A manual is probably one of the greatest anti theft deterrents these day. I've only owned manuals and no one wants to drive my car. People think I'm insane for driving them. Always stating they took too much mental and hand coordination.
Funny story: when I was a kid living near Carrollton & Claiborne, somebody stole my mom’s manual Toyota from the driveway. A couple days later, my dad and I pull into a drugstore parking lot a few blocks away and voila, there’s my mom’s car. They had ruined the clutch and gave up lol
I have deliberately not fixed a fucked up bumper on my car and the most trouble I've ever had is someone door-checked it walking down our street and stole a couple adderalls.
I had a shit box Chevy tracker that I would park anywhere and leave unlocked all the time. It would cost more to replace a window then the whole car was worth. Great car for NOLA.
I owned a crappy Hyundai when I lived in San Francisco. It was manual but reverse didn’t work. I simply used gravity on SF’s hills to roll backward whenever I needed reverse. 🤣 Unfortunately not an option in New Orleans.
When she moved here, my best friend would rag on me for slowing down at intersections if I had the right-of-way. Bitch, ain't no one got insurance on this block but me.
FACTS. my friends are always so impatient that I wait at a 4 way to make sure the other driver is going to actually stop. “He’s gotta stop too, just go!” MF, does it look like that guy is stopping? You wanna take that risk in your own car, so be it. In mine, we wait. I’ve been rear ended 3 times in 7 years, I don’t trust not a single one of these drivers.
Had a woman slow roll a 3 way stop on Moss last week.
Had the audacity to stop in the middle of the intersection, open her door and yell at me.
"You were about to let me go!" No maam. That's not how stop signs work. You have to stop at them. I just drove around her.
People are purposefully obtuse and selfish when it comes to driving here.
Of, god, I live near the bayou and it’s unbelievable how many folks completely ignore the signs to stop for pedestrians crossing at crosswalks. Same thing on Esplanade. I’m risking my life to cross to canceco’s because my dog is old and takes his time and doesn’t know these drivers will kill folks on Esplanade just trying to enjoy their day.
Yeah, I grew up on N Lopez. We used to walk to Whole Foods and Terranovas daily and never had a problem with people speeding or not stopping. It's ridiculous now.
Like the people who get mad at those of us who stop at blinking yellows. Like do you really expect me to trust that a) someone isn’t going to blow through that blinking red and b) that the light is even blinking the other way.
Watch for people jumping red lights before they turn green too.
Three weeks ago today, I got run down on my bike by a dude sitting at a red light looking at his phone and decided to jump the light before it turned green.
I'm lucky to be alive.
I was driving through a neighborhood with a friend and they asked, “are you gonna stop at every intersection even if you don’t have a stop sign?” I said, yep.
When I have people come visit from out of town, this is the first thing I tell them. If you’re the first car at an intersection NEVER pull out immediately when the light turns green.
A couple years ago my grandpa got t boned this way. He waited so long the lady behind him said she was about to honk at him to go, then he got hit instead of her with her baby in the car.
THIS. When I travel for work I've had cars honk at me for pausing at a green light because I'm waiting for someone to come flying through the red. Honk all you want, Im not willing to die that easily.
You can get free admission to various places with a (current Orleans parish) library card. Reservations need to be made in advance. https://www.eventkeeper.com/mars/tkflex.cfm?curOrg=NOPL&CFID=114435029&CFTOKEN=405f52bc1f041967-FEA5D8A3-D4AE-528A-535042591238E1E3
Ssshhh. The fact that you can just walk the entire streetcar lines on the neutral ground and avoid crowds, tourists and street hustlers completely is the best kept open secret.
Fill your bathtub before any tropical storms or hurricanes hit, and get your bottled water stash before there's a threat and everyone empties the shelves during the pre-storm panic.
If you plan to leave, book your hotel room early, before rates jump up and there's a shortage of rooms. You can usually cancel 24 hours before if the track shifts and you don't need to evac anymore (always check the cancellation policy tho, book directly and not thru a 3rd party like Expedia).
Keep battery charging blocks ready so you can charge your phone in case of a storm or Entergy failing.
Keep water bottles in your freezer to help keep your food cold longer.
Stay hydrated in the summer and drink more water than you think you need.
Wear sunscreen.
In addition to the filled bathtub, we have collapsible water jugs that we can fill as well.
Crawfish pots and burners are a great way to warm up water if you need some.
Rechargeable LED standing lights are great to light up a room while you are waiting (sometimes 2 weeks or more) for Entergy to restore your power.
if you're trying to get uptown or downtown any further than a distance between one of the neutral ground cross streets, stay the fuck away from st charles
Depends on where from. I'm more likely to go Broad->Fontainebleau if I'm coming from downtown. From Lakeview or beyond, it's Howard St all day.
Also, don't you dare tell anyone about dropping into the back side of the Dome by way of Galvez.
When you grow up and have kids you can still play them the Cash Money Instrumentals album on Spotify while you’re driving around (but I skip Still Fly because there’s some sexual moaning in it).
https://open.spotify.com/album/47wfkpRPGclkhaouVFGxu9?si=yMvBgZO1SEKtcTjDXghrrw
Lol I recently conflated the ratings for music with the ratings for tv and games. so I wanted to play some Manny Fresh for the kids and saw the rating “e” and though “e is for everyone!” Turns out e is for explicit. What I want to look for is “clean” or “radio version”.
