Congratulations!!!
I always describe my decision to end my marriage as taking a brick to the mirror that was "me." What I've found is that I could take those pieces and make an amazing mosaic that reflects ALL of me, just the me that was convenient for my ex.
3 years on from my divorce, my life is SO much better, and I am so much more solid in who \*I\* am (even remarried - I live as ME - not who my husband wants me to be).. It's amazing.
Love this, you're giving me inspiration haha!
I feel the same in a way as the glass. I wasn't loved as a person. I was loved as long as I was performing the role of x y or z. Which might have been me in a certain point in time maybe, but I've evolved.
And now I can safely be myself in peace and just be and feel whatever IS at a certain moment.
It's so healing 💕
>I was loved as long as I was performing the role of x y or z.
I always say that as long as I performed to match the unrealistic pedestal that he had me on - I was hot and made him look good - I was successful and hard working (but didn't impact his days at all) - I was strong and and a force of nature (but not bigger than him) - I was smart and dedicated (but not in a way that forced his schedule to change).. Then I was fine - any deviation from that image he had created of what his wife should be? Yeahhhhh, I was trash.
But yeah, being yourself in peace is magical..
Im exhausted just reading that damn... how did you cope.. I'm seriously impressed, most job descriptions aren't even that detailed 🤣 what an insecure tool!
Glad you smashed that glass and made your own of all your pieces. They're all valuable, no matter what anybody says. But i think you fully know that these days :)
Nothing was overt, it's only over the last few years since the divorce that I've put it together and realized that all the compliments had a "but" that hovered behind his complaints about my existence.. lol, if he'd said any of that outright I would have run.. lol
Right.. i see, sounds like you were conditioned / maneuvered into a direction that was getting slowly more and more suffocating. And true self expression, which requires vulnerability became something unsafe as it wasn't welcomed the same way as the dialed down version that he preferred? Hope in understanding it correct.
‘Silent indifference’
2 heartbreaking words to absolutely encapsulate it all.
I wish you nothing but happiness and blue skies ahead OP. You totally deserve nothing less than the very best.
Definitely not looking to do this again tbh. When everything is settled and done I'll be having my own home. No need for a man, not for cohabitation at least. Fun times are still welcome 😁
To me it sounds like your STBX was simply unable and/or unwilling to do the hard work necessary to (maybe) clean up the affair mess. I suppose you could call that casual cruelty. You could certainly call it toxic. Unwillingness to work on the marriage ends a lot of them.
Good for you! So thrilled for you that you chose YOUR happiness! 😊
I wish I had been as brave when I first found out about the ex’s cheating (first time while we engaged, second time within the first 10 months of our first year of marriage!) I foolishly stayed for TWENTY years!!
You may be right that every man *WANTS* to have sex with multiple women, but most emotionally mature men understand that they do not have to give in to that urge, and that doing so when they are married is not only jeopardizing the bond/trust with his wife but disrespecting and causing great harm to her heart and soul. You don't do that to people you love.
So, the answer to your question is that no man who intends on continuing to chase women to have sex with them should get married. Stop making like all men will have affairs, because it is simply untrue.
No they dont have to, but if they have the ability and provisions to, they will.
Men and women are different, you're speaking about sex through the female lens. Sex has nothing to do with emotions or intelligence for men.
No most men do not have the skills or ability to have multiple women, especially nowadays. I would never state that haha.
I am speaking as a woman married for 31 years. My husband has the brain to understand that even given the opportunity and the ability, that cheating is simply not worth losing everything and hurting me. Sorry if you think that every man would choose sex over upending their lives and hurting those who love them, but you are simply wrong. The urge may be there with every man, but real men who are in satisfying relationships have no issue with simply resisting those urges.
Given the opportunity to have sex with another woman behind closed doors, knowing you'd never find out, he'd absolutely have sex with another woman. You're only lying to yourself.
