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My baby cried screaming after bath every time. I think they just feel too cold out of water. I heated a second big towel for him and clothes with an electric blanket. The receiving towel gets wet so the 2nd warm and dry towel is helpful. They also may get really hungry so slapping on a diaper and feeding a bit before dressing them up could help.
We bought a small bathroom space heater and would turn that on while the bath was filling up & while baby was in the bath. The tears totally stopped after we started using the space heater!
Also, close the door to the bathroom so the heat stays inside. Then wrap them in the warm towel and feed in the bathroom. Once they are chilled out, lay them down on a dry towel and dress them in the bathroom.
I’m going to second the space heater in the bathroom! We do this and it help with bath time and is also nice in the middle of the night not having to walk into a cold room.
you can also try a heating pad on a low setting, and leaving the towel on top of it while you bath your baby and take it out from underneath before you put him on top of it. just be sure to feel the towel beforehand to make sure it’s not too hot
Second warm towel & clothes! We bought a towel warmer that stays in the bathroom for this exact reason. We used to use our dryer, we just got lazy going to our basement 😂 It wasn’t a crazy expensive one or anything either. It’s def not the fanciest but it suites our needs perfectly.
This. My baby loathes being too cold or too hot. She's 1 and I still have to do the multiple warm towels and a quick boob midway through getting her dressed.
I yelled at her once too OP and I felt like the worst mom ever. I'm sure my daughter has forgotten all about it by now.
Love the second towel! We set up the hair dryer with an arm attached to the diaper changing table and made sure that was on warm and low ready to go after bath time.
We did something similar! We put a towel wrapped around a hot water bottle in the baby’s bassinet. Once bath time was done, non bath partner would run to get the warm towel to catch baby. Then I used the hot water bottle on my back while I nursed baby after getting him dressed. Bassinet wasn’t so chilly after all that and I was able to bring the hot water bottle to cozy up on tbe couch with to soothe my achy back.
Or baby girl was born in winter. We would put a hot water bottle in her towel to get it warm while she was in the bath, same thing with her baby sleep sack. She still didn't like getting out of the bath very much but it made a world of difference.
Another tip- try taking a bath with the baby. They can lay skin to skin on your chest. You can wrap them up in a receiving blanket to keep them warm and/or catch an ill-timed poo. If mom is breastfeeding she can feed in the tub. When finished get out and dry off together with baby still cozy on your chest!
I also use the second towel to keep them warm and help them dry ! I have a heated blanket that I use for winter haven’t thought to bring it out for our baby but that’s a great idea !
Two months old? Didn't yell at him, but there was one night where I dropped him on my husband's lap and told him I was leaving for a while, otherwise I'd do something I'd regret. I don't know what, but I was feeling this all consuming rage.
I was also starting to have auditory hallucinations from the sleep deprivation, so it was a fun time all around.
I vividly remember shoving my then 2 month old into my husband’s arms in the middle of the night once. Still cringe about it but the sleep deprivation changes your being.
It was my night to get our daughter to bed and care for her whenever she needed it that night... That's fine, we switched off every night. But that night I was stressed about so many things, I had no energy and I was super sleep deprived... I managed two hours of my baby screaming and waking up every time I went to put her down. I could feel the tension building every time she would wake up screaming. I couldn't do it anymore after two hours.
I was raging and I needed to not be near my daughter... One moment I just stared at the wall while holding my screaming daughter and realized I'm on the verge of things not being safe.
I put her down and went to the bedroom, woke up my fiance and told him he needs to take over NOW while on the verge of tears. I honestly wasn't nice and he could tell I was at the end of my rope... He took over and managed to get her to sleep in no time at all. I felt so bad for being so angry.
I apologized to my fiance the next day and we talked about it. We agreed that it was for the best... Yes I could have been nicer and less wound up, but ultimately I did the right thing waking him up to have him take over.
One time baby was fussing so much I asked my husband to come back from work as soon as he can (his schedule is somewhat flexi). The moment he took baby from me I sat in a corner and sobbed.
I keep hearing phantom baby cries! Then I would run into the room to see baby sleeping peacefully. I don't know maybe my mil was watching a baby video or I'm really hallucinating.
The phantom crying is awful!! Whenever there’s running water I can hear it (so if I try to relax in the shower/tub I end up getting out after 5 minutes!)
Just the other day I was in your wife’s shoes. My baby would not go to sleep. Every time her butt hit the mattress she would pop awake and start crying. It was so frustrating and I am not proud to say that I said “what the fuck is wrong with you, why won’t you just sleep” to her. I immediately felt horrible and once she finally fell asleep, all I wanted to do was wake her up and hold her and tell her I didn’t mean it and that I love her. I felt like a monster and cried all evening.
All that to say, I think most parents have moments they aren’t proud of. The sleep deprivation, the tears, the constantly being needed, can really get to you. I’m sure your wife is a phenomenal mother, and that this was just a moment of human weakness. I hope it helps that another internet stranger can relate.
Thanks for saying this. My daughter is going through a sleep regression and I told her something similar to what you said. I felt like a monster and just wanted to wake her up to tell her I didn’t mean it. Motherhood is hard, man lol.
Omg a week in while establishing breastfeeding my baby fed every 20 mins but would grab at and scratch my cracked bleeding nipples before latching and at around 4am I broke and told him to “fucking stop it with the hands”
Well my partner got all mad and told me I was being aggressive to our newborn and that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I cried all night I felt so guilty and sore and tired. Looking back I deffo could have just tried to calm myself but it was all a bit much in the moment.
I’m sorry that your partner had that reaction. Obviously as parents, it’s important for us to recognize when we’re getting upset and manage our emotions appropriately. But, we are also human and make mistakes. As long as these are one time mistakes, I hope you (and your partner) can give yourself some grace.
Yes I think this sub is great on people discussing also the bad or the weak sizes. People don't want to share the bad stuff and on social media you see only the perfect moms so yes, you feel as a bad mom when you make a mistake.
She is not a bad mom. Parenting is very stresfull sometimes and things happen.
Our baby cried during bath for 4 months....no
Matter what we tried. After it he started crying only after bath. He does not like to be dress up. But 5 minutes of crying beats 15 mins of crying bloody murder during bath time.
I don’t know about other parents but bath time has always been a two person activity for us. I have bad tendinitis so I felt it was dangerous for me to do it alone. And at the baby classes we went to and at the hospital, we were told to finish bathing baby in 5 minutes to avoid them getting too cold. Now she’s 8 months old and my husband and I still bathe her together before bed time. We have a routine set in place already. I can’t imagine doing this on my own.
I know this wasn’t the point of your comment, but I wanted to ask about your tendinitis. Do you have it in your hands/wrists? I have so much hand and wrist pain since having my baby (she is 3 months now) and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. The pain is so much worse when I’m sleeping—I often wake up to my hands tingling and numb. I’m not sure what to do about it.
I had it on my wrists ten years ago. Went to therapy and they got better. During my third trimester the one on the right came back and one month pp the one on the left came back. They hurt worst in the mornings too.
i have this too! got carpal tunnel during third tri then two days after birth my right wrist was suddenly in excruciating pain when i woke up. three weeks pp and im still in a brace
most of the time and started sleeping in it. take it off for diaper changes and stuff. trying to give it some time before i go begging a specialist for a cortizone shot lol
Sounds like pregnancy triggered carpel tunnel. I had this as well, and went to see an ortho who gave me a steroid shot in my wrist. It took a couple of days for the shot to work, but within two weeks all symptoms were gone.
My son was a little older than yours but also hated when I took him out of the bath so now I start drying him off while in the bathroom looking at the mirror and I made up a song to sing when we look in the mirror.
Who’s that baby in the mirror // Who’s that baby I can see // Who’s that baby that smiles at me // Oh wait, it’s me!! Swap out “baby” for lady and “me” for mummy on the next verse.
We do the same, but to Michael Jackson’s Man in the Mirror lol. “I’m talking to the baby in the mirror, oh yeah! I’m asking her to have a good day! And no message could’ve been any clearer, if you want to make the world a better place, you better look at that baby and make a face!”
We do this too! I realized she seemed to get stressed about the transition straight out of the tub into the other room, so we do a slower transition and she is way more chill.
