Came here to say this; I’ve got 7.5 years and didn’t find Ben’s til last year but they’re awesome and have given me a great network of like-minded (non-drinking) industry pals
I don't attend personally but my wife has since 2020(we've been sober since 2016) and she hosts and cohosts sometimes on Thursdays. Its been really great for her and I've met up with some people from it in person that were super chill. It's a really hard industry to get sober in, so much of the culture is working against you. It's totally doable tho, we managed a place literally called the drunk in Spanish for years sober
Steve Palmer founded Ben Friends. He’s currently opening up a new restaurant/hotel in my town. I’m hoping I get the exec chef position. Seems like a great place to work for.
As someone with experience, I may recommend going to urgent care (walk-in) or ER if you experience withdrawal symptoms such as hand tremors. They will take vitals, perform a quick assessment, and send you home with some hardcore benzos for 3-7 days. You may also be hospitalized for a few hours and pumped full of various IV fluids depending on your vitals situation. After your meds are finished, expect to have a follow-up appointment with a general practitioner or specialist, and they may prescribe more meds for a longer duration. You may also be referred to therapy or other specialists.
It is actually a fairly easy process, or at least less scary than it may seem unless you have already been through it. The withdrawal symptoms can suck if you aren’t medicated, but it is generally *easy* with the proper treatment. The hardest part is ensuring you have a strong personal support system beginning on day 1 of sobriety. Cyber support can be helpful but it is nowhere near as effective as flesh & blood support.
This is such sound advice. Back when I was more of a delinquent I was in jail with some older guy who started going into DTs that quickly led to a full on seizures before the bastards would let him go to the hospital. The guy never came back and rumor was that he didn't make it. Alcohol withdrawals can absolutely lead to death. I'm not saying that Ops habit is there but it's something to stay vigilant about, especially if he's deeper in the bottle. Getting healthy is way more important than pride, ask for help where necessary.
Did this almost 10 months ago and still going strong. Great advice right here OP. You need to make a decision yourself, or you'll wind up in the hospital one way or another. Why not have it be of your own volition? You can do this. It'll get harder before it gets easier for sure, but never having to go to work hungover is just one of the many amazing reasons to get this shit under control. Also, I can all but guarantee this amazing job will be in jeopardy at some point if you don't. I'd bet you aren't as good at hiding it as you may think.
It can depend on the state, hospital, and doctor. If you have ever admitted to being addicted to things other than alcohol or if you have ever tested positive for a drug test, they may deny you benzos. It is also mostly dependent on the doctor
As someone who deals with withdrawal by crawling on the floor for 1-2 days so I don’t have a seizure and smack my head on a piece of furniture on the way down, this is proper advice.
Heavy drinking is no longer just a "mental health" issue. DTs, seizures, dehydration. Alcohol withdrawal can straight up kill you, it is a physical addiction. You MAY get committed to involuntary medical detox, but you'll still be alive.
Ok, but that person needs to be fully informed that they can get locked up indefinitely and will be solely responsible for the bill, on a restaurant worker’s paycheck
Sorry, this doesn't sound quite right. Here in the UK, and in many countries, you can refuse any treatment and leave a hospital unless the medical team assesses that you don't have capacity to understand information and make decisions on your own or they have direct evidence that you may harm yourself or others.
Obviously, being in acute withdrawal (e.g. DT) might qualify for one or more of these, but they won't keep you in the hospital for longer than they absolutely have to. Keeping people in hospital is a risk, and expensive. Once you're healthy enough to function and capable to make informed decisions again, they'll yeet you out lickety split.
I’m a publicly visible organizer in the US disability justice movement. WAY more people than you would ever imagine show up to doctors offices or hospitals thinking they can get “care” for something like detox or PTSD or panic attacks and end up locked up on psych wards or in an involuntary detox ward. It’s grim. The US approach to mental health is extremely carceral; it’s a cousin to our prison system.
That's depressing and I'm sorry. I assumed you'd have a similar clause putting constraints on that kind of stuff, I stand corrected.
Another commenter mentioned that it's actually profitable for hospitals to keep you there - taking your comments together, your medical system sounds extremely sinister.
I also want to point out, in the US, we are responsible for paying for time in the hospital— it’s not expensive to the hospital to keep people longer than necessary, it’s *lucrative.* To add insult to injury, people who are subjected to involuntary detox or involuntary psych holds have to pay for “care” (it’s not care) they didn’t consent to, usually to the tune of $6K/night. I met a woman who had to file for bankruptcy after calling 988, thinking it was anonymous, because she has no means of ever paying back the $20,000 bill for a 72-hour psych hold after calling a hotline that is marketed as anonymous. The US is an entirely different beast.
Getting on the benzos is to prevent alcohol withdrawals from killing you. Once the withdrawals are done (3-7 days), the meds are done. A bigger yikes is not getting any treatment
Well good for you, but that's your personal experience. Alcohol withdrawals can and have killed so its not wise to try and convince people to rawdog detox. They could literally die. Detoxing and getting sober with the help of medicine is no less valid than a non medicated detox.
What works for you and others doesn’t work for everyone. Using drugs to quit drugs is a better alternative than using no drugs to quit drugs and dying. Every psychiatrist I have seen has told me in some form that “doing whatever you can to overcome your primary vice should be your priority” even if that means *temporarily* using benzos, other pharmaceuticals, marijuana, etc. Hell, every psychiatrist has also recommended marijuana (one recommended mushrooms) on an occasional basis.
I will trust a psychiatrist over an internet stranger and I hope OP and everyone else here does the same.
When I worked at a psych hospital, when we were detoxing a patient from alcohol, we gave them low doses of Ativan when their vitals got worse or their withdrawal symptoms started getting bad. I think the highest dose we gave was .5mg for withdrawals.
Watching someone go through delirium tremens was eye opening. As was seeing someone with [wet brain](https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcohol/risks-effects-dangers/wernicke-korsakoff-syndrome#).
Interesting use of language: “when we were detoxing a patient” versus “when a patient was detoxing.” These sinister places are designed to strip people of their agency.
Not at all. The phrasing I used was more that we’re were following detox protocols for the patient. Also, we rarely had any involuntary detox patients. Most involuntary patients were for in/undertreated psychosis, and by and large, needed the treatment we provided.
I can’t speak for all psych hospitals, but we did our fucking damndest to treat our patients with compassion and did our best to preserve their dignity.
But you can see how you’re not using agency-centered language, right? Also, if it’s involuntary, it’s not health care— it’s incarceration. (The UN categorizes involuntary mental health treatment as a human rights abuse) It’s really, really common among survivors of involuntary treatment to have flashbacks of the faces of the workers at the facility where they were detained… and those workers convince themselves they “helped” or “provided treatment.”
Same. I got off benzos first, and threw up every single day, 5-10 times a day, for six months. On one hand, it was great because I lost 70 lbs of psych drug weight in 6 months. On the other hand, I felt like I was going to die, all the time. 3 different doctors didn’t think it was due to benzo withdrawal; it was. Getting sober was a cakewalk compared to getting off benzos.
It’s wild to me how deeply indoctrinated people are by our for-profit MH system, that wants you to take *their* drugs.
Thank you, yes, I detoxed from benzos and oxy simultaneously on a couch with Gatorade and a house full of people still doing those pharmas around me, for three weeks I puked and shit every 5 mins, I was sure I’d die in a crack house.. I drank and smoked ciggs for eight more years before I locked myself in my house, quit my job, and ordered takeout til I was straight
Came here to say this. It ain’t perfect but I am never hungover anymore (scratch that- I’m hungover if I go out and have more than 2 high lifes, which is hilarious and amazing and sad all at once).
I smoke weed everyday and have trouble sleeping without it sometimes but it is LIGHT YEARS better than being a drunk.
I say this as someone who isn’t a professional cook, but as someone whose grandfather had 65 years of sobriety under his belt when he passed…
*You can do this, chef*.
Don't mind that guy talking shit about your nice message. Most likely, they're working too hard while their significant other is getting railed by the neighborhood.
“I say this as someone who isn’t a professional cook, but as someone whose grandfather had 65 years of sobriety under his belt when he passed…
You can do this, chef.”
So you’re neither a cook or sober? It’s your grandpa that’s sober? Maybe I’m misunderstanding something here.
Amazing input, *chef.* All of us cooks shall benefit from your sage wisdom
Is there something about being a cook that wont allow you to be sober? If not, then how the fuck does the nice sentiment justify such an annoyingly ironic response?
Oh, you're right. Just because the message you replied to doesn't fit the precise vision you have in your head of a perfect response, they shouldn't show any support at all, and should just let the OP drop deeper into the depths of alcoholism instead through indifference.
Good take, douchebag.
Oh chill, that’s not the point and you all know it.
I’m all for KC making the popular page and welcoming in non-industry peeps, but c’mon…it’s on the cusp of insulting getting advice from people that aren’t industry.
Sue me, jfc
I've been sober for a year now. It makes everything way easier. Rocky out of the gate but well worth it. If you're drowning your pain you're also stifling your passion.
