If they wanted to just be friends, why not just do that and let their spouses be in the know?! Having a single clandestine lunch every year for four decades is a borderline affair.
Nope. They eventually separate because of this and other reasons. Emily goes on one date with another man and feels so guilty afterwards that she cries. Richard finds out, rear ends the car, and tells Emily that her going on the one date is comparable to him meeting his ex for almost 40 years and lying about it, and all is forgiven.
I mean presumably it was just catching up with life, I had a friend from my childhood I used to meet up with once a year as an adult and just catch up on what had happened, we didn't talk the rest of the year really just one of us would message around that time and we'd plan a meet up and catch up. There was no relationship history though. Just saying that you can have a friendship over a yearly meeting
Did you hide or not share this info with your partner? I'm a woman and one of my best friends is male. My husband isn't bothered by this but I'm also really open with every conversation I have with man friend. I'd be jealous as hell is my husband had a yearly meeting with an old lady friend with not telling me. If he told me from the start "Every March we go out for our annual meet-up!" no big deal...to not share that info with your partner over 30 years?! WTF?
Maybe that makes me insecure but we've been married for 15 years if it came out that he was having lunch/dinner annually with a woman I barely know of....I'd be heated.
It's not the friendship that is bad but why not disclose that information? And they are Silent Generation which implies further relations....the lack of honesty is dishonest. So I'm just saying that's super shady and withholding information is just dishonest in a 40 year marriage.
Not to mention that Penilynn Lott was almost his wife before he met Emily, and that she was who Trix wanted him to marry instead of Emily. This isn't even just as simple as "I still occasionally meet up with my ex" it's "you remember the woman I left to marry you, who my mom wanted me to leave you for? We still have lunch occasionally and I never told you"
I wasn't trying to invalidate the betrayal aspect, was just saying the bond itself is not necessarily innately pointless or useless or negative. Obviously in this context it's a huge betrayal. I was just saying of course they would have things to talk about
Mmmm I'm going to agree with disagree here. I'm an old bird and unless you are holding onto a friendship/relationship they fade out. It sucks but it's how it goes, everyone goes off on their own path. Unless a person goes out of their way to keep that bond, it will fade. I'm still good friends with my man friend and that takes work; texts, emails and other stuff. It's screwed up that he would meet with her every year for 30 some years without sharing that.
The fade out part of friendship sucks but it's how it goes. For Richard to hold on to the friendship without telling Emily is crazy dishonest. Why wouldn't he tell her?
It’s not even crazy abnormal to do with an ex if you parted on at least decent terms. It’s the hiding it that’s the big no-no.
I’m still friends with 2 of my ex’s and we see eachother often.
Ngl I would love to have this kind of relationship with my ex. She was important to me, she'll probably always be special to me. I'd want to hear how her life is going.
I do agree it's a bit shady meeting behind his wife's back.
Disagree. Emily is controlling and jealous, she would never have allowed him to see an ex on his own, even for a once yearly friendly lunch. Richard was just trying to avoid drama. It's not an emotional affair to have lunch and catch up with an old friend once in a while, female or male.
Lunch with his almost wife. A woman that his mother (who behaves abhorrently to emily) pushed him to leave Emily for and marry instead.
And seeing as how they all see each other every year at the Yale-Harvard game, and Richard and Pennilyn Lott both act as though this is the extent of their interactions, they are both actively hiding it from her. 40 years of an intentionally secret meetup.
She had every right to lose her shit.
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't think married people should go on dates with their ex behind their spouse's back. If it was so innocent, why did he lie? Yes, a lie of omission is still a lie.
That scene made me so mad for Emily! If I was her I would have divorced him and enjoyed my rich divorcee life, I wouldn’t have been able to get over the lie either. 40 years of lying about meeting with an old flame is insane.
True but I always imagine they work on their relationship off screen. Some hysterical bonding and back to happy wedding vows. Yes his betrayal is huge, but so is their relationship. Even when he passes, she still doesn't see much in other men
I would also like to say he never once apologised for it!!!! The only way this was resolved is that there’s an implication that they’re somewhat “even” because she went on a date with Simon. That is in no way the same.
Richard was so absurd for thinking Emily going on 1 date while they were separated is anywhere close to him having lunch with his ex for 40 years while married. Richard probably spent more time alone with Simon than Emily did.
And the audacity of him comparing that to what he did with Pennilyn! Emily went on *one* date when they were separated, Richard went on yearly lunches with his ex-fiancée secretly for decades. The lunch itself isn't bad per se but never telling her about it and being so blasé about how big of a deal it was, that was the real problem.
Richard is sketchy for doing that to his wife.. and he knew it meant something too.. otherwise he wouldn't have felt guilty or uncomfortable when Emily found out...
Well, and how much it hurt Emily! She danced with that guy at the bar during their spa weekend and was afraid she'd cheated on Richard! And then, I think it's after her date with Simon, she comes home and collapses in front of the door in tears. If it isn't right after that, it's around that time
I think it would've been interesting if they ended staying separated. I think they care too much about their image to divorce but I would've loved to see how Richard and/or Emily changed with this dynamic
I don’t think I could recover from a multi-decade betrayal like this. I’ve been with my partner for 11 years, married for 2, and this is honestly unforgivable. Secret meetings with the woman you ALMOST MARRIED for our entire relationship?!? Hell no. I think this is one of very few situations that would make me walk away instantly. DECADES of abusing the trust they had and then having the audacity to act like it’s not that big of a deal? Absolutely not.
I don't think I could get it past it either. Both Richard and Pennilyn deliberately kept it secret from their spouses, lied every year for almost four decades about where they'd been that day, etc. Richard says "nothing happened"—well, they might not have thrown down and shagged in a hotel room, but *something* happened. 38 years of lies.
By the same token, Emily would probably have to give up much of the life she lived (as she said in season 7) especially socially, for the same amount of time. I can see why she chose not to give everything else up. And watching their love survive the storm was a fascinating storyline.
Yes but they were married in a different time. And with a different set of expectations. They also had all of those decades together. Being a divorced woman was a nightmare for her and she gossiped about other women who were divorced. She liked her life and she loves her husband, so they decided to recommit and move on. Even after he dies she never catches feelings for another man really.
I recently watched this episode and a the ones after in my parents living room while visiting them for a week. And my parents overheard this scene and both reacted with, “thats unforgivable behavior” almost at the exact same time
What really pisses me off is that Lorelai sees nothing wrong with being chummy with Pennilyn. Couldn't she be the bigger person for once and stand by her mother?
It's because Lorelai is the queen of blurred relationship lines. She was imagining herself and Christopher or something like that and wanted to give her dad the benefit of the doubt because it's a crime she can imagine herself doing
This is it!
