I’m out.
I have worked with that demographic and society is not kind in the treatment nor compassion for these people. And the medical community soaks you with 90 million medications - all of which have their own side effects and risks. And. It’s all about the $$$$$
Nope. I’ll be downing some hoarded leftover vet meds with a really good bottle of bourbon and a few pee pads (not wanting to leave a traumatic scene for someone).
No kids. I made sure that if/when I’m found, if I’m still breathing, there will be zero chances of measures. Very clear on absolutely no lifesaving measures. Because I won’t be paying that bill. And well, you know they’ll tuck me in a corner somewhere to expire. I am DNR all the way
This is what concerns me as well. I don't think they will allow us to nope out while we still have enough faculties to do so.
I've got the DNR and all that arranged, but yeah, I don't think that will help in this instance. I hope I'm wrong...or things change in the next few years.
Best you can do is sign something that tells them not to feed you, once you can't feed yourself, and let them starve you to death. It's gruesome what we make people suffer through.
Exactly. You can't sign the directive once you're incapacitated and you can't sign up for it in advance. Medically assisted suicide for dementia doesn't exist in the US and barely exists at all. Sweden will do it, but only while you're still aware enough to know what you're agreeing to, so you've got to give up a few good years in exchange.
Watched both grandmas and a great aunt live far too long with it. Runs rampant on both my father and mother's sides. There's no fucking way I'm living to 100 and losing my mind at 85 or 90.
I've made it clear to my family, I want euthanasia. Let me wander off into the woods, hit me with a big ass dose of whatever. But for the love of God do not force me to live 20 years without my mind. I will haunt them viciously if they don't.
Yeah, don't want to die at home. Don't want to leave that behind for my kids to deal with.
Going to rent a really nice hotel room.
Didn't think of the pee pee pads. Thanks for the tip.
I will leave a big tip for the staff.
Some states (Oregon I know for sure), allow for assisted suicide. I’ll be opting for this is my brain goes to rot. Dementia is in many ways, scarier than death.
Only applies to terminally ill patients with 6 months or less to live. Alzheimer’s is not considered terminal in any state, I’m pretty certain. Consult a lawyer in your state.
Also, Switzerland has accepted euthanasia “tourists” https://www.dignityindying.org.uk/assisted-dying/international-examples/switzerland/
Anyone remember Terry Pratchett? Apparently he wanted assistance but passed away from Alzheimer’s
Not only that but you have to be of sound mind to sign the paperwork. Once you have been diagnosed, you are no longer considered of sound mind. And you can't proactively sign consent bc you have to be specific on how the terminal disease is affecting your life and what your immediate future looks like.
If a minimum number of physicians certify that you have 6 months or less to live and that there is no hope of recovery (terminal condition), you may meet the minimum requirement. There’s also the sound of mind bs to deal with.
Sucks for whoever stumbles over the body though. It's a lose/lose situation.
And it only works if you're somehow still resourceful enough to pull it off. Maybe even a lose/lose/lose situation.
In the states that I am familiar with that have legal physician assisted suicide, most have conditions regarding the patient being "mentally fit" to make the decision. It really only benefits people with a terminal illness that doesn't effect their cognitive abilities. Someone with advanced dementia, unfortunately, cannot give informed consent. I looked around when my mom got her diagnosis. It's awful!
I told my husband to take me out back and shoot me.
My grandfather had Alzheimer’s, my uncle Louie Body dementia and my grandmother dementia. It’s been awful to watch the decline and so hard on family members taking care of them. I don’t want to be that burden.
Right, but then how do you not go to prison for murder?
Literally wife and I talk about ways to do this where somehow we aren’t guilty of murder in the first.
Takes some planning, a pocketful of fent, a national park, and some walking shoes. While you can still get around at a decent clip, take that walk in the woods. Eat the fent and let vultures do the rest.
That's one of my possible solutions as well - not just in the case of dementia. Go to a homeless shelter for a few nights and I should be able to find some. Then I'll just keep it at home somewhere until I need it.
There is a list of things I would not live with and dementia/ Alzheimer’s is one of them. I want to go with dignity and this disease will not allow that.
Another is cancer. If it’s terminal, chemo would only give me a little time with a lot of pain then I would not treat it.
Good point......I've thought about this as well. I've heard stories that they put you thru chemo or when they send you home or facility to die some want to put in a tracheotomy for as part of their protocol. F that noise. I'm out. And most of all I'm good with it.
I’m definitely with you on the cancer thing. I want out.
Though my uncle was diagnosed terminal but miraculously beat his cancer a year or so ago. BUT he was just diagnosed again with another cancer. He’s single with no kids. His dog just died and this dude is still fighting like hell! It boggles my mind bc I wouldn’t. I don’t tell him that but not only is he hell bent on beating cancer and living but also to pay his fucking cancer bills!! He’s so adamant about paying them off even when he was about to die. He just turned 70 so idk if that’s anything but, interesting…
Honestly, cancer is the better fate between the two once you get to a certain age. As long as you have your mind you can refuse treatment and hopefully receive good palliative/hospice care.
(I don’t mean to sound positive about cancer. My family is riddled with it and I’ve thought a lot about how I want to go out. My biggest fear is that my body will outlive my mind.)
I work in long-term healthcare. We have 4 dementia units. I would probably get myself a big ole bag of fentanyl and call it a day. I always worried more about physical deterioration until I saw how tragic dementia was.
That was my thought exactly. And the thing is from my understanding is that you wouldn't need a big bag. lol thankfully.
Blissful passing is the key. And guess what? From my understanding of near death experiences is that we experience this same thing on the other side.
This channel has helped me so much.
https://youtu.be/zrSqDEUKt8I
I have said that for years. If I’m diagnosed with something horrible, progressive, incurable, and/or terminal: I’m going to party my ass off and then finally check out on a high note. Never done that stuff, so I imagine it won’t be hard to overdo it.
Just before I quit my job as a Med Tech in a memory care community, we had a new resident who had just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. After moving her in, she refused to come out of her room at all, so the caregivers were to take her meals in to her room and I was to do the same with her meds.
The first time I went in there, I found her sitting on the side of her bed with most of the lights off. As I got closer, I could see that she had been crying. I immediately asked her what was wrong.
She told me that when she'd first heard her diagnosis, she was naturally upset but since she still had most of her faculties, she thought that she would be alright for a while. But then her cognitive decline began progressing rapidly so her family had to bring her here.
She said that until then, she hadn't realized what was going to happen to her but as she looked around at the other residents, she understood exactly what was in store for her and she didn't want to live like that.
I quit less than a week later but found out from friends who continued working there that she essentially wasted away in her room and died long before she ever reached the stage of needing someone to feed her, change her briefs, help her get dressed, etc.
Her utter despair and helplessness is something that I've never been able to forget and has also made me think about how I would feel if I received such a diagnosis. Honestly, I'd probably do exactly what she did because at least then it would be on my terms, so to speak.
This is so sad. My mom was a little younger than me when she started having symptoms. She knew what was happening to her for years and it was heartbreaking.
Mom had dementia. Took care of her for a few years until she started getting aggressive with the other family member helping me and they understandably refused to continue. So then we had to place her in memory care, it was a decent place with activities and decent staff. She was doing pretty well. And then the money ran out, and we had to put her in an not nice place where there was very little interaction. She did not do well, and she passed a couple of years ago. It sucks.
I’m (53m) watching my Dad (79m) slowly slip away every dad, week, month. Dementia is a horrible disease. I’ve watched both grandma’s, one uncle, two aunts, and numerous friends go through it. One grandma cried and was scared to death for four years in a nursing home before she passed.
This is absolutely one of my greatest fears at this point in my life. Besides burdening my wife and family, I am simply and completely beaten down to think I MAY WORK FOR 35+ YEARS AND SAVE AWAY ONLY TO FIND WHEN I RETIRE AND ITS MY TIME THIS DISEASE WILL TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU.
Fuck that. Fuck that with all the strength I have. I’m trying to live life for the now. I’m trying to ensure my family is provided for. And if I fall victim I won’t go quietly. Not sure how, but not going to just give in.
Go see an estate planning lawyer _now_ so the corrupt, bloodsucking government won't take all your shit. It's possible. You just need to have plans in place _well_ before your states look back period. (Which in my state is 5 years before applying for Medicaid).
If you legally "have nothing" (on paper) before that period, the government can't take _jack squat_ from you/your family.
Edit: grifters and politicians get away with the equivalent of white collar murder, it's high time John Q Public use all these loopholes to their advantage too.
I think it is going to be easier for us to get assisted suicide in a few years.
Baby Boomers will be filling all the spots up in LTC.
Just the sheer numbers of them will change minds
I agree with you 100%. It all comes down to money. Once it's far to expensive for society to support the aged, then physician-assisted death will overnight become perfectly acceptable regardless of one's political or religious persuasion. People will be actively encouraged to choose death.
The Boomers will absolutely break the LTC industry. I work in the pharmacy side and our intake went from 50 per month to 300 per month in the last year and we’re just seeing the tip of the iceberg.
My favorite uncle was one of the first people to pass from COVID in my state. I had mixed feelings. He had early onset Alzheimer's and was in assisted living.
Although he had no clue who anyone was anymore, this dude was living his best life for a while. All smiles, super excited about dumb little things. It was sad for me to see an extremely successful, accomplished, and talented adult behave like a kindergartener, but did it suck for him? Who knows. I know things go down hill from there fast and COVID spared him from the worst. But I can't help but think it might be harder on your loved ones that it will be on you.
Thanks for sharing this.
I've dealt with some brain issues that have affected my cognition and memory, but that didn't mean I couldn't still enjoy all kinds of things - in many cases it forced me to be even more present.
Dementia doesn't necessarily mean endless fear and frustration, though as many of the other stories here show, it often can.
I'm 52 and terrified I will get dementia. Lots of head injury's as a child, and now my insomnia is so bad I only get around 5hrs of sleep at night. No way I'll live with that. My husband knows that will be an "end it" situation.
I did start menopause early, like almost the day I turned 40. Its pretty much over now, just the occasional hot flash. My next physical is in 2 months, I will bring that up. Thank you!
Check out the menopause sub bc your average doctor is woefully misinformed and undereducated in HRT. They used to think it was too late after a certain point but that is no longer the thought. Makes a huge difference in sleep and brain health for many women.
I have chronic pain, funky thyroid, and past menopause. 2 years ago I was just about at the end of my rope when I went to a pot shop.
5:1 gummy (cbd/thc) and it helps with pain and even better snows me so I sleep all night. Sure I still rotisserie, but I’m asleep when I turn.
It has been a life saver for me. I’m a lightweight so a little goes a long way. I don’t take meds, and doctors only want to push pharmaceuticals.
I also suffer from chronic insomnia (developed back in the late '90's, when I was a new and struggling small business owner...never went away even after the medical career did), and I've gone back and forth about using CBD for sleeping. Some people swear it helps; the more anecdotal stories I hear, the more I'm inclined to try it.
