Happy birthday! š
I just want to say I know exactly how you feel. I'm 48, never been married or in a long-term relationship for that matter, and of course have no kids. When I was growing up, I was a terribly shy child but I had hope that when I got older, I would have this great life. Well, that didn't happen. Of course I had a few good years here and there, but since the pandemic, I've been pretty much alone. And it's lonely. And the realization of all that hope that I had as a kid/teen was all for nothing and it's devastating. I don't really have anything to look forward to. Getting older sucks. One of my favorite quotes is, "We don't pine for being young, we pine for all the possibilities being young has to offer."
Hugs to you.
56 here. It's been rough for awhile now -- I think our ideals, our hopes, those tropes of life that we all expected or hoped would happen -- I think reality came in like Godzilla stomped Bambi. We, unfortunately, need to step up to the plate, to help ourselves, any way we can. I'm sorry for your feelings of loss and sadness and you'll have to grieve these losses. Life was significantly different for our parents & that generation, too, so don't blame yourself or beat yourself up. Nothing is as it was.
Hugs to OP and to you. I'm 47, Acespec, an only child, and feeling pointless. I wasn't shy as a kid, but I knew I didn't experience attraction the same way as my friends. I still hoped, so hard, that I'd find The One and everything would fall into place. Kids, holidays, a fulfilling vocation, family vacations, albums full of memories. I don't think I'm unhappy until I hit a milestone and find myself grieving that ordinary extraordinary life-that-wasn't.
I'm 49 in a few weeks, I know this experience is on its way. Preparing myself mentally for it.
It's all good.
Can't be disappointed if it happens exactly as I know it will. š
Iām in a similar boat and an only child. I know it is hard but I think we have a lot of fun to still have. I just wish I knew how to get there. šššš
> for all the possibilities
Without kids or partner, we have so much more freedom than those that do ("freedom's just another word, for nothing left to lose"). But most of us are so stuck in our ruts, I definitely was from the pandemic until this spring. It takes some doing but shifting your reality can make so much difference. Visit a long lost friend, travel to the ocean, move to a swing state for the election and work on campaigns (or if you're already in one, no move needed) or volunteer at an animal shelter, apply to school in Europe (free tuition iirc, like everything, I'm sure it's not that easy/simple).
Embrace not being tied down.
>One of my favorite quotes is, "We don't pine for being young, we pine for all the possibilities being young has to offer."
Soooo true! My thoughts exactly.
I've never used them, but I figured the dating apps would solve some of this. Now that I think about it, those apps probably wouldn't help much outside of cities.
Happy 50th! I went to London and Paris for mine and made a vow to put any extra money into travel. Since then I have also been to Rome and Madrid. Having something to look forward to is key in my life I have found. Plan yourself a bangin' 51st and start now!
That said I kinda feel like nobody prepares your for your 50's as it is a slow/gradual realization that our lives are mostly over and whatever is still facing us in the future will have to be dealt with. I am M57 and I do not have kids, pets, or a significant other. The last 12 years have been rebuilding my life after losing everything in 2009's "crash" and starting my own business so I have been all asses and elbows and now that I have come up for air ,"crickets".
I am fortunate to have a large group of friends but that just isn't the same as family IMO. I was able to buy a single family home, renovate it and enjoy a pre-Covid low interest rate. This said, I was talking to friends in my position and we all pretty much agree that we are "prisoners" of low interest rates and none plan to ever move until health forces them to.
I kinda feel lost as well and I guess I also foolishly thought that something would have happened by now and it just hasn't. I feel like the relationship boat has sailed and I am pushing 60 so my time feels very limited in that arena as well. I am in good shape and look much younger but that hasn't helped so far. Signed, Feeling lost in VA
A friend of mine, never married, no kids, became a foster parent in her 50ās. She fostered many teen girls, some she still stays in contact with. My friend had the space in her life to make a positive impact in these girlsā lives.
Iāve been thinking about doing this myself when my youngest leaves home in a couple years.
Yeah Happy Birthday. I was lucky that my bday was small, as I had 6 ppl, and 2 were my international friends, there. I was shocked, but least it was nice. Do yourself a the most amazing favour...call work, tell them it's your birthday, and seeing as no one acknowledged it, not even a card or a happy b-day, you're taking ypur birthday, off, go somewhere special by yourself, have a nice meal, go out, but yourself, shit; go splurge on yourself( don't go crazy though... and Sing Happy Birthday yo yourself). Ppl might think you're weird, but who the fuck cares, you're fucking awesome, and you're 50.. Rawk on
Signed,
Mr. Positivity!
Happy Birthday Special One! š„³
Iām 58 and have been married and have (adult) kids. Both of my parents are alive, and I have siblings and friends and co-workers. And I have ALWAYS fantasized about someone throwing me a party (of any kind - for any reason). And a āsurprise partyā is my ultimate dream.
And, like you, Iāve participated in SO MANY parties for family members and co-workers. Even planning several myself. And I STILL - somewhere - find myself hoping that maybe this NEXT birthday (or other milestone) - Iāll be surprised by some kind of little party. (Even just a 10 minute gathering with a little card, or a hip, hip, Hurray, or a song!)
It seems that the peeps that DONāt WANT or ENJOY having a party in their honor get them . . . while I am kind of STARVING for one, but will probably never get one.
And - YES - I know it need not be a situation that I make significant by being aware of it. And I usually donāt. But - even all of these years later - the little girl who fantasizes about walking into a surprise party pays me a disappointed little visit.
I get it. š
Reading through your comment history where you relish in your peers children being bullied and think it makes you superior to said peers removed any shred of sympathy I may have felt for you. Your own choices have led you here. You only have yourself to blame for a lonely 50th birthday.
It is a scam, agreed. Iām mid 40s and I have a 6 year old and an infant. I started later than I should have, but am glad I have them.
My birthdays are pretty boring and I have very little social life anymore, but I have my kids and there will always be a lot going on related to them if nothing else.
Exactly. This whole "wait till you're older" thing is a crock. We had our kids right at 30 and even then they're exhausting. The idea that you're going to be able to keep up into your mid 60s is bold faced lie.
I'm a man that just turned 53. I'm dying of curiosity: 1) how many men in your late teens and early twenties tried to marry you?
2) If there were a good amount of them, did you reject them because you didn't want to be "tied-down young"?
3) If there were not many suitors -why do you think that is?
4) If you could go back 32 years and tell your younger self something; what would it be?
I've got 4 kids 20-34 and I was pretty much h ignored on my 50th... its my 53rd tomorrow š¤·āāļø yeah you guessed it no plans... noone gives a shit these days š¬
Happy birthday for yesterday š
lots of lonely people in here trying to validate their life choices. If you want to be alone and thats what's comfortable for you then carry on, but if you want a companion to share your life with then you can't simply wait for it to happen. It requires effort, and as others who are not prepared to do this also noted, it requires compromises from time-to-time. I'm reading a lot of replies here where people are telling themselves, almost trying to convince themselves, that the reality they are in is the one they want. I'm not sure I'm believing that. Nobody is coming to save you was some great advice I got when I was younger. If you want your circumstances to change, then go and change them. Wishing you the best and hoping you find your happiness.
Think of all the people who are 50 who were married, had kids, went through a horrible divorce and lost everything including contact with their family. Maybe you've dodged a bullet.
I get it, you're sad and that's a legit feeling. But you're alive, healthy (if you're working 12-hour shifts, healthier than those who cannot), employed and educated (you're certainly more literate than many people).
I'm a few years away from 50 and I don't anticipate having some huge party. I recall my mom and uncle having giant 60th birthday parties with family and friends flying in from around the world, a fancy club with lobster, steak, champagne, a band, etc. I am dating someone and have a small group of friends but don't anticipate something other than maybe a weekend hotel somewhere and dinner at a restaurant with a couple people.
Just work on yourself. Try to do the best at your job, exercise, eat healthy and engage in hobbies. Don't try hookup websites/apps but spend money and time on your hobbies and you'll organically meet someone doing what you both love. You get one life and 50 is young enough to meet someone and have a great life for decades with someone. But unless you focus on yourself (exercise, read books, find rewarding hobbies, volunteer time at a hospital/homeless shelter) you won't find someone with whom you'll be happy. Be the counterpart of the person you'd like to meet.
Congrats on turning 50! Be kind to yourself. I have few close friends and didn't do anything special for my 50th. We went on an overseas trip just before my bday so I told myself that was my present. Buy yourself something you would never normally buy this week and treat yourself.
Your post is kinda sad, but itās hilarious when the stereotype of liberal women being lonely, bitter, and angry that theyāre going to die childless and alone without ever having experienced true joy and love, gets confirmed. Many such cases.
It's not really their fault. They were fed this lie that spending their whole lives building a career would make them happy. The issue is that eventually you leave the work force and all you have is a bit of money.
I've never really celebrated a birthday after I reached adulthood. I have a family, but they all understand my need for introversion. Just a few well wishes, a special dish or two, and I'm good to go. 50 was no different other than some personal introspection. I'm now 50 years 4 days old.
That having been said, Happy 50th to you!
As someone whoās married with kids, please know that some of us still have to plan our own celebrations or nothing will happen. Iām sorry that youāre feeling bummed about this milestone birthday, but take the time today to treat yourself. I donāt know what āspecialā means to you, but look beyond the party you didnāt get and think of other ways to celebrate your 50th birthday weekend.
i'm sorry your family didn't acknowledge you, but i do think you provide some really good perspective for the OP.
just because one is surrounded by family members doesn't ensure one feels celebrated or recognized. that's not to diminish the disappointment or loneliness that OP feels, but just a reminder that loneliness can still happen within relationships.
and also? if you are open to a relationship, there is still time for you to find someone to join and celebrate you. 50 is the new 30, after all. š
i hope you splurge on something to celebrate yourself! šš„³š
Happy birthday!
I havenāt celebrated a birthday since the last one my mother organised. It was my 11th. Iām not good with being the centre of attention, honestly Iām just not good with humans in general.
Happy birthday. I hope you can take a day out to celebrate whatās still good in life despite its disappointments. Do something nice, enjoy your favorite food and music and take care of yourself.
Happy birthday!
See, I'm the opposite. After all this time, my family knows I don't want any party or celebration so they treat it like a normal day and I don't take off work or mention it to coworkers. A simple "happy birthday" from my wife and kids is enough, I don't want to see any money wasted on presents or party junk food.
But that's me. I'm weird, I know. I remember throwing big celebrations for uncles and aunts, but I never wanted that, and now that I'm the adult, I tell people I don't want that and they listen.
That said, I wish you a happy birthday! Try to find something that brings you a bit of joy today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! This random stranger would wear a party hat and buy you a drink. Since we're not nearby though, I hope you can still have a great day today knowing there are a bunch of folks wishing only the best for you.
Happy Birthday! I am 54, but I honestly don't remember what I did for my 50th. I think I remember asking everyone I saw (grocery store cashiers, librarians, etc.) how old they thought I was, lol.
I also am single. Never dated much anyways. I have no children. That was by choice. I always wished I could've had one of those awesome relationships, where there's good communication, you put each other first, etc. Never happened. And now that my hormones have tanked, I am not interested anyway.
I get that it feels like you missed out on something. I often feel like an alien species. I don't relate to people talking about their kids, their husbands, their ex-husbands (most people are divorced, so there's not often a happily ever after anyway), or their other woes.
I guess I just got used to it. It bothers me less and less as time goes on. One thing about life is that it's not fair. I see so many assholes and bitches who are married and have doting partners that they totally do NOT deserve, and there are so many lovely nice humans who get passed over. It sucks, but it is what it is.
Happy birthday! Iām sorry this one wasnāt what you were hoping for, but itās honestly never too late to get out and make new friends. Is it easy? Not really, but I think itās worth it.
Happy 50th! Most of my adult life, my birthdays were just calls/texts from family as Iāve lived states away for decades. Iām 56 now, but about 15 years ago I decided to treat myself and start planning for my birthday. A weekend trip, a nice restaurant, concert, a trip to a museum, a city Iāve never been, etc. I realized that expecting something to happen to/for me wasnāt going to happen so I just did it myself. We GenXers grew up with this skill!
I wish you many happy birthdays in the future!
Happy Birthday!
As someone in a similar boat Iāve started taking myself out or away for my birthdays. My birthday is in the dead of winter so I went to Miami for my 50th. This year I took myself out for brunch.
What do you enjoy?
Iām sorry you had a terrible 50th birthday. To make up for it, I hope you celebrate the big 5-0 this entire yearā¦including planning the vacation of your dreams & taking it!
