Same, I was close to buying a house in 2019. The pandemic threw a major wrench in that plan. Between taking a 20% paycut for a year and the ridiculous housing prices after the pandemic, I don't see owning a house in my forseeable future. Luckily, my landlord let me plant a garden. I love picking raspberries on summer days with the kids.
So envious of this.
We have a shit apartment and they dumped cement by our patio so we cant plant anything there like our predecessors, their "community garden" ended up a failure between peoples kids damaging plants and peoples dogs peeing on everything (plus, none of the "planters" they put in allowed for anything with a deeper root system than small flowers like petunias or peonies.)
They did jack up our rent more than double any of our other rent hikes despite empty apartments throughout our complex.
I told my partner he should get used to the idea of living in his truck because that is where we are heading since neither of us have jad significant raises to keep up with this bullshit.
Bummer, if you were remotely close to buying a house in 2019 that would have been your own mini lottery. We got ours in may of 2019 and it’s been the single largest driver of wealth we’ll ever see.
We had enough of a down payment saved up. I don't know how we could have afforded the mortgage payments when I took my pay cut, though. We had a 2nd child a month after it happened. I upped my hours at my 2nd job and we still were eating into our savings.
I get what you're saying though. I had friends who signed on new builds in 2019 and had $100k in equity on the day they moved in.
Same. I was weeks away from putting in an offer on a house; had the salary, had the money, had the approval and had several properties in mind, then BOOM, pandemic. I panicked, the sellers panicked, the lenders panicked; I lost my job because of it a year later but found a new one. SO. Still renting a shitty apartment at mortgage rates.
Matching towels. I was always embarrassed that my folks had a motley crew of ratty towels in different colors and sizes and here I am in the exact same situation.
Check Marshall’s/TJMaxx/HomeGoods for them! I got 2 sets of matching towels (1 set neutral, the other the color scheme of my bathroom) and they’re amazing. A lot of times you can find organic cotton ones that are super high quality and pretty cheap.
We've bought or were gifted new towels on multiple occasions, never the same color though. They are mostly in the same color family so maybe that makes it better? For whatever reason it doesn't bother me that much.
The gaggle of mismatched drinking glasses that fill our cupboard, however... that's the thing that makes me feel some type of way.
I ask my mom for white towels every Christmas and now I have all matching ones 😆
I also went to home goods and bought all matching hangers cuz it always drove me nuts as a kid!
I started out with matching towels. The problem hits when they get old. Do you throw out your weird stringy but still good towels? No! That would be wasteful! But the minute someone else does the laundry they move from the rag stack to the master bath 😣
I never for a second thought I'd be living in a tiny apartment, alone, at 40 years old.
And yet I feel completely at peace with my life. Just so content. I've been feeling that way lately and it's so odd.
My life is quiet and simple and peaceful. I've got a decent job, a nice place in a beautiful town, amazing friends and family, hobbies that consume me. I have everything I need.
Any idea what the hell I'm doing.
I've checked all of the boxes I cared about. I have a good career, own a home, have a good partner, my kids are grown or almost grown, I've got a few rarer stamps on my passport, and I'm in the best shape of my life.
But I feel like 3 raccoons in a trenchcoat just cosplaying a functional adult, and people are going to find out any minute that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.
>people are going to find out any minute that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.
And you find out daily that they also have no idea what they're doing
that was the biggest shock I had as an adult - realising that my parents also have no idea what they are doing. at this point humanity might as well be reclassified as birds because we are all just winging it.
My biggest shock as an adult was figuring out that companies aren't nearly as professional, organized, and streamlined as they appear to be. I always had this idea that they were all well oiled machines, but it's so not the case. I've been at 3 mega corps, 1 super small company, and 2 midsized companies and while they're all good at different things, they're very far from being well oiled machines.
Same with the government. Anyone who believes in large conspiracies that would need a significant portion of any part of the government to collude always make me laugh. Like we can't even get employees to stop clicking on obvious scam emails, you think we're out here creating deep fakes??
I love that.
And there is no light switch.
The goal is to avoid getting too hurt as we stumble in the dark.
If we're lucky we find people who've been there a while to guide us.
I'm not fully to this level (we don't plan on kids) but I feel similar. Own a home, have a committed long term relationship, own my car outright, have a high paying job that I'm good at even if it stresses me the fuck out. Have had some international travel - want more but by 26 I'd been to multiple Euro cities/countries and also Mexico plus some domestic places like Hawa'ii and Alaska, and Canada (half domestic - eh?).
But I also don't really feel like I ever became an adult. I do more responsible things like eating well most of the time, jogging, which I took up at 25. Reading, and other higher brow hobbies. But I also still love playing video games...
Idk. Just seems like our transition into adulthood was very different and also hobbies previously associated with childhood remained a bit more socially acceptable to continue in. Hell, even brewery culture feels like the ideal passtime from when I was in college. But day drinking is now fully acceptable.
As Millenials, we were the first generation to truly grow up with video games. So we're more likely than a Boomer - who might not know how to hook up a Nintendo - to continue enjoying games into adulthood. (Although I know a few Boomers who game)
- a 40ish Mario and Zelda fan
Seriously. Same position as you and somehow many parts of my brain feel like they didn’t mature past 18 or my early 20’s loI was just wondering last night if I will still feel this way when I hit 50 in 12 years. Will I ever feel like a real adult??? Haha
Dude, don't worry about it. The age groups before us defined themselves in terms of their friend group. Now we have this amorphous 'friend' group that is desperately curated by people at least as insecure as us, and often extends well beyond any meaningful comparisons.
Let the things that are going well give you gratitude, let the things that need work give you motivation, and fuck the rest.
Ok, but let me disagree in the gentlest way.
My wife and I used to have our friends with kids over and just make it fun for everyone. One of us would be designated as the in-house babysitter and everyone else could get a little loose. Since I'm a sober guy, I'd take the kids a lot and we'd build pillow forts and watch Pixar in the basement while the so-called grownups partied.
Sometimes, wifey and me would babysit so others could have a date night; their gratitude was immense.
Sometimes we'd take the kids and go do stuff in the garden or teach them about trees or dogs or whatever. Sometimes we'd just do stuff like play charades or pictionary or go to the water park in the afternoon. Everyone having fun together. Having friends with kids doesn't mean the death of fun. Sometimes 'catering' to friends is extremely gratifying and a good use of time.
Honestly it sounds like you know exactly what you’re doing. Everything you’ve accomplished took effort and time and is not easily achievable by others.
Stability: I was emancipated from Foster care ( Edit: to add detail got a DM about mentioning my dad in prior post history as good, why he couldn't get me then. He had good qualities, and lesson but was functional addict, then prison time).
I persevered through alot, to try and establish my own safety and Stability. I didn't expect to be rich, just wanted safety. 35 now and still feeling unstable, that 1 car repair, or sickness 😷 and my situation becomes dire.
I'm coming up on 33 and I thought I'd have a career. I went to college, got two degrees, graduated with honors, did internships, etc. I work in a lab at a hospital for an hourly wage. I hate the job as it's so busy I can't even take a break. Seems like everyone else i know my age has a nice office job with set hours, they are married, have a nice house, etc. I don't have any of that. But hey, I do have a car that's almost paid off.
Keep applying, don't stay complacent in a job you don't like. A lot of people need to hear this - changing jobs and climbing the title or promotion ladder aggressively is how you advance in a career. It has little to do with merit, skill, or loyalty.
More stamps on my passport. I did things I didn’t think I’d do, like get married (and divorced) and buy a house (then gave it up). I wish I’d focused on the things that really mattered to me instead of pouring my love into idiots.
I did this. I traveled and worked abroad. Then I got married to a man who turned out to be terrible who was from my home town. Owned a house, got divorced, gave up the house.
I have two kids and a stable career and a great partner. Will I ever own a house again? Who knows. Am I salty about it and that I gave up my adventurous lifestyle to marry and have kids with an abusive man. Hell yes. AND-I love my children. I don’t regret them AND my life would have been easier with different choices
Kids.
Most of my friends have kids now or are having kids soon. Out of all of my core friend group from high school when I was a Sophomore up until graduation, I'm the only one without kids. That's a surprise to them because when I was in school, they thought I'd probably be one of the first ones given that my parents were really insistent on me having kids at a younger age since they were older (Traditional Filipino parents from the 40's).
