As someone who has "clicked" platonically with a lot of people, I think the biggest thing that contributes to the feeling is just being your authentic self during conversations. I know lots of people who aren't interested in what I like or who don't get my humor, but there's tons of people who just sort of get me and what I'm trying to say.
I think it has to do with the fact that I don't try to impress anyone (anymore, it was a process to get here) or try to make them think I'm a certain way. I just do my thing, and people really jive with that. It makes *them* feel safer to be their true selves too, because they can see that I'm not here to judge or play games, I'm here to have a good time.
Funnily enough, I find I click best with older people, and I think it's because they've reached an age where they truly do not give a fuck and have more or less figured themselves out, so they also don't bother putting up facades or trying to come off a certain way.
Back in my people-pleasing days, I had lots of friends, but I never really felt like I connected well with more than a handful of them, I think because I was never actually comfortable completely being myself. I used to get anxiety when two friend groups would meet, because I worried about having to act one way with X group and another with Y group and how would that go with both of them around? But these days I don't care about worlds colliding because I act the same way with all worlds, so it doesn't matter.
This didn't really answer your question of the science behind it, but I hope it's useful anyway, lol
I am of the belief that you don't make friends you find them. Be your authentic self, find someone who offers something you like and you offer something they like, become friends.
Wow every single line of this I resonate with *so much*.
I’m close to being where you explain at first, being your authentic self, on my own lil path. I’ve got the last hurdle to get over a past life.
Thanks for sharing my dude :)
Same here, recently I've been trying to just be myself more. It feels so much better for my mental health. I still sometimes catch myself putting a wall or being self concious on my image to the point where I can't act smooth. It creates some kind of social anxiety. I met someone recently I kind of clicked with as well, and after that I got so comfortable just being myself and natural confidence, which reduced social anxiety by a lot and I started to see other people in a different way
It's about finding that natural rhythm in conversation where everything just flows. It's a delicate balance of giving and taking that feels effortless.
Makes sense. In my past friendships communication always eventually felt exhausting bc our interests didn’t always match up.
It makes sense why someone with those similar interests would be way easier to talk to because it doesn’t drain your energy
Married almost 10 years here to a woman I’ve like since middle school. It’s really not about interests. Our interests are far apart. But as stated before, the conversation flows, it’s like dancing almost, we also have similar physical energy levels. We piss each other off here and there, but nothing ever major.
I’ve dated people that I was on the opposite wavelength, it was weird. The cadence of thought, the perspective and feel was not where I was. Energy level was way off from mine too.
In regards to friendship, maybe that is interests. Definitely not similar physical energy, but there is something with conversation and feeling for each other that clicks.
If I could tell my young self one thing about romantic relationships, it would be that communication should be flowing and engaging, like with a good friend. It's not that you have to talk constantly, but it shouldn't feel awkward or draining.
It doesn't matter if the person you're seeing is beautiful, kind and intelligent if you don't find that wavelength. It's no one's fault, it's just how things are.
I think really good friendships have that physical energy too - it’s not sexual but there’s an attraction there of some kind. My best friend and I, friends for decades, can be in a room together but not sitting together, and someone will say something and we will both look at each other and have a silent conversation about it. Just the twitch of an eye or mouth. We’ve always had that.
You don’t get it with many people - I don’t know where it comes from but you’re just in tune.
I know your probably being satirical, but I would use the word "Energy" as opposed to "Science". This is simply due to the interactions between 2 given individuals being defined as a TRANSFERENCE of energy from 1 person to another. When someone says something to you, your brain relays and processes it (energy received) and you react and respond in the way that your brains neurons decipher it, collating it to your response (energy given). An important technique when applying this in real life is; When beginning a conversation with a person, set a neutral tone, (neutral mindset, as opposed to a fear mindset or a nervous mindset, as this will result in a negative response showing that you've directed you cognitive energy in a manner that does not match the conversation/discussion with other person), and follow how the other person is directing the energy of the conversation. IMO I find working on empathy can be a highly important variable.
Reference: The pocket guide to interpersonal neurobiology (Don't remember author)
I was laughing because OP asked for a science-based answer and this one is anything but scientific.
Your response, for example, is much more scientific and in line with what is supposed to be asked. But people romanticize certain contexts so much that OP asked for a scientific answer and they have been given a response that seems like literature.
Shared values.
I clicked with the woman who became my girlfriend right away, and I have to imagine it’s because we share the same philosophies about life. Communication was extraordinarily easy because the basic building blocks of trust were there from the start.
One theory is called shared reality.
When you have two people focused and speaking about a third party they will bond.
Anytime you are experiencing something with another person its a chance to bond.
Ever noticed how when a plane gets delayed all the passengers will be more chatty? It's because you all have a shared reality to bond over.
That's why bonding over the internet is harder.
It's also why I tell anyone looking for friends - board game club!!
I’m a good conversationalist so ppl often think they click with me but they don’t actually. Personally it clicks when the person in front of me brings out the « real me » and you have to have a certain energy for that.
similar interests, matching/complementary personalities/dynamics or just simply mutual enjoyment of each other's company. that's all there is to it.
"click" is just a word we use to encapsulate the above.
Science doesn’t have much to say on the matter afaik. My guess is that higher end dating sites probably have the best data and methods, but there is no accounting for in-person chemistry. It’s a million intangible factors we have no way to accurately measure.
Resonance, it's just one of those natural laws where similarities in information in general require less energy to be maintained when together. (basically its the path of least resistance to flow together as opposed to clash)
It's not only applicable to humans and human relationships, resonance is a universal law that applies to just about everything.
I’ve always thought of it as some kind of complementary skill set with a matching set of values or interests.
Like if you’re interested in the same things but the other person has a personality type that is different from yours and you see value in that and they see value in your personality type but yours is different from theirs, then both parties have a vested interest in either learning from or being around the other for mutual benefit.
It’s basically like “you will fit well in my tribe” and if both people feel that, it’s automatic.
Biologically, Humans are tribal. This means that we have a group we belong to and multiple rival groups we don't. So from this view the rival groups are enemies that will try to steal your things, kill your friends, and so on.
We have multiple ways to identify people in our 'group'. One simple one is humor. People with the same background tend to find the same things funny. This allows people in the same group to bond with each other. There are other things that allow bonding as well as everyone behaving similar, having similar outlooks on life, and so on and on.
On the subject of bonding, I might note that this has to do with memory and memory associations. When you play a game for a long time and listen to a certain song, then when you listen to the song without playing the game you will strongly remember the game. If you play the game without the song, you will remember the song. Our memories tend to work like this and associate certain things together. Thus, if you have a positive memory of a person and then think of that person in the future, the positive feelings associated with that person will also come back. This tends to create strong bonds of feelings with people. It is why first impressions are important as that is the first memory you will have of a person and the feelings that are associated with that first memory.
