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Yeah, I feel this. "Comparison is the thief of joy" loses a lot of it's comforting qualities when you can't even reach the bare minimums that people expect from a functioning adult. I'm not envious in the sense of being like, "gosh, I want that person's life" or "how come he can have a cool new car and I don't?" It's more a burning, bitter resignation that these people are living a "normal", functional life and I'm just a loser who screwed it all up. The book's been written, we're in the epilogue and this is all it is.
God if I could answer that I’d certainly do something about it. First i tried planning then none of them worked out. Then I tried kinda randomly doing different things to see what would stick, none did. Now I’m just kinda at a loss of what to do…
For me, it started with not getting an internship. Graduated college in 09 and couldn’t get a job for a year. When I finally got a job it was for $27k per year. Kept applying, couldn’t find anything. After a few years made it to 50k, now 10 years later just reached $85k. This is NYC metro area, so high cost of living. Felt like I was on the right track progressing each year until 2018. Then rent/groceries went up much higher vs salary. Those next step up apartment that were $1600-$1800 for a junior one, became $2,400-$2,600. Didn’t want to buy a place before I had explored new neighborhoods (ands maybe states) and figured out where I wanted to spend the rest of my life, but now feel way behind.
Yup. Live in a neighborhood I can afford because I’m in a rent stabilized place. People ask when I’ll move up/out since the place is small. Most of the market rate in the area are triple the price, for my ideal layout I’d need to spend just under 4 times the price. This is just to have a little extra room for hobbies/place for friends to crash.
Yeah, that saying is often distorted and misused. What it's **supposed** to mean is, "If you own two houses, don't be envious of someone who owns three houses." It's **not** supposed to mean, "Be content with wearing rags under a bridge and making minimum wage and being buried in six-figure debt."
The problem is you guys have given up already. The KFC founder didn't make his first million until he was 65. I truly believe most people can change their lives with 2-3 good years. By that, I mean, go from overweight to fit. Or from making 30k to 100k+.
Colonel Sanders already had several careers by that point, looking at his wikipedia entry, and was doing well enough before he creating a global phenomenon. He also lived in a completely different time with a completely different labor market and education needs. But you're right, I have given up. I don't have the skills or education to get a decent career, I can't get those skills or education without dealing with some serious mental and physical health problems, and I can't deal with those health problems without the money and insurance that comes with a good career. I'm done, it's over. Not everyone is going to make it, and I'm just one of many who ended up falling through the cracks.
I can't, I can't, I can't...that's all I hear. I guarantee you, there is something tiny you can do right now that will make your life a little bit better. Something that doesn't cost money. Don't try to move the mountain all at once. Aim to be 1% better each day. You'll be surprise. Anyways, good luck. Mindset is one of the most important things in life. I hope it gets better for you.
how i see it is
you had to get the right education (im not just talking about school), right career path, right friends circles, work hard, get some luck, network, seize opportunities, make the right calls, right place at the right time, think ahead, have to be competitive charismatic etc. it's pretty complicated to get success. it's not as easy as people like to say it is. that's just my take
I failed out of college and was homeless with a pregnant girlfriend in my mid 20s.
I eventually got my shit together and went back to college in my 30s, and in my late 30s was interning with a bunch of 21-year-olds. My wife and I spent years living on extremely meager budgets to save enough that we could both go back to school at the same time while raising two children.
And within a few years of graduation we were both making very good money and by this point have more than caught up to all but the most driven of our peers.
There is certainly an element of luck, but mindset and willingness to delay gratification is *far* more important. Luck isn’t nearly as important if you continue to strive. If you keep rolling you’ll eventually get that nat. 20.
It doesn’t matter how many bad choices you’ve made in the past, the question is *what are you doing now* to improve your situation.
Yep; this is something I wish people understood. While there are absolutely systemic issues at hand and luck is a big part as well.
There are still lots of good choices that a person can make to get a leg up and create more stability. Some of those require prolonged discomfort, but if you are already miserable does it really matter to lose some creature comforts or the things that just give instant gratification?
You could not be more correct. I went from homeless to homeowner within about 10 years.
There's a wisdom in that silly Seinfeld meme where George does the opposite of what he usually does and great things happen to him.
I see so many people chasing bad results complaining about them but never actually changing their actions.
And here come all the people to remind you-the person who was homeless-about luck.
Is it fair? Nope. Do I sometimes wish to myself I was born with parents who had resources and one who didn’t have drug problems and terrorize me growing up? Yes. Do I wish I didn’t inherit his demons/mental issues? YOU BET. And yet, I have had more luck and fortune than other people in different ways. A lot of my family has experienced upward mobility in one generation. The ones who have just gotten things done. The ones who didn’t, who grew up in those same households, sat around letting life happen.
Yes there are people who have had every break in life, and people who are born with some horrible disease who will never get a fair shake. Most of us are somewhere between those two, we get some breaks, we get some setbacks, and a lot of life is what you make of it and your attitude.
But I do get what OP is saying. Sure sometimes I silently seethe when I hear about someone who just got a big inheritance or their parents bought them a house. It’s only human. It’s okay to feel a little bitter so long as you don’t let it consume you.
What career were you and your wife going into? These days, it seems like it's all about work/occupation/job direction and spending 3 years working in the right trade will get you further than someone who spends 20 years in another trade, no matter how hard they work
I think you hit the nail on the head, it’s all about, researching, networking, and min/maxing your chances at career success. I had to determine if finishing my stupid BA of business would lead to more upward mobility than excepting a high paying job and dropping out. A buddy ran the numbers and found out jumping from doing HVAC for five years to pipe fitting would be a pay decrease in the short term, but way higher overall salary after 3 years. Both of us now have good jobs houses wives boats ext. You have to work hard in the right direction.
Idk, obviously luck plays a role in everyone’s lives and sometimes is the determining factor but generally it isn’t. What I don’t get is where people’s expectations came from.
Not everyone in life is going to be successful or have a happy ending. This isn’t a new thing, it’s that our generation is getting to the age where the trajectories are becoming undeniable.
Yeah but there's a difference between not having much luck, which I think is most people and have really bad luck which a lot of people think they have. Just by sheer numbers people are generally more lucky than they think they are.
Sometimes, it's knowing how to play the hand you're dealt rather than trying to roll a natural 20 every single time. Like, if you're a mage, don't try to play like a melee class.
There's so much luck and randomness involved, not to mention initial starting conditions playing a huge role.
I graduated university in 2006, just in time to snag a job before the recession, and managed to scrape by from contract to contract for 4 years until I landed a permanent job.
I was in a position to buy a house immediately because prices had tanked and I had no debt from school because my father got me my first job at a national telecom as a senior in high school and I earned enough doing internal tech support over the summer to pay for rent, books, and tuition for the year.
And simply being in the right place at the right time snowballed from there. I met my wife, who was a poor doctoral student at the time, but between us we would see our HHI increase from $55K in 2010 to $250K today. We got lucky woth real estate and managed to ride the property bubble in a HCOL city all the way to the top, and then cashed out during Covid when our jobs went fully remote and moved to a very LCOL city.
Almost all of that was basically out of my control though. If my parents didn't get me a good summer job, it's likely I would still be renting an apartment as I chased the housing market up as I tried to pay off student loans and save for a down-payment.
If I didn't manage to keep my foot in the door at work during the recession, I never would have gotten a permanent job (thankfully I had a manager that liked me and managed to keep me on contract so that when a position opened up somewhere in a few years I would be eligible to apply).
Covid was unplanned, and it ruined a lot of people financially, but we just got lucky.
I guess the point of my story is that you can work hard and do everything "right" but lucky/unlucky "bounces" have a disproportionate effect on the outcome.
Here’s the thing, all that is true. But if your brain is prone to burn out from these kinds of things none of that is possible. Ppl say time is your most valuable asset, I don’t believe this, I think it’s energy which is most important. You can have all the time in the world but without energy you won’t take any action, and action is the most important ingredient. Ppl that have a cocktail of adhd and introversion/social anxiety like OP is a tough one to pull out of.
I think it’s more to do with discipline, willingness to experience discomfort, and consistency. Plenty of people experience burnout and lack of energy, pushing through it sucks, but that is in part how you achieve success. I have found I’ll catch a ‘second wind’ when I force myself to push through and start gaining momentum again.
Yeah sometimes that’s true. I think burnout occurs when you’re constantly feeling forced to do sth you do not like. I never feel burnout when I’m doing sth I enjoy.
Could be as simple as a vitamin deficiency but sounds like OP is just beaten down by life. Sounds like a he’s been taking some haymakers… probably feels listless
None of that matters as much as networking and charisma. Everyone I know who so successful got their jobs through connections. And I don’t mean like nepotism, I mean asking people if there company is hiring and be around a good enough crowd you can mingle and meet people. Ask cousins, in laws, etc.
If you can do that with some charisma and confidence, you can go places. I look at resumes all the time for recruitment, I don’t hardly care what the resumes say, most are fine, I mostly care about people skills and confidence.
Even since I got in my field, I’ve met a ton of professionals and just saved their number as name and company they work for. Because if I ever find myself needing a jobs, I have people to call and straight up ask. Networking is the key.
I sort of feel like it's the opposite on reddit. People who aren't doing well are more likely to speak up about how horrible things are than people who are doing fine are to speak up about how they are doing ok.
i know but i just had to put it out there. like things are never as what they seem. but i do agree that the bar for success seems to have gone up over time as well.
That's how more and more people keep ending up in your situation.
You start disliking the ones not equal to you, instead of disliking inequality itself. The ones who made it, coming either from a situation like yours or a bit better, did nothing to stop you having a chance. The ones who have too much on the other hand, engineered or helped maintain the whole scenario that prevents you from succeeding.
You don't have a car and look in anger at the guy who was able to finance one, while the car company owner has a garage with 50 exclusive models.
This point 100%. It’s hard not to feel bitter, but please direct that anger into learning more about the systems at play.
As someone who made a lot of big bets and moves with her life, I’ll be the first to tell you it was a mix of myself/my choices, definitely some luck on acting on the right moments, and some privilege (even as a neurodivergent, immigrant, woman of color with parents struggling to survive here)
I never point my resentment at people my age doing better unless they’re assholes who try to play it off like they did it ALL for themselves.
I was seeing one but now can’t find one who matches my needs and takes my garbage insurance. The one I was seeing started her own practice out of network and is $200 for a half hour session. Not affordable sadly
As someone who has done a lot of healing. I’d rather be butt ass broke and give up a lot of material garbage to have the peace and freedom and confidence I have now. I never believed it was possible to live so healthy.
At the very least get to the library and educate yourself. Do shadow work. Get real with yourself.
You write the ending to your story.
Seconding this. I used to feel the same as OP but when you genuinely move to a space of being able to celebrate and get excited for other people, it’s so freeing
My husband and I are successful and people literally hate us for it. We both came from broken down no electricity single wide trailers. We got lucky and ended up where we are. I never expected it would create such drama and hate.
I feel this a lot. It's so bad that I can't even watch videos on YouTube without feeling jealous of the millennial making the video. Like them showing off their modest lifestyle. All I want is average, like you. And I don't have any of that. I work a job with good benefits but it doesn't pay a lot and it's very stressful. I'm burnout prone as well, also ADHD. All of my free time is spent doing self care to help with the burnout and depression. It seems like everyone I see has some regular life where they have friends, family, a house, and go on vacations. One of my supervisors, a woman my age, she often talks about her semi monthly vacations to Europe or Africa. Like, I've taken one vacation in the last ten years and that was to Seattle. I just want something more.
The burnout from having to be "on" and perfect for 8 hours a day was intense. I saw those who were a step up and they had a chance to breathe. Yes maybe their work was more mentally intensive but they had reprives it wasn't an endless stream of repetitive tasks that felt like no matter how hard you worked the treadmill so to speak wasn't going to stop.
Nope. They did things their way, I'm doing things my way. As the adage goes, "Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick."
Don't get me wrong, I *am not* coming at you with judgement. I can entirely empathize with your feelings. I spent my twenties hating healthy people because I got sick at 18 and by 20 I was living in hospitals. I wasn't really able to start my adult life until \~25. Hell, I am *still* dealing with some of the aftermath. Everyone was so far ahead of me and didn't feel like it was "fair" and I was overwhelmed with anger. I'd lost everything I'd worked for up until then and went back to square one. I didn't feel like I was entitled to anything I didn't earn, but I was ridiculously bitter that it felt like I was on a steeper slope to the top than the people around me were and angry that I was still at basecamp while others were already making good progress up the mountain. So no, I am not calling you names or judging you because I know the feeling all too well and how easy it is to slip into those feelings. And all of us, your fellow ADHDers, know the mental struggle is real.
You will have to find your own path up the mountain; and, yeah, it may be a little more fraught than others. But people who tell you "if I can do it, you can do it" should be put on block because they aren't you, haven't lived your life, and don't have your brain so their advice won't apply to your circumstances. I am grateful for the version of success I've found, but to say luck/good timing didn't play a role would be naive. What worked for them or me may not work for you.
