I'm seeing this a lot on reddit. Do couples not discuss this before kids? And why if the dad's aren't participating do y'all keep making babies with them?
This is sad for the kids!
It's baffling. It's like people don't understand the basics of what a relationship should look like and that it's partnership.
I couldnt even remotely imagine bring in a relationship where it wasn't an equal partnership and that we were working in this together. A marriage is suppose to make life easier (since you're tackling everything together) and not adding stress to your life.
But I guess you can just say that these types of relationships haven't been modelled to many people.
Stop cooking his meals.
Stop cleaning his dishes.
Stop doing his laundry.
And open your own bank account. Start stashing money away.
If he asks what you’re doing, answer honestly. But don’t discuss any of this with him - inform him of what you’re doing and why. The moment he starts invalidating you, walk away.
If you need to threaten to leave to get his attention, do it. Your husband is failing you and your kids and it's not ok. You can do bad all by yourself.
If his behavior continues, deal with it for a bit until you can get your ducks in a row. I don't know your situation but do you have family to lean on? Do you have anywhere to go? If you found a job could you afford to put him out so you don't have to uproot the kids?
He sees nothing wrong with his behavior, also I wouldn’t be able to afford to put the kids into day care. I have no family here that would watch them for free or else I’d be working full time already. He thinks that because he works he doesn’t have to do anything at home. Even though we’ve discussed it and went to marriage therapy. He just keeps getting worse with each year of marriage.
There’s this thing that people do sometimes, they say they’ll do stuff but won’t ? Even though his lack of change makes you miserable, it’s perfectly fine for him. He’s unaffected, he doesn’t care. Leave him, make a escape fund , get a good job , hopefully in something that’ll pay for your move, and get the hell away
He’s a child. It’ll be decades, if ever, before he’s not. A lot of people complain about porn addiction on here but I wouldn’t marry someone who plays more than 3 hours of video games a quarter.
I would never date a man that plays video games. Just as much as I wouldn't date a gay man. It does nothing for me. Actually.. I'd rather date a gay man than a gamer.
Hire a housekeeper or babysitter. Just have the sitter there in the morning unannounced and leave. Have the sitter ask him if he's paying cash when he gets up, don't answer the phone or texts and then he'll figure it out real quick. HE needs to figure out a way to pay for the lifestyle he wants if he wants to sleep in. Even if he did attempt to do an employee checklist of chores, I have a feeling he wouldn't do them the way you want or on the timeline you want anyway. He probably doesn't care about your routines and it's less of a fight doing nothing than to take charge. You doing it "cause it's gotta get done" enables him. When he's the one getting dirty kids out of bed in the morning, dealing with belly aches and grumpy kids he might start having his own reasons to try harder.
I don't understand why women pick this losing battle. I don't know a lot of successful men that gaf about after school snacks. So he needs to figure out a way to pay for the lifestyle he wants if he wants to sleep in. Men always seem to come up with cash for a mistress or sugar baby when they eventually decide to outsource intimacy and find some self esteem by solving a problem without your input. Don't wear yourself out use your boss energy at work. OR take a break and walk out without the kids for a night. Take all the lighters and router or game console cords with you. Leave no instructions. He'll either sink, swim or get a second job. lol
I'm seeing this a lot on reddit. Do couples not discuss this before kids? And why if the dad's aren't participating do y'all keep making babies with them? This is sad for the kids!
It's baffling. It's like people don't understand the basics of what a relationship should look like and that it's partnership. I couldnt even remotely imagine bring in a relationship where it wasn't an equal partnership and that we were working in this together. A marriage is suppose to make life easier (since you're tackling everything together) and not adding stress to your life. But I guess you can just say that these types of relationships haven't been modelled to many people.
Well it depends on the culture too. Some areas have pretty shitty culture.
Stop cooking his meals. Stop cleaning his dishes. Stop doing his laundry. And open your own bank account. Start stashing money away. If he asks what you’re doing, answer honestly. But don’t discuss any of this with him - inform him of what you’re doing and why. The moment he starts invalidating you, walk away.
>all he does here is works 6 hours a day, smokes and plays video games. So why are you married to this loser?
Probably waiting to drag another baby into this mess
Uhh how do yall afford this with only one person working part time
My thoughts exactly. Even with a deal on an apartment…. Eesh. He needs to get a full time job
We got a deal on an apartment for $700 a month.
If you need to threaten to leave to get his attention, do it. Your husband is failing you and your kids and it's not ok. You can do bad all by yourself. If his behavior continues, deal with it for a bit until you can get your ducks in a row. I don't know your situation but do you have family to lean on? Do you have anywhere to go? If you found a job could you afford to put him out so you don't have to uproot the kids?
He sees nothing wrong with his behavior, also I wouldn’t be able to afford to put the kids into day care. I have no family here that would watch them for free or else I’d be working full time already. He thinks that because he works he doesn’t have to do anything at home. Even though we’ve discussed it and went to marriage therapy. He just keeps getting worse with each year of marriage.
Ah. Yeah, he won't change. You need to get back into the working world. If you're in the US, look at your state's resources for subsidized child care.
Can you move closer to family
There’s this thing that people do sometimes, they say they’ll do stuff but won’t ? Even though his lack of change makes you miserable, it’s perfectly fine for him. He’s unaffected, he doesn’t care. Leave him, make a escape fund , get a good job , hopefully in something that’ll pay for your move, and get the hell away
He's a loser. Get out if you can or start working to save up and leave. Can you not stay with family?
My family lives almost 2k miles away. We moved to a new state to save money.
If you had to quit your job because he couldn't be bothered to wake up on time for the kids then I don't see he is ever gonna change.
You’re also living with someone who has default legal guardianship over your kids who it’s not safe to leave them with.
How old are the kids?
He’s never going to change. Ever. So YOU decide if you can live with it or if you can’t.
He’s a child. It’ll be decades, if ever, before he’s not. A lot of people complain about porn addiction on here but I wouldn’t marry someone who plays more than 3 hours of video games a quarter.
No
I would never date a man that plays video games. Just as much as I wouldn't date a gay man. It does nothing for me. Actually.. I'd rather date a gay man than a gamer.
Hire a housekeeper or babysitter. Just have the sitter there in the morning unannounced and leave. Have the sitter ask him if he's paying cash when he gets up, don't answer the phone or texts and then he'll figure it out real quick. HE needs to figure out a way to pay for the lifestyle he wants if he wants to sleep in. Even if he did attempt to do an employee checklist of chores, I have a feeling he wouldn't do them the way you want or on the timeline you want anyway. He probably doesn't care about your routines and it's less of a fight doing nothing than to take charge. You doing it "cause it's gotta get done" enables him. When he's the one getting dirty kids out of bed in the morning, dealing with belly aches and grumpy kids he might start having his own reasons to try harder. I don't understand why women pick this losing battle. I don't know a lot of successful men that gaf about after school snacks. So he needs to figure out a way to pay for the lifestyle he wants if he wants to sleep in. Men always seem to come up with cash for a mistress or sugar baby when they eventually decide to outsource intimacy and find some self esteem by solving a problem without your input. Don't wear yourself out use your boss energy at work. OR take a break and walk out without the kids for a night. Take all the lighters and router or game console cords with you. Leave no instructions. He'll either sink, swim or get a second job. lol