Historically, you didn't want to bond with an enemy, thus you tend to bond more easily with people who have similar life experiences, similar beliefs, and so on because it used to be that those people were in your tribe.
I think it's pretty unexplainable... It's a near magical mix of attractiveness, conversational styles, interests, affect, and probably most importantly, what attributes different people find appealing. Add people liking or admiring that person's actions/values are important as well.
I think studies have shown that after initial physical attractiveness (of which there are, of course, many subgroups - height, hair, weight, features, etc), the sound of someone's voice is the second most important factor in attraction.
For these various reasons, I really came to believe when I was dating (long married now) that speed dating is the best approach to do. Spending a few minutes with someone talking really does tell you quickly whether any basic chemistry is there or not.
Women can literally smell partners who will provide complimentary genetics for offspring.
We can also smell it when the genetics would be horrible.
Birth control hormones kinda mess that up.
Much of the clock is “Damn! You smell good!”
Perhaps anecdotally, but I have stopped dating people because their natural smell was just *off* y'know? Didn't stink, no bad hygiene of the sorts, it just smelt ick.
Don't have to be pheromones perse, as these are usually only sexual indicators
This doesn’t get into the study but, one woman almost puked smelling the T-shirt and thinking of sexual compatibility.
The shirt ended up belonging to her brother.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claus_Wedekind
Just did a quick Google and found this article from [Scientific American ](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/are-human-pheromones-real/)
>But there is no evidence of a consistent and strong behavioral response to any human-produced chemical cue. “Maybe once upon a time we could react more viscerally,” says chemist George Preti of the Monell Chemical Senses Center. Today, however, our reactions seem to be much subtler—and harder to detect—than those of a silk moth
It seems the jury is still out, but it's not as sure a thing as we once thought or like with other animals.
So it looks like the article is bringing into question the distinction between pheromones per odor-based attraction. Am I wrong in reading that as orthogonal to the question of whether immunocompatibility can influence attraction, either through pheromones, odor, or whatever other means? I think I may have been conflating the two ideas previously.
Just based off the abstract this seems to support the idea of pheromones. Mostly had always heard this to be the case so wondering about research either way. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5006172/
Tbh I just disagree with their interpretation of their findings. They found that 49% of women preferred the body odour of men with dissimilar HLA. That means slightly over half preferred similar HLA. That doesn't support their idea that humans can smell differences in HLA and that our sexual behaviour is influenced by it. They also failed to find any mechanism for humans to recognise these molecules. We lack the vomeronasal organ other mammals use, so these pheromones' activity may not be evolutionarily conserved in humans.
Realistically, all that study can really say is that it's not absolutely certain that humans lack sex pheromones. But they certainly didn't prove it, or even find any great evidence. They just talked up their research to make it sound like they found more than they did. I'm a scientist and the brain is something I deal with a lot so if I'm interpreting those results wrong somebody please correct me!
This paper (abstract) also suggests a demonstrated correlation between MHC dissimilarity and sexual satisfaction (in women), but I'm the full text appears to be pay-walled: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17100780/
I do see papers suggesting that there may be other mechanisms capable of detecting pheromones aside from VNO (which appears to be missing or non functional in humans): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2695851/
Do you think main olfactory is not a plausible mechanism for detection? (Genuine question).
I'm having a look through that pay-walled article and they're giving an overview of previous studies on this and it's odd. Like, there's plenty of studies showing women prefer the smells of MHC dissimilar men, but a lot of others show the complete opposite. A study of Hutterites in America showed married couples were significantly more MHC dissimilar than was expected, but studies of Japanese and Indian married couples found extremely high MHC similarity.
This particular study suggests that MHC similarity has no impact on men's choice of sexual partners, but they cited at least one study that showed a strong correlation. They also showed that the more MHC similarity, the more likely a woman was to cheat. They claim that more similar MHC correlates to a higher frequency in the current relationship of participants, but couldn't predict it at all in past relationships.
I'm personally not convinced. Until a mechanism for detection is conclusively found, but that would imply men should be influenced by this as well, as in the other vertebrates where this is occurs. The data is way too mixed in my opinion, I'm inclined to believe that humans losing this trait would be evolutionarily beneficial, as humans display more complex emotions and social structures than other animals (by a lot!) Since we humans have things like "values" and "morals" and so on, it's much more important that personalities align, and we have a culturally ingrained aversion to inbreeding that covers the MHC dissimilarity function in other animals. Also significantly, humans were not generally averse to some incest for a lot of human history and even genetic defects didn't always deter. I think all of this supports my personal hypothesis that losing this trait was beneficial.
This is the only answer. It’s like breathing. You can try and influence it manually it but ultimately it’s autonomic. Either the chemistry is there or it isn’t.
Easily and quickly falling into emotional and conversational shorthand, in my opinion. It's such a relief to find someone who speaks and thinks like you.
I’m a behavioural scientist. I could tell you all sorts of stuff, but the truth is, we don’t know. There’s probably some type of unspoken communication which we’ve lost the use of over Millenia which attracts some people and not others. I’m joking, but really, we don’t know.
Because we're a tribal species. We're born with an instinctual "my tribe-not my tribe" reaction to others. The probably is that this proclivity is used against us constantly.
Really good question. You're asking about what's commonly referred to as interpersonal "chemistry". It's why we get along with/like/fall for certain people more than others, why certain on-screen couples are more believable, etc. It's one of the great mysteries of the universe.
If I had to take a shot at explaining it, I'd say it's because the two people have just the right amount of stuff in common plus certain key differences that make them intriguing to each other. In short, they just "fit" in all the right places, like puzzle pieces. Beyond that, no one knows. That's why it's so exciting when you meet someone like that.
> Why haven't I clicked with many people before?
It could be that you just haven't met that many people, or maybe you haven't found someone whose communication style meshes with yours.
It is BECAUSE you are so similar. But also, this is how narcissists attach to people besides the love bombing, they mirror you to create the illusion of being very similar so you “click” with them. It’s really cool when you meet someone who is actually similar to you though and you click with, makes for a great interpersonal connection if both are socially healthy
I don’t know the science behind it though. Hope some of the other comments do because it’s a very interesting question
>We had similar interests, we communicated similar
This is a big part of it. You can relate a lot to eachother, that makes it easier to be vulnerable and open up which is a requirement for a deeper connection to happen. Add that you both find eachother physically attractive and there you go. *Click*
I think this connection, this click. Is a complex fractal like occurrence. At first, there may be a commonality, but within this, there has to be a difference, challenge, and some form of high regard. We need some empathic connectivity through some familiar themes, but we also want someone who can make us experience new things, although possibly tailored to our interests. As we explore this new relationship, the fractal pattern is more intricately woven, serving each other in an enriching and wholesome way. And yet... our subconscious minds are able to process all of this in a millisecond.
