Depends on the partner. My wife left for a guy she met online after 33 years of marriage. I made up my mind, I needed time from women to get over it. Literally, two months after my wife left, I reconnected with an old high school sweetheart, and I've never been happier. We've been together for 13 years and married last Christmas. She is my soul mate and the love of my life. Needless to say, the ex was livid.
She is not to blame for leaving. She is to blame for cheating and then leaving. Let's not sugarcoat her actions under the right to happiness. There are better ways to leave a relationship of 33 years if you are not happy.
Can you elaborate a little more on the ex reaction? Did things not work out with the cyber boyfriend?
Were yall getting along fine before this? Snd was she really expecting you to stay single and wait for her?
I'm a gay guy. Never in anything more than a 2 yr relationship 40+ yrs ago. I THANK GOD same sex marriage wasn't around years ago. I thank God, I'm not str8 and never married. That's after reading all of the horror stories on reddit and in other sources of comments and seeing what's gone on with some of my family. I couldn't do it. Nope not at all. I see people getting in relationships because they're in "luuuuv". No they're in lust. They are lonely and can't entertain themselves. They aren't happy with their lives. They want kids, but after they have kids, they don't want to be bothered by them. They move in or get married (too soon) then wish they hadn't moved in or want a divorce. They get divorced. They should be divorced. They should leave.
I swear half the country needs to move away from spouses and "friends" and enjoy life alone. You get to eat what you want. Watch what you want to watch on TV. You can have the house as clean or unclean as you want. If you want kids, you can spend a day with someone else's kids for a day. "Rent-a-kid" and take 'em back home when you've had enough.
Yeh I get lonely sometimes, but then I just think about the # of times some of my nieces have been married or the kids they have from multiple dads. I think about the last "am I the asshole" Q & A I read on reddit. Then I flip the TV on and pop some popcorn and watch a movie or a night of PBS Sunday night's Masterpiece Theater and forget about being lonely.
\*\* It's not generational. I knew people my parents' age some of whom had spouses die. I don't know that married late in life, but knew several that had "friends". Usually people they had known for years. Old H.S. friends or family friends. My 85-ish had a gf within a year after my aunt died. Knew each other for years. The didn't remarry, just lived next door to each other. --- Generational may be if you think of much younger people remarrying if a spouse dies. Very different experience for a 30 yr old vs. a 65 year old.
Pretty much the same as straight marriage, about 2% per year. Lesbian marriages are slightly higher, in line with the fact that most straight divorces are initiated by women.
My uncle and his gf were really around the building from each other. So much so that their apartments were back to back. They could have cut a hole in a wall and make one big apartment. They called each other every night. One night he didn't call, or she didn't get an answer. She and her daughter (who lived a couple doors down from her) went to check on him. Yep, he was dead. She died a yr later. He had a good life and was almost 94 for when he died. I saw him almost every week for a couple years, and he always wanted me to sit and talk. I learned a lot about life in the 1920 and '30s. After some of his "food related/food safety" stories, I know how any of are here. I'd have thought my ancestors would have died from food poisoning, but they made it. Their immune systems were probably 10 Xx better than ours from being to those germs!
Yup, I used to say 'BTDT, bought the t-shirt, donated it to Goodwill'. Too much work, helping adult kids who are getting screwed in todays housing market is enough, parenting never ends.
Widowed for just over a year here. Nope. Not interested in starting over. Too much work taking care of a man. I love my carefree single life. I come and go as I please. Make what *I* want for dinner. Watch what *I* want on TV. Peace and quiet when I want it. After 40 years of making someone else happy, it is time to do what I want.
Yeah. I was widowed 2 years ago at the age of 58. No way in hell am I going to put myself through all of the emotional roller coaster of dating. Fuhgeddaboudit
That's how I think of myself - still married in my heart. I doubt I will ever change the way I feel. My husband was my one and only, and although he wasn't perfect, neither am I. I compare every man to him.
That’s why I still keep my wedding band on - to remind myself I had a good one for awhile and to let others know I’m married (in case they wonder). Stick a fork in me
My husband passed away suddenly @ age 61. He was 5 years older than me. That was 9 years ago. (1960F). No way I would marry again. Hell I don’t even date.
After many years of purposely avoiding relationships (preferring my own company), I reconnected with someone from 30 years earlier. He had always been my ‘what if’. I already knew him. We married & moved away during the pandemic. He died last year at 58. I’m alone & out of state from everyone I know. I’m staying put. But I have no desire to put in the effort of a new relationship.
Lost my husband of 35 years in March. He had a long battle with Parkinson’s. I’m too exhausted to have a relationship but I’m starting to recover now. However, it would be nice to have a companion to do things with where there are no strings.
I’ll be 63 in a couple of weeks, been divorced for over 15 yrs, do what I want, when I want. Not looking for a relationship but don’t rule one out either. Never say never but I don’t think it’ll ever happen again and I’m ok with that.
That’s me! To a T! Just over a month to 63. Married to my HS sweetheart at 21 divorced at 39. A couple of live ins since then. My soon to be twenty yo daughter is with me about 70% of the time. Last serious relationship ended about 3.5 years ago. I’m up for companionship, but that’s about it at this point.
Millennial here.. (not sure why y’all’s sub keeps appearing for me, sorry). Couldn’t agree more. However, it’s also interesting how outsiders see someone not partnered and assume you to be incomplete. I divorced 3 months ago and have been separated for a couple of years after being married since I graduated college. I don’t want to share my space and tv time with someone.
I could never find another man as good as my husband. But just the thought of those awkward first dates, trying to tell my (long) life story, explaining little family jokes. Dealing with his adult kids and grandkids, who may resent me. Hoping he likes my kids and they accept him. No, I’ll be a widow and stay single if hubby goes first.
Divorced in 2016. Met someone in 2017, we broke up last year.
I'm done.
I sublimated a lot of my wants and needs in both relationships. It's me time now
Sincerely enjoying the peace and tranquility, doing my own thing, making my own decisions
Disclaimer: I may be a little young to be posting here (I’ll be 55 later this year) but I’ve been married almost three decades and it’s been my only marriage. If my husband passes before I do, I’m almost certain I’ll never marry again. Bring on the bingo and old lady cruises! lol
It's funny you asked this as I just had a discussion with my wife the other night. I told her that if something happens to her, I've reached a point where I would not want anyone in my life. She acted a little shocked but realized I was telling her the truth. I just know I would rather be on my own and just don't have the energy to get into another relationship. We've been together since she was 18 and I was 19, so I wouldn't even know what to do. I told her she is far more outgoing than me, so I expect her to find someone.
I lost my wife of 25 years 7-1/2 years ago. Waited a few years and then had a year long relationship with the woman who lived behind me (I wasn’t looking but was happy she pursued me)… we ended the relationship but remained friends. She didn’t think I was ready but I honestly don’t think I will ever be ready to put in the work for the type of relationship my wife and I had. I’m only 60 and have longevity in my family so I also don’t want to spend the next 30 years alone… of course I don’t really know how to find a partner these days anyway… it seems exhausting. It’ll probably just be me and the dog and I’m ok with that.
I don't know if it's a generational thing, but a lot of my married friends have said that if anything happened to their spouse, they wouldn't date again.
Even my grandmother, who was born in 1905 and married in 1920, when she lost her husband in 1968 told us that she'd had the best (which she did, he was a great guy) and she couldn't ask for better than that.
I watched a movie last night (https://youtu.be/gfZhr78gRcI?si=B1vmKI6nc-MhadvP) that illustrates it perfectly.
It's on Amazon Prime if you're interested, it's cute, but it also makes a good point about how much work it is to try to find someone.
ETA - according to the dates above, my grandmother was 15 when she got married. I believe it was 1925. Sorry Grandma!
My husband died 16 years ago. I still miss him. I have no desire to re-enter the dating scene. I won’t say “never”, because I can’t predict the future, but I am certainly not looking and I highly doubt that I will marry again.
Will celebrate our 35th in a few days. She went stage 4 in December of 22 and went end-of-life a short time ago. Home hospice has been a blessing as she will pass at home at some point in the future surrounded by family.