Also, to give you a little perspective, I have a family, kids, and a terrific job. I spent my 50th birthday working to meet a deadline & then I ate some Thai food & went to bed exhausted. It happens.
I've got a dozen nieces and nephews. I always sent them a birthday card and a check. Thousands of dollars. I have never received a birthday card from any of them. So, even if you have family, it's not necessarily any better.
Hey - you made it! Perspective is everything. And you can still do what you want. We've got your back here. 50 seems like yesterday, I'm rapidly closing in on 60 and don't know how I feel about that yet. I also am not going to worry about it. Happy birthday šš„³!
Maybe youāre just not social? Itās not too late to make connections, if thatās what you want but itās also perfectly fine to not have the big blowout celebrations because you think thatās whatās expected.
Happy Birthday! I found in life sometimes you need to plan your own parties. Donāt wait or count on others. You have one shot at this, make it the BEST shot you can take!
I too remember families gathering for parties for all occasions. Now families don't get along, we live far from each other, and everyone works different schedules. It's a different world. For most adults I know, the best case scenario on a birthday is going out to eat with a few friends. I too mourn the bygone era and sometimes feel I'm missing out but I think this is the norm now
It's normal to "take stock" on your birthday and as we get older start to really feel like we've missed out or doubt our choices/decisions. Doesn't matter where you are personally or professionally you can end up feeling like you coulda/shoulda/woulda done better/been happier if you'd just _________ instead of __________.
It sounds like up until now, your focus has been on professional development and success; and now you're re-evaluating that and determining that other things feel more important to you now. It's okay to shift gears. It's not too late to change.
Happy belated birthday! You got this.
My 50th sucked too and I do have family and friends and at the time a partner. He ruined it. Like he ruined everything.
56 and single now.
Happy 50th to you!! You made it. Do you have a pet? Pets make everything better.
This is super tough and I feel for you.... While I have a great partner, I only have one friend really and also lack the large social network I thought I'd have when I was in my 50s. I had large groups of friends in my teens and my 20s, even into my 30s.
I've thought a lot about this and I think there is just a break down in community. I'm just not sure those kinds of big bashes for people's birthdays really happen as much as they used to. I tried to get some people together for my 50th and it ended up just being my wife and I at a play. All of the people I thought of as friends at the time just sort of blew it off as "nah, I'm just going to stay home tonight, sorry hope you have fun." Not even a real excuse, just like... I can't be bothered.
I think its taught me to just appreciate the little things, I've gotten really good at being alone. I do nearly everything I want to do alone now. Go to parks, movies, workout, sporting events. My wife is awesome, but we are different generations and she has a large family so she socializes with them mostly.
I wish I had better words for you, but you aren't alone.
OP so basically you remember your parents / aunts / uncles b-day. This is where having kids/family come into play. (not being rude BTW). I mean if you have no children or spouse, obviously there is really not anybody real close to you to celebrate it. Is this more of a "not having children/family" regret?
Anyway, happy birthday to you!
I married, had a kid. She cheated when I was 50. Turned out she was just a narcissist and I was her supply.
I got the kid, so I have that, she hasn't seen him in 3 years.
My 55th is September. I doubt anyone will know or care.
Such is life.
Heed this advice. When I was very young (early 20s) I was working at a salon type place. We had a very glamorous, mysterious client-one of those ladies who could have been 30 or 70. There were only a few of us who worked there besides the owner, and we were all young ladies in our early 20s. Every time this lady came in, her conversation was fascinating and we knew not to ask many questions or the info may stop flowing. One day, she brought us a beautiful envelope. She handed it to me. She said it was an invitation for us 3 girls to her 60th birthday party. We were all stunned. She said she had never ābeen married and had the big weddingā or āhad kids to celebrate withā so she was throwing herself a huge 60th birthday bash.
Hereās the kicker. We were invitedā¦but only to the first three hours. Then we had to leave because the after party was āfor another crowdā. No one asked. The party was unbelievable. It was at a hotel and holy crap. At that point in my life, I never knew cakes that looked like
Tangible objects existed.
Moral: Celebrate yourself. Donāt depend on anyone else.
Happy day late birthday! Welcome to 50! I understand your feeling let down like you missed out on something. I'm a 53 female with no friends to speak of, and my husband and 2 grown sons are typical guys that aren't thoughtful like women usually tend to be. We're the original latchkey kids, and it's always been our responsibility to keep ourselves entertained and alive, lol. Be good to yourself, buy something frivolous, try something new, but always remember that you are loved š
First off Happy Birthday! We care. Believe me. Iām 45 and I also thought the many things. Although I have a partner, friends, and family I still had to plan my 40th. Some people are fortunate to have people to plan and throw parties for them but not all do.
So donāt be down in the dumps. You are only 50! You will meet someone but you have to put yourself out there to meet others.
But instead of feeling disappointed,
be excited! Plan a solo trip, go to something you love, go out to eat and grab your favorite meal. Enjoy your day! We live in a culture where more and more people are doing solo things. You donāt look pathetic or lonely. Instead you will feel empowered!
Donāt wait or expect others to celebrate you or you will be feeling the way you do.
Go out and do something for yourself.
Happy birthday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
This community values you!
I donāt remember my 50th. I probably took off the day to spend some a little time on my own or finished shopping / wrapping, as my bday is near Christmas. I have a spouse and kids, but aside from a cake, I leaned long ago that I would have to plan my own party if I wanted a party. Last āpartyā was 10+ years ago.
I need to take my own advice, but do something special for yourself - you deserve it!
Iām turning 50 today and decided not to do a big party, which I would have had to plan myself anyway. Iām going out to eat with my parents since Iām divorced and have no children. I will enjoy that and call it a night. I donāt need big birthday celebrations to make me happy.
Happy birthday! I'm 50 next month, and there isn't certainly isnt going to be a big party with a fabulous gift from the love of my life.... I have put in to take the day off to do things that I want to do. I hope you do the same, take a day off and celebrate yourself or try something you've always wanted to try.
Remember, there's two ways to look at life:
https://preview.redd.it/75obar1yn3bd1.png?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=45691f2bc49ae4f901cb2414e769153206b5c648
Happy Birthday! I feel ya. My 40th was terrible for me. Friends had to work or bailed on me. Prior to that, I always had to plan my own birthday dinners. And since, I donāt bother. It would be nice to be surprised and to have someone else plan a birthday party. But, like you, I just havenāt met anyone along this trip. So I look at this way, in true GenX fashion: whatever, Iāll do it myself.
I went back to grad school at 29 and tried to face my untreated demons.Took tillI was 37 to get treatment and still been a bumpy bipolar ride.
Yet, had lots of amazing experiences and helped raise my two youngest nephews. I've lived four separate lives. I have three degrees. I have a deep knowing of my world. I am humbled by these times and my suffering makes my current stability all the sweeter.
I've influenced 10000 children, teens, and young adults, taught school and college, seen 1/2 the world, and made connections worldwide as a project manager. In 4 hours I'm going in stage to present to a new group about how to overcome the past and move proactively into the present.
So what if bipolar killed my 6 year marriage? Or PCOS made it impossible for me to have bio kids? There's 1000s of people in that same boat. If you can find routine and healthy coping mechanisms, isn't that enough? Let YOU be enough.
(Plus you are one travel credit card bonus away from a trip around the world. You are 15 minutes from applying for grad school. You are X hours away from Vegas and driving a formula 1 car for fun on a race track. You are one National Park away from a hike and a moment in pristine nature. You are one job application away from switching to a career you dreamed of. Age is a pass. Having no kids or partner is a pass. You are allowed to live and enjoy.)
Happy birthday! I usually take my birthday off from work so I don't have to deal with either having an unexpected surprise (at my last job they did surprise me for my 50th, but did it the day before my birthday, my family just got me a cake like any other bday) or having a really bad day at work unrelated to my birthday, but feeling as if it ruined my day.
Celebrate yourself by doing something you like. I've learned not to have any expectations of others. It sucks to feel forgotten, but I've noticed my friends who have huge 50th birthday parties either planned one for themselves or kept talking about it until someone caught on and put something together. That's not my style, I would never want to feel like someone would need to throw me a party that I had to make hints at.
Anyway, point being, celebrate yourself, do what you want. Don't get caught up on others, it causes resentment. I am the person who usually plans things for others... So rarely does anyone do anything for me, the few times they remember, it brings tears to my eyes because I'm more often forgotten (a theme in my life). Big hugs, do something special for yourself today.
OP, sounds like this āmilestoneā made you take a fresh look at what you have and donāt have in life, and really stirred up some rough feelings. Iām sorry that itās been this way for you; even if other people (some commenting here) would be fine with the situation, itās not what youāve wanted for yourself and I know how tough that can be to accept.
Iām also 50 this year. There are some things we can still change and thereās still time to have versions of what you want in your life. But, yeah, some doors are closed permanently now. And so be it. Accepting that isnāt easy.
Maybe consider what you want life to look like in five years (reasonably - a closer friend or two? A trip somewhere? Closer relationships with some family? A hobby you love?) and take a step or two to get closer to that version of you and your life. Waiting doesnāt work - I know this too well.
I hope next year your birthday isnāt this tough. I also hope you do something good for yourself, even a day late.
50 was really really hard for me. I had a very small gathering but most of my friends couldn't come. I realised I didn't have many friends. I mean. It's my fault. I knew this. But. Like you, reality hit hard. You'll be ok. Promise.
Happy birthday!
For what it's worth, šš from šØš¦. If you can afford it, treat yourself. Buy something or do something that you wouldn't ordinarily do. Make a memory.
Plan a trip for yourself. Getting away from your usual day to day can be transformative. I went to Antigua for my 50th and it was amazing. I spent a lot of money but hey I'm worth it.
Happy birthday, and happy many returns!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know, the good thing about the reddit community is that you often find people the same situation, that are totally with you and understand the pain....
If I had known, I would have even made sure to personalize the cake.
You know, the point of being on your own is also that you can celebrate your day as you totally want. Just give yourself the biggest gift you can afford, like going to spa and leting people take care of you for a little while.
You're not alone. I had my 50th earlier this year and tbh I'm still struggling about the lackluster experience. I hope the responses here make you feel seen and heard. Sending belated birthday hugs to you good stranger.
Happy birthday! The key for me is to always take off work for my birthday, whether there is anyone there to celebrate it with me or not. Then Iāll try to find something that I like to do. I realized around my 50th birthday that the only person that can really make me happy is myself. No matter what others do, it all depends on your perception of what is happening. So you make your perception that doing things by yourself and celebrating on your own is a great thing! I remember that I went to see John Cleese by myself, had a glass of wine while I was there, and ended up chatting with everyone sitting around me. We had an absolute blast! Make your birthday what you want it to be, find something that you want to do or get yourself a present to celebrate it and then do it and enjoy yourself.
Happy Birthday!! I just had mine on the 2nd, 48 this year, and my birthday was literally buying myself a pair of shorts, getting a drink from our local coffee shop, and then taking two of my kids to Walmart so they could buy themselves some new bedding, and some gaming cards. Two of my 5 kids didn't even say " Happy Birthday Mom" or "Go F yourself Mom", nothing (not the two that I took to Walmart). I think the last time I actually had a birthday celebration was my 18th, before moving away from home, and that was only because my Grandparents made sure I had one. You're not alone Love, all of us internet strangers are here for you ā¤ļø
Turned 56 today. Spending the day on Facebook and Reddit.
I usually go to a pool/spa to treat myself on my birthday. Tried this today, unfortunately Sunday was a very, very bad idea. Lots of little kids in the silent/relax areas and even in the sauna. Fled after two hours.
Now Iām waiting for the time to go by to treat myself with pizza and some beers from my fridge tonight.
The friends I usually met on their and my birthdays went ācasual contact onlyā a while ago. Theyāre so busy with their lives , they donāt need me.
It feels like everyone has a life and things to do and care about. Iām just waiting for the time to pass.
Some folks at work get a lot of recognition on their birthday. I was usually lucky if anyone remembered. One year, I started advertising. I'd just randomly bring up that my birthday was in 2 weeks and I loved cookies. It's amazing how often you can't work that into a conversation and are forced to bring it up yourself.
The spread I had that year, was insane. And I'm in IT! They had to find me first :)
Moral is, sometimes you need to nudge things. If you wanted more of a thing, you have to tell folks. If you rely on someone knowing, you'll be disappointed.
