I've "been there" ... to a degree. I've been the 45 y/o male waiting tables (as a PT gig ... but also spent many years in the industry "back in the day"). These kids aren't going to be your friend. They aren't going to think you're cool. And, who cares? F 'em. Show up on time. Clock in. Take care of your section. Make your money. Do your side work. Then go home ... or go grab a beverage and snack at a pub (not your place of work). You are there to make money ... not friends (esp. not with people younger than your own kids).
Act the same as you would if you were showing up for a corporate banking job. Don't try to fit in by acting like you're 22.
GenX was raised on “suck it up” while today youth have been raised on “if it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to tolerate it” and “be your authentic self”. Guess what generation raised them. My view is that there’s a bit of an over correction, but no one should have to put up with touchy feely, sexist or foul mouthed co-workers.
Since you are in a GenX forum, you are getting the direct feedback, if you’ve been warned several times about behaviour, that behaviour is not compatible with the modern service oriented workplace. Time to adjust.
The solution is obvious and really shouldn't be difficult. There's work you, and there's the real you. Your real you never goes to work and never visits you at work.
Oh, and specifically, don't put your hands on people. Ever. That should be a firm rule that's never broken.
You don't need us to figure this out. Get it together.
I am a 59 (next month) y/o woman working in a corporate office milieu and I have to be vigilant with myself. I have a filthy mouth outside of work, and it is difficult sometimes to keep myself in check when I'm around other people. But even at that, it is different for me because I'm female. The fact that you are male can be more threatening to young people. So it's even more important that you get yourself together.
You mentioned your kids being Gen Z. That's one thing, but these people you're working with aren't your kids. They don't know you outside of work, they can't put any of your actions or traits in context. They only know you at their job, and if you're putting your hands on them or using a lot of bad language around them, it's going to make them uncomfortable, because you're their dad's age and you are at work. They know that. Even if they cuss themselves, they expect more from people their parents age.
I don't have ADHD myself, but I understand it sucks. You might want to have your doctor see about adjusting your meds level. Maybe that would help. Hoping things get better for you.
HR sucks but they don’t get on someone 3 times in 4 months and bring up unwanted physical contact for no reason.
Grow up and knock it off. You sound like the kid
🤷 my ADHD uses up most of my self awareness. I'm just trying to figure myself out. I won't take the post down and hide. This is probably what I need to hear.
This is a good starting point. If you're currently taking medication you probably need to see about getting dosage checked or trying a different class of meds.
If you're not on meds, please find a doc who will take you seriously. The fact that your disorder is causing material damage to your well-being is an excellent conversation starter.
At work you need to do a few things:
First, lose the crybaby talk. If someone was offended you need to find out why. Not so you can decide if it was a worthwhile reason, but so you can hear the other person's perspective.
Second, apologize. Express regret that your actions made them uncomfortable. Acknowledge you doubled down on that hurt by dismissing their reaction.
Third, ask others for help in understanding. A little vulnerability goes a long way toward rebuilding. If they see that you are open to growth they will be a lot more likely to meet you halfway instead of treating you as a threat to be dealt with.
ADHD is not just about chasing squirrels. It's also about being completely unaware of how others perceive us. You've made an important step in realizing that the problem may be you. You have the tools.
I believe in you.
I'm order to protect the victim from retaliation they won't give any details, which doesn't help me at all. I've been gone for a month with family business, so hopefully all of this will go away. I will do my due diligence to change my behaviors. Thanks for your encouragement.
Good to hear.
Just try to adjust, and do it QUICKLY. You don't want to lose your job.
No jokes, just grins. No touching, just nods.
^((We're) *^(all)* ^(trying to figure ourselves out, don't let any of these fellow GenX'ers fool ya))
You need to know what appropriate workplace behavior is. You can't help yourself isn't an excuse. You need to hear the feedback you're getting and make changes.
I’m also a social person too but I learned that you just don’t have to or need to be friends or even friendly with everyone. Just be civil and professional.
You cannot fully trust anyone you work with. Period.