Turn off the ice maker if you have one. Had a friend who came home to ruined floors when the ice maker came back on and weeks later had it had flowed out of the fridge everywhere.
I always put everything in my freezer in a garbage bag before a storm hits. That way if power is out and I gotta throw it away I just yank the bag out.
Don't go buy 40 pounds of shrimp to put in your freezer before a hurricane is coming.
I can't tell you how many houses I walked into after Katrina where every single person said they had just bought shrimp and put them in the freezer.
Then felt the need to open said freezer after not having been in the house for three months
I was in the French Quarter the first day it opened after Katrina and walked past Ralph and Kacoos while they were emptying the freezers. 🤮 I have a horrible sense of smell and I was across the street and still smelling it. The guys cleaning it out were in hazmat suits and one of them still came out, pulled the hood off, and threw up.
Know which bars are your date bars, which bars are your regular bars and which bars are your crying bars. Overtip anytime you enter or cry at said crying bar.
The humidity will turn dry goods like cereal into soft sponges very quickly. Get some food grade air tight containers for things like dry cereal, oatmeal, pasta, rice etc. They'll keep much longer.
Similarly, makeup goes bad quicker but you can store it with some of those little silica packets you get when you buy certain things that have to stay dry. Some people also store makeup in a mini fridge, which feels like overkill to me but you could probably get one cheap from an undergrad moving out at the end of the semester.
30 seconds in the air fryer will crisp your chips and crackers back up perfectly. Saltines never stay great for long in the humidity. I used to use the regular oven but once I got the air fryer- hell yes. Also works on just plain stale stuff. The extra chips you might bring home from a Mexican restaurant taste fresh out of the grease after 30 seconds in there too.
I love the air fryer for perking up leftovers and slightly soft things that should be crisp! Takeout French fries in the air fryer are fantastic
Many also have a feature for drying things out. I think it's to make stuff like fruit or beef jerky. But I've used it for crackers and it worked ok
Powdered laundry detergent, too! I got a Tupperware-style plastic container from Walmart, the sort that's meant to hold cereal or something. It keeps the detergent from turning into a brick, even though it's in a garage with no a/c. And powdered detergent is half the price of the pods, without the mess or soap residue from liquid detergent.
Put a quarter in a cup on top of frozen ice in your freezer. Here’s why:
https://www.rd.com/article/quarter-frozen-cup-of-water/#:~:text=What%20can%20you%20learn%20from,and%20are%20safe%20to%20eat.
I refer to it as "Louisiana left". I bypass the intersection to the next crossover with no light, then u-turn back to desired intersection and proceed to turn right on red .
I was taught that if there is the wide white strip across the intersection, then you have to stop for the light, if there isn’t you can go through the intersection.
Hurricane season hacks: Before evacuating, unplug all your electronics and put them on the highest shelf available or upstairs if you have a second floor. Also keep an ax in the attic. Know your neighbors names and which one has a boat and a generator.
Don’t sit in your car and be on your phone. Get your map and destination ready while you are still inside so when you get in the car and start it you are ready to go. Lock your doors. Don’t trust google maps- it will send you through an area you don’t want to be in just cause it’s one minute faster.
Don't assume you know what the road looks like when it's raining. You don't. Potholes change constantly and the thing that looks like a puddle could be a foot deep jagged hole ready to eat your tire or kill your shocks.
If you get invited to a parade house owned by a friend of a friend, bring a bottle of the host's favorite liquor and help them clean up throughout the night. You *will* get invited back for every parade, even without your friend.
Get to know as many people on your block as possible, especially the AirBnB owner/manager.
Memorize their names and be cordial.
Follow the Golden Rule with your neighbors and your life will be a bit nicer.
My neighbours are great and we all help each other out.
I don't know any AIRBNB owners around me, but I can almost promise I'm not getting to know any to be *nice* to them.
Talk to everyone and be cordial. If you're not local, when someone asks you what school you went to, that's them trying to see if you have anyone in common. You can say where you work if you're comfortable doing that or find some local friends and say where they went and whenabouts they graduated, just on the off chance that they know each other.
I never really worry much about hurricane prep or last minute panicking cuz around June of every year I just refresh my back closet stash.
You should have a really simple stash:
The 18 pack of MREs is like $60, and at room temp has a shelf life around 36 months, I replace mine every other year to be safe (there’s a shelf life/temperature chart you can look up, it’s longer if cooler but not worth it to me to store anywhere but the back of the closet).
A few cases of bottled water.
A backpack with spare shirts/shorts/underwear/socks, a nice pocketknife, a gun and a small hatchet (mostly just for the whole “you need to bust out your roof” scenario), spare contacts for a month, and glasses, and that’s basically it.
Lots of candles and some lighters.
The bag is whatever, but throw a case or two of MREs and a case or two of water in your closet and for $100 you’ll never need to battle grocery store panic a day before landfall ever again.
