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Don't forget the SA that men deal with but never report because they know that no one will understand or treat them as victims. You're more likely to get a high five from someone who thinks you're lucky than any real help. Please tell me again how cool it must have been to be taken advantage of by a grown woman in a position of power over you as a teenager.
I was twice the victim as a teen of sexual assault from an older girl. To the point I was physically injured.
My parents were great about it. Her mom blamed me for everything of course.
We weren’t dating, were barely friendly with each other, I was never interested in her. But her mom was just as much a POS as her i realized later.
I was made to feel like I had done something wrong for *letting* her do what she did and not speaking up an adult **right that second**. Because why wouldn’t I? (I was terrified, embarrassed, and dealing with back to back painful sexual assaults).
And then also add that man life is worth less than woman… when war starts, men are the ones primarily dying! Oh and let’s not forget that men need to do every hard, hazardous and dirty job!
We really need to normalise crying as men. It is by far my most accurate internal sensor for things of emotional value.
Putting aside the usual stuff about feeling sadness, I find that my tears come out when I am incredibly moved.
en years ago if you asked me what my values are, I'd have no clue. Now? It's half the things that make me cry.
It’s the combination of feeling useless to society & having the thought that you’d be less trouble for everyone if you were dead.
That creates a spiral of thinking that suicide is a cure for uselessness that can become insidious I would imagine.
Not to mention that mental health facilities and mainstream practice don't work for men in the first place (by don't work I mean they are less effective, don't even use this as an excuse to not go to therapy)
Just make sure you have good Bros.
I once opened up to one of my best friends about a few things, not everything. Several days later it was thrown in my face during an argument. He is just a friend now.
Literally, I've had issues with this kind of thing (still do a bit but I get by) I ALWAYS make sure to ask my boys how they're doing and make extra sure with the ones that seem fine as shit. It's really scary the forms depression can take on and this is eye opening for many. Obviously ask after all your mates but lads, look out for each other. We've lost too many brothers like this already.
Robin Williams had lewy body dementia - he wasn't "just" suffering from depression or another form of it.
As much as it's horrific what happened to him/what he did I (personally) can't really condemn it. Dementia sucks, there's no cure/minimal treatments, and it never gets better. Just worse.
Fuck, I do miss the brightness he brought to the world.
It just shows how there is no sense of justice in the Universe. You can be absolutely wonderful, do everything right, and still be dealt an absolutely awful hand by destiny.
Everyone knows Robin Williams as a brilliant performer who brought joy to millions through is energy and craft. But his private suffering was not seen and his taking his own life came as a shock to all. Lewy Body Dementia was already a slow-death sentence and I don't judge or blame him at all for what he did.
One of the first things I thought of when I found out about his disease was his role in the movie 'Awakenings' (great film) where he played a doctor researching a treatment for encephalitis lethargica, which causes profound catatonia and the horrifying condition of "locked in syndrome" - a living Hell. I can't help but feel the knowledge of the topic from being in that production may have provided an extra dimension of horror for what he was facing.
I miss him too.
I wanted to share this with my friends but then they’ll think I’m asking for attention or telling them I’m depressed. I know it’s stupid but the stigma is real.
I know this feeling
Damn man, when I opened up to my friends about how I felt depressed one day, they LAUGHED at me, thought I was kidding. Said "nah bro, ain't no way you're depressed, you got it good with xyz"
At least some of them apologized to me and were supportive when I got worse and they actually heard me out for real
For reals dude, I have a good group of friends, but this would not be received positively if I were to share it. The overriding feeling, I imagine, would be..... uhmmmmmm..... wtf??
Yeah, often when men admit they have depression it’s either looked down on or belittled. Even bringing awareness to the issue about it has a stigma attached to it. Fuck, I suffer from pretty bad depression and anxiety, and I find myself at times belittling other men’s struggles. To be honest though, I do it to myself too. I just finally came to terms with mine and it’s been hard not to belittle myself. Ironically that makes the depression worse. Shit sucks.
My gf is clinical OCD. Every single time she mentions that she hates that she has to take medicine to do things normal people do I say 2 things to her.
1. What the fuck is normal?
2. Babe, I'm type 2 diabetic. I have to take medicine just to be able to eat and not suffer organ failure.
I'm 41 now, the friends I've had that thought they were tough enough to power through, mostly didn't. The ones who got help mostly did.
The clients I deal with hate having to take mental health meds. They always say they want to handle it without meds. This is what I say:
I take medication for depression and anxiety. I wish I didn't have to. But I do because the alternative is me not being here anymore.
I have found that reminding my gf that it isn't any different than treating an infection or a headache helps alot. Of course I do know people that will refuse to take advil for a headache because they think it makes them weak...
Please do be a bit less confrontational. When people have gone with this approach to others close to me, they often close themselves up, or start a dick measuring contest to see who has it worse
I suspect myself to have undiagnosed PTSD (those close to me who are experienced with it have remarked it is pretty severe) and even I find myself getting into dick measuring contests with people who groan about how hard life is for them, and how I will never understand their pain
Talk to your mates! Stigma might be real, but if they're your friends, they will understand. I'm almost 40, I had a major suicidal episode a month and a half back, called my friend att 03:30 on a wednesday, he showed up no questions asked, gave me a hug and just sat and talked with me for a few hours. They'll care if they care about you.
Just looked that up because I had never heard of it before, and they didn't even know he had it until the autopsy. Like they had diagnosed him with Parkinson's, but not LBD. Really sad.
