“Thank you for reaching out, your words truly mean a lot. I know it took a lot of courage and emotional strength to send me that. I forgive you, Tori. I hope you can forgive me too. I’m sorry for not making you feel safe and causing you to feel rejected at times. Therapy brought a lot of realizations out in how I failed you in ways. We all have flaws, I have quite a few.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reminiscing as well.
I’m doing well. I’ve been working on myself and my own healing. It sounds like you are too. Went to therapy for a little over 3 months. Definitely brought things to light that I had in my blind spots. I know I’ve caused you a lot of hurt and emotional pain as well. It was never my intention to hurt you. Definitely failed you and myself in a lot of ways. I’m learning how to do things differently to bring more fruitful outcomes.
How’ve you been doing? “
Keep the walls up, both eyes open, and one foot out the door. I was in your position once, we reconciled and then married. 13 years we were married. We are now divorced because of the same shit. Just, keep your wits about you. Good luck!
Yes this is important
I mean I would like it if you guys are back together again for real but don't be too open or emotional from the start.
Let things flow in your way if it works, it works.
If it doesn't you are already doing better than before
If you think about it THIS is what a relationship IS. Whether you get back together or not. You changed one another. Made one another think about your selves, your better selves, how to be better to yourselves and others. I mean WTF else is a relationship for? If you get back together you'll have a shot at something better, if you don't the next people get together with will be treated to an even better version if yourselves. Win win win win,
Wow, that's a very honest and humbled message that you responded with, beautiful. Now... don't make it "The waiting game" on who is going to text who or what should you say, etc. Just keep on bettering yourself to the best of your ability and loving on yourself and you will literally receive the greatest things back to you. It's the peace for me 😇🤍 That changed the game for me.
Loving this way of replying…. I’ve been wondering how this would play out if I got such a text though extremely unlikely from my ex 👏🏻👍🏻 but both sides taking accountability is showing maturity at both ends whatever the outcomes 🙂
I meant healed as in past the grief and onto recovery from the loss of relationship and healing from the past. It took you 3 years to heal from a 10 month relationship? 😅 that’s problematic for sure
I wasn’t broken from it. After a relationship you can either dive in to another and hope for the best or make sure the next doesn’t have the problem traits the previous had. However, there’s a third option. You do you and have someone accompany your life. You can’t get to that last part until you’ve not healed but transcended lol. I’ve transcended. Until then you’ll be in one relationship to the next all with similar issues never able to find one that works.
Previously it used to be 1 and a half to 2 months. The last discard lasted about 6 months. They reached back out through email and wouldn’t stop. When they saw that I wasn’t just going to let go of what they did they reverted right back to their true selves. Ever since our last break up which is coming up on a year now, I still haven’t healed and him reaching out to me set me back a few steps
Exactly, I wasn't even mean. Just direct and every time she reached out it was some weird sort of "I'm so sorry and I'm just here helping you/giving you advice." Be it telling me to use her tax person, what credit cards to use, etc... she even got angry at me deciding to move out of our shared apartment... that she removed herself from when she just left weeks before our lease was due.
I would tell her that her advice was not requested and suddenly she was a victim, telling me that she already told me she was sorry (through text).
Eventually, I pointed out that all her apologies mean shit as when we broke up I reflected within and told her my own faults and apologized for them...
She threw it in my face and told me that words are worthless. "If it mattered you would have never let it happen."
So, I basically told her the same thing she told me. She lost her shit and reverted back to her old ways. I finally told her how horrible of a partner she was and listed things off quickly when she demanded proof (went to strip clubs with men, deleted photos of her holding another man's hands, physically hurt me, made my well behaved kids cry)
She got even more upset that she thought I must have been settling if I was taking all that crap from her (even though I don't personally believe in settling).
Regardless, she showed how "sorry" she was and how little work she did in her own self reflection. Not worth my time.
I don't even remember what happened as I'm certain the intentions/correct was appropriate. But, I recall her getting upset when, I was like,
"While, I'm happy that you corrected her and you told me that she cried because of it. But, could you not push her to the point of tears/make her cry?"
We ended up getting into an argument where I had to repeatedly remind her that, I wish to marry her and am happy that she's involved in bring up the girls but, I don't do interrogative or a barrage of negativity to the point of tears for my kids.
She was that type of person, as she had many times before be upset or question me on something and would basically interrogate me for hours sometimes. It would be a constant barrage of questions or statements that she expected a reply, one after another, where it just became that she was just talking down to me.
My daughters are not even the type to cry just because they were corrected. They take responsibility for their actions. So, I immediately knew that she did that and got upset that and I called her out on it. While didn't really care that she did it to me, I would not accept it for my kids.
I was such an idiot.
9 years, 3 weeks ago. I am still reeling from the encounter.
I am not sure what will happen but both of us took accountability for how it ended. It was a surreal moment after 9 years of no contact.
three weeks, no big heavy relationship were only seeing eachother for four months, when she told me she was taking space she had been distancing previous, havnt seen her in person five weeks, we text lightly every four or five days now, same thing as this in that I have no idea if shes interested in coming back just thinking she wouldn’t bother answering my texts otherwise!!
want to mention attachment styles shes very text book d. avoidant as i am AP but learning to be secure very quickly….
Oh she'll answer your texts, especially to keep it going, but if she is still in that toxic mindset, it won't work. Straight up ask her. If not, keep it cool
im trying to create a personal deadline for if she doesn’t respond to my cue to talk in person n make any efforts to be in my life by this certain week im gonna consciously let go n move on….
This might be interesting to hear coming from someone in high school. We dated for a year, which isn't bad for being so young. Things ended and it absolutely killed me. I didn't leave her alone for probably the first 3 months. I was told to leave her alone but I was confident I could save it. All I could do is go 2 days.
I recently broke no contact after a long two weeks without talking to her just to end on good terms and it went fine I guess. Now about two weeks ago I reached out one last time. At this point she hates me and wanted nothing to do with me and blocked me. Went from saying "goodbye, I love you and I'm sorry" to "I don't want you anymore, leave me alone" shit hurts...
I still care very much about her and understand why she's mad though so I would never talk bad about her.
She says she's a flawed individual. Any diagnosed mental illness or or red flags from your previous break-up? Wish you the best, man, and it's not her seeking validation.
If there is push-pull, take it slow. Easy to get carried away with that dopamine.
The person above is kinda wrong lol I believe, this does sound like they have an open heart to get back together, it just seems she feels like she doesn’t think you would have a heart to receive her because she feels the guilt of her actions. . I literally did the same, I felt like I hurt my ex so bad I just didn’t think she would even want to, but I accepted that and then I sent her an genuine apology and accountability text message and and that was 9mths ago and we are stronger than ever. Definitely keep your guard up, and even express that if you do move forward, and the minute she reverts back to bad old ways, id leave her alone. This is coming from a DA who had to sadly feel the pain and get therapy to really change. If both are willing to recommit with new found tools, it could work. Best wishes you both definitely loved eachother at one point.