I feel conflicted. On the one hand, I feel like if I spend $60 on MREs that I've never used, I'll make myself eat them. On the other hand, I still combat grocery store panic to avoid eating them.
Decrease the amount of refrigerator/frozen foods during hurricane season. As in, only buy a weeks worth and no more.
Restaurants, during the Summer time, can have some pretty good deals.
Talk to strangers at restaurants and bars, or museums and parks. One of my greatest joys of living here is encounters with random folks, especially those older than me, and hearing their stories and jokes.
Keep your car free of stuff at almost all times.
Find your favorite neutral ground to park for heavy rain storms.
Know the free days for the Zoo & Aquarium
UTILIZE THE PUBLIC LIBRARY.
VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE
If you keep your car looking “no so great”, like keep nothing in your car except random shit like cheap clothes and some napkins and shit strewn around the car jacker kids will usually leave your car alone. I’ve always been berated for keeping my car messy but I’m the one who hasn’t gotten their car broken into in years 🤷🏻♀️ I always like to say that in New Orleans you can’t have anything nice. Kinda like having cats
If you got something nice, it’s probably gonna get broken. Like you get a new car, either the roads will fuck it up or you’ll get carjacked/broken into. I buy a nice vase and put it on the shelf in my house, my cats are probably gonna knock it over if it catches their attention.
Natural fibers are your friends. I wear 100% wool sweaters and socks during those few weeks of damp cold, cotton shirts and pants during spring and fall, and linen during the 5-6 months of swampass summer. Synthetic fibers don't wick sweat well and will hold onto stank forever.
>Synthetic fibers don't wick sweat well
Is that correct? I thought the reason every professional athlete (especially endurance athletes like marathoners who sweat a ton) wears synthetic fabrics is due to the moisture wicking properties.
I was very upset at the inability to find great Hispanic food in the city. Tried pupusas just about everywhere, nothin great - until I found Norma’s.
Was just walking around and wondered if they had coffee and iI was in heaven. Every Central American crema and cheese you’d ever need.
I about passed out when I saw their pupusas and pollo guisado and they were ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS. Just some small market in a mix-city neighborhood that is now my new heaven.
Consult the magic 8 ball 🎱 to anticipate a sudden turn by a driver. Most people don’t use turn signals here.
This next suggestion may sound odd, I’m completely serious. Leave the air conditioning off once and a while. In the event the electricity goes out during a hurricane and you don’t have a generator, you’ll have built a tolerance. Like navy seal training, swamp style.
Same! Sometimes I make it a little warmer. Or no air conditioning at all. I can’t stand to go inside and back outside, and have my shirt to stick to my back and being blasted with AC. I hear people say “I have to keep the temperature at 65”. 😲😲😲 I really got schooled from hurricane Ida. No electricity for 8 days. No generator. Old house with windows that don’t open. It was brutal. The entire neighborhood left eventually. Maybe with one exception.
Always get two orders of beighnets your SO/Partner will ALWAYS want some.. even if they give the I'm not hungry or i dont want that excuse. I've had way too many of my beighnets stolen.
Where to find the good, clean potties in the quarter. I have my go-to hidden gems I won't mention. In my earlier days, the nicer hotels were usually a good bet with the lobby bathrooms.
If you cycle:
-Rubarb Bikes is your go to for picking up beaters when you have friends in town.
-Make sure you pick a bike with suspension and don't lock your elbows when you ride. Riding here will put a bunch of pressure on your sternum if you're not careful.
-Your back tire is the most expensive; lock both of them.
Never try to Uber from the quarter (your visitors will want to go to the quarter). Walk to one of the downtown hotels and have a nightcap there and have the guys at the door call you a cab! Much less hassle
Don't drink the entire Hurricane at POB's. It's 50% rum. The BFF visited and didn't listen. We had to peel her off the floor.
The pastry chef at Hotel Intercontinental makes awesome king cake and they sell whole ones during Mardi Gras.
Don't breathe in when you take a bite of beignet. You'll choke to death.
Stay out of the French Quarter and off Canal after 4 pm during Mardi Gras and go to CBD if you're tempted to go down there during Mardi Gras. It's very difficult to get around except walking. If you can afford the tickets, the stands along St Charles are the way to go. The ones at Lafayette Square are my favorites.
Duct tape is your best friend during hurricanes. Don't walk through flood waters. There's some seriously funky stuff in the water, and if you have any cuts, it can get real bad, real fast. Also some of the venomous snakes are aquatic. They also like to drop down from trees into your boat. If you're out on the bayou, be armed in case of snakes and alligators. And speaking of snakes, always watch where you are stepping especially in high grass or stepping over logs.
Working/parking downtown…Park in Harrahs garage, sit at a slot machine for the necessary time needed for free parking via casino play card with an alarm set on your phone for the playtime needed, (don’t use more than $5 at the slot machine, even better if you just read through instructions during the necessary time & don’t actually gamble the $). Once your timer goes off, cash out your play ticket, collected your $ & parking validation. It Used to be 30 minutes playtime for Free parking for 24 hours.
If a stranger comes up to you and asks I bet I can tell you where you got them shoes . Just tell him you are local and I’m not playing that . . It’s a very common scam .
