I’m sorry I don’t have a group to refer you to but I’ve been there and, as much as I resented people telling me this at the time, it really does get better. As heartbroken as I was, it made me evaluate my life and once I realized I was free to pursue my own goals and desires without a toxic anchor in my life it was incredibly liberating. I really do wish you the best.
Gonna piggyback on this. I won’t go into details as none of us have enough time, but I have been there and then some, and then some more. I’ll tell you two little mantras that helped pull me through and keep trudging through the mud:
“One day, I’m going to thank this city for being so alive when I felt almost dead.” (Yes, I should be writing emo lyrics 🖤)
And one day while sitting on the roof of my building in downtown, bawling my eyes out in a big city where I knew no one, chain smoking cigarettes, I got this weird feeling and looked up into the sky.. go outside and look at the sky and tell yourself the following-
“Right now, there is a future me who is looking back on this moment with pity remembering how sad I was. And that future me is telling me ‘you have no idea how good it’s going to get. Hang on girlfriend.’”
That last one gave me a strange amount of strength. To imagine that future me as something that’s already real. Because you can do it now to your past self, right? So that future happy you is already looking back on you right now.
I thank the universe every day to have been forcibly freed from the shackles of a relationship I never would have left willingly so that I could find the true happiness and love which was waiting for me. I had NO IDEA. And neither do you.
Ditto! Very much this. I can recommend distracting activities to do.
I also get individual therapy and my therapist specializes in marriage and family therapy. I can recommend trying therapy if you can get it through health insurance and if not, consider looking into places that offer sliding scale pricing.
I’m going through this right now. In my early 30s getting divorced after 3.5 years. It’s so hard. I’m here if you need to talk. Feel free to message me - it helps to know I’m not alone.
Same for me too! I’m 43 female, no kids, just starting with the process of divorce. Especially isolating because his friends and family all turned on me and my family is out of state.
If you and OP are interested maybe there is a place we could meet up in Los Angeles?
I was remembering the other day, a moment during the tumultuous time of getting divorced. I was sitting on the floor of my friend’s living room at 4 am with my head propped against her shoulder, crying.
Years later I’m thriving and it’s a distant memory.
You will get through this.
i don't know of any, but i am going through a divorce, in my 30s, no kids, having a hard time too!
we can start a support group here... should we say at jumbos?
in all seriousness, i have found therapy to be very clutch during this time. i can recommend a really good practice and therapist if you're interested.
and if you could use an ear to vent to that may understand a little more than most, honestly i am around and totally happy to help however i can. just dm.
I filmed a music video at jumbo’s for my friend’s song about her difficult divorce in her 30’s with no kids. I was divorced in my 30’s with a kid. Can i come?
Mine just finalized 3 weeks ago, I initiated but not really because I wanted to but had too. You should be thankful no kids in the equation and overall while tough to take, if someone doesn’t want to be with you do your best to accept and move on there is life after divorce and there are better people out there. Good luck and good vibes
I hope you get some great feedback here. I just wanted to also mention that the "Daily Thread" here in the R/LosAngeles sub is a great group of people and there are *always* people that are mentioning painful break ups, etc and people are really supportive there. It's a good group and it really helps to make a person feel less alone in our ginormous city! Big hugs to you. My first marriage ended in a painful divorce and I could hardly breathe. That was a loooooong time ago and I'm all healed and able to be really happy that it happened because I'm in a much better marriage and have a child I love more than anything!
Seconding the daily thread.
It has helped me tons with relationships, therapy, and advice on pretty much anything. But the best thing it did was make me feel like I wasn't alone. There are some great people on there, especially /u/ItsYourMotherDear , we are always here to help eachother out.
Like the old reddit post said: ["Today you, tomorrow me"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/elal2/comment/c18z0z2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Sorry you are going through all of this. Try to remember the person you were before you were in a committed relationship. Remember that you had value. Try dolling yourself up for a night, wear perfume, head out to some kind of event where guys try to meet girls (pubs like OPP mentioned), and just be open to meeting people. Smile, flirt, laugh and when a guy inevitably starts to spark up conversation, if you think he’s even moderately cute, let the night take its course.
You can worry about “making connections” and finding a suitable long term partner much later in the healing process, right now you just need to be reminded you are beautiful, desirable and are deserving of love.
Locally, you can definitely research in-person and virtual support groups. There’s a “Ladies of Los Angeles” Facebook group that’s very active and could offer you more support. Good luck, it hurts losing something you had hopes for.
I don't have a group to offer you but my neighbor is going through something similar and has been using ChatGPT to list out his issues, feelings, emotions, etc. to try and make sense of it all when emotions are taking over. He said it has really helped him and it was nice to not to be judged or ridiculed and has given him a lot of good advice/tips/information on what to do now and in the next steps. It may not be a human, but you can talk back and forth with it like one and it certainly knows a lot.
