This is an automated message just to let everyone know that the mod team are actively working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming.
##Discussion should be made in good faith. No trolling, ragebait, or bigotry of any kind. We reserve the right to use mod discretion in applying this rule.
**Please report** any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/).
**Note for all participants**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind.
#Here are the [LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/)
----------------
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel like something happened, he was supposedly trying to get snacks but wakes up in the back room? Does grandma favor the girls over him cuz he isn’t biologically hers? And he has to stay in one room the whole time he’s there? And the girls do not? Or they would be complaining too! I’d find a way to put a camera somewhere to figure out what’s going on with grandma! Best place to put one would be on your son!! I would not feel good about sending him back to grandmas. And what would make her say he isn’t aloud at her home anymore? Something isn’t right in this situation.
Black eye, swollen lip and missing teeth. I've raised five boys and that's a no he didn't just fall down and knock himself out. Look deeper ask questions of both kids at home away from grandma, so what she spends money doesn't mean she has emotional regulation
OP, your son has a head injury, lost consciousness and lost teeth. He didn't remember what happened.
In the event of any injury to the head where consciousness is lost, the person should go to the ER. In the event of damage to teeth, even just a hit to the mouth that could crack them, the person should go to the dentist. Why was you child so injured, and instead of immediate medical attention or even supervision watching him until you got there to get him, why was she in the shower?
Even if, your MIL did not physically hit your son causing these injuries, she is not a suitable caregiver. She is not a safe person for ANY child to be left with unsupervised.
After read your post, I'm left with these questions. Why was your son left to wake up after head trauma alone and confused? If he fell from such a height to cause these injuries in the kitchen, why was he moved to the back bedroom unconscious? And wtf was she not watching him while she waited for you to get him medical attention? Why was she in the shower instead? Who would even think that's an appropriate time to take a shower?
You had me at he's kept isolated in one room all night..Nine year olds don't generally invent stories like that. And the unexplained injury is an absolute deal breaker. It's time to look into an au pair or an overnight babysitter. Do you have any friends of your son's who you could do trades with?
Yup. Regardless of whether or not this was an accident, Gma proved that she not only plays favorites, but isolates and neglects her grandchild as well. This is *guaranteed* to affect the grandson for the future. Long term neglect leads a large majority of people to suicide.
This is irresponsible and inaccurate. Long term neglect, while certainly harmful, does not “lead a large majority of people to suicide.” I don’t think you know what large majority means
In my opinion, it would be insane to ever bring your child back to her house. The first comment he made about being kept in a separate room was alarming on its own, it should have warranted questions.
I think, when you have a kid they have to be a priority. Your son is 9 and having your MIL babysit might be convenient but is this a good situation for him? Are you ignoring something that's going to fuck up his psyche for life?
Losing a permanent tooth takes a whack! And now that's going to be a problem for him to deal with for the rest of his life. She'd never be alone with my kids again.
Even making the 9yo stay in one room should be a deal breaker, let alone everything else. I wouldn't send any of the kids there or leave them with MIL unsupervised.
She might be nice to the girls, but there might be some grooming going on (it's not just in case of SA) and the different treatment will be bad for everybody, even the favoured kids.
You're a nurse, so you can find out if there's a way to document an incident where you're not sure what happened, just in case.
If husband doesn't understand why all kids need protection from the grandmother, get him some counselling and I'm sure any therapist will explain.
He’s missing a permanent front tooth? Dude. That is a big deal, as someone who lost a permanent front tooth at his age. That indicates some serious trauma, the fact that she yelled and cursed at him is fucked up even if it was an accident. My parents would be so upset with themselves and concerned if that happened to my son when he was at their house. If you continue sending him back there, you are telling him that you do not care about him or his safety. Fuck her gifts and fuck her feelings. Protect your child.
I don’t have any advice. I am saddened that your son was injured. Your daughters love going to grandma’s cause they “feel loved.” Does your husband know your son doesn’t like going to your MIL’s?
Your son is not her blood.
I will never allow my mother to have unsupervised time with my children. She treated my sibling poorly (he was also shunned to his bedroom for long periods of time) and she was prone to emotional dysregulation (but was always able to hide it from others - she comes across “normal”). She also has very poor boundaries ie maintained contact/exposure with a family member who was known to harm children during my childhood.
