I'm slightly older than you (if that makes any difference) and I recently blocked my ex.
My ex wasn't one to reach out and rarely posted on socials so it wasn't a game changer for her. However, I blocked her for my benefit. It was a commitment to myself that I was intent on moving on and healing myself. I invested enough time and effort into a losing cause and I was determined to make it up to myself.
That was around 70 days and although I still have some work to do, I'm feeling so much better.
Perhaps there will be a day I'll unblock her but that's way off into the future. And by then, I suspect that I won't care either way.
Thanks for this. With my ex being avoidant it's very likely I'd never hear from her again. Currently, neither one of us are on social media. At least, I'm not. I haven't been very active on social media the past few years and am deactivated for the most part. She only has Instagram, and nothing else and was deactivated most of the time we were dating.
I think the best way to move on is to block her, honestly. Not to hurt her or to send a message, not in a manipulative way, but just to put this behind me and learn from our shared experience. Ultimately I know seeing her name or number come through on my phone will cause instant pain, not regret, but just the pervasive thought of thinking I was good enough for her to have loved me too. That, of course, is a self-limiting belief.
I went through something similar in terms of loving someone who was incapable of loving me back for their own messed up reasons.
I say block, especially since you guys tried again and it still didn’t work out. At least for now while the pain is still fresh. I blocked my ex and by the time I remembered I did 2+ years later, I was completely healed and didn’t even care. You can miss them and wish them the best and love them, but you need to definitely do it from a distance right now.
Thank you for your thoughtful response. Yes, I do believe this is the way forward. It's amazing how much of oneself you can sacrifice when you really care about another.
Trust me, if you were genuine and intentional and vulnerable and honest and you gave everything you had… you will always come out on top and happy, with or without that person. I know it’s really hard to see when you’re in pain but it ALWAYS works out that way.
I appreciate this. While I can't say I'm particularly happy today I know that looking back on our time together I truly couldn't have been a better partner. My ex also had quite a temper and would become verbally abusive. Things came to head when she made a very rude comment while we were out the other day. Calmly and respectfully I told her that I didn't deserve or appreciate what she said. This caused a complete meltdown and I just sat there and listened, never throwing any barbs or insults. She said many hurtful things during our relationship, many under the guise of 'sarcasm' or her sense of humor, but at the end of the day, she was just mean to a man that was her biggest fan. I can hold my head high knowing I was always a gentleman and departed respectfully and peacefully from the relationship. Getting walked all over hurts, but I know these feelings are temporary and I have nothing more to say to this woman. Thanks again for your posts, they really help.
Thanks, friend. Great post. I'm afraid that if I don't block her and if I do hear from her it will open up the wound again and get my mind thinking about things. It's a tough call because at the end of the day and during our breakup we were both respectful and caring to each other. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do but not rushing to block her.
I felt that my first post was getting a bit long so I wanted to add a PS here: I had ignored red flags and personality differences the whole time we were together thinking opposites attract or that we could balance each other out. As I'd mentioned, I'm secure and she is very avoidant. That said, I'm a teacher a cares deeply about helping kids. She is a dr. and views the world from a very objective, scientific and in many way "cold" point of view.
I just wanted to put that out there in hopes any of this helps someone out there dealing with a similar incompatibility or hardship.
Thanks again.
Thanks for sharing this, friend. I will never chase her again or try to reconnect. Even if she reached out I would always just wish well but would never meet up with her, try again, have a friendship. None of that. That may come across as angry, but I'm not. Just know this person has left my life for the second time and will never be a part of it again. All that said, this is why I believe I'll block. I simply don't have anything else to give or say so I'm going to move forward and try to stop looking back.
I went through a similar and very painful breakup, it was so hard to process and I don't think I ever got proper closure. If they tell you they are incapable of love you should listen, it would only be more painful later on, knowing they probably don't feel about you the way you do, or breaking up with you again once you are even more invested.
Thank you for the response here. Also great handle, I have a border collie pup named Walter, he's a year and a half old. Yes, I should have moved on once she told me she was incapable of love. I grew up in a very loving family that expressed love both verbally and physically. Yesterday as she picked up her things from my house she told me her parents never really loved each other and there was no affection shown in her house. I put this in a different post but Maya Angelou once said "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" I'm sure many others here can relate to that quote.
