You keep putting the work in for yourself. It’s a mental thing to believe you’re undesirable.
Build your confidence learn more about who you are and the shit that make you happy, upset and your emotions.
Build a list of what you want in a woman, pros and cons. Seek what would make you the most happy to have in a partnership.
I’ve made many pros and cons lists to decide on things. It really does help bring your brain to a level of focus.
I just continue doing things to improve my life; mental health, my apartment, hobbies, and things that make me happy, etc.
Also, whenever those thoughts sometimes creep up when looking in a mirror I just remember that I'm not my type, there are people out there who'd be into me.
First off, fuck all that undesirable shit. You ARE THAT BITCH. You ARE the catch. Don’t let yourself stay in that frame of mind. Words matter.
Speak highly of yourself at all times… Remove negative self talk. If you catch yourself thinking something like this, REFRAME REFRAME REFRAME.
Surround yourself with positive affirmations!
One of my favorites (I just made it up one day):
I AM FILLED W LOVE. LOVE SURROUNDS ME.
This. Reframe that mindset! You’re not undesirable! Most people just realise they don’t have what it takes to match your level! You are the prize! You know what you can give and what you can expect in a connection and people can genuinely see they’re not up to par or committed to giving you that from the jump.
Your comment made me feel some type of way 🥺🥺🥺 I’m currently going through a loose form of a breakup and it’s broken me so so much. I don’t feel like a prize.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s a very difficult change I know. Since everything is fresh all I’ll advise you is to reframe your mind and center yourself - your happiness, your goals, your comfort! Realise things fell apart because you may need to prioritise yourself, or better things are on the way.
You may feel broken, well the only way is up now right? To piece yourself back together. Hope you find your healing. ❤️🩹
For me, I try to remind myself what my good points are.
What would make me a good partner? I am generous, kind, smart, funny, very loving, devoted, and loyal.
But I also ask myself what are my shortfalls. I am not physically attractive nor adventurous, I am average in bed, I can be really boring.
So I weigh those things and I tell myself okay, I am not gonna be every woman's cup of tea. But there might be SOME women who might be okay with what I have to offer.
I think a lot of it is luck and timing.
I have been single for a year and a half now. I've been on a few dates. But those dates happened because I kind of had to cater to what I have to offer.
If you move around a lot, then you need to look for women who are interested in ex-pat life. Start dating tourists. Build up your confidence in dating again. When you do, you will start to love yourself a lot more. You aren't undesirable if you are a good or decent person.
I am discouraged to think I won't have a partner for a long time because of my own situation, but I am grateful to know at least SOME women are willing to or interested in have a first date with me.
I technically haven't "brushed off" the idea that I'm undesirable, I'm just unaffected by it. I have good friends, a meaningful job, hobbies and goals. Basically, I try to live my best life in a way that makes me happiest.
Hmmmm. I guess finding someone you're attracted to and someone who's attracted to you are two different things, right?
I used to think that the longer I stayed single, the more I'd get used to it. I kind of felt alone but not necessarily lonely. However, recently, I've found myself both alone and lonely. 😂😂💀
I'd rather stay single than be with someone who's not right for me. So, if there are any red flags, I won't pursue it. I won't lower my 'standards.'
As for whether I'm attractive, I understand I'm short and maybe not as masculine as some, but everyone is unique in their own way. So, I do believe I have my own attractiveness. If I'm not very masculine, I can always be cute instead. 😊
Become your own best friend and know you’re not undesirable, you just have standards 🤷♀️ That’s what I do anyways. You won’t click with everyone and that’s alright
I reason that women may not want to be with me romantically or sexually, but they still want to be friends with me. All three of my biggest crushes have become some of my closest friends. So at least I’m somewhat useful 😬😂
Honestly it’s not a big issue anymore. I’m 31, not 17, so it’s not the end of the world when my feelings aren’t reciprocated. Getting out of that sort of situation with a friend is kind of like playing a team sport - you might not be scoring the points but you’re still having fun lol.