Think about the future you want with your children. I told many adults around me that I didn’t want to be around her - no one bothered to ask questions or intervene. The end result is that now as an adult, I also have very limited contact with them.
Listen to your child and protect him.
Being complicit will only lead to resentment from your future adult child. He has already tried to tell you why he does not like going to grandma’s house - months ago!…..and now he has facial injuries and a permanent dental injury…
She is providing child care for money.. and not doing a good job. If your child was injured her instinct is not to give him medical attention but to drag him to a room to be on his own.. he was unconscious and she was not worried?
Why do parents not listen to kids when they say they don’t like to go to a certain place or be around certain people. They have limited vocabulary and can only express so much.. but a parent should be able to assess.
Why is your husband so dismissive??? Cmon now !!
You don’t need to get into any further investigation to prove if there was abuse or not. Your child does not like to go there.. he is kept in isolation and now he is severely injured. This is escalating and the more you ignore his cries of help the more confused, abandoned, unloved he will feel and think like he needs to tolerate this abuse he will have severe mental health issues as he grows up. Stop sending him there!! Your mother in law is a mean old stuck up pretentious BIT**
STOP THIS NOW!!!
Take a few days off, be with your son at home.. give him love, care, understanding and plan for alternative childcare options.
I think she's favoring the girls over him and I think you need to stop sending him over there. It sounds like she's hitting him as much as I hate to say that.
Oh hell no. This is a deal breaker until this type of injury can be fully explained.
Grandma gets no visits with ANY grandchild.
The isolation in the room would have been enough.
As an adoptee I am seeing the signs of major favoritism here but this is downright a major red flag of abuse.
You are an ER nurse, if you heard this story from a child in your ER you would be mandated to reporte it and YOU KNOW IT!
If your son can’t remember what happened, how would your MIL know if she was in the shower. It just isn’t adding up and you have right to be suspicious here.
All kinds of red flags here. It sounds like a similar situation to what we had when my older kids were young. We had my mom babysitting them. To oversimplify it, there was favoritism among some other things and we do not talk to them anymore as a result.
I don't know how long ago this happened it may be too late for this but I would ask to see where it happened. I am a firefighter and have seen a lot of traumatic injuries over the years. A tooth getting knocked out is going to result in a decent amount of bleeding. If he climbed to get the snacks, there should be blood where the snacks are. To me, it sounds like he went and saw her in the shower which set her off and she hit him. I also think that he is covering for her. It does not make sense that he would not remember getting injuries that traumatic. He would not get hurt like that, go back to bed and then wake up dizzy and confused unless he hasn't known sleepwalking issue. If I came out on a call for this and got this set of circumstances, I would be referring it to law enforcement as suspicious.
Ya no he didn’t “just fall” those injuries would require more than that, and I think you know that too which is why you’re not buying the story. The part that gets me the most though is the black eye. If he was climbing the pantry shelves and fell ya he could have gotten the busted lip, and maybe the missing tooth depending on how he landed, though I doubt that too, and lost consciousness. However, he most likely would have fallen backwards, which would make it really difficult for anything to have cause damage around the eye area, except maybe a broken nose if he flipped but from the ER visit is doesn’t seem that way. So too me the evidence doesn’t line up.
Also, if he fell from the pantry and woke up in the back room, that means that someone would have moved him there. It’s on likely one of the other kids did it as most young kids can not come up with a cover like that and might not have the strength to move another child. That mean that an adult in the house, saw an unconscious child and instead of calling you or getting immediate medical attention, they just moved them to another room out of sight and waited for them to regain consciousness. That alone would be enough for none of my kids to ever go back. OP, what if there had been a skull fracture, or internal bleeding? Your child could have died because instead of seeking medical attention they choose to ignore it. You are in endangering all of your children if you send them back there, even if it was an accident.
Finally, just children can make things up, but this sounds a bit far fetched for the child to be making up. I would see if there’s a child psychologist your child could talk to, the kind police use, since they are specially trained in identifying true and false information from children. Either way your child went through something very traumatic after having already told he is uncomfortable around those people. Please listen to him this time and do not make him go back. Remember: your child easily could have died on their watch and they did nothing about it.
I took a floor hockey ball to the face when I was around his age and only lost half my front tooth. That would have to have been a massive fall for the whole tooth, black eye, swollen lip, etc.
