My parents thought ADHD was a made-up condition created so Big Pharma could shove more pills down people's throats and talked about how kids on ritalin turned into robots or zombies and lost all their spark and energy, they didn't believe in therapy, mental illness or medication for those either. My mom also would talk about how you didn't want a diagnosis like that because if you had one you went on "lists" and once you were on a "list" no one would ever hire you because having a mental illness made you a liability.
I spent most of my life genuinely just thinking I was stupid and scatterbrained and who worried about nothing and feel sad for no reason and that somehow all of these things were moral failings on my part.
Fast forward to being an adult who's on meds for my mood and on Ritalin after an official ADHD diagnosis... I'm not a robot or a zombie, but what I am is someone who's suddenly able to function like a mostly normal person without having to fight so damn hard and try way harder than anyone else to stay on track and get stuff done. I desperately wish I'd been allowed to be treated as a child, it would have made so much of a difference in so many ways.
Some of this is so much like what my mom would tell me. She claimed that if you went to a psychiatrist for any reason you could never go to college because they'd think you might be a risk to yourself or others. Even when I was like 7 I didn't think that made sense. She believed in mental illness but was horribly stigmatizing about it.
I'm so glad you eventually got a diagnosis and medication that helps you. I'm diagnosed and tried ADHD medication in the past but didn't have luck. I'm hoping to try again soon and that I have better luck. It really would have made such a good difference to get the help I needed as early as possible. But there's still hope.
Yes! I wasn't put on stimulants because cHiLdReN dOnT bElOnG on StiMuLanTs. My ADHD was treated with an SSRI instead -- starting from the time I was 9.
Now that I'm an adult I've found they're the only thing that gives me any motivation to get off the couch. Finally got off the SSRIs too and lo and behold, there are all these emotions to feel that I never learned how to deal with... so that's nice...
That sounds really awful. I can't imagine the logic of trying to treat a child with SSRIs if stimulants are not okay. I'm currently on an SSRI and another medication for anxiety and depression and they don't help my ADHD symptoms (besides reducing outbursts and emotional overload) at all.
I'm really glad you're finally getting the help you needed.
My mom is Horrified Because 2 of my 4 kids are ADHD and on meds. And I'm wanting to be tested for everything I can think because I'm almost Positive I have Dyslexia and ADHD
That's terrible. You won't be locked upnerd. For depression and there's nothing wrong with taking antidepressants. They can be really helpful if you find the right one for you. I hope you can eventually get the help you need. If only she understood.
Yup! Every kid in public school was on it and that’s why people can’t think for themselves anymore. It’s crazy how when I went to college for eduction, we got told “hey good luck getting a kid that needs to be on ADHD meds/IEP because it’s almost impossible.”
There’s 6 kids in my family and after taking a bunch of psychology classes/human development classes and learning what signs to watch for in students, I’d say at a minimum 4 of us have ADHD but Mom is still convinced it means we’re not eating/sleeping/exercising enough. Can’t convince her it’s a literal chemical imbalance.
I'm so sorry you were told stuff like this too. It really is crazy learning the truth about how underdiagnosed it actually can be.
I'm so sorry she can't be convinced. There's a lot of at least likely ADHD in my family too. Before I learned about it I thought a lot of my problems related to it were just from lack of discipline.
My mom kept me out of school specifically because she was afraid of Ritalin. But interestingly, she didn't tell me that at the time. She just said she didn't like the way they taught certain subjects. I didn't find out about the Ritalin thing until I was in my late 30s.
To be fair, quick googling does show studies that link Ritalin usage and children with depression later in life. But to be balanced, I am **extremely** depressed anyway so it wouldn't have mattered.
It just makes my hands shake when I try to do fine work. It really only bothers me when I'm trying to paint fiddly little model kits or the like. I could have done a lot worse in the genetic disorders department
My parents pulled me out of school because the school wanted to place me in a special education classroom due to being autistic. My mom thought that was basically condemning me to being a drooling semi-vegetable. She didn't realize that individualized education would have been helpful to me (and was also what she pulled me out of school to do herself, just badly).
I hate that special education has such a stigma. I hope you're doing okay enough. I imagine both of us would have done better with it. Just like most things public school, it can't be as bad as parents like ours think.
my mom kind of does this right now. she doesn't want me to use the label of autism because it might be 'limiting' but I need something to define myself by and it has never bothered me at all. I'm so sick of her trying to control how I feel and what I want. I'm not diagnosed with anything but I am sure I have both autism and adhd and probably other things, and I'll never get help for it until I can support myself. it sucks.