This is exactly what happened to a friend of mine. He was always upbeat and always having fun. Lived a good life he had everything he needed and one day while he was hunting he decided to take his own life. Rest in peace stambo.
When you start thinking about using a gun to finish things, it's crazy how it just shoves itself into your head. And if you're not getting better, it just keeps popping in there more and more.
I'm glad I didn't have access to guns when I was at my worst, it would have been too easy.
I had the same thought for a couple of years, “if i had access to a gun….”. A few years later i returned back to my home country and eventually got called up to the military reserves (all men do that here). About once a year we do a firing exercise, we get our guns and shoot 10-20 bullets and leave.
I did it twice so far and every time i was afraid of my self. I have a gun, with live bullets, in my hands… every time i go i think about it.
"The loneliest people are the kindest, the saddest people smile the brightest, and the most damaged people are the wisest. All because they don't wish to see others suffer like they do."
~ Anonymous
It's hands down my favorite quote ever. Reminds me of Robin Williams. He couldn't find the humor in the darkness so he led as many people as he could to it.
Aww man…. I had a print of sad Robin after he passed, with the Pagliacci Clown quote on it. I looked at that every single day at work to get my shit together. It always made me well up
This hits really close to home. I had a friend who was always upbeat and I got along with him well. We always had fun at lunch and it seemed like he enjoyed it. I often gave him advice to help him pursue his crush.
But then after the school year ended, I got a text message from another friend a month later, saying that someone from my grade level took his own life. I asked who it was…
I can’t even describe my reaction when she said my friend’s name. The rest of the day I felt guilty because I felt like I could’ve done something to prevent it from happening, but I didn’t.
I miss him. The last words I said to him were _”Have a great summer!”_
You weren't to know, and you cannot blame yourself. People hide things purposely because they don't want to be a burden to others and out of shame.
There was literally no way you could have known.
First published in 1897. This is not a new problem it’s just an ignored problem.
Richard Cory
BY EDWIN ARLINGTON ROBINSON
Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich—yes, richer than a king—
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
Talk to your friends. Ask them how they’re doing. Share your pain with them, but don’t over burden them. It works.
Helping someone else in a time of need comes back 1000 fold every time
***RICHARD CORY***
*by Edwin Arlington Robinson*
______________________________
Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich—yes, richer than a king—
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
As someone who has to deal with depression. It is amazing how people around me never noticed. I consider talking my life a few times, thanks God I was able to talk my self out of it. One day I was at my limit and said something and the response I got back to man up. This came from someone I was supporting for years literally paying their rent and bills. And when I showed a tiny bit of weakness the response was to quit being a little bitch. But that's ok I am a man and I understand my roll. I no longer have those dark thoughts or the need to lock my self in a dark room. But not everyone is lucky enough to pull them self out of a hole. Don't wait or look for signs, if you have people in your life you care for just check on them. Some times just listening to someone and letting them vent. Be weak around you, without judging them can make difference.
Hey as long as they are working for you and helping you. It's what really matters. In my case it was family issues. Realizing how fucked up my family is. It hit a bit too hard, and it send me down a dark path. I learned that what's done is done and distancing my self from them actually helps a lot. Unfortunately because of my parents I can't put as much distance as I would like to. But one day I will. And I'll be even better than I am now.
Hell of a timing. A family friend recently took her life a few days ago. Completely took me off guard because every time I was around her she was always smiling and laughing. She seemed like the stereotypical happy mom who loves her family and loves her community, but I did know there was a lot going on in her life.
You really can’t tell most of the time. Its heartbreaking.
Sadly this reminds me of the poem ‘Richard Cory’ about a popular, envied man who suddenly committed suicide.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44982/richard-cory
You are misled into thinking that the person on the left is depressed as they LOOK the part. However it is actually the dude on the right that is depressed on commits suicide.
They're both depressed is the message. However, you expect that the brooding, sulking guy is depressed. It isn't until the loud, boisterous guy suddenly offs himself that you realize he was depressed too and was just better at hiding it until it killed him.
The final shot of the boisterous guy alive is very telling. His friend goes to give him his team scarf back and he says "nah, mate, you keep it." Giving away prized possessions is one of the final (and most dangerous) signs that someone is suicidal. They know they won't be around much longer, so they try to ensure others get what they believe they will enjoy.
That is a very clear explanation. Here is the issue for me. What can we do about it if we can't spot any signs. Even if you hang out constantly and talk, if they want to keep that hidden, what can we do to help? This is an honest question. I watched the video multiple times and I never once saw any signs of the guy on the right. For sure the guy on the left but I want to educate myself on how to recognize it. What can we do to help?
I mean, I think the key element is at the end when it says to simply check in on those around you. The guy on the right is constantly engaging and checking in on the dude on the left even thoigh he himself must not be doing so well. However, how many times did we see the guy on the left check in with the guy on the right? It's not about being able to spot things, and only taking actions when (if) you spot something is wrong because at that point it may be too late. Check in with your friends even if they're genuinely and obviously doing alright, because if they're not then you may be able to help.
Any time one of my friends shows a sign I wait until we are alone and speak up.
“I’ve been depressed lately” (doesn’t matter what the context is or how it was said”
“My wife asked for a divorce”
“I really hate this job”
…
Once alone I say something like “I don’t know how serious what you said earlier actually is, but I want you to know that I take depression very seriously.” I look them square in the eyes and continue. “You can call me 24 hours a day. It doesn’t matter what the problem is, how big or how small, I will pick up the phone. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be groggy at 3:00 AM, but I’ll make some coffee or meet you somewhere. 24 hours a day, I’ll pick up that phone.”