I want to raise my own kids one day, but I know I'm not ready for that mentally. For now, I'm content with being the "cool uncle" and the "peacock" at parties and socials.
In high school I was voted least likely to have kids. And I was the first among my friend group. My mom is Filipino also. I was still in college when I got pregnant. She didn’t want me to have any until afterwards.
>rter of siblings to keep both child and parent in check.
38 year old here without child. I was never crazy about kids but knew that was natural course of life. i was ready for it, whenever it happens. Then I found myself dealing with infertility and multiple pregnancy loss. after 6 years of trying & putting my career on hold, i still wonder if I am meant to be child free or i should try harder.
My goal this year is to give it all, use my vacation money for fertility treatment & if it doesn't happen in 12 months. I close this chapter.
Gosh, I could’ve written this comment myself, as a fellow childless 38 year old. My bf and I keep putting it off, wanting to wait til we’re financially secure. It’s starting to feel like that will never happen.
My bf is a bit delusional, saying that we still have plenty of time. He doesn’t seem to understand that my biology doesn’t work that way.
Hope the best for you.
I'll say that there is never a "perfect time" to have kids. You could always have more money/bigger house/better town/better job/etc. If you can provide for your kids, they'll never notice. My mom now tells me how proud she is of me and how "I never was able to provide those things you give your kids"... I had a stellar childhood. Our summer vacations were budget friendly, camping at State parks... Some of the best times of my life, and she doesn't realize that.
People have been having kids forever. In much more dire situations. If you WANT kids, you can make it work. My wife and I considered our first an "oops" and definitely struggled as young parents. But we're all doing well now.
I am so sorry. Same thing. 43 next month. The grief and depression really knocked me for a loop these past three years. If you feel you are financially ready (I know no one is ever) it may be worthwhile pursuing parenthood with science and money. I dont know if you are partnered but single parenthood by choice is totally valid. Especially if you have support in any way. I wish my life had worked out differently and that I had really set myself up in a financially better way to pursue some goals including parenthood.
If you’re American, you might be expected to have a car.
But here in not-America, cars are not that important, maybe only when you have a family, or if you absolutely need it to travel around. So don’t worry about it, I don’t judge you.
You’re giving too much pressure on yourself. Be enough to yourself and yourself only, you’re doing good.
Yes, I'm in America. I do feel there's a certain expectation to have a car as sort of a 'social status' thing. But also, it's my money and I'd rather save it because the future is so extremely uncertain.
Social status is a bunch of BS. Keep your money. I have a car and it's a Toyota Corolla. Gets me from point A to point B. Not gonna turn any heads and that's OK.
You have a good attitude about things. While everyone else is flaunting their social status and driving themselves into debt, you can be putting your money away into retirement savings/investments and living a modest, but comfortable living in your older years.
If you ever find yourself spending more money on ridesharing than you would on a small commuter car+gas+insurance, then maybe it might be time to consider a vehicle. Other than that, screw it.
I’d love to be able to not have a car, but American suburbia has basically zero public transportation. Please enjoy having no-car for those of us forced to drive.
I looked to see how long it would take to get me from my home to my secondary work site (12ish miles, 17 minutes by car). It would take 3 hours. I actually can’t get to my primary location by bus at all, even though it’s only about 3 miles away.
Is that why many of my neighbors own multiple SUVs that sit in the parking lot for days? lol I dated 2 guys who both went into debt because they bought luxury brand cars, and both said it was because they wanted to show their "haters" that they could afford one. There is definitely a social status expectation associated with having a car.
Dave Ramsey has the car thing right. He might be problematic in a lot of things but his stance on cars is spot on. He doesn’t believe in going into debt for a car. He says buy what you can afford and save/invest the difference. He’s right about that.
Lol you dated some real assholes. But a fancy car is like a fancy house. You need transportation and shelter, but some people do more than they need to flex. My car is 14 years old and my job requires a car.
I've never owned a car, never even got my licence, and I've never had a job deny me because I wrote public transportation under this question on an application. I don't know if it's maybe because I've only ever lived in major cities and it's more expected that most of the staff rides the bus, but in my experience having reliable bus/subway routes between your house and your job counts as reliable transportation.
I think in a lot of places in America not having a car is just super limiting.
I live on the edge of a medium sized metropolitan area and I don’t know anyone without at least 1 car for their household.
Without a car it would be hard to visit my family and friends, get to work, run errands, even just drive to the beach or somewhere nice on the weekends. My world would be insanely small without a car.
Honestly, I have more than I expected. I didn’t think I’d get married or have a kid, ever…but here I am with a husband and 5yo. I have a house and a reliable car. I wish I had a larger savings account, but daycare costs a soul-sucking amount.
I wish. I lived in the bumfuck middle of nowhere Georgia in the early 2000's before joining the military to get out of there. But at that time, I grasped at any bit of EDM, Trance, House, goth, punk, new wave, etc music that wasn't the pop country that was everywhere at the time. I was able to experience my first rave after leaving that place and got to a more populated portion of the country lol.
I just went to a big Drum n Bass night (EDM) (lol at almost 40, I'm a 1984 millenial), and stayed out till 330am. I'm feeling my age! I was grateful it was friday so I had 2+ days of weekend to recover. Good work on surviving Georgia, you're a stronger person than me, I would have probably crumbled under the southern malarkey down there.
I love Drum n Bass. (85 millenial here) so I feel my age as well, especially after over a decade of military service. My body isn't how it used to be lol.
A career. I have 3 degrees and spent 13 years in my field. Everyone was laid off and I haven't had a job in over a year. Not sure what to do because I need to figure out something new to do at 40yo. Every job requires me to pay for education before I can start. I am lost.
A house. I am so freaking tired of renting. I want a damn house where my husband and I can raise a family and make memories...but all we're stuck with are apartments. Sigh.
More than one kid. I wanted a house full of them, at least half adopted. I can afford more than one even with my husband being SAH but I can barely get vacation time scheduled, how would I manage another maternity leave? I already feel like I’m going nuts with one.
Yeah...my maternal instinct kicked in at 27 and I thought I'd love to have 4+ kids. Here I am 5 years later and still childless and wondering how I could possibly add kids to my life when I'm already so overwhelmed.
I love my child more than anything in the world, more than myself, and I want to make sure he has the best life. But I fantasize about what it would have been like if I hadn’t had him. I feel guilty about it but I used to travel, I used to live in weird places, I used to be able to have lunch without someone asking to share and me having to say it’s spicy and then the other person says can I just try it and then I reluctantly let them and then they say it’s not spicy can I have some in a bowl and I say no and they say please and I say no and then they say please please and then I jump off the balcony.
I feel this comment in my core as someone who doesn't have a child (yet?) but struggling with it. I'm a 1984 millenial so 40 this year. I have a cool job, I travel all the time, I am huge with concerts + music, go to 10-15 concerts a quarter almost? But a lot. I struggle with how I'll do this VP job, get the maternity leave, keep up with my male peer VPs in tech, and keep my sanity if I actually have a baby. Worried about my life in 20 years if I don't have one tho.
I would like someone to tell me wtf I'm supposed to do. I hate 39.
I hate to be that woman but they lied to us. We can’t have it all, not all at once. You have to make a choice. It’s career or kids. I don’t really give a crap about the career I lucked and stumbled into, I’m just happy to be here earning a lot more than I’m worth. But if I were doing something I actually cared about, with a solid career plan in front of me like it sounds like you do, I would think twice about kids. Having a kid is the most amazing thing but you sacrifice a lot of freedom and professional fulfillment—and unless you’re with the right partner it is YOUR freedom that’s sacrificed.
I want to pop in here and say it DOES get better. They get older and more independent and yeah, the money thing sucks, but the thing about parenting is that it's never stagnant. You'll be able to travel again (and maybe take them when they're older! Or they'll take you!) and see your friends and build up a new You.
What do you think having a child would get you in 20 years? An honest question from a 38 year old with a great career and no intention to have children.