A depressed coworker was counting the people that wished him a happy birthday. I told him it was a bad idea and not a good indicator of how much people like you. I knew because I'd done it for many years, and it always hurt. When I said something, I got an overwhelming reply.
Growing up, birthday was a cake and your choice for dinner. I didn't have a large family. That's what I do now. Make my favorite meal and eat it! No cake though.
There's no rule that you can't have a nice 51st. You could go to your favorite restaurant. Or a bed and breakfast or something like that. Point is, we have to make-do with what we've got at the time.
You are 50, you aren't dead. You can still meet someone or move up the corporate ladder or switch careers. Birthdays can be a time of reflection. Maybe you recognize a pattern in your own reactions and do something the month after or before. You're an adult! You can have cake when you want!
I'm in a similar situation as you. Except I still hope I can work through my own issues and finally get those things that I've always wanted, just later than I wanted.
It'll sound a bit hollow but Happy Birthday. Treat yo' self! Seriously though, treat yourself to something you like. Splurge a little more than you should. Do it for you. Because you deserve it!
As a fellow Xer that hits 50 next year and otherwise in the same boat having not found that "certain someone", I get it. It can be disheartening but hopefully you don't let it get to you too much.
53 year old checkin in. You rock brother. There is a reason we are called the forgotten generation.
Having no kids myself and the aunts and uncles passing on many of us are just living our life as we did as kids. The only difference is we can lock ourselves in the houses now :)
Happy Birthday, I care! I had my 56th bd in May and could not wait for the day to end. On my 50th, my wife did great; however, she offered to fly my kids in, and they were too busy, which stung and still does to this day. My dad died at 49, so making it to fifty was something for me, but the kids were too busy. We are busy, I know, but it did leave a mark. Birthdays since then, I'm just like fuck it, I say no cards, no gifts, I'm good w/o. I have a Margarita or three, and I'm good. Celebrate yourself! You deserve it. Sending you love!! āļøā¤ļø
Happy Birthday! Thereās still time to treat yourself!
I was married for 20 years but we didnāt really celebrate our birthdays as adults, maybe a card and dinner out, at best. Spent my 50th alone during COVID, recently divorced at the time. The best thing about it was being off work between jobs, even though it was a staycation.
Iām sorry you feel like this. 50 is a tough one that should be celebrated even if you just treat yourself.
But I donāt understand why it wasnāt possible for you to schedule the day off at least?
I hear you, and I'm sorry about that. I'm in the same boat. My 54th birthday is coming up on Thursday and there'll be nobody for me to celebrate it with. I might get a card from my brother, but that will be it. My parents stopped remembering years ago. Adulting is the worst!
Happy 50th! I spent my 50th at home bc of the lockdown. I understand your disappointment. Donāt wait for others to celebrate you. Celebrate yourself! Treat yourself to something that you normal wouldnāt buy/do. Itās still your birthday monthā¦
So sorry you feel so sad. Disappointment is so painful.
Keep going friend. Things can get better.
Now you know what you donāt like about your life you can change it.
Stay strong.
Happy birthday! All the best in the coming year. Just turned 50 myself and no, it was not the kind of party the older generation had, but I'm here doing my fieldwork in the Philippines and the people I was staying with had a small celebration. It was very touching b/c usually I don't do anything.
Happy Birthday!
Your post stuck a chord with me. Know you arenāt the only one. Maybe one day all us singletons will meet up at the mall that theyāve turned into the Gen X retirement home.
Happy birthday!Ā Since no one treated you, it's high time you treated yourself. Make a short list if the things you want to do or try. Go dine in a fine restaurant? Do it. Check out that museum exhibition? Do that. Learn to paint? Sign up for classes, even if it's an online class. Try new things - whi knows, it may turn into a hobby, because since you have a stressful job with very little appreciation coming your way, you NEED something that helps release that stress.Ā
And who knows...you may find new friends along the way! ā¤ļø
I turned 55 last weekend, happy birthday! I used to be upset about being alone, but I've moved past that and am now happy to have only myself to worry about. I hear my coworkers complain, complain, complain about their alcoholic husband, abusive husband, neglectful wife, entitled elderly parents moving in, etc, and I think, well my life is pretty good. I've got a good setup here with my dogs and my plants and my craft projects. I don't need a man bitching about stepping on legos or whatever. Damn it's good to be solo
Maybe this is the milestone that moves you to stop waiting for life to happen?
50 is still plenty young to find people to share your life with. Most of us will see 80 so thatās 30 more years! Maybe not marriage or kids but friends and some community is within reach.
Happy 50th birthday! Sounds like things are tough but you are strong. There is still time to include someone in your life if that is something you would like to do. Yeah, youāve already hit a lot of milestones on your own but hopefully your mate will have hit milestones as well! I wish you peace and progress!
I have a family and I still did the planning for 50th, which was just a week ago. It's really just picking a restaurant and going out with my husband and 2 kids. But I'm buying myself a bicycle so I can start riding with all those groups of old people riding bikes together. I say pick a new hobby and buy yourself the gift to get started!
Thatās hard, I feel for you- not here in any other way other than just to send you a bit of birthday, Gen X, fellow 50ish, human love and a nod to say I feel you.
Weāve got through so much, our generation - but itās absolutely ok to still be feeling these hard times like itās the first. Hope youāre ok x
Happy birthday, OP! š„³
I'll be in the exact same boat later this year, except that I won't have to work on my birthday.
>I must have thought that by 50 something magical wouldāve happened or I wouldāve met someone. Now Iāve gone through all these milestones alone and now itās likeā¦whatās the point of meeting anybody? It wouldāve been fun to have someone in my life for all those moments. I feel like Iāve missed all that now.
This is me, too. I get it. It hit me in my early 40s and I feel like I've spent a lot of time mourning the life I wanted but never managed to have. At this point, I'm just kind of dead inside, which I know isn't healthy, but it's better than feeling bitter and sad. I sincerely hope you find a better way to cope. š
Iām about to turn 50, and my mom is 76. She spent last summer hiking the Carpathian Mountains with her new husband. He seems like a good man.
Life is long. Start making the life you want now.
Turning 50 sucked. My wife threw me a surprise party, which I figured out. I really just wanted to spend the day in silence because I was struggling with 50. I sucked it up for her because she did a lot! Of course I also wound up enjoying seeing my friends and family.
I could not imagine life without my wife by my side. Sheās my person. Let this be a wake up call for you. You need a person. Life gets lonelier as you get older and see people less often. It doesnāt have to though.
First of all. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I am 49 and related so hard to that Patton Oswalt bit about not having adult birthdays. With two exceptions where an ex or my sister-in-law took the reins at 27 or my brother and his wife took me out for tiki drinks at 35, I never gave myself a party or set up an event.
Big hugs hun. I can 100% empathise.
My 50th is this Friday and my parents were supposed to visit me (I live in a different state, but Iām in Australia) anyway, the evening before my parents were supposed to leave to come visit me, I get a call saying that my Mum is too sick and they canāt make the trip (as they were going to drive here). I was understanding and come the next day I try and call my mum to see if she is ok. No answer. I try a few more times. No answer. I call the home phone and my SIL answers (they live with parents) and she informs me that my parents went to visit my other sister instead. Sooooā¦.. Yeahā¦.. Right there with ya dude.
> I must have thought that by 50 something magical wouldāve happened or I wouldāve met someone.
My life is similar in some ways. Here's my big secret: I tell people what I want them to say to me. Seriously, on my birthday, I go around saying to people: "Hey, it's my birthday, wish me happy birthday." It works surprisingly well. Does not really organize big parties, but it absolutely (somehow) gives me some peace with the fact that no one's around any more who really cares.
> Now Iāve gone through all these milestones alone and now itās likeā¦whatās the point of meeting anybody? It wouldāve been fun to have someone in my life for all those moments.
IDK, you can be pretty lonely with someone too. Plusses and minuses.
Happy birthday from an X'er older than you!
We don't put the work into having a community like our parents did. We don't go to church, join civic groups like the Masons, we don't have larger families that stick together (I hate my cousins). This is why stuff like that doesn't happen.
When my dad passed a few years ago, the people at the church my parents went to took care of my mom for a month straight. His funeral was a completely packed house. Why? Because he was involved in church, he was a scout leader, he was involved in our local government. None of that any of my siblings or I are involved in.
I'm sorry your birthday sucked, I feel for you. But I've come to the conclusion that we just don't participate in the community like people used to and that is why we are lonely.
Iām single and childless as well, but thankfully Iāve never liked celebrating my birthday. Ā Once upon a time at work we would celebrate birthdays, usually go out to lunch if it was a 5 or 10 year birthday. Ā Have a cold beverage of your choice and think about how much worse things could be I guess.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
I'll be 48 in October, married, childfree. I don't have any friends where I live so I wouldn't have a party, plus my husband would never in a million years think to do something like that. Instead every year since my mid-30s we just take the week off, rent a house at the (off season) beach with our dogs and enjoy the peace. I hate where we live, so just not having to be here and not having to work is a treat.
Ahh, the old grass is always greener on the other sideā¦.. enjoy your life as it is! you have incredible freedoms that many people would trade for in an instant. Wake up tomorrow and start the second 50 years of your life with unashamed joy and happiness of being YOU and enjoy the freedom to do whatever the hell you want to do!
I spent my 50th alone. Except I spent money on an airbnb. And then on my birthday there was a giant blizzard, which made getting to the airbnb almost impossible. And then long story short the airbnb was uninhabitable and I ended up in a hotel for two days with no hot tub or sauna, like the airbnb supposedly had.
Got my money back but spent my 50th eating frozen pizza alone with my dog. š
So sorry you had a bad birthday. Celebrate your whole birthday month! I just wanted to wish you a happy 50th Birthday!!! Welcome to the club!
I think it's a generational thing. I remember what a big deal everybody made out of milestone birthdays and anniversaries when we were kids. Huge parties. Tributes. Funny hats. Parody songs. And on and on and on.
Today? Unless somebody throws a party for themselves, there aren't big surprise extravaganzas the way there used to be.
I half wonder whether they were a holdover from the days before radio, TV, movies, computers and cars that can go hundreds of miles in hours existed-- any excuse for a party because there wasn't much else to do.
People learned to play instruments, to make grand speeches, to tell stories, to play party games and if there was something to celebrate, they went big!
Now?? Pfft.
Happy 50th birthday! I'm so sorry it wasn't a good day for you. Any magic in your life is going to be created by you. I almost guarantee even if you had a special partner in your life, he wouldn't have made your day magical. From everything I've seen and lived, it's always the women that have to do all the planning and coordination of everything. Please try and celebrate your freedom. What are your passions? What do you love to do? Do them! There are so many groups now where you can join with other singles (not for dating) to travel with and have fun with. Those are the groups where you develop long lasting friendships . I have created a wonderful friend group and we just got back from Rocky Mountain National Park. In August, I'm spending a week on the coast in a beautiful home with my friends. When you split it five or six ways it's not that expensive!. If you DM me with some of your interests and where you live, I'll even try and find them for you! It will be my birthday present to you. šš
I'm sorry it was a bad birthday and led to reflection on some regrets and hurts.
I hope you found (or will find) something to do to celebrate yourself (if you want to). Spa, new pair of shoes, leisurely brunch or dinner out, long hike exploring a new place, something?
Also FWIW one of the kindest and dearest friends I have shares your birthday and so I choose to believe that you are a kind and dear person too.
Happy Belated!
I feel you. For those of us that turned 50 during COVID shut down, I feel you. But since mine was in July I planned a small party and we were outside with family. But if I hadn't planned, nothing would have happened. Sometimes we have to make our own entertainment..just like when we were kids
Iām sorry your bday stunk, next yearās will be better ā¤ļø and itās never too late for anything especially meeting someone special. My friend met her forever someone when she was 54.
Ideally you wouldnāt have been working on your birthday - working on your birthday is a bad plan. Maybe designate your next day off as your birthday and do whatever you want!
Somewhere there is someone whose life you unknowingly changed for the better. Your presence on earth has made a difference even though it doesnāt seem like it to you. And you have a lot of life left to live, there are still possibilities out there! Social construct have told us that marriage, kids and friends are all important but thatās the same kind of lie as one-size-fits-all pantyhose. Happy belated and best wishes for the future!
Dude you sound like the perfect candidate for my new gang/cult Iām trying to start. Iām not committed either way yet, so gang or cult would be fine. Once we get enough people together, we can figure all that out. Whatās your thoughts on tattoos and prison? Communal living and idol worship?
First of all, happy birthday!! Whoohoo!!