My daughter is two months and her naps are crappy and always on me. Usually around 5 her temper gets worse from all the crap naps and no sleep and I start to lose my patience a little. It’s hot as hell in Texas and our house gets really hot later in the day. The other day I was trying to get her to sleep she would not stop crying I was sweating it was hot and I yelled “just fucking sleep it’s not that hard” and put her on the bed and walked out. She was hysterically crying. I ran back in after and picked her up and gave her kisses and cuddles. Sometimes we get a little stressed and we don’t hate them or anything, just when you hear crying non stop it does something to you and it gets hard but it’s okay!
Oh my god, this Texas heat SUCKS! I grew up in Waco (hence the username, granted I do like the movie Blazing Saddles) and still live in the central part of the state, and every stinking summer is soooo hot!!
I can't help with the bath issue but I can say I've been in her shoes a billion times. Being a mom is FUCKING HARD. But baby is gonna be just fine, mom is way more upset about the situation than baby is I'm sure! 🙂
I had severe PPD that teetered the edge of PPP. I said some not great things to my daughter and wasn’t always calm. I deeply regret it, but I was also not in my right state of mind. I always protected her but I lost my cool a few times and would yell. The sleep deprivation got to me so bad.
That being said, she is almost 7 months now and completely obsessed with me. She is my little best friend and we are joined at the hip. Nothing changed our bond or the love she feels for me.
Tell your wife it’s okay, it happens.
My baby prefers a warm towel after a bath and to be dressed very quickly! Otherwise she will scream. She hates to be cold
I remember the first time I yelled. My poor daughter had the sun in her face during a car ride. I was like "I'm sorry it won't be long you won't have it in your face really soon I swear" but at a couple of months old of course she just kept crying...
So I lost my cool and yelled something like "I KNOW YOU HAVE THE SUN IN YOUR EYES JUST STOP ALREADY"
The worst part is we had about 10 seconds left before I made a turn and we changed angles...
I still feel bad about it more than 1 year later. I just hope she doesn't remember, not even unconsiously.
Nobody's perfect and we do our best!
Space heater and warm the bathroom. We had our bathroom like a freaking sauna so there was little temperature difference between in the water and out. No more tears.
One night after no sleep I told my husband I’m going to throw someone against the wall. Lol I didn’t specifically say baby or him or myself but I was over it. It scared him but he immediately got up and grabbed baby. I felt horrible but I was so exhausted from walking the room in the dark and my son crying. Obviously I didn’t mean it but I just had to say it. Felt horrible but I also felt better letting some steam off so my husband would get the hint to grab my son lol
I’m sorry your wife is feeling down on herself. Being a parent is fricken hard. Yes there are a billion parenting books out there, but no two babies are exactly alike in the sense of what they do and don’t like or what does and doesn’t work. It’s all about trial and error, sadly. It’s a rough ride!! I have yelled at my young baby too when he was inconsolable and then I became inconsolable because you just start to go mad and don’t know what to do anymore. Ugh. It’s hard.
One tip I will suggest for bath time is to wrap the baby in a little receiving blanket and then put them in their bath chair (if one is used) while they’re still in the blanket. Then gradually get the warm water on them, and only take out one body part at a time for what needs to be washed. Then tuck it back in. Keep that blanket or cloth on them the whole time. Babies don’t like to be cold! Cold = panic, lol. Get that dry towel ready and just quickly get calmly transfer them from the wet blanket into the dry towel. Snug as a bug!! Then just try to keep them in the towel as much as possible only exposing which parts need to be dressed. Sure the outside of their diaper might be slightly damp but it truly will dry right away.
Best of luck to you guys. There’s a reason that people with older kids don’t remember the newborn times, and that’s because it’s fricken traumatic and stressful and chaotic and sleep deprived. Gotta tuck that away into the depths of the brain for survival. 🫡
Reddit has been really helpful for me for parenting management, or even just reading others’ stories who are in the same trenches or just got out of them. It’s so helpful to hear similar stories. You guys will survive this! It seems impossible right now, and I always hated when people told me the same, but I legit had to repeat that to myself all the time to survive, haha.
Tell your sweet wife that it’s okay to be human and it’s okay to be mad. It’s how we model what to do moving forward. Literally last week I did the same. My sweet boy was a few weeks out of a nursing strike and he started striking again….i was so mad and not emotionally ready to challenge that again. I yelled during one feeding session. I felt so horrible. I felt even more horrible to find that it wasn’t a true nursing strike this time around, he was sick and had sores in his throat that made it hurt to swallow. And I was mad and trying to force feed him. I still feel like a monster. I learned and vow to never stop growing in patience and understanding.
We all been there. I’m not proud of it but I have lost my cool. My son is 6 months but he’s VERY needy and very clingy. He’s a huge mamas boy and even after all his boxes are checked he just cries. It’s very stressful sometimes. Tell your wife…. She’s already a good mom because no REAL bad mom actually think she’s a bad mom.
Yeah newborns tend to cry during bath time. My daughter screamed all the time, fast forward she’s 6.5 months old and LOVES the water, little water dragon I call her.
My lil guy absolutely loves baths but he used to freak out immediately after getting out of the water every single time until about 4.5 months. Now that the weather is warmer he seems to be ok with getting out of the nice warm water into the nice warm towel without extra overstimulation. It just takes some time. I have definitely had some choice words with my infant a couple of times. I know he won't remember it but it still feels terrible after saying it. It's so normal. Parenting is really hard, and it'll definitely get more complicated when they get older. Sending positive vibes for your family!
Showers have been so great for us! Stays warm and steamy the whole team and baby loves getting washed up now. We also bundle her up in a towel while still inside the shower before we hand off to the other parent so she stays cozy and the temperature change isn’t as noticeable.
Try running a hair dryer on low (held far enough from baby that they get puffs of warm air and not burned). The warmth and more importantly the white noise helped a lot in those early days to temporarily snap out of a crying fit
My baby loves bath and HATES being taken out of the bath. I’ve been working on making it a better experience for her for a while. Like another poster said, a warm towel helps. Also, I used to try to do things super quick to just make it through and get her dressed (she would calm immediately once dressed), but I have started going super slow and talking her through the steps and holding her in between each one. We’ve successfully had more no-tears after bath nights recently!
I found going slower helped my LO too! I think I was so focused on trying to be quick and efficient so she's uncomfortable for shorter, but that just stressed her out more. When I slowed things down she realised tge warm water can be nice and loves to splash in it now
I don't know if it had to with LO age but around 11 weeks I started to play a YouTube video (just for the music) by Little Angel Nursery called "Bath Song + More Kids Songs.) Total 180 and no tears after bathing. Before that the post bath time was so stressful!
Reddit as a whole has helped me navigate those rage moments/ immediately regret and sorrow that my wife kept having. And it helped her see what she needed to do to minimize it and seek help when she needs it.
Our son HATED bathtime too, but then we read somewhere on here that they (the mom) started taking baths with the baby held to their chest for skin-to-skin and he's enjoyed them ever since. Even after we stopped skin-to-skin bathing.
I couldn’t afford a towel warmer and didn’t have the space even if I could when our baby was a newborn but I did swaddle him (loosely!) and pour warm water over him and it would keep him warm. I forget where I learned the trick but it worked like a charm for us and other mamas I know who I passed the trick on to.
For what it’s worth, you can let your lovely wife know we are human and the fact that she was crying is proof enough that’s she’s a wonderful mom/woman.
I yelled at my baby once when he was 6-7m old because he was fidgeting too much and I couldn’t get his diaper on and I felt like the biggest POS on the planet.
Lots of love to you guys 🥂
FTM here to a 2 mo that loathes nap time. I've been in your wife's shoes, and it feels absolutely horrible, but we're only human. I tell my LO every night how much I love him, apologize if I wasn't my best self, and remind us both that my goal is to be a better mom tomorrow than I was today. It doesn't erase the guilt, but it helps me feel accountable and move forward. 💜
Re: bath time... Our LO detests being cold. Warm towels are a great idea, but try a swaddle immersion bath if you haven't! We have hooded baby bath towels and use one in the tub so he stays cozy while getting soaped up/rinsed. Our hospital suggested it and it seems to mimic the security of the womb. 🥹
When my baby is screaming her head off in the car I have yelled (or at least really sternly snapped) her name then I have to take a deep breath and tell myself “hey, she’s just a baby, it’s okay, she can’t communicate yet,” then I feel better having talked myself down. I think everyone yells at some point and it feels so shitty but they will never remember it. She’s doing a great job!! The fact that she even cares shows she is NOT a terrible mom.