I’m coming up on two weeks sober, after a solid 3yrs of 5-10 100 proof nips and 4-6 9.5% beers daily, I was devastated by how well I ran my kitchen sober. I’ve been hindering myself and my crew just to get drunk, numb some issues and pass out. I can’t sleep for shit now but I’m not wasting money I don’t have on booze and I can think so much clearer. I’ve tried to quit for others in the past but it never took but recently every night when I was drinking I would tell myself to stop drinking for x y or z and then one day I didn’t buy any and then the next and it got easier. Seems to be you telling you to stop and I think you should listen because it sounds like you care about this profession and are at a good spot to work for, so do right for yourself and give them the best of what you have to offer. Good luck Chef, you got this
Try valerian root. It's in the same aisle at drug stores as the vitamins and supplements and when I stopped drinking daily it saved my ass. Its all natural but it knocked me right out without making me feel groggy the next day
Took about 6-8 weeks for me to start being able to sleep a little better after getting sober. 6-8 months and the sleep paralysis nightmares stopped. The drinking dreams never do stop, though. Keep it going, chef.
Sleep will be easier over time. The first 6 months your body is trying to reset anxiety levels. Check out a couple of sleep podcasts, anything by Matt Walker or Andrew Huberman. Do all the basic stuff, consistent bedtimes, no screens late, don’t eat late, cool room, dark room, etc but also there are some simple and cheap supplements with proven effectiveness for sleep. It depends a little on your particular type of sleep issues but for me Theanine, apegenin, and magnesium Threonate/glycinate have completely transformed my sleep. You can easily get these at your local vitamin shop or on Amazon. Check this out for more specific info: https://youtu.be/Se151brgGSM?feature=shared
For sleep, I've recently been listening to this 12-hour "deep brown noise" track on Spotify and it's insane what a difference it makes in me being able to go to sleep and stay asleep thru the night. Give it a try along with some of the other advice that's been given here. Life changing stuff.
As someone who has only recently and significantly curbed my 10+ year drinking problem, you fucking got this. Add more motivators to your list and [keep on going.](https://youtube.com/watch?v=jbd81LR-vkM)
You can do it, man! I'm an alcoholic in recovery and r/stopdrinking has helped me significantly. Just having a community that truly understands the ins & outs of the addiction is beneficial.
It's tough being in this industry and resorting to unhealthy vices to deal with the stress is so common, especially when dealing with alcohol is part of your job. You've gotta take care of yourself. Try to play the tape forward and remember how shitty this hangover makes you feel next time you wanna throw caution to the wind. You'll be able to perform 1000x better when you're sober. You can do it! Prove it to yourself♥️
From an HR standpoint, PLEASE look into laws around self-identification of substance abuse as it applies to your area and company. Legal aid can help with this.
It's super important because if you go to them, now, before any substance-related issues, you could have a lot of protections (depending on your area, and the company size). If, on the other hand, you come in drunk without self-identifying, they can fire you immediately.
Best of luck, you can do this!
Sending you love and care. This is such a big insight.
If I may: I had a raging alcohol problem for years. I found that AA was extremely counterproductive, but everything changed for me when someone said to me, “Addiction is a trauma response.” I realized I had a nervous system that had felt unsafe— that was unsafe— since childhood and alcohol was a way to numb out and go along with dysfunctional things and dysfunctional mindsets. I’ve been sober for over 2 years now, and I’m surprised by how much fun it is.
Back when I was in the trenches, I worked under an awesome chef with a drinking problem.
He built restaurants in his sobriety and went bankrupt with the bottle.
I spent some time as a trucker and at that time whoever he was staying with, when he was getting out of hand knew to call me and take him for a sobriety ride.
*Actually now that I think of it, his first "ride" was when he closed his last restaurant, he flushed a ton of money and his girlfriend/business partner still has hope.
He'd be stuck out on the road for a few weeks, I'd give him enough money to buy a few beers every day.
It's been a long time since I've been in a kitchen or a truck.
Last time we talked, he was in a tiny town cooking in the truck stop.
His boss was also his landlord, so she could go kick him awake and deduct his rent from his paycheck before the bar got it.
Get help before you're my old friend.
Edited to add stuff *
Not alcohol, but heroin. I knew this guy, J, from New Orleans. He was in a ritual suspension group. We met them up here in Memphis when they did a show. One time we went down to see them perform, and we met a couple of them at this really cool bar that was like being in a catacomb off Decatur (I think it was Decatur, it was near the French Market). So, J tells us how he got into doing suspension: he was addicted to heroine, had been for years. He tried rehab, but it didn’t stick. One day, an old high school friend, CB, runs into him in an alleyway in the French Quarter. J had just finished his fifth stint in rehab, and when CB found him, he was crying with a needle full of junk, because he didn’t want to relapse, but he couldn’t take it. CB took J to his place, as J was homeless. J said he would do anything to stop the cravings.
CB weighed J, balanced him, and put some big fucking metal hooks into J’s back, and hoisted J up on his suspension system. For two weeks, CB watched J, and whenever he got the shakes, or the sweats, CB hooked him up, and pulled him up. Over time, J didn’t need the hooks to stay sober, but he joined CB’s group. He patched things up with his family, he got a steady job coding, met a woman, fell in love, got married.
It was an incredibly unorthodox method of kicking a habit, but it worked for him. I lost touch with both over the years, and a couple years ago I found out CB died, but I really hope J is still out there, doing alright.
Know your weaknesses.
Build on your strengths.
I know I am an addict by nature.
I avoid all opportunities for the little voice at my shoulder to be heard.
Instead, I let my passion take the reins and guide me on a journey of knowledge, joy, and rapture.
Would you be a puppet on anothers string?
Or.
Master of all you command.
The choice is yours.
Only yours.
Take. Back. Your. Life.
I say this as a non religious who isn’t a huge fan of AA., but go to an AA meeting if you’re planning on quitting cold turkey. They’ll get you a support system because withdrawal from alcohol can be deadly.
Take what you need and leave the rest. I don't attend often anymore but doing a 90 in 90 at NA really helped me reset myself and work with a different program. Twelve step doors are always open and that counts.
I'm an alcoholic at 43. I no longer get hangovers, but I do just have a terrible time being dehydrated and lethargic. I feel like my body can't catch up with all the water intake that I consume throughout the work day.
I have no advice for you, you're gonna continue to be yourself until you get shit figured out, if not you'll wind up like me.
Listen to the Huberman podcast on alcohol and the gut. There is also a good book called “This Naked Mind” that is pretty good, and a little more funny and edgy is Cold Turkey by Mishka Shubaly. Get the audio books and listen to them while you’re exercising or walking or something. Should do the trick. Good luck!👍
This is a great suggestion and check to see if your insurance will cover it. High likelihood that they will! Proud of you, OP. This bartender is rooting for you!
Temporarily, it can be a life saver. It can also be a life saver used chronically long-term after quitting a different addiction. Depends how you look at it as there are pros and cons to both
I am paraphrasing the late great George Carlin, but he had an old bit about drinking vs weed, "Pot is great, you don't beat your wife, your breath don't stink, and you don't puke on your shoes."
Not an alcoholic at least as far as i know, but when i took 60 days off sober i felt clear headed left my toxic overly corporate place and opened a place for a local spot where i feel like i belong. The clarity i had from not drinking helped
I sincerely hope that the people around you who are supporting you now will support you in your sobriety. It is never easier with people who don’t openly support you.
I had a cook who started his recovery and in his first 30 my business partner grabbed a bottle of stoli, put him in a headlock and poured it into his mouth. During a shift. I called him out and got laughed at. It turns my stomach and fills me with rage to think of it.
The years it took to get this partner out of my business were the longest in my life. The cook got sober and stayed sober, became a counselor himself.
My expertise isn’t in substance abuse or recovery I am a chef after all. But I’ve been doing this job clean and sober for almost 20 years. In that time I have been in charge of hundreds of other chefs and cooks. Many many many have been struggling with substance addictions my best friend included (he was a heroin addict for over 7 years. The year he got clean he was doing more than $500 of heroin a day. I’ve walked hand and hand with many people through attempts at sobriety and I can tell you the people that make it through are the ones that desire sobriety on their own much like you are expressing here in this post. In my opinion you are currently holding the key to your success in your hands right now and that is a wonderful place to be. You will undoubtedly fail more than a few times on the path to that ultimate success but the key is to, in your innermost desires to simply WANT to be clean. No one can do that part for you or even help you get there. That part comes only from you and it seems you are there. Focus on what you want out of life and keep that front and center in your mind when making decisions about the choices you make and the temptations you can handle. Good luck my friend and for what it’s worth I’m gonna be praying for ya. You got this chef.
If you haven't checked out r/Alcoholism_Medication give that a whirl too! I quit over about five months in 2018 using TSM and it worked like magic. Poof, just a collection of rusty memories. Good luck dude.
Do it for yourself dude. I'm so serious. I literally just hit 3 weeks no alcohol yesterday and I was drinking the cooking beer and wine at work literally last month. They have online AA and SMART meetings. But mostly, for me, it was finally deciding to tell myself no. I was like you and didn't even want to drink anymore, but it had become a compulsive habit. Every time I thought of drinking I had to stop in my tracks and ask myself why I wanted to and how I thought it would help me. It never has, so it made it easier to tell myself no and avoid that habit. But I agree with the other commenters, be careful about withdrawals. Alcohol withdrawals can kill you, but can be dealt with pretty easily and be done with quickly. Please take care of yourself. You can do this. We can do it together!