I am really sorry she thinks that. It's absolutely not limiting and is very helpful to be formally diagnosed. I hope it isn't too long before you're able to support yourself and get the help you need.
The short version is that it’s all just fear of the modern world and an appeal to traditionalism. “We didn’t have things like this in my day so…” which isn’t even really true, but it’s a story they tell themselves which is also reinforced by other people like them. Seeing conspiracies everywhere is also quite common in parents who homeschool as a reason to homeschool in the first place.
From a baseline perspective too, they use the demonizing of ADHD treatment or special ed as boogymen to try and make their kids fear the modern world and make them more like them.
My younger brother got diagnosed with autism in the late 90s when he was 6. But I'm pretty sure 4 out of 4 kids in my family are neurodivergent in some flavor, looking back.
I think that if his issues had been limited to social, communication, and general developmental/education issues he would have flown under the radar like the rest of us. Though I will acknowledge that his social issues are worse, but he also wasn't forced to fit in like we were so he wasn't made to practice 🤷🏼♀️ who knows.
But he also has physical symptoms, and coupled with the rest it was pretty undeniable.
And yeah, I definitely heard my parents talk about parents medicating their kids and turning them into zombies.
Which is just hilarious because my executive disfunction makes me feel like a zombie and my ADHD meds allow me to do all the crap I used to get in trouble for "ignoring" 😂
They're my ANTIA-zombie pills, dad! You kept them from me and then called me lazy!
To me it's also linked to this idea that was very prevalent in my homeschool group that parents who send their kids to public school do so because they *do not like their kids* nor do they enjoy being parents. So it fits their narrative to say that public school parents are drugging the kids they don't want, kids that they find inconvenient, into compliant little zombies because they're horrible people who hate their kids.
It's very important to them that their kids see anyone and everyone that interacts or supports public schools as evil, stupid, kid hating, etc. ... For some reason 🤔
Plus it gives them an excuse to ignore the problems their kids are facing and just beat it out of them like the good book says! Which is *so* much easier! Win-win-win!
This s horrifying. I'm glad you eventually got help you needed and hope your brother and other siblings are doing alright. Those toxic mindsets are awful.
Same about my brothers with ADHD and autism. Ritalin was the enemy. "Just masking symptoms." My parents' lives and my brothers' would have been so much easier with professional help.
I just got on antidepressants and I wish I'd been on them since I was 11.
I think homeschool parents are easily controlled by fear. I hope I'm able to remain open minded if I'm ever a parent.
I'm really sorry you and your brothers suffered too. I'm glad you have the help you need finally.
They really are easily controlled by fear. I'm sure you'll be able to do better than your parents. I'm never becoming one for many reasons.
My mom was the exact same way. Doctors of any flavor were evil, ADHD was overdiagnosed for monetary reasons, & kids who really didn't need it were gonna be addicted to drugs cuz they were on it, etc etc. I'm currently 37, and I'm STILL learning to push that voice aside so I can visit doctors without extreme anxiety.
My middle kid also had ADHD, and is AFAB. Even tho I struggle with visiting doctors for myself, I have been proactive with my kid's health. I made sure to get her seen regularly, which helped with her getting an ADHD diagnosis young. I have made sure she is in therapy, got medication when needed, and worked hand in hand with her schools & Doctors to make sure she was supported.
Once my middle one was diagnosed, I made a decision about my parenting: I would look at every parenting challenge from two viewpoints. How my mom would have handled it & the EXACT opposite. Then I would decide which option, objectively, would have the best outcome for my kid. (These decisions were a lot of times based on things I read from pediatric medicine articles & parenting classes.) Unsurprisingly, a lot of the decisions I made this way ended with me choosing the exact opposite route. And I, honestly, feel my kids are doing pretty well.
I'm sorry she left you with such bad anxiety. It sounds like you're doing a great job. I like the decision you made about parenting and am glad it is working well.
It's honestly not as bad now that I'm able to recognize where it comes from. Not recognizing it as my mom's voice speaking to me from my childhood made me stubborn. Once I got into therapy for me, and was able to recognize that voice, it was a lot easier to push it aside.
Ohhhh...yes.
I remember the whole "they put kids on that for any reason just so they behave in class." My parents didn't villify ADHD or autism, just treatment.
But, if you have anything like depression or trauma. ...nope, don't believe in that.
When you say they didn't vilify ADHD or autism, do you mean they implied they were all positive and it's wrong to have your negative behaviors that can come with them controlled in any way? Because that's what my mom implied about ADHD. While ironically I was constantly in trouble for behaviors that were actually related to it.