>My kids are Gen Z and they're normal. I mean I think I raised them right. They roll their eyes at my stupid jokes and comments. They have good work ethic and do well in school.
Rethink this. Until they can move out, do your kids have any other choice besides putting up with you? They are kinda stuck there with you and your behaviors. Rolling their eyes is about all they can do. That doesn't mean your behavior is ok.
>Nearly everyone in bar/restaurant work cuss like sailors and make inappropriate comments as often as possible.
Not THIS bar/restaurant if you are being called up for behaviors. And if this is the "kids" acting like that... why are YOU acting like that? You aren't a "kid" any more.
>I've tried to tone down my banter. The problem is I'm very social and hate keeping my mouth shut. What can I do to get better? What jobs can I do with less contact with these kids?
I notice you call them "kids" and "crybabies" rather than "my coworkers." Is that why you are unwilling to change your behavior towards them? You look down on them?
How about just doing your job well -- show up on time, do your tasks.
And stop with the cussing and the rude words and stop touching people?
It's ok to want to be social, but how about you talk about something else? Nothing wrong with "How are you doing today, X? How's the family? Have a nice weekend?" type stuff depending on who it is and what they have going on. Learn the name of their dog and ask about the dog. Learn if the coworker also plays basketball and ask about their last game and how it went.
Dial it waaaaay down so if a 5 yr old customer overhears you it's still G rated and not a big deal.
> I'm going to lose my job because of these crybabies.
No, you're at risk of losing your job because of your behavior. Don't touch people at work, ever. Stop saying stupid shit. Heck man, if you can't figure out what is appropriate and what isn't, then stop saying anything at all. You don't *need* to tell "jokes" at work. All you need is to be able to communicate enough to accomplish your duties.
"I've been spoken to by management 3 times about my behavior in 4 months."
"It's these Zoomers that are impossible!"
Christ, dude. If the Zoomers were being impossible, management would be on your side.
Either adapt or go find a job with a bunch of Boomers who would appreciate your inappropriate jokes and inability to keep your mouth shut.
Stop touching people at work—that behavior is unacceptable. It wasn’t ok when you were young either.
Your banter is not charming. Being kind is charming.
So work really needs to be as professional an environment as you can manage, especially if you're new. They don't know you. They don't know your humor, and they are not going to jump right into the friendship pool with you just because expect it.
I don't know what you said or did but if it was me, I'd stop with everything except discussing work questions and thanking people as much as possible for any help you get.
Nothing is like it used to be.
Yeah. The 2 things I said were reviewed by management and dismissed. I have no idea who I touched or how I touched them. I certainly would not have done anything that would have been interpreted as inappropriate. That's not me. Im not the smack butts kinda guy. They won't tell me what I did.
It hurts me to be looked at in this way. I'm not a pervert or a sex offender. I don't know what to say.
>*The 2 things I said were reviewed by management and dismissed.*
I'd mention that in your post - that's a pretty fucking important distinction, based upon the self-righteous responses you're getting.
Honestly hard for me to say without knowing the full context of what was done and said. My job is super corporate so I keep things very “safe” and polite. Generally I view work as a place to get my paycheck, that is more important to me than any social aspect. I just don’t view work friends the same as real friends. If I really want to cut loose and share my dark sense of humor then I save that for my inner circle of friends.
My gut reaction to this serious anger as I have been in the shows of these young women so many times and it’s rage-inducing. But I’m trying to come at it in a helpful way.
Dude. Have you never thought about how awful it is to be a woman, much less a young woman that is TOUCHED by some guy at work (or anywhere!)? You’re making everyday working life for these poor young women, miserable. You NEVER have the right to touch someone, especially at work.
I’ll be frank: you’re the creepy old guy at work. That’s how they think of you and you’ve earned it.
Don’t make creepy “that’s what she said” jokes, don’t touch coworkers, just do your job. Stop it. All of it. Now.
You need help and I’m unsure how you could possibly be so unaware that you are the problem, to the point that you’d post this thinking you’d get support and others would commiserate with you over how “sensitive” young people, particularly women are.