I feel like a lot of the "drink all night, get shit done the next day" thing is more of a myth than reality. I've worked with a couple guys who'd bring shit into work with them. They talked more than they worked and didn't last long. You can't use a super sharp knife with the shakes. So if your problem is serious enough, you're not gonna be bangin' shit out. You're gonna shake, sweat, reek of booze and count down the seconds till you're off the clock again. I did this for years till I got fired from a place and lost a great opportunity because of my goddamn shakey hands. Weed's still great
Thanks for posting. I just cut out of my job early because I was too hungover and couldn’t deal. I’m gonna jump onto the Ben’s Friends chat soon because of your post. So truly, from the bottom, middle and top of my heart. Thank you
I read the book “The Naked Mind: Control Alcohol” by Annie Grace and it really helped me a lot. It’s like a science first, empowering message. Hope you find something that works for you, friend
Part of the problem may be the industry. It is a business that allows these problems to flourish and is full of people who have them. I gave up drinking almost 6 years ago, it got a lot easier when I also gave up kitchen work.
Maybe that's just me, completely possible. But I can't help but think there is some correlation between the number of alcoholics in the business and the business itself. Drug abuse is also rampant. Maybe it's the terrible hours, the blistering heat, the asshole chefs and owners. Maybe it's the low pay, complete lack of benefits or need to work every time friends and loved ones are celebrating. Maybe it's the fact that in many jobs, we are seen as disposable. Maybe it's the fact that showing up hungover (or sometimes just a wee bit still drunk) is acceptable as long as you can pull it together and get through service.
I don't know what your situation is, or how you got here. But I can tell you this is an important first step, acknowledgment of the problem. I can also tell you that you can only keep a problem like this hidden for so long. It sounds like you have made the decision to hang up your drinking glass, awesome. Now do it. You will have good days and bad days, it isn't all smooth sailing. But you will feel better. You will feel more focused. You should allow yourself to feel a sense of accomplishment for winning a damn tough fight. And if you fall, get up, dust off, get back on track. The only losing is giving up. Best of luck, and in the words of my wise old KM, vaya con dios.
Ive come to work in total 1 time hung over. Never again lol. Partly because I limit how much I drink but also because I started working nights so even if I was hung over I'm straight by the time I get to work lol
Been there done that and hated it as much as the next person.
I’ve never been a 12 step or group type of person. I’ve tried. Honestly I have tried so hard. But group meetings and 12 step stuff just always made me angry and want to use more. I may just be a stubborn asshole. Idk.
You can do it regardless of what does not work for you. You just make your mind up about what you want to do and not do and if you start feeling the withdrawals and it even starts getting rough, take your ass to the ER. They’ll give you IV fluids if you’re dehydrated (shitting and puking nonstop will do that even faster than drinking around the clock!) and if you just swallow every drop of pride you have left and ask them for some meds for the shakes and the “I wanna claw my skin off” jittery feelings, they’ll IV you some good benzos as long as u have a ride home and aren’t driving, plus send u home with a week of benzos as well as a couple meds to keep u from puking and being sick at your stomach non stop.
It really does help!!! And honestly, you’ll feel so much better once u get through it, you’ll be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner.
Good luck OP. Stay strong!!
For years I struggled with alcohol use on and off and on again. I found the only times I was able to get off and stay off it was when I was truly accountable for fucking up. I became so scared of fucking up that I forced myself to taper off and sober up. Few weeks of shit sleep, eventually wore off made it worthwhile. Now, the only times I fall back is when I’m not held accountable for anything. I know what my triggers and excuses are, so I avoid these. You don’t succeed all the time, but it’s best when we do.
You got this chef.
if you're at a point where you're experiencing physical symptoms of withdrawal when you stop drinking you should have a friend take you to the ER and let them know you need to detox. they'll give you benzos or something adjacent and send you home with a script to make it through the withdrawals if you're in good enough mental health to do so.
or if you're like me and you let them know that you had suicidal ideation and recently attempted suicide they might put you in the psych ward to detox under the supervision of a medical professional.
( depending on the state, you can do this with other substances too. oregon is pretty cool like that )
You have to remember the moment you said to yourself, "I need to change." Keep that moment in your mind, think about it, and never forget it. It's what ties your desire to change yourself to reality.
We say to ourselves things like "I'll start going to the gym on Monday," or "I'll just have this last one and no more" and those moments are fleeting, because we don't really mean it. But when you *truly* want to change, that moment, no matter how mundane it might be, will stick with you.
Think back on it often to remind yourself how you got here and why it's important for you, and it'll keep you grounded when times get tough.
As a cook, I got my start working in a dive bar at 19 and this developed a drinking habit that eventually cost me I had an amazing job, great pay, could make whatever specials I wanted. Got fired for being too consistently hungover and late. As an alcoholic you think you have a handle on things and everything will be fine until it isn’t…
didn’t quit drinking for another year afterword. Almost a year sober now. The freedom you get from quitting is incredible. it’s worth it to quit while you’re ahead before it’s too late….
Good on you dude, I just had to fire a somewhat functioning alcoholic who was always early and did whatever was asked of him very well until something shifted at home and he upped his drinking and started fucking literally everything up.
I work in a kitchen too and was a high functioning drug addict for a long time. It ruined my life towards the end. Anyway I’ve been clean almost 8 months now and my family, work, friends, social life has all got a thousand times better. Stopping using was the best decision I’ve ever made.
We all reach that point. For me, it was an ulcer. Super fun those. It got better, but my stomach hasnt really been the same since. Acid reflux sucks balls.
Be well, Chef.
Fuck yeah, it's rare that someone finds the thing that helps them see through all the bullshit. This new environment has given you a clarity that few get to experience. It's rad that you're stepping up to the challenge. Don't beat yourself up if there are mistakes or setbacks along the way, just keep this new direction and drive going.
Love each and every one of you. Lived this for far too long. Thought it would never change. It CAN and it's so much better. Raw dogging reality is never easy,feeling real emotions - both the good ones and the bad ones - instead of numbing them to fuck is worth the price of admission.
You can do this.
I hope you can get that shit under control OP, I've lost so many jobs due to my drinking off-hours. Losing my shit with hangover anger, or just not showing up to work.. or walking out because it's just easier than handling two no-call-no-shows with a hangover so bad enough to last 2-3 days.
I haven't quit, but on worknights I finally found the motivation (a really chill, mid volume, really high paying prep gig) to just ENJOY a couple of pints, no cannabis, no tobacco. And I'm absolutely crushing it compared to going in fucked up. Still struggling to quit, I do spend 1-2 days a week pretty hungover still but at least it's not interfering with my work.
Good luck chef!
Coming from someone who started drinking at 13(30 now)I've had stints of being sober, now I actually want to quit. That's the difference. Just like anything else, you have to want it.
You've got this, sobriety is scary and feels impossible even though it isn't. The best thing you can do is find support from other sober people, whether that be AA, SMART recovery, recovery dharma, etc. Having community that really knows what you're going through is so important and it's easier to stay sober together than alone.
Source: hit 1 year sober last week. I'm in AA, but I know it's not the only way to get sober. It's just what has worked for me and changed my life
one thing that helped me severely limit my drinking was changing my mindset. It's a very hard thing to do but I did it by thinking about a couple of different ideas in my head:
1. Why am I actually drinking or wanting to drink? It started off because everyone else in college did it but then I eventually realized I only did it out of habit.
2. Is it really fun? well not so much anymore. id rather be clear headed and can use my full brain power.
3. it's stupid expensive to drink, why am i throwing my money at something so temporary?
4. Hangovers really suck and are totally not worth it.
It really helped when I realized alcohol isn't actually enjoyable unless I have 10, and having 10 is not sustainable. That combined with using pot really helped the most.
Been there before, winning this fight is worth it.
Use that, I was so fucking tired of feeling like shit all the time. I messed up at work and had a lot of bad days. I wanted out, I wanted to do better in my life, not drinking was a huge part of that.
Good luck. My wife and I never stopped drinking like the world was still in lockdown. It got pretty bad after while. We cleaned up this month. Dropped 9 lbs because I’m not drunk and eating trash all the time. I’m still pissed off at the world but I feel a lot better about it.
I rarely make this suggestion without actually knowing who I’m making it to, but it’s worth a try to consider turning to psychedelics to help quitting habits and changing life values.
You’re not necessarily turning your drinking problem into a mushroom problem either, but moreover using the mushrooms in moderation or even micro dosing while working through the normal general therapeutic and learning processes to kick habits like drinking or smoking.
Recently had a bad blow to my relationship and had to change myself fast, not for the same drinking or smoking problem but still problems I have that were drastically affecting my relationship and my own health. Using mushrooms in small increments with a few doubled doses tossed in when I felt ready for it really helped. I hope this might help you consider some options. I only suggest it mainly cause you seem to realize what you truly want ( this new job ) and what you don’t want ( a drinking problem ).
Good luck friend.
I did some agnostic AA zoom meetings when I first got sober and it helped a ton. There’s meetings almost every hour, every single day. It’s hard when you start off but now, I can’t believe how much time and money I wasted being fucked up all the time. You can do it bud, just remember this feeling when you get the urge to relapse. Soda water, Izze’s, sodas… anything else to drink is great while you’re in this transition.