Like your friends, I have no interest in anyone else. Funny though because she told the granddaughter to start looking for someone to grab my arm at the funeral and take me home afterwards.
I was widowed at 47. I met my partner a year later, and he really helped me through the grieving process which took about five years. He and I have been together for 17 years and living with him doesn't feel like work at all. If I'm widowed again, that's it for me. I doubt I'd ever be this fortunate again.
Been married for 44 years with 4 grown kids. I’m 66 f he’s 70. We’ve been retired for 14 years and are together 24/7. We are best friends. I won’t consider anyone else when we part. I’ve had a relationship that people dream of. Never will happen again.
I chose not to marry again. I was widowed at 39. I don’t want the complications. I raised my family and I’m done with taking care of people.
My mother didn’t remarry after my father’s death. My grandmother didn’t remarry.
Similar. I always said I come from a long line of widows - my mom, both grandmothers and all of my aunts and great aunts never remarried. Too much work.
My wife (married 37 yrs two kids, three grandkids) asked me the other day if I would get remarried. I said no, she didn't know how to process that. You described it best, been there done that. I don't need to do it again. Hookers and blow moving forward /s
I don't think at this point in my life I would be willing to tolerate living with someone else. I love my husband dearly but we have grown up together, because we got married young and still had to mature into full on adulthood.
I might seek out travel companionship, but that could just be a friend not a romantic relationship. I don't think anyone else would tolerate me on a full-time basis and I know that I cannot tolerate someone else all the time.
I was a widower at 50. Even then I wasn’t looking. Fortunately I met a woman at a mutual friend’s barbecue and we just clicked. The best things happen when you’re not looking.
My small circle of women friends, all married and in our early 60's couldn't agree more.
I'm good. I am financially sound with my own career and pension. Besides, I know that men with a pot to p*ss in will go for the 40 year olds.
My old boss, at 70, lost his wife to drunk driving. He started dating 6 months later because he HATED being alone. his dating profile said she had to have at least a master's, and *had* to be <50. He's been married to her now \~8 years. I lost so much respect for him.
You should have seen the engagement ring shopping...... ugh.
A coworker told me her dad told her after her mom passed to not be upset if he finds someone 10 years younger than him to marry. He said he needed someone to take care of him now.
I told her to tell him to find someone 20 years younger cuz those my age are done!
No reason to. I'd be very well off by myself, I like my alone time, I'm not religious so I wouldn't feel guilty having sex outside marriage (like I care, anyway), and I loathe traditional gender roles, and so I have no need at all to get remarried.
I’m 63. I lost my spouse of seventeen years 2.5 years ago from cancer. I will not ever marry again. I had my One and he’s all I ever wanted. He was mine and I was his. He promised to wait for me, and I promised to wait for him. I fully intend on keeping my promise.
I’ve known several widowed people who said the same thing but eventually changed their minds, to their’s and everyone else’s surprise. So you never know.
My husband died just over ten years ago. He was 45 and I was almost 50. There is no way I would ever consider marrying or even dating again. My thought is once you’ve had steak, why settle for ground beef?
I would not. At my age, knowing all the people I've known who are gone at my age, these thoughts of death and mortality regularly occupy my thoughts, and that is one of them. Mostly after thinking "What am I going to do if I'm the last one left?"
No, I would have no interest in looking for a new relationship. If we're to happen serendipitously, that's one thing, but I would not go out and look for one.
As a single 63-yr old woman, divorced for 25 years, I’m very comfortable living alone. I do want to meet a life partner - whatever that means - before I die. Life is better when shared with others.
I can’t imagine starting a new relationship if I were widowed. But people vary—my father was widowed after 60 years, then started a new relationship when he was almost 90 and it’s still going.
I think it’s an individual thing - now in my family, the only widowed person that ever remarried was my uncle, who lost his first wife in their 30s (he’s been remarried for about 30 years, now). Most Everyone else just never dated and/or remarried. My mom and my uncle each have friends they date, but just seem to enjoy having someone their own age to spend time with, with no plans to marry again.
Mine passed 32 years ago (we were 25). I married once in 2001 didn’t last til 2002. Had some good friendships, but finally I realized, been there, done that.
My buddies and I discussed this after a round of golf yesterday and no one said that they would remarry.
My grandmother did remarry at 75. Both my grandfather and his best friend’s wife passed. After a year went by, she dated his best friend, and they had 10 great years together.
I think that our generation is happier to just have some companionship and more alone time without going through the rest.
I’ve been divorced for 20 years. He cheated on me. After our divorce, he liked to play Daddy Disneyland, but otherwise left me pretty much on my own to raise our two kids. They graduated and went off on their own and I took care of my dying mother. Now I take care of my 90 yo dad with dementia. I don’t want to have to take care of anyone else, so I will be good on my own.
Maybe. I have enough friends that are women that I wouldn't need the companionship piece of it but women know other women and who knows what would happen. I would not go looking for it.
I dated in my 40’s and truly enjoyed it. I’m now in my 60’s. If I found myself on my own, I think I’d like to date again. You learn so much. The problem is I’d only want to see women my own age and I’d like to be done with sex. Not sure how that will be received. Hopefully I’ll never find out.
Generational? Or just age? I have zero interest in wading through all the bs that goes along with starting a new relationship, at this point of my life. I'll stick with being solo for the rest of my life rather than dealing with someone else's lifetime of baggage.
Yeah, I can see my husband getting remarried if he found someone that cooked, did all the paperwork and planning.
Otherwise he’d be giving himself a stroke trying to get everything taken care of by snail Mail that I do online.
( I got him an iPad but he only uses it to play nyt word games)
My father died at 45 and my mother never remarried. She dated but she chose people who were unsuitable ( married or otherwise not a fit) because she preferred the freedom.
I can’t imagine but for her it worked out well.
I think I'd rather put the work in to cultivate a close coterie of like-minded *friends*. Romance, while it can be heady, is just so much work and sacrifice, and ultimately, conflict. I've been married twice; once to a decent guy (we're still friends and call each other on bdays), and once to a *very bad guy* who I didn't know was like that until it was too late, and then it was HELL extricating myself.
I have pleasant and fun (grown) kids, and my friends who come and go at our leisure. It's *zero* drama and all about hanging out occasionally, and looking out for each other. I like alone time too, so there's *that* comfort, definitely. I also work full time, so that keeps me quite busy.
I have the dictionary definition of the word "peace" mounted on a 12"x12" canvas hanging above my bed - the only decoration on that wall - and that really speaks to me.
I'm a widow also and I would agree with no interest in a relationship. After 25 years and 6 of those being a caregiver (cancer) for my best friend and partner in crime (not literally) I am getting used to my new normal. Hard pass on any relationship stuff.
I doubt that I would. My grandma remarried a few years after grampa passed in his 60s, and they had a few good years together before he also got sick and died. I asked her afterwards if she thought she might give it another go, and she said no, she didn’t want to bury another husband, it was too painful. She was actively pursued and dated several men before she remarried too! She was a beautiful woman and took good care of herself, and us too.
Even if a woman were to find another man she wanted to marry, there are financial issues that could come up. It used to be that if she remarried, she would lose her husband’s survivor benefit and have to take SS under her new husband, which was usually significantly less money. I know people in this position in life that have chosen to not marry, but be partners. Idk if that’s why or not.
I've had two long-term relationships since my husband died 13 years ago. I was pretty sure I'd marry again, but now I'm sure I won't. I'm fairly sure I could find someone, but I'm very sure I don't want to be a nurse and a purse. I enjoy my freedom too much.
I'm on my second marriage, 21 years this summer, 66 years old. If something happened to mr. kimwim43, I'd not look to et married again. Been there, done that. It's a great marriage, but I'm not looking to do it again.
I can understand their position. If I became a widower, I wouldn’t look for another long term-permanent woman. I’d take a lady to dinner occasionally but I’m finished with “building a life together”. What time I have left, I’ll do it my way for a change.
Widowed for 9yrs (no kids). Not looking to either remarry or find another long-term partner.
I think it's more 'genderational', vs. generational, tbh. JMHO.