I have gotten SO FRUSTRATED with my baby. The worst of it was trying to get him to nap for more than 20 minutes. I felt like I would just dissociate because I saw so burnt our and trying everything but he would just wake up and cry. Those days were so hard. I'd raise my voice or lose empathy multiple times. I honestly don't trust parents that don't own the fact that they've gotten to that point of frustration before. This is so so so hard. And it takes a lot of mindfulness, which is super finite especially with all of the stress of a baby. She's a great mom, you're a great dad and husband judging from this post.
I’ve taken a bath with baby in my lap since he was a newborn. I still take baths with him about 75% of the time, and he’s a year old. It’s much easier to keep him calm and happy when I can be right there for him.
As for getting out of the bath, I would get some noise canceling headphones, and also whenever possible if she can have someone to hand the baby off to so she can finish up the bath and get out it’s a huge help at the newborn stage.
If she doesn’t have someone to hand him off to, get a laundry basket and put some blankets on the bottom, and an adult sized towel open along the whole thing so she can set baby in, wrap him up, and get herself out of the tub without baby being cold.
Also having a heating pad on baby’s sleeping spot (removing before placing baby down), and/or just having lots of cuddles and feeding can help.
Our 2 month old has always looooved the bath but would cry after, we started laying her PJS out on a heating pad during the bath so they’d be nice and toasty after, and then going straight into a feed and that solved the problem!
She's not a bad mother, she's just overwhelmed. My baby loved baths... in the sink. Then we switched her to the big bathtub and she HATES IT. She immediately starts trying to climb out. I wonder if it's the texture? She's kinda big, the size of a 2 year old but she's only 14 months old. I switched her back to it kitchen sink and she's fine. Baby's are weird. If you have a sink big enough, maybe try that?
I yelled at my baby once in the middle of the night and she smiled at me. I felt awful. But it was a bad moment for me and I was asleep deprived. A bad moment doesn't make you a bad mom. Please tell her that.
My daughter is TWO and cries after the bath lol. Eventually, you become confident in knowing they aren't hurt, you keep them as warm as you can.. some kids just don't like leaving the tub, or they don't like the dry off and get dressed part.
Omg I’ve lost my temper so many times and shouted …. We are only human and I think when your prepping for a big cry and it comes you can get overstimulated so quickly!!!!!
Its fine, the fact she was so upset is what baby needs, everyone gets annoyed sometimes but its the repair after the rupture that really matters x
Bath time was part of our bedtime routine and we found babe enjoyed it most if we always kept her exposed skin (top of head and belly/chest) covered with a warm wash cloth—it means cycling through a lot of wash cloths at a time but it really helped her stay comfortable and relax while she was in her bath!
Just wanted to add : my pediatrician told me babies don't need daily baths, once a week or even less is fine as long as they are wiped properly when changed or get dirty (like neck area). Maybe ask a professional near you; you might be making your life more difficult than needed...
I completely understand. Some of the worst cries from my baby were after or during baths. He genuinely hated it. He’s a little over 3 months now and starting to enjoy them more. My only trick is to make them as fast as possible and take him out before he gets fussy. I think the sensory experience of it all can be really tough for new babies. But it DOES get better.
Another tip to try is letting the baby continue to sit in the tub while draining the water. My baby found it less shocking. As the water was draining, I blew the heater on her and then wrapped her in a towel after the water was gone. It helped immensely. I ended up showering with the baby soon after because I found she never cried afterwards.
I don’t want to sound like a bad dad, but a pair of noise cancelling AirPods Pro’s in my ear got me through a lot of screaming nights. They cry because they are letting you know they are uncomfortable, but sometimes that feeling is temporary due to the circumstances. Not hearing the scream allowed me to focus on soothing, and doing what I needed to do to help the LO.
Okay firstly the fact that your wife felt bad after yelling at the baby tells you everything you need to know. She felt guilty because she loves him, and it’s okay to lose your temper because it is incredibly hard and draining. I’ve done it more than once and it does make you feel like a shit mum because… you’re meant to be supportive and loving and here you are with the most beautiful baby in the world and they’re upset and you’re shouting at them because they’re upset or won’t sleep. Parenting isn’t plain sailing and it is okay to step away and leave baby in their cot for a few minutes to cry while you collect yourself.
My girl is 12 weeks and has only recently started enjoying bath time, and it was a complete accident how we found out what she likes! Before it would be a lot of squirming, pouting, whimpering. Then I gently poured a jug of water over her head (she was covered in milk, and I mean COVERED, even in her hair!) and since then she’s gone from “this is the worst thing ever, I hate you mam!” to “this isn’t terrible.” The water going over her head just seemed to settle her the first time. Now she knows it’s coming so enjoys it a lot more. Plus the water over the head is good for swimming training and getting used to being submerged! (Can’t wait to start Water Babies with her!)
I hope your wife is okay. She is an amazing mummy, and you are an amazing daddy and husband for doing this for her.
Showers! My bub loved the bath, but it cooled too quickly and she'd get upset after 5minutes and then it was just crying until she was out, dry and clothed.
Since we started showering with her instead, its made everything so much easier and more comfortable. She's 6mo now and LOVES the shower! She prefers it quite warm and has never once gotten upset, total game changer
FridaBaby makes a great little spouted container to pour water on baby. We use that and I have a towel and a big bathrobe I wrap around baby when bath time is over.
We struggled with the same problem during the first month with bub. Eventually realised my first and biggest issue was not using a bath thermometer. I thought the bath water should be about body temp and was using my wrists to gauge. Boy I was so wrong. Things changed quickly after we had a bath thermometer.
We also developed what we called the 80-100 strategy. We would feed him 80ml of milk before the bath so that he wasn’t hungry, then finished off the rest of the milk after we were done and dressed so that he can go straight to sleep after.
I also recommend swaddle bath.
And I found this video helpful: https://youtu.be/7yxd25nZMaE?si=jFLNojh76lTpVCqT
And recommend trying a ‘mommy and me’ bath. Mom gets a nice soak and baby get to splash around. Just be sure to allow baby’s toes to dip a bit before a full submersion. (The second time we did this kind of bath, husband wasn’t thinking and just dipped her in all at once and she briefly freaked and threw her arms out to the side with a hard cry but it quickly passed)
At 2mo we only bathed our babe abt once a week still.
Not even submerged just at kitchen sink and using sprayer to wet her.
Closer to 4mo we found it easiest to just bring her in the shower with us. Just extra caution holding slippery and wriggly baby. Ours is a small shower so we are always watching that she can’t flail her head into the sidewalls. If we’re doing solo shower with her, we place her little bath seat on the ground while we shower ourself and then her.
She’s always been fairly comfortable with water, though. Not sure if we’ve just lucked out.
Good luck
I warmed up a towel in the dryer and held him in it until he dried off a bit. I also try a bottle at this time. I just didn’t care if he decided to pee on me. Then I keep his body draped with the towel and do his diaper and play peek a boo with him. He’s nine months now, and plays peek a boo with the towel himself while I put the diaper on. He thinks he’s hilarious.
So unusual trick but my 3 month old daughter has learnt to love her bath, but she would cry hysterically when I took her out to dry her. I heat the room with a space heater, swapped using a towel in favour of receiving blankets because they're sifter on her skin and that helped a bit, but the biggest thing is I realised she hated laying down after her bath for some reason. So I make a game if picking her up out the water and plonking her in a sitting position on the receiving blanket and drying her whilst supporting her in that position. Game changer! Gives her time to adjust a bit and now she only cries sometimes when we lay her down after to put on her nappy
Ps. Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, it's relieving to know you're not alone
My baby was born with a full head of hair, so we've been blow-drying her after every single bath since day one - and she loves it! I think it's a combo of nice warm air and white noise.
Might be worth trying even if you've LO is less hairy!
Swaddle bathing saved our lives! Now that my son is a little older, we can just loosely lay a second towel on him and periodically pour water on top to keep it warm. Good luck, OP!