Secondly, my 50th was also spent alone. Recently divorced, no kids, bank account emptied by the person I divorced, career in tatters, curled up on my couch going through an endless withdrawal from benzos. Life had never looked so bleak. I saw no hope, no relationship on the horizon, no way to ever make money again. Butā¦here I am today, with a beautiful wife and life, living in a beautiful home on a beautiful beach, and a rebuilt career.
Life is weird. Strange. And predictably unpredictable.
I just had my 58th. We went to a movie together, had a nice dinner at home with a nice homemade cake. no guests, no visitors, no phone calls, no fanfare. it was the nicest birthday I can remember.
Yep another Covid 50th here too but tbh doubt my husband at the time would have done a big surprise thing anyway š hoping for a nice break this October with my new partner š„° enjoy your life do things that make you happy and happy belated 50th šš»
I turned 50 in the spring of 2020, just as COVID was shutting everything down. I ended up quitting my job the day before my birthday.
I worked in a mini mart, and a customer had spent twenty minutes telling me how he was going to kill me by stomping my head in, then flashed his gun at me. He was pissed because had to wait his turn in line, and felt like since he was the boss's drug dealer, he should have been given priority. Boss came in, and sided with him, I walked out and cried the whole way home.
I have kids, a partner, nieces, nephews, siblings, parents. I still ended up planning my own celebration. Which never happened, because we were all isolating as much as possible. My birthday was dinner and watching my favorite movie at home
I'm so sorry that you felt abandoned on your birthday. That really sucks. It may not just be you, though. I remember throwing big milestone celebrations for my grandparents and great-grandparents, but I feel like we havent really for my parents on down. (haha wondering now if this is my fault for failing to plan something! lol)
but seriously, i'm also child-free and not very close to extended family. i plan my birthdays as my day - splurge on doing my favorites or a bucket list item or something. because, you're right, we make these choices, but sometimes we need to remember and celebrate WHY - and just one of the great parts of being childfree is being free to follow your passions.
OP, 53 here. I kind of remember 50, but it certainly wasnāt memorable. No one at work even knew (been there 15 years, everyone elseās day is celebrated, but for technical reasons Iām kind of not in anyoneās work group). My husband remembered but I asked him not to do anything big. When my sister turned 50 she had an epic party with all these tributes and such. On the other hand, my brother didnāt tell a soul or celebrateā¦50 will bring a IDGAF soon enough for you, but I have some advice and incite (you asked for neither). Most people are fucked up and these amazing celebrations are just a thin cover of average dysfunction and unhappiness. Itās only the really lucky few who have a whole group who would truly take care of all and celebrate the way you want. So, take this in to YOUR hands.DO something for you. Plan it and do it and pick your ass up. You are in the situation where two opposing things are true. First, 50 isnāt old. Gen X has completely trashed that notion. We are still hot, driven, wild, rebellious and able to do anything (except squats. Fuck.). You have time to shape your damn life going forward. Figure out what you want and go get it. At the same time, you donāt have time. Not one more day to be resentful and regretful or wait or expect anyone to make you happy. Plan your own life and celebrate the shit out of it! You are still here! You just get this one precious life, donāt fuck around. Want a partner? Hire a matchmaker. Hate your job? Get a head hunter or coach and change. Didnāt have a party? Book a trip or go buy the cake and eat it. You have to make your own life, otherwise you will be disappointed.
And, lastly. My best friend on this planet changed her life at 49 years, 11 months and 29 days. She clicked on a picture and found love and companionship. She threw caution to the wind and took risks. It was scary, but her whole world turned. Best of luck, OP. And Happy Birthday! Welcome to the best club!
I never married or had kids either. Both my parents were gone long before I turned 50, and my only sibling is on the opposite side of the country. I had planned to treat myself to a nice vacation for my 50th, but Covid intervened.
My social life is also a bit lacking, as all my friends have families, so they don't have a lot of free time for me.
I enjoy my independence, and although I am lonely at times, I have far fewer problems than my married friends and acquaintances. They always tell me they will never remarry because of how difficult it is. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Stop working 12 hour days, no wonder you're miserable.
Hey, happy birthday! š
Iām an introvert with few friends and my fam live far away. After years of similar *lack of celebration* I promised myself that I would do better. Now, I plan my celebrations. Sometimes a friend will participate, sometimes itās just me. But I decide what I want to do and I spend time planning it. I never work, if I can help it, and I spend my entire birthday doing all things I love.
Things I have done over the years: get a massage, get a pedi/mani, eat at my fave restaurant, go to the casino, go to a movie, work in the garden, work on sewing projects, get high and hang out in my cocktail pool, go sightseeing, go to a museum, go shopping at the outlet mall, play video games, ride my bike, take my book to a park and have a picnicā¦ā¦..I LOVE doing all these things. You can have fun on your birthday and other holidays. Be proactive. Your happiness is literally in your own hands. āļø
Iāll be 55 in less than a month and Iām in the same situation. No kids, nieces or nephews, and mom and sis asked what I was doing.
Idk. Maybe get a tattoo? Skydive? Probably get drunk with the few friends that care enough to come around. Hang in thereā¤ļø
Sorry to hear. My fun wife knew and did nothing on purpose. Iām in the process of leaving - was the last straw from a haystack of mind games and narcissistic abuse. Iāve learned to take care of myself over the years.
Last I checked, life doesnāt have to end at 50. Itās not too late to find a partner if you want one. Some even come w/ kids/grandkids who then become like adopted family to you. You canāt wait around for people to just come to you and expect they will. If you want those things, you have to be proactive and put yourself in situations where you make connections and build relationships. Iāve known people who didnāt get married until their 60s, 70s or older! Some choose not to have partners but have enriching lives w/ a great circle of friends. But, they all made the effort. If you donāt make the effort, expect nothing to happen. Harsh but true.
I'm kinda there. I've been married. I guess that it isn't meant for me. In my mid forties my ex and her daughters had a cake waiting for me after work and sang happy birthday. I was shocked because it was the first time in over thirty years that I remembered my birthday being acknowledged other than just somebody mentioning it. It's embarrassing to think that such a moment was the highlight of my adult life, but that's what stands out. I'm 53 now. I went to a funeral yesterday. I realized that I won't have that either. I don't think that it matters but it was a good reminder that I didn't matter.
Happy Birthday!!
I loved being 50 ... was an awesome year but that being said .... I too just wish someone someone cared enough to do something nice for me.
I have 7 kids and am married ( wasn't when I turned 50) .... so there are ppl to do it ... they just don't.
Makes me doubt my parenting skills for sure!!
Not to rub it in, but I just turned 50 last month and it was awesome! All 4 of my kids came, plus their significant others, plus my best friend and his daughter! My daughters planned the whole day, and we all went out to throw axes and then to get buffalo wings together. Then we drank beer and played with the presents in the garage. My oldest daughter even bought a joint to share with me lol.
She said "dad I know this isn't really your thing, but I thought it would be super fun to get stoned with my dad just once"
So we lit it up. I coughed my lungs out. Everyone had a good laugh.
It was amazing!
In my younger days, before kids, I had several birthdays that nobody knew about. My friends would bring a few bottles of something as soon as they remembered. The problem was, I usually didn't remember it was my birthday hahaha.
I still forget most years, but now my kids plan fun stuff. They know their dad too well š
Sorry, Iām the opposite - I hate celebrating my birthdayā¦especially with co-workers who fundamentally couldnāt care less.
Maybe people (especially families) made a bigger deal about the āBig 5-0ā because back then, life expectancy was so much shorter - now, at least to me, it seems like any other birthday (Iām 53).
Itās not the milestone it used to be - you are āyoungā and have all the time to make your life the way YOU want it.
One of my old bosses is in her late 70s, she runs marathons and travels all over the dang globe. I want to be her when I grow up.
I hate the term, ācomparison is the thief of joyā but it rings true. Plenty of people are miserable in their marriages and regret children (but wonāt admit it). There is no prescribed āpathā to feel like a successā¦be happy with your present and make changes to become happier/fulfilled/at peace.
Happy Birthday!!
Cheer up homie...you are NOT alone. Many of us are hitting that famous mid-life crisis......Billy Joel once sang:
"The good old days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems."
That helped me a bit. You have earned your 50 years...be proud of that.
I had my 50th in 2019. Went in for a CT scan ten days before my birthday. Woke up from a coma from anaphylactic shock on the day of my birthday. I was living 2000 miles from family at the time. All I really remember is nurses saying happy birthday. Apparently the first thing I said when I woke up was āyouāre beautifulā to a nurse. So not like me. Iām the shyest guy ever.
Happy birthday! I'm in the same position as you (though 48). I'd be lucky if I even saw my closest friends on my birthday because they have their own commitments and my family live miles away.
A few years ago, I decided I'd go away for my birthday. Being where I am, I'm lucky to be able to nip to London, Paris, Rome, etc, for a getaway. I'm planning on seeing an old schoolfriend in New Zealand for my 50th.
I had the big fiftieth birthday that youāre talking about, but I arranged it for myself. I hired a band, got catering, and invited about 60 people. It was a full house. Donāt be afraid to put some of the effort into your own celebrations that you put into other peoplesā. That would make me bitter too.
I donāt remember it as very happy though because my daughter passed away a few years later. The people who seem to have the things you donāt have also are possibly dealing with tragic or terrifying things that you might not know about. Thereās a lot of secret misery that doesnāt get shared. That said, happy birthday, OP, congratulations on 50 trips around the sun. Iām glad that youāre here.
Belated happy birthday š
I can relate. At my workplace everyone got a party on their 50th and I got nothing other than a card š¢ I was so pissed off I stopped at a grocery store on my way home and bought a double layer cake and took some photos of me with it. At least I drowned my sorrows with cake. Of course it still hurt. So sorry this happened to you. Iāve really learned itās best to not have expectations and then be pleasantly surprised if and when something happens.
Iām sorry your 50th didnāt feel special. Donāt lose hope just yet. I found my partner when I was 46, and now about to turn 50 getting married later on this year. Itās not too late for you. Get out there and meet people.
I hated my 50th birthday party to be honest. Big crowd, lots of good friends yes.... but I just wanted to be alone that day and reflect. But Happy Birthday, 50 trips around the Sun is a milestone; take care of yourself.
Happy birthday! š I just want to say I know exactly how you feel. I'm 48, never been married or in a long-term relationship for that matter, and of course have no kids. When I was growing up, I was a terribly shy child but I had hope that when I got older, I would have this great life. Well, that didn't happen. Of course I had a few good years here and there, but since the pandemic, I've been pretty much alone. And it's lonely. And the realization of all that hope that I had as a kid/teen was all for nothing and it's devastating. I don't really have anything to look forward to. Getting older sucks. One of my favorite quotes is, "We don't pine for being young, we pine for all the possibilities being young has to offer." Hugs to you.
56 here. It's been rough for awhile now -- I think our ideals, our hopes, those tropes of life that we all expected or hoped would happen -- I think reality came in like Godzilla stomped Bambi. We, unfortunately, need to step up to the plate, to help ourselves, any way we can. I'm sorry for your feelings of loss and sadness and you'll have to grieve these losses. Life was significantly different for our parents & that generation, too, so don't blame yourself or beat yourself up. Nothing is as it was.
Hugs to OP and to you. I'm 47, Acespec, an only child, and feeling pointless. I wasn't shy as a kid, but I knew I didn't experience attraction the same way as my friends. I still hoped, so hard, that I'd find The One and everything would fall into place. Kids, holidays, a fulfilling vocation, family vacations, albums full of memories. I don't think I'm unhappy until I hit a milestone and find myself grieving that ordinary extraordinary life-that-wasn't.
I'm 49 in a few weeks, I know this experience is on its way. Preparing myself mentally for it. It's all good. Can't be disappointed if it happens exactly as I know it will. š
Iām in a similar boat and an only child. I know it is hard but I think we have a lot of fun to still have. I just wish I knew how to get there. šššš
turned 47 last month, and same same SAME.
> for all the possibilities Without kids or partner, we have so much more freedom than those that do ("freedom's just another word, for nothing left to lose"). But most of us are so stuck in our ruts, I definitely was from the pandemic until this spring. It takes some doing but shifting your reality can make so much difference. Visit a long lost friend, travel to the ocean, move to a swing state for the election and work on campaigns (or if you're already in one, no move needed) or volunteer at an animal shelter, apply to school in Europe (free tuition iirc, like everything, I'm sure it's not that easy/simple). Embrace not being tied down.