You see this in animals too. If you watch a heard of horses or a group of chickens you will see that they often favor some animals over others. Two or three animals can become very bonded and leave out another.
Looks, pheromones and personality. If even one is off, there will be no clickage. Not saying you can't have some type of relationship but you won't have that "we just clicked" feeling
So, interestingly enough I am incredibly skilled at being social and connecting with folks but rarely “click”. Or to put in another way almost everyone I talk with likes me and historically many people often seem to think they’re clicking with ME, but it rarely feels mutual.
I’ve come to realize relatively late in life that my neurodivergence includes being on the autism spectrum, and most of my social interactions involve deeply intuitive masking and mirroring. I have extreme levels of self awareness, situational awareness, and emotional intelligence and have developed the ability to communicate and socialize to the point that many people assume I’m an obligate extrovert. I have some trouble when I’m overwhelmed, but usually know my own limits enough not to be caught in social situations without with energy reserves.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t get along with or like everyone… but it is rare that I am unable to find SOME common ground in which to enjoy a casual conversation. I am incredibly genuine with my opinions and words… I am just also really good at finding and sticking to common ground and getting along in social situations.
What makes this MORE interesting to me is that most of the people I’ve deeply ‘clicked’ with platonically and romantically are also neurodivergent. Even if all our interests don’t overlap, the way we express ourselves and how we experience the world seems to play a huge role in our ability to connect. I think that HOW we think and exist is often more important to connecting socially than WHAT we think or do! (overlapping interests help, of course)
Lastly, my social skills and experience extend to my sex life as well. I’m mentioning this because I’ve also experienced ‘clicking’ physically with a few people to a degree that I truly believe there’s a physiological basis for compatibility too. Like, the feel of their skin or their smell or taste is just electrifying or sometimes inherently erotic. Something base and primal and quite separate from the wonderful emotional and intellectual aspects of our connection.
I’m pretty sure there’s some interesting legitimate science behind attraction and compatible body chemistry… but it’s been years since I looked it up so just chiming in with my personal experience.
P.s. meant to mention that I agree with folks comments about authentic self. I am able to genuinely share parts of my authentic self with most people, contributing to their perception of us clicking but my relative dissatisfaction with the interaction. When I am comfortable being my FULL authentic self is when I’ve clicked the best. In both platonic and romantic settings. Also still think there are physiological reasons which contribute! :)
Much like you, I never really clicked with many people. I had one lady I clicked with on a platonic basis who was 20 years older than me and we were besties until she moved away for work. With that it was about having things in common (same job, values, both had kids the same age, both enjoyed goofing around but still getting stuff done and both had a dry sense of humor).
Before that friendship, every interaction I had with people and every relationship (yes, even a marriage) was forced. I was a red flag because I would be literally anything people would want me to be because I was desperate to "fit" somewhere. I had actually convinced myself that you could learn to love/be in love with anyone, if you tried. I even once convinced a guy he was in love with me by pointing out I was everything he had said he wanted in the many years I'd known him...
My (now) husband and I clicked the first time we met and although not physically attracted to each other at first (I liked tall skinny, nerdy looking dudes and he liked more feminine, willowy built women), the more we chatted and spent time together, the more physically attractive we found each other.
I think "clicking" with someone is a lot of having shared interests, humor, life experiences, values etc. so that when you interact, you don't have to try to be anything you aren't already. What makes it worth fighting for and working at in terms of friendships/relationships is whether you push each other to expand as human beings and improve yourself and meet each other halfway.
I think it's just a pure numbers game... you have little idiosyncratic stuff to your communication, and your partner appears to have a complementary communication style... say those things are 1/1000... well then 1 in a thousand people are good partners for you... something like that
I definitely click with people. I deal with lots of people and there are Defently times where within 20 seconds, I know me and that person will be really good friends. Hasn't failed me yet! All the people I think will be good friends, are my good friends now lol.
I wonder if it is super early trust- like you encounter nothing to dissuade you that you can be safe with this person, and as that builds, you each allow yourselves to relax more and mesh
I read somewhere about a hypothesis that this might be due to our brainwaves having a certain rhythm or periodicity, and arguing that maybe people who have similarities at that level might feel more at ease with each other. I think there might be something to it since ppl in general describe this feeling with similar ideas
Chemistry. You may have it with many people but not necessarily people you are going to date which is why sometimes there’s that connection you have with someone but it’s just a look, it’s chemistry.
When two people are interested in each other it doesn't really matter what you say or talk about. You're already bias toward what they have to say.
There will be plenty of times you've liked someone but you didn't 'click' because they didn't like you back and were not as engaged in what you had to say.
Initial attraction is what drives the first part of it, whether or not you are each others type aesthetically speaking. After that there will be a basic check for any kind of huge deal breakers. But that's pretty much the overall jist of it for when you meet new people.
Of course there are situations where you're not initially attracted to someone but you come to like them over a certain period because of common interests, but that's not really just 'clicking' with someone.
Alaine De Botton has some interesting ideas on how we connect with people. It's less science and more in the philosophy world but it's very interesting. Check out their YouTube page.
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwxNMb28XmpcEwc0qydf2jSszQFSht81E&si=zsS2-_IN1exG68Qv
Not just humans. We used to foster cats for a local shelter and they’re exactly the same - some get on, some don’t, only a few bond together really well.
As a NeuroDivergent myself (ASD and possible ADHD), its weird, because I have several people Im attsched to. My mannerisms have changed a lot from being quiet and reclused to becoming more open and loud due to frens and games helping me socially. But I have several frens Im attached to non-romantically because of our interests.
(Also cause they give great hugs, and I adore hugs)
Apparently, if into reincarnation, theres about 6 or 8 people you will encounter in this life (maybe less I really don’t know) that you’ve known before. Previous relationships aren’t like now per-say, a child may have been a mother, a partner etc.
i love this idea, especially the thought of reconnecting with hard core loved ones in another life.
It’s about being relatable. I know it a very general term but that’s the key. Being welling and able to speak to any person and relate with them. Personally, I’ve always taken the time to ask someone how are they going or how’s their day been and it gives a perspective of who they are or how their day has been.
I feel like most of these answers are about how to connect with people, I am curious about answers for why it is we connect with some so well but sometimes not at all with others . I do find this fascinating.
From the responses i got, it seems like there isn’t much of a scientific answer. Besides chemistry and having a lot in common.
The closest thing Ive read is that animals also do that. Like a cat would prefer one specific cat to the other. And that its instinct?
Yes interesting, I guess it’s just one of those things not fully understood. And further indicates that we just really can’t control or force things like this.