Have you seen that recent thing online where women are asked if they’d prefer to be in the woods with a bear or a man and nearly all answer a bear? Your behavior is exactly b why we feel that way. You make these young women feel unsafe, like objects. Stop.
>*You’re making everyday working life for these poor young women, miserable.*
DID HE MENTION "WOMEN", SPECIFICALLY?
You sound like a reactionary neo-feminist. Learn to listen to others who are willing to admit "mistakes', and stop being so judgmental.
Why would he tell you this and ask for help, if he was like ***whatever guy*** ***who must've hurt you in the past***?!
If there was unwanted physical contact, you didn't just look at someone, and you weren't just serving up banter. If everyone else is a little rowdy, but you're the only guy getting called out for your behavior, it's not just banter. If management has had to speak to you three times in four months, it's not just banter. You're being inappropriate.
Most people? During that first year or so at a new job, most people are on their best behavior, while they learn and adapt to the culture and climate of their workplace. No one tells adults to do this, it's just something we learn over time. Even in childhood, kids with some social common sense get the feel for a new group of peers, and how they relate to each other, before they dive in.
You sound like you dove in head first, smacked your head on the bottom of the pool, then got out of the pool and did the same exact dive, two more times. You're 50, not 15. No one should have to tell you how to behave. You're at work to work, not to be class clown. That title passed you by, 32 years ago.
And you don't get to blame your [ADHD](https://www.reddit.com/r/GenX/comments/1dczj4y/comment/l81gvai/) for this. Knock it off, or you're going to find yourself in the awful position of looking for a new job, in your 50s, without a recent reference.
>50M. I work in service industry
I think this is your problem right here
>I've been spoken to by management 3 times about my behavior. Once for something I said, once for something I did and this last time for "unwanted physical contact."
This is a 1000% you problem dude, not any generational problem and not a problem with any of the younger workers
You're an old man creep who apparently doesn't have a filter and doesn't know when its time to shut-up and color
Maybe you should have thought about better career options 25+ years ago such as going to college, going into the trades, etc
If I sound like a judgey dick its because I am, I grew up with plenty of people like you who still live in the same dead ass town with no career prospects and are stuck in dead in retail/restaurants until they drop dead
Hi. Gen X here; sounds like a YOU problem. Also, if I worked with you and you out your hands on me I’d be reporting your ass to HR in about a millisecond. NOT cool, pal.
My current HR advice for the entire company is that even a handshake is too much.
I get it, especially after Covid.
If a close coworker I haven't seen in a while wants to initiate a friendly hug, I'm always down for a hug!
Personal contact isn't awkward with close friends. But don't confuse close coworker with close friend.
Sometimes they overlap.
you say they all cuss like sailors, but you’re the one management has to keep talking to. honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t fired you after three strikes, especially since it sounds like you’re escalating from just saying ignorant shit to actual physical harassment.
Haha I know what you mean though. I work in Higher Ed so am always around young people and even work with a wide range of people. I try not to be “inappropriate” and here’s the thing; I’m pretty liberal too! I was signing petitions for gay marriage 25 years ago! I would intervene at the risk of personal injury if i saw some racist or sexist bullying in front of me etc. It’s been a long time now since I retired certain words like retarded and fag (remember how often you’d hear those at recess?) But I can’t help but feel like every year people are getting less of a sense of humor. Like you can’t say a little joke (an OBVIOUS joke) without a younger person getting a leeeetle bit woke about it. And I can even be self deprecating or talking about my own wife or kids. Well, I never got called in to HR but yeeeah, the crowds are getting tougher 😆. What do 20 year olds find funny? I think they just go around quoting YT and TikTok slang and somehow find that hilarious. My 2 cents.
Wow! People are being harsh in here. Judging you for your job is not cool. Not everyone goes to college.
I don’t know the details of what you said or did. The unwanted physical contact could’ve been putting a hand on someone’s back as you tried to squeeze past them. The point is we don’t have all the information, but most people commenting have decided to assume the worst and rake you over the coals. I’m going to guess that since this isn’t a closed group, some of the coal rakers are NOT genXers.