They always blow it off, but the offer is clearly on the table.
My point is, you can’t always see the issue, but when you do, attack it. Talk to your friend. Tell them that it’s ok to have depression and you are on their side. Don’t ignore it.
Related: be kind and understanding. You never know what is going on with other people. Tell that person you like their hat. Make sure the waiter knows that they helped you have an exceptional experience. When someone is being difficult, listen to them calmly and do what you can to help. Say “you did a great job” a lot.
Good on you. I do that for friends, and friends do that for me. But the rub is, when you are in that mind set, the last thing you wanna do is bother your friends.
All you can do is try brother. Lend them a shoulder to cry on or just a safe place to speak and open up. No telling if they will but you can at least offer. And always check in.
You just do your best. Be supportive. Let your friends know that you're here for them, that they can talk to you, that you're a safe space that cares about them, won't judge them or moch them.
Had to watch it more than once but I think I understand it now.
While the guy on the left shows that he is having a hard time, the guy on the right doesn’t. But he is in an even worse situation because in the end he isn’t there anymore because he ended it
Not really. I for one hear how horrible men are, how we are to blame for everything, how we oppress everyone, and how we have privileges over all. And hear that shit all the time from…. You guessed it…. Women.
We hurt and we struggle too. Unfortunately, we have to hide it, run from it, drown it, or numb it. If none of those work… we can always end it. But god forbid we talk about it from our ivory tower everyone thinks we are in.
Suicide is FAR FAR FAR more prevalent with men than it is women and it’s because we are not allowed to share our feeling, if anyone cared anyways.
And when they do care, no one says anything. Why? Because we are men. We’ve got this. Right?
Right?
Unfortunately this is pretty accurate. Even the cheeriest person in the room can have the utmost internal turmoil. Happens more often than you’d think, too
M anic depressive people usually take their lives during an “up-swing,” because they want to go out on their terms instead of waiting for the down swing again. Watching the video, it was him giving away the scarf that got to me. Truly suicidal friends have always been very suddenly generous with their things. Also, checking in on his buddy because he “knew” something was up because he felt that way, too.
Guys, take care of each other. Everyone just look out for each other. If a friend you haven’t talked to in a while suddenly reaches out, chat them up and ask how they are. Keep them on the phone and ask if they have someone nearby to stay with, if not offer up your couch. Who knows? A good catch up might save their lives.
This was exactly the same thing that happened to my dad’s best friend .happiest guy in the room always making the funniest jokes seeing everyone feels loved and appreciated . In December ended up committing suicide with the same gun his brother committed suicide with . He was a friend that became a brother to my father and an uncle to me .
This hits way to close to home
I realise that I’m kinda like both. In private, I confide in my online friends. Irl, I’m upbeat and rarely appear sad. I distract myself so that I can avoid going back to the reality of it. Even my time here on Reddit is a distraction.
Met someone once who was upbeat and friendly, and we went out all the time, and became fast friends. One day he showed up at my door late at night and asked for company because he didn’t trust himself to be alone. And so we talked and he slept on my couch, and we made a plan in the morning. Everything worked out okay, and I am grateful that I was home that night and that he reached out. It can be risky to do that — I’ve reached out to people when in crisis only to be burned. I’m glad we could trust one another, and that he was able to make it to the other side of that crisis.
This is a heart wrenching video and so real, but why label it with this title? I've experienced a lot more women encouraging men to share their feelings than expecting them to stay closed off?
Damn. I hope more men see this and seek help. It’s so hard living with mental health issues and being vulnerable about it must be so difficult for men. As a woman I have endured my own struggles with mental health issues but I have seen the numbers on men’s mental health access and diagnosis and the numbers are so fucking low. I pray to see more male dominated support groups and mental health awareness as a result of content like this!
When I was 11, depression hit me a like freight train, but I didnt know what it was. "I had nothing to be sad about and Im just doing it for attention as the middle child" was the constant things said from my Brother and parents. A decade later, when my brother's best friend ended it, he was shook. Guy, who never stopped smiling was going through things that he knew about, but never knew the true impact of it.
Today, I just hide my depression better but I also reassure him that 1) it's not his fault and 2) No, I will not take myself out. Sadly, it took him losing someone close to him for him and parents to realize that yes depression is real, anxiety is real, and stress can be the noose that strings it all up together.
Another kind of dark thing no one wants to admit is that people wont help you or care about you if they dont have a reason to.
For context i studied psychology and ironically was dealing with depression, which made me eat less, be constantly tired at my classes (to the degree of falling asleep a lot during them) and sometimes i wouldn’t even showered for 2 to 3 days in a row.
Point being i was basically surrounded by about 30 aspiring psychologist, some of them even making some grandiose speech about wanting to help others and stuff, and for about 3 semesters i never got anything outside of basic mannerism; basically no one cared about me since they didn’t have a good reason to (having a close relationship outside of being classmates, being part of the same group of friends, caring about someone who’s difficult to have conversations).
Now i know it might be selfish to expect help just because the situation seemed ideal, but part of me still feels resentful that a group of people with a more keen eye to spot someone struggling with a mental dissorder, didn’t even cared about the person who they share a space with looking like fucking garbage day after day.
Anyway, i hope other men are having a much better life that i have, thanks for letting me rant.
Even feminism wins when men have better mental health.
