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Hey, 2 years ago I had a divorce from my ex of 17 years. I would sell a kidney to be in your shoes.
I don't say this to belittle your suffering, lord knows I feel like I understand very very well how you must feel. But I say it to highlight the things you have in your favor.
My friend you have known love and know you know loss. Both are extremely important to know. And you are so very lucky to have done both while you are young enough to recover from it.
You are in pain but it will pass. It won't pass so you don't feel it, I'm not sure it ever will, it hasn't for me. But it will pass the same way as grief for a lost loved one passed. You just find that it hurts less and less every day.
That's all I can tell you for certain.
My advice is that you just live your life and do your best.
My advice for you is this though. Do not get into another relationship until you are comfortable being alone.
When you feel stronger try going for walks alone. Go for a meal, to to the movies. Do all of this until you are comfortable doing so. Because the best way to be in a relationship and to do so with an open heart, is to know that you are in the relationship because you want to be not because you need to be.
Learn to love yourself, before you throw your love to another person.
This is a blessing. It won't feel like it, but it is. Go and focus on yourself, focus on your career, focus on being a better version of you, a better person.
But learn to love yourself so that when you do meet somebody, you know that it's real love and not just you needing to replace your ex. I can't stress that enough.
For 2 years after my ex I wasn't even close to being myself. I lost my mind for a while. I'm doing better now but I really wish somebody had given me the advice I have given you.
You will be absolutely fine my friend, better than fine. You discovered that she wasn't right for you, because the right woman wouldn't have done what she did.
But the great news is that once you feel what you feel, any you're back on your feet. Then you get to meet the woman of your dreams. And you will be a better man for her than you ever were for your ex.
Do what I've said and I absolutely promise you this.
Thank you for this response. I will definitely try to spend more time just going out to do things myself. I think that’s something I’ve definitely always struggled with. I definitely should take the time to learn to do things I want to do alone and not rely on having someone there to do it with.
It's weird at first, but it really is good advice. Last year, I had a 9-year relationship end at 32 years old. It was SO fucking weird being alone, all the time. I hated it, but one random day, I said fuck it, and went to a movie alone. I hadn't done that in almost 10 years, yet I thoroughly enjoyed it. It kind of opened up my mind and reset what felt possible to me.
The advice you have been given here is fantastic, from my point of view at least. I had to accept my ex-fiancee wasn't the right woman for me because the right woman wouldn't do what she did. A few months later, she was living with/fucking one of my best friends I've known since kindergarten lol.... That really cemented that she wasn't right for me.
It sounds cliché, but you really are so young and have the entirety of your 20s ahead of you. It doesn't feel like it right now, but as time passes, it will hurt less and less. I promise you that! I'm so sorry you are feeling what you are feeling right now, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Feel free to reach out if you ever want to chat. Maybe it could help!
That’s true on the friend part. The worst thing with him is he was one of the main guys consoling and helping me right after the breakup. Felt like a second stab when I found out shortly after that he had a thing going on with her.
Also just fyi don't rush it either lol. Contradictory I know but that's a thing too. Don't feel like you need to break through this right now this second. Chip away at it that's the secret.
In the grand scheme of things, sure. In the modern dating world? Being single after finishing school and starting your career is something I wouldn't wish on anybody lol. OP is already getting a taste of the dating apps. RIP
would you not consider young? at 22 you just graduate university/ college.
i just turned 25 and also go out of a long (4) year relationship back in feb.
it gets better with time, as cliche as it sounds.
You have to grieve what you have lost.
And be thankful this all happened before you married and had a family. Work on yourself and find out who you are without her. Then you will know when it is time to date again.
yea what this guy said. Loss sucks.. plus the ego burn of her choosing someone over you. Promise it will get better.. the ego recovers. But as this guy said... build your life so you are busy, doing something you feel is important, and realize chasing women is a giant waste of time. when the right one arrives... you will run toward each other. if this isn't happening.. keep going about your business. I married a girl i chased. idiot. decided i would never do that again.. years later... my perfect match clicked been married 8 years.. and it feels right and easy every day
I ended a 6-year relationship that began in high school in my early 20s when I found out she had cheated on me. I can still remember going through a phase where the thought that we would just be strangers going through life separately was just caused this literal chest-crushing pain. It will get better, but it is going to sting for a while. Highly recommend getting some counseling if you have the budget for it. I think I held on to the pain way too long and could have healed faster if I had better tools.
If it is any slight consolation, this will make you a stronger, more resilient person. That was half a lifetime ago for me, and dealing with losses since then has been trivial by comparison.