I wish I could experience this with a romantic partner. Feel like I had missed out on the rule book everyone else is working from. (I have autism. Takes me a while to feel comfortable, by which time people have given up on me)
I don’t know and have wondered a lot how you quantify that effect.
It’s almost as if there’s a state of mind that seeks those like it- it might be values, humour, vernacular, or possibly intellect and emotional intelligence that you notice .
And as you grow and develop as a person you might find those sort of people you used to click now no longer do.
It’s like how someone might grow up with an abusive parent and they find a sense of familiarity in the personality traits of someone like their parents that they can end up with an abusive spouse, until they learn to recognise those traits and they stop seeing those traits as “familiar” but rather as dangerous.
Likewise people with healthy relationships in their family of origin can often find healthy relationships in their romantic or friendship life. They find people like them , they feel familiar and “click”.
I'm autistic, so I struggle to "click" with anyone who isn't also autistic. I have different energy levels, interests, humor, and communication styles to "neurotypical" people.
I assume non-autistic people "click" with certain people or groups for the same reasons. Shared values, interests, energy levels, etc.
I'm not sure but maybe it's just having shared interests or being able to connect on some level. I usually click with most people platonically and with some people, the connection is deeper or more intense. Romantically, I don't think I ever click with anyone! I don't know why but most of the time, I feel something and am usually mistaken about the other person. I would love to figure out to click romantically though.
For me, I have things I love (hobbies) and passions about certain things in life so when I meet someone similar, we can click. Right now I'm very much in to scuba diving and I've found that I tend to click with people who also do... to the point that even if I have nothing in common with them, having that one shared passion for diving connects us and we immediately have a lot to talk about!
Some people just have similar interests and mindsets. They grasped onto similar things in life. Some people hate being hot, some people love it. It's just chance. We all grow up uniquely, some just grew up just really similarly uniquely.
In my experience 80% of this result can be predicted by knowing the temperament and cultural alignment of the participants. It's a combination of matching core values with opposite reaction styles (personality traits in common parlance)
Pre-incarnate agreement of meeting someone from your soul group.
You come from a cluster of souls and you agree to meet at certain points in your life for certain things. You typically resonate with these people because your vibration is in the same group.
It can’t be explained if your an atheist who only believes we’re purely meat and bones.
Astrology, Frequency and vibrations, Magnetic Fields/Auras etc all play a part in this. It’s an energy beyond physical matter that makes us attract to eachother.
I click with many people and the only reason I'm not romantically attracted to them is because they are not physically attractive in my eyes. Physical appearance matters more than people would admit.
I’d say you click with someone based on a bunch of subconscious choices at first. Their style, body language etc. then you would have common ground and mannerisms etc which would make you more comfortable and click.
The more someone genuinely mirrors you. The more you like it.
While I'm not that deep into my biology related degree, I'd guess it has something to do with wanting to pass on our traits.
We've survived to breeding age, so biologically, we want to partner up with someone of similar traits to ensure any offspring would also survive.
Study Astrology and you will find your answers, there are water signs, air signs, fire signs and earth signs, basically water and earth signs get along good as with fire and air signs, but water and fire signs not good as with air and earth signs, now apply it to your friends and find out your star signs
Biology. It triggers better on people that are a better genetic fit, as in, higher chance to provide different genes and lower the risk of genetic inbreeding. And having complimentary skills instead of equal skills does also have an impact.
I’m not one of those astrology people or anything, but I do believe that we have certain vibrations that match with certain people, (based off of what I’ve found with plants and stuff having stuff like that). I dunno how true it is that we all emit some form of vibration that matches with others for sure though. I see it like, how some people like some music and others don’t, just different vibe for different people. I don’t know for sure though, that’s just my own personal theory.
MEYERS BRIGGS! Seriously. It's not a science, but it is the best damn description of types of human personalities I've ever come across.
Case in point, when I met my boyfriend, I immediately recognized him, meaning in a deep way. I saw myself in him. He felt familiar.
He turned out to be an ENFP. I'm an INFP. One letter difference, very similar types. It's like talking to myself if I were an excitable extrovert.
Interestingly, my first boyfriend was also an ENFP. Both times there has been an almost overwhelming sense of familiarity and home when meeting these people. And I only found out about their Myers-Briggs type well afterwards.
There are definite types of people. There are people who like planned schedules and those who prefer to wing it, there are introverts and extroverts. There are people who like to go by traditional rules and out of the box artists. These are normal, real human tendencies, widely recognized. The Myers-Briggs system isn't a box that people fit into perfectly, but it's a damn good way of describing general types.
I don't know where your idea comes from that it's like astrology.
Look up "high vibrational people". I think I'm high vibrational gone rotten. I closed any chance for connection off, I just didn't want anyone to remember me when I'm gone.
As someone who has "clicked" platonically with a lot of people, I think the biggest thing that contributes to the feeling is just being your authentic self during conversations. I know lots of people who aren't interested in what I like or who don't get my humor, but there's tons of people who just sort of get me and what I'm trying to say. I think it has to do with the fact that I don't try to impress anyone (anymore, it was a process to get here) or try to make them think I'm a certain way. I just do my thing, and people really jive with that. It makes *them* feel safer to be their true selves too, because they can see that I'm not here to judge or play games, I'm here to have a good time. Funnily enough, I find I click best with older people, and I think it's because they've reached an age where they truly do not give a fuck and have more or less figured themselves out, so they also don't bother putting up facades or trying to come off a certain way. Back in my people-pleasing days, I had lots of friends, but I never really felt like I connected well with more than a handful of them, I think because I was never actually comfortable completely being myself. I used to get anxiety when two friend groups would meet, because I worried about having to act one way with X group and another with Y group and how would that go with both of them around? But these days I don't care about worlds colliding because I act the same way with all worlds, so it doesn't matter. This didn't really answer your question of the science behind it, but I hope it's useful anyway, lol
Yeah ofc! I understand thanks for your response ahah. I always felt awkward if I TRIED to make friends bc anytime I tried to it would feel forced lmao
I am of the belief that you don't make friends you find them. Be your authentic self, find someone who offers something you like and you offer something they like, become friends.
Yeh honestly friends just happen when you happen
Yeh I've felt the same. Remember Yoda says "do, not try" or something.
Wow every single line of this I resonate with *so much*. I’m close to being where you explain at first, being your authentic self, on my own lil path. I’ve got the last hurdle to get over a past life. Thanks for sharing my dude :)
Hey, this is extremely well articulated. I dig this very much. Well said.
Damn, you might just be me!
Agreed you can always just be yourself
Same here, recently I've been trying to just be myself more. It feels so much better for my mental health. I still sometimes catch myself putting a wall or being self concious on my image to the point where I can't act smooth. It creates some kind of social anxiety. I met someone recently I kind of clicked with as well, and after that I got so comfortable just being myself and natural confidence, which reduced social anxiety by a lot and I started to see other people in a different way
It's about finding that natural rhythm in conversation where everything just flows. It's a delicate balance of giving and taking that feels effortless.
