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Tell her if the shoe fits, she should slide that sucker on! It's not your fault that post hit her close to home...

They wouldn't be offended if they didn't feel like it applied to them. Definitely leave it up. It's your space to share. If they don't like it they don't have to look. 💙

My SIL did exactly this, I posted about boundaries and she lost her shit and told my husband to leave me

Leave it up and remove her from your social media.

Stop giving a shit what she thinks and have SO do so too

I would unfriend her until she grows up and can handle social media. That’s the boundary called for in this situation. These accounts belong to the individual. You are in charge and your audience is at your discretion. 

Ha! I literally snorted! No definitely leave it up. If she self identifies as a boundary stomper and is offended than let her be offended. You are no longer a people pleaser so you are no longer going to bend to the tantrum of someone who sees themselves in the toxic behavior you are no longer accepting in your life. Also, mission accomplished on getting her to call herself out! Good work :) proud of you!

I want to know how DH took it and responded. I hope he was supportive. I remember when people would message my late husband re things I posted online and I’d ask him how he responded. Then I told him if they had an issue, they should’ve spoken to me like an adult or keep it to themselves. Telling my husband on me isn’t going to get them the result they expect.

It really just depends on how DH answered her. Who cares if she thinks she’s a topic of discussion, she can think whatever. She probably does anyway. I would have either acted ignorant (what are you talking about? What post? Oh that one? How could that have been about you?) Or make it clear that she isn’t a topic of discussion or anything that should concern her

How did DH respond? Was he supportive of you or blaming? I think that could have a big impact on how you respond

A hit dog hollers. Don't cater to her attempt to break your boundaries before you've even set them. Leave the post up and let her stew.

Don't tuck tail and run because she saw herself in the post. If she wants to be in her feelings that's on her.

A hit dog’ll holler Leave it up

If the shoe fits, lace that motherfucker up and wear it. She's taking it personally and even though not directed at her, it's still valid to have boundaries. Glad she's paying attention.

Definitely leave it up. If she’s taking it personally that’s her problem. I did something similar as you and made a post back in January about not kissing my baby, especially on the face and how people need to respect that and if they have a problem they won’t see him as much. My husband’s grandma and 2 aunts took it super personal and are still mad at me 6 months later. So they know they were in the wrong but funny enough is I never said names and said I didn’t care who it was. It was towards them but also to my family as well. You have to set up those boundaries or they will stomp all over them.

Just block her. That’s what I did lol

Don't react at all. She wants to be a topic of discussion, don't give her that.

“So you recognize that respecting boundaries is something you struggle with?”

Came to say this!!! If you take this as a personal attack against you, there's probably a reason why you feel that way.

I wouldn’t do anything at all. Don’t react. Your husband can respond asking why she thought it was about her. You don’t need to do anything though

This! Have DH respond, especially since she reached out to him. If she texts/calls/comments/confronts you about it, I love the other commenters’ responses, pick one that suits your taste and have it locked and loaded.

Simple question for MIL: "Why on earth would you think that post is aimed at you?" And then sit back and let her lay out her examples of when she stomped boundaries!!!!

Exactly this. If she thinks it applies to her, it's a case of "if the shoe fits....".

"Why would you think it's about you?" "What have you done to earn a post like this?"

Leave it up and ignore her. Apparently she thinks she's the center of your universe. Don't engage with her and hopefully your husband can shut her down. You are in charge of your life, not her.

I posted something once that was a list of emotionally abusive behaviors and how people shouldn't tolerate them and my sil messaged NY husband wanting to know if it was about her mom (my mil). Um, yes lady, it is and congrats on just confirming she is abusive.

This is something I’d do.. did your husband get onto you? That’s what I wanna know. This crap is why I’m about to delete social media.. start over.. make it private and not add family.. esp in laws.. nothing but drama:: them and their family friends

If she took it personally, sounds like your point was made. 😂

If the shoe fits~

She just proved why the post IS necessary for her.