On paper it's "why did you call your unresolved-feelings baby daddy at your bachelorette party" and that's scary behaviour, so Lorelai would categorise it the same way as Richard does which is 'someone of importance in your life who you catch up with because you'll never stop being somewhat important to each other'
She ignores the feelings/needs of the Maxs or Emilys in that kind of situation. *Until she is with Luke and he's having to have contact with his baby mama, then she goes all jealous and weird because she is suddenly the Max/Emily except Luke is being upfront about it*
I didn't take it that she doesn't see anything wrong with it, just she was in an awkward situation and didn't know what to say. I mean, Emily immediately turns around and blames Lorelai for the entire thing
Yea, that was brutal of Emily.
It also made me understand why Richard did this. Emily had no give, no gray; only black and white. Perfect or fuck off.
She would absolutely have hated this.
Which makes the knowledge all the harder for Emily to deal with. But blaming Lorilie, that was bad even for her.
honestly, as someone who actually does like Richard, this was pretty disappointing and I wish that they could have resolved it in a more satisfactory manner instead of just brushing it off in the end
I feel this. Richard can go many episodes in a row seeming like a decent person, but then out of left field he has a moment like this that all but takes his respectability away
There would have to be therapy and rebuilt trust. I can understand why she forgave him though-she’s his wife and for decades she’s built her identity around that and the DAR. Leaving him or divorcing him would force her into this unfamiliar life and that’s scary to a lot of people. Plus she does love him.
I would be more upset that he felt like he had to hide it from me. It’s clearly an important relationship for him, that doesn’t make it inherently inappropriate.
It was pretty eye opening through the seasons of the series for us to learn how little regard Richard had for Emily.
From the lunches situation, to the way he let his mom talk to her, to the apples…
He kind of saw her as an accessory and it seems during their generation it wasn’t that abnormal.
I would never be able to forgive the betrayal. 40 years of lying. I felt so sad for Emily here and honestly it’s one of the reasons I can’t stand Richard. He didn’t care about Emily’s feelings at all.
I totally understand AND agree that it was wrong on Richard's part to keep it a secret.
I however, try to be objective. Knowing the full context of the situation as an impartial observer, I understand WHY Richard did it, even if I don't agree with him doing it.
Richard is shown to be an extremely by the books type of person. He's fiercely loyal to his family and to tradition. He cares deeply for Emily and does not wish to hurt her. He's also incredibly stubborn.
From his perspective, he certainly did care for Penndalyn. He almost married her. Those feelings don't just dissapear because he married Emily.
But, he knew considering how much Trix dissaproved of Emily and how much Emily disliked Trix, that Emily would NEVER sanction him maintaining a friendship with Penndalyn. Emily is also fiercely loyal, stubborn, traditional and jealous.
Richard merely wanted to maintain a friendship with the person he did care for. He had no intention of cheating or having a deep emotional connection.
He simply wanted to have lunch once a year to catch up. And for what we know of Richard, this is exactly what it was. A friendly business like transaction where it was always the same. Have lunch, exchange pleasantries, inform on each others lives, wish each other well and move on until next year.
He knew despite this, Emily would be extremely jealous of it and never allow it. So he kept it a very formal secret to maintain that friendship but without hurting Emily.
Again, I myself would tell my spouse. Because i know how bad it would look if i hid it, regardless of how innocent it may be. And how unfair it would be to not be honest with them.
I'm not condoning Richard's actions. I'm merely stating as an impartial observer who fully understands the characters of Richard and Emily and how they operate, I understand WHY he did it.
It's also the same reason Emily does eventually forgive him. Because she KNOWS he didn't cheat on her or do anything with her. She understands why he maintained the friendship.
It's the fact he hid it that hurt her, and the revelation in Trix's letter that added salt to the wound that humiliated her.
She knows he's a good man and that the lunches were innocent. She understands why he would want to maintain a friendsip with her. But trix's revelation was immensely devastating and the fact he hid this from her broke their trust.
I guess what i'm saying is, I can understand how it played out the way it did, and how they were able to resolve it and for all of that to be very believable to me BECAUSE I understand both of those chars. It makes SENSE they did what they did because that's who they are.
If this was Logan hiding a monthly meetup with an ex from Rory, it'd be very different. Because we know Logan was probably hooking up with her and Rory would have no real basis to forgive him for it based on what we know of the chars. But, Richard and Emily are pretty by the books chars where there's no real question about their intentions or loyalties. So it's totally believable how it all played out.
i definitely would think twice about that muthafucka for the rest of our relationship
not only did you have secret lunches with your ex for 25 years but you lied to me about it???? #divorce
I took it as Richard wanting to stay friends with Pennilyn, but knowing Emily would never understand, they had a yearly lunch. I don’t think he was secretly having an affair or anything but I can see why Emily was furious. Could I forgive Richard? Probably because they’ve been together for 30 years and had a solid connection. But I can also see why they separated for a period of time.
I don't think she forgave him. I think she was just done being mad and ready to go back to normal. This was a bigger transgression than usual so it made her more mad than usual, but I don't think they actually resolved anything.
I really didn't like Richard during season 4. He should have told Emily. And the way he doubled down and refused to apologize, just like he did in season 3 when he took Rory to Yale for an interview without telling her until the last minute, or when he forced Jason out of their business, showed how self-righteous and selfish he could be.
Emily has nothing but amazing to her husband and family life. What she felt I felt in that moment. It’s horrible to even imagine. It’s good that they have taken time apart after this.
I’m torn. On the one hand I do not think Richard needs to notify Emily or get her permission to have lunch with an ex. On the other hand, to do it regularly as an appointment for 4 decades with no mention of it to Emily seems more like deception than just not mentioning it to her. I don’t agree that it’s “cheating” but it’s hurtful. Especially because Trix wanted Richard to marry Pennilyn…and Richard never once stood up to Trix for Emily. That’s the really damning part to me, not the lunches by themselves but the context.
Emily and Richard should have more of a backstory. There was content there that could’ve made for excellent episodes. I had a love/hate relationship with them and while I know they loved Lorelai, they were mean to her on a regular basis. I think understanding their pasts would’ve given them more depth, especially Emily. We knew that Richard’s mother hated Emily, but not why. We also had no real backstory on Emily. I think the writers would have done a better job with them if they’d cut out the unnecessary episodes and written in scenes from their youth instead.
I have such mixed feelings on how I'd feel. I would have been more upset at the fact Richard wouldn't admit he was in the wrong rather than what he did. If he was like "I'm so sorry I knew I should have told you. When it first happened, I knew you'd be upset. And then so much time had passed. It's purely platonic. Next year, we'll invite the spouses."
But he didn't. He said Emily was overreacting and it was a lie from a long time ago. That's what I would have a hard time forgiving.
And his reaction was so infuriating too.
"It's not that big of a deal" "The other partner doesn't know as well"
Invalidating her feelings and almost gaslighting her into thinking she's being dramatic.
Thank god, she didn't buy his bs.
I don't think I would care that much. Sure, I'd be hurt for a few days but, ultimately, it's only hiding the truth that would hurt me, not the meetings itself.
