You correct immediately. “Little girls and boys do not kiss each other like that.” “Children do not play like that.” “No, ma’am.” Etc. No shame. Clear instructions. It may be something the child can work on in therapy.
Can she talk? You can explain in an age-appropriate way and redirect just like anything else. Supervise the kids well and do not allow them to be in closed-door spaces alone if it could be a bigger issue. Consider safe sleeping options if it seems like that is necessary. She doesn’t know and is acting on something she saw or experienced, as little kids do.
You and your partner are the adults meant to keep the kids safe- with very vigilant supervision and swift correction/ physical separation if necessary. Hopefully you and your partner can figure out how to handle this together and be on the same page about it.
This is not normal, and a strong indicator of past s\*xual abuse. Her caseworker seems useless if she doesn't recognize that. I would call and file a report yoursef, as a mandated reporter, stating you are concerned this behavior stems from abuse prior to when the children entered your home. It may do nothing, but it will protect you and the children moving forward. You also need to pursue therapy for both kids.
Maybe some redirection? "You can blow kisses but no kisses on the mouth." It's a bandaid solution until you can get down to the possible abuse that is at the root of the behavior.
I went through two years of taking my nephew to a therapeutic program for kids that engage in sexually inappropriate behavior. The therapist said they were seeing more and more kids who were never physically sexually abused but were exposed to porn online at a very young age.
Send a notice to their CASA and GAL. When this sort of thing was happening with kids in our care I ended up creating a behavior log and sent it to them because the SW was useless. It turned out the CASA and judge absolutely cared though.
In the US, a CASA is a court appointed special advocate. It’s a volunteer who looks out for the best interests of the child. And GAL or Guardian ad litum is the child’s attorney. Not every child has a CASA, but every child has a GAL. Unfortunately some of them are a lot better than others. We’ve had some GAL’s who visit the child at least once a month, and others who never meet them.
Mm this ones hard because i know you are nervous about your kid. I love the idea of redircting saying oh you can blow kisses not mouth kisses or when they touch body parts talk about how we dont put hands like that. Honestly if you really feel this strongly about not having these kids its ok not every placement is a good one. Breathe you got this whatever your choice!
You correct immediately. “Little girls and boys do not kiss each other like that.” “Children do not play like that.” “No, ma’am.” Etc. No shame. Clear instructions. It may be something the child can work on in therapy. Can she talk? You can explain in an age-appropriate way and redirect just like anything else. Supervise the kids well and do not allow them to be in closed-door spaces alone if it could be a bigger issue. Consider safe sleeping options if it seems like that is necessary. She doesn’t know and is acting on something she saw or experienced, as little kids do.
And if she ends up kissing my child like that? It Feels like I’m risking my own children and I won’t do That
You and your partner are the adults meant to keep the kids safe- with very vigilant supervision and swift correction/ physical separation if necessary. Hopefully you and your partner can figure out how to handle this together and be on the same page about it.
Surely the behaviour is not appropriate, but what's the harm of a 3 year old kissing a 5 year old?!
With her tongue out?
Not saying it is nice, just saying it causes no harm. If the behavior persists to older ages, perhaps it may be more harmful. But not at this stage...
This is not normal, and a strong indicator of past s\*xual abuse. Her caseworker seems useless if she doesn't recognize that. I would call and file a report yoursef, as a mandated reporter, stating you are concerned this behavior stems from abuse prior to when the children entered your home. It may do nothing, but it will protect you and the children moving forward. You also need to pursue therapy for both kids.
Yeah, it's generally a big red flag.
It seems she was a victim of CSA
I believe this. I have actually brought this to the caseworker and was dismissed
Maybe some redirection? "You can blow kisses but no kisses on the mouth." It's a bandaid solution until you can get down to the possible abuse that is at the root of the behavior.
I went through two years of taking my nephew to a therapeutic program for kids that engage in sexually inappropriate behavior. The therapist said they were seeing more and more kids who were never physically sexually abused but were exposed to porn online at a very young age.
Fwiw exposing a child to porn is considered sexual abuse.
I agree. My point was in this digital age, parents need to be aware it is not always physical sexual abuse
Gotcha 👍🏻
>did that out of excitement Show her other ways to express herself.
Send a notice to their CASA and GAL. When this sort of thing was happening with kids in our care I ended up creating a behavior log and sent it to them because the SW was useless. It turned out the CASA and judge absolutely cared though.
What’s a casa and a gal? We don’t have those
In the US, a CASA is a court appointed special advocate. It’s a volunteer who looks out for the best interests of the child. And GAL or Guardian ad litum is the child’s attorney. Not every child has a CASA, but every child has a GAL. Unfortunately some of them are a lot better than others. We’ve had some GAL’s who visit the child at least once a month, and others who never meet them.
Mm this ones hard because i know you are nervous about your kid. I love the idea of redircting saying oh you can blow kisses not mouth kisses or when they touch body parts talk about how we dont put hands like that. Honestly if you really feel this strongly about not having these kids its ok not every placement is a good one. Breathe you got this whatever your choice!