Menopause sure as to shit didn't help any of that. Also not on any other meds.
My deal is that I fall asleep quickly, but then wake up like clockwork at like 2-3 AM. I have just resigned myself to this, so I read my Kindle until I fall back asleep. I could REALLY use them for backpacking and camping trips, because I can't even fall asleep then.
Thinking Plan B will be the option for me in that event.
Seriously. I have no desire to simply rot away from inside my brain. I will check out while I’m still clear up top.
I am currently dealing with my boomer age dad and his dementia for 3 years. My mom and dad both live with my husband and I and I’m surprised my husband of 33 years hasn’t given up on me and my family . I feel trapped.
My mom seems not to far behind him. We can no longer trust her to drive which is incredibly difficult. She doesn’t seem to remember I even the basics of how to shop or cook. I cannot send My Mom to home. My dad however, is a different story. His arrogance and ignorance has only gotten worse and now we can’t call him on it because of the disease.
I do love them both, but I’m in for a long, hard ride and the fact that I never got half the attention that I have to pay to them now, kind of burns inside of me.
They were both unavailable to me as an only child my entire life. They never bothered to get to know me, but I hung on their every word. I know them, but they don’t know me.
You just gotta do the best you can. Which I know you are.
I come from faith and my mother in law was the most Godly woman next to my mother I've ever known. So when I'd pray about her situation God would tell me the He has her and it's okay.
That brought some peace but boy it was hard.
Just do your best friend :)
Sympathy from a fellow only child dealing with a parent (mother) with dementia. She was definitely there for me and is still an agreeable person, but I still have resentment due to the fact that her cognitive decline was likely self inflicted (definitely hastened) by alcohol use disorder. Functional for years, but with no desire to cut back or stop. Now I get to take care of the consequences.
I’ve had dementia.
I got Covid early in the pandemic in early 2020. I had the gnarliest cognitive problems for about 1.5 years. I often didn’t know what city I was in, what year it was. I forgot how to tie my shoes, had NO short term memory whatsoever. I couldn’t work, couldn’t drive, couldn’t even cook. Bc I kept leaving the stove on and I’d immediately forget if I’d added an ingredient or not. Even washing my hair—I’d often end up doing it multiple times (I could tell bc the shampoo was disappearing fast) bc I couldn’t remember if I’d just done it or not.
I couldn’t have a conversation bc I’d get lost about 1 min into a story of someone’s bc I’d already forgotten what they’d just said. My words were all jumbled, like I’d say fireplace instead of microwave. Train instead of car (it’s like the words were in the same general category but from the wrong subfolder.)
It was TERRIFYING. I got very sick & was in a wheelchair for 4 years & that didn’t hold a candle to the cognitive issues. My neurologist said it was basically dementia.
I’m very afraid that damage will predispose me to early-onset dementia/Alzheimers.
There are tricks you can use to help—LOTS of notes everywhere, I used a set of beads on my wrist I’d move to tell me I’d done a task. But as someone who’s lived it, F. It is indescribably awful.
Thank you. That’s really kind. My cognitive stuff is all healed up, thankfully. Neuro elasticity is a powerful thing & so is the brain’s ability to heal. Wishing you the best. :)
Everyone saying they won’t live with it better look into your physician assisted suicide laws and get a plan in place. Most people are too far gone to kill themselves before they realize it.
Yeah, you’ve got to have the balls to check out early and not hide your head in the sand. I’m joining Dignitas in Switzerland. Their death with dignity laws are better than anything we’ve got in the States. I’d rather check out early than feed my life savings into the memory care money siphon. My family deserves to spend it.
I lost my mom two years ago. She had Alzheimers but her body broke down quicker than her mind. I like to do online crossword puzzles and word games (New York Times is the best) to keep my mind sharp and the wheels turning yet I forget things more often now. I am not as sharp-witted as I used to be.
So sorry about your mom; I lost my dad. Glad you’re doing the puzzles. You might consider the MIND diet and adding exercise. The diet is not clinically proven to work for Alzheimer’s but shows promise for normal age related forgetfulness.
Thank you. Actually, I had gastric sleeve surgery three months ago and I'm down a total of 67 pounds from my highest weight. I do feel good and the subreddit gastricsleeve has helped me a lot. I want to get down to my Police Academy weight from 22 years ago! My clothes are so big now.
I'm with you friend. It's hard to see our loved ones like this.
My ex and I had been divorced like a month prior to her mom passing. She texted me to work out parenting with our son and I was crying the whole time. Ex or not I loved her mom.
Lots of talk about suicide in this conversation. I’m all for it.
Just be cool about it.
Don’t do it in your house, where a family member will be traumatized by finding you. Don’t do it anywhere near a car, road, or train, where you could take someone else with you, or fuck up someone’s commute.
Don’t use a gun, which a kid could find.
See you there.
Exactly......My gf mother's bf had a late stage cancer diagnosis. He took his life in the room next to his 20 something old daughter. He shot himself. WTF? Be better than that!
I already told my husband if I got certain diagnoses, to just take me out behind the barn and make it look like an accident. If he goes before me, I'm finding the nearest bridge or cliff, before I lose my faculties.
My mom had vascular dementia. It's a nightmare. No idea why they don't put folks to sleep instead of keeping them alive, and all alone in some awful facility. Euthanasia is the humane thing to do.
I notice many folks saying there will take matters into their own hands, OD mostly but seems easier said than done. Like how does a clueless nerd go into the hood to buy heroine or whatever? Seems unlikely.
My father had Alzheimer’s & my mom had dementia - odds of me NOT losing my mind are small. I’ve told my kids I DO NOT want to go out like my parents. I’d rather throw a family party and be put down after saying my goodbyes
I'm worried about it.
I had to stop reading the research on CTE once they found out that a "series of subconsusive hits" could cause it
I played football from 6th grade through college.
Got my bell ring every day .... It's alarming
My neurologist said they only way they can diagnose it, is surgery..... Post mortem.
Wonder if that is partly why I'm so scatter brained
For everyone saying medically assisted suicide, just make sure it only involves you. In no state in the US is any form of dementia a legal reason for medically assisted suicide so anyone who helps you in any way would be subject to persecution. I realize that’s the definition of suicide but depending on your state who knows who may be doing what.
What terrifies me the most is the research showing the ability to understand you have it is the first thing to go. If I know, I will take myself out. I don't want my kids to have to care for me and I do want them to get an inheritance rather than spending every dime on care.
GenX Native woman here, who works as a healthcare underwriter.
* 1 out of 3 seniors will pass from this world with mental capacity issues, approx 85% will be due to the following causes:
* alzheimers
* parkinsons
* diabetes
* copd
* things like falling and hitting one's head is considered a one-off.
* 2/3 of this group will be **women**.
With that said, I have some strong thoughts on testing we women should undergo between 45 and 50, to start our necessary baselines for the final third of our lives.
Checking under the hood, Menopause Edition:
1. Thyroid - TSH (bloodwork 1x/yr)
2. Pancreas, kidneys - insulin, which is AC1, blood glucose (bloodwork 2x/yr)
3. Heart: Cholesterol, LDL, HDL (bloodwork after 50 is 2-4x/yr)
4. Brain, Heart and Lungs: Apnea - sleep study (test every 5 yrs)
5. Pap Exam (1x/yr)
6. Mammograms (1x/yr)
7. Bones: Dexa Scans (every two yrs)
1. note: this is completely out of pocket, offered on a biannual basis, as no health insurance will cover this until we are 65. I suggest seeing this as a copay.
8. Colonoscopy (every 3-10 years, depending on what one is told)
Many of these tests are good for dudes, so whichever ones are applicable, giturdun. Find out what we need to keep an eye on, start studying what can mitigate that reality, and do it.
That's what I am doing. Living hopefully is drilling down to practical endeavors. Why? Because I have NDN daughters, sons, and grandkids. If I don't do it, I'm not showing them how to. Trust me, we have lots of examples here on the Rez on how to die young, die without catching something otherwise intervenable, and yes, suicide by lifestyle. I'm determined to be that Auntie that they can't put down lol.
I would absolutely check out. I don't have kids, and my half siblings absolutely cannot be trusted. We've been estranged for years anyway. My fella wouldn't have any clue what to do, which is fine. No everyone is a caregiver. I can't swim, and "not swimming" seems the least traumatic way to exit
I've seen first hand what that disease does, it's probably one of the worst ways you can die. If I were diagnosed I would check out before it progressed.
I’ll be taking a vacation to Switzerland about 3 months after diagnosis (assuming I’m unlucky). I have no plans to return. The total cost will run about the same as two months in a memory care facility.
Until then it’s regular cognitive exams so I have a good picture of my cognition. Plus exercise, Mediterranean diet, no alcohol, saunas, cold plunges, and hormone replacement therapy.
[Dignitas](http://www.dignitas.ch/?lang=en)
I work with dementia patients and its both beautiful and heartbreaking. I do love my job and the people I care for very much though 💞
Dementia is not something I want for myself obviously; but I'm hoping Canada adopts Medical Assistance in Dying in an Advance Medical Directive before too long.
Right now we have M.A.i.D. but its not available as an Advanced Medical Directive and you can't legally provide consent if you have cognitive impairment. Plus you have to be able to administer the medication yourself which, once dementia sets in, can be difficult...
I'm not sure what I'll do if M.A.i.D. as a AMD isn't implemented before my mind goes. I tell the kids to take me to Niagara Falls and send me over in barrel as a joke; but obviously that's not possible and it would be horrific 🙃
My biggest thing is to not be a burden to my children. Financially and otherwise. So I think if I knew dementia was present and the advance medical directive wasn't available I'd seek M.A.i.D. while I still had my faculties to make sure I'm not forced to have my life prolonged while having no quality left and just racking up unnecessary bills to boot.
Like I told my son who will be my POA that if something happens and I'm hooked up to machines get your sister, say your goodbyes and when you're both ready- just let me go. Don't keep me around for the sake of keeping me around. There's no point in prolonging it once yiu guys have said your goodbyes. It got sappy after that and I won't get into it all; but yeah. We talk about death and old age and stuff.
Like I told him if they ever try to test my cognition with math or spelling let them know I couldn't do it before so its not a reliable assessment in my case. Fuck your counting down from 100 by multiples of 7!!! What do I look like- an astrofuckingphysicist 🤦♀️
I live in Colorado, so euthanasia for me.
I’m not scared of dying, we all die, it’s the natural order of things.
I am terrified of losing my mind and being a wholly different person, responding with only my unfiltered animal-brain instincts or becoming an unrecognizable burden on those who love me most.
I cared for my mom for five years as she was dying of Alzheimer's and if I get it I'm leaving my family a note where to find my body, going out in the woods on my farm, and eating a bullet.