Honestly? I just want a tribe. I didn't desire it as I was building my career but I def don't want to look back with regret when I'm older and have no one to share all this hard work and wisdom with. I could be wrong, but froze my eggs 5 years ago to give myself the option.
My wife and I always thought we'd have at least 2, but it's been so much harder than we thought with just 1 that we think we're done. It may be different if we lived by family and had some support in raising kids as a group, but we moved to an area where we don't know anybody so it's just us.
As a 40 year old, I finally have a house (bought it six months ago), or I would have put that on the list. I guess I'd have to say "more than $1,000 in savings". Especially with the house now, anytime I get a little bit stashed away an expense comes to gobble it up.
My goal is actually to hit $10K in a HYSA that's a slush fund for any big house expenses before I start investing or anything else like that. But even that $10K goal is probably at least two years away, realistically speaking.
Ugh, 40 this year and we still can't buy a house in the NYC-metro and make collectively a lot of cash. It's so obnoxious. I hate the housing market. Congrats on your new home!! You did it fam!
Thanks! I did it by the skin of my teeth thanks only to a USDA Rural Development Loan that let me get into the house with no down payment, no PMI, and 4% interest.
The down side to that is I live in a small Iowa town that's an hour's drive away from anything interesting to do. But it's a miracle that on a $52K single income I was able to get into a house and believe me I'm counting my blessings.
I didn’t have any money left over when I bought my home either lol. It was a terrible idea that could have gone very wrong but luckily the risk paid off for me. I did have to go a few months without hot water though, showering at the rec center. My hot water heater died and I didn’t have any money to replace it haha. But after a few raises, my mortgage is much more manageable and allowed me to start saving a lot more money. So hopefully you reach that point soon as well!
Ooph, I feel that. My 16 year old electric water heater is living on borrowed time, but I have almost enough in savings now to replace it now if it goes out. I just hope it holds out a few more months.
The roof on this place is new as of 2020, and I found a low-to-moderate income homeowner improvement assistance program in my county that has a fantastic financing program that's replacing my cranky 31 year old furnace and adding AC (happening tomorrow). Yes I'm going into debt for that, but it's a loan with 2% interest, and after five years, 33% of the loan is forgiven. The payments will be $48/mo and though it's a 10Y loan, once the 33% is forgiven at five years, I'll be able to just pay the rest off.
I debated long and hard about whether to finance the HVAC work or just try to ride it out a few more years, but I'd rather do it on my own timeline and terms of financing instead of having to maybe put it on a credit card if it gives up the ghost in the middle of winter.
Wow that’s a really good deal! I’ll have to look for something like that near me. My HVAC is also on borrowed time and I don’t have AC at all. Not a huge deal since the downstairs stays very cool in the summer, but the upstairs at bedtime is an oven.
An actual career lol we had our 1st kid early(unplanned) young 19/20. She turns 13 this week and my 2nd turned 6 last week. I've always took part time, odd jobs, on and off stay at home mom so husband could work full time.now they're both school aged. I'm a sahm babysitting others kids so they can work and not pay daycare prices but I always wanted a job/career I was fulfilled with.. I regret not pursuing the trade stuff in highschool so I'd at least have something on the back burner
Yes we had a different school(that multiple schools in the area would send kids to) for half days for 2 years(junior/senior year) in cosmetology, welding, hvac,computers,nursing,culinary, ect and at the end you'd graduate with a certification.
We have those votech high schools around me as well. I wish I had done it instead of going to a private beauty school after high school. Would have saved me thousands of dollars. It is great always having that skill and license to fall back on. Last time I got laid off I wasn’t even worried because I knew worst case scenario, I could find a salon job in a matter of days if needed.
I got into cos at our votech school on a scholarship and turned it down 😭 such a stupid decision! I would love to have that to fall back on right now for that exact reason. Salons tend to be very flexible too with scheduling ect. As well. I'm going to push the votech avenue with my kids as well. It's such a good jumpstart in adulthood having something
I've been out of high school since 2003, I'm just now about to finish my bachelors degree; graduation in April. I always thought I'd have a masters by now.
My family camped a lot growing up, but I have yet to own my own camper. Hopefully if everything goes to plan we will be getting one next summer! Better late than never.
A dog. I always imagined at some point in my life I would get a dog. But I have never owned one. And I don’t see myself getting one anytime soon. The cats are happy with this decision though.
A relationship. I'm 32F, attractive, I have a good job, a house, and a thriving social life. Somehow I can't find anyone who would even consider dating me. I've had 3 relationships total, in my whole life, which combined lasted 1.5 years. These were all in my early 20s. One of these was really abusive, and the other two were just losers.
I really want a boyfriend, and I've been looking for one, but I just can't find anyone.
Edit: I feel like I should clarify that I'm happy with my life and don't *need* a relationship, but now that I've got my life to such a good place I feel like that's the one thing I'm missing.
That was me. I had one boyfriend through the bulk of college and one long term situationship (relationship is too generous of a word but omg did I try to make it one) in my late 20s. Insanely single in between. I did not fucking understand it, and the longer time that went on, the more I believed there was something inherently wrong with me. I was independent, had a career, good looking enough. I have to imagine that spiraling of doubt did not help with the vibes I was putting out there. Confidence is attractive you know? I did meet my husband at 30 and we’ve been together 7+ years and have 2 kids. Shout out to bumble!
I know you and I are not the same person, but if it helps to hear, you don’t always have to cycle through a lot of relationships to land on a good one. I was truly worried that since I wasn’t putting in the numbers that I was fucked.
One other tidbit, when I was in my 20s and turning 30 and single, I swore every other person in my social sphere was partnered off and I was the odd one. Now that I’m not obsessing over that I can see that is such a freaking joke. Now in my late 30s at least a third of my friends aren’t married, and most of them didn’t even meet their partners until less than 2 years ago.
Hang in there! There’s billions of people, so there’s someone out there for you. Focus on things that make you happy, and living life as you like it, and the partner will come in to that life.
I didn't ever really set a bunch of "age-based" benchmarks for myself, other than 1) moving out to go to college at 18 years old; 2) graduating with my Bachelor's on-time at 22; and 3) lining up full-time work for myself to begin immediately after graduation (all 3 of which, I accomplished.)
Other than that, I didn't care how old I was when I did \[X\]. I figured that it would be difficult to meet strict deadlines like that, especially when they are things I have no control over like when I meet my eventual spouse, etc. So instead I just set eventual goals with reachable preliminary steps, and work toward checking them off. Doesn't matter how long it takes to do so.
That being said, I did think by now, given my frugality and how little I expect out of life, that I would have *even a little bit* of disposable income.
Coming soon, though.
A significant other. I’ve been single for years, and doesn’t seem like that will be changing any time soon. I’m 39. I’m not even interested in dating, but the idea of being alone forever does kinda bring me down sometimes.
Same. I really wanted them in my 20s but now I’m almost 37 and I thank my lucky stars it never happened for us.
I’m really involved with my nieces and nephews and that is enough for me!
> What don't you have that you thought you would by now?
A house for sure
At this rate I'll probably be 40+ before I get one. Just a string if bad luck from graduating into a shit economy in the post-2008 crash, to grappling with depression and alcoholism, to being "bogged down" by student loans, to dealing with ***another*** fucking economic crash with the COVID thing, it's just been one setback after another 🤦♂️
Honestly I think I have a better shot at getting a house in another country than in USA, I'm a Mexican citizen so it's probably more realistic that I'll be able to afford a property there versus the hyper-inflated prices in America
Same as yours. I’ve always lived in the city but grew up in a more car-centric area and assumed I’d get one when I “got older” Now I just look up car insurance rates every winter when I complain about walking to the train station.
Happiness! Jkjk lol 😅 but honestly I thought by time I hit 35 I’d be living in my own house. I’m 38 and homeownership is about as realistic as me winning the lotto
I'm 33 and I don't have a car. My dad left me an Audi convertible when he passed. I don't want the insurance payments on it. It's just sitting in my apartment garage. Work is a five minute walk. Walgreens and the grocery store are both in walking distance. Also, single and I don't go out much at all.
Kids. I decided against it because life is too good and too comfortable. Why ruin it with kids. Helps that my wife was borderline willing to have kids for me but wasn't really excited about it.