If the dumper reaches out to the dumpee then that could be a sign they want to make amends in some sort of way. Maybe not get back together immediately but have some sort of conversation and intentions to reconcile.
Especially if they’re avoidant
Ugh I’m so sick of that term. Just bc someone doesn’t want to interact with you or entertain your nonsense doesn’t automatically make them an avoidant. Not saying this is what you said but I’m tired of this term being overused. People just label their ex this as a way to explain and rationalize their ex leaving them and not wanting to talk after all their pleads.
I understand. I think people like to find out their parters attachment style because it actually can in some cases help to see the way their partner thinks and acts in relationships.
It’s a psychological study and I think it’s actually pretty effective in some relationships. All breakups are different, but maybe this persons partner actually does match the personality of an avoidant, since she is the one who did the study herself and felt like it was accurate enough to tell her partner that’s what she is.
It’s kind of like how people do personality tests, just for relationships though
But I do agree that some people can use the term loosely
Yeah but they’re self diagnosing after reading a book lol. They’re not an expert or a psychologist. They’re just searching for a reason to explain why their ex wants nothing to do with them.
Oh 100%. If it was anything less than this I wouldn’t have even responded. However she’s taken accountability and owned her part of things. It’s a big win for me I think
I would just tread lightly here. Treat her as if she’s an acquaintance for now. Is it possible people change? Yes. However, sometimes two people, despite wanting things to be different, are fundamentally incompatible and incapable of loving the other person “correctly.” Despite being good people, they might bring out the worst in each other. It’s good you’re both healing and taking accountability, but I’d keep reminding yourself of your values and what you need in a partner over and over again. Think about whether she is really someone who brings out the best in you, meets your needs, holds your heart carefully. Just proceed with caution here, please. For yourself!!
lol you think so,she said that she feels like she’s not wanted or loved we were together 16 months & living together 9 months …did you tell your ex she’s an avoidant or she know?
In attachment theory, there are different ways people can react to feeling like their main attachment figure is not providing the emotional support they need. Securely attached people can understand and communicate their needs clearly, and they try to understand their partner’s needs and meet them. Insecurely attached people can either 1) demand their needs be met with increasing intensity to the point of becoming critical and even aggressive in hopes of getting the response they want (anxious attachment), 2) convince themselves that they don’t have needs by disconnecting from their own feelings, to the point where they will avoid emotional closeness altogether in hopes of avoiding pain (avoidant), or 3) a mix of both strategies with no discernible pattern (disorganized).
I’m sure I did a lousy job of summarizing a complex theory but I hope you get the gist. I recommend the books Secure Love and Attached
Sounds like something I'm planning on sending my ex. Technically, I'm the one who broke the relationship because she refused to end it herself. Although she initiated the phone call and I offered her a break. Ended the call on a cliffhanger, and the end was a long, sincere text message. I notified her mother about everything. Her family is devastated, and I am too. Neither of us wanted this. But she saw it was the only way out. It was her first break-up, and given that I treated her very well and treated her family with the utmost respect. Even to the point where her mother praised my maturity in accepting the end and said I'm a good man. Wished me the best in my future endeavors and said if it was meant to be, God will bring you both back together one day. As I sent the text message. I sobbed. I could hear "That's the Way It Is" playing in my head. I loved that woman with everything I had and I fucked up. It's a long story. No cheating involved, though. It was just stress and built-up emotions on her part and bad manner of words on my part. My father always tells me. "It's not what you say. It's how you say it." I wish I could take it all back. I crafted a sincere apology message and well wishes and an offer to remain friends if she's up to it. She may insist that we were better as friends. That may be. I also included an offer to try again and made reference to her family's belief in redemption and giving people a second chance. I never got one, yet a drug addict and a killer who almost murdered her older cousin got a second chance. But I didn't get one. That's what's frustrating me. But for now. I'm letting no contact go on for 3 or 4 months. I'll reach out discretely in the fall. Possibly by Messenger since we're still friends on Facebook. She didn't block me on anything. We just unfollowed each other and our respective families to try and get each other out of our social feeds. Try and prevent old wounds from opening.
I'm giving us the whole summer to have us grieve and focus on ourselves. So I've been doing NC for 3 weeks. It's really hard. I think September or October would be good enough. She's obviously keeping one foot in the door because she hasn't entirely wiped me out of her life. Just not her boyfriend anymore.
I don't like going into any situation without a plan. But I do understand that things can happen when you least expect. That and we never know what God may have in store for us, and ultimately, that's out of our control.
whats the back story to this? meaning did she directly tell you the reason four months ago of why she dumped you? — also how long were you both exclusive for
We broke up once before after almost 2 years got back together after 6 weeks. ( way too fast) didn’t talk about things and moved way too fast. The 2nd time she broke up she stated reasons. They were fault finding tho. A lot of superficial outlandish reasons. 2nd break up, just shy of 3 years total together.
i see, do you care to share the reasons she stated for breaking up with you this time around — it helps to see what the things are when it comes to her needs in a relationship. so you will know what things lower her attraction so you can catch them before her attraction drops too low
also how quickly did you both move on sexually with other people during these break up periods?
Why do you want to keep in contact? What exactly is the point? What are you trying to accomplish?
Your ex wrote you a text message. It doesn't matter if it's the most heartfelt text in existence it's *just* a text message. It's low effort and means nothing in terms of action.
If you're going to open up your broadside, at least understand that.
Genral observation: when a guy sends this exact text it's labelled as hoovering but when a girl sends this it's called maturity. Interesting world we live in.
She’s avoidant that’s all yu needed to hear don’t be with someone who’s gonna keep running away and shit and have trauma problems the problem with avoidant are that when they are with someone like you who truly cares for them and would do anything for them it pushes them away more and all this crazy shit so why would yu wanna be with someone who doesn’t value yu and then when avoidant wants to break up and leave they find someone else’s who they truly open up to and when they think the grass is greener with that person they start to miss you and wanna come back don’t even bother texting her or talking to her move on bro yu are a king and have to be treated like one love yourself and focus on you the right person will come or yu will find the right one my point is focus on you and don’t give her no validation and attention she is the past now focus on the future and good luck bro 💪🏾
Ah dude. My partner left me three weeks ago. Just vanished. 4 year relationship gone. Realised she’s a massive avoidant and I’m expecting a message like this down the line from her.
The hardest thing about it is understanding that it isn’t her but more her pre-programmed defence mechanisms from childhood trauma.
I feel if you were to make fresh connections with the woman she really needs to show that she is actively trying to heal those wounds from the past. I couldn’t face the heartache and confusion that caused me again with the same girl.
