I cut myself because I was shaving without water. And why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the floor, which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes, which called for Cecil, who ate the cat that killed the rat that lived in the house THAT FRASIER BUILT!
“My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is someone shouting ‘Heathcliff!’across the moors!”
Why just moments ago he made a beautiful speech about how much he loves his wife! How he cherishes her excruciating little face! And how they laugh at white people.
"Morning Frasier, just getting up?"
.....
"Oh Im sorry was I *snippy*? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be GUNPLAY IN MY LIVING ROOM!!"
Even as we speak, hordes of viral Visigoths are hurdling the battlements of my immune system, laying waste to my.... Oh dear you see how weak I am. I can't even finish a simple Visigoth metaphor.
“I accidentally stain your carpet, and you set fire to the one thing in this apartment I care about and HEAVE it out into the street!”
Martins delivery kills me
“Nothing fancy, but if you don’t like it you’re welcome to set it on fire and throw it off the balcony.”
“So now it’s Tofu, Putty, Oatmeal, Almond, Harvest Wheat, and Buff. That’s going to be hard to get used to.”
“So you’re not mad at Dad. You’re just mad he isn’t a woman.”
Responding to a caller. Roger, at Cornell University.
‘They have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem’
When Martin is bonding Frasier out of jail and the prostitute walks by and apologizes.
Martin: “Frasier, you’re my son…..and I love you”. Cracks me up every time.
You just announced to a half a million listeners that you are filled to the brim with girlish glee, I think the "H.M.S Pinafore" of embarassment has sailed!
“Her lips said no, but her eyes said read my lips.”
“He was a detective you know.”
“If I were to use that microscope, I still wouldn’t be able to locate my interest in your problem.”
“Well don’t stop there! You can put guards on the roof and shoot people as they try to get in!”
“Nile’s, I’m so sorry to hear your marriage ended in shambles.” “Ditto.”
“…everyone kisses better than Maris!”
“CHILDREN LAUGHING! YOURRR FAULT!”
“I dreamt my flour sack was abducted and kidnappers started sending me muffins in the mail”
“And if you and Lilith got back together, you'd be his step-father and his brother and Niles would be your son and his own uncle. It's almost worth doing just so I can tell
The story “
Let me see if I can get this straight... All the lust coursing through this lodge tonight... All the hormones virtually ricocheting off the walls... And no one... was chasing me?!
Don't you remember? Sting was on Letterman. He was talking about the rain forest and the plight of the Yanomama Indians. It was really sad. I mean, the whole Orinoco River Valley is being forested into extinction.
Just admit it, Dad. Your latent hostility toward has been building through the years, little by little, until you have finally struck the Achilles' heel of my décor, the berber carpet!!
"I cut myself because I was shaving without water. And why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the floor, which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes, who called for Cecil, who ate the cat that killed the rat **that lived in the house THAT FRASIER BUILT!"**
Then you dressed up like a clown and lured your father into the living room where you leapt out holding a meat cleaver causing your father to collapse.
Roz to Niles while at a singles bar. “Let that be lesson one. If you are going to be using words like ‘milieu’ you may as well have a sore on your lip and a couple of kids.”
I cut myself because I was shaving without water. And why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the floor, which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes, which called for Cecil, who ate the cat that killed the rat that lived in the house THAT FRASIER BUILT!
His build up to the torrent of words at the end is sublime
Great Niles, just what we need, a fourth language!
That episode is genius and so funny
"I know, why don't we cycle over there on a bicycle made for two and ask what's so strange about us"
"You are *so* 'that other one'"
'I find the whole situation a little... what? Charming?!'
Incredible !
“My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a gothic mansion on a rainy night! The only thing missing is someone shouting ‘Heathcliff!’across the moors!”
Your glockenspiel has sprung to life!
Why just moments ago he made a beautiful speech about how much he loves his wife! How he cherishes her excruciating little face! And how they laugh at white people.
"Turn your anger on me. It's almost as if you'd forgotten that not three days ago I was punched in the face by a man now dead."
😔😔😔
Now who wants pancakes?