I highly recommend attending a meeting or two to see if it helps. They offer online meetings. It helps to know you arent alone and get tips on how to refrain from using alcohol.
I have a friend that’s a closet alcoholic, he literally does magic with his hands. He’ll spend the whole day with you but you’ll never see the bottle! But after 8 hours you’ll wonder how the hell he’s so wankered! Serious talent! 😂
You can’t do it alone, go to AA. It might not be right for you but you will need the support at the beginning. It’s a journey, you aren’t giving up drinking you are gaining sobriety.
Straight forward advice here:
Drinking you need medical attention like everyone has stated. I listen to people and their past and experiences because the human body recovers, it’s a proven fact. Alcohol isn’t something you can rent a hotel room for a week or two and just sweat it out and have someone care for you as many stories shared. They all mentioned in their rehab stint while withdrawing from heroine, coke, crack,fentanyl; alcohol had to be constantly monitored. You’re just deeper and deeper each day (that’s what she said).
Next. Because you are two different mindsets when you dry up your reality is going to check you. Again I listen: many who gave up their substances/lifestyle/mindset found that they lost their enthusiasm and pleasure, some even lost their “movement with a sense of purpose” this is where people relapse and the cycle goes on, again noting you don’t know . Your drinking like all substance issues comes from one thing and please don’t be mad or delete or downvote this comment hard facts.
Mental health:
You have some issues, figure out what it is.
Boredom, trauma, depression, anxiety again nothing yoh don’t know. Alcohol is available legally anywhere just about, Have you ever met a successful alcoholic? Or a successful gambler? I’m sure some wise ass will say “I know a few “ to which my response “your mom knows a few as well”
You enjoy working at this place, but your actions dictate otherwise, some young buck might want your job with no issues. If you dry up use the medicine and get off it,
Idk your resource situation move back home or get away and be away from the fast paced life and work or involve
Yourself in something that is a complete mirror on you.
Many mentioned they started their new lives small, they involved themselves in things that had fast results thus creating a new type of thrill. Again nothing you don’t know.
It’s more than you drinking, no one is making you drink, figure out after you dry up and get over yourself, the root cause of this mindset. Yes you’re at the point of your addiction being physical. Get your stuff in order and use the resources available. I’m not saint I’ve been knucklehead, millions and billions of people before you and I had a problem like this, with no resources or Reddit doctor comment advice. You just have fix your mind and soul after your body. Again nothing you don’t know. Good luck.
In my opinion, finding a reason to quit helps so much.
You have a legit goal/reason to force yourself to do better. That makes doing the rest easier.
You got this, take it one day, one hour if you need to, at a time
I am proud of you for recognizing that you need to stop and that you want to. The best person that you can be sober for is yourself first. I have seen too many people on the line get sent home for drinking on the job and lost two good guys that drank themselves to death on their day off. It's a bad habit but my husband has 2.5 years sober and I have 4 years. I dont like drinking but I keep my sobriety in support for him. The best thing that worked for him was to go to AA and not hang out with people that are drinking around him and he was open and honest with his chef about his drinking problem and now his sobriety, which lifted so much pressure off his shoulders. I really hope you are able to get where you want to be and if you every just need someone to talk to or just to listen to you, you can always send me a message.
I used to drink a lot when I was a cook and use a fair amount of cocaine often. Both of these things I could quit for months with zero issues when I thought it was getting out of hand.
But smoking is my real enemy, I quit in January and it’s still a real fucking struggle, every day.
I wish I could tell you how to do it, I just want to say good luck and I hope you succeed.
Yo, I got sober at 33! Still flipping burgs sober at 40 and I can honestly say I like myself today. No one is too old or too broken to find recovery. Take some of your own advice fren!
You can definitely do this! I thought I hid my drinking problem well at work but I was probably delusional because I was a straight mess beginning most days. I have always worked in kitchens and always ended up getting in my own way in my career as a direct result of my alcoholism. I started going to AA back in November and it has worked for me. I can tell you I am a much better employee and all around person. One day at a time!
I wrestled with this problem recently. I didn't want to go to meetings so I found a therapist who specialises in addiction and have been working with her consistently for the last 4 months to get things under control. I also told my friends and my partner what I was going through and they have been very supportive.
Thankfully I have now got things under control and I am functioning properly again. No more staying up binging alcohol or going to work hungover. I know it will take constant vigilance to avoid slipping back to old habits though.
It's great that you've recognised the problem. That's the first step. Now you have to tackle it head on. You can do it. The more help and support you can get to do it the more likely you will succeed. You can do this bro.
Take NAC every morning, L-tyrosine three times a day and seriously consider finding a san pedro ceremony. It can really help flipping the craving switch off. [Naltrexone](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=e2999e5afe90a665&cs=1&sxsrf=ADLYWIIP49MMynSy_8UqFj_7aKdMPDMoQQ:1719499781930&q=naltrexone&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAOMwVGI0-MUo5FyUWJaZl66Qm5qSmZxYkpmf94uJI97VL8QzJDJ-AwvjKxZuLk79XH0Dk_Q0AxM4zzInJycJzjPMtigzesXCw8UF4plW5ZgYGcK5xoXJuQXlcK5lmaWZaR7C2KQ845xXLFxcHGCtFumFcCnjpKLsYoQdhUkWFnCeUVpZGtB-fi5e_XR9Q8OUyqoU0-K8nEWsXHmJOSVFqRX5eam32CQZup_2GD9UCuC25tqf-fVgt-I33mR3ie_TF0_iwOJzANUaZDQUAQAA&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj8ysTtg_yGAxX-FlkFHY8vCWYQ7fAIegQIABAs) also helps.
Homeopathy is a scam. Reminds me of a skit:
A:*Bartender, I'll have a homeopathic beer, please*
B:**Pours a glass of water, drips a single drop of beer into it, pours the whole thing out, refills glass with water.**
A:**Takes a sip.***Ooof, that's some strong stuff!*
If you went to work with a hangover, and not wasted, your problem isn't as bad as you think.
Find a meeting, go regularly, get a hobby to fill your down time.
I'm not meaning to talk down to anyone, just trying to give you hope.
There is a group called Ben's friends, it's really great. Sobriety group for industry people. They have in person and zoom meetings
Came here to say this; I’ve got 7.5 years and didn’t find Ben’s til last year but they’re awesome and have given me a great network of like-minded (non-drinking) industry pals
I don't attend personally but my wife has since 2020(we've been sober since 2016) and she hosts and cohosts sometimes on Thursdays. Its been really great for her and I've met up with some people from it in person that were super chill. It's a really hard industry to get sober in, so much of the culture is working against you. It's totally doable tho, we managed a place literally called the drunk in Spanish for years sober
I second this! Super chill positive group of industry people. Folks share their contact info and will encourage you to reach out
awe ive never heard of that that’s awesome!
Steve Palmer founded Ben Friends. He’s currently opening up a new restaurant/hotel in my town. I’m hoping I get the exec chef position. Seems like a great place to work for.
Exactly what I came to say. I've only ever heard amazing things.
As someone with experience, I may recommend going to urgent care (walk-in) or ER if you experience withdrawal symptoms such as hand tremors. They will take vitals, perform a quick assessment, and send you home with some hardcore benzos for 3-7 days. You may also be hospitalized for a few hours and pumped full of various IV fluids depending on your vitals situation. After your meds are finished, expect to have a follow-up appointment with a general practitioner or specialist, and they may prescribe more meds for a longer duration. You may also be referred to therapy or other specialists. It is actually a fairly easy process, or at least less scary than it may seem unless you have already been through it. The withdrawal symptoms can suck if you aren’t medicated, but it is generally *easy* with the proper treatment. The hardest part is ensuring you have a strong personal support system beginning on day 1 of sobriety. Cyber support can be helpful but it is nowhere near as effective as flesh & blood support.
This is such sound advice. Back when I was more of a delinquent I was in jail with some older guy who started going into DTs that quickly led to a full on seizures before the bastards would let him go to the hospital. The guy never came back and rumor was that he didn't make it. Alcohol withdrawals can absolutely lead to death. I'm not saying that Ops habit is there but it's something to stay vigilant about, especially if he's deeper in the bottle. Getting healthy is way more important than pride, ask for help where necessary.
This is the truth, from your brothers mouth. One step at a time, you are the only one who can take that first step. I hope you do it. ❤️
It’s sad that my first thought reading all of this is how expense it would be.
Did this almost 10 months ago and still going strong. Great advice right here OP. You need to make a decision yourself, or you'll wind up in the hospital one way or another. Why not have it be of your own volition? You can do this. It'll get harder before it gets easier for sure, but never having to go to work hungover is just one of the many amazing reasons to get this shit under control. Also, I can all but guarantee this amazing job will be in jeopardy at some point if you don't. I'd bet you aren't as good at hiding it as you may think.
Withdrawal from alcohol not only sucks, it’s life threatening! Please, OP, see a doctor to help.
I’ve never been sent home with benzos. That would I’ve been really nice in the past.