Even if he did fall while trying to get snacks, then clearly the environment is not safe for a 9 year old, let alone younger kids. What if your 5 year old goes for the snacks next? Falls, cracks her head. Accidents happen...sure, but I'd not be taking my kids there any longer without myself being there.
Sounds to me like Grandma loves the grandchildren her son created, and your son is a problem for her. If your husband doesn't correct that behavior he's condoning it. Sounds like he needs a spine and you need a nanny cam.
I don't have a great answer for you, but I'll ask you this instead:
As a nurse and mandated reporter, if this situation walked into your ER, would you report it? 9 YO missing tooth, black eye, swollen lip, grandma says he must have fallen trying to get snacks.
Not saying report anything, but it may be time for a WTF with grandma.
Can you define what “nursing questions” you asked?Did you ask your daughter what happened? If she saw or heard anything? Where exactly did the grandmother think he fell? If he was on the counter trying to get to the cabinet (I used to do this when I was little all the time and fell before but never got a black eye and a broken tooth), where would he have hit his mouth against?
Also when he mentioned how he woke up in a black room is this before or after the injury?
Sometimes falls do cause black eyes, but thats usually in scenarios such as falling down the stairs or trying to get out the shower and you slip.
I wouldn’t bring him back simply because of the self isolating part. How does that solve sibling rivalry? Plus if your son is saying he hates it there and this injury happened this should give you all the reasons to not bring him back. Accident or not.
I think the fact you’re questioning it tells you that you have a gut feeling about something happening. I would not bring my kids over again unsupervised and I would also find a way to document this like another person said. Hire a babysitter (church, care.com, etc) because your MIL does not sound trustworthy with kids.
Regardless if this is legitimate truth on grandmas behavior, it IS legitimate feelings coming from your son and that is equally important (in my opinion MORE important) You have seen physical damage to indicate he isn’t safe at her home but, you are witnessing psychological damage that is much harder to heal and can last a lifetime! You would not be asking a forum if it was ok if you didn’t already know in your gut it isn’t. REMOVE HIM IMMEDIATELY. You are raising the next generation and it is imperative they are emotionally healthy for all of our futures.
None of this is ok. Those are not injuries one would sustain from that sort of accident. And none of the story makes sense anyway. And forcing him to stay by himself alone every time is enough to be suspicious before his extreme and unexplained injury. Please take care of your child and follow your gut. Some people can be lovely to some and horrific to others even though it doesn’t make sense. Your intuition is telling you. His injuries are telling you.
Just hide a small audio recorder or nanny-cam in your son’s things to review after his next visit. It sounds intrusive but it’s better than not knowing. Either way, it sounds like he is unattended for longer periods of time than is safe, and as a parent it’s ok to voice your concerns with your partner.
Ask your daughters what grandma does with your son, if she locks him up or just gives him time outs. Make a “surprise” visit to grandma’s the very next next time she’s watching them, bring your husband too. Get a feel for how people respond to you showing up. In that moment you’ll know.
You're probably not going to find out the truth about the tooth, but this is the statement that bothers me: 'My son told me a few months ago that he hates going to grandmas because she makes him stay in one room the whole time he’s there and doesn’t allow him to come out.'
Clearly he's being treated differently. When she buys gifts are they of equal value and thought for all three? I think that there's a great deal here you don't know. Have you considered a nannycam?
Red flags. They can’t go back. File a police report.
If he was knocked out she should know exactly how because he would not have moved. Trust your kids.
Your concern for your son's safety is justified. Given the circumstances and his injuries, it's crucial to investigate further and ensure his well-being, possibly considering alternative childcare arrangements for his safety and emotional comfort.
Something feels off to me too. And frankly even though the other kids seem to have no issues and she is obviously more involved and caring with them, NONE of the children would be going back. Especially without a clear and concise explanation of what happened while the responsible adult was watching them. It’s a sticky situation and I do try to see the best and find answers for things, but this seems too far. Not a simple bruise that will fade. Permanent tooth lost, black eye, memory loss (concussion) at 9 is a lot. I’m surprised the medical faculty didn’t report it as mandated reporters. Injuries do not match failing from getting snacks.
How do you climb on a shelf or counter and fall not falling face first most likely and bust up the front of your face?
Kid says he went to get help and the story from how you explain it sounds legit.