If he's crying after bath he might be cold! Like the feeling when we first get out of the pool. Wrap him up as soon as possible in a warm towel and dress him quick!
Also, yes she's not a bad mom for letting her emotions get the better of her one time. It happens to the best of us. Give her some extra love and reassurance and a break.
Throw a towel in the dryer and pull it out when baby is done bathing. It can be hot so you can air it out for a minute first then get baby. This really is an opinion if both parents are home.
Another thing I used to do is put a heating pad very low under the changing table pad and sheet cover. Always check the temperature before you place baby down. You can sit the towel on top of that too so it gets warm. I used to have it ready on the floor right outside of the bathroom which is connected to my son’s playroom.
I used to keep the bath water at between 99-100.4 which is the ideal temperature. Or so I’ve read in parenting books. And my son seemed to like that. Bathing him in the bath in an angel bath as opposed to a sink or stand alone baby tub also kept the water warmer for longer.
Additionally, I would lay a wet warm wash cloth across his chest and belly to keep him warm and allow the weight to help calm him. I’d wait till the very end to wash his hair too so his head wouldn’t be cold. And I used lavender baby wash! That’s all I can remember! ♥️
Not really related to your post but as a stepdaughter who considers my stepdad my dad and my biological dad my moms sperm donor, thank you for fighting for the semantics. Your daughter will be so grateful.
My siblings are my siblings (not half siblings) also.
It is absolutely normal and okay to loose the temper. LO cries and throws tantrums and mom feels frustrated and helpless because she doesn't know the reason.
In this situation, it is okay to loose the calm.
This doesn't makes you a bad mom.
All that I would say is patience is synonym to mother.
My baby didn’t tolerate baths until 4.5 months. I started showering with him instead (I hold him by the shower head and use a cloth to wipe him down). He still hated it but less than the bath.
I probably yell at my baby (or not been as kind/quiet as I should be) when I’m overstimulated a least a few times a week, usually in the car when he’s been yelling for 30 minutes, I’ll just yell at the same time as him (copying him). Im not proud of it, but I’m getting better at holding it in when I’m really stressed, but it’s very normal and she’s doing the best she can. The amount of times I’ve had to put my son down and walk away while we both cried has been more than I care to admit. I find singing baby songs while he’s yelling helps both of us.
Our son is 5 months now and it’s so much easier than it was at 2 or 3 months. Still hard, but easier.
I normally shout my LOs names when she gets me worked up followed with a sweet “I love you” and kiss… now she thinks it’s endearing and I get a smile out of her while letting off some steam. I don’t think it has to be totally negative, it’s okay to get frustrated and show emotions as long as LO feels loved and safe still.
Some tips to make bath more enjoyable…💗
-towel warmer (I also put her jammies in there)
-galaxy light projector(I turn all the light off and it makes stars and moving lights on the wall, she’s too distracted to cry)
-keep a warm wet cloth on top of them while you wash hair etc (my baby cries as soon as she feels cold)
-as soon as baby is done in bath and dressed, feed them immediately so it’s like a reward
Dont worry it happens I have a 2y old son every day is a battle and it can happen that you just cant keep your cool. It happens a bit more frequint since I have other issues on my head and my son feels that and tries to help in the best way he knows and does something he know he should not do like bang the dors or stuff on the ground. And that can be a drop over the edge. When he was smaller it was hard as well he had cramops and a few artificial milks did not agree with him so he cried a lot especially after feeding. But we figures it ot and I cant thank my husband enought to help and take care of him when he saw i could not take it any more.
I can’t remember exactly how old he was, but under 3 months old. My partner was at work, so I was alone with him and he would not calm down. Feeding wasn’t helping, he was in a fresh nappy, temp was ok. I hit my boiling point, I set him in between my legs on the bed (so he’d be safe) and just screamed along with him for a few minutes. We both settled after that.
I think it’s because they can sense how stressed we are but don’t realise that they’re causing it so they also become more stressed. So when we have that release, although we’re remorseful, our stress level goes down and the baby in turn feels better (maybe lol) so we can all have a nap.
Either way boys almost 3 and his sister is 5 months. There have been many times I’ve either cried over “being mean to him”. Now I just take regular trips to the gym for me time. I once even “kicked” him and my partner out to his parents for the weekend so I could have some alone time 🤣 I planned it a few weeks in advance and enjoyed the excitement of planning what I’d do/or not do lol.
Wife may just need to recharge her batteries which is very important as we tend to forget about ourselves during the early months.
A bad mom wouldn’t feel shitty for yelling at their baby.
Your wife is human, like the rest of us, and will have moments of impatience and even rage.
Please tell her that she’s allowed to not be a perfect mom all the time. All she needs to do is her best.
What is more important is how we repair and improve after moments like that.
It really helps to put a wet receiving blanket/rags on them with warm water so they don’t get too cold, calmed my boy down a whole lot during baths. Now he is 8 months and loves splashing around
Getting them in and out of bath is honestly so stressful especially when they’re that little! We did sink baths and microwaved his towel since it was in reaching distance and didn’t lose heat from dryer on a different floor.
My baby cried straight out the bath from about 1 month to 9 months old, I think it's just the temperature change. I wouldn't fret too much trying to figure out whys and what ifs! Your wife is surely a great mum if she feels bad about what happened, you're both doing great and it's difficult to hear them cry especially when it's non stop at a targeted time each day. Baby will be absolutely fine ❤️
awwhhh mamas 😭 mother of 1 here!! my LO is 3 months old and i promise you i’ve yelled too and ended up crying myself because i felt so frustrated. our circumstance was a little different but nonetheless. my MIL got us a tiny little blanket warmer which we put his towel in before his bath. we also turn the hair dryer on in the bathroom & leave it running for the duration. (our LO absolutely loves the hairdryer.. not just the warmth but the sound too! it’s been a life saver) that way, the bathroom is warm and the white noise soothes him. Babies can’t regulate their body temperature yet.. just be patient & trust that we ALL have been there. ♡
I feel for her. You just get so overwhelmed and it just comes out especially at night time when you’re so exhausted and they won’t stop screaming. At 2 months old y’all are still in the trenches. I don’t look back those times fondly 😂
I can totally relate. Your wife is not a bad mom, she is human. As parents we have all done or said something that we end up regretting. Bath time was an absolute battle with my baby. Sometimes she would cry so hard that she would start holding her breath, it was scary for all involved. Today at almost 8 months old she had her first fuss free bath. I found that my baby tolerated bath time the best if I was sitting in the tub with her or brought her in the shower with me. Also, we used to wash her body and hair separately to keep bath time short. We would wash her body in the tub and then a few hours later we would wash her hair in the sink. Doing it this way seemed to help keep meltdowns to a minimum
That's very sweet and supportive of you to be kind to her during that time
I can't count how many times I've lost my cool at my 14mth old son and just felt guilt-ridden
Cried a lot feeling bad and it honestly happens a lot it's okay
It's important to remember our yelling and frustration usually comes from a place of love and care. Everytime I raise my voice or yell it's usually to get his attention before he hurts himself or after he fell or hurt himself. I felt bad after because I know it's not the way to deal but I'm sure she isn't yelling at him because she hates him or whatever
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My baby cried screaming after bath every time. I think they just feel too cold out of water. I heated a second big towel for him and clothes with an electric blanket. The receiving towel gets wet so the 2nd warm and dry towel is helpful. They also may get really hungry so slapping on a diaper and feeding a bit before dressing them up could help.
Yes! Fresh out of the dryer towels changed our lives at that age.
We bought a small bathroom space heater and would turn that on while the bath was filling up & while baby was in the bath. The tears totally stopped after we started using the space heater!
Yes +1 for space heater! Also hung his towel in the path of the hot air (not too close) so it would warm the towel up too
Thanks so much!! We will definitely try the second warm towel, that sounds like a promising winner. The quick feed should help as well!
Also, close the door to the bathroom so the heat stays inside. Then wrap them in the warm towel and feed in the bathroom. Once they are chilled out, lay them down on a dry towel and dress them in the bathroom.
I’m going to second the space heater in the bathroom! We do this and it help with bath time and is also nice in the middle of the night not having to walk into a cold room.