Eleven years into the marriage and I'm pretty happy with that choice. So many people around my age that work the same who's lives seem miserable because of kids. (Not that they don't advocate I have some and that they're great)
Interesting q! All of my needs are met honestly. I’d like to make it into another tax bracket so I can afford to outsource cleaning my apartment but otherwise it’s gravy baby. I also don’t have a car but I never wanted one
House and retirement fund. The divorce pretty much ruined me. Almost 40 and rebuilding from the ground up, in this economy.
Who knows maybe I get lucky and get hit by a truck soon so it won't be my problem anymore.
A decent job (I work retail on the weekends. My husband has a good job, so he wants me to stay home just in case my daughter gets sent home from school).
And a car (don't drive. I'm planning on taking lessons. )
If your child is in school during the day and doesn't have major health problems that result in frequent absences, you can definitely get a job if it's something you want to do. The "just in case" logic doesn't make any sense to me - many jobs are flexible enough that if there is an emergency, you end your work day early and go pick up your child from school. If your husband truly has a good job, he could be the one who leaves work early to pick up your daughter.
I've enrolled in online school to pass up the time while she's in there. I'm hoping to get a better job and a license so I can work more in the future. Thanks for your input.
Kids. Always thought I wanted them, but turns out that would be a terrible life choice for my husband and I. Other than my health my life is a lot of what I envisioned.
Some goddamn peace, stability and respite. 31F. I've had a really rough life. A lot of abusive people. A lot to fight for. In the last 5 years I met a beautiful, safe person, and was so ready to settle with him & raise lettuce and baby kittens together. I didn't need/ask for much. What a pure bliss it would have been.
But he left this world 9 months ago today. He was hurting, more than he ever shared, but I saw it in him. I tried my best to support him, alleviate his pain, but in the end, he didn't want to make me cry... but he didn't want me to stop him either.
I love him and I understand him fully. But along with him, he took a part of me, my dreams of our future, stability, safety. Even the last bits of optimism. I'm one major life crisis away from quitting, myself. I guess the only "good" thing is that I don't think I have any major life crises left, so I might last a while. Heal a couple souls while I'm here.
But for my own sake, damn it. All these years of battle, and I was just about to settle in for peace and comfort. And now it's back to the battlefields yet again.
A stable job. When I’m working, I make great money. But I have months where I went without work that takes me back to a diet of ramin, rice, and beans and being at risk of losing my home. Fingers crossed my next role is stable.
Kids. When I was young it was my DREAM to be a SAHM and raise kids. But in this economy, it just isn’t possible anymore. But that’s ok, I have accepted it and am actually excited about a future where my husband and I can do what we want, when we want.
Kids and a wife. I can deal with no kids at the moment but having no wife by now is dishearting and my pool gets smaller and smaller every year. I have the house and job but no wife.
A house. Maybe a kid? But also as a kid I didn't really want kids. I just thought everyone was expected to have them. Thank God I didn't have one! (I'm 33)
A job that I knew definitely was the “right” one. I’m not in a bad place money-wise, I have a house and a S.O. of a year that I could see continuing to get more serious into the future, and I definitely don’t hate my job, but something about it is “off.” With 2 degrees I always figured I’d just be in my right place by the time I was 30, but I’m still trying to decide what it is or how to get there.
stability/a living income. i naively and stupidly thought that as long as i had post-grad degrees and helped others, i would be able to be financially stable and live my life sort of how i wanted. i actually made it worse by going to grad school. my career isn’t possible or sustainable without a partner or generational wealth.
I always hoped by now that I would have my own car, house, career even. I have a degree that I worked hard for but I cant get my foot in the door. Cant find work to save my life, and not for lack of trying. And here if you want to learn to drive, you have to have a vehicle - which, I obviously don't since I don't have a license. So, I feel very stuck behind my peers.
I never expected to have anything. I saw how unaffordable everything was before Covid and honestly never thought I'd move out of my parents house. But I did move out and lucked into buying a house last year!
Definitely a house my partner and I have been approved for a ridiculously amount with just over 20% saved to put towards it.
And a kid but it's so expensive and we are renting close to work but over an hour away from home so help would have to be a daycare etc which from what I hear is also super expensive.
I thought I would have a finished home by now. Our house has been under some phase of construction for 13 years. We only got actual flooring throughout the whole house instead of a concrete slab last year. No gutters and lots of rotting soffets and facia. Our backyard shed is about to fall over. Home improvement is enormously expensive and for us requires loans to tackle a bit at a time. Otherwise it takes years to complete DIY projects because my husband and I are basically working ourselves to death in our jobs and only have a few hours a month to work on these projects. Now we are in our 40s and losing the physical ability to tackle the construction.
A small house with a craft room, an attached greenhouse, a backyard firepit and a garage workshop as well as a retirement account with more than $3500... at 37 y/o...
Silly me, keep trying to follow my dream of being a photographer, videographer, and writer. All I have is student loans and an aggressively picky and competative job market requiring 111 years experience minimum and an arsenal/knowledge of every editing software program ever invented lol.
But also... I got a cool old pickup from the 80s that I love and cherish, a loving network of good friends and whats left of my family, lots of outdoor adventure recreation gear, and a fall back career i turn too between media contracts - so theres that ❤️
My ears pierced. My parents wouldn't let me as a kid and I swore as a middle schooler I would do it as an adult and I never have and at this point never will. I never wear any jewelry anyway and it's highly likely I have metal allergies as they run in the family and I have other skin sensitivities!
House. Meaningful amount of money in a retirement fund.
Same, I was close to buying a house in 2019. The pandemic threw a major wrench in that plan. Between taking a 20% paycut for a year and the ridiculous housing prices after the pandemic, I don't see owning a house in my forseeable future. Luckily, my landlord let me plant a garden. I love picking raspberries on summer days with the kids.
So envious of this. We have a shit apartment and they dumped cement by our patio so we cant plant anything there like our predecessors, their "community garden" ended up a failure between peoples kids damaging plants and peoples dogs peeing on everything (plus, none of the "planters" they put in allowed for anything with a deeper root system than small flowers like petunias or peonies.) They did jack up our rent more than double any of our other rent hikes despite empty apartments throughout our complex. I told my partner he should get used to the idea of living in his truck because that is where we are heading since neither of us have jad significant raises to keep up with this bullshit.
Bummer, if you were remotely close to buying a house in 2019 that would have been your own mini lottery. We got ours in may of 2019 and it’s been the single largest driver of wealth we’ll ever see.
We had enough of a down payment saved up. I don't know how we could have afforded the mortgage payments when I took my pay cut, though. We had a 2nd child a month after it happened. I upped my hours at my 2nd job and we still were eating into our savings. I get what you're saying though. I had friends who signed on new builds in 2019 and had $100k in equity on the day they moved in.
I managed to somehow buy a house, but now I have no retirement funds. Sigh.
This for sure. Unsurprised so many of our generation feels shafted. Getting older and getting sick feels like it sets me back further each time.
I can give you a dollar if you drive over here to get it
Same. I was weeks away from putting in an offer on a house; had the salary, had the money, had the approval and had several properties in mind, then BOOM, pandemic. I panicked, the sellers panicked, the lenders panicked; I lost my job because of it a year later but found a new one. SO. Still renting a shitty apartment at mortgage rates.
A community, a husband, and a house.
Read " a community husband" 
Whose turn is it with the husband?
It's honest work, I really don't mind.
Yes, I’m seeking my place in a polygamist commune.
Matching towels. I was always embarrassed that my folks had a motley crew of ratty towels in different colors and sizes and here I am in the exact same situation.
Check Marshall’s/TJMaxx/HomeGoods for them! I got 2 sets of matching towels (1 set neutral, the other the color scheme of my bathroom) and they’re amazing. A lot of times you can find organic cotton ones that are super high quality and pretty cheap.
We've bought or were gifted new towels on multiple occasions, never the same color though. They are mostly in the same color family so maybe that makes it better? For whatever reason it doesn't bother me that much. The gaggle of mismatched drinking glasses that fill our cupboard, however... that's the thing that makes me feel some type of way.
I ask my mom for white towels every Christmas and now I have all matching ones 😆 I also went to home goods and bought all matching hangers cuz it always drove me nuts as a kid!
