If he wanted you, he’d have told you so and started a relationship on the spot. ISTJ’s don’t beat around the bush. This guy views you as a f*ckbuddy. You should cut ties and move on. 9 months is more than enough time to establish a routine.
Thank you for your reply.
When we were talking, he did say we can cut out all the aspects of sex in our relationship and be friends instead as he doesn’t want to hurt me. It was me who said that I’d want that side of our relationship to continue so I think he doesn’t purely keep me around for the sex.
But yeah I agree I should probably cut him off as I don’t think he can give me what I need 😭
Stop sleeping with him and see what happens… he’s just comfortable with where things are at because of all the benefits without the commitment. Sounds like just another excuse
Thank you for your reply.
When we were talking, he did say that he thinks we should cut out all the aspects of sex in our relationship and be friends instead as he doesn’t want to hurt me. It was me who said that I’d want that side of our relationship to continue so I think he doesn’t purely keep me around for the sex.
He does treat me really well and I really enjoy his company but he can’t give me what I need… that’s for certain 😭
That’s good he was the one to mention that. Keep your options open, go on other dates and detach. Be friends, and you never know what the future holds but not bet on it
Just remember, if you ever feel confused- he’s not it. You want a guy who’s 1000% about you and if he ever makes you feel otherwise, why would you want him? Infatuation isn’t enough
if an ISTJ says that he can’t be in a relationship, he will never be until he’s actually ready for it. they know what they want and would not change it just for other people. so as much as he says he likes you, he won’t change his mind to not wanting a relationship.
so if you want to have a relationship, find someone else, don’t waste your time on him
I’m (25 F INFJ) telling you now from experience with MEN. If they say this it means they don’t want a relationship with YOU.
Do not waste your time.
From my experience with ISTJ and having an ISTJ partner, they will be straightforward. Mine wasn’t ready at first, and but wanted to see where we’d go as it was the very beginning of us talking, he quickly took that back and now we are together and I am meeting and staying with his family in a trip next month.
I once had a guy look me straight in the eyes (ENFP) told me he loved me, wanted to have a family with me, talked about me to his family (I hadn’t met them yet) told me I was his person, and suddenly decided he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet. A month later he was with someone else.
These men are liars and sneaks and they will say whatever they need to say to get you to do what they want, they are manipulative and trust me you need to listen to women on this one because they are right. It sucks that so many men literally fucking suck like that, but leave him to be alone. If he realizes he lost something worth something to him he will come back and you can decide if you want him.
If he doesn’t, he will be with someone else not long after.
Stop wasting your time sister.
The simple answer is yes we mean it if we say it because truth is, relationships come with a lot more time, effort and attention than FWB’s. A serious relationship is tying your lives together not just your bits. If he’s not where he feels he needs to be to actually commit to a relationship it would be stressful for both of you in ways that are avoidable, at least at first.
Longer than that, there are a lot of factors to consider that we just dont know about the guy. He might be genuine, he might be a tool. There are a number of reasons he might not want a relationship right now. You’re right, sometimes not ready for a relationship very well could have the “with you.” part implied. But even thats could mean he really wants to get his shit together before bringing you further into his life.
Lol, ISTJ waiting 2 weeks to give you an update? That’s crazy. Especially if it’s an ISTJ male. He probably won’t be ready for a while
ISTJs are planners. If they see that there’s parts of their lives that need fixing, or if they’re not sure if they’ll be able to satisfy their partner, they won’t feel good going into the relationship when they could just be hurting the other person. Who knows how long he’ll take though. And it could very well be that he’s not ready, with you. We can’t know for sure. Heck, thats just a guy on a post. We don’t even know the guy
Yeah… after thinking for them two weeks, he told me that he doesn’t think it’ll be a one or two month wait thing. He straight up said he doesn’t think he’ll be ready for a while and that if he isn’t dating me he won’t be dating anyone else.
I even said, you’re 35 now and you want kids so how much time do you want to wait 😂 but I mean, it’s fine. If someone isn’t ready then it is what it is. Or maybe he does want to let me down gently… who knows 🙂↕️
I would advise to have stronger boundaries a with him when it comes to sleeping with him. He likes your company but that doesn’t mean you need to sleep with him. He doesn’t want to be serious with you so you have to respect that as well. The real question is “do YOU want something serious?” If you do then you shouldn’t waste your time and energy on this person anymore.
Urgh I hate it when people do things like that I’d rather just know the cold hard truth so that I won’t have any lingering feelings.
The way he said it to me is making me still hang on even though I know I shouldn’t 😅
If he wanted you, he’d have told you so and started a relationship on the spot. ISTJ’s don’t beat around the bush. This guy views you as a f*ckbuddy. You should cut ties and move on. 9 months is more than enough time to establish a routine.
