Bomb but then he'll ask if I have any special skills or talents and I'll say guitar and he'll say prove it and I'll play Van Halen Eruption and the fans will go wild and then Kailey from yellow rose and I will get married.

I wish you the best of luck on the dream brother.

Basically my scenario too. Except Matt’s guitar would have some weird tuning or string action I wasn’t used to… and I’d miss a note or two and look like an asshole. Interview gets weird. Crowd boos. Blacklisted ☹️

Now that's a dream

Kailey has a weird butt when looking at it from the back

It’s very angular

I think Kailey actually likes ME bro

It’s funny how much it makes tony seethe when they bomb and murder at something musically.

I am also a guitarist (I play lead guitar in a few bands, so not just a player that only plays chords and stuff like you see with most people who claim the can play during their interviews on the show) and have had this exact scenario play out in my mind many times before lmao. As weird as it is, I typically mess around/practice guitar while I watch stuff, so I’ve “jammed with the band” just on my own before lol. I’ll play along with stuff like Hans’ theme song and all that just for the hell of it, but I’d honestly just love to jam with that band. My go-to song would be Pride and Joy in this scenario (cool sounding song and also has ties to Austin because of SRV). Yeah, like I said, I’ve been through this entire scenario several times in my head lmaooo

I'd go up and say I didn't think i would be called up

"I just smoked a bunch of weed right before this"

You try being funny on 10.5 hours of sleep, Tony

ah, a man of culture i see

Can you get really upset when they call you unfunny and get mad that you didn’t prepare?

And then give a bunch of ‘just kidding’ answers during the interview

And then spend 40 seconds saying "fuck, I'm nervous"

Im very funny in my day to day life everyone says I should be a standup but I don’t think o would be able to just put together a minute and just go up there I’d have to rehearse it a lot out somewhere else before

💣

Interview would probably 💣 too

Bomb. Then Tony would get pissy during the interview and might ban me for being boring. I was molested by my mom’s boyfriend and had an abortion. So maybe the interview would go okay. 

You’re invited to the secret showwww !

There's hope for you yet

I wrote a minute and went up last January — I killed the room with my bomb

What episode?

596

Damn man. Tony was not in a good mood that episode lmao

Who were you?

Were you the actuator that bombed back in January?

But you got up and tried. I respect that.

Tony didn’t 😂

Tony also didn’t get blown that day.

True

i would bomb harder than… than…. see i can’t even come up with a funny analogy because that’s how hard i’d bomb

...a muslim child?

I cant talk in front of all those people

Bomb just so I could feel again...

It would suck, I reckon I could slightly redeem it in the interview😂

I’d go up and talk about being Asian, Texas, and then interview about how much sex I’m having with my white girlfriend. I am also white.

Hans Jim?

People see the bucket pulls and think, “I could do better.” But unless you also think that while watching Tony, it probably isn’t for you. Tony shows you how funny a comedian should be, and you realize ain’t NO WAY am I getting up there lol.

I honestly think i could write someone a decent minute but I would bomb if i performed one myself because i don't have any experience doing stand up and i don't like being in the spotlight.

A yup. That is the boat I am also in

same, i have like 3 minutes of decent material but i know i’d be the wrong person to deliver it

Hiroshima AND Nagasaki in this motherfucker

Bro I bomb talking to my dad for a minute

You would do the best

I would bomb, the interview could be ok depending on how honest I was. But if I was that honest a lot of people who know me probably wouldn’t like me anymore.

I´d like to write a minute for someone else. I know that being honest would never shock people who know me but strangers would definitely think twice.

Don't worry about it bro, those people probly don't even like you that much anyway.

I'll definitely bomb no lie. I'm funny when I ramble do the my exaggerated body movements and voice.

I would kill. I could kill on stage any time I want, I just don't want to. Believe me I could though. If I wanted to.

I'd drop an atomic shit bomb because I get nervous and can't formulate any basic structure or timing of a joke I come up with even saying it to myself makes me nervous ill fuck it up

bomb hard

I'd bomb fo realz

absouletly fucking bomb

I would bomb

As a female, I already bombed and I haven't been up.

Bomb

Bomb hard af

If I was able to do my full minute without choking I would bomb harder than Hans Kim

Bomb

I’d probably bomb but my interview would be fun

Bomb

I’ve been working on a minute about boobs. If I got the chance to tell him I’m a pilot that’s been in 3 plane crashes he’d 100% set a new record for how many times he says “Incredible” during an interview.

you just got booked on the secret show!