We can do so much better for the world taking care of our mental health.
Use homeopathic ways if you want, just take care of yourself.
The ad is spot on but OP title bs. The women I know in my life and myself included have never thought men don't feel pain. Why hit out like that and make it about "women's view of what it is to be a man" rather than highlighting what is taught in the ad? OP had the opportunity to promote the seriousness of mens mental health but instead OP used it to be spiteful against women smh
Why are you flexing ? Most men don't have that kind of support from women. A lot of men have learned the hard way why we shouldn't share our emotions with women.
Im the guy who laughs all the time. It works fine for a while, if you can make other people happy youlll have a better timr around them and forget about your probelms. Just dont let it build up too much.
I saw this a while back and it was one of those few advertisements you actually have to just applaud.
Never seen something so effective at getting its message across. It was very well done.
This really strikes a cord. I was on anti depressants for around 4 years and I regularly still have thoughts about ending it all. I just find life really hard to navigate and cope with. I go to counselling and try to speak about how I feel. I'm very much the happy on the outside hurting on the inside type of person. In all honesty without my wife and kids I wouldn't be here anymore. Remember to just keep talking, even if it hurts to, and if you ever need someone them DM me. Never face into the darkness alone.
hurt the first time watching, the second, the third, and now the fourth too. probably the most hard-hitting video ive seen on awareness, but australia's on not using your phone while driving's up there too. beautiful video, both of them:(
This is my second time watching this and I noticed quite a few things but one of the ones the hit the hardest was when he let the man on the left keep his scarf…cuz he wouldn’t need it anymore.
I have ptsi from the fire service. Many of my brothers do also. Some of my brothers don't have it any more. They just aren't here to tell me about it. I don't know what hurts the most.
Your post has been removed because a mod felt it doesn't fit the subreddit. Make sure your post is a Hol' Up moment, attempts humor, and fits the general theme of the subreddit pre-submission. If you really feel like dying on this hill, message the mods.
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it hurts even more, the second time.
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i tried to go to NAMI once and i was sternly told that *"we don't talk about problems here"*
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Thank you
I was not prepared for that ending at all. We need to do better for each other.
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Don't forget the SA that men deal with but never report because they know that no one will understand or treat them as victims. You're more likely to get a high five from someone who thinks you're lucky than any real help. Please tell me again how cool it must have been to be taken advantage of by a grown woman in a position of power over you as a teenager.
I was twice the victim as a teen of sexual assault from an older girl. To the point I was physically injured. My parents were great about it. Her mom blamed me for everything of course. We weren’t dating, were barely friendly with each other, I was never interested in her. But her mom was just as much a POS as her i realized later. I was made to feel like I had done something wrong for *letting* her do what she did and not speaking up an adult **right that second**. Because why wouldn’t I? (I was terrified, embarrassed, and dealing with back to back painful sexual assaults).
It's not your fault You didn't do anything wrong And you deserve better I hope you are doing better
Not to mention the number of countries where a man can't even legally be raped by a woman. It's disgusting.
And then also add that man life is worth less than woman… when war starts, men are the ones primarily dying! Oh and let’s not forget that men need to do every hard, hazardous and dirty job!
We really need to normalise crying as men. It is by far my most accurate internal sensor for things of emotional value. Putting aside the usual stuff about feeling sadness, I find that my tears come out when I am incredibly moved. en years ago if you asked me what my values are, I'd have no clue. Now? It's half the things that make me cry.
It’s the combination of feeling useless to society & having the thought that you’d be less trouble for everyone if you were dead. That creates a spiral of thinking that suicide is a cure for uselessness that can become insidious I would imagine.
Not to mention that mental health facilities and mainstream practice don't work for men in the first place (by don't work I mean they are less effective, don't even use this as an excuse to not go to therapy)
I knew what was coming as soon as he told his mate to keep the scarf. Apparently it's common for suicidal people to give away possessions like that
Fuck. I felt that personally. Original video: https://youtu.be/tX8TgVR33KM?si=Ya7Z6U3hyNiTG4sU
Not a holup, but petitioning to keep this up so more dudes see it. Check in on your bros, bros.
> Check on your bros, bros. Stealing this line when I share this to other platforms. O7
Steal away, kind internet stranger. More dudes see this the better imo.
Just make sure you have good Bros. I once opened up to one of my best friends about a few things, not everything. Several days later it was thrown in my face during an argument. He is just a friend now.
Heard that. I once opened up to a friend about problems with my (now ex) wife. Marriage ended, and now they have a kid together.
Checking in bro, how you doing :)
Nah that's what makes this the ultimate holup, we all should holup a min and give a call to a bro
Holy fucking shit. Right in the feels so hard, all I can do is joke.
Classic case of Robin Williams syndrome.
Literally, I've had issues with this kind of thing (still do a bit but I get by) I ALWAYS make sure to ask my boys how they're doing and make extra sure with the ones that seem fine as shit. It's really scary the forms depression can take on and this is eye opening for many. Obviously ask after all your mates but lads, look out for each other. We've lost too many brothers like this already.
I just watched The Iron Claw this week and it hurt.
Robin Williams had lewy body dementia - he wasn't "just" suffering from depression or another form of it. As much as it's horrific what happened to him/what he did I (personally) can't really condemn it. Dementia sucks, there's no cure/minimal treatments, and it never gets better. Just worse. Fuck, I do miss the brightness he brought to the world.