I'm a widow and will not marry again or even live with someone. I loved my husband dearly and sometimes still wish he were here, but I also love having freedom and quiet. My home and my time are all my own and it's fantastic!
My great grandmother and her sister moved in together after they both lost their husbands. That appeals to me- move in with one of my siblings or friends. Companionship without the work
I remarried at 60 (I left my Ex after 27 Years of marriage). I spent about 7 years single w/one LTR during that time.
Husband and I started dating when I was 55 and he was 60. Spent lots of Time Together and then married. I’ve never been happier (together 10 years/married 5).
If something happened to My Husband (he’s 70), after grieving , I would like
To date again. I Met so many nice men
When I was Dating In my 50s. I just love Him So much, I Don’t know if I Could Get Past my
Heartbreak.
I believe that whatever happens happens. I know that I need a partner, short or long term doesn't matter. I need intelligent conversation. Someone that allows me to be there to help them as much as their presence helps me.
Divorced by 30, 1 serious relationship after. No way in hell would I marry again or live with anyone. I like my space now, and I get the full bed with no blanket hog
My dad likes to tease my sisters that he's "looking", but I honestly think he likes his independence too much, to look for someone since my mom passed. There's plenty of family & friends around (I think sometimes too much!), so I know he's taken care of, & probably not as lonely as he would be otherwise.
There's an large(ish) age difference between my husband and I which, when combined with his health issues, put me in the very likely position of being widowed.
While I'm not certain what my life going forward from that point will be like, I am very certain that I will NOT, under any circumstances, remarry. Nor am I interested in a Friends with Benefits situation.
And the reason is simple: Too many men of my age expect to be taken care of right out of the gate with uneven reciprocity. I'm in that situation currently because it evolved that way over a period of forty years. Over that span, we've traded off who takes care of the other so it has evened out and it just worked out that I'm likely to be in the caregiver role when the marriage ends. But when it does, I'm not interviewing for a new dependent who expects his life to be easier because of my presence.
I'm not a nurse with a purse. I'm more than willing to be social friends with anyone who wants to Do Things together...travel, dinner, whatever...but I've no desire to deal with someone else's domestic expectations on a daily basis. Nope, nope, nope...
Nope. I’ve been with my husband for 32 years. If something happens to him, there won’t be another. I may date or have a companion 😉 but I will not remarry. My mother and grandmother never remarried, either. I have no interest in having to take on baggage.
I'm 73-M and have been alone for two years now. Not even remotely considering a new romantic relationship. I'm set in my ways and my dog is a great friend.
Nope. 1) I got a good one the first time around. I find it hard to believe there's a second one for me as good as the first. and 2) I'm pretty set in my ways. I can't imagine having to break someone new in!
If you've done all that, what's the point of getting married again? Companionship is nice, but doesn't necessarily require a permanent live-in commitment, let alone another financial liability.
I became widowed a couple of years ago after 30+ years with my husband. I have no interest in anything serious or permanent again. I was divorced twice before him (no kids) from real short marriages in my early 20’s. John and I were married from age 30-58. We were good.
I’m just too gone to put up with crap. And I’ll put this out there: I’ll be competing not only with ladies my age but young pretty ones too. I’ll let them win now snd just be friends. Older women are invesible. I’m fine with that. Sad but true. At least for me.
I did. I was a widow and married a widower. I was. 62 and he was 66 when we got married. We were very happy and couldn’t believe we were lucky enough to find love twice. We also couldn’t believe that we felt we had known each other all our lives. It didn’t affect how we felt about our first spouses. We still loved them, but ours was a new and different relationship.
He died after only 3 years of marriage and I had to go through (am still going through) the grief process again. It has been awful, but I don’t regret marrying him for a minute.
I don’t think I will ever do that again. I’m almost 70 and by the time I would meet someone, get to know them, fall in love, etc., I would be mid 70s or older. And I have no desire to, anyway.
Married over 25 years. Got cheated on. It was the worst chapter of my life.
Dating: pick me! Pick me!
Getting married again would mean being vulnerable. The risk of being vulnerable? Getting my heart shattered then stomped. No thank you.
You say “Not every one cheats”! Probably true, but I’ve become too risk averse to test that hypothesis.
Been widowed 11 years. The thought of starting over? Nope. Everything is just the way I like it. I have my routines and preferences.
23 of the happiest years of my life. Can’t imagine ever finding that again.
I don't know. I was divorced for 20+ years before I met my current wife. Not sure I'd want to go through all the dating stuff again to maybe find someone.
However my Dad did remarry after my Mom passed. But she has dementia so he had a decade to come to grips with it and prepare mentally. A sudden death would probably be harder to recover from and move on.
If my wife dies I’m planning on being desperately broken for a few years. Having these kids keeping me responsibly alive is going to be a real bummer of a blessing.
I’ll doubtless hook up, shamelessly and regularly, but the odds on my loving anyone are so very low. An actual committed relationship? No I don’t think so.
I’d be much better off if she would just keep on living until we’re both terribly terribly old and I can follow her three days after the funeral.
Sometimes I would really love companionship, but romance? I don’t think so. Truthfully, I just don’t think I have it in me anymore to love in the capacity that’s needed to maintain a healthy and stable relationship.
Yeah, no, this is my last marriage. 30 years in and we are happy as hell. If it were gone tomorrow it would leave me in a puddle, but I would survive, but I wouldn't remarry.
Sometimes you have to quit while you're ahead.
I've been married almost 30 years now. If something happened to my wife I really don't think I'd look for another relationship. Definitely wouldn't want anything to do with the whole dating thing. I guess if someone popped up in my life and things clicked I'd be open to it, but I wouldn't be out looking for it.
My grandmother was widowed at age 45.
When people would ask her if she would get married again, she would emphatically say Hell no. And then she would say, the only time to have a man is when he’s young and fun, and why in the Hell would I want an old man now? She was so much smarter than I gave her credit for.
If something happened to my husband right now, I would not marry again. I’d have a boyfriend maybe but I would not legally tie myself to someone else and I have no desire to live with someone full time. I want my own place.
Perhaps I would feel differently if I were happily married, but i have been pretty unhappy since my husband’s retirement. Since living full-time with my husband, I realized he is defensive and just plain mean. (He also drinks a whole lot more in retirement.) He’s not a whole lot of fun to be around. And he has poor communication skills.
When I get out of this I’m not going back.
Have you ever heard the term “a nurse and a purse?” I know a lot of people my age say they don’t want to be a nurse or a purse.
My DH passed 5 years ago.
He was my person. I miss him every day.
However, I do not want to get married again.
I don’t have the will to do what I did for him.
Although, IF someone changed my mind he would have to be at least 10-15 years younger than me.
Just my thoughts. Never wants to be a caretaker again.
I was happily married for 45 years. I still feel like I'm married.
But I would really like a friendship relationship that had a physical aspect. Out of the 14 women I have met on dating apps none were up for that.
Not even remotely interested in dating right now, but after I divorced in my mid-30s I was totally celibate for a few years, then - in part because I went back to school - found myself dating younger men (anywhere from 5-15 years younger).
I just found that, compared to contemporaries (like my ex-husband) and older men, those who were born and/or grew up in the 70s in a culture where women working outside the home was normalised - even if their own mothers weren't in the workforce - they tended to view women as people in their own right, and not as someone who was mainly there to look after them.
Having grown up in a household - that, admittedly, was unusual for the 60s - where my mother not only worked in a demanding professional job, but also worked longer hours and out-earned my father, I was pretty sick of being expected to take the lion's share of the household chores *and* be a mother substitute *and* "concubine" for someone who had little to no consideration for *my* needs and desires. Being with younger guys who treated me like a human being and an equal was a breath of fresh air.
I like being alone too much to consider letting someone else into my life, but if I *were* to consider getting into a relationship again, I wouldn't look twice at someone my age or older. Right now, I live in a community with a large retiree population, and I'm almost daily reminded of the retrograde attitudes that generation of men still carry.
**ETA:** Even if, for some reason, I *did* get involved with someone, I would not only never get married, but I would *never* let them live with me. I've got better things to do with my time and energy than to waste it picking up after a man.