>One of my favorite quotes is, "We don't pine for being young, we pine for all the possibilities being young has to offer." Soooo true! My thoughts exactly.
I've never used them, but I figured the dating apps would solve some of this. Now that I think about it, those apps probably wouldn't help much outside of cities.
Everyone in this thread should get together for a huge orgy. Fuck each others brains out. What do you have to lose?
Happy 50th! I went to London and Paris for mine and made a vow to put any extra money into travel. Since then I have also been to Rome and Madrid. Having something to look forward to is key in my life I have found. Plan yourself a bangin' 51st and start now! That said I kinda feel like nobody prepares your for your 50's as it is a slow/gradual realization that our lives are mostly over and whatever is still facing us in the future will have to be dealt with. I am M57 and I do not have kids, pets, or a significant other. The last 12 years have been rebuilding my life after losing everything in 2009's "crash" and starting my own business so I have been all asses and elbows and now that I have come up for air ,"crickets". I am fortunate to have a large group of friends but that just isn't the same as family IMO. I was able to buy a single family home, renovate it and enjoy a pre-Covid low interest rate. This said, I was talking to friends in my position and we all pretty much agree that we are "prisoners" of low interest rates and none plan to ever move until health forces them to. I kinda feel lost as well and I guess I also foolishly thought that something would have happened by now and it just hasn't. I feel like the relationship boat has sailed and I am pushing 60 so my time feels very limited in that arena as well. I am in good shape and look much younger but that hasn't helped so far. Signed, Feeling lost in VA
A friend of mine, never married, no kids, became a foster parent in her 50ās. She fostered many teen girls, some she still stays in contact with. My friend had the space in her life to make a positive impact in these girlsā lives. Iāve been thinking about doing this myself when my youngest leaves home in a couple years.
Yeah Happy Birthday. I was lucky that my bday was small, as I had 6 ppl, and 2 were my international friends, there. I was shocked, but least it was nice. Do yourself a the most amazing favour...call work, tell them it's your birthday, and seeing as no one acknowledged it, not even a card or a happy b-day, you're taking ypur birthday, off, go somewhere special by yourself, have a nice meal, go out, but yourself, shit; go splurge on yourself( don't go crazy though... and Sing Happy Birthday yo yourself). Ppl might think you're weird, but who the fuck cares, you're fucking awesome, and you're 50.. Rawk on Signed, Mr. Positivity!
Happy Birthday Special One! š„³ Iām 58 and have been married and have (adult) kids. Both of my parents are alive, and I have siblings and friends and co-workers. And I have ALWAYS fantasized about someone throwing me a party (of any kind - for any reason). And a āsurprise partyā is my ultimate dream. And, like you, Iāve participated in SO MANY parties for family members and co-workers. Even planning several myself. And I STILL - somewhere - find myself hoping that maybe this NEXT birthday (or other milestone) - Iāll be surprised by some kind of little party. (Even just a 10 minute gathering with a little card, or a hip, hip, Hurray, or a song!) It seems that the peeps that DONāt WANT or ENJOY having a party in their honor get them . . . while I am kind of STARVING for one, but will probably never get one. And - YES - I know it need not be a situation that I make significant by being aware of it. And I usually donāt. But - even all of these years later - the little girl who fantasizes about walking into a surprise party pays me a disappointed little visit. I get it. š
Reading through your comment history where you relish in your peers children being bullied and think it makes you superior to said peers removed any shred of sympathy I may have felt for you. Your own choices have led you here. You only have yourself to blame for a lonely 50th birthday.
Happy birthday!! š sometimes you just have to do something special for yourself āŗļø
This is why I will always call the whole Child Free thing a complete scam. Sure it's nice in your 20s or 30s, but life gets real lonely real quick.
It is a scam, agreed. Iām mid 40s and I have a 6 year old and an infant. I started later than I should have, but am glad I have them. My birthdays are pretty boring and I have very little social life anymore, but I have my kids and there will always be a lot going on related to them if nothing else.
Exactly. This whole "wait till you're older" thing is a crock. We had our kids right at 30 and even then they're exhausting. The idea that you're going to be able to keep up into your mid 60s is bold faced lie.
I'm a man that just turned 53. I'm dying of curiosity: 1) how many men in your late teens and early twenties tried to marry you? 2) If there were a good amount of them, did you reject them because you didn't want to be "tied-down young"? 3) If there were not many suitors -why do you think that is? 4) If you could go back 32 years and tell your younger self something; what would it be?
I've got 4 kids 20-34 and I was pretty much h ignored on my 50th... its my 53rd tomorrow š¤·āāļø yeah you guessed it no plans... noone gives a shit these days š¬ Happy birthday for yesterday š
On the bright side, it will all be over soon.
Life choices......
"Iāve been waiting and waiting for all this time and itās never happened." stop waiting and do something now. 50 isn't that old
My āfamilyā had mine without me wait what??! People are strange
Happy birthday! Take vacation, and plan something for yourself.
lots of lonely people in here trying to validate their life choices. If you want to be alone and thats what's comfortable for you then carry on, but if you want a companion to share your life with then you can't simply wait for it to happen. It requires effort, and as others who are not prepared to do this also noted, it requires compromises from time-to-time. I'm reading a lot of replies here where people are telling themselves, almost trying to convince themselves, that the reality they are in is the one they want. I'm not sure I'm believing that. Nobody is coming to save you was some great advice I got when I was younger. If you want your circumstances to change, then go and change them. Wishing you the best and hoping you find your happiness.
Think of all the people who are 50 who were married, had kids, went through a horrible divorce and lost everything including contact with their family. Maybe you've dodged a bullet. I get it, you're sad and that's a legit feeling. But you're alive, healthy (if you're working 12-hour shifts, healthier than those who cannot), employed and educated (you're certainly more literate than many people). I'm a few years away from 50 and I don't anticipate having some huge party. I recall my mom and uncle having giant 60th birthday parties with family and friends flying in from around the world, a fancy club with lobster, steak, champagne, a band, etc. I am dating someone and have a small group of friends but don't anticipate something other than maybe a weekend hotel somewhere and dinner at a restaurant with a couple people. Just work on yourself. Try to do the best at your job, exercise, eat healthy and engage in hobbies. Don't try hookup websites/apps but spend money and time on your hobbies and you'll organically meet someone doing what you both love. You get one life and 50 is young enough to meet someone and have a great life for decades with someone. But unless you focus on yourself (exercise, read books, find rewarding hobbies, volunteer time at a hospital/homeless shelter) you won't find someone with whom you'll be happy. Be the counterpart of the person you'd like to meet.
You have lived a useless life. Deal with the consequences
Self inflicted wound
Happy birthday! I care!
My sincere condolences. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND A DAY!
Happy birthday fellow GenX, we care. Seriously.
Congrats on turning 50! Be kind to yourself. I have few close friends and didn't do anything special for my 50th. We went on an overseas trip just before my bday so I told myself that was my present. Buy yourself something you would never normally buy this week and treat yourself.
Happy Big 5 Oh !
I donāt have any advice but I just wanted to wish you a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!
Thank you for the kind words!!
Your post is kinda sad, but itās hilarious when the stereotype of liberal women being lonely, bitter, and angry that theyāre going to die childless and alone without ever having experienced true joy and love, gets confirmed. Many such cases.
It's not really their fault. They were fed this lie that spending their whole lives building a career would make them happy. The issue is that eventually you leave the work force and all you have is a bit of money.
It is their fault. It's a basic iq test. Only stupid people fell for it.
I've never really celebrated a birthday after I reached adulthood. I have a family, but they all understand my need for introversion. Just a few well wishes, a special dish or two, and I'm good to go. 50 was no different other than some personal introspection. I'm now 50 years 4 days old. That having been said, Happy 50th to you!
Happy Birthday!! Try to treat yourself to something nice on a day convenient for you; that helps me in these situations.
 As someone whoās married with kids, please know that some of us still have to plan our own celebrations or nothing will happen. Iām sorry that youāre feeling bummed about this milestone birthday, but take the time today to treat yourself. I donāt know what āspecialā means to you, but look beyond the party you didnāt get and think of other ways to celebrate your 50th birthday weekend.
i'm sorry your family didn't acknowledge you, but i do think you provide some really good perspective for the OP. just because one is surrounded by family members doesn't ensure one feels celebrated or recognized. that's not to diminish the disappointment or loneliness that OP feels, but just a reminder that loneliness can still happen within relationships. and also? if you are open to a relationship, there is still time for you to find someone to join and celebrate you. 50 is the new 30, after all. š i hope you splurge on something to celebrate yourself! šš„³š
Happy Birthday! Hope you have a better one next year. Itās never too late to make new friends and meet new people. Hang in there!
Happy birthday! I havenāt celebrated a birthday since the last one my mother organised. It was my 11th. Iām not good with being the centre of attention, honestly Iām just not good with humans in general.
Happy birthday. I hope you can take a day out to celebrate whatās still good in life despite its disappointments. Do something nice, enjoy your favorite food and music and take care of yourself.
Happy birthday! See, I'm the opposite. After all this time, my family knows I don't want any party or celebration so they treat it like a normal day and I don't take off work or mention it to coworkers. A simple "happy birthday" from my wife and kids is enough, I don't want to see any money wasted on presents or party junk food. But that's me. I'm weird, I know. I remember throwing big celebrations for uncles and aunts, but I never wanted that, and now that I'm the adult, I tell people I don't want that and they listen. That said, I wish you a happy birthday! Try to find something that brings you a bit of joy today.
Sounds like a normal day for most of the world. Happy Birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! This random stranger would wear a party hat and buy you a drink. Since we're not nearby though, I hope you can still have a great day today knowing there are a bunch of folks wishing only the best for you.
Happy Birthday! I am 54, but I honestly don't remember what I did for my 50th. I think I remember asking everyone I saw (grocery store cashiers, librarians, etc.) how old they thought I was, lol. I also am single. Never dated much anyways. I have no children. That was by choice. I always wished I could've had one of those awesome relationships, where there's good communication, you put each other first, etc. Never happened. And now that my hormones have tanked, I am not interested anyway. I get that it feels like you missed out on something. I often feel like an alien species. I don't relate to people talking about their kids, their husbands, their ex-husbands (most people are divorced, so there's not often a happily ever after anyway), or their other woes. I guess I just got used to it. It bothers me less and less as time goes on. One thing about life is that it's not fair. I see so many assholes and bitches who are married and have doting partners that they totally do NOT deserve, and there are so many lovely nice humans who get passed over. It sucks, but it is what it is.
My birthday is me going out and getting a dinner. Maybe stop around the store and buy a cupcake and head home. So I hear ya.
Happy birthday! š
I'm turning 50 in a couple of months and I'm realizing I won't be having a "big" party or anything, and... that's OK.
Happy birthday! Iām sorry this one wasnāt what you were hoping for, but itās honestly never too late to get out and make new friends. Is it easy? Not really, but I think itās worth it.
Happy 50th! Most of my adult life, my birthdays were just calls/texts from family as Iāve lived states away for decades. Iām 56 now, but about 15 years ago I decided to treat myself and start planning for my birthday. A weekend trip, a nice restaurant, concert, a trip to a museum, a city Iāve never been, etc. I realized that expecting something to happen to/for me wasnāt going to happen so I just did it myself. We GenXers grew up with this skill! I wish you many happy birthdays in the future!
Happy Birthday! As someone in a similar boat Iāve started taking myself out or away for my birthdays. My birthday is in the dead of winter so I went to Miami for my 50th. This year I took myself out for brunch. What do you enjoy?
Iām sorry you had a terrible 50th birthday. To make up for it, I hope you celebrate the big 5-0 this entire yearā¦including planning the vacation of your dreams & taking it! Also, to give you a little perspective, I have a family, kids, and a terrific job. I spent my 50th birthday working to meet a deadline & then I ate some Thai food & went to bed exhausted. It happens.
I've got a dozen nieces and nephews. I always sent them a birthday card and a check. Thousands of dollars. I have never received a birthday card from any of them. So, even if you have family, it's not necessarily any better.
Same. Sigh.
Hey - you made it! Perspective is everything. And you can still do what you want. We've got your back here. 50 seems like yesterday, I'm rapidly closing in on 60 and don't know how I feel about that yet. I also am not going to worry about it. Happy birthday šš„³!
Happy Birthday š§”
 Happy Birthday!!
Maybe youāre just not social? Itās not too late to make connections, if thatās what you want but itās also perfectly fine to not have the big blowout celebrations because you think thatās whatās expected.