It just shows how there is no sense of justice in the Universe. You can be absolutely wonderful, do everything right, and still be dealt an absolutely awful hand by destiny. Everyone knows Robin Williams as a brilliant performer who brought joy to millions through is energy and craft. But his private suffering was not seen and his taking his own life came as a shock to all. Lewy Body Dementia was already a slow-death sentence and I don't judge or blame him at all for what he did. One of the first things I thought of when I found out about his disease was his role in the movie 'Awakenings' (great film) where he played a doctor researching a treatment for encephalitis lethargica, which causes profound catatonia and the horrifying condition of "locked in syndrome" - a living Hell. I can't help but feel the knowledge of the topic from being in that production may have provided an extra dimension of horror for what he was facing. I miss him too.
I wanted to share this with my friends but then they’ll think I’m asking for attention or telling them I’m depressed. I know it’s stupid but the stigma is real.
I know this feeling Damn man, when I opened up to my friends about how I felt depressed one day, they LAUGHED at me, thought I was kidding. Said "nah bro, ain't no way you're depressed, you got it good with xyz" At least some of them apologized to me and were supportive when I got worse and they actually heard me out for real
It absolutely is, I can’t think of one male person in my life I could show this too without them assuming something.
Share it with r/TwoXChromosones. And get banned.
Somehow I started following that sub for a while and it is by far one of the most toxic places on Reddit.
For reals dude, I have a good group of friends, but this would not be received positively if I were to share it. The overriding feeling, I imagine, would be..... uhmmmmmm..... wtf??
Yeah, often when men admit they have depression it’s either looked down on or belittled. Even bringing awareness to the issue about it has a stigma attached to it. Fuck, I suffer from pretty bad depression and anxiety, and I find myself at times belittling other men’s struggles. To be honest though, I do it to myself too. I just finally came to terms with mine and it’s been hard not to belittle myself. Ironically that makes the depression worse. Shit sucks.
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My gf is clinical OCD. Every single time she mentions that she hates that she has to take medicine to do things normal people do I say 2 things to her. 1. What the fuck is normal? 2. Babe, I'm type 2 diabetic. I have to take medicine just to be able to eat and not suffer organ failure. I'm 41 now, the friends I've had that thought they were tough enough to power through, mostly didn't. The ones who got help mostly did.
The clients I deal with hate having to take mental health meds. They always say they want to handle it without meds. This is what I say: I take medication for depression and anxiety. I wish I didn't have to. But I do because the alternative is me not being here anymore.
I have found that reminding my gf that it isn't any different than treating an infection or a headache helps alot. Of course I do know people that will refuse to take advil for a headache because they think it makes them weak...
Please do be a bit less confrontational. When people have gone with this approach to others close to me, they often close themselves up, or start a dick measuring contest to see who has it worse I suspect myself to have undiagnosed PTSD (those close to me who are experienced with it have remarked it is pretty severe) and even I find myself getting into dick measuring contests with people who groan about how hard life is for them, and how I will never understand their pain
Oh it’s 100% about how you phrase it. You can’t come off confrontational I agree. But it’s hard to convey that in text form.
It’s not wrong to ask for attention. Sometimes that’s what you need. I don’t like that kind of attitude.
It’s not an attitude, my friend. You open yourself up just to be left on read and then this becomes the unfortunate reality.
Talk to your mates! Stigma might be real, but if they're your friends, they will understand. I'm almost 40, I had a major suicidal episode a month and a half back, called my friend att 03:30 on a wednesday, he showed up no questions asked, gave me a hug and just sat and talked with me for a few hours. They'll care if they care about you.
This! And I hope you're doing well yourself.
Thanks, it's a work in progress
I'd send it with a tag. "Damn this is powerful. Hope you're all good." If it leads to conversations, then great!
They’re not the right kind of friends then man…
Just share it with them and tell them you’re here for them or something
The ones who are always carrying a smile carry the heaviest pain. Reminded me of Robin Williams, RIP.
Robin had lewys body dementia. Arguably one of the worse friends. I understand wanting to go out on your own terms
I don't know why you're getting downvoted, it's a horrible and debilitating disorder that many people chose not to live with.
Dementia runs in my family. I plan on ending things myself if I get diagnosed
Just looked that up because I had never heard of it before, and they didn't even know he had it until the autopsy. Like they had diagnosed him with Parkinson's, but not LBD. Really sad.
Fucking shit. I have Parkinson's and I just looked up LBD and I really don't like how familiar that list looks. Goddamn it.
I find it interesting that even tho it is not an holup, it still stays. It's an important message.
I mean, it is a hold up. The viewer assumes that the guy on the left would be the one to go but... it was the guy on the right F
This is exactly what happened to a friend of mine. He was always upbeat and always having fun. Lived a good life he had everything he needed and one day while he was hunting he decided to take his own life. Rest in peace stambo.
When you start thinking about using a gun to finish things, it's crazy how it just shoves itself into your head. And if you're not getting better, it just keeps popping in there more and more. I'm glad I didn't have access to guns when I was at my worst, it would have been too easy.
I had the same thought for a couple of years, “if i had access to a gun….”. A few years later i returned back to my home country and eventually got called up to the military reserves (all men do that here). About once a year we do a firing exercise, we get our guns and shoot 10-20 bullets and leave. I did it twice so far and every time i was afraid of my self. I have a gun, with live bullets, in my hands… every time i go i think about it.