But I would encourage you to begin letting some of the resentment go. Or channel it somewhere productive. For example, an organization I love is called "Chronically Capable" (they work with those with disabilities and chronic conditions who usually struggle with discrimination and help hook them up with employment that suits their unique needs) and they've done some studies of how people with disabilities or chronic conditions tend to be better employees than otherwise "healthy" people because their circumstances make them feel like they have more to prove. They've channeled their circumstances into drive.
You will just have to find your own path, my friend. We're all on our own paths that come with their own trials and tribulations. Even the people some of us deem as "successful" will have their share of obstacles to overcome. We just have to do our best not to lose our sense of community - we're all in this together.
Mine is a bit more specific - I generally celebrate those who are successful, but become pretty bitter if they don’t try to help those around them where they can.
Life is pretty fucking hard. Help those you can. Even if that’s just mentoring a junior person at work, advocating for them, etc. I always feel like those who are successful owe those around them to do this (since success doesn’t happen in a vacuum anyways).
I agree with this comment. Too much resentment directed towards other people for being able to make something out of themselves, shows what kind of person you are—a bitter, jealous, resentful person. Instead of worrying about what others are doing, focus on yourself and what you can do to better your own life.
i get you. i have bipolar and have never been able to hold down a job properly. i live with my parents, earn barely enough to get by, but all my friends are high flyers: lawyers, senior managers, etc. one is married. a few are in loving relationships.
meanwhile, i'm in the middle of an episode and today i saw my psychiatrist for an emergency appointment and just had a meltdown in her office. she referred me to the local mental health social services association (i am not in the US) and they're going to assign me a case worker so i can probably get a job in retail or doing basic admin stuff. i left the hospital thinking, yeah i'm a certified nut today.
it feels like i'm just out here trying to survive and it sucks when other people seem to have it way better. but i guess we gotta do what we gotta do man. just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling this. not saying that i've got it worse than you though -- your feelings are completely valid and i hope you'll find peace, and hopefully some sort of luck or success as well.
You're lucky you're not in the US. Unless you're rich you can't get any mental health help in the US it seems. I'm just tired of working jobs that lead to nowhere and end up in burnout cycles. I finally recovered from one last year that got so ugly I was so burnt out from taking customer abuse 8 hours a day that I couldn't even watch TV. Like that was tiring to concentrate on a TV.
Nope. Don't care. Gave up caring. I'm 34 and I live with my parents and I've been in therapy for the six months I've been here. No closer whatsoever to having any desire to reenter that dumb fucking rat race. I'm just passing time until the grave: some volunteering here, some exercise there. I've done the job and marriage thing, and I was probably more miserable then than I am now (still miserable, but life is pain). My health has benefitted significantly from unemployment because I don't cry and vomit every day anymore.
What other people term "success" was my fucking nightmare.
I was laid off last year, did a Web Development bootcamp to try to boost my skills. Can't seem to find a job in the field been doing delivery apps to try to pay the bills. Realizing soon I might just have to go back to call centers where I was miserable puking and crying before clocking in. Usually having another near breakdown when I saw the queue and realized it was going to be another day of being hopelessly behind. The job was toxic. Hours were horrific 3-12 Tuesday to Saturday. Don't really want to go back to jobs like that but it's looking like I might just have to do survive.
Hey, I have been involved in the electrical industry for almost 20 years now, straight out of college, on the sales side of the industry. First as a salesperson to electricians, now as a salesperson to distributors.
Whether it is on the sales side, or actually as an apprentice in the field, I strongly recommend the industry if you are struggling at this point in your life.
There are jobs in every state and it is a huge industry that is not going anywhere. Even if civilization is on a sinking ship, people will still try to power their way out of it…
Anyway, feel free to dm if you want to talk, but 100% do not go back to a call center.
Retail? Look, I know everyone shits on the big box stores. I worked at HD for 17 years. Sure, there were a lot of idiot customers. And even managers that were terrible. But I latched on to some awesome people. Met my husband there. I left, but I was making 80k plus bonuses as a manager, and my husband is still there and makes 6 figures. I worked weekends and weird hours sometimes, but you bond with others. I joined the cult basically, but it really set me up for success when I left. I learned the business. I made the best of working holidays. I had friends that had a bad schedule too so we would hang out on Tuesdays. I dunno, it was a way to find a community and make money. My husband and I didn’t get degrees. We just made our way with what we had. You find the right managers/group of people it’s not as bad as people make it out to be. But you have to be willing to make the best of it
>Anyone else just feel increasingly bitter and jaded towards those who have had success?
That's pretty much 99% of the post on this subreddit in a nutshell lol.
>Can only seem to get dead end customer service jobs at call centers aka slave ships.
What career path are you working towards? What marketable skills are you building to get there? How many hours a week are you putting in towards achieving those goals?
Very few people fall ass backwards into a good job. Take a lot of hard work, direction and a bit of luck.
I've been trying to become a web developer and attended a bootcamp last year but am struggling to find a job. Right now I'm only doing part time delivery but I'm eating into my savings. My only concern is if I go back into call centers I'll go back into burnout won't have the energy to devote to job searching.
You're not going to want to hear this, but finding a tech job with only a bootcamp under your belt is highly unlikely at the moment. I don't want to say impossible, but you're competing against tons of fresh grads(especially since it's July) and layoffs with a few YOE. The market is very saturated. I would honestly consider a different field were I in your shoes.
Low / No-code web development is already here. The web development market is going to be a tough place to make a living even after the overall tech market rebounds.
yeah a lot of friends work in the industry, the 'golden era' of doing a bootcamp and making bank have been over for a few years now. Some folks, with the right charisma and projects can hop into some companies but its a pretty bleak career path. Will there always be jobs in tech? Yes, but I've been seeing senior level devs even applying for jr roles due to lack of openings.
If you want to break into this field with this current market, I highly suggest you get a degree. If that's not in the cards for you, I'd do something like a trade apprenticeship while you apply on the side. That way you build some kind of marketable skill that pays more than call centers, and union benefits can be pretty sweet. That was my plan until I got lucky and landed a job.
Why does it have to be a call center? Isn’t that introductory type work as far as pay scale? Why not try your hand at anything else in the same scale.
A boot camp is a start. Have you honed those skills since and drafted a portfolio? I’d also start taking a few classes a semester while working and get a degree in something useful.
I’d say the time for web development being a good career choice was 20 years ago. It’s now commoditized. There really isn’t a lot of money there like there used to be, especially since there are farms in Asia and less wealthy parts of Europe churning them out.
The likelihood of this being something you pivot into and “find success” isn’t going to be high.
Try looking at you community college. They sometimes offer adult courses for anything from ceramics, foreign languages, knitting ffs. There’s probably programming courses offered (I don’t know where you live so I’m assuming there’s a community college…or maybe a rec center). Usually these classes are less than 200$ and run for several weeks. Worth looking into if you’re able.
I do similar work. Take CS50 as a start. Adhd’ers tend to do well in programming, there is even a subreddit for it. It’s the quickest way to a 100k job I know of. If I were you I’d take out loans, be drastic about it, pour your heart into programming. Do maybe a 3-6 month bootcamp. Best one I know of it Bloom Institute.
Do you have a MeetUp in your area? It's an app for socializing. The last time I checked, there were a bunch of networking events full of recruiters and other people looking to hire. Sometimes, they even have free food. It's a good place to meet people and get leads. I have ADHD as well and found it helpful to put myself in chaotic environments like that. I would just practice promoting myself to everyone. You'll get instant feedback on if you're saying the right things or not, but don't take it too personally.
Consider looking into entry level marketing roles. You could get your foot in the door working a role that involves landing page design and website tagging, data analysis, etc.
30, ADHD, using my two college degrees and making a good wage. This sentiment does not go away, you should learn how to manage it. I am still working on that.
It may be ADHD but there are lots of things that can contribute to dopamine disregulation. Lots of lifestyle choices. Also unresolved things can lead to anxiety which looks a lot like ADHD symptoms but has a different root.
I can relate to this but from "the other side", if you will
I'll preface by stating I didn't come from money. In fact, I immigrated to the US with my single mother where we relied on church food donations to not go hungry. She was quite old when she had me so it was rough growing up being alone very often while she was working at Walmart because she'd be exhausted when she came home. I ended up dropping out of high school with a 1.35 GPA
I'm now earning deep into the 6 figures and feel myself growing bitter to those who share your sentiment. Your misplaced anger towards people in my situation feels dangerous. Like incel murder-suicidal but then financial instead of relationships. I took so much risk and sacrifice to elevate myself out of my shitty disadvantaged situation only for people with your sentiment seemingly willing to take it all away from me
This is going to be a wildly unpopular take but ultimately everyone is responsible for themselves. We live in a time where intellect deficient kids can become millionaires by livestreaming online so it's not like there is zero opportunity. I truly believe that the reason you're not living the lifestyle you want is because, on some level, you're comfortable with where you're at. I hated where I was at in life so I changed it - so can you
100% to all of this.
The people who get to the next level are those who are working toward it. They work toward it because they think it’s a reality, so it’s no surprise that they end up there.
>call centers aka slave ships.
I don't think i'd compare working at a US based call center akin to a slave ship. Sometimes perspective matters and we gotta touch grass.
Take radical steps to change your life. You’re single so the only person calling the shots is you. Move back home with parents to save up money, and go to school for a trade. Save up money and move somewhere different to start over fresh. Pursue a debt free existence with tiny home living and enjoy the success of peace of mind that comes from being truly free of debt, and being able to keep most of your paycheck.
There are all kinds of possibilities out there. Pick a direction, set a goal, and go get it. The effort you spend comparing yourself to others is effort that could be used to change your life. Good luck OP.
There are a lot of National Park jobs and random jobs that provide housing anywhere you wanna go. I've got a friend in Yellowstone right now as a server. I did two summers in Alaska for Princess Cruises working at a hotel and they hire a full staff... porters, maids, an RA for the dorms, servers, bussers, cooks, baristas. I saw the Perseid Meteor Shower with the Northern Lights together, drinking a beer with my new friends. If you get down to the US Virgin Islands, they're always looking for people if you want something tropical.
Go back to school, 35 is still young enough to get it together. Don’t stay at a crappy call center job if you can control it. You won’t be able to do the “normal” stuff if you are stagnating at a low paying job. That would fix some of your issues. Sounds like you are dealing with severe depression and anxiety too, see a therapist please.
Bitterness can be a great motivator just don’t get stuck in it, use that energy towards sth good.
Change your mindset. Figure out what you would like to be doing, and begin to connect with people in that world who have been successful. Find inspiration in what they’ve accomplished and channel the energy you have to learn from them. You’d be surprised how eager people are to help and mentor those who want to learn from them. You are the average of the five closest people you hang around with most. Start surrounding yourself with the people you’d aspire to be like.
Hot take; stop playing by the rules.
Cut corners, sell drugs or AI generated garbage, also sell plasma and invest in an aggressive stock $50 at a time. Live uncomfortably frugal and pinch pennies in the most literal sense possible.
Life isn’t about getting ahead or breaking even or living comfortably, but about enjoying the little time we have on this shitty rock. Identify the thing you want out of this life that doesn’t involve convincing others to do it with you, and chase that thing.
Joy is fickle and fleeting. And comfort equally so.
A decade ago, I was spending $400 a week on pain pills and living in my car.
Last year, I made about $118k - my wife made right around $95k.
Get busy living, or get busy dying.🤷♂️
- Eat healthier
- Get sleep
- practice good hygiene
- exercise
- avoid drugs
- budget your money
- budget your time (allocate for growth, invest time in yourself for future benefit)
1. enroll in a coding bootcamp or study online
2. Get a better job
3. Save your money
4. Use 401k as a tool to pay yourself back with interest when you need money
5. Feel more confident in the things you can control
6. Attract others with your confidence and stability
7. Go on vacation
8. Save for a house
- Get house
- Maybe get married
- Maybe have kids
I honestly don't feel bitter, if anything I'm happy when i see others doing well. Maybe its because i still have a roof over my head and the essentials i need to live, and my opinion may change when i lose these things one day which isn't a matter of if but when. But man life is sure hard, and seeing ppl winning gives me some sort of comfort currently even if its not me.
Did you ever consider their debt. Just because someone appears one way does not make it so. Secondly, a two person income is needed to live. So, you are comparing yourself like apples and carrots. Also, why would you be jealous of someone you have no idea what they did to get there.
I am still angry at some people who flaunt their privilege in everyone's face. But overall, I could have done much worse, but I didn't. I, too, had some luck in finding a stable job and inheriting a house. So if I catch myself complaining for too long, I remind myself of the good things that have happened to me, and that usually stops my spiral of self-pity.
Yes. I'm on the planning board for my 10 year college reunion. I'm the only alum who stayed in the town we went to college in. I couldn't afford to leave. I'm also the last single one. The resentment, bordering on hate, that I feel for my classmates is real.
Though, it's mostly fueled by my regret about not leaving. They also have the audacity to ask for a mini reunion in the major city most of them are in. Never mind how the alumni association holds events near them all the time.
There was a time in my life where I probably felt jealous and bitter towards those who have had success in their lives. It didn’t get me anywhere. I worked dead end jobs for years and thought there was no hope of escaping my small town.