And if the best person you know was cheating on you and didn't give you a heads up before letting you move to be with her, then you need to get to know some better people. She is young, so I'm not saying she is irredeemable trash, but there are people who have more integrity even at that age.
Man, never say never. I’ve been there and it happened to me when I was getting out of the army and it ruined me for a couple years because I didn’t want to be alone, but honestly, that’s where that self love and self growth comes in to where it doesn’t matter if you’re alone or with someone.
I’m 32 now and if I could go back to my younger self I would tell him to get out into the world and enjoy it. It’s going to hurt at times when you’re alone, but overtime it’s going to get better. Find some new hobbies and you’ll more than likely meet new friends in those hobbies, practice stoicism and read more, it’ll all workout in the end, even if it doesn’t seem like that now. Wish you the best.
Commit yourself to being single for 3 months (not that long in the grand scheme of things) and try to rediscover yourself. You're going through a quarter life crisis, what's best right now it's to just step away from saying as a while and reflect on stuff. If you keep jumping into dates and relationships you're never going to truly move on from your ex relationship. It's ok to feel lost. It's healthy even, because it means that moving forward means that you're growing as a person.
Focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Start going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week. Start eating healthy and pick up a hobby like traveling internationally. Read or listen to self help books or podcasts. Start investing your money and focusing on moving up in your career. Practice your social skills by going out by yourself and having interactions with people. Over time you will attract the women you want. You’re young man hang in there. If you want more help on your self improvement journey shoot me a message.
I think the thing is - so much of that is stuff I’ve already done. I have nearly 100k saved up/invested, I’m in great physical shape and regularly going out hiking with people. I guess it probably is just time I need. But in the mean time it’s just hard.
Going out by myself is probably a good call though. I’ve always hated it cause I feel awkward in public places alone. Definitely something I can work on.
You're gonna be laughing in a bit buddy, her life will likely not be better than yours if you're that put together at your age. It really sounds like you're going to come ahead on this one. Sorry it happened to you though it still sucks.
You’re already ahead of the curve then. The true way to move on is to just get better eventually you’ll be at a higher level in life and forget about her. Another girl who sees you improving will come along. I had to learn how to get comfortable with going out alone eventually it won’t seem so awkward and you’ll have more confidence. You just gotta do it bro
Don’t talk to her anymore if you don’t have to (shared property, etc.)
No matter how ambitious, pretty she is or whatever future version of that life you had with her went out the window when she decided to be with someone else, especially if she was seeing him before you were through.
It’s going to suck some days, and there is no exact time frame that you will magically feel better. But it will.
Make a list of safe and healthy things that make you happy and when you feel really down go out and do those things. You got this!
That is a really shitty situation, I’m sorry she did that to you ☹️ As horrible as it is, 22 is SO young, especially when it comes to dating, and honestly the perfect time to meet people. Post-university, a lot of people rethink what they want, and change the status quo they had as they went through high school and university. There are many other single people out there, and while she may seem perfect and the “best person you know”, she clearly wasn’t that great if she cheated on you and dropped you after you’d made such a huge life move.
She was the best person you knew before, but from 22 onwards you meet sooo many new people, and you’ll meet better and more interesting people, I promise. I am a completely different person in my late 30s than I was in my very early 20s and thank goodness. You learn a lot about the kind of behaviour that is acceptable vs. shitty. It’s totally okay to feel really down right now, it can take many months to get over a breakup, especially one as traumatic as this after dating for so long. Just give yourself grace & time to heal, and don’t rush to replace the hole she left in your life with someone new. You almost certainly need time to learn who you are without her. Sending you best wishes, I know how much heartbreak sucks.
I’m really sorry about the break up. You spent 1/3 of your life with this person so of course it’s going to be difficult to let go. And it may take you much longer than anyone else in the same situation because you were blindsided. I know it’s cliché to say give it time but that’s really all you can do. Keep moving on with your life, making friends, continuing with your education or work plans and let nature take its course as far as your heart is concerned. Maybe it’s too soon to start dating. Don’t try to force yourself to change how you feel or start feeling something new. That will happen when you’re ready.
You’re so young. It will be ok. You both need to experience more on your own. It will be ok and you will find love again. Try to enjoy your freedom and explore new things! I know it hurts.
21 years old. You have barely started life. Get your nose out of your phone and go explore the world and you will find so much more than you have expected and experienced in the very short time you have spent here. Learn to live outside of the confines of a relationship that was all you knew and you will find love again when it’s time. Don’t jump into anything again for a while.Let yourself breathe again.
