Well no. This man was a stranger. And asked for sex in a public setting, without even a “My name is…” so don’t be obtuse. It was unwelcome and it is sexual harassment…because he was harassing her.
Blurting out a blatantly sexual request to a stranger is harassment. If you want to get to know a woman, offer your number and tell her to give you a call. Even if you both just want sex it's good to size each other up in broad daylight, in a public place, before getting nasty. Safer for you, too.
It's okay to be straightforward, but do it appropriately. Remember, even if you are just being silly, women have real reason to be anxious around men and we can never safely assuming someone is just fucking around.
Thank you for explaining, and not being rude, like many other people are on here.
I'm autistic, and these social things are way out of my special interest area, so I appreciate frankness.
He's not villainising it. I am not even diagnosed autistic (although most people I know think I am on the spectrum... I've never been tested as the waiting list is too long), and I can see how he might have got confused. It is a spectrum and many people would genuinely struggle with understanding things like this.
Personally, I completely understand how this is absolutely wrong and it is sexual harassment. It's unacceptable and disgusting behaviour. But some people are affected much more by autism that a very simple social skill or knowledge, such as this, may be difficult to understand.
Again, I'm not defending this viewpoint. But I am aware of the spectrum and how affected some people can be.
The way he worded it was extremely rude, but again, autistic people may struggle with that.
Sorry if I sound rude or confrontational. For the record, this behaviour is abhorrent and nothing will justify it.
I am literally autistic. I understood what the post said. It was extremely clear. Even then, if you misunderstood the post you could’ve asked for more clarification instead of saying the classic line males who excuse sa use; “So all propositions are sexual harassment now?”. That’s not a normal thing to say. And you using autism as an excuse for saying such a thing disgusts me.
You not knowing what op meant with her post means you are confused on what it means yes. Not apologizing or deleten your comment instead of saying “I’m just autistic it isn’t my fault🥺” Is where you’re going in the wrong.
But being autistic doesnt justify using a phrase commonly used by predators to excuse rape. “So all proposition is sexual harassment now.” Get’s commonly used by men defending rape. Nothing can excuse you for immediately jumping to those conclusions when you see a woman talking about being sexually harassed. Stop acting like you’re allowed to do anything without consequences because of your autism. You are not a child. Making up excuses for saying something incredibly mysoginistic is wrong. End of discussion.
Delete your comments and do some self evaluation on why you feel like you should not be held accountable for your own mistakes just because of your autism. It’s not a good look.
My oldest brother would walk up to random women and ask if they wanted to fuck. It was in the 70’s. So while it is rude and disrespectful in my view it is definitely not something new. Unfortunately men treating women like objects is a practice as old as time itself.
Later than the 90s, but I grew up in the military and the 'joke' saying was "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"
I'm embarrassed to admit I have said it to strangers under the effects of alcohol. We did not have sex and those two guys were extremely confused/uncomfortable. It was half my life ago, and I still cringe. I'm actively cringing now.
I don't know anyone who said it and followed up with it. It was more so used as something to dare your friends to do or a prank.
I feel like its use as a prank or joke is what makes it frightening to me—everyone knows the prevalence of sexual violence, so there’s always a moment after the line is spoken that’s waiting for the other foot to fall. Is he gonna act on this? Is this a (disgusting and in poor taste) joke? Is this some kind of trap? Is he drunk? Am I in danger? It always pissed me off.
I can see where you're coming from, but in my experience, it always appears cringe-worthy and embarrassing upon reflection. Though, my experience of it was that it was said in public places with lots of people and never pushed past that line. For example, I said it to two guys at once who were sitting at the table next to ours in a brightly lit pizza parlor around 2:30ish am after the bars closed. Not to be defensive, just those were the only times I heard it, but I would be uncomfortable in a darkly lit club for a man to say it to me, a male stranger to say it to me if I'm walking alone during the day with just us two, or for a man to say it to me and follow up on.
If the latter were my experiences, then I can easily relate to your reaction. My experiences were that this was said in safe places with friends, acquaintances, and friends of friends in brightly lit places and lots of people around in a joking manner. Then again, save one experience, the rest of my experiences with the military guys were very respectful of my boundaries and consent well before people started caring as a society. Hells, I had one guy turn me down because I was tipsy (not drunk), made me a safe place to sleep after he turned me down with manners, and ensured that I had someone I trusted with me as we crashed at their place.
Lol of all the ways I foresaw the pick-up-line ending, I wasn't expecting that. Now, the question is, do you have hair or no hair? No hair definitely gives it even more oomph.
Once I was going back home from an office function that had evolved into drinks out. So, not even dressed to party. Past midnight.