I myself going through a separation/ possibly divorce. We were together 50 years. One day were talking about traveling, probably moving out of California. Just bought a new car. She went to visit our oldest daughter out of state. 2 days later called to tell me she’s not coming home.🤷🏻♂️. Thought she was kidding and asked if we were moving to Washington State near our daughter. No, I don’t want to be with you anymore. Wait WTF? Hung up and blocked me. This was January. We’re at least talking now. When I say I still don’t know what happened she responds that is the problem… I should know. But I honestly don’t. Never cheated, went to work every day, helped around the house. I’m really at a loss
I personally feel so many emotions. Stupid , ashamed, angry. Early on my wife seem to have a knack for business and finance later earning a bachelor and then a master’s in the field. Later become a financial analyst for AARP then Disney and teaching the subjects in college. Seemed natural she handled all financial at home .I became a journeyman of 2 different trades, retired with great benefits. We always put all of our monies together. As time passed we bought several properties. As well as other investments. When Covid happened we sold all but 4 (including 2 apartment buildings) . In 50+ years I may have written 3 checks. Because the fdic limit is only 250k I know we are capped out at several banks. I couldn’t tell you one of them. I want to reassure myself that she would never do me dirty financially but I also never thought she would leave me.
Hope things get better for you soon. I personally find myself thinking less of myself. Very depressing time. I guess we will appreciate the good times once we trudge through this 😎
Sorry to hear that. If you don’t know why she left, no one else on here can help you with that. It seems strange and unusual. I would suggest looking out for yourself at this point. She left you after all and gave you no good reason, after you gave her 50 years of your life. She’s not respecting you enough to even tell you why, so why respect her? I’m sure you’re not money hungry or anything, but if she controlled the money all these years, she could easily hide quite a bit from you if she really wanted to. You might want to preserve as many records as you can and get the assistance of a lawyer. Best of luck.
Your right , I know no one can make things better. Kinda like the other day when I finally told a friend what happened it just feels a little better/maybe eases the burden to tell another person. I felt we gave each other 50 years. Your probably right soon it’s time to talk with an attorney. Seems at that stage it’s pretty final and I still just want her to come back home.
I got divorced with no kids in my 30s. Therapy helped the most. I did try a support group once and quickly realized how lucky I was compared to those poor people. They had terrible stories, including theft, and abuse, and all had kids so their divorce was going to drag on for a while.
A couple books I read during this time that helped:
- Split: A Memoir of Divorce
- It's called a breakup because it's broken
- How to unfuck yourself
- I love you but I'm not in love with you
I love you but I’m not in love with you.. that’s what he said to me before he ran off to be with a 20 year old he met while she was working at a frozen yogurt stand.
Yep it's so common a phrase they wrote a book about it. It's genuinely a really good read.
Split basically mirrored my own divorce. There's a phrase in there that describes the spouse always acting like they were listfully looking out a window and if not for their partner could be fully enjoying their life. That's how my ex acted the entire last year of our marriage to me.
Hopefully you find something! I went through something very similar recently and was craving community with people that are in a similar life stage as me. But, unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find anything. My therapist really helped me out, hopefully you have someone to talk to! But I do wish you luck out there! Pms are open if you need a listening ear or to vent.
I went through the same thing in my 30s. Married for 2 years and got cheated on. No kids. I got through by making a lot of new single friends to go out with and playing lots of video games. That may not be the thing for you but i advise finding something to let your brain rest and dwell on something else....
Hey, I got divorced and it took nearly 6 years to finalize. It sucked.
HOWEVER... I ***did not have children with my ex before we divorced, and holy shit, that is such a blessing in disguise!!***
Yes, I mourned the trashed plans of kids and a house, and all the thing we planned... but in time I found it to be a much better situation to have pulled the trigger and divorced.
It became evident in the divorce proceedings that this dude was a much worse person than I knew, and THAT was cold comfort on a lonely night.
Stay busy, OP!!
I'm allergic to some of them, but walking dogs helped me in the immediate filing aftermath. I don't own dogs. I'm a cat person. But I did it.
Someone suggested to me to sign up as a dog walker to fill up my days. It helped A LOT.
When I was over dog walking, I got really into going to various botanical gardens around town JUST TO STAY OCCUPIED.
When you're alone and frustrated by some element of the divorce process... THOSE ARE DANGEROUS TIMES, FRIENDO. You start to ruminate in a bad way. It gets depressing quickly. Some turn to drugs or alcohol. I definitely got super wasted more than once when I was upset and didn't have shit going on.
The BEST thing you can do for yourself is to stay busy. Stay occupied. Try to busy yourself in things... that you DID NOT DO with the other person. Try new things entirely.
Lastly... throw all your bedsheets, pillows, bed linens, towels, shared blankets, throw ALL THAT SHIT AWAY. Get new bedding. Get new towels. Nothing more demoralizing than smelling the ex by accident.
Feel free to PM me. Divorcing in LA sucks ass.
The dog walking is a really interesting idea!! I’m going to sign up. You’re right, I have gotten really close to turning to drugs and alcohol. It’s just a lot of pain rn.
The dog walking is a really interesting idea!! I’m going to sign up. You’re right, I have gotten really close to turning to drugs and alcohol. It’s just a lot of pain rn.