I know you won’t see it now but man you’ll be thankful later. Later might be 10 years from now, but it will hit you the same way it will hit her. You don’t do what she did to you to someone you’ve been with for so long. Your first mistake is thinking you won’t find someone else as good as her… actually you will find better. But you have to go through the motion. Focus on your goals, Stay away from socials… you will dive deep into a spiraling depression you dont deserve.
It will take some time. You don't have a lot of perspective yet but there are many other women out there that you could be happy and compatible with. Try to trust that.
Give it a few months to get over it. Direct the pain into something creative or constructive. Talk to new people and go to new places on the good days. You will get through this! But you gotta feel all of it to heal it.
Whatever you do, don’t get back with her. Have respect for yourself, no matter how much they beg. Focus on yourself and be by your own side for a while. 7 years is a long relationship. You know life with her. You should get to know your life with yourself. Sure, Have flings , wear condoms, but nothing serious. Work out , study, hang out with friends.
I had a long term gf I was living with for multiple years and I thought my life was destined for misery and loneliness when she left me and immediately moved in with her coworker (whom she instantly got pregnant by). It gave me a serious depression that I thought would never go away. After a few years it did go away. I started dating again and I met my wife. Now when I think about that girl, I can’t even remember a single happy memory from her. At the time I thought it was all perfect but the further I got away from it and had more adult relationships the more I realized how selfish she was, how much she lied to me, talked bad about me to her friends, and how little affection she gave me. How the excuses came daily of why she wasn’t in the mood to have sex. How she would become angry and then throw glasses and shatter them on the wall next to me. I think about what my life would have been like if I got her pregnant and was tied to her for life. It would be a recipe for becoming an alcoholic. I honestly can only remember maybe 3 or 4 memories from years of being with her now and again I lived with her for years. However you feel now, however perfect you think this girl is now, I PROMISE things will be a lot clearer in a few years and you won’t wish things went any different. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t value you. You need to find someone who never thinks about leaving you, even once. No break, no break up, things just being easy. That’s what I found with my wife. When people say marriage is hard we laugh. It’s really not when you find someone you’re compatible with, have a similar intelligence, humor, and sexual attraction. You won’t ever lose that person the way you lost this girl. Just repeat in your mind that it always feels intense for everyone in the beginning of a breakup and it’s normal. But whatever you do, don’t ever give this girl another try. Even if she begs. Detach from her, no friendship, no casual conversations here and there. Cut her off, delete all social media and make it clear to anyone you have mutual friends with that you don’t care to know anything about her and to not bring her up around you. If you don’t, the whole process will take longer. I wish someone would have told me this. You’ll be fine. Trust.
Some things are not meant be….that’s life kiddo….life ain’t fair but things are usually for the best before you are in deep. Don’t settle down until you are older and have gained some wisdom.
At 22 you are too young to think that you will never find someone new.
Take your time to grieve the relationship, focus on yourself and your own life goals. People change a lot during their 20s, you might be someone quite different by the time that you are 27 or 28, compared to how you are now. You might even want different things from a partner compared to what you want now.
Go out, have fun, and enjoy life. Time will cure you.
Instead of looking at it as wasted time, because I know that’s what you’re feeling, look back in gratitude that during this precious time in your journey in your early youth and adolescence was shared with this amazing person you knew. Appreciate that you weren’t out having random hookups and bad initial intimate contact / first kiss / loss of virginity stories to look back on and regret. Those feelings during those ages are super strong and connecting, it’s amazing you got to spend it with “the best person you know.”
The story you tell yourself is the story that matters. Your belief is your reality - God honors your free will to that extent. This is an important perspective to have growing up and growing older. Take whatever time you need. Don’t go searching, just be who you are and do what you love and the actual best person you ever knew will enter your life. Trust yourself and trust your process.
Saw a reel where a guy talked about finding out his partner had cheated on him when he was at the height of the happiest he’d ever been. He seemed to recover quickly by saying to himself “if I was the happiest then, imagine how happy I’d be when I’m with the one who’s meant for me”
1. Get whichever gaming console thst your friends have. 2. Play halo, COD, Fortnight, or whatever daily. 3. Hit the gym. 4. Get back in the game 6 months later and you will have better options.
You need to talk to a therapist because this girl damaged your confidence and belief in yourself and your own judgement. Yes, it hurts. You didn’t see it coming but she did. She made all the decisions, set up all the conditions. She should have told you before she moved in with you but chose not to. Why? Only she can answer that question but you can’t. She’s not the person you thought you knew so well. You’re feeling trauma from what she did. How are you supposed to move on if you don’t deal with that trauma? That’s what a therapist can help with. Don’t let this linger.