I hope he replied with "not everything is about you Mom"

This is a little petty because you posted it and wanted her to see it-and yes it was about her. Then she called you out for it. You got what you wanted, don’t change it now. It will make you look weak. Don’t go to social media and be posting petty personal stuff like this. You will only make your situation worse. Plus, people that need boundaries set up will never understand, because they won’t ever do the work to become better people.

What is your boundary? Do you alter your social media to manage her responses? Also, when someone is upset with your boundaries, it means your boundaries are working.

Keep posting what you want. She’s only triggered by it because she knows it applies to her. It’s not your job to regulate her emotions.

Leave it there. Let it be a warning to those who push your boundaries.

Hit dogs holler! Just ignore her.

Leave it there! She’s telling on herself, and as a person on the outside of the situation, it’s pretty funny If you take it down, she might ask why, and it’ll prove to her in her mind that it was about her and she might start watching your posts more closely. Leave it there.  And to echo what everyone is saying, if she brings it up, ask why she thinks it’s about her 

Don't do anything and when she brings it up ask her why she thinks a general post is about her? "I have other people in my life and the post wasn't directed at anyone. Why would you assume it was directed at you?" Another option, probably better, is have your DH deal with his mother. Have him ask her those questions. Deleting it will give her more ammo for her smear campaign and make people believe her over you. Letting those people see the post will let them draw their own conclusions and she may be greeted with the "This isn't directed at anyone, why do you assume it was directed towards you" or "Wow! Paranoid much" reactions from her friends.

If she sees a post and assumes it about HER, then SHE should reflect on that. This does come to mind though: https://youtu.be/j13oJajXx0M?si=AGL3zo9H48q9_NZ3 Do nothing. What was your DH’s reaction to her phone call to complain about YOUR social media?! I’d block her if she made a habit of moaning about shit she sees on your social media. Then when she asks, ‘It seemed to be upsetting for you Hagatha, so I thought I’d put measures in place so you won’t be upset.’

You have to leave it up. It’ll just be worse to take it down. Completely defeat the purpose of putting up a post about boundaries. Now, social media is tricky. You have every right to post what you want. But just like real life, it won’t necessarily be free of consequences. So when you post something, just like every action in life, make sure you can stand behind it. Think it through in advance. You said you did want her to see it and I completely get that, but next time also ask yourself, if this person or that person or another person comments or has an issue, am I going to feel embarrassed or am I going to be able to hold my head high and stand by my choice? I’m going to give you an example that might seem silly but sometimes I’m not good with words so it’s how I explain myself. So I watch a lot of murder documentaries. I always never understand why people murder people. Like logically I understand there’s people with uncontrolled anger issues, people who care more about pride than anything, people with impulse control issues and then there’s stupid people who think they’re smarter than everyone. But every single one of them when caught looks ashamed (as they should be) and like they wish they didn’t do it. Anyways, if you’re going to do something make sure you can stand by it later on. If I’m going to court for murdering someone I will be able to stand up there and say yes I did it and yes I am proud of it because this person tortured and murdered my grandma (or whatever) and I would happily spend the rest of my life in jail for it. Just as a general rule. So to apply that to your situation, if you’re going to post something eluding to something else, go ahead but if aunt Marjorie who you adore asks you why you feel you need to publicly bash your mother in law and it’s going to make you feel ashamed, don’t do it. If you can say with your head held high that you do not care and you can post whatever you want, go for it. It’s just my little test I give myself before I do anything. I realized a few years ago when there was this guy that I really liked and he hurt my feelings essentially by rejecting me. It didn’t feel good. You know when you just want to text soneone something to make them feel bad? I realized I was only considering the one option. That I would send and he would feel bad. Anytime I’ve ever done anything like that, immediately after sending I’m like oh my god! No! Delete! As soon as I send I realize there’s a whole host of other options that could happen that I didn’t even consider! That person might send an angry text back where you feel even worse! Or they don’t send one at all and you sit there in agony wondering if they got it or if they’ve had enough of you, so I learned my lesson quickly making sure I can stand by every thing I say and post.