Hang in there.
Volunteering, dog walking... whatever it's going to be. Just make sure it's something you can do with some regularity, without too much expected of you, AND you're not totally alone in your own head.
I went with dog walking because it was easy, slow, and the dogs were pretty chill most of the time.
Early in the divorce when I was really emotional, I walked my neighbor's foster dog every other day, and that dog was such a gift! Instead of walking with me while wallowing, that dog seemed to go out of it's way to be playful and charming and it really helped me A LOT! More than any human.
Dog walking. For free or for pay. Doesn’t matter. The physical act of walking WITH PURPOSE for a few hours a day somehow really worked for me. You’re focusing on the dog. The dog …. Does dog stuff!! So for an hour, your body is moving, your brain is distracted, you’ve got a plan (“Butch the pug needs to go to the dog park and walk half a mile…”). Walk 2 dogs after a long day of work? You’re so tired at the end of the day, the divorcey-negative-thoughts just don’t have time to stick at night. It WORKS MAGIC.
A local watering hole is a great establishment and location to find support and relief.
In the end, Good luck to you. A lot of us are fighting something hard. Breakup and divorce is a tough one that can really put you through the ringer. If not groups always reach out to close friends and family. They are sometimes the best support you can have.
I know this response is a little different than what you’re asking, but in case you haven’t started the actual process to get a divorce in Los Angeles, I would LOVE to bestow what I learned in what ended up being a never ending, year and a half process to actually get my divorce approved. My ex and I had no kids, no property, and were amicable, and it still took this long. Lots of lessons learned in how to do it, process wise, what paperwork to complete, without lawyers. DM me if you would like!
Been there, and done that AND came out a lot better. It's almost like you're ill now and after some medicine and time, you'll be much better on the other side. You can't control how your mind is continually going and going, but hang in there, reach out to the folks on here and vent. Many of us would be happy to listen and share war stories.
If all else fails, go to the beach and watch the sunset.
just to let you know, I have several friends that found love and had children without any problems in their mid 30's. my parents had me in their mid 30's. I'm telling myself this being 32 in the dating pool but you're never the oldest in the dating pool, unless you're like 100. this isn't what you asked for, but I think finding hobby groups you're interested in + a therapist is a great combo, although I'm sure a support group who can relate to you would be helpful too.
Thank you that is really comforting. Most of my friends that are single in their 30s seem really depressed. They’re all straight women. It just seems harder to find someone at this point, but I’m trying to stay optimistic. I’ve gone on several dates but I wasn’t attracted to any of them and kept getting the ick. It’s a confusing time.
I went through an unwanted and unexpected divorce in my thirties, I'm still in my thirties. You'll be fine the day you realize that letting go and forgiving is your best way forward. You have a long life to live and many great and better moments to be had. Grief is hard but wait till you get to acceptance. 3 years later you will be so much happier.
Just hang on. Happy to chat if you'd like.
I love the support in this thread. I went through this also and it was the hardest thing I've gone through and am still finalizing the paperwork (the effed up court system is enough of a reason to never get married in the first place!)
I was in my 30s during this time and had no kids. I feel for you and you can DM if you would like.
In my situation, we have both become better people because of the horrible situation we went thru as a couple.
I'm on a break with the love of my life, but I feel like the breakup is inevitable. We're going to try couples therapy in mid-may, but who knows what will happen. I feel like when you're at that point it might be too late already.
It's really affecting my life for the worse. I really thought I was going to marry this person.
Yes. It’s a little ironic though. One of the reasons my first wife and I divorced was because I never wanted kids. She thought she might change my mind, but never did. She moved on and married and had kids so she’s fine.
As for me, I fell in love with my second wife when she already had 2 small children. At the time she had them only 50% and I warmed up to the idea of being a “part-time stepdad.” Sort of a compromise in order to be with her.
Long story short, real dad re-married and slowly pulled away from the 2 original kids. I’ve been their full-time dad for 17 years, bought them cars, paid for 90% of their college, did all the sports, late night ER visits, and all the other stress/responsibility of raising kids. So yes, I indeed do have a family.
There definitely needs to be one……; maybe you can start one.
It’s been 7 years since my divorce, and I would LOVE to have a group of men to talk to about it!
Are you religious? There’s definitely faith based divorce support groups but if you’re not already religious that would probably be more alienating than comforting.
I've been there, man, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. But like everyone else is saying, little by little, things will get better.
For now, it's okay to be processing this pain. You need to. You're mourning a loss. If you'd like to meet up with a friend in L.A., to vent or advice or just to be listened to, I'd be glad to do so. I live near the Culver City area.
DM me and let's chat!
I go trough similar situations, I got cheated on while I was caring my cancer ill mother, loss two peoples at the same week my mother passed away and my marriage ended, that time my world feel crumbling, I feel there's no hope for me, I hates myself, I hated the world, today, almost two years later my di divorce still not finished, he'll do anything to hurt me still, but I am in so much better place, I went to hoe phase etc. Now I'm focusing myself to be happy without anyone in it.