Hot take, I’m on Richard’s side. It’s just lunch once a year? I don’t think I’d be mad at this. I’d expect transparency, I’d be upset he didn’t mention it directly for as long as he did but it wouldn’t be a marriage betrayal in my opinion. I can wrap my head around caring about an ex but never wanting to be with them again? This was before social media where those direct questions and curiosities couldn’t be answered. I have an ex in life that once a year we get lunch and just catch up. Neither of us are social media people, it’s nice to know he’s accomplishing his dreams, but we both 100% acknowledge we weren’t right for one another.
Edit: fixed typo
As the other commenter said, it's the deliberate lying; both Richard and Pennilyn kept it secret from their spouses. For almost four decades, they met up secretly and then went home and lied to Emily and Stephen about where they'd been that day. I wouldn't care if a partner wanted to meet their ex for lunch once a year if they told me about it; friendships don't always wither away with the sexual attraction. But I definitely *would* care if they did it covertly and lied to my face about it for 38 years. It would be very difficult to trust whatever else they claimed about it after that.
Oh nah if I were her Richard would wish he signed a prenup fs. Like you and your basically first love have been meeting up yearly, and you not only didn’t tell me but you lied about it? Emily always knows Richard’s schedule, so for him to have pulled this off he definitely had been lying to her and then sneaking off to see her.
Of course what he did was messed up and quite unforgivable but they’ve been married for 40 years! You don’t give up on a relationship that long and nice that easy you act mature and try to work through it together and I’m glad they did.
Nope it would be hard! And he doesn’t even apologize properly. Acts as though it’s Emily’s problem to be okay with it and that he needn’t explain it or why she’s making such a big deal out it. Reverse the situation and see if he would’ve been fine.
He hit her car when he got to know she went on one dinner, imagine what he would do if she went out with her ex every year!
I stopped loving my ex the second he admitted he watched porn. Idk how emily did it. I’m glad she had some strength to leave for a while but I really hated this story line. It made no sense. Richard fought against his mother for Emily, just for him to have lunch with pennalyn
As wrong as it was, you can understand why he did it though. She never would have been OK with it (being strongly against the ex for obvious reasons), she would have told him not to, there would have been fights and/or a break-up. He was avoiding the drama of something that was a non-issue for him, for that many years of apparently nothing happening, that was the truth of it, it was an annual catch-up. For him, he would only have been informing her of the situation, he would have gone to see his ex no matter how his wife felt, so he was just saving himself the drama.
Yeah I wouldn't have cared about the meetings, but keeping them hidden all those years was pretty dumb. I'd probably forgive him personally but it would take time for sure.
I'm usually of the mindset that if you have to hide it, you probably shouldn't be doing it. I know situations in relationships get nuanced sometimes and it's not always so black&white, but this scenario was pretty straight forward... Richard was lying to Emily because he knew she wouldn't approve but he wanted to do it anyway. And lunch with an old friend once a year should be a pretty innocent act in itself but hiding it is what makes its wrong, and lying because it was clearly a sore subject already for Emily.
The lie and selfishness would be the betrayal to me, trust/ communication are so important in a relationship at any stage, 3 years in or 30 years + marriage in. It was selfish of Richard to not regard the way Emily felt about his history with Pennilyn Lott, which would just p\*ss me off honestly. I don't think I would necessarily be jealous of Pennilyn (though I may judge her for meeting with my husband knowing I wasn't suppose to know... that's some shady lady sh\*t). The publicness would absolutely embarrass me too, especially given Emily's relationship to Lorelai and wanting to keep a perfect image. But that's ultimately not the root problem, at least to me (probably a big problem for Emily).
I would need to work through getting over anger towards my partner not regarding me a just that, a partner, by discounting my feelings... and also the distrust I would feel in the relationship after a lie that was perpetuated almost our entire relationship. If it were a younger relationship and marriage wasn't involved, I might feel more inclined to move on. But I think the way they portrayed the progression of Emily and Richard working through it felt pretty accurate to their characters, but also to real life relationships. I can understand that initially she was angry and hurt and would need time apart (the separation), and may have even been considering a new path in life for herself, but that ultimately, Emily loved Richard and they were lifelong partners, they had decades of marriage into this relationship and a literal whole life built together. Her eventually being able to find her way back to that and forgive Richard felt truly authentic and probably something I could understand as well and eventually come to.
TLDR: Yes I could forgive Richard if I was Emily lol.
I've always loved this storyline for Richard and Emily and the show. I think it's important to show how struggles can arise for any couple, even ones that seem so focused on image/ perfection. And I think it's important to feel that Emily was actually a strong woman through it all, there's power in choosing to forgive and love can actually end up growing deeper working through something like this. She would have still been strong/ in her right to choose to move on as well honestly. (Just a big Emily fan lol.)
I am puzzled at all the "they've been married so long" comments. Betrayal is betrayal. Emily's supposed to live with that just because it's a long-term relationship?
I never understood the big deal. then again, I'm not a jealous person and I trust my partner, and he knows he could tell me if he wanted to hang out with anyone. Richard couldn't have told her. she probably wouldn't want him having any woman friends at all.
Just like how Luke broke up with Lorelai when she didn’t tell him about hanging out with her ex
It’s just the right thing to do after being disrespected to that degree when otherwise just being honest clearly didn’t occur to Richard
If I were her.. idk... it's only an issue for me because she depends on him financially and has never worked a day in her life. Maybe she could be a wedding planner tho... I dunno if I'd jump straight to divorce because that would be terrifying in her position but we'd for sure be getting seperated.
So I havent watched this episode for a long time and I think he was definitely in the wrong but I have a theory i guess on why he did it. I think a lot of people care about their exes as people and care how their lives and selves turn out. I dont know that I would go as far as to meet up but I do understand the desire to see how my exes are doing years later (facebook makes this a lot different nowadays). I think theres no world in which emily would really understand and accept that and selfishly Richard did it secretly as to not have to deal with her feelings on it. I don’t know anyones motivations and I still think it was incredibly wrong for him to do and I don’t know if I would be able to trust him after that but I guess this is how my brain thinks about it.
I can't belive he did that! And then they try and make Emily look awful but she had every right to be mad she was lied to and betrayed. That's not a friend thats an Ex. That's different becasue of how it would make your partner feel. The fact that he hid it means he knew how it would make her feel but did it anyway. If he had done it once and not told that would be different. But it was a plan lunch over and over. And how is she supposed to believe him when he says nothing else happened?
This was only as big of a deal as it was because of Emily's irrational jealousy. Pennilyn Lott was Emily's sworn enemy. But she was Richard's friend. Pennilyn wasn't a mean woman. She wasn't trying to sleep with Richard or trying to get him to run away with her. She wasn't a jerk to Emily.
Emily's hatred of Pennilyn had nothing to do with Pennilyn. It had nothing to do with Richard and Pennilyn's relationship. It had everything to do with Emily's relationship with Richard's mother. To me, that's not a good enough reason to expect my partner to stay away from someone that they consider a good friend.