Just go ahead and give the kid a dollar when he runs up to you and tells you "I bet I know where u got dem shoes at". Don't say a word just hand it over and hopefully he doesn't continue to accost you.
You're not from New Orleans. You never will be. It's ok. I promise. But it will creep up and bug you from time to time. Resist the temptation to argue with a native about it. It's ok.
That said, the vocabulary and pronunciation are a daily test of your Orleanian-ness...
Nobody's asking you where you went to college. They want to know what high school you went to.
If you reference a direction as north, south, east, or west, you did it wrong. The only east is The East, the only north is the North Shore, the only west is the West Bank, and so forth. Uptown, downtown, lake side (lake bound), river side (river bound).
K&B is not just the defunct Katz and Besthoff. It's how a very specific purple used by the stores is referenced.
You can tell how old an Orleanian is by how they pronounce Clio. (clEYE-oh, clEE-oh, or The See El Ten)
I don't care what the color is, the street is BurGUNdee.
A Neutral Ground is like a median wherever you're from, but it's a LOT more fun.
It's a Streetcar. Period. I will die on this hill.
Own a crappy-looking car: No note, high clearance. Bonus if it's a manual.
A manual is probably one of the greatest anti theft deterrents these day. I've only owned manuals and no one wants to drive my car. People think I'm insane for driving them. Always stating they took too much mental and hand coordination.
Funny story: when I was a kid living near Carrollton & Claiborne, somebody stole my mom’s manual Toyota from the driveway. A couple days later, my dad and I pull into a drugstore parking lot a few blocks away and voila, there’s my mom’s car. They had ruined the clutch and gave up lol
Codify this is perfect 👍
Fuck yeah this. Also, we got no hills, so you don't even really have the rollback problem with people riding your ass.
Mostly true. Some of the on-ramps and bridges can be problematic in heavy traffic.
Lifted Pontiac vibe manual FTW.
I have deliberately not fixed a fucked up bumper on my car and the most trouble I've ever had is someone door-checked it walking down our street and stole a couple adderalls.
You keep adderall in your car?
I keep a couple spares in my glove compartment for long drives, yeah.
I keep some in the car because my adhd sometimes makes me forget them at home
I had a shit box Chevy tracker that I would park anywhere and leave unlocked all the time. It would cost more to replace a window then the whole car was worth. Great car for NOLA.
I owned a crappy Hyundai when I lived in San Francisco. It was manual but reverse didn’t work. I simply used gravity on SF’s hills to roll backward whenever I needed reverse. 🤣 Unfortunately not an option in New Orleans.
Look for people blowing through a red light when your light turns green.
When she moved here, my best friend would rag on me for slowing down at intersections if I had the right-of-way. Bitch, ain't no one got insurance on this block but me.
FACTS. my friends are always so impatient that I wait at a 4 way to make sure the other driver is going to actually stop. “He’s gotta stop too, just go!” MF, does it look like that guy is stopping? You wanna take that risk in your own car, so be it. In mine, we wait. I’ve been rear ended 3 times in 7 years, I don’t trust not a single one of these drivers.
Had a woman slow roll a 3 way stop on Moss last week. Had the audacity to stop in the middle of the intersection, open her door and yell at me. "You were about to let me go!" No maam. That's not how stop signs work. You have to stop at them. I just drove around her. People are purposefully obtuse and selfish when it comes to driving here.
Of, god, I live near the bayou and it’s unbelievable how many folks completely ignore the signs to stop for pedestrians crossing at crosswalks. Same thing on Esplanade. I’m risking my life to cross to canceco’s because my dog is old and takes his time and doesn’t know these drivers will kill folks on Esplanade just trying to enjoy their day.
Esplanade used to be more courteous.
It really was. I worked over here in the Before Times (pre-K) and really the major change is the agro traffic.
Yeah, I grew up on N Lopez. We used to walk to Whole Foods and Terranovas daily and never had a problem with people speeding or not stopping. It's ridiculous now.
Like the people who get mad at those of us who stop at blinking yellows. Like do you really expect me to trust that a) someone isn’t going to blow through that blinking red and b) that the light is even blinking the other way.
Right of way just means it's your turn. Not that it's safe.
Watch for people jumping red lights before they turn green too. Three weeks ago today, I got run down on my bike by a dude sitting at a red light looking at his phone and decided to jump the light before it turned green. I'm lucky to be alive.
Only took me a couple of months before I figured this out.
Or a stop sign! Going down River Road yesterday and we could tell this A**hole wasn’t going to stop but we had no where to go except up the levee.
I got hit by someone behind the car at a stop sign 2 weeks ago
STOP at red lights and stop signs people
I was driving through a neighborhood with a friend and they asked, “are you gonna stop at every intersection even if you don’t have a stop sign?” I said, yep.
This should be done everywhere
When I have people come visit from out of town, this is the first thing I tell them. If you’re the first car at an intersection NEVER pull out immediately when the light turns green.