Makes sense. In my past friendships communication always eventually felt exhausting bc our interests didn’t always match up. It makes sense why someone with those similar interests would be way easier to talk to because it doesn’t drain your energy
Married almost 10 years here to a woman I’ve like since middle school. It’s really not about interests. Our interests are far apart. But as stated before, the conversation flows, it’s like dancing almost, we also have similar physical energy levels. We piss each other off here and there, but nothing ever major. I’ve dated people that I was on the opposite wavelength, it was weird. The cadence of thought, the perspective and feel was not where I was. Energy level was way off from mine too. In regards to friendship, maybe that is interests. Definitely not similar physical energy, but there is something with conversation and feeling for each other that clicks.
If I could tell my young self one thing about romantic relationships, it would be that communication should be flowing and engaging, like with a good friend. It's not that you have to talk constantly, but it shouldn't feel awkward or draining. It doesn't matter if the person you're seeing is beautiful, kind and intelligent if you don't find that wavelength. It's no one's fault, it's just how things are.
Like the Pulp Fiction quote, You know you've found somebody special when you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
I think really good friendships have that physical energy too - it’s not sexual but there’s an attraction there of some kind. My best friend and I, friends for decades, can be in a room together but not sitting together, and someone will say something and we will both look at each other and have a silent conversation about it. Just the twitch of an eye or mouth. We’ve always had that. You don’t get it with many people - I don’t know where it comes from but you’re just in tune.
"science"
I know your probably being satirical, but I would use the word "Energy" as opposed to "Science". This is simply due to the interactions between 2 given individuals being defined as a TRANSFERENCE of energy from 1 person to another. When someone says something to you, your brain relays and processes it (energy received) and you react and respond in the way that your brains neurons decipher it, collating it to your response (energy given). An important technique when applying this in real life is; When beginning a conversation with a person, set a neutral tone, (neutral mindset, as opposed to a fear mindset or a nervous mindset, as this will result in a negative response showing that you've directed you cognitive energy in a manner that does not match the conversation/discussion with other person), and follow how the other person is directing the energy of the conversation. IMO I find working on empathy can be a highly important variable. Reference: The pocket guide to interpersonal neurobiology (Don't remember author)
I was laughing because OP asked for a science-based answer and this one is anything but scientific. Your response, for example, is much more scientific and in line with what is supposed to be asked. But people romanticize certain contexts so much that OP asked for a scientific answer and they have been given a response that seems like literature.
It’s like all about that balance, man!
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Yes, but I think the OP is asking us to explain this inexplicable connection.
well i guess "inexplicable" is inexplicable.
I think this logic tracks, hmmm, need more proof.
I like you guys. I think we could get along.
Let’s share credit card information friend ☺️
ok, you start
Are you Donald Rumsfeld's son?
i hope not. otherwise i would need some people to explain me my family tree again.
Shared values. I clicked with the woman who became my girlfriend right away, and I have to imagine it’s because we share the same philosophies about life. Communication was extraordinarily easy because the basic building blocks of trust were there from the start.
I most often see “I don’t care about judgment” myself.
but what determines that?
Our indoctrination algorithms
what?
Two mature grounded people who want the same thing.
One theory is called shared reality. When you have two people focused and speaking about a third party they will bond. Anytime you are experiencing something with another person its a chance to bond. Ever noticed how when a plane gets delayed all the passengers will be more chatty? It's because you all have a shared reality to bond over. That's why bonding over the internet is harder. It's also why I tell anyone looking for friends - board game club!!
I’m a good conversationalist so ppl often think they click with me but they don’t actually. Personally it clicks when the person in front of me brings out the « real me » and you have to have a certain energy for that.
Yea I feel that one
similar interests, matching/complementary personalities/dynamics or just simply mutual enjoyment of each other's company. that's all there is to it. "click" is just a word we use to encapsulate the above.
Science doesn’t have much to say on the matter afaik. My guess is that higher end dating sites probably have the best data and methods, but there is no accounting for in-person chemistry. It’s a million intangible factors we have no way to accurately measure.
I mean there's probably psychology research done on it. But at the end of the day there's no hard answer
Resonance, it's just one of those natural laws where similarities in information in general require less energy to be maintained when together. (basically its the path of least resistance to flow together as opposed to clash) It's not only applicable to humans and human relationships, resonance is a universal law that applies to just about everything.
Waht a great response. Makes totally sense:)
Yup, paying attention to this particular phenomena has been quite useful in my life.
Chemistry. Much of attraction is not rational but biological.
I see, Ive heard of that. But Idk how it works. Which is kinda why I asked this question XD
I’ve always thought of it as some kind of complementary skill set with a matching set of values or interests. Like if you’re interested in the same things but the other person has a personality type that is different from yours and you see value in that and they see value in your personality type but yours is different from theirs, then both parties have a vested interest in either learning from or being around the other for mutual benefit. It’s basically like “you will fit well in my tribe” and if both people feel that, it’s automatic.
Biologically, Humans are tribal. This means that we have a group we belong to and multiple rival groups we don't. So from this view the rival groups are enemies that will try to steal your things, kill your friends, and so on. We have multiple ways to identify people in our 'group'. One simple one is humor. People with the same background tend to find the same things funny. This allows people in the same group to bond with each other. There are other things that allow bonding as well as everyone behaving similar, having similar outlooks on life, and so on and on. On the subject of bonding, I might note that this has to do with memory and memory associations. When you play a game for a long time and listen to a certain song, then when you listen to the song without playing the game you will strongly remember the game. If you play the game without the song, you will remember the song. Our memories tend to work like this and associate certain things together. Thus, if you have a positive memory of a person and then think of that person in the future, the positive feelings associated with that person will also come back. This tends to create strong bonds of feelings with people. It is why first impressions are important as that is the first memory you will have of a person and the feelings that are associated with that first memory. Historically, you didn't want to bond with an enemy, thus you tend to bond more easily with people who have similar life experiences, similar beliefs, and so on because it used to be that those people were in your tribe.
I think it's pretty unexplainable... It's a near magical mix of attractiveness, conversational styles, interests, affect, and probably most importantly, what attributes different people find appealing. Add people liking or admiring that person's actions/values are important as well. I think studies have shown that after initial physical attractiveness (of which there are, of course, many subgroups - height, hair, weight, features, etc), the sound of someone's voice is the second most important factor in attraction. For these various reasons, I really came to believe when I was dating (long married now) that speed dating is the best approach to do. Spending a few minutes with someone talking really does tell you quickly whether any basic chemistry is there or not.