I want to get married again because I want a mulligan. My late husband’s parents basically hijacked the wedding, turning it into a spectacle for their friends while suddenly slashing things we had planned that would have had great personal meaning to me. (He had plenty of input, and wanted me to add some symbolism from my religious and ethnic background.)
It was not a happy marriage, and in the end I became his caretaker rather than his wife. (Edit for stupid autocorrect.)
I have a different take on this. It's not "generational" per se, but age. If one is widowed at 35 they may feel very different being widowed at 60.
I also think it is great to live alone. I think the "search" for "forever partners" is weird and strange, and I've never been into that. I have had great relationships (I'm in my 60s), some decades long.
I will say one more thing. I found love in my 60s. Was not looking; neither was she. Profound. Deep. Works great.
It is NOT hard work at all. It is easy easy easy.
Falling in love as a young person and growing up together, raising kids together, changing together, that can be very hard work.
Falling in love as two fully formed whole humans who adore each other. Way to go (though I still never wanna "marry")
I don’t think it is necessarily a generational thing. My mom (a later Greatest generation ) lost my dad when she was 25, he was 26, in 1960. She had a few boyfriends when I was growing up. One proposed, she said no. He came back later in their lives when they were in their 70’s, to see if she might want to start seeing each other again. She turned him down. I asked her why and she just made excuses. I honestly think she loved my dad that much and she was very much settled in her ways.
I’m a later Boomer( happy to be part of Generation Jones) I’m divorced and I won’t marry again. Once was enough.
A person without a spouse isn’t defective or incomplete. Leave them be peaceful with their habits no one will complain about and their stuff exactly how they like it. Probably nice for them, but they won’t feel like saying that.
F63. Married and together 25 years, separated 18. He cheated with half the town. Rekindled an old romance but he was just bad news in every way. Have been happily living with my single daughter helping her raise her kids for the past 7 years and love it. Little men are way cooler than old ones anyway. :)
Divorced after 25 yrs married and I’m looking forward to starting a new relationship and possibly marrying again. My true love of my life is gone but I still have plenty of love left to give to someone
I wouldn't and for one reason and one reason alone: "Spousal Impoverishment." AKA Medicaid coming after my 401K. My sister's husband got Alzheimer's at a relatively young age and she was 15 years younger than he was and still working. If he had lingered she was looking at her life savings going poof. Some people get "Medicaid Divorced" because of this.
I was born in '66 but I guess I'm close enough.
My wife passed 5 years ago after 23 good years. Part of the grieving process was finding new reasons to keep going and I did. Now I just feel like the married phase of my life is complete and so I have no interest in doing it again. It's not as if I'm somehow opposed to it, just not really interested.
I've been married and divorced, married again, and now I'm a widow. I'm done.
I'm done cooking when I have no appetite, but someone else is hungry. I'm done cleaning up someone else's messes. If I want to take a day off and read a book, I can. If I need groceries, I order them.
It's time for me to take care of myself. I know it sounds selfish, but I don't have it in me anymore.
I'm 63 and wife is 67 and if something happen I would want her to continue to enjoy life how she sees fit wether with partner or not.
On my end I would not want to be alone but it took me 24 years to find her and we so far have had good years and not so good years but overall things are good/great.
But all said looking back our rough patches started after we got married almost like at times we stopped trying.
Not sure marriage is needed to be committed to an other person, if I found another we would have a lot to discuss knowing what we know now.
I'm a widow and I feel the same way they do. I had a long marriage and I have no interest in any kind of romantic relationship with a man. I have had to tell a couple of well-meaning friends to STOP talking about or trying to fix me up with someone. It's not a case of pining for my lost spouse, I'm just not interested in the stuff that goes along with relationships at this stage of life. I'm enjoying my independence and my friendships with other women.
I'm on my 3rd and last marriage. I would not be in a 3rd marriage if this person was not phenomenal. That said, if he goes first, I have absolutely no desire to have a 4th spouse and I will not live with another partner. If I happen to find someone, we can date and keep our personal spaces.
So far in my social circles, it's been men losing their wives, and they generally do pair up again. (One college acquaintance is on wife #3 after being widowered(?) twice before.)
My husband is turning 60 at the end of this month, and he's acting like it's the end of the line for him. It's not, of course, but he's a bicycle commuter, so there's really no telling. I don't think I'd want to get remarried, because I did get to spend a few years living on my own between marriages (both of them to him, long story) and discovered that I genuinely like living alone. Well, with cats, anyway. As for dating, the modern dating scene sounds like a total nightmare and I have no desire to participate in that.
That said, *que sera, sera* and all that.
I won't even consider it. Not after my husband left me after 20 years for a 40 year old when I was 60.
I'm better without him but I will never compromise my security, health, and finances for a man ever again.
I don’t think I could find another partner and friend like my husband. It would be to difficult to try. I feel blessed to have him. Today is our 37th anniversary.
My husband died a few months ago - so grief is still very fresh. However, being that he was nearly ten years older than me I knew there was a good chance I would one day be alone. And I couldn’t fathom a reason to get married again. I still can’t. I want my finances very simple so my kids will get everything. I’m not saying I would never seek companionship, but I see no reason to tie myself legally to another person.
They should find an apartment together, a la The Odd Couple.
Just kidding.
I'm 61, tomorrow is our 35th anniversary. I can't make accurate predictions about the future, but neither of us are too excited about ever having to date again. I just want him to be happy and hopefully outlive me! He says he wants the same.
Hell no. Been there. Done that. It’s a lot of work to start up all over again
Depends on the partner. My wife left for a guy she met online after 33 years of marriage. I made up my mind, I needed time from women to get over it. Literally, two months after my wife left, I reconnected with an old high school sweetheart, and I've never been happier. We've been together for 13 years and married last Christmas. She is my soul mate and the love of my life. Needless to say, the ex was livid.
The karma bus took care of her…
Maybe a nicer reframe is they had 33 years together, and now they both have new loving relationships. No shade
The ex wife kinda deserves shade tho sooo
Do we deserve shade for choosing to leave relationships were not happy in I would like a cultural we frame anybody gets to leave if they are not happy
She is not to blame for leaving. She is to blame for cheating and then leaving. Let's not sugarcoat her actions under the right to happiness. There are better ways to leave a relationship of 33 years if you are not happy.
I have no argument there
Nice!
Can you elaborate a little more on the ex reaction? Did things not work out with the cyber boyfriend? Were yall getting along fine before this? Snd was she really expecting you to stay single and wait for her?
I would like to have some companionship, but I’m seriously not interested in ever getting married again
Never married, not interested in getting married. It would be nice to have companionship sometimes. You get tired of doing everything alone.
Nope. Nobody else would put up with me.
Really as we get older we’re pretty set in our ways.. I can’t imagine having to change my life around to fit someone else..
Me neither
It's not only after a death but also after a divorce. Some people prefer to be at peace. Been there done that sort of thing.
I'm a gay guy. Never in anything more than a 2 yr relationship 40+ yrs ago. I THANK GOD same sex marriage wasn't around years ago. I thank God, I'm not str8 and never married. That's after reading all of the horror stories on reddit and in other sources of comments and seeing what's gone on with some of my family. I couldn't do it. Nope not at all. I see people getting in relationships because they're in "luuuuv". No they're in lust. They are lonely and can't entertain themselves. They aren't happy with their lives. They want kids, but after they have kids, they don't want to be bothered by them. They move in or get married (too soon) then wish they hadn't moved in or want a divorce. They get divorced. They should be divorced. They should leave. I swear half the country needs to move away from spouses and "friends" and enjoy life alone. You get to eat what you want. Watch what you want to watch on TV. You can have the house as clean or unclean as you want. If you want kids, you can spend a day with someone else's kids for a day. "Rent-a-kid" and take 'em back home when you've had enough. Yeh I get lonely sometimes, but then I just think about the # of times some of my nieces have been married or the kids they have from multiple dads. I think about the last "am I the asshole" Q & A I read on reddit. Then I flip the TV on and pop some popcorn and watch a movie or a night of PBS Sunday night's Masterpiece Theater and forget about being lonely. \*\* It's not generational. I knew people my parents' age some of whom had spouses die. I don't know that married late in life, but knew several that had "friends". Usually people they had known for years. Old H.S. friends or family friends. My 85-ish had a gf within a year after my aunt died. Knew each other for years. The didn't remarry, just lived next door to each other. --- Generational may be if you think of much younger people remarrying if a spouse dies. Very different experience for a 30 yr old vs. a 65 year old.
