Oh, humanity *absolutely* got the Memo. They just got the memo regarding how to actually conquer a galaxy full of many species without having to worry about constant warfare and insurgencies or immoral actions such as xenocides. After all, if the empire that rules the galaxy openly recruits anyone and is willing to let anyone go, then this means that everyone in the galaxy is a potential citizen of the empire and even those that leave might create unique aspects which later recruits bring back to the empire.
Plus, if you have scientists from more species, educated on a tech/knowledge base, and then turned loose to find more scientific breakthroughs, you can keep expanding your knowledge and tech.
Hey! Put the FOOF down! No lighting concrete on fire!
EDIT: Obligatory link to those who haven't discovered the "joys" of fluorine chemistry yet.
www.science.org/content/blog-post/things-i-won-t-work-dioxygen-difluoride
Human- let me check quick. *pulls lighter from pocket *
Alien- what's that?
Human- pocket fire!
Alien- why do you need pocket fire?
Human- today? To check memo durability apparently?
Alien- for fuck sake!
I honestly think the big happy empire, with absolutely no dissidents whatsoever might be the most fantastical and unbelievable thing about this story. Even more so than the easy human dominion, FTL, etc.
Real life peoples are too fractious. And even if the hegemony or empire is completely reasonable and fair, there are always unreasonable people who would object to such things. Even if the dissidents or rebels only objection is that *they're* not the ones in power and ruling.
It's not that there aren't any dissidents. It's that the Empire goes "okay, so you don't like how we do things. There's the door, you are welcome to leave. Return when you feel like following our rules and ways."
There's also the fact they have a major military if integration into the military is one of the steps towards being uplifted into the Human Empire. Which means those of your species who are causing the Uplift are indoctrinated in the ways of the Empire and also likely exposed to all the things that happen when you aren't part of it or try to change the ways things are done by force.
In short, the Empire is peaceful but not pacifist. And they are very good at tapping you on the shoulder and telling you to either quit it or take your exit papers whilst making the folks who can be encouraged otherwise to choose to quit it.
Sorry, I'm still not buying it. About a big unified empire. On your first point, wouldn't that contradict itself? If peoples are free to leave, and did, then it wouldn't all be unified.
And some would leave, if going by history is any judge. Just look at the sheer number of nationalist (by which I mean a group that perceives themselves as a distinct people. Usually with a shared culture, language, etc.) revolutions and rebellions there have been, and continue to be, throughout history.
Also on your 2nd point, that military service in the empire would indoctrinate and integrate the various nationalist peoples, I can think of several real life examples from empires throughout history that would dispute that. Although I'll concede that the empires I'll be citing were not the eminently reasonable one you have in your story.
The (western half of) the Roman empire. The Ottoman empire. The British empire.
They all had problems with nationalist / nativist rebellions. By which I mean conquered or integrated peoples that wanted independence. Some of these empires also had colonies of their own people that desired independence.
Among the Roman empire, those would be the Vandals, Visigoths, etc.
Among the Ottoman empire, you had the Greeks, Armenians, and others rebelling.
Among the British empire, some examples of rebellions and resistance: Ireland, India, the US.
Each of these empires also had these rebelling peoples serving in those empires militaries, whether directly, or indirectly (Roman example: As auxiliaries to Legions). That service and indoctrination didn't stop them from rebelling.
In the Roman empire, gauls and Germans served as auxiliaries and even legionaries. Yet still rebelled.
In the Ottoman empire, Janissaries were predominantly made up of conquered peoples, such as greeks. The greeks still rebelled.
And of course in the British empire, you had Irish soldiers, Indian regiments, etc.
The problem with what you said is that the 'Terran Empire' is not an Empire in the sense we think of it. It's a lot more like a galactic federation. One large enough and cohesive enough that small individual groups pulling out or joining up don't really disrupt the greater federation.
So you have this 'too good to be true' situation where you just, can enter into the federation, take advantage of entrance to be uplifted and expand your nation whilst obeying the limited number of 'accept or leave' Federal laws then leave. You just have to convince your population that being cut off from the federation which really doesn't ask too much from you is worth your independence. Not when you have most of the benefits independence would bring, whilst also having all the benefits from being within the federation.
The Terran Federation (as Ill call it from now on) does in fact do some cultural homogenisation. But a lot less than anything we've seen because the federation is so much greater than anything we have. The closest we have got to it is if someone gave the United Nations teeth, an economy and actual authority regarding enforcing the 'central laws' that are a part of it. With all the various non-Terran species being the nation states which have joined up. Even this is a poor comparison, just one I can readily make.