As some others say sounds like grandma doesn’t like the adopted kid!
Wild. Trust yourself!
My momma rage is real with this one… These hands are rated E for everyone.. If it were me, I wouldn’t send any of my kids back to her, I know it’s hard and leaves you in a weird position but, if you do nothing your son will have resentment for you later in life, if you think your son doesn’t know your husband adopted him, you might be surprised to know he does. He probably doesn’t say he knows.
Your MIL is an abusive asshole. Of course she denies hurting him; she's not going to admit that she attacked him. But I don't think he could get that injuries from falling, not unless he fell down repeatedly. She's already emotionally and verbally abusive; she isolated him from everyone else and screamed at him. And your husband is an abusive asshole too because he doesn't see anything wrong with her bad behavior and just dismisses it. Your son is not safe with her.
While a lot of good comments have been posted about your MIL, I'm going to offer another option. I recently started having seizures, and what happened to your son sounds familiar to my experience.
My first seizure I woke up on the floor of my office and thought I had just fainted. My wife witnessed the next one, and I came to in the ER. I've had a few others and consider myself extremely fortunate not to have hurt myself worse in my falls. I've cracked a few ribs, but I've been lucky. I became active over in r/epilepsy, and some of the members have had injuries similar to your son's or even worse. It would be good to keep an eye on him for a while it was 2-3months between my first and second seizure. Might ask his doctor about it just to be informed. I hope it's not epilepsy but I also hope it's not your MIL.
If he has a head injury, which seems likely, he didn’t necessarily wake up in the back bedroom, he might have just starting forming permanent memories again there. He might validly have no idea what happened, and might have been ambulatory the whole time. Do the other kids know what happened to him?
Kids get into stuff and sometimes they get injured in the process, it’s why we have babysitters. It is far more likely that he fell off a kitchen counter than granny beat him with a bat.
You are a mandatory reporter. You report and let the authorities figure it out.
If your son is saying he isn't safe, which is what he is saying, your daughters aren't either. They could have killed hom, if for no other reason than him losing consciousness and they did not seek medical help.
I understand that they are "helping" your family in a lot of ways, by watching the kids, buying them things, etc. But your son is paying that price with his body through pain. Many abusers buy their victims and those around them things out of guilt and fear of discovery.
The real thing is, you know the answer. It is why he went to the ER, it is why you are asking questions, it is why you are here. You know what is happening you just are hoping you are wrong.
So now is the time you get to decide what kind of parent you are:
1 - report them and don't let your kids go back. Consequence: you save your job (you can even say the ER reported them), your child knows you believe and love him even when it makes life hard.
2 - don't report but don't let kids return. Consequence: kid still feels love and valued, but people abusing your kids doesn't get in trouble. (Worse case: something happens in the future like death or divorce, no proof they are horrible people, they could get custody.) Make your life easier. Risk job.
3 - you don't do anything. Consequence: you are risking his life. He remembers you don't believe him when he is hurt. You risk your job. You risk being accused of this child abuse. You are helping a child abuser; picking an abuser over your kid. You risk your other kids too.
You can be a hero or a villain in this story, choose carefully because it is forever.
Grandma doesn't like the adopted son and DOES NOT care about his health or wellbeing.
Don't send any of them back there.
Have her watch them at your house, with hidden cameras.
this wasn't a fall she laid hands on your kid i would press charges and cut her out permanently sad to say but stop any thing with her and have one of your friend watch the kids if possible if not hire a babysitter but only after you install cameras in your house if you do so this happend to my brother before aswell
This is an automated message just to let everyone know that the mod team are actively working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. ##Discussion should be made in good faith. No trolling, ragebait, or bigotry of any kind. We reserve the right to use mod discretion in applying this rule. **Please report** any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/). **Note for all participants**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. #Here are the [LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/) ---------------- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel like something happened, he was supposedly trying to get snacks but wakes up in the back room? Does grandma favor the girls over him cuz he isn’t biologically hers? And he has to stay in one room the whole time he’s there? And the girls do not? Or they would be complaining too! I’d find a way to put a camera somewhere to figure out what’s going on with grandma! Best place to put one would be on your son!! I would not feel good about sending him back to grandmas. And what would make her say he isn’t aloud at her home anymore? Something isn’t right in this situation.
She's ( grandmother ) is showing favoritism...best get it nipped. In a hurry..