💯 I told my gay friends back in the 80's in WeHo they had it made! I told them to start law school, because Gay Divorce Lawyer would be a thing.
I wonder what the divorce rate for same-sex marriages is now.
Pretty much the same as straight marriage, about 2% per year. Lesbian marriages are slightly higher, in line with the fact that most straight divorces are initiated by women.
I'm not gay but can relate with a lot of this. You must be my twin.
Maybe it's our messed up relatives? lol
That could be it!
I am a straight, married 30yrs man and I just gotta say how enjoyable this was to read, and that you seem to be living your best life.
That’s the way to go - with friends next door
My uncle and his gf were really around the building from each other. So much so that their apartments were back to back. They could have cut a hole in a wall and make one big apartment. They called each other every night. One night he didn't call, or she didn't get an answer. She and her daughter (who lived a couple doors down from her) went to check on him. Yep, he was dead. She died a yr later. He had a good life and was almost 94 for when he died. I saw him almost every week for a couple years, and he always wanted me to sit and talk. I learned a lot about life in the 1920 and '30s. After some of his "food related/food safety" stories, I know how any of are here. I'd have thought my ancestors would have died from food poisoning, but they made it. Their immune systems were probably 10 Xx better than ours from being to those germs!
Yup, I used to say 'BTDT, bought the t-shirt, donated it to Goodwill'. Too much work, helping adult kids who are getting screwed in todays housing market is enough, parenting never ends.
Widowed for just over a year here. Nope. Not interested in starting over. Too much work taking care of a man. I love my carefree single life. I come and go as I please. Make what *I* want for dinner. Watch what *I* want on TV. Peace and quiet when I want it. After 40 years of making someone else happy, it is time to do what I want.
Yeah. I was widowed 2 years ago at the age of 58. No way in hell am I going to put myself through all of the emotional roller coaster of dating. Fuhgeddaboudit
.I'm so sorry for your loss No words can express what you feel Live your life happily just be yourself. Kook forward to hearing about your journey
No, I wouldn’t. Just because my husband died doesn’t mean I stopped loving him. I’m still married in my heart.
That's how I think of myself - still married in my heart. I doubt I will ever change the way I feel. My husband was my one and only, and although he wasn't perfect, neither am I. I compare every man to him.
That’s why I still keep my wedding band on - to remind myself I had a good one for awhile and to let others know I’m married (in case they wonder). Stick a fork in me
I still wear my wedding ring also. My kids understand.
You don't stop loving someone just because they die♡
My husband passed away suddenly @ age 61. He was 5 years older than me. That was 9 years ago. (1960F). No way I would marry again. Hell I don’t even date.
After many years of purposely avoiding relationships (preferring my own company), I reconnected with someone from 30 years earlier. He had always been my ‘what if’. I already knew him. We married & moved away during the pandemic. He died last year at 58. I’m alone & out of state from everyone I know. I’m staying put. But I have no desire to put in the effort of a new relationship.
So sorry for your loss. 💔
Lost my husband of 35 years in March. He had a long battle with Parkinson’s. I’m too exhausted to have a relationship but I’m starting to recover now. However, it would be nice to have a companion to do things with where there are no strings.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Nope. It’s my Joe or just no.
I’ll be 63 in a couple of weeks, been divorced for over 15 yrs, do what I want, when I want. Not looking for a relationship but don’t rule one out either. Never say never but I don’t think it’ll ever happen again and I’m ok with that.
That’s me! To a T! Just over a month to 63. Married to my HS sweetheart at 21 divorced at 39. A couple of live ins since then. My soon to be twenty yo daughter is with me about 70% of the time. Last serious relationship ended about 3.5 years ago. I’m up for companionship, but that’s about it at this point.
Absolutely not. Aside from the fact that nobody could replace him, I just don't have the energy or stamina to "raise" another man.
My wife says "I hear you, sister!"
There's a reason why the term "Merry widow" exists. lol
I thought that was a piece of lingerie. Maybe I should do some more research.
🤣. Perfect!
LOL
It is! 😆 maybe it was inspired by real life!
Amen. I have just enough energy for this marriage and I am not afraid of being alone. I wouldn't want to hand my baggage to another person, anyway.
Me three!
Same here!
Millennial here.. (not sure why y’all’s sub keeps appearing for me, sorry). Couldn’t agree more. However, it’s also interesting how outsiders see someone not partnered and assume you to be incomplete. I divorced 3 months ago and have been separated for a couple of years after being married since I graduated college. I don’t want to share my space and tv time with someone.
Me either.
Amen!
My wife is also on the spectrum. I let her think she’s “helping” me, or raising as you say. I see no harm in it.
Good hubby
Bless your heart.
I could never find another man as good as my husband. But just the thought of those awkward first dates, trying to tell my (long) life story, explaining little family jokes. Dealing with his adult kids and grandkids, who may resent me. Hoping he likes my kids and they accept him. No, I’ll be a widow and stay single if hubby goes first.
Divorced in 2016. Met someone in 2017, we broke up last year. I'm done. I sublimated a lot of my wants and needs in both relationships. It's me time now Sincerely enjoying the peace and tranquility, doing my own thing, making my own decisions
Could not handle the training again
Disclaimer: I may be a little young to be posting here (I’ll be 55 later this year) but I’ve been married almost three decades and it’s been my only marriage. If my husband passes before I do, I’m almost certain I’ll never marry again. Bring on the bingo and old lady cruises! lol
I’d like a Golden Girls house.
It's funny you asked this as I just had a discussion with my wife the other night. I told her that if something happens to her, I've reached a point where I would not want anyone in my life. She acted a little shocked but realized I was telling her the truth. I just know I would rather be on my own and just don't have the energy to get into another relationship. We've been together since she was 18 and I was 19, so I wouldn't even know what to do. I told her she is far more outgoing than me, so I expect her to find someone.
I lost my wife of 25 years 7-1/2 years ago. Waited a few years and then had a year long relationship with the woman who lived behind me (I wasn’t looking but was happy she pursued me)… we ended the relationship but remained friends. She didn’t think I was ready but I honestly don’t think I will ever be ready to put in the work for the type of relationship my wife and I had. I’m only 60 and have longevity in my family so I also don’t want to spend the next 30 years alone… of course I don’t really know how to find a partner these days anyway… it seems exhausting. It’ll probably just be me and the dog and I’m ok with that.
I don't know if it's a generational thing, but a lot of my married friends have said that if anything happened to their spouse, they wouldn't date again. Even my grandmother, who was born in 1905 and married in 1920, when she lost her husband in 1968 told us that she'd had the best (which she did, he was a great guy) and she couldn't ask for better than that. I watched a movie last night (https://youtu.be/gfZhr78gRcI?si=B1vmKI6nc-MhadvP) that illustrates it perfectly. It's on Amazon Prime if you're interested, it's cute, but it also makes a good point about how much work it is to try to find someone. ETA - according to the dates above, my grandmother was 15 when she got married. I believe it was 1925. Sorry Grandma!
This looks fabulous!
This is the first romcom that I've wanted to watch, since "When Harry met Sally" because the trailer is so funny and rings so true. Thank you!
What's the name of the movie? (the link isn't working for me)
Our Almost Completely True Story It looks cute.
Thanks!
My husband died 16 years ago. I still miss him. I have no desire to re-enter the dating scene. I won’t say “never”, because I can’t predict the future, but I am certainly not looking and I highly doubt that I will marry again.
Will celebrate our 35th in a few days. She went stage 4 in December of 22 and went end-of-life a short time ago. Home hospice has been a blessing as she will pass at home at some point in the future surrounded by family. Like your friends, I have no interest in anyone else. Funny though because she told the granddaughter to start looking for someone to grab my arm at the funeral and take me home afterwards.