One night in my late 20’s, I was sitting in my room in my mom’s trailer, I finally decided to enroll in A&P school. I worked 40+ hours a week at McDonald’s and attended school online for about a year. Then moved across 4 state lines to do the 9 months of hands on training. I had some money saved up. So I didn’t have to work for the first 4 or 5 months. Then I began working two 12 hour shifts each weekend. I didn’t have a day off for months.
After I graduated, I took my 7 FAA exams to obtain my A&P Certificate. I moved halfway across the country for my first job out of school. I spent about 2 years there. I then got a job as a contractor at one of the major airlines. But I only lasted a week and a half due to Covid. I moved back home. 6 weeks later, I was hired on as a maintenance technician at a manufacturing facility (right place right time). I bought my first house in my home town (right place right time).
2 years later, I made it back to that airline and got hired direct. Unless I’m working overtime on one of my days off, I fly home every weekend. I’ve been all over the country. I’ve been to London twice so far this year. I even flew business class.
The only reason I found success is because of a small (but also big) decision to turn my life around when I was at my lowest.
I’m sure some folks will read this and come up with every excuse under the sun about how not everyone can do that. And those people will likely stay stuck in their ways for years. But I hope it motivates you.
Good luck!
Yes, all the time. It does me no favors but no amount of rationalization or logic will prevent me from suffering with envy.
Blaming others does me no favors but I can't help but feel... cheated? Robbed? Like, I didn't have an intact home. My parents were not rich/wealthy, didn't have a lot of connections and were not particularly good looking or intelligent... and yet they decided to have kids. I feel like so much misery could've been prevented if they just decided to not have children. But here we are. I just wish that I weren't born.
Are you helping yourself or continuing to wallow? Did you attend school? Do you have the ability to attend school now? Do you have the ability to access a trade school? Do you network or have any connections that could steer you towards a skill such as family friends or former co workers? Do you put in any effort to make changes? Are you medicated for ADHD? Are you in therapy? Do you have a hobby?
This is straight up depressing. I mean, you’re in the prime of your life. I’m assuming you’re single and don’t have kids?
Depending on your life circumstances or education you could..
Look for roommates/get a job at a bar or restaurant.
Move in with family and save up money or go to/back to school.
Go teach English in Japan, China, Vietnam or Thailand.
Sell your shit and hop on a bus to Vegas and get a casino job.
Get a job on a cruise ship. Work offshore.
Honestly though. Invest in a doctor and get on some antidepressants.
The American Dream should more accurately be called the American Lottery.
Only the top 10% make in excess of $150k. I think that’s probably the minimum in most mid-COL areas to do the kinds of things you listed. 10%. it’s hard to conceptualize, but think of your high school graduating class. 10% of those people will be successful. I graduated with 150. That’s just 15 people that will obtain that level of success.
You can take that info and do with it as you will. Either you can take comfort that you’re not a failure, or you can find sorrow in the reality that you’ll never reach that level.
>You can take that info and do with it as you will. Either you can take comfort that you’re not a failure, or you can find sorrow in the reality that you’ll never reach that level.
It’s very odd to me that people don’t feel like they could be in the population that do well.
Pretty much whatever your situation, you can be successful by working with the right people and doing the right things. You can start today.
Success is not earned. It's all chance and luck.
Born into the right zip code, attending a good public school. Having both parents that care about their children. Having a robust family. Access to clean drinking water. Not living in a food desert. Not being born with a chronic illness. These are all things that are outside the control of someone growing up which will severely hinder progress later in life.
Those are all things that can have an influence, but it’s 100% cope to say success is *all* luck. The fact that siblings within the same family can have wildly divergent outcomes is proof enough of that.
Willingness to delay gratification is one of the most important predictors of success, and is independent of the factors you named.
And most of the people who complain on places like Reddit grew up in the first world with access to public education, clean drinking water, etc. It’s pretty disingenuous to try to conflate the serious struggles of third-world people with the listless malaise of people like OP.
If you live in the US (absent e.g. truly debilitating disease, which doesn’t include ADHD) you can work your way up to a six figure career, regardless of where you are now. But yes, it will likely require some sacrifice in the short term.
So no, you can’t just eg quit without notice “for your mental health” whenever you feel work is unpleasant.
I am a little envious of my younger brother. He's not a very responsible or reliable person. But he managed to get a cushy government job and I can't even get a shitty job with a master's degree. He just got lucky.
Even if you work dead end jobs your entire life you have to setup some sort of automatic investing so you have something waiting for you at the end. It takes more time than money/skill to become wealthy even 50 bucks consistently will still be massive for your age.
I feel you to a degree. CPTSD, similar economic situation. But on the other hand I don’t want any of those “normal” things except for being able to function more normally and having more money.
No. My ex used to hate to see others succeed. Like he would legit get so angry, it was not a good look. I never understood why. I'm happy for others when good things happen to them, especially when I know they're a good person. Now if they're a shitty person, I'll admit, I'm not happy for them but I'm also not jealous or mad. My parents raised me not to care about fancy shit, big houses, that kinda thing. As long as I have a roof over my head and food to eat, I'm good. Would it be cool to have more money and be able to buy the damn steam deck I've been trying to save up for, for months? Definitely, but there's no point in being bitter and making myself miserable over it. Things could be much worse. I'll just enjoy what I *do* have and be grateful.
Edit: Another comment made me want to add. It does however drive me up the wall when some person buys a 10 bedroom multimillion dollar home who doesn't actually need a home that big though. (I mean realistically, who does?) Rather than blowing all that money on a stupid giant house, why not buy a normal house or even a *bit* of a fancy house then use some of that money to help house the homeless? Or donate to a kitchen to help feed those who need it? Or donate to an animal shelter? Why are you spending a couple of grand on a stupid handbag or some piece of clothing? The greed does make me angry and I don't understand it at all.
I wouldn't use the word bitter, but as a 36-year old ADHD person I'm certainly there with you. I'm still living paycheck to paycheck when, if I had simply made some better decisions in life earlier, I could have been close to early retirement by now. I don't blame other people, I blame myself. Sure, society made it hard (thanks inflation!) but it's ultimately my own wastefulness.
The first step to success is to take 100% responsibility for yourself. I seriously doubt that if we picked through your life with a fine tooth comb we would find you are doing everything possible to achieve personal success. It is a hard pill to swallow but once you take 100% responsibility for where you are now, only then can you truly change and improve your life.
I don’t because a lot of the people I see that are successful in their careers or traveling have worked for it and earned it. Social media was our downfall and I’ve learned not to be jealous at what I see.
I did until I found success. So I can relate man. I thought I'd never get here. I didn't start getting "here" until I hit 35, myself.
It almost seemed at random. Probably was. Shit sucks man all I can say is good luck.
Somewhat related, I've been reading up to be more economically literate.
The more I learn about our system, the more I hate it. It really just funnels things upwards. Bullshit like limited liability, trust funds, stock buybacks, etc.
The "trickle down" aspect is actually just "shit rolls downhill".
I grew up poor and not knowing my father.
Now I am doing pretty well.
The only thing I will admit was luck is my health.
Other than that it was hard work 100%.
Work hard, don't play video games, be honest.
You need hope. If you have hope and patience, you can change your situation. Go to school and get some skills to land you a high paying job. In 4-5 years from now you’ll be feeling like you’re on top of the world.
I 100% understand this.
I didn't even get the normal basic start to life.
I was born to a single mom who is addicted to meth and an alcoholic. She was abusive physically, emotionally, and mentally.
We were always homeless, sleeping outside, in abandoned buildings, sometimes the homeless shelter when she didn't get us kicked out. Sometimes, we had a car to sleep in, but that got taken real quick because my mom never had a license.
Eventually my siblings and I were put in the foster care system and separated. More horrible shit happened.
I'm an adult now in my 30s and I finally got off the streets in 2017 when I got approved for disability. Been struggling to keep a shitty apartment roof over my head for years. I'm on all kinds of programs to help with bills and necessary expenses.
I don't get to do anything fun if it's not free. I can't save money. I can't work. I'll never own a home, or property.
All I ever wanted was a home on a little plot of land so that I could grow a garden and maybe raise a few chickens and what not. And I'll never get that.
I'm always going to be in a shitty 600 Sq ft apartment.
I have no family, friendships have dissipated and faded because I can never go out and do things like they can. Can't really blame them for wanting to do things but I also just don't have the ability to spend even $10 on something. I don't have streaming, I don't have car payments, I have the cheapest option of a phone possible in my area. I can't even afford the value menu at fast food places.
Yes I get jealous of people my age that have things going for them. It looks nice and I wish I could get to experience that.
Yes. I don’t have or want to have children- but I work and take care of my elderly grandmother (while her eldest son is enjoying retirement in a home he owns). I don’t own a home, I can’t afford to go to the beach, and I’m scared to see my ER bill from my trip to the hospital last week. I can’t afford to do the beauty maintenance I see other women my age do- manicures and pedicures, facials, Botox and waxing- so I feel less attractive and polished than my peers. I feel like I’m drowning in bills and responsibilities… while others my age are SAHM who have husbands who make enough for them to have a home, go on trips and get bi-weekly manicures. Everyone praises the moms regardless of whether or not they’re working as well… but if you’re a caretaker? You’re a leech if you’re not working to focus on their care and “taking on too much” if you work. I’m BROKE, I’m TIRED and my body HURTS. I’m so bitter
All the time. I call myself a "watcher". I get to watch other people live their lives, get engaged, buy a house, get married, have kids, buy a boat, and travel all over the world. I just watch. I'll never experience those things, I've accepted that. I'm too broken for that kind of life. So, I just watch.
You may be single but you have no idea how horrible child custody court and family court is and the complete havoc it can wreak on your life. Literally just getting over it. I have to rely on family for help who I don’t like at all and wish I could part from.
This has giving me some very tough thinking to do coming up. But you, as a single person with no kids. I know how hard it is being alone because I have been for years. Just saying, lots of millennials went through some shit.
Who are these people? Are they in your network? Then why aren't you taking advantage of the knowledge and life lessons they can teach you to get where they are? They may also have connections to help you out.
We always talk about how people with good connections get ahead. Do you think they were bitter of their connections, or do you think they were genuinely happy for them and willing to do what their mentors did to succeed in life.
People can sense the bitterness, and it spooks people out. I've found that jealous and envious people are the most dangerous, and I treat them accordingly.
My suggestion is to start having a lot more empathy for the people you're bitter towards. Try to catch yourself whenever you find yourself making baseless assumptions about them. Ask yourself if those assumptions can be applied to you. Try to actually get to know them and ask them how they navigate certain obstacles. Remember, we only know what people tell us. Most successful people wear a good mask and don't let others see their vulnerabilities.
I used to be dirt poor, and I was surrounded by crabs who told me I would fail. The only people who believed in me and told me I'd do well were a couple of rich people. I soaked up every bit of information from them, and I proved all those crabs wrong.
I’ve seen so many people complaining about people getting ahead, but I can’t remember a SINGLE time I’ve seen someone on this sub actually ask for help to do the sort of things that people are doing to be successful.
People don’t realize that there are legitimate millionaires answering some of these posts, and yet no one ever thinks “Hey - let me pick their brain or see if I can work with them to learn how to participate in this business.”
People are not responsible for how you feel.
You are at a point in life where YOU are responsible for YOU.
Your being.
Your mental fitness.
Your circumstances.
The past is the past.
If you FEEL like you won’t achieve anything. That’s an emotion. It’s not a fact.
So you need to take action.
And do it tomorrow.
If you don’t, other people are still not to blame.
If you feel this way, you have the wrong attitude. You need to change your way of thinking and maybe even hang out with these type people if that is what you want.
Money is a resource that we exchange for time. If they have little to show for how they spend their remaining time, I actually pitty them. Spending all of your time, trading out most precious resource, time, for accumulating another resource, seems useless. Show me why your life is better than mine with the decisions that you have made
Just to maybe help find some light in your life, vacations can be whatever. I get you are talking about a suitcase packed, glorious destination type vacation, but LOTS of people cannot afford that. Many people literally spend a week in the woods sleeping in their car with nothing but water and food you can make with boiling water. Personally, I rent a cheap ass motel at the coast an hour away, even just for a night, and just walk around on the beach - I even bring my own food most times, so I’m not paying tourist beach trap prices. And if that isn’t possible, some years I’ve just done a staycation. Took the week off and was indulgent as hell. I did all the things I didn’t have time for, like binging a TV show while playing video games/knitting all day or taking the city bus to a shopping center and treating my self to (small) shopping spree or watching a matinee movie (which are cheaper than night shows).
Nah- but then again we have more than we need - I have friends who have more and I’m just happy for them. I’m generous with my friends who have less and love life!
The first step is to look in the mirror. Try to make a change that will lead you in a positive direction.
Success is often making good habits and decisions however small, and having them compound over time. No quick fixes.