I’ve told my kids to keep me at home as long as it doesn’t impact their lives that much and it’s safe…after that I want to go to a care facility. I told them once I’m not “there” anymore they should show me that they love me by smothering me with a pillow.
Seriously though…I told them I’ll take myself out before it gets to that point. I refuse to put my children through that.
I’m totally on team peace out, but what scares me is what if I time things wrong? I’d want to hang around as long as I’m reasonably mobile and basically with it to enjoy my kids and whatever young people are in my life, but then what if I wait too long and I can no longer figure out how to take care of things and I’m too incompetent for it to be done for me? It’s a scary thing to imagine.
I've been a Type 1 diabetic since I was a baby. If I gt a dementia diagnosis, I'm going to load go somewhere where my children/husband won't be the ones to find my body and load myself up with a ton of fast acting insulin.
I had a serious discussion about this with my husband not too long ago. All of my grandparents have suffered with Dimentia and I am already seeing some serious memory issues with my mom.
I told him that if I get to the point where I don't remember him or that I don't have enough memories to piece together what is happening with my life to put me in a home somewhere and forget about me. He thought I was kidding but I wasn't. We don't have kids and I refuse to be a burden on my sisters kids and I feel the same about my husband. If I don't know who he is what is the point of him being there lol. Why become a hurdle that he is always having to jump over in addition to all the other crap that life likes to throw in our way. Clearly I won't care.
Of course I also told him if Euthanasia is a legal option by then he could do that too lol. Dying doesn't bother me in the least but the thought of being a burden bothers me more than just about anything.
Medically assisted suicide. My wife and I are childless so it makes this decision a bit easier; though I don’t know that for sure. I’ve done it for my dogs so why not me?
I watched my mom die twice. The first time when she didn’t know who I was. The second when her body gave in. If at all possible I only want my wife to see me die once if it comes to that.
My mother is at the stage where she is lucid, but every day is a blank slate. She calls me in a panic because she doesn't know where she is. Every time I visit, she talks about how she's getting out in one week.
But she still enjoys eating and watching TV and reading and texting her friends.
My wife and I are experiencing the ravages of alzheimers with her dad. He was one of the kindest and smartest people I've ever met.
That evil disease has reduced him to a screaming crying creature that no longer recognizes friend from foe. Then once in a while he comes around and realizes his situation for just a little bit. He's hit family members, tried to break windows and is now in a locked down unit like a violent criminal. This is very recent, like memorial day recent.
I don't know how much longer we'll be able to see him. Its 750 miles from our home and flying really isn't a good option.
He did get diagnosed in his 50s. Went on medication, and kept his mind active. He has been progressing slowly for over 20 years. Its the past few months that have accelerated his dementia. So Yes get tested and if its positive, search for those who are making progress towards a cure. Guard your mind.
My mom was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia when she was 63. She was given 5-7 years before the bitter end. She is still with us. She cream to be touched, she weights 90 lbs and is in the fetal position 24hrs a day. Shes is now 74 and we have to watch her slowly fade into nothing. Im 45 now I will have my end planned out before im 50 so my family doesnt have to watch this happen to me
My mom passed at almost 94 last year. She had dementia - she wasn't the best mother but I wouldn't wish the hell she lived through her final years on anyone. Right to die is more complicated than people know - you have to choose it while you're still sound of mind otherwise you just rot. The cost of care for the elderly is an absolute crime and will only get worse.
The two things I would recommend are getting your hearing checked and make advanced directives. Hearing loss is directly linked to dementia. Make peace with your vanity and ego and get your hearing checked. If you need hearing aids, get them. Make peace with your mortality and plan for your death NOW while you can control it. Do not burden your children/caregivers with these decisions.
Former hospice nurse here. I just had this conversation with my daughter a couple of days ago. I will absolutely not put them through the trauma of watching me die slooooooowly. Plus the overwhelming weight of guilt family members carry after. I will take the good time left and spend every single second of it with my family and finish teaching them everything that I can about how to navigate this life. Then, I will peacefully have my final act of living.
I’m seriously considering moving back to Oregon at some point. I want to die on my own terms. We give our pets more dignity in death than our own people.
I’m not saying this is for everyone. And you have to “be of sound mind” to make the decision. So for many, they won’t qualify.
But when the time comes that I get a diagnosis that will never improve, and will have a significant negative impact on my quality of life…I choose assisted suicide.
I watched my father suffer for over 10 years with Dementia along with Diabetes.
I watched my mother struggling to walk, going to dialysis 3x a week, and ended up in a nursing home for almost 2 years, during the pandemic when she couldn’t have visitors at some points.
I don’t want to die like that.
But…I’m also Bipolar, so I kinda doubt I would qualify for assisted suicide.
Wife and I have an agreement on what happens if we become vegetables, get dementia, Alzheimer’s and such. Rotting away in a care facility is NOT in our agreement. We have DNRs in a safe, and the notarized agreement. Our state doesn't allow doctor assisted suicide, but there are ways.
I agree. I am a huge supporter of euthanasia. I dont understand why society wants everybody to live forever. I sure dont want to. Im good with kicking it by 70.
Self terminate. I even have a Glock that nobody knows about hidden. I may build a killdozer, idk. Hopefully, there will be better treatment in the future.
Both parents went through it and don't wish it upon anyone but if I do get it I will most likely want to get MAID just so i don't put others as a burden as its a tough climb for care etc.
One of my grandmothers had dementia, the other had Alzheimer’s, the only grandfather that lived into his elderly years had Parkinson’s. I have a heart condition and will likely need heart surgery at some point, I kinda don’t think I will live to that age — and some days I view that as a blessing. I have told my kids many times that I fully consent for them to just leave me in a home and call me regularly.
Fuck. If I ever get diagnosed the first thing I’m going to do is put in a no life extending intervention order.
And eat all the bad stuff that’s spread to kill us. May as well enjoy it while I can remember.
I was am early birth... I knew all my great grand parents. All the women got it... all of them rotted from the inside. In the end, they all were skeletons in a bed unable to communicate or move. My great Grand mother who went by Mame, did the decline, I was 13 when it stareted and 18 when it ended. I remeber it all. If I get it. Yea I won't be getting to that stage, I'll make sure of it. I am not going down rhat road, I'll take the cliff thanks.
Great and radically important topic (along with how to deal with death).
My mom passed of 'dementia' in '17 (born in '26) and here is my take.
Find a doctor who can read a CT scan for Natural Pressure Hydroencepalopathy (NPH) which will cause all the symptoms of Alz/Dem but can be treated with a stint in out-patient. NPH causes a build-up of fluid in the back of your brain. You drag your feet, become incontinent and have hazy memory. Most professionals will throw you into the Alz bucket and prescribe Nemenda or Arisept and you (or your loved ones) may not need it.
We're talking a one day operation vs 10 yrs of struggle.
Of course we forget things. Don't freak out on that. But get checked for NPH!
I live in a right to die state, if AD is diagnoses early enough, I have options. If not, I have a living will/medical directive specific to it. My mom is horrified, but I am happy with my choice. And frankly if none of that works? I have enough knowledge and connections to make it happen anyway, just less legally.
If I get any sort of diagnosis like this, guess I’ll become Canadian, where euthanasia is legal.
I was never a massive drinker, but I stopped altogether 21 years ago, and I read and continue to learn to help keep the noggin’ sharp and neural pathways healthy.
I absolutely agree and believe we ought to support people having full control over their bodies including assisted suicide. I'll give the disclaimer, heavily regulated assisted suicide.
I personally would opt to meet my demise via assistance, if I were diagnosed and had reached a specific point. I see no reason to put my family through the point where i become such an extreme burden that it becomes detrimental to them other than than the grief that they will have to go through anyway. And I would like the discount on my health insurance premiums.
In a healthy society we would have end of life planning well before we need end of life services.
It's only mildly worth continuing to live if you have reliable family members who are able to provide care and comfort.
Both of my grandparents succumbed to these diseases in their 90s, so I guess this is the direction I'm going.
My mother-in-law was 47 when diagnosed. 20+ years she suffered the LONGEST goodbye. Both my wife and I are adamant that we want to spare our kids the same anguish...
I wanna bail long before then.
A recent medical issue has me wondering how much fight I have in me, and I've come to realize the tank is just about empty.
I'm not ready to un live myself, but I'm also not real far from just letting nature take her course.
I had a hard childhood and made some bad decisions as a young adult, but the past 25 years have been pretty good.
I've got a good marriage, and an adult child, but I'm getting tired.
Tired of the rat race. Tired of the bullshit, Tired of the hate, and OH SO tired of THE STUPID.
In my head I keep replaying the Doctor telling me I need lifesaving surgery, and me saying Nah, I'm good.
I worry with progression of the disease forgetting that this is my wish, so the first winter after an Alzheimer's diagnosis I'd go for a walk in a blizzard while lightly dressed. Or a swim in the icy cold ocean with a life jacket on. I want to fall asleep in the beauty of nature.
I agree wholeheartedly. I don't want anyone I love to be obligated to take care of me when I can't recall who they are or whatnot. If I get diagnosed with Anything like that, physical or mental, I will make a plan to go where ever I can get a spot in one of those suicide pods...
My Dad has it right now. He can't remember how to spell his name. He used to be so busy, and my Superman. He is wearing my Mom out. She has been retired for 10 years and maybe had two days where she has slept completely through the night.
It's like losing them twice. I just hate this disease.
My mom started declining at 65. She’s been in a nursing home since 2018. Good days and bad days, but she’s on Medicaid and I can’t get her moved to a care home in my state without losing that funding. My state takes a year to get on Medicaid and you can’t be in the old state’s system while applying for a new one.
Her brother also started declining at 65. So I’m terrified, that at 52, I’ll start doing the same in the next decade. I’d rather be taken out if that starts to happen.
I was diagnosed a couple of years back with osteoporosis. It's already reasonably severe and I have to take medication and actively exercise to prevent further deterioration. If I stop my bones will crumble away in a few years.
Once I got over the shock of having osteoporosis in my mid 50's I found it has actually given me a sense of peace that I won't spend 15 years rotting away in a care home eating through any assets I might be able to leave my kid to help her survive in this deteriorating world we are leaving them.
I went through it with my mom, I'm very sensitive when I can't remember something, or get confused, I really don't want to go through it. There's new medicine coming down the line, but I am just as worried about getting older and senile. I will probably be alone and I don't want anyone to take care of me if I do go down that road. It worries me so. Without memory or a past what the fuck are ya?
I’m not religious. I’ve also worked in healthcare for 23 years and have really embraced death as just a part of life. DNR all the way and yes, I’m 100% okay with offing myself if I start to lose my faculties.
American healthcare and the way we approach death is horrible. It actually is a horror. To watch first our loved ones and then ourselves degrade, shrivel, lose our dignity and quality of life.
For what? And families refuse to sign DNRs. “Whatever it takes!” So they can feel virtuous and “Christian”.