Happy Birthday! I found in life sometimes you need to plan your own parties. Donāt wait or count on others. You have one shot at this, make it the BEST shot you can take!
Happy birthday!! 
I too remember families gathering for parties for all occasions. Now families don't get along, we live far from each other, and everyone works different schedules. It's a different world. For most adults I know, the best case scenario on a birthday is going out to eat with a few friends. I too mourn the bygone era and sometimes feel I'm missing out but I think this is the norm now
It's normal to "take stock" on your birthday and as we get older start to really feel like we've missed out or doubt our choices/decisions. Doesn't matter where you are personally or professionally you can end up feeling like you coulda/shoulda/woulda done better/been happier if you'd just _________ instead of __________. It sounds like up until now, your focus has been on professional development and success; and now you're re-evaluating that and determining that other things feel more important to you now. It's okay to shift gears. It's not too late to change. Happy belated birthday! You got this.
Happy birthday GenX friend. I like you and hope today is a better day.
Happy Birthday!!! I hope you do something nice for yourself. A bubble bath, go see a movie, grab yourself some dessert.
Well then, we're having a party now, right here in this thread! Happy Birthday to LlanviewOLTL! š„³
Happy Birthday! I agree with the other posts, treat yourself to a fabulous day doing whatever you love. š
Happy 50th! You made it! Keep pushing and looking forward, we got this šŖ
At some point you have to tell others about your birthday. Getting upset that people donāt just know is a bit codependent.
My 50th sucked too and I do have family and friends and at the time a partner. He ruined it. Like he ruined everything. 56 and single now. Happy 50th to you!! You made it. Do you have a pet? Pets make everything better.
Happy Birthday š§š„³š¹
This is super tough and I feel for you.... While I have a great partner, I only have one friend really and also lack the large social network I thought I'd have when I was in my 50s. I had large groups of friends in my teens and my 20s, even into my 30s. I've thought a lot about this and I think there is just a break down in community. I'm just not sure those kinds of big bashes for people's birthdays really happen as much as they used to. I tried to get some people together for my 50th and it ended up just being my wife and I at a play. All of the people I thought of as friends at the time just sort of blew it off as "nah, I'm just going to stay home tonight, sorry hope you have fun." Not even a real excuse, just like... I can't be bothered. I think its taught me to just appreciate the little things, I've gotten really good at being alone. I do nearly everything I want to do alone now. Go to parks, movies, workout, sporting events. My wife is awesome, but we are different generations and she has a large family so she socializes with them mostly. I wish I had better words for you, but you aren't alone.
OP so basically you remember your parents / aunts / uncles b-day. This is where having kids/family come into play. (not being rude BTW). I mean if you have no children or spouse, obviously there is really not anybody real close to you to celebrate it. Is this more of a "not having children/family" regret? Anyway, happy birthday to you!
I married, had a kid. She cheated when I was 50. Turned out she was just a narcissist and I was her supply. I got the kid, so I have that, she hasn't seen him in 3 years. My 55th is September. I doubt anyone will know or care. Such is life.
Heed this advice. When I was very young (early 20s) I was working at a salon type place. We had a very glamorous, mysterious client-one of those ladies who could have been 30 or 70. There were only a few of us who worked there besides the owner, and we were all young ladies in our early 20s. Every time this lady came in, her conversation was fascinating and we knew not to ask many questions or the info may stop flowing. One day, she brought us a beautiful envelope. She handed it to me. She said it was an invitation for us 3 girls to her 60th birthday party. We were all stunned. She said she had never ābeen married and had the big weddingā or āhad kids to celebrate withā so she was throwing herself a huge 60th birthday bash. Hereās the kicker. We were invitedā¦but only to the first three hours. Then we had to leave because the after party was āfor another crowdā. No one asked. The party was unbelievable. It was at a hotel and holy crap. At that point in my life, I never knew cakes that looked like Tangible objects existed. Moral: Celebrate yourself. Donāt depend on anyone else.
That's the saddest and rudest sh\*t I've ever heard. 'Only invited to the first 3 hours' - have some self respect.
I didnāt think it was rude. We didnāt get an invite to the after party, thatās it. We didnāt get escorted out by the cops.
Happy birthday you sweet soul ššššš
Happy day late birthday! Welcome to 50! I understand your feeling let down like you missed out on something. I'm a 53 female with no friends to speak of, and my husband and 2 grown sons are typical guys that aren't thoughtful like women usually tend to be. We're the original latchkey kids, and it's always been our responsibility to keep ourselves entertained and alive, lol. Be good to yourself, buy something frivolous, try something new, but always remember that you are loved š
First off Happy Birthday! We care. Believe me. Iām 45 and I also thought the many things. Although I have a partner, friends, and family I still had to plan my 40th. Some people are fortunate to have people to plan and throw parties for them but not all do. So donāt be down in the dumps. You are only 50! You will meet someone but you have to put yourself out there to meet others. But instead of feeling disappointed, be excited! Plan a solo trip, go to something you love, go out to eat and grab your favorite meal. Enjoy your day! We live in a culture where more and more people are doing solo things. You donāt look pathetic or lonely. Instead you will feel empowered! Donāt wait or expect others to celebrate you or you will be feeling the way you do. Go out and do something for yourself. Happy birthday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! This community values you! I donāt remember my 50th. I probably took off the day to spend some a little time on my own or finished shopping / wrapping, as my bday is near Christmas. I have a spouse and kids, but aside from a cake, I leaned long ago that I would have to plan my own party if I wanted a party. Last āpartyā was 10+ years ago. I need to take my own advice, but do something special for yourself - you deserve it!
Happy Birthday!!!
Mines coming up. Sorry for you. Happy birthday though.
Iām turning 50 today and decided not to do a big party, which I would have had to plan myself anyway. Iām going out to eat with my parents since Iām divorced and have no children. I will enjoy that and call it a night. I donāt need big birthday celebrations to make me happy.
Happy birthday! I'm 50 next month, and there isn't certainly isnt going to be a big party with a fabulous gift from the love of my life.... I have put in to take the day off to do things that I want to do. I hope you do the same, take a day off and celebrate yourself or try something you've always wanted to try.
Happy birthday!!! 
Remember, there's two ways to look at life: https://preview.redd.it/75obar1yn3bd1.png?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=45691f2bc49ae4f901cb2414e769153206b5c648
Happy birthday š„³ my birthday is Boxing Day so Iāve never had a party either.
Happy Birthday! I feel ya. My 40th was terrible for me. Friends had to work or bailed on me. Prior to that, I always had to plan my own birthday dinners. And since, I donāt bother. It would be nice to be surprised and to have someone else plan a birthday party. But, like you, I just havenāt met anyone along this trip. So I look at this way, in true GenX fashion: whatever, Iāll do it myself.
I went back to grad school at 29 and tried to face my untreated demons.Took tillI was 37 to get treatment and still been a bumpy bipolar ride. Yet, had lots of amazing experiences and helped raise my two youngest nephews. I've lived four separate lives. I have three degrees. I have a deep knowing of my world. I am humbled by these times and my suffering makes my current stability all the sweeter. I've influenced 10000 children, teens, and young adults, taught school and college, seen 1/2 the world, and made connections worldwide as a project manager. In 4 hours I'm going in stage to present to a new group about how to overcome the past and move proactively into the present. So what if bipolar killed my 6 year marriage? Or PCOS made it impossible for me to have bio kids? There's 1000s of people in that same boat. If you can find routine and healthy coping mechanisms, isn't that enough? Let YOU be enough. (Plus you are one travel credit card bonus away from a trip around the world. You are 15 minutes from applying for grad school. You are X hours away from Vegas and driving a formula 1 car for fun on a race track. You are one National Park away from a hike and a moment in pristine nature. You are one job application away from switching to a career you dreamed of. Age is a pass. Having no kids or partner is a pass. You are allowed to live and enjoy.)
Happy birthday! I usually take my birthday off from work so I don't have to deal with either having an unexpected surprise (at my last job they did surprise me for my 50th, but did it the day before my birthday, my family just got me a cake like any other bday) or having a really bad day at work unrelated to my birthday, but feeling as if it ruined my day. Celebrate yourself by doing something you like. I've learned not to have any expectations of others. It sucks to feel forgotten, but I've noticed my friends who have huge 50th birthday parties either planned one for themselves or kept talking about it until someone caught on and put something together. That's not my style, I would never want to feel like someone would need to throw me a party that I had to make hints at. Anyway, point being, celebrate yourself, do what you want. Don't get caught up on others, it causes resentment. I am the person who usually plans things for others... So rarely does anyone do anything for me, the few times they remember, it brings tears to my eyes because I'm more often forgotten (a theme in my life). Big hugs, do something special for yourself today.
OP, sounds like this āmilestoneā made you take a fresh look at what you have and donāt have in life, and really stirred up some rough feelings. Iām sorry that itās been this way for you; even if other people (some commenting here) would be fine with the situation, itās not what youāve wanted for yourself and I know how tough that can be to accept. Iām also 50 this year. There are some things we can still change and thereās still time to have versions of what you want in your life. But, yeah, some doors are closed permanently now. And so be it. Accepting that isnāt easy. Maybe consider what you want life to look like in five years (reasonably - a closer friend or two? A trip somewhere? Closer relationships with some family? A hobby you love?) and take a step or two to get closer to that version of you and your life. Waiting doesnāt work - I know this too well. I hope next year your birthday isnāt this tough. I also hope you do something good for yourself, even a day late.
50 was really really hard for me. I had a very small gathering but most of my friends couldn't come. I realised I didn't have many friends. I mean. It's my fault. I knew this. But. Like you, reality hit hard. You'll be ok. Promise. Happy birthday!
hey, my birthday was yesterday too :) I gotta year on ya.
For what it's worth, šš from šØš¦. If you can afford it, treat yourself. Buy something or do something that you wouldn't ordinarily do. Make a memory.
Happy Birthday!
Plan a trip for yourself. Getting away from your usual day to day can be transformative. I went to Antigua for my 50th and it was amazing. I spent a lot of money but hey I'm worth it.
Happy birthday, and happy many returns!!!!!!!!!!!! You know, the good thing about the reddit community is that you often find people the same situation, that are totally with you and understand the pain.... If I had known, I would have even made sure to personalize the cake. You know, the point of being on your own is also that you can celebrate your day as you totally want. Just give yourself the biggest gift you can afford, like going to spa and leting people take care of you for a little while. 
You're not alone. I had my 50th earlier this year and tbh I'm still struggling about the lackluster experience. I hope the responses here make you feel seen and heard. Sending belated birthday hugs to you good stranger.
Happy birthday! The key for me is to always take off work for my birthday, whether there is anyone there to celebrate it with me or not. Then Iāll try to find something that I like to do. I realized around my 50th birthday that the only person that can really make me happy is myself. No matter what others do, it all depends on your perception of what is happening. So you make your perception that doing things by yourself and celebrating on your own is a great thing! I remember that I went to see John Cleese by myself, had a glass of wine while I was there, and ended up chatting with everyone sitting around me. We had an absolute blast! Make your birthday what you want it to be, find something that you want to do or get yourself a present to celebrate it and then do it and enjoy yourself.
Happy Birthday!! I just had mine on the 2nd, 48 this year, and my birthday was literally buying myself a pair of shorts, getting a drink from our local coffee shop, and then taking two of my kids to Walmart so they could buy themselves some new bedding, and some gaming cards. Two of my 5 kids didn't even say " Happy Birthday Mom" or "Go F yourself Mom", nothing (not the two that I took to Walmart). I think the last time I actually had a birthday celebration was my 18th, before moving away from home, and that was only because my Grandparents made sure I had one. You're not alone Love, all of us internet strangers are here for you ā¤ļø
Turned 56 today. Spending the day on Facebook and Reddit. I usually go to a pool/spa to treat myself on my birthday. Tried this today, unfortunately Sunday was a very, very bad idea. Lots of little kids in the silent/relax areas and even in the sauna. Fled after two hours. Now Iām waiting for the time to go by to treat myself with pizza and some beers from my fridge tonight. The friends I usually met on their and my birthdays went ācasual contact onlyā a while ago. Theyāre so busy with their lives , they donāt need me. It feels like everyone has a life and things to do and care about. Iām just waiting for the time to pass.