Also a large percent of these people have financial help from their families. Aka they enjoy a life they could never afford on their own salary. This is normally the case with my friends who own houses etc. They generally don’t understand how much this aid really did for their financial standing. Once you have some amount of wealth you begin to get a lot more. They bought houses with down payments before things got out of hand and now have mortgages less than my rent. That snowballs because then they have more money to invest and use on luxury. Getting them further ahead and continuing that cycle. All while really not making that much money from their paychecks. So then they can’t even understand why others don’t have this amount of wealth.
The real key to success is invested money early in life. Which is not possible for most people.
So then you hit middle age and don’t have this, it becomes harder and harder to get it. Your less likely to save every possible penny because you’re much older and you need some creature comforts to keep calm with the stressful life you have. This essentially snowballs the wrong way, your not saving but expenses keep getting higher including rent, food and dating. So now you’re even less likely to get out of being poor because you can’t save enough money to pull yourself out. And the story continues.
So that’s why the rich get richer and the poor poorer. It’s about having a lump sum of money to start with which can change your fiscal standing in the world.
We all have different things to be jalous of.
1) you can decide what to do daily
Work out, eat what you want, at each time, get up in the morning
2) no house means no stressfull maintence and having a leaky roof
3) most jobs arent ideal, but customer service jobs suck more, true
To answer you, no.
But I am who you hate. 36, married, house hold income if $300k, own a home that I bought for 360k in 2019 that is now with 585k, have a daughter, and my job is piss fucking easy, only work about 15h a week, 5 weeks vacation.
And I didn't do anything the "right" way. I failed out of if college at 19 and spent the next 5 years basically sitting around playing video games. At 25 I decided it was time to get my life together. And I did. Got a masters degree in Accounting, married a lawyer.
I think I did what most people never really do, I asked for help. A lot. From teachers. From friends. From family. From bosses. And I learned what I needed to do to became successful.
I am not special. And tbh I didn't even really try that hard. I showed up, and I asked a lot of questions.
I am fortunate that I believe I'm quite intelligent. All AP courses in high school, I went to a couple state competitions in math/science. I think that, plus a decent amount of confidence is all it took to set my life up.
A few big things I did, kind of by accident, was I made actual friendships with my professors in my master's program. I started after class, asked questions, and most importantly I made them laugh. I had a job at a Fortune 500 company before I graduated. And I only did 1 interview. Hell I only put in 1 application in my master's program. That job then paid for my master's degree. And because I had big company work exp, when I decided to look for a new job after a few years, I had multiple companies fight over me. I got to be in that fun position of asking for more money. I landed a sweet gig that has insane w/l balance, pays me 6 figs, and is stupidly easy.
It's not fair. And I'm honestly not trying to brag, just be honest with how my life has played out.
What's fucked up is I'm very lazy 90% of the time. I just showed up and tried when I needed to.
I think the absolute most important thing I've ever done is to learn and make myself "the funny guy". I am VERY quick witted on jokes. And I'm pretty crass. I am that guy who goes on vacation and comes back with 3 new friends that I texted regularly. I'm a people person. Super extroverted.
People just like me. But I also love people. I put in the effort to nurture my relationships. I do this because I want to, but it also made it so when I needed/wanted help, I had a ton of people who are willing and able to help me along.
Basically, it's all about the relationships you build on this life. If you sit inside and look at your phone so fast and you never go out into the world and try, you'll never get anywhere.
Confidence+charisma+showing up is basically all it took to get me everything in this life.
Ps, I'm not that good looking either. Went bald at 32. I do lift and play sports though, so I'm also athletic and look decently fit. But on the chubby side of fit.
Just my story.
I’m technically successful but I still feel like a failure most of the time. I’m a teacher, I’m married and have stable income. I keep feeling like I failed because I am meant for something more ( career wise, in very happy being married at least) but I don’t know what anymore. I was a graphic designer. But the industry is so shitty I switched careers to something that honestly makes more, is oddly enough LESS stressful, makes more and is steady… now I don’t know where I would go from here. It’s a weird kinda damned if you do, damned if you don’t feeling.
I feel you. I'm 39 and have no "career," I feel like I was set up pretty good in life but fucked it up trying to fix my mental issues that nobody could help me with, so I drank to the extreme to cope and wasted a lot of time and now feel it's too late for me to have a career. I have some physical issues so I can't comfortable work an 8 hour desk job, but don't want to break my body doing labor at age 39+..and I do not have a strong drive to succeed or hustle, I just want to have fun and be at peace...you can't do that if you only care about making money and hustling.
I hate not being able to provide better, and feel it's not really my fault and wish I could repeat some years in my teens and 20s.
I have some success in the eyes of the world like having a house, which is cool but a pain in the ass to upkeep since it's old and it takes a lot of time and money. I wish I just had an apartment at some times. I'm sure people making 100k are too stressed our and work a ton or hate the job. Some married probably look happy but feel they married the wrong person. A person with 4 kids and a house might look successful but may have 0 free time and are burnt out.
I totally get this and just about cried when I heard someone talking about spending $300 on a multi-course meal today.
For two people.
I have had to train my brain to realize that their expense is their life, even though it would be so helpful to my own needs if I had $300. I have had to choose which bills I can pay for far too long.
I am absolutely still on the Struggle Bus. Couldn’t get hired for anything other than retail or to drive equipment—I felt free when I was fired from the equipment job, despite the very, very difficult year and a half I had afterward. I also have ADHD as well and struggle with perfectionism in some aspects. My sense of social justice has affected my mental health at times for how fucked the world is to other humans and our planet’s ecosystems.
If there is a door open to you to learn new skills/certifications, do it. Even if it’s one class at a time, or you learn from someone who knows what they’re doing.
It hasn’t landed me much financially **-BUT-** I just landed my first non-retail job close to my mid-thirties. I’m pretty sure Jayden has more coins than I do at the moment.
But being able to learn new skills has been extremely helpful.
That’s why I did the web development bootcamp after getting laid off from a miserable job last year. I’ve been doing delivery app since while looking for a full time job but it’s hard in this market.
I’m 35 and have ADHD, I went back to college after getting stuck in my last career for years. I kept comparing myself to those my age and finally realized anything I didn’t like about my life was because of my inaction or negative perception. The last 8 years have been me getting sober and getting in better health, both mentally and physically. I worked my ass off so my wife could go to school and get a good job so I could go back to school. We moved across the country, something I had always wanted to do, we now are so much closer to the life we felt we would never have because we realized we couldn’t be mad at other people for having the things we didn’t when we weren’t taking any steps to obtain those things.
No. Successful people motivate me. I look at what they did to have the things they have that I want, and then I do the same. An example - years ago, a co-worker got openly celebrated for finishing her masters program at a staff meeting and got a huge promotion shortly thereafter. Instead of being a hater, I enrolled in the exact same master's program shortly thereafter and then I also got promoted after I graduated and have been on an upward trajectory with my career ever since. Jealousy is a normal human emotion and it's okay to feel that way sometimes, but don't dwell on it. It won't get you anywhere. Beyond what you are not physically and/or mentally capable of, who or what is stopping you from achieving your goals? I hate toxic positivity, but I really do feel this mindset is useful and productive. Go get what you want, and make no apologies for it. I believe in you!
It’s not toxic positivity when there is a world of opportunity around. Some people see it, go after it, and find it, and others say they are lucky.
Well, if you spend every day and all your life looking for opportunity, it’s no surprise that you find it.
That not really luck - it’s inevitable given how they approach life.
No, stop being a hater. You’re clearly not happy with your life. You should be spending all your energy on finding ways to make yourself happy vs wasting it thinking about other people
No, I don't, generally. I don't view billionaires well due to their greed, but success is relative, wide-ranging, and not equally allotted or made.
I don't see any point for me personally to feel bitter, jaded, angry, envious, or resentful about people's success. It doesn't get me anywhere and is a waste of my energy, personally speaking.
I tell myself "good for them!" and feel happy that they have what they do usually. I just say every once in a while to myself, "I will be, too, one day."
No because everybody is doing the best they can with what they have and know. If you were in their shoes, you most likely would have done the same things and got the same success.
OP, I mean this with love:
Get your shit together. Spend less time being envious of what people have and spend more time studying what they did to get it.
Unless you have some mental issues way beyond ADHD, you can either study or walk into a plethora of middle income jobs.
Example: nurses. Education: community college.
Sometimes we need less sympathy and more ‘get your head out of your ass.’
Your post resonates a lot. I am lucky that after many years of making NO money and struggling hard, I do actually have a good career and make ok money. But I still struggle to get by. After housing costs, student loan payments, utilities etc I don't have much left... so it makes me wonder how the fuck people who don't make much more than me are constantly traveling, buying new appliances/cars, etc... and I don't even have any consumer debt now! Just my massive student loan.
And then you start to realize all these kids are rich kids. Literally all the people I know who are "successful" and seem to have a great lifestyle free of stress and just seem so upwardly mobile are ALL rich kids. Never had to worry about student debt, saving for a down payment, financial emergencies.. Like I said, I do pretty well these days on paper, better than many. And I really have to budget! I take \*maybe\* one week long holiday a year, eat out a bit, but nothing fancy. Anecdotally, and as I have already said, the folks I envy the most in real life are all people who've had no worries at all in life and nothing but upward mobility. So I am bitter and jaded about that. Would have been nice. I wonder where I'd be if I even just had my family to pay my student loans. That $40k would be a downpayment, could be invested, et cetera.
For example: a coworker of mine has no student debt and an MBA from a top Canadian university (parents paid for), just bought a brand new house for 700K, just got married in a 50K wedding, just bought a new camper van, spent all of last summer backpacking, and is ALWAYS travelling. She makes the same as me, and her now-husband MAYBE makes six figures. Canada is expensive as hell. I know people who make way more than their household income and have half of that. Then, I found out her dad is a VP of a huge company and made a bunch of money in the stock market. Now I know why she's never worried about money and was so set up for success by comparison.
I have ADHD and i feel like i haven't done much with my life. I am not going to say it's easy. It is not, especially with our condition. But i still keep working on it because i know i can do better. And it's all for some normacy. Nothing luxurious, i just want to be comfortable.
Sometimes unpopular recommendation, but join the military. You’re getting near or are at the max age, so you’d need to get started soon or get an age waiver.
I had worked an insane amount of random jobs, some worthwhile and some not, and the army gave me the kick in the ass I needed to get my shit together, made me appreciate the satisfaction of achieving something after suffering for it, and taught me how to accomplish a seemingly impossible task with a team (usually full of people with whom I wouldn’t otherwise associate). I also make better money than most of those previous jobs (due to housing allowance, not base pay), and get more vacation time than I did at any of the other jobs. VA home loan and education benefits are awesome too. You can get trained up on skills that you can then use to help land a civilian job. Some of the contracts are as short as 3 years.
It’s not for everyone, and I spent most of my younger years thinking I was against the military or at least the Mil industrial complex, but it has been mostly a net positive in my life, and based on what you’ve shared here, I think you’d benefit from it.
I’d recommend looking at Air Force or coast guard first, and then talk to any of their other branches if they won’t take you (they’re the two most selective). They have a higher quality of life than the other branches
You never know what people have or don't have. I've been saving for a house for years and my coworker who is years younger decided and bought a house within a year. I was so jealous until I found out she cashed in part of her 401k and is in debt.
We do things in our own timeliness. Change one thing at a time if you want things yo change
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Yeah, I feel this. "Comparison is the thief of joy" loses a lot of it's comforting qualities when you can't even reach the bare minimums that people expect from a functioning adult. I'm not envious in the sense of being like, "gosh, I want that person's life" or "how come he can have a cool new car and I don't?" It's more a burning, bitter resignation that these people are living a "normal", functional life and I'm just a loser who screwed it all up. The book's been written, we're in the epilogue and this is all it is.
It really does lose it's meaning. I don't want an "Instagram perfect life" I just want a slice of happiness, a slice of normalcy, a slice of that.
Where do you think it’s gone wrong and what can you do to change it?
God if I could answer that I’d certainly do something about it. First i tried planning then none of them worked out. Then I tried kinda randomly doing different things to see what would stick, none did. Now I’m just kinda at a loss of what to do…
For me, it started with not getting an internship. Graduated college in 09 and couldn’t get a job for a year. When I finally got a job it was for $27k per year. Kept applying, couldn’t find anything. After a few years made it to 50k, now 10 years later just reached $85k. This is NYC metro area, so high cost of living. Felt like I was on the right track progressing each year until 2018. Then rent/groceries went up much higher vs salary. Those next step up apartment that were $1600-$1800 for a junior one, became $2,400-$2,600. Didn’t want to buy a place before I had explored new neighborhoods (ands maybe states) and figured out where I wanted to spend the rest of my life, but now feel way behind.
I feel this so hard. I don't need anything fancy, but it would be nice to know what it's like to not constantly be worried about money ya know?
Yup. Live in a neighborhood I can afford because I’m in a rent stabilized place. People ask when I’ll move up/out since the place is small. Most of the market rate in the area are triple the price, for my ideal layout I’d need to spend just under 4 times the price. This is just to have a little extra room for hobbies/place for friends to crash.
Yeah, that saying is often distorted and misused. What it's **supposed** to mean is, "If you own two houses, don't be envious of someone who owns three houses." It's **not** supposed to mean, "Be content with wearing rags under a bridge and making minimum wage and being buried in six-figure debt."
