By practising self-compassion. You can't hate yourself into a better life.
My suggestions:
-Start small with positive affirmations that you repeat daily.
-Cut alcohol for 30 days.
-Prioritise eating healthy food and getting enough sleep
-Set small goals and daily promises to yourself.
You may as well start the job search now, time will pass anyway. You can either so something about it at 35 or sit and be miserable with yourself at 40 again.
Counter point, you absolutely can and should use those negative emotions to create a better life. The nuance is that they won't take you the whole way, and you'll need to wrangle them in when it's time.
Direct the negative feelings towards aspects of yourself. Don't hate yourself for being lazy. Love yourself enough to hate the negative tendencies and overcome them.
Love yourself. Make yourself think the thoughts literally. Talk to yourself in a nurturing way.
Be open and honest, focus on you and your responsibility or involvement while holding to your boundaries. This means willing to say no firmly and calmly, this takes courage.
Eat well, sleep and rigorous exercise consistently. Learn to cook of your don't know how. This is part is your life now. Highly recommend a fighting gym for exercise, routine, friends. You don't have to do hardcore fights. Grappling is fun and safe.
Read. I like philosophy and history and finance. But read, get away from screens.
Meditate and contemplate. These are different things but intentionally do both.
These are fundamentals that you need to nurture yourself. Do this, then you can start to think about what you want to do outside of yourself i.e. a business or something.
These are the things that people want to do after they are successful but why? This is makes no sense. Love yourself and stop comparing you can live a good life.
Look I can’t tell you what to do since it is all the same for everyone. Get your physical, mental and if it is your thing physical self in shape.
Everything takes discipline but the key but there are some tricks to help with building it. Live in the day. Today you workout, don’t drink, eat a salad and spend 20 mins looking at educational materials. The next day you can smoke crack, bang hookers and eat 3 gallons of ice cream. When that day comes make the decision to repeat what you did today. Everyday think about the moment, the individual decisions you make to be better. You don’t have to make a decisions forever just for that moment.
I would also stop looking at results, even super successful people have people they look at as better than them. What they do is concentrate on the process and results and not who is doing better. If are like I need a girlfriend you will fail everyday but one. If you say I need to walk for 10 mins, not eat a donut, spend 30 mins looking at my work stuff you can have successful day everyday within 50 mins. You are focusing on the steps.
You might not be depressed but everyone can benefit from therapy. They can help find those other tasks that will improve you with consistent application.
I have felt I like you and it sucks but I can tell you is talking about his bad it is will never make it better. Cheers and good luck.
anger and anxiety can be symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. it’s not even necessarily an emotional reaction: it’s your brain chemistry trying to return to equilibrium. the best things i have found to deal with these in the moment are hard but enjoyable exercise; prioritising good sleep quality always and then any activities that feel nourishing to you, such as swimming in the sea, taking baths etc.
be kind to yourself ❤️
Hey! That sounds really painful. It sounds like you are ruminating - going through thought/feeling/thought/feeling cycles that aren’t doing much. Afterwords, you feel bad, and the way to “stop” feeling bad is distraction/avoidance.
To undo this, it helps to start using your emotions as signals. Emotions exist for a reason - they’re a byproduct of how your body (with all its conditioning and personality) process whatever attention is on.
When you take the actions that resolve the “painful” emotions, you become lighter. When you force (or try) to force yourself to act despite your emotions, you lose your emotional self-awareness -> you disconnect, and quite literally, you cannot feel good or bad. You become a robot, unalive… until you feel again, and then you feel bad, because you weren’t alive. You also can’t move toward where it would feel good to move if you turn off your guidance system (feelings).
Guidance systems can be “damaged” due to trauma or conditioning, but that doesn’t mean you should throw them out altogether (people try to do this) - how else can you feel happy if you aren’t feeling at all?
Hopefully that’s helpful. I have a free online course about 1200 people from Reddit have taken that helps this. I’m not actively guiding it anymore, but it’s up. I also host free daily calls on a newer method/approach. Feel free to PM for either, if you like.
Being kind to yourself simply means noticing that you are perpetuating the pain/suffering with your thinking, which, when you notice that, stops. Or as someone on one of my calls recently put it,
“Once it was seen that shame was something I was doing to myself instead of something that I experienced because I deserved it, it was possible to catch myself in this rumination cycle, as I’ve done previously with other negative cycles. Once the cycle loses its power due to the loss of repetition, stress which would usually trigger this cycle had more of an urgency flavor rather than a shame, hopelessness, fear flavor.”
Practice meditation for at least 30 min a day. After doing this for a few weeks it will build up mental habits that help you with noticing and dropping intrusive negative thoughts and, just as importantly, the emotions that accompany them.
Please I beg you go see a therapist! In Florida I can see you. You’re crying out for help and you need to get it but sometimes we have to have help to get better.
It sounds like you've been through a lot, but you're still moving forward, and that's commendable. Take small steps towards your goals and celebrate each little victory. Don't forget to be kind to yourself along the way. Sending you positivity and support!
I like the “ahead” app. It’s uses CBT and has a procrastination module that I only went through a little, but it helped me to keep working through a hard patch of work. I’m also doing what feels like a lot of “heavy lifting” to make myself relevant and employable. It’s a weird mix of giving myself pep talks while also doing a lot of research.
Hey bud, good to see you. I found this music video that hit on a lot of points with my own mental health. Let me know if it helps you out!
Hi Ren - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_nc1IVoMxc
By practising self-compassion. You can't hate yourself into a better life. My suggestions: -Start small with positive affirmations that you repeat daily. -Cut alcohol for 30 days. -Prioritise eating healthy food and getting enough sleep -Set small goals and daily promises to yourself. You may as well start the job search now, time will pass anyway. You can either so something about it at 35 or sit and be miserable with yourself at 40 again.
