>Is this normal?
Nope.
>Am I werid?
Yep.
>Are there really any downside in telling people where you work at?
People will think you're weird and antisocial, and that you're hiding something.
Whatever social decision you make, you have to deal with the consequences of it. I think it’s weird and I would probably be put off if you were my friend and you wouldn’t share that with me.
It would be in your best interest to explain *why* you’re being cagey about where you work. They might be less likely to take your refusal to talk about it personally
What are some consequences of telling people where you work? One reason for me is I'm afraid those who don't like me would send an email to the school and complain about me. Especially with all the political issues in hk I feel like you can never be too protective but then again I don't want to be rude or some across as too secretive
This is a very odd and specific fear. Have you ever had a “friend” do something like this to you before? This is not common behavior in friend groups, and this is not something most people ever experience
> One reason for me is I'm afraid those who don't like me would send an email to the school and complain about me.
This isn't high school. Adults (or at least 99.9% of them) aren't going to try and sabotage you by emailing your school just because they don't like you, and even if they did, I doubt your boss is going to take a random email from a stranger complaining about you seriously.
Like others have said, it's your right to decide what you do and don't share, but if you and I became acquaintances and you wouldn't tell me where you worked, we definitely wouldn't become friends because I'd assume that you're hiding something and I should keep my distance.
Has this or something similar happened to you before though? Where is this paranoia coming from? If it's just coming from nowhere and not because it or something similar has happened to you, I'd possibly reconsider moving abroad. It can be quite stressful being in a foreign country for some people, especially in Asia where things are so unfamiliar, and if your mental health is in a place where you develop an irrational paranoia like this, then you may have a tough time moving and adjusting. A lot of things could be triggering.
I care alot about this job and I don't want people to use where I work against me. I feel I'm being paranoid but at the same time it make me a little uneasy people knowing where I work like they can easily target me
Who are these people you hang out with? Respectfully, this makes me question the company you keep that they make you so instinctively protective of something like this.
I mean I do have carry myself a certain way because I know people have opinions on how they think teachers ought to behave, but I don’t know that I’ve ever feared that my friends would use that information against me because I wouldn’t keep company with those kinds of people
I'm in a friendship group who I know one friend is very jealous of me and I try to distance myself from her as much as possible but she's also friends with my group of friends. So I'm guessing for the majority of teachers where they work aren't really a secret as it's rarely used against them?
Many schools have a directory of their teachers online. This eventually will show up with a simple Google search. I'm not sure that this is something that you are going to be able to keep a secret forever and your actions are likely to make people more curious and get them more likely to search.
What kind of friends do you imagine you're going to make that you think they'd send random hate messages to your job?
How old are you and your friends? Is this something that has commonly happened to you for you to be concerned about it?
I gotta be honest, if I made a new friend and they adamantly REFUSED to tell me where they worked, I'd think they were weirdly paranoid and I probably wouldn't form a deeper friendship with them.
This poster comes across as quite young. Their post history, along with the posts I’ve seen them make here, indicate to me that this person still has some maturing to do both social and otherwise.
OP: It’s your life, make whatever decisions you want to. Figuring out how to do that is a significant part of being an adult.
Welcome to HK! It’s where I work too and it’s a truly transformative city.
You’ve mentioned paranoia and I think it’s good to identify irrational patterns of thought. What exactly could people complain about? If you’ve done some kind of criminal activity, the school would already know about it due to police background checks. Did you lie about anything major in your interview process? If no, it’s unlikely anyone would deliberately reach out to your school’s admin/SLT and spill beans.
I do think it’s odd. Talking about jobs and learning about your friends’ lives is a normal and healthy part of adult friendship. Friends want to check out the website, read about the reputation, see the facilities, basically find out if it’ll be a good move for you. They want to support you. They want what’s best for you.
Unless you have friends who actively do not support you or want what’s best for you…? If so, they are not your friends and you have no obligation to tell them.
You have the freedom to share whatever information about yourself with whomever you want.