A couple years ago my grandpa got t boned this way. He waited so long the lady behind him said she was about to honk at him to go, then he got hit instead of her with her baby in the car.
this but all the time and also stop signs. i notice it a lot in the lower 9 and the east
THIS. When I travel for work I've had cars honk at me for pausing at a green light because I'm waiting for someone to come flying through the red. Honk all you want, Im not willing to die that easily.
Look BOTH ways on a one way street. Always.
Culture pass from the library.
I also found out recently the library has a "seed library" they'll give you free seeds for your garden!
I love this so much!
Shhhhh it’s a secret
This is massive news
What’s that?
You can get free admission to various places with a (current Orleans parish) library card. Reservations need to be made in advance. https://www.eventkeeper.com/mars/tkflex.cfm?curOrg=NOPL&CFID=114435029&CFTOKEN=405f52bc1f041967-FEA5D8A3-D4AE-528A-535042591238E1E3
Ohh that's so cool
Don’t trust SWBNO with autopay.
Honestly, just go ahead a read your own meter while you're at it
The meter that was buried under a foot of mud for more than a year?
This should be higher. Those people are madmen. Life-wrecking levels of theft.
Also if you’re late by a few days, don’t stress about late fees. They’re too backed up to notice
They got that SWB sex room, and if they're willing to Fk each other at work, imagine what they'll do to you!
I keep a pair of rain boots in my car
Don't trust sidewalks or puddles.
or farts.
Especially in swamp-ass summer
Or sidewalk puddlefarts
Ssshhh. The fact that you can just walk the entire streetcar lines on the neutral ground and avoid crowds, tourists and street hustlers completely is the best kept open secret.
Please delete this!
If you plant natives you won’t have to clear out tropical goop when it freezes
lol tropical goop. I kno it well
Fill your bathtub before any tropical storms or hurricanes hit, and get your bottled water stash before there's a threat and everyone empties the shelves during the pre-storm panic. If you plan to leave, book your hotel room early, before rates jump up and there's a shortage of rooms. You can usually cancel 24 hours before if the track shifts and you don't need to evac anymore (always check the cancellation policy tho, book directly and not thru a 3rd party like Expedia). Keep battery charging blocks ready so you can charge your phone in case of a storm or Entergy failing. Keep water bottles in your freezer to help keep your food cold longer. Stay hydrated in the summer and drink more water than you think you need. Wear sunscreen.
In addition to the filled bathtub, we have collapsible water jugs that we can fill as well. Crawfish pots and burners are a great way to warm up water if you need some. Rechargeable LED standing lights are great to light up a room while you are waiting (sometimes 2 weeks or more) for Entergy to restore your power.
Use Tchoupitoulas to get uptown; use the Tchoupitoulas on-ramp to the bridge to go to the West Bank.
Feret jet baby
Freret and Prytania are my homies.
Literally just every street that isn’t St Charles or Magazine
if you're trying to get uptown or downtown any further than a distance between one of the neutral ground cross streets, stay the fuck away from st charles
Proper directions.
[удалено]
Florida ave when in Mid-city trying to get to Lowes or the Marigny on Sunday during second lines.
And use Earhart to get most places in JP!
Depends on where from. I'm more likely to go Broad->Fontainebleau if I'm coming from downtown. From Lakeview or beyond, it's Howard St all day. Also, don't you dare tell anyone about dropping into the back side of the Dome by way of Galvez.
When you grow up and have kids you can still play them the Cash Money Instrumentals album on Spotify while you’re driving around (but I skip Still Fly because there’s some sexual moaning in it). https://open.spotify.com/album/47wfkpRPGclkhaouVFGxu9?si=yMvBgZO1SEKtcTjDXghrrw
Is that because you plan to take over in the 99 and the 2000?
Lol I recently conflated the ratings for music with the ratings for tv and games. so I wanted to play some Manny Fresh for the kids and saw the rating “e” and though “e is for everyone!” Turns out e is for explicit. What I want to look for is “clean” or “radio version”.
Hell yea thank you
Wait, was I not supposed to expose my kids to Cash Money lyrics?
I woke up my partner by playing this today. He seemed appreciative.
The chorus to “Ha” is my daily affirmation.
Have an escape plan. Brother's chicken (Roberts is pretty damn clutch at the right time of day) Fuck the falcons
Especially fuck the Falcons! Also, fuck Alabama!
Don't put your S&WB on autopay.
Cut your grass before the hurricane hits.
Do your laundry before the hurricane hits too.
And empty your fridge/freezer.
If I evacuate, I empty and put in contractor bags and throw in the back of my truck and throw in the hotel dumpster at wherever we end up.
Turn off the ice maker if you have one. Had a friend who came home to ruined floors when the ice maker came back on and weeks later had it had flowed out of the fridge everywhere.
I always put everything in my freezer in a garbage bag before a storm hits. That way if power is out and I gotta throw it away I just yank the bag out.
Don't go buy 40 pounds of shrimp to put in your freezer before a hurricane is coming. I can't tell you how many houses I walked into after Katrina where every single person said they had just bought shrimp and put them in the freezer. Then felt the need to open said freezer after not having been in the house for three months
I still remember the smell of all the rotting seafood in the fridges out on my street after Katrina 🤢🤢
My buddies entire fridge opened up on him while he was moving it to the curb.