A Federation or confederation being stable long term is much more plausible than a large empire in my opinion. But even then you're still going to have the threat of nationalist secession fragmenting it. Even if the secession is peaceful.
Modern case in point is the EU, and the various nationalist parties and groups in the various component countries that want to leave it. Some of which did; UK for example.
Don't get me wrong; the idea of a large, just, reasonable, universal Federation appeals to me. I just have doubts it would work, based on my understanding of history and modern day.
It might be quite large and hold quite a lot of territory, but there would always be some peoples that would want independence. And some other large empires / nations that would oppose it. If only because the Federation was horning in on that nations power and influence, rather than any real ideological quibbles.
And what if there was actual ideological opposition, religious and/or political? Perhaps you have a new (or old) religion that finds certain aspects of the Federation repugnant. Or maybe they have a manifest destiny type view, believing it's their God given destiny to rule everything? Perhaps they're racial supremacists, and believe they need to wipe out inferiors and rule over them? Or just some power hungry tyrant using an ideology to rise to power and then seize as much as they can?
All of these cases have occurred thru real life history, often multiple times. Several are occurring right now in various countries. And they will certainly occur again in the future.
See... One team was using metric measurements, and the other was using English measurements. Then someone added an extra comma to one line of code, and here we are.
No, the problem happened because one guy used the US method (one thousand and one tenth = 1,000.1) while another guy used the European method (one thousand and one tenth = 1.000,1) and nobody caught it until an order of magnitude error occurred.
What? Why do you think that’s a thing in Europe? One thousand is 1,000 One tenth is 0.1 One thousand and one tenth is 1,000.1 If you’re writing 1.0001 there wouldn’t be a comma. And it would be one and one ten-thousandth.
"Always listen to experts; they'll tell you exactly what's impossible, and why. Then you can go ahead and do it with a clear conscience!"
~Lazarus Long (Robert Heinlein)
Humanity is... an oddball.
Yup, best line to describe us.
Realistically though, tell a sci fi loving theoretical physicist, scientist or anyone like this that something isn't possible, they will see that as a "I dare you to try"
Black Hole detection and Gravitational wave detection even within my lifetime (I am 50) was once thought impossible. Now we not only have pictures of a Super Massive one millions of light years away but one of our own Galaxy. We have now picked up gravitation waves thought impossible and even in the last year have now used a Pulsar timing array to discover the gravitational wave background. Yes, using the actual fulgurations of the spinning of dead stars to map out waves in the universe.
I will sadly be dead by then, but you can bet your ass that humanity will eventually crack FTL because we don't like being told "It cannot be done".
I’m guilty of this on a smaller scale. Being told I can’t do something is followed by “you really think so? Ok, let me finish what I’m doing then we’ll see.”
Talking to bf recently (long range relationship)
Bf - “You can’t find where I live on a map, nobody can when they try.”
*five minutes later*
Me - “So do you take interstate [x] to work or state route [y]?”
Bf - “Funilly enough both!”
Edit: formatting
> A deathworld. Full of death. And it's a world.
lol
Huge fan of the "Meh. Why not?" attitude from the aliens. And even though I sort of feel condescending saying this, of you correctly using single quotes inside double quotes. I usually see people not being aware they should do that on this sub.
> sip drives
s**l**ip drives, unless those ships are delivering me lots of delicious drinks or big water bottles
I really enjoyed this, thank you for writing. I like our FY component being just figuring out science the others didn't, as well as us continuing to work on a hard problem the others deem impossible. Combine that with the humans being reasonable and relatively peaceful and I am very happy.
This is an excellent concept! Nicely thought-out and put into words. Luv'd that it was the difficulty of space-travel logistics that made it all happen 😆
Fun read, too 👍
/u/FarmWhich4275 ([wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/wiki/authors/FarmWhich4275)) has posted 90 other stories, including:
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I feel it's a universal truth that if you really want something done, you just have to tell a few humans it can't or shouldn't be done. We'll have it out to you in a week out of spite at your 'natural laws'
Oh, humanity *absolutely* got the Memo. They just got the memo regarding how to actually conquer a galaxy full of many species without having to worry about constant warfare and insurgencies or immoral actions such as xenocides. After all, if the empire that rules the galaxy openly recruits anyone and is willing to let anyone go, then this means that everyone in the galaxy is a potential citizen of the empire and even those that leave might create unique aspects which later recruits bring back to the empire.
Plus, if you have scientists from more species, educated on a tech/knowledge base, and then turned loose to find more scientific breakthroughs, you can keep expanding your knowledge and tech.
