I initially came out as nb and used she/he/they, found people only ever used she (my agab) so I limited it to he/they and then the more people used he the happier I felt so now use he/him exclusively
This comment seems a bit rude as a response to someone who found out they're happiest with just one set of pronouns. Why say "I don't like that" as a response to that?
Nono i meant i dont like the way people were treating them sorry! I was commiserating with that situation they were describing, where everyone just calls you "she/her" when you say "any pronouns". Its not respecting the spirit of the request youre making
I had a similar experience. Except I went from she/they/he (with people only using she/her) to they/them (and people still only using she/her, thinking I was a she/they, when that was never the case) to they/he when I started T (and people only using they/them now, which is an improvement from she/her lmao, tho I do still get that sometimes, despite sounding “like such a t boy,” as my roommate says🤦)
all pronouns -> they/he -> they/them currently
but i honestly only don‘t use he/him because i don‘t pass at all and it makes me feel like a fraud. not saying that not passing should dictate pronoun use but i just feel uncomfortable with it.. maybe internalized transphobia
I totally felt this way when i didnt pass youre not alone. It was def Internalized transphobia from the truscum era, i felt like a ✨trans man✨ (derogatory) which is such bullshit
Idk I don’t think it has to be transphobia. “He”
is like an aspirational pronoun for me, because I’d like to get there, but it hasn’t quite felt accurate to where I’m at in my transition.
I’d have no issues using it for someone else regardless of their appearance. But for myself, it’s only now starting to feel comfortable as my external packaging begins to reflect the vision I have internally.
Obviously do what you are most comfortable with and keep yourself safe, but, as a neopronoun user myself (he/it) id say, be the change you want to be in the world! If you want to see more acceptance for neopronouns, the only way that's going to happen is if more of us are open about our identities and we work to remove the stigma against them!
i considered she/they before coming out but when i came out as genderfluid (which i still am) i used they/them. last spring i told people he/they. but recently i've realized i'm actually pronounfluid, and the pronouns i use overall are he/him, she/her, they/them, ve/vem, ne/nym, and ae/aer. they change multiple times daily and i usually use at least two at any given time
he/him > he/they > he/they/it. I initially came out as a binary trans man and then as bigender after top surgery. I would use he/they/she/it but people would take that as a free pass to just she/her me all the time.
i changed my pronouns a lot online (she/her, she/they, they/she, they/xey/fae, they/he, he/they, he/him, he/moth/bug/stim, he/xe/🌻).
as for irl, i came out to my family with he/they (they only used they/them though) then switched to he/him. i'd like to start using neopronouns like xe/xem irl when i go to college in the fall, but i'll probably just tell friends since i don't want to be bullied or make an extra hassle for people (not that i find neopronoun users to be a hassle, i'm just working through some internalized stuff around neopronouns right now. hopefully i'll eventually be able to ask everyone to use he/xe for me)
I love neos, and I would love to be referred to by only neos, but I've only ever had 3 or 4 people ever respect my neos outside of online spaces. I went from agab pronouns -> e/em + enderself + moriself -> they/them + neos just because of the hassle of getting people to understand. I did not vibe with they/them for years but just accepted that that was the closest others would get. And I still play a game of "which pronouns do customers refer me as" at work, and it's usually he/she anyway. The struggle is real, but I hope we can someday live in a world where people will start to understand.
she/her -> she/he (whyyyyyy does no one use the second one! I don’t even like the first one anymore! 😡 Oh wait, that’s not a very girly thing to be thinking. Maybe I’m a man???) -> he/him
they/them or nothing
he/they and they/he (he/him was fun to play around with for a bit but doesn't fit me, still don't mind accidentally being called "he"... makes me smile)
all pronouns (out of frustration)
they/them now
IRL I like using pronouns in a way that emphasizes my gender nonconformity, so if Ive been he/him'd a lot by strangers Ill usually add they/them or it/its or neopronouns to the mix (or she/her if Im in drag). Instead of getting read as 100% male I want there to be a little confusion about it. Keep em guessing
She/her -> she/they -> they/she -> they/them -> he/him -> he/they
I became more comfy with they/them when I started to pass more, makes me more confident accepting my femininity and it feels less like people only use they/them because they see me like a spicy woman lol (now its because they see me like a spicy man, which is not ideal, but better for me personally LOL)
she/her > she/they > they/she > they/she/he > they/he/she > they/he 🏳️⚧️✨😮💨😤
at this point I have had top surgery and recently decided to start T, with an appt later this month. I couldn't say things won't change for sure, but I have a feeling I might stick with they/he-- I don't feel like a "Trans Man," still very genderqueer/NB, and I think they/he encapsulates that the best for me.