Women can literally smell partners who will provide complimentary genetics for offspring. We can also smell it when the genetics would be horrible. Birth control hormones kinda mess that up. Much of the clock is “Damn! You smell good!”
I thought the whole pheromones thing in humans was debunked?
Perhaps anecdotally, but I have stopped dating people because their natural smell was just *off* y'know? Didn't stink, no bad hygiene of the sorts, it just smelt ick. Don't have to be pheromones perse, as these are usually only sexual indicators
Sure, but that's different to a pheromone.
This doesn’t get into the study but, one woman almost puked smelling the T-shirt and thinking of sexual compatibility. The shirt ended up belonging to her brother. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claus_Wedekind
Source on debunking?
Just did a quick Google and found this article from [Scientific American ](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/are-human-pheromones-real/) >But there is no evidence of a consistent and strong behavioral response to any human-produced chemical cue. “Maybe once upon a time we could react more viscerally,” says chemist George Preti of the Monell Chemical Senses Center. Today, however, our reactions seem to be much subtler—and harder to detect—than those of a silk moth It seems the jury is still out, but it's not as sure a thing as we once thought or like with other animals.
Thanks for finding the link. Was always curious about this.
So it looks like the article is bringing into question the distinction between pheromones per odor-based attraction. Am I wrong in reading that as orthogonal to the question of whether immunocompatibility can influence attraction, either through pheromones, odor, or whatever other means? I think I may have been conflating the two ideas previously.
Doesn't need to be debunked because no one ever found any pheromones in the first place. Source on the pheromones?
Just based off the abstract this seems to support the idea of pheromones. Mostly had always heard this to be the case so wondering about research either way. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5006172/
Tbh I just disagree with their interpretation of their findings. They found that 49% of women preferred the body odour of men with dissimilar HLA. That means slightly over half preferred similar HLA. That doesn't support their idea that humans can smell differences in HLA and that our sexual behaviour is influenced by it. They also failed to find any mechanism for humans to recognise these molecules. We lack the vomeronasal organ other mammals use, so these pheromones' activity may not be evolutionarily conserved in humans. Realistically, all that study can really say is that it's not absolutely certain that humans lack sex pheromones. But they certainly didn't prove it, or even find any great evidence. They just talked up their research to make it sound like they found more than they did. I'm a scientist and the brain is something I deal with a lot so if I'm interpreting those results wrong somebody please correct me!
This paper (abstract) also suggests a demonstrated correlation between MHC dissimilarity and sexual satisfaction (in women), but I'm the full text appears to be pay-walled: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17100780/ I do see papers suggesting that there may be other mechanisms capable of detecting pheromones aside from VNO (which appears to be missing or non functional in humans): https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2695851/ Do you think main olfactory is not a plausible mechanism for detection? (Genuine question).
I'm having a look through that pay-walled article and they're giving an overview of previous studies on this and it's odd. Like, there's plenty of studies showing women prefer the smells of MHC dissimilar men, but a lot of others show the complete opposite. A study of Hutterites in America showed married couples were significantly more MHC dissimilar than was expected, but studies of Japanese and Indian married couples found extremely high MHC similarity. This particular study suggests that MHC similarity has no impact on men's choice of sexual partners, but they cited at least one study that showed a strong correlation. They also showed that the more MHC similarity, the more likely a woman was to cheat. They claim that more similar MHC correlates to a higher frequency in the current relationship of participants, but couldn't predict it at all in past relationships. I'm personally not convinced. Until a mechanism for detection is conclusively found, but that would imply men should be influenced by this as well, as in the other vertebrates where this is occurs. The data is way too mixed in my opinion, I'm inclined to believe that humans losing this trait would be evolutionarily beneficial, as humans display more complex emotions and social structures than other animals (by a lot!) Since we humans have things like "values" and "morals" and so on, it's much more important that personalities align, and we have a culturally ingrained aversion to inbreeding that covers the MHC dissimilarity function in other animals. Also significantly, humans were not generally averse to some incest for a lot of human history and even genetic defects didn't always deter. I think all of this supports my personal hypothesis that losing this trait was beneficial.
How does that work online?
Your fantasies and associations about someone's you text with creates a reaction in your body.
This is the only answer. It’s like breathing. You can try and influence it manually it but ultimately it’s autonomic. Either the chemistry is there or it isn’t.
Easily and quickly falling into emotional and conversational shorthand, in my opinion. It's such a relief to find someone who speaks and thinks like you.
vibes innit
sounds like because you were similar
I’m a behavioural scientist. I could tell you all sorts of stuff, but the truth is, we don’t know. There’s probably some type of unspoken communication which we’ve lost the use of over Millenia which attracts some people and not others. I’m joking, but really, we don’t know.
Is her name Summer?
Is this a 500 Days of Summer reference?
Because we're a tribal species. We're born with an instinctual "my tribe-not my tribe" reaction to others. The probably is that this proclivity is used against us constantly.
Really good question. You're asking about what's commonly referred to as interpersonal "chemistry". It's why we get along with/like/fall for certain people more than others, why certain on-screen couples are more believable, etc. It's one of the great mysteries of the universe. If I had to take a shot at explaining it, I'd say it's because the two people have just the right amount of stuff in common plus certain key differences that make them intriguing to each other. In short, they just "fit" in all the right places, like puzzle pieces. Beyond that, no one knows. That's why it's so exciting when you meet someone like that.
One word, familiarity.
> Why haven't I clicked with many people before? It could be that you just haven't met that many people, or maybe you haven't found someone whose communication style meshes with yours.
Or that no one has shared similar values.
a friend is a gift that you give yourself. it needs to be mutual to work.
It is BECAUSE you are so similar. But also, this is how narcissists attach to people besides the love bombing, they mirror you to create the illusion of being very similar so you “click” with them. It’s really cool when you meet someone who is actually similar to you though and you click with, makes for a great interpersonal connection if both are socially healthy I don’t know the science behind it though. Hope some of the other comments do because it’s a very interesting question
>We had similar interests, we communicated similar This is a big part of it. You can relate a lot to eachother, that makes it easier to be vulnerable and open up which is a requirement for a deeper connection to happen. Add that you both find eachother physically attractive and there you go. *Click*
Culture, upbringing, commonalities, etc.
There's a lot to it imo. You can have almost everything in common with someone, but if your communication styles are incompatible it won't work
it’s all about the vibez
I think this connection, this click. Is a complex fractal like occurrence. At first, there may be a commonality, but within this, there has to be a difference, challenge, and some form of high regard. We need some empathic connectivity through some familiar themes, but we also want someone who can make us experience new things, although possibly tailored to our interests. As we explore this new relationship, the fractal pattern is more intricately woven, serving each other in an enriching and wholesome way. And yet... our subconscious minds are able to process all of this in a millisecond.