The problem is you guys have given up already. The KFC founder didn't make his first million until he was 65. I truly believe most people can change their lives with 2-3 good years. By that, I mean, go from overweight to fit. Or from making 30k to 100k+.
Colonel Sanders already had several careers by that point, looking at his wikipedia entry, and was doing well enough before he creating a global phenomenon. He also lived in a completely different time with a completely different labor market and education needs. But you're right, I have given up. I don't have the skills or education to get a decent career, I can't get those skills or education without dealing with some serious mental and physical health problems, and I can't deal with those health problems without the money and insurance that comes with a good career. I'm done, it's over. Not everyone is going to make it, and I'm just one of many who ended up falling through the cracks.
I can't, I can't, I can't...that's all I hear. I guarantee you, there is something tiny you can do right now that will make your life a little bit better. Something that doesn't cost money. Don't try to move the mountain all at once. Aim to be 1% better each day. You'll be surprise. Anyways, good luck. Mindset is one of the most important things in life. I hope it gets better for you.
how i see it is you had to get the right education (im not just talking about school), right career path, right friends circles, work hard, get some luck, network, seize opportunities, make the right calls, right place at the right time, think ahead, have to be competitive charismatic etc. it's pretty complicated to get success. it's not as easy as people like to say it is. that's just my take
I failed out of college and was homeless with a pregnant girlfriend in my mid 20s. I eventually got my shit together and went back to college in my 30s, and in my late 30s was interning with a bunch of 21-year-olds. My wife and I spent years living on extremely meager budgets to save enough that we could both go back to school at the same time while raising two children. And within a few years of graduation we were both making very good money and by this point have more than caught up to all but the most driven of our peers. There is certainly an element of luck, but mindset and willingness to delay gratification is *far* more important. Luck isn’t nearly as important if you continue to strive. If you keep rolling you’ll eventually get that nat. 20. It doesn’t matter how many bad choices you’ve made in the past, the question is *what are you doing now* to improve your situation.
Yep; this is something I wish people understood. While there are absolutely systemic issues at hand and luck is a big part as well. There are still lots of good choices that a person can make to get a leg up and create more stability. Some of those require prolonged discomfort, but if you are already miserable does it really matter to lose some creature comforts or the things that just give instant gratification?
100%. Luck simply means being in position to take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves.
Luck is when preparation and opportunity intersect.
You could not be more correct. I went from homeless to homeowner within about 10 years. There's a wisdom in that silly Seinfeld meme where George does the opposite of what he usually does and great things happen to him. I see so many people chasing bad results complaining about them but never actually changing their actions.
And here come all the people to remind you-the person who was homeless-about luck. Is it fair? Nope. Do I sometimes wish to myself I was born with parents who had resources and one who didn’t have drug problems and terrorize me growing up? Yes. Do I wish I didn’t inherit his demons/mental issues? YOU BET. And yet, I have had more luck and fortune than other people in different ways. A lot of my family has experienced upward mobility in one generation. The ones who have just gotten things done. The ones who didn’t, who grew up in those same households, sat around letting life happen. Yes there are people who have had every break in life, and people who are born with some horrible disease who will never get a fair shake. Most of us are somewhere between those two, we get some breaks, we get some setbacks, and a lot of life is what you make of it and your attitude. But I do get what OP is saying. Sure sometimes I silently seethe when I hear about someone who just got a big inheritance or their parents bought them a house. It’s only human. It’s okay to feel a little bitter so long as you don’t let it consume you.
What career were you and your wife going into? These days, it seems like it's all about work/occupation/job direction and spending 3 years working in the right trade will get you further than someone who spends 20 years in another trade, no matter how hard they work
I think you hit the nail on the head, it’s all about, researching, networking, and min/maxing your chances at career success. I had to determine if finishing my stupid BA of business would lead to more upward mobility than excepting a high paying job and dropping out. A buddy ran the numbers and found out jumping from doing HVAC for five years to pipe fitting would be a pay decrease in the short term, but way higher overall salary after 3 years. Both of us now have good jobs houses wives boats ext. You have to work hard in the right direction.
The should go without saying, though. To be successful, you need to be applying yourself in ways that move you forward..pretty much every day.
You could also roll your entire life and get crit fails lol. Some people also have horseshoes falling out of their asses.
Idk, obviously luck plays a role in everyone’s lives and sometimes is the determining factor but generally it isn’t. What I don’t get is where people’s expectations came from. Not everyone in life is going to be successful or have a happy ending. This isn’t a new thing, it’s that our generation is getting to the age where the trajectories are becoming undeniable.
Yeah but there's a difference between not having much luck, which I think is most people and have really bad luck which a lot of people think they have. Just by sheer numbers people are generally more lucky than they think they are.
Sometimes, it's knowing how to play the hand you're dealt rather than trying to roll a natural 20 every single time. Like, if you're a mage, don't try to play like a melee class.
There's so much luck and randomness involved, not to mention initial starting conditions playing a huge role. I graduated university in 2006, just in time to snag a job before the recession, and managed to scrape by from contract to contract for 4 years until I landed a permanent job. I was in a position to buy a house immediately because prices had tanked and I had no debt from school because my father got me my first job at a national telecom as a senior in high school and I earned enough doing internal tech support over the summer to pay for rent, books, and tuition for the year. And simply being in the right place at the right time snowballed from there. I met my wife, who was a poor doctoral student at the time, but between us we would see our HHI increase from $55K in 2010 to $250K today. We got lucky woth real estate and managed to ride the property bubble in a HCOL city all the way to the top, and then cashed out during Covid when our jobs went fully remote and moved to a very LCOL city. Almost all of that was basically out of my control though. If my parents didn't get me a good summer job, it's likely I would still be renting an apartment as I chased the housing market up as I tried to pay off student loans and save for a down-payment. If I didn't manage to keep my foot in the door at work during the recession, I never would have gotten a permanent job (thankfully I had a manager that liked me and managed to keep me on contract so that when a position opened up somewhere in a few years I would be eligible to apply). Covid was unplanned, and it ruined a lot of people financially, but we just got lucky. I guess the point of my story is that you can work hard and do everything "right" but lucky/unlucky "bounces" have a disproportionate effect on the outcome.
Here’s the thing, all that is true. But if your brain is prone to burn out from these kinds of things none of that is possible. Ppl say time is your most valuable asset, I don’t believe this, I think it’s energy which is most important. You can have all the time in the world but without energy you won’t take any action, and action is the most important ingredient. Ppl that have a cocktail of adhd and introversion/social anxiety like OP is a tough one to pull out of.
I think it’s more to do with discipline, willingness to experience discomfort, and consistency. Plenty of people experience burnout and lack of energy, pushing through it sucks, but that is in part how you achieve success. I have found I’ll catch a ‘second wind’ when I force myself to push through and start gaining momentum again.
Yeah sometimes that’s true. I think burnout occurs when you’re constantly feeling forced to do sth you do not like. I never feel burnout when I’m doing sth I enjoy.
Yes life would be pretty easy if I got to only ever do things I enjoy.
we need to find a medical cure for lack of energy
Could be as simple as a vitamin deficiency but sounds like OP is just beaten down by life. Sounds like a he’s been taking some haymakers… probably feels listless
For many people, it's proper hydration and sleep.
None of that matters as much as networking and charisma. Everyone I know who so successful got their jobs through connections. And I don’t mean like nepotism, I mean asking people if there company is hiring and be around a good enough crowd you can mingle and meet people. Ask cousins, in laws, etc. If you can do that with some charisma and confidence, you can go places. I look at resumes all the time for recruitment, I don’t hardly care what the resumes say, most are fine, I mostly care about people skills and confidence.
Now I know what I forgot to put down ....charisma
Even since I got in my field, I’ve met a ton of professionals and just saved their number as name and company they work for. Because if I ever find myself needing a jobs, I have people to call and straight up ask. Networking is the key.
Charisma is part of it, but if you suck at your job. No one is going to want to work with you.
Survivorship bias is what it is. We only see those who succeeded and often they list you made is just pure luck.
I sort of feel like it's the opposite on reddit. People who aren't doing well are more likely to speak up about how horrible things are than people who are doing fine are to speak up about how they are doing ok.
Excuses are like ass holes
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i know but i just had to put it out there. like things are never as what they seem. but i do agree that the bar for success seems to have gone up over time as well.
In order to be successful, you have to make a lot of your own luck.
Luck is timing and hard work. Also being in the right place at the right time doesn't hurt.
Luck is luck. Don't conflate hard work with 'daddy's friend needs an underling in a bullshit job'
Right place at the right time doesn’t mean shit if you’re not prepared to seize the opportunities that come. Hence… make your own luck.
You're right
And a lot of selling your soul
Yup this. Come up with business plans that fuck over the workers while giving the C-Suite and Shareholders more money.
This is the part i cant ever quite seem to get over
That's how more and more people keep ending up in your situation. You start disliking the ones not equal to you, instead of disliking inequality itself. The ones who made it, coming either from a situation like yours or a bit better, did nothing to stop you having a chance. The ones who have too much on the other hand, engineered or helped maintain the whole scenario that prevents you from succeeding. You don't have a car and look in anger at the guy who was able to finance one, while the car company owner has a garage with 50 exclusive models.
This point 100%. It’s hard not to feel bitter, but please direct that anger into learning more about the systems at play. As someone who made a lot of big bets and moves with her life, I’ll be the first to tell you it was a mix of myself/my choices, definitely some luck on acting on the right moments, and some privilege (even as a neurodivergent, immigrant, woman of color with parents struggling to survive here) I never point my resentment at people my age doing better unless they’re assholes who try to play it off like they did it ALL for themselves.
Honestly, I mean this with love: go talk to a therapist about this.
OP clearly has depression as anxiety.
I was seeing one but now can’t find one who matches my needs and takes my garbage insurance. The one I was seeing started her own practice out of network and is $200 for a half hour session. Not affordable sadly
As someone who has done a lot of healing. I’d rather be butt ass broke and give up a lot of material garbage to have the peace and freedom and confidence I have now. I never believed it was possible to live so healthy. At the very least get to the library and educate yourself. Do shadow work. Get real with yourself. You write the ending to your story.
Find someone pre-licensed who works on a sliding scale.
Seconding this. I used to feel the same as OP but when you genuinely move to a space of being able to celebrate and get excited for other people, it’s so freeing
Yah everyone jump on the years long waitlists for your mental health
Don’t you know that therapy will solve all of the shit policies and income inequality in this country? /s
My husband and I are successful and people literally hate us for it. We both came from broken down no electricity single wide trailers. We got lucky and ended up where we are. I never expected it would create such drama and hate.
people should look at successful people as what’s possible not be envious. How can I improve myself to get there?
I feel this a lot. It's so bad that I can't even watch videos on YouTube without feeling jealous of the millennial making the video. Like them showing off their modest lifestyle. All I want is average, like you. And I don't have any of that. I work a job with good benefits but it doesn't pay a lot and it's very stressful. I'm burnout prone as well, also ADHD. All of my free time is spent doing self care to help with the burnout and depression. It seems like everyone I see has some regular life where they have friends, family, a house, and go on vacations. One of my supervisors, a woman my age, she often talks about her semi monthly vacations to Europe or Africa. Like, I've taken one vacation in the last ten years and that was to Seattle. I just want something more.
The burnout from having to be "on" and perfect for 8 hours a day was intense. I saw those who were a step up and they had a chance to breathe. Yes maybe their work was more mentally intensive but they had reprives it wasn't an endless stream of repetitive tasks that felt like no matter how hard you worked the treadmill so to speak wasn't going to stop.
I cry when I go to my sibling’s normal house.
Nope. They did things their way, I'm doing things my way. As the adage goes, "Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person gets sick." Don't get me wrong, I *am not* coming at you with judgement. I can entirely empathize with your feelings. I spent my twenties hating healthy people because I got sick at 18 and by 20 I was living in hospitals. I wasn't really able to start my adult life until \~25. Hell, I am *still* dealing with some of the aftermath. Everyone was so far ahead of me and didn't feel like it was "fair" and I was overwhelmed with anger. I'd lost everything I'd worked for up until then and went back to square one. I didn't feel like I was entitled to anything I didn't earn, but I was ridiculously bitter that it felt like I was on a steeper slope to the top than the people around me were and angry that I was still at basecamp while others were already making good progress up the mountain. So no, I am not calling you names or judging you because I know the feeling all too well and how easy it is to slip into those feelings. And all of us, your fellow ADHDers, know the mental struggle is real. You will have to find your own path up the mountain; and, yeah, it may be a little more fraught than others. But people who tell you "if I can do it, you can do it" should be put on block because they aren't you, haven't lived your life, and don't have your brain so their advice won't apply to your circumstances. I am grateful for the version of success I've found, but to say luck/good timing didn't play a role would be naive. What worked for them or me may not work for you. But I would encourage you to begin letting some of the resentment go. Or channel it somewhere productive. For example, an organization I love is called "Chronically Capable" (they work with those with disabilities and chronic conditions who usually struggle with discrimination and help hook them up with employment that suits their unique needs) and they've done some studies of how people with disabilities or chronic conditions tend to be better employees than otherwise "healthy" people because their circumstances make them feel like they have more to prove. They've channeled their circumstances into drive. You will just have to find your own path, my friend. We're all on our own paths that come with their own trials and tribulations. Even the people some of us deem as "successful" will have their share of obstacles to overcome. We just have to do our best not to lose our sense of community - we're all in this together.