Highly suggest you buy a towel warmer. It’s worth its weight in gold tbh
you can also try a heating pad on a low setting, and leaving the towel on top of it while you bath your baby and take it out from underneath before you put him on top of it. just be sure to feel the towel beforehand to make sure it’s not too hot
Second warm towel & clothes! We bought a towel warmer that stays in the bathroom for this exact reason. We used to use our dryer, we just got lazy going to our basement 😂 It wasn’t a crazy expensive one or anything either. It’s def not the fanciest but it suites our needs perfectly.
My dryer is downstairs too!! Hence the electric blanket choice for me lol
I’ve got two! One for me and one for my kid 🤣 got them both at Costco and they are great
Our LO loves the hairdryer, so we would also incorporate that, on the warm setting and holding it a safe distance away of course!
Yes! We used to “blow dry” baby after his bath. He LOVED it and would get all blissed out. It was hilarious.
My LO gets so excited when he hears the hairdryer, still at 12 months.
This. My baby loathes being too cold or too hot. She's 1 and I still have to do the multiple warm towels and a quick boob midway through getting her dressed. I yelled at her once too OP and I felt like the worst mom ever. I'm sure my daughter has forgotten all about it by now.
The second towel is genius! I always have a bottle ready too, post bath feed and then nap away the stress of it.
Yes!! Bottle ready is a must!
Love the second towel! We set up the hair dryer with an arm attached to the diaper changing table and made sure that was on warm and low ready to go after bath time.
We did something similar! We put a towel wrapped around a hot water bottle in the baby’s bassinet. Once bath time was done, non bath partner would run to get the warm towel to catch baby. Then I used the hot water bottle on my back while I nursed baby after getting him dressed. Bassinet wasn’t so chilly after all that and I was able to bring the hot water bottle to cozy up on tbe couch with to soothe my achy back.
I also did hot water bottle in the early days before buying an electric blanket. It works great!!
Or baby girl was born in winter. We would put a hot water bottle in her towel to get it warm while she was in the bath, same thing with her baby sleep sack. She still didn't like getting out of the bath very much but it made a world of difference.
Another tip- try taking a bath with the baby. They can lay skin to skin on your chest. You can wrap them up in a receiving blanket to keep them warm and/or catch an ill-timed poo. If mom is breastfeeding she can feed in the tub. When finished get out and dry off together with baby still cozy on your chest!
I also use the second towel to keep them warm and help them dry ! I have a heated blanket that I use for winter haven’t thought to bring it out for our baby but that’s a great idea !
Two months old? Didn't yell at him, but there was one night where I dropped him on my husband's lap and told him I was leaving for a while, otherwise I'd do something I'd regret. I don't know what, but I was feeling this all consuming rage. I was also starting to have auditory hallucinations from the sleep deprivation, so it was a fun time all around.
I vividly remember shoving my then 2 month old into my husband’s arms in the middle of the night once. Still cringe about it but the sleep deprivation changes your being.
It was my night to get our daughter to bed and care for her whenever she needed it that night... That's fine, we switched off every night. But that night I was stressed about so many things, I had no energy and I was super sleep deprived... I managed two hours of my baby screaming and waking up every time I went to put her down. I could feel the tension building every time she would wake up screaming. I couldn't do it anymore after two hours. I was raging and I needed to not be near my daughter... One moment I just stared at the wall while holding my screaming daughter and realized I'm on the verge of things not being safe. I put her down and went to the bedroom, woke up my fiance and told him he needs to take over NOW while on the verge of tears. I honestly wasn't nice and he could tell I was at the end of my rope... He took over and managed to get her to sleep in no time at all. I felt so bad for being so angry. I apologized to my fiance the next day and we talked about it. We agreed that it was for the best... Yes I could have been nicer and less wound up, but ultimately I did the right thing waking him up to have him take over.
One time baby was fussing so much I asked my husband to come back from work as soon as he can (his schedule is somewhat flexi). The moment he took baby from me I sat in a corner and sobbed. I keep hearing phantom baby cries! Then I would run into the room to see baby sleeping peacefully. I don't know maybe my mil was watching a baby video or I'm really hallucinating.
The phantom crying is awful!! Whenever there’s running water I can hear it (so if I try to relax in the shower/tub I end up getting out after 5 minutes!)
Omg I thought its only me. I will turn off the water and listen intently for 5 seconds. If there's nothing then I'm like ok that's probably nothing.
Just the other day I was in your wife’s shoes. My baby would not go to sleep. Every time her butt hit the mattress she would pop awake and start crying. It was so frustrating and I am not proud to say that I said “what the fuck is wrong with you, why won’t you just sleep” to her. I immediately felt horrible and once she finally fell asleep, all I wanted to do was wake her up and hold her and tell her I didn’t mean it and that I love her. I felt like a monster and cried all evening. All that to say, I think most parents have moments they aren’t proud of. The sleep deprivation, the tears, the constantly being needed, can really get to you. I’m sure your wife is a phenomenal mother, and that this was just a moment of human weakness. I hope it helps that another internet stranger can relate.
Thanks for saying this. My daughter is going through a sleep regression and I told her something similar to what you said. I felt like a monster and just wanted to wake her up to tell her I didn’t mean it. Motherhood is hard, man lol.
This is my current reality too, it’s so hard!
Omg a week in while establishing breastfeeding my baby fed every 20 mins but would grab at and scratch my cracked bleeding nipples before latching and at around 4am I broke and told him to “fucking stop it with the hands” Well my partner got all mad and told me I was being aggressive to our newborn and that he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. I cried all night I felt so guilty and sore and tired. Looking back I deffo could have just tried to calm myself but it was all a bit much in the moment.
I’m sorry that your partner had that reaction. Obviously as parents, it’s important for us to recognize when we’re getting upset and manage our emotions appropriately. But, we are also human and make mistakes. As long as these are one time mistakes, I hope you (and your partner) can give yourself some grace.
I literally made a tiny fart today and she woke up and started crying… sometimes they will really test your patience.
This made me lol
My baby wakes up when I sneeze (I'm not a loud sneezer) and she is PISSED when she wakes up. It's frustrating because I have allergies, man!
Mine wakes up to sneezes too, but she starts with the saddest lip I’ve ever seen then starts crying. Breaks my heart 😩
Yes I think this sub is great on people discussing also the bad or the weak sizes. People don't want to share the bad stuff and on social media you see only the perfect moms so yes, you feel as a bad mom when you make a mistake. She is not a bad mom. Parenting is very stresfull sometimes and things happen. Our baby cried during bath for 4 months....no Matter what we tried. After it he started crying only after bath. He does not like to be dress up. But 5 minutes of crying beats 15 mins of crying bloody murder during bath time.
I don’t know about other parents but bath time has always been a two person activity for us. I have bad tendinitis so I felt it was dangerous for me to do it alone. And at the baby classes we went to and at the hospital, we were told to finish bathing baby in 5 minutes to avoid them getting too cold. Now she’s 8 months old and my husband and I still bathe her together before bed time. We have a routine set in place already. I can’t imagine doing this on my own.
I know this wasn’t the point of your comment, but I wanted to ask about your tendinitis. Do you have it in your hands/wrists? I have so much hand and wrist pain since having my baby (she is 3 months now) and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. The pain is so much worse when I’m sleeping—I often wake up to my hands tingling and numb. I’m not sure what to do about it.
I had it on my wrists ten years ago. Went to therapy and they got better. During my third trimester the one on the right came back and one month pp the one on the left came back. They hurt worst in the mornings too.
Yeah, it’s rough!! I never knew that this is a side effect of pregnant and postpartum. So strange.
i have this too! got carpal tunnel during third tri then two days after birth my right wrist was suddenly in excruciating pain when i woke up. three weeks pp and im still in a brace
I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this too! It sucks. Do you wear the wrist brace all the time? Did you see a doctor about it?
most of the time and started sleeping in it. take it off for diaper changes and stuff. trying to give it some time before i go begging a specialist for a cortizone shot lol
Sounds like pregnancy triggered carpel tunnel. I had this as well, and went to see an ortho who gave me a steroid shot in my wrist. It took a couple of days for the shot to work, but within two weeks all symptoms were gone.
Same here with my 10 month old. So much easier with the both of us doing it.
My son was a little older than yours but also hated when I took him out of the bath so now I start drying him off while in the bathroom looking at the mirror and I made up a song to sing when we look in the mirror. Who’s that baby in the mirror // Who’s that baby I can see // Who’s that baby that smiles at me // Oh wait, it’s me!! Swap out “baby” for lady and “me” for mummy on the next verse.