The situation reminds me of when Rory stayed out all night with Dean. Lorelai was only that angry because of her relationship with Emily. And she chose to take those feelings out on Rory. The difference is that when Lorelai came to that realization (after Rory called her out on it), she took a step back and rationally reassessed the situation.
I'm not saying Emily shouldn't have been angry. Just be reasonably angry for the right reason.
If it was irrational, he wouldnt have lied. You, as a truth teller, tell the truth, regardless of how it makes someone feel. You dont hide it because those arent your values. He lied and she was justified.
>If it was irrational, he wouldnt have lied.
This is an irrational statement. Whether or not someone is being rational does not dictate whether or not another person is going to lie about something.
Richard was a person who behaved much like Loralei. He would contort the truth based on the expectation of Emilys reaction. We are talking about a TV show.
Call me crazy but I understand why Richard would keep it hidden from Emily. Because he knows better than anyone how Emily is. I don’t see the problem with how Richard handled it because I can’t stand Emily 😫🫣🤷🏼♀️
My God, the lunacy in these comments. This little plot device was specifically put in to remind everyone that Emily is a borderline psychopath. The writers didn't know it would only make sense to the non-psychopaths watching, and the rest of you would lose your shit. If you think Richard was banging this chick, say so, then you have a point. If not, you are...anyone?
(And there is no such thing as an 'emotional affair'. ALL of your husbands and boyfriends have a celebrity they think is much hotter than you, but that does not mean they are having an affair with Kate Upton, or whoever.)
Richard also kept all of the bills paid by himself for the past 39 years, right? Does Emily work anywhere at all? I've been under the impression that she doesn't contribute at all financially. She certainly doesn't cook or clean. What productivity does she actually bring to the family other than her usually overbearing personality?
Personally, if my spouse paid for all of the unusually expensive bills (especially including cooking/cleaning), allowed me to fire workers hired by said spouse whenever, attended the functions I wanted to be together at, and was also kind to me in exchange for secretly eating food with someone else once a week for 39 years, I wouldn't complain. I'd say that's an amazing deal to take.
People have different values though.
She birthed and nursed his child by herself. A man isnt able to emotionally cheat because you dont work. Thats not how it works. Similarly if a man loses his job, which is what really happened to Richard, it doednt give Emily the right to cheat.
> She birthed and nursed his child by herself.
That would not exactly be comparable to everything that Richard has done for Emily.
> A man isnt able to emotionally cheat because you dont work.
It's perfectly legal to eat food with a friend while married to someone else. All you're saying is that it's a disagreeable action in your opinion, and all I'm saying is my opinion, which is that a person would have to be pretty shortsighted and ungrateful to consider leaving a significant other over this who has done so much for her in the way that Richard has done for Emily with little more in return than her overbearing personality, which clearly gets on his nerves rather often. He'd have been better off adopting a baby on his own or better yet, getting an actually contributory woman pregnant; birthing one child doesn't begin to compare to the 39 years of pampering treatment that Richard ironically gave Emily at this point.
> Thats not how it works. Similarly if a man loses his job, which is what really happened to Richard, it doednt give Emily the right to cheat.
Speaking of cheating, didn't Emily go on a blatant date with another man while she was married to Richard? And then she cried about her own actions when back in the mansion that she didn't pay for as if she's the victim there? I wonder if she needed one of her underappreciated maids to clean up all of the self-pity tears.
Though to be fair, Richard's most conspicuous issue was marrying an unemployed, nagging woman who would accomplish so little for her family that saying she had a single baby is the best feat that you could think of for her. Do you know how many women can birth a baby *and* work a job soon after? A lot can. That's makes Emily a part of the spoiled minority.
Emily was less than an equal partner. Emily was less than a working woman. Emily was less than a housewife. Emily was effectively a trophy wife, just one that comes with a pretentious attitude and an affinity for causing arguments. She didn't do much other than complain and throw money, that she didn't earn, at issues.
She's so dependent that she considered hiring "a professional" to set up a DVD player that she also unsurprisingly didn't buy. What is her worth as a partner? According to you, it's the child who ran away from her and her daily supply of toxic nagging. Other than a hefty divorce settlement and the adjustment period of having to discard his self-harmful romantic attachment to such a helpless woman, Richard had very little to lose in her.
The moral of the story is to not marry the wrong person. Again, people have different values. Let's just disagree.
That would not exactly be comparable to everything that Richard has done for Emily.
A woman puts herself at risk for death carrying a child, so it is. End of. Richard emotionally cheated, Emily was rightfully angry, the end.
I was losing my minddddd during this episode! WHAT is there to talk about with your ex after 4 DECADES that you need to meet yearly!!!!
If they wanted to just be friends, why not just do that and let their spouses be in the know?! Having a single clandestine lunch every year for four decades is a borderline affair.
In my opinion it's meets a textbook definition of an emotional affair and absolutely a form of cheating.
Agree. I love Richard but this was awful. I don’t think he ever actually apologized, either. Not really.
Nope. They eventually separate because of this and other reasons. Emily goes on one date with another man and feels so guilty afterwards that she cries. Richard finds out, rear ends the car, and tells Emily that her going on the one date is comparable to him meeting his ex for almost 40 years and lying about it, and all is forgiven.
No Richard still thinks Emily overreacted and doesn't feel he did anything wrong.
I can’t staaand Richard. He’s so smug yet unimpressive.
He's a really bad person. He bullied a student so much that he left school (threw him out the window every night for weeks).
And Emily finding out by accident in a public setting? Humiliation in front of others and a massive betrayal from a spouse. Shameful.
I mean presumably it was just catching up with life, I had a friend from my childhood I used to meet up with once a year as an adult and just catch up on what had happened, we didn't talk the rest of the year really just one of us would message around that time and we'd plan a meet up and catch up. There was no relationship history though. Just saying that you can have a friendship over a yearly meeting
Did you hide or not share this info with your partner? I'm a woman and one of my best friends is male. My husband isn't bothered by this but I'm also really open with every conversation I have with man friend. I'd be jealous as hell is my husband had a yearly meeting with an old lady friend with not telling me. If he told me from the start "Every March we go out for our annual meet-up!" no big deal...to not share that info with your partner over 30 years?! WTF? Maybe that makes me insecure but we've been married for 15 years if it came out that he was having lunch/dinner annually with a woman I barely know of....I'd be heated. It's not the friendship that is bad but why not disclose that information? And they are Silent Generation which implies further relations....the lack of honesty is dishonest. So I'm just saying that's super shady and withholding information is just dishonest in a 40 year marriage.