Are these people you refer to in your post really “friends”, or are they more acquaintances?
For me personally, I choose to share whatever I’m comfortable with, depending on my relationship with that person.
Unless you’re a spy and secretly moving to Hong Kong to work for the government, and teaching is an elaborate cover story, I wouldn’t worry about sharing who my employer is.
Yes, it is a little strange unless you have a lot of people who are out to get you.
I think in many ways we overestimate how much people really care about us as individuals, and how much others are thinking about us, let alone take the time and energy to try to sabotage our careers.
Unless you have a crazy ex known for her rabbit stew, then I do not think you have anything to worry about.
I mean, sure. I'm still a little confused as to why you want to keep it a secret, though. You're afraid your friends are going to send your HoS hate mail about you? I'm more wondering why you are paranoid about them knowing?
I'm a very paranoid person and I'm trying myself to control/tame this down. I've decided to ask on here to see what others are doing and hopefully to reduce my paranoia
Has anyone contacted your boss at your current school/job to complain about you? If not, why would they overseas? If so, then you need to look at what you are doing or who your friends are. Refusing to answer that is going to make people wonder more.
I see a lot of judgmental responses, and that's probably because you're asking if it is strange to break a common social norm. Is it strange? For most, yes is strange. It's your right! But it may come across poorly if you don't explain why.
If you are neurodivergent (OCD, autistic, etc) or have some other social anxiety, it may make sense how you could develop this paranoia for no reason (or because you have a general fear that people don't like you do to past trauma). It also may make sense that you have a "friend" who you actually don't trust or like that you don't know how to set boundaries with. If you are struggling with setting a boundary, here is some language that may help:
"I actually get kind of nervous about sharing the name of the school for some odd reason. (Maybe laugh it off a bit) I will have to work through why with my therapist. But I do feel comfortable sharing that it's in XYZ neighborhood." If the person pushes after that, they may not be a good friend for you since they aren't sensitive even after you have vulnerably shared that it's 'not you it's me'. I hope that helps.
It all comes down to your personal comfort level. I've been traveling and working internationally for 30 years and I don't tell anybody where I am until my first day on the new job.
It's absolutely your right to tell or not to tell, when to tell and how. It's also absolutely your right to be professional with people at work and not befriend them, too.
However there's a few things here which are bothering me a bit.
Firstly, you say you are 'a very paranoid person.' If you're being flippant, then fair enough - you just don't want people to know about you. If you're serious, and this is disrupting your life, then you need to get help with this before you even think about leaving.
I wonder from other posts if you are worried about what people might think if they see you out enjoying yourself and living your life in Hong Kong the way you want to, and whether there might be comeback on that? I know there has been some backlash on this article from the Daily Mail - [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13528139/British-teachers-quitting-double-money-abroad.html](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13528139/British-teachers-quitting-double-money-abroad.html) - but that seems to be because the Mail has done its usual hatchet job of trailing through teachers' Facebook and/or Insta and finding pictures of them. If that's the case, then frankly as long as you're not doing anything illegal then most don't care.
If it's Hong Kong that's the problem - then again, as long as you don't get involved in anything political you'll be fine.
>Is this normal? Nope. >Am I werid? Yep. >Are there really any downside in telling people where you work at? People will think you're weird and antisocial, and that you're hiding something.
I mean, it’s your personal life. Feel free discuss whatever you want.
Yeah I know but I don't want to come across as rude, I haven't even told my best friend about it anD shes asked me 3 times
Whatever social decision you make, you have to deal with the consequences of it. I think it’s weird and I would probably be put off if you were my friend and you wouldn’t share that with me. It would be in your best interest to explain *why* you’re being cagey about where you work. They might be less likely to take your refusal to talk about it personally
What are some consequences of telling people where you work? One reason for me is I'm afraid those who don't like me would send an email to the school and complain about me. Especially with all the political issues in hk I feel like you can never be too protective but then again I don't want to be rude or some across as too secretive
You are being secretive. Why would anybody bother emailing your boss? This whole post is nuts. What have you been doing OP?
