Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best
And
Always look on the bright side of life
Always look on the light side of life
Thanks so much for this, insidemyvoice. I am deeply depressed lately, and this put a smile on my face. For anyone "not in the know", click this, you'll be glad you did. https://www.youtube.com/results?search\_query=monty+python+bright+side+of+life+
Two nuns are sitting in their car one evening, stuck at traffic lights.
As the lights turn green, out of nowhere, a vampire appears in front of their car!
Sister Mary turns to the more experienced Sister Agnes and cries out "Sister! A manifestation of pure evil! What shall we do!?"
Sister Agnes, with all of her holy wisdom, stays calm and says "Sister Mary, I'm driving, you stick your head out of the window now and show him your cross, repel the foul beast!"
So Sister Mary winds down her window and screams "WILL YOU GET OUT OF OUR FUCKING WAY YOU MORON! CAN'T YOU SEE THE LIGHTS HAVE TURNED FUCKING GREEN!?"
I'd make some pun about Jesus here, but I haven't read the Bible though. What I HAVE read is C.Rucy. Fiction writer. Don't be cross with me, but those books have plenty of tying down and nailing. Mainly revolves around woodworking and a craftsman trying to replicate Ancient Roman works.
**The Crow: Jesus Christ Joke**
Funboy: "Jesus Christ!"
Eric Draven: "Jesus Christ? Stop me if you heard this one: Jesus Christ walks into a hotel."
*[Fun Boy shoots him]*
Eric Draven: "Ow! He hands the innkeeper three nails, and he asks..."
*[Fun Boy shoots him again]*
Funboy: "Don't you ever fuckin' die?"
Eric Draven: "Can you put me up for the night?"
Centurion: Crucifixion or Freedom
Israelite: Freedom
Centurion: Down the hall and to the left.
Israelite: Only joking, Crucifixion.
Centurion: Hahaha, grab a cross, down the hall and to the right.
Resurrecting old jokes
Post again in 3 days
It would take a miracle.
If it wasn't? I agree!
I love that movie
I was hoping someone would get it.
Do you think they'd make it?
They could probably hang out that long.
These puns are really making me cross
I came here to make this pun...
We'll cross that savior when we get to it.
Malaphors for the win!
I forgive you, my child.
Some things in life are bad They can really make you mad Other things just make you swear and curse When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best And Always look on the bright side of life Always look on the light side of life
Thanks so much for this, insidemyvoice. I am deeply depressed lately, and this put a smile on my face. For anyone "not in the know", click this, you'll be glad you did. https://www.youtube.com/results?search\_query=monty+python+bright+side+of+life+
Hot cross puns
I wouldn’t get too hung up on it
Some people still have some old hang ups about them.
I still have stigmata from the punchline
Makes me cross.
This joke crosses the line
Save your resurrection jokes!
Jesus, split my sides after hearing that.
That's not very nice of him...
Don't leave me hanging.
What's a little 'ribbing' now and then . . .
Of you don't, I'll be cross
Two nuns are sitting in their car one evening, stuck at traffic lights. As the lights turn green, out of nowhere, a vampire appears in front of their car! Sister Mary turns to the more experienced Sister Agnes and cries out "Sister! A manifestation of pure evil! What shall we do!?" Sister Agnes, with all of her holy wisdom, stays calm and says "Sister Mary, I'm driving, you stick your head out of the window now and show him your cross, repel the foul beast!" So Sister Mary winds down her window and screams "WILL YOU GET OUT OF OUR FUCKING WAY YOU MORON! CAN'T YOU SEE THE LIGHTS HAVE TURNED FUCKING GREEN!?"
Damn, beat me to it.
Mary! I can see our house from here!
Whipped, one might say
Damn, beaten again!
Jokes like these just cross the line
Nailed it
Did you hear about the twin Jesus’s? They got double crossed
Would that be Jesi
Must have been the twin Judas’s.
[удалено]
I don't like them either to be honest, but we all have our crosses to bear.
I have a bit of a hang-up as well
Jesus christ! You've crossed a line!
If Jesus was such a good carpenter, why didn't he build himself a lighter cross to carry around?
Lot of people have hangups about that subject
INRI - I'm nailed right in.
Its nothing to get hung up on.
Hands up if you saw that coming
Why doesn’t Jesus eat M&Ms? They fall through the holes in his hands
Jesus walks into a hotel, throws 3 nails on the counter... "Can you put me up for the night?"
No, but you can sleep with that ass over there by the manger
I think you are going to have 666 upvotes soon.
Always look at the bright side of Life…
At least tell it passionately
Please forgive OP, he knows not what he has done.
I mean, I really get hung up on them
I really don't get crucifixion jokes. They leave me board to death.
….Because it was crucifact.