Going through one now. Though I'm GenX, a lot of my (longtime) friends are younger and they're in the middle of it too--quarantine did a number on our marriages. Various stages and reasons. Some distract themselves, others completely rely on the group. You're welcome to join our group and just chat at a game night or something.
No groups to refer you to sadly. But I'm also in my 30s going through this. 2 years since she asked for divorce. Best thing I've found is time makes it better.
You are grieving the life you thought you could have. All those little day dreams you had have now been Shattered, but you will get new ones.
I also threw myself into some hobbies which have helped me make some friends.
When I got divorced a decade ago the therapist my ex and I were going to ran a divorce support group in a counseling center in a synagogue in Encino. Based on the website it may still be going on. While many of the people attending, as well as the therapist running the group are Jewish, you do not have to be Jewish to join the group. I myself have been a practicing pagan for over 20 years now. Here’s the website:
https://www.vbs.org/vbs-counseling-center
Have you tried calling the suicide hotline? You don't have to be suicidal to ask them for help. I had a crisis one time. I called them and told them that I am not suicidal I just don'tknow where to get help. They gave me a list of places to go. I recommended them to my brother as well.
They will send a professional out to help you immediately. They know were all the counselors and support groups are. You do not have to be suicidal in order to ask them for help.
Look up My Divorce Concierge. She’s a wonderful person based in LA who works mainly with women (and has a partner she refers to for men [sorry for using very gender conforming terms]). She helps create community around you to support you through this difficult time. I hope you find the help, support, and community you’re looking for.
I divorced my ex just before our 2 year anniversary and I have never been happier. It may not feel like it now, but man, it’s fantastic on the other side! The universe has a way of making your life better in spite of how you currently feel. Hugs to you.
Maybe try a church or religious org. I know of a church in the IE that had a divorce support group. Don't know if they still have it cuz I haven't attended church in years
I run a free all-gender in-person emotional support group every Wednesday at 7p in hollywood. It’s not focused on divorce or breakups but we’d encourage you to talk about whatever feelings you’re having about the divorce, and I think you might feel relief & less alone. Dm me if you’re interested in more info.
Hello I’m looking for a group form my sister who is having difficult time processing a breakup. Can you send me more info about your support group. Thank you!
Following for help: My sister is currently dealing with a break-up for the last 2 months and having a difficult time processing and finding motivation to stay active or happy. Is there any support groups that people are involved with now or have been active in.
Sister is a 29F and working professional in North Hollywood. I think she would prefer groups that are led by women and have a good ratio of female to male or mostly female. But any recommendations is always welcome.
Thank you!
I’m sorry I don’t have a group to refer you to but I’ve been there and, as much as I resented people telling me this at the time, it really does get better. As heartbroken as I was, it made me evaluate my life and once I realized I was free to pursue my own goals and desires without a toxic anchor in my life it was incredibly liberating. I really do wish you the best.
Gonna piggyback on this. I won’t go into details as none of us have enough time, but I have been there and then some, and then some more. I’ll tell you two little mantras that helped pull me through and keep trudging through the mud: “One day, I’m going to thank this city for being so alive when I felt almost dead.” (Yes, I should be writing emo lyrics 🖤) And one day while sitting on the roof of my building in downtown, bawling my eyes out in a big city where I knew no one, chain smoking cigarettes, I got this weird feeling and looked up into the sky.. go outside and look at the sky and tell yourself the following- “Right now, there is a future me who is looking back on this moment with pity remembering how sad I was. And that future me is telling me ‘you have no idea how good it’s going to get. Hang on girlfriend.’” That last one gave me a strange amount of strength. To imagine that future me as something that’s already real. Because you can do it now to your past self, right? So that future happy you is already looking back on you right now. I thank the universe every day to have been forcibly freed from the shackles of a relationship I never would have left willingly so that I could find the true happiness and love which was waiting for me. I had NO IDEA. And neither do you.
Beautifully said, thank you
!remindme 2 years
Thank you for this. Not going through a divorce but what you said applies beautifully
I love how much love this city can give out of nowhere to complete strangers.
Ditto! Very much this. I can recommend distracting activities to do. I also get individual therapy and my therapist specializes in marriage and family therapy. I can recommend trying therapy if you can get it through health insurance and if not, consider looking into places that offer sliding scale pricing.
Thank you I am in therapy. I just also want to connect with others going through it.
I found this..there are probably online support groups https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/ca/los-angeles-county?category=divorce
Great answer.
I’m going through this right now. In my early 30s getting divorced after 3.5 years. It’s so hard. I’m here if you need to talk. Feel free to message me - it helps to know I’m not alone.
Same for me too! I’m 43 female, no kids, just starting with the process of divorce. Especially isolating because his friends and family all turned on me and my family is out of state. If you and OP are interested maybe there is a place we could meet up in Los Angeles?