"I didn't write about you. Why, do you think the shoe fits?"

Leave it up. She just proved why it needs to be there!

If you take it down, you're only going to prove to her (and make her more believable to those she tells) that it was about her.

I wouldn’t deactivate it. My own dad does this same stuff (plus he likes to leave crappy comments on my social media) so I have to have him restricted. That means we are fb friends but unless I post something public he doesn’t see any of my posts.

No. Leave it up. If she had nothing to worry about she'd be quiet. You didn't mention her name. Why does she think it is about her? 

I’d plead ignorance. Tell her you’re sorry she feels that way but it was a public post. You’re entitled to post what you like!

Personally, the fact she messaged DH about it would be a boundary stomp for me. It means she’s discussing your social media posts with others which is a hard no from me. I would block her and every time it comes up the response is “when I had you on social media, you identified you felt targeted. So I removed you to avoid further conflict”. Done. No negotiating. I did something similar almost 9 years ago and told my husband when she could behave a full year without being a jerk to me, or discussing my personal life as gossip, I would consider re-adding her. Needless to say…it hasn’t happened.

Block her on social media

This. If she’s gonna start drama, then she can see your posts when she proves that she’s mature enough to.

Weird how people work. They see a vague post, with no names - and they KNOW it is about them. I\`d ask myself "why is this about me" - but then I consider myself somewhat smart. I am also petty, so i\`d get DH to ask "Why do you say this? what are we discussing about you? " (sounding as confused as he can) .. See what she says. But otherwise - i\`d recommend that you just block her from your social media pages - and make them as private as you can. If you know that Auntie Edna is a tattle to her, block her to / restrict what she can see. However, since you did not directly post "for (name of MIL), i believe in boundaries" - leave the post up. It\`s not about her after all..

Post a Youtube link to Carly Simon's "You're so vain". She'll probably think that song is about her too.... Her reaction to this shows she recognises her own behaviour. That setting of boundaries is a boundary in itself, if you back down from it, you're moving your own boundaries. Double down on it, or you'll always be subject to her tantrums.

He should send her a message saying, “Mom, I was thinking about you calling me earlier. Clearly, you thought that post was about you because you recognized some of the unhealthy behavior in yourself that the post mentioned. Please do some self reflecting. Love you.”

This. She knows she is stomping boundaries and does not want to be called out.

She’s fuming because she knows it’s about her… says a lot

Block her on social media

The fact that she immediately thought the post was regarding her, shows that she is aware that she boundary stomps. I wouldn’t delete the post or deactivate my social media.

Exactly that! Don’t acquiesce and if she prods, tell her exactly what you said here about it. Like, “It wasn’t written for or about any one specific person. But if you felt something specific from it, then maybe it IS for you too? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve been a people pleaser and it’s been pointed out that isn’t healthy. I’m changing that and it’s more a declaration for myself and to brace others that my no means no and I’m respecting myself more these days.

I always wonder if I should post things like that would get under my MILs skin … or subtly sharing how I feel to make it less awkward …

So she read herself into the post. Sounds like a “her” problem.

Tell her if she’s feeling called out there’s probably a reason for that.

Omg I just had a flashback to posting something about boundaries and she commented "I hope this isn't directed at me..." 😆😆😆 I barely knew her then, should have taken that as a red flag

Just ignore her. I shared a couple of humorous memes a few years ago. Apparently my fil way worried I was depressed. Funny thing way he didn’t notice or care when I actually was going through a depression period Honestly her brewing fight is not worth it. Just let her spew crap and keep good.

Classic narcissist. Everything is about her.

Whatever you decide don't delete anything. That will only serve to validate her that the posts are solely about her. Which they should not be, they should be about you. She's gonna make a big deal about it anyway. So stay consistent don't be wishy washy. This is the beginning of a new pattern in your relationship. Stay strong.