also right now I am not usually overly bothered when ppl use she/her, depending on the closeness of that person and their intention. I have been open about stuff at work and there are a few people that really try to use they/them and that effort is meaningful to me. I am aware I am read as more femme by cis people rn, so don't feel too offended when people I don't know/am not close with misgender me
So when I first started transitioning (7-8 years ago) I used he/him and was always trying to be hyper masculine and thought I had to be a manly man in order to be valid. I didn't know you could be nonbinary or genderfluid or anything and thought I had to act within gender "norms", etc, until about 5 years ago when I started to realize I didn't have to be hyper masculine to be a dude and didn't have to act within gender "norms" I could just be me and still be a dude. I also started learning about different gender identities and pronouns and realized I was more transmasc/nonbinary and that I also felt comfortable and resonated with they/them pronouns as well as he/him (now I also use it/it's on occasion but mainly he/they). I also now dress and act however I'd like, lotsa dresses, cute skirts and also some more masc fits, I have lots of stuffed animals/cute stuff, but now I don't feel ashamed. I was also on T for a couple years (once I get over my phobia of needles I will be back on T) which also helps me feel less dysphoric as I present more masc to the point that some people think I am amab :3
I've gone from she/her --> she/they --> he/they/she
And I've honestly realized I don't really like she/her atall but I am developing a grudge since it's what most people will default to. But it also doesn't make me dysphoric, I feel it just doesn't kind of match me. I'm still in the acceptance stage and working on that🫡 I feel a bit scared to transfer to he/they completely
1. Dirk, 13–15 - Genderfluid, he/she/they
Too busy trying to survive to really think about my gender, I just knew “I don’t always feel like a girl”.
2. Joji, 15 - Agender, he/they
Finally in a safer place. Didn’t feel like any gender, didn’t really care. Just didn’t want to be seen as a girl. Didn’t know if I wanted to transition but also really wanted to at the same time 😅
3. Yves, 16 - Transmasc agender, he/they
Started realizing I wanted to transition. Cut my hair short and experienced gender euphoria for the first time.
4. Samson, 17–Now - Trans man, he
It’s a long story in my head. I’m a guy now.
Im nonbinary, but thought I was a binary trans man for a long time. I used she/her, then he/him with transphobic members of my family using they/them. I then began realizing he/him was not my fave, so I started alternating between he and they.
Now I use he/him in situations where my gender is assumed (work, meeting new people i probably wont see again, etc), because it's not wrong, it's just not the most right. If anyone asks my preference, it is they/them.
i went from using she/they online -> they/them online -> they/them irl -> they/he -> he/they -> he/they and any neopronouns -> now considering using just he/him and any neopronouns
Yep. I wanted to use he/they when I came out but I was too afraid to tell anyone, so I just stuck to they/them. I then briefly tried he/him with one person, but it felt weird so I stopped. Then over the course of several years, I shifted to they/he, then he/they, and now he/him. It's been a long time coming.
Edit: I forgot – there was totally some neopronoun usage in the middle there too.
They/Them -> He/Him -> He/They
Never really stopped using they/them, but kinda had to remind people I'm still a 5'5" twig who likes flowers alongside my skulls n' bones lol
they/them -> he/him except there are some people I haven't told yet who still use they. I kind of tried he/they, but for some reason this freaked out some of my cis family members haha. like they were like "BUT WHICH ONE DO I USE" and I was like "they're both correct, that's the point" but they still got very stressed about it. so it's mostly he/him now. I'm trying to decide if I still want to use they at all, I have complicated feelings about it.
They/them —> he/him, I don’t rlly remember having a split pronoun moment, I just got called he/him accidentally after coming out and was like “holy shit, this actually feels even better!”
For a while I considered myself to be like Okay with they/them pronouns, cuz they’re just neutral, but I didn’t feel the need to add them to my pronoun set since ppl used it on me either way. Then after a lot of experiences with people just using they/them to skirt around my male identity, it started to feel more like active misgendering (when done so knowingly.)
This was the progression for me —-> she/her —-> they/them —-> they/he —-> he/him
And now I’m fully content on using he/him. I was worried initially about using exclusively he/him, so I stuck with they/them and they/he for a few months, but he/him feels so amazing now that I could never think of myself using any other pronouns lol
I was a trans man for many years until I was well into my medical transition so it went -> he/him -> he/they after top surgery -> he/she/they -> all pronouns -> all pronouns except it/its -> now he/she/they again but with very limited use of she/her. She/her isn't to be used by family, anyone who knew me pretransition, acquaintances that know I was AFAB (most ppl I meet assume I was AMAB, in that case she/her is fine), and health professionals. Basically any situation in which she/her could be interpreted as purposeful misgendering it's not allowed
i wanted to be exclusively they/them, but i lived in a pretty conservative place so she/her ended up being the reality. now i just accept it, they/she, if you know my pronouns please call me they but if you call me she i won’t be offended
While I'm *technically* not binary(i went off T recently since im lucky enough to have passed pre-t and i prefer having a feminine body), I've always identified with being fully a man and using he/him since i realized i was trans. I tried he/they for a week or two and it didn't feel right at all. she/her is an absolutely fucking not.