\^ This guy knows whats up!
Thank you for your reply. When we were talking, he did say we can cut out all the aspects of sex in our relationship and be friends instead as he doesn’t want to hurt me. It was me who said that I’d want that side of our relationship to continue so I think he doesn’t purely keep me around for the sex. But yeah I agree I should probably cut him off as I don’t think he can give me what I need 😭
Stop sleeping with him and see what happens… he’s just comfortable with where things are at because of all the benefits without the commitment. Sounds like just another excuse
Thank you for your reply. When we were talking, he did say that he thinks we should cut out all the aspects of sex in our relationship and be friends instead as he doesn’t want to hurt me. It was me who said that I’d want that side of our relationship to continue so I think he doesn’t purely keep me around for the sex. He does treat me really well and I really enjoy his company but he can’t give me what I need… that’s for certain 😭
That’s good he was the one to mention that. Keep your options open, go on other dates and detach. Be friends, and you never know what the future holds but not bet on it
Just remember, if you ever feel confused- he’s not it. You want a guy who’s 1000% about you and if he ever makes you feel otherwise, why would you want him? Infatuation isn’t enough
if an ISTJ says that he can’t be in a relationship, he will never be until he’s actually ready for it. they know what they want and would not change it just for other people. so as much as he says he likes you, he won’t change his mind to not wanting a relationship. so if you want to have a relationship, find someone else, don’t waste your time on him
I’m (25 F INFJ) telling you now from experience with MEN. If they say this it means they don’t want a relationship with YOU. Do not waste your time. From my experience with ISTJ and having an ISTJ partner, they will be straightforward. Mine wasn’t ready at first, and but wanted to see where we’d go as it was the very beginning of us talking, he quickly took that back and now we are together and I am meeting and staying with his family in a trip next month. I once had a guy look me straight in the eyes (ENFP) told me he loved me, wanted to have a family with me, talked about me to his family (I hadn’t met them yet) told me I was his person, and suddenly decided he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet. A month later he was with someone else. These men are liars and sneaks and they will say whatever they need to say to get you to do what they want, they are manipulative and trust me you need to listen to women on this one because they are right. It sucks that so many men literally fucking suck like that, but leave him to be alone. If he realizes he lost something worth something to him he will come back and you can decide if you want him. If he doesn’t, he will be with someone else not long after. Stop wasting your time sister.
The simple answer is yes we mean it if we say it because truth is, relationships come with a lot more time, effort and attention than FWB’s. A serious relationship is tying your lives together not just your bits. If he’s not where he feels he needs to be to actually commit to a relationship it would be stressful for both of you in ways that are avoidable, at least at first. Longer than that, there are a lot of factors to consider that we just dont know about the guy. He might be genuine, he might be a tool. There are a number of reasons he might not want a relationship right now. You’re right, sometimes not ready for a relationship very well could have the “with you.” part implied. But even thats could mean he really wants to get his shit together before bringing you further into his life.
He’s just trying to be polite and let you down gently that he doesn’t want to commit.
Lol, ISTJ waiting 2 weeks to give you an update? That’s crazy. Especially if it’s an ISTJ male. He probably won’t be ready for a while ISTJs are planners. If they see that there’s parts of their lives that need fixing, or if they’re not sure if they’ll be able to satisfy their partner, they won’t feel good going into the relationship when they could just be hurting the other person. Who knows how long he’ll take though. And it could very well be that he’s not ready, with you. We can’t know for sure. Heck, thats just a guy on a post. We don’t even know the guy
Yeah… after thinking for them two weeks, he told me that he doesn’t think it’ll be a one or two month wait thing. He straight up said he doesn’t think he’ll be ready for a while and that if he isn’t dating me he won’t be dating anyone else. I even said, you’re 35 now and you want kids so how much time do you want to wait 😂 but I mean, it’s fine. If someone isn’t ready then it is what it is. Or maybe he does want to let me down gently… who knows 🙂↕️
I would advise to have stronger boundaries a with him when it comes to sleeping with him. He likes your company but that doesn’t mean you need to sleep with him. He doesn’t want to be serious with you so you have to respect that as well. The real question is “do YOU want something serious?” If you do then you shouldn’t waste your time and energy on this person anymore.
ISTJ here. We are very straight forward and mean what we say. If we see a future with someone we are excited to lock it down and become exclusive.
In that case do you think he’s lying to me and just wanted to let me down gently?
He probably is trying to let you down gently. You deserve to find someone that is excited to have a relationship with you.
Urgh I hate it when people do things like that I’d rather just know the cold hard truth so that I won’t have any lingering feelings. The way he said it to me is making me still hang on even though I know I shouldn’t 😅
We are never ready.