I was in the French Quarter the first day it opened after Katrina and walked past Ralph and Kacoos while they were emptying the freezers. 🤮 I have a horrible sense of smell and I was across the street and still smelling it. The guys cleaning it out were in hazmat suits and one of them still came out, pulled the hood off, and threw up.
This^ I will never be able to erase that smell from my memory
Know which bars are your date bars, which bars are your regular bars and which bars are your crying bars. Overtip anytime you enter or cry at said crying bar.
What if the crying bar *is* your regular bar?
Don’t do that
This does happen and there may be a "no crying" sign up in my Marigny crying bar due to this.
St Roch Tavern has an "upcharge for crying" sign.
I love this and deserve it. Have cried there.
My shoes are on my feet.
on the street
on the corner of Bourbon and Conti
The humidity will turn dry goods like cereal into soft sponges very quickly. Get some food grade air tight containers for things like dry cereal, oatmeal, pasta, rice etc. They'll keep much longer. Similarly, makeup goes bad quicker but you can store it with some of those little silica packets you get when you buy certain things that have to stay dry. Some people also store makeup in a mini fridge, which feels like overkill to me but you could probably get one cheap from an undergrad moving out at the end of the semester.
30 seconds in the air fryer will crisp your chips and crackers back up perfectly. Saltines never stay great for long in the humidity. I used to use the regular oven but once I got the air fryer- hell yes. Also works on just plain stale stuff. The extra chips you might bring home from a Mexican restaurant taste fresh out of the grease after 30 seconds in there too.
I love the air fryer for perking up leftovers and slightly soft things that should be crisp! Takeout French fries in the air fryer are fantastic Many also have a feature for drying things out. I think it's to make stuff like fruit or beef jerky. But I've used it for crackers and it worked ok
Powdered laundry detergent, too! I got a Tupperware-style plastic container from Walmart, the sort that's meant to hold cereal or something. It keeps the detergent from turning into a brick, even though it's in a garage with no a/c. And powdered detergent is half the price of the pods, without the mess or soap residue from liquid detergent.
I keep all the silica packets that come with stuff and keep them in the doggie treat jar and the bins of pill bottles
Put a quarter in a cup on top of frozen ice in your freezer. Here’s why: https://www.rd.com/article/quarter-frozen-cup-of-water/#:~:text=What%20can%20you%20learn%20from,and%20are%20safe%20to%20eat.
How to make a New Orleans left
Also sometimes it is way easier to go through the intersection and make a u turn and then take a right. Looking at you Magazine and Napoleon
Ditto Mag and Louisiana
[удалено]
I refer to it as "Louisiana left". I bypass the intersection to the next crossover with no light, then u-turn back to desired intersection and proceed to turn right on red .
You can also turn left before the light, skip all the other ppl making a uturn
A Tulane turn!
What about at Napoleon and Tchoupitoulas? If that is the case traffic is backed up for a year.
Turning onto Tchoup? I never stop.
I went to the New Orleans Safe Driving School and got different info from the instructors, including Jewel's son.
Okay but honestly why is that confusing? There's literally a light
[удалено]
I was taught that if there is the wide white strip across the intersection, then you have to stop for the light, if there isn’t you can go through the intersection.
If it’s clear to go , I’ll go just to avoid a giant cluster behind me. I know it’s not legal, but seems like the best way
Hurricane season hacks: Before evacuating, unplug all your electronics and put them on the highest shelf available or upstairs if you have a second floor. Also keep an ax in the attic. Know your neighbors names and which one has a boat and a generator.
Don’t sit in your car and be on your phone. Get your map and destination ready while you are still inside so when you get in the car and start it you are ready to go. Lock your doors. Don’t trust google maps- it will send you through an area you don’t want to be in just cause it’s one minute faster.
Use the Waze App when driving out of the city during a hurricane. Also use the Waze app to get back in.
$2 ferry to Algiers Point. A pint at the Crown & Anchor. Cheap trip to a world away from the madness when the city is crowded.
You can see the giraffes at Audubon zoo from the tree of life 🦒👋
you can see the elephants for free from the railroad tracks at the Fly. Sometimes primates too, when they get isolated out back.
Giraffes ain’t dere no more 😢
Did the zoo get more giraffes? Last I heard they had all passed away 😢
walk up to the order window at Cafe du Monde. Don't stand in line on Decatur.
This is way too far down the list
Don’t leave anything in your car.
Don't assume you know what the road looks like when it's raining. You don't. Potholes change constantly and the thing that looks like a puddle could be a foot deep jagged hole ready to eat your tire or kill your shocks.
If you get invited to a parade house owned by a friend of a friend, bring a bottle of the host's favorite liquor and help them clean up throughout the night. You *will* get invited back for every parade, even without your friend.
Get to know as many people on your block as possible, especially the AirBnB owner/manager. Memorize their names and be cordial. Follow the Golden Rule with your neighbors and your life will be a bit nicer.
My block is just airbnbs owned by one asshole and the lady who leaves her husky out in the rain all the time
My neighbours are great and we all help each other out. I don't know any AIRBNB owners around me, but I can almost promise I'm not getting to know any to be *nice* to them.