I don't really know how to describe it. Other people in the cult I grew up in didn't believe such things existed. My mom does. But she's always been against medication. At least medication of kids.
I think she just thinks she knows better than the professionals. ...I can't imagine why. She thinks meat has carbs in it...she isn't what you would call with it. She loves diagnosing us with stuff, or at least did when we were kids. She might be right on some of her diagnoses... like I'm certain I have a pretty intense form of dyslexia or 3. But did she send me to real school where someone could help with that....no. Does she know that there's more than one kind... no. I also clearly had some unhinged and violent behaviors as a kid that should have been a sign that I desperately needed therapy. I'm also sure one of my brothers is autistic. Has that been diagnosed? No.
But, we didn't get put through an exorcism, so in their world that's pretty fucking tolerant.
I'm sorry, I don't know if this response makes sense. I'm super triggery at the moment, and my brain is on a C-ptsd roller-coaster.
in my experience, I was allowed to have adhd medication but it really fucked me up. I was at a high dose and would actually tweak on it and have all kinds of side effects. I took it for a very long time because I didn't know any better, and trusted it was supposed to help me. I also sometimes really enjoyed the euphoria it gave me lol. I regret it all though, this shit fucked up my life.
Untreated adhd can be harmful too yes, but throwing medication at your child expecting it to be the solution can be even worse. If I ever complained about the medication, I was gaslighted to believe it was in my head by both my doctor and my mom.
I'm really sorry you had a bad experience with the medication. I do think people are way too untrusting and hesitant about medication, but it is possible to be irresponsible with it. It should always be started on a low dose and increased if it doesn't do anything. Then reduced again if the side effects are too bad. I'm sorry again your experience was all wrong.
My parents thought ADHD was a made-up condition created so Big Pharma could shove more pills down people's throats and talked about how kids on ritalin turned into robots or zombies and lost all their spark and energy, they didn't believe in therapy, mental illness or medication for those either. My mom also would talk about how you didn't want a diagnosis like that because if you had one you went on "lists" and once you were on a "list" no one would ever hire you because having a mental illness made you a liability. I spent most of my life genuinely just thinking I was stupid and scatterbrained and who worried about nothing and feel sad for no reason and that somehow all of these things were moral failings on my part. Fast forward to being an adult who's on meds for my mood and on Ritalin after an official ADHD diagnosis... I'm not a robot or a zombie, but what I am is someone who's suddenly able to function like a mostly normal person without having to fight so damn hard and try way harder than anyone else to stay on track and get stuff done. I desperately wish I'd been allowed to be treated as a child, it would have made so much of a difference in so many ways.
Some of this is so much like what my mom would tell me. She claimed that if you went to a psychiatrist for any reason you could never go to college because they'd think you might be a risk to yourself or others. Even when I was like 7 I didn't think that made sense. She believed in mental illness but was horribly stigmatizing about it. I'm so glad you eventually got a diagnosis and medication that helps you. I'm diagnosed and tried ADHD medication in the past but didn't have luck. I'm hoping to try again soon and that I have better luck. It really would have made such a good difference to get the help I needed as early as possible. But there's still hope.
Fucking same, right down to the ritalin.
Exact same scenario here
Yes! I wasn't put on stimulants because cHiLdReN dOnT bElOnG on StiMuLanTs. My ADHD was treated with an SSRI instead -- starting from the time I was 9. Now that I'm an adult I've found they're the only thing that gives me any motivation to get off the couch. Finally got off the SSRIs too and lo and behold, there are all these emotions to feel that I never learned how to deal with... so that's nice...
That sounds really awful. I can't imagine the logic of trying to treat a child with SSRIs if stimulants are not okay. I'm currently on an SSRI and another medication for anxiety and depression and they don't help my ADHD symptoms (besides reducing outbursts and emotional overload) at all. I'm really glad you're finally getting the help you needed.
My mom is Horrified Because 2 of my 4 kids are ADHD and on meds. And I'm wanting to be tested for everything I can think because I'm almost Positive I have Dyslexia and ADHD
I'm really glad you're letting your kids have the treatment they need. I wish you luck in getting tested and the help you need as well.
My mom says the same things
I am very sorry she does. I hate how widely accepted this sort of misinformation is.
I never even questioned it lol she also said I can’t tell anybody about my depression because they’ll lock me up and give me antidepressants
That's terrible. You won't be locked upnerd. For depression and there's nothing wrong with taking antidepressants. They can be really helpful if you find the right one for you. I hope you can eventually get the help you need. If only she understood.