I don't think there is an andwer that i 100% correct. Sometimes it just happens. If we knew how this works, making friends would be a lot easier
You see this in animals too. If you watch a heard of horses or a group of chickens you will see that they often favor some animals over others. Two or three animals can become very bonded and leave out another.
Yup, I've had dogs that are generally good with other dogs that hate a particular dog or just really get along with each other better than usual.
Looks, pheromones and personality. If even one is off, there will be no clickage. Not saying you can't have some type of relationship but you won't have that "we just clicked" feeling
This is why the word ineffable exists. And also why we call it “human chemistry”.
So, interestingly enough I am incredibly skilled at being social and connecting with folks but rarely “click”. Or to put in another way almost everyone I talk with likes me and historically many people often seem to think they’re clicking with ME, but it rarely feels mutual. I’ve come to realize relatively late in life that my neurodivergence includes being on the autism spectrum, and most of my social interactions involve deeply intuitive masking and mirroring. I have extreme levels of self awareness, situational awareness, and emotional intelligence and have developed the ability to communicate and socialize to the point that many people assume I’m an obligate extrovert. I have some trouble when I’m overwhelmed, but usually know my own limits enough not to be caught in social situations without with energy reserves. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t get along with or like everyone… but it is rare that I am unable to find SOME common ground in which to enjoy a casual conversation. I am incredibly genuine with my opinions and words… I am just also really good at finding and sticking to common ground and getting along in social situations. What makes this MORE interesting to me is that most of the people I’ve deeply ‘clicked’ with platonically and romantically are also neurodivergent. Even if all our interests don’t overlap, the way we express ourselves and how we experience the world seems to play a huge role in our ability to connect. I think that HOW we think and exist is often more important to connecting socially than WHAT we think or do! (overlapping interests help, of course) Lastly, my social skills and experience extend to my sex life as well. I’m mentioning this because I’ve also experienced ‘clicking’ physically with a few people to a degree that I truly believe there’s a physiological basis for compatibility too. Like, the feel of their skin or their smell or taste is just electrifying or sometimes inherently erotic. Something base and primal and quite separate from the wonderful emotional and intellectual aspects of our connection. I’m pretty sure there’s some interesting legitimate science behind attraction and compatible body chemistry… but it’s been years since I looked it up so just chiming in with my personal experience.
P.s. meant to mention that I agree with folks comments about authentic self. I am able to genuinely share parts of my authentic self with most people, contributing to their perception of us clicking but my relative dissatisfaction with the interaction. When I am comfortable being my FULL authentic self is when I’ve clicked the best. In both platonic and romantic settings. Also still think there are physiological reasons which contribute! :)
You're incredibly articulate. That above comment was eloquence at its finest.
Much like you, I never really clicked with many people. I had one lady I clicked with on a platonic basis who was 20 years older than me and we were besties until she moved away for work. With that it was about having things in common (same job, values, both had kids the same age, both enjoyed goofing around but still getting stuff done and both had a dry sense of humor). Before that friendship, every interaction I had with people and every relationship (yes, even a marriage) was forced. I was a red flag because I would be literally anything people would want me to be because I was desperate to "fit" somewhere. I had actually convinced myself that you could learn to love/be in love with anyone, if you tried. I even once convinced a guy he was in love with me by pointing out I was everything he had said he wanted in the many years I'd known him... My (now) husband and I clicked the first time we met and although not physically attracted to each other at first (I liked tall skinny, nerdy looking dudes and he liked more feminine, willowy built women), the more we chatted and spent time together, the more physically attractive we found each other. I think "clicking" with someone is a lot of having shared interests, humor, life experiences, values etc. so that when you interact, you don't have to try to be anything you aren't already. What makes it worth fighting for and working at in terms of friendships/relationships is whether you push each other to expand as human beings and improve yourself and meet each other halfway.
Evolution
I think it's just a pure numbers game... you have little idiosyncratic stuff to your communication, and your partner appears to have a complementary communication style... say those things are 1/1000... well then 1 in a thousand people are good partners for you... something like that
Who knows??? One of lifes eternal mysteries
I definitely click with people. I deal with lots of people and there are Defently times where within 20 seconds, I know me and that person will be really good friends. Hasn't failed me yet! All the people I think will be good friends, are my good friends now lol.
I wonder if it is super early trust- like you encounter nothing to dissuade you that you can be safe with this person, and as that builds, you each allow yourselves to relax more and mesh
About 80 percent of whether I like someone is whether they like me.
I read somewhere about a hypothesis that this might be due to our brainwaves having a certain rhythm or periodicity, and arguing that maybe people who have similarities at that level might feel more at ease with each other. I think there might be something to it since ppl in general describe this feeling with similar ideas
if they have similar world views or sense of humor
Gut instinct.
Chemistry. You may have it with many people but not necessarily people you are going to date which is why sometimes there’s that connection you have with someone but it’s just a look, it’s chemistry.
If posted the answer most people would not want to know. It would mess with their heads too much
Vibe check
Thats because in the theory tale of evolution it's about attracting the mate.
I’d place money on you being autistic. This is how I feel when I’m around other autistics.
Neurodivergence
That's why I'm single.. My clicker is broken. I'll fix it tomorrow
Stop thinking 👍 Just do… ✓
When two people are interested in each other it doesn't really matter what you say or talk about. You're already bias toward what they have to say. There will be plenty of times you've liked someone but you didn't 'click' because they didn't like you back and were not as engaged in what you had to say. Initial attraction is what drives the first part of it, whether or not you are each others type aesthetically speaking. After that there will be a basic check for any kind of huge deal breakers. But that's pretty much the overall jist of it for when you meet new people. Of course there are situations where you're not initially attracted to someone but you come to like them over a certain period because of common interests, but that's not really just 'clicking' with someone.
Alaine De Botton has some interesting ideas on how we connect with people. It's less science and more in the philosophy world but it's very interesting. Check out their YouTube page. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwxNMb28XmpcEwc0qydf2jSszQFSht81E&si=zsS2-_IN1exG68Qv
Hormones baby. Your body will just tell you it’s ttf
Not just humans. We used to foster cats for a local shelter and they’re exactly the same - some get on, some don’t, only a few bond together really well.
It's all about star signs.
I was always confused by this but then found out I am autistic and so are heaps of the people I “click” with lol
Sometimes you get a little tingle in your private areas and
Could you be Autistic?
Im not sure tbh but Im diagnosed with ADHD xD
Well neuro-divergent people like my daughter attach to like 1 person. Was wondering if you might be.