Humanity: *Gets memo.* *Looks left, right, under table.* *Mutters* "Who the fuck *sent* this?" *Wonders if memo is flammable.* ...
\*The universe liked that\*
Wonders if memo is flammable? Oh, my sweet summer alien, EVERYTHING is flammable if you work hard enough at it.
Human- what's its combustion point? Alien- its what? Human- you know. The point where it goes whoosh. Alien- goes what? Human- I'll figure it out.
Hey! Put the FOOF down! No lighting concrete on fire! EDIT: Obligatory link to those who haven't discovered the "joys" of fluorine chemistry yet. www.science.org/content/blog-post/things-i-won-t-work-dioxygen-difluoride
We don't need FOOF for that thats what CF3 is for
Stop lighting the fire on fire!
What about (FlOOOF)3Y
Just seeing its formula, one wants to pet it, but know they must not. Lest it light their hand on fire.
Fl is also rapidly radioactive ;)
Ah. So not only is you hand turned to ash, but the ashes start glowing in the dark. =P
CF3 is that one chemical that just. *does not want to exist* right? Where it's list of 'reacts with' literally has 'being stared at' in it?
No, it just has a fondness for making extremely flammable things like asbestos and concrete burn.
Am I thinking of that thing that's a level above FOOF? Some ammonia or something? I know it starts with an A and I wanna say it ends in an 'ide'.
Azidoazide Azide the thing that will explode violently in response to doing literally nothing
Human- let me check quick. *pulls lighter from pocket * Alien- what's that? Human- pocket fire! Alien- why do you need pocket fire? Human- today? To check memo durability apparently? Alien- for fuck sake!
Who sent that memo.... and could I fuck him/her ?
Nobody important. It was stupid anyway. "Something something ...can't something ... shouldn't ... not prudent ...something."
I honestly think the big happy empire, with absolutely no dissidents whatsoever might be the most fantastical and unbelievable thing about this story. Even more so than the easy human dominion, FTL, etc. Real life peoples are too fractious. And even if the hegemony or empire is completely reasonable and fair, there are always unreasonable people who would object to such things. Even if the dissidents or rebels only objection is that *they're* not the ones in power and ruling.
It's not that there aren't any dissidents. It's that the Empire goes "okay, so you don't like how we do things. There's the door, you are welcome to leave. Return when you feel like following our rules and ways." There's also the fact they have a major military if integration into the military is one of the steps towards being uplifted into the Human Empire. Which means those of your species who are causing the Uplift are indoctrinated in the ways of the Empire and also likely exposed to all the things that happen when you aren't part of it or try to change the ways things are done by force. In short, the Empire is peaceful but not pacifist. And they are very good at tapping you on the shoulder and telling you to either quit it or take your exit papers whilst making the folks who can be encouraged otherwise to choose to quit it.
Sorry, I'm still not buying it. About a big unified empire. On your first point, wouldn't that contradict itself? If peoples are free to leave, and did, then it wouldn't all be unified. And some would leave, if going by history is any judge. Just look at the sheer number of nationalist (by which I mean a group that perceives themselves as a distinct people. Usually with a shared culture, language, etc.) revolutions and rebellions there have been, and continue to be, throughout history. Also on your 2nd point, that military service in the empire would indoctrinate and integrate the various nationalist peoples, I can think of several real life examples from empires throughout history that would dispute that. Although I'll concede that the empires I'll be citing were not the eminently reasonable one you have in your story. The (western half of) the Roman empire. The Ottoman empire. The British empire. They all had problems with nationalist / nativist rebellions. By which I mean conquered or integrated peoples that wanted independence. Some of these empires also had colonies of their own people that desired independence. Among the Roman empire, those would be the Vandals, Visigoths, etc. Among the Ottoman empire, you had the Greeks, Armenians, and others rebelling. Among the British empire, some examples of rebellions and resistance: Ireland, India, the US. Each of these empires also had these rebelling peoples serving in those empires militaries, whether directly, or indirectly (Roman example: As auxiliaries to Legions). That service and indoctrination didn't stop them from rebelling. In the Roman empire, gauls and Germans served as auxiliaries and even legionaries. Yet still rebelled. In the Ottoman empire, Janissaries were predominantly made up of conquered peoples, such as greeks. The greeks still rebelled. And of course in the British empire, you had Irish soldiers, Indian regiments, etc.