Black eye, swollen lip and missing teeth. I've raised five boys and that's a no he didn't just fall down and knock himself out. Look deeper ask questions of both kids at home away from grandma, so what she spends money doesn't mean she has emotional regulation
OP, your son has a head injury, lost consciousness and lost teeth. He didn't remember what happened. In the event of any injury to the head where consciousness is lost, the person should go to the ER. In the event of damage to teeth, even just a hit to the mouth that could crack them, the person should go to the dentist. Why was you child so injured, and instead of immediate medical attention or even supervision watching him until you got there to get him, why was she in the shower? Even if, your MIL did not physically hit your son causing these injuries, she is not a suitable caregiver. She is not a safe person for ANY child to be left with unsupervised. After read your post, I'm left with these questions. Why was your son left to wake up after head trauma alone and confused? If he fell from such a height to cause these injuries in the kitchen, why was he moved to the back bedroom unconscious? And wtf was she not watching him while she waited for you to get him medical attention? Why was she in the shower instead? Who would even think that's an appropriate time to take a shower?
You had me at he's kept isolated in one room all night..Nine year olds don't generally invent stories like that. And the unexplained injury is an absolute deal breaker. It's time to look into an au pair or an overnight babysitter. Do you have any friends of your son's who you could do trades with?
Yup. Regardless of whether or not this was an accident, Gma proved that she not only plays favorites, but isolates and neglects her grandchild as well. This is *guaranteed* to affect the grandson for the future. Long term neglect leads a large majority of people to suicide.
This is irresponsible and inaccurate. Long term neglect, while certainly harmful, does not “lead a large majority of people to suicide.” I don’t think you know what large majority means
In my opinion, it would be insane to ever bring your child back to her house. The first comment he made about being kept in a separate room was alarming on its own, it should have warranted questions.
This right here… do not take that child back over there again! Huge… massive red flags going up!
Yeah, why didn’t it.
I think, when you have a kid they have to be a priority. Your son is 9 and having your MIL babysit might be convenient but is this a good situation for him? Are you ignoring something that's going to fuck up his psyche for life?
Amen. You and your husband should not be both working nights.
Losing a permanent tooth takes a whack! And now that's going to be a problem for him to deal with for the rest of his life. She'd never be alone with my kids again.
Even making the 9yo stay in one room should be a deal breaker, let alone everything else. I wouldn't send any of the kids there or leave them with MIL unsupervised. She might be nice to the girls, but there might be some grooming going on (it's not just in case of SA) and the different treatment will be bad for everybody, even the favoured kids. You're a nurse, so you can find out if there's a way to document an incident where you're not sure what happened, just in case. If husband doesn't understand why all kids need protection from the grandmother, get him some counselling and I'm sure any therapist will explain.
He’s missing a permanent front tooth? Dude. That is a big deal, as someone who lost a permanent front tooth at his age. That indicates some serious trauma, the fact that she yelled and cursed at him is fucked up even if it was an accident. My parents would be so upset with themselves and concerned if that happened to my son when he was at their house. If you continue sending him back there, you are telling him that you do not care about him or his safety. Fuck her gifts and fuck her feelings. Protect your child.
yes yes and yes. I hope this person is reading these comments, alot of whats mentioned makes me worried
I don’t have any advice. I am saddened that your son was injured. Your daughters love going to grandma’s cause they “feel loved.” Does your husband know your son doesn’t like going to your MIL’s? Your son is not her blood.
I will never allow my mother to have unsupervised time with my children. She treated my sibling poorly (he was also shunned to his bedroom for long periods of time) and she was prone to emotional dysregulation (but was always able to hide it from others - she comes across “normal”). She also has very poor boundaries ie maintained contact/exposure with a family member who was known to harm children during my childhood. Think about the future you want with your children. I told many adults around me that I didn’t want to be around her - no one bothered to ask questions or intervene. The end result is that now as an adult, I also have very limited contact with them. Listen to your child and protect him. Being complicit will only lead to resentment from your future adult child. He has already tried to tell you why he does not like going to grandma’s house - months ago!…..and now he has facial injuries and a permanent dental injury…
She is providing child care for money.. and not doing a good job. If your child was injured her instinct is not to give him medical attention but to drag him to a room to be on his own.. he was unconscious and she was not worried? Why do parents not listen to kids when they say they don’t like to go to a certain place or be around certain people. They have limited vocabulary and can only express so much.. but a parent should be able to assess. Why is your husband so dismissive??? Cmon now !! You don’t need to get into any further investigation to prove if there was abuse or not. Your child does not like to go there.. he is kept in isolation and now he is severely injured. This is escalating and the more you ignore his cries of help the more confused, abandoned, unloved he will feel and think like he needs to tolerate this abuse he will have severe mental health issues as he grows up. Stop sending him there!! Your mother in law is a mean old stuck up pretentious BIT** STOP THIS NOW!!! Take a few days off, be with your son at home.. give him love, care, understanding and plan for alternative childcare options.