Happy Birthday! Enjoy the pizza and cold beer, that sounds awesome. Sending love. ā¤ļø
Some folks at work get a lot of recognition on their birthday. I was usually lucky if anyone remembered. One year, I started advertising. I'd just randomly bring up that my birthday was in 2 weeks and I loved cookies. It's amazing how often you can't work that into a conversation and are forced to bring it up yourself. The spread I had that year, was insane. And I'm in IT! They had to find me first :) Moral is, sometimes you need to nudge things. If you wanted more of a thing, you have to tell folks. If you rely on someone knowing, you'll be disappointed. A depressed coworker was counting the people that wished him a happy birthday. I told him it was a bad idea and not a good indicator of how much people like you. I knew because I'd done it for many years, and it always hurt. When I said something, I got an overwhelming reply. Growing up, birthday was a cake and your choice for dinner. I didn't have a large family. That's what I do now. Make my favorite meal and eat it! No cake though. There's no rule that you can't have a nice 51st. You could go to your favorite restaurant. Or a bed and breakfast or something like that. Point is, we have to make-do with what we've got at the time. You are 50, you aren't dead. You can still meet someone or move up the corporate ladder or switch careers. Birthdays can be a time of reflection. Maybe you recognize a pattern in your own reactions and do something the month after or before. You're an adult! You can have cake when you want! I'm in a similar situation as you. Except I still hope I can work through my own issues and finally get those things that I've always wanted, just later than I wanted. It'll sound a bit hollow but Happy Birthday. Treat yo' self! Seriously though, treat yourself to something you like. Splurge a little more than you should. Do it for you. Because you deserve it!
As a fellow Xer that hits 50 next year and otherwise in the same boat having not found that "certain someone", I get it. It can be disheartening but hopefully you don't let it get to you too much.
Happy Birthday š„³šš š being 50 is awesome! Please treat yourself ,even if the day wasnāt great. Hugs ((()))
53 year old checkin in. You rock brother. There is a reason we are called the forgotten generation. Having no kids myself and the aunts and uncles passing on many of us are just living our life as we did as kids. The only difference is we can lock ourselves in the houses now :)
Happy Birthday, I care! I had my 56th bd in May and could not wait for the day to end. On my 50th, my wife did great; however, she offered to fly my kids in, and they were too busy, which stung and still does to this day. My dad died at 49, so making it to fifty was something for me, but the kids were too busy. We are busy, I know, but it did leave a mark. Birthdays since then, I'm just like fuck it, I say no cards, no gifts, I'm good w/o. I have a Margarita or three, and I'm good. Celebrate yourself! You deserve it. Sending you love!! āļøā¤ļø
Happy Birthday! Thereās still time to treat yourself! I was married for 20 years but we didnāt really celebrate our birthdays as adults, maybe a card and dinner out, at best. Spent my 50th alone during COVID, recently divorced at the time. The best thing about it was being off work between jobs, even though it was a staycation.
Happy birthday from your dysfunctional internet family! (Iām still momās favorite)
Iām sorry you feel like this. 50 is a tough one that should be celebrated even if you just treat yourself. But I donāt understand why it wasnāt possible for you to schedule the day off at least?
I hear you, and I'm sorry about that. I'm in the same boat. My 54th birthday is coming up on Thursday and there'll be nobody for me to celebrate it with. I might get a card from my brother, but that will be it. My parents stopped remembering years ago. Adulting is the worst!
Happy 50th! I spent my 50th at home bc of the lockdown. I understand your disappointment. Donāt wait for others to celebrate you. Celebrate yourself! Treat yourself to something that you normal wouldnāt buy/do. Itās still your birthday monthā¦
So sorry you feel so sad. Disappointment is so painful. Keep going friend. Things can get better. Now you know what you donāt like about your life you can change it. Stay strong.
Happy birthday! All the best in the coming year. Just turned 50 myself and no, it was not the kind of party the older generation had, but I'm here doing my fieldwork in the Philippines and the people I was staying with had a small celebration. It was very touching b/c usually I don't do anything.
I can relate. 50 here as well. Still donāt feel like I found roots :(
Happy Birthday! Your post stuck a chord with me. Know you arenāt the only one. Maybe one day all us singletons will meet up at the mall that theyāve turned into the Gen X retirement home.
Happy birthday!Ā Since no one treated you, it's high time you treated yourself. Make a short list if the things you want to do or try. Go dine in a fine restaurant? Do it. Check out that museum exhibition? Do that. Learn to paint? Sign up for classes, even if it's an online class. Try new things - whi knows, it may turn into a hobby, because since you have a stressful job with very little appreciation coming your way, you NEED something that helps release that stress.Ā And who knows...you may find new friends along the way! ā¤ļø
I turned 55 last weekend, happy birthday! I used to be upset about being alone, but I've moved past that and am now happy to have only myself to worry about. I hear my coworkers complain, complain, complain about their alcoholic husband, abusive husband, neglectful wife, entitled elderly parents moving in, etc, and I think, well my life is pretty good. I've got a good setup here with my dogs and my plants and my craft projects. I don't need a man bitching about stepping on legos or whatever. Damn it's good to be solo
Maybe this is the milestone that moves you to stop waiting for life to happen? 50 is still plenty young to find people to share your life with. Most of us will see 80 so thatās 30 more years! Maybe not marriage or kids but friends and some community is within reach.
Happy 50th birthday! Sounds like things are tough but you are strong. There is still time to include someone in your life if that is something you would like to do. Yeah, youāve already hit a lot of milestones on your own but hopefully your mate will have hit milestones as well! I wish you peace and progress!
Happy birthday! Remember your life is your own and doesnāt have to conform to any prescript milestones. Especially for our generation.
I have a family and I still did the planning for 50th, which was just a week ago. It's really just picking a restaurant and going out with my husband and 2 kids. But I'm buying myself a bicycle so I can start riding with all those groups of old people riding bikes together. I say pick a new hobby and buy yourself the gift to get started!
Thatās hard, I feel for you- not here in any other way other than just to send you a bit of birthday, Gen X, fellow 50ish, human love and a nod to say I feel you. Weāve got through so much, our generation - but itās absolutely ok to still be feeling these hard times like itās the first. Hope youāre ok x
Big hug & happy birthday! I hope you can find some time to treat yourself to something special. Dealing with the public is hard work.
Happy birthday, OP! š„³ I'll be in the exact same boat later this year, except that I won't have to work on my birthday. >I must have thought that by 50 something magical wouldāve happened or I wouldāve met someone. Now Iāve gone through all these milestones alone and now itās likeā¦whatās the point of meeting anybody? It wouldāve been fun to have someone in my life for all those moments. I feel like Iāve missed all that now. This is me, too. I get it. It hit me in my early 40s and I feel like I've spent a lot of time mourning the life I wanted but never managed to have. At this point, I'm just kind of dead inside, which I know isn't healthy, but it's better than feeling bitter and sad. I sincerely hope you find a better way to cope. š
My 50th was right in the depth of the pandemic, so really it was nonexistent.
I hear you. Wishing you a happy 50th! Much love.
We're your family. GenX for life. (literally. You'll never stop being GenX, not even if you steal a time machine). This sub is a great community.
Iām about to turn 50, and my mom is 76. She spent last summer hiking the Carpathian Mountains with her new husband. He seems like a good man. Life is long. Start making the life you want now.
Can totally relate. Happy belated š„³
Turning 50 sucked. My wife threw me a surprise party, which I figured out. I really just wanted to spend the day in silence because I was struggling with 50. I sucked it up for her because she did a lot! Of course I also wound up enjoying seeing my friends and family. I could not imagine life without my wife by my side. Sheās my person. Let this be a wake up call for you. You need a person. Life gets lonelier as you get older and see people less often. It doesnāt have to though.
happy 50th bday OP! ššš
First of all. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I am 49 and related so hard to that Patton Oswalt bit about not having adult birthdays. With two exceptions where an ex or my sister-in-law took the reins at 27 or my brother and his wife took me out for tiki drinks at 35, I never gave myself a party or set up an event.
Happy 5-0!
I'll vent with you... a couple days after my 50th, my wife was diagnosed with brain cancer.
Big hugs hun. I can 100% empathise. My 50th is this Friday and my parents were supposed to visit me (I live in a different state, but Iām in Australia) anyway, the evening before my parents were supposed to leave to come visit me, I get a call saying that my Mum is too sick and they canāt make the trip (as they were going to drive here). I was understanding and come the next day I try and call my mum to see if she is ok. No answer. I try a few more times. No answer. I call the home phone and my SIL answers (they live with parents) and she informs me that my parents went to visit my other sister instead. Sooooā¦.. Yeahā¦.. Right there with ya dude.
> I must have thought that by 50 something magical wouldāve happened or I wouldāve met someone. My life is similar in some ways. Here's my big secret: I tell people what I want them to say to me. Seriously, on my birthday, I go around saying to people: "Hey, it's my birthday, wish me happy birthday." It works surprisingly well. Does not really organize big parties, but it absolutely (somehow) gives me some peace with the fact that no one's around any more who really cares. > Now Iāve gone through all these milestones alone and now itās likeā¦whatās the point of meeting anybody? It wouldāve been fun to have someone in my life for all those moments. IDK, you can be pretty lonely with someone too. Plusses and minuses. Happy birthday from an X'er older than you!
We don't put the work into having a community like our parents did. We don't go to church, join civic groups like the Masons, we don't have larger families that stick together (I hate my cousins). This is why stuff like that doesn't happen. When my dad passed a few years ago, the people at the church my parents went to took care of my mom for a month straight. His funeral was a completely packed house. Why? Because he was involved in church, he was a scout leader, he was involved in our local government. None of that any of my siblings or I are involved in. I'm sorry your birthday sucked, I feel for you. But I've come to the conclusion that we just don't participate in the community like people used to and that is why we are lonely.
Happy birthday! šššš I will be 50 in a few months and am basically in the same boat.
Iām single and childless as well, but thankfully Iāve never liked celebrating my birthday. Ā Once upon a time at work we would celebrate birthdays, usually go out to lunch if it was a 5 or 10 year birthday. Ā Have a cold beverage of your choice and think about how much worse things could be I guess.
Plan a vacation getaway for your 55th. Or next year. Treat yourself.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I'll be 48 in October, married, childfree. I don't have any friends where I live so I wouldn't have a party, plus my husband would never in a million years think to do something like that. Instead every year since my mid-30s we just take the week off, rent a house at the (off season) beach with our dogs and enjoy the peace. I hate where we live, so just not having to be here and not having to work is a treat.
Ahh, the old grass is always greener on the other sideā¦.. enjoy your life as it is! you have incredible freedoms that many people would trade for in an instant. Wake up tomorrow and start the second 50 years of your life with unashamed joy and happiness of being YOU and enjoy the freedom to do whatever the hell you want to do!
Itās never too late to meet someone! Happy belated birthday to you. Youāre not alone. Why would someone downvote this? Lol
I spent my 50th alone. Except I spent money on an airbnb. And then on my birthday there was a giant blizzard, which made getting to the airbnb almost impossible. And then long story short the airbnb was uninhabitable and I ended up in a hotel for two days with no hot tub or sauna, like the airbnb supposedly had. Got my money back but spent my 50th eating frozen pizza alone with my dog. š
 So sorry you had a bad birthday. Celebrate your whole birthday month! I just wanted to wish you a happy 50th Birthday!!! Welcome to the club!
Same.
I think it's a generational thing. I remember what a big deal everybody made out of milestone birthdays and anniversaries when we were kids. Huge parties. Tributes. Funny hats. Parody songs. And on and on and on. Today? Unless somebody throws a party for themselves, there aren't big surprise extravaganzas the way there used to be. I half wonder whether they were a holdover from the days before radio, TV, movies, computers and cars that can go hundreds of miles in hours existed-- any excuse for a party because there wasn't much else to do. People learned to play instruments, to make grand speeches, to tell stories, to play party games and if there was something to celebrate, they went big! Now?? Pfft.
Happy 50th birthday! I'm so sorry it wasn't a good day for you. Any magic in your life is going to be created by you. I almost guarantee even if you had a special partner in your life, he wouldn't have made your day magical. From everything I've seen and lived, it's always the women that have to do all the planning and coordination of everything. Please try and celebrate your freedom. What are your passions? What do you love to do? Do them! There are so many groups now where you can join with other singles (not for dating) to travel with and have fun with. Those are the groups where you develop long lasting friendships . I have created a wonderful friend group and we just got back from Rocky Mountain National Park. In August, I'm spending a week on the coast in a beautiful home with my friends. When you split it five or six ways it's not that expensive!. If you DM me with some of your interests and where you live, I'll even try and find them for you! It will be my birthday present to you. šš
Happy belated birthday!