This is an opportunity to learn who **YOU** are as a person, to gain a hobby, or go back to one you liked but felt you couldn’t before, **STOP** looking for love, a rebound relationship almost never lasts. Get right with yourself and be confident in what you like/love, dislike, and absolutely won’t tolerate. Basically be confident in what you bring to the table. Good luck OP
Don’t look for someone like her. Don’t look for somebody who is not like her. Don’t look for someone who is like anything. Don’t have a timeline!
When you search for “your type” or “your desired partner type” you miss out on all the little things you never knew existed. You loved how your last partner knew all the best restaurants but you didn’t realize how great a romantic homemade dinner is.
Live your life - meet people - do the things you like! You will find someone - maybe not THE one yet, but you do not know who you are yet, so don’t get caught up in perfect.
Look back and realize what you learned and how you grew with your last partner. It is important to realize that you are not the person you were at the start of the relationship- and that is ok. In fact, that is great!
You are going to meet people that will bring out new parts of you. Make you more confident. Make you smarter, stronger, and wiser. Not just potential partners but friends and friends of friends. You will hear of and experience things you never knew existed! You may find someone during this realization, during an experience, or sharing a memory with someone who also lived that experience.
I couldn’t handle hanging out with 21 year old me right now! Not without a lot of head-shaking and laughing. Don’t get me wrong- I had a blast and was considered a great guy!! But I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, or what was available to me. If I told 21 year old me the places I would go, the friends I would make and the careers I would have - he would call bullshit!!
Please learn from this experience and live the best life you can. I have two cheesy sayings that have done me well in life.
Everything happens for a reason. Don’t spend time wondering what that reason may be. You may never know. If you do figure it out, it may have nothing to do with you!
You will always regret the things you don’t do more than the things you do.
Another guy here chiming in. Going through the same thing myself.
We moved FAST. Like living together within 2-3 months of knowing eachother. For 3 years.Wouldn’t change anything about it. For the past month she has lied to me, stayed at ol dudes house. Said she wanted me the next day. All the things.
I am in hell. Cause I’ve been too weak to bag her stuff and tell her to go. She’s been through a lot and I was gonna be the one to lean on, to cry on, to be the fixer. But she didn’t care and I went to the bar last night, looked over and this smoke show was staring at me. And what did I do? I paid my tab and left. Only wanting to talk to my ex while she’s out doing whatever with ol dude.
She’s watched me cry til my eyes are purple, I’m man enough to admit. But I’m finished with that now. Take it from me. You have dodged a bullet, people who love you will not do what has been done to us. I too have to learn to by myself, for myself. Then I will be ready to try again. We got this man.
You’ll be fine. My wife of ten years decided she didn’t want to be with me anymore and divorced me. Didn’t want to try therapy, nothing.
We have two amazing kids.
Now I’m a single dad a year later. It sucks but I’ll be fine.
You’ll be fine.
Feel everything you need to feel for as long as you need to, and don’t stand in your own way of that. Purge all of the emotions out. You’re going to be depressed, angry, in denial, all these wonderful things. But once that’s all out of your system, it will become a manageable pain. From there, all you have to do is give it time. I promise. That’s the only breakup advice that actually works 100% of the time. Give it time. It may be months, it may be years. I don’t know. But I promise, this will fade. Reach out to friends, or even a therapist if you need. I know it feels like the world is ending, I promise you, it’s not.
The fastest way to move on is to MOVE ON. Find a nice enough gal and have sex. Today. Tomorrow. Whatever, just do it. Perspective fixes your grief like nothing else.
Go to college parties at girls schools. Get loaded. Tell sad story to hottest girl in room. Lay it on thick. Whimper, whine, moan, make every sad sound known to man, many times. Keep repeating "I have no reason to live." You'll go home happy, if I know what I mean. That's the only sad story that works better than "My cat died 😢"
OP you need to seek the advice of a therapist, not your friends or Reddit. Why? Because you need to talk through this with someone that’s professionally trained to handle these situations. It’s fine that you’re reaching out for help from your friends and the people of Reddit but please speak to a therapist.
