To add onto the faking bit, seriously ladies if you ever want your partner to get better or learn your likes, you can’t just fake stuff. As a guy who has been through both, it is WAY better to hear in the moment “I haven’t cum yet” or “hey I need you to do this” than to hear “hey I haven’t enjoyed our sex life for months.”
My SO needs specific stimulus in order to cum and for a while she kept saying "gentler" "slower" etc and I could never get it right for her. One day she straight up took my hand and made herself cum using my hand to show me what she meant.
One of the hottest things she has ever done, while also very educational.
Reading your comment, at first I pictured her getting out a printed manual on yellowish weathered paper "Yes, turn the fungle three degrees counterclockwise, then hit the blop, after that you need to pull on my third toe... wait, no it's sunday so it's the second toe"
This. Extend it to the relationship in general. As a guy, if something isn't working for you or bugging you, I want to hear about it long before it becomes something that breeds resentment.
As for the bedroom--if you are with the right guy and you tell him something is or isn't working, or if there's something you want that you aren't getting, he'll listen and act accordingly.
And don't fake. Faking will only negatively affect both your sex life and your relationship overall. See above about resentment.
I have girlfriends that have faked it for so long that they're stuck faking it for life. My gf said when she tried not to fake it, she'd been doing it so long that her dude kept asking what's wrong and she was past the point of no return in terms of trying to be authentic. Don't get stuck down that road... also because it ruins it for everyone, incl the girls who DON'T fake it because then we seem like the outliers.
Speaking as a woman who has heard both: YES! THIS GOES FOR YOU MENFOLK TOO! We may SEEM like we are psychic sometimes, but I assure you, that is not the case!
Girl’s perspective: I feel like saying those things makes men self-conscious…if I bring up how I haven’t come they get upset…I assume they think they didn’t do a good job?
This is at the top and it should be higher. I love getting my dick sucked, but if she just comes up with a smile on her face and starts sucking me off like it’s what she wants, dear god marry me.
Yeah, this is a lot better than when a person does it because they feel obligated and you’re telling them not to but they do it anyway for about 27 seconds like its a chore
Oof I date this girl, we were watching TV at her place, she just grabbed me, said "come with me... I want to suck your dick". Still think about this from time to time
It’s a good start, but I’ll add take control and take responsibility. I get bored of having sex with gfs who enthusiastically receive and that’s it. When I’m responsible for both our orgasms and every action of the event, it kills all the fun and just becomes work.
Yup. Been there. It can be fun at first or on occasion to do everything and be in control like that, but all the time? Boring at best, exhausting at worst.
For any women who don’t understand, it’s the conversational equivalent of having to carry the whole conversation with someone who can never give more than a one word or one sentence response to everything all the time.
If I’m with a woman who’s really excited to be there, that’s honestly a lot of the fun already. Sex is supposed to be a good time, so less skill can take that back seat.
To be enthusiastic, you need a partner that's actually gonna turn you on and make you feel this way. So this is not really something they could change on their own
Good way to get a partner that can do that is to help them learn what works for you, preferably in a fun and encouraging manner and not like "you're doing it wrong!"
Yeah, the hardest part is allowing yourself to want it and be super vulnerable. My insecurities always kept me from climaxing, and I'd focus on pleasing the guy. I realized that is so awful to my partner, and just plain rude to myself. I always wondered what guys meant when they said someone was "bad" in bed. I found after asking guy friends that it wasn't anatomy, but more so it was about their partner lacking enthusiasm or showing like it was a chore. I was so surprised to hear this.
I got you fam. Now look, this isn’t a given for all, but most. When you’re on bottom pull him in, arms around the back of the neck or on the shoulders let him know you want him close then if you feel him trying to sit up, let him and then just grab yourself and enjoy while he’s taking care of it. Guys like to the see the person they are with enjoying it, so help my mans out by helping yourself out. It’s a win-win. Now when you’re on top, mix it up. When you’re close make sure he can hear you, don’t be “porn actress” loud cause most think it’s just awkward, but definitely let him at least from time to time hear you breathing in his ear. When you’re upright give him something to watch, grab/rub yourself or him and when he grabs ahold of you and wants to do the work from the bottom let him.
Big thing to remember. Us guys are pretty simple creatures. for the most part we are already going to be enjoying it, so make sure you enjoy it as well. Just make sure we see or hear you enjoy it. We like the reassurance of knowing we are taking care of your needs, it’s just as important for us as taking care of our own needs, at least for us real dudes it is. Some guys are only in it for themselves, but for the most of us, it’s just as important. Now remember don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, but also don’t be afraid to explore. If something feels right just go with it while keeping the “reassurance” thing in mind and if it feels awkward or you’re not okay with it, then let them know, but don’t make him feel like he did something wrong, just tell him “I’m not completely comfortable with that”.
And I will share something personal with you as well to try out and see if it works, because it definitely works for me. Since the first time, every time my wife and I are intimate. when we finish, she always wraps her arms around me and whispers “thank you” in my ear. Idk why, but that shit changed my life the first time I heard her say that and I can tell you since the first time she said it I knew 100% I would never need to hear anyone else tell me that besides her.
Good luck and hope this helps.
I had a partner who used to tense up and wrap her arms and legs around me and hold me tight when I was finishing. Holy Hecker that used to drive me wild!! 🔥🔥
TLDR Hands.
Never thought of it that way but you're right. In EVERY position, it is infinitely better if is using her hands well to pull/push the two of you closet or further apart. Kissing, oral, intercourse is all pretty foolproof for her, so really the only skill gradient to improve is hands, arms, legs.
(For me, the leg wrap around the back is clutch)
Yeah the leg wrap gets me too lol, she’s a little bit taller than me so sometimes she squeezes and her thighs catch the bottom of my ribs and she about squeezes the damn breath out of me so we regularly have to readjust, but we make it work.
this was so thoughtful and genuine. I didn’t expect the end and it made me emotional lmao Idek but well said and I wish the best and forever love for you and your wifey!
I agree with all of this, except for the implication that if a guy starts doing something she’s not okay with she should just passively suggest to him that she doesn’t like it. No. If anyone starts doing something that violates a boundary sex needs to stop immediately and that can be communicated however is necessary.
I agree to some extent, but like I think context matters. Like I’m not taking too many liberties in bed, but if I did do something to make my wife uncomfortable I hope she wouldn’t just snap my head off, but again that’s context surrounding the relationship. She knows I would never purposefully make her uncomfortable. I mean look sometimes in the moment you move your hand a little bit lower than normal and sometimes she’s not in the mood and you get your hand moved back to a more appropriate location, she’s says “um no”, we both laugh and I say “my bad”.
But yeah you’re right even if she did snap me off I would understand I did something she didn’t like or was uncomfortable about and i would apologize and feel horrible about it. So yes however that person feels is necessary to go about doing it ultimately is the way they should go about doing it, I just think there should be different ways for different situations based on the context.
I agree, context is huge. I think this is also really different if it’s someone you’re deeply intimate with, like a wife or long term partner, vs a hookup or FWB or casual relationship
I absolutely agree with that 100%. A lifetime partner is well a lifetime, so it’s bound to eventually happen vs with a casual relationship or a hookup where you aren’t completely familiar with one another, the “what most understand as normal boundaries” shouldn’t be close to being crossed at that stage.
INITIATE!
Surprise him with new lingerie, roleplay ideas, positions, be bold and confident. Obviously respect boundaries but be excited to have sex with him and then while actually romancing the bone just say what you're feeling and wanting, stuff like: "that feels so good", "I love it when you do that", "harder!" announce your big O. Like 80% of sex for dudes is mental arousal.
If you have a serious partner here's an idea I did with my wife: write down all the things that you like and or want to try on a list then talk over them with your partner. It can be anything from "I like when you wear pig tails" to "I want to try this kind of bondage." Be specific and open. Some of the things may have to wait for a bit but if you know what they like then you can do some smaller things for them.