We do the same, but to Michael Jackson’s Man in the Mirror lol. “I’m talking to the baby in the mirror, oh yeah! I’m asking her to have a good day! And no message could’ve been any clearer, if you want to make the world a better place, you better look at that baby and make a face!”
We do this too! I realized she seemed to get stressed about the transition straight out of the tub into the other room, so we do a slower transition and she is way more chill.
My daughter is two months and her naps are crappy and always on me. Usually around 5 her temper gets worse from all the crap naps and no sleep and I start to lose my patience a little. It’s hot as hell in Texas and our house gets really hot later in the day. The other day I was trying to get her to sleep she would not stop crying I was sweating it was hot and I yelled “just fucking sleep it’s not that hard” and put her on the bed and walked out. She was hysterically crying. I ran back in after and picked her up and gave her kisses and cuddles. Sometimes we get a little stressed and we don’t hate them or anything, just when you hear crying non stop it does something to you and it gets hard but it’s okay!
Oh my god, this Texas heat SUCKS! I grew up in Waco (hence the username, granted I do like the movie Blazing Saddles) and still live in the central part of the state, and every stinking summer is soooo hot!!
I love that movie!!
I can't help with the bath issue but I can say I've been in her shoes a billion times. Being a mom is FUCKING HARD. But baby is gonna be just fine, mom is way more upset about the situation than baby is I'm sure! 🙂
I had severe PPD that teetered the edge of PPP. I said some not great things to my daughter and wasn’t always calm. I deeply regret it, but I was also not in my right state of mind. I always protected her but I lost my cool a few times and would yell. The sleep deprivation got to me so bad. That being said, she is almost 7 months now and completely obsessed with me. She is my little best friend and we are joined at the hip. Nothing changed our bond or the love she feels for me. Tell your wife it’s okay, it happens. My baby prefers a warm towel after a bath and to be dressed very quickly! Otherwise she will scream. She hates to be cold
I remember the first time I yelled. My poor daughter had the sun in her face during a car ride. I was like "I'm sorry it won't be long you won't have it in your face really soon I swear" but at a couple of months old of course she just kept crying... So I lost my cool and yelled something like "I KNOW YOU HAVE THE SUN IN YOUR EYES JUST STOP ALREADY" The worst part is we had about 10 seconds left before I made a turn and we changed angles... I still feel bad about it more than 1 year later. I just hope she doesn't remember, not even unconsiously. Nobody's perfect and we do our best!
I just let off steam by talking to the baby like I would to an adult having a meltdown. Calm but stern 😄
Space heater and warm the bathroom. We had our bathroom like a freaking sauna so there was little temperature difference between in the water and out. No more tears.
Dont feel bad u not the only one. Just learn not to do that again.
One night after no sleep I told my husband I’m going to throw someone against the wall. Lol I didn’t specifically say baby or him or myself but I was over it. It scared him but he immediately got up and grabbed baby. I felt horrible but I was so exhausted from walking the room in the dark and my son crying. Obviously I didn’t mean it but I just had to say it. Felt horrible but I also felt better letting some steam off so my husband would get the hint to grab my son lol
I’m sorry your wife is feeling down on herself. Being a parent is fricken hard. Yes there are a billion parenting books out there, but no two babies are exactly alike in the sense of what they do and don’t like or what does and doesn’t work. It’s all about trial and error, sadly. It’s a rough ride!! I have yelled at my young baby too when he was inconsolable and then I became inconsolable because you just start to go mad and don’t know what to do anymore. Ugh. It’s hard. One tip I will suggest for bath time is to wrap the baby in a little receiving blanket and then put them in their bath chair (if one is used) while they’re still in the blanket. Then gradually get the warm water on them, and only take out one body part at a time for what needs to be washed. Then tuck it back in. Keep that blanket or cloth on them the whole time. Babies don’t like to be cold! Cold = panic, lol. Get that dry towel ready and just quickly get calmly transfer them from the wet blanket into the dry towel. Snug as a bug!! Then just try to keep them in the towel as much as possible only exposing which parts need to be dressed. Sure the outside of their diaper might be slightly damp but it truly will dry right away. Best of luck to you guys. There’s a reason that people with older kids don’t remember the newborn times, and that’s because it’s fricken traumatic and stressful and chaotic and sleep deprived. Gotta tuck that away into the depths of the brain for survival. 🫡 Reddit has been really helpful for me for parenting management, or even just reading others’ stories who are in the same trenches or just got out of them. It’s so helpful to hear similar stories. You guys will survive this! It seems impossible right now, and I always hated when people told me the same, but I legit had to repeat that to myself all the time to survive, haha.
Try a towel over a heating pad or a towel warmer. My daughter loves it
Tell your sweet wife that it’s okay to be human and it’s okay to be mad. It’s how we model what to do moving forward. Literally last week I did the same. My sweet boy was a few weeks out of a nursing strike and he started striking again….i was so mad and not emotionally ready to challenge that again. I yelled during one feeding session. I felt so horrible. I felt even more horrible to find that it wasn’t a true nursing strike this time around, he was sick and had sores in his throat that made it hurt to swallow. And I was mad and trying to force feed him. I still feel like a monster. I learned and vow to never stop growing in patience and understanding.
We all been there. I’m not proud of it but I have lost my cool. My son is 6 months but he’s VERY needy and very clingy. He’s a huge mamas boy and even after all his boxes are checked he just cries. It’s very stressful sometimes. Tell your wife…. She’s already a good mom because no REAL bad mom actually think she’s a bad mom.
Yeah newborns tend to cry during bath time. My daughter screamed all the time, fast forward she’s 6.5 months old and LOVES the water, little water dragon I call her.
My lil guy absolutely loves baths but he used to freak out immediately after getting out of the water every single time until about 4.5 months. Now that the weather is warmer he seems to be ok with getting out of the nice warm water into the nice warm towel without extra overstimulation. It just takes some time. I have definitely had some choice words with my infant a couple of times. I know he won't remember it but it still feels terrible after saying it. It's so normal. Parenting is really hard, and it'll definitely get more complicated when they get older. Sending positive vibes for your family!
We did showers because the bath didn't stay warm enough. And we would heat up the towel and clothes in a heating pad, game changer!*
Showers have been so great for us! Stays warm and steamy the whole team and baby loves getting washed up now. We also bundle her up in a towel while still inside the shower before we hand off to the other parent so she stays cozy and the temperature change isn’t as noticeable.
Try running a hair dryer on low (held far enough from baby that they get puffs of warm air and not burned). The warmth and more importantly the white noise helped a lot in those early days to temporarily snap out of a crying fit
My baby loves bath and HATES being taken out of the bath. I’ve been working on making it a better experience for her for a while. Like another poster said, a warm towel helps. Also, I used to try to do things super quick to just make it through and get her dressed (she would calm immediately once dressed), but I have started going super slow and talking her through the steps and holding her in between each one. We’ve successfully had more no-tears after bath nights recently!
I found going slower helped my LO too! I think I was so focused on trying to be quick and efficient so she's uncomfortable for shorter, but that just stressed her out more. When I slowed things down she realised tge warm water can be nice and loves to splash in it now
My baby cried after every bath until about 3.5m old . We only did them 2x a week and I hated it each time.
I don't know if it had to with LO age but around 11 weeks I started to play a YouTube video (just for the music) by Little Angel Nursery called "Bath Song + More Kids Songs.) Total 180 and no tears after bathing. Before that the post bath time was so stressful!
Reddit as a whole has helped me navigate those rage moments/ immediately regret and sorrow that my wife kept having. And it helped her see what she needed to do to minimize it and seek help when she needs it. Our son HATED bathtime too, but then we read somewhere on here that they (the mom) started taking baths with the baby held to their chest for skin-to-skin and he's enjoyed them ever since. Even after we stopped skin-to-skin bathing.