Sometimes it’s hard to stay completely professional at work. I mean, we are with these people 8 hours a day for most days of the week. Who doesn’t start talking about their pets, their hobbies, etc.?Then you think you’ve found a friend and then you start being more casual and then BAM! You say one thing too much and that person is offended, and you can’t take it back. There is a difference, though, in how different people handle it. I have had people say offensive things at work, and I just let it go. There’s a lot you can do. By body language and facial expression, you can let the other person know person that they said something the other party didn’t care for. You can tell them, “I don’t care for those jokes.” You can just walk away if they say something. Or you can just decide not to care or give a shit. In my mind, a person should go to the boss or HR for really big issues that you cannot take care of by talking to the person yourself.
But younger people will run to HR and complain about literally the tiniest things. Not saying that your behavior might not be problematic, but the younger generations were raised with play dates and helicopter parents fixing all their problems. It doesn’t occur to them to just tell you to shut up. They will run and tattle, and they think it’s a good thing to get people in trouble or fired.
And I have also seen situations where sometimes people just don’t like a particular employee, and they just set out to get them fired. Unfortunately, when I’ve seen it done, it was by GenXers, so that’s just to show that assholes are part of every group. Humans are jerks a lot of the time.
Anyway, I have compassion for your situation. I don’t know the details, so you could be completely out of line, but since I’ve seen the ridiculous tattling that younger employees engage in, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt.
One thing could be that if you’re the oldest one there, and everyone else are young, they may be expecting you to act more like a parent, and if you’re joking around like they are, it could seem creepy. Just try to be as professional as possible. Be friendly, but not too personal.
Also, two things can both be true. You could be a total creep at work, and GenZ also run to HR at the slightest provocation. Even if you are a creep at work, it doesn’t mean that GenZ’s attitudes aren’t problematic.
Thank you for understanding and explaining. I know I didn't paint the best picture in the world with my rant. I had just gotten out of that meeting. I probably should have waited a day or two to think about what I was going to say here. I was gone for a month to tend to family matters and this was the first thing I ran into when I came back. I can't go into details about the situations because management wouldn't tell me what I said or did. They only said that an employee came to them and said they felt uncomfortable. The first 2 incidents were reviewed by the store manager at a later time and he said my coworkers were being petty. He removed those incidents from my record. He had the department manager meet with the employees and told them to ease up. I don't know anything about the "touching" incident. It was 5 weeks ago and I've been dealing with family stress. I go back to work tonight. I will continue to mind my P's and Q's.
>*I know I didn't paint the best picture in the world with my rant. I had just gotten out of that meeting.*
That was probably your issue with this post. Note how everyone attacked you.
Shit. GenX, huh? We're supposed to be smarter than that.
GOOD ON YOU for saying something, and asking "What did I do wrong?". However, you should've clarified that your two verbal HR 'mistakes' were dismissed, and that you have no idea who you've touched, or how.
I remember lightly placing my hand on a young woman's shoulder as I pointed down the hallway to some place she needed to head to. Much like we've seen in comics, movies, and images. The moment I did that, I was MORTIFIED, and worried about it for weeks. She never even blinked, but I was still concerned that I may have 'offended' her.
When I shake a male's hand, I used to put my free hand on their shaking shoulder. I'm scared to do THAT, now.
Ugh. We've gotta adjust, my friend. World's different.
WTH, dude? No one needs to go to work and worry about the New Guy their dad's age *touching* them or saying something creepy.
Seriously.
I've "been there" ... to a degree. I've been the 45 y/o male waiting tables (as a PT gig ... but also spent many years in the industry "back in the day"). These kids aren't going to be your friend. They aren't going to think you're cool. And, who cares? F 'em. Show up on time. Clock in. Take care of your section. Make your money. Do your side work. Then go home ... or go grab a beverage and snack at a pub (not your place of work). You are there to make money ... not friends (esp. not with people younger than your own kids). Act the same as you would if you were showing up for a corporate banking job. Don't try to fit in by acting like you're 22.
Thank you.
Patient: “It hurts when I do this.” Groucho: “So don’t do that.”