My apartment in the centre of the city was 10 minutes from the train station. Plenty of people around.
A guy came out of nowhere and asked if I wanted to have sex with him. I was stunned but asked him to repeat what he said.
He did repeat the same while he was closing in on me. After confirmation, I became really, really scared and suddenly became afraid of my physical wellbeing. So I did what my reptilian brain told me to do: hit him hard on the side of his neck, with full force. Once, and again. I think after I hit him three times the guy just run away as fast as he could.
At least that one guy will not harass again. His neck must be still hurting after all these years.
This bs has been going on for years. I hate it. Makes me scared of just walking home minding my own business! What’s wrong with people!????
Hahaha nooo I wish! Iknow what Idid was bad and could have made things a lot worse for me. I was into sports at the time but no combat idea, it was just the first thing that came to mind.
I had my keys in my hand (which later I have learned that it is not advisable as you can injure yourself) and my keycharm (a beautiful toy Vespa scooter) broke into pieces. I still keep the keychain and the little end of the scooter that survived in my keys, they somhow remind me of sirvival :S
Didn't some gross dating advice dude suggest that men approach at least 3-5 women a day? He pushes focusing on women who are alone and to do it everyday just to play the odds. (As if women don't have enough to deal with navigating the world solo--time to get a big dog).
*It's not new.*
When I was in high school in 1997 this old dude walked up to me and my friend (we were both 15) in a public park in broad daylight and asked, "would either of you like to have sex with me?"
We both burst out laughing, and I was like "either of us? like just whichever one?" we just laughed until he left. I still think it's so funny and we both still joke about that guy today.
Old straight dudes being simultaneously pathetic and predatory is a tale as old as time
I knew someone in high school that would do that all the time, for every 100 girls he asked, one would say yes. His mentality was "The worst I'm going to get is a no, possibly a slap". Very toxic behavior.
The school wouldn't do anything about it because they didn't consider it "harassment" because he only asked them one time. I think they were just too lazy to do anything because it was an all-around horrible school anyways.
So a possible 1% success rate. I feel like just being a decent guy and talking to women normally would have a higher hit rate than 1%. Seems like they do it not for the success but really just to disrespect / scare the woman. That's what those guys like about the tactic.
It's not a prank. They are serious. There was a post earlier this week from a man saying he used this method and had sex with 150 different women. The theory is that if you ask 10,000 women to have sex and .01% say yes, that is 100 women that said yes. They "get used" to the rejection from the other 9,900 women. This is advice passed on through generations because I remember reading about it 25 years ago. Stupid fuck bois.
notice the womens feelings aren't involved at all here. they get used to rejection, and they were already used to not having to consider other peoples feelings when trying to get what they want.
Scaring you was the goal. Making you feel intimidated and unsafe was the goal. Making a joke at your expense, at the expense of your mental and potentially physical wellbeing, was the goal.
I reckon part of the logic is also that if they do this hundreds of times, they might stumble across someone they can actually pressure into sex this way - and as you say, all the times it doesn't work give them the same power-move satisfaction as all harrassment
There was a post on the AMA sub recently by a guy who claimed to be very successful with women. (I looked for the post but can’t find it.)
In the comments, people were talking about how to “successfully” hit on a woman (getting laid being the criteria for success), and someone mentioned that just straight up asking for sex sometimes worked, especially with older women. So maybe some of these men saw that post or similar and are deciding to shoot their shot?
Anyway, it’s a disgusting, rude question and I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It’s bullshit. These men deserve to be ripped apart, but if you don’t feel comfortable doing that, then I’d just say, “gross” and walk away.
Last week, I was walking in L.A., and this very normal looking young guy started following me and asking if I “wanted to join the adult film industry”. I assume it was a prank because I’m over 40. But it was creepy AF and he wouldn’t leave me alone. This was in broad daylight too. I ran across the street to get away from him.
Unfortunately this has always been a thing. I remember a creepy old man with huge gun and hunting stickers all over his big truck asking me if I was "single" at a stop light once. When I said "no" he said, "how about for an hour"? 🤮 Happened a decade ago and still gives me the fucking creeps.
Not new. I remember years ago I asked why men would do this and the answer was law of averages - for every 100 rejections, they might get 1 yes. It’s revolting and desperate… but that’s men.
The only time I’ve ever heard of this was in the context of a sociological study, where volunteers asked people to have sex and recorded their responses. It had some interesting things to say about male vs. female responses to something like that.
This…is probably not a sociological study. Ugh.