No, no, no. Fuck all that. No nursing homes. No torturing my family with my slow, insidious losses of self, family, and even continence at the end of
No.
I just wish it was easier to off yourself for people in their right mind who are making an informed decision. I hate end of life healthcare in the US.
I watched Alzheimer’s take my grandmother piece by piece over about 12 years or so. She was a drooling husk by the time it was over. I’ve already informed my wife that the minute I get a confirmed diagnosis, we plan my exit. We tell the kids, go on those bucket list vacations and drink wine like it’s Prohibition again. When she sees me lose a part of me that she recognizes as me, she’s promised to make me a big ol’ bowl of “special pudding” and hold me until the end. In a word: fuck that noise!
I'm going through this now and plan to get tested. I'm forgetting more and more things and my job is becoming very difficult because of it. I'm 51, so didn't expect these issues so soon but there is a history of it in my family. I'm making lists but the trouble is, sometimes I forget to look at them. If I don't regularly see people, I forget about them. I don't call them because I just forget they exist. It's scary. I'm afraid that I'll be out driving with my son one day and will suddenly forget how the car works or what side of the road I should be driving on.
If I get bad I want my kids to abandon me in a remote national park and let nature take care of me. Sounds like hell for the caretakers and once I serve no purpose use resources for people with potential
I lost my mother and mother-in-law to it. There's a punter's chance I'll lose my wife to it too. Not sure of my chances, but certainly non-zero. I fucking hope to stroke out or have an aneurism in my sleep, or pull the pin myself, so to speak.
Dementia is basically a descent into madness. For mom, it started with the drifting off and forgetfulness. Then one day she started to see bugs crawling on her food. Then she was telling the nursing home staff that either I or my brother were dead. One time she introduced me to a staffer then stage-whispered "Spies are trying to kill him." Later she seemed to be reliving moments from her turbulent childhood like it was a one-woman play. Then came the howling, and then the sedation.
The last time I saw her conscious, I doubt she even knew who I was.
The last time I saw her alive, she was sitting in bed, eyes closed and mouth hanging open in agonal breathing. She passed about 12 hours later.
I'm not going out like that.
Zero desire to rely on the US healthcare system so any diagnosis like that or even difficult cancer and I’m selling all my shit, getting a beach bungalow in Belize and offing myself on a drug overdose, either insulin or fent or maybe sleeping pills. No way am I buying the relish the time you have left crap or worse paying for shitty treatment and care when I could go out way better. Watched my mother die over nine months from cancer only to die from morphine overdose and toxication, no desire to go out passive like that
Saw several of my relatives die of alzheimers. I'd prefer not to go out like that if it is at all possible. Hopefully if it comes to that, either i or someone will make sure i don't suffer.
Dementia runs on my mother's side. I am terrified of it. I'm looking into whether or not setting up medical assistance in dying in advance is possible here, once/if diagnosed.
I have a couple of ways I could end it before it gets to that point. I’m terrified of losing my independence, be it to physical or cognitive issues. Not afraid to die at all.
I saw it with my Dad’s parents. Thankfully, my Dad made it to 87, and my mom is now 87, and neither had any hints.
My husband and kids know that if I get it, to put me in a care facility and move on. I don’t want them to have to care for me, nor remember me that way.
My mother is in the later stages of dementia, and I wouldn’t wish it on almost anyone.
If I were diagnosed, I would try to have everything set up for assisted suicide when things get really bad.
With this said, I would travel as much as possible immediately after the diagnosis.
fortunately, no one in my family has ever had it. Without really knowing the cause I can’t worry too much about it. I expect I’m going to feel about it the same way I’m going to feel about whatever takes me down.
I'm a prime candidate for it and I'm in two research groups right now that are tracking me. I've been doing everything I can to prolong my health, but I'm already talking with my son about what my needs might be. Given my genetics & family history, it probably won't be for another 25 years, but I will start off with assisted living and then go to memory care. My dad is in a fantastic place for memory care, and I hope my experience is like his - he's content and kept active with lots of group gatherings and activities. It's expensive AF so that's part of my long-term planning. If the boomers end up forcing a cure, my medical savings will go toward my kid's inheritance.
I watched both of my grandmothers die in nursing homes of it. If I am diagnosed, I plan to off myself before it gets too bad. I don’t want my family to suffer watching that and being caregivers. That and ALS are cruel diagnoseses.
I’m watching my FIL go through early onset Alzheimer’s. He is about 64. He is getting very paranoid and my wife and her brother have Power of Attorney and will have to make the decision very soon to put him in a home. Watching my FIL’s decline has been heartbreaking.
I have a plan. I'm not going down a blathering idiot. During one of my lucid moments I'll put in my iv a salt substitute. It has enough potassium to stop my heart. Valhalla here I come!
Not so much for me. But my wife getting it worries me frequently. Her dad and her grandmother died from it. We have tried to cut way back on sugar, processed food, and alcohol. We intermittent fast every day for 14-16 hours. We still eat stuff we shouldn’t and don’t get near enough exercise so it is work in progress. It’s just an attempt to extend the years and especially the good years. Half of my motivation to be healthy is so I can take care of her if she does develop any form of dementia. The thought of not being here to help her breaks my heart.
I’m calling Dignitas ASAP. My MIL also passed from Alzheimer’s. She was such a wonderful person and in the end became a zombie. Alzheimer’s is the ultimate zombie virus.. I don’t want my family to go through that.
I thought I had early dementia because my brain was so foggy I started taking the supplement Chlorella and in a week I could remember childhood playmates, directions on how to get to places after only going one time. It gave me a lot of focus and is part of my daily regimen now.
I think about this allllll the time now! I’m dead serious about wanting to be “put down” as well. Does anyone know where to go to accomplish this? I wonder how to put these plans in place, and all of that.
Here’s and NPR story about this very scenario: [link](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2022/03/08/1084912553/alzheimers-assisted-suicide-amy-bloom-in-love)
I’ve had this conversation with my husband a few times. It’s one of my two worst fears. (The other is losing one of our kids.) I’d honestly just euthanize myself. No way, I’m letting my poor family suffer by wiping my back side while I can no longer remember who they are. I wouldn’t put them through that kind of anguish.
I'm 51 and went through this with my dad. My mom and I still talk about when it started, and we find all sorts of things that he did before we even noticed he had alzheimers. Such a wicked disease. I'm doing everything in my power not to get it(ie. games,reading,puzzles), but doubt it will change the outcome. Unluck of the draw. I agree if I see any sign of it I'm taking some pills. The only thing I can think of that is just as bad is ALS. On a good note modern since is getting closer to at least slowing it down. The have found genes they think are linked to it. Fingers crossed 🤞
Nope nope nope on that. I worked nursing on an Alzheimer’s/ dementia floor. There’s no dignity nor reason to life after a certain point. I don’t want to be burden. We don’t get out of here alive anyway. Much rather go with some of my faculties still about me without costing my family extra money.
I've experienced it with my Mom. It was a six-year slow death and watching it happen really messed me up. It's always on my mind and it does scare me. I do all the things experts recommend to stave it off but that fear still lurks.
My father has dementia/Alzheimer's he is 85 years old, my mother is also 85 and not able to care for him but her quality of life is severely hampered, she is as sharp as ever and walks a couple miles a day. For both their sake I wish he would pass
Same exact thing happened with my husbands mother (we weren't married at the time; this was about 12 years ago, but I still consider her my mother-in-law). Watching her decline over the course of a few years until she finally had to go into a specialty residence for end-stage dementia patients was as horrifying as it was heartbreaking. I'm convinced that AD is the WORST way to die.
Thankfully, she only lasted about 2 weeks before passing away, and the care she got was superb.
Husband is super-concerned about having the APOe4 gene that would put him at increased risk for AD. He's 65 (I'm 57), and has noticed some decline in his cognition, which is one thing that prompted us to actually get married after being together for 17 years. And also to go to an estate attorney and get wills and advance directives done.
Please, everyone - regardless of whether you're concerned about getting dementia or not - go get this done. If you have kids, it's even more important to do that. The hourglass is running out, and your ticket could get punched at any time.
Anyway, in the gallows humor sort of way we roll, he said that he'd peace out if he developed AD and before it got so bad he couldn't remember anything. And, then we joke about finding some street dealer of blue fentanyl and buying a bunch to have as a back-up plan it the worst happens...except it's not really a joke. I was reading this post to him, and he said: "Let's just put it this way: if I could legally buy fentanyl through Amazon, I'd have bought some years ago."
Neither of us are personally planning on getting tested for APOe4; we just do things that will mitigate the risk of developing it: eating well, avoiding alcohol and processed foods and anything that causes cellular inflammation, regular exercise, trying to get decent sleep. Basically whatever Dr. Peter Attia suggests in his longevity book and podcast is what we do!
I’m out. I have worked with that demographic and society is not kind in the treatment nor compassion for these people. And the medical community soaks you with 90 million medications - all of which have their own side effects and risks. And. It’s all about the $$$$$ Nope. I’ll be downing some hoarded leftover vet meds with a really good bottle of bourbon and a few pee pads (not wanting to leave a traumatic scene for someone).
Yep. Live in a state with assisted suicide and a legal advanced medical directive.
I have the directive.
Yeah but as far as I know you can’t yet make a directive that says “please euthanize me when I don’t know my spouse or children.”
No kids. I made sure that if/when I’m found, if I’m still breathing, there will be zero chances of measures. Very clear on absolutely no lifesaving measures. Because I won’t be paying that bill. And well, you know they’ll tuck me in a corner somewhere to expire. I am DNR all the way
This is what concerns me as well. I don't think they will allow us to nope out while we still have enough faculties to do so. I've got the DNR and all that arranged, but yeah, I don't think that will help in this instance. I hope I'm wrong...or things change in the next few years.
Best you can do is sign something that tells them not to feed you, once you can't feed yourself, and let them starve you to death. It's gruesome what we make people suffer through.
Exactly. You can't sign the directive once you're incapacitated and you can't sign up for it in advance. Medically assisted suicide for dementia doesn't exist in the US and barely exists at all. Sweden will do it, but only while you're still aware enough to know what you're agreeing to, so you've got to give up a few good years in exchange.
Me too. I have the right to a medically assistanced out and I'm taking it.
Watched both grandmas and a great aunt live far too long with it. Runs rampant on both my father and mother's sides. There's no fucking way I'm living to 100 and losing my mind at 85 or 90. I've made it clear to my family, I want euthanasia. Let me wander off into the woods, hit me with a big ass dose of whatever. But for the love of God do not force me to live 20 years without my mind. I will haunt them viciously if they don't.
Yeah, don't want to die at home. Don't want to leave that behind for my kids to deal with. Going to rent a really nice hotel room. Didn't think of the pee pee pads. Thanks for the tip. I will leave a big tip for the staff.