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Hey, 2 years ago I had a divorce from my ex of 17 years. I would sell a kidney to be in your shoes. I don't say this to belittle your suffering, lord knows I feel like I understand very very well how you must feel. But I say it to highlight the things you have in your favor. My friend you have known love and know you know loss. Both are extremely important to know. And you are so very lucky to have done both while you are young enough to recover from it. You are in pain but it will pass. It won't pass so you don't feel it, I'm not sure it ever will, it hasn't for me. But it will pass the same way as grief for a lost loved one passed. You just find that it hurts less and less every day. That's all I can tell you for certain. My advice is that you just live your life and do your best. My advice for you is this though. Do not get into another relationship until you are comfortable being alone. When you feel stronger try going for walks alone. Go for a meal, to to the movies. Do all of this until you are comfortable doing so. Because the best way to be in a relationship and to do so with an open heart, is to know that you are in the relationship because you want to be not because you need to be. Learn to love yourself, before you throw your love to another person. This is a blessing. It won't feel like it, but it is. Go and focus on yourself, focus on your career, focus on being a better version of you, a better person. But learn to love yourself so that when you do meet somebody, you know that it's real love and not just you needing to replace your ex. I can't stress that enough. For 2 years after my ex I wasn't even close to being myself. I lost my mind for a while. I'm doing better now but I really wish somebody had given me the advice I have given you. You will be absolutely fine my friend, better than fine. You discovered that she wasn't right for you, because the right woman wouldn't have done what she did. But the great news is that once you feel what you feel, any you're back on your feet. Then you get to meet the woman of your dreams. And you will be a better man for her than you ever were for your ex. Do what I've said and I absolutely promise you this.
Thank you for this response. I will definitely try to spend more time just going out to do things myself. I think that’s something I’ve definitely always struggled with. I definitely should take the time to learn to do things I want to do alone and not rely on having someone there to do it with.
It's weird at first, but it really is good advice. Last year, I had a 9-year relationship end at 32 years old. It was SO fucking weird being alone, all the time. I hated it, but one random day, I said fuck it, and went to a movie alone. I hadn't done that in almost 10 years, yet I thoroughly enjoyed it. It kind of opened up my mind and reset what felt possible to me. The advice you have been given here is fantastic, from my point of view at least. I had to accept my ex-fiancee wasn't the right woman for me because the right woman wouldn't do what she did. A few months later, she was living with/fucking one of my best friends I've known since kindergarten lol.... That really cemented that she wasn't right for me. It sounds cliché, but you really are so young and have the entirety of your 20s ahead of you. It doesn't feel like it right now, but as time passes, it will hurt less and less. I promise you that! I'm so sorry you are feeling what you are feeling right now, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Feel free to reach out if you ever want to chat. Maybe it could help!
Just to add, apart from your ex, the friend isn't worth anything either. Thankfully for you, they are both out of your life.
That’s true on the friend part. The worst thing with him is he was one of the main guys consoling and helping me right after the breakup. Felt like a second stab when I found out shortly after that he had a thing going on with her.
Gotta say this. He was pumping information out of you to give to her. Also, what kind of a narcissist does this?
Also just fyi don't rush it either lol. Contradictory I know but that's a thing too. Don't feel like you need to break through this right now this second. Chip away at it that's the secret.
OP, this is the advice you’re looking for. It’s excellent. Sending you big hugs and healing.
This is absolutely amazing advice.
You are so young and first love is so hard to let go of. Take some time get to know yourself without her. It’s lonely now, but it won’t be forever.
You call 22 young?
Yes. Very young.
In the grand scheme of things, sure. In the modern dating world? Being single after finishing school and starting your career is something I wouldn't wish on anybody lol. OP is already getting a taste of the dating apps. RIP
Hmmm
I know right? 22 is beyond middle aged, that's an old man /sarc
If someone is gen z they are definitely still young...
would you not consider young? at 22 you just graduate university/ college. i just turned 25 and also go out of a long (4) year relationship back in feb. it gets better with time, as cliche as it sounds.
I got crucified by not knowing things, adult things at 18 and now Im suffering consequences at 21. 25 is interesting that’s a number I hope to see
Right?! at 22 I retired. I’m 23 now 🙄
I didn’t mean it like that
You have to grieve what you have lost. And be thankful this all happened before you married and had a family. Work on yourself and find out who you are without her. Then you will know when it is time to date again.
yea what this guy said. Loss sucks.. plus the ego burn of her choosing someone over you. Promise it will get better.. the ego recovers. But as this guy said... build your life so you are busy, doing something you feel is important, and realize chasing women is a giant waste of time. when the right one arrives... you will run toward each other. if this isn't happening.. keep going about your business. I married a girl i chased. idiot. decided i would never do that again.. years later... my perfect match clicked been married 8 years.. and it feels right and easy every day
Be thankful you’ll now soon know what it’s like to be an autonomous adult.