Studies cite men thinking about sex hundreds to thousands of times per day, and you think every one of them is only you? That's an extremely self centered way to perceive life
Also don't argue from authority. It makes your position and personal character look weak. Just talk about the topic and omit your qualifications
Just stop. You know nothing of our relationship, and he has had every experience a man could ever have wanted. I am telling you that you are selling the "big lie". A good number of men and women would cheat if it was guaranteed that no one would ever know(impossible), but the fact is that YOU know, and it changes how you see yourself.
You are arguing the fallacy of bifurcation. It is not all of one thing and none of the other. I get that you would dip your wick in someone else even if you had a wonderful marriage where you actually loved one another and were compatible sexually, but that is YOUR character flaw. You do not speak for all men, and you do not understand that not all relationships are the same, so please, let's agree to disagree.
Only those with weak stances try and silence opposition, I'd stick away from that.
I'm not speaking to your relationship. I'm speaking to simple biology developed over hundreds of thousands of years.
Incorrect, most women would prefer to be taken care of by one successful man
Men and women are different, I guess you could consider that bifurcation, regardless it doesnt negate the fact.
Again i'm not speaking about you or me. Im speaking about men and women, please step outside of your own world just for a bit to have this conversation
Cool story bro. Keep telling yourself that.
There is no conversation to be had if you can't accept that all or nothing generalizations are never true. I have no issue with how I sound to you because frankly you have shown that your opinions and outlook is not based in reality. I would be embarrassed if you DIDN'T have something insulting to say about my views because you lack the brain power to understand. Have a good life.
Good for you 🩵🩵🩵
Thank you ❤️🩹
Congratulations!!! I always describe my decision to end my marriage as taking a brick to the mirror that was "me." What I've found is that I could take those pieces and make an amazing mosaic that reflects ALL of me, just the me that was convenient for my ex. 3 years on from my divorce, my life is SO much better, and I am so much more solid in who \*I\* am (even remarried - I live as ME - not who my husband wants me to be).. It's amazing.
Love this, you're giving me inspiration haha! I feel the same in a way as the glass. I wasn't loved as a person. I was loved as long as I was performing the role of x y or z. Which might have been me in a certain point in time maybe, but I've evolved. And now I can safely be myself in peace and just be and feel whatever IS at a certain moment. It's so healing 💕
>I was loved as long as I was performing the role of x y or z. I always say that as long as I performed to match the unrealistic pedestal that he had me on - I was hot and made him look good - I was successful and hard working (but didn't impact his days at all) - I was strong and and a force of nature (but not bigger than him) - I was smart and dedicated (but not in a way that forced his schedule to change).. Then I was fine - any deviation from that image he had created of what his wife should be? Yeahhhhh, I was trash. But yeah, being yourself in peace is magical..
Im exhausted just reading that damn... how did you cope.. I'm seriously impressed, most job descriptions aren't even that detailed 🤣 what an insecure tool! Glad you smashed that glass and made your own of all your pieces. They're all valuable, no matter what anybody says. But i think you fully know that these days :)
Nothing was overt, it's only over the last few years since the divorce that I've put it together and realized that all the compliments had a "but" that hovered behind his complaints about my existence.. lol, if he'd said any of that outright I would have run.. lol
Right.. i see, sounds like you were conditioned / maneuvered into a direction that was getting slowly more and more suffocating. And true self expression, which requires vulnerability became something unsafe as it wasn't welcomed the same way as the dialed down version that he preferred? Hope in understanding it correct.
Pretty much, yup. You'll realize a lot over the next few years too, you start looking back and connecting dots and smacking yourself in the head.. lol
Hahaha yeah I'm afraid I won't be spared in that regard lol 😆
‘Silent indifference’ 2 heartbreaking words to absolutely encapsulate it all. I wish you nothing but happiness and blue skies ahead OP. You totally deserve nothing less than the very best.
❤️❤️🩹❤️🩹
I’m toasting to your future happiness
🥂 thank you!!
I’m starting to believe marriage is a small jail and we as women are to service men like adopted mothers
Definitely not looking to do this again tbh. When everything is settled and done I'll be having my own home. No need for a man, not for cohabitation at least. Fun times are still welcome 😁
You know this is exactly what I’m thinking
Marriage is a trap for man as well. Gender doesn't matter!