She appears pretty mature about it all though which is positive. What a minefield this thing called life is!!
wishing my ex would send something like this... i was always apologizing but not her so sadly i do not see that happening. I really just wanna hear her fully apologize for all the shit she put me through esp. after the breakup but i've learnt to find my own closure lol 🤷🏻♀️
I'm an outsider so I don't know her, your history, her personality or any of that. I will say face value it looks legit. However did she apologize in detail for said harm? Or is it sorry you feel this way kinda deal? If a covert, I'd read this as someone trying to feel you out and sorry for how you feel but she does take some form of ownership as being the cause. Trust is easy to break, but hard to rebuild. Take precaution, keep your distance and keep it light. Guard your heart and seek motives always. I have an ex that tarries back and forth like this and it's hard to read sometimes but they always prove themselves by negating their apologies blaming it back on me somehow. Take heart in your endeavors. No contact is hard, but losing your self respect can be harder. And trauma bonds are real too.
After she ran through a few guys and no one wanted to cuff her .. she sent you this text after 4 months .. if you take her back you’re a sucka .. just remember, when Chad was pumping her and it slipped out she put it back in .. be a man and get other chicks
I wished this for me for awhile… but she still blames me… hasn’t taken accountability for her part in the relationship… (because people say it always takes two no matter what the situation)… she would break NC multiple times ever since we broke up, then I wouldn’t hear from her for awhile… hopefully now that’s it and we can move on for good…
i literally went contact with my no contact ex just three days ago. i called him out of the blue and he called me back a few days later. i picked up and it went from there. i regret ever picking up bc it feels like my bpd symptoms are back and he’s my FP again. be careful not to destroy your progress, if it was a truly toxic relationship. if it wasn’t and you’ve both grown to see your mistakes and want to mutually get back at it then sure, but please PLEASE be careful. this could do more harm than good.
I know I shouldn't but I pray every day for this, I beg god every day for this, Idk if this is the hope I needed, but good on you for doing what you could in 4 months and I really hope the best for both of you.
Whilst I believe she is genuinely sorry to send you a message she is also trying to forgive herself as she's acknowledged how she treated you and wants closure from it. I think it's very healthy in what she's doing, not everyone reaches out to apologize for their mistakes. As long as it isn't heavily impacting you I would definitely consider messaging her back if you need closure from it.
If you're not in the position for that explain that it's taken some time and would be nice to talk things over so you both can fully draw the line of it for the chapter to be closed.
Fucking wish my ex was this mature, I broke up with her because I had contemplated for months doing so because of the way she treated me then she made me feel like the asshole even though she was a lying manipulator and treated me and my friends/family like shit sometimes. Just wish she couldve taken accountability like this.
This is fine and always very nice to see. Block and slowly take it day by day to move forward and stay to your no contact so you can heal :)) you’re doing great! Keep to your ex no contact!
Sometimes it makes me wonder… what if my avoidant ex don’t come back? All he does was to test water by liking my IGS or post suddenly after 10 months and stalking my profile and liking my post from 2 years ago in the midnight 2am. What is he thinking exactly?
But anyway I’ve moved on and decided that I definitely deserve better man. Just curious about avoidant man that doesn’t come back. Do they really feel remorse/regret?
Its funny how,many people assume yoir more upset then you are or they are the greatest thing ever lol. I had a situation where a guy thought i was upset over him ..like i was so in love with him..lol..i reconnected with my ex boyfriend but the truth if he handled the situation with more respect and responsibility i would have been okay....the hurt is smalll compare to the craziness of the situation. Also i realized he doesn't seem as mentally stable as when he was younger.and i am going through some difficult times now so i guess it may it worst...i pushed him several times meaning i told him it was not to reconnect..but his persistence natural finally got to me..i regret this so much as it has ruin any possible friendship..over his stupidity
I hope for your sake and sanity you folded on your terms. And don't waver from them. Set your boundaries, and you'll find out if she has changed
Stay strong 💪 ✨️
Never mind. I stopped reading too soon. She didn’t deserve your response man. She didn’t care while you were together, why would you care now???? Interesting
Do you know what it means to love someone that a little banged up?
I don’t think you do. I love her, she means the world to me. I know I mean a lot to her too. Or she wouldn’t have reached out.
Sometimes you need to leave someone’s life so your energy leaves a gap they can’t fill
If you say so man….. I’m sure that’s what you thought about her before she lied/cheated, or whatever she did. We expect the best in people but at the end of the day, they’re just people. And they lie, cheat, and steal. Hope it works out for you though
I hear what you’re saying, she definitely didn’t lie or cheat, she’d be blocked other wise.
You’re definitely projecting tho man 😂 I’m not blind and I’m not an idiot. I don’t expect anything to come of this. If it does and the vibes right, awesome. I’d love it to make it work with her. But if it doesn’t work out, oh well life moves on
Im just going to say, not being rude or anything, if she was OK with your split for such a long time, she is ok with it when you realize she’s not worth keeping around. Why do you think she hit you up? You’re probably something better than what she has after you…Women will always be on POINT for what they want. No excuses, no I’m sorry I was at my friends, a WOMAN will make you forget about the little girl stuff your girl is OBVIOUSLY doing to you.
I’ll say it again, if she was ok with you guys being apart/broken up for so long, she’ll be OK when you decide that she is trash and not worth your time.
This happened to me a few days ago, are yall friends now? She apologized and took accountability and says that she wants to be good friends again? Any advice or such would be appreciated.
She wasn’t that blunt but she was definitely trying to friend zone me/ keep on the back burner. So disrespectful lol. I rejected it and told her I feel like you’re wanting to be just friends and I’m not open to that.
I’d do the same. Especially if you still have feelings for her. Don’t give her the satisfaction. She doesn’t want to completely lose you but also won’t fully commit to you. Drop her
Honestly it made me realize she’s the same insecure shallow person she’s always been. Unwilling to fully open up and be vulnerable especially about her own faults. It’s given me a new perspective of closure for the situation. She should’ve said a lot more and been more specific in her apology, honestly. It was the bare minimum she gave lol
Read the rules of this sub, please. "No posting about getting your ex back" which is what you're doing in the comments. And btw people always try to come across so polite and sincere while trying to reel you in again, then once that's happened, BOOM, back to their old ways. Same old, same old. My advice is to be careful :)
My flair is "moved on", because my latest break up was 5 years ago and I've moved on a long time ago. I'm pointing out the rules of the sub, has nothing to do with jealousy ☺️
Damn I’m happy for yall for real. Sounds like you really did a lot of thinking and changing for the better. I hope to someday get this same blessing. If not, then gotta look ahead.
I was just about to ask for an update!
Damn it! That is SO CRUEL! I’m glad you had your defenses up but I’m sure it stings nonetheless. Truly selfish to text someone an apology just to leave them hanging like that. Ugh! I’m annoyed for you
At least you got your closure. It’s been over 7 months. She never reached back and she is with someone else like a 2 months after we split. Maybe it’s still too early to say never. But I’m happy for you for this message your ex sent you.
I wished i received anything like this.
It takes courage and maturity to open up this way. I think either answer but put bad feelings aside you both deserve a peaceful ending as humans. We win when we give compassion even if get betrayed and ghosted
In this case sounds like honest apology and thoughtful words
Give her a chance don’t let her on read. Give your goodbye and move on.