<3
Mine is a bit more specific - I generally celebrate those who are successful, but become pretty bitter if they don’t try to help those around them where they can. Life is pretty fucking hard. Help those you can. Even if that’s just mentoring a junior person at work, advocating for them, etc. I always feel like those who are successful owe those around them to do this (since success doesn’t happen in a vacuum anyways).
I agree with this comment. Too much resentment directed towards other people for being able to make something out of themselves, shows what kind of person you are—a bitter, jealous, resentful person. Instead of worrying about what others are doing, focus on yourself and what you can do to better your own life.
i get you. i have bipolar and have never been able to hold down a job properly. i live with my parents, earn barely enough to get by, but all my friends are high flyers: lawyers, senior managers, etc. one is married. a few are in loving relationships. meanwhile, i'm in the middle of an episode and today i saw my psychiatrist for an emergency appointment and just had a meltdown in her office. she referred me to the local mental health social services association (i am not in the US) and they're going to assign me a case worker so i can probably get a job in retail or doing basic admin stuff. i left the hospital thinking, yeah i'm a certified nut today. it feels like i'm just out here trying to survive and it sucks when other people seem to have it way better. but i guess we gotta do what we gotta do man. just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling this. not saying that i've got it worse than you though -- your feelings are completely valid and i hope you'll find peace, and hopefully some sort of luck or success as well.
You're lucky you're not in the US. Unless you're rich you can't get any mental health help in the US it seems. I'm just tired of working jobs that lead to nowhere and end up in burnout cycles. I finally recovered from one last year that got so ugly I was so burnt out from taking customer abuse 8 hours a day that I couldn't even watch TV. Like that was tiring to concentrate on a TV.
Nope. Don't care. Gave up caring. I'm 34 and I live with my parents and I've been in therapy for the six months I've been here. No closer whatsoever to having any desire to reenter that dumb fucking rat race. I'm just passing time until the grave: some volunteering here, some exercise there. I've done the job and marriage thing, and I was probably more miserable then than I am now (still miserable, but life is pain). My health has benefitted significantly from unemployment because I don't cry and vomit every day anymore. What other people term "success" was my fucking nightmare.
I was laid off last year, did a Web Development bootcamp to try to boost my skills. Can't seem to find a job in the field been doing delivery apps to try to pay the bills. Realizing soon I might just have to go back to call centers where I was miserable puking and crying before clocking in. Usually having another near breakdown when I saw the queue and realized it was going to be another day of being hopelessly behind. The job was toxic. Hours were horrific 3-12 Tuesday to Saturday. Don't really want to go back to jobs like that but it's looking like I might just have to do survive.
Hey, I have been involved in the electrical industry for almost 20 years now, straight out of college, on the sales side of the industry. First as a salesperson to electricians, now as a salesperson to distributors. Whether it is on the sales side, or actually as an apprentice in the field, I strongly recommend the industry if you are struggling at this point in your life. There are jobs in every state and it is a huge industry that is not going anywhere. Even if civilization is on a sinking ship, people will still try to power their way out of it… Anyway, feel free to dm if you want to talk, but 100% do not go back to a call center.
Retail? Look, I know everyone shits on the big box stores. I worked at HD for 17 years. Sure, there were a lot of idiot customers. And even managers that were terrible. But I latched on to some awesome people. Met my husband there. I left, but I was making 80k plus bonuses as a manager, and my husband is still there and makes 6 figures. I worked weekends and weird hours sometimes, but you bond with others. I joined the cult basically, but it really set me up for success when I left. I learned the business. I made the best of working holidays. I had friends that had a bad schedule too so we would hang out on Tuesdays. I dunno, it was a way to find a community and make money. My husband and I didn’t get degrees. We just made our way with what we had. You find the right managers/group of people it’s not as bad as people make it out to be. But you have to be willing to make the best of it
>Anyone else just feel increasingly bitter and jaded towards those who have had success? That's pretty much 99% of the post on this subreddit in a nutshell lol.
I can't tell if it's a joke post or not.
>Can only seem to get dead end customer service jobs at call centers aka slave ships. What career path are you working towards? What marketable skills are you building to get there? How many hours a week are you putting in towards achieving those goals? Very few people fall ass backwards into a good job. Take a lot of hard work, direction and a bit of luck.
I've been trying to become a web developer and attended a bootcamp last year but am struggling to find a job. Right now I'm only doing part time delivery but I'm eating into my savings. My only concern is if I go back into call centers I'll go back into burnout won't have the energy to devote to job searching.
You're not going to want to hear this, but finding a tech job with only a bootcamp under your belt is highly unlikely at the moment. I don't want to say impossible, but you're competing against tons of fresh grads(especially since it's July) and layoffs with a few YOE. The market is very saturated. I would honestly consider a different field were I in your shoes.
I thought I finally had found something that I could enjoy doing but now this market is terrible.
Low / No-code web development is already here. The web development market is going to be a tough place to make a living even after the overall tech market rebounds.
yeah a lot of friends work in the industry, the 'golden era' of doing a bootcamp and making bank have been over for a few years now. Some folks, with the right charisma and projects can hop into some companies but its a pretty bleak career path. Will there always be jobs in tech? Yes, but I've been seeing senior level devs even applying for jr roles due to lack of openings.
If you want to break into this field with this current market, I highly suggest you get a degree. If that's not in the cards for you, I'd do something like a trade apprenticeship while you apply on the side. That way you build some kind of marketable skill that pays more than call centers, and union benefits can be pretty sweet. That was my plan until I got lucky and landed a job.
Why does it have to be a call center? Isn’t that introductory type work as far as pay scale? Why not try your hand at anything else in the same scale. A boot camp is a start. Have you honed those skills since and drafted a portfolio? I’d also start taking a few classes a semester while working and get a degree in something useful.
I need something to hold me over I guess. I need full time + benefits. Not too many options out there otherwise.
I’d say the time for web development being a good career choice was 20 years ago. It’s now commoditized. There really isn’t a lot of money there like there used to be, especially since there are farms in Asia and less wealthy parts of Europe churning them out. The likelihood of this being something you pivot into and “find success” isn’t going to be high.
Consider doing dog or animal or house sitting off of rover or word of mouth... create your own schedule type of work
Try looking at you community college. They sometimes offer adult courses for anything from ceramics, foreign languages, knitting ffs. There’s probably programming courses offered (I don’t know where you live so I’m assuming there’s a community college…or maybe a rec center). Usually these classes are less than 200$ and run for several weeks. Worth looking into if you’re able.
I do similar work. Take CS50 as a start. Adhd’ers tend to do well in programming, there is even a subreddit for it. It’s the quickest way to a 100k job I know of. If I were you I’d take out loans, be drastic about it, pour your heart into programming. Do maybe a 3-6 month bootcamp. Best one I know of it Bloom Institute.
Do you have a MeetUp in your area? It's an app for socializing. The last time I checked, there were a bunch of networking events full of recruiters and other people looking to hire. Sometimes, they even have free food. It's a good place to meet people and get leads. I have ADHD as well and found it helpful to put myself in chaotic environments like that. I would just practice promoting myself to everyone. You'll get instant feedback on if you're saying the right things or not, but don't take it too personally.
the market is terrible. Now is the time to go to school or find a different career
Consider looking into entry level marketing roles. You could get your foot in the door working a role that involves landing page design and website tagging, data analysis, etc.
30, ADHD, using my two college degrees and making a good wage. This sentiment does not go away, you should learn how to manage it. I am still working on that.
It may be ADHD but there are lots of things that can contribute to dopamine disregulation. Lots of lifestyle choices. Also unresolved things can lead to anxiety which looks a lot like ADHD symptoms but has a different root.
I can relate to this but from "the other side", if you will I'll preface by stating I didn't come from money. In fact, I immigrated to the US with my single mother where we relied on church food donations to not go hungry. She was quite old when she had me so it was rough growing up being alone very often while she was working at Walmart because she'd be exhausted when she came home. I ended up dropping out of high school with a 1.35 GPA I'm now earning deep into the 6 figures and feel myself growing bitter to those who share your sentiment. Your misplaced anger towards people in my situation feels dangerous. Like incel murder-suicidal but then financial instead of relationships. I took so much risk and sacrifice to elevate myself out of my shitty disadvantaged situation only for people with your sentiment seemingly willing to take it all away from me This is going to be a wildly unpopular take but ultimately everyone is responsible for themselves. We live in a time where intellect deficient kids can become millionaires by livestreaming online so it's not like there is zero opportunity. I truly believe that the reason you're not living the lifestyle you want is because, on some level, you're comfortable with where you're at. I hated where I was at in life so I changed it - so can you
100% to all of this. The people who get to the next level are those who are working toward it. They work toward it because they think it’s a reality, so it’s no surprise that they end up there.
>call centers aka slave ships. I don't think i'd compare working at a US based call center akin to a slave ship. Sometimes perspective matters and we gotta touch grass.
Take radical steps to change your life. You’re single so the only person calling the shots is you. Move back home with parents to save up money, and go to school for a trade. Save up money and move somewhere different to start over fresh. Pursue a debt free existence with tiny home living and enjoy the success of peace of mind that comes from being truly free of debt, and being able to keep most of your paycheck. There are all kinds of possibilities out there. Pick a direction, set a goal, and go get it. The effort you spend comparing yourself to others is effort that could be used to change your life. Good luck OP.
There are a lot of National Park jobs and random jobs that provide housing anywhere you wanna go. I've got a friend in Yellowstone right now as a server. I did two summers in Alaska for Princess Cruises working at a hotel and they hire a full staff... porters, maids, an RA for the dorms, servers, bussers, cooks, baristas. I saw the Perseid Meteor Shower with the Northern Lights together, drinking a beer with my new friends. If you get down to the US Virgin Islands, they're always looking for people if you want something tropical.
Go back to school, 35 is still young enough to get it together. Don’t stay at a crappy call center job if you can control it. You won’t be able to do the “normal” stuff if you are stagnating at a low paying job. That would fix some of your issues. Sounds like you are dealing with severe depression and anxiety too, see a therapist please. Bitterness can be a great motivator just don’t get stuck in it, use that energy towards sth good.
Change your mindset. Figure out what you would like to be doing, and begin to connect with people in that world who have been successful. Find inspiration in what they’ve accomplished and channel the energy you have to learn from them. You’d be surprised how eager people are to help and mentor those who want to learn from them. You are the average of the five closest people you hang around with most. Start surrounding yourself with the people you’d aspire to be like.
A good start would to not compare your life to being on a slave ship…
No.
Hot take; stop playing by the rules. Cut corners, sell drugs or AI generated garbage, also sell plasma and invest in an aggressive stock $50 at a time. Live uncomfortably frugal and pinch pennies in the most literal sense possible. Life isn’t about getting ahead or breaking even or living comfortably, but about enjoying the little time we have on this shitty rock. Identify the thing you want out of this life that doesn’t involve convincing others to do it with you, and chase that thing. Joy is fickle and fleeting. And comfort equally so.
A decade ago, I was spending $400 a week on pain pills and living in my car. Last year, I made about $118k - my wife made right around $95k. Get busy living, or get busy dying.🤷♂️
No. I find it inspiring and just makes me want to work that much harder to reach that same level.
You might want to consider going back to school. it saved me 100% from more or less your same situation.
- Eat healthier - Get sleep - practice good hygiene - exercise - avoid drugs - budget your money - budget your time (allocate for growth, invest time in yourself for future benefit) 1. enroll in a coding bootcamp or study online 2. Get a better job 3. Save your money 4. Use 401k as a tool to pay yourself back with interest when you need money 5. Feel more confident in the things you can control 6. Attract others with your confidence and stability 7. Go on vacation 8. Save for a house - Get house - Maybe get married - Maybe have kids
> everyone I knew either left town Where are they moving? Maybe that's where you need to follow.
California and Denver not exactly places I could afford sadly
You could afford Thailand. Teach English, live like a king on $2k/mo. Maybe America just doesn't deserve you.
I honestly don't feel bitter, if anything I'm happy when i see others doing well. Maybe its because i still have a roof over my head and the essentials i need to live, and my opinion may change when i lose these things one day which isn't a matter of if but when. But man life is sure hard, and seeing ppl winning gives me some sort of comfort currently even if its not me.
Did you ever consider their debt. Just because someone appears one way does not make it so. Secondly, a two person income is needed to live. So, you are comparing yourself like apples and carrots. Also, why would you be jealous of someone you have no idea what they did to get there.
I am still angry at some people who flaunt their privilege in everyone's face. But overall, I could have done much worse, but I didn't. I, too, had some luck in finding a stable job and inheriting a house. So if I catch myself complaining for too long, I remind myself of the good things that have happened to me, and that usually stops my spiral of self-pity.
