up with me again. I was hurt and I went back into no contact. She reached out to me several months later and said she was visiting her family. And asked if I wanted to meet her. I did we spent two days together. They were intimate. I found out she has not dated anyone since she moved because she keeps comparing everyone to me. This was a shock. We both saw other people between our first two break up’s. I even tried dating at the end of last year, I wasn’t ready. I saw her in February 2024 for the first time in a year. We have exchanged texts here and there FaceTime maybe once or twice. I asked her if she wanted to get away. Let’s go to a beach somewhere in the Caribbean or South America just for a week and have some fun. No expectations. Instead she wants me to come out and see her. I booked a flight last month. But I won’t be out there until the end of June. We’ve only texted and FaceTime once since I booked the flight. Part of me wishes I could quit this and just move on. But I love her. I live with that pain every day. Why we both cannot date after this break up has me thinking maybe there is a chance for us. I mean we are further than we ever have been from each other and yet dating other people just seems wrong this time.
This killed me. I hear you…it sucks. It’s the worst. It’s so painful to feel so lost. Some days are worse than others. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. 💛
"Make me happy", " Make me feel alive". Big red flags for yourself. You have to do that for yourself, not him. It also doesnt say what the mutual relationship give and take was - it is very one-sided. Work on filling that void for yourself, and then your new standard will be to find someone who is a nice addition to your already-full life. 😊
Ugh…favorite color…New parents, and not the exact same ones who took me in to their family. Middle name. Hometown, their history, their friends, making new mutual friends… It was actually all really fun and exciting. But it took a while to be ready to do it again.
I miss him and want him to come back :(
This is me 😭 my ex is gonna think I wrote this if he ever gets on here 😭😭
Literally the first sentences… I don’t have the energy to learn about someone. **SO** I learned more about myself cause that’s someone I actually give a duck about. What are qualities and talents that I admire about myself? How can I bring those to light moving forward? Dating myself and getting to know myself is a damn great distraction
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