As a NeuroDivergent myself (ASD and possible ADHD), its weird, because I have several people Im attsched to. My mannerisms have changed a lot from being quiet and reclused to becoming more open and loud due to frens and games helping me socially. But I have several frens Im attached to non-romantically because of our interests. (Also cause they give great hugs, and I adore hugs)
Apparently, if into reincarnation, theres about 6 or 8 people you will encounter in this life (maybe less I really don’t know) that you’ve known before. Previous relationships aren’t like now per-say, a child may have been a mother, a partner etc. i love this idea, especially the thought of reconnecting with hard core loved ones in another life.
It’s about being relatable. I know it a very general term but that’s the key. Being welling and able to speak to any person and relate with them. Personally, I’ve always taken the time to ask someone how are they going or how’s their day been and it gives a perspective of who they are or how their day has been.
I wish I knew. I always think I click with people, but they never feel the same. There's never any mutual clicking.
I feel like most of these answers are about how to connect with people, I am curious about answers for why it is we connect with some so well but sometimes not at all with others . I do find this fascinating.
From the responses i got, it seems like there isn’t much of a scientific answer. Besides chemistry and having a lot in common. The closest thing Ive read is that animals also do that. Like a cat would prefer one specific cat to the other. And that its instinct?
Yes interesting, I guess it’s just one of those things not fully understood. And further indicates that we just really can’t control or force things like this.
I wish I could experience this with a romantic partner. Feel like I had missed out on the rule book everyone else is working from. (I have autism. Takes me a while to feel comfortable, by which time people have given up on me)
I don’t know and have wondered a lot how you quantify that effect. It’s almost as if there’s a state of mind that seeks those like it- it might be values, humour, vernacular, or possibly intellect and emotional intelligence that you notice . And as you grow and develop as a person you might find those sort of people you used to click now no longer do. It’s like how someone might grow up with an abusive parent and they find a sense of familiarity in the personality traits of someone like their parents that they can end up with an abusive spouse, until they learn to recognise those traits and they stop seeing those traits as “familiar” but rather as dangerous. Likewise people with healthy relationships in their family of origin can often find healthy relationships in their romantic or friendship life. They find people like them , they feel familiar and “click”.
You dudes are vibing on the same energy man, like vibrations and shit dude.
I'm autistic, so I struggle to "click" with anyone who isn't also autistic. I have different energy levels, interests, humor, and communication styles to "neurotypical" people. I assume non-autistic people "click" with certain people or groups for the same reasons. Shared values, interests, energy levels, etc.
I liked the book the seven principles of making marriage work. Is research based, lots of science behind what makes a relationship work.
Turns out I was neurodivergent and clicked with “my people” lol. I got diagnosed late in life.
I'm not sure but maybe it's just having shared interests or being able to connect on some level. I usually click with most people platonically and with some people, the connection is deeper or more intense. Romantically, I don't think I ever click with anyone! I don't know why but most of the time, I feel something and am usually mistaken about the other person. I would love to figure out to click romantically though. For me, I have things I love (hobbies) and passions about certain things in life so when I meet someone similar, we can click. Right now I'm very much in to scuba diving and I've found that I tend to click with people who also do... to the point that even if I have nothing in common with them, having that one shared passion for diving connects us and we immediately have a lot to talk about!
people who are themselves ,not trying to be anything more than what they are, seem to be easiest to get along with ,i think
Some people just have similar interests and mindsets. They grasped onto similar things in life. Some people hate being hot, some people love it. It's just chance. We all grow up uniquely, some just grew up just really similarly uniquely.
In my experience 80% of this result can be predicted by knowing the temperament and cultural alignment of the participants. It's a combination of matching core values with opposite reaction styles (personality traits in common parlance)
The way they smell.
Pre-incarnate agreement of meeting someone from your soul group. You come from a cluster of souls and you agree to meet at certain points in your life for certain things. You typically resonate with these people because your vibration is in the same group.
Pheromones
Definitely
You have to be interested in them just enough for them to like it, but not too much that it drives them away.
Sure it wasn't three raccoons in a trenchcoat? This sounds like a question from three raccoons in a trenchcoat...
Could be chemicals in our brains
It can’t be explained if your an atheist who only believes we’re purely meat and bones. Astrology, Frequency and vibrations, Magnetic Fields/Auras etc all play a part in this. It’s an energy beyond physical matter that makes us attract to eachother.
yes it can. Its simply do u have things in common to talk abt lmao
I click with many people and the only reason I'm not romantically attracted to them is because they are not physically attractive in my eyes. Physical appearance matters more than people would admit.
I’d say you click with someone based on a bunch of subconscious choices at first. Their style, body language etc. then you would have common ground and mannerisms etc which would make you more comfortable and click. The more someone genuinely mirrors you. The more you like it.
While I'm not that deep into my biology related degree, I'd guess it has something to do with wanting to pass on our traits. We've survived to breeding age, so biologically, we want to partner up with someone of similar traits to ensure any offspring would also survive.
Study Astrology and you will find your answers, there are water signs, air signs, fire signs and earth signs, basically water and earth signs get along good as with fire and air signs, but water and fire signs not good as with air and earth signs, now apply it to your friends and find out your star signs
Biology. It triggers better on people that are a better genetic fit, as in, higher chance to provide different genes and lower the risk of genetic inbreeding. And having complimentary skills instead of equal skills does also have an impact.
I’m not one of those astrology people or anything, but I do believe that we have certain vibrations that match with certain people, (based off of what I’ve found with plants and stuff having stuff like that). I dunno how true it is that we all emit some form of vibration that matches with others for sure though. I see it like, how some people like some music and others don’t, just different vibe for different people. I don’t know for sure though, that’s just my own personal theory.
MEYERS BRIGGS! Seriously. It's not a science, but it is the best damn description of types of human personalities I've ever come across. Case in point, when I met my boyfriend, I immediately recognized him, meaning in a deep way. I saw myself in him. He felt familiar. He turned out to be an ENFP. I'm an INFP. One letter difference, very similar types. It's like talking to myself if I were an excitable extrovert. Interestingly, my first boyfriend was also an ENFP. Both times there has been an almost overwhelming sense of familiarity and home when meeting these people. And I only found out about their Myers-Briggs type well afterwards.
One letter difference means completely different cognitive function order though.
True and that does make it interesting while you also recognize some of yourself in them
Oh honey, no. Just get into astrology.
There are definite types of people. There are people who like planned schedules and those who prefer to wing it, there are introverts and extroverts. There are people who like to go by traditional rules and out of the box artists. These are normal, real human tendencies, widely recognized. The Myers-Briggs system isn't a box that people fit into perfectly, but it's a damn good way of describing general types. I don't know where your idea comes from that it's like astrology.
Some “people” are NPC’s. This means they essentially have nothing behind their actions or thoughts.
Pheromones, probably.
Good looks and value
Astrological sign
Look up "high vibrational people". I think I'm high vibrational gone rotten. I closed any chance for connection off, I just didn't want anyone to remember me when I'm gone.
Height and looks