The problem with what you said is that the 'Terran Empire' is not an Empire in the sense we think of it. It's a lot more like a galactic federation. One large enough and cohesive enough that small individual groups pulling out or joining up don't really disrupt the greater federation. So you have this 'too good to be true' situation where you just, can enter into the federation, take advantage of entrance to be uplifted and expand your nation whilst obeying the limited number of 'accept or leave' Federal laws then leave. You just have to convince your population that being cut off from the federation which really doesn't ask too much from you is worth your independence. Not when you have most of the benefits independence would bring, whilst also having all the benefits from being within the federation. The Terran Federation (as Ill call it from now on) does in fact do some cultural homogenisation. But a lot less than anything we've seen because the federation is so much greater than anything we have. The closest we have got to it is if someone gave the United Nations teeth, an economy and actual authority regarding enforcing the 'central laws' that are a part of it. With all the various non-Terran species being the nation states which have joined up. Even this is a poor comparison, just one I can readily make.
A Federation or confederation being stable long term is much more plausible than a large empire in my opinion. But even then you're still going to have the threat of nationalist secession fragmenting it. Even if the secession is peaceful. Modern case in point is the EU, and the various nationalist parties and groups in the various component countries that want to leave it. Some of which did; UK for example. Don't get me wrong; the idea of a large, just, reasonable, universal Federation appeals to me. I just have doubts it would work, based on my understanding of history and modern day. It might be quite large and hold quite a lot of territory, but there would always be some peoples that would want independence. And some other large empires / nations that would oppose it. If only because the Federation was horning in on that nations power and influence, rather than any real ideological quibbles. And what if there was actual ideological opposition, religious and/or political? Perhaps you have a new (or old) religion that finds certain aspects of the Federation repugnant. Or maybe they have a manifest destiny type view, believing it's their God given destiny to rule everything? Perhaps they're racial supremacists, and believe they need to wipe out inferiors and rule over them? Or just some power hungry tyrant using an ideology to rise to power and then seize as much as they can? All of these cases have occurred thru real life history, often multiple times. Several are occurring right now in various countries. And they will certainly occur again in the future.
They got the memo as far back as Cyrus the Messiah.
An interesting take on the concept of space being difficult. Glad the humans are benevolent.
I think we just got a different memo... ours read... do you really wanna live forever? come on take a chance...you'll only regret it if you suceed.
Three gas giants? Which one did we blow up?
three? I SAID FOUR DAMMIT!!! \*reeeeee\* fixed.
Would have been funnier if you hadn't. They Taco Bell'd Uranus on their first attempt.
The first few trials didnt go so great. Neptune ended up a couple star systems away.
See... One team was using metric measurements, and the other was using English measurements. Then someone added an extra comma to one line of code, and here we are.
No, the problem happened because one guy used the US method (one thousand and one tenth = 1,000.1) while another guy used the European method (one thousand and one tenth = 1.000,1) and nobody caught it until an order of magnitude error occurred.
One of the few things that I'll always say the Europeans are wrong about. Periods don't work that way, bud.
What? Why do you think that’s a thing in Europe? One thousand is 1,000 One tenth is 0.1 One thousand and one tenth is 1,000.1 If you’re writing 1.0001 there wouldn’t be a comma. And it would be one and one ten-thousandth.
[So about that…](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/wk0t5m/the_typo_which_saved_humanity/)
The only places England uses different measurements to the rest of Europe is on the dashboard of a car and in pubs.
Sorry, that's Jerry's fault. He got bored and drunk.
Uranus let rip a giant fart, so it's no longer full of gas.
They said it was impossible, but the humans didn't know so they went ahead and did it.
"Always listen to experts; they'll tell you exactly what's impossible, and why. Then you can go ahead and do it with a clear conscience!" ~Lazarus Long (Robert Heinlein)
Humanity is... an oddball. Yup, best line to describe us. Realistically though, tell a sci fi loving theoretical physicist, scientist or anyone like this that something isn't possible, they will see that as a "I dare you to try" Black Hole detection and Gravitational wave detection even within my lifetime (I am 50) was once thought impossible. Now we not only have pictures of a Super Massive one millions of light years away but one of our own Galaxy. We have now picked up gravitation waves thought impossible and even in the last year have now used a Pulsar timing array to discover the gravitational wave background. Yes, using the actual fulgurations of the spinning of dead stars to map out waves in the universe. I will sadly be dead by then, but you can bet your ass that humanity will eventually crack FTL because we don't like being told "It cannot be done".
I’m guilty of this on a smaller scale. Being told I can’t do something is followed by “you really think so? Ok, let me finish what I’m doing then we’ll see.” Talking to bf recently (long range relationship) Bf - “You can’t find where I live on a map, nobody can when they try.” *five minutes later* Me - “So do you take interstate [x] to work or state route [y]?” Bf - “Funilly enough both!” Edit: formatting
*Everyone:* But that's impossible! *Humans:* Hold my beer....