When I was a teen I went to Lowe’s and while walking back to my car one of the employees chased me down in the parking lot and asked me that only thing they had said to me after chasing me down a busy parking lot
Go to a bar and you can see this in action, never mind all you have to do is open a dating account and watch yourself be harassed by men asking for nudes, sharing unwanted genitalia picks, and being harassed for not wanting to date or in their minds since dating is synonymous with sex with them. I have chosen celibacy because I have dealt with harassment from men my entire life. I am safer this way emotionally, mentally, spiritually, most of all physically!!!!
About ten years ago I was grocery shopping and two men at the end of the aisle looked at each other and then at me, walked towards me and stood around my cart so that I couldn't leave. One asked me if I wanted to go home with them and I told them no. Then he asked if I was sure and I said yes and they left. I got the rest of my groceries very quickly and hightailed it out of the store, I was terrified they were going to follow me. It's mindboggling that they thought I might go with them??
I haven't heard of any trend, unfortunately men have been doing this for a long time.
Same. Happened to me twice . looked like younger men.
In the middle of the day.
I was wondering if there was some stupid coach on the internet giving stupid advice.
A senior manager in a factory did that to me when I was discussing product quality control- he literally in the middle of a professional conversation just said 'fancy a shag'- I was 21 at the time and he was in his mid/late 50s. I was on my own in an isolated office with him and didn't really know what to do so I just pretended i hadn't listened and continued to discuss product quality. I hate having to deal with that bullshit when all I want is to do my job without being harassed- sadly that seems like too much to ask of men...
Dudes playing the numbers game is part of the PUA handbook and it's been around forever.
There's a myth these losers love sharing about how 1:1000 women will simply say "yes" to a straight up proposition.
These children don't understand sex, women, or how statistical probably works.
I wouldn't say a trend. It has happened for as long as I can remember.
A few of my creepy experiences:
I was at work, working, and my then partner worked in the same building.
This big guy, with a lovely ankle monitor, came towering over me and asked me to kiss him. I, politely, declined. He asked me to leave with him because his place was only a few minutes away. I once again said no and then reminded him I was in a relationship already.
Guy was maybe 6 inches away from my body, 6'3 or so to my 5'4.
At this point he got even closer to ask me to kiss him again and continued to ask me to leave with him as "no one would know".
Later reported him and nothing happened except that he became violent.
As a teen, I was riding a bus. Guy I knew and was friendly with asked me to sit beside him. He started propositioning me to "touch" him. I said no. Plus...we are surrounded by people on a bus. So he grabbed my hand and put it on his crotch, refusing to let me go until his stop. His stop was, luckily, one of the first.
Anyway, I could go on and on. Many men are dangerous and predatory.
Putting you on the spot like that is something they see as a power move. Like flashing their junk for the shock reaction, except legal. And no, not a new trend. I’m convinced some of them only started asking when rape became illegal.
It's not new. The type of men who do this do it from a "someone will say yes eventually" standpoint. It's about the at-bats for them, they think it's a numbers game. Even if they tell you it's a joke or all in good silly fun, you know they're going to absolutely jump for joy if a woman actually says yes, so it's clearly only a "joke" until someone says yes.
Sex is not the end all be all of life. The purpose of relationships is not necessarily sex but romance and companionship first and foremost. If sex is all you’re living for, you should take a step back and consider how you can be a complete and fulfilled person on your own (hobbies, friendships, pets, etc).
If you have to imagine a different world in order to present the question in a not shitty light ... you might imagine that isn't not ok to ask in the world we actually live in.
I disagree, it is not at all "less toxic." And there is no value in making a tier list of which type of misogynistic harassment is "more or less toxic" than another.
Please stop thanking men for sexually harassing you. It is not your fault that you've been conditioned to do that, we all have. I've literally thanked somebody for calling me a slur before. It's this twisted logic we've had embedded in us, and we need to reject it.
If a random man comes up to me and asks if I want to have sex, yes that's sexual harassment. Not only would it make me uncomfortable, but it would make me feel threatened. Because you never know. It would ruin my day, my entire week even.
You ignored *everything* I said about the implied threat. I don't think you're being honest, and I'm not even sure you're being honest about who you are.
In any case, you said yourswlf that you don't fear men. *Most women do. Most women have reason to.*
> You think I'm not afraid because I'm bigger? 5'9" isn't much bigger than average, just a few inches, still smaller than the average man. My lack of fear was an active choice.
This is why I think you're dishonest. Earlier you said that you're in the military, you've never lost a fight to a man, and you have a lawyer on speed dial. Most of us don't have those things.
I'm glad that you have been able to win fights before. Most of us can't. And it isn't fear that's stopping us, men are just stronger on average. You know this.