I think she's favoring the girls over him and I think you need to stop sending him over there. It sounds like she's hitting him as much as I hate to say that.
I’d trust him over her. No reason for him to lie about it. Knocked him out cold takes a lot. If he fell wouldn’t it be the back of his head?
Oh hell no. This is a deal breaker until this type of injury can be fully explained. Grandma gets no visits with ANY grandchild. The isolation in the room would have been enough. As an adoptee I am seeing the signs of major favoritism here but this is downright a major red flag of abuse. You are an ER nurse, if you heard this story from a child in your ER you would be mandated to reporte it and YOU KNOW IT!
Missing tooth like that means a lot of blood. Someone is clamming up.
If your son can’t remember what happened, how would your MIL know if she was in the shower. It just isn’t adding up and you have right to be suspicious here.
All kinds of red flags here. It sounds like a similar situation to what we had when my older kids were young. We had my mom babysitting them. To oversimplify it, there was favoritism among some other things and we do not talk to them anymore as a result. I don't know how long ago this happened it may be too late for this but I would ask to see where it happened. I am a firefighter and have seen a lot of traumatic injuries over the years. A tooth getting knocked out is going to result in a decent amount of bleeding. If he climbed to get the snacks, there should be blood where the snacks are. To me, it sounds like he went and saw her in the shower which set her off and she hit him. I also think that he is covering for her. It does not make sense that he would not remember getting injuries that traumatic. He would not get hurt like that, go back to bed and then wake up dizzy and confused unless he hasn't known sleepwalking issue. If I came out on a call for this and got this set of circumstances, I would be referring it to law enforcement as suspicious.
Ya no he didn’t “just fall” those injuries would require more than that, and I think you know that too which is why you’re not buying the story. The part that gets me the most though is the black eye. If he was climbing the pantry shelves and fell ya he could have gotten the busted lip, and maybe the missing tooth depending on how he landed, though I doubt that too, and lost consciousness. However, he most likely would have fallen backwards, which would make it really difficult for anything to have cause damage around the eye area, except maybe a broken nose if he flipped but from the ER visit is doesn’t seem that way. So too me the evidence doesn’t line up. Also, if he fell from the pantry and woke up in the back room, that means that someone would have moved him there. It’s on likely one of the other kids did it as most young kids can not come up with a cover like that and might not have the strength to move another child. That mean that an adult in the house, saw an unconscious child and instead of calling you or getting immediate medical attention, they just moved them to another room out of sight and waited for them to regain consciousness. That alone would be enough for none of my kids to ever go back. OP, what if there had been a skull fracture, or internal bleeding? Your child could have died because instead of seeking medical attention they choose to ignore it. You are in endangering all of your children if you send them back there, even if it was an accident. Finally, just children can make things up, but this sounds a bit far fetched for the child to be making up. I would see if there’s a child psychologist your child could talk to, the kind police use, since they are specially trained in identifying true and false information from children. Either way your child went through something very traumatic after having already told he is uncomfortable around those people. Please listen to him this time and do not make him go back. Remember: your child easily could have died on their watch and they did nothing about it.
You have a serious problem, beginning with his being in a separate room
I took a floor hockey ball to the face when I was around his age and only lost half my front tooth. That would have to have been a massive fall for the whole tooth, black eye, swollen lip, etc. Even if he did fall while trying to get snacks, then clearly the environment is not safe for a 9 year old, let alone younger kids. What if your 5 year old goes for the snacks next? Falls, cracks her head. Accidents happen...sure, but I'd not be taking my kids there any longer without myself being there.
You’re the mom, I’m sure ur gut is telling u the right thing. Don’t let it pass, u have to stand up for ur child.