This! This is a good opportunity to put those boundaries to the test! Don’t cave now OP!

So she knows she boundary stomps... and is stalking your socials... and admits this to your husband. They tell us who they are. Their kids can never seem to believe them.

MIL, I'm very confused as to why my post about starting to be more clear about my own boundaries and my own self growth and well-being has struck some type of nerve for you and caused you to believe that the post is somehow about you. It's about me. My changes in my life for my peace of mind, mental health, emotional health, and self growth as an ever-changing, evolving adult. Going forward, please don't make assumptions about the things I post on social media.

Why on earth would you think it’s about you? It’s about how I need to respond to those who walk all over me and take advantage. Are you claiming to do so?

Right? One person not liking your post shouldn’t lead to deactivating social media accounts. That’s such an extreme reaction. MIL can just deal with it.

Leave it up! It obviously struck a chord because she’s a boundary stomper. And what grown ass old ish woman complains to her adult child about someone else’s profile they have no control over? She doesn’t pay your bills or lick your nether regions…. Do what you want!!!! Don’t let any boundary stompers make you feel like you are being difficult. You’re fine. I’ve personally posted meaner things and tagged the person.

Don't deactivate but perhaps advise MIL it was a general post however you would have thought she would be supportive. If it has struck a nerve MIL is there something you wish to discuss with me where you are aware that you have been overstepping?

I mean, if the shoe fits! Your husband should tell her she clearly thinks about you guys more than we think about you.

Definitely dont delete it or your social media. Her reaction shows she knows exactly how badly she has behaved - and if she recognises her bad behaviour she is able to change it! I don’t suppose she will but let her feel uncomfortable, and understand that the negative consequences she gets are because of her own behaviour.

Narcissists HATE boundaries and will do anything to knock them down. They will attack not only the boundaries but the person erecting them. If they can discredit the person then they think the boundary will go away. Keep the post up and make her deal with the issue. “Explain to me why this boundary is wrong.” Hang in there.

If the shoe fits MIL

I once made a post about the quote about it's better for people to think you're dumb vs talking and proving you are and SO's brother text him saying he blocked me because it looked like I was trying to start shit about MIL. I made it about some rando I got into an Internet argument with. But whatever. Guess they proved the quote correct.

You obviously hit a nerve.

Why are you assuming you're the problem? I feel social media is the user's platform. She has hers as you have yours. Feel free to block her, unfriend her, etc. But I'd wonder why you feel the need to remove yourself from the platform as if you did something wrong? Your page is for you. Those who don't like it, don't have to visit. I'm not sure why you'd allow someone to see what you're posting if they're making your life, or the lives of your loved ones, miserable. Just block her so she can't see anything from this point forward. You wouldn't be adding fuel to the fire because she won't be removed entirely, she just can't see anymore posts. You posted that "boundaries are healthy" & warned people to expect a new side of you. This is your opportunity to show her at least, a new side. One that better controls herself & one that doesn't engage. Post what you want. Just leave her out of your loop since she's not a nice person to you.

Deactivating your SM or deleting the post will only bolster her thoughts that it was directed at her. Leave the post up, and if she tries to say anything just tell her that if she doesn't have issues with boundaries then its clearly not about her. If she thinks its a lie then its not about her, if she thinks it's directed at her then she must think it has merit. Your post cant be untrue AND directed at her at the same time. Its either one or the other.

doing nothing is doing something, i would not react to her at all

Tell her, “I’m not saying it does, but you’re definitely making it seem like the shoe fits” lol I said this to my grandma one time, she doesn’t talk shit anymore lmao

ignore her

As others have said, leave it up. The only people who have problems with boundaries are those who have no intention of respecting them. Those that are offended by boundaries are those who feel they are above them. Those that combat them do not respect you. So she either admits to this in word or deed or she starts responding appropriately to appropriate boundaries. It’s time for her to take her seat. In the back.

Leave it up. DH should tell her she IS indeed a topic of conversation because she is rude and oversteps. Can’t think of a better time to say “I said what I said” if she questions you about it.