"The loneliest people are the kindest, the saddest people smile the brightest, and the most damaged people are the wisest. All because they don't wish to see others suffer like they do." ~ Anonymous
This only counts for people with empathy. Non empathetic people just become worse monsters
Goddamn. That’s going on my fridge. You just described me
It's hands down my favorite quote ever. Reminds me of Robin Williams. He couldn't find the humor in the darkness so he led as many people as he could to it.
Aww man…. I had a print of sad Robin after he passed, with the Pagliacci Clown quote on it. I looked at that every single day at work to get my shit together. It always made me well up
This hits really close to home. I had a friend who was always upbeat and I got along with him well. We always had fun at lunch and it seemed like he enjoyed it. I often gave him advice to help him pursue his crush. But then after the school year ended, I got a text message from another friend a month later, saying that someone from my grade level took his own life. I asked who it was… I can’t even describe my reaction when she said my friend’s name. The rest of the day I felt guilty because I felt like I could’ve done something to prevent it from happening, but I didn’t. I miss him. The last words I said to him were _”Have a great summer!”_
You weren't to know, and you cannot blame yourself. People hide things purposely because they don't want to be a burden to others and out of shame. There was literally no way you could have known.
I’m sorry for your loss.
First published in 1897. This is not a new problem it’s just an ignored problem. Richard Cory BY EDWIN ARLINGTON ROBINSON Whenever Richard Cory went down town, We people on the pavement looked at him: He was a gentleman from sole to crown, Clean favored, and imperially slim. And he was always quietly arrayed, And he was always human when he talked; But still he fluttered pulses when he said, "Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked. And he was rich—yes, richer than a king— And admirably schooled in every grace: In fine, we thought that he was everything To make us wish that we were in his place. So on we worked, and waited for the light, And went without the meat, and cursed the bread; And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, Went home and put a bullet through his head.
I just posted that this video reminded me of that poem right before I scrolled to see your comment…
I wasn't familiar with that one. Thank you.
He is a fan of another team now.
Football fans: he'd be better dead
Saw this a week ago and it hasnt left my mind since
I didn’t expect it myself, but its very true.
Didn't think a one minute reddit video would make me cry so hard
You need someone to talk to, bud?
I think most of us need someone to talk to. But no one does because of the fear that the other person thinks we are weird.
Talk to your friends. Ask them how they’re doing. Share your pain with them, but don’t over burden them. It works. Helping someone else in a time of need comes back 1000 fold every time
Got me the second time
***RICHARD CORY*** *by Edwin Arlington Robinson* ______________________________ Whenever Richard Cory went down town, We people on the pavement looked at him: He was a gentleman from sole to crown, Clean favored, and imperially slim. And he was always quietly arrayed, And he was always human when he talked; But still he fluttered pulses when he said, "Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked. And he was rich—yes, richer than a king— And admirably schooled in every grace: In fine, we thought that he was everything To make us wish that we were in his place. So on we worked, and waited for the light, And went without the meat, and cursed the bread; And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, Went home and put a bullet through his head.
European and Australian ads about serious shit like this are always really good.
As someone who has to deal with depression. It is amazing how people around me never noticed. I consider talking my life a few times, thanks God I was able to talk my self out of it. One day I was at my limit and said something and the response I got back to man up. This came from someone I was supporting for years literally paying their rent and bills. And when I showed a tiny bit of weakness the response was to quit being a little bitch. But that's ok I am a man and I understand my roll. I no longer have those dark thoughts or the need to lock my self in a dark room. But not everyone is lucky enough to pull them self out of a hole. Don't wait or look for signs, if you have people in your life you care for just check on them. Some times just listening to someone and letting them vent. Be weak around you, without judging them can make difference.
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Thanks. I hope everything is well with you too.
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Hey as long as they are working for you and helping you. It's what really matters. In my case it was family issues. Realizing how fucked up my family is. It hit a bit too hard, and it send me down a dark path. I learned that what's done is done and distancing my self from them actually helps a lot. Unfortunately because of my parents I can't put as much distance as I would like to. But one day I will. And I'll be even better than I am now.
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Thanks.
Hell of a timing. A family friend recently took her life a few days ago. Completely took me off guard because every time I was around her she was always smiling and laughing. She seemed like the stereotypical happy mom who loves her family and loves her community, but I did know there was a lot going on in her life. You really can’t tell most of the time. Its heartbreaking.
The second he gave away the scarf I was like...oh fuck.
Dude. Stop. I didn't wanna feel
Sadly this reminds me of the poem ‘Richard Cory’ about a popular, envied man who suddenly committed suicide. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44982/richard-cory
Why turn this into an anti-woman thing OP?
I don’t fully understand this, but I feel the emotions here.
You are misled into thinking that the person on the left is depressed as they LOOK the part. However it is actually the dude on the right that is depressed on commits suicide.
They're both depressed is the message. However, you expect that the brooding, sulking guy is depressed. It isn't until the loud, boisterous guy suddenly offs himself that you realize he was depressed too and was just better at hiding it until it killed him. The final shot of the boisterous guy alive is very telling. His friend goes to give him his team scarf back and he says "nah, mate, you keep it." Giving away prized possessions is one of the final (and most dangerous) signs that someone is suicidal. They know they won't be around much longer, so they try to ensure others get what they believe they will enjoy.
That is a very clear explanation. Here is the issue for me. What can we do about it if we can't spot any signs. Even if you hang out constantly and talk, if they want to keep that hidden, what can we do to help? This is an honest question. I watched the video multiple times and I never once saw any signs of the guy on the right. For sure the guy on the left but I want to educate myself on how to recognize it. What can we do to help?