Call the cops and report it.
You need to call CPS and file a report. You are a mandatory reporter. The ER should also be filing a report.
Sounds to me like Grandma loves the grandchildren her son created, and your son is a problem for her. If your husband doesn't correct that behavior he's condoning it. Sounds like he needs a spine and you need a nanny cam.
wtf is wrong with you
I don't have a great answer for you, but I'll ask you this instead: As a nurse and mandated reporter, if this situation walked into your ER, would you report it? 9 YO missing tooth, black eye, swollen lip, grandma says he must have fallen trying to get snacks. Not saying report anything, but it may be time for a WTF with grandma.
Can you define what “nursing questions” you asked?Did you ask your daughter what happened? If she saw or heard anything? Where exactly did the grandmother think he fell? If he was on the counter trying to get to the cabinet (I used to do this when I was little all the time and fell before but never got a black eye and a broken tooth), where would he have hit his mouth against? Also when he mentioned how he woke up in a black room is this before or after the injury? Sometimes falls do cause black eyes, but thats usually in scenarios such as falling down the stairs or trying to get out the shower and you slip. I wouldn’t bring him back simply because of the self isolating part. How does that solve sibling rivalry? Plus if your son is saying he hates it there and this injury happened this should give you all the reasons to not bring him back. Accident or not.
I think grandma is lying about her child abuse. She would never see any of my kids again.
She excludes him because he's not blood. Case solved.
I think the fact you’re questioning it tells you that you have a gut feeling about something happening. I would not bring my kids over again unsupervised and I would also find a way to document this like another person said. Hire a babysitter (church, care.com, etc) because your MIL does not sound trustworthy with kids.
Regardless if this is legitimate truth on grandmas behavior, it IS legitimate feelings coming from your son and that is equally important (in my opinion MORE important) You have seen physical damage to indicate he isn’t safe at her home but, you are witnessing psychological damage that is much harder to heal and can last a lifetime! You would not be asking a forum if it was ok if you didn’t already know in your gut it isn’t. REMOVE HIM IMMEDIATELY. You are raising the next generation and it is imperative they are emotionally healthy for all of our futures.
None of this is ok. Those are not injuries one would sustain from that sort of accident. And none of the story makes sense anyway. And forcing him to stay by himself alone every time is enough to be suspicious before his extreme and unexplained injury. Please take care of your child and follow your gut. Some people can be lovely to some and horrific to others even though it doesn’t make sense. Your intuition is telling you. His injuries are telling you.
Just hide a small audio recorder or nanny-cam in your son’s things to review after his next visit. It sounds intrusive but it’s better than not knowing. Either way, it sounds like he is unattended for longer periods of time than is safe, and as a parent it’s ok to voice your concerns with your partner.
Unless she lives in a place that doesn’t requires both parties consent while recording, that could be illegal
Ask your daughters what grandma does with your son, if she locks him up or just gives him time outs. Make a “surprise” visit to grandma’s the very next next time she’s watching them, bring your husband too. Get a feel for how people respond to you showing up. In that moment you’ll know.
Signing off on child abuse from your convenient babysitter? C'mon think of your son.
You're probably not going to find out the truth about the tooth, but this is the statement that bothers me: 'My son told me a few months ago that he hates going to grandmas because she makes him stay in one room the whole time he’s there and doesn’t allow him to come out.' Clearly he's being treated differently. When she buys gifts are they of equal value and thought for all three? I think that there's a great deal here you don't know. Have you considered a nannycam?
Red flags. They can’t go back. File a police report. If he was knocked out she should know exactly how because he would not have moved. Trust your kids.
Your concern for your son's safety is justified. Given the circumstances and his injuries, it's crucial to investigate further and ensure his well-being, possibly considering alternative childcare arrangements for his safety and emotional comfort.
I would never let my kids over there again she did it. I would confront her if it was my kid.
Something feels off to me too. And frankly even though the other kids seem to have no issues and she is obviously more involved and caring with them, NONE of the children would be going back. Especially without a clear and concise explanation of what happened while the responsible adult was watching them. It’s a sticky situation and I do try to see the best and find answers for things, but this seems too far. Not a simple bruise that will fade. Permanent tooth lost, black eye, memory loss (concussion) at 9 is a lot. I’m surprised the medical faculty didn’t report it as mandated reporters. Injuries do not match failing from getting snacks.