Unwanted physical contact? you are the problem, not the young adults you are working around.
GenX was raised on “suck it up” while today youth have been raised on “if it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to tolerate it” and “be your authentic self”. Guess what generation raised them. My view is that there’s a bit of an over correction, but no one should have to put up with touchy feely, sexist or foul mouthed co-workers. Since you are in a GenX forum, you are getting the direct feedback, if you’ve been warned several times about behaviour, that behaviour is not compatible with the modern service oriented workplace. Time to adjust.
Turn off the personality, quit with the jokes or innuendos, and just do the job.
Don't touch people.
The solution is obvious and really shouldn't be difficult. There's work you, and there's the real you. Your real you never goes to work and never visits you at work. Oh, and specifically, don't put your hands on people. Ever. That should be a firm rule that's never broken. You don't need us to figure this out. Get it together.
I am a 59 (next month) y/o woman working in a corporate office milieu and I have to be vigilant with myself. I have a filthy mouth outside of work, and it is difficult sometimes to keep myself in check when I'm around other people. But even at that, it is different for me because I'm female. The fact that you are male can be more threatening to young people. So it's even more important that you get yourself together. You mentioned your kids being Gen Z. That's one thing, but these people you're working with aren't your kids. They don't know you outside of work, they can't put any of your actions or traits in context. They only know you at their job, and if you're putting your hands on them or using a lot of bad language around them, it's going to make them uncomfortable, because you're their dad's age and you are at work. They know that. Even if they cuss themselves, they expect more from people their parents age. I don't have ADHD myself, but I understand it sucks. You might want to have your doctor see about adjusting your meds level. Maybe that would help. Hoping things get better for you.
HR sucks but they don’t get on someone 3 times in 4 months and bring up unwanted physical contact for no reason. Grow up and knock it off. You sound like the kid
Uhh…did you not realize this post was going to make you look like a knob? Do you truly have that little self-awareness?
🤷 my ADHD uses up most of my self awareness. I'm just trying to figure myself out. I won't take the post down and hide. This is probably what I need to hear.
That’s good that you’re willing to listen.
If your ADHD is that bad, you need medication, or your current medication is no longer working.
This is a good starting point. If you're currently taking medication you probably need to see about getting dosage checked or trying a different class of meds. If you're not on meds, please find a doc who will take you seriously. The fact that your disorder is causing material damage to your well-being is an excellent conversation starter. At work you need to do a few things: First, lose the crybaby talk. If someone was offended you need to find out why. Not so you can decide if it was a worthwhile reason, but so you can hear the other person's perspective. Second, apologize. Express regret that your actions made them uncomfortable. Acknowledge you doubled down on that hurt by dismissing their reaction. Third, ask others for help in understanding. A little vulnerability goes a long way toward rebuilding. If they see that you are open to growth they will be a lot more likely to meet you halfway instead of treating you as a threat to be dealt with. ADHD is not just about chasing squirrels. It's also about being completely unaware of how others perceive us. You've made an important step in realizing that the problem may be you. You have the tools. I believe in you.
I'm order to protect the victim from retaliation they won't give any details, which doesn't help me at all. I've been gone for a month with family business, so hopefully all of this will go away. I will do my due diligence to change my behaviors. Thanks for your encouragement.
Is discomfort synonymous with hurt?
See, that's the thing. You don't get to decide where the line is for someone else.
Good to hear. Just try to adjust, and do it QUICKLY. You don't want to lose your job. No jokes, just grins. No touching, just nods. ^((We're) *^(all)* ^(trying to figure ourselves out, don't let any of these fellow GenX'ers fool ya))
Dude is asking for help. Don't be a Chad.
You need to know what appropriate workplace behavior is. You can't help yourself isn't an excuse. You need to hear the feedback you're getting and make changes.
I’m also a social person too but I learned that you just don’t have to or need to be friends or even friendly with everyone. Just be civil and professional. You cannot fully trust anyone you work with. Period.
Sounds like this company wants its employees to act professionally. Live and learn, even when your 50.