I couldn’t afford a towel warmer and didn’t have the space even if I could when our baby was a newborn but I did swaddle him (loosely!) and pour warm water over him and it would keep him warm. I forget where I learned the trick but it worked like a charm for us and other mamas I know who I passed the trick on to. For what it’s worth, you can let your lovely wife know we are human and the fact that she was crying is proof enough that’s she’s a wonderful mom/woman. I yelled at my baby once when he was 6-7m old because he was fidgeting too much and I couldn’t get his diaper on and I felt like the biggest POS on the planet. Lots of love to you guys 🥂
FTM here to a 2 mo that loathes nap time. I've been in your wife's shoes, and it feels absolutely horrible, but we're only human. I tell my LO every night how much I love him, apologize if I wasn't my best self, and remind us both that my goal is to be a better mom tomorrow than I was today. It doesn't erase the guilt, but it helps me feel accountable and move forward. 💜 Re: bath time... Our LO detests being cold. Warm towels are a great idea, but try a swaddle immersion bath if you haven't! We have hooded baby bath towels and use one in the tub so he stays cozy while getting soaped up/rinsed. Our hospital suggested it and it seems to mimic the security of the womb. 🥹
When my baby is screaming her head off in the car I have yelled (or at least really sternly snapped) her name then I have to take a deep breath and tell myself “hey, she’s just a baby, it’s okay, she can’t communicate yet,” then I feel better having talked myself down. I think everyone yells at some point and it feels so shitty but they will never remember it. She’s doing a great job!! The fact that she even cares shows she is NOT a terrible mom.
I have gotten SO FRUSTRATED with my baby. The worst of it was trying to get him to nap for more than 20 minutes. I felt like I would just dissociate because I saw so burnt our and trying everything but he would just wake up and cry. Those days were so hard. I'd raise my voice or lose empathy multiple times. I honestly don't trust parents that don't own the fact that they've gotten to that point of frustration before. This is so so so hard. And it takes a lot of mindfulness, which is super finite especially with all of the stress of a baby. She's a great mom, you're a great dad and husband judging from this post.
I’ve taken a bath with baby in my lap since he was a newborn. I still take baths with him about 75% of the time, and he’s a year old. It’s much easier to keep him calm and happy when I can be right there for him. As for getting out of the bath, I would get some noise canceling headphones, and also whenever possible if she can have someone to hand the baby off to so she can finish up the bath and get out it’s a huge help at the newborn stage. If she doesn’t have someone to hand him off to, get a laundry basket and put some blankets on the bottom, and an adult sized towel open along the whole thing so she can set baby in, wrap him up, and get herself out of the tub without baby being cold. Also having a heating pad on baby’s sleeping spot (removing before placing baby down), and/or just having lots of cuddles and feeding can help.
Our 2 month old has always looooved the bath but would cry after, we started laying her PJS out on a heating pad during the bath so they’d be nice and toasty after, and then going straight into a feed and that solved the problem!
She's not a bad mother, she's just overwhelmed. My baby loved baths... in the sink. Then we switched her to the big bathtub and she HATES IT. She immediately starts trying to climb out. I wonder if it's the texture? She's kinda big, the size of a 2 year old but she's only 14 months old. I switched her back to it kitchen sink and she's fine. Baby's are weird. If you have a sink big enough, maybe try that? I yelled at my baby once in the middle of the night and she smiled at me. I felt awful. But it was a bad moment for me and I was asleep deprived. A bad moment doesn't make you a bad mom. Please tell her that.
My daughter is TWO and cries after the bath lol. Eventually, you become confident in knowing they aren't hurt, you keep them as warm as you can.. some kids just don't like leaving the tub, or they don't like the dry off and get dressed part.
Omg I’ve lost my temper so many times and shouted …. We are only human and I think when your prepping for a big cry and it comes you can get overstimulated so quickly!!!!! Its fine, the fact she was so upset is what baby needs, everyone gets annoyed sometimes but its the repair after the rupture that really matters x
Bath time was part of our bedtime routine and we found babe enjoyed it most if we always kept her exposed skin (top of head and belly/chest) covered with a warm wash cloth—it means cycling through a lot of wash cloths at a time but it really helped her stay comfortable and relax while she was in her bath!
Just wanted to add : my pediatrician told me babies don't need daily baths, once a week or even less is fine as long as they are wiped properly when changed or get dirty (like neck area). Maybe ask a professional near you; you might be making your life more difficult than needed...
I completely understand. Some of the worst cries from my baby were after or during baths. He genuinely hated it. He’s a little over 3 months now and starting to enjoy them more. My only trick is to make them as fast as possible and take him out before he gets fussy. I think the sensory experience of it all can be really tough for new babies. But it DOES get better.
Another tip to try is letting the baby continue to sit in the tub while draining the water. My baby found it less shocking. As the water was draining, I blew the heater on her and then wrapped her in a towel after the water was gone. It helped immensely. I ended up showering with the baby soon after because I found she never cried afterwards.
I don’t want to sound like a bad dad, but a pair of noise cancelling AirPods Pro’s in my ear got me through a lot of screaming nights. They cry because they are letting you know they are uncomfortable, but sometimes that feeling is temporary due to the circumstances. Not hearing the scream allowed me to focus on soothing, and doing what I needed to do to help the LO.
Okay firstly the fact that your wife felt bad after yelling at the baby tells you everything you need to know. She felt guilty because she loves him, and it’s okay to lose your temper because it is incredibly hard and draining. I’ve done it more than once and it does make you feel like a shit mum because… you’re meant to be supportive and loving and here you are with the most beautiful baby in the world and they’re upset and you’re shouting at them because they’re upset or won’t sleep. Parenting isn’t plain sailing and it is okay to step away and leave baby in their cot for a few minutes to cry while you collect yourself. My girl is 12 weeks and has only recently started enjoying bath time, and it was a complete accident how we found out what she likes! Before it would be a lot of squirming, pouting, whimpering. Then I gently poured a jug of water over her head (she was covered in milk, and I mean COVERED, even in her hair!) and since then she’s gone from “this is the worst thing ever, I hate you mam!” to “this isn’t terrible.” The water going over her head just seemed to settle her the first time. Now she knows it’s coming so enjoys it a lot more. Plus the water over the head is good for swimming training and getting used to being submerged! (Can’t wait to start Water Babies with her!) I hope your wife is okay. She is an amazing mummy, and you are an amazing daddy and husband for doing this for her.
Showers! My bub loved the bath, but it cooled too quickly and she'd get upset after 5minutes and then it was just crying until she was out, dry and clothed. Since we started showering with her instead, its made everything so much easier and more comfortable. She's 6mo now and LOVES the shower! She prefers it quite warm and has never once gotten upset, total game changer
Get some muslin clothes as well for bathing. I wrap one around my baby during baths to prevent them from getting too chilly.
FridaBaby makes a great little spouted container to pour water on baby. We use that and I have a towel and a big bathrobe I wrap around baby when bath time is over.
We struggled with the same problem during the first month with bub. Eventually realised my first and biggest issue was not using a bath thermometer. I thought the bath water should be about body temp and was using my wrists to gauge. Boy I was so wrong. Things changed quickly after we had a bath thermometer. We also developed what we called the 80-100 strategy. We would feed him 80ml of milk before the bath so that he wasn’t hungry, then finished off the rest of the milk after we were done and dressed so that he can go straight to sleep after.
I also recommend swaddle bath. And I found this video helpful: https://youtu.be/7yxd25nZMaE?si=jFLNojh76lTpVCqT And recommend trying a ‘mommy and me’ bath. Mom gets a nice soak and baby get to splash around. Just be sure to allow baby’s toes to dip a bit before a full submersion. (The second time we did this kind of bath, husband wasn’t thinking and just dipped her in all at once and she briefly freaked and threw her arms out to the side with a hard cry but it quickly passed) At 2mo we only bathed our babe abt once a week still. Not even submerged just at kitchen sink and using sprayer to wet her. Closer to 4mo we found it easiest to just bring her in the shower with us. Just extra caution holding slippery and wriggly baby. Ours is a small shower so we are always watching that she can’t flail her head into the sidewalls. If we’re doing solo shower with her, we place her little bath seat on the ground while we shower ourself and then her. She’s always been fairly comfortable with water, though. Not sure if we’ve just lucked out. Good luck
I warmed up a towel in the dryer and held him in it until he dried off a bit. I also try a bottle at this time. I just didn’t care if he decided to pee on me. Then I keep his body draped with the towel and do his diaper and play peek a boo with him. He’s nine months now, and plays peek a boo with the towel himself while I put the diaper on. He thinks he’s hilarious.