Agree, it feels really discouraging to get shot down. Even if you know it’s not personal, it can hurt to suggest or imitate sex and be turned down. It’s also kind of vulnerable and difficult to say no when you know your partner’s in the mood.
My wife and I go out of our way to support each other bringing up our moods. It’s never wrong to make a flirty suggestion, no matter what happened today or how you think your partner might be feeling. It’s also never wrong to say you’re not in the mood, no matter how enthusiastic your partner is.
Men who hold back their moans or cover them up, doesn’t have to be loud, but we know you wanna hear us, watch us play, but you telling us what you’d like to see happen is hotter too.
I used to love initiating, but he always shoots me down. It's getting to the point where I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and scared to ask.
Whenever he initiates, I say yes 99% of the time at this point I've completely shut down my sex drive so it suits him :/
I had the idea of playing an online sex game on pc and my boyfriend thought it was really hot, I’d kinda mimic some of the moves too, we played a few and with no “pills, or any like helpers” I got him off 3 times in like 4 hours. Like even he was shocked as hell 😂
Confidence.
i’m a girl and i think things get better for everyone when im comfortable in my skin, not worried about what he thinks about a lil cellulite, or a pooch or whatever.. try to get out of your head, focus on the sensations and not “what are they thinking”.
What we are thinking 🤔 damn, she's hot! I cannot believe she got naked for me! 😬😬😬 she wants to have sex with me! 😬😬😬 look at that body! She's naked! 🔥🔥🔥
That is some of it.
Couldn’t agree more, as a dude. If you’re in the nekkid-in-bed stage, no one gives a shit about some cellulite or a pooch or whatever.
Everyone’s goal at that point is to enjoy themselves. And that’s got little to do with that toe with the fucked up nail, anyone’s weight, your mascara, or the scars on my butt from some childhood stupidity.
It’s not hard to have some sex to figure out what guys like. We’re pretty easy. Touch things, vary your touch, and see how he reacts. Hard. Soft. Fast. Slow. Put your mouth on things. His mouth, fingers, nipples, cock, balls. Touch multiple things at the same time, with different parts of your body. Be enthused, as others have said. Make “ooo-I-like-that” noises when you enjoy something. Try matching rhythm. Be a bit of a tease. There so much to have fun and experiment with.
Men like different stuff but,
I personally fucking love enthusiasm in the bedroom, If you want something a certain way, tell me. Am I doing a good job? Let me know.
Also, Kegels.
Splendid answer indeed. I too personally love when women involve themselves and not just lay there like a dead person. Engage, engage, make noises, be into it, show me you’re enjoying it and want it, mostly creepy man that don’t mind having sex with a dead person or a dead drunk women enjoy non moving, women that just lay there thinking they are beautiful and it’s enough.. 😅
I think the biggest mistake girls make generally speaking is the ones who just lay there like a ragdoll, you don't even need to be a super active participant but in the least you should be shifting and moving your hips so that it's hitting the right spot as opposed to just letting a guy fish for it. And when a girl gets there that's basically the best feeling for the dude psychologically and physically(because they start to contract/dilate in the right ways), so not getting what she needs isn't doing anyone any favors.
When giving blow jobs use 2 hands. Not just two hands on his penis but you can use them to touch all around his body. Suck his balls lol, and if you don’t want to suck them touch them (this will drive him CRAZY.) don’t just bob ur head up and down but lick the dick and lick the tip. If ur mouth is getting tired that’s fine just use ur hands. The two hand, with the tip suck is killer. Also make sure to keep it wet and add a moan here and there. And LAST THING. Don’t just give him head when he asks give him head randomly or before you guys have sex.
Edit: I like to ask him if it feels good and hearing him say yes does something to me lol take me from a 10/10 to an 10000/10 hahaha.
Also if you prefer to be a pillow princess (which is okay, VANILLA IS OKAY) reach under and play with his balls, make eye contact, tell him it feels good, tell him ur about to cum and be vocal if u like to be on ur back!
Yes 🙌🏻
My ex used to nag me for blow jobs and it felt like such a chore. I want to give them so much more when it’s not constantly hanging over my head.
I suppose that doesn’t answer OP’s question though. 😂
While giving head to my husband it drove him nutz , literally, using the two hand method. And when one hand strays down behind his scrotum and teases his ass he'll cum in 60 seconds.
I have been told I do it better than anyone else they've known. So I guess that's something.
Haha, yeah I wouldn’t stick it on a resume, but it’s a great surprise! They will be telling there boys I’ve hit the jackpot! You won’t believe the things other girls try to do with it 😂
That's funny, I've had long term partners as opposed to several casual partners, so when I met someone long ago they surprised me by 1. Saying BJ's didn't EVER get them off. And 2. when I tried he really enjoyed having his balls played with more than the shaft. Which to me, was different. I had never really done it before. It was just something I didn't know how to do... 🤷♀️
Make noises. Move your body. Just make it known that you are enjoying it.
That's pretty much it IMO. Sex is like a high school rock band. It's less about everyone's skill and more about having a good time.
It isn't technique we're looking for so much as enthusiasm.
The bedroom is no place to be shy. Try stuff. Anything. If there's something you wanna try.. go for it. If it ends up being goofy and doesn't work, you'll have a giggle and move on.
Be aware of your own body. If we say "hows that, baby?" Tell us, "a little to the left, " "a little faster, " "not so fast, " don't pretend you're having a good time when you're not.
Tbh I’m kinda getting frustrated how every time there is a thread like this it’s just “enthusiasm” over and over again.
Obviously I think you are correct and people enjoy it when their partner is clearly enjoying themselves, but it’s not super actionable advice and I highly doubt that people who are not already enthusiastic about sex are coming and asking how to improve in the bedroom.
All I'm going to say is everything is fair in the bedroom. Not sure if you'll be comfortable with any of this because not everyone likes the same things but:
1. Tell him what to do such as: lick my clit and finger me, pull my hair, tie my hands behind my back, slap my ass, go harder, go deeper, do it faster, etc.
2. While sucking his dick, cusp and then suck his balls, squeeze his ass, suck the tip while jerking him off with your hands, spit on it, moan while you're sucking him as he may feel the vibration, look at him in the eyes, run your hands on his chest, and suck him faster with emphasis on the back of the tip of the penis. Play with yourself too, you may warm up and he may enjoy the visual. If he comes, continue sucking it until he stops you since he may get sensitive. I usually swallow but you can let the cum drip down while you're still sucking. Go in for his soul.
3. I like tossing the salad but he may not like that so ask him first.
4. Get on top! Don't grind although i know it may feel good to you, but instead bounce on it slowly so that you can feel the stimulation. Play with your breasts or rub your clit as you're riding him if you need extra stimulation.
5. While doggy, put one of his hands on your clit. Or both of his hands on your ass. I personally like it when he puts a finger in my anus but that's not everyone's cup of tea. And actually MOVE! Twerk on him or move forward and backwards. Typically women just stay still but I find that when they feel your movements, it's 10 times better.
6. While on missionary, play with yourself, touch yourself, play with his balls, wrap your legs around his waist, or put your legs over his shoulders. Take this initiative, surprise him by doing it first if he doesn't. It will also make you feel good.
7. Most importantly, don't fake it!!! Most women do not orgasm with penetration alone so play with yourself while he's in you. The visuals alone will get him over the edge. Forget about anything and everything but that moment. Say his name, moan, breathe harder, make weird faces, do it all if it comes naturally. Tell him how good it feels and definitely let it be known when you're about to orgasm. Sometimes us women get into our heads and just want to look cute. This is not the time to be cute, this is the time to have fun and dissociate. I promise that as long as you're enjoying it and helping yourself feel good, he will 100% feel good as well.
Engagement is the absolute way to better sex. I have a few more tips that I didn't add above but you can DM me if you guys are into more extreme scenarios.
Find out what your partner likes. Every sexual partner likes sex in a different way. There is no perfect way to have sex with everyone. It should be tailored to who you're with.
Don't lay there like a dead fish.
Be active. Act like if you don't climax, you're going to die, or be fined $1000.