I'm slightly older than you (if that makes any difference) and I recently blocked my ex. My ex wasn't one to reach out and rarely posted on socials so it wasn't a game changer for her. However, I blocked her for my benefit. It was a commitment to myself that I was intent on moving on and healing myself. I invested enough time and effort into a losing cause and I was determined to make it up to myself. That was around 70 days and although I still have some work to do, I'm feeling so much better. Perhaps there will be a day I'll unblock her but that's way off into the future. And by then, I suspect that I won't care either way.
Thanks for this. With my ex being avoidant it's very likely I'd never hear from her again. Currently, neither one of us are on social media. At least, I'm not. I haven't been very active on social media the past few years and am deactivated for the most part. She only has Instagram, and nothing else and was deactivated most of the time we were dating. I think the best way to move on is to block her, honestly. Not to hurt her or to send a message, not in a manipulative way, but just to put this behind me and learn from our shared experience. Ultimately I know seeing her name or number come through on my phone will cause instant pain, not regret, but just the pervasive thought of thinking I was good enough for her to have loved me too. That, of course, is a self-limiting belief.
I went through something similar in terms of loving someone who was incapable of loving me back for their own messed up reasons. I say block, especially since you guys tried again and it still didn’t work out. At least for now while the pain is still fresh. I blocked my ex and by the time I remembered I did 2+ years later, I was completely healed and didn’t even care. You can miss them and wish them the best and love them, but you need to definitely do it from a distance right now.
Thank you for your thoughtful response. Yes, I do believe this is the way forward. It's amazing how much of oneself you can sacrifice when you really care about another.
Trust me, if you were genuine and intentional and vulnerable and honest and you gave everything you had… you will always come out on top and happy, with or without that person. I know it’s really hard to see when you’re in pain but it ALWAYS works out that way.
I appreciate this. While I can't say I'm particularly happy today I know that looking back on our time together I truly couldn't have been a better partner. My ex also had quite a temper and would become verbally abusive. Things came to head when she made a very rude comment while we were out the other day. Calmly and respectfully I told her that I didn't deserve or appreciate what she said. This caused a complete meltdown and I just sat there and listened, never throwing any barbs or insults. She said many hurtful things during our relationship, many under the guise of 'sarcasm' or her sense of humor, but at the end of the day, she was just mean to a man that was her biggest fan. I can hold my head high knowing I was always a gentleman and departed respectfully and peacefully from the relationship. Getting walked all over hurts, but I know these feelings are temporary and I have nothing more to say to this woman. Thanks again for your posts, they really help.
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Thanks, friend. Great post. I'm afraid that if I don't block her and if I do hear from her it will open up the wound again and get my mind thinking about things. It's a tough call because at the end of the day and during our breakup we were both respectful and caring to each other. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do but not rushing to block her. I felt that my first post was getting a bit long so I wanted to add a PS here: I had ignored red flags and personality differences the whole time we were together thinking opposites attract or that we could balance each other out. As I'd mentioned, I'm secure and she is very avoidant. That said, I'm a teacher a cares deeply about helping kids. She is a dr. and views the world from a very objective, scientific and in many way "cold" point of view. I just wanted to put that out there in hopes any of this helps someone out there dealing with a similar incompatibility or hardship. Thanks again.
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Thanks for sharing this, friend. I will never chase her again or try to reconnect. Even if she reached out I would always just wish well but would never meet up with her, try again, have a friendship. None of that. That may come across as angry, but I'm not. Just know this person has left my life for the second time and will never be a part of it again. All that said, this is why I believe I'll block. I simply don't have anything else to give or say so I'm going to move forward and try to stop looking back.
Honestly, I wouldn’t block her. Not yet.
Thank you, I'm still vacillating on what to do.
I went through a similar and very painful breakup, it was so hard to process and I don't think I ever got proper closure. If they tell you they are incapable of love you should listen, it would only be more painful later on, knowing they probably don't feel about you the way you do, or breaking up with you again once you are even more invested.
Thank you for the response here. Also great handle, I have a border collie pup named Walter, he's a year and a half old. Yes, I should have moved on once she told me she was incapable of love. I grew up in a very loving family that expressed love both verbally and physically. Yesterday as she picked up her things from my house she told me her parents never really loved each other and there was no affection shown in her house. I put this in a different post but Maya Angelou once said "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" I'm sure many others here can relate to that quote.