I mean, I think the key element is at the end when it says to simply check in on those around you. The guy on the right is constantly engaging and checking in on the dude on the left even thoigh he himself must not be doing so well. However, how many times did we see the guy on the left check in with the guy on the right? It's not about being able to spot things, and only taking actions when (if) you spot something is wrong because at that point it may be too late. Check in with your friends even if they're genuinely and obviously doing alright, because if they're not then you may be able to help.
I see. The message is that the guy on the left didn't ask him how things were going.
It's about learning to be proactive rather than reactive
Any time one of my friends shows a sign I wait until we are alone and speak up. “I’ve been depressed lately” (doesn’t matter what the context is or how it was said” “My wife asked for a divorce” “I really hate this job” … Once alone I say something like “I don’t know how serious what you said earlier actually is, but I want you to know that I take depression very seriously.” I look them square in the eyes and continue. “You can call me 24 hours a day. It doesn’t matter what the problem is, how big or how small, I will pick up the phone. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll be groggy at 3:00 AM, but I’ll make some coffee or meet you somewhere. 24 hours a day, I’ll pick up that phone.” They always blow it off, but the offer is clearly on the table. My point is, you can’t always see the issue, but when you do, attack it. Talk to your friend. Tell them that it’s ok to have depression and you are on their side. Don’t ignore it. Related: be kind and understanding. You never know what is going on with other people. Tell that person you like their hat. Make sure the waiter knows that they helped you have an exceptional experience. When someone is being difficult, listen to them calmly and do what you can to help. Say “you did a great job” a lot.
Good on you. I do that for friends, and friends do that for me. But the rub is, when you are in that mind set, the last thing you wanna do is bother your friends.
All you can do is try brother. Lend them a shoulder to cry on or just a safe place to speak and open up. No telling if they will but you can at least offer. And always check in.
You just do your best. Be supportive. Let your friends know that you're here for them, that they can talk to you, that you're a safe space that cares about them, won't judge them or moch them.
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Okay, thanks for explaining that to me.
Had to watch it more than once but I think I understand it now. While the guy on the left shows that he is having a hard time, the guy on the right doesn’t. But he is in an even worse situation because in the end he isn’t there anymore because he ended it
Oh.
We are kinda just expected to drink our problems away. I know that's what mental health in America is.
This can be true about either gender really.
You putting that title is the real holup (and part of the problem)
Right? It literally has NOTHING to do with the video, and frankly takes away from an important message.
Not really. I for one hear how horrible men are, how we are to blame for everything, how we oppress everyone, and how we have privileges over all. And hear that shit all the time from…. You guessed it…. Women. We hurt and we struggle too. Unfortunately, we have to hide it, run from it, drown it, or numb it. If none of those work… we can always end it. But god forbid we talk about it from our ivory tower everyone thinks we are in. Suicide is FAR FAR FAR more prevalent with men than it is women and it’s because we are not allowed to share our feeling, if anyone cared anyways. And when they do care, no one says anything. Why? Because we are men. We’ve got this. Right? Right?
The patriarchy is a societal system and entirely separate from an individual being depressed, and it hurts both men and women.
holy shit that hit me harder than i thought. was not expecting that.
The people who seem the happiest are often faking it. We all need to be better about *really* checking in on one another.
Check on your friends
oh. oh *fuck.* this hits way too close to home for me... r.i.p. dustin, miss you homie ✌️
Unfortunately this is pretty accurate. Even the cheeriest person in the room can have the utmost internal turmoil. Happens more often than you’d think, too
M anic depressive people usually take their lives during an “up-swing,” because they want to go out on their terms instead of waiting for the down swing again. Watching the video, it was him giving away the scarf that got to me. Truly suicidal friends have always been very suddenly generous with their things. Also, checking in on his buddy because he “knew” something was up because he felt that way, too. Guys, take care of each other. Everyone just look out for each other. If a friend you haven’t talked to in a while suddenly reaches out, chat them up and ask how they are. Keep them on the phone and ask if they have someone nearby to stay with, if not offer up your couch. Who knows? A good catch up might save their lives.
^(yeh...)
This was exactly the same thing that happened to my dad’s best friend .happiest guy in the room always making the funniest jokes seeing everyone feels loved and appreciated . In December ended up committing suicide with the same gun his brother committed suicide with . He was a friend that became a brother to my father and an uncle to me . This hits way to close to home
Dayum…
I realise that I’m kinda like both. In private, I confide in my online friends. Irl, I’m upbeat and rarely appear sad. I distract myself so that I can avoid going back to the reality of it. Even my time here on Reddit is a distraction.
Since nobody bothered, here is the original full length vid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tX8TgVR33KM
that hit way to hard right now
Fuck man. I'm on the train to work here.
Damn dude that was tough
Fucking hell who is cutting onions!
I’m just gonna stand out here in the rain cuz…. Cuz I’m allergic to onions. Ill be in in a minute
Met someone once who was upbeat and friendly, and we went out all the time, and became fast friends. One day he showed up at my door late at night and asked for company because he didn’t trust himself to be alone. And so we talked and he slept on my couch, and we made a plan in the morning. Everything worked out okay, and I am grateful that I was home that night and that he reached out. It can be risky to do that — I’ve reached out to people when in crisis only to be burned. I’m glad we could trust one another, and that he was able to make it to the other side of that crisis.
This is a heart wrenching video and so real, but why label it with this title? I've experienced a lot more women encouraging men to share their feelings than expecting them to stay closed off?