Leave it up. Anyone complained "oh I'm sorry does having boundaries upset you? That's concerning that you feel that way. Hm" and then disengage with all mil FM. The only people pissed about boundaries are assholes who want to steamroller you.

Leave it up. Part of not being a people pleaser is not giving in to the inevitable tantrums when they don’t get their way.

Exactly! ^

Sounds to me like she knows exactly what she's doing and that she's in the wrong for it. You didn't mention her or anyone else, but she felt compelled to message her son? Leave it up.

Your post hit a sensitive nerve in MIL!

Do nothing, boundaries are healthy!

“If you think this is about you; it is!”

“That’s an interesting reaction. What in the post made you see yourself?”

This is a great Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/BecomingBoundaried?mibextid=ZbWKwL

You really think she isn't already smearing you? I just read your post history. Wake up! Tbc she would complain if you did everything she wants. This is not about your behavior. This is about her narcissistic personality. Nothing will ever make her happy, so stop trying. 🤷‍♀️

You could edit your Facebook friendship with her to "restricted". You can see her posts, but she can't see any of your posts unless you tag her in the post. You still show up in her Facebook friends list. But, you get far fewer chances to interact with her. She won't know she is "restricted". There are certain people in my life that are "restricted". Some of these "restricted" friends are also unfollowed by me. I don't see their stuff, they don't see mine unless I tag them. BOUNDARIES!!!!

The only response should be: “The fact that you recognize your behavior in a random post is hard evidence that you need to reflect & change your behavior. Why don’t we take a 2 week break from contact in order for you to do so.”

Our maybe a month?

Block her.

Leave it up and block her. She doesn't need access to your social media. Tell her the post was a general post but if she feels the shoe fits, lace that bitch up and wear it.

Leave it up. It’s your facebook page! A hit dog will always holler.

Taking it down implies you did something wrong (you didn’t)and that she has control over your social media. As everyone else has mentioned she’s made because she knows she is guilty of overstepping. Leave it up as a reminder/announcement that you aren’t playing those games anymore.

“What makes you think this is about you, MIL? Did something resonate with you?” But seriously if you play this game you do have to be ready for someone to recognize it haha. Been there, done that! But mine pretends she doesn’t see it haha

Leave that shit up. She knows she’s a boundary stomper otherwise this post would not mean anything to her.

I’m just copying and pasting something my MIL did.  “My mother in law got aggressively in my face after seeing a post about people needing boundaries respected that I put up taking about my estranged sister… I guess Cinderella’s shoe fit a little too snug so she got mad thinking it was for her. This was in front of my kid. He was horrified. My husband and I got him out with no reaction. The only question was why grandma was so mad all the time.” Not only was this in front of my kid, but my husband and BIL as well. Nobody did anything until I saw the scared look on my kids face, and I snapped back to reality. Just took a deep breath and said quietly that this was not happening in front of my kid.  She asks my husband why I dont like her. My take? Own it. It’s your feelings. Your truth. If she goes ape shit, that’s a her problem. 

Leave it up. You wanted her to see it for a reason. She took it personally because she knows she obviously tramples over your boundaries. You should have your DH respond with “why are you taking a public post personally? Are you feeling guilt of trampling over OPs boundaries?” Or “if the shoe fits…”, whatever DH is most likely to get away with saying. Personally I have a shiny spine so it’s easy for me to call out anyone’s behavior. The thing about narcs, they’ll smear you whether you like it or not. Getting use to not giving a damn about people’s opinion of you is a challenge but very freeing once accomplished. Anyone worth a relationship will speak with you about whatever badmouthing your MIL goes on about or put her in her place. Not caring is the best gift you can give yourself and the worst to give to a JUSTNO because that’s what fuels them, attention.

Sounds like she has a guilty conscience. I’d leave it up, mostly cuz I’m so over mil theatrics. Just know, it’ll most likely cause friction.