I started out with matching towels. The problem hits when they get old. Do you throw out your weird stringy but still good towels? No! That would be wasteful! But the minute someone else does the laundry they move from the rag stack to the master bath 😣
I hate that this made my eye twitch a little.
I cut them into rags. Then they stay in the rag pile lol
Good towels are expensive!!
I use cheap matching ones from Walmart. They are actually pretty good.
I love our towels and they were $6 each at Costco.
I never for a second thought I'd be living in a tiny apartment, alone, at 40 years old. And yet I feel completely at peace with my life. Just so content. I've been feeling that way lately and it's so odd. My life is quiet and simple and peaceful. I've got a decent job, a nice place in a beautiful town, amazing friends and family, hobbies that consume me. I have everything I need.
Any idea what the hell I'm doing. I've checked all of the boxes I cared about. I have a good career, own a home, have a good partner, my kids are grown or almost grown, I've got a few rarer stamps on my passport, and I'm in the best shape of my life. But I feel like 3 raccoons in a trenchcoat just cosplaying a functional adult, and people are going to find out any minute that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.
>people are going to find out any minute that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. And you find out daily that they also have no idea what they're doing
that was the biggest shock I had as an adult - realising that my parents also have no idea what they are doing. at this point humanity might as well be reclassified as birds because we are all just winging it.
My biggest shock as an adult was figuring out that companies aren't nearly as professional, organized, and streamlined as they appear to be. I always had this idea that they were all well oiled machines, but it's so not the case. I've been at 3 mega corps, 1 super small company, and 2 midsized companies and while they're all good at different things, they're very far from being well oiled machines.
Same with the government. Anyone who believes in large conspiracies that would need a significant portion of any part of the government to collude always make me laugh. Like we can't even get employees to stop clicking on obvious scam emails, you think we're out here creating deep fakes??
Exactly what I would expect a deep faker to say
We make do with what we can and have. In some ways, it is a testament to human ingenuity and tenacity. Out of chaos and disorder, we created our world
Seriously. We all need an adult
This realization relieves so much stress. Wish I would have understood it at 25.
Adulting is like wandering around a completely dark room looking for a light switch that may or may not be there
I love that. And there is no light switch. The goal is to avoid getting too hurt as we stumble in the dark. If we're lucky we find people who've been there a while to guide us.
We are all raccoons in a trenchcoat.
Wanna knock over trash cans with me looking for snacks? We ride at dusk!
Okay but I need to be home by 8pm for the pre-bedtime doom scrolling
I'm not fully to this level (we don't plan on kids) but I feel similar. Own a home, have a committed long term relationship, own my car outright, have a high paying job that I'm good at even if it stresses me the fuck out. Have had some international travel - want more but by 26 I'd been to multiple Euro cities/countries and also Mexico plus some domestic places like Hawa'ii and Alaska, and Canada (half domestic - eh?). But I also don't really feel like I ever became an adult. I do more responsible things like eating well most of the time, jogging, which I took up at 25. Reading, and other higher brow hobbies. But I also still love playing video games... Idk. Just seems like our transition into adulthood was very different and also hobbies previously associated with childhood remained a bit more socially acceptable to continue in. Hell, even brewery culture feels like the ideal passtime from when I was in college. But day drinking is now fully acceptable.
As Millenials, we were the first generation to truly grow up with video games. So we're more likely than a Boomer - who might not know how to hook up a Nintendo - to continue enjoying games into adulthood. (Although I know a few Boomers who game) - a 40ish Mario and Zelda fan
Seriously. Same position as you and somehow many parts of my brain feel like they didn’t mature past 18 or my early 20’s loI was just wondering last night if I will still feel this way when I hit 50 in 12 years. Will I ever feel like a real adult??? Haha
Sure sounds like you know what you’re doing.
I'm a good pretender
Dude, don't worry about it. The age groups before us defined themselves in terms of their friend group. Now we have this amorphous 'friend' group that is desperately curated by people at least as insecure as us, and often extends well beyond any meaningful comparisons. Let the things that are going well give you gratitude, let the things that need work give you motivation, and fuck the rest.
Its really hard to have friends now, once they had children they disappeared, and you have to cater to them if you want to meet them, it sucks.
Ok, but let me disagree in the gentlest way. My wife and I used to have our friends with kids over and just make it fun for everyone. One of us would be designated as the in-house babysitter and everyone else could get a little loose. Since I'm a sober guy, I'd take the kids a lot and we'd build pillow forts and watch Pixar in the basement while the so-called grownups partied. Sometimes, wifey and me would babysit so others could have a date night; their gratitude was immense. Sometimes we'd take the kids and go do stuff in the garden or teach them about trees or dogs or whatever. Sometimes we'd just do stuff like play charades or pictionary or go to the water park in the afternoon. Everyone having fun together. Having friends with kids doesn't mean the death of fun. Sometimes 'catering' to friends is extremely gratifying and a good use of time.
I feel like this too and wonder if it’s what a lot of adults all along have also felt lol
Being good at cosplay is a fantastic talent!
Honestly it sounds like you know exactly what you’re doing. Everything you’ve accomplished took effort and time and is not easily achievable by others.
Luv how you said this. What a picture!
Stability: I was emancipated from Foster care ( Edit: to add detail got a DM about mentioning my dad in prior post history as good, why he couldn't get me then. He had good qualities, and lesson but was functional addict, then prison time). I persevered through alot, to try and establish my own safety and Stability. I didn't expect to be rich, just wanted safety. 35 now and still feeling unstable, that 1 car repair, or sickness 😷 and my situation becomes dire.
I'm coming up on 33 and I thought I'd have a career. I went to college, got two degrees, graduated with honors, did internships, etc. I work in a lab at a hospital for an hourly wage. I hate the job as it's so busy I can't even take a break. Seems like everyone else i know my age has a nice office job with set hours, they are married, have a nice house, etc. I don't have any of that. But hey, I do have a car that's almost paid off.
You do not have to stay at your job! It will suck your soul! You always have options!
Keep applying, don't stay complacent in a job you don't like. A lot of people need to hear this - changing jobs and climbing the title or promotion ladder aggressively is how you advance in a career. It has little to do with merit, skill, or loyalty.
A work life balance.
More stamps on my passport. I did things I didn’t think I’d do, like get married (and divorced) and buy a house (then gave it up). I wish I’d focused on the things that really mattered to me instead of pouring my love into idiots.
I did this. I traveled and worked abroad. Then I got married to a man who turned out to be terrible who was from my home town. Owned a house, got divorced, gave up the house. I have two kids and a stable career and a great partner. Will I ever own a house again? Who knows. Am I salty about it and that I gave up my adventurous lifestyle to marry and have kids with an abusive man. Hell yes. AND-I love my children. I don’t regret them AND my life would have been easier with different choices
Kids. Most of my friends have kids now or are having kids soon. Out of all of my core friend group from high school when I was a Sophomore up until graduation, I'm the only one without kids. That's a surprise to them because when I was in school, they thought I'd probably be one of the first ones given that my parents were really insistent on me having kids at a younger age since they were older (Traditional Filipino parents from the 40's). I want to raise my own kids one day, but I know I'm not ready for that mentally. For now, I'm content with being the "cool uncle" and the "peacock" at parties and socials.
In high school I was voted least likely to have kids. And I was the first among my friend group. My mom is Filipino also. I was still in college when I got pregnant. She didn’t want me to have any until afterwards.
My own child. Don't know if I ever will, and at 38 hope is slowly fading. Shit sucks. It's all I want.
>rter of siblings to keep both child and parent in check. 38 year old here without child. I was never crazy about kids but knew that was natural course of life. i was ready for it, whenever it happens. Then I found myself dealing with infertility and multiple pregnancy loss. after 6 years of trying & putting my career on hold, i still wonder if I am meant to be child free or i should try harder. My goal this year is to give it all, use my vacation money for fertility treatment & if it doesn't happen in 12 months. I close this chapter.
I am in the same spot but I am 39. Wishing you so much luck and peace on your journey.
39 w/o a kid either. Empathy. I wish I had the answer.