That's exactly how it was for me, but I kept he/they and added xe/xem though I still prefer he/him
I technically started using some other neopronouns, but they're very rarely used, so I kinda just store them ig
i do plan on going back to [any] when i feel done medically transitioning, but i want she pronouns when im doing kunty drag, not when ive spent hours trying to find an outfit that hides my chest & practiced what i was gonna say in a lower octave for 10 minutes before interacting with people
since we’re doing pronouns over time: i went he/him (2014)-> any (2016)-> they/them (2017)-> he/they (2022)-> he/him (2023 on)
never she/her because as soon as i encountered people who asked or listed pronouns, i knew I was trans. everything after was me trying to simultaneously deconstruct gender & not “set my hopes too high”. i liked saying “any” because it felt casual in conversation but still opened the door to he/him without me having to specifically ask for it, plus gave me room for parts of my personality that i then saw as conflicting with maleness. when people proceeded to use she/her only and never he/him, i switched to they/them. i only gained confidence to use he/they when hrt was finally in reach. i switched from he/they to he/him a few months in because i realized including “they” was outing me (or at least raising questions) in settings i otherwise passed in
so, to answer the question, my pronouns have changed a LOT based off my circumstances, expectations, and how people around me respond to/interpret them
She/her -> they/them -> he/they/it -> he/xe/vae/ae/it -> she/her -> they/xe -> xe/xir -> xe/xir but I don't hate he/him -> vae/xe but I tell most people I use he/him
I've gone through almost ever fucking combination lol
Any -> they/them -> ze/they/he -> ze/they
Knew I wasn’t a woman or a man, but no real pronoun preference.
No one used anything but she, so she was off the table.
Found out about ze/zer/zem and it was helpful when one is discussing both a group and myself individually.
Tried out passing as a trans man (I could never stealth) when situations are hostile/ignorant to non-binary people.
Had to boymode for a job and NOPE definitely not a man. Still pretend to be a binary guy when non-binary situations are hard but can’t full-time as a binary guy, it’s just another closet.
they/them when I came out but still occasionally called myself a girl out of habit sometimes for the first few months, that was 4 years ago and I think maybe 2 years ago ish started with they/he which I liked but no one uses he and I kinda rotate between they/he and they/them just bc I feel like I exist beyond gender lolol but if I’m gonna be gendered or assumed, I’d much rather he than she.
I'm still closeted to most people, so I use she/he/they, depending of the person I'm talking to, but I have to force myself to use she, so I don't accidently out myself lol, because I already did it some times without noticing
Definitely.
Came out with any/all
Then changed to they/them
Then changed to they/he
Now im he/it and a bunch of neopronouns.
I dislike they/them because it was only ever used to avoid using he/him for me, but i tolerate it. Its at the bottom of my list of pronouns i use.
I also know when im passing as a guy majority of the time I'll be comfortable with she/her again, but at the moment midway through my transition, people using she/her are doing it because they assume im a cis girl which makes me dysphoric
she/her -> they/them -> they/he + neos -> he/him + neos -> any (depends, mainly he but she and they are fun too) + neos
I started to get a little tired of closer people perceiving me as binary, so my current identity is genderfluid. Weirdly enough, testosterone and top surgery has helped me accept and express my full “rainbow” of gender. It’s a whole lot easier to present fluidly, in my opinion, when I’m not (solely) perceived as a cis woman while doing it. Nowadays, strangers tend to see me as a variety of different genders, and/or often gender me masculinely even when I’m dressing super cutely and femininely, which is a plus for me.
she/they -> they/she -> they/any -> maybe he/they soon?
I’ve been she/they for years now. I let people assume pronouns, or I introduce as she/they. When I’m close to someone usually I end up telling them that I love to be called they/them and it means a lot to me whenever someone who cares about me starts using them.
Recently though, I don’t want to hear she/her at all anymore. It’s becoming increasingly dysphoric the more I can accept myself, with the help of my amazing partner. I still don’t tell people, but I look a lot more nonbinary and so when people ask nowadays I say I prefer they but anything is fine.
I may soon start using he/they ….. because I’m about to start T next week!!
Yes, definitely. At first I thought I was genderfluid (she/he/they) - (Any/all + neos) - (he/they) then I was like nopee I'm a dude (he/they) - (he/any) - (he/him) eventually I started using (he/xe) once I started learning more about my gender. Now I've learned my gender is pretty confusing, I identify as genderqueer transmasc but I simplify this to transman in most social settings! I currently usually use (he/xe/it) I sometimes am ok with (they/them) and I am ok with close friends using (she/her) on occasion. Which is ok to me because if they see me as a guy it's like how some queer cis men use them on occasion to express femininity (like drag). One day I may use any pronouns again but right now it's (he/him) or (he/xe/It) depending on social settings.
Sorry this was a lot lol.
He/him to he/they to they/them to she/they to she/her.
I'm mtf but post made me think about how much I changed my at the beginning of my transistion 😅 changing pronouns was like a weekly activity.
I started using she/her again, with specific people. I like she/her, but only when it’s used by folks who I know understand how I used it. Call me she like a gay man, but not like a cis woman. The full list is…
She/her -> she/they -> he/they -> he/him-> he/she/xey -> he/him again -> he/they again -> he/she/it -> he/she/xey. Long road. It’s been stable for a couple years now and also I came up with the same pronoun set twice LOL so I don’t expect it to change too much.
when i came out as ftm i used he/him, 2 years later i started using he/they (it didn't change much tho, since in italy we don't have neutral pronouns, so people still had to use he/him), and now i still go by he/them, but i don't mind if someone uses feminine pronouns with me!
(sorry for my bad english)
My pronouns were only he/him for the longest time but recently i changed my pronouns to he/they. I might change them again depending on who I feel. Gender is weird and complicated.
