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Basically you have to have a ratio of at least 5 positive interactions with your partner for every negative one. Best if it's even higher than that. It's like "eat healthy and exercise" in terms of being very simple but also difficult to accomplish if you're habituated to do otherwise.
Is it just me that feels like this is weird? Who thinks of their relationship as a ”ratio of positive encounters”?
You don’t treat your relationship like a job. Having a partner is about the way they make you feel. It shouldn’t be toxic and the relationship should be 60/40 all the time, with both of you putting in that 60 effort.
Finding a relationship that works for you is hard, you should have high standards or you’ll never find someone you’re happy with.
That's a goal - the ratio of positive to negative encounters is a measurable outcome. It's been observed in couples and has strong predictive power about whether they will remain together in future years.
It’s important that *both* people are communicating frequently, which requires being fearlessly vulnerable with one another. You should feel like a team, like it’s your relationship against the world.
I've been with my husband since I was 15, I'm now 48 and we are still very much happily together.
I think the most important part is that we are two adults who try to communicate lovingly with each other. It helps that we are both quiet, non dramatic people, and we're patient with each other. We deal with problems in a way that us vs. the problem rather than me vs. him. We don't fight because we do a lot of fire fighting in that we calmly discuss issues before they become great big things. Also, we're really polite to each other. It's important he knows how grateful I am for anything he does or vice versa. It's simple but saying please and thank you makes your partner feel appreciated. And that is important to be happy.
We are also really good friends and like doing the same sort of stuff. And we spend a lot of time and energy on our intimate life because that's really important to us as individuals and we both think it's important as a couple.
Finally, we're both people who'd rather fix something than throw it out, we both usually think long term. . I hope that helps.
Are you neurodivergent?
Every relationship you've had you said end abruptly. How many is every? 2? 20? How long are these lasting?
How do you behave when you are with someone?
Thank you for your contribution to /r/IWantToLearn. If you think this post breaks our policies, please report it and our staff team will review it as soon as possible. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/IWantToLearn) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Basically you have to have a ratio of at least 5 positive interactions with your partner for every negative one. Best if it's even higher than that. It's like "eat healthy and exercise" in terms of being very simple but also difficult to accomplish if you're habituated to do otherwise.
Is it just me that feels like this is weird? Who thinks of their relationship as a ”ratio of positive encounters”? You don’t treat your relationship like a job. Having a partner is about the way they make you feel. It shouldn’t be toxic and the relationship should be 60/40 all the time, with both of you putting in that 60 effort. Finding a relationship that works for you is hard, you should have high standards or you’ll never find someone you’re happy with.
That's a goal - the ratio of positive to negative encounters is a measurable outcome. It's been observed in couples and has strong predictive power about whether they will remain together in future years.
if having a partner is about the way they make YOU feel, and not what you actually bring to the table, maybe you're setting yourself up for failure.
It’s important that *both* people are communicating frequently, which requires being fearlessly vulnerable with one another. You should feel like a team, like it’s your relationship against the world.
I've been with my husband since I was 15, I'm now 48 and we are still very much happily together. I think the most important part is that we are two adults who try to communicate lovingly with each other. It helps that we are both quiet, non dramatic people, and we're patient with each other. We deal with problems in a way that us vs. the problem rather than me vs. him. We don't fight because we do a lot of fire fighting in that we calmly discuss issues before they become great big things. Also, we're really polite to each other. It's important he knows how grateful I am for anything he does or vice versa. It's simple but saying please and thank you makes your partner feel appreciated. And that is important to be happy. We are also really good friends and like doing the same sort of stuff. And we spend a lot of time and energy on our intimate life because that's really important to us as individuals and we both think it's important as a couple. Finally, we're both people who'd rather fix something than throw it out, we both usually think long term. . I hope that helps.
Are you neurodivergent? Every relationship you've had you said end abruptly. How many is every? 2? 20? How long are these lasting? How do you behave when you are with someone?