You make AirBnB sound so ubiquitous to all our living situations but... thankfully, they're not quite into my side of town...yet.
Just yelled at some moronic airbnbros last night, happens at least 3x a month. Fuck airbnb.
I'm glad for you. When the AirBnB scraper kerfuffle happened, looking at Bayou St. John was depressing.
Talk to everyone and be cordial. If you're not local, when someone asks you what school you went to, that's them trying to see if you have anyone in common. You can say where you work if you're comfortable doing that or find some local friends and say where they went and whenabouts they graduated, just on the off chance that they know each other.
[удалено]
I never really worry much about hurricane prep or last minute panicking cuz around June of every year I just refresh my back closet stash. You should have a really simple stash: The 18 pack of MREs is like $60, and at room temp has a shelf life around 36 months, I replace mine every other year to be safe (there’s a shelf life/temperature chart you can look up, it’s longer if cooler but not worth it to me to store anywhere but the back of the closet). A few cases of bottled water. A backpack with spare shirts/shorts/underwear/socks, a nice pocketknife, a gun and a small hatchet (mostly just for the whole “you need to bust out your roof” scenario), spare contacts for a month, and glasses, and that’s basically it. Lots of candles and some lighters. The bag is whatever, but throw a case or two of MREs and a case or two of water in your closet and for $100 you’ll never need to battle grocery store panic a day before landfall ever again.
I feel conflicted. On the one hand, I feel like if I spend $60 on MREs that I've never used, I'll make myself eat them. On the other hand, I still combat grocery store panic to avoid eating them.
Decrease the amount of refrigerator/frozen foods during hurricane season. As in, only buy a weeks worth and no more. Restaurants, during the Summer time, can have some pretty good deals.
Coolinary is a blessing
For good paying jobs become friends with someone who went to Jesuit or Brother Martin.
If anyone asks, you got your shoes on your feet.
Talk to strangers at restaurants and bars, or museums and parks. One of my greatest joys of living here is encounters with random folks, especially those older than me, and hearing their stories and jokes.
the closed i10 exit north to the bayou sauvage bike trail gives you the highest chance of getting close to an alligator on any Orleans parish road
Don’t trust anyone with a turning signal on. They are not turning. Always assume they not turning.
Keep your car free of stuff at almost all times. Find your favorite neutral ground to park for heavy rain storms. Know the free days for the Zoo & Aquarium UTILIZE THE PUBLIC LIBRARY. VOTE VOTE VOTE VOTE
Ask if 'anybody got da baby' before biting into your piece of king cake.
If you keep your car looking “no so great”, like keep nothing in your car except random shit like cheap clothes and some napkins and shit strewn around the car jacker kids will usually leave your car alone. I’ve always been berated for keeping my car messy but I’m the one who hasn’t gotten their car broken into in years 🤷🏻♀️ I always like to say that in New Orleans you can’t have anything nice. Kinda like having cats
Wait how is this like having cats?
If you got something nice, it’s probably gonna get broken. Like you get a new car, either the roads will fuck it up or you’ll get carjacked/broken into. I buy a nice vase and put it on the shelf in my house, my cats are probably gonna knock it over if it catches their attention.
Ah I see. Asshole cats
My car got the door tied on rn and I ain’t had a single issue 😂
Look both ways before crossing one way streets
Natural fibers are your friends. I wear 100% wool sweaters and socks during those few weeks of damp cold, cotton shirts and pants during spring and fall, and linen during the 5-6 months of swampass summer. Synthetic fibers don't wick sweat well and will hold onto stank forever.
>Synthetic fibers don't wick sweat well Is that correct? I thought the reason every professional athlete (especially endurance athletes like marathoners who sweat a ton) wears synthetic fabrics is due to the moisture wicking properties.
and if your synthetic fibers or natural fibers staaaank, just pour a cup of white vinegar in the wash to get the malodorous malefactors out.
The potholes are bigger than they appear
[удалено]
I was very upset at the inability to find great Hispanic food in the city. Tried pupusas just about everywhere, nothin great - until I found Norma’s. Was just walking around and wondered if they had coffee and iI was in heaven. Every Central American crema and cheese you’d ever need. I about passed out when I saw their pupusas and pollo guisado and they were ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS. Just some small market in a mix-city neighborhood that is now my new heaven.
Someone you know knows somebody who can do that thing you want done...and they will give you a deal.
Roaches aren't dead till you hear the pop.
Consult the magic 8 ball 🎱 to anticipate a sudden turn by a driver. Most people don’t use turn signals here. This next suggestion may sound odd, I’m completely serious. Leave the air conditioning off once and a while. In the event the electricity goes out during a hurricane and you don’t have a generator, you’ll have built a tolerance. Like navy seal training, swamp style.
I keep my thermostat at 78 during the summer for this exact reason. It's still cooler than it is outside!
Same! Sometimes I make it a little warmer. Or no air conditioning at all. I can’t stand to go inside and back outside, and have my shirt to stick to my back and being blasted with AC. I hear people say “I have to keep the temperature at 65”. 😲😲😲 I really got schooled from hurricane Ida. No electricity for 8 days. No generator. Old house with windows that don’t open. It was brutal. The entire neighborhood left eventually. Maybe with one exception.
