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Let me start by saying I Love how kinky you two are. Our partners needs are always changing and evolving over time. I think it’s healthy in any relationship to spend some time talking about what you are enjoying / missing, what you want to work on as a couple, and what fantasies you’ve both been having.
My partner and I have been having similar conversations to what you are thinking about. We have been discussing kink intimacy vs vanilla intimacy both sexual and emotional and have been toning down our kink life a bit to make room for more vanilla pieces of each other that we have been missing.
As long as you frame the conversation around growing and being there for each other I don’t think your partner will be defensive if you bring up the topic.
The 24/7 life is not for everyone. Cages 4 months straith without non-kink intimacy can be hard on a couple. Talk with your partner and then both of you talk to your domme.
Discuss if you and your partner want date night to be added the schedule. Set the rules, can we remove our cage etc. And set the freequency.
Your relationship with you partner should not be neglected in persuit of kink. Kink can get boring without a partner.
I think u just need to open up to ur dom and she ll know what to do.
Also to ur boyfriend cause sex is not just orgasms and he should understand that too !
To me what you have sounds super healthy. You are living out your kinks and importantly you are doing it together with your partner.
Yes there is a 3rd person involved, but so what? Many would kill for such a setup.
I say you should enjoy the ride together with your boyfriend. If you enjoy being locked for longer periods, you likely enjoy the constant horniness more than actually cuming. I know, because I feel the same.
Best of luck to you guys!
Your dynamic sounds like a dream. Your Dom is a lucky gal!
I think the fact you are having these concerns is already proof the Your relationship is still being prioritized. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about these concerns?
If not, in think you should and then both of you can take your Dom about it.
May you can find a compromise? Maybe only be caged for the weekday and then weekend uncaged?
I agree with the others that 1. your relationship sounds quite healthy, and 2. you should talk with your boyfriend and domme about other options.
Have you thought about using a strap-on on each other. That might give you some sort of intimacy as well as sexual relief while still being locked in chastity. I find it quite a thrill to fuck, while simultaneously not using my own cock for it.
You could also incorporate long teasing sessions, for example shortly before you see your dom. That creates a strong bond between you two and makes you extra horny for your session.
Either way, trust your instincts. Communicate openly. Enjoy your life.
Is it possible two gay men don't know about prostate play? You can most definitely have sex with each other while remaining locked and probably even give each other orgasms. There are strap ons, and prostate massages, vibrators...
Sounds to me like you should have a convo with your keyholder or you should invite your imaginations into the bedroom—or both.
Me and him are both exclusively attracted to femininity and the only reason we can date each other is because we're both femboys. We're the only men that either of us have ever been with, so we're probably less experienced with prostate play than other gay men are, yeah.
But regardless, it's more about the trust and power of our domme than being physically able to orgasm. Of course any chastity cage could physically be beaten if you try hard enough (picking the lock, etc.), but it's not about that.
Sure. Im not suggesting you try to escape the cage, but some chastity arrangements allow the wearer to orgasm inside the cage if he can attain it. My dynamic is much like yours—when the cage is on there’s no orgasm allowed. I even have to ask permission when it’s off.
But has your keyholder specifically stated no orgasms? Because for two feminine guys I would suggest nipple play. Earlier this year I was able to push over the edge from it but it took more than five months of denial and an extraordinary circumstance for me to be able to do it.
Yes, the arrangement is specifically no orgasms. But I also just wanted to mention:
>Because for two feminine guys I would suggest nipple play.
I know women are more likely to be able to orgasm from nipple play, but we're not actually on female hormones or anything like that. We're still "biologically male".
Lots of great feedback so far.
I think you should speak to your partner first and get a scope of where his head is at in regards to intimacy between the two of you, and then I'd negotiate with the Domme once you have an idea of how you both feel. It might be nice to get, say, one weekend a month where you're unlocked for private time together. This is just an example. You could also barter with the Domme for an exchange (punishment for enjoying yourselves, maybe, or a promise that you'll record evidence of it for her somehow) to keep her in the loop and feel like you're sticking to the nature of that relationship. Maybe one of you gets to cum and the other doesn't. Or maybe you just need a break to get to be partners.
>You could also barter with the Domme for an exchange (punishment for enjoying yourselves, maybe, or a promise that you'll record evidence of it for her somehow) to keep her in the loop and feel like you're sticking to the nature of that relationship.
This sounds interesting, can you elaborate a little more on what you mean? Before getting locked up, we actually did record ourselves and make sexy videos with each other for our domme to enjoy, so we're definitely not against recording "evidence" of what we do intimately. I just want to make sure I get what you mean.
Well... The Domme might feel "uninvited" in her dynamic with you, as well, if the two of you take breaks from chastity that she uses as a big piece of her play with you. So trading playtime for "punishment" or being allowed to do it but having to record it, might be a way of feeling like you're not backpedaling from that D/s dynamic while still getting time with your partner.
i can understand but i never heard any mention of your other pleasurable erogenous zone, the prostate.
you can pleasure each other with external vibes even, and work on that muscle down there that clenches the prostate, i like to head off a climax by diverting the energy lower down, and explode from the bottom up...so to speak
It looks like this thread is about getting advice/tips from the community. Please consider taking a look at our [recommendations for getting ideas and advice for your femdom adventures](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/wiki/index/gettingandgivinghelp#wiki_getting_help_in_this_subreddit). We've got a lot of folks willing to help. Please help them by including pertinent details such as you and your partners interests, needs and limits. We also invite you to browse our wiki for [helpful guides and resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/wiki/index#wiki_kink_guides_and_resources) and [answers to some frequently asked questions](https://www.reddit.com/r/FemdomCommunity/wiki/index/femdomfaq). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FemdomCommunity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Let me start by saying I Love how kinky you two are. Our partners needs are always changing and evolving over time. I think it’s healthy in any relationship to spend some time talking about what you are enjoying / missing, what you want to work on as a couple, and what fantasies you’ve both been having. My partner and I have been having similar conversations to what you are thinking about. We have been discussing kink intimacy vs vanilla intimacy both sexual and emotional and have been toning down our kink life a bit to make room for more vanilla pieces of each other that we have been missing. As long as you frame the conversation around growing and being there for each other I don’t think your partner will be defensive if you bring up the topic.