I look in the mirror and compliment my body. Then my personality, then my boobs again. And at some point I'm so giddy about how hot I am, that I forget that I thought I wasn't desirable
I have been single my entire life (31 years old) I wish I could give an advice 😭 I lost hope in dating when I turned 30 bc it's too late for first experiences, but one thing that makes me feel better is that I can avoid the bad things that could happen in a relationship lol
I taught myself to know I have inherent value regardless of if I’m partnered. I am no less or more desirable because I’m partnered/not partnered. I remind myself of that and have decentered romantic connections in my life and made it richer with more joyful things that truly make me feel alive. And honestly that’s the most beautiful thing to see in a person imo anyway. Them loving on themselves just cool to live life and confident to do it regardless of if someone is there by their side.
i try to be the kind of person i would want to date and see myself in the light of, oh if someone i loved and was attracted to was doing this i’d find it so sweet or fun or whatever! if you are happy and doing what you love your person will find you❤️
From someone who’s in a lesbian relationship where I’m held back from travel bc she can’t afford it and won’t let me go with anyone else, travel!! Take on new hobbies. See more friends while you can. Embrace freedom. You think you need someone else but usually other people have needs that are different from yours and they’ll not enjoy what you enjoy.
On a planet filled with billions of people, you're definitely somebody's type, you just havent met them yet. Thats what I tell myself whenever I put myself back out on the dating scene and come up empty....and I've been on and off the dating scene for far longer than I care to admit lol
Just like everyone else is saying, just keep working on yourself. Get to somewhere stable in your life and go from there. But dont sell yourself short by calling yourself undesirable, youre not
Think about it like this (and it may sound sad or stuck-up) as you improve & work on yourself & become the best version you can be, a lot of ppl won't qualify to even be your friend tbh let alone a relationship. So you need to be comfortable vibing alone.
Divorced,
Moved to a country where every other foreigner is just as confused as to what is happening in the dating scene.
I’ve asked local and foreigners for advice what to do? Personality, personal qualities, profile ratings, just about everything.
Every single person says “you’re fine, it’s just [the country]”
It’s been a year and half and the only interaction I’ve had of any significance is going to see a “professional” once. She too said nothings wrong with me.
Anyone else itt figures out how to shake this feeling lmk
Dafuq!? 😳 I mean I appreciate your honesty but since when is it something to just casually mention like it's no biggie?? 🤢 In a lesbian space no less! Wtf?
Don't even kid yourself into thinking a prostitute will tell you the truth btw. 🙃
I said professional and then someone asked what kind
I only asked her as I was leaving, money was more than handed over,
I have no reason to disbelieve her
I’m mtf and have been for a while,
Cis women see prostitutes here in my country too, the stigma against seeing someone isn’t anywhere near the same as it is in USA
All you’ve been doing is insulting me in various ways.
When I feel bummed about being single, I like to take a step back and look at myself objectively. When I take stock of me and the life I’ve built, I’d date me!
And I like my life as is and if someone comes along, great! If they don’t I’ll still be able to be happy.
Grace, patiences, self appreciation and love. There will be moments you will be lonely, that isn't your fault. The fact you can have friends is self evidence there is some part of you that is appealing and desirable, you bring joy to some peoples' life and you're looking for someone that only appreciates those things about you even more. You deserve love, so while much of the world will never care about you, you owe it to yourself to be your own cheerleader. Be patient, life is a marathon and not a sprint. The reality is that so much of who you end up with and the potential to meet people that would be interested in you is largely luck; luck that you can help improve the odds of but still luck. You can only help things so much, and the fact you haven't found someone isn't a failing or condemnation of who you are.
Ngl, it's sort of rough. I try to focus on positive reinforcement from my friends, but they're totally biased and also not queer women. T-T Sometimes I am mildly comforted by the fact that there are men that find me attractive. :/
I had these issues bc of weight gain. I followed a bunch of plus sized people online, especially people that do outfits if the day, and over time I realized I thought they looked great, so why couldn't I think that about myself? I also bought some outfits i felt confident in. I've been much more comfortable in my own skin since.
You keep putting the work in for yourself. It’s a mental thing to believe you’re undesirable. Build your confidence learn more about who you are and the shit that make you happy, upset and your emotions. Build a list of what you want in a woman, pros and cons. Seek what would make you the most happy to have in a partnership. I’ve made many pros and cons lists to decide on things. It really does help bring your brain to a level of focus.
Great advice, what are you referring to by cons?
What you don’t want in someone! Example personally I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t enjoy books or learning. It’s simple but major!