If you don’t mind me asking what was the reason you two broke up? I don’t recommend going back to her if you had to go to therapy due to all the hurt she caused you. Some people only reach out because they want to control you again and want to feel good about themselves to know that you still want them.
Her avoidance and my anxious tendencies. Life circumstances, all things that could’ve been fixed. But, she’s avoidant sooo lol
She wasn’t the only reason I was in therapy. I went to therapy to heal some of my own trauma from childhood and adolescence.
You’re right, some come back for validation reasons and some come back for genuine reasons. Avoidants always wanna dip their toes in first. No clear cut communication, surface level stuff all at the beginning. She was being far more vulnerable than I thought she would be.
However, she hasn’t changed much. She’s ghosted me again after a bid for connection and asking her intentions/why she reached out than other to apologize. I got nothing from her. So there’s my answer. Too bad, we were really compatible and a great fit in so many ways
Dating an avoidant sucks as fuck I am also an anxious who got dumped a week ago by my avoidant boyfriend… I was completely blindsided by the break up since he NEVER really tell me what upsets him or what’s bothering him.. I tried every possible thing to make him open up.. He just wouldn’t open up but instead he walks out, sleeps in the other room, or sleeps with his friend for days instead of being an adult and talking about the problem! We were living together for a year and a half and it was so hard being with him these people cannot make themselves vulnerable it was like I was dating a robot… 101% wouldn’t recommend…
Avoidant. That is bullshit. She is an abuser that’s what she is. People stop believing that new age non sense of avoidant and anxious attach and twin flames and all that stuff. It’s non sense. I sense a narcisisit ot a boarderline… they are the ones who do the push and pull. An empathetic individual would never put someone they care for through such crap. Wishing you well op and I know manipulation and that message is just that… emotional manipulation
Empathy is the key word here… I hope you catch that. Someone empathetic can have their meltdowns and become emotional shout, scream, cry, break up… but they will not play the mind games “avoidant” play. That is called lack of empathy and the only people who lack empathy are narcissit.. even boarderlines have empathy.
I hear and understand your pain. Avoidants are wounded like all of us. Believe me…they know what they do to others. It eats them alive especially on the other side of a break up
I ujdetsnd that people have behaviors which are not healthy. The point of m trying to make is that it’s unhealthy to keep pursuing relaironships like those. Also not sure if those are in the statistical Manual of mental disorders. If it talks about that then that’s good since people can understand more. The problem is peopl are getting information from gurus who are the people that most speak about this. I haven’t heard of a licensed academic professional ever put enphasis on it. I’m not an expert but I do know what’s healthy behavior and what isn’t. I think we need to put our needs first and not try to hold on to something that brings pain but again to each their own.
My ex and I are still in contacted. She replied to my previous message yesterday but I have not replied.
Today is my birthday. She didn’t wish me any greetings…. Seems like she forgot about me. Idk how to navigate this anymore.
I was hoping she still remembers. That she was thinking about me. But now I am losing all hope.
happy birthday, man! Have the best year ahead, with a lot of self and romantic love..
I pray all your wishes come true and you get to smile with your soul and heart..
And, I pray you get the girl..
Best,
G
Don't give up hope on yourself. As sincerely as it can be meant from a random person online, happy birthday friend. Know that your feelings are not alone and others can and will continue to relate. I wish you the best outcome for your situation and long term happiness.
Hey Friend my birthday is is next week also Happy Birthday 🎉🎈its a big test and I hear you, Im wondering if I can meet up w my situationship before that and casually mention how weird it feels to turn 45, otherwise no way she would remember my bday im just being realistic…try not to take it too personally and learn to celebrate n love thyself no matter thats hella attractive to better people 🔥🔥🔥
I would only reply if I feel like I’m in a good place. And I would also let her wait a bit for a reply
Also, I’m in a good place mentally and emotionally. Definitely have healed in 4 Months.
You don't have to, but do you want to share what you said?
“Thank you for reaching out, your words truly mean a lot. I know it took a lot of courage and emotional strength to send me that. I forgive you, Tori. I hope you can forgive me too. I’m sorry for not making you feel safe and causing you to feel rejected at times. Therapy brought a lot of realizations out in how I failed you in ways. We all have flaws, I have quite a few. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reminiscing as well. I’m doing well. I’ve been working on myself and my own healing. It sounds like you are too. Went to therapy for a little over 3 months. Definitely brought things to light that I had in my blind spots. I know I’ve caused you a lot of hurt and emotional pain as well. It was never my intention to hurt you. Definitely failed you and myself in a lot of ways. I’m learning how to do things differently to bring more fruitful outcomes. How’ve you been doing? “
That sounds like a very mature response. Are you willing to give it another shot with her?
Thank you. Yes I am, but my walls are definitely up
Keep the walls up, both eyes open, and one foot out the door. I was in your position once, we reconciled and then married. 13 years we were married. We are now divorced because of the same shit. Just, keep your wits about you. Good luck!
DAMN!!! That’s brutal :( Sorry that happened.
Yes this is important I mean I would like it if you guys are back together again for real but don't be too open or emotional from the start. Let things flow in your way if it works, it works. If it doesn't you are already doing better than before
Go for it. It's very rare for a girl to apologize. You don't have to be extraordinary, we just need to control our anger at times.
What is the back story on the break up? She cheated?
I don’t think she’s trying to reconcile but neither should you OP.
You're both maturing through this. This is awesome. I'm happy for you both whether you both rekindle or not.
If you think about it THIS is what a relationship IS. Whether you get back together or not. You changed one another. Made one another think about your selves, your better selves, how to be better to yourselves and others. I mean WTF else is a relationship for? If you get back together you'll have a shot at something better, if you don't the next people get together with will be treated to an even better version if yourselves. Win win win win,
Wow, that's a very honest and humbled message that you responded with, beautiful. Now... don't make it "The waiting game" on who is going to text who or what should you say, etc. Just keep on bettering yourself to the best of your ability and loving on yourself and you will literally receive the greatest things back to you. It's the peace for me 😇🤍 That changed the game for me.
Loving this way of replying…. I’ve been wondering how this would play out if I got such a text though extremely unlikely from my ex 👏🏻👍🏻 but both sides taking accountability is showing maturity at both ends whatever the outcomes 🙂
Beta male reply
How? 😂 have you ever truly loved someone?
“A true sign of masculinity is being able to love without compromise” get fucked bro. Truly 😂😘
I don’t think people can “heal” in 4 months. I dated my ex for 10 months and 3 years later I’ve finally moved on but at the 4 month mark —no way
I meant healed as in past the grief and onto recovery from the loss of relationship and healing from the past. It took you 3 years to heal from a 10 month relationship? 😅 that’s problematic for sure
I wasn’t broken from it. After a relationship you can either dive in to another and hope for the best or make sure the next doesn’t have the problem traits the previous had. However, there’s a third option. You do you and have someone accompany your life. You can’t get to that last part until you’ve not healed but transcended lol. I’ve transcended. Until then you’ll be in one relationship to the next all with similar issues never able to find one that works.