I started with she/her because that's what everyone wanted for me, but then I wanted to use they/them. Unfortunately someone I went to school with who was also nonbinary wanted to force he/him on me without my consent. That made me uncomfortable so between that person and Blair White, I went back into the closet and used she/her. I think I briefly used she/they only because I didn't want people throwing a fit and was scared but I really wasn't ok with she. Eventually that went to they/them. Now I use they/he but I only have that in certain places. I have it listed on Instagram and tiktok and with my GP who is nonbinary and works at a clinic specially for LGBT people within Stanford, but everyone else I tell they/them or say nothing. That person from before still kindof messed me up by trying to force it on me and I don't feel like I deserve he/him since sometimes I wear "women's" clothing and have been been accused of wearing "women's" clothes when wearing ouji or just in general Visual kei/goth stuff I get inspired from other men. I also can't go on testosterone so that doesn't help. Even someone in the main trans sub picked on me and thought I was joking/faking being trans so I'm pretty insecure.*that person I'm pretty sure got booted from the sub bc they were going specifically after nonbinary people's posts.*
I started with they/them, then realized I'm more of a demiman. Then, I started using they/he. I've found as I get more comfortable that I prefer he/they. I still use both interchangeably, but I think "he" is slightly more fitting.
I came out in online circles with he/him as a binary trans man
he,him> he,it> he,it,un> it,he,un> it,un,he> it,un > un,it
I used to enjoy he/him a lot, especially when I was first coming out. I wanted un/uns/unself to be used equally to it/he, but the reality was everyone would only use he for me, which left me with immense dissatisfaction.
I'm still ftm / male (xenine too), yet I'm not a he/him.
I'm still exclusively referred to by he/him, which sucks, but whatever.
between preference change, denial, and self-realization, they’ve changed quite a bit over the years!
they/them -> they/he -> he/him -> he/xe -> he/him again -> currently using zie/hir & he/it/fae sets :]
She/her --> She/they --> They/she --> They/them --> They/he --> He/they
So yeah, just a bit 😂 I've been stable at He/they for by far the longest though and still like them so I think for now at least they're the right ones
When I first came out, I used he/him, but for the last couple years I’ve been using he/himme (pronounced like “him”) to denote how integral being femme is to my transmasc identity. I love it :)
She/her –> she/they –> they/them –> any pronouns (except she/her)–> no pronouns –> he/they + neopronouns –> he/they
Lol I went on a journey with my pronouns over the course of 7 years.
I've seen a few other comments with this same line up, me included haha -- it's cool to see how many of us there are who went through a journey before finding what's most comfortable
she/they -> they/them -> he/they -> he/him -> any/all
I identify pretty much entirely as genderfluid now and don't care what pronouns people use for me (I've even come to like it/its for certain conceptual and philosophical reasons). Ironically, this was the identity I initially identified as when I came out, but a bunch of internalized transphobia got in the way of me being able to actualize it up until more recently.
She/her to they/them to he/they to he/him to he/she/they to he/him. But now I’m more like it’s he/him but I couldn’t care less if I’m misgendered by accident.
Yep! She / her > they / them > they / he > he / they!
Also if ur wondering why the back two are similar it's cos the first one I put is the one I prefer over the other but both are good.
I initially came out as nb and used she/he/they, found people only ever used she (my agab) so I limited it to he/they and then the more people used he the happier I felt so now use he/him exclusively
Mmm i dont like that omg. The way people only use one like no. Suspecting im transmasc enby but heavy avoiding she/her rn
It felt like such a cop-out on their behalf! Like there's three whole pronouns there, mix it up
This comment seems a bit rude as a response to someone who found out they're happiest with just one set of pronouns. Why say "I don't like that" as a response to that?
Nono i meant i dont like the way people were treating them sorry! I was commiserating with that situation they were describing, where everyone just calls you "she/her" when you say "any pronouns". Its not respecting the spirit of the request youre making
My apologies, I totally misinterpreted your comment! I see what you mean now, heartily agree
I read the first sentence the same way haha
I had a similar experience. Except I went from she/they/he (with people only using she/her) to they/them (and people still only using she/her, thinking I was a she/they, when that was never the case) to they/he when I started T (and people only using they/them now, which is an improvement from she/her lmao, tho I do still get that sometimes, despite sounding “like such a t boy,” as my roommate says🤦)
she/her —> she/they/he —> he/they —> he/him in hindsight it sucks that i never used she/they, would have had the whole collection then
I had the she/her to she/they to they/she to they/them to they/he to he/him pipeline looool
she/her —> she/he/they (ask) —> they/them —> they/he —> he/they for me lmao
lolll same but with it/its with that last he/they
omg same! we only just missed out on collecting them all haha
bruh same exact pronouns and progress over time lol
Same
all pronouns -> they/he -> they/them currently but i honestly only don‘t use he/him because i don‘t pass at all and it makes me feel like a fraud. not saying that not passing should dictate pronoun use but i just feel uncomfortable with it.. maybe internalized transphobia
I totally felt this way when i didnt pass youre not alone. It was def Internalized transphobia from the truscum era, i felt like a ✨trans man✨ (derogatory) which is such bullshit
i was unfortunately also in transmed spaces as a teen and i definitely internalized a lot of those beliefs
Idk I don’t think it has to be transphobia. “He” is like an aspirational pronoun for me, because I’d like to get there, but it hasn’t quite felt accurate to where I’m at in my transition. I’d have no issues using it for someone else regardless of their appearance. But for myself, it’s only now starting to feel comfortable as my external packaging begins to reflect the vision I have internally.