I was remembering the other day, a moment during the tumultuous time of getting divorced. I was sitting on the floor of my friend’s living room at 4 am with my head propped against her shoulder, crying. Years later I’m thriving and it’s a distant memory. You will get through this.
i don't know of any, but i am going through a divorce, in my 30s, no kids, having a hard time too! we can start a support group here... should we say at jumbos? in all seriousness, i have found therapy to be very clutch during this time. i can recommend a really good practice and therapist if you're interested. and if you could use an ear to vent to that may understand a little more than most, honestly i am around and totally happy to help however i can. just dm.
Lol at jumbos…. We’ll I’m same boat try to keep it together….
Thank you so much!
Omg a support group at Jumbos is something I support 10000%! GIRL POWER!
See you all at jumbos this weekend then lol
I filmed a music video at jumbo’s for my friend’s song about her difficult divorce in her 30’s with no kids. I was divorced in my 30’s with a kid. Can i come?
I would love this! I would go!
Mine just finalized 3 weeks ago, I initiated but not really because I wanted to but had too. You should be thankful no kids in the equation and overall while tough to take, if someone doesn’t want to be with you do your best to accept and move on there is life after divorce and there are better people out there. Good luck and good vibes
/r/divorce
It's actually a very supportive sub.
The top all time post was pretty brutal though.
Yes, it is. I was surprised that this wasn't said first.
Hard times like these don't last. You will pull through and be yourself again.
Better ‘old self’
I hope you get some great feedback here. I just wanted to also mention that the "Daily Thread" here in the R/LosAngeles sub is a great group of people and there are *always* people that are mentioning painful break ups, etc and people are really supportive there. It's a good group and it really helps to make a person feel less alone in our ginormous city! Big hugs to you. My first marriage ended in a painful divorce and I could hardly breathe. That was a loooooong time ago and I'm all healed and able to be really happy that it happened because I'm in a much better marriage and have a child I love more than anything!
Seconding the daily thread. It has helped me tons with relationships, therapy, and advice on pretty much anything. But the best thing it did was make me feel like I wasn't alone. There are some great people on there, especially /u/ItsYourMotherDear , we are always here to help eachother out. Like the old reddit post said: ["Today you, tomorrow me"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/elal2/comment/c18z0z2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
I think we call it the local pub
made me lol
They say best way to get over someone is to get under another one
I’m having trouble connecting with others because I didn’t want the divorce and he cheated on me. My confidence is pretty shaken.
He’s not saying to connect with someone. He’s saying to go have a one night stand. You’re clearly not ready for a relationship.
Sorry you are going through all of this. Try to remember the person you were before you were in a committed relationship. Remember that you had value. Try dolling yourself up for a night, wear perfume, head out to some kind of event where guys try to meet girls (pubs like OPP mentioned), and just be open to meeting people. Smile, flirt, laugh and when a guy inevitably starts to spark up conversation, if you think he’s even moderately cute, let the night take its course. You can worry about “making connections” and finding a suitable long term partner much later in the healing process, right now you just need to be reminded you are beautiful, desirable and are deserving of love.
Worked for me
It’s empirically back [study](https://experts.illinois.edu/en/publications/too-fast-too-soon-an-empirical-investigation-into-rebound-relatio)
Locally, you can definitely research in-person and virtual support groups. There’s a “Ladies of Los Angeles” Facebook group that’s very active and could offer you more support. Good luck, it hurts losing something you had hopes for.
I don't have a group to offer you but my neighbor is going through something similar and has been using ChatGPT to list out his issues, feelings, emotions, etc. to try and make sense of it all when emotions are taking over. He said it has really helped him and it was nice to not to be judged or ridiculed and has given him a lot of good advice/tips/information on what to do now and in the next steps. It may not be a human, but you can talk back and forth with it like one and it certainly knows a lot.
Haha that’s funny. I’ve been typing some of it into chat gpt too.
You can get wildly complex with it. Best of luck and sorry you're going through this right now.
I myself going through a separation/ possibly divorce. We were together 50 years. One day were talking about traveling, probably moving out of California. Just bought a new car. She went to visit our oldest daughter out of state. 2 days later called to tell me she’s not coming home.🤷🏻♂️. Thought she was kidding and asked if we were moving to Washington State near our daughter. No, I don’t want to be with you anymore. Wait WTF? Hung up and blocked me. This was January. We’re at least talking now. When I say I still don’t know what happened she responds that is the problem… I should know. But I honestly don’t. Never cheated, went to work every day, helped around the house. I’m really at a loss
I’m really sorry. My husband didn’t communicate when something was wrong either.
Very sorry to hear that. I never thought this would’ve happened to me. I’m sure you feel the same.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. I thought I was doing everything right and wouldn’t end up like my parents.
I personally feel so many emotions. Stupid , ashamed, angry. Early on my wife seem to have a knack for business and finance later earning a bachelor and then a master’s in the field. Later become a financial analyst for AARP then Disney and teaching the subjects in college. Seemed natural she handled all financial at home .I became a journeyman of 2 different trades, retired with great benefits. We always put all of our monies together. As time passed we bought several properties. As well as other investments. When Covid happened we sold all but 4 (including 2 apartment buildings) . In 50+ years I may have written 3 checks. Because the fdic limit is only 250k I know we are capped out at several banks. I couldn’t tell you one of them. I want to reassure myself that she would never do me dirty financially but I also never thought she would leave me.