Hugs to you both.
I was widowed at 47. I met my partner a year later, and he really helped me through the grieving process which took about five years. He and I have been together for 17 years and living with him doesn't feel like work at all. If I'm widowed again, that's it for me. I doubt I'd ever be this fortunate again.
It’s great when things fall in place.
Isn't it? It was just dumb luck that we found each other since neither of us was looking for a relationship.
Been married for 44 years with 4 grown kids. I’m 66 f he’s 70. We’ve been retired for 14 years and are together 24/7. We are best friends. I won’t consider anyone else when we part. I’ve had a relationship that people dream of. Never will happen again.
I chose not to marry again. I was widowed at 39. I don’t want the complications. I raised my family and I’m done with taking care of people. My mother didn’t remarry after my father’s death. My grandmother didn’t remarry.
Similar. I always said I come from a long line of widows - my mom, both grandmothers and all of my aunts and great aunts never remarried. Too much work.
Once upon a time, remarrying would have been a matter of survival. No more.
Hard no!
I am not looking, but I don't rule it out either. I pray for God's plan for my life.
AMEN
My wife (married 37 yrs two kids, three grandkids) asked me the other day if I would get remarried. I said no, she didn't know how to process that. You described it best, been there done that. I don't need to do it again. Hookers and blow moving forward /s
I don't think at this point in my life I would be willing to tolerate living with someone else. I love my husband dearly but we have grown up together, because we got married young and still had to mature into full on adulthood. I might seek out travel companionship, but that could just be a friend not a romantic relationship. I don't think anyone else would tolerate me on a full-time basis and I know that I cannot tolerate someone else all the time.
I was a widower at 50. Even then I wasn’t looking. Fortunately I met a woman at a mutual friend’s barbecue and we just clicked. The best things happen when you’re not looking.
Yes that's how it usually happens
My small circle of women friends, all married and in our early 60's couldn't agree more. I'm good. I am financially sound with my own career and pension. Besides, I know that men with a pot to p*ss in will go for the 40 year olds.
[удалено]
My old boss, at 70, lost his wife to drunk driving. He started dating 6 months later because he HATED being alone. his dating profile said she had to have at least a master's, and *had* to be <50. He's been married to her now \~8 years. I lost so much respect for him. You should have seen the engagement ring shopping...... ugh.
A coworker told me her dad told her after her mom passed to not be upset if he finds someone 10 years younger than him to marry. He said he needed someone to take care of him now. I told her to tell him to find someone 20 years younger cuz those my age are done!
My ex left me when we were both 60 for a 40 year old. It only lasted a few years and he's on the prowl again. They are all younger.
Relax Frances. It's not that serious.
No reason to. I'd be very well off by myself, I like my alone time, I'm not religious so I wouldn't feel guilty having sex outside marriage (like I care, anyway), and I loathe traditional gender roles, and so I have no need at all to get remarried.
I’m 63. I lost my spouse of seventeen years 2.5 years ago from cancer. I will not ever marry again. I had my One and he’s all I ever wanted. He was mine and I was his. He promised to wait for me, and I promised to wait for him. I fully intend on keeping my promise.
Relationship, yes. Marriage, no. If that were to happen I would just want to live my remaining life very simply.
I’ve known several widowed people who said the same thing but eventually changed their minds, to their’s and everyone else’s surprise. So you never know.
My husband died just over ten years ago. He was 45 and I was almost 50. There is no way I would ever consider marrying or even dating again. My thought is once you’ve had steak, why settle for ground beef?
Nope. Spent my whole life having to clear every choice with another person. I would miss him, but I would not replace him.
I would not. At my age, knowing all the people I've known who are gone at my age, these thoughts of death and mortality regularly occupy my thoughts, and that is one of them. Mostly after thinking "What am I going to do if I'm the last one left?" No, I would have no interest in looking for a new relationship. If we're to happen serendipitously, that's one thing, but I would not go out and look for one.
As a single 63-yr old woman, divorced for 25 years, I’m very comfortable living alone. I do want to meet a life partner - whatever that means - before I die. Life is better when shared with others.
I can’t imagine starting a new relationship if I were widowed. But people vary—my father was widowed after 60 years, then started a new relationship when he was almost 90 and it’s still going.
I think it’s an individual thing - now in my family, the only widowed person that ever remarried was my uncle, who lost his first wife in their 30s (he’s been remarried for about 30 years, now). Most Everyone else just never dated and/or remarried. My mom and my uncle each have friends they date, but just seem to enjoy having someone their own age to spend time with, with no plans to marry again.
Living it. My husband passed 23 years ago at age 39. I'm not even remotely interested in another relationship, much less marriage.
Mine passed 32 years ago (we were 25). I married once in 2001 didn’t last til 2002. Had some good friendships, but finally I realized, been there, done that.
Wouldn't bother even dating.
I am widowed four years ago (f/56) and I have no desire to be in another relationship. At least not cohabitating and definitely not married.
I’m a widow of 21 years. I’ll never marry again. I did date for a while but just got tired of it. Became a grandmother so they’re my center.
My buddies and I discussed this after a round of golf yesterday and no one said that they would remarry. My grandmother did remarry at 75. Both my grandfather and his best friend’s wife passed. After a year went by, she dated his best friend, and they had 10 great years together. I think that our generation is happier to just have some companionship and more alone time without going through the rest.
I’ve been divorced for 20 years. He cheated on me. After our divorce, he liked to play Daddy Disneyland, but otherwise left me pretty much on my own to raise our two kids. They graduated and went off on their own and I took care of my dying mother. Now I take care of my 90 yo dad with dementia. I don’t want to have to take care of anyone else, so I will be good on my own.
Maybe. I have enough friends that are women that I wouldn't need the companionship piece of it but women know other women and who knows what would happen. I would not go looking for it.
Who knows, but I doubt it.
Lord no!
Nope, if it ain't my Phil, it ain't real 🤷
Probably not.
I got divorced a few years ago after nearly 40 years. Not interested in another relationship at least not at this point.
Nope
I dated in my 40’s and truly enjoyed it. I’m now in my 60’s. If I found myself on my own, I think I’d like to date again. You learn so much. The problem is I’d only want to see women my own age and I’d like to be done with sex. Not sure how that will be received. Hopefully I’ll never find out.
If I met a man who wanted companionship without sex I would absolutely love that. (Just throwing it out there so you know it’s not impossible.)
Generational? Or just age? I have zero interest in wading through all the bs that goes along with starting a new relationship, at this point of my life. I'll stick with being solo for the rest of my life rather than dealing with someone else's lifetime of baggage.
Will absolutely NEVER date OR remarry if my spouse passes. DONE. It’s my cats and kids for me.
Yeah, I can see my husband getting remarried if he found someone that cooked, did all the paperwork and planning. Otherwise he’d be giving himself a stroke trying to get everything taken care of by snail Mail that I do online. ( I got him an iPad but he only uses it to play nyt word games) My father died at 45 and my mother never remarried. She dated but she chose people who were unsuitable ( married or otherwise not a fit) because she preferred the freedom. I can’t imagine but for her it worked out well.
Nope. I hope it doesn’t happen but hubs is 8 years older than me so the likelihood is there. I just don’t want to. Like your friends, done that.
I think I'd rather put the work in to cultivate a close coterie of like-minded *friends*. Romance, while it can be heady, is just so much work and sacrifice, and ultimately, conflict. I've been married twice; once to a decent guy (we're still friends and call each other on bdays), and once to a *very bad guy* who I didn't know was like that until it was too late, and then it was HELL extricating myself. I have pleasant and fun (grown) kids, and my friends who come and go at our leisure. It's *zero* drama and all about hanging out occasionally, and looking out for each other. I like alone time too, so there's *that* comfort, definitely. I also work full time, so that keeps me quite busy. I have the dictionary definition of the word "peace" mounted on a 12"x12" canvas hanging above my bed - the only decoration on that wall - and that really speaks to me.