full pronoun gauntlet: she/her -> she/they -> they/them -> he/they -> he/him (-> he/xe one day when neopronouns are acceptable)
Obviously do what you are most comfortable with and keep yourself safe, but, as a neopronoun user myself (he/it) id say, be the change you want to be in the world! If you want to see more acceptance for neopronouns, the only way that's going to happen is if more of us are open about our identities and we work to remove the stigma against them!
i love this, i had a similary experience. pronoun gauntlet is the best thing I've heard
i considered she/they before coming out but when i came out as genderfluid (which i still am) i used they/them. last spring i told people he/they. but recently i've realized i'm actually pronounfluid, and the pronouns i use overall are he/him, she/her, they/them, ve/vem, ne/nym, and ae/aer. they change multiple times daily and i usually use at least two at any given time
I love that, I hadn't heard of pronounfluid before but I'll have to learn more! Thank you
i don't yet let people irl know when my pronouns change, so most people use either they/them or he/they for me.
found another pronounfluid person!!
Ooo i LOVE your neopronouns ive never heard those before
thank you!! full sets are ve/vem/ver/vers/vemself, ne/nym/nir/nirs/nymself, and ae/aer/aer/aers/aerself :)
he/him > he/they > he/they/it. I initially came out as a binary trans man and then as bigender after top surgery. I would use he/they/she/it but people would take that as a free pass to just she/her me all the time.
i changed my pronouns a lot online (she/her, she/they, they/she, they/xey/fae, they/he, he/they, he/him, he/moth/bug/stim, he/xe/🌻). as for irl, i came out to my family with he/they (they only used they/them though) then switched to he/him. i'd like to start using neopronouns like xe/xem irl when i go to college in the fall, but i'll probably just tell friends since i don't want to be bullied or make an extra hassle for people (not that i find neopronoun users to be a hassle, i'm just working through some internalized stuff around neopronouns right now. hopefully i'll eventually be able to ask everyone to use he/xe for me)
I love neos, and I would love to be referred to by only neos, but I've only ever had 3 or 4 people ever respect my neos outside of online spaces. I went from agab pronouns -> e/em + enderself + moriself -> they/them + neos just because of the hassle of getting people to understand. I did not vibe with they/them for years but just accepted that that was the closest others would get. And I still play a game of "which pronouns do customers refer me as" at work, and it's usually he/she anyway. The struggle is real, but I hope we can someday live in a world where people will start to understand.
my pronouns have always been all over the place, most simply: she/her -> he/him -> any & neos -> they/it -> he/they -> he/him -> hy/hym & he/him
thank you for sharing, I feel like I should look into more neopronouns because they interest me but I haven't explored any so far.
good luck if u do! ive found them really helpful and i hope u do too :]
why was i downvoted 😭?
Hey how do you pronounce hy/hym?
exactly the same as he/him (at least for me)
She/her -> they/them -> any -> he/any -> he/him
I think mine went something like- Any/All —> They/Them —> They/He —> He/Him —> He/They —> too tired to care
she/her -> she/he (whyyyyyy does no one use the second one! I don’t even like the first one anymore! 😡 Oh wait, that’s not a very girly thing to be thinking. Maybe I’m a man???) -> he/him
I went she/her ~> he/him -> he/they I’m transmasc/agender
never used she her, she/they/he, they/them, they/he, he/they, he/him
They/she > they/them > he/they
She/her (pretransition) > he/him > they/them > they/he
they/them or nothing he/they and they/he (he/him was fun to play around with for a bit but doesn't fit me, still don't mind accidentally being called "he"... makes me smile) all pronouns (out of frustration) they/them now
IRL I like using pronouns in a way that emphasizes my gender nonconformity, so if Ive been he/him'd a lot by strangers Ill usually add they/them or it/its or neopronouns to the mix (or she/her if Im in drag). Instead of getting read as 100% male I want there to be a little confusion about it. Keep em guessing
She/her -> she/they -> they/she -> they/them -> he/him -> he/they I became more comfy with they/them when I started to pass more, makes me more confident accepting my femininity and it feels less like people only use they/them because they see me like a spicy woman lol (now its because they see me like a spicy man, which is not ideal, but better for me personally LOL)
she/her > she/they > they/she > they/she/he > they/he/she > they/he 🏳️⚧️✨😮💨😤 at this point I have had top surgery and recently decided to start T, with an appt later this month. I couldn't say things won't change for sure, but I have a feeling I might stick with they/he-- I don't feel like a "Trans Man," still very genderqueer/NB, and I think they/he encapsulates that the best for me. also right now I am not usually overly bothered when ppl use she/her, depending on the closeness of that person and their intention. I have been open about stuff at work and there are a few people that really try to use they/them and that effort is meaningful to me. I am aware I am read as more femme by cis people rn, so don't feel too offended when people I don't know/am not close with misgender me
So when I first started transitioning (7-8 years ago) I used he/him and was always trying to be hyper masculine and thought I had to be a manly man in order to be valid. I didn't know you could be nonbinary or genderfluid or anything and thought I had to act within gender "norms", etc, until about 5 years ago when I started to realize I didn't have to be hyper masculine to be a dude and didn't have to act within gender "norms" I could just be me and still be a dude. I also started learning about different gender identities and pronouns and realized I was more transmasc/nonbinary and that I also felt comfortable and resonated with they/them pronouns as well as he/him (now I also use it/it's on occasion but mainly he/they). I also now dress and act however I'd like, lotsa dresses, cute skirts and also some more masc fits, I have lots of stuffed animals/cute stuff, but now I don't feel ashamed. I was also on T for a couple years (once I get over my phobia of needles I will be back on T) which also helps me feel less dysphoric as I present more masc to the point that some people think I am amab :3