I just continue doing things to improve my life; mental health, my apartment, hobbies, and things that make me happy, etc. Also, whenever those thoughts sometimes creep up when looking in a mirror I just remember that I'm not my type, there are people out there who'd be into me.
First off, fuck all that undesirable shit. You ARE THAT BITCH. You ARE the catch. Don’t let yourself stay in that frame of mind. Words matter. Speak highly of yourself at all times… Remove negative self talk. If you catch yourself thinking something like this, REFRAME REFRAME REFRAME. Surround yourself with positive affirmations! One of my favorites (I just made it up one day): I AM FILLED W LOVE. LOVE SURROUNDS ME.
Your time and szn is coming
This. Reframe that mindset! You’re not undesirable! Most people just realise they don’t have what it takes to match your level! You are the prize! You know what you can give and what you can expect in a connection and people can genuinely see they’re not up to par or committed to giving you that from the jump.
Your comment made me feel some type of way 🥺🥺🥺 I’m currently going through a loose form of a breakup and it’s broken me so so much. I don’t feel like a prize.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s a very difficult change I know. Since everything is fresh all I’ll advise you is to reframe your mind and center yourself - your happiness, your goals, your comfort! Realise things fell apart because you may need to prioritise yourself, or better things are on the way. You may feel broken, well the only way is up now right? To piece yourself back together. Hope you find your healing. ❤️🩹
Thanks :)
Everything is gna be ok
For me, I try to remind myself what my good points are. What would make me a good partner? I am generous, kind, smart, funny, very loving, devoted, and loyal. But I also ask myself what are my shortfalls. I am not physically attractive nor adventurous, I am average in bed, I can be really boring. So I weigh those things and I tell myself okay, I am not gonna be every woman's cup of tea. But there might be SOME women who might be okay with what I have to offer. I think a lot of it is luck and timing. I have been single for a year and a half now. I've been on a few dates. But those dates happened because I kind of had to cater to what I have to offer. If you move around a lot, then you need to look for women who are interested in ex-pat life. Start dating tourists. Build up your confidence in dating again. When you do, you will start to love yourself a lot more. You aren't undesirable if you are a good or decent person. I am discouraged to think I won't have a partner for a long time because of my own situation, but I am grateful to know at least SOME women are willing to or interested in have a first date with me.
I technically haven't "brushed off" the idea that I'm undesirable, I'm just unaffected by it. I have good friends, a meaningful job, hobbies and goals. Basically, I try to live my best life in a way that makes me happiest.
Hmmmm. I guess finding someone you're attracted to and someone who's attracted to you are two different things, right? I used to think that the longer I stayed single, the more I'd get used to it. I kind of felt alone but not necessarily lonely. However, recently, I've found myself both alone and lonely. 😂😂💀 I'd rather stay single than be with someone who's not right for me. So, if there are any red flags, I won't pursue it. I won't lower my 'standards.' As for whether I'm attractive, I understand I'm short and maybe not as masculine as some, but everyone is unique in their own way. So, I do believe I have my own attractiveness. If I'm not very masculine, I can always be cute instead. 😊
Nothing wrong with cute 😊
Short can be good ;)
I think if you work on yourself and become happy with your life/situation/self then everything starts to fall into place for you
I go to the gym and flex a little :)
Become your own best friend and know you’re not undesirable, you just have standards 🤷♀️ That’s what I do anyways. You won’t click with everyone and that’s alright
I reason that women may not want to be with me romantically or sexually, but they still want to be friends with me. All three of my biggest crushes have become some of my closest friends. So at least I’m somewhat useful 😬😂
Oh come on. You're more than "somewhat useful". You'll find the right woman for you someday!
Haha she’ll probably want to be just friends, too 😜😂
Nope, no way 😉
Honestly it’s not a big issue anymore. I’m 31, not 17, so it’s not the end of the world when my feelings aren’t reciprocated. Getting out of that sort of situation with a friend is kind of like playing a team sport - you might not be scoring the points but you’re still having fun lol.
You're 31, not 80 😉 Your time will come and you won't be friendzoned.