The 24/7 life is not for everyone. Cages 4 months straith without non-kink intimacy can be hard on a couple. Talk with your partner and then both of you talk to your domme. Discuss if you and your partner want date night to be added the schedule. Set the rules, can we remove our cage etc. And set the freequency. Your relationship with you partner should not be neglected in persuit of kink. Kink can get boring without a partner.
I think u just need to open up to ur dom and she ll know what to do. Also to ur boyfriend cause sex is not just orgasms and he should understand that too !
To me what you have sounds super healthy. You are living out your kinks and importantly you are doing it together with your partner. Yes there is a 3rd person involved, but so what? Many would kill for such a setup. I say you should enjoy the ride together with your boyfriend. If you enjoy being locked for longer periods, you likely enjoy the constant horniness more than actually cuming. I know, because I feel the same. Best of luck to you guys!
Your dynamic sounds like a dream. Your Dom is a lucky gal! I think the fact you are having these concerns is already proof the Your relationship is still being prioritized. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about these concerns? If not, in think you should and then both of you can take your Dom about it. May you can find a compromise? Maybe only be caged for the weekday and then weekend uncaged?
I think u should tell ur dom about this
I agree with the others that 1. your relationship sounds quite healthy, and 2. you should talk with your boyfriend and domme about other options. Have you thought about using a strap-on on each other. That might give you some sort of intimacy as well as sexual relief while still being locked in chastity. I find it quite a thrill to fuck, while simultaneously not using my own cock for it. You could also incorporate long teasing sessions, for example shortly before you see your dom. That creates a strong bond between you two and makes you extra horny for your session. Either way, trust your instincts. Communicate openly. Enjoy your life.
Try prostate play and handsfree orgasms. You can thank me later
Is it possible two gay men don't know about prostate play? You can most definitely have sex with each other while remaining locked and probably even give each other orgasms. There are strap ons, and prostate massages, vibrators... Sounds to me like you should have a convo with your keyholder or you should invite your imaginations into the bedroom—or both.
Me and him are both exclusively attracted to femininity and the only reason we can date each other is because we're both femboys. We're the only men that either of us have ever been with, so we're probably less experienced with prostate play than other gay men are, yeah. But regardless, it's more about the trust and power of our domme than being physically able to orgasm. Of course any chastity cage could physically be beaten if you try hard enough (picking the lock, etc.), but it's not about that.
Sure. Im not suggesting you try to escape the cage, but some chastity arrangements allow the wearer to orgasm inside the cage if he can attain it. My dynamic is much like yours—when the cage is on there’s no orgasm allowed. I even have to ask permission when it’s off. But has your keyholder specifically stated no orgasms? Because for two feminine guys I would suggest nipple play. Earlier this year I was able to push over the edge from it but it took more than five months of denial and an extraordinary circumstance for me to be able to do it.
Yes, the arrangement is specifically no orgasms. But I also just wanted to mention: >Because for two feminine guys I would suggest nipple play. I know women are more likely to be able to orgasm from nipple play, but we're not actually on female hormones or anything like that. We're still "biologically male".
I’m biologically male and I had an orgasm from nipple play. Open your mind.
Gotcha. I was just confused at first what us being femme had to do with it, lol.
You guys should peg each other
Lots of great feedback so far. I think you should speak to your partner first and get a scope of where his head is at in regards to intimacy between the two of you, and then I'd negotiate with the Domme once you have an idea of how you both feel. It might be nice to get, say, one weekend a month where you're unlocked for private time together. This is just an example. You could also barter with the Domme for an exchange (punishment for enjoying yourselves, maybe, or a promise that you'll record evidence of it for her somehow) to keep her in the loop and feel like you're sticking to the nature of that relationship. Maybe one of you gets to cum and the other doesn't. Or maybe you just need a break to get to be partners.
>You could also barter with the Domme for an exchange (punishment for enjoying yourselves, maybe, or a promise that you'll record evidence of it for her somehow) to keep her in the loop and feel like you're sticking to the nature of that relationship. This sounds interesting, can you elaborate a little more on what you mean? Before getting locked up, we actually did record ourselves and make sexy videos with each other for our domme to enjoy, so we're definitely not against recording "evidence" of what we do intimately. I just want to make sure I get what you mean.
Well... The Domme might feel "uninvited" in her dynamic with you, as well, if the two of you take breaks from chastity that she uses as a big piece of her play with you. So trading playtime for "punishment" or being allowed to do it but having to record it, might be a way of feeling like you're not backpedaling from that D/s dynamic while still getting time with your partner.
OH, I see what you mean now. That's a really good idea, I'll bring it up to him! :)
i can understand but i never heard any mention of your other pleasurable erogenous zone, the prostate. you can pleasure each other with external vibes even, and work on that muscle down there that clenches the prostate, i like to head off a climax by diverting the energy lower down, and explode from the bottom up...so to speak