3 years to heal from a relationship less than a year is wild. You’re just yappin 😂
I didn’t need to heal. I needed to transcend to a level far above man. I’m what they call, God-tier
Ooph the ego on you. Yikes 😂
I feel like your relationship ended because of the lack of a sense of humor 😭😭
Is the sense of humor in the room with us?
Everyone’s experience is different. Everyone’s emotional maturity and tolerance is different
Oh I replied but didn’t for 6 hrs
May I ask how old you guys are and how long you were together and what happened to break up? ☺️
I kinda wanna know this too
Four months is when me and my ex always break no contact. I’m interested in other peoples cycle as far as when people break.
Previously it used to be 1 and a half to 2 months. The last discard lasted about 6 months. They reached back out through email and wouldn’t stop. When they saw that I wasn’t just going to let go of what they did they reverted right back to their true selves. Ever since our last break up which is coming up on a year now, I still haven’t healed and him reaching out to me set me back a few steps
Exactly, I wasn't even mean. Just direct and every time she reached out it was some weird sort of "I'm so sorry and I'm just here helping you/giving you advice." Be it telling me to use her tax person, what credit cards to use, etc... she even got angry at me deciding to move out of our shared apartment... that she removed herself from when she just left weeks before our lease was due. I would tell her that her advice was not requested and suddenly she was a victim, telling me that she already told me she was sorry (through text). Eventually, I pointed out that all her apologies mean shit as when we broke up I reflected within and told her my own faults and apologized for them... She threw it in my face and told me that words are worthless. "If it mattered you would have never let it happen." So, I basically told her the same thing she told me. She lost her shit and reverted back to her old ways. I finally told her how horrible of a partner she was and listed things off quickly when she demanded proof (went to strip clubs with men, deleted photos of her holding another man's hands, physically hurt me, made my well behaved kids cry) She got even more upset that she thought I must have been settling if I was taking all that crap from her (even though I don't personally believe in settling). Regardless, she showed how "sorry" she was and how little work she did in her own self reflection. Not worth my time.
Making the children cry is despicable. I really hope you move on to something better
I don't even remember what happened as I'm certain the intentions/correct was appropriate. But, I recall her getting upset when, I was like, "While, I'm happy that you corrected her and you told me that she cried because of it. But, could you not push her to the point of tears/make her cry?" We ended up getting into an argument where I had to repeatedly remind her that, I wish to marry her and am happy that she's involved in bring up the girls but, I don't do interrogative or a barrage of negativity to the point of tears for my kids. She was that type of person, as she had many times before be upset or question me on something and would basically interrogate me for hours sometimes. It would be a constant barrage of questions or statements that she expected a reply, one after another, where it just became that she was just talking down to me. My daughters are not even the type to cry just because they were corrected. They take responsibility for their actions. So, I immediately knew that she did that and got upset that and I called her out on it. While didn't really care that she did it to me, I would not accept it for my kids. I was such an idiot.
9 years, 3 weeks ago. I am still reeling from the encounter. I am not sure what will happen but both of us took accountability for how it ended. It was a surreal moment after 9 years of no contact.
Hot damn! Thsts intense
three weeks, no big heavy relationship were only seeing eachother for four months, when she told me she was taking space she had been distancing previous, havnt seen her in person five weeks, we text lightly every four or five days now, same thing as this in that I have no idea if shes interested in coming back just thinking she wouldn’t bother answering my texts otherwise!! want to mention attachment styles shes very text book d. avoidant as i am AP but learning to be secure very quickly….
Oh she'll answer your texts, especially to keep it going, but if she is still in that toxic mindset, it won't work. Straight up ask her. If not, keep it cool
im trying to create a personal deadline for if she doesn’t respond to my cue to talk in person n make any efforts to be in my life by this certain week im gonna consciously let go n move on….
This might be interesting to hear coming from someone in high school. We dated for a year, which isn't bad for being so young. Things ended and it absolutely killed me. I didn't leave her alone for probably the first 3 months. I was told to leave her alone but I was confident I could save it. All I could do is go 2 days. I recently broke no contact after a long two weeks without talking to her just to end on good terms and it went fine I guess. Now about two weeks ago I reached out one last time. At this point she hates me and wanted nothing to do with me and blocked me. Went from saying "goodbye, I love you and I'm sorry" to "I don't want you anymore, leave me alone" shit hurts... I still care very much about her and understand why she's mad though so I would never talk bad about her.
2 1/2 years later and nothing. 😂 His Mom sends me cards and his brother added me on socials, but he’s silent.
First time was 5 weeks
Man just don't say one word trust me on that.
Too late lol
She says she's a flawed individual. Any diagnosed mental illness or or red flags from your previous break-up? Wish you the best, man, and it's not her seeking validation. If there is push-pull, take it slow. Easy to get carried away with that dopamine.
This!!!!
Felt ngl
To me this doesn’t sound like she’s interested in getting back together
We texted all last night and she texted me at 4:30 am this morning lol. I’m playing it cool, but the signs are there
Yeah the attention is nice and feeling like you still got and they still want you. Be careful that that’s not what this is.
This exactly. The feeling is so shortlived. It's a dopamine hit and then you come down. Remember to stay level 💯
I know it. You’re not wrong. My defenses are up for sure
Please, keep up informed, I am very invested. I truly wish the best for you ❤️
I appreciate it thank you, I will. We’re supposed to talk more tonight
Def keep us updated !
Yes please
The person above is kinda wrong lol I believe, this does sound like they have an open heart to get back together, it just seems she feels like she doesn’t think you would have a heart to receive her because she feels the guilt of her actions. . I literally did the same, I felt like I hurt my ex so bad I just didn’t think she would even want to, but I accepted that and then I sent her an genuine apology and accountability text message and and that was 9mths ago and we are stronger than ever. Definitely keep your guard up, and even express that if you do move forward, and the minute she reverts back to bad old ways, id leave her alone. This is coming from a DA who had to sadly feel the pain and get therapy to really change. If both are willing to recommit with new found tools, it could work. Best wishes you both definitely loved eachother at one point.
If the dumper reaches out to the dumpee then that could be a sign they want to make amends in some sort of way. Maybe not get back together immediately but have some sort of conversation and intentions to reconcile. Especially if they’re avoidant
Ugh I’m so sick of that term. Just bc someone doesn’t want to interact with you or entertain your nonsense doesn’t automatically make them an avoidant. Not saying this is what you said but I’m tired of this term being overused. People just label their ex this as a way to explain and rationalize their ex leaving them and not wanting to talk after all their pleads.