[удалено]
Don't be so callous. The guy's asking for help, in a sense. THINK ABOUT IT. Why would he post and respond so positively?
>My kids are Gen Z and they're normal. I mean I think I raised them right. They roll their eyes at my stupid jokes and comments. They have good work ethic and do well in school. Rethink this. Until they can move out, do your kids have any other choice besides putting up with you? They are kinda stuck there with you and your behaviors. Rolling their eyes is about all they can do. That doesn't mean your behavior is ok. >Nearly everyone in bar/restaurant work cuss like sailors and make inappropriate comments as often as possible. Not THIS bar/restaurant if you are being called up for behaviors. And if this is the "kids" acting like that... why are YOU acting like that? You aren't a "kid" any more. >I've tried to tone down my banter. The problem is I'm very social and hate keeping my mouth shut. What can I do to get better? What jobs can I do with less contact with these kids? I notice you call them "kids" and "crybabies" rather than "my coworkers." Is that why you are unwilling to change your behavior towards them? You look down on them? How about just doing your job well -- show up on time, do your tasks. And stop with the cussing and the rude words and stop touching people? It's ok to want to be social, but how about you talk about something else? Nothing wrong with "How are you doing today, X? How's the family? Have a nice weekend?" type stuff depending on who it is and what they have going on. Learn the name of their dog and ask about the dog. Learn if the coworker also plays basketball and ask about their last game and how it went. Dial it waaaaay down so if a 5 yr old customer overhears you it's still G rated and not a big deal.
> I'm going to lose my job because of these crybabies. No, you're at risk of losing your job because of your behavior. Don't touch people at work, ever. Stop saying stupid shit. Heck man, if you can't figure out what is appropriate and what isn't, then stop saying anything at all. You don't *need* to tell "jokes" at work. All you need is to be able to communicate enough to accomplish your duties.
"I've been spoken to by management 3 times about my behavior in 4 months." "It's these Zoomers that are impossible!" Christ, dude. If the Zoomers were being impossible, management would be on your side. Either adapt or go find a job with a bunch of Boomers who would appreciate your inappropriate jokes and inability to keep your mouth shut.
Grow up and act more professional. Set an example for others rather than generate fodder for complaints. Sheesh 🙄.
Stop touching people at work—that behavior is unacceptable. It wasn’t ok when you were young either. Your banter is not charming. Being kind is charming.
Troll alert.
Yeah I think you’re right
So work really needs to be as professional an environment as you can manage, especially if you're new. They don't know you. They don't know your humor, and they are not going to jump right into the friendship pool with you just because expect it. I don't know what you said or did but if it was me, I'd stop with everything except discussing work questions and thanking people as much as possible for any help you get. Nothing is like it used to be.
Yeah. The 2 things I said were reviewed by management and dismissed. I have no idea who I touched or how I touched them. I certainly would not have done anything that would have been interpreted as inappropriate. That's not me. Im not the smack butts kinda guy. They won't tell me what I did. It hurts me to be looked at in this way. I'm not a pervert or a sex offender. I don't know what to say.
It doesn’t have to be sexual to be inappropriate/unwanted.
>*The 2 things I said were reviewed by management and dismissed.* I'd mention that in your post - that's a pretty fucking important distinction, based upon the self-righteous responses you're getting.
You sound like a Boomer. Obviously the problem is you and the fact that you don’t understand what’s appropriate and inappropriate to say at work.
Honestly hard for me to say without knowing the full context of what was done and said. My job is super corporate so I keep things very “safe” and polite. Generally I view work as a place to get my paycheck, that is more important to me than any social aspect. I just don’t view work friends the same as real friends. If I really want to cut loose and share my dark sense of humor then I save that for my inner circle of friends.
Can you not just keep it professional…? Times have changed and people don’t have to put up with being made to feel uncomfortable at work.