Yes. I'm on the planning board for my 10 year college reunion. I'm the only alum who stayed in the town we went to college in. I couldn't afford to leave. I'm also the last single one. The resentment, bordering on hate, that I feel for my classmates is real. Though, it's mostly fueled by my regret about not leaving. They also have the audacity to ask for a mini reunion in the major city most of them are in. Never mind how the alumni association holds events near them all the time.
There was a time in my life where I probably felt jealous and bitter towards those who have had success in their lives. It didn’t get me anywhere. I worked dead end jobs for years and thought there was no hope of escaping my small town. One night in my late 20’s, I was sitting in my room in my mom’s trailer, I finally decided to enroll in A&P school. I worked 40+ hours a week at McDonald’s and attended school online for about a year. Then moved across 4 state lines to do the 9 months of hands on training. I had some money saved up. So I didn’t have to work for the first 4 or 5 months. Then I began working two 12 hour shifts each weekend. I didn’t have a day off for months. After I graduated, I took my 7 FAA exams to obtain my A&P Certificate. I moved halfway across the country for my first job out of school. I spent about 2 years there. I then got a job as a contractor at one of the major airlines. But I only lasted a week and a half due to Covid. I moved back home. 6 weeks later, I was hired on as a maintenance technician at a manufacturing facility (right place right time). I bought my first house in my home town (right place right time). 2 years later, I made it back to that airline and got hired direct. Unless I’m working overtime on one of my days off, I fly home every weekend. I’ve been all over the country. I’ve been to London twice so far this year. I even flew business class. The only reason I found success is because of a small (but also big) decision to turn my life around when I was at my lowest. I’m sure some folks will read this and come up with every excuse under the sun about how not everyone can do that. And those people will likely stay stuck in their ways for years. But I hope it motivates you. Good luck!
Yes, all the time. It does me no favors but no amount of rationalization or logic will prevent me from suffering with envy. Blaming others does me no favors but I can't help but feel... cheated? Robbed? Like, I didn't have an intact home. My parents were not rich/wealthy, didn't have a lot of connections and were not particularly good looking or intelligent... and yet they decided to have kids. I feel like so much misery could've been prevented if they just decided to not have children. But here we are. I just wish that I weren't born.
Are you helping yourself or continuing to wallow? Did you attend school? Do you have the ability to attend school now? Do you have the ability to access a trade school? Do you network or have any connections that could steer you towards a skill such as family friends or former co workers? Do you put in any effort to make changes? Are you medicated for ADHD? Are you in therapy? Do you have a hobby?
The second whiny millennial post of the day. Jesus fucking Christ.
Those people are rich because they don't pay people like you living wages.
Most people are average. Most people aren’t upper level managers or higher ups. Nothing wrong with being most people.
I just want that. Average. Yet it feels unobtainable.
This is straight up depressing. I mean, you’re in the prime of your life. I’m assuming you’re single and don’t have kids? Depending on your life circumstances or education you could.. Look for roommates/get a job at a bar or restaurant. Move in with family and save up money or go to/back to school. Go teach English in Japan, China, Vietnam or Thailand. Sell your shit and hop on a bus to Vegas and get a casino job. Get a job on a cruise ship. Work offshore. Honestly though. Invest in a doctor and get on some antidepressants.
The American Dream should more accurately be called the American Lottery. Only the top 10% make in excess of $150k. I think that’s probably the minimum in most mid-COL areas to do the kinds of things you listed. 10%. it’s hard to conceptualize, but think of your high school graduating class. 10% of those people will be successful. I graduated with 150. That’s just 15 people that will obtain that level of success. You can take that info and do with it as you will. Either you can take comfort that you’re not a failure, or you can find sorrow in the reality that you’ll never reach that level.
>You can take that info and do with it as you will. Either you can take comfort that you’re not a failure, or you can find sorrow in the reality that you’ll never reach that level. It’s very odd to me that people don’t feel like they could be in the population that do well. Pretty much whatever your situation, you can be successful by working with the right people and doing the right things. You can start today.
No because i work hard and had a good upbringing.
Success is not earned. It's all chance and luck. Born into the right zip code, attending a good public school. Having both parents that care about their children. Having a robust family. Access to clean drinking water. Not living in a food desert. Not being born with a chronic illness. These are all things that are outside the control of someone growing up which will severely hinder progress later in life.
Those are all things that can have an influence, but it’s 100% cope to say success is *all* luck. The fact that siblings within the same family can have wildly divergent outcomes is proof enough of that. Willingness to delay gratification is one of the most important predictors of success, and is independent of the factors you named. And most of the people who complain on places like Reddit grew up in the first world with access to public education, clean drinking water, etc. It’s pretty disingenuous to try to conflate the serious struggles of third-world people with the listless malaise of people like OP. If you live in the US (absent e.g. truly debilitating disease, which doesn’t include ADHD) you can work your way up to a six figure career, regardless of where you are now. But yes, it will likely require some sacrifice in the short term. So no, you can’t just eg quit without notice “for your mental health” whenever you feel work is unpleasant.
Not really. Even those who's parents had the resources to make them successful.
It's never too late to start over, think about what you really wanna do and make some changes 😎
I am a little envious of my younger brother. He's not a very responsible or reliable person. But he managed to get a cushy government job and I can't even get a shitty job with a master's degree. He just got lucky.
Even if you work dead end jobs your entire life you have to setup some sort of automatic investing so you have something waiting for you at the end. It takes more time than money/skill to become wealthy even 50 bucks consistently will still be massive for your age.
I feel you to a degree. CPTSD, similar economic situation. But on the other hand I don’t want any of those “normal” things except for being able to function more normally and having more money.
No. My ex used to hate to see others succeed. Like he would legit get so angry, it was not a good look. I never understood why. I'm happy for others when good things happen to them, especially when I know they're a good person. Now if they're a shitty person, I'll admit, I'm not happy for them but I'm also not jealous or mad. My parents raised me not to care about fancy shit, big houses, that kinda thing. As long as I have a roof over my head and food to eat, I'm good. Would it be cool to have more money and be able to buy the damn steam deck I've been trying to save up for, for months? Definitely, but there's no point in being bitter and making myself miserable over it. Things could be much worse. I'll just enjoy what I *do* have and be grateful. Edit: Another comment made me want to add. It does however drive me up the wall when some person buys a 10 bedroom multimillion dollar home who doesn't actually need a home that big though. (I mean realistically, who does?) Rather than blowing all that money on a stupid giant house, why not buy a normal house or even a *bit* of a fancy house then use some of that money to help house the homeless? Or donate to a kitchen to help feed those who need it? Or donate to an animal shelter? Why are you spending a couple of grand on a stupid handbag or some piece of clothing? The greed does make me angry and I don't understand it at all.
I wouldn't use the word bitter, but as a 36-year old ADHD person I'm certainly there with you. I'm still living paycheck to paycheck when, if I had simply made some better decisions in life earlier, I could have been close to early retirement by now. I don't blame other people, I blame myself. Sure, society made it hard (thanks inflation!) but it's ultimately my own wastefulness.
The first step to success is to take 100% responsibility for yourself. I seriously doubt that if we picked through your life with a fine tooth comb we would find you are doing everything possible to achieve personal success. It is a hard pill to swallow but once you take 100% responsibility for where you are now, only then can you truly change and improve your life.
I don’t because a lot of the people I see that are successful in their careers or traveling have worked for it and earned it. Social media was our downfall and I’ve learned not to be jealous at what I see.
You have Reddit. We are here for you.
Couple managers at my company have bought lunch for the office. All I can think is, “I will never be able to afford to do that.”
I did until I found success. So I can relate man. I thought I'd never get here. I didn't start getting "here" until I hit 35, myself. It almost seemed at random. Probably was. Shit sucks man all I can say is good luck.
Somewhat related, I've been reading up to be more economically literate. The more I learn about our system, the more I hate it. It really just funnels things upwards. Bullshit like limited liability, trust funds, stock buybacks, etc. The "trickle down" aspect is actually just "shit rolls downhill".
At specific people? Nah. Jaded and bitter and watching this dumbass system get primed to collapse in on itself? Big time.
I grew up poor and not knowing my father. Now I am doing pretty well. The only thing I will admit was luck is my health. Other than that it was hard work 100%. Work hard, don't play video games, be honest.
You're still quite young to make it as successful in life as your peers.
Nope
You need hope. If you have hope and patience, you can change your situation. Go to school and get some skills to land you a high paying job. In 4-5 years from now you’ll be feeling like you’re on top of the world.
I 100% understand this. I didn't even get the normal basic start to life. I was born to a single mom who is addicted to meth and an alcoholic. She was abusive physically, emotionally, and mentally. We were always homeless, sleeping outside, in abandoned buildings, sometimes the homeless shelter when she didn't get us kicked out. Sometimes, we had a car to sleep in, but that got taken real quick because my mom never had a license. Eventually my siblings and I were put in the foster care system and separated. More horrible shit happened. I'm an adult now in my 30s and I finally got off the streets in 2017 when I got approved for disability. Been struggling to keep a shitty apartment roof over my head for years. I'm on all kinds of programs to help with bills and necessary expenses. I don't get to do anything fun if it's not free. I can't save money. I can't work. I'll never own a home, or property. All I ever wanted was a home on a little plot of land so that I could grow a garden and maybe raise a few chickens and what not. And I'll never get that. I'm always going to be in a shitty 600 Sq ft apartment. I have no family, friendships have dissipated and faded because I can never go out and do things like they can. Can't really blame them for wanting to do things but I also just don't have the ability to spend even $10 on something. I don't have streaming, I don't have car payments, I have the cheapest option of a phone possible in my area. I can't even afford the value menu at fast food places. Yes I get jealous of people my age that have things going for them. It looks nice and I wish I could get to experience that.
Yes. I don’t have or want to have children- but I work and take care of my elderly grandmother (while her eldest son is enjoying retirement in a home he owns). I don’t own a home, I can’t afford to go to the beach, and I’m scared to see my ER bill from my trip to the hospital last week. I can’t afford to do the beauty maintenance I see other women my age do- manicures and pedicures, facials, Botox and waxing- so I feel less attractive and polished than my peers. I feel like I’m drowning in bills and responsibilities… while others my age are SAHM who have husbands who make enough for them to have a home, go on trips and get bi-weekly manicures. Everyone praises the moms regardless of whether or not they’re working as well… but if you’re a caretaker? You’re a leech if you’re not working to focus on their care and “taking on too much” if you work. I’m BROKE, I’m TIRED and my body HURTS. I’m so bitter
All the time. I call myself a "watcher". I get to watch other people live their lives, get engaged, buy a house, get married, have kids, buy a boat, and travel all over the world. I just watch. I'll never experience those things, I've accepted that. I'm too broken for that kind of life. So, I just watch.
You may be single but you have no idea how horrible child custody court and family court is and the complete havoc it can wreak on your life. Literally just getting over it. I have to rely on family for help who I don’t like at all and wish I could part from. This has giving me some very tough thinking to do coming up. But you, as a single person with no kids. I know how hard it is being alone because I have been for years. Just saying, lots of millennials went through some shit.
Nope, I think about what I *do* have and how very fortunate I am compared to many others.
Not healthy but yeah.
Who are these people? Are they in your network? Then why aren't you taking advantage of the knowledge and life lessons they can teach you to get where they are? They may also have connections to help you out. We always talk about how people with good connections get ahead. Do you think they were bitter of their connections, or do you think they were genuinely happy for them and willing to do what their mentors did to succeed in life. People can sense the bitterness, and it spooks people out. I've found that jealous and envious people are the most dangerous, and I treat them accordingly. My suggestion is to start having a lot more empathy for the people you're bitter towards. Try to catch yourself whenever you find yourself making baseless assumptions about them. Ask yourself if those assumptions can be applied to you. Try to actually get to know them and ask them how they navigate certain obstacles. Remember, we only know what people tell us. Most successful people wear a good mask and don't let others see their vulnerabilities. I used to be dirt poor, and I was surrounded by crabs who told me I would fail. The only people who believed in me and told me I'd do well were a couple of rich people. I soaked up every bit of information from them, and I proved all those crabs wrong.
I’ve seen so many people complaining about people getting ahead, but I can’t remember a SINGLE time I’ve seen someone on this sub actually ask for help to do the sort of things that people are doing to be successful. People don’t realize that there are legitimate millionaires answering some of these posts, and yet no one ever thinks “Hey - let me pick their brain or see if I can work with them to learn how to participate in this business.”
I'm one of the ones that have been very successful. I'm not bitter at all. The losers who are always whining and complaining definitely seem bitter.
People are not responsible for how you feel. You are at a point in life where YOU are responsible for YOU. Your being. Your mental fitness. Your circumstances. The past is the past. If you FEEL like you won’t achieve anything. That’s an emotion. It’s not a fact. So you need to take action. And do it tomorrow. If you don’t, other people are still not to blame.
If you feel this way, you have the wrong attitude. You need to change your way of thinking and maybe even hang out with these type people if that is what you want.