Not to mention that Penilynn Lott was almost his wife before he met Emily, and that she was who Trix wanted him to marry instead of Emily. This isn't even just as simple as "I still occasionally meet up with my ex" it's "you remember the woman I left to marry you, who my mom wanted me to leave you for? We still have lunch occasionally and I never told you"
I wasn't trying to invalidate the betrayal aspect, was just saying the bond itself is not necessarily innately pointless or useless or negative. Obviously in this context it's a huge betrayal. I was just saying of course they would have things to talk about
Mmmm I'm going to agree with disagree here. I'm an old bird and unless you are holding onto a friendship/relationship they fade out. It sucks but it's how it goes, everyone goes off on their own path. Unless a person goes out of their way to keep that bond, it will fade. I'm still good friends with my man friend and that takes work; texts, emails and other stuff. It's screwed up that he would meet with her every year for 30 some years without sharing that. The fade out part of friendship sucks but it's how it goes. For Richard to hold on to the friendship without telling Emily is crazy dishonest. Why wouldn't he tell her?
Oh of course this is totally normal for friendships to catch up once a year. Not normal at all to do with an ex, especially one on one.
It’s not even crazy abnormal to do with an ex if you parted on at least decent terms. It’s the hiding it that’s the big no-no. I’m still friends with 2 of my ex’s and we see eachother often.
Ngl I would love to have this kind of relationship with my ex. She was important to me, she'll probably always be special to me. I'd want to hear how her life is going. I do agree it's a bit shady meeting behind his wife's back.
Disagree. Emily is controlling and jealous, she would never have allowed him to see an ex on his own, even for a once yearly friendly lunch. Richard was just trying to avoid drama. It's not an emotional affair to have lunch and catch up with an old friend once in a while, female or male.
Seriously? I thought Emily was unhinged in this episode. Richard can’t have lunch once a year? Lunch alone? The horror.
Lunch with his almost wife. A woman that his mother (who behaves abhorrently to emily) pushed him to leave Emily for and marry instead. And seeing as how they all see each other every year at the Yale-Harvard game, and Richard and Pennilyn Lott both act as though this is the extent of their interactions, they are both actively hiding it from her. 40 years of an intentionally secret meetup. She had every right to lose her shit.
Aside from hiding it from her, you're right. But the people here clutch pearls more than anyone in the DAR lol.
Maybe 4 years, I dunno, but 4 decades? Noooo that's a giant red flag worth of lying about where you've been.
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't think married people should go on dates with their ex behind their spouse's back. If it was so innocent, why did he lie? Yes, a lie of omission is still a lie.
fidelity, paul. it’s not just the name of a bank that sued me.
That scene made me so mad for Emily! If I was her I would have divorced him and enjoyed my rich divorcee life, I wouldn’t have been able to get over the lie either. 40 years of lying about meeting with an old flame is insane.
And the fact lorelei just tried to dismiss it too. Drives me crazy every time!
To me it's like well duh because Lorelei knows literally nothing about healthy relationships
Ughhh the almost mommy! This has to be the worst line.
Ugh yes. I cringe every time!
And they never fully address it! She just forgets about it after an episode and we're just left here like🤷🏻♀️
True but I always imagine they work on their relationship off screen. Some hysterical bonding and back to happy wedding vows. Yes his betrayal is huge, but so is their relationship. Even when he passes, she still doesn't see much in other men
Isn’t that part of what eventually led to the separation, though?
Yes, and then he makes her feel terrible about going on one date while they were separated and compared it to yearly meeting his ex for 4 decades.
I would also like to say he never once apologised for it!!!! The only way this was resolved is that there’s an implication that they’re somewhat “even” because she went on a date with Simon. That is in no way the same.
Richard was so absurd for thinking Emily going on 1 date while they were separated is anywhere close to him having lunch with his ex for 40 years while married. Richard probably spent more time alone with Simon than Emily did.
And to think after this when separated Richard was so ass hurt about Emily going in a date with Simon McClane.
And the audacity of him comparing that to what he did with Pennilyn! Emily went on *one* date when they were separated, Richard went on yearly lunches with his ex-fiancée secretly for decades. The lunch itself isn't bad per se but never telling her about it and being so blasé about how big of a deal it was, that was the real problem.
Richard is sketchy for doing that to his wife.. and he knew it meant something too.. otherwise he wouldn't have felt guilty or uncomfortable when Emily found out...
Well, and how much it hurt Emily! She danced with that guy at the bar during their spa weekend and was afraid she'd cheated on Richard! And then, I think it's after her date with Simon, she comes home and collapses in front of the door in tears. If it isn't right after that, it's around that time
I think it would've been interesting if they ended staying separated. I think they care too much about their image to divorce but I would've loved to see how Richard and/or Emily changed with this dynamic
I don’t think I could recover from a multi-decade betrayal like this. I’ve been with my partner for 11 years, married for 2, and this is honestly unforgivable. Secret meetings with the woman you ALMOST MARRIED for our entire relationship?!? Hell no. I think this is one of very few situations that would make me walk away instantly. DECADES of abusing the trust they had and then having the audacity to act like it’s not that big of a deal? Absolutely not.
I don't think I could get it past it either. Both Richard and Pennilyn deliberately kept it secret from their spouses, lied every year for almost four decades about where they'd been that day, etc. Richard says "nothing happened"—well, they might not have thrown down and shagged in a hotel room, but *something* happened. 38 years of lies.
By the same token, Emily would probably have to give up much of the life she lived (as she said in season 7) especially socially, for the same amount of time. I can see why she chose not to give everything else up. And watching their love survive the storm was a fascinating storyline.
Yes but they were married in a different time. And with a different set of expectations. They also had all of those decades together. Being a divorced woman was a nightmare for her and she gossiped about other women who were divorced. She liked her life and she loves her husband, so they decided to recommit and move on. Even after he dies she never catches feelings for another man really.
4 weeks, 4 months, yeah we can talk but 4 DECADES of meeting an old flame fuck no
I recently watched this episode and a the ones after in my parents living room while visiting them for a week. And my parents overheard this scene and both reacted with, “thats unforgivable behavior” almost at the exact same time
Aw! I love that reaction💕Good for your parents💕
Thank you 🥹 I was proud too! Seriously felt so bad for Emily here I was shocked no matter how times I rewatch the series.
Haha I love this!
What really pisses me off is that Lorelai sees nothing wrong with being chummy with Pennilyn. Couldn't she be the bigger person for once and stand by her mother?
It's because Lorelai is the queen of blurred relationship lines. She was imagining herself and Christopher or something like that and wanted to give her dad the benefit of the doubt because it's a crime she can imagine herself doing
Exactly. This was somewhat her and Max. She goes and rings Christopher for no reason.
This is it! On paper it's "why did you call your unresolved-feelings baby daddy at your bachelorette party" and that's scary behaviour, so Lorelai would categorise it the same way as Richard does which is 'someone of importance in your life who you catch up with because you'll never stop being somewhat important to each other' She ignores the feelings/needs of the Maxs or Emilys in that kind of situation. *Until she is with Luke and he's having to have contact with his baby mama, then she goes all jealous and weird because she is suddenly the Max/Emily except Luke is being upfront about it*
Agreed, it was so angering to watch. Lorelei was reveling in rubbing salt in her Mom's wound. It was a really mean thing to do.