Gosh, I could’ve written this comment myself, as a fellow childless 38 year old. My bf and I keep putting it off, wanting to wait til we’re financially secure. It’s starting to feel like that will never happen. My bf is a bit delusional, saying that we still have plenty of time. He doesn’t seem to understand that my biology doesn’t work that way.
Hope the best for you. I'll say that there is never a "perfect time" to have kids. You could always have more money/bigger house/better town/better job/etc. If you can provide for your kids, they'll never notice. My mom now tells me how proud she is of me and how "I never was able to provide those things you give your kids"... I had a stellar childhood. Our summer vacations were budget friendly, camping at State parks... Some of the best times of my life, and she doesn't realize that. People have been having kids forever. In much more dire situations. If you WANT kids, you can make it work. My wife and I considered our first an "oops" and definitely struggled as young parents. But we're all doing well now.
I am so sorry. Same thing. 43 next month. The grief and depression really knocked me for a loop these past three years. If you feel you are financially ready (I know no one is ever) it may be worthwhile pursuing parenthood with science and money. I dont know if you are partnered but single parenthood by choice is totally valid. Especially if you have support in any way. I wish my life had worked out differently and that I had really set myself up in a financially better way to pursue some goals including parenthood.
My friend just conceived at 40!
Same
Flying cars
I'm more salty that we didn't get hover boards.
If you’re American, you might be expected to have a car. But here in not-America, cars are not that important, maybe only when you have a family, or if you absolutely need it to travel around. So don’t worry about it, I don’t judge you. You’re giving too much pressure on yourself. Be enough to yourself and yourself only, you’re doing good.
Yes, I'm in America. I do feel there's a certain expectation to have a car as sort of a 'social status' thing. But also, it's my money and I'd rather save it because the future is so extremely uncertain.
Social status is a bunch of BS. Keep your money. I have a car and it's a Toyota Corolla. Gets me from point A to point B. Not gonna turn any heads and that's OK. You have a good attitude about things. While everyone else is flaunting their social status and driving themselves into debt, you can be putting your money away into retirement savings/investments and living a modest, but comfortable living in your older years. If you ever find yourself spending more money on ridesharing than you would on a small commuter car+gas+insurance, then maybe it might be time to consider a vehicle. Other than that, screw it.
Literally the best car I ever had.
I’d love to be able to not have a car, but American suburbia has basically zero public transportation. Please enjoy having no-car for those of us forced to drive. I looked to see how long it would take to get me from my home to my secondary work site (12ish miles, 17 minutes by car). It would take 3 hours. I actually can’t get to my primary location by bus at all, even though it’s only about 3 miles away.
Actually it's not so much status as most jobs require " reliable transportation " ( a car)
Is that why many of my neighbors own multiple SUVs that sit in the parking lot for days? lol I dated 2 guys who both went into debt because they bought luxury brand cars, and both said it was because they wanted to show their "haters" that they could afford one. There is definitely a social status expectation associated with having a car.
Dave Ramsey has the car thing right. He might be problematic in a lot of things but his stance on cars is spot on. He doesn’t believe in going into debt for a car. He says buy what you can afford and save/invest the difference. He’s right about that.
Lol you dated some real assholes. But a fancy car is like a fancy house. You need transportation and shelter, but some people do more than they need to flex. My car is 14 years old and my job requires a car.
I've never owned a car, never even got my licence, and I've never had a job deny me because I wrote public transportation under this question on an application. I don't know if it's maybe because I've only ever lived in major cities and it's more expected that most of the staff rides the bus, but in my experience having reliable bus/subway routes between your house and your job counts as reliable transportation.
Yes, I live in a mid sized city. Another perk of living in a HCOL environment is more services. I bet you guys even have a train and shit.
I think in a lot of places in America not having a car is just super limiting. I live on the edge of a medium sized metropolitan area and I don’t know anyone without at least 1 car for their household. Without a car it would be hard to visit my family and friends, get to work, run errands, even just drive to the beach or somewhere nice on the weekends. My world would be insanely small without a car.
Honestly, I have more than I expected. I didn’t think I’d get married or have a kid, ever…but here I am with a husband and 5yo. I have a house and a reliable car. I wish I had a larger savings account, but daycare costs a soul-sucking amount.
Omg for real. My daughter is like a week past our kindergarten cut-off so we have to suffer with daycare until fall 2025. 😭
Happiness? Some fucking serotonin?
I see you too were a raver in the early 00s. LOL just kidding (okay half kidding)
I wish. I lived in the bumfuck middle of nowhere Georgia in the early 2000's before joining the military to get out of there. But at that time, I grasped at any bit of EDM, Trance, House, goth, punk, new wave, etc music that wasn't the pop country that was everywhere at the time. I was able to experience my first rave after leaving that place and got to a more populated portion of the country lol.
I just went to a big Drum n Bass night (EDM) (lol at almost 40, I'm a 1984 millenial), and stayed out till 330am. I'm feeling my age! I was grateful it was friday so I had 2+ days of weekend to recover. Good work on surviving Georgia, you're a stronger person than me, I would have probably crumbled under the southern malarkey down there.
I love Drum n Bass. (85 millenial here) so I feel my age as well, especially after over a decade of military service. My body isn't how it used to be lol.
A career. I have 3 degrees and spent 13 years in my field. Everyone was laid off and I haven't had a job in over a year. Not sure what to do because I need to figure out something new to do at 40yo. Every job requires me to pay for education before I can start. I am lost.
Having to pay to change careers is a huge drawback. That and having health insurance tied to employment
A house. I am so freaking tired of renting. I want a damn house where my husband and I can raise a family and make memories...but all we're stuck with are apartments. Sigh.
More than one kid. I wanted a house full of them, at least half adopted. I can afford more than one even with my husband being SAH but I can barely get vacation time scheduled, how would I manage another maternity leave? I already feel like I’m going nuts with one.
Yeah...my maternal instinct kicked in at 27 and I thought I'd love to have 4+ kids. Here I am 5 years later and still childless and wondering how I could possibly add kids to my life when I'm already so overwhelmed.
I love my child more than anything in the world, more than myself, and I want to make sure he has the best life. But I fantasize about what it would have been like if I hadn’t had him. I feel guilty about it but I used to travel, I used to live in weird places, I used to be able to have lunch without someone asking to share and me having to say it’s spicy and then the other person says can I just try it and then I reluctantly let them and then they say it’s not spicy can I have some in a bowl and I say no and they say please and I say no and then they say please please and then I jump off the balcony.
I feel this comment in my core as someone who doesn't have a child (yet?) but struggling with it. I'm a 1984 millenial so 40 this year. I have a cool job, I travel all the time, I am huge with concerts + music, go to 10-15 concerts a quarter almost? But a lot. I struggle with how I'll do this VP job, get the maternity leave, keep up with my male peer VPs in tech, and keep my sanity if I actually have a baby. Worried about my life in 20 years if I don't have one tho. I would like someone to tell me wtf I'm supposed to do. I hate 39.
I hate to be that woman but they lied to us. We can’t have it all, not all at once. You have to make a choice. It’s career or kids. I don’t really give a crap about the career I lucked and stumbled into, I’m just happy to be here earning a lot more than I’m worth. But if I were doing something I actually cared about, with a solid career plan in front of me like it sounds like you do, I would think twice about kids. Having a kid is the most amazing thing but you sacrifice a lot of freedom and professional fulfillment—and unless you’re with the right partner it is YOUR freedom that’s sacrificed.
Thanks for keeping it real. Ugh. You're so fucking right and I hate it so fucking much.
I want to pop in here and say it DOES get better. They get older and more independent and yeah, the money thing sucks, but the thing about parenting is that it's never stagnant. You'll be able to travel again (and maybe take them when they're older! Or they'll take you!) and see your friends and build up a new You.
What do you think having a child would get you in 20 years? An honest question from a 38 year old with a great career and no intention to have children.
Honestly? I just want a tribe. I didn't desire it as I was building my career but I def don't want to look back with regret when I'm older and have no one to share all this hard work and wisdom with. I could be wrong, but froze my eggs 5 years ago to give myself the option.
Being one and done is a perfectly reasonable choice. Invest your time and energy into the one have rather then stretching yourself to thin.