*....thank you..*
I love the "Fine! Fine!" that precedes it too
If one wants to get the crap beaten out of one.
"Morning Frasier, just getting up?" ..... "Oh Im sorry was I *snippy*? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be GUNPLAY IN MY LIVING ROOM!!"
By far my favorite scene in the show
That juxtaposition of how calm Niles is vs Frasier's reaction is everything
Gunplay in my living room! Is definitely my choice!
Caucasian. Very Caucasian.
Any restaurants? Not a one. SHES ALIVE!
I remember the first time I drove a moon crane.
Damn near drove it into the sea of tranquility.
Don’t forget your warm glass of Tang
Can the McAliister sisters stand back to back, I’m running out of bullets…? THANK YOUUU.
*"Do you mind, please, I'm on the phone!"* - Martin's version
I was looking for this lol
It's ironic isn't it? No sooner do I get the closet of my dreams than my husband comes out of it.
If Brian wants a prissy little wife he can keep Stan!
I am Wounded!!
“Anne Boylen?” “Catherine of Aragon!”
“You’re embarrassed?! They think the best I can do is an old man with a cane!”
It's over, you hear me? Over! And I'm keeping the jewelry!
The young ones never stay
". . . That's . . easy for *you* to say!"
The script says "when she opened her mouth... I detected a hint of a foreign accent". Not "when she opened her mouth... cheese fell out"
He's got a nug!
There’s a back *aching* for the lash!
I'm moving *as fast as I can!*
“Please remain in the relaxation grotto”, “Have crueler words ever been spoken?
No Roz said plutonium door!
"...something, something, Buttons and Bows!"
Let’s go to a taco show
Flair checking in!
Nah, I don't always laugh at that. I always laugh at "wait, this next verse is the part where he REALLY loses it!"
When Julia meets Niles then tells them, “Goodbye Frasier. Goodbye Emergency Frasier.” Then Niles says, “I don’t like her…” The way he draws out “I” 😂😂
Always good to have an emergency Frasier. “You get one…you get the other one.”
Emergency Frasier! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Even as we speak, hordes of viral Visigoths are hurdling the battlements of my immune system, laying waste to my.... Oh dear you see how weak I am. I can't even finish a simple Visigoth metaphor.
I had a reason. Fridge pants!
Taste that & tell me that’s not better than a woman!
Dog army!
They should let everybody be a giant for a day!
Veneer!
I love the fact that my mum and I did that at a dinner. We were only joking but every so often said veneer and took a drink when we got bored.
It's not as careless as you make it seem. After all, a real child would have cried before it burst into flames.
“I accidentally stain your carpet, and you set fire to the one thing in this apartment I care about and HEAVE it out into the street!” Martins delivery kills me
Yes I do. That was an accident. THIS is malicious!
This is malicious!
“Nothing fancy, but if you don’t like it you’re welcome to set it on fire and throw it off the balcony.” “So now it’s Tofu, Putty, Oatmeal, Almond, Harvest Wheat, and Buff. That’s going to be hard to get used to.” “So you’re not mad at Dad. You’re just mad he isn’t a woman.”
“The Cranes of Maine have got your living brain!”
Ohhhh what fresh hell is this?
I always wonder what Dorothy Parker would think about this whenever it comes up in this subreddit.
I think she would love modern social media sites…. Round tables without the tables….
A rug… where a rug doesn’t belong.
“Rrrrrromping with my school chums in the fens and spinneys……”
"And so, the LAST SURVIVING MEMBER of the family died!" *knock knock* "I'm the milkman, I grew up with Roger..."
"Put your brother on…. Put your brother on… Put your brother on the phone!”
“The people who know me best won’t be surprised at what I’m about to say, I am not a man”
"Niles is abroad now." "Geez, that musta hurt."
Oh darling - there’s always a chance!
“EXPLANATION PLEASE!”
Responding to a caller. Roger, at Cornell University. ‘They have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the Tunneling Electron Microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building blocks of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem’
The most savage burn of all time.
"I look like a fugitive from Easter Island!"
“I look like I discovered fire!” Always always makes me laugh
'a TAD encephalitic!'