Dominate on occasion. Get on them and bang the crap out of them.
Enjoy it. If you're not enjoying it, find out why. If you need the partner to do something, communicate!
You've got two jobs - climax, and get your partner to climax. Your partner has two jobs - climax, and get you to climax. If you both understand that, it gets easier. It's a give and receive cavalcade of flesh.
Try new things. Some won't be to your liking. Fine, tell your partner what you like and what you don't.
And for crying out loud, don't get in that trap that is all poetic and pure. It's not. Sex is the bloody jungle. Act like an animal. Feed on the energy. Get dirty and rough.
Just don't get hurt.
You don't like when she swallows?
On a serious note, what's up with all these people saying to spit? Theres other ways of getting a lubricated effect without clearing all the mucus in your throat.
Be an active participant instead of "taking the back seat". Learn what you enjoy and suggest it, learn what he likes and suggest it. Every man is different, but for the most part we all like it when you play with our weeners. At 41 I'll tell you the best part of sex is when I'm not the one doing all the work.
Never fake an orgasm and figure out what makes you feel safe and works for you. I went from 0 orgasms to having multiple in a session, just recently started having cervical orgasms. Being with a partner I trust that I can communicate with easily has been a game changer for me.
Have open conversations about what you do and don’t like and so your partner the same.
A book that helped me is a book called “what you really really want”.
Be with those you feel genuinely enthusiastic about and reveal that eagerness. Freezing up or taking a back seat and letting the other person do everything can make them feel like you’re indifferent.
I am an old woman who has had many partners who have always wanted seconds. I enjoy being sexual and that is half the battle. Know that having sex is as much for you as it is for him. Having said that here a few things I've noticed that men really enjoy, in no particular order:
1. Touch him sexually, in a non-chalant manner throughout the day and give him the "come fuck me" look then continue with the mundane task you are currently doing. This builds up desire.
2. When he is tired let him snuggle up to you and caress his body, including his private parts, with no expectation of having sex.
3. If he is raring to go and you're not there yet give him the opportunity to relieve the pressure in a way you are comfortable with (hand, mouth or inside you, your choice). After that appreciate his private parts by paying attention to them when they are not erect, fondling, kissing, sucking, your choice. When he is ready, start round two. Do not pressure him into starting before he is ready.
4. When peneration is involved use your kegels, milk his penis so to speak. Wrap your legs around him and hold him close to you so he can't get away and has to enjoy his release.
5. If he is going to cum before you're there encourage it and encourage him to let go.
Many women do not orgasm from peneration so once you've given him his orgasm pull out your toy of choice, ask him to touch you where you like it most and have your orgasm. Any man with confidence will appreciate this approach. Most mature adults know that cumming together is rare but both having an orgasm is the best sexuall experience.
Avoid fake porn noises. If that’s what you do when enjoying sex, that’s okay obviously
I don’t know about others, but I can sometimes tell when a partner is being theatrical rather than just having fun. It can be off putting. Just be yourself.
If you want to be “good” at sex I suggest that you just do what makes you feel good (e.g. moving your hips in a certain way, playing with yourself, controlling the level of penetration.)
Feeling safe with your partner goes a long way with the above.
first off, do you like the people you are having sex with? If yes, then reciprocate. If you're getting kissed kiss back. if you are enjoying something vocalise it
The dishes aren’t done!
I haven’t taken the trash out!
You know the top of the bookcase in the living room? I haven’t wiped that for a year!
The bathroom sink is clogged!
🥵
Bro I'm dying this is literally the stuff I am thinking about when I get a little distracted during sex anyway, next time I'll probably laugh about those dirty talk ideas >.<
Figure out what you want to experience, what you like, what you enjoy, and communicate it directly in words to your partner. Be candid and revealing, but do not demand. Make requests.
Ask your partner to do the same. Talk, talk, and talk. Be explicit about what you like, what you wish for, what feels the best. Make it about mutual joy and pleasure, not climaxing.
Laughter and a light-cheerful-heart go a long way. If it feels appropriate, make it playful with laughter and light-heartedness.
Good sex only happens when two people can be really direct. If you expect yourself or your partner to read minds, then you are using a non-productive map of reality.
How is it possible to give a blowjob and not spit on it? Like, if you don’t want oral that’s ok, but you can’t expect to have a dry blowjob with no spit that’s just mot possible.
Show him (through words, actions, moans) what turns you on. Show him that you like sex, that you have sexual desires too. Nothing worse than begging for sex and she gives in and just goes through the motions without really being into it
Enthusiasm,
ACTIVE participation,
Feedback, both positive or negative,
Sex involves the brain as much as the body, so have fun and play.
Honestly though, guys are easier than gals. As long as you just touch me where I pee, I’ll be having a great time.
Kegels will send any guy over the moon and back a few times.
Beyond that, as anyone else has said it's enthusiasm. Being with someone who has no problem telling me what they want and how they want it... Love it. I'm there for her pleasure as much as she is mine.
Plus seeing her curled up and convulsing is one of the biggest turn-on's knowing I just pleased her that much :)
Start fucking any chance you get. And initiate it. I love to hear just what she wants. Vocal. Also tell him to eat your ass then when it is sloppy wet tell him to fuck it.
Enthusiasm, like a lot of people are saying. (I would make a modification and say enthusiasm both about the idea of sex, and of course in the bedroom.)
Ask if your partner has any little turn ons, and definitely use that information (for.me, being kissed on the neck and having my hair played with are MAJOR turn ons.)
I think at the end of the day, it's not so much about being a skilled partner or enjoying one specific act or position, it's about being a partner who communicates and engages, and sharing the overall experience.
Just ask him what he likes/wants. Clear and open communication between partners is a game changer. Especially when you both can be totally open/honest about what you like without feeling judged or uncomfortable.
Stop worrying about the partner. If you have found someone who respects you, then do what feels good for you. Experiment. Find out what you want. Once you take some control over your enjoyment, your partner will highly likely find your confidence the turn on that leads to both of you feeling like you have a great sex life.
Don't stick with a partner who treats you like a sex doll (unless that's your kink...)
A girl i had a one night stand with once was laying with her back against my chest, and locked the fingers of our right hand together alternating. The palms of hour hands facing the same direction, and then with my hand intertwined in hers started masturbating, to show me how she liked it.
Move itself was hot as fuck, but teaching me directly what she wanted and copying that made me feel so good. She was genuinely enjoying my touch from the get go, instead of having to figure it out first. Stimulating her like that in turn turned me on a fucking lot, it feels great to pleasure women, and makes me feel more manly in return.
That, and some simple dirty talk that indicates you want someone.
I've had a boring ONS turn the night around by simply stating 'I want you inside me'. Gets me going
The biggest thing this comment thread is missing is the most important thing: COMMUNICATION.
Everyone experiences sex differently. If you can learn to swallow your pride and have an honest conversation with your partner about what they like and what they don’t, and then continue to have those conversations, and pair that information with the enthusiasm mentioned above, you will have great sex
Uhm i think during sex just speak, that person is your partner and honestly, you can't improve if you don't communicate it's not like you shouldn't be talking during sex
Honestly don’t just lay there. When I was young I straight up would just get up and do something or someone else. I ask new partners to tell me what they like and not to fake it because it’s a huge turn off. If you don’t orgasm it’s not the end of the world. It’s better to be honest then tell someone later on that you haven’t enjoyed your time with them in the bedroom even the minute after till the end of the relationship. Like I’m on a mission to make you orgasm and I need the Intel to complete the mission. Especially while I’m trying. Also when I wear a condom I can’t feel anything when women grind on me. Bounce up and down. Also if you can do a little twerk when you ride that might get him off a little too early. When blowing a guy is more important to create a vacuum when sucking than it is to simply bob your lips on a guy. Also incorporate your tongue on the tip. Foreplay and role playing is actually more fun for me than the sex itself. Some guys might be offended by this but I actually quite enjoyed using toys in the bedroom when going down on someone. The huak tuah meme does have merit but that’s more of a finishing move if you get done gagging. If you want the sex to last longer blow him til, he gets hard but don’t suck to hard as it will make him more sensitive. Switch positions depending on the person. Some positions guys last longer. Sometimes just switching positions is enough to help him last longer. Also if the guy has a hard time getting hard focus more on de stressing him like an hour before. Also after sex give him reassurance and tell him what you liked so that way he will do it the next time. I always go in with the mindset that it might be the last time you ever hookup with that person so you might as well try your best because it is a competition. You gotta put more work, enthusiasm, and honesty than your competition will. Also if you would like more sex with that person let them know. Don’t let your stress from the outside world ever enter the bedroom. It’s a bad idea to vent before you do the deed. As it might get him stuck in his head about his own struggles, which leads to more stress and a lesser likelihood of getting him hard.