We are OAD and love it. We can give her the world and definitely couldn’t afford our life with a second.
My wife and I always thought we'd have at least 2, but it's been so much harder than we thought with just 1 that we think we're done. It may be different if we lived by family and had some support in raising kids as a group, but we moved to an area where we don't know anybody so it's just us.
A brand new car, a home and a family. I'm 32 and I still own my car from college. No home either. I can forget bringing life into this world.
As a 40 year old, I finally have a house (bought it six months ago), or I would have put that on the list. I guess I'd have to say "more than $1,000 in savings". Especially with the house now, anytime I get a little bit stashed away an expense comes to gobble it up. My goal is actually to hit $10K in a HYSA that's a slush fund for any big house expenses before I start investing or anything else like that. But even that $10K goal is probably at least two years away, realistically speaking.
Ugh, 40 this year and we still can't buy a house in the NYC-metro and make collectively a lot of cash. It's so obnoxious. I hate the housing market. Congrats on your new home!! You did it fam!
Thanks! I did it by the skin of my teeth thanks only to a USDA Rural Development Loan that let me get into the house with no down payment, no PMI, and 4% interest. The down side to that is I live in a small Iowa town that's an hour's drive away from anything interesting to do. But it's a miracle that on a $52K single income I was able to get into a house and believe me I'm counting my blessings.
I didn’t have any money left over when I bought my home either lol. It was a terrible idea that could have gone very wrong but luckily the risk paid off for me. I did have to go a few months without hot water though, showering at the rec center. My hot water heater died and I didn’t have any money to replace it haha. But after a few raises, my mortgage is much more manageable and allowed me to start saving a lot more money. So hopefully you reach that point soon as well!
Ooph, I feel that. My 16 year old electric water heater is living on borrowed time, but I have almost enough in savings now to replace it now if it goes out. I just hope it holds out a few more months. The roof on this place is new as of 2020, and I found a low-to-moderate income homeowner improvement assistance program in my county that has a fantastic financing program that's replacing my cranky 31 year old furnace and adding AC (happening tomorrow). Yes I'm going into debt for that, but it's a loan with 2% interest, and after five years, 33% of the loan is forgiven. The payments will be $48/mo and though it's a 10Y loan, once the 33% is forgiven at five years, I'll be able to just pay the rest off. I debated long and hard about whether to finance the HVAC work or just try to ride it out a few more years, but I'd rather do it on my own timeline and terms of financing instead of having to maybe put it on a credit card if it gives up the ghost in the middle of winter.
Wow that’s a really good deal! I’ll have to look for something like that near me. My HVAC is also on borrowed time and I don’t have AC at all. Not a huge deal since the downstairs stays very cool in the summer, but the upstairs at bedtime is an oven.
An actual career lol we had our 1st kid early(unplanned) young 19/20. She turns 13 this week and my 2nd turned 6 last week. I've always took part time, odd jobs, on and off stay at home mom so husband could work full time.now they're both school aged. I'm a sahm babysitting others kids so they can work and not pay daycare prices but I always wanted a job/career I was fulfilled with.. I regret not pursuing the trade stuff in highschool so I'd at least have something on the back burner
What do you mean trade stuff in highschool? Did they have class you could take on trades?
Yes we had a different school(that multiple schools in the area would send kids to) for half days for 2 years(junior/senior year) in cosmetology, welding, hvac,computers,nursing,culinary, ect and at the end you'd graduate with a certification.
We have those votech high schools around me as well. I wish I had done it instead of going to a private beauty school after high school. Would have saved me thousands of dollars. It is great always having that skill and license to fall back on. Last time I got laid off I wasn’t even worried because I knew worst case scenario, I could find a salon job in a matter of days if needed.
I got into cos at our votech school on a scholarship and turned it down 😭 such a stupid decision! I would love to have that to fall back on right now for that exact reason. Salons tend to be very flexible too with scheduling ect. As well. I'm going to push the votech avenue with my kids as well. It's such a good jumpstart in adulthood having something
A career, friends, and a house.
Making over 40k in a job…
Its weird the millennials I know are either making 100k or below 45k living in poverty nobody is making anything in between.
I've been out of high school since 2003, I'm just now about to finish my bachelors degree; graduation in April. I always thought I'd have a masters by now.
A spouse and kids
Husband and children. But the world works in mysterious ways
My family camped a lot growing up, but I have yet to own my own camper. Hopefully if everything goes to plan we will be getting one next summer! Better late than never.
A dog. I always imagined at some point in my life I would get a dog. But I have never owned one. And I don’t see myself getting one anytime soon. The cats are happy with this decision though.
A partner. I’m 31 and single AF. My parents keep asking me when am I going to find someone and get married.
I didn’t meet my spouse until we were both 32. Lots of people meet in their 30s it’s not uncommon.
A relationship. I'm 32F, attractive, I have a good job, a house, and a thriving social life. Somehow I can't find anyone who would even consider dating me. I've had 3 relationships total, in my whole life, which combined lasted 1.5 years. These were all in my early 20s. One of these was really abusive, and the other two were just losers. I really want a boyfriend, and I've been looking for one, but I just can't find anyone. Edit: I feel like I should clarify that I'm happy with my life and don't *need* a relationship, but now that I've got my life to such a good place I feel like that's the one thing I'm missing.
That was me. I had one boyfriend through the bulk of college and one long term situationship (relationship is too generous of a word but omg did I try to make it one) in my late 20s. Insanely single in between. I did not fucking understand it, and the longer time that went on, the more I believed there was something inherently wrong with me. I was independent, had a career, good looking enough. I have to imagine that spiraling of doubt did not help with the vibes I was putting out there. Confidence is attractive you know? I did meet my husband at 30 and we’ve been together 7+ years and have 2 kids. Shout out to bumble! I know you and I are not the same person, but if it helps to hear, you don’t always have to cycle through a lot of relationships to land on a good one. I was truly worried that since I wasn’t putting in the numbers that I was fucked. One other tidbit, when I was in my 20s and turning 30 and single, I swore every other person in my social sphere was partnered off and I was the odd one. Now that I’m not obsessing over that I can see that is such a freaking joke. Now in my late 30s at least a third of my friends aren’t married, and most of them didn’t even meet their partners until less than 2 years ago. Hang in there! There’s billions of people, so there’s someone out there for you. Focus on things that make you happy, and living life as you like it, and the partner will come in to that life.
I don’t have a house.
I didn't ever really set a bunch of "age-based" benchmarks for myself, other than 1) moving out to go to college at 18 years old; 2) graduating with my Bachelor's on-time at 22; and 3) lining up full-time work for myself to begin immediately after graduation (all 3 of which, I accomplished.) Other than that, I didn't care how old I was when I did \[X\]. I figured that it would be difficult to meet strict deadlines like that, especially when they are things I have no control over like when I meet my eventual spouse, etc. So instead I just set eventual goals with reachable preliminary steps, and work toward checking them off. Doesn't matter how long it takes to do so. That being said, I did think by now, given my frugality and how little I expect out of life, that I would have *even a little bit* of disposable income. Coming soon, though.
My dignity
A life.
I guess at some earlier stage I assumed I'd have a wife by now. But I haven't thought that for a while.
Heh. A house, a husband, children, a stable career, my parents, love, happiness… I have none of those fucking things. 😭
A significant other. I’ve been single for years, and doesn’t seem like that will be changing any time soon. I’m 39. I’m not even interested in dating, but the idea of being alone forever does kinda bring me down sometimes.
A baby! And I’m so thankful🥲
Same. I really wanted them in my 20s but now I’m almost 37 and I thank my lucky stars it never happened for us. I’m really involved with my nieces and nephews and that is enough for me!
Yesss!
Grateful not to have one? I'm a perpetual fence sitter but running out of time to make a call before time makes one for me. Babies man!