Grandma beat him up. I’d kick her ass.
How do you climb on a shelf or counter and fall not falling face first most likely and bust up the front of your face? Kid says he went to get help and the story from how you explain it sounds legit. As some others say sounds like grandma doesn’t like the adopted kid! Wild. Trust yourself!
Your intuition is talking. Listen.
Abuse
Kids are extremely honest. Pay attention and don’t dismiss what they say.
You're a nurse? Then are you required by law to report potential abuse?
My momma rage is real with this one… These hands are rated E for everyone.. If it were me, I wouldn’t send any of my kids back to her, I know it’s hard and leaves you in a weird position but, if you do nothing your son will have resentment for you later in life, if you think your son doesn’t know your husband adopted him, you might be surprised to know he does. He probably doesn’t say he knows.
Your MIL is an abusive asshole. Of course she denies hurting him; she's not going to admit that she attacked him. But I don't think he could get that injuries from falling, not unless he fell down repeatedly. She's already emotionally and verbally abusive; she isolated him from everyone else and screamed at him. And your husband is an abusive asshole too because he doesn't see anything wrong with her bad behavior and just dismisses it. Your son is not safe with her.
Grandmas time is up, euthanize
Honestly, nobody here knows what happened. Perhaps she shoved him and he fell, but that is just speculation.
Grandma hates that kid because it isn't her son's actual kid. Guarantee it. Don't send him there anymore.
Your gut is telling you that something is wrong ……..listen ❤️
While a lot of good comments have been posted about your MIL, I'm going to offer another option. I recently started having seizures, and what happened to your son sounds familiar to my experience. My first seizure I woke up on the floor of my office and thought I had just fainted. My wife witnessed the next one, and I came to in the ER. I've had a few others and consider myself extremely fortunate not to have hurt myself worse in my falls. I've cracked a few ribs, but I've been lucky. I became active over in r/epilepsy, and some of the members have had injuries similar to your son's or even worse. It would be good to keep an eye on him for a while it was 2-3months between my first and second seizure. Might ask his doctor about it just to be informed. I hope it's not epilepsy but I also hope it's not your MIL.
I would love an update to this post. Your poor son.
If he has a head injury, which seems likely, he didn’t necessarily wake up in the back bedroom, he might have just starting forming permanent memories again there. He might validly have no idea what happened, and might have been ambulatory the whole time. Do the other kids know what happened to him? Kids get into stuff and sometimes they get injured in the process, it’s why we have babysitters. It is far more likely that he fell off a kitchen counter than granny beat him with a bat.
You are a mandatory reporter. You report and let the authorities figure it out. If your son is saying he isn't safe, which is what he is saying, your daughters aren't either. They could have killed hom, if for no other reason than him losing consciousness and they did not seek medical help. I understand that they are "helping" your family in a lot of ways, by watching the kids, buying them things, etc. But your son is paying that price with his body through pain. Many abusers buy their victims and those around them things out of guilt and fear of discovery. The real thing is, you know the answer. It is why he went to the ER, it is why you are asking questions, it is why you are here. You know what is happening you just are hoping you are wrong. So now is the time you get to decide what kind of parent you are: 1 - report them and don't let your kids go back. Consequence: you save your job (you can even say the ER reported them), your child knows you believe and love him even when it makes life hard. 2 - don't report but don't let kids return. Consequence: kid still feels love and valued, but people abusing your kids doesn't get in trouble. (Worse case: something happens in the future like death or divorce, no proof they are horrible people, they could get custody.) Make your life easier. Risk job. 3 - you don't do anything. Consequence: you are risking his life. He remembers you don't believe him when he is hurt. You risk your job. You risk being accused of this child abuse. You are helping a child abuser; picking an abuser over your kid. You risk your other kids too. You can be a hero or a villain in this story, choose carefully because it is forever.
Grandma doesn't like the adopted son and DOES NOT care about his health or wellbeing. Don't send any of them back there. Have her watch them at your house, with hidden cameras.
Your an RN? Are you not a required reporter?
this wasn't a fall she laid hands on your kid i would press charges and cut her out permanently sad to say but stop any thing with her and have one of your friend watch the kids if possible if not hire a babysitter but only after you install cameras in your house if you do so this happend to my brother before aswell