I'm guessing you have something in your past you are wanting to hide. I mean, what exactly would these emails say?
This is a very odd and specific fear. Have you ever had a “friend” do something like this to you before? This is not common behavior in friend groups, and this is not something most people ever experience
> One reason for me is I'm afraid those who don't like me would send an email to the school and complain about me. This isn't high school. Adults (or at least 99.9% of them) aren't going to try and sabotage you by emailing your school just because they don't like you, and even if they did, I doubt your boss is going to take a random email from a stranger complaining about you seriously. Like others have said, it's your right to decide what you do and don't share, but if you and I became acquaintances and you wouldn't tell me where you worked, we definitely wouldn't become friends because I'd assume that you're hiding something and I should keep my distance. Has this or something similar happened to you before though? Where is this paranoia coming from? If it's just coming from nowhere and not because it or something similar has happened to you, I'd possibly reconsider moving abroad. It can be quite stressful being in a foreign country for some people, especially in Asia where things are so unfamiliar, and if your mental health is in a place where you develop an irrational paranoia like this, then you may have a tough time moving and adjusting. A lot of things could be triggering.
It’s OK to come across as rude if being polite makes you feel uncomfortable.
I care alot about this job and I don't want people to use where I work against me. I feel I'm being paranoid but at the same time it make me a little uneasy people knowing where I work like they can easily target me
Who are these people you hang out with? Respectfully, this makes me question the company you keep that they make you so instinctively protective of something like this. I mean I do have carry myself a certain way because I know people have opinions on how they think teachers ought to behave, but I don’t know that I’ve ever feared that my friends would use that information against me because I wouldn’t keep company with those kinds of people
I'm in a friendship group who I know one friend is very jealous of me and I try to distance myself from her as much as possible but she's also friends with my group of friends. So I'm guessing for the majority of teachers where they work aren't really a secret as it's rarely used against them?
You need new friends
Many schools have a directory of their teachers online. This eventually will show up with a simple Google search. I'm not sure that this is something that you are going to be able to keep a secret forever and your actions are likely to make people more curious and get them more likely to search.
If you feel that way chances are there is a reason. Don’t tell anyone. Just tell people that you’ll share that information when you feel comfortable.
Yeah ill have a think cause I don't want to not make friends with others by hiding info away for no real good reason
What kind of friends do you imagine you're going to make that you think they'd send random hate messages to your job? How old are you and your friends? Is this something that has commonly happened to you for you to be concerned about it? I gotta be honest, if I made a new friend and they adamantly REFUSED to tell me where they worked, I'd think they were weirdly paranoid and I probably wouldn't form a deeper friendship with them.
This poster comes across as quite young. Their post history, along with the posts I’ve seen them make here, indicate to me that this person still has some maturing to do both social and otherwise. OP: It’s your life, make whatever decisions you want to. Figuring out how to do that is a significant part of being an adult.
Welcome to HK! It’s where I work too and it’s a truly transformative city. You’ve mentioned paranoia and I think it’s good to identify irrational patterns of thought. What exactly could people complain about? If you’ve done some kind of criminal activity, the school would already know about it due to police background checks. Did you lie about anything major in your interview process? If no, it’s unlikely anyone would deliberately reach out to your school’s admin/SLT and spill beans. I do think it’s odd. Talking about jobs and learning about your friends’ lives is a normal and healthy part of adult friendship. Friends want to check out the website, read about the reputation, see the facilities, basically find out if it’ll be a good move for you. They want to support you. They want what’s best for you. Unless you have friends who actively do not support you or want what’s best for you…? If so, they are not your friends and you have no obligation to tell them.
Have you been out noncing or something?
Hahaha this one caught me off guard 🤣🤣
I don't think my friends even cared about the name of the school I worked at. I think my parents might struggle to remember as well.