Sorry to bend your ear so much , there’s no one to talk to. The pain and emotions at times are simply overwhelming.
A lot of the time
Hope things get better for you soon. I personally find myself thinking less of myself. Very depressing time. I guess we will appreciate the good times once we trudge through this 😎
I’m sorry to hear this. But was that a typo? Did you really mean 50 years?
My god … 50 years? God damn
Yes. She was 12 and I was 14 when we got together. It’s been great. We were kids , I miss her so much
Sorry to hear that. If you don’t know why she left, no one else on here can help you with that. It seems strange and unusual. I would suggest looking out for yourself at this point. She left you after all and gave you no good reason, after you gave her 50 years of your life. She’s not respecting you enough to even tell you why, so why respect her? I’m sure you’re not money hungry or anything, but if she controlled the money all these years, she could easily hide quite a bit from you if she really wanted to. You might want to preserve as many records as you can and get the assistance of a lawyer. Best of luck.
Your right , I know no one can make things better. Kinda like the other day when I finally told a friend what happened it just feels a little better/maybe eases the burden to tell another person. I felt we gave each other 50 years. Your probably right soon it’s time to talk with an attorney. Seems at that stage it’s pretty final and I still just want her to come back home.
I got divorced with no kids in my 30s. Therapy helped the most. I did try a support group once and quickly realized how lucky I was compared to those poor people. They had terrible stories, including theft, and abuse, and all had kids so their divorce was going to drag on for a while. A couple books I read during this time that helped: - Split: A Memoir of Divorce - It's called a breakup because it's broken - How to unfuck yourself - I love you but I'm not in love with you
I love you but I’m not in love with you.. that’s what he said to me before he ran off to be with a 20 year old he met while she was working at a frozen yogurt stand.
Yep it's so common a phrase they wrote a book about it. It's genuinely a really good read. Split basically mirrored my own divorce. There's a phrase in there that describes the spouse always acting like they were listfully looking out a window and if not for their partner could be fully enjoying their life. That's how my ex acted the entire last year of our marriage to me.
It’s like we were married to the same person!
Hopefully you find something! I went through something very similar recently and was craving community with people that are in a similar life stage as me. But, unfortunately, I wasn’t able to find anything. My therapist really helped me out, hopefully you have someone to talk to! But I do wish you luck out there! Pms are open if you need a listening ear or to vent.
I went through the same thing in my 30s. Married for 2 years and got cheated on. No kids. I got through by making a lot of new single friends to go out with and playing lots of video games. That may not be the thing for you but i advise finding something to let your brain rest and dwell on something else....
Did you ever get to start your family?
Hey, I got divorced and it took nearly 6 years to finalize. It sucked. HOWEVER... I ***did not have children with my ex before we divorced, and holy shit, that is such a blessing in disguise!!*** Yes, I mourned the trashed plans of kids and a house, and all the thing we planned... but in time I found it to be a much better situation to have pulled the trigger and divorced. It became evident in the divorce proceedings that this dude was a much worse person than I knew, and THAT was cold comfort on a lonely night. Stay busy, OP!! I'm allergic to some of them, but walking dogs helped me in the immediate filing aftermath. I don't own dogs. I'm a cat person. But I did it. Someone suggested to me to sign up as a dog walker to fill up my days. It helped A LOT. When I was over dog walking, I got really into going to various botanical gardens around town JUST TO STAY OCCUPIED. When you're alone and frustrated by some element of the divorce process... THOSE ARE DANGEROUS TIMES, FRIENDO. You start to ruminate in a bad way. It gets depressing quickly. Some turn to drugs or alcohol. I definitely got super wasted more than once when I was upset and didn't have shit going on. The BEST thing you can do for yourself is to stay busy. Stay occupied. Try to busy yourself in things... that you DID NOT DO with the other person. Try new things entirely. Lastly... throw all your bedsheets, pillows, bed linens, towels, shared blankets, throw ALL THAT SHIT AWAY. Get new bedding. Get new towels. Nothing more demoralizing than smelling the ex by accident. Feel free to PM me. Divorcing in LA sucks ass.
The dog walking is a really interesting idea!! I’m going to sign up. You’re right, I have gotten really close to turning to drugs and alcohol. It’s just a lot of pain rn.
The dog walking is a really interesting idea!! I’m going to sign up. You’re right, I have gotten really close to turning to drugs and alcohol. It’s just a lot of pain rn.
Hang in there. Volunteering, dog walking... whatever it's going to be. Just make sure it's something you can do with some regularity, without too much expected of you, AND you're not totally alone in your own head. I went with dog walking because it was easy, slow, and the dogs were pretty chill most of the time. Early in the divorce when I was really emotional, I walked my neighbor's foster dog every other day, and that dog was such a gift! Instead of walking with me while wallowing, that dog seemed to go out of it's way to be playful and charming and it really helped me A LOT! More than any human.