Yet when Emily does it everyone forgets it and even praise her for it
I didn't take it that she doesn't see anything wrong with it, just she was in an awkward situation and didn't know what to say. I mean, Emily immediately turns around and blames Lorelai for the entire thing
As if they don’t do same exact thing to her
Hence the "bigger person" reference.
Why? Emily's never the bigger person for Lorelai she belittles her relationship with Luke every minute she gets
Because the whole point of her growth by this point was to attempt to understand her mother.
You mean the mother who turned around and completely blames Lorelai for what Richard did?
Yea, that was brutal of Emily. It also made me understand why Richard did this. Emily had no give, no gray; only black and white. Perfect or fuck off. She would absolutely have hated this. Which makes the knowledge all the harder for Emily to deal with. But blaming Lorilie, that was bad even for her.
If Richard was upfront with it, the situation wouldn't have been a problem.
Side note but this is one of my favorite Emily looks hahah I love the visor and how they leaned into tailgating 😂
honestly, as someone who actually does like Richard, this was pretty disappointing and I wish that they could have resolved it in a more satisfactory manner instead of just brushing it off in the end
I feel this. Richard can go many episodes in a row seeming like a decent person, but then out of left field he has a moment like this that all but takes his respectability away
There would have to be therapy and rebuilt trust. I can understand why she forgave him though-she’s his wife and for decades she’s built her identity around that and the DAR. Leaving him or divorcing him would force her into this unfamiliar life and that’s scary to a lot of people. Plus she does love him.
[удалено]
You do realize she does exactly what they do with her relationships?
Divorce
I would be more upset that he felt like he had to hide it from me. It’s clearly an important relationship for him, that doesn’t make it inherently inappropriate.
This was reeeeeally dirty. Maybe relationship ending honestly.
I still haven't forgiven Richard and its been 11 years since that episode.
It was pretty eye opening through the seasons of the series for us to learn how little regard Richard had for Emily. From the lunches situation, to the way he let his mom talk to her, to the apples… He kind of saw her as an accessory and it seems during their generation it wasn’t that abnormal.
I would never be able to forgive the betrayal. 40 years of lying. I felt so sad for Emily here and honestly it’s one of the reasons I can’t stand Richard. He didn’t care about Emily’s feelings at all.
I totally understand AND agree that it was wrong on Richard's part to keep it a secret. I however, try to be objective. Knowing the full context of the situation as an impartial observer, I understand WHY Richard did it, even if I don't agree with him doing it. Richard is shown to be an extremely by the books type of person. He's fiercely loyal to his family and to tradition. He cares deeply for Emily and does not wish to hurt her. He's also incredibly stubborn. From his perspective, he certainly did care for Penndalyn. He almost married her. Those feelings don't just dissapear because he married Emily. But, he knew considering how much Trix dissaproved of Emily and how much Emily disliked Trix, that Emily would NEVER sanction him maintaining a friendship with Penndalyn. Emily is also fiercely loyal, stubborn, traditional and jealous. Richard merely wanted to maintain a friendship with the person he did care for. He had no intention of cheating or having a deep emotional connection. He simply wanted to have lunch once a year to catch up. And for what we know of Richard, this is exactly what it was. A friendly business like transaction where it was always the same. Have lunch, exchange pleasantries, inform on each others lives, wish each other well and move on until next year. He knew despite this, Emily would be extremely jealous of it and never allow it. So he kept it a very formal secret to maintain that friendship but without hurting Emily. Again, I myself would tell my spouse. Because i know how bad it would look if i hid it, regardless of how innocent it may be. And how unfair it would be to not be honest with them. I'm not condoning Richard's actions. I'm merely stating as an impartial observer who fully understands the characters of Richard and Emily and how they operate, I understand WHY he did it. It's also the same reason Emily does eventually forgive him. Because she KNOWS he didn't cheat on her or do anything with her. She understands why he maintained the friendship. It's the fact he hid it that hurt her, and the revelation in Trix's letter that added salt to the wound that humiliated her. She knows he's a good man and that the lunches were innocent. She understands why he would want to maintain a friendsip with her. But trix's revelation was immensely devastating and the fact he hid this from her broke their trust. I guess what i'm saying is, I can understand how it played out the way it did, and how they were able to resolve it and for all of that to be very believable to me BECAUSE I understand both of those chars. It makes SENSE they did what they did because that's who they are. If this was Logan hiding a monthly meetup with an ex from Rory, it'd be very different. Because we know Logan was probably hooking up with her and Rory would have no real basis to forgive him for it based on what we know of the chars. But, Richard and Emily are pretty by the books chars where there's no real question about their intentions or loyalties. So it's totally believable how it all played out.
This is a good take, I agree. Though it’s Pennilyn , not Penndalyn.
i definitely would think twice about that muthafucka for the rest of our relationship not only did you have secret lunches with your ex for 25 years but you lied to me about it???? #divorce
I took it as Richard wanting to stay friends with Pennilyn, but knowing Emily would never understand, they had a yearly lunch. I don’t think he was secretly having an affair or anything but I can see why Emily was furious. Could I forgive Richard? Probably because they’ve been together for 30 years and had a solid connection. But I can also see why they separated for a period of time.
Yeah that was very uncool
this was maddening
Crazy
This + his mom’s letter + his general behavior towards Emily this season made the separation make so much sense
I honestly believe it was an innocent friendship, but it’s SO shady to do behind your wife’s back for 39 years! Or for any amount of time. wtf Richard
I don't think she forgave him. I think she was just done being mad and ready to go back to normal. This was a bigger transgression than usual so it made her more mad than usual, but I don't think they actually resolved anything.
I really didn't like Richard during season 4. He should have told Emily. And the way he doubled down and refused to apologize, just like he did in season 3 when he took Rory to Yale for an interview without telling her until the last minute, or when he forced Jason out of their business, showed how self-righteous and selfish he could be.
Yeah, I’d be separating from that minute. I would not have even stayed for the game to be honest with you.
Emily has nothing but amazing to her husband and family life. What she felt I felt in that moment. It’s horrible to even imagine. It’s good that they have taken time apart after this.
Justified anger from Emily. Like cmon Richard!! You have a yearly affair for almost 49 years and think it’s no big deal?!?
I'm distracted by your beautiful tapestry behind the TV. Love it 😍
Me too! I want to know where it’s from! :)
I’m torn. On the one hand I do not think Richard needs to notify Emily or get her permission to have lunch with an ex. On the other hand, to do it regularly as an appointment for 4 decades with no mention of it to Emily seems more like deception than just not mentioning it to her. I don’t agree that it’s “cheating” but it’s hurtful. Especially because Trix wanted Richard to marry Pennilyn…and Richard never once stood up to Trix for Emily. That’s the really damning part to me, not the lunches by themselves but the context.