I barely had time to grab my pantaloons and buckle my swash
Technically is it still an eye patch if you're wearing it on your- STOP!
If this is a pep talk, can we segue PLEASE to the peppy part??
Flesh is burning, na na na na na na
“Chainsaw? Of the Newport Chainsaws?” “I’ll just add that to my list of reasons to die.”
Doesn't he ever stop for sex and drugs?
Frasier: "Niles, I would shave my head for you." Nile: "A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year."
"Don't worry—I'll gay it up a little."
Your hair is diVINE!
“Yes, with that stick where it is I'm surprised you can bend.”
Look out! He’s got a nug! Aaaaaa…..GUuuuun.
I can’t talk Duke… I’m in the Twilight Zone
“It’s not like she worships Satan.” “She doesn’t need to. He worships her!
Pretty much anything he says about Bebe, honestly. "I've never met a more disgusting phony in my life! Bebe, my darling!"
Fine! I guess I'll just have to make my OWN TEA!
“All right, I'll bring a snake..”
That is one of the best EVER.
Martin's delivery is so good
Frasier.... you're not famous anymore
"Don't you dare you call me irrational, you know that makes me crazy!!!"
Scrolled too far for this one, always one of my favorites and Niles' delivery is perfect
"Oh, get a grip! I'm not asking you to do anything we haven't done in our own kitchens, in our own homes. Now, quick, Niles, kill five eels!"
And I’m keeping the jewelry!
When Martin is bonding Frasier out of jail and the prostitute walks by and apologizes. Martin: “Frasier, you’re my son…..and I love you”. Cracks me up every time.
I've been waiting here with all these...other wrongfully accused gentleman.
***HE HAD A WIG ON!!***
“Three little maids from school are we…”
You just announced to a half a million listeners that you are filled to the brim with girlish glee, I think the "H.M.S Pinafore" of embarassment has sailed!
*People still ask to see my Yum-Yum.*
“Okay”
That could either be the room service attendant or Niles talking to lady the dog. Both are hilarious.
“Shut up. Get out.” -Martin
I’m Pro-Opera and I vote!
If you're going to use words like "milieu," you might as well show up here with a sore on your lip and a couple of kids.
Dr. Crane, your glockenspiel had sprung to life!
"And so died the last surviving member of the Fairservice family"
This stinks! This is total BS This is! Oh here it is.
Haven’t you heard dad’s lecture on the evils of toast sweat? It’s the scourge of our times!
How can we possibly use sex to get what we want? Sex is what we want!
Dad wanted to tell you, but I won the coin toss
Thank God for the starch in that shirt, or there'd be nothing holding you upright
JESUS!
God bless the virus that invaded that little girl's ear canal!
“Her lips said no, but her eyes said read my lips.” “He was a detective you know.” “If I were to use that microscope, I still wouldn’t be able to locate my interest in your problem.” “Well don’t stop there! You can put guards on the roof and shoot people as they try to get in!” “Nile’s, I’m so sorry to hear your marriage ended in shambles.” “Ditto.” “…everyone kisses better than Maris!” “CHILDREN LAUGHING! YOURRR FAULT!”
The first one 🙌🏼
What the hell was that???!!!
Oh what difference does that make? Who watches PBS?!
I’ll tell you who… Cultured, discerning viewers like yourselves…
“If I were, doctor, you’d never know it”
Spare me, you ludicrous popinjay
"My brother is too kind. He was already eminent, when my eminence was, merely, imminent."
Did Pavarotti jump over the Grand Canyon?
“Frasier Cranium”
Can I get you a TOAST POINT??
“You know what it must’ve been? It must’ve been my hot and foamy!”
He was a detective, ya know.
Surely you don’t put yourself up there with Eddie.
A gripping case history of a narcissistic opera singer. I called it "Me Me Me Me Me."
M'lady.
And now my aunt has a cat named M’lady
One thing is certain, someone is very dead
Chapter one. Page one. Paragraph one. I’m indenting!!
Mmm what’s that smell? Probably Japan!
Do you really think she's planning to... *do the Barracuda*?