It can depend on the state, hospital, and doctor. If you have ever admitted to being addicted to things other than alcohol or if you have ever tested positive for a drug test, they may deny you benzos. It is also mostly dependent on the doctor
Yeah, all of these things are *entirely* dependent on which 28-year-old resident you see and their mood that day.
As someone who deals with withdrawal by crawling on the floor for 1-2 days so I don’t have a seizure and smack my head on a piece of furniture on the way down, this is proper advice.
Do not go to the ER for anything mental health related. Once you are there, you have no say in what happens to you.
Heavy drinking is no longer just a "mental health" issue. DTs, seizures, dehydration. Alcohol withdrawal can straight up kill you, it is a physical addiction. You MAY get committed to involuntary medical detox, but you'll still be alive.
Ok, but that person needs to be fully informed that they can get locked up indefinitely and will be solely responsible for the bill, on a restaurant worker’s paycheck
Sorry, this doesn't sound quite right. Here in the UK, and in many countries, you can refuse any treatment and leave a hospital unless the medical team assesses that you don't have capacity to understand information and make decisions on your own or they have direct evidence that you may harm yourself or others. Obviously, being in acute withdrawal (e.g. DT) might qualify for one or more of these, but they won't keep you in the hospital for longer than they absolutely have to. Keeping people in hospital is a risk, and expensive. Once you're healthy enough to function and capable to make informed decisions again, they'll yeet you out lickety split.
I’m a publicly visible organizer in the US disability justice movement. WAY more people than you would ever imagine show up to doctors offices or hospitals thinking they can get “care” for something like detox or PTSD or panic attacks and end up locked up on psych wards or in an involuntary detox ward. It’s grim. The US approach to mental health is extremely carceral; it’s a cousin to our prison system.
That's depressing and I'm sorry. I assumed you'd have a similar clause putting constraints on that kind of stuff, I stand corrected. Another commenter mentioned that it's actually profitable for hospitals to keep you there - taking your comments together, your medical system sounds extremely sinister.
I also want to point out, in the US, we are responsible for paying for time in the hospital— it’s not expensive to the hospital to keep people longer than necessary, it’s *lucrative.* To add insult to injury, people who are subjected to involuntary detox or involuntary psych holds have to pay for “care” (it’s not care) they didn’t consent to, usually to the tune of $6K/night. I met a woman who had to file for bankruptcy after calling 988, thinking it was anonymous, because she has no means of ever paying back the $20,000 bill for a 72-hour psych hold after calling a hotline that is marketed as anonymous. The US is an entirely different beast.
Get on the Benzos to quit booze? Yikes.
Getting on the benzos is to prevent alcohol withdrawals from killing you. Once the withdrawals are done (3-7 days), the meds are done. A bigger yikes is not getting any treatment
Detoxed cold turkey, didn’t need more drugs to quit drugs.
Well good for you, but that's your personal experience. Alcohol withdrawals can and have killed so its not wise to try and convince people to rawdog detox. They could literally die. Detoxing and getting sober with the help of medicine is no less valid than a non medicated detox.
What works for you and others doesn’t work for everyone. Using drugs to quit drugs is a better alternative than using no drugs to quit drugs and dying. Every psychiatrist I have seen has told me in some form that “doing whatever you can to overcome your primary vice should be your priority” even if that means *temporarily* using benzos, other pharmaceuticals, marijuana, etc. Hell, every psychiatrist has also recommended marijuana (one recommended mushrooms) on an occasional basis. I will trust a psychiatrist over an internet stranger and I hope OP and everyone else here does the same.
Hardcore benzos is incorrect. They are light, slow release benzos to keep tremors away. I have some because I had a bad time about a month ago.
When I worked at a psych hospital, when we were detoxing a patient from alcohol, we gave them low doses of Ativan when their vitals got worse or their withdrawal symptoms started getting bad. I think the highest dose we gave was .5mg for withdrawals.
Oh yeah. I bet if the person is physically addicted to the point of almost death.
Watching someone go through delirium tremens was eye opening. As was seeing someone with [wet brain](https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcohol/risks-effects-dangers/wernicke-korsakoff-syndrome#).
Interesting use of language: “when we were detoxing a patient” versus “when a patient was detoxing.” These sinister places are designed to strip people of their agency.
Not at all. The phrasing I used was more that we’re were following detox protocols for the patient. Also, we rarely had any involuntary detox patients. Most involuntary patients were for in/undertreated psychosis, and by and large, needed the treatment we provided. I can’t speak for all psych hospitals, but we did our fucking damndest to treat our patients with compassion and did our best to preserve their dignity.
But you can see how you’re not using agency-centered language, right? Also, if it’s involuntary, it’s not health care— it’s incarceration. (The UN categorizes involuntary mental health treatment as a human rights abuse) It’s really, really common among survivors of involuntary treatment to have flashbacks of the faces of the workers at the facility where they were detained… and those workers convince themselves they “helped” or “provided treatment.”
I prickled at this suggestion, too. Benzos are extremely habit forming, and also cause vomiting/ the shakes/ seizures when you try to get off them.
I had a much harder time quitting the benzos than the booze
Same. I got off benzos first, and threw up every single day, 5-10 times a day, for six months. On one hand, it was great because I lost 70 lbs of psych drug weight in 6 months. On the other hand, I felt like I was going to die, all the time. 3 different doctors didn’t think it was due to benzo withdrawal; it was. Getting sober was a cakewalk compared to getting off benzos. It’s wild to me how deeply indoctrinated people are by our for-profit MH system, that wants you to take *their* drugs.
Thank you, yes, I detoxed from benzos and oxy simultaneously on a couch with Gatorade and a house full of people still doing those pharmas around me, for three weeks I puked and shit every 5 mins, I was sure I’d die in a crack house.. I drank and smoked ciggs for eight more years before I locked myself in my house, quit my job, and ordered takeout til I was straight
I recommend detoxing at a rub and tug. Expensive, but you at least get a lot of handjobs.
I successfully dropped my alcohol problem by replacing it entirely with a weed problem.
This is the way
Came here to say this. It ain’t perfect but I am never hungover anymore (scratch that- I’m hungover if I go out and have more than 2 high lifes, which is hilarious and amazing and sad all at once). I smoke weed everyday and have trouble sleeping without it sometimes but it is LIGHT YEARS better than being a drunk.
Is the weed a problem though?
Not as much as the alcohol
I say this as someone who isn’t a professional cook, but as someone whose grandfather had 65 years of sobriety under his belt when he passed… *You can do this, chef*.
Don't mind that guy talking shit about your nice message. Most likely, they're working too hard while their significant other is getting railed by the neighborhood.
My significant other prefers the term broodmare, thank you very much and she does very well (according to everyone but me).
“I say this as someone who isn’t a professional cook, but as someone whose grandfather had 65 years of sobriety under his belt when he passed… You can do this, chef.” So you’re neither a cook or sober? It’s your grandpa that’s sober? Maybe I’m misunderstanding something here. Amazing input, *chef.* All of us cooks shall benefit from your sage wisdom
Is there something about being a cook that wont allow you to be sober? If not, then how the fuck does the nice sentiment justify such an annoyingly ironic response?
Oh, you're right. Just because the message you replied to doesn't fit the precise vision you have in your head of a perfect response, they shouldn't show any support at all, and should just let the OP drop deeper into the depths of alcoholism instead through indifference. Good take, douchebag.
Im neither sober or a grandpa, but as someone who’s chef had 65 years of cooking under his belt before he passed *you can do this, chef*
I feel like I’m taking crazy pills
Then get off this thread. you're not sober.
Oh chill, that’s not the point and you all know it. I’m all for KC making the popular page and welcoming in non-industry peeps, but c’mon…it’s on the cusp of insulting getting advice from people that aren’t industry. Sue me, jfc
Except this isn’t advice about the industry, it’s life advice about being sober.
It was a joke lol
Hey everyone, this guy basically just said he supports everything I just said above! 👆 Please downvote him as much as me now plz 👉🏻👈🏻
I've been sober for a year now. It makes everything way easier. Rocky out of the gate but well worth it. If you're drowning your pain you're also stifling your passion.
Holy shit. That last line really hit me to the core. I'm gonna have to think on that one. Thank you, the Most Boney of all Goats.
I’m coming up on two weeks sober, after a solid 3yrs of 5-10 100 proof nips and 4-6 9.5% beers daily, I was devastated by how well I ran my kitchen sober. I’ve been hindering myself and my crew just to get drunk, numb some issues and pass out. I can’t sleep for shit now but I’m not wasting money I don’t have on booze and I can think so much clearer. I’ve tried to quit for others in the past but it never took but recently every night when I was drinking I would tell myself to stop drinking for x y or z and then one day I didn’t buy any and then the next and it got easier. Seems to be you telling you to stop and I think you should listen because it sounds like you care about this profession and are at a good spot to work for, so do right for yourself and give them the best of what you have to offer. Good luck Chef, you got this
Try valerian root. It's in the same aisle at drug stores as the vitamins and supplements and when I stopped drinking daily it saved my ass. Its all natural but it knocked me right out without making me feel groggy the next day
You can also typically find bedtime tea blends that include valerian. It's also available in mixed sleep aid supplements (e.g. valerian + melatonin).
And as an extra bonus, it smells terrible!