You and I are both trans. (Yes, I'm taking it there. It's relevant.) I can't assume anything about your childhood, I assume you faced at least some of the difficulties I did. A lot of the shit we go through is worse than what cis women go through, I'm not at all saying we have it better. But it *is* different. There are some perspectives we have that cis women don't, and there are some perspectives they have that we don't, that's the beauty of diversity. You and I do not necessarily have the same kind of trauma that you get from growing up as a cis woman. We have different kinds of trauma. I am not assuming anything about you in saying this.
You also grew up in a military family and learned to fight and serve in the army or whatever. That's another place where you have perspectives that I and other women don't have, and we have perspectives you don't have. Intersectionality, right? Our intersecting identities affect the ways in which we experience oppression.
If you personally are not bothered by strangers asking you for sex, that's fine. I respect your feelings on that matter. But by saying that other women need to just get over their fear, stop being "prudish," etc, you are actively making the problem worse.
Worse, you're suggesting that women need to just get over their fear to win fights. The vast majority of us cannot win a fight with the vast majority of men. And the fact that you have a lawyer on speed dial means you are incredibly privileged compared to the rest of us. The legal system is not usually on our side.
Harassment includes behaviour that is known or ought to be known to be unwelcome.
It is known or ought to be known that most women will be offended by a sexual proposition from a stranger.
>
Although, to be fair, I am speaking as 5'9" woman who was born and raised on a military base and was taught 98 ways to kill someone with my bare hands before I was 10 who has never lost a fight to a boy in my life and has a lawyer on speed dial, so fear doesn't affect my judgement in this, for better or for worse.
Girl, they're not gonna pick you
That's not what they mean by "pick you." Being a "pick me" doesn't mean you want to get "picked" romantically, it means you want conservative men to see you as "one of the good ones."
It doesn't work, and at the end of the day you're selling out your own community.
Oh and also, there's nothing "un-feminist" about being "prudish" as an individual. People are allowed to not be comfortable with sex, on an individual level. Most people have basic boundaries with what they're comfortable with.
I'm not talking about demisexuality or asexuality. I'm talking about comfort.
But if you really want to attach an identity label to it, I can speak that language. How about traumatized people? The majority of women have had at least some kind of bad experience with men. I forget what the stat is, but something like one in five women have been sexually assaulted. Do we not have legitimate reason to not want to be approached and asked for sex by a stranger? We're common enough that it's safe to assume a good percentage of the population has PTSD regarding being asked for sex randomly.
I'm just explaining what "pick me" means, I'm not calling you one.
Anyway, I'm not saying sex itself is bad. I'm saying that asking *random strangers* to have sex is harassment. It's scary. Maybe it's different if you're at a club or something, idk I don't spend time in that sort of space, but that's not what we're talking about here.
Also you have to remember, most women have had at least one or two experiences with men that have given them a very real reason to be afraid of that question from a stranger.
It's not all that different from flashing or sending a random dick pic. It's scary, uncomfortable, and just plain disrespectful.
I really don’t see this as an outcropping of allosexualism. It’s stems from toxic masculinity and the belief that it’s their right to say socially unacceptable sexually explicit things to strangers as their right. If they were truly attracted, they’d actually make an effort. This is no effort. It’s harassment
That counts as sexual harassment. I'm sorry it happened to you.
Are all propositions sexual harassment by default then?
Well no. This man was a stranger. And asked for sex in a public setting, without even a “My name is…” so don’t be obtuse. It was unwelcome and it is sexual harassment…because he was harassing her.
The context helps, thanks
Blurting out a blatantly sexual request to a stranger is harassment. If you want to get to know a woman, offer your number and tell her to give you a call. Even if you both just want sex it's good to size each other up in broad daylight, in a public place, before getting nasty. Safer for you, too. It's okay to be straightforward, but do it appropriately. Remember, even if you are just being silly, women have real reason to be anxious around men and we can never safely assuming someone is just fucking around.
Thank you for explaining, and not being rude, like many other people are on here. I'm autistic, and these social things are way out of my special interest area, so I appreciate frankness.
I get it, my friend. It's hard when people can be insincere online, too, in both directions.
In a context like this obviously yes. Don't be stupid.
I'm not stupid, I'm autistic.
Don’t vilainize autism like this. Autism is not an excuse for your ignorance
This guy is an MRA lmaooo
I’m sorry english isn’t my first language, can you explain what an MRA is😊
Men’s rights activits. Not a bad thing in theory, but all they usually do is whine about feminism
Ahh, yeah I agree. Men’s rights activists don’t actually care about mens rights, just another excuse to hate on women and feminism.