That’s very thoughtful of you. My son cleans the scene after bodies are found and it’s wild what he deals with.
Yeh. I was a photojournalist & covered hard news in a big city. Your son had a tough job. Humans are … messy.
Both of my parents died after losing their mind. I told my wife that if there is a euthanasia option, put me down.
There’s always a euthanasia option, albeit self-administered.
Some states (Oregon I know for sure), allow for assisted suicide. I’ll be opting for this is my brain goes to rot. Dementia is in many ways, scarier than death.
Only applies to terminally ill patients with 6 months or less to live. Alzheimer’s is not considered terminal in any state, I’m pretty certain. Consult a lawyer in your state. Also, Switzerland has accepted euthanasia “tourists” https://www.dignityindying.org.uk/assisted-dying/international-examples/switzerland/ Anyone remember Terry Pratchett? Apparently he wanted assistance but passed away from Alzheimer’s
They also have the suicide pod! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarco_pod
Here I thought it was some podcast lol
Please select mode of death: “Quick and painless" or "slow and horrible."
Thing of beauty.
Not only that but you have to be of sound mind to sign the paperwork. Once you have been diagnosed, you are no longer considered of sound mind. And you can't proactively sign consent bc you have to be specific on how the terminal disease is affecting your life and what your immediate future looks like.
Multiple states now. Oregon was the first. The “death with dignity” act. I remember having to right a report on it in undergrad.
But that's the scary thing - at what point can you still ask for suicide? Does Oregon require you to be of 'sound mind' to make that decision?
If a minimum number of physicians certify that you have 6 months or less to live and that there is no hope of recovery (terminal condition), you may meet the minimum requirement. There’s also the sound of mind bs to deal with.
That's the catch. It doesn't work for alzheimers.
Sucks for whoever stumbles over the body though. It's a lose/lose situation. And it only works if you're somehow still resourceful enough to pull it off. Maybe even a lose/lose/lose situation.
You can always tell someone where to find you before you do it.
In the states that I am familiar with that have legal physician assisted suicide, most have conditions regarding the patient being "mentally fit" to make the decision. It really only benefits people with a terminal illness that doesn't effect their cognitive abilities. Someone with advanced dementia, unfortunately, cannot give informed consent. I looked around when my mom got her diagnosis. It's awful!
There should be a way of filling out that request when you are sane as a just in case. Like signing a DNR when you go into the hospital.
100% my solution too. Park me out back in a lawn chair, in a moment of lucidity I will do the rest.
I told my husband to take me out back and shoot me. My grandfather had Alzheimer’s, my uncle Louie Body dementia and my grandmother dementia. It’s been awful to watch the decline and so hard on family members taking care of them. I don’t want to be that burden.
Right, but then how do you not go to prison for murder? Literally wife and I talk about ways to do this where somehow we aren’t guilty of murder in the first.
Takes some planning, a pocketful of fent, a national park, and some walking shoes. While you can still get around at a decent clip, take that walk in the woods. Eat the fent and let vultures do the rest.
That's one of my possible solutions as well - not just in the case of dementia. Go to a homeless shelter for a few nights and I should be able to find some. Then I'll just keep it at home somewhere until I need it.
I’ll be in a pod with a couple of nitrogen bottles if that ever happens to me.
There is a list of things I would not live with and dementia/ Alzheimer’s is one of them. I want to go with dignity and this disease will not allow that. Another is cancer. If it’s terminal, chemo would only give me a little time with a lot of pain then I would not treat it.
Good point......I've thought about this as well. I've heard stories that they put you thru chemo or when they send you home or facility to die some want to put in a tracheotomy for as part of their protocol. F that noise. I'm out. And most of all I'm good with it.
I’m definitely with you on the cancer thing. I want out. Though my uncle was diagnosed terminal but miraculously beat his cancer a year or so ago. BUT he was just diagnosed again with another cancer. He’s single with no kids. His dog just died and this dude is still fighting like hell! It boggles my mind bc I wouldn’t. I don’t tell him that but not only is he hell bent on beating cancer and living but also to pay his fucking cancer bills!! He’s so adamant about paying them off even when he was about to die. He just turned 70 so idk if that’s anything but, interesting…
Honestly, cancer is the better fate between the two once you get to a certain age. As long as you have your mind you can refuse treatment and hopefully receive good palliative/hospice care. (I don’t mean to sound positive about cancer. My family is riddled with it and I’ve thought a lot about how I want to go out. My biggest fear is that my body will outlive my mind.)
I work in long-term healthcare. We have 4 dementia units. I would probably get myself a big ole bag of fentanyl and call it a day. I always worried more about physical deterioration until I saw how tragic dementia was.
That was my thought exactly. And the thing is from my understanding is that you wouldn't need a big bag. lol thankfully. Blissful passing is the key. And guess what? From my understanding of near death experiences is that we experience this same thing on the other side. This channel has helped me so much. https://youtu.be/zrSqDEUKt8I
[удалено]
Witness me!
Mediocre!
Time to find out what all that heroin fuss is all about.
I have said that for years. If I’m diagnosed with something horrible, progressive, incurable, and/or terminal: I’m going to party my ass off and then finally check out on a high note. Never done that stuff, so I imagine it won’t be hard to overdo it.
This is the way.
Just before I quit my job as a Med Tech in a memory care community, we had a new resident who had just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. After moving her in, she refused to come out of her room at all, so the caregivers were to take her meals in to her room and I was to do the same with her meds. The first time I went in there, I found her sitting on the side of her bed with most of the lights off. As I got closer, I could see that she had been crying. I immediately asked her what was wrong. She told me that when she'd first heard her diagnosis, she was naturally upset but since she still had most of her faculties, she thought that she would be alright for a while. But then her cognitive decline began progressing rapidly so her family had to bring her here. She said that until then, she hadn't realized what was going to happen to her but as she looked around at the other residents, she understood exactly what was in store for her and she didn't want to live like that. I quit less than a week later but found out from friends who continued working there that she essentially wasted away in her room and died long before she ever reached the stage of needing someone to feed her, change her briefs, help her get dressed, etc. Her utter despair and helplessness is something that I've never been able to forget and has also made me think about how I would feel if I received such a diagnosis. Honestly, I'd probably do exactly what she did because at least then it would be on my terms, so to speak.
Wow thank you for sharing!
This is so sad. My mom was a little younger than me when she started having symptoms. She knew what was happening to her for years and it was heartbreaking.
I would prefer to be put down than be left to rot in a care facility.
My mom is 81 and we've talking about that......she said just keep me around family and not alone.
Mom had dementia. Took care of her for a few years until she started getting aggressive with the other family member helping me and they understandably refused to continue. So then we had to place her in memory care, it was a decent place with activities and decent staff. She was doing pretty well. And then the money ran out, and we had to put her in an not nice place where there was very little interaction. She did not do well, and she passed a couple of years ago. It sucks.
I’m (53m) watching my Dad (79m) slowly slip away every dad, week, month. Dementia is a horrible disease. I’ve watched both grandma’s, one uncle, two aunts, and numerous friends go through it. One grandma cried and was scared to death for four years in a nursing home before she passed. This is absolutely one of my greatest fears at this point in my life. Besides burdening my wife and family, I am simply and completely beaten down to think I MAY WORK FOR 35+ YEARS AND SAVE AWAY ONLY TO FIND WHEN I RETIRE AND ITS MY TIME THIS DISEASE WILL TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU. Fuck that. Fuck that with all the strength I have. I’m trying to live life for the now. I’m trying to ensure my family is provided for. And if I fall victim I won’t go quietly. Not sure how, but not going to just give in.
Go see an estate planning lawyer _now_ so the corrupt, bloodsucking government won't take all your shit. It's possible. You just need to have plans in place _well_ before your states look back period. (Which in my state is 5 years before applying for Medicaid). If you legally "have nothing" (on paper) before that period, the government can't take _jack squat_ from you/your family. Edit: grifters and politicians get away with the equivalent of white collar murder, it's high time John Q Public use all these loopholes to their advantage too.
Hang in there friend. I know it's hard. Do your best. Which I know you are :)
I think it is going to be easier for us to get assisted suicide in a few years. Baby Boomers will be filling all the spots up in LTC. Just the sheer numbers of them will change minds
I agree with you 100%. It all comes down to money. Once it's far to expensive for society to support the aged, then physician-assisted death will overnight become perfectly acceptable regardless of one's political or religious persuasion. People will be actively encouraged to choose death.
The Boomers will absolutely break the LTC industry. I work in the pharmacy side and our intake went from 50 per month to 300 per month in the last year and we’re just seeing the tip of the iceberg.
My favorite uncle was one of the first people to pass from COVID in my state. I had mixed feelings. He had early onset Alzheimer's and was in assisted living. Although he had no clue who anyone was anymore, this dude was living his best life for a while. All smiles, super excited about dumb little things. It was sad for me to see an extremely successful, accomplished, and talented adult behave like a kindergartener, but did it suck for him? Who knows. I know things go down hill from there fast and COVID spared him from the worst. But I can't help but think it might be harder on your loved ones that it will be on you.
Thanks for sharing this. I've dealt with some brain issues that have affected my cognition and memory, but that didn't mean I couldn't still enjoy all kinds of things - in many cases it forced me to be even more present. Dementia doesn't necessarily mean endless fear and frustration, though as many of the other stories here show, it often can.
I'm 52 and terrified I will get dementia. Lots of head injury's as a child, and now my insomnia is so bad I only get around 5hrs of sleep at night. No way I'll live with that. My husband knows that will be an "end it" situation.
Check your hormone levels and the menopause sub if you haven’t already! The female brain needs estrogen.
I did start menopause early, like almost the day I turned 40. Its pretty much over now, just the occasional hot flash. My next physical is in 2 months, I will bring that up. Thank you!
Check out the menopause sub bc your average doctor is woefully misinformed and undereducated in HRT. They used to think it was too late after a certain point but that is no longer the thought. Makes a huge difference in sleep and brain health for many women.
I second this, it helps with pain in joints too, mental clarity. HRT was a big help for me.
I have chronic pain, funky thyroid, and past menopause. 2 years ago I was just about at the end of my rope when I went to a pot shop. 5:1 gummy (cbd/thc) and it helps with pain and even better snows me so I sleep all night. Sure I still rotisserie, but I’m asleep when I turn. It has been a life saver for me. I’m a lightweight so a little goes a long way. I don’t take meds, and doctors only want to push pharmaceuticals.
I also suffer from chronic insomnia (developed back in the late '90's, when I was a new and struggling small business owner...never went away even after the medical career did), and I've gone back and forth about using CBD for sleeping. Some people swear it helps; the more anecdotal stories I hear, the more I'm inclined to try it. Menopause sure as to shit didn't help any of that. Also not on any other meds. My deal is that I fall asleep quickly, but then wake up like clockwork at like 2-3 AM. I have just resigned myself to this, so I read my Kindle until I fall back asleep. I could REALLY use them for backpacking and camping trips, because I can't even fall asleep then.