Never done standup, but if I did I have enough ideas to write a minute, I feel like I would be somewhere in between bombing and killing, but wouldn't be shocked if I did bomb

Writing jokes is hard, I’ve seen enough comedy content that I understand it’s a very fickle and meticulous craft, I think I could have a tight minute if I had a month or 2 to prepare and work it lol (I’ve never done it) but I think there’s enough crazy shit in my life to atleast make my interview interesting if I bomb for my minute lmao but I guess that’s what everybody thinks tho right?

Thanks Redban.

I would prob bomb, but I’m generally charismatic in life apparently, so maybe the interview would go good, plus I got special moves in the bedroom

Kill. I have a kick Ass set and can tell the story of how I saved a nun from a falling star.

absolutely incredible!

I've done open mics and think I'd do ok. Unfortunately I'm married with 2 kids and don't do drugs so I'm not that interesting in an interview.

Lol same

Id bomb but if i had time to prepare id do better than atleast 50% of the bucket pulls

🤣

Kill. Interview bomb most likely.

I have confidence in my ability to write a funny minute, but not perform it. So I'd have to pretend I'm like Aaron Belisle and bring my phone with a pre-recorded minute. It's the only way I wouldn't bomb.

Kill

I’d murder. The problem with a lot of these losers is they write something clever and assume that it’s good enough for standup comedy, when in reality just because something is clever doesn’t mean it will make anyone laugh.

I think I would get some laughs and Tony would be surprised that it was my first time and then I would annoy him because I'm boring as shit and might leave with the micro joke book

I think I’d do pretty good. I (21M) have a few funny life stories I that I think would make Tony chuckle. Surely I can tell at least one of them in a minute. The interview could go either way because I don’t think he’s fond of straight white men.

I’d roast Tony and the panel. That always kills.

one or two minor laughs then win everyone over with the interview

I think I would kill, I really have some interesting takes, I just need to do an open mic and test it out

Crush

Murder fo sho

I would do fine, somewhere in the middle.

I’d pull a Sweet D, throw up in my mouth and head straight for the curtain before the interview could destroy me any further.

Untill i build my rock collection or develop some sort of disability, signing up would be a waste of time for the show… right?

Oh I get it! Because 1 guy has a rock collection, and some people are funny with disabilities, you think that's what it's about. Dumbass.

Ur right dude, i’m such a bigot and ur an absolute hero

I'd have good jokes but be boring in the interview, then they'd roast me and I'd get mad lol

Bomb. I am not funny but I would kill my interview I am fiercely honest and would answer every question. They would hate my jokes but love me.

I look like I could do both at the same time (but I’m actually mexican)

I’d probably bomb hard af. Interview would be pretty decent though.

I would bomb. I have more than a minute but still don't have the guts to take it to the stage. It's like singing in the mirror since I don't take showers. I respect all those people going for it on the show.

How many people go on the show, write a minute and completely forget there's a whole interview section that they should probably prepare for as well.

I mean.. if you prepare well enough you should be able to do a decent minute. The interview part can be prepared too.  It wouldn't be like rick diez or carlos lopez, but I would do pretty decent.

I’ve actually been writing a minute, I have about 12 jokes to choose from and let me tell you, I would bomb sooooo hard lmao

I'd kill the minute, bomb the interview.

I would kill. I would just go up there and be confident. There’s no need to prepare a minute or write any jokes, confidence is key. 🧑🏽‍🦲

Currently with no written minute, I would bomb the comedy. I think my interview would be good

Bomb and then get eviscerated by tony for being uninteresting. Knowing my luck he would mishear something I said and run with it affording me a lifetime of shame and embarrassment.

"had to".... Brother, I've been writing minutes in a KT delusion for years (i signed up once years ago)

They'd see the effort that I made, but I am just not that funny. I am a mediocre white dude who hasn't done any drugs and doesn't have any visible disabilities. I can already hear Tony saying "I'm sorry but there is just nothing interesting about you. We're going to move it along here." But I do have pretty good hands, so I think I would catch the small joke book and hopefully get a couple claps from the audience.

If I used all my std, drug use and homophobic stuff I’d probably still bomb but maybe save it in the interview. Talk about my high school j/o buddy but think someone did that already So yah bomb

I wrote a minute specifically for KT just in case I ever get the chance to be on the show. I’ve tried it out on a few folks, it did well on everyone but my wife 💀

I would go up and start roasting tony, redban, and the guests it always goes well

I think I could get a little joke book

I would just steal some famous comics jokes n do coke up there boom regular.

I’d bomb like Oppenheimer.