He's not villainising it. I am not even diagnosed autistic (although most people I know think I am on the spectrum... I've never been tested as the waiting list is too long), and I can see how he might have got confused. It is a spectrum and many people would genuinely struggle with understanding things like this. Personally, I completely understand how this is absolutely wrong and it is sexual harassment. It's unacceptable and disgusting behaviour. But some people are affected much more by autism that a very simple social skill or knowledge, such as this, may be difficult to understand. Again, I'm not defending this viewpoint. But I am aware of the spectrum and how affected some people can be. The way he worded it was extremely rude, but again, autistic people may struggle with that. Sorry if I sound rude or confrontational. For the record, this behaviour is abhorrent and nothing will justify it.
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I am literally autistic. I understood what the post said. It was extremely clear. Even then, if you misunderstood the post you could’ve asked for more clarification instead of saying the classic line males who excuse sa use; “So all propositions are sexual harassment now?”. That’s not a normal thing to say. And you using autism as an excuse for saying such a thing disgusts me.
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You not knowing what op meant with her post means you are confused on what it means yes. Not apologizing or deleten your comment instead of saying “I’m just autistic it isn’t my fault🥺” Is where you’re going in the wrong. But being autistic doesnt justify using a phrase commonly used by predators to excuse rape. “So all proposition is sexual harassment now.” Get’s commonly used by men defending rape. Nothing can excuse you for immediately jumping to those conclusions when you see a woman talking about being sexually harassed. Stop acting like you’re allowed to do anything without consequences because of your autism. You are not a child. Making up excuses for saying something incredibly mysoginistic is wrong. End of discussion. Delete your comments and do some self evaluation on why you feel like you should not be held accountable for your own mistakes just because of your autism. It’s not a good look.
Don't use autism as an excuse. You're suffering from stupidity.
So judgemental, sigh.
My oldest brother would walk up to random women and ask if they wanted to fuck. It was in the 70’s. So while it is rude and disrespectful in my view it is definitely not something new. Unfortunately men treating women like objects is a practice as old as time itself.
I remember guys pulling that shit when I was in high school and college in the ‘90’s. It’s fucked up, and they’ll try to pass it off as a “joke”.
Later than the 90s, but I grew up in the military and the 'joke' saying was "Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" I'm embarrassed to admit I have said it to strangers under the effects of alcohol. We did not have sex and those two guys were extremely confused/uncomfortable. It was half my life ago, and I still cringe. I'm actively cringing now. I don't know anyone who said it and followed up with it. It was more so used as something to dare your friends to do or a prank.
I feel like its use as a prank or joke is what makes it frightening to me—everyone knows the prevalence of sexual violence, so there’s always a moment after the line is spoken that’s waiting for the other foot to fall. Is he gonna act on this? Is this a (disgusting and in poor taste) joke? Is this some kind of trap? Is he drunk? Am I in danger? It always pissed me off.
I can see where you're coming from, but in my experience, it always appears cringe-worthy and embarrassing upon reflection. Though, my experience of it was that it was said in public places with lots of people and never pushed past that line. For example, I said it to two guys at once who were sitting at the table next to ours in a brightly lit pizza parlor around 2:30ish am after the bars closed. Not to be defensive, just those were the only times I heard it, but I would be uncomfortable in a darkly lit club for a man to say it to me, a male stranger to say it to me if I'm walking alone during the day with just us two, or for a man to say it to me and follow up on. If the latter were my experiences, then I can easily relate to your reaction. My experiences were that this was said in safe places with friends, acquaintances, and friends of friends in brightly lit places and lots of people around in a joking manner. Then again, save one experience, the rest of my experiences with the military guys were very respectful of my boundaries and consent well before people started caring as a society. Hells, I had one guy turn me down because I was tipsy (not drunk), made me a safe place to sleep after he turned me down with manners, and ensured that I had someone I trusted with me as we crashed at their place.
Hearing stuff like that gives me hope. But it DOES remind me of a pickup line I had that never once failed me: “bet you never fucked a bald chick.”
Lol of all the ways I foresaw the pick-up-line ending, I wasn't expecting that. Now, the question is, do you have hair or no hair? No hair definitely gives it even more oomph.
No hair at the time, no hair presently. But I only use it on my husband and I don’t like it when he lies to me. 😂
How does he not know there's nothing hotter than following up that pickup with, "yes and now I only ever want to fuck a bald chick"???
Oooooohhhh good one
Jeezus that brought back memories. Soldiers were saying that in the early 2000s
...I'm old. 🥲
I heard that in the 90s.
I remember that “joke”.