I ended a 6-year relationship that began in high school in my early 20s when I found out she had cheated on me. I can still remember going through a phase where the thought that we would just be strangers going through life separately was just caused this literal chest-crushing pain. It will get better, but it is going to sting for a while. Highly recommend getting some counseling if you have the budget for it. I think I held on to the pain way too long and could have healed faster if I had better tools. If it is any slight consolation, this will make you a stronger, more resilient person. That was half a lifetime ago for me, and dealing with losses since then has been trivial by comparison. And if the best person you know was cheating on you and didn't give you a heads up before letting you move to be with her, then you need to get to know some better people. She is young, so I'm not saying she is irredeemable trash, but there are people who have more integrity even at that age.
Man, never say never. I’ve been there and it happened to me when I was getting out of the army and it ruined me for a couple years because I didn’t want to be alone, but honestly, that’s where that self love and self growth comes in to where it doesn’t matter if you’re alone or with someone. I’m 32 now and if I could go back to my younger self I would tell him to get out into the world and enjoy it. It’s going to hurt at times when you’re alone, but overtime it’s going to get better. Find some new hobbies and you’ll more than likely meet new friends in those hobbies, practice stoicism and read more, it’ll all workout in the end, even if it doesn’t seem like that now. Wish you the best.
Commit yourself to being single for 3 months (not that long in the grand scheme of things) and try to rediscover yourself. You're going through a quarter life crisis, what's best right now it's to just step away from saying as a while and reflect on stuff. If you keep jumping into dates and relationships you're never going to truly move on from your ex relationship. It's ok to feel lost. It's healthy even, because it means that moving forward means that you're growing as a person.
Focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Start going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week. Start eating healthy and pick up a hobby like traveling internationally. Read or listen to self help books or podcasts. Start investing your money and focusing on moving up in your career. Practice your social skills by going out by yourself and having interactions with people. Over time you will attract the women you want. You’re young man hang in there. If you want more help on your self improvement journey shoot me a message.
I think the thing is - so much of that is stuff I’ve already done. I have nearly 100k saved up/invested, I’m in great physical shape and regularly going out hiking with people. I guess it probably is just time I need. But in the mean time it’s just hard. Going out by myself is probably a good call though. I’ve always hated it cause I feel awkward in public places alone. Definitely something I can work on.
You're gonna be laughing in a bit buddy, her life will likely not be better than yours if you're that put together at your age. It really sounds like you're going to come ahead on this one. Sorry it happened to you though it still sucks.
You’re already ahead of the curve then. The true way to move on is to just get better eventually you’ll be at a higher level in life and forget about her. Another girl who sees you improving will come along. I had to learn how to get comfortable with going out alone eventually it won’t seem so awkward and you’ll have more confidence. You just gotta do it bro
Don’t talk to her anymore if you don’t have to (shared property, etc.) No matter how ambitious, pretty she is or whatever future version of that life you had with her went out the window when she decided to be with someone else, especially if she was seeing him before you were through. It’s going to suck some days, and there is no exact time frame that you will magically feel better. But it will. Make a list of safe and healthy things that make you happy and when you feel really down go out and do those things. You got this!
Therapy really, really helps a lot. It has helped me and it can help you.
get off the apps, it’s way too soon.
That is a really shitty situation, I’m sorry she did that to you ☹️ As horrible as it is, 22 is SO young, especially when it comes to dating, and honestly the perfect time to meet people. Post-university, a lot of people rethink what they want, and change the status quo they had as they went through high school and university. There are many other single people out there, and while she may seem perfect and the “best person you know”, she clearly wasn’t that great if she cheated on you and dropped you after you’d made such a huge life move. She was the best person you knew before, but from 22 onwards you meet sooo many new people, and you’ll meet better and more interesting people, I promise. I am a completely different person in my late 30s than I was in my very early 20s and thank goodness. You learn a lot about the kind of behaviour that is acceptable vs. shitty. It’s totally okay to feel really down right now, it can take many months to get over a breakup, especially one as traumatic as this after dating for so long. Just give yourself grace & time to heal, and don’t rush to replace the hole she left in your life with someone new. You almost certainly need time to learn who you are without her. Sending you best wishes, I know how much heartbreak sucks.
Get yourself in the best shape of your life
I’m really sorry about the break up. You spent 1/3 of your life with this person so of course it’s going to be difficult to let go. And it may take you much longer than anyone else in the same situation because you were blindsided. I know it’s cliché to say give it time but that’s really all you can do. Keep moving on with your life, making friends, continuing with your education or work plans and let nature take its course as far as your heart is concerned. Maybe it’s too soon to start dating. Don’t try to force yourself to change how you feel or start feeling something new. That will happen when you’re ready.