Good or bad spite is the ultimate human weapon. The ways we have designed ways to express “Fuck you! That’s why.” Is limitless
"THEY DID WHAT NOW?" I'll take, 'what's a common response to Humans' for $200 please, Alex.
> A deathworld. Full of death. And it's a world. lol Huge fan of the "Meh. Why not?" attitude from the aliens. And even though I sort of feel condescending saying this, of you correctly using single quotes inside double quotes. I usually see people not being aware they should do that on this sub. > sip drives s**l**ip drives, unless those ships are delivering me lots of delicious drinks or big water bottles I really enjoyed this, thank you for writing. I like our FY component being just figuring out science the others didn't, as well as us continuing to work on a hard problem the others deem impossible. Combine that with the humans being reasonable and relatively peaceful and I am very happy.
It's not just a world, it's our *cradle.*
Cradle of DEATH
New metal band name!
Oh, we got the memo. But, given it's a STUPID-ass memo, we have elected to ignore it.
There are no catches or clauses, except for the one that says there is no way out and we can change the contract at any time.
The "there is no way out" clause isn't needed. "We can change the contract at any time" covers that.
Ah. Humanity is on a trek through the stars in deep space for discovery of strange new worlds.
I loved it. And I love you super-gun series!
We got the memo... and promptly said "F\*\*\* that memo!" and did what we wanted anyways.
Good work wordsmith
This is an excellent concept! Nicely thought-out and put into words. Luv'd that it was the difficulty of space-travel logistics that made it all happen 😆 Fun read, too 👍
/u/FarmWhich4275 ([wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/wiki/authors/FarmWhich4275)) has posted 90 other stories, including: * [They Did The Giant Gun Thing Again...](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1byu0fl/they_did_the_giant_gun_thing_again/) * [A Hidden History Part 9](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1bysli5/a_hidden_history_part_9/) * [A Hidden History - Part 8](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1bwejrh/a_hidden_history_part_8/) * [A hidden History - Part 7](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1bum8h0/a_hidden_history_part_7/) * [A Hidden History - Part 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1brj8pi/a_hidden_history_part_6/) * [A Hidden History - Part 5](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1bo3zz6/a_hidden_history_part_5/) * [A Hidden History - Part 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1bkvptw/a_hidden_history_part_4/) * [First Contact With the Ship-Shipping ship](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1bk20ok/first_contact_with_the_shipshipping_ship/) * [A Hidden History - Part 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1big0s0/a_hidden_history_part_3/) * [A Hidden History - Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1b7ypzs/a_hidden_history_part_2/) * [The Humans Did WHAT With A Giant Gun?!?!](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1b65r4f/the_humans_did_what_with_a_giant_gun/) * [The Great Cheese Riot Of '86](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1b1717j/the_great_cheese_riot_of_86/) * [Edenside Crystal Gallery](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1anooor/edenside_crystal_gallery/) * [PLEASE STOP MAKING GIANT GUNS!!!](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1ajchxf/please_stop_making_giant_guns/) * [What's With All The Giant Guns?](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1aeusjk/whats_with_all_the_giant_guns/) * [The MothYard Of the Humans](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/19bagye/the_mothyard_of_the_humans/) * [A Peaceful Solution To The Taxanite Wars](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/191kfp4/a_peaceful_solution_to_the_taxanite_wars/) * [An Alien Plays... Minecraft](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/18lws5q/an_alien_plays_minecraft/) * [Yet Another Giant Gun](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/18efqpc/yet_another_giant_gun/) * [A God Called Fred](https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/1816q8a/a_god_called_fred/) This comment was automatically generated by `Waffle v.4.6.1 'Biscotti'`. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FHFY&subject=WaffleBot|1c186p6&message=If%20you%20have%20problems%20with%20updatemebot,%20contact%20Watchful1.%20We%20do%20not%20maintain%20it.) if you have any issues with Waffle.
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most fun fact- we got 4 Gas giants and 1 asteroid belt but still we had small wars over Oil,,,
Imagine the different alien empires learning about humans have fan clubs about their empires. Crab rave fan club for the crab people 🦀 🦀 🦀
I feel it's a universal truth that if you really want something done, you just have to tell a few humans it can't or shouldn't be done. We'll have it out to you in a week out of spite at your 'natural laws'
Feels AI written or assisted
everything feels AI assisted to those who dont know what reality is.