So glad you’re getting out of that toxic relationship!! Cheers to you and a brighter future ahead. 🥂
🎊 Good for you! You deserve bettee!
To me it sounds like your STBX was simply unable and/or unwilling to do the hard work necessary to (maybe) clean up the affair mess. I suppose you could call that casual cruelty. You could certainly call it toxic. Unwillingness to work on the marriage ends a lot of them.
Good for you !! UpdateMe
Excellent update. You must feel like a new person! Rock on. 🤩🥳🌺
Congrats!!! You deserve better. Life is a moment, you deserve to be happy!!! 🤍
I would strongly encourage speaking to a therapist. All of this can definitely affect your future self
Good for you! So thrilled for you that you chose YOUR happiness! 😊 I wish I had been as brave when I first found out about the ex’s cheating (first time while we engaged, second time within the first 10 months of our first year of marriage!) I foolishly stayed for TWENTY years!!
Don't blame yourself for staying. There are lots of circumstances that influence our choices. I hope you also made the leap and got rid of him!
Good job! I know it is easier said than done ❣️
Awesome 😎
Proud of you stranger
The next guy wants to have sex with multiple women just as much as the last guy did
Who is stopping him? Just don't get married if you that's the goal.
So no man should get married? Actually, I think we agree on this one!
You may be right that every man *WANTS* to have sex with multiple women, but most emotionally mature men understand that they do not have to give in to that urge, and that doing so when they are married is not only jeopardizing the bond/trust with his wife but disrespecting and causing great harm to her heart and soul. You don't do that to people you love. So, the answer to your question is that no man who intends on continuing to chase women to have sex with them should get married. Stop making like all men will have affairs, because it is simply untrue.
No they dont have to, but if they have the ability and provisions to, they will. Men and women are different, you're speaking about sex through the female lens. Sex has nothing to do with emotions or intelligence for men. No most men do not have the skills or ability to have multiple women, especially nowadays. I would never state that haha.
I am speaking as a woman married for 31 years. My husband has the brain to understand that even given the opportunity and the ability, that cheating is simply not worth losing everything and hurting me. Sorry if you think that every man would choose sex over upending their lives and hurting those who love them, but you are simply wrong. The urge may be there with every man, but real men who are in satisfying relationships have no issue with simply resisting those urges.
Given the opportunity to have sex with another woman behind closed doors, knowing you'd never find out, he'd absolutely have sex with another woman. You're only lying to yourself. Studies cite men thinking about sex hundreds to thousands of times per day, and you think every one of them is only you? That's an extremely self centered way to perceive life Also don't argue from authority. It makes your position and personal character look weak. Just talk about the topic and omit your qualifications
Just stop. You know nothing of our relationship, and he has had every experience a man could ever have wanted. I am telling you that you are selling the "big lie". A good number of men and women would cheat if it was guaranteed that no one would ever know(impossible), but the fact is that YOU know, and it changes how you see yourself. You are arguing the fallacy of bifurcation. It is not all of one thing and none of the other. I get that you would dip your wick in someone else even if you had a wonderful marriage where you actually loved one another and were compatible sexually, but that is YOUR character flaw. You do not speak for all men, and you do not understand that not all relationships are the same, so please, let's agree to disagree.
Only those with weak stances try and silence opposition, I'd stick away from that. I'm not speaking to your relationship. I'm speaking to simple biology developed over hundreds of thousands of years. Incorrect, most women would prefer to be taken care of by one successful man Men and women are different, I guess you could consider that bifurcation, regardless it doesnt negate the fact. Again i'm not speaking about you or me. Im speaking about men and women, please step outside of your own world just for a bit to have this conversation
Cool story bro. Keep telling yourself that. There is no conversation to be had if you can't accept that all or nothing generalizations are never true. I have no issue with how I sound to you because frankly you have shown that your opinions and outlook is not based in reality. I would be embarrassed if you DIDN'T have something insulting to say about my views because you lack the brain power to understand. Have a good life.
Agree to disagree is a lame wish wash, I'd never
He’s an illiterate incel, I heartily recommend ignoring.