I'd kill, no I'm not giving you my minute, David Lucas will be inspired to do a set if he sees it

Kill hopefully... I run possible stand up jokes with my customers at my conveince store & they seem to go over pretty well

Id sing a song about adhd and pretend to be black

I would try really hard and probably fail epically. But I would enjoy getting roasted so hopefully that would save me in the interview lol

My material would probably be funny but I have so much anxiety I would probably just blurt it all out in 15 seconds without breathing or pause for laughs so I would bomb hard af lol

I’m not handicapped so Tony would hate me. I’m also not a woman so no secret show. I’m a child of divorce so tony would probably like that But that’s about it… Alas I would bomb gloriously

In my head there would be multiple standing ovations, all the gel blasters, a big joke book, and Redban would tell me he’d love me to take over the entire secret show

I think since I'm not a comic, I'd feel ok stealing really funny one liners from twitter or whatever and just going rapid fire and try to get a pop on a few of them. edit: Also I can sing well and have been on stage quite a bit, so I think I'd kill it if Tony had me sing.

Bomb about as bad as Hans but the crowd and Tony would hate me. Then I would mention how I have a white girlfriend that I have sex with and things would turn around. I’d mention I have sex and how Texas is cool and then they would tell me I did a pretty good job.

I think I got somethjng

My material would be above the KT mean but my delivery would be so pathetic that I would get absolutely shredded

I think I would do pretty good for a first time, but I wouldn’t kill. But then I would mention my guitar playing in the interview and embarrass myself because I can’t play in front of people.

Best case scenario I’d have a couple jokes prepared and it would be up to the audience, but regardless I feel I’d win in the interview. For context I’ve never done stand up I’m a huge fan of it though and “my friends say I’m funny” but that doesn’t always translate to the stage obviously.

Did it. On mushrooms. Bombed. Tony had the crowd clap to retire me from comedy. Best day of my life.

If I could stay in control of my fear / nervousness then I think I could kill. I’m good at jokes, I’m bad at staying cool under pressure lol

I can write a minute, wouldn't be able to perform it though

I'd shit bricks and have a panic attack for sure. I USED to be a livestreamer and I was nervous wreck when 50 people were watching. Even if I had good material, it ain't gonna come out right lol

Those aren’t the only two possibilities. I have a feeling a majority would do mediocre, neither killing nor bombing. It’s almost worse.

I would absolutely kill. I’m not sure I could write a good minute every single week, but I’m damn confident it’d be better than Hans. Dude is just lazy.

No cap, this was my experience when KT was at the Vulcan Gas Co. A lady who handed out the forms took one look at me and she said Tony can be merciless and that maybe I shouldn´t sign up. I was not happy about that at all since I´d travelled from very far away to see the venue. I told her I´d still pay for the ticket if that was the case, all to no avail. The nicest doorman, who also does some comedy, Mike, sold me the regular ticket and to this day I wonder if I would have done ok. My interview would have been the highlight because I know Tony´s dynamic .

Yeah you never know. Since you saw everyone sign up, What do you think the chance of you getting drawn would’ve been? With how big the show is now, it looks like it would be pretty hard to get pulled from the bucket.

I had that very cliche thought that I´d have the full experience of having my name pulled, you know? I had come from so far away and the first Monday I´d tried to buy tickets they were sold out so I thought "now it´s my lucky night". Realistically, I´m bad at math, so we´ll never know.

I think I'd go ok. I can make a crowd of people laugh. I would do well in the interview portion. And I can roast. Plus I'm funny looking.

Kill

I mean I’m pretty confident I’d do better than that racist Asian guy

I always thought about someone going up and saying “someone should come on kill Tony and kill Tony” and than just staring directly at Tony for the rest of the time and not saying a word, but this would only work with William lol

bomb

Bomb. But I can play guitar like a lunatic and i know I can impress

I think you should change a tire, do you think it would fall off?

I’m pretty witty and quick off the top of my head, with jokes/comebacks/etc when I’m around friends and people I know. But I’m socially retarded and awkward around people I don’t know, and don’t like public speaking. I’d do terrible. Be extremely embarrassed and nervous, fuck up the interview, and for sure get booed off stage.

I’d bomb so hard the Japanese would revoke their right to declare war all over again

Probably bomb since i never made it as a wiseman

It’s hard to tell. I live in Dallas and have seen several people that have done their material here and people laugh. They have made it on KT and freeze or don’t have the same flow. The nerves of being on stage there must be increased 1000%.

I’d hope to kill but expect to bomb. 😜

I'd try my minute whatever happens, happens. Then I'd talk about the fight club I was in back in college.