Once I was going back home from an office function that had evolved into drinks out. So, not even dressed to party. Past midnight. My apartment in the centre of the city was 10 minutes from the train station. Plenty of people around. A guy came out of nowhere and asked if I wanted to have sex with him. I was stunned but asked him to repeat what he said. He did repeat the same while he was closing in on me. After confirmation, I became really, really scared and suddenly became afraid of my physical wellbeing. So I did what my reptilian brain told me to do: hit him hard on the side of his neck, with full force. Once, and again. I think after I hit him three times the guy just run away as fast as he could. At least that one guy will not harass again. His neck must be still hurting after all these years. This bs has been going on for years. I hate it. Makes me scared of just walking home minding my own business! What’s wrong with people!????
I wasn't expecting that lol
Sorryyyyyy maybe I went a bit beyond topic, you're right :S
I meant the part about you hitting his neck lol
Not all hero wears cape
awwww thank you <3 that's so sweet!!!
I’m imagining it was 3 karate chops
Hahaha nooo I wish! Iknow what Idid was bad and could have made things a lot worse for me. I was into sports at the time but no combat idea, it was just the first thing that came to mind. I had my keys in my hand (which later I have learned that it is not advisable as you can injure yourself) and my keycharm (a beautiful toy Vespa scooter) broke into pieces. I still keep the keychain and the little end of the scooter that survived in my keys, they somhow remind me of sirvival :S
Badass! Good for you!
I love this
Didn't some gross dating advice dude suggest that men approach at least 3-5 women a day? He pushes focusing on women who are alone and to do it everyday just to play the odds. (As if women don't have enough to deal with navigating the world solo--time to get a big dog).
*It's not new.* When I was in high school in 1997 this old dude walked up to me and my friend (we were both 15) in a public park in broad daylight and asked, "would either of you like to have sex with me?" We both burst out laughing, and I was like "either of us? like just whichever one?" we just laughed until he left. I still think it's so funny and we both still joke about that guy today. Old straight dudes being simultaneously pathetic and predatory is a tale as old as time
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I knew someone in high school that would do that all the time, for every 100 girls he asked, one would say yes. His mentality was "The worst I'm going to get is a no, possibly a slap". Very toxic behavior. The school wouldn't do anything about it because they didn't consider it "harassment" because he only asked them one time. I think they were just too lazy to do anything because it was an all-around horrible school anyways.
So a possible 1% success rate. I feel like just being a decent guy and talking to women normally would have a higher hit rate than 1%. Seems like they do it not for the success but really just to disrespect / scare the woman. That's what those guys like about the tactic.
Takes way less effort to just ask random chicks until one says yes than it does to attract and keep a friend or partner to bang consistently
Depending on how far he pushed it he'd get way more than a slap from me. I hope he has already learned his lesson and if he hasn't, he will
It's not a prank. They are serious. There was a post earlier this week from a man saying he used this method and had sex with 150 different women. The theory is that if you ask 10,000 women to have sex and .01% say yes, that is 100 women that said yes. They "get used" to the rejection from the other 9,900 women. This is advice passed on through generations because I remember reading about it 25 years ago. Stupid fuck bois.
notice the womens feelings aren't involved at all here. they get used to rejection, and they were already used to not having to consider other peoples feelings when trying to get what they want.
Scaring you was the goal. Making you feel intimidated and unsafe was the goal. Making a joke at your expense, at the expense of your mental and potentially physical wellbeing, was the goal.
I reckon part of the logic is also that if they do this hundreds of times, they might stumble across someone they can actually pressure into sex this way - and as you say, all the times it doesn't work give them the same power-move satisfaction as all harrassment
This is what it’s about. They see a woman living her life and want to take her down a notch.
There was a post on the AMA sub recently by a guy who claimed to be very successful with women. (I looked for the post but can’t find it.) In the comments, people were talking about how to “successfully” hit on a woman (getting laid being the criteria for success), and someone mentioned that just straight up asking for sex sometimes worked, especially with older women. So maybe some of these men saw that post or similar and are deciding to shoot their shot? Anyway, it’s a disgusting, rude question and I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It’s bullshit. These men deserve to be ripped apart, but if you don’t feel comfortable doing that, then I’d just say, “gross” and walk away.
This is new to you. There have always been men who've done this Bullshit.
I had this happen to me not too long ago by some guy.. this was the very first it happened to me
Last week, I was walking in L.A., and this very normal looking young guy started following me and asking if I “wanted to join the adult film industry”. I assume it was a prank because I’m over 40. But it was creepy AF and he wouldn’t leave me alone. This was in broad daylight too. I ran across the street to get away from him.