I will find out what all the fuss is about Fentanyl
This is the way
Thinking Plan B will be the option for me in that event. Seriously. I have no desire to simply rot away from inside my brain. I will check out while I’m still clear up top.
I am currently dealing with my boomer age dad and his dementia for 3 years. My mom and dad both live with my husband and I and I’m surprised my husband of 33 years hasn’t given up on me and my family . I feel trapped. My mom seems not to far behind him. We can no longer trust her to drive which is incredibly difficult. She doesn’t seem to remember I even the basics of how to shop or cook. I cannot send My Mom to home. My dad however, is a different story. His arrogance and ignorance has only gotten worse and now we can’t call him on it because of the disease. I do love them both, but I’m in for a long, hard ride and the fact that I never got half the attention that I have to pay to them now, kind of burns inside of me. They were both unavailable to me as an only child my entire life. They never bothered to get to know me, but I hung on their every word. I know them, but they don’t know me.
You just gotta do the best you can. Which I know you are. I come from faith and my mother in law was the most Godly woman next to my mother I've ever known. So when I'd pray about her situation God would tell me the He has her and it's okay. That brought some peace but boy it was hard. Just do your best friend :)
I'm so sorry. I hope today is one of the good days. Hugs.
Sympathy from a fellow only child dealing with a parent (mother) with dementia. She was definitely there for me and is still an agreeable person, but I still have resentment due to the fact that her cognitive decline was likely self inflicted (definitely hastened) by alcohol use disorder. Functional for years, but with no desire to cut back or stop. Now I get to take care of the consequences.
I’ve had dementia. I got Covid early in the pandemic in early 2020. I had the gnarliest cognitive problems for about 1.5 years. I often didn’t know what city I was in, what year it was. I forgot how to tie my shoes, had NO short term memory whatsoever. I couldn’t work, couldn’t drive, couldn’t even cook. Bc I kept leaving the stove on and I’d immediately forget if I’d added an ingredient or not. Even washing my hair—I’d often end up doing it multiple times (I could tell bc the shampoo was disappearing fast) bc I couldn’t remember if I’d just done it or not. I couldn’t have a conversation bc I’d get lost about 1 min into a story of someone’s bc I’d already forgotten what they’d just said. My words were all jumbled, like I’d say fireplace instead of microwave. Train instead of car (it’s like the words were in the same general category but from the wrong subfolder.) It was TERRIFYING. I got very sick & was in a wheelchair for 4 years & that didn’t hold a candle to the cognitive issues. My neurologist said it was basically dementia. I’m very afraid that damage will predispose me to early-onset dementia/Alzheimers. There are tricks you can use to help—LOTS of notes everywhere, I used a set of beads on my wrist I’d move to tell me I’d done a task. But as someone who’s lived it, F. It is indescribably awful.
I am proud of you!
Thank you. :)
Hang in there friend. We are with you. It may be this little thread but know you are not alone. :)
Thank you. That’s really kind. My cognitive stuff is all healed up, thankfully. Neuro elasticity is a powerful thing & so is the brain’s ability to heal. Wishing you the best. :)
You're welcome. All the best to you too!
Everyone saying they won’t live with it better look into your physician assisted suicide laws and get a plan in place. Most people are too far gone to kill themselves before they realize it.
Yeah, you’ve got to have the balls to check out early and not hide your head in the sand. I’m joining Dignitas in Switzerland. Their death with dignity laws are better than anything we’ve got in the States. I’d rather check out early than feed my life savings into the memory care money siphon. My family deserves to spend it.
[удалено]
I lost my mom two years ago. She had Alzheimers but her body broke down quicker than her mind. I like to do online crossword puzzles and word games (New York Times is the best) to keep my mind sharp and the wheels turning yet I forget things more often now. I am not as sharp-witted as I used to be.
So sorry about your mom; I lost my dad. Glad you’re doing the puzzles. You might consider the MIND diet and adding exercise. The diet is not clinically proven to work for Alzheimer’s but shows promise for normal age related forgetfulness.
Thank you. Actually, I had gastric sleeve surgery three months ago and I'm down a total of 67 pounds from my highest weight. I do feel good and the subreddit gastricsleeve has helped me a lot. I want to get down to my Police Academy weight from 22 years ago! My clothes are so big now.
Right? I walk into rooms as of late and think "what did I come in here for?" LOL
With me, I always misplace my phone and when I ask my kids to call my phone, they say their phone is dead. It's Murphy's Law.
My dad is in late stage vascular dementia. It’s horrible. I would want to be humanely euthanized.
I'm with you friend. It's hard to see our loved ones like this. My ex and I had been divorced like a month prior to her mom passing. She texted me to work out parenting with our son and I was crying the whole time. Ex or not I loved her mom.
Lots of talk about suicide in this conversation. I’m all for it. Just be cool about it. Don’t do it in your house, where a family member will be traumatized by finding you. Don’t do it anywhere near a car, road, or train, where you could take someone else with you, or fuck up someone’s commute. Don’t use a gun, which a kid could find. See you there.
Exactly......My gf mother's bf had a late stage cancer diagnosis. He took his life in the room next to his 20 something old daughter. He shot himself. WTF? Be better than that!
Yeah, I know someone who shot themself in their own bathroom. Was found by their own 5 year old grandchild.
I already told my husband if I got certain diagnoses, to just take me out behind the barn and make it look like an accident. If he goes before me, I'm finding the nearest bridge or cliff, before I lose my faculties.
Hey friend, there are much easier ways to go. I know people :) I'm sure you can know people too........to make things less traumatic. :)
I have a friend who is a dentist. He promised to... help me... if this happens :)
"Help" I love that so much!
That is the word he used :)
My mom had vascular dementia. It's a nightmare. No idea why they don't put folks to sleep instead of keeping them alive, and all alone in some awful facility. Euthanasia is the humane thing to do. I notice many folks saying there will take matters into their own hands, OD mostly but seems easier said than done. Like how does a clueless nerd go into the hood to buy heroine or whatever? Seems unlikely.
I think a lot of older people who go “missing” while hiking, are taking matters into their own hands due to medical reasons.
I'll sneak into the hospital morgue, zip myself up into a body bag, and snort a big line of fentanyl. No fuss, no mess.
My father had Alzheimer’s & my mom had dementia - odds of me NOT losing my mind are small. I’ve told my kids I DO NOT want to go out like my parents. I’d rather throw a family party and be put down after saying my goodbyes
I'm worried about it. I had to stop reading the research on CTE once they found out that a "series of subconsusive hits" could cause it I played football from 6th grade through college. Got my bell ring every day .... It's alarming My neurologist said they only way they can diagnose it, is surgery..... Post mortem. Wonder if that is partly why I'm so scatter brained
For everyone saying medically assisted suicide, just make sure it only involves you. In no state in the US is any form of dementia a legal reason for medically assisted suicide so anyone who helps you in any way would be subject to persecution. I realize that’s the definition of suicide but depending on your state who knows who may be doing what.
What terrifies me the most is the research showing the ability to understand you have it is the first thing to go. If I know, I will take myself out. I don't want my kids to have to care for me and I do want them to get an inheritance rather than spending every dime on care.
GenX Native woman here, who works as a healthcare underwriter. * 1 out of 3 seniors will pass from this world with mental capacity issues, approx 85% will be due to the following causes: * alzheimers * parkinsons * diabetes * copd * things like falling and hitting one's head is considered a one-off. * 2/3 of this group will be **women**. With that said, I have some strong thoughts on testing we women should undergo between 45 and 50, to start our necessary baselines for the final third of our lives. Checking under the hood, Menopause Edition: 1. Thyroid - TSH (bloodwork 1x/yr) 2. Pancreas, kidneys - insulin, which is AC1, blood glucose (bloodwork 2x/yr) 3. Heart: Cholesterol, LDL, HDL (bloodwork after 50 is 2-4x/yr) 4. Brain, Heart and Lungs: Apnea - sleep study (test every 5 yrs) 5. Pap Exam (1x/yr) 6. Mammograms (1x/yr) 7. Bones: Dexa Scans (every two yrs) 1. note: this is completely out of pocket, offered on a biannual basis, as no health insurance will cover this until we are 65. I suggest seeing this as a copay. 8. Colonoscopy (every 3-10 years, depending on what one is told) Many of these tests are good for dudes, so whichever ones are applicable, giturdun. Find out what we need to keep an eye on, start studying what can mitigate that reality, and do it. That's what I am doing. Living hopefully is drilling down to practical endeavors. Why? Because I have NDN daughters, sons, and grandkids. If I don't do it, I'm not showing them how to. Trust me, we have lots of examples here on the Rez on how to die young, die without catching something otherwise intervenable, and yes, suicide by lifestyle. I'm determined to be that Auntie that they can't put down lol.
I am 1000% more afraid of a dementia diagnosis than cancer. I will 100% end it.
I would absolutely check out. I don't have kids, and my half siblings absolutely cannot be trusted. We've been estranged for years anyway. My fella wouldn't have any clue what to do, which is fine. No everyone is a caregiver. I can't swim, and "not swimming" seems the least traumatic way to exit
I've seen first hand what that disease does, it's probably one of the worst ways you can die. If I were diagnosed I would check out before it progressed.
I’ll be taking a vacation to Switzerland about 3 months after diagnosis (assuming I’m unlucky). I have no plans to return. The total cost will run about the same as two months in a memory care facility. Until then it’s regular cognitive exams so I have a good picture of my cognition. Plus exercise, Mediterranean diet, no alcohol, saunas, cold plunges, and hormone replacement therapy. [Dignitas](http://www.dignitas.ch/?lang=en)
I work with dementia patients and its both beautiful and heartbreaking. I do love my job and the people I care for very much though 💞 Dementia is not something I want for myself obviously; but I'm hoping Canada adopts Medical Assistance in Dying in an Advance Medical Directive before too long. Right now we have M.A.i.D. but its not available as an Advanced Medical Directive and you can't legally provide consent if you have cognitive impairment. Plus you have to be able to administer the medication yourself which, once dementia sets in, can be difficult... I'm not sure what I'll do if M.A.i.D. as a AMD isn't implemented before my mind goes. I tell the kids to take me to Niagara Falls and send me over in barrel as a joke; but obviously that's not possible and it would be horrific 🙃 My biggest thing is to not be a burden to my children. Financially and otherwise. So I think if I knew dementia was present and the advance medical directive wasn't available I'd seek M.A.i.D. while I still had my faculties to make sure I'm not forced to have my life prolonged while having no quality left and just racking up unnecessary bills to boot. Like I told my son who will be my POA that if something happens and I'm hooked up to machines get your sister, say your goodbyes and when you're both ready- just let me go. Don't keep me around for the sake of keeping me around. There's no point in prolonging it once yiu guys have said your goodbyes. It got sappy after that and I won't get into it all; but yeah. We talk about death and old age and stuff. Like I told him if they ever try to test my cognition with math or spelling let them know I couldn't do it before so its not a reliable assessment in my case. Fuck your counting down from 100 by multiples of 7!!! What do I look like- an astrofuckingphysicist 🤦♀️
Flight to Switzerland, assisted suicide
I live in Colorado, so euthanasia for me. I’m not scared of dying, we all die, it’s the natural order of things. I am terrified of losing my mind and being a wholly different person, responding with only my unfiltered animal-brain instincts or becoming an unrecognizable burden on those who love me most.