More importantly, what’s with all the shit in front of the tv and how does that not bother you when watching tv?
Emily and Richard should have more of a backstory. There was content there that could’ve made for excellent episodes. I had a love/hate relationship with them and while I know they loved Lorelai, they were mean to her on a regular basis. I think understanding their pasts would’ve given them more depth, especially Emily. We knew that Richard’s mother hated Emily, but not why. We also had no real backstory on Emily. I think the writers would have done a better job with them if they’d cut out the unnecessary episodes and written in scenes from their youth instead.
The fight would've been louder than football
I have such mixed feelings on how I'd feel. I would have been more upset at the fact Richard wouldn't admit he was in the wrong rather than what he did. If he was like "I'm so sorry I knew I should have told you. When it first happened, I knew you'd be upset. And then so much time had passed. It's purely platonic. Next year, we'll invite the spouses." But he didn't. He said Emily was overreacting and it was a lie from a long time ago. That's what I would have a hard time forgiving.
I would never. Never forgive this. My husband would be out the door
This. 
And his reaction was so infuriating too. "It's not that big of a deal" "The other partner doesn't know as well" Invalidating her feelings and almost gaslighting her into thinking she's being dramatic. Thank god, she didn't buy his bs.
Yeah that was Really messed up. I adore Richard but that is emotionally cheating.
I don't think I would care that much. Sure, I'd be hurt for a few days but, ultimately, it's only hiding the truth that would hurt me, not the meetings itself.
Richard spent more quality time with Pennillyn Lot than Lorelei.
Dang you are right.
Him hitting her car was even worse.
Hot take, I’m on Richard’s side. It’s just lunch once a year? I don’t think I’d be mad at this. I’d expect transparency, I’d be upset he didn’t mention it directly for as long as he did but it wouldn’t be a marriage betrayal in my opinion. I can wrap my head around caring about an ex but never wanting to be with them again? This was before social media where those direct questions and curiosities couldn’t be answered. I have an ex in life that once a year we get lunch and just catch up. Neither of us are social media people, it’s nice to know he’s accomplishing his dreams, but we both 100% acknowledge we weren’t right for one another. Edit: fixed typo
The lying is the problem, not the lunch.
Agreed.
As the other commenter said, it's the deliberate lying; both Richard and Pennilyn kept it secret from their spouses. For almost four decades, they met up secretly and then went home and lied to Emily and Stephen about where they'd been that day. I wouldn't care if a partner wanted to meet their ex for lunch once a year if they told me about it; friendships don't always wither away with the sexual attraction. But I definitely *would* care if they did it covertly and lied to my face about it for 38 years. It would be very difficult to trust whatever else they claimed about it after that.
Oh nah if I were her Richard would wish he signed a prenup fs. Like you and your basically first love have been meeting up yearly, and you not only didn’t tell me but you lied about it? Emily always knows Richard’s schedule, so for him to have pulled this off he definitely had been lying to her and then sneaking off to see her.
I'd be upset, but I also wouldn't have given him a reason to want to hide it from me. It wasn't like they were doing the horizontal polka or anything
I always say that if you’re not willing to openly share something with your spouse, it’s probably not 100% harmless and you’re likely in the wrong.
I forgive you, Richard
Sorry but I'm distracted from the question by how much I love your whole vibe. That backdrop is so cool!
Of course what he did was messed up and quite unforgivable but they’ve been married for 40 years! You don’t give up on a relationship that long and nice that easy you act mature and try to work through it together and I’m glad they did.
Nope it would be hard! And he doesn’t even apologize properly. Acts as though it’s Emily’s problem to be okay with it and that he needn’t explain it or why she’s making such a big deal out it. Reverse the situation and see if he would’ve been fine. He hit her car when he got to know she went on one dinner, imagine what he would do if she went out with her ex every year!
I stopped loving my ex the second he admitted he watched porn. Idk how emily did it. I’m glad she had some strength to leave for a while but I really hated this story line. It made no sense. Richard fought against his mother for Emily, just for him to have lunch with pennalyn
As wrong as it was, you can understand why he did it though. She never would have been OK with it (being strongly against the ex for obvious reasons), she would have told him not to, there would have been fights and/or a break-up. He was avoiding the drama of something that was a non-issue for him, for that many years of apparently nothing happening, that was the truth of it, it was an annual catch-up. For him, he would only have been informing her of the situation, he would have gone to see his ex no matter how his wife felt, so he was just saving himself the drama.
Yeah I wouldn't have cared about the meetings, but keeping them hidden all those years was pretty dumb. I'd probably forgive him personally but it would take time for sure.
Me too. This was somewhat so out of character of him
I'm usually of the mindset that if you have to hide it, you probably shouldn't be doing it. I know situations in relationships get nuanced sometimes and it's not always so black&white, but this scenario was pretty straight forward... Richard was lying to Emily because he knew she wouldn't approve but he wanted to do it anyway. And lunch with an old friend once a year should be a pretty innocent act in itself but hiding it is what makes its wrong, and lying because it was clearly a sore subject already for Emily. The lie and selfishness would be the betrayal to me, trust/ communication are so important in a relationship at any stage, 3 years in or 30 years + marriage in. It was selfish of Richard to not regard the way Emily felt about his history with Pennilyn Lott, which would just p\*ss me off honestly. I don't think I would necessarily be jealous of Pennilyn (though I may judge her for meeting with my husband knowing I wasn't suppose to know... that's some shady lady sh\*t). The publicness would absolutely embarrass me too, especially given Emily's relationship to Lorelai and wanting to keep a perfect image. But that's ultimately not the root problem, at least to me (probably a big problem for Emily). I would need to work through getting over anger towards my partner not regarding me a just that, a partner, by discounting my feelings... and also the distrust I would feel in the relationship after a lie that was perpetuated almost our entire relationship. If it were a younger relationship and marriage wasn't involved, I might feel more inclined to move on. But I think the way they portrayed the progression of Emily and Richard working through it felt pretty accurate to their characters, but also to real life relationships. I can understand that initially she was angry and hurt and would need time apart (the separation), and may have even been considering a new path in life for herself, but that ultimately, Emily loved Richard and they were lifelong partners, they had decades of marriage into this relationship and a literal whole life built together. Her eventually being able to find her way back to that and forgive Richard felt truly authentic and probably something I could understand as well and eventually come to. TLDR: Yes I could forgive Richard if I was Emily lol. I've always loved this storyline for Richard and Emily and the show. I think it's important to show how struggles can arise for any couple, even ones that seem so focused on image/ perfection. And I think it's important to feel that Emily was actually a strong woman through it all, there's power in choosing to forgive and love can actually end up growing deeper working through something like this. She would have still been strong/ in her right to choose to move on as well honestly. (Just a big Emily fan lol.)
I am puzzled at all the "they've been married so long" comments. Betrayal is betrayal. Emily's supposed to live with that just because it's a long-term relationship?