That's been going on since before organized speech was invented.
The only responsible reaction to this is to point and laugh uproriously.
"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?" Was a 'joke', that got old soooo fast, in my high school. Iin the 80s
Unfortunately this has always been a thing. I remember a creepy old man with huge gun and hunting stickers all over his big truck asking me if I was "single" at a stop light once. When I said "no" he said, "how about for an hour"? 🤮 Happened a decade ago and still gives me the fucking creeps.
Not new. I remember years ago I asked why men would do this and the answer was law of averages - for every 100 rejections, they might get 1 yes. It’s revolting and desperate… but that’s men.
The only time I’ve ever heard of this was in the context of a sociological study, where volunteers asked people to have sex and recorded their responses. It had some interesting things to say about male vs. female responses to something like that. This…is probably not a sociological study. Ugh.
When I was a teen I went to Lowe’s and while walking back to my car one of the employees chased me down in the parking lot and asked me that only thing they had said to me after chasing me down a busy parking lot
Go to a bar and you can see this in action, never mind all you have to do is open a dating account and watch yourself be harassed by men asking for nudes, sharing unwanted genitalia picks, and being harassed for not wanting to date or in their minds since dating is synonymous with sex with them. I have chosen celibacy because I have dealt with harassment from men my entire life. I am safer this way emotionally, mentally, spiritually, most of all physically!!!!
About ten years ago I was grocery shopping and two men at the end of the aisle looked at each other and then at me, walked towards me and stood around my cart so that I couldn't leave. One asked me if I wanted to go home with them and I told them no. Then he asked if I was sure and I said yes and they left. I got the rest of my groceries very quickly and hightailed it out of the store, I was terrified they were going to follow me. It's mindboggling that they thought I might go with them?? I haven't heard of any trend, unfortunately men have been doing this for a long time.
Same. Happened to me twice . looked like younger men. In the middle of the day. I was wondering if there was some stupid coach on the internet giving stupid advice.
A senior manager in a factory did that to me when I was discussing product quality control- he literally in the middle of a professional conversation just said 'fancy a shag'- I was 21 at the time and he was in his mid/late 50s. I was on my own in an isolated office with him and didn't really know what to do so I just pretended i hadn't listened and continued to discuss product quality. I hate having to deal with that bullshit when all I want is to do my job without being harassed- sadly that seems like too much to ask of men...
Dudes playing the numbers game is part of the PUA handbook and it's been around forever. There's a myth these losers love sharing about how 1:1000 women will simply say "yes" to a straight up proposition. These children don't understand sex, women, or how statistical probably works.
I wouldn't say a trend. It has happened for as long as I can remember. A few of my creepy experiences: I was at work, working, and my then partner worked in the same building. This big guy, with a lovely ankle monitor, came towering over me and asked me to kiss him. I, politely, declined. He asked me to leave with him because his place was only a few minutes away. I once again said no and then reminded him I was in a relationship already. Guy was maybe 6 inches away from my body, 6'3 or so to my 5'4. At this point he got even closer to ask me to kiss him again and continued to ask me to leave with him as "no one would know". Later reported him and nothing happened except that he became violent. As a teen, I was riding a bus. Guy I knew and was friendly with asked me to sit beside him. He started propositioning me to "touch" him. I said no. Plus...we are surrounded by people on a bus. So he grabbed my hand and put it on his crotch, refusing to let me go until his stop. His stop was, luckily, one of the first. Anyway, I could go on and on. Many men are dangerous and predatory.
Men have always done this, and yes it’s gross.
Putting you on the spot like that is something they see as a power move. Like flashing their junk for the shock reaction, except legal. And no, not a new trend. I’m convinced some of them only started asking when rape became illegal.
Sounds like another Tuesday
Send me to the bear please.
Sounds like crude dating methods tbh
It's not new. The type of men who do this do it from a "someone will say yes eventually" standpoint. It's about the at-bats for them, they think it's a numbers game. Even if they tell you it's a joke or all in good silly fun, you know they're going to absolutely jump for joy if a woman actually says yes, so it's clearly only a "joke" until someone says yes.
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Sex is not the end all be all of life. The purpose of relationships is not necessarily sex but romance and companionship first and foremost. If sex is all you’re living for, you should take a step back and consider how you can be a complete and fulfilled person on your own (hobbies, friendships, pets, etc).
You wrote so many paragraphs when you could've just said "I'm an asshole who doesn't see women as people"
If you have to imagine a different world in order to present the question in a not shitty light ... you might imagine that isn't not ok to ask in the world we actually live in.