I think that’s a great suggestion, staying busy. Having trouble a night when the house closes in on me
Dog walking. For free or for pay. Doesn’t matter. The physical act of walking WITH PURPOSE for a few hours a day somehow really worked for me. You’re focusing on the dog. The dog …. Does dog stuff!! So for an hour, your body is moving, your brain is distracted, you’ve got a plan (“Butch the pug needs to go to the dog park and walk half a mile…”). Walk 2 dogs after a long day of work? You’re so tired at the end of the day, the divorcey-negative-thoughts just don’t have time to stick at night. It WORKS MAGIC.
Thanks for everything
A local watering hole is a great establishment and location to find support and relief. In the end, Good luck to you. A lot of us are fighting something hard. Breakup and divorce is a tough one that can really put you through the ringer. If not groups always reach out to close friends and family. They are sometimes the best support you can have.
I wish I had real resources for you, but all I can say is, it truly does get better. I hope you are able to find some peace soon.
Go check out /r/relationships and /r/relationship_advice Good luck.
I know this response is a little different than what you’re asking, but in case you haven’t started the actual process to get a divorce in Los Angeles, I would LOVE to bestow what I learned in what ended up being a never ending, year and a half process to actually get my divorce approved. My ex and I had no kids, no property, and were amicable, and it still took this long. Lots of lessons learned in how to do it, process wise, what paperwork to complete, without lawyers. DM me if you would like!
It’s already filed but thank you. Will be final on May 17th.
Been there, and done that AND came out a lot better. It's almost like you're ill now and after some medicine and time, you'll be much better on the other side. You can't control how your mind is continually going and going, but hang in there, reach out to the folks on here and vent. Many of us would be happy to listen and share war stories. If all else fails, go to the beach and watch the sunset.
[Try climbing some mountains over the summer.](https://sixpackofpeaks.com/) It's what helped me.
That looks really cool. I did decide to go to Italy in July!
just to let you know, I have several friends that found love and had children without any problems in their mid 30's. my parents had me in their mid 30's. I'm telling myself this being 32 in the dating pool but you're never the oldest in the dating pool, unless you're like 100. this isn't what you asked for, but I think finding hobby groups you're interested in + a therapist is a great combo, although I'm sure a support group who can relate to you would be helpful too.
Thank you that is really comforting. Most of my friends that are single in their 30s seem really depressed. They’re all straight women. It just seems harder to find someone at this point, but I’m trying to stay optimistic. I’ve gone on several dates but I wasn’t attracted to any of them and kept getting the ick. It’s a confusing time.
I went through an unwanted and unexpected divorce in my thirties, I'm still in my thirties. You'll be fine the day you realize that letting go and forgiving is your best way forward. You have a long life to live and many great and better moments to be had. Grief is hard but wait till you get to acceptance. 3 years later you will be so much happier. Just hang on. Happy to chat if you'd like.
Thank you.
I love the support in this thread. I went through this also and it was the hardest thing I've gone through and am still finalizing the paperwork (the effed up court system is enough of a reason to never get married in the first place!) I was in my 30s during this time and had no kids. I feel for you and you can DM if you would like. In my situation, we have both become better people because of the horrible situation we went thru as a couple.
Thank you so much.
I'm on a break with the love of my life, but I feel like the breakup is inevitable. We're going to try couples therapy in mid-may, but who knows what will happen. I feel like when you're at that point it might be too late already. It's really affecting my life for the worse. I really thought I was going to marry this person.
I’m sorry. I know how that feels. He was the love of my life too. It’s hard to believe I will ever feel that way again about someone else.
20 years ago I was in my early 30s and going through a divorce with no kids. I remember it well. It’s not easy. Just know it gets better with time.
Did you end up having a family?
Yes. It’s a little ironic though. One of the reasons my first wife and I divorced was because I never wanted kids. She thought she might change my mind, but never did. She moved on and married and had kids so she’s fine. As for me, I fell in love with my second wife when she already had 2 small children. At the time she had them only 50% and I warmed up to the idea of being a “part-time stepdad.” Sort of a compromise in order to be with her. Long story short, real dad re-married and slowly pulled away from the 2 original kids. I’ve been their full-time dad for 17 years, bought them cars, paid for 90% of their college, did all the sports, late night ER visits, and all the other stress/responsibility of raising kids. So yes, I indeed do have a family.
What a beautiful story!
There definitely needs to be one……; maybe you can start one. It’s been 7 years since my divorce, and I would LOVE to have a group of men to talk to about it!
I don’t feel qualified to, but I would love to connect with others as well.
Yeah I get that, I feel the same way. Luckily for me I have great friends (male and female) that I can talk with.
I hope you're feeling better. I have been there too. It was awful and hard and lonely and mystifying and confusing. Fucking sucked.
Thank you. Working on it. There are okay days here and there.
No kids... that's the best situation... Just go through a lil hoe phase to get over your spouse and start again.