Ask your partner. Seriously, just ask and keep an open mind. If they suggest something new, be willing to give it a few good tries before throwing in the towel.
Have you ever thought of asking them? Genuine enthusiasm in the form of sincere enquiry is a massive turn on for men caz you’re asking them then questions they’re too afraid to ask themselves. Quite often the bloke will be more likely to return the favour as it shows you’re open and willing
I think part of some people's problems at being good at sex is because we don't actually know what we like. There is so much judgy bs around sex, and lots of people, both men and women, are at the whims of what they can negotiate with the few partners most of us have at our age. Not what porn do you like, but what do you actually like doing. I bet you will get pretty good at those things if you get to do them a few times.
Hands, arms, legs.
A guy can be a bad kisser, bad at oral, and be bad at intercourse and totally fail to get a women off. Being bad at those matter if a guy is doing it.
For women it is the opposite. Automatically, no matter how bad you are at blow jobs, intercourse, or kissing, nothing you do will stop him from cumming. (Bad kissing is not great, but also not something Reddit can coach)
The thing women can improve is HOW they wrap their hands and arms and legs around their partner in ALL OF THE ABOVE, and in ALL positions.
Drag your ankle up his legs and low back to pull him in during intercourse. You can always, always use one hand to pleasure yourself to move things along.
And when using hands and arms, think of pushing as dominatix and pulling as needing him so bad you can't take it and you want him to have his way with you.
Which is fool proof if you think of it as dancing with a guy on a dance floor. When you want him to lead in control, you just hold on and pull against his grip. Or you do the push him away,.let go so he can't lead, and do a little solo move 'hands off' tease thing.
It is similar to when you are on top and push away so you're upright to let him see you. Then grasping his hands and falling into them so he can either pull you in or keep you sitting upright.
Guys have to be thinking constantly how they are giving oral and trying not to cum. So they constantly think about mouth and genitals.
Women, you can basically just put your mouth and genitals on autopilot since you can't really fail there, using them differently during oral and intercourse won't really make a difference.
But you rock his world by using your arms, hands, and legs to control the sexual tension and express your desire--it is the only way to make use feel like you're fucking us, not just we're fucking you. Our penetrating makes us default feel like we're fucking you. Even when you're on top, it can still feel like you're still a passenger riding, unless you us your arms and body weight to control our body position and 'lead' the damce.
You can improve any position from first kiss to after glow by taking and giving this power dynamic back and forth. This is the only thing you need in your mind, you can't make a bj or vj more perfect since they already are.
I don’t have any positions to recommend because I feel like that totally depends on the people - some positions just aren’t the same when the heights and such change lol but I would say knowing how to turn yourself on and get yourself off is a game changer… not only can you stay more naturally lubed (nothing wrong with using lube though) but you can then communicate better to your partner what you like and then hopefully they are communicating with you with what they like… and if all else fails… some good sloppy toppy has never failed me lmao
Lots of good answers. Worst experience I had was with a girl who laid down like she’s sleeping on her back, including her legs flat on the bed. It really helps when you don’t do that.
Just research it there are plenty of resources available ad when you do your research focus more on what you would like to experience rather than what a man would like to experience
Then experiment with your partner and tell them what to do
I mean getting good at gob jobs and hand jobs is not rocket science but if you don't really want to do it or are not enthusiastic about it or it doesn't give you pleasure then what's the point.
I love pleasuring a man's body when I really want to how I really want to if I really want to I don't just do it because they want it that would be weird
I don't know if that makes sense to you
But giving a man pleasure to me should also give me pleasure so I never just do things on auto pilot with a dude because it sucks
And tbh I'm not really doing it for his pleasure even though it may give him pleasure
Like if I want to go to town on his perineum balls and dick it's because I want it all on my tongue in my mouth on my lips and in my hands it's not because I want to get him off.
One time i was with a girl who didnt move and make any noise. Missionary style. She was like a dead fish in bed and i kept having to stop and ask if she was ok and if i can proceed but eventually just stopped because the lack of effort and enthusiasm it turned me off.
Men like confidence and freakiness. Women who are excited about sex and enthusiastic are what men are looking for. The only advice I can offer you is to fake it until ya make it.
Enthusiasm, not faked
To add onto the faking bit, seriously ladies if you ever want your partner to get better or learn your likes, you can’t just fake stuff. As a guy who has been through both, it is WAY better to hear in the moment “I haven’t cum yet” or “hey I need you to do this” than to hear “hey I haven’t enjoyed our sex life for months.”
>or “hey I need you to do this” *Nothing* is sexier than having the girl tell you how to make it feel better for her.
My SO needs specific stimulus in order to cum and for a while she kept saying "gentler" "slower" etc and I could never get it right for her. One day she straight up took my hand and made herself cum using my hand to show me what she meant. One of the hottest things she has ever done, while also very educational.
Reading your comment, at first I pictured her getting out a printed manual on yellowish weathered paper "Yes, turn the fungle three degrees counterclockwise, then hit the blop, after that you need to pull on my third toe... wait, no it's sunday so it's the second toe"
🤣
This. Extend it to the relationship in general. As a guy, if something isn't working for you or bugging you, I want to hear about it long before it becomes something that breeds resentment. As for the bedroom--if you are with the right guy and you tell him something is or isn't working, or if there's something you want that you aren't getting, he'll listen and act accordingly. And don't fake. Faking will only negatively affect both your sex life and your relationship overall. See above about resentment.
I have girlfriends that have faked it for so long that they're stuck faking it for life. My gf said when she tried not to fake it, she'd been doing it so long that her dude kept asking what's wrong and she was past the point of no return in terms of trying to be authentic. Don't get stuck down that road... also because it ruins it for everyone, incl the girls who DON'T fake it because then we seem like the outliers.
That sounds terrible. 😞
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ all for you! 🤣🤣🤣
Speaking as a woman who has heard both: YES! THIS GOES FOR YOU MENFOLK TOO! We may SEEM like we are psychic sometimes, but I assure you, that is not the case!
As #menfolk, we appreciate it when y'all are all in. It is good to help each other.
Lol I see what you did there
Women never seem like psychics to me lol women seem just as oblivious as men. They just have to try less because men require less when it comes to sex
Real talk
Girl’s perspective: I feel like saying those things makes men self-conscious…if I bring up how I haven’t come they get upset…I assume they think they didn’t do a good job?
This is at the top and it should be higher. I love getting my dick sucked, but if she just comes up with a smile on her face and starts sucking me off like it’s what she wants, dear god marry me.
Yeah, this is a lot better than when a person does it because they feel obligated and you’re telling them not to but they do it anyway for about 27 seconds like its a chore
Oof I date this girl, we were watching TV at her place, she just grabbed me, said "come with me... I want to suck your dick". Still think about this from time to time
It’s a good start, but I’ll add take control and take responsibility. I get bored of having sex with gfs who enthusiastically receive and that’s it. When I’m responsible for both our orgasms and every action of the event, it kills all the fun and just becomes work.
Yup. Been there. It can be fun at first or on occasion to do everything and be in control like that, but all the time? Boring at best, exhausting at worst. For any women who don’t understand, it’s the conversational equivalent of having to carry the whole conversation with someone who can never give more than a one word or one sentence response to everything all the time.