You may be right, but I'm not optimistic about anything changing :P
You'll never know! 💛
I look in the mirror and compliment my body. Then my personality, then my boobs again. And at some point I'm so giddy about how hot I am, that I forget that I thought I wasn't desirable
I have been single my entire life (31 years old) I wish I could give an advice 😭 I lost hope in dating when I turned 30 bc it's too late for first experiences, but one thing that makes me feel better is that I can avoid the bad things that could happen in a relationship lol
I taught myself to know I have inherent value regardless of if I’m partnered. I am no less or more desirable because I’m partnered/not partnered. I remind myself of that and have decentered romantic connections in my life and made it richer with more joyful things that truly make me feel alive. And honestly that’s the most beautiful thing to see in a person imo anyway. Them loving on themselves just cool to live life and confident to do it regardless of if someone is there by their side.
i try to be the kind of person i would want to date and see myself in the light of, oh if someone i loved and was attracted to was doing this i’d find it so sweet or fun or whatever! if you are happy and doing what you love your person will find you❤️
You're not undesirable, you'll find that one girl who is perfect for you and she'll be mindblowing and earth moving. You'll see. 🥰
From someone who’s in a lesbian relationship where I’m held back from travel bc she can’t afford it and won’t let me go with anyone else, travel!! Take on new hobbies. See more friends while you can. Embrace freedom. You think you need someone else but usually other people have needs that are different from yours and they’ll not enjoy what you enjoy.
I am having trouble with the same. And I don’t travel. Haha.
On a planet filled with billions of people, you're definitely somebody's type, you just havent met them yet. Thats what I tell myself whenever I put myself back out on the dating scene and come up empty....and I've been on and off the dating scene for far longer than I care to admit lol Just like everyone else is saying, just keep working on yourself. Get to somewhere stable in your life and go from there. But dont sell yourself short by calling yourself undesirable, youre not
Think about it like this (and it may sound sad or stuck-up) as you improve & work on yourself & become the best version you can be, a lot of ppl won't qualify to even be your friend tbh let alone a relationship. So you need to be comfortable vibing alone.
[удалено]
Divorced trans and not a single date in 3 years This bodes well for me as I’m on that year and a half mark myself….
Divorced, Moved to a country where every other foreigner is just as confused as to what is happening in the dating scene. I’ve asked local and foreigners for advice what to do? Personality, personal qualities, profile ratings, just about everything. Every single person says “you’re fine, it’s just [the country]” It’s been a year and half and the only interaction I’ve had of any significance is going to see a “professional” once. She too said nothings wrong with me. Anyone else itt figures out how to shake this feeling lmk
What kind of professional?
Prostitute
Dafuq!? 😳 I mean I appreciate your honesty but since when is it something to just casually mention like it's no biggie?? 🤢 In a lesbian space no less! Wtf? Don't even kid yourself into thinking a prostitute will tell you the truth btw. 🙃
I said professional and then someone asked what kind I only asked her as I was leaving, money was more than handed over, I have no reason to disbelieve her
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Should I? Why?
You sound like a man. Gtfo.
I’m mtf and have been for a while, Cis women see prostitutes here in my country too, the stigma against seeing someone isn’t anywhere near the same as it is in USA All you’ve been doing is insulting me in various ways.
When I feel bummed about being single, I like to take a step back and look at myself objectively. When I take stock of me and the life I’ve built, I’d date me! And I like my life as is and if someone comes along, great! If they don’t I’ll still be able to be happy.
don't base your self worth on the opinions of others
Grace, patiences, self appreciation and love. There will be moments you will be lonely, that isn't your fault. The fact you can have friends is self evidence there is some part of you that is appealing and desirable, you bring joy to some peoples' life and you're looking for someone that only appreciates those things about you even more. You deserve love, so while much of the world will never care about you, you owe it to yourself to be your own cheerleader. Be patient, life is a marathon and not a sprint. The reality is that so much of who you end up with and the potential to meet people that would be interested in you is largely luck; luck that you can help improve the odds of but still luck. You can only help things so much, and the fact you haven't found someone isn't a failing or condemnation of who you are.
Just do you, dont go looking for anything or anyone. Be yourself and when it's meant to be your time will come.
Ngl, it's sort of rough. I try to focus on positive reinforcement from my friends, but they're totally biased and also not queer women. T-T Sometimes I am mildly comforted by the fact that there are men that find me attractive. :/
I had these issues bc of weight gain. I followed a bunch of plus sized people online, especially people that do outfits if the day, and over time I realized I thought they looked great, so why couldn't I think that about myself? I also bought some outfits i felt confident in. I've been much more comfortable in my own skin since.