The fact we’re more angry about it than Emily
I never understood the big deal. then again, I'm not a jealous person and I trust my partner, and he knows he could tell me if he wanted to hang out with anyone. Richard couldn't have told her. she probably wouldn't want him having any woman friends at all.
I don't see the big deal...
Just like how Luke broke up with Lorelai when she didn’t tell him about hanging out with her ex It’s just the right thing to do after being disrespected to that degree when otherwise just being honest clearly didn’t occur to Richard
If I were her.. idk... it's only an issue for me because she depends on him financially and has never worked a day in her life. Maybe she could be a wedding planner tho... I dunno if I'd jump straight to divorce because that would be terrifying in her position but we'd for sure be getting seperated.
So I havent watched this episode for a long time and I think he was definitely in the wrong but I have a theory i guess on why he did it. I think a lot of people care about their exes as people and care how their lives and selves turn out. I dont know that I would go as far as to meet up but I do understand the desire to see how my exes are doing years later (facebook makes this a lot different nowadays). I think theres no world in which emily would really understand and accept that and selfishly Richard did it secretly as to not have to deal with her feelings on it. I don’t know anyones motivations and I still think it was incredibly wrong for him to do and I don’t know if I would be able to trust him after that but I guess this is how my brain thinks about it.
What episode is this again?
I can't belive he did that! And then they try and make Emily look awful but she had every right to be mad she was lied to and betrayed. That's not a friend thats an Ex. That's different becasue of how it would make your partner feel. The fact that he hid it means he knew how it would make her feel but did it anyway. If he had done it once and not told that would be different. But it was a plan lunch over and over. And how is she supposed to believe him when he says nothing else happened?
This was only as big of a deal as it was because of Emily's irrational jealousy. Pennilyn Lott was Emily's sworn enemy. But she was Richard's friend. Pennilyn wasn't a mean woman. She wasn't trying to sleep with Richard or trying to get him to run away with her. She wasn't a jerk to Emily. Emily's hatred of Pennilyn had nothing to do with Pennilyn. It had nothing to do with Richard and Pennilyn's relationship. It had everything to do with Emily's relationship with Richard's mother. To me, that's not a good enough reason to expect my partner to stay away from someone that they consider a good friend. The situation reminds me of when Rory stayed out all night with Dean. Lorelai was only that angry because of her relationship with Emily. And she chose to take those feelings out on Rory. The difference is that when Lorelai came to that realization (after Rory called her out on it), she took a step back and rationally reassessed the situation. I'm not saying Emily shouldn't have been angry. Just be reasonably angry for the right reason.
If it was irrational, he wouldnt have lied. You, as a truth teller, tell the truth, regardless of how it makes someone feel. You dont hide it because those arent your values. He lied and she was justified.
>If it was irrational, he wouldnt have lied. This is an irrational statement. Whether or not someone is being rational does not dictate whether or not another person is going to lie about something.
Richard was a person who behaved much like Loralei. He would contort the truth based on the expectation of Emilys reaction. We are talking about a TV show.
It’s obviously not a big deal. Once a year for old friends.
Ya but I am not a fan of Emily. So I can forgive Richard. Emily sucks, sorry and she never apologizes either.
Did she have lunch with an ex-fiance too? I might’ve missed that
Call me crazy but I understand why Richard would keep it hidden from Emily. Because he knows better than anyone how Emily is. I don’t see the problem with how Richard handled it because I can’t stand Emily 😫🫣🤷🏼♀️
My God, the lunacy in these comments. This little plot device was specifically put in to remind everyone that Emily is a borderline psychopath. The writers didn't know it would only make sense to the non-psychopaths watching, and the rest of you would lose your shit. If you think Richard was banging this chick, say so, then you have a point. If not, you are...anyone? (And there is no such thing as an 'emotional affair'. ALL of your husbands and boyfriends have a celebrity they think is much hotter than you, but that does not mean they are having an affair with Kate Upton, or whoever.)
I let men step out on me all the time. They always come back
Richard also kept all of the bills paid by himself for the past 39 years, right? Does Emily work anywhere at all? I've been under the impression that she doesn't contribute at all financially. She certainly doesn't cook or clean. What productivity does she actually bring to the family other than her usually overbearing personality? Personally, if my spouse paid for all of the unusually expensive bills (especially including cooking/cleaning), allowed me to fire workers hired by said spouse whenever, attended the functions I wanted to be together at, and was also kind to me in exchange for secretly eating food with someone else once a week for 39 years, I wouldn't complain. I'd say that's an amazing deal to take. People have different values though.
She birthed and nursed his child by herself. A man isnt able to emotionally cheat because you dont work. Thats not how it works. Similarly if a man loses his job, which is what really happened to Richard, it doednt give Emily the right to cheat.
> She birthed and nursed his child by herself. That would not exactly be comparable to everything that Richard has done for Emily. > A man isnt able to emotionally cheat because you dont work. It's perfectly legal to eat food with a friend while married to someone else. All you're saying is that it's a disagreeable action in your opinion, and all I'm saying is my opinion, which is that a person would have to be pretty shortsighted and ungrateful to consider leaving a significant other over this who has done so much for her in the way that Richard has done for Emily with little more in return than her overbearing personality, which clearly gets on his nerves rather often. He'd have been better off adopting a baby on his own or better yet, getting an actually contributory woman pregnant; birthing one child doesn't begin to compare to the 39 years of pampering treatment that Richard ironically gave Emily at this point. > Thats not how it works. Similarly if a man loses his job, which is what really happened to Richard, it doednt give Emily the right to cheat. Speaking of cheating, didn't Emily go on a blatant date with another man while she was married to Richard? And then she cried about her own actions when back in the mansion that she didn't pay for as if she's the victim there? I wonder if she needed one of her underappreciated maids to clean up all of the self-pity tears. Though to be fair, Richard's most conspicuous issue was marrying an unemployed, nagging woman who would accomplish so little for her family that saying she had a single baby is the best feat that you could think of for her. Do you know how many women can birth a baby *and* work a job soon after? A lot can. That's makes Emily a part of the spoiled minority. Emily was less than an equal partner. Emily was less than a working woman. Emily was less than a housewife. Emily was effectively a trophy wife, just one that comes with a pretentious attitude and an affinity for causing arguments. She didn't do much other than complain and throw money, that she didn't earn, at issues. She's so dependent that she considered hiring "a professional" to set up a DVD player that she also unsurprisingly didn't buy. What is her worth as a partner? According to you, it's the child who ran away from her and her daily supply of toxic nagging. Other than a hefty divorce settlement and the adjustment period of having to discard his self-harmful romantic attachment to such a helpless woman, Richard had very little to lose in her. The moral of the story is to not marry the wrong person. Again, people have different values. Let's just disagree.
That would not exactly be comparable to everything that Richard has done for Emily. A woman puts herself at risk for death carrying a child, so it is. End of. Richard emotionally cheated, Emily was rightfully angry, the end.