High key... I think this is one of the reasons I'm not liking sex. Was just thinking about this 1h ago.
Oh no!!! I might be doing that to my bf!!!! He does all the work 😞
My personal fix to that is to take care of the morning wood with a little breakfast in bed, wink wink. 🤣
It's like the exact opposite in my fiance's case. He hasn't topped in over a month🫤. It gets old very quickly.
As a man I just feels like too much work , honestly sometimes I'd rather just play super Mario Bros
Enthusiastic consent!
Consensual enthusiasm 😆
This is the answer!
If I’m with a woman who’s really excited to be there, that’s honestly a lot of the fun already. Sex is supposed to be a good time, so less skill can take that back seat.
To be enthusiastic, you need a partner that's actually gonna turn you on and make you feel this way. So this is not really something they could change on their own
Good way to get a partner that can do that is to help them learn what works for you, preferably in a fun and encouraging manner and not like "you're doing it wrong!"
Yup, that's really the key here imo. Different people like different things and you have to find stuff that works for you both and let's you enjoy it
Just act like an unrepentant slut!
Very well put
This is really the only answer that matters.
Yeah, the hardest part is allowing yourself to want it and be super vulnerable. My insecurities always kept me from climaxing, and I'd focus on pleasing the guy. I realized that is so awful to my partner, and just plain rude to myself. I always wondered what guys meant when they said someone was "bad" in bed. I found after asking guy friends that it wasn't anatomy, but more so it was about their partner lacking enthusiasm or showing like it was a chore. I was so surprised to hear this.
I got you fam. Now look, this isn’t a given for all, but most. When you’re on bottom pull him in, arms around the back of the neck or on the shoulders let him know you want him close then if you feel him trying to sit up, let him and then just grab yourself and enjoy while he’s taking care of it. Guys like to the see the person they are with enjoying it, so help my mans out by helping yourself out. It’s a win-win. Now when you’re on top, mix it up. When you’re close make sure he can hear you, don’t be “porn actress” loud cause most think it’s just awkward, but definitely let him at least from time to time hear you breathing in his ear. When you’re upright give him something to watch, grab/rub yourself or him and when he grabs ahold of you and wants to do the work from the bottom let him. Big thing to remember. Us guys are pretty simple creatures. for the most part we are already going to be enjoying it, so make sure you enjoy it as well. Just make sure we see or hear you enjoy it. We like the reassurance of knowing we are taking care of your needs, it’s just as important for us as taking care of our own needs, at least for us real dudes it is. Some guys are only in it for themselves, but for the most of us, it’s just as important. Now remember don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, but also don’t be afraid to explore. If something feels right just go with it while keeping the “reassurance” thing in mind and if it feels awkward or you’re not okay with it, then let them know, but don’t make him feel like he did something wrong, just tell him “I’m not completely comfortable with that”. And I will share something personal with you as well to try out and see if it works, because it definitely works for me. Since the first time, every time my wife and I are intimate. when we finish, she always wraps her arms around me and whispers “thank you” in my ear. Idk why, but that shit changed my life the first time I heard her say that and I can tell you since the first time she said it I knew 100% I would never need to hear anyone else tell me that besides her. Good luck and hope this helps.
I had a partner who used to tense up and wrap her arms and legs around me and hold me tight when I was finishing. Holy Hecker that used to drive me wild!! 🔥🔥
My sex drive just doubled reading this, listen to this. Well said. If you wrote male romance novels, , id read them.
Well hey if I ever take it up, I’ll let you know. Free life time subscription lol
Naw, ill pay ya love. Skills <3
lol
Wow that is wholesome as fuck. I'm speechless
Fam you nailed that! 👍🏼👍🏼⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️👍🏼⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Thank you, just trying to help out when I can.
TLDR Hands. Never thought of it that way but you're right. In EVERY position, it is infinitely better if is using her hands well to pull/push the two of you closet or further apart. Kissing, oral, intercourse is all pretty foolproof for her, so really the only skill gradient to improve is hands, arms, legs. (For me, the leg wrap around the back is clutch)
Yeah the leg wrap gets me too lol, she’s a little bit taller than me so sometimes she squeezes and her thighs catch the bottom of my ribs and she about squeezes the damn breath out of me so we regularly have to readjust, but we make it work.
Thank you for the info I was afraid this would be taken the wrong way
this was so thoughtful and genuine. I didn’t expect the end and it made me emotional lmao Idek but well said and I wish the best and forever love for you and your wifey!
I agree with all of this, except for the implication that if a guy starts doing something she’s not okay with she should just passively suggest to him that she doesn’t like it. No. If anyone starts doing something that violates a boundary sex needs to stop immediately and that can be communicated however is necessary.
I agree to some extent, but like I think context matters. Like I’m not taking too many liberties in bed, but if I did do something to make my wife uncomfortable I hope she wouldn’t just snap my head off, but again that’s context surrounding the relationship. She knows I would never purposefully make her uncomfortable. I mean look sometimes in the moment you move your hand a little bit lower than normal and sometimes she’s not in the mood and you get your hand moved back to a more appropriate location, she’s says “um no”, we both laugh and I say “my bad”. But yeah you’re right even if she did snap me off I would understand I did something she didn’t like or was uncomfortable about and i would apologize and feel horrible about it. So yes however that person feels is necessary to go about doing it ultimately is the way they should go about doing it, I just think there should be different ways for different situations based on the context.
I agree, context is huge. I think this is also really different if it’s someone you’re deeply intimate with, like a wife or long term partner, vs a hookup or FWB or casual relationship
I absolutely agree with that 100%. A lifetime partner is well a lifetime, so it’s bound to eventually happen vs with a casual relationship or a hookup where you aren’t completely familiar with one another, the “what most understand as normal boundaries” shouldn’t be close to being crossed at that stage.
INITIATE! Surprise him with new lingerie, roleplay ideas, positions, be bold and confident. Obviously respect boundaries but be excited to have sex with him and then while actually romancing the bone just say what you're feeling and wanting, stuff like: "that feels so good", "I love it when you do that", "harder!" announce your big O. Like 80% of sex for dudes is mental arousal. If you have a serious partner here's an idea I did with my wife: write down all the things that you like and or want to try on a list then talk over them with your partner. It can be anything from "I like when you wear pig tails" to "I want to try this kind of bondage." Be specific and open. Some of the things may have to wait for a bit but if you know what they like then you can do some smaller things for them.
So underrated. It’s exhausting to have someone say “you haven’t tried to have sex with me”…umm..got shot down last 2-3 times. Balls in your court.
Agree, it feels really discouraging to get shot down. Even if you know it’s not personal, it can hurt to suggest or imitate sex and be turned down. It’s also kind of vulnerable and difficult to say no when you know your partner’s in the mood. My wife and I go out of our way to support each other bringing up our moods. It’s never wrong to make a flirty suggestion, no matter what happened today or how you think your partner might be feeling. It’s also never wrong to say you’re not in the mood, no matter how enthusiastic your partner is.
Men who hold back their moans or cover them up, doesn’t have to be loud, but we know you wanna hear us, watch us play, but you telling us what you’d like to see happen is hotter too.
I'm very confused, are you saying that it's annoying when men want women to moan but don't moan or cover up their moans?
If a guy is completely silent it’s honestly a turn off. I don’t want to be fellating a corpse.
Actually, balls AREN'T in her court. That's the problem 😄
80% of sex for EVERYONE is mental arousal
I used to love initiating, but he always shoots me down. It's getting to the point where I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and scared to ask. Whenever he initiates, I say yes 99% of the time at this point I've completely shut down my sex drive so it suits him :/
Lord I know this feeling 😢
I had the idea of playing an online sex game on pc and my boyfriend thought it was really hot, I’d kinda mimic some of the moves too, we played a few and with no “pills, or any like helpers” I got him off 3 times in like 4 hours. Like even he was shocked as hell 😂
Confidence. i’m a girl and i think things get better for everyone when im comfortable in my skin, not worried about what he thinks about a lil cellulite, or a pooch or whatever.. try to get out of your head, focus on the sensations and not “what are they thinking”.