She/her --> She/they --> They/them -->he/him --> he/they -->they/he --> they/them --> they/them/he 😅🖤
I've gone from she/her --> she/they --> he/they/she And I've honestly realized I don't really like she/her atall but I am developing a grudge since it's what most people will default to. But it also doesn't make me dysphoric, I feel it just doesn't kind of match me. I'm still in the acceptance stage and working on that🫡 I feel a bit scared to transfer to he/they completely
1. Dirk, 13–15 - Genderfluid, he/she/they Too busy trying to survive to really think about my gender, I just knew “I don’t always feel like a girl”. 2. Joji, 15 - Agender, he/they Finally in a safer place. Didn’t feel like any gender, didn’t really care. Just didn’t want to be seen as a girl. Didn’t know if I wanted to transition but also really wanted to at the same time 😅 3. Yves, 16 - Transmasc agender, he/they Started realizing I wanted to transition. Cut my hair short and experienced gender euphoria for the first time. 4. Samson, 17–Now - Trans man, he It’s a long story in my head. I’m a guy now.
Im nonbinary, but thought I was a binary trans man for a long time. I used she/her, then he/him with transphobic members of my family using they/them. I then began realizing he/him was not my fave, so I started alternating between he and they. Now I use he/him in situations where my gender is assumed (work, meeting new people i probably wont see again, etc), because it's not wrong, it's just not the most right. If anyone asks my preference, it is they/them.
i went from using she/they online -> they/them online -> they/them irl -> they/he -> he/they -> he/they and any neopronouns -> now considering using just he/him and any neopronouns
Yep. I wanted to use he/they when I came out but I was too afraid to tell anyone, so I just stuck to they/them. I then briefly tried he/him with one person, but it felt weird so I stopped. Then over the course of several years, I shifted to they/he, then he/they, and now he/him. It's been a long time coming. Edit: I forgot – there was totally some neopronoun usage in the middle there too.
I just went from she/her directly to he/him, never liked they/them pronouns for myself
I went down the classic she/her to she/they to they/them they/he to he/they to he/him pipeline, just missing they/she lol
not really that big of a change but she/her > she/him (used to think i was gender fluid) > he/him and thats it
Went from nonbinary they/them -> they/he -> transman he/they -> to now genderfluid Transmasc he/it
I started with she/they, then they/them, then he/they.
He/him ---> He/they
she her -> she/they -> they/them -> they/he :3
They/them I am not a he/him only on my medical information because I want to be taken seriously as a trans guy
They/Them -> He/Him -> He/They Never really stopped using they/them, but kinda had to remind people I'm still a 5'5" twig who likes flowers alongside my skulls n' bones lol
She/Her-> They/Them -> He/They
they/them -> he/him except there are some people I haven't told yet who still use they. I kind of tried he/they, but for some reason this freaked out some of my cis family members haha. like they were like "BUT WHICH ONE DO I USE" and I was like "they're both correct, that's the point" but they still got very stressed about it. so it's mostly he/him now. I'm trying to decide if I still want to use they at all, I have complicated feelings about it.
She/her -> he/him (still use that as default in my language because it's stupidly gendered) -> he/they -> they/them -> idc
They/them —> he/him, I don’t rlly remember having a split pronoun moment, I just got called he/him accidentally after coming out and was like “holy shit, this actually feels even better!” For a while I considered myself to be like Okay with they/them pronouns, cuz they’re just neutral, but I didn’t feel the need to add them to my pronoun set since ppl used it on me either way. Then after a lot of experiences with people just using they/them to skirt around my male identity, it started to feel more like active misgendering (when done so knowingly.)
This was the progression for me —-> she/her —-> they/them —-> they/he —-> he/him And now I’m fully content on using he/him. I was worried initially about using exclusively he/him, so I stuck with they/them and they/he for a few months, but he/him feels so amazing now that I could never think of myself using any other pronouns lol
I was a trans man for many years until I was well into my medical transition so it went -> he/him -> he/they after top surgery -> he/she/they -> all pronouns -> all pronouns except it/its -> now he/she/they again but with very limited use of she/her. She/her isn't to be used by family, anyone who knew me pretransition, acquaintances that know I was AFAB (most ppl I meet assume I was AMAB, in that case she/her is fine), and health professionals. Basically any situation in which she/her could be interpreted as purposeful misgendering it's not allowed
i wanted to be exclusively they/them, but i lived in a pretty conservative place so she/her ended up being the reality. now i just accept it, they/she, if you know my pronouns please call me they but if you call me she i won’t be offended
While I'm *technically* not binary(i went off T recently since im lucky enough to have passed pre-t and i prefer having a feminine body), I've always identified with being fully a man and using he/him since i realized i was trans. I tried he/they for a week or two and it didn't feel right at all. she/her is an absolutely fucking not.