Took about 6-8 weeks for me to start being able to sleep a little better after getting sober. 6-8 months and the sleep paralysis nightmares stopped. The drinking dreams never do stop, though. Keep it going, chef.
Sleep will be easier over time. The first 6 months your body is trying to reset anxiety levels. Check out a couple of sleep podcasts, anything by Matt Walker or Andrew Huberman. Do all the basic stuff, consistent bedtimes, no screens late, don’t eat late, cool room, dark room, etc but also there are some simple and cheap supplements with proven effectiveness for sleep. It depends a little on your particular type of sleep issues but for me Theanine, apegenin, and magnesium Threonate/glycinate have completely transformed my sleep. You can easily get these at your local vitamin shop or on Amazon. Check this out for more specific info: https://youtu.be/Se151brgGSM?feature=shared
I concur. You got this.
For sleep, I've recently been listening to this 12-hour "deep brown noise" track on Spotify and it's insane what a difference it makes in me being able to go to sleep and stay asleep thru the night. Give it a try along with some of the other advice that's been given here. Life changing stuff.
As someone who has only recently and significantly curbed my 10+ year drinking problem, you fucking got this. Add more motivators to your list and [keep on going.](https://youtube.com/watch?v=jbd81LR-vkM)
You can do it, man! I'm an alcoholic in recovery and r/stopdrinking has helped me significantly. Just having a community that truly understands the ins & outs of the addiction is beneficial. It's tough being in this industry and resorting to unhealthy vices to deal with the stress is so common, especially when dealing with alcohol is part of your job. You've gotta take care of yourself. Try to play the tape forward and remember how shitty this hangover makes you feel next time you wanna throw caution to the wind. You'll be able to perform 1000x better when you're sober. You can do it! Prove it to yourself♥️
From an HR standpoint, PLEASE look into laws around self-identification of substance abuse as it applies to your area and company. Legal aid can help with this. It's super important because if you go to them, now, before any substance-related issues, you could have a lot of protections (depending on your area, and the company size). If, on the other hand, you come in drunk without self-identifying, they can fire you immediately. Best of luck, you can do this!
r/stopdrinking saved my life, maybe it can help you too. Today is my day 1291 without drinking ❤️🩹🥹🙌🏼🫂
Heck yeah!!!! 1259 days without drinking 🙌
Thank you!! 🙌🏼☺️ Congrats to you, you’re doing awesome too!! 👏🏼 IWNDWYT
Sending you love and care. This is such a big insight. If I may: I had a raging alcohol problem for years. I found that AA was extremely counterproductive, but everything changed for me when someone said to me, “Addiction is a trauma response.” I realized I had a nervous system that had felt unsafe— that was unsafe— since childhood and alcohol was a way to numb out and go along with dysfunctional things and dysfunctional mindsets. I’ve been sober for over 2 years now, and I’m surprised by how much fun it is.
Back when I was in the trenches, I worked under an awesome chef with a drinking problem. He built restaurants in his sobriety and went bankrupt with the bottle. I spent some time as a trucker and at that time whoever he was staying with, when he was getting out of hand knew to call me and take him for a sobriety ride. *Actually now that I think of it, his first "ride" was when he closed his last restaurant, he flushed a ton of money and his girlfriend/business partner still has hope. He'd be stuck out on the road for a few weeks, I'd give him enough money to buy a few beers every day. It's been a long time since I've been in a kitchen or a truck. Last time we talked, he was in a tiny town cooking in the truck stop. His boss was also his landlord, so she could go kick him awake and deduct his rent from his paycheck before the bar got it. Get help before you're my old friend. Edited to add stuff *
Not alcohol, but heroin. I knew this guy, J, from New Orleans. He was in a ritual suspension group. We met them up here in Memphis when they did a show. One time we went down to see them perform, and we met a couple of them at this really cool bar that was like being in a catacomb off Decatur (I think it was Decatur, it was near the French Market). So, J tells us how he got into doing suspension: he was addicted to heroine, had been for years. He tried rehab, but it didn’t stick. One day, an old high school friend, CB, runs into him in an alleyway in the French Quarter. J had just finished his fifth stint in rehab, and when CB found him, he was crying with a needle full of junk, because he didn’t want to relapse, but he couldn’t take it. CB took J to his place, as J was homeless. J said he would do anything to stop the cravings. CB weighed J, balanced him, and put some big fucking metal hooks into J’s back, and hoisted J up on his suspension system. For two weeks, CB watched J, and whenever he got the shakes, or the sweats, CB hooked him up, and pulled him up. Over time, J didn’t need the hooks to stay sober, but he joined CB’s group. He patched things up with his family, he got a steady job coding, met a woman, fell in love, got married. It was an incredibly unorthodox method of kicking a habit, but it worked for him. I lost touch with both over the years, and a couple years ago I found out CB died, but I really hope J is still out there, doing alright.
From an old long haul driver, you are my hero. That's asking a lot to let him ride with you.
Know your weaknesses. Build on your strengths. I know I am an addict by nature. I avoid all opportunities for the little voice at my shoulder to be heard. Instead, I let my passion take the reins and guide me on a journey of knowledge, joy, and rapture. Would you be a puppet on anothers string? Or. Master of all you command. The choice is yours. Only yours. Take. Back. Your. Life.
I say this as a non religious who isn’t a huge fan of AA., but go to an AA meeting if you’re planning on quitting cold turkey. They’ll get you a support system because withdrawal from alcohol can be deadly.
Take what you need and leave the rest. I don't attend often anymore but doing a 90 in 90 at NA really helped me reset myself and work with a different program. Twelve step doors are always open and that counts.
90 and 90 is crucial. Neccesary reprogramming. (It's not bad at all).
Reprogramming is an accurate word— AA is a high control group
100% agree. Take what you need leave the rest.
The stopdrinking subreddit is fantastic.
I'm an alcoholic at 43. I no longer get hangovers, but I do just have a terrible time being dehydrated and lethargic. I feel like my body can't catch up with all the water intake that I consume throughout the work day. I have no advice for you, you're gonna continue to be yourself until you get shit figured out, if not you'll wind up like me.
(You can do it too, if you want). Chin up
Listen to the Huberman podcast on alcohol and the gut. There is also a good book called “This Naked Mind” that is pretty good, and a little more funny and edgy is Cold Turkey by Mishka Shubaly. Get the audio books and listen to them while you’re exercising or walking or something. Should do the trick. Good luck!👍
Naltrexone. You got this. 🖤
As per above.. naltrexone… look into it.. worked for me.. ask your doctor.. get blood work done and see what your liver level (?) at..
Look into Naltrexone! It's currently saving me. You can find more info on r/Alcoholism_Medication
This is a great suggestion and check to see if your insurance will cover it. High likelihood that they will! Proud of you, OP. This bartender is rooting for you!
I'm also in the kitchen and just quit about 20 days ago. It's been awesome. I recommend lots of weed.
> I recommend lots of weed. This is just replacing one substance problem with another, no? I don't think that's really the best advice.
Temporarily, it can be a life saver. It can also be a life saver used chronically long-term after quitting a different addiction. Depends how you look at it as there are pros and cons to both
I am paraphrasing the late great George Carlin, but he had an old bit about drinking vs weed, "Pot is great, you don't beat your wife, your breath don't stink, and you don't puke on your shoes."
Spoken like somebody who has never had an issue with substances.
Not for me, makes my hands shake and I hear police sirens. Nuff said.
I am not a doctor. Naltrexone is available through online prescription and might be an option... from experience.
Not an alcoholic at least as far as i know, but when i took 60 days off sober i felt clear headed left my toxic overly corporate place and opened a place for a local spot where i feel like i belong. The clarity i had from not drinking helped
You're absolutely right! You got this, you can do it!
I sincerely hope that the people around you who are supporting you now will support you in your sobriety. It is never easier with people who don’t openly support you. I had a cook who started his recovery and in his first 30 my business partner grabbed a bottle of stoli, put him in a headlock and poured it into his mouth. During a shift. I called him out and got laughed at. It turns my stomach and fills me with rage to think of it. The years it took to get this partner out of my business were the longest in my life. The cook got sober and stayed sober, became a counselor himself.
My expertise isn’t in substance abuse or recovery I am a chef after all. But I’ve been doing this job clean and sober for almost 20 years. In that time I have been in charge of hundreds of other chefs and cooks. Many many many have been struggling with substance addictions my best friend included (he was a heroin addict for over 7 years. The year he got clean he was doing more than $500 of heroin a day. I’ve walked hand and hand with many people through attempts at sobriety and I can tell you the people that make it through are the ones that desire sobriety on their own much like you are expressing here in this post. In my opinion you are currently holding the key to your success in your hands right now and that is a wonderful place to be. You will undoubtedly fail more than a few times on the path to that ultimate success but the key is to, in your innermost desires to simply WANT to be clean. No one can do that part for you or even help you get there. That part comes only from you and it seems you are there. Focus on what you want out of life and keep that front and center in your mind when making decisions about the choices you make and the temptations you can handle. Good luck my friend and for what it’s worth I’m gonna be praying for ya. You got this chef.
Dont quit cold turkey. You do not want to have a seizure on the line.
If you haven't checked out r/Alcoholism_Medication give that a whirl too! I quit over about five months in 2018 using TSM and it worked like magic. Poof, just a collection of rusty memories. Good luck dude.