I understand. I think people like to find out their parters attachment style because it actually can in some cases help to see the way their partner thinks and acts in relationships. It’s a psychological study and I think it’s actually pretty effective in some relationships. All breakups are different, but maybe this persons partner actually does match the personality of an avoidant, since she is the one who did the study herself and felt like it was accurate enough to tell her partner that’s what she is. It’s kind of like how people do personality tests, just for relationships though But I do agree that some people can use the term loosely
Yeah but they’re self diagnosing after reading a book lol. They’re not an expert or a psychologist. They’re just searching for a reason to explain why their ex wants nothing to do with them.
don't give me hope my ex gf would send me something like this (been 10 months) XD
I got something similar, eighteen months later. This happened two days ago. There’s always hope :)
thank you <3
Feel free to message. Happy to talk about my situation and how it happened. Equally happy to listen to yours :)
This is the only response after no-contact where I feel like it’s acceptable to open up communication (if you’re ready).
Oh 100%. If it was anything less than this I wouldn’t have even responded. However she’s taken accountability and owned her part of things. It’s a big win for me I think
I would just tread lightly here. Treat her as if she’s an acquaintance for now. Is it possible people change? Yes. However, sometimes two people, despite wanting things to be different, are fundamentally incompatible and incapable of loving the other person “correctly.” Despite being good people, they might bring out the worst in each other. It’s good you’re both healing and taking accountability, but I’d keep reminding yourself of your values and what you need in a partner over and over again. Think about whether she is really someone who brings out the best in you, meets your needs, holds your heart carefully. Just proceed with caution here, please. For yourself!!
I wonder if my ex ever sends this to her other exes
not a healthy thing to wonder about keep it moving!!
2 months in no contact she broke up via text & blocked me out of nowhere no closure nothing.
You’ll eventually hear from her
lol you think so,she said that she feels like she’s not wanted or loved we were together 16 months & living together 9 months …did you tell your ex she’s an avoidant or she know?
She knows
On her own or you told her…coz I just found out about attachment styles after break up I doubt my ex know
She found out thru therapy after our first break up
What did you respond with ?
What do people mean when they say avoidant?
In attachment theory, there are different ways people can react to feeling like their main attachment figure is not providing the emotional support they need. Securely attached people can understand and communicate their needs clearly, and they try to understand their partner’s needs and meet them. Insecurely attached people can either 1) demand their needs be met with increasing intensity to the point of becoming critical and even aggressive in hopes of getting the response they want (anxious attachment), 2) convince themselves that they don’t have needs by disconnecting from their own feelings, to the point where they will avoid emotional closeness altogether in hopes of avoiding pain (avoidant), or 3) a mix of both strategies with no discernible pattern (disorganized). I’m sure I did a lousy job of summarizing a complex theory but I hope you get the gist. I recommend the books Secure Love and Attached
Thanks for this.
Sounds like something I'm planning on sending my ex. Technically, I'm the one who broke the relationship because she refused to end it herself. Although she initiated the phone call and I offered her a break. Ended the call on a cliffhanger, and the end was a long, sincere text message. I notified her mother about everything. Her family is devastated, and I am too. Neither of us wanted this. But she saw it was the only way out. It was her first break-up, and given that I treated her very well and treated her family with the utmost respect. Even to the point where her mother praised my maturity in accepting the end and said I'm a good man. Wished me the best in my future endeavors and said if it was meant to be, God will bring you both back together one day. As I sent the text message. I sobbed. I could hear "That's the Way It Is" playing in my head. I loved that woman with everything I had and I fucked up. It's a long story. No cheating involved, though. It was just stress and built-up emotions on her part and bad manner of words on my part. My father always tells me. "It's not what you say. It's how you say it." I wish I could take it all back. I crafted a sincere apology message and well wishes and an offer to remain friends if she's up to it. She may insist that we were better as friends. That may be. I also included an offer to try again and made reference to her family's belief in redemption and giving people a second chance. I never got one, yet a drug addict and a killer who almost murdered her older cousin got a second chance. But I didn't get one. That's what's frustrating me. But for now. I'm letting no contact go on for 3 or 4 months. I'll reach out discretely in the fall. Possibly by Messenger since we're still friends on Facebook. She didn't block me on anything. We just unfollowed each other and our respective families to try and get each other out of our social feeds. Try and prevent old wounds from opening.
Why are you waiting to reach out discreetly til the fall? That seems calculated.
I'm giving us the whole summer to have us grieve and focus on ourselves. So I've been doing NC for 3 weeks. It's really hard. I think September or October would be good enough. She's obviously keeping one foot in the door because she hasn't entirely wiped me out of her life. Just not her boyfriend anymore.
I don't like going into any situation without a plan. But I do understand that things can happen when you least expect. That and we never know what God may have in store for us, and ultimately, that's out of our control.
whats the back story to this? meaning did she directly tell you the reason four months ago of why she dumped you? — also how long were you both exclusive for
We broke up once before after almost 2 years got back together after 6 weeks. ( way too fast) didn’t talk about things and moved way too fast. The 2nd time she broke up she stated reasons. They were fault finding tho. A lot of superficial outlandish reasons. 2nd break up, just shy of 3 years total together.
i see, do you care to share the reasons she stated for breaking up with you this time around — it helps to see what the things are when it comes to her needs in a relationship. so you will know what things lower her attraction so you can catch them before her attraction drops too low also how quickly did you both move on sexually with other people during these break up periods?
At least you got an apology
She did almost exact text 2 months ago. Is she lurking this sub lmao
This thread is inspiring!!!
Why do you want to keep in contact? What exactly is the point? What are you trying to accomplish? Your ex wrote you a text message. It doesn't matter if it's the most heartfelt text in existence it's *just* a text message. It's low effort and means nothing in terms of action. If you're going to open up your broadside, at least understand that.
Bro chill 😂
Oh my goodness. But that’s really a nice text. I would say go nice and slow and feel things out?
Yea definitely. She’s coming on strong but I’m taking it slow. My walls are definitely up
Idk from my experience they’re better for a while until the old habits and ways come back swinging.
You two split up and went no contact for a reason.
Genral observation: when a guy sends this exact text it's labelled as hoovering but when a girl sends this it's called maturity. Interesting world we live in.
Unfortunately that’s the world we live in 😅
God, I would do anything for that. I know it doesn’t take away the pain of what happened, but her taking accountability is huge.
She’s avoidant that’s all yu needed to hear don’t be with someone who’s gonna keep running away and shit and have trauma problems the problem with avoidant are that when they are with someone like you who truly cares for them and would do anything for them it pushes them away more and all this crazy shit so why would yu wanna be with someone who doesn’t value yu and then when avoidant wants to break up and leave they find someone else’s who they truly open up to and when they think the grass is greener with that person they start to miss you and wanna come back don’t even bother texting her or talking to her move on bro yu are a king and have to be treated like one love yourself and focus on you the right person will come or yu will find the right one my point is focus on you and don’t give her no validation and attention she is the past now focus on the future and good luck bro 💪🏾
I appreciate you. You’re 100% right 🙌🏼🤙🏼
Don’t say shit. Keep on moving forward and fuck what she has to say. You don’t owe her shit.