That's exactly how it was for me, but I kept he/they and added xe/xem though I still prefer he/him I technically started using some other neopronouns, but they're very rarely used, so I kinda just store them ig
I went she/her, she/they, they/them, he/him, he/they, he/they/it, he/it/they, it's/him.
she/her > she/they > they/she > any > he/him/(they)
i do plan on going back to [any] when i feel done medically transitioning, but i want she pronouns when im doing kunty drag, not when ive spent hours trying to find an outfit that hides my chest & practiced what i was gonna say in a lower octave for 10 minutes before interacting with people
since we’re doing pronouns over time: i went he/him (2014)-> any (2016)-> they/them (2017)-> he/they (2022)-> he/him (2023 on) never she/her because as soon as i encountered people who asked or listed pronouns, i knew I was trans. everything after was me trying to simultaneously deconstruct gender & not “set my hopes too high”. i liked saying “any” because it felt casual in conversation but still opened the door to he/him without me having to specifically ask for it, plus gave me room for parts of my personality that i then saw as conflicting with maleness. when people proceeded to use she/her only and never he/him, i switched to they/them. i only gained confidence to use he/they when hrt was finally in reach. i switched from he/they to he/him a few months in because i realized including “they” was outing me (or at least raising questions) in settings i otherwise passed in so, to answer the question, my pronouns have changed a LOT based off my circumstances, expectations, and how people around me respond to/interpret them
She/her -> they/them -> he/they/it -> he/xe/vae/ae/it -> she/her -> they/xe -> xe/xir -> xe/xir but I don't hate he/him -> vae/xe but I tell most people I use he/him I've gone through almost ever fucking combination lol
Any -> they/them -> ze/they/he -> ze/they Knew I wasn’t a woman or a man, but no real pronoun preference. No one used anything but she, so she was off the table. Found out about ze/zer/zem and it was helpful when one is discussing both a group and myself individually. Tried out passing as a trans man (I could never stealth) when situations are hostile/ignorant to non-binary people. Had to boymode for a job and NOPE definitely not a man. Still pretend to be a binary guy when non-binary situations are hard but can’t full-time as a binary guy, it’s just another closet.
they/them when I came out but still occasionally called myself a girl out of habit sometimes for the first few months, that was 4 years ago and I think maybe 2 years ago ish started with they/he which I liked but no one uses he and I kinda rotate between they/he and they/them just bc I feel like I exist beyond gender lolol but if I’m gonna be gendered or assumed, I’d much rather he than she.
I'm still closeted to most people, so I use she/he/they, depending of the person I'm talking to, but I have to force myself to use she, so I don't accidently out myself lol, because I already did it some times without noticing
I went from she/her to she/they to they/them to he/him in like the course of two years lollll
She/her -> she/they -> they/she/he ->they/he
my pronoun pipeline went all over the place she/her->she/they->ze/hir->ze/it->any pronouns->he/him
Yup, went from they/them to strictly he/him after I started passing more consistently
She/her > she/he > any > he/him > they them > he/they > he/they/fae/it (or "anything other than she/her" really)
they/them-he/him-they/them-he/him pipeline
Definitely. Came out with any/all Then changed to they/them Then changed to they/he Now im he/it and a bunch of neopronouns. I dislike they/them because it was only ever used to avoid using he/him for me, but i tolerate it. Its at the bottom of my list of pronouns i use. I also know when im passing as a guy majority of the time I'll be comfortable with she/her again, but at the moment midway through my transition, people using she/her are doing it because they assume im a cis girl which makes me dysphoric
I went from she/her > they/them > he/they > he/they/it (<--this was when I came out) > he/him
she/her -> they/them -> they/he + neos -> he/him + neos -> any (depends, mainly he but she and they are fun too) + neos I started to get a little tired of closer people perceiving me as binary, so my current identity is genderfluid. Weirdly enough, testosterone and top surgery has helped me accept and express my full “rainbow” of gender. It’s a whole lot easier to present fluidly, in my opinion, when I’m not (solely) perceived as a cis woman while doing it. Nowadays, strangers tend to see me as a variety of different genders, and/or often gender me masculinely even when I’m dressing super cutely and femininely, which is a plus for me.
Went from she/he/they -> he/him -> he/they
Prettyboy here. Was exclusively he/him for a year, recently he/she has felt good, but primarily he still. :)
she/they -> they/she -> they/any -> maybe he/they soon? I’ve been she/they for years now. I let people assume pronouns, or I introduce as she/they. When I’m close to someone usually I end up telling them that I love to be called they/them and it means a lot to me whenever someone who cares about me starts using them. Recently though, I don’t want to hear she/her at all anymore. It’s becoming increasingly dysphoric the more I can accept myself, with the help of my amazing partner. I still don’t tell people, but I look a lot more nonbinary and so when people ask nowadays I say I prefer they but anything is fine. I may soon start using he/they ….. because I’m about to start T next week!!