What we are thinking 🤔 damn, she's hot! I cannot believe she got naked for me! 😬😬😬 she wants to have sex with me! 😬😬😬 look at that body! She's naked! 🔥🔥🔥 That is some of it.
Couldn’t agree more, as a dude. If you’re in the nekkid-in-bed stage, no one gives a shit about some cellulite or a pooch or whatever. Everyone’s goal at that point is to enjoy themselves. And that’s got little to do with that toe with the fucked up nail, anyone’s weight, your mascara, or the scars on my butt from some childhood stupidity. It’s not hard to have some sex to figure out what guys like. We’re pretty easy. Touch things, vary your touch, and see how he reacts. Hard. Soft. Fast. Slow. Put your mouth on things. His mouth, fingers, nipples, cock, balls. Touch multiple things at the same time, with different parts of your body. Be enthused, as others have said. Make “ooo-I-like-that” noises when you enjoy something. Try matching rhythm. Be a bit of a tease. There so much to have fun and experiment with.
Then after she asks, “What is that scar from?” chicks did scars and then it's the truth or some real good story.
Men like different stuff but, I personally fucking love enthusiasm in the bedroom, If you want something a certain way, tell me. Am I doing a good job? Let me know. Also, Kegels.
I read " different butt stuff "
This is your answer.
Splendid answer indeed. I too personally love when women involve themselves and not just lay there like a dead person. Engage, engage, make noises, be into it, show me you’re enjoying it and want it, mostly creepy man that don’t mind having sex with a dead person or a dead drunk women enjoy non moving, women that just lay there thinking they are beautiful and it’s enough.. 😅
“not just lay there like a dead person” made me laugh 🤣🤣 but it is true tho
I’ve always called it the Starfish lmao
I think the biggest mistake girls make generally speaking is the ones who just lay there like a ragdoll, you don't even need to be a super active participant but in the least you should be shifting and moving your hips so that it's hitting the right spot as opposed to just letting a guy fish for it. And when a girl gets there that's basically the best feeling for the dude psychologically and physically(because they start to contract/dilate in the right ways), so not getting what she needs isn't doing anyone any favors.
“Hmmmm, blue. Maybe I’ll paint the ceiling blue”
"How come the plural of goose is geese and the plural of moose isn't meese?"
When giving blow jobs use 2 hands. Not just two hands on his penis but you can use them to touch all around his body. Suck his balls lol, and if you don’t want to suck them touch them (this will drive him CRAZY.) don’t just bob ur head up and down but lick the dick and lick the tip. If ur mouth is getting tired that’s fine just use ur hands. The two hand, with the tip suck is killer. Also make sure to keep it wet and add a moan here and there. And LAST THING. Don’t just give him head when he asks give him head randomly or before you guys have sex. Edit: I like to ask him if it feels good and hearing him say yes does something to me lol take me from a 10/10 to an 10000/10 hahaha.
You should lead a seminar.
Double check with the balls thing, some guys myself included absolutely hate that. Like all things, it’s personal
Same same. Don’t do anything with my balls. It’s distracting and doesn’t feel good. Lol
Big hawk tuah energy 👏🏽
Rip your inbox
Also if you prefer to be a pillow princess (which is okay, VANILLA IS OKAY) reach under and play with his balls, make eye contact, tell him it feels good, tell him ur about to cum and be vocal if u like to be on ur back!
Yes 🙌🏻 My ex used to nag me for blow jobs and it felt like such a chore. I want to give them so much more when it’s not constantly hanging over my head. I suppose that doesn’t answer OP’s question though. 😂
I agree tremendously
This right here is the PERFECT answer
Reading this instruction got me hard
While giving head to my husband it drove him nutz , literally, using the two hand method. And when one hand strays down behind his scrotum and teases his ass he'll cum in 60 seconds. I have been told I do it better than anyone else they've known. So I guess that's something.
All above and add in lots of eye contact!
You are going places!
Lol I don’t think good dick sucking abilities looks that good on a resume but thanks hahaha
Just depends on which job you're applying for; sales manager? Probably not, but fluffer? Welcome aboard!
Haha, yeah I wouldn’t stick it on a resume, but it’s a great surprise! They will be telling there boys I’ve hit the jackpot! You won’t believe the things other girls try to do with it 😂
I hate having my balls touched.
That's funny, I've had long term partners as opposed to several casual partners, so when I met someone long ago they surprised me by 1. Saying BJ's didn't EVER get them off. And 2. when I tried he really enjoyed having his balls played with more than the shaft. Which to me, was different. I had never really done it before. It was just something I didn't know how to do... 🤷♀️
Make noises. Move your body. Just make it known that you are enjoying it. That's pretty much it IMO. Sex is like a high school rock band. It's less about everyone's skill and more about having a good time.
It isn't technique we're looking for so much as enthusiasm. The bedroom is no place to be shy. Try stuff. Anything. If there's something you wanna try.. go for it. If it ends up being goofy and doesn't work, you'll have a giggle and move on. Be aware of your own body. If we say "hows that, baby?" Tell us, "a little to the left, " "a little faster, " "not so fast, " don't pretend you're having a good time when you're not.
Tbh I’m kinda getting frustrated how every time there is a thread like this it’s just “enthusiasm” over and over again. Obviously I think you are correct and people enjoy it when their partner is clearly enjoying themselves, but it’s not super actionable advice and I highly doubt that people who are not already enthusiastic about sex are coming and asking how to improve in the bedroom.
All I'm going to say is everything is fair in the bedroom. Not sure if you'll be comfortable with any of this because not everyone likes the same things but: 1. Tell him what to do such as: lick my clit and finger me, pull my hair, tie my hands behind my back, slap my ass, go harder, go deeper, do it faster, etc. 2. While sucking his dick, cusp and then suck his balls, squeeze his ass, suck the tip while jerking him off with your hands, spit on it, moan while you're sucking him as he may feel the vibration, look at him in the eyes, run your hands on his chest, and suck him faster with emphasis on the back of the tip of the penis. Play with yourself too, you may warm up and he may enjoy the visual. If he comes, continue sucking it until he stops you since he may get sensitive. I usually swallow but you can let the cum drip down while you're still sucking. Go in for his soul. 3. I like tossing the salad but he may not like that so ask him first. 4. Get on top! Don't grind although i know it may feel good to you, but instead bounce on it slowly so that you can feel the stimulation. Play with your breasts or rub your clit as you're riding him if you need extra stimulation. 5. While doggy, put one of his hands on your clit. Or both of his hands on your ass. I personally like it when he puts a finger in my anus but that's not everyone's cup of tea. And actually MOVE! Twerk on him or move forward and backwards. Typically women just stay still but I find that when they feel your movements, it's 10 times better. 6. While on missionary, play with yourself, touch yourself, play with his balls, wrap your legs around his waist, or put your legs over his shoulders. Take this initiative, surprise him by doing it first if he doesn't. It will also make you feel good. 7. Most importantly, don't fake it!!! Most women do not orgasm with penetration alone so play with yourself while he's in you. The visuals alone will get him over the edge. Forget about anything and everything but that moment. Say his name, moan, breathe harder, make weird faces, do it all if it comes naturally. Tell him how good it feels and definitely let it be known when you're about to orgasm. Sometimes us women get into our heads and just want to look cute. This is not the time to be cute, this is the time to have fun and dissociate. I promise that as long as you're enjoying it and helping yourself feel good, he will 100% feel good as well. Engagement is the absolute way to better sex. I have a few more tips that I didn't add above but you can DM me if you guys are into more extreme scenarios.
Find out what your partner likes. Every sexual partner likes sex in a different way. There is no perfect way to have sex with everyone. It should be tailored to who you're with.