I cared for my mom for five years as she was dying of Alzheimer's and if I get it I'm leaving my family a note where to find my body, going out in the woods on my farm, and eating a bullet.
I’ve told my kids to keep me at home as long as it doesn’t impact their lives that much and it’s safe…after that I want to go to a care facility. I told them once I’m not “there” anymore they should show me that they love me by smothering me with a pillow. Seriously though…I told them I’ll take myself out before it gets to that point. I refuse to put my children through that.
I’m totally on team peace out, but what scares me is what if I time things wrong? I’d want to hang around as long as I’m reasonably mobile and basically with it to enjoy my kids and whatever young people are in my life, but then what if I wait too long and I can no longer figure out how to take care of things and I’m too incompetent for it to be done for me? It’s a scary thing to imagine.
I've been a Type 1 diabetic since I was a baby. If I gt a dementia diagnosis, I'm going to load go somewhere where my children/husband won't be the ones to find my body and load myself up with a ton of fast acting insulin.
I had a serious discussion about this with my husband not too long ago. All of my grandparents have suffered with Dimentia and I am already seeing some serious memory issues with my mom. I told him that if I get to the point where I don't remember him or that I don't have enough memories to piece together what is happening with my life to put me in a home somewhere and forget about me. He thought I was kidding but I wasn't. We don't have kids and I refuse to be a burden on my sisters kids and I feel the same about my husband. If I don't know who he is what is the point of him being there lol. Why become a hurdle that he is always having to jump over in addition to all the other crap that life likes to throw in our way. Clearly I won't care. Of course I also told him if Euthanasia is a legal option by then he could do that too lol. Dying doesn't bother me in the least but the thought of being a burden bothers me more than just about anything.
If I get a solid alz dx my hope is to end my life during a lucid moment. I’m not doing that whole scene.
Medically assisted suicide. My wife and I are childless so it makes this decision a bit easier; though I don’t know that for sure. I’ve done it for my dogs so why not me?
What if that parachute doesn’t open when you skydive?
I watched my mom die twice. The first time when she didn’t know who I was. The second when her body gave in. If at all possible I only want my wife to see me die once if it comes to that.
My mother is at the stage where she is lucid, but every day is a blank slate. She calls me in a panic because she doesn't know where she is. Every time I visit, she talks about how she's getting out in one week. But she still enjoys eating and watching TV and reading and texting her friends.
My wife and I are experiencing the ravages of alzheimers with her dad. He was one of the kindest and smartest people I've ever met. That evil disease has reduced him to a screaming crying creature that no longer recognizes friend from foe. Then once in a while he comes around and realizes his situation for just a little bit. He's hit family members, tried to break windows and is now in a locked down unit like a violent criminal. This is very recent, like memorial day recent. I don't know how much longer we'll be able to see him. Its 750 miles from our home and flying really isn't a good option. He did get diagnosed in his 50s. Went on medication, and kept his mind active. He has been progressing slowly for over 20 years. Its the past few months that have accelerated his dementia. So Yes get tested and if its positive, search for those who are making progress towards a cure. Guard your mind.
My mom was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia when she was 63. She was given 5-7 years before the bitter end. She is still with us. She cream to be touched, she weights 90 lbs and is in the fetal position 24hrs a day. Shes is now 74 and we have to watch her slowly fade into nothing. Im 45 now I will have my end planned out before im 50 so my family doesnt have to watch this happen to me
My mom passed at almost 94 last year. She had dementia - she wasn't the best mother but I wouldn't wish the hell she lived through her final years on anyone. Right to die is more complicated than people know - you have to choose it while you're still sound of mind otherwise you just rot. The cost of care for the elderly is an absolute crime and will only get worse. The two things I would recommend are getting your hearing checked and make advanced directives. Hearing loss is directly linked to dementia. Make peace with your vanity and ego and get your hearing checked. If you need hearing aids, get them. Make peace with your mortality and plan for your death NOW while you can control it. Do not burden your children/caregivers with these decisions.
If my mind leaves me, I'm no longer me. Shoot me into space. You have my blessing.
Former hospice nurse here. I just had this conversation with my daughter a couple of days ago. I will absolutely not put them through the trauma of watching me die slooooooowly. Plus the overwhelming weight of guilt family members carry after. I will take the good time left and spend every single second of it with my family and finish teaching them everything that I can about how to navigate this life. Then, I will peacefully have my final act of living.
I’m seriously considering moving back to Oregon at some point. I want to die on my own terms. We give our pets more dignity in death than our own people. I’m not saying this is for everyone. And you have to “be of sound mind” to make the decision. So for many, they won’t qualify. But when the time comes that I get a diagnosis that will never improve, and will have a significant negative impact on my quality of life…I choose assisted suicide. I watched my father suffer for over 10 years with Dementia along with Diabetes. I watched my mother struggling to walk, going to dialysis 3x a week, and ended up in a nursing home for almost 2 years, during the pandemic when she couldn’t have visitors at some points. I don’t want to die like that. But…I’m also Bipolar, so I kinda doubt I would qualify for assisted suicide.
I am a big believer in euthanasia. If you have an incurable disease and you want to go, you should be able to go.
Wife and I have an agreement on what happens if we become vegetables, get dementia, Alzheimer’s and such. Rotting away in a care facility is NOT in our agreement. We have DNRs in a safe, and the notarized agreement. Our state doesn't allow doctor assisted suicide, but there are ways.
I agree. I am a huge supporter of euthanasia. I dont understand why society wants everybody to live forever. I sure dont want to. Im good with kicking it by 70.
Can’t wipe my own ass … I’m out.
Sadly we can put down an animal when it's their time but a human has to linger.
Self terminate. I even have a Glock that nobody knows about hidden. I may build a killdozer, idk. Hopefully, there will be better treatment in the future.
I have $5 to donate to this killdozer.
Both parents went through it and don't wish it upon anyone but if I do get it I will most likely want to get MAID just so i don't put others as a burden as its a tough climb for care etc.
One of my grandmothers had dementia, the other had Alzheimer’s, the only grandfather that lived into his elderly years had Parkinson’s. I have a heart condition and will likely need heart surgery at some point, I kinda don’t think I will live to that age — and some days I view that as a blessing. I have told my kids many times that I fully consent for them to just leave me in a home and call me regularly.
Fuck. If I ever get diagnosed the first thing I’m going to do is put in a no life extending intervention order. And eat all the bad stuff that’s spread to kill us. May as well enjoy it while I can remember.
I hope I don't know about it.
I was am early birth... I knew all my great grand parents. All the women got it... all of them rotted from the inside. In the end, they all were skeletons in a bed unable to communicate or move. My great Grand mother who went by Mame, did the decline, I was 13 when it stareted and 18 when it ended. I remeber it all. If I get it. Yea I won't be getting to that stage, I'll make sure of it. I am not going down rhat road, I'll take the cliff thanks.
Great and radically important topic (along with how to deal with death). My mom passed of 'dementia' in '17 (born in '26) and here is my take. Find a doctor who can read a CT scan for Natural Pressure Hydroencepalopathy (NPH) which will cause all the symptoms of Alz/Dem but can be treated with a stint in out-patient. NPH causes a build-up of fluid in the back of your brain. You drag your feet, become incontinent and have hazy memory. Most professionals will throw you into the Alz bucket and prescribe Nemenda or Arisept and you (or your loved ones) may not need it. We're talking a one day operation vs 10 yrs of struggle. Of course we forget things. Don't freak out on that. But get checked for NPH!
I live in a right to die state, if AD is diagnoses early enough, I have options. If not, I have a living will/medical directive specific to it. My mom is horrified, but I am happy with my choice. And frankly if none of that works? I have enough knowledge and connections to make it happen anyway, just less legally.
If I get any sort of diagnosis like this, guess I’ll become Canadian, where euthanasia is legal. I was never a massive drinker, but I stopped altogether 21 years ago, and I read and continue to learn to help keep the noggin’ sharp and neural pathways healthy.
I absolutely agree and believe we ought to support people having full control over their bodies including assisted suicide. I'll give the disclaimer, heavily regulated assisted suicide. I personally would opt to meet my demise via assistance, if I were diagnosed and had reached a specific point. I see no reason to put my family through the point where i become such an extreme burden that it becomes detrimental to them other than than the grief that they will have to go through anyway. And I would like the discount on my health insurance premiums. In a healthy society we would have end of life planning well before we need end of life services.
I am scared shitless of it because of what my dad and family went through
One of the many reasons I've supported the Dignity in Dying campaign.
It's only mildly worth continuing to live if you have reliable family members who are able to provide care and comfort. Both of my grandparents succumbed to these diseases in their 90s, so I guess this is the direction I'm going.
My mother-in-law was 47 when diagnosed. 20+ years she suffered the LONGEST goodbye. Both my wife and I are adamant that we want to spare our kids the same anguish...
I wanna bail long before then. A recent medical issue has me wondering how much fight I have in me, and I've come to realize the tank is just about empty. I'm not ready to un live myself, but I'm also not real far from just letting nature take her course. I had a hard childhood and made some bad decisions as a young adult, but the past 25 years have been pretty good. I've got a good marriage, and an adult child, but I'm getting tired. Tired of the rat race. Tired of the bullshit, Tired of the hate, and OH SO tired of THE STUPID. In my head I keep replaying the Doctor telling me I need lifesaving surgery, and me saying Nah, I'm good.
I worry with progression of the disease forgetting that this is my wish, so the first winter after an Alzheimer's diagnosis I'd go for a walk in a blizzard while lightly dressed. Or a swim in the icy cold ocean with a life jacket on. I want to fall asleep in the beauty of nature.
I agree wholeheartedly. I don't want anyone I love to be obligated to take care of me when I can't recall who they are or whatnot. If I get diagnosed with Anything like that, physical or mental, I will make a plan to go where ever I can get a spot in one of those suicide pods...
Be a shame if you tried to go for a drive and started up the car in the garage then forgot to open the garage door!
My Dad has it right now. He can't remember how to spell his name. He used to be so busy, and my Superman. He is wearing my Mom out. She has been retired for 10 years and maybe had two days where she has slept completely through the night. It's like losing them twice. I just hate this disease.