I'm a widow also and I would agree with no interest in a relationship. After 25 years and 6 of those being a caregiver (cancer) for my best friend and partner in crime (not literally) I am getting used to my new normal. Hard pass on any relationship stuff.
I doubt that I would. My grandma remarried a few years after grampa passed in his 60s, and they had a few good years together before he also got sick and died. I asked her afterwards if she thought she might give it another go, and she said no, she didn’t want to bury another husband, it was too painful. She was actively pursued and dated several men before she remarried too! She was a beautiful woman and took good care of herself, and us too. Even if a woman were to find another man she wanted to marry, there are financial issues that could come up. It used to be that if she remarried, she would lose her husband’s survivor benefit and have to take SS under her new husband, which was usually significantly less money. I know people in this position in life that have chosen to not marry, but be partners. Idk if that’s why or not.
I was widowed 8 years ago. I do not want a relationship, much less get married again. Once was more than enough. Things are better now.
I've had two long-term relationships since my husband died 13 years ago. I was pretty sure I'd marry again, but now I'm sure I won't. I'm fairly sure I could find someone, but I'm very sure I don't want to be a nurse and a purse. I enjoy my freedom too much.
I'm on my second marriage, 21 years this summer, 66 years old. If something happened to mr. kimwim43, I'd not look to et married again. Been there, done that. It's a great marriage, but I'm not looking to do it again.
I can understand their position. If I became a widower, I wouldn’t look for another long term-permanent woman. I’d take a lady to dinner occasionally but I’m finished with “building a life together”. What time I have left, I’ll do it my way for a change.
Widowed for 9yrs (no kids). Not looking to either remarry or find another long-term partner. I think it's more 'genderational', vs. generational, tbh. JMHO.
I'm a widow and will not marry again or even live with someone. I loved my husband dearly and sometimes still wish he were here, but I also love having freedom and quiet. My home and my time are all my own and it's fantastic!
My great grandmother and her sister moved in together after they both lost their husbands. That appeals to me- move in with one of my siblings or friends. Companionship without the work
Nope. One and done. No one would replace him ever
I remarried at 60 (I left my Ex after 27 Years of marriage). I spent about 7 years single w/one LTR during that time. Husband and I started dating when I was 55 and he was 60. Spent lots of Time Together and then married. I’ve never been happier (together 10 years/married 5). If something happened to My Husband (he’s 70), after grieving , I would like To date again. I Met so many nice men When I was Dating In my 50s. I just love Him So much, I Don’t know if I Could Get Past my Heartbreak.
I believe that whatever happens happens. I know that I need a partner, short or long term doesn't matter. I need intelligent conversation. Someone that allows me to be there to help them as much as their presence helps me.
I would have no interest in even dating anyone if anything happened to my husband.
No, not enough return on investment
Divorced by 30, 1 serious relationship after. No way in hell would I marry again or live with anyone. I like my space now, and I get the full bed with no blanket hog
Oh hell to the no.
My dad likes to tease my sisters that he's "looking", but I honestly think he likes his independence too much, to look for someone since my mom passed. There's plenty of family & friends around (I think sometimes too much!), so I know he's taken care of, & probably not as lonely as he would be otherwise.
Hell to the no.
There's an large(ish) age difference between my husband and I which, when combined with his health issues, put me in the very likely position of being widowed. While I'm not certain what my life going forward from that point will be like, I am very certain that I will NOT, under any circumstances, remarry. Nor am I interested in a Friends with Benefits situation. And the reason is simple: Too many men of my age expect to be taken care of right out of the gate with uneven reciprocity. I'm in that situation currently because it evolved that way over a period of forty years. Over that span, we've traded off who takes care of the other so it has evened out and it just worked out that I'm likely to be in the caregiver role when the marriage ends. But when it does, I'm not interviewing for a new dependent who expects his life to be easier because of my presence. I'm not a nurse with a purse. I'm more than willing to be social friends with anyone who wants to Do Things together...travel, dinner, whatever...but I've no desire to deal with someone else's domestic expectations on a daily basis. Nope, nope, nope...
Nope. I’ve been with my husband for 32 years. If something happens to him, there won’t be another. I may date or have a companion 😉 but I will not remarry. My mother and grandmother never remarried, either. I have no interest in having to take on baggage.
I'm 73-M and have been alone for two years now. Not even remotely considering a new romantic relationship. I'm set in my ways and my dog is a great friend.
Nope. 1) I got a good one the first time around. I find it hard to believe there's a second one for me as good as the first. and 2) I'm pretty set in my ways. I can't imagine having to break someone new in!
If you've done all that, what's the point of getting married again? Companionship is nice, but doesn't necessarily require a permanent live-in commitment, let alone another financial liability.
I became widowed a couple of years ago after 30+ years with my husband. I have no interest in anything serious or permanent again. I was divorced twice before him (no kids) from real short marriages in my early 20’s. John and I were married from age 30-58. We were good. I’m just too gone to put up with crap. And I’ll put this out there: I’ll be competing not only with ladies my age but young pretty ones too. I’ll let them win now snd just be friends. Older women are invesible. I’m fine with that. Sad but true. At least for me.
I did. I was a widow and married a widower. I was. 62 and he was 66 when we got married. We were very happy and couldn’t believe we were lucky enough to find love twice. We also couldn’t believe that we felt we had known each other all our lives. It didn’t affect how we felt about our first spouses. We still loved them, but ours was a new and different relationship. He died after only 3 years of marriage and I had to go through (am still going through) the grief process again. It has been awful, but I don’t regret marrying him for a minute. I don’t think I will ever do that again. I’m almost 70 and by the time I would meet someone, get to know them, fall in love, etc., I would be mid 70s or older. And I have no desire to, anyway.
Married over 25 years. Got cheated on. It was the worst chapter of my life. Dating: pick me! Pick me! Getting married again would mean being vulnerable. The risk of being vulnerable? Getting my heart shattered then stomped. No thank you. You say “Not every one cheats”! Probably true, but I’ve become too risk averse to test that hypothesis.
Been widowed 11 years. The thought of starting over? Nope. Everything is just the way I like it. I have my routines and preferences. 23 of the happiest years of my life. Can’t imagine ever finding that again.
45 years so far, hellz no, way to much damn work!
I did. I’m with another widower. Dated for a few years before him. Amazing man
I don't know. I was divorced for 20+ years before I met my current wife. Not sure I'd want to go through all the dating stuff again to maybe find someone. However my Dad did remarry after my Mom passed. But she has dementia so he had a decade to come to grips with it and prepare mentally. A sudden death would probably be harder to recover from and move on.
If my wife dies I’m planning on being desperately broken for a few years. Having these kids keeping me responsibly alive is going to be a real bummer of a blessing. I’ll doubtless hook up, shamelessly and regularly, but the odds on my loving anyone are so very low. An actual committed relationship? No I don’t think so. I’d be much better off if she would just keep on living until we’re both terribly terribly old and I can follow her three days after the funeral.
I am widowed and I do not want any kind of serious relationship. I would like a cuddle friend, but they need to go home when I’ve had enough.
Sometimes I would really love companionship, but romance? I don’t think so. Truthfully, I just don’t think I have it in me anymore to love in the capacity that’s needed to maintain a healthy and stable relationship.
Yeah, no, this is my last marriage. 30 years in and we are happy as hell. If it were gone tomorrow it would leave me in a puddle, but I would survive, but I wouldn't remarry. Sometimes you have to quit while you're ahead.
I've been married almost 30 years now. If something happened to my wife I really don't think I'd look for another relationship. Definitely wouldn't want anything to do with the whole dating thing. I guess if someone popped up in my life and things clicked I'd be open to it, but I wouldn't be out looking for it.
My grandmother was widowed at age 45. When people would ask her if she would get married again, she would emphatically say Hell no. And then she would say, the only time to have a man is when he’s young and fun, and why in the Hell would I want an old man now? She was so much smarter than I gave her credit for. If something happened to my husband right now, I would not marry again. I’d have a boyfriend maybe but I would not legally tie myself to someone else and I have no desire to live with someone full time. I want my own place. Perhaps I would feel differently if I were happily married, but i have been pretty unhappy since my husband’s retirement. Since living full-time with my husband, I realized he is defensive and just plain mean. (He also drinks a whole lot more in retirement.) He’s not a whole lot of fun to be around. And he has poor communication skills. When I get out of this I’m not going back. Have you ever heard the term “a nurse and a purse?” I know a lot of people my age say they don’t want to be a nurse or a purse.