My gut reaction to this serious anger as I have been in the shows of these young women so many times and it’s rage-inducing. But I’m trying to come at it in a helpful way. Dude. Have you never thought about how awful it is to be a woman, much less a young woman that is TOUCHED by some guy at work (or anywhere!)? You’re making everyday working life for these poor young women, miserable. You NEVER have the right to touch someone, especially at work. I’ll be frank: you’re the creepy old guy at work. That’s how they think of you and you’ve earned it. Don’t make creepy “that’s what she said” jokes, don’t touch coworkers, just do your job. Stop it. All of it. Now. You need help and I’m unsure how you could possibly be so unaware that you are the problem, to the point that you’d post this thinking you’d get support and others would commiserate with you over how “sensitive” young people, particularly women are. Have you seen that recent thing online where women are asked if they’d prefer to be in the woods with a bear or a man and nearly all answer a bear? Your behavior is exactly b why we feel that way. You make these young women feel unsafe, like objects. Stop.
>*You’re making everyday working life for these poor young women, miserable.* DID HE MENTION "WOMEN", SPECIFICALLY? You sound like a reactionary neo-feminist. Learn to listen to others who are willing to admit "mistakes', and stop being so judgmental. Why would he tell you this and ask for help, if he was like ***whatever guy*** ***who must've hurt you in the past***?!
If there was unwanted physical contact, you didn't just look at someone, and you weren't just serving up banter. If everyone else is a little rowdy, but you're the only guy getting called out for your behavior, it's not just banter. If management has had to speak to you three times in four months, it's not just banter. You're being inappropriate. Most people? During that first year or so at a new job, most people are on their best behavior, while they learn and adapt to the culture and climate of their workplace. No one tells adults to do this, it's just something we learn over time. Even in childhood, kids with some social common sense get the feel for a new group of peers, and how they relate to each other, before they dive in. You sound like you dove in head first, smacked your head on the bottom of the pool, then got out of the pool and did the same exact dive, two more times. You're 50, not 15. No one should have to tell you how to behave. You're at work to work, not to be class clown. That title passed you by, 32 years ago. And you don't get to blame your [ADHD](https://www.reddit.com/r/GenX/comments/1dczj4y/comment/l81gvai/) for this. Knock it off, or you're going to find yourself in the awful position of looking for a new job, in your 50s, without a recent reference.
>50M. I work in service industry I think this is your problem right here >I've been spoken to by management 3 times about my behavior. Once for something I said, once for something I did and this last time for "unwanted physical contact." This is a 1000% you problem dude, not any generational problem and not a problem with any of the younger workers You're an old man creep who apparently doesn't have a filter and doesn't know when its time to shut-up and color Maybe you should have thought about better career options 25+ years ago such as going to college, going into the trades, etc If I sound like a judgey dick its because I am, I grew up with plenty of people like you who still live in the same dead ass town with no career prospects and are stuck in dead in retail/restaurants until they drop dead
Hi. Gen X here; sounds like a YOU problem. Also, if I worked with you and you out your hands on me I’d be reporting your ass to HR in about a millisecond. NOT cool, pal.
My current HR advice for the entire company is that even a handshake is too much. I get it, especially after Covid. If a close coworker I haven't seen in a while wants to initiate a friendly hug, I'm always down for a hug! Personal contact isn't awkward with close friends. But don't confuse close coworker with close friend. Sometimes they overlap.
Without knowing exactly what you said and did I don’t know.
you say they all cuss like sailors, but you’re the one management has to keep talking to. honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t fired you after three strikes, especially since it sounds like you’re escalating from just saying ignorant shit to actual physical harassment.
Yup, I had to deal with a group from college recently, the US based ones were sad little tools, the non US based ones actually acted like adults.
Haha I know what you mean though. I work in Higher Ed so am always around young people and even work with a wide range of people. I try not to be “inappropriate” and here’s the thing; I’m pretty liberal too! I was signing petitions for gay marriage 25 years ago! I would intervene at the risk of personal injury if i saw some racist or sexist bullying in front of me etc. It’s been a long time now since I retired certain words like retarded and fag (remember how often you’d hear those at recess?) But I can’t help but feel like every year people are getting less of a sense of humor. Like you can’t say a little joke (an OBVIOUS joke) without a younger person getting a leeeetle bit woke about it. And I can even be self deprecating or talking about my own wife or kids. Well, I never got called in to HR but yeeeah, the crowds are getting tougher 😆. What do 20 year olds find funny? I think they just go around quoting YT and TikTok slang and somehow find that hilarious. My 2 cents.