You’re so young. It will be ok. You both need to experience more on your own. It will be ok and you will find love again. Try to enjoy your freedom and explore new things! I know it hurts.
21 years old. You have barely started life. Get your nose out of your phone and go explore the world and you will find so much more than you have expected and experienced in the very short time you have spent here. Learn to live outside of the confines of a relationship that was all you knew and you will find love again when it’s time. Don’t jump into anything again for a while.Let yourself breathe again.
I know you won’t see it now but man you’ll be thankful later. Later might be 10 years from now, but it will hit you the same way it will hit her. You don’t do what she did to you to someone you’ve been with for so long. Your first mistake is thinking you won’t find someone else as good as her… actually you will find better. But you have to go through the motion. Focus on your goals, Stay away from socials… you will dive deep into a spiraling depression you dont deserve.
It will take some time. You don't have a lot of perspective yet but there are many other women out there that you could be happy and compatible with. Try to trust that.
Give it a few months to get over it. Direct the pain into something creative or constructive. Talk to new people and go to new places on the good days. You will get through this! But you gotta feel all of it to heal it.
Whatever you do, don’t get back with her. Have respect for yourself, no matter how much they beg. Focus on yourself and be by your own side for a while. 7 years is a long relationship. You know life with her. You should get to know your life with yourself. Sure, Have flings , wear condoms, but nothing serious. Work out , study, hang out with friends.
I had a long term gf I was living with for multiple years and I thought my life was destined for misery and loneliness when she left me and immediately moved in with her coworker (whom she instantly got pregnant by). It gave me a serious depression that I thought would never go away. After a few years it did go away. I started dating again and I met my wife. Now when I think about that girl, I can’t even remember a single happy memory from her. At the time I thought it was all perfect but the further I got away from it and had more adult relationships the more I realized how selfish she was, how much she lied to me, talked bad about me to her friends, and how little affection she gave me. How the excuses came daily of why she wasn’t in the mood to have sex. How she would become angry and then throw glasses and shatter them on the wall next to me. I think about what my life would have been like if I got her pregnant and was tied to her for life. It would be a recipe for becoming an alcoholic. I honestly can only remember maybe 3 or 4 memories from years of being with her now and again I lived with her for years. However you feel now, however perfect you think this girl is now, I PROMISE things will be a lot clearer in a few years and you won’t wish things went any different. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t value you. You need to find someone who never thinks about leaving you, even once. No break, no break up, things just being easy. That’s what I found with my wife. When people say marriage is hard we laugh. It’s really not when you find someone you’re compatible with, have a similar intelligence, humor, and sexual attraction. You won’t ever lose that person the way you lost this girl. Just repeat in your mind that it always feels intense for everyone in the beginning of a breakup and it’s normal. But whatever you do, don’t ever give this girl another try. Even if she begs. Detach from her, no friendship, no casual conversations here and there. Cut her off, delete all social media and make it clear to anyone you have mutual friends with that you don’t care to know anything about her and to not bring her up around you. If you don’t, the whole process will take longer. I wish someone would have told me this. You’ll be fine. Trust.
Some things are not meant be….that’s life kiddo….life ain’t fair but things are usually for the best before you are in deep. Don’t settle down until you are older and have gained some wisdom.
At 22 you are too young to think that you will never find someone new. Take your time to grieve the relationship, focus on yourself and your own life goals. People change a lot during their 20s, you might be someone quite different by the time that you are 27 or 28, compared to how you are now. You might even want different things from a partner compared to what you want now. Go out, have fun, and enjoy life. Time will cure you.
Instead of looking at it as wasted time, because I know that’s what you’re feeling, look back in gratitude that during this precious time in your journey in your early youth and adolescence was shared with this amazing person you knew. Appreciate that you weren’t out having random hookups and bad initial intimate contact / first kiss / loss of virginity stories to look back on and regret. Those feelings during those ages are super strong and connecting, it’s amazing you got to spend it with “the best person you know.” The story you tell yourself is the story that matters. Your belief is your reality - God honors your free will to that extent. This is an important perspective to have growing up and growing older. Take whatever time you need. Don’t go searching, just be who you are and do what you love and the actual best person you ever knew will enter your life. Trust yourself and trust your process. Saw a reel where a guy talked about finding out his partner had cheated on him when he was at the height of the happiest he’d ever been. He seemed to recover quickly by saying to himself “if I was the happiest then, imagine how happy I’d be when I’m with the one who’s meant for me”
she was definitely not single during your relationship
1. Get whichever gaming console thst your friends have. 2. Play halo, COD, Fortnight, or whatever daily. 3. Hit the gym. 4. Get back in the game 6 months later and you will have better options.