It’s a thorny subject.
Why? Do they make you cross?
Jesus walks into a Motel, puts 3 nails on the check-in desk and asks "Can you put me up for the night?"
-whats the last thing Jesus said on the cross -no one dare touch my eggs I'm back on Sunday
Jesus Christ... Bro Relax
Hey! Don’t stigmata-ize it!
Got to be careful that your delivery isn't wooden.
Jesus couldn’t get into college. He got nailed on the boards.
You know the difference between jesus and a picture of jesus?? The picture only takes one nail to hang
You're gonna make a lot of Christians cross
I'd make some pun about Jesus here, but I haven't read the Bible though. What I HAVE read is C.Rucy. Fiction writer. Don't be cross with me, but those books have plenty of tying down and nailing. Mainly revolves around woodworking and a craftsman trying to replicate Ancient Roman works.
You've Crossed the line
I don't want to go to heaven with a hangover. I'd be all cross.
Your really hammered that home.
Crucifixion jokes are nothing to get hung up on.
Jokes like this just keep hanging around...
Nailed it like the f*ucking Romans!
Nailed it!
I’m very cross with OP now.
Just stick to the crucifacts.
They never come a cross right.
People get hung up about these jokes all the time.
Hey why did the ladies love Jesus? He was hung.
That joke made me quite cross.
The last guy really nailed it and it ruined it for the rest of us
Jesus wanted to be a doctor, but he got nailed on the boards.
This made my day. Got no puns.
Jesus came back from the dead after 3 days. So he basically gave up a weekend for your sins
I wanted to believe the story of Jesus, but the ending was full of holes and really left me hanging.
Jesus Christ this is painful
Ya it makes me cross
I like to start crucifixion jokes and then just leave people hanging.
This joke crossed the line!
You’ve hit the nail on the head, or hand, or or
Yeah it makes me pretty cross
Now you've made me cross
**The Crow: Jesus Christ Joke** Funboy: "Jesus Christ!" Eric Draven: "Jesus Christ? Stop me if you heard this one: Jesus Christ walks into a hotel." *[Fun Boy shoots him]* Eric Draven: "Ow! He hands the innkeeper three nails, and he asks..." *[Fun Boy shoots him again]* Funboy: "Don't you ever fuckin' die?" Eric Draven: "Can you put me up for the night?"
Centurion: Crucifixion or Freedom Israelite: Freedom Centurion: Down the hall and to the left. Israelite: Only joking, Crucifixion. Centurion: Hahaha, grab a cross, down the hall and to the right.
Jesus died hanging out with his friends.
Damn that's never crossed my mind
What a terrible joke. I feel the need to vent my disapproval. Like "Christ on a cr...", oh, never mind... :)
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture.
Another reincarnated hoke
*resurrected*
Makes the Christian's cross...
These kinda jokes really make me cross.
Nailed the pun. Have this crown. Found it on a ripped guy on that cross over there.
Yeah, they always make me feel cross.
Does that Cross a boundary?
Don’t get hung up on it. 🫡
Oh my, that one never crossed my mind!
I makes me cross.
Cause if you don’t, you’ll leave em hangin.
You should crosspost this to another sub
This crossed the line!!
Don't cross me on this!
I can't imagine being this stuck up
Does it make you cross?
Dont worry, I would never cross that line.
It really crosses the line.
This makes me very cross!
It also crosses a line.
Don’t worry if you didn’t get it. Crucifixion jokes can be real head scratchers.
I can't bear to read them, they always make me so cross
Nailed it.
You nailed it, pal!
They make me so cross...
That's gonna make some people cross.
i can tell we are getting hung up about this...
They really get hung up on it.
You're really crossing the line
You nailed it man!
This joke “crosses” a line
You're going to make a lot of people pretty cross.
They make me cross.
I'm rather cross with you.
"For Christ's sake!" Tom said crossly.
Savour puns for Easter, for Christ's sake.
they make me cross
they make me cross
Bit cross about this.
People really get hung up on that.
Nailed it.
Don’t go getting cross with me!
That's just CrossIng a line 😉
Would it make you cross?
Jokes about crucifixes make me cross
I agree… they really cross the line
You nailed it
This made me cross!
We NEED to make crucifixion jokes. It's our cross we have to bear.
Romans pwned me, rez pls
This is a real side splitter!
I'll cross that one off my list.
Yeah guys let’s not cross that line.
It could make a lot of people cross
They really wrote a book about how hung Jesus was
Why did the Jewish kid pay attention in Catholic school? He saw what they did to the last Jew and knew they meant business.
Banned for 3 days
Nailed it!
Too soon...
You’re really starting to cross the line on this one.
This crosses the line
Otherwise i'll be pretty cross with you.
Get off the cross, we need the wood.