Don't lay there like a dead fish. Be active. Act like if you don't climax, you're going to die, or be fined $1000. Dominate on occasion. Get on them and bang the crap out of them. Enjoy it. If you're not enjoying it, find out why. If you need the partner to do something, communicate! You've got two jobs - climax, and get your partner to climax. Your partner has two jobs - climax, and get you to climax. If you both understand that, it gets easier. It's a give and receive cavalcade of flesh. Try new things. Some won't be to your liking. Fine, tell your partner what you like and what you don't. And for crying out loud, don't get in that trap that is all poetic and pure. It's not. Sex is the bloody jungle. Act like an animal. Feed on the energy. Get dirty and rough. Just don't get hurt.
Cavalcade of flesh sounds like a magic card
Definitely a Necromancer card powered by swamps.
Do fucking anything. Don’t just lay there. Express that you like it. Move. Talk. *Initiate* The bar is so low
Hawk tuah
Can’t believe I had to scroll so far to see this.
Perfect onomatopoeia!
You don't like when she swallows? On a serious note, what's up with all these people saying to spit? Theres other ways of getting a lubricated effect without clearing all the mucus in your throat.
It’s a meme. Honestly I’m impressed you’ve avoided it
That doesn’t mean to spit it out, it’s a reference to spitting ON it as a quick lube for a BJ or handy.
Be an active participant instead of "taking the back seat". Learn what you enjoy and suggest it, learn what he likes and suggest it. Every man is different, but for the most part we all like it when you play with our weeners. At 41 I'll tell you the best part of sex is when I'm not the one doing all the work.
Also just ask what they like. Sometimes it is hard to infer what they like.
Never fake an orgasm and figure out what makes you feel safe and works for you. I went from 0 orgasms to having multiple in a session, just recently started having cervical orgasms. Being with a partner I trust that I can communicate with easily has been a game changer for me. Have open conversations about what you do and don’t like and so your partner the same. A book that helped me is a book called “what you really really want”.
Bye bye dms
Be with those you feel genuinely enthusiastic about and reveal that eagerness. Freezing up or taking a back seat and letting the other person do everything can make them feel like you’re indifferent.
I am an old woman who has had many partners who have always wanted seconds. I enjoy being sexual and that is half the battle. Know that having sex is as much for you as it is for him. Having said that here a few things I've noticed that men really enjoy, in no particular order: 1. Touch him sexually, in a non-chalant manner throughout the day and give him the "come fuck me" look then continue with the mundane task you are currently doing. This builds up desire. 2. When he is tired let him snuggle up to you and caress his body, including his private parts, with no expectation of having sex. 3. If he is raring to go and you're not there yet give him the opportunity to relieve the pressure in a way you are comfortable with (hand, mouth or inside you, your choice). After that appreciate his private parts by paying attention to them when they are not erect, fondling, kissing, sucking, your choice. When he is ready, start round two. Do not pressure him into starting before he is ready. 4. When peneration is involved use your kegels, milk his penis so to speak. Wrap your legs around him and hold him close to you so he can't get away and has to enjoy his release. 5. If he is going to cum before you're there encourage it and encourage him to let go. Many women do not orgasm from peneration so once you've given him his orgasm pull out your toy of choice, ask him to touch you where you like it most and have your orgasm. Any man with confidence will appreciate this approach. Most mature adults know that cumming together is rare but both having an orgasm is the best sexuall experience.
This is honestly really good advice everyone should get.
Get out of your head and get into your feels
Avoid fake porn noises. If that’s what you do when enjoying sex, that’s okay obviously I don’t know about others, but I can sometimes tell when a partner is being theatrical rather than just having fun. It can be off putting. Just be yourself. If you want to be “good” at sex I suggest that you just do what makes you feel good (e.g. moving your hips in a certain way, playing with yourself, controlling the level of penetration.) Feeling safe with your partner goes a long way with the above.
first off, do you like the people you are having sex with? If yes, then reciprocate. If you're getting kissed kiss back. if you are enjoying something vocalise it
Dirty talk is ALWAYS appreciated.
I think you have to be careful with this advice because it can really be hit or miss without knowing what the other person wants to hear.
I'ma piss on your face! Then I'ma fart in yo mouth! Yeah I'm gonna shit on these walls, Ray! OOH!
Once a girl said "Stick it in my ass, make it hurt." It's not super relevant to what you were saying, but like...*yeah.*
See, for some people that's a major turn on, and for others a major turn off, you're taking a shot in the dark.
I actually shot on her back, but point taken.
Reply of the year well played!
The dishes aren’t done! I haven’t taken the trash out! You know the top of the bookcase in the living room? I haven’t wiped that for a year! The bathroom sink is clogged! 🥵
Bro I'm dying this is literally the stuff I am thinking about when I get a little distracted during sex anyway, next time I'll probably laugh about those dirty talk ideas >.<
Figure out what you want to experience, what you like, what you enjoy, and communicate it directly in words to your partner. Be candid and revealing, but do not demand. Make requests. Ask your partner to do the same. Talk, talk, and talk. Be explicit about what you like, what you wish for, what feels the best. Make it about mutual joy and pleasure, not climaxing. Laughter and a light-cheerful-heart go a long way. If it feels appropriate, make it playful with laughter and light-heartedness. Good sex only happens when two people can be really direct. If you expect yourself or your partner to read minds, then you are using a non-productive map of reality.
[удалено]
Ya get me?
Damn, I was late.
RIP. Your inbox.
lol it’s actually not that bad
Impressive!!!
I take it back. I think I jinxed it
you're over thinking this lol trust me, your partners are enjoying your skills
Everyone’s saying the hawk tuah but if anyone did that to me I’d punch the shit outta them lmao!
I imagine most guys would be at least a little put off by it. I'm certainly not interested.
How is it possible to give a blowjob and not spit on it? Like, if you don’t want oral that’s ok, but you can’t expect to have a dry blowjob with no spit that’s just mot possible.
Show him (through words, actions, moans) what turns you on. Show him that you like sex, that you have sexual desires too. Nothing worse than begging for sex and she gives in and just goes through the motions without really being into it
>I want to know what men like Ask the men you sleep with
Don't let yourself get forced into anything...roughness can be overrated at best, traumatizing if you don't really want it. Passion can be quiet, too.
Agreed
Enthusiasm, ACTIVE participation, Feedback, both positive or negative, Sex involves the brain as much as the body, so have fun and play. Honestly though, guys are easier than gals. As long as you just touch me where I pee, I’ll be having a great time.
Kegels will send any guy over the moon and back a few times. Beyond that, as anyone else has said it's enthusiasm. Being with someone who has no problem telling me what they want and how they want it... Love it. I'm there for her pleasure as much as she is mine. Plus seeing her curled up and convulsing is one of the biggest turn-on's knowing I just pleased her that much :)
Start fucking any chance you get. And initiate it. I love to hear just what she wants. Vocal. Also tell him to eat your ass then when it is sloppy wet tell him to fuck it.
Enthusiasm, like a lot of people are saying. (I would make a modification and say enthusiasm both about the idea of sex, and of course in the bedroom.) Ask if your partner has any little turn ons, and definitely use that information (for.me, being kissed on the neck and having my hair played with are MAJOR turn ons.) I think at the end of the day, it's not so much about being a skilled partner or enjoying one specific act or position, it's about being a partner who communicates and engages, and sharing the overall experience.
Its super easy, all you gotta do is ask your partner what they want from you. Everyone is different.
Just ask him what he likes/wants. Clear and open communication between partners is a game changer. Especially when you both can be totally open/honest about what you like without feeling judged or uncomfortable.
Explore yourself to understand what gets you off. Then work with a partner to help you get off.
Stop worrying about the partner. If you have found someone who respects you, then do what feels good for you. Experiment. Find out what you want. Once you take some control over your enjoyment, your partner will highly likely find your confidence the turn on that leads to both of you feeling like you have a great sex life. Don't stick with a partner who treats you like a sex doll (unless that's your kink...)
absolutely agree!
Show up, bring a sandwich.
Practice makes perfect.
Make them feel wanted
Rubbing your clit and/or nipples without the man asking you to is hot as well.
Simple answer, don't be lazy and enjoy yourself, everything else will fall into place.