You need to talk to a therapist because this girl damaged your confidence and belief in yourself and your own judgement. Yes, it hurts. You didn’t see it coming but she did. She made all the decisions, set up all the conditions. She should have told you before she moved in with you but chose not to. Why? Only she can answer that question but you can’t. She’s not the person you thought you knew so well. You’re feeling trauma from what she did. How are you supposed to move on if you don’t deal with that trauma? That’s what a therapist can help with. Don’t let this linger.
This is an opportunity to learn who **YOU** are as a person, to gain a hobby, or go back to one you liked but felt you couldn’t before, **STOP** looking for love, a rebound relationship almost never lasts. Get right with yourself and be confident in what you like/love, dislike, and absolutely won’t tolerate. Basically be confident in what you bring to the table. Good luck OP
Don’t look for someone like her. Don’t look for somebody who is not like her. Don’t look for someone who is like anything. Don’t have a timeline! When you search for “your type” or “your desired partner type” you miss out on all the little things you never knew existed. You loved how your last partner knew all the best restaurants but you didn’t realize how great a romantic homemade dinner is. Live your life - meet people - do the things you like! You will find someone - maybe not THE one yet, but you do not know who you are yet, so don’t get caught up in perfect. Look back and realize what you learned and how you grew with your last partner. It is important to realize that you are not the person you were at the start of the relationship- and that is ok. In fact, that is great! You are going to meet people that will bring out new parts of you. Make you more confident. Make you smarter, stronger, and wiser. Not just potential partners but friends and friends of friends. You will hear of and experience things you never knew existed! You may find someone during this realization, during an experience, or sharing a memory with someone who also lived that experience. I couldn’t handle hanging out with 21 year old me right now! Not without a lot of head-shaking and laughing. Don’t get me wrong- I had a blast and was considered a great guy!! But I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, or what was available to me. If I told 21 year old me the places I would go, the friends I would make and the careers I would have - he would call bullshit!! Please learn from this experience and live the best life you can. I have two cheesy sayings that have done me well in life. Everything happens for a reason. Don’t spend time wondering what that reason may be. You may never know. If you do figure it out, it may have nothing to do with you! You will always regret the things you don’t do more than the things you do.
Another guy here chiming in. Going through the same thing myself. We moved FAST. Like living together within 2-3 months of knowing eachother. For 3 years.Wouldn’t change anything about it. For the past month she has lied to me, stayed at ol dudes house. Said she wanted me the next day. All the things. I am in hell. Cause I’ve been too weak to bag her stuff and tell her to go. She’s been through a lot and I was gonna be the one to lean on, to cry on, to be the fixer. But she didn’t care and I went to the bar last night, looked over and this smoke show was staring at me. And what did I do? I paid my tab and left. Only wanting to talk to my ex while she’s out doing whatever with ol dude. She’s watched me cry til my eyes are purple, I’m man enough to admit. But I’m finished with that now. Take it from me. You have dodged a bullet, people who love you will not do what has been done to us. I too have to learn to by myself, for myself. Then I will be ready to try again. We got this man.
You’ll be fine. My wife of ten years decided she didn’t want to be with me anymore and divorced me. Didn’t want to try therapy, nothing. We have two amazing kids. Now I’m a single dad a year later. It sucks but I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.
Feel everything you need to feel for as long as you need to, and don’t stand in your own way of that. Purge all of the emotions out. You’re going to be depressed, angry, in denial, all these wonderful things. But once that’s all out of your system, it will become a manageable pain. From there, all you have to do is give it time. I promise. That’s the only breakup advice that actually works 100% of the time. Give it time. It may be months, it may be years. I don’t know. But I promise, this will fade. Reach out to friends, or even a therapist if you need. I know it feels like the world is ending, I promise you, it’s not.
Welcome to the gym mate you dropped this 👑
The fastest way to move on is to MOVE ON. Find a nice enough gal and have sex. Today. Tomorrow. Whatever, just do it. Perspective fixes your grief like nothing else.
time to grow up, buddy
Go to college parties at girls schools. Get loaded. Tell sad story to hottest girl in room. Lay it on thick. Whimper, whine, moan, make every sad sound known to man, many times. Keep repeating "I have no reason to live." You'll go home happy, if I know what I mean. That's the only sad story that works better than "My cat died 😢"
OP you need to seek the advice of a therapist, not your friends or Reddit. Why? Because you need to talk through this with someone that’s professionally trained to handle these situations. It’s fine that you’re reaching out for help from your friends and the people of Reddit but please speak to a therapist.