So unusual trick but my 3 month old daughter has learnt to love her bath, but she would cry hysterically when I took her out to dry her. I heat the room with a space heater, swapped using a towel in favour of receiving blankets because they're sifter on her skin and that helped a bit, but the biggest thing is I realised she hated laying down after her bath for some reason. So I make a game if picking her up out the water and plonking her in a sitting position on the receiving blanket and drying her whilst supporting her in that position. Game changer! Gives her time to adjust a bit and now she only cries sometimes when we lay her down after to put on her nappy Ps. Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, it's relieving to know you're not alone
My baby was born with a full head of hair, so we've been blow-drying her after every single bath since day one - and she loves it! I think it's a combo of nice warm air and white noise. Might be worth trying even if you've LO is less hairy!
Swaddle bathing saved our lives! Now that my son is a little older, we can just loosely lay a second towel on him and periodically pour water on top to keep it warm. Good luck, OP!
If he's crying after bath he might be cold! Like the feeling when we first get out of the pool. Wrap him up as soon as possible in a warm towel and dress him quick! Also, yes she's not a bad mom for letting her emotions get the better of her one time. It happens to the best of us. Give her some extra love and reassurance and a break.
I’ve swaddled my 2month old with a loose wrap then filled the bath with bubble water, she absolutely adored the experience
Throw a towel in the dryer and pull it out when baby is done bathing. It can be hot so you can air it out for a minute first then get baby. This really is an opinion if both parents are home. Another thing I used to do is put a heating pad very low under the changing table pad and sheet cover. Always check the temperature before you place baby down. You can sit the towel on top of that too so it gets warm. I used to have it ready on the floor right outside of the bathroom which is connected to my son’s playroom. I used to keep the bath water at between 99-100.4 which is the ideal temperature. Or so I’ve read in parenting books. And my son seemed to like that. Bathing him in the bath in an angel bath as opposed to a sink or stand alone baby tub also kept the water warmer for longer. Additionally, I would lay a wet warm wash cloth across his chest and belly to keep him warm and allow the weight to help calm him. I’d wait till the very end to wash his hair too so his head wouldn’t be cold. And I used lavender baby wash! That’s all I can remember! ♥️
Not really related to your post but as a stepdaughter who considers my stepdad my dad and my biological dad my moms sperm donor, thank you for fighting for the semantics. Your daughter will be so grateful. My siblings are my siblings (not half siblings) also.
It is absolutely normal and okay to loose the temper. LO cries and throws tantrums and mom feels frustrated and helpless because she doesn't know the reason. In this situation, it is okay to loose the calm. This doesn't makes you a bad mom. All that I would say is patience is synonym to mother.
My baby didn’t tolerate baths until 4.5 months. I started showering with him instead (I hold him by the shower head and use a cloth to wipe him down). He still hated it but less than the bath. I probably yell at my baby (or not been as kind/quiet as I should be) when I’m overstimulated a least a few times a week, usually in the car when he’s been yelling for 30 minutes, I’ll just yell at the same time as him (copying him). Im not proud of it, but I’m getting better at holding it in when I’m really stressed, but it’s very normal and she’s doing the best she can. The amount of times I’ve had to put my son down and walk away while we both cried has been more than I care to admit. I find singing baby songs while he’s yelling helps both of us. Our son is 5 months now and it’s so much easier than it was at 2 or 3 months. Still hard, but easier.
I normally shout my LOs names when she gets me worked up followed with a sweet “I love you” and kiss… now she thinks it’s endearing and I get a smile out of her while letting off some steam. I don’t think it has to be totally negative, it’s okay to get frustrated and show emotions as long as LO feels loved and safe still.
Some tips to make bath more enjoyable…💗 -towel warmer (I also put her jammies in there) -galaxy light projector(I turn all the light off and it makes stars and moving lights on the wall, she’s too distracted to cry) -keep a warm wet cloth on top of them while you wash hair etc (my baby cries as soon as she feels cold) -as soon as baby is done in bath and dressed, feed them immediately so it’s like a reward
Dont worry it happens I have a 2y old son every day is a battle and it can happen that you just cant keep your cool. It happens a bit more frequint since I have other issues on my head and my son feels that and tries to help in the best way he knows and does something he know he should not do like bang the dors or stuff on the ground. And that can be a drop over the edge. When he was smaller it was hard as well he had cramops and a few artificial milks did not agree with him so he cried a lot especially after feeding. But we figures it ot and I cant thank my husband enought to help and take care of him when he saw i could not take it any more.
I can’t remember exactly how old he was, but under 3 months old. My partner was at work, so I was alone with him and he would not calm down. Feeding wasn’t helping, he was in a fresh nappy, temp was ok. I hit my boiling point, I set him in between my legs on the bed (so he’d be safe) and just screamed along with him for a few minutes. We both settled after that. I think it’s because they can sense how stressed we are but don’t realise that they’re causing it so they also become more stressed. So when we have that release, although we’re remorseful, our stress level goes down and the baby in turn feels better (maybe lol) so we can all have a nap. Either way boys almost 3 and his sister is 5 months. There have been many times I’ve either cried over “being mean to him”. Now I just take regular trips to the gym for me time. I once even “kicked” him and my partner out to his parents for the weekend so I could have some alone time 🤣 I planned it a few weeks in advance and enjoyed the excitement of planning what I’d do/or not do lol. Wife may just need to recharge her batteries which is very important as we tend to forget about ourselves during the early months.
A bad mom wouldn’t feel shitty for yelling at their baby. Your wife is human, like the rest of us, and will have moments of impatience and even rage. Please tell her that she’s allowed to not be a perfect mom all the time. All she needs to do is her best. What is more important is how we repair and improve after moments like that.
It really helps to put a wet receiving blanket/rags on them with warm water so they don’t get too cold, calmed my boy down a whole lot during baths. Now he is 8 months and loves splashing around
Getting them in and out of bath is honestly so stressful especially when they’re that little! We did sink baths and microwaved his towel since it was in reaching distance and didn’t lose heat from dryer on a different floor.
My baby cried straight out the bath from about 1 month to 9 months old, I think it's just the temperature change. I wouldn't fret too much trying to figure out whys and what ifs! Your wife is surely a great mum if she feels bad about what happened, you're both doing great and it's difficult to hear them cry especially when it's non stop at a targeted time each day. Baby will be absolutely fine ❤️
I put on my swimsuit or my wife will and hold LO as the other does the bath.
awwhhh mamas 😭 mother of 1 here!! my LO is 3 months old and i promise you i’ve yelled too and ended up crying myself because i felt so frustrated. our circumstance was a little different but nonetheless. my MIL got us a tiny little blanket warmer which we put his towel in before his bath. we also turn the hair dryer on in the bathroom & leave it running for the duration. (our LO absolutely loves the hairdryer.. not just the warmth but the sound too! it’s been a life saver) that way, the bathroom is warm and the white noise soothes him. Babies can’t regulate their body temperature yet.. just be patient & trust that we ALL have been there. ♡
I feel for her. You just get so overwhelmed and it just comes out especially at night time when you’re so exhausted and they won’t stop screaming. At 2 months old y’all are still in the trenches. I don’t look back those times fondly 😂
I can totally relate. Your wife is not a bad mom, she is human. As parents we have all done or said something that we end up regretting. Bath time was an absolute battle with my baby. Sometimes she would cry so hard that she would start holding her breath, it was scary for all involved. Today at almost 8 months old she had her first fuss free bath. I found that my baby tolerated bath time the best if I was sitting in the tub with her or brought her in the shower with me. Also, we used to wash her body and hair separately to keep bath time short. We would wash her body in the tub and then a few hours later we would wash her hair in the sink. Doing it this way seemed to help keep meltdowns to a minimum
That's very sweet and supportive of you to be kind to her during that time I can't count how many times I've lost my cool at my 14mth old son and just felt guilt-ridden Cried a lot feeling bad and it honestly happens a lot it's okay It's important to remember our yelling and frustration usually comes from a place of love and care. Everytime I raise my voice or yell it's usually to get his attention before he hurts himself or after he fell or hurt himself. I felt bad after because I know it's not the way to deal but I'm sure she isn't yelling at him because she hates him or whatever