Communication is key, including talking dirty
A girl i had a one night stand with once was laying with her back against my chest, and locked the fingers of our right hand together alternating. The palms of hour hands facing the same direction, and then with my hand intertwined in hers started masturbating, to show me how she liked it. Move itself was hot as fuck, but teaching me directly what she wanted and copying that made me feel so good. She was genuinely enjoying my touch from the get go, instead of having to figure it out first. Stimulating her like that in turn turned me on a fucking lot, it feels great to pleasure women, and makes me feel more manly in return. That, and some simple dirty talk that indicates you want someone. I've had a boring ONS turn the night around by simply stating 'I want you inside me'. Gets me going
The biggest thing this comment thread is missing is the most important thing: COMMUNICATION. Everyone experiences sex differently. If you can learn to swallow your pride and have an honest conversation with your partner about what they like and what they don’t, and then continue to have those conversations, and pair that information with the enthusiasm mentioned above, you will have great sex
Uhm i think during sex just speak, that person is your partner and honestly, you can't improve if you don't communicate it's not like you shouldn't be talking during sex
Hawk Tuah!
Honestly don’t just lay there. When I was young I straight up would just get up and do something or someone else. I ask new partners to tell me what they like and not to fake it because it’s a huge turn off. If you don’t orgasm it’s not the end of the world. It’s better to be honest then tell someone later on that you haven’t enjoyed your time with them in the bedroom even the minute after till the end of the relationship. Like I’m on a mission to make you orgasm and I need the Intel to complete the mission. Especially while I’m trying. Also when I wear a condom I can’t feel anything when women grind on me. Bounce up and down. Also if you can do a little twerk when you ride that might get him off a little too early. When blowing a guy is more important to create a vacuum when sucking than it is to simply bob your lips on a guy. Also incorporate your tongue on the tip. Foreplay and role playing is actually more fun for me than the sex itself. Some guys might be offended by this but I actually quite enjoyed using toys in the bedroom when going down on someone. The huak tuah meme does have merit but that’s more of a finishing move if you get done gagging. If you want the sex to last longer blow him til, he gets hard but don’t suck to hard as it will make him more sensitive. Switch positions depending on the person. Some positions guys last longer. Sometimes just switching positions is enough to help him last longer. Also if the guy has a hard time getting hard focus more on de stressing him like an hour before. Also after sex give him reassurance and tell him what you liked so that way he will do it the next time. I always go in with the mindset that it might be the last time you ever hookup with that person so you might as well try your best because it is a competition. You gotta put more work, enthusiasm, and honesty than your competition will. Also if you would like more sex with that person let them know. Don’t let your stress from the outside world ever enter the bedroom. It’s a bad idea to vent before you do the deed. As it might get him stuck in his head about his own struggles, which leads to more stress and a lesser likelihood of getting him hard.
You need to talk to your partner and listen to them. Each person likes different things, so you won’t know without trying/talking.
Ask your partner. Seriously, just ask and keep an open mind. If they suggest something new, be willing to give it a few good tries before throwing in the towel.
Practice
Communication tell your partner what you want and ask your partner what they want and either make a nice blend or someone’s gotta try something new
Yes. You’re better off asking r/twoxsex.
Enthusiasm, Kegels and moving your body
Learn how to give head.
personally i've found just moving your hips to match his pace will make men think you are incredible in bed lol
Enthusiasm, communication, fun, and dont take it all too seriously.
Have you ever thought of asking them? Genuine enthusiasm in the form of sincere enquiry is a massive turn on for men caz you’re asking them then questions they’re too afraid to ask themselves. Quite often the bloke will be more likely to return the favour as it shows you’re open and willing
Exaggerate lightly, but don't fake.
Don’t be a plank.
Get better at oral
MMMMMAKEE SOME NOOOOISEEEE
Try ranked
Cardio
I think part of some people's problems at being good at sex is because we don't actually know what we like. There is so much judgy bs around sex, and lots of people, both men and women, are at the whims of what they can negotiate with the few partners most of us have at our age. Not what porn do you like, but what do you actually like doing. I bet you will get pretty good at those things if you get to do them a few times.
Hands, arms, legs. A guy can be a bad kisser, bad at oral, and be bad at intercourse and totally fail to get a women off. Being bad at those matter if a guy is doing it. For women it is the opposite. Automatically, no matter how bad you are at blow jobs, intercourse, or kissing, nothing you do will stop him from cumming. (Bad kissing is not great, but also not something Reddit can coach) The thing women can improve is HOW they wrap their hands and arms and legs around their partner in ALL OF THE ABOVE, and in ALL positions. Drag your ankle up his legs and low back to pull him in during intercourse. You can always, always use one hand to pleasure yourself to move things along. And when using hands and arms, think of pushing as dominatix and pulling as needing him so bad you can't take it and you want him to have his way with you. Which is fool proof if you think of it as dancing with a guy on a dance floor. When you want him to lead in control, you just hold on and pull against his grip. Or you do the push him away,.let go so he can't lead, and do a little solo move 'hands off' tease thing. It is similar to when you are on top and push away so you're upright to let him see you. Then grasping his hands and falling into them so he can either pull you in or keep you sitting upright. Guys have to be thinking constantly how they are giving oral and trying not to cum. So they constantly think about mouth and genitals. Women, you can basically just put your mouth and genitals on autopilot since you can't really fail there, using them differently during oral and intercourse won't really make a difference. But you rock his world by using your arms, hands, and legs to control the sexual tension and express your desire--it is the only way to make use feel like you're fucking us, not just we're fucking you. Our penetrating makes us default feel like we're fucking you. Even when you're on top, it can still feel like you're still a passenger riding, unless you us your arms and body weight to control our body position and 'lead' the damce. You can improve any position from first kiss to after glow by taking and giving this power dynamic back and forth. This is the only thing you need in your mind, you can't make a bj or vj more perfect since they already are.
It’s all in the hips
I don’t have any positions to recommend because I feel like that totally depends on the people - some positions just aren’t the same when the heights and such change lol but I would say knowing how to turn yourself on and get yourself off is a game changer… not only can you stay more naturally lubed (nothing wrong with using lube though) but you can then communicate better to your partner what you like and then hopefully they are communicating with you with what they like… and if all else fails… some good sloppy toppy has never failed me lmao
Write "coconuts" with your hips while riding
Lots of good answers. Worst experience I had was with a girl who laid down like she’s sleeping on her back, including her legs flat on the bed. It really helps when you don’t do that.
Why do you think you’re not good at it?
Just research it there are plenty of resources available ad when you do your research focus more on what you would like to experience rather than what a man would like to experience Then experiment with your partner and tell them what to do I mean getting good at gob jobs and hand jobs is not rocket science but if you don't really want to do it or are not enthusiastic about it or it doesn't give you pleasure then what's the point. I love pleasuring a man's body when I really want to how I really want to if I really want to I don't just do it because they want it that would be weird I don't know if that makes sense to you But giving a man pleasure to me should also give me pleasure so I never just do things on auto pilot with a dude because it sucks And tbh I'm not really doing it for his pleasure even though it may give him pleasure Like if I want to go to town on his perineum balls and dick it's because I want it all on my tongue in my mouth on my lips and in my hands it's not because I want to get him off.
Lay there harder
Learn how to Hawk Tuah
hawk tuah
Condition yourself to ride for longer than 30 seconds and you'll be miles ahead of 80% of American women.
Fuck back, don't fake it
Initiate the sex is a really big on. Take control sometimes and talk dirty sometimes. Be creative and nasty.. also just talk to S/O on what they like
Cup the balls ,eyes up and swallow .
One time i was with a girl who didnt move and make any noise. Missionary style. She was like a dead fish in bed and i kept having to stop and ask if she was ok and if i can proceed but eventually just stopped because the lack of effort and enthusiasm it turned me off.
Men like confidence and freakiness. Women who are excited about sex and enthusiastic are what men are looking for. The only advice I can offer you is to fake it until ya make it.