Money is a resource that we exchange for time. If they have little to show for how they spend their remaining time, I actually pitty them. Spending all of your time, trading out most precious resource, time, for accumulating another resource, seems useless. Show me why your life is better than mine with the decisions that you have made
Get off social media my friend
First placers aren't staring or looking at who's behind them.
44 and thankfully no, at least not significantly. 😕
Just to maybe help find some light in your life, vacations can be whatever. I get you are talking about a suitcase packed, glorious destination type vacation, but LOTS of people cannot afford that. Many people literally spend a week in the woods sleeping in their car with nothing but water and food you can make with boiling water. Personally, I rent a cheap ass motel at the coast an hour away, even just for a night, and just walk around on the beach - I even bring my own food most times, so I’m not paying tourist beach trap prices. And if that isn’t possible, some years I’ve just done a staycation. Took the week off and was indulgent as hell. I did all the things I didn’t have time for, like binging a TV show while playing video games/knitting all day or taking the city bus to a shopping center and treating my self to (small) shopping spree or watching a matinee movie (which are cheaper than night shows).
No, nothing against people more successful than me. What I do feel is a sort of self loathing and a lot of guilt that I didn't make better choices
Nah- but then again we have more than we need - I have friends who have more and I’m just happy for them. I’m generous with my friends who have less and love life!
The first step is to look in the mirror. Try to make a change that will lead you in a positive direction. Success is often making good habits and decisions however small, and having them compound over time. No quick fixes.
Also a large percent of these people have financial help from their families. Aka they enjoy a life they could never afford on their own salary. This is normally the case with my friends who own houses etc. They generally don’t understand how much this aid really did for their financial standing. Once you have some amount of wealth you begin to get a lot more. They bought houses with down payments before things got out of hand and now have mortgages less than my rent. That snowballs because then they have more money to invest and use on luxury. Getting them further ahead and continuing that cycle. All while really not making that much money from their paychecks. So then they can’t even understand why others don’t have this amount of wealth. The real key to success is invested money early in life. Which is not possible for most people. So then you hit middle age and don’t have this, it becomes harder and harder to get it. Your less likely to save every possible penny because you’re much older and you need some creature comforts to keep calm with the stressful life you have. This essentially snowballs the wrong way, your not saving but expenses keep getting higher including rent, food and dating. So now you’re even less likely to get out of being poor because you can’t save enough money to pull yourself out. And the story continues. So that’s why the rich get richer and the poor poorer. It’s about having a lump sum of money to start with which can change your fiscal standing in the world.
We all have different things to be jalous of. 1) you can decide what to do daily Work out, eat what you want, at each time, get up in the morning 2) no house means no stressfull maintence and having a leaky roof 3) most jobs arent ideal, but customer service jobs suck more, true
What are you doing or have done to change your situation?
To answer you, no. But I am who you hate. 36, married, house hold income if $300k, own a home that I bought for 360k in 2019 that is now with 585k, have a daughter, and my job is piss fucking easy, only work about 15h a week, 5 weeks vacation. And I didn't do anything the "right" way. I failed out of if college at 19 and spent the next 5 years basically sitting around playing video games. At 25 I decided it was time to get my life together. And I did. Got a masters degree in Accounting, married a lawyer. I think I did what most people never really do, I asked for help. A lot. From teachers. From friends. From family. From bosses. And I learned what I needed to do to became successful. I am not special. And tbh I didn't even really try that hard. I showed up, and I asked a lot of questions. I am fortunate that I believe I'm quite intelligent. All AP courses in high school, I went to a couple state competitions in math/science. I think that, plus a decent amount of confidence is all it took to set my life up. A few big things I did, kind of by accident, was I made actual friendships with my professors in my master's program. I started after class, asked questions, and most importantly I made them laugh. I had a job at a Fortune 500 company before I graduated. And I only did 1 interview. Hell I only put in 1 application in my master's program. That job then paid for my master's degree. And because I had big company work exp, when I decided to look for a new job after a few years, I had multiple companies fight over me. I got to be in that fun position of asking for more money. I landed a sweet gig that has insane w/l balance, pays me 6 figs, and is stupidly easy. It's not fair. And I'm honestly not trying to brag, just be honest with how my life has played out. What's fucked up is I'm very lazy 90% of the time. I just showed up and tried when I needed to. I think the absolute most important thing I've ever done is to learn and make myself "the funny guy". I am VERY quick witted on jokes. And I'm pretty crass. I am that guy who goes on vacation and comes back with 3 new friends that I texted regularly. I'm a people person. Super extroverted. People just like me. But I also love people. I put in the effort to nurture my relationships. I do this because I want to, but it also made it so when I needed/wanted help, I had a ton of people who are willing and able to help me along. Basically, it's all about the relationships you build on this life. If you sit inside and look at your phone so fast and you never go out into the world and try, you'll never get anywhere. Confidence+charisma+showing up is basically all it took to get me everything in this life. Ps, I'm not that good looking either. Went bald at 32. I do lift and play sports though, so I'm also athletic and look decently fit. But on the chubby side of fit. Just my story.
I’m technically successful but I still feel like a failure most of the time. I’m a teacher, I’m married and have stable income. I keep feeling like I failed because I am meant for something more ( career wise, in very happy being married at least) but I don’t know what anymore. I was a graphic designer. But the industry is so shitty I switched careers to something that honestly makes more, is oddly enough LESS stressful, makes more and is steady… now I don’t know where I would go from here. It’s a weird kinda damned if you do, damned if you don’t feeling.
I feel you. I'm 39 and have no "career," I feel like I was set up pretty good in life but fucked it up trying to fix my mental issues that nobody could help me with, so I drank to the extreme to cope and wasted a lot of time and now feel it's too late for me to have a career. I have some physical issues so I can't comfortable work an 8 hour desk job, but don't want to break my body doing labor at age 39+..and I do not have a strong drive to succeed or hustle, I just want to have fun and be at peace...you can't do that if you only care about making money and hustling. I hate not being able to provide better, and feel it's not really my fault and wish I could repeat some years in my teens and 20s. I have some success in the eyes of the world like having a house, which is cool but a pain in the ass to upkeep since it's old and it takes a lot of time and money. I wish I just had an apartment at some times. I'm sure people making 100k are too stressed our and work a ton or hate the job. Some married probably look happy but feel they married the wrong person. A person with 4 kids and a house might look successful but may have 0 free time and are burnt out.
I totally get this and just about cried when I heard someone talking about spending $300 on a multi-course meal today. For two people. I have had to train my brain to realize that their expense is their life, even though it would be so helpful to my own needs if I had $300. I have had to choose which bills I can pay for far too long. I am absolutely still on the Struggle Bus. Couldn’t get hired for anything other than retail or to drive equipment—I felt free when I was fired from the equipment job, despite the very, very difficult year and a half I had afterward. I also have ADHD as well and struggle with perfectionism in some aspects. My sense of social justice has affected my mental health at times for how fucked the world is to other humans and our planet’s ecosystems. If there is a door open to you to learn new skills/certifications, do it. Even if it’s one class at a time, or you learn from someone who knows what they’re doing. It hasn’t landed me much financially **-BUT-** I just landed my first non-retail job close to my mid-thirties. I’m pretty sure Jayden has more coins than I do at the moment. But being able to learn new skills has been extremely helpful.
That’s why I did the web development bootcamp after getting laid off from a miserable job last year. I’ve been doing delivery app since while looking for a full time job but it’s hard in this market.
I’m 35 and have ADHD, I went back to college after getting stuck in my last career for years. I kept comparing myself to those my age and finally realized anything I didn’t like about my life was because of my inaction or negative perception. The last 8 years have been me getting sober and getting in better health, both mentally and physically. I worked my ass off so my wife could go to school and get a good job so I could go back to school. We moved across the country, something I had always wanted to do, we now are so much closer to the life we felt we would never have because we realized we couldn’t be mad at other people for having the things we didn’t when we weren’t taking any steps to obtain those things.
Every single day, its one of the reasons I am not having children.
I never compared myself to other people like you are. I just set my goals and focused on that. Bitter envy is a poor way to use your mental faculties.
Honestly, only you control what you do and what you do day in and day out. Use your time wisely. Make a change and go start building a better life.
No. Successful people motivate me. I look at what they did to have the things they have that I want, and then I do the same. An example - years ago, a co-worker got openly celebrated for finishing her masters program at a staff meeting and got a huge promotion shortly thereafter. Instead of being a hater, I enrolled in the exact same master's program shortly thereafter and then I also got promoted after I graduated and have been on an upward trajectory with my career ever since. Jealousy is a normal human emotion and it's okay to feel that way sometimes, but don't dwell on it. It won't get you anywhere. Beyond what you are not physically and/or mentally capable of, who or what is stopping you from achieving your goals? I hate toxic positivity, but I really do feel this mindset is useful and productive. Go get what you want, and make no apologies for it. I believe in you!
It’s not toxic positivity when there is a world of opportunity around. Some people see it, go after it, and find it, and others say they are lucky. Well, if you spend every day and all your life looking for opportunity, it’s no surprise that you find it. That not really luck - it’s inevitable given how they approach life.
No, stop being a hater. You’re clearly not happy with your life. You should be spending all your energy on finding ways to make yourself happy vs wasting it thinking about other people
This post really just sums this whole sub up. Probably will get so many upvotes.
No, I don't, generally. I don't view billionaires well due to their greed, but success is relative, wide-ranging, and not equally allotted or made. I don't see any point for me personally to feel bitter, jaded, angry, envious, or resentful about people's success. It doesn't get me anywhere and is a waste of my energy, personally speaking. I tell myself "good for them!" and feel happy that they have what they do usually. I just say every once in a while to myself, "I will be, too, one day."
No because everybody is doing the best they can with what they have and know. If you were in their shoes, you most likely would have done the same things and got the same success.
OP, I mean this with love: Get your shit together. Spend less time being envious of what people have and spend more time studying what they did to get it. Unless you have some mental issues way beyond ADHD, you can either study or walk into a plethora of middle income jobs. Example: nurses. Education: community college. Sometimes we need less sympathy and more ‘get your head out of your ass.’
I will never be upset that someone worked for their success
Your post resonates a lot. I am lucky that after many years of making NO money and struggling hard, I do actually have a good career and make ok money. But I still struggle to get by. After housing costs, student loan payments, utilities etc I don't have much left... so it makes me wonder how the fuck people who don't make much more than me are constantly traveling, buying new appliances/cars, etc... and I don't even have any consumer debt now! Just my massive student loan. And then you start to realize all these kids are rich kids. Literally all the people I know who are "successful" and seem to have a great lifestyle free of stress and just seem so upwardly mobile are ALL rich kids. Never had to worry about student debt, saving for a down payment, financial emergencies.. Like I said, I do pretty well these days on paper, better than many. And I really have to budget! I take \*maybe\* one week long holiday a year, eat out a bit, but nothing fancy. Anecdotally, and as I have already said, the folks I envy the most in real life are all people who've had no worries at all in life and nothing but upward mobility. So I am bitter and jaded about that. Would have been nice. I wonder where I'd be if I even just had my family to pay my student loans. That $40k would be a downpayment, could be invested, et cetera. For example: a coworker of mine has no student debt and an MBA from a top Canadian university (parents paid for), just bought a brand new house for 700K, just got married in a 50K wedding, just bought a new camper van, spent all of last summer backpacking, and is ALWAYS travelling. She makes the same as me, and her now-husband MAYBE makes six figures. Canada is expensive as hell. I know people who make way more than their household income and have half of that. Then, I found out her dad is a VP of a huge company and made a bunch of money in the stock market. Now I know why she's never worried about money and was so set up for success by comparison.
I have ADHD and i feel like i haven't done much with my life. I am not going to say it's easy. It is not, especially with our condition. But i still keep working on it because i know i can do better. And it's all for some normacy. Nothing luxurious, i just want to be comfortable.
Sometimes unpopular recommendation, but join the military. You’re getting near or are at the max age, so you’d need to get started soon or get an age waiver. I had worked an insane amount of random jobs, some worthwhile and some not, and the army gave me the kick in the ass I needed to get my shit together, made me appreciate the satisfaction of achieving something after suffering for it, and taught me how to accomplish a seemingly impossible task with a team (usually full of people with whom I wouldn’t otherwise associate). I also make better money than most of those previous jobs (due to housing allowance, not base pay), and get more vacation time than I did at any of the other jobs. VA home loan and education benefits are awesome too. You can get trained up on skills that you can then use to help land a civilian job. Some of the contracts are as short as 3 years. It’s not for everyone, and I spent most of my younger years thinking I was against the military or at least the Mil industrial complex, but it has been mostly a net positive in my life, and based on what you’ve shared here, I think you’d benefit from it. I’d recommend looking at Air Force or coast guard first, and then talk to any of their other branches if they won’t take you (they’re the two most selective). They have a higher quality of life than the other branches
You never know what people have or don't have. I've been saving for a house for years and my coworker who is years younger decided and bought a house within a year. I was so jealous until I found out she cashed in part of her 401k and is in debt. We do things in our own timeliness. Change one thing at a time if you want things yo change