I am divorced and not interested in partnering up or marrying again. Been there. Done that. Done.
Nope, I would not.
No! If my husband of almost 30 years goes before me I’m done. The running joke is older unmarried men are either looking for a nurse or a purse.
My DH passed 5 years ago. He was my person. I miss him every day. However, I do not want to get married again. I don’t have the will to do what I did for him. Although, IF someone changed my mind he would have to be at least 10-15 years younger than me. Just my thoughts. Never wants to be a caretaker again.
I was happily married for 45 years. I still feel like I'm married. But I would really like a friendship relationship that had a physical aspect. Out of the 14 women I have met on dating apps none were up for that.
Not even remotely interested in dating right now, but after I divorced in my mid-30s I was totally celibate for a few years, then - in part because I went back to school - found myself dating younger men (anywhere from 5-15 years younger). I just found that, compared to contemporaries (like my ex-husband) and older men, those who were born and/or grew up in the 70s in a culture where women working outside the home was normalised - even if their own mothers weren't in the workforce - they tended to view women as people in their own right, and not as someone who was mainly there to look after them. Having grown up in a household - that, admittedly, was unusual for the 60s - where my mother not only worked in a demanding professional job, but also worked longer hours and out-earned my father, I was pretty sick of being expected to take the lion's share of the household chores *and* be a mother substitute *and* "concubine" for someone who had little to no consideration for *my* needs and desires. Being with younger guys who treated me like a human being and an equal was a breath of fresh air. I like being alone too much to consider letting someone else into my life, but if I *were* to consider getting into a relationship again, I wouldn't look twice at someone my age or older. Right now, I live in a community with a large retiree population, and I'm almost daily reminded of the retrograde attitudes that generation of men still carry. **ETA:** Even if, for some reason, I *did* get involved with someone, I would not only never get married, but I would *never* let them live with me. I've got better things to do with my time and energy than to waste it picking up after a man.
I want to get married again because I want a mulligan. My late husband’s parents basically hijacked the wedding, turning it into a spectacle for their friends while suddenly slashing things we had planned that would have had great personal meaning to me. (He had plenty of input, and wanted me to add some symbolism from my religious and ethnic background.) It was not a happy marriage, and in the end I became his caretaker rather than his wife. (Edit for stupid autocorrect.)
Nope. Never. I’ve had a happy marriage….not willing to try it with anyone else.
I have a different take on this. It's not "generational" per se, but age. If one is widowed at 35 they may feel very different being widowed at 60. I also think it is great to live alone. I think the "search" for "forever partners" is weird and strange, and I've never been into that. I have had great relationships (I'm in my 60s), some decades long. I will say one more thing. I found love in my 60s. Was not looking; neither was she. Profound. Deep. Works great. It is NOT hard work at all. It is easy easy easy. Falling in love as a young person and growing up together, raising kids together, changing together, that can be very hard work. Falling in love as two fully formed whole humans who adore each other. Way to go (though I still never wanna "marry")
I don’t think it is necessarily a generational thing. My mom (a later Greatest generation ) lost my dad when she was 25, he was 26, in 1960. She had a few boyfriends when I was growing up. One proposed, she said no. He came back later in their lives when they were in their 70’s, to see if she might want to start seeing each other again. She turned him down. I asked her why and she just made excuses. I honestly think she loved my dad that much and she was very much settled in her ways. I’m a later Boomer( happy to be part of Generation Jones) I’m divorced and I won’t marry again. Once was enough.
A person without a spouse isn’t defective or incomplete. Leave them be peaceful with their habits no one will complain about and their stuff exactly how they like it. Probably nice for them, but they won’t feel like saying that.
F63. Married and together 25 years, separated 18. He cheated with half the town. Rekindled an old romance but he was just bad news in every way. Have been happily living with my single daughter helping her raise her kids for the past 7 years and love it. Little men are way cooler than old ones anyway. :)
Divorced after 25 yrs married and I’m looking forward to starting a new relationship and possibly marrying again. My true love of my life is gone but I still have plenty of love left to give to someone
I wouldn't and for one reason and one reason alone: "Spousal Impoverishment." AKA Medicaid coming after my 401K. My sister's husband got Alzheimer's at a relatively young age and she was 15 years younger than he was and still working. If he had lingered she was looking at her life savings going poof. Some people get "Medicaid Divorced" because of this.
I was born in '66 but I guess I'm close enough. My wife passed 5 years ago after 23 good years. Part of the grieving process was finding new reasons to keep going and I did. Now I just feel like the married phase of my life is complete and so I have no interest in doing it again. It's not as if I'm somehow opposed to it, just not really interested.
I've been married and divorced, married again, and now I'm a widow. I'm done. I'm done cooking when I have no appetite, but someone else is hungry. I'm done cleaning up someone else's messes. If I want to take a day off and read a book, I can. If I need groceries, I order them. It's time for me to take care of myself. I know it sounds selfish, but I don't have it in me anymore.
I'm 63 and wife is 67 and if something happen I would want her to continue to enjoy life how she sees fit wether with partner or not. On my end I would not want to be alone but it took me 24 years to find her and we so far have had good years and not so good years but overall things are good/great. But all said looking back our rough patches started after we got married almost like at times we stopped trying. Not sure marriage is needed to be committed to an other person, if I found another we would have a lot to discuss knowing what we know now.
I'm a widow and I feel the same way they do. I had a long marriage and I have no interest in any kind of romantic relationship with a man. I have had to tell a couple of well-meaning friends to STOP talking about or trying to fix me up with someone. It's not a case of pining for my lost spouse, I'm just not interested in the stuff that goes along with relationships at this stage of life. I'm enjoying my independence and my friendships with other women.
I just want to hang out with and possibly a friend with benefits
I'm on my 3rd and last marriage. I would not be in a 3rd marriage if this person was not phenomenal. That said, if he goes first, I have absolutely no desire to have a 4th spouse and I will not live with another partner. If I happen to find someone, we can date and keep our personal spaces.
The two widowers are smart not to be in a rush to get attached. They’ll be pursued. Widowers do better than those divorced.
I can’t see myself getting married again. My husband, however, would be looking for wife number two at my funeral 🤷🏻♀️
So far in my social circles, it's been men losing their wives, and they generally do pair up again. (One college acquaintance is on wife #3 after being widowered(?) twice before.) My husband is turning 60 at the end of this month, and he's acting like it's the end of the line for him. It's not, of course, but he's a bicycle commuter, so there's really no telling. I don't think I'd want to get remarried, because I did get to spend a few years living on my own between marriages (both of them to him, long story) and discovered that I genuinely like living alone. Well, with cats, anyway. As for dating, the modern dating scene sounds like a total nightmare and I have no desire to participate in that. That said, *que sera, sera* and all that.
I won't even consider it. Not after my husband left me after 20 years for a 40 year old when I was 60. I'm better without him but I will never compromise my security, health, and finances for a man ever again.
No. I don’t have the energy to talk to the people I already know. Or to listen to them.
I don’t think I could find another partner and friend like my husband. It would be to difficult to try. I feel blessed to have him. Today is our 37th anniversary.
My husband died a few months ago - so grief is still very fresh. However, being that he was nearly ten years older than me I knew there was a good chance I would one day be alone. And I couldn’t fathom a reason to get married again. I still can’t. I want my finances very simple so my kids will get everything. I’m not saying I would never seek companionship, but I see no reason to tie myself legally to another person.
They should find an apartment together, a la The Odd Couple. Just kidding. I'm 61, tomorrow is our 35th anniversary. I can't make accurate predictions about the future, but neither of us are too excited about ever having to date again. I just want him to be happy and hopefully outlive me! He says he wants the same.
Happy Anniversay!
Thank you very much!
LOL I tell my spouse he can't outlive me, this place would be a pigpen!