"Did you say something? Your penis was talking so loud, I couldn't hear."
‘Please don’t say shenanigans’! Roz to Frasier
“Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States, this...America.” 🇺🇸
How did you do that? 🤔
CAMMM WIIIIIIIIINSTONNN!!!
I feel like I'm living in a giant clown's pocket.
AY-LIE-LIE-LIE-LIE-LIE-LIE-LIE-LIE-LIE!!!
There’s a back aching for the lash!
Or better yet, why don't we just hop on a bicycle built for two, ride over there and ask her ourselves?
Underline it.
You get that one, you get that other one.
Niles, be careful. Whatever you do, don't engage him in a physical fight. The whole thing would just look too weird!
"I'm not gay, Guy"
"I am sorry,was I snippy?"
"But...I just. GOT. HERE. 😩"
Look out he’s got a nug!
She forgot the lyrics to Memory.
Let’s not forget….that but hours ago….I was *punched* in the face…by a man now dead!
I’m on the radio everyday!!
I'm sorry about the scallops. In the future, I'll try to cater more to your shellfish demands.
Have you seen the paper? Big story about how Roz’s handbag spent the night on the coffee table.
Jerome (to Niles): Your wife sounds like a carefree woman, Dr. Crane. Frasier: Oh yes, she’s ounces of fun.
“I dreamt my flour sack was abducted and kidnappers started sending me muffins in the mail” “And if you and Lilith got back together, you'd be his step-father and his brother and Niles would be your son and his own uncle. It's almost worth doing just so I can tell The story “
“Is there a baby here?”
"You are dying of consumption, my dear, not over consumption." "As a wise Greek haberdasher once said, "Euripides, Eumenides"
Still 666, is it?
Her lips said no, but her eyes said read my lips.
I love a *babbling brook* too, but it doesn't mean I want one SURGING THROUGH MY CONDO!
Big blue flash. Cherries everywhere
Let me see if I can get this straight... All the lust coursing through this lodge tonight... All the hormones virtually ricocheting off the walls... And no one... was chasing me?!
My typical dates idea of a gourmet evening is take out, make out and home by Letterman.
Don't you remember? Sting was on Letterman. He was talking about the rain forest and the plight of the Yanomama Indians. It was really sad. I mean, the whole Orinoco River Valley is being forested into extinction.
I'm a humane man, but right now I could kick a kitten through an electric fan
Gil: Chingachgook. I'm the last of the Mohicans. Martin: Oh... Well... There's that little mystery solved.
“Find out why everyone’s talking about Pittsburgh!” gets me every time
“She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.”
Hello. Welcome to potatoes.
NILES: how thrilling to be present at the birth of a new neurosis...
Can you imagine what's it's like playing the same character for 20 years?
Just admit it, Dad. Your latent hostility toward has been building through the years, little by little, until you have finally struck the Achilles' heel of my décor, the berber carpet!!
They’re ridiculous shorts.
Hi-ho, I'm Nigel's brother Cedric, who I haven't seen since my boyhood...
Oh dear God. It's Stonehenge.
‘Ann..?’
"Haha! Those beer-loving rascals! Tell it, Niles!"
Rroziz !
i am WOUNDED
"I cut myself because I was shaving without water. And why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the floor, which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes, who called for Cecil, who ate the cat that killed the rat **that lived in the house THAT FRASIER BUILT!"**
I AAAAM WOOOOUNDED! Just yesterday I was punched in the face by a man, now dead….Thank you.
What was that?! A hummingbird?!
Oh all right, but he'll probably just kvetch at me and frankly I don't need that tsuris.
"I'm having one now."
Please excuse Niles from gym for obvious reasons.
*”Oh Niles… You are home…”* Oh… Well… Where are my manners? Can I get you some *toast*..?
Then you dressed up like a clown and lured your father into the living room where you leapt out holding a meat cleaver causing your father to collapse.
'FRASER CRANE'S HUMUNGOUS ASSSSS CONTEST!!!'
Roz to Niles while at a singles bar. “Let that be lesson one. If you are going to be using words like ‘milieu’ you may as well have a sore on your lip and a couple of kids.”