Really? I have been depressed untreated for so long I just want to feel happiness, I would do anything to feel happy again
Yup! Every kid in public school was on it and that’s why people can’t think for themselves anymore. It’s crazy how when I went to college for eduction, we got told “hey good luck getting a kid that needs to be on ADHD meds/IEP because it’s almost impossible.” There’s 6 kids in my family and after taking a bunch of psychology classes/human development classes and learning what signs to watch for in students, I’d say at a minimum 4 of us have ADHD but Mom is still convinced it means we’re not eating/sleeping/exercising enough. Can’t convince her it’s a literal chemical imbalance.
I'm so sorry you were told stuff like this too. It really is crazy learning the truth about how underdiagnosed it actually can be. I'm so sorry she can't be convinced. There's a lot of at least likely ADHD in my family too. Before I learned about it I thought a lot of my problems related to it were just from lack of discipline.
My mom kept me out of school specifically because she was afraid of Ritalin. But interestingly, she didn't tell me that at the time. She just said she didn't like the way they taught certain subjects. I didn't find out about the Ritalin thing until I was in my late 30s. To be fair, quick googling does show studies that link Ritalin usage and children with depression later in life. But to be balanced, I am **extremely** depressed anyway so it wouldn't have mattered.
I'm really sorry she did that. ADHD in general is linked to depression I believe. I'm skeptical of such studies.
Well, what they wanted to put me on Ritalin for was familial tremor disorder
What's that? Sounds unpleasant. I hope you've gotten it under control.
It just makes my hands shake when I try to do fine work. It really only bothers me when I'm trying to paint fiddly little model kits or the like. I could have done a lot worse in the genetic disorders department
I'm glad it's not that bad then. Still sounds like it could be annoying.
My parents pulled me out of school because the school wanted to place me in a special education classroom due to being autistic. My mom thought that was basically condemning me to being a drooling semi-vegetable. She didn't realize that individualized education would have been helpful to me (and was also what she pulled me out of school to do herself, just badly).
I hate that special education has such a stigma. I hope you're doing okay enough. I imagine both of us would have done better with it. Just like most things public school, it can't be as bad as parents like ours think.
my mom kind of does this right now. she doesn't want me to use the label of autism because it might be 'limiting' but I need something to define myself by and it has never bothered me at all. I'm so sick of her trying to control how I feel and what I want. I'm not diagnosed with anything but I am sure I have both autism and adhd and probably other things, and I'll never get help for it until I can support myself. it sucks.
I am really sorry she thinks that. It's absolutely not limiting and is very helpful to be formally diagnosed. I hope it isn't too long before you're able to support yourself and get the help you need.
The short version is that it’s all just fear of the modern world and an appeal to traditionalism. “We didn’t have things like this in my day so…” which isn’t even really true, but it’s a story they tell themselves which is also reinforced by other people like them. Seeing conspiracies everywhere is also quite common in parents who homeschool as a reason to homeschool in the first place. From a baseline perspective too, they use the demonizing of ADHD treatment or special ed as boogymen to try and make their kids fear the modern world and make them more like them.
Well said. Though in my situation I don't know if it was fear of the modern work as much as a self-centered distrust of anything that bothered her.
My younger brother got diagnosed with autism in the late 90s when he was 6. But I'm pretty sure 4 out of 4 kids in my family are neurodivergent in some flavor, looking back. I think that if his issues had been limited to social, communication, and general developmental/education issues he would have flown under the radar like the rest of us. Though I will acknowledge that his social issues are worse, but he also wasn't forced to fit in like we were so he wasn't made to practice 🤷🏼♀️ who knows. But he also has physical symptoms, and coupled with the rest it was pretty undeniable. And yeah, I definitely heard my parents talk about parents medicating their kids and turning them into zombies. Which is just hilarious because my executive disfunction makes me feel like a zombie and my ADHD meds allow me to do all the crap I used to get in trouble for "ignoring" 😂 They're my ANTIA-zombie pills, dad! You kept them from me and then called me lazy! To me it's also linked to this idea that was very prevalent in my homeschool group that parents who send their kids to public school do so because they *do not like their kids* nor do they enjoy being parents. So it fits their narrative to say that public school parents are drugging the kids they don't want, kids that they find inconvenient, into compliant little zombies because they're horrible people who hate their kids. It's very important to them that their kids see anyone and everyone that interacts or supports public schools as evil, stupid, kid hating, etc. ... For some reason 🤔 Plus it gives them an excuse to ignore the problems their kids are facing and just beat it out of them like the good book says! Which is *so* much easier! Win-win-win!