Are you religious? There’s definitely faith based divorce support groups but if you’re not already religious that would probably be more alienating than comforting.
I’m working on my spirituality to try to get through it
Yes. DivorceCare comes to mind, but only if someone is already religious.
I've been there, man, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. But like everyone else is saying, little by little, things will get better. For now, it's okay to be processing this pain. You need to. You're mourning a loss. If you'd like to meet up with a friend in L.A., to vent or advice or just to be listened to, I'd be glad to do so. I live near the Culver City area. DM me and let's chat!
Thank you!
I go trough similar situations, I got cheated on while I was caring my cancer ill mother, loss two peoples at the same week my mother passed away and my marriage ended, that time my world feel crumbling, I feel there's no hope for me, I hates myself, I hated the world, today, almost two years later my di divorce still not finished, he'll do anything to hurt me still, but I am in so much better place, I went to hoe phase etc. Now I'm focusing myself to be happy without anyone in it.
I’m really sorry for your situation. My grandfather died two weeks into the separation. I still haven’t processed that yet.
Go to jumbos and you’ll be healed in about 45 minutes
Bro
I’m not attracted to women
Doesn’t matter- jumbo’s heals everyone
Strip clubs are even more fun for women if you can believe it
Try BetterHelp you’ll get some good counselors
When I filed for divorce…. Was the happiest time of my life. Yaaaaaa Hoooooooo!! Think postlitive.
There is a sub for that. I’ll search for it Edit. I found it r/breakup
K
The red pill?
Wishing you the best! It stings but not for long hopefully.
Your lawn should be green in more ways than one.
Jumbo’s Clown Room is pretty good for this
Have you reached out to your health insurance? Does your employer have an EAP? Therapy will help
I’m in individual therapy but I feel so isolated from my peers. I want to find others going through the same thing
Meetup Groups. It’s an app/website that you can sign up And join several groups.
It’s a little on the “churchy” side but DivorceCare was a great help for me! They have various locations throughout LA/OC!
I’m not Christian! Otherwise this would be perfect. Thank you so much.
Going through one now. Though I'm GenX, a lot of my (longtime) friends are younger and they're in the middle of it too--quarantine did a number on our marriages. Various stages and reasons. Some distract themselves, others completely rely on the group. You're welcome to join our group and just chat at a game night or something.
That would be great thank you!
No groups to refer you to sadly. But I'm also in my 30s going through this. 2 years since she asked for divorce. Best thing I've found is time makes it better. You are grieving the life you thought you could have. All those little day dreams you had have now been Shattered, but you will get new ones. I also threw myself into some hobbies which have helped me make some friends.
Did you separate yet?
Yeah moved out 2 years ago.
Tinder
Been on there but everyone just wants to have sex and intimacy is scary to me rn
When I got divorced a decade ago the therapist my ex and I were going to ran a divorce support group in a counseling center in a synagogue in Encino. Based on the website it may still be going on. While many of the people attending, as well as the therapist running the group are Jewish, you do not have to be Jewish to join the group. I myself have been a practicing pagan for over 20 years now. Here’s the website: https://www.vbs.org/vbs-counseling-center
Have you tried calling the suicide hotline? You don't have to be suicidal to ask them for help. I had a crisis one time. I called them and told them that I am not suicidal I just don'tknow where to get help. They gave me a list of places to go. I recommended them to my brother as well. They will send a professional out to help you immediately. They know were all the counselors and support groups are. You do not have to be suicidal in order to ask them for help.
Actually yes I have. I used to volunteer for them so I knew they had resources, but it turns out they didn’t have anything for divorce. Crazy right?
Look up My Divorce Concierge. She’s a wonderful person based in LA who works mainly with women (and has a partner she refers to for men [sorry for using very gender conforming terms]). She helps create community around you to support you through this difficult time. I hope you find the help, support, and community you’re looking for.
I divorced my ex just before our 2 year anniversary and I have never been happier. It may not feel like it now, but man, it’s fantastic on the other side! The universe has a way of making your life better in spite of how you currently feel. Hugs to you.
Maybe try a church or religious org. I know of a church in the IE that had a divorce support group. Don't know if they still have it cuz I haven't attended church in years
Hang in there, keep that head held high.
I run a free all-gender in-person emotional support group every Wednesday at 7p in hollywood. It’s not focused on divorce or breakups but we’d encourage you to talk about whatever feelings you’re having about the divorce, and I think you might feel relief & less alone. Dm me if you’re interested in more info.
Hello I’m looking for a group form my sister who is having difficult time processing a breakup. Can you send me more info about your support group. Thank you!
Yes dm’ing you.
So I just realized this was from 3 months ago is anyone still meeting?
Following for help: My sister is currently dealing with a break-up for the last 2 months and having a difficult time processing and finding motivation to stay active or happy. Is there any support groups that people are involved with now or have been active in. Sister is a 29F and working professional in North Hollywood. I think she would prefer groups that are led by women and have a good ratio of female to male or mostly female. But any recommendations is always welcome. Thank you!