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I disagree, it is not at all "less toxic." And there is no value in making a tier list of which type of misogynistic harassment is "more or less toxic" than another. Please stop thanking men for sexually harassing you. It is not your fault that you've been conditioned to do that, we all have. I've literally thanked somebody for calling me a slur before. It's this twisted logic we've had embedded in us, and we need to reject it.
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If a random man comes up to me and asks if I want to have sex, yes that's sexual harassment. Not only would it make me uncomfortable, but it would make me feel threatened. Because you never know. It would ruin my day, my entire week even.
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You ignored *everything* I said about the implied threat. I don't think you're being honest, and I'm not even sure you're being honest about who you are. In any case, you said yourswlf that you don't fear men. *Most women do. Most women have reason to.*
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> You think I'm not afraid because I'm bigger? 5'9" isn't much bigger than average, just a few inches, still smaller than the average man. My lack of fear was an active choice. This is why I think you're dishonest. Earlier you said that you're in the military, you've never lost a fight to a man, and you have a lawyer on speed dial. Most of us don't have those things. I'm glad that you have been able to win fights before. Most of us can't. And it isn't fear that's stopping us, men are just stronger on average. You know this. You and I are both trans. (Yes, I'm taking it there. It's relevant.) I can't assume anything about your childhood, I assume you faced at least some of the difficulties I did. A lot of the shit we go through is worse than what cis women go through, I'm not at all saying we have it better. But it *is* different. There are some perspectives we have that cis women don't, and there are some perspectives they have that we don't, that's the beauty of diversity. You and I do not necessarily have the same kind of trauma that you get from growing up as a cis woman. We have different kinds of trauma. I am not assuming anything about you in saying this. You also grew up in a military family and learned to fight and serve in the army or whatever. That's another place where you have perspectives that I and other women don't have, and we have perspectives you don't have. Intersectionality, right? Our intersecting identities affect the ways in which we experience oppression. If you personally are not bothered by strangers asking you for sex, that's fine. I respect your feelings on that matter. But by saying that other women need to just get over their fear, stop being "prudish," etc, you are actively making the problem worse. Worse, you're suggesting that women need to just get over their fear to win fights. The vast majority of us cannot win a fight with the vast majority of men. And the fact that you have a lawyer on speed dial means you are incredibly privileged compared to the rest of us. The legal system is not usually on our side.
Harassment includes behaviour that is known or ought to be known to be unwelcome. It is known or ought to be known that most women will be offended by a sexual proposition from a stranger.
With all due respect, it’s not in earnest.
> Although, to be fair, I am speaking as 5'9" woman who was born and raised on a military base and was taught 98 ways to kill someone with my bare hands before I was 10 who has never lost a fight to a boy in my life and has a lawyer on speed dial, so fear doesn't affect my judgement in this, for better or for worse. Girl, they're not gonna pick you
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That's not what they mean by "pick you." Being a "pick me" doesn't mean you want to get "picked" romantically, it means you want conservative men to see you as "one of the good ones." It doesn't work, and at the end of the day you're selling out your own community.
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Oh and also, there's nothing "un-feminist" about being "prudish" as an individual. People are allowed to not be comfortable with sex, on an individual level. Most people have basic boundaries with what they're comfortable with.
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I'm not talking about demisexuality or asexuality. I'm talking about comfort. But if you really want to attach an identity label to it, I can speak that language. How about traumatized people? The majority of women have had at least some kind of bad experience with men. I forget what the stat is, but something like one in five women have been sexually assaulted. Do we not have legitimate reason to not want to be approached and asked for sex by a stranger? We're common enough that it's safe to assume a good percentage of the population has PTSD regarding being asked for sex randomly.
I'm just explaining what "pick me" means, I'm not calling you one. Anyway, I'm not saying sex itself is bad. I'm saying that asking *random strangers* to have sex is harassment. It's scary. Maybe it's different if you're at a club or something, idk I don't spend time in that sort of space, but that's not what we're talking about here. Also you have to remember, most women have had at least one or two experiences with men that have given them a very real reason to be afraid of that question from a stranger. It's not all that different from flashing or sending a random dick pic. It's scary, uncomfortable, and just plain disrespectful.
I really don’t see this as an outcropping of allosexualism. It’s stems from toxic masculinity and the belief that it’s their right to say socially unacceptable sexually explicit things to strangers as their right. If they were truly attracted, they’d actually make an effort. This is no effort. It’s harassment
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It does hurt to ask, actually. Asking random strangers to have sex is sexual harassment.
I can see that. I guess maybe I was more thinking of more of a better time and place situation.
I understand wanting to have a positive attitude about things, but we need to be careful that we're standing up for ourselves to be treated right