Do it for yourself dude. I'm so serious. I literally just hit 3 weeks no alcohol yesterday and I was drinking the cooking beer and wine at work literally last month. They have online AA and SMART meetings. But mostly, for me, it was finally deciding to tell myself no. I was like you and didn't even want to drink anymore, but it had become a compulsive habit. Every time I thought of drinking I had to stop in my tracks and ask myself why I wanted to and how I thought it would help me. It never has, so it made it easier to tell myself no and avoid that habit. But I agree with the other commenters, be careful about withdrawals. Alcohol withdrawals can kill you, but can be dealt with pretty easily and be done with quickly. Please take care of yourself. You can do this. We can do it together!
I feel like a lot of the "drink all night, get shit done the next day" thing is more of a myth than reality. I've worked with a couple guys who'd bring shit into work with them. They talked more than they worked and didn't last long. You can't use a super sharp knife with the shakes. So if your problem is serious enough, you're not gonna be bangin' shit out. You're gonna shake, sweat, reek of booze and count down the seconds till you're off the clock again. I did this for years till I got fired from a place and lost a great opportunity because of my goddamn shakey hands. Weed's still great
Some states protect you from being fired if you get treatment
Good on you. Choosing to make the change is possibly the hardest part, and you're doing that very thing. I wish you nothing but success.
Thanks for posting. I just cut out of my job early because I was too hungover and couldn’t deal. I’m gonna jump onto the Ben’s Friends chat soon because of your post. So truly, from the bottom, middle and top of my heart. Thank you
I read the book “The Naked Mind: Control Alcohol” by Annie Grace and it really helped me a lot. It’s like a science first, empowering message. Hope you find something that works for you, friend
Part of the problem may be the industry. It is a business that allows these problems to flourish and is full of people who have them. I gave up drinking almost 6 years ago, it got a lot easier when I also gave up kitchen work. Maybe that's just me, completely possible. But I can't help but think there is some correlation between the number of alcoholics in the business and the business itself. Drug abuse is also rampant. Maybe it's the terrible hours, the blistering heat, the asshole chefs and owners. Maybe it's the low pay, complete lack of benefits or need to work every time friends and loved ones are celebrating. Maybe it's the fact that in many jobs, we are seen as disposable. Maybe it's the fact that showing up hungover (or sometimes just a wee bit still drunk) is acceptable as long as you can pull it together and get through service. I don't know what your situation is, or how you got here. But I can tell you this is an important first step, acknowledgment of the problem. I can also tell you that you can only keep a problem like this hidden for so long. It sounds like you have made the decision to hang up your drinking glass, awesome. Now do it. You will have good days and bad days, it isn't all smooth sailing. But you will feel better. You will feel more focused. You should allow yourself to feel a sense of accomplishment for winning a damn tough fight. And if you fall, get up, dust off, get back on track. The only losing is giving up. Best of luck, and in the words of my wise old KM, vaya con dios.
Ive come to work in total 1 time hung over. Never again lol. Partly because I limit how much I drink but also because I started working nights so even if I was hung over I'm straight by the time I get to work lol
Been there done that and hated it as much as the next person. I’ve never been a 12 step or group type of person. I’ve tried. Honestly I have tried so hard. But group meetings and 12 step stuff just always made me angry and want to use more. I may just be a stubborn asshole. Idk. You can do it regardless of what does not work for you. You just make your mind up about what you want to do and not do and if you start feeling the withdrawals and it even starts getting rough, take your ass to the ER. They’ll give you IV fluids if you’re dehydrated (shitting and puking nonstop will do that even faster than drinking around the clock!) and if you just swallow every drop of pride you have left and ask them for some meds for the shakes and the “I wanna claw my skin off” jittery feelings, they’ll IV you some good benzos as long as u have a ride home and aren’t driving, plus send u home with a week of benzos as well as a couple meds to keep u from puking and being sick at your stomach non stop. It really does help!!! And honestly, you’ll feel so much better once u get through it, you’ll be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner. Good luck OP. Stay strong!!
For years I struggled with alcohol use on and off and on again. I found the only times I was able to get off and stay off it was when I was truly accountable for fucking up. I became so scared of fucking up that I forced myself to taper off and sober up. Few weeks of shit sleep, eventually wore off made it worthwhile. Now, the only times I fall back is when I’m not held accountable for anything. I know what my triggers and excuses are, so I avoid these. You don’t succeed all the time, but it’s best when we do. You got this chef.
It never hurts to start talking.
if you're at a point where you're experiencing physical symptoms of withdrawal when you stop drinking you should have a friend take you to the ER and let them know you need to detox. they'll give you benzos or something adjacent and send you home with a script to make it through the withdrawals if you're in good enough mental health to do so. or if you're like me and you let them know that you had suicidal ideation and recently attempted suicide they might put you in the psych ward to detox under the supervision of a medical professional. ( depending on the state, you can do this with other substances too. oregon is pretty cool like that )
Alcohol Explained is an amazing book that helps me often. Whenever I get the urge I pick it up and read a few random pages.
You have to remember the moment you said to yourself, "I need to change." Keep that moment in your mind, think about it, and never forget it. It's what ties your desire to change yourself to reality. We say to ourselves things like "I'll start going to the gym on Monday," or "I'll just have this last one and no more" and those moments are fleeting, because we don't really mean it. But when you *truly* want to change, that moment, no matter how mundane it might be, will stick with you. Think back on it often to remind yourself how you got here and why it's important for you, and it'll keep you grounded when times get tough.
I believe in you!!!!!
As a cook, I got my start working in a dive bar at 19 and this developed a drinking habit that eventually cost me I had an amazing job, great pay, could make whatever specials I wanted. Got fired for being too consistently hungover and late. As an alcoholic you think you have a handle on things and everything will be fine until it isn’t… didn’t quit drinking for another year afterword. Almost a year sober now. The freedom you get from quitting is incredible. it’s worth it to quit while you’re ahead before it’s too late….
You got it bro , working hungover sucks. You kick ass hungover, imagine how much ass you’d kick sober? Start with 1 day , today
So you're gonna stop, right?
I'll have 3 years in this September. If you ever need someone to talk to my DMs are open.
Good on you dude, I just had to fire a somewhat functioning alcoholic who was always early and did whatever was asked of him very well until something shifted at home and he upped his drinking and started fucking literally everything up.
you got this, dude.
I work in a kitchen too and was a high functioning drug addict for a long time. It ruined my life towards the end. Anyway I’ve been clean almost 8 months now and my family, work, friends, social life has all got a thousand times better. Stopping using was the best decision I’ve ever made.
We all reach that point. For me, it was an ulcer. Super fun those. It got better, but my stomach hasnt really been the same since. Acid reflux sucks balls. Be well, Chef.
Fuck yeah, it's rare that someone finds the thing that helps them see through all the bullshit. This new environment has given you a clarity that few get to experience. It's rad that you're stepping up to the challenge. Don't beat yourself up if there are mistakes or setbacks along the way, just keep this new direction and drive going.
It's a hard thing to do, but you got this. You can do it.
Love each and every one of you. Lived this for far too long. Thought it would never change. It CAN and it's so much better. Raw dogging reality is never easy,feeling real emotions - both the good ones and the bad ones - instead of numbing them to fuck is worth the price of admission. You can do this.
I hope you can get that shit under control OP, I've lost so many jobs due to my drinking off-hours. Losing my shit with hangover anger, or just not showing up to work.. or walking out because it's just easier than handling two no-call-no-shows with a hangover so bad enough to last 2-3 days. I haven't quit, but on worknights I finally found the motivation (a really chill, mid volume, really high paying prep gig) to just ENJOY a couple of pints, no cannabis, no tobacco. And I'm absolutely crushing it compared to going in fucked up. Still struggling to quit, I do spend 1-2 days a week pretty hungover still but at least it's not interfering with my work. Good luck chef!
You're going to be okay.
Coming from someone who started drinking at 13(30 now)I've had stints of being sober, now I actually want to quit. That's the difference. Just like anything else, you have to want it.
You've got this, sobriety is scary and feels impossible even though it isn't. The best thing you can do is find support from other sober people, whether that be AA, SMART recovery, recovery dharma, etc. Having community that really knows what you're going through is so important and it's easier to stay sober together than alone. Source: hit 1 year sober last week. I'm in AA, but I know it's not the only way to get sober. It's just what has worked for me and changed my life
I’m pulling for you, bud. You can do this. 🩷
Sending love from the line. You can get better, be painfully honest with yourself and others and hold strength in numbers.
have you tried cocaine?
Sobriety is the only way I've made it anywhere in this industry.
I had to leave the industry to sober up lol
one thing that helped me severely limit my drinking was changing my mindset. It's a very hard thing to do but I did it by thinking about a couple of different ideas in my head: 1. Why am I actually drinking or wanting to drink? It started off because everyone else in college did it but then I eventually realized I only did it out of habit. 2. Is it really fun? well not so much anymore. id rather be clear headed and can use my full brain power. 3. it's stupid expensive to drink, why am i throwing my money at something so temporary? 4. Hangovers really suck and are totally not worth it.
you got this gnomie
Right there with you man. I'm a good cook drunk. I would be amazing sober. It's hard, and you have to find the right reason. I believe in you.