Ah dude. My partner left me three weeks ago. Just vanished. 4 year relationship gone. Realised she’s a massive avoidant and I’m expecting a message like this down the line from her. The hardest thing about it is understanding that it isn’t her but more her pre-programmed defence mechanisms from childhood trauma. I feel if you were to make fresh connections with the woman she really needs to show that she is actively trying to heal those wounds from the past. I couldn’t face the heartache and confusion that caused me again with the same girl. She appears pretty mature about it all though which is positive. What a minefield this thing called life is!!
wishing my ex would send something like this... i was always apologizing but not her so sadly i do not see that happening. I really just wanna hear her fully apologize for all the shit she put me through esp. after the breakup but i've learnt to find my own closure lol 🤷🏻♀️
I'm an outsider so I don't know her, your history, her personality or any of that. I will say face value it looks legit. However did she apologize in detail for said harm? Or is it sorry you feel this way kinda deal? If a covert, I'd read this as someone trying to feel you out and sorry for how you feel but she does take some form of ownership as being the cause. Trust is easy to break, but hard to rebuild. Take precaution, keep your distance and keep it light. Guard your heart and seek motives always. I have an ex that tarries back and forth like this and it's hard to read sometimes but they always prove themselves by negating their apologies blaming it back on me somehow. Take heart in your endeavors. No contact is hard, but losing your self respect can be harder. And trauma bonds are real too.
After she ran through a few guys and no one wanted to cuff her .. she sent you this text after 4 months .. if you take her back you’re a sucka .. just remember, when Chad was pumping her and it slipped out she put it back in .. be a man and get other chicks
Her text is so bland, nothing specific in what she did wrong or what she reflected on, etc. She’ll do it again.
I feel for her… poor thing.. hang in their girl. There’s a lot of dick to go around
Im sorry wut 😂you sound so bitter. Mind you she broke up with me twice in 3 years. Get fucked
Hahaha yes I do sound bitter. Whatever u say. There’s a reason she kept breaking up with u. U guys are better off seperate anyways
not sure why you felt the need to bring that jaded toxic energy in here. be better.
No thanks. I do what I WANT. what you think about it, don’t care buddy haha.
we know sweetheart. whatever pain you got going on you clearly want us all to somehow feel it. Heal that pain, ma'am.
That’ll really help me heal my pain.
[удалено]
You really done
I wished this for me for awhile… but she still blames me… hasn’t taken accountability for her part in the relationship… (because people say it always takes two no matter what the situation)… she would break NC multiple times ever since we broke up, then I wouldn’t hear from her for awhile… hopefully now that’s it and we can move on for good…
More than my person bothered with
You’re just lucky man cherish that
i literally went contact with my no contact ex just three days ago. i called him out of the blue and he called me back a few days later. i picked up and it went from there. i regret ever picking up bc it feels like my bpd symptoms are back and he’s my FP again. be careful not to destroy your progress, if it was a truly toxic relationship. if it wasn’t and you’ve both grown to see your mistakes and want to mutually get back at it then sure, but please PLEASE be careful. this could do more harm than good.
I don’t know what she did but it doesn’t sound good
Wasn’t expecting the last part but Interesting turn of events
I know I shouldn't but I pray every day for this, I beg god every day for this, Idk if this is the hope I needed, but good on you for doing what you could in 4 months and I really hope the best for both of you.
Whilst I believe she is genuinely sorry to send you a message she is also trying to forgive herself as she's acknowledged how she treated you and wants closure from it. I think it's very healthy in what she's doing, not everyone reaches out to apologize for their mistakes. As long as it isn't heavily impacting you I would definitely consider messaging her back if you need closure from it. If you're not in the position for that explain that it's taken some time and would be nice to talk things over so you both can fully draw the line of it for the chapter to be closed.
Fucking wish my ex was this mature, I broke up with her because I had contemplated for months doing so because of the way she treated me then she made me feel like the asshole even though she was a lying manipulator and treated me and my friends/family like shit sometimes. Just wish she couldve taken accountability like this.
This is fine and always very nice to see. Block and slowly take it day by day to move forward and stay to your no contact so you can heal :)) you’re doing great! Keep to your ex no contact!
Sometimes it makes me wonder… what if my avoidant ex don’t come back? All he does was to test water by liking my IGS or post suddenly after 10 months and stalking my profile and liking my post from 2 years ago in the midnight 2am. What is he thinking exactly? But anyway I’ve moved on and decided that I definitely deserve better man. Just curious about avoidant man that doesn’t come back. Do they really feel remorse/regret?
the dopamine hit isn’t consumated over the phone luckily that would have to be in person 🔥🔥😆🔥😂 m doin great w phone buffer zone really lol
This is a text I wish I would receive. I hope it works out for you. Whatever that means to you.
Its funny how,many people assume yoir more upset then you are or they are the greatest thing ever lol. I had a situation where a guy thought i was upset over him ..like i was so in love with him..lol..i reconnected with my ex boyfriend but the truth if he handled the situation with more respect and responsibility i would have been okay....the hurt is smalll compare to the craziness of the situation. Also i realized he doesn't seem as mentally stable as when he was younger.and i am going through some difficult times now so i guess it may it worst...i pushed him several times meaning i told him it was not to reconnect..but his persistence natural finally got to me..i regret this so much as it has ruin any possible friendship..over his stupidity
I hope for your sake and sanity you folded on your terms. And don't waver from them. Set your boundaries, and you'll find out if she has changed Stay strong 💪 ✨️
I wish I could have said this as clearly
i wanna copy this and send it to him so bad 😔
Did you break up with him?
no
It feels good! Doesn’t it! To know you were right! Don’t respond. At all. Respect her like you do the dead.
Never mind. I stopped reading too soon. She didn’t deserve your response man. She didn’t care while you were together, why would you care now???? Interesting
Do you know what it means to love someone that a little banged up? I don’t think you do. I love her, she means the world to me. I know I mean a lot to her too. Or she wouldn’t have reached out. Sometimes you need to leave someone’s life so your energy leaves a gap they can’t fill
If you say so man….. I’m sure that’s what you thought about her before she lied/cheated, or whatever she did. We expect the best in people but at the end of the day, they’re just people. And they lie, cheat, and steal. Hope it works out for you though
I hear what you’re saying, she definitely didn’t lie or cheat, she’d be blocked other wise. You’re definitely projecting tho man 😂 I’m not blind and I’m not an idiot. I don’t expect anything to come of this. If it does and the vibes right, awesome. I’d love it to make it work with her. But if it doesn’t work out, oh well life moves on
Im just going to say, not being rude or anything, if she was OK with your split for such a long time, she is ok with it when you realize she’s not worth keeping around. Why do you think she hit you up? You’re probably something better than what she has after you…Women will always be on POINT for what they want. No excuses, no I’m sorry I was at my friends, a WOMAN will make you forget about the little girl stuff your girl is OBVIOUSLY doing to you.