Bros watch out for each other - no one else will for us
Damn. I hope more men see this and seek help. It’s so hard living with mental health issues and being vulnerable about it must be so difficult for men. As a woman I have endured my own struggles with mental health issues but I have seen the numbers on men’s mental health access and diagnosis and the numbers are so fucking low. I pray to see more male dominated support groups and mental health awareness as a result of content like this!
When I was 11, depression hit me a like freight train, but I didnt know what it was. "I had nothing to be sad about and Im just doing it for attention as the middle child" was the constant things said from my Brother and parents. A decade later, when my brother's best friend ended it, he was shook. Guy, who never stopped smiling was going through things that he knew about, but never knew the true impact of it. Today, I just hide my depression better but I also reassure him that 1) it's not his fault and 2) No, I will not take myself out. Sadly, it took him losing someone close to him for him and parents to realize that yes depression is real, anxiety is real, and stress can be the noose that strings it all up together.
....I expected a different ending coming from this sub
Another kind of dark thing no one wants to admit is that people wont help you or care about you if they dont have a reason to. For context i studied psychology and ironically was dealing with depression, which made me eat less, be constantly tired at my classes (to the degree of falling asleep a lot during them) and sometimes i wouldn’t even showered for 2 to 3 days in a row. Point being i was basically surrounded by about 30 aspiring psychologist, some of them even making some grandiose speech about wanting to help others and stuff, and for about 3 semesters i never got anything outside of basic mannerism; basically no one cared about me since they didn’t have a good reason to (having a close relationship outside of being classmates, being part of the same group of friends, caring about someone who’s difficult to have conversations). Now i know it might be selfish to expect help just because the situation seemed ideal, but part of me still feels resentful that a group of people with a more keen eye to spot someone struggling with a mental dissorder, didn’t even cared about the person who they share a space with looking like fucking garbage day after day. Anyway, i hope other men are having a much better life that i have, thanks for letting me rant.
Knew it was the guy on the right from the get go. If you know, you know. Chin up lads, talk to your mates
Even feminism wins when men have better mental health. We can do so much better for the world taking care of our mental health. Use homeopathic ways if you want, just take care of yourself.
This is exactly that. Please check in with your loved ones. 🖤
Not a holup (kinda is) but upvote this through the roof so that people can see this.
The ad is spot on but OP title bs. The women I know in my life and myself included have never thought men don't feel pain. Why hit out like that and make it about "women's view of what it is to be a man" rather than highlighting what is taught in the ad? OP had the opportunity to promote the seriousness of mens mental health but instead OP used it to be spiteful against women smh
I had to scroll way too far to see someone mention this atrocious post title.
Why are you flexing ? Most men don't have that kind of support from women. A lot of men have learned the hard way why we shouldn't share our emotions with women.
on the ball, city!
r/Unexpected
Full Video: https://youtu.be/tX8TgVR33KM?si=Ya7Z6U3hyNiTG4sU
What watching Suarez fuck over your team does to a man
For someone out there that needs to hear this. Remember that you are enough.
Im the guy who laughs all the time. It works fine for a while, if you can make other people happy youlll have a better timr around them and forget about your probelms. Just dont let it build up too much.
Ouch, right in the feels...
Good video, bad move to slap a sexist title on it. OP can fuck off and let me enjoy the video
Wow, it was the friend all along.
That seriously gave me chills.
Damn. Not the holup i wanted to see. But this is real.
I saw this a while back and it was one of those few advertisements you actually have to just applaud. Never seen something so effective at getting its message across. It was very well done.
This really strikes a cord. I was on anti depressants for around 4 years and I regularly still have thoughts about ending it all. I just find life really hard to navigate and cope with. I go to counselling and try to speak about how I feel. I'm very much the happy on the outside hurting on the inside type of person. In all honesty without my wife and kids I wouldn't be here anymore. Remember to just keep talking, even if it hurts to, and if you ever need someone them DM me. Never face into the darkness alone.
ouch =\[
That was powerful!
This reminds me of a short film (edit) that involves a pregnant woman and an old man waiting for the bus. Both hit home the same way.
Fucking ouch
Damn, this video made it rounds a few months back and still brings the tears
Woah
Stay safe out there, Kings. I love you.
That hit different
Very well made
Welp
hurt the first time watching, the second, the third, and now the fourth too. probably the most hard-hitting video ive seen on awareness, but australia's on not using your phone while driving's up there too. beautiful video, both of them:(
Always check in on your homies
OUCH that ending hurt more than the rest of the vid. Im in pain now :(
Fuuuuck! I’m not crying you’re crying.
Fucking feels from hol up
Well now I'm sad
I’m not crying, you are. Fuck! Why does it hurt watching this?
Oh my God, that hit and it hit hard.
I have seen this so many times and it STILL gives me goosebumps.
holup of the year nomination
Fuck you , why did you make me cry....?
Thank you…now I’m even more depressed.
I feel this so so much, I’ve been that dude.
This is my second time watching this and I noticed quite a few things but one of the ones the hit the hardest was when he let the man on the left keep his scarf…cuz he wouldn’t need it anymore.
I have ptsi from the fire service. Many of my brothers do also. Some of my brothers don't have it any more. They just aren't here to tell me about it. I don't know what hurts the most.
Yup that’s how you do it right there baby
Really powerful. That was moving and thought provoking.
Ouch.
I still remember the last game I played with one of my best friends. I miss that guy alot.