<3
I believe in you! Make this your comeback story. I wanna hear about the success you've had in a years time. You've got this :)
Counter point, you absolutely can and should use those negative emotions to create a better life. The nuance is that they won't take you the whole way, and you'll need to wrangle them in when it's time. Direct the negative feelings towards aspects of yourself. Don't hate yourself for being lazy. Love yourself enough to hate the negative tendencies and overcome them.
Love yourself. Make yourself think the thoughts literally. Talk to yourself in a nurturing way. Be open and honest, focus on you and your responsibility or involvement while holding to your boundaries. This means willing to say no firmly and calmly, this takes courage. Eat well, sleep and rigorous exercise consistently. Learn to cook of your don't know how. This is part is your life now. Highly recommend a fighting gym for exercise, routine, friends. You don't have to do hardcore fights. Grappling is fun and safe. Read. I like philosophy and history and finance. But read, get away from screens. Meditate and contemplate. These are different things but intentionally do both. These are fundamentals that you need to nurture yourself. Do this, then you can start to think about what you want to do outside of yourself i.e. a business or something. These are the things that people want to do after they are successful but why? This is makes no sense. Love yourself and stop comparing you can live a good life.
Not OP but needed this. Thanks
Look I can’t tell you what to do since it is all the same for everyone. Get your physical, mental and if it is your thing physical self in shape. Everything takes discipline but the key but there are some tricks to help with building it. Live in the day. Today you workout, don’t drink, eat a salad and spend 20 mins looking at educational materials. The next day you can smoke crack, bang hookers and eat 3 gallons of ice cream. When that day comes make the decision to repeat what you did today. Everyday think about the moment, the individual decisions you make to be better. You don’t have to make a decisions forever just for that moment. I would also stop looking at results, even super successful people have people they look at as better than them. What they do is concentrate on the process and results and not who is doing better. If are like I need a girlfriend you will fail everyday but one. If you say I need to walk for 10 mins, not eat a donut, spend 30 mins looking at my work stuff you can have successful day everyday within 50 mins. You are focusing on the steps. You might not be depressed but everyone can benefit from therapy. They can help find those other tasks that will improve you with consistent application. I have felt I like you and it sucks but I can tell you is talking about his bad it is will never make it better. Cheers and good luck.
anger and anxiety can be symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. it’s not even necessarily an emotional reaction: it’s your brain chemistry trying to return to equilibrium. the best things i have found to deal with these in the moment are hard but enjoyable exercise; prioritising good sleep quality always and then any activities that feel nourishing to you, such as swimming in the sea, taking baths etc. be kind to yourself ❤️
Hey! That sounds really painful. It sounds like you are ruminating - going through thought/feeling/thought/feeling cycles that aren’t doing much. Afterwords, you feel bad, and the way to “stop” feeling bad is distraction/avoidance. To undo this, it helps to start using your emotions as signals. Emotions exist for a reason - they’re a byproduct of how your body (with all its conditioning and personality) process whatever attention is on. When you take the actions that resolve the “painful” emotions, you become lighter. When you force (or try) to force yourself to act despite your emotions, you lose your emotional self-awareness -> you disconnect, and quite literally, you cannot feel good or bad. You become a robot, unalive… until you feel again, and then you feel bad, because you weren’t alive. You also can’t move toward where it would feel good to move if you turn off your guidance system (feelings). Guidance systems can be “damaged” due to trauma or conditioning, but that doesn’t mean you should throw them out altogether (people try to do this) - how else can you feel happy if you aren’t feeling at all? Hopefully that’s helpful. I have a free online course about 1200 people from Reddit have taken that helps this. I’m not actively guiding it anymore, but it’s up. I also host free daily calls on a newer method/approach. Feel free to PM for either, if you like. Being kind to yourself simply means noticing that you are perpetuating the pain/suffering with your thinking, which, when you notice that, stops. Or as someone on one of my calls recently put it, “Once it was seen that shame was something I was doing to myself instead of something that I experienced because I deserved it, it was possible to catch myself in this rumination cycle, as I’ve done previously with other negative cycles. Once the cycle loses its power due to the loss of repetition, stress which would usually trigger this cycle had more of an urgency flavor rather than a shame, hopelessness, fear flavor.”
Practice meditation for at least 30 min a day. After doing this for a few weeks it will build up mental habits that help you with noticing and dropping intrusive negative thoughts and, just as importantly, the emotions that accompany them.
Go see a therapist, medication will help you balance out while you work through some trauma and allow your brain and body to heal.
Please I beg you go see a therapist! In Florida I can see you. You’re crying out for help and you need to get it but sometimes we have to have help to get better.
It sounds like you've been through a lot, but you're still moving forward, and that's commendable. Take small steps towards your goals and celebrate each little victory. Don't forget to be kind to yourself along the way. Sending you positivity and support!
I like the “ahead” app. It’s uses CBT and has a procrastination module that I only went through a little, but it helped me to keep working through a hard patch of work. I’m also doing what feels like a lot of “heavy lifting” to make myself relevant and employable. It’s a weird mix of giving myself pep talks while also doing a lot of research.
Start lifting
Become a stoic. Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday is a great start
Hey bud, good to see you. I found this music video that hit on a lot of points with my own mental health. Let me know if it helps you out! Hi Ren - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_nc1IVoMxc
AA changed my life man!
Write a program that takes the fraction of a cent left over on everyone’s paycheque and have that amount paid to you.
Get in the gym don't leave till your squatting 405 ass to grass for 5 reps and benching 315 for solid 4. Everything else will fall in to place.