My mom started declining at 65. She’s been in a nursing home since 2018. Good days and bad days, but she’s on Medicaid and I can’t get her moved to a care home in my state without losing that funding. My state takes a year to get on Medicaid and you can’t be in the old state’s system while applying for a new one. Her brother also started declining at 65. So I’m terrified, that at 52, I’ll start doing the same in the next decade. I’d rather be taken out if that starts to happen.
I was diagnosed a couple of years back with osteoporosis. It's already reasonably severe and I have to take medication and actively exercise to prevent further deterioration. If I stop my bones will crumble away in a few years. Once I got over the shock of having osteoporosis in my mid 50's I found it has actually given me a sense of peace that I won't spend 15 years rotting away in a care home eating through any assets I might be able to leave my kid to help her survive in this deteriorating world we are leaving them.
I went through it with my mom, I'm very sensitive when I can't remember something, or get confused, I really don't want to go through it. There's new medicine coming down the line, but I am just as worried about getting older and senile. I will probably be alone and I don't want anyone to take care of me if I do go down that road. It worries me so. Without memory or a past what the fuck are ya?
I’m not religious. I’ve also worked in healthcare for 23 years and have really embraced death as just a part of life. DNR all the way and yes, I’m 100% okay with offing myself if I start to lose my faculties. American healthcare and the way we approach death is horrible. It actually is a horror. To watch first our loved ones and then ourselves degrade, shrivel, lose our dignity and quality of life. For what? And families refuse to sign DNRs. “Whatever it takes!” So they can feel virtuous and “Christian”. No, no, no. Fuck all that. No nursing homes. No torturing my family with my slow, insidious losses of self, family, and even continence at the end of No. I just wish it was easier to off yourself for people in their right mind who are making an informed decision. I hate end of life healthcare in the US.
I watched Alzheimer’s take my grandmother piece by piece over about 12 years or so. She was a drooling husk by the time it was over. I’ve already informed my wife that the minute I get a confirmed diagnosis, we plan my exit. We tell the kids, go on those bucket list vacations and drink wine like it’s Prohibition again. When she sees me lose a part of me that she recognizes as me, she’s promised to make me a big ol’ bowl of “special pudding” and hold me until the end. In a word: fuck that noise!
I'm going through this now and plan to get tested. I'm forgetting more and more things and my job is becoming very difficult because of it. I'm 51, so didn't expect these issues so soon but there is a history of it in my family. I'm making lists but the trouble is, sometimes I forget to look at them. If I don't regularly see people, I forget about them. I don't call them because I just forget they exist. It's scary. I'm afraid that I'll be out driving with my son one day and will suddenly forget how the car works or what side of the road I should be driving on.
If I get bad I want my kids to abandon me in a remote national park and let nature take care of me. Sounds like hell for the caretakers and once I serve no purpose use resources for people with potential
I lost my mother and mother-in-law to it. There's a punter's chance I'll lose my wife to it too. Not sure of my chances, but certainly non-zero. I fucking hope to stroke out or have an aneurism in my sleep, or pull the pin myself, so to speak. Dementia is basically a descent into madness. For mom, it started with the drifting off and forgetfulness. Then one day she started to see bugs crawling on her food. Then she was telling the nursing home staff that either I or my brother were dead. One time she introduced me to a staffer then stage-whispered "Spies are trying to kill him." Later she seemed to be reliving moments from her turbulent childhood like it was a one-woman play. Then came the howling, and then the sedation. The last time I saw her conscious, I doubt she even knew who I was. The last time I saw her alive, she was sitting in bed, eyes closed and mouth hanging open in agonal breathing. She passed about 12 hours later. I'm not going out like that.
Zero desire to rely on the US healthcare system so any diagnosis like that or even difficult cancer and I’m selling all my shit, getting a beach bungalow in Belize and offing myself on a drug overdose, either insulin or fent or maybe sleeping pills. No way am I buying the relish the time you have left crap or worse paying for shitty treatment and care when I could go out way better. Watched my mother die over nine months from cancer only to die from morphine overdose and toxication, no desire to go out passive like that
Saw several of my relatives die of alzheimers. I'd prefer not to go out like that if it is at all possible. Hopefully if it comes to that, either i or someone will make sure i don't suffer.
I can't afford to grow old, so yeah, I hope I can afford to die.
Dementia runs on my mother's side. I am terrified of it. I'm looking into whether or not setting up medical assistance in dying in advance is possible here, once/if diagnosed.
I have a couple of ways I could end it before it gets to that point. I’m terrified of losing my independence, be it to physical or cognitive issues. Not afraid to die at all.
I saw it with my Dad’s parents. Thankfully, my Dad made it to 87, and my mom is now 87, and neither had any hints. My husband and kids know that if I get it, to put me in a care facility and move on. I don’t want them to have to care for me, nor remember me that way.
I'll enter my Trainspotting era.
My mother is in the later stages of dementia, and I wouldn’t wish it on almost anyone. If I were diagnosed, I would try to have everything set up for assisted suicide when things get really bad. With this said, I would travel as much as possible immediately after the diagnosis.
fortunately, no one in my family has ever had it. Without really knowing the cause I can’t worry too much about it. I expect I’m going to feel about it the same way I’m going to feel about whatever takes me down.
I'm a prime candidate for it and I'm in two research groups right now that are tracking me. I've been doing everything I can to prolong my health, but I'm already talking with my son about what my needs might be. Given my genetics & family history, it probably won't be for another 25 years, but I will start off with assisted living and then go to memory care. My dad is in a fantastic place for memory care, and I hope my experience is like his - he's content and kept active with lots of group gatherings and activities. It's expensive AF so that's part of my long-term planning. If the boomers end up forcing a cure, my medical savings will go toward my kid's inheritance.
I watched both of my grandmothers die in nursing homes of it. If I am diagnosed, I plan to off myself before it gets too bad. I don’t want my family to suffer watching that and being caregivers. That and ALS are cruel diagnoseses.
I’m watching my FIL go through early onset Alzheimer’s. He is about 64. He is getting very paranoid and my wife and her brother have Power of Attorney and will have to make the decision very soon to put him in a home. Watching my FIL’s decline has been heartbreaking.
Euthanasia.
I have a plan. I'm not going down a blathering idiot. During one of my lucid moments I'll put in my iv a salt substitute. It has enough potassium to stop my heart. Valhalla here I come!
I will be putting myself down if there isn’t a better option by then. With my family history, it’s almost a foregone conclusion.
Put me out
wat?!??
Not so much for me. But my wife getting it worries me frequently. Her dad and her grandmother died from it. We have tried to cut way back on sugar, processed food, and alcohol. We intermittent fast every day for 14-16 hours. We still eat stuff we shouldn’t and don’t get near enough exercise so it is work in progress. It’s just an attempt to extend the years and especially the good years. Half of my motivation to be healthy is so I can take care of her if she does develop any form of dementia. The thought of not being here to help her breaks my heart.
My greatest fear. I worked too hard on filling this brain with stuff to lose it all.
I’m calling Dignitas ASAP. My MIL also passed from Alzheimer’s. She was such a wonderful person and in the end became a zombie. Alzheimer’s is the ultimate zombie virus.. I don’t want my family to go through that.
It has run rampant on my father's side. Just waiting for my diagnosis.
I hope I’m still able to remember my pledge to od on heroin if I start down that path.
I thought I had early dementia because my brain was so foggy I started taking the supplement Chlorella and in a week I could remember childhood playmates, directions on how to get to places after only going one time. It gave me a lot of focus and is part of my daily regimen now.
I think about this allllll the time now! I’m dead serious about wanting to be “put down” as well. Does anyone know where to go to accomplish this? I wonder how to put these plans in place, and all of that.
Here’s and NPR story about this very scenario: [link](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2022/03/08/1084912553/alzheimers-assisted-suicide-amy-bloom-in-love)
We don't have to go out like that. Lifestyle changes can help mitigate that and don't forget your annual doctor's visits.
I’ve had this conversation with my husband a few times. It’s one of my two worst fears. (The other is losing one of our kids.) I’d honestly just euthanize myself. No way, I’m letting my poor family suffer by wiping my back side while I can no longer remember who they are. I wouldn’t put them through that kind of anguish.
I'm 51 and went through this with my dad. My mom and I still talk about when it started, and we find all sorts of things that he did before we even noticed he had alzheimers. Such a wicked disease. I'm doing everything in my power not to get it(ie. games,reading,puzzles), but doubt it will change the outcome. Unluck of the draw. I agree if I see any sign of it I'm taking some pills. The only thing I can think of that is just as bad is ALS. On a good note modern since is getting closer to at least slowing it down. The have found genes they think are linked to it. Fingers crossed 🤞
Move to Oregon.
Nope nope nope on that. I worked nursing on an Alzheimer’s/ dementia floor. There’s no dignity nor reason to life after a certain point. I don’t want to be burden. We don’t get out of here alive anyway. Much rather go with some of my faculties still about me without costing my family extra money.
I second this. I want out asap
I've experienced it with my Mom. It was a six-year slow death and watching it happen really messed me up. It's always on my mind and it does scare me. I do all the things experts recommend to stave it off but that fear still lurks.
My father has dementia/Alzheimer's he is 85 years old, my mother is also 85 and not able to care for him but her quality of life is severely hampered, she is as sharp as ever and walks a couple miles a day. For both their sake I wish he would pass
Depending on health insurance status, may just take a south American “vacation”, Peru, Colombia… ya know join the rock and roll 27 club at 72
Same exact thing happened with my husbands mother (we weren't married at the time; this was about 12 years ago, but I still consider her my mother-in-law). Watching her decline over the course of a few years until she finally had to go into a specialty residence for end-stage dementia patients was as horrifying as it was heartbreaking. I'm convinced that AD is the WORST way to die. Thankfully, she only lasted about 2 weeks before passing away, and the care she got was superb. Husband is super-concerned about having the APOe4 gene that would put him at increased risk for AD. He's 65 (I'm 57), and has noticed some decline in his cognition, which is one thing that prompted us to actually get married after being together for 17 years. And also to go to an estate attorney and get wills and advance directives done. Please, everyone - regardless of whether you're concerned about getting dementia or not - go get this done. If you have kids, it's even more important to do that. The hourglass is running out, and your ticket could get punched at any time. Anyway, in the gallows humor sort of way we roll, he said that he'd peace out if he developed AD and before it got so bad he couldn't remember anything. And, then we joke about finding some street dealer of blue fentanyl and buying a bunch to have as a back-up plan it the worst happens...except it's not really a joke. I was reading this post to him, and he said: "Let's just put it this way: if I could legally buy fentanyl through Amazon, I'd have bought some years ago." Neither of us are personally planning on getting tested for APOe4; we just do things that will mitigate the risk of developing it: eating well, avoiding alcohol and processed foods and anything that causes cellular inflammation, regular exercise, trying to get decent sleep. Basically whatever Dr. Peter Attia suggests in his longevity book and podcast is what we do!