Carry two wallets. A fake one with a few dollars.
That, or just walk around looking broke. It's always worked for me!
Don't depend on street signs to help you know where you're going, they re few and far between in some areas.
Don’t block traffic on a major road by piling up trying to turn left. There are 1 million places to u-turn, just keep going and keep traffic flowing
Always get two orders of beighnets your SO/Partner will ALWAYS want some.. even if they give the I'm not hungry or i dont want that excuse. I've had way too many of my beighnets stolen.
My SO and I always share an order, I can’t eat 3 beignets in one sitting.
Don't give anyone the finger when driving, and there's a very good chance you won't get shot.
Learn how to plug a tire and keep an air compressor and plug kit in your car
Always have a pirogue or flatboat in your back yard. It may be your only means of transportation.
not local but if someone wants to know where you got your shoes, they're on your feet
Park in Mid City and take the street car to your big festival downtown or by City Park.
Always bring an umbrella and a sweater. The umbrella works for rain and sun, and the sweater is for going into the freezing AC.
Believe it or not… Some folks just don’t know that the Earhart Expressway can get you to Metairie in 10 minutes during rush hour.
Where to find the good, clean potties in the quarter. I have my go-to hidden gems I won't mention. In my earlier days, the nicer hotels were usually a good bet with the lobby bathrooms.
You get the same amount of drink for less money if you get the hand grenade in a Mardi Gras cup instead of the fancy shaped one
Until this moment, I was sure that only tourists drank those things.
Miller highlife doesn’t count as alcohol
If you cycle: -Rubarb Bikes is your go to for picking up beaters when you have friends in town. -Make sure you pick a bike with suspension and don't lock your elbows when you ride. Riding here will put a bunch of pressure on your sternum if you're not careful. -Your back tire is the most expensive; lock both of them.
Never try to Uber from the quarter (your visitors will want to go to the quarter). Walk to one of the downtown hotels and have a nightcap there and have the guys at the door call you a cab! Much less hassle
Get out of town at least once a month.
Don't drink the entire Hurricane at POB's. It's 50% rum. The BFF visited and didn't listen. We had to peel her off the floor. The pastry chef at Hotel Intercontinental makes awesome king cake and they sell whole ones during Mardi Gras. Don't breathe in when you take a bite of beignet. You'll choke to death. Stay out of the French Quarter and off Canal after 4 pm during Mardi Gras and go to CBD if you're tempted to go down there during Mardi Gras. It's very difficult to get around except walking. If you can afford the tickets, the stands along St Charles are the way to go. The ones at Lafayette Square are my favorites. Duct tape is your best friend during hurricanes. Don't walk through flood waters. There's some seriously funky stuff in the water, and if you have any cuts, it can get real bad, real fast. Also some of the venomous snakes are aquatic. They also like to drop down from trees into your boat. If you're out on the bayou, be armed in case of snakes and alligators. And speaking of snakes, always watch where you are stepping especially in high grass or stepping over logs.
If you need to switch lanes, don’t turn on your turn signal until you’re already switching… otherwise the car in the next lane will speed up.
Working/parking downtown…Park in Harrahs garage, sit at a slot machine for the necessary time needed for free parking via casino play card with an alarm set on your phone for the playtime needed, (don’t use more than $5 at the slot machine, even better if you just read through instructions during the necessary time & don’t actually gamble the $). Once your timer goes off, cash out your play ticket, collected your $ & parking validation. It Used to be 30 minutes playtime for Free parking for 24 hours.
Knowledge is realizing all the streets in the French quarter are one way. Wisdom is always looking both ways before crossing.
If a stranger comes up to you and asks I bet I can tell you where you got them shoes . Just tell him you are local and I’m not playing that . . It’s a very common scam .
Buy a scooter and use it as often as possible.
And wear a helmet.
Just go ahead and give the kid a dollar when he runs up to you and tells you "I bet I know where u got dem shoes at". Don't say a word just hand it over and hopefully he doesn't continue to accost you.
There’s no need for license plates.
You're not from New Orleans. You never will be. It's ok. I promise. But it will creep up and bug you from time to time. Resist the temptation to argue with a native about it. It's ok. That said, the vocabulary and pronunciation are a daily test of your Orleanian-ness... Nobody's asking you where you went to college. They want to know what high school you went to. If you reference a direction as north, south, east, or west, you did it wrong. The only east is The East, the only north is the North Shore, the only west is the West Bank, and so forth. Uptown, downtown, lake side (lake bound), river side (river bound). K&B is not just the defunct Katz and Besthoff. It's how a very specific purple used by the stores is referenced. You can tell how old an Orleanian is by how they pronounce Clio. (clEYE-oh, clEE-oh, or The See El Ten) I don't care what the color is, the street is BurGUNdee. A Neutral Ground is like a median wherever you're from, but it's a LOT more fun. It's a Streetcar. Period. I will die on this hill.
Whazzam bitch is a greeting like hello friend bitch whazzam you bouta get hit