Keep it up bro. I know it’s hard but you can do it!
It really helped when I realized alcohol isn't actually enjoyable unless I have 10, and having 10 is not sustainable. That combined with using pot really helped the most.
Ben’s Friends is the best for dealing with this, please look into them!!
I just drink on the clock and don't keep booze at home.
I do it miles better sober from alcohol, would be even better without weed, but not there yet.
Love and respect, u/agnes238. I sincerely wish you all the best. Always be kind to yourself. ❤️
Treat and a 12 step program helps me
Treatment
Been there before, winning this fight is worth it. Use that, I was so fucking tired of feeling like shit all the time. I messed up at work and had a lot of bad days. I wanted out, I wanted to do better in my life, not drinking was a huge part of that.
Good luck. My wife and I never stopped drinking like the world was still in lockdown. It got pretty bad after while. We cleaned up this month. Dropped 9 lbs because I’m not drunk and eating trash all the time. I’m still pissed off at the world but I feel a lot better about it.
I lost my job showing up to work drunk. Dont wait
I rarely make this suggestion without actually knowing who I’m making it to, but it’s worth a try to consider turning to psychedelics to help quitting habits and changing life values. You’re not necessarily turning your drinking problem into a mushroom problem either, but moreover using the mushrooms in moderation or even micro dosing while working through the normal general therapeutic and learning processes to kick habits like drinking or smoking. Recently had a bad blow to my relationship and had to change myself fast, not for the same drinking or smoking problem but still problems I have that were drastically affecting my relationship and my own health. Using mushrooms in small increments with a few doubled doses tossed in when I felt ready for it really helped. I hope this might help you consider some options. I only suggest it mainly cause you seem to realize what you truly want ( this new job ) and what you don’t want ( a drinking problem ). Good luck friend.
Good luck. Acknowledging that you need to change is the first step in any plan, now you need to act on it.
In the exact same situation, good luck to you.
Look into naltrexone and the Sinclair method. It can actually take away the desire to drink.
Look at this post whenever you want to drink.
I did some agnostic AA zoom meetings when I first got sober and it helped a ton. There’s meetings almost every hour, every single day. It’s hard when you start off but now, I can’t believe how much time and money I wasted being fucked up all the time. You can do it bud, just remember this feeling when you get the urge to relapse. Soda water, Izze’s, sodas… anything else to drink is great while you’re in this transition.
I highly recommend attending a meeting or two to see if it helps. They offer online meetings. It helps to know you arent alone and get tips on how to refrain from using alcohol.
Same, except my chef's gave me some time to recover, and is with blow, not so much with drinking
I have a friend that’s a closet alcoholic, he literally does magic with his hands. He’ll spend the whole day with you but you’ll never see the bottle! But after 8 hours you’ll wonder how the hell he’s so wankered! Serious talent! 😂
You can’t do it alone, go to AA. It might not be right for you but you will need the support at the beginning. It’s a journey, you aren’t giving up drinking you are gaining sobriety.
Straight forward advice here: Drinking you need medical attention like everyone has stated. I listen to people and their past and experiences because the human body recovers, it’s a proven fact. Alcohol isn’t something you can rent a hotel room for a week or two and just sweat it out and have someone care for you as many stories shared. They all mentioned in their rehab stint while withdrawing from heroine, coke, crack,fentanyl; alcohol had to be constantly monitored. You’re just deeper and deeper each day (that’s what she said). Next. Because you are two different mindsets when you dry up your reality is going to check you. Again I listen: many who gave up their substances/lifestyle/mindset found that they lost their enthusiasm and pleasure, some even lost their “movement with a sense of purpose” this is where people relapse and the cycle goes on, again noting you don’t know . Your drinking like all substance issues comes from one thing and please don’t be mad or delete or downvote this comment hard facts. Mental health: You have some issues, figure out what it is. Boredom, trauma, depression, anxiety again nothing yoh don’t know. Alcohol is available legally anywhere just about, Have you ever met a successful alcoholic? Or a successful gambler? I’m sure some wise ass will say “I know a few “ to which my response “your mom knows a few as well” You enjoy working at this place, but your actions dictate otherwise, some young buck might want your job with no issues. If you dry up use the medicine and get off it, Idk your resource situation move back home or get away and be away from the fast paced life and work or involve Yourself in something that is a complete mirror on you. Many mentioned they started their new lives small, they involved themselves in things that had fast results thus creating a new type of thrill. Again nothing you don’t know. It’s more than you drinking, no one is making you drink, figure out after you dry up and get over yourself, the root cause of this mindset. Yes you’re at the point of your addiction being physical. Get your stuff in order and use the resources available. I’m not saint I’ve been knucklehead, millions and billions of people before you and I had a problem like this, with no resources or Reddit doctor comment advice. You just have fix your mind and soul after your body. Again nothing you don’t know. Good luck.
Have you been to any meetings? Try one if not. It helps to have the support of people who understand 💜
In my opinion, finding a reason to quit helps so much. You have a legit goal/reason to force yourself to do better. That makes doing the rest easier. You got this, take it one day, one hour if you need to, at a time
I am proud of you for recognizing that you need to stop and that you want to. The best person that you can be sober for is yourself first. I have seen too many people on the line get sent home for drinking on the job and lost two good guys that drank themselves to death on their day off. It's a bad habit but my husband has 2.5 years sober and I have 4 years. I dont like drinking but I keep my sobriety in support for him. The best thing that worked for him was to go to AA and not hang out with people that are drinking around him and he was open and honest with his chef about his drinking problem and now his sobriety, which lifted so much pressure off his shoulders. I really hope you are able to get where you want to be and if you every just need someone to talk to or just to listen to you, you can always send me a message.
I used to drink a lot when I was a cook and use a fair amount of cocaine often. Both of these things I could quit for months with zero issues when I thought it was getting out of hand. But smoking is my real enemy, I quit in January and it’s still a real fucking struggle, every day. I wish I could tell you how to do it, I just want to say good luck and I hope you succeed.
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Babe, you are not that old. You can still tell yourself all those things and listen. Your life can still drastically change.
Yo, I got sober at 33! Still flipping burgs sober at 40 and I can honestly say I like myself today. No one is too old or too broken to find recovery. Take some of your own advice fren!
Proud of you, Chef. Bring it up to your chef. If they're good, then they'll take care of you
You can definitely do this! I thought I hid my drinking problem well at work but I was probably delusional because I was a straight mess beginning most days. I have always worked in kitchens and always ended up getting in my own way in my career as a direct result of my alcoholism. I started going to AA back in November and it has worked for me. I can tell you I am a much better employee and all around person. One day at a time!
I believe in you. You've found something you want more.
Never too late to start. Start small. It will all add up. The process is as important as the goal Chef.
step 1 is complete, wanting to stop is already a massive hurdle to overcome, go get em tiger
I wrestled with this problem recently. I didn't want to go to meetings so I found a therapist who specialises in addiction and have been working with her consistently for the last 4 months to get things under control. I also told my friends and my partner what I was going through and they have been very supportive. Thankfully I have now got things under control and I am functioning properly again. No more staying up binging alcohol or going to work hungover. I know it will take constant vigilance to avoid slipping back to old habits though. It's great that you've recognised the problem. That's the first step. Now you have to tackle it head on. You can do it. The more help and support you can get to do it the more likely you will succeed. You can do this bro.
Bro you got it
Take NAC every morning, L-tyrosine three times a day and seriously consider finding a san pedro ceremony. It can really help flipping the craving switch off. [Naltrexone](https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=e2999e5afe90a665&cs=1&sxsrf=ADLYWIIP49MMynSy_8UqFj_7aKdMPDMoQQ:1719499781930&q=naltrexone&stick=H4sIAAAAAAAAAOMwVGI0-MUo5FyUWJaZl66Qm5qSmZxYkpmf94uJI97VL8QzJDJ-AwvjKxZuLk79XH0Dk_Q0AxM4zzInJycJzjPMtigzesXCw8UF4plW5ZgYGcK5xoXJuQXlcK5lmaWZaR7C2KQ845xXLFxcHGCtFumFcCnjpKLsYoQdhUkWFnCeUVpZGtB-fi5e_XR9Q8OUyqoU0-K8nEWsXHmJOSVFqRX5eam32CQZup_2GD9UCuC25tqf-fVgt-I33mR3ie_TF0_iwOJzANUaZDQUAQAA&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj8ysTtg_yGAxX-FlkFHY8vCWYQ7fAIegQIABAs) also helps.
At a certain point in this job you either have to stop drinking alcohol or start doing cocaine.
Homeopathic Nux vomica helps with hangovers, in the interim.
Homeopathy is a scam. Reminds me of a skit: A:*Bartender, I'll have a homeopathic beer, please* B:**Pours a glass of water, drips a single drop of beer into it, pours the whole thing out, refills glass with water.** A:**Takes a sip.***Ooof, that's some strong stuff!*
Lol. Ok. You run with that.
If you went to work with a hangover, and not wasted, your problem isn't as bad as you think. Find a meeting, go regularly, get a hobby to fill your down time. I'm not meaning to talk down to anyone, just trying to give you hope.