This s horrifying. I'm glad you eventually got help you needed and hope your brother and other siblings are doing alright. Those toxic mindsets are awful.
Same about my brothers with ADHD and autism. Ritalin was the enemy. "Just masking symptoms." My parents' lives and my brothers' would have been so much easier with professional help. I just got on antidepressants and I wish I'd been on them since I was 11. I think homeschool parents are easily controlled by fear. I hope I'm able to remain open minded if I'm ever a parent.
I'm really sorry you and your brothers suffered too. I'm glad you have the help you need finally. They really are easily controlled by fear. I'm sure you'll be able to do better than your parents. I'm never becoming one for many reasons.
My mom was the exact same way. Doctors of any flavor were evil, ADHD was overdiagnosed for monetary reasons, & kids who really didn't need it were gonna be addicted to drugs cuz they were on it, etc etc. I'm currently 37, and I'm STILL learning to push that voice aside so I can visit doctors without extreme anxiety. My middle kid also had ADHD, and is AFAB. Even tho I struggle with visiting doctors for myself, I have been proactive with my kid's health. I made sure to get her seen regularly, which helped with her getting an ADHD diagnosis young. I have made sure she is in therapy, got medication when needed, and worked hand in hand with her schools & Doctors to make sure she was supported. Once my middle one was diagnosed, I made a decision about my parenting: I would look at every parenting challenge from two viewpoints. How my mom would have handled it & the EXACT opposite. Then I would decide which option, objectively, would have the best outcome for my kid. (These decisions were a lot of times based on things I read from pediatric medicine articles & parenting classes.) Unsurprisingly, a lot of the decisions I made this way ended with me choosing the exact opposite route. And I, honestly, feel my kids are doing pretty well.
I'm sorry she left you with such bad anxiety. It sounds like you're doing a great job. I like the decision you made about parenting and am glad it is working well.
It's honestly not as bad now that I'm able to recognize where it comes from. Not recognizing it as my mom's voice speaking to me from my childhood made me stubborn. Once I got into therapy for me, and was able to recognize that voice, it was a lot easier to push it aside.
I'm glad you've had some success.
Ohhhh...yes. I remember the whole "they put kids on that for any reason just so they behave in class." My parents didn't villify ADHD or autism, just treatment. But, if you have anything like depression or trauma. ...nope, don't believe in that.
When you say they didn't vilify ADHD or autism, do you mean they implied they were all positive and it's wrong to have your negative behaviors that can come with them controlled in any way? Because that's what my mom implied about ADHD. While ironically I was constantly in trouble for behaviors that were actually related to it.
I don't really know how to describe it. Other people in the cult I grew up in didn't believe such things existed. My mom does. But she's always been against medication. At least medication of kids. I think she just thinks she knows better than the professionals. ...I can't imagine why. She thinks meat has carbs in it...she isn't what you would call with it. She loves diagnosing us with stuff, or at least did when we were kids. She might be right on some of her diagnoses... like I'm certain I have a pretty intense form of dyslexia or 3. But did she send me to real school where someone could help with that....no. Does she know that there's more than one kind... no. I also clearly had some unhinged and violent behaviors as a kid that should have been a sign that I desperately needed therapy. I'm also sure one of my brothers is autistic. Has that been diagnosed? No. But, we didn't get put through an exorcism, so in their world that's pretty fucking tolerant. I'm sorry, I don't know if this response makes sense. I'm super triggery at the moment, and my brain is on a C-ptsd roller-coaster.
It's alright, it makes sense. I'm really sorry you went through all this and I hope you're able to get help you need now or soon.
in my experience, I was allowed to have adhd medication but it really fucked me up. I was at a high dose and would actually tweak on it and have all kinds of side effects. I took it for a very long time because I didn't know any better, and trusted it was supposed to help me. I also sometimes really enjoyed the euphoria it gave me lol. I regret it all though, this shit fucked up my life. Untreated adhd can be harmful too yes, but throwing medication at your child expecting it to be the solution can be even worse. If I ever complained about the medication, I was gaslighted to believe it was in my head by both my doctor and my mom.
I'm really sorry you had a bad experience with the medication. I do think people are way too untrusting and hesitant about medication, but it is possible to be irresponsible with it. It should always be started on a low dose and increased if it doesn't do anything. Then reduced again if the side effects are too bad. I'm sorry again your experience was all wrong.