Thanks
At 50 years old, why are you working with kids? You should be calling the shots or retired by now.
Wow! People are being harsh in here. Judging you for your job is not cool. Not everyone goes to college. I don’t know the details of what you said or did. The unwanted physical contact could’ve been putting a hand on someone’s back as you tried to squeeze past them. The point is we don’t have all the information, but most people commenting have decided to assume the worst and rake you over the coals. I’m going to guess that since this isn’t a closed group, some of the coal rakers are NOT genXers. Sometimes it’s hard to stay completely professional at work. I mean, we are with these people 8 hours a day for most days of the week. Who doesn’t start talking about their pets, their hobbies, etc.?Then you think you’ve found a friend and then you start being more casual and then BAM! You say one thing too much and that person is offended, and you can’t take it back. There is a difference, though, in how different people handle it. I have had people say offensive things at work, and I just let it go. There’s a lot you can do. By body language and facial expression, you can let the other person know person that they said something the other party didn’t care for. You can tell them, “I don’t care for those jokes.” You can just walk away if they say something. Or you can just decide not to care or give a shit. In my mind, a person should go to the boss or HR for really big issues that you cannot take care of by talking to the person yourself. But younger people will run to HR and complain about literally the tiniest things. Not saying that your behavior might not be problematic, but the younger generations were raised with play dates and helicopter parents fixing all their problems. It doesn’t occur to them to just tell you to shut up. They will run and tattle, and they think it’s a good thing to get people in trouble or fired. And I have also seen situations where sometimes people just don’t like a particular employee, and they just set out to get them fired. Unfortunately, when I’ve seen it done, it was by GenXers, so that’s just to show that assholes are part of every group. Humans are jerks a lot of the time. Anyway, I have compassion for your situation. I don’t know the details, so you could be completely out of line, but since I’ve seen the ridiculous tattling that younger employees engage in, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt. One thing could be that if you’re the oldest one there, and everyone else are young, they may be expecting you to act more like a parent, and if you’re joking around like they are, it could seem creepy. Just try to be as professional as possible. Be friendly, but not too personal. Also, two things can both be true. You could be a total creep at work, and GenZ also run to HR at the slightest provocation. Even if you are a creep at work, it doesn’t mean that GenZ’s attitudes aren’t problematic.
Thank you for understanding and explaining. I know I didn't paint the best picture in the world with my rant. I had just gotten out of that meeting. I probably should have waited a day or two to think about what I was going to say here. I was gone for a month to tend to family matters and this was the first thing I ran into when I came back. I can't go into details about the situations because management wouldn't tell me what I said or did. They only said that an employee came to them and said they felt uncomfortable. The first 2 incidents were reviewed by the store manager at a later time and he said my coworkers were being petty. He removed those incidents from my record. He had the department manager meet with the employees and told them to ease up. I don't know anything about the "touching" incident. It was 5 weeks ago and I've been dealing with family stress. I go back to work tonight. I will continue to mind my P's and Q's.
>*I know I didn't paint the best picture in the world with my rant. I had just gotten out of that meeting.* That was probably your issue with this post. Note how everyone attacked you. Shit. GenX, huh? We're supposed to be smarter than that. GOOD ON YOU for saying something, and asking "What did I do wrong?". However, you should've clarified that your two verbal HR 'mistakes' were dismissed, and that you have no idea who you've touched, or how. I remember lightly placing my hand on a young woman's shoulder as I pointed down the hallway to some place she needed to head to. Much like we've seen in comics, movies, and images. The moment I did that, I was MORTIFIED, and worried about it for weeks. She never even blinked, but I was still concerned that I may have 'offended' her. When I shake a male's hand, I used to put my free hand on their shaking shoulder. I'm scared to do THAT, now. Ugh. We've gotta adjust, my friend. World's different.