High school if anyone asked I said any but didn't matter cuz people always used she anyway. Then college started using they/them and now he/ they
Yes, definitely. At first I thought I was genderfluid (she/he/they) - (Any/all + neos) - (he/they) then I was like nopee I'm a dude (he/they) - (he/any) - (he/him) eventually I started using (he/xe) once I started learning more about my gender. Now I've learned my gender is pretty confusing, I identify as genderqueer transmasc but I simplify this to transman in most social settings! I currently usually use (he/xe/it) I sometimes am ok with (they/them) and I am ok with close friends using (she/her) on occasion. Which is ok to me because if they see me as a guy it's like how some queer cis men use them on occasion to express femininity (like drag). One day I may use any pronouns again but right now it's (he/him) or (he/xe/It) depending on social settings. Sorry this was a lot lol.
He/him to he/they to they/them to she/they to she/her. I'm mtf but post made me think about how much I changed my at the beginning of my transistion 😅 changing pronouns was like a weekly activity.
I started using she/her again, with specific people. I like she/her, but only when it’s used by folks who I know understand how I used it. Call me she like a gay man, but not like a cis woman. The full list is… She/her -> she/they -> he/they -> he/him-> he/she/xey -> he/him again -> he/they again -> he/she/it -> he/she/xey. Long road. It’s been stable for a couple years now and also I came up with the same pronoun set twice LOL so I don’t expect it to change too much.
when i came out as ftm i used he/him, 2 years later i started using he/they (it didn't change much tho, since in italy we don't have neutral pronouns, so people still had to use he/him), and now i still go by he/them, but i don't mind if someone uses feminine pronouns with me! (sorry for my bad english)
She/he —> he/they —> he/him
My pronouns were only he/him for the longest time but recently i changed my pronouns to he/they. I might change them again depending on who I feel. Gender is weird and complicated.
I started with she/her because that's what everyone wanted for me, but then I wanted to use they/them. Unfortunately someone I went to school with who was also nonbinary wanted to force he/him on me without my consent. That made me uncomfortable so between that person and Blair White, I went back into the closet and used she/her. I think I briefly used she/they only because I didn't want people throwing a fit and was scared but I really wasn't ok with she. Eventually that went to they/them. Now I use they/he but I only have that in certain places. I have it listed on Instagram and tiktok and with my GP who is nonbinary and works at a clinic specially for LGBT people within Stanford, but everyone else I tell they/them or say nothing. That person from before still kindof messed me up by trying to force it on me and I don't feel like I deserve he/him since sometimes I wear "women's" clothing and have been been accused of wearing "women's" clothes when wearing ouji or just in general Visual kei/goth stuff I get inspired from other men. I also can't go on testosterone so that doesn't help. Even someone in the main trans sub picked on me and thought I was joking/faking being trans so I'm pretty insecure.*that person I'm pretty sure got booted from the sub bc they were going specifically after nonbinary people's posts.*
I started with they/them, then realized I'm more of a demiman. Then, I started using they/he. I've found as I get more comfortable that I prefer he/they. I still use both interchangeably, but I think "he" is slightly more fitting.
I came out in online circles with he/him as a binary trans man he,him> he,it> he,it,un> it,he,un> it,un,he> it,un > un,it I used to enjoy he/him a lot, especially when I was first coming out. I wanted un/uns/unself to be used equally to it/he, but the reality was everyone would only use he for me, which left me with immense dissatisfaction. I'm still ftm / male (xenine too), yet I'm not a he/him. I'm still exclusively referred to by he/him, which sucks, but whatever.
between preference change, denial, and self-realization, they’ve changed quite a bit over the years! they/them -> they/he -> he/him -> he/xe -> he/him again -> currently using zie/hir & he/it/fae sets :]
She/her --> She/they --> They/she --> They/them --> They/he --> He/they So yeah, just a bit 😂 I've been stable at He/they for by far the longest though and still like them so I think for now at least they're the right ones
When I first came out, I used he/him, but for the last couple years I’ve been using he/himme (pronounced like “him”) to denote how integral being femme is to my transmasc identity. I love it :)
she/her > all > he/him > he/they > they/he
She/her –> she/they –> they/them –> any pronouns (except she/her)–> no pronouns –> he/they + neopronouns –> he/they Lol I went on a journey with my pronouns over the course of 7 years.
She/her > she/he > she/they/he > they/them > they/he Edit - forgot to start w she/her
I've seen a few other comments with this same line up, me included haha -- it's cool to see how many of us there are who went through a journey before finding what's most comfortable
Any/all ---> they/them ---> they/he
She/her(yuckkk) >> they/them >> he/they >> he/they/him
she/they -> they/them -> he/they -> he/him -> any/all I identify pretty much entirely as genderfluid now and don't care what pronouns people use for me (I've even come to like it/its for certain conceptual and philosophical reasons). Ironically, this was the identity I initially identified as when I came out, but a bunch of internalized transphobia got in the way of me being able to actualize it up until more recently.
She/her -> she/he/they -> she/he/xie -> she/it/they -> he/they -> he/it
This is gonna be fun She/her->They/them->He/him->He/they->They/he->They/he/she->They/he/elle->They/he and He/they
She/her to they/them to he/they to he/him to he/she/they to he/him. But now I’m more like it’s he/him but I couldn’t care less if I’m misgendered by accident.
Yep! She / her > they / them > they / he > he / they! Also if ur wondering why the back two are similar it's cos the first one I put is the one I prefer over the other but both are good.
she/her > she/they > they/she > they/them > they/he > he/they > he/him > he/him/it. literally every step through the pipeline 😭