I’ll say it again, if she was ok with you guys being apart/broken up for so long, she’ll be OK when you decide that she is trash and not worth your time.
Good for you man. You’re in the top half percent of men with that. Good luck
This happened to me a few days ago, are yall friends now? She apologized and took accountability and says that she wants to be good friends again? Any advice or such would be appreciated.
She wasn’t that blunt but she was definitely trying to friend zone me/ keep on the back burner. So disrespectful lol. I rejected it and told her I feel like you’re wanting to be just friends and I’m not open to that. I’d do the same. Especially if you still have feelings for her. Don’t give her the satisfaction. She doesn’t want to completely lose you but also won’t fully commit to you. Drop her
Has this made you feel like you've gotten any closure?Did it give you new hope? Did it make the pain process somewhat better?How do you feel?
Honestly it made me realize she’s the same insecure shallow person she’s always been. Unwilling to fully open up and be vulnerable especially about her own faults. It’s given me a new perspective of closure for the situation. She should’ve said a lot more and been more specific in her apology, honestly. It was the bare minimum she gave lol
Read the rules of this sub, please. "No posting about getting your ex back" which is what you're doing in the comments. And btw people always try to come across so polite and sincere while trying to reel you in again, then once that's happened, BOOM, back to their old ways. Same old, same old. My advice is to be careful :)
You sound jealous 😅
My flair is "moved on", because my latest break up was 5 years ago and I've moved on a long time ago. I'm pointing out the rules of the sub, has nothing to do with jealousy ☺️
Don't reply. Take my advice but you don't need to acknowledge this. She doesn't deserve the satisfaction.
i would feel so relieved if i got this. just some acknowledgment. fawk.
Damn I’m happy for yall for real. Sounds like you really did a lot of thinking and changing for the better. I hope to someday get this same blessing. If not, then gotta look ahead.
Yea she hasn’t changed 😅😂
Awe man I was really hoping for a fairytale ending for you my guy lol. Welp, let’s focus on us then!!
Me too. She’s just too avoidant. Ghosted me again after stating my boundaries and asking her intentions. It shouldn’t be this difficult 😞
I was just about to ask for an update! Damn it! That is SO CRUEL! I’m glad you had your defenses up but I’m sure it stings nonetheless. Truly selfish to text someone an apology just to leave them hanging like that. Ugh! I’m annoyed for you
At least you got your closure. It’s been over 7 months. She never reached back and she is with someone else like a 2 months after we split. Maybe it’s still too early to say never. But I’m happy for you for this message your ex sent you. I wished i received anything like this. It takes courage and maturity to open up this way. I think either answer but put bad feelings aside you both deserve a peaceful ending as humans. We win when we give compassion even if get betrayed and ghosted In this case sounds like honest apology and thoughtful words Give her a chance don’t let her on read. Give your goodbye and move on.
If you don’t mind me asking what was the reason you two broke up? I don’t recommend going back to her if you had to go to therapy due to all the hurt she caused you. Some people only reach out because they want to control you again and want to feel good about themselves to know that you still want them.
Her avoidance and my anxious tendencies. Life circumstances, all things that could’ve been fixed. But, she’s avoidant sooo lol She wasn’t the only reason I was in therapy. I went to therapy to heal some of my own trauma from childhood and adolescence. You’re right, some come back for validation reasons and some come back for genuine reasons. Avoidants always wanna dip their toes in first. No clear cut communication, surface level stuff all at the beginning. She was being far more vulnerable than I thought she would be. However, she hasn’t changed much. She’s ghosted me again after a bid for connection and asking her intentions/why she reached out than other to apologize. I got nothing from her. So there’s my answer. Too bad, we were really compatible and a great fit in so many ways
Dating an avoidant sucks as fuck I am also an anxious who got dumped a week ago by my avoidant boyfriend… I was completely blindsided by the break up since he NEVER really tell me what upsets him or what’s bothering him.. I tried every possible thing to make him open up.. He just wouldn’t open up but instead he walks out, sleeps in the other room, or sleeps with his friend for days instead of being an adult and talking about the problem! We were living together for a year and a half and it was so hard being with him these people cannot make themselves vulnerable it was like I was dating a robot… 101% wouldn’t recommend…
I would personally block her but do what feels right for you.
Why
Sounds like my ex. Crazy how similar that message is to mine. Even the same choice of words.
Avoidant. That is bullshit. She is an abuser that’s what she is. People stop believing that new age non sense of avoidant and anxious attach and twin flames and all that stuff. It’s non sense. I sense a narcisisit ot a boarderline… they are the ones who do the push and pull. An empathetic individual would never put someone they care for through such crap. Wishing you well op and I know manipulation and that message is just that… emotional manipulation Empathy is the key word here… I hope you catch that. Someone empathetic can have their meltdowns and become emotional shout, scream, cry, break up… but they will not play the mind games “avoidant” play. That is called lack of empathy and the only people who lack empathy are narcissit.. even boarderlines have empathy.
I hear and understand your pain. Avoidants are wounded like all of us. Believe me…they know what they do to others. It eats them alive especially on the other side of a break up
I ujdetsnd that people have behaviors which are not healthy. The point of m trying to make is that it’s unhealthy to keep pursuing relaironships like those. Also not sure if those are in the statistical Manual of mental disorders. If it talks about that then that’s good since people can understand more. The problem is peopl are getting information from gurus who are the people that most speak about this. I haven’t heard of a licensed academic professional ever put enphasis on it. I’m not an expert but I do know what’s healthy behavior and what isn’t. I think we need to put our needs first and not try to hold on to something that brings pain but again to each their own.
There is legitimate scientific research and studies done on attachment theory. Maybe let's not throw the whole thing out so hastily
I’m not an expert but if it is found on the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders than it’s a go,
My ex and I are still in contacted. She replied to my previous message yesterday but I have not replied. Today is my birthday. She didn’t wish me any greetings…. Seems like she forgot about me. Idk how to navigate this anymore. I was hoping she still remembers. That she was thinking about me. But now I am losing all hope.
happy birthday, man! Have the best year ahead, with a lot of self and romantic love.. I pray all your wishes come true and you get to smile with your soul and heart.. And, I pray you get the girl.. Best, G
Thank you so much.
Don't give up hope on yourself. As sincerely as it can be meant from a random person online, happy birthday friend. Know that your feelings are not alone and others can and will continue to relate. I wish you the best outcome for your situation and long term happiness.
Hey Friend my birthday is is next week also Happy Birthday 🎉🎈its a big test and I hear you, Im wondering if I can meet up w my situationship before that and casually mention how weird it feels to turn 45, otherwise no way she would remember my bday im just being realistic…try not to take it too personally and learn to celebrate n love thyself no matter thats hella attractive to better people 🔥🔥🔥
We only broke up 2 months ago…. She forgot already
Fuck her, homie. Don't respond. Not your job to make her feel better about being shitty anymore. Ghost it. Onwards.
Hey OP, 96% of that text was about your ex. Just the way she talks… sounds self centred as all fuck