Grateful to not have one! And I had a hysterectomy 2 years ago no ragrets. 👌
Congrats on that! Hope you recovered okay, I know that's major! :)
I have stage4 endometriosis which is legit trying to kill me as we speak but I digress! 🫶🏼
A wife or girlfriend, of 10 years
Kids. I thought I’d have kids by 28, just like my parents. That was 6 years ago, ships sailed.
a suit
> What don't you have that you thought you would by now? A house for sure At this rate I'll probably be 40+ before I get one. Just a string if bad luck from graduating into a shit economy in the post-2008 crash, to grappling with depression and alcoholism, to being "bogged down" by student loans, to dealing with ***another*** fucking economic crash with the COVID thing, it's just been one setback after another 🤦♂️ Honestly I think I have a better shot at getting a house in another country than in USA, I'm a Mexican citizen so it's probably more realistic that I'll be able to afford a property there versus the hyper-inflated prices in America
Same as yours. I’ve always lived in the city but grew up in a more car-centric area and assumed I’d get one when I “got older” Now I just look up car insurance rates every winter when I complain about walking to the train station.
Kids. I still want a kid but realized it’s smarter to wait for a magnitude of reasons.
Happiness! Jkjk lol 😅 but honestly I thought by time I hit 35 I’d be living in my own house. I’m 38 and homeownership is about as realistic as me winning the lotto
I'm 33 and I don't have a car. My dad left me an Audi convertible when he passed. I don't want the insurance payments on it. It's just sitting in my apartment garage. Work is a five minute walk. Walgreens and the grocery store are both in walking distance. Also, single and I don't go out much at all.
I thought I would have kids by now. As I have matured, I realized I was too independent to be a good parent and liked my peace when I am home
Kids. I decided against it because life is too good and too comfortable. Why ruin it with kids. Helps that my wife was borderline willing to have kids for me but wasn't really excited about it. Eleven years into the marriage and I'm pretty happy with that choice. So many people around my age that work the same who's lives seem miserable because of kids. (Not that they don't advocate I have some and that they're great)
Interesting q! All of my needs are met honestly. I’d like to make it into another tax bracket so I can afford to outsource cleaning my apartment but otherwise it’s gravy baby. I also don’t have a car but I never wanted one
Common sense
House and retirement fund. The divorce pretty much ruined me. Almost 40 and rebuilding from the ground up, in this economy. Who knows maybe I get lucky and get hit by a truck soon so it won't be my problem anymore.
A decent job (I work retail on the weekends. My husband has a good job, so he wants me to stay home just in case my daughter gets sent home from school). And a car (don't drive. I'm planning on taking lessons. )
If your child is in school during the day and doesn't have major health problems that result in frequent absences, you can definitely get a job if it's something you want to do. The "just in case" logic doesn't make any sense to me - many jobs are flexible enough that if there is an emergency, you end your work day early and go pick up your child from school. If your husband truly has a good job, he could be the one who leaves work early to pick up your daughter.
I've enrolled in online school to pass up the time while she's in there. I'm hoping to get a better job and a license so I can work more in the future. Thanks for your input.
Kids. Always thought I wanted them, but turns out that would be a terrible life choice for my husband and I. Other than my health my life is a lot of what I envisioned.
Some goddamn peace, stability and respite. 31F. I've had a really rough life. A lot of abusive people. A lot to fight for. In the last 5 years I met a beautiful, safe person, and was so ready to settle with him & raise lettuce and baby kittens together. I didn't need/ask for much. What a pure bliss it would have been. But he left this world 9 months ago today. He was hurting, more than he ever shared, but I saw it in him. I tried my best to support him, alleviate his pain, but in the end, he didn't want to make me cry... but he didn't want me to stop him either. I love him and I understand him fully. But along with him, he took a part of me, my dreams of our future, stability, safety. Even the last bits of optimism. I'm one major life crisis away from quitting, myself. I guess the only "good" thing is that I don't think I have any major life crises left, so I might last a while. Heal a couple souls while I'm here. But for my own sake, damn it. All these years of battle, and I was just about to settle in for peace and comfort. And now it's back to the battlefields yet again.
I am so sorry! You sound like a beautiful soul. I pray that you find happiness and many reasons to live 💕
Mental stability
No student loans. Really thought they would be gone by now.
Birkin
A home.
Hope
I thought I would have a Vantage at this age, but instead I bought a brand new mini van, max 529’s and IRA’s :(
I thought I’d have a kid and be a Dad Can’t have kids naturally. Sucks But if ya asked me 20 years ago, I would have thought I’d be a dad by now.
A stable job. When I’m working, I make great money. But I have months where I went without work that takes me back to a diet of ramin, rice, and beans and being at risk of losing my home. Fingers crossed my next role is stable.
Kids. When I was young it was my DREAM to be a SAHM and raise kids. But in this economy, it just isn’t possible anymore. But that’s ok, I have accepted it and am actually excited about a future where my husband and I can do what we want, when we want.
Kids and a wife. I can deal with no kids at the moment but having no wife by now is dishearting and my pool gets smaller and smaller every year. I have the house and job but no wife.
Leaving the obvious aside (a house), I don’t have a strong pension just yet. It is slowly growing, but not there yet. Not even close.
A house. Maybe a kid? But also as a kid I didn't really want kids. I just thought everyone was expected to have them. Thank God I didn't have one! (I'm 33)
High cholesterol
I thought I would have a house. Been looking for years now.
I thought I would have a degree. I could go back to school and attain one in a year or so, but I’m an elder millennial and have a high needs kid.
A house.
A wife, children, and house.
Happiness.
A relationship, wife or girlfriend and a kid or 2. But no , all I got was the shit end of everything regardless of how hard I worked.
Happiness.
A job that I knew definitely was the “right” one. I’m not in a bad place money-wise, I have a house and a S.O. of a year that I could see continuing to get more serious into the future, and I definitely don’t hate my job, but something about it is “off.” With 2 degrees I always figured I’d just be in my right place by the time I was 30, but I’m still trying to decide what it is or how to get there.
A career. I have three kids and my husband provides the home and car. But at 40 I really thought I'd be more than a mom.
stability/a living income. i naively and stupidly thought that as long as i had post-grad degrees and helped others, i would be able to be financially stable and live my life sort of how i wanted. i actually made it worse by going to grad school. my career isn’t possible or sustainable without a partner or generational wealth.
I always hoped by now that I would have my own car, house, career even. I have a degree that I worked hard for but I cant get my foot in the door. Cant find work to save my life, and not for lack of trying. And here if you want to learn to drive, you have to have a vehicle - which, I obviously don't since I don't have a license. So, I feel very stuck behind my peers.
I never expected to have anything. I saw how unaffordable everything was before Covid and honestly never thought I'd move out of my parents house. But I did move out and lucked into buying a house last year!
Friends.
Kids 😭trying but no luck so far
Definitely a house my partner and I have been approved for a ridiculously amount with just over 20% saved to put towards it. And a kid but it's so expensive and we are renting close to work but over an hour away from home so help would have to be a daycare etc which from what I hear is also super expensive.
A house
I thought I would have a finished home by now. Our house has been under some phase of construction for 13 years. We only got actual flooring throughout the whole house instead of a concrete slab last year. No gutters and lots of rotting soffets and facia. Our backyard shed is about to fall over. Home improvement is enormously expensive and for us requires loans to tackle a bit at a time. Otherwise it takes years to complete DIY projects because my husband and I are basically working ourselves to death in our jobs and only have a few hours a month to work on these projects. Now we are in our 40s and losing the physical ability to tackle the construction.
Ice that comes out of my fridge, a garage I park my car in, amex gold card. I think I checked all my boxes
A career
A small house with a craft room, an attached greenhouse, a backyard firepit and a garage workshop as well as a retirement account with more than $3500... at 37 y/o... Silly me, keep trying to follow my dream of being a photographer, videographer, and writer. All I have is student loans and an aggressively picky and competative job market requiring 111 years experience minimum and an arsenal/knowledge of every editing software program ever invented lol. But also... I got a cool old pickup from the 80s that I love and cherish, a loving network of good friends and whats left of my family, lots of outdoor adventure recreation gear, and a fall back career i turn too between media contracts - so theres that ❤️
My ears pierced. My parents wouldn't let me as a kid and I swore as a middle schooler I would do it as an adult and I never have and at this point never will. I never wear any jewelry anyway and it's highly likely I have metal allergies as they run in the family and I have other skin sensitivities!
The career I worked so hard for. I thought I'd be well into my career by now rather than disabled and unable to work.
The American Dream LOLLLLLLLLLL