You have the freedom to share whatever information about yourself with whomever you want. Are these people you refer to in your post really “friends”, or are they more acquaintances? For me personally, I choose to share whatever I’m comfortable with, depending on my relationship with that person. Unless you’re a spy and secretly moving to Hong Kong to work for the government, and teaching is an elaborate cover story, I wouldn’t worry about sharing who my employer is.
Yes, it is a little strange unless you have a lot of people who are out to get you. I think in many ways we overestimate how much people really care about us as individuals, and how much others are thinking about us, let alone take the time and energy to try to sabotage our careers. Unless you have a crazy ex known for her rabbit stew, then I do not think you have anything to worry about.
I mean, sure. I'm still a little confused as to why you want to keep it a secret, though. You're afraid your friends are going to send your HoS hate mail about you? I'm more wondering why you are paranoid about them knowing?
I'm a very paranoid person and I'm trying myself to control/tame this down. I've decided to ask on here to see what others are doing and hopefully to reduce my paranoia
Respectfully, it might be helpful to talk to a professional so it won’t impact your professional or personal life
And do this BEFORE moving abroad!
Has anyone contacted your boss at your current school/job to complain about you? If not, why would they overseas? If so, then you need to look at what you are doing or who your friends are. Refusing to answer that is going to make people wonder more.
You have something deeper going on. What friends that you make will.send hate mail to your school!?
I see a lot of judgmental responses, and that's probably because you're asking if it is strange to break a common social norm. Is it strange? For most, yes is strange. It's your right! But it may come across poorly if you don't explain why. If you are neurodivergent (OCD, autistic, etc) or have some other social anxiety, it may make sense how you could develop this paranoia for no reason (or because you have a general fear that people don't like you do to past trauma). It also may make sense that you have a "friend" who you actually don't trust or like that you don't know how to set boundaries with. If you are struggling with setting a boundary, here is some language that may help: "I actually get kind of nervous about sharing the name of the school for some odd reason. (Maybe laugh it off a bit) I will have to work through why with my therapist. But I do feel comfortable sharing that it's in XYZ neighborhood." If the person pushes after that, they may not be a good friend for you since they aren't sensitive even after you have vulnerably shared that it's 'not you it's me'. I hope that helps.
Idk i feel you must have some pretty big skeletons in the closet to be worried about something like this.
I don't like telling people where I work if I don't know them very well
friends don't send random hate messages OP lol
Move in silence, friend.
I've told some of my friends whom I known for about 10years and I feel if I don't tell them it'll be werid
Say you’re still debating if you’ll be there a while hence that’s why you don’t want to share
It all comes down to your personal comfort level. I've been traveling and working internationally for 30 years and I don't tell anybody where I am until my first day on the new job.
If you’re worried about friends sending hate messages about you to ruin your career, it’s probably best that you’re running away to another country.
Lol what did u do to the ppl around you that you are so afraid that they might email your school?
It's absolutely your right to tell or not to tell, when to tell and how. It's also absolutely your right to be professional with people at work and not befriend them, too. However there's a few things here which are bothering me a bit. Firstly, you say you are 'a very paranoid person.' If you're being flippant, then fair enough - you just don't want people to know about you. If you're serious, and this is disrupting your life, then you need to get help with this before you even think about leaving. I wonder from other posts if you are worried about what people might think if they see you out enjoying yourself and living your life in Hong Kong the way you want to, and whether there might be comeback on that? I know there has been some backlash on this article from the Daily Mail - [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13528139/British-teachers-quitting-double-money-abroad.html](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13528139/British-teachers-quitting-double-money-abroad.html) - but that seems to be because the Mail has done its usual hatchet job of trailing through teachers' Facebook and/or Insta and finding pictures of them. If that's the case, then frankly as long as you're not doing anything illegal then most don't care. If it's Hong Kong that's the problem - then again, as long as you don't get involved in anything political you'll be fine.
Don’t give away your energy for others to manipulate, secrets are fun
Totally normal.