I'm sorry it was a bad birthday and led to reflection on some regrets and hurts. I hope you found (or will find) something to do to celebrate yourself (if you want to). Spa, new pair of shoes, leisurely brunch or dinner out, long hike exploring a new place, something? Also FWIW one of the kindest and dearest friends I have shares your birthday and so I choose to believe that you are a kind and dear person too. Happy Belated!
I feel you. For those of us that turned 50 during COVID shut down, I feel you. But since mine was in July I planned a small party and we were outside with family. But if I hadn't planned, nothing would have happened. Sometimes we have to make our own entertainment..just like when we were kids
Iām sorry your bday stunk, next yearās will be better ā¤ļø and itās never too late for anything especially meeting someone special. My friend met her forever someone when she was 54.
Ideally you wouldnāt have been working on your birthday - working on your birthday is a bad plan. Maybe designate your next day off as your birthday and do whatever you want!
Somewhere there is someone whose life you unknowingly changed for the better. Your presence on earth has made a difference even though it doesnāt seem like it to you. And you have a lot of life left to live, there are still possibilities out there! Social construct have told us that marriage, kids and friends are all important but thatās the same kind of lie as one-size-fits-all pantyhose. Happy belated and best wishes for the future!
Create a life you absolutely love. Make that your 50th Birthday gift to you. *
Dude you sound like the perfect candidate for my new gang/cult Iām trying to start. Iām not committed either way yet, so gang or cult would be fine. Once we get enough people together, we can figure all that out. Whatās your thoughts on tattoos and prison? Communal living and idol worship?
Happy 50th bud. Gen X strong. šŖ
First of all, happy birthday!! Whoohoo!! Secondly, my 50th was also spent alone. Recently divorced, no kids, bank account emptied by the person I divorced, career in tatters, curled up on my couch going through an endless withdrawal from benzos. Life had never looked so bleak. I saw no hope, no relationship on the horizon, no way to ever make money again. Butā¦here I am today, with a beautiful wife and life, living in a beautiful home on a beautiful beach, and a rebuilt career. Life is weird. Strange. And predictably unpredictable.
It was Covid shutdown for my 50th. I had planned to visit my 7th continent, but it had to wait
I just had my 58th. We went to a movie together, had a nice dinner at home with a nice homemade cake. no guests, no visitors, no phone calls, no fanfare. it was the nicest birthday I can remember.
Yep another Covid 50th here too but tbh doubt my husband at the time would have done a big surprise thing anyway š hoping for a nice break this October with my new partner š„° enjoy your life do things that make you happy and happy belated 50th šš»
Happy post birthday. I see you friend.
Hippie Bath Day š Hugs. You're not alone
I imagine my 40th will be like my 40th and 30th. I made a venison stew from a deer shot. I had a beer. Thats about it.
I turned 50 in the spring of 2020, just as COVID was shutting everything down. I ended up quitting my job the day before my birthday. I worked in a mini mart, and a customer had spent twenty minutes telling me how he was going to kill me by stomping my head in, then flashed his gun at me. He was pissed because had to wait his turn in line, and felt like since he was the boss's drug dealer, he should have been given priority. Boss came in, and sided with him, I walked out and cried the whole way home. I have kids, a partner, nieces, nephews, siblings, parents. I still ended up planning my own celebration. Which never happened, because we were all isolating as much as possible. My birthday was dinner and watching my favorite movie at home
I'm so sorry that you felt abandoned on your birthday. That really sucks. It may not just be you, though. I remember throwing big milestone celebrations for my grandparents and great-grandparents, but I feel like we havent really for my parents on down. (haha wondering now if this is my fault for failing to plan something! lol) but seriously, i'm also child-free and not very close to extended family. i plan my birthdays as my day - splurge on doing my favorites or a bucket list item or something. because, you're right, we make these choices, but sometimes we need to remember and celebrate WHY - and just one of the great parts of being childfree is being free to follow your passions.
OP, 53 here. I kind of remember 50, but it certainly wasnāt memorable. No one at work even knew (been there 15 years, everyone elseās day is celebrated, but for technical reasons Iām kind of not in anyoneās work group). My husband remembered but I asked him not to do anything big. When my sister turned 50 she had an epic party with all these tributes and such. On the other hand, my brother didnāt tell a soul or celebrateā¦50 will bring a IDGAF soon enough for you, but I have some advice and incite (you asked for neither). Most people are fucked up and these amazing celebrations are just a thin cover of average dysfunction and unhappiness. Itās only the really lucky few who have a whole group who would truly take care of all and celebrate the way you want. So, take this in to YOUR hands.DO something for you. Plan it and do it and pick your ass up. You are in the situation where two opposing things are true. First, 50 isnāt old. Gen X has completely trashed that notion. We are still hot, driven, wild, rebellious and able to do anything (except squats. Fuck.). You have time to shape your damn life going forward. Figure out what you want and go get it. At the same time, you donāt have time. Not one more day to be resentful and regretful or wait or expect anyone to make you happy. Plan your own life and celebrate the shit out of it! You are still here! You just get this one precious life, donāt fuck around. Want a partner? Hire a matchmaker. Hate your job? Get a head hunter or coach and change. Didnāt have a party? Book a trip or go buy the cake and eat it. You have to make your own life, otherwise you will be disappointed. And, lastly. My best friend on this planet changed her life at 49 years, 11 months and 29 days. She clicked on a picture and found love and companionship. She threw caution to the wind and took risks. It was scary, but her whole world turned. Best of luck, OP. And Happy Birthday! Welcome to the best club!
Happy Birthday!
I felt every word of this. Mom spent my 50th talking about how she canāt believe Iām 50. Yeah. Same. Thanks I guess.
I never married or had kids either. Both my parents were gone long before I turned 50, and my only sibling is on the opposite side of the country. I had planned to treat myself to a nice vacation for my 50th, but Covid intervened. My social life is also a bit lacking, as all my friends have families, so they don't have a lot of free time for me. I enjoy my independence, and although I am lonely at times, I have far fewer problems than my married friends and acquaintances. They always tell me they will never remarry because of how difficult it is. The grass is always greener on the other side. Stop working 12 hour days, no wonder you're miserable.
Hey, happy birthday! š Iām an introvert with few friends and my fam live far away. After years of similar *lack of celebration* I promised myself that I would do better. Now, I plan my celebrations. Sometimes a friend will participate, sometimes itās just me. But I decide what I want to do and I spend time planning it. I never work, if I can help it, and I spend my entire birthday doing all things I love. Things I have done over the years: get a massage, get a pedi/mani, eat at my fave restaurant, go to the casino, go to a movie, work in the garden, work on sewing projects, get high and hang out in my cocktail pool, go sightseeing, go to a museum, go shopping at the outlet mall, play video games, ride my bike, take my book to a park and have a picnicā¦ā¦..I LOVE doing all these things. You can have fun on your birthday and other holidays. Be proactive. Your happiness is literally in your own hands. āļø
I'm so sorry you're feeling this. I understand and at 57 am quite isolated as well. Sending you love and comfort. Happy Birthday!š«š©µ
Iāll be 55 in less than a month and Iām in the same situation. No kids, nieces or nephews, and mom and sis asked what I was doing. Idk. Maybe get a tattoo? Skydive? Probably get drunk with the few friends that care enough to come around. Hang in thereā¤ļø
Same, to an extent. Iām alone but have family close by. Iām turning 60 in two months.
Sorry to hear. My fun wife knew and did nothing on purpose. Iām in the process of leaving - was the last straw from a haystack of mind games and narcissistic abuse. Iāve learned to take care of myself over the years.
Last I checked, life doesnāt have to end at 50. Itās not too late to find a partner if you want one. Some even come w/ kids/grandkids who then become like adopted family to you. You canāt wait around for people to just come to you and expect they will. If you want those things, you have to be proactive and put yourself in situations where you make connections and build relationships. Iāve known people who didnāt get married until their 60s, 70s or older! Some choose not to have partners but have enriching lives w/ a great circle of friends. But, they all made the effort. If you donāt make the effort, expect nothing to happen. Harsh but true.
I'm kinda there. I've been married. I guess that it isn't meant for me. In my mid forties my ex and her daughters had a cake waiting for me after work and sang happy birthday. I was shocked because it was the first time in over thirty years that I remembered my birthday being acknowledged other than just somebody mentioning it. It's embarrassing to think that such a moment was the highlight of my adult life, but that's what stands out. I'm 53 now. I went to a funeral yesterday. I realized that I won't have that either. I don't think that it matters but it was a good reminder that I didn't matter.
Happy Birthday!! I loved being 50 ... was an awesome year but that being said .... I too just wish someone someone cared enough to do something nice for me. I have 7 kids and am married ( wasn't when I turned 50) .... so there are ppl to do it ... they just don't. Makes me doubt my parenting skills for sure!!
Not to rub it in, but I just turned 50 last month and it was awesome! All 4 of my kids came, plus their significant others, plus my best friend and his daughter! My daughters planned the whole day, and we all went out to throw axes and then to get buffalo wings together. Then we drank beer and played with the presents in the garage. My oldest daughter even bought a joint to share with me lol. She said "dad I know this isn't really your thing, but I thought it would be super fun to get stoned with my dad just once" So we lit it up. I coughed my lungs out. Everyone had a good laugh. It was amazing! In my younger days, before kids, I had several birthdays that nobody knew about. My friends would bring a few bottles of something as soon as they remembered. The problem was, I usually didn't remember it was my birthday hahaha. I still forget most years, but now my kids plan fun stuff. They know their dad too well š
Happy birthday, fellow Cancer. I sincerely hope your 51st trip around the sun is your best yet.
Sorry, Iām the opposite - I hate celebrating my birthdayā¦especially with co-workers who fundamentally couldnāt care less. Maybe people (especially families) made a bigger deal about the āBig 5-0ā because back then, life expectancy was so much shorter - now, at least to me, it seems like any other birthday (Iām 53). Itās not the milestone it used to be - you are āyoungā and have all the time to make your life the way YOU want it. One of my old bosses is in her late 70s, she runs marathons and travels all over the dang globe. I want to be her when I grow up. I hate the term, ācomparison is the thief of joyā but it rings true. Plenty of people are miserable in their marriages and regret children (but wonāt admit it). There is no prescribed āpathā to feel like a successā¦be happy with your present and make changes to become happier/fulfilled/at peace. Happy Birthday!!
Cheer up homie...you are NOT alone. Many of us are hitting that famous mid-life crisis......Billy Joel once sang: "The good old days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems." That helped me a bit. You have earned your 50 years...be proud of that.
I had my 50th in 2019. Went in for a CT scan ten days before my birthday. Woke up from a coma from anaphylactic shock on the day of my birthday. I was living 2000 miles from family at the time. All I really remember is nurses saying happy birthday. Apparently the first thing I said when I woke up was āyouāre beautifulā to a nurse. So not like me. Iām the shyest guy ever.
Happy birthday! I'm in the same position as you (though 48). I'd be lucky if I even saw my closest friends on my birthday because they have their own commitments and my family live miles away. A few years ago, I decided I'd go away for my birthday. Being where I am, I'm lucky to be able to nip to London, Paris, Rome, etc, for a getaway. I'm planning on seeing an old schoolfriend in New Zealand for my 50th.
I had the big fiftieth birthday that youāre talking about, but I arranged it for myself. I hired a band, got catering, and invited about 60 people. It was a full house. Donāt be afraid to put some of the effort into your own celebrations that you put into other peoplesā. That would make me bitter too. I donāt remember it as very happy though because my daughter passed away a few years later. The people who seem to have the things you donāt have also are possibly dealing with tragic or terrifying things that you might not know about. Thereās a lot of secret misery that doesnāt get shared. That said, happy birthday, OP, congratulations on 50 trips around the sun. Iām glad that youāre here.
Belated happy birthday š I can relate. At my workplace everyone got a party on their 50th and I got nothing other than a card š¢ I was so pissed off I stopped at a grocery store on my way home and bought a double layer cake and took some photos of me with it. At least I drowned my sorrows with cake. Of course it still hurt. So sorry this happened to you. Iāve really learned itās best to not have expectations and then be pleasantly surprised if and when something happens.
Iām sorry your 50th didnāt feel special. Donāt lose hope just yet. I found my partner when I was 46, and now about to turn 50 getting married later on this year. Itās not too late for you. Get out there and meet people.
I hated my 50th birthday party to be honest. Big crowd, lots of good friends yes.... but I just wanted to be alone that day and reflect. But Happy Birthday, 50 trips around the Sun is a milestone; take care of yourself.