As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll"
problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we
have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones.
We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the
rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules
will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious
rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a
permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also,
grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of
being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we
may ban you without warning.
You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not
to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language
towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we
have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and
your ban will remain (without even a consideration).
All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of
the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up
banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules,
and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and
Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before
submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them
or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.**
With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message
regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal
(without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will
elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we
will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent.
This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your
reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message,
and please enjoy your day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've actually read about this happening quite frequently with men who suggest open marriages to their wives.
They want to have sex with other women and want their wife to be okay with this, but they start becoming jealous and resenting the wife when she's having sex with other men. They blame the wife, but don't acknowledge the fact that they caused this themselves. 🙄
Men greatly overvalue their casual sex appeal to most women. Your dick is not a magic stick, and most women don't want to jump on it for a quick thrill. Men are not valuable enough to achieve casual sex regularly.
> Men are not valuable enough to achieve casual sex regularly.
It's not that at all.
On those apps the guys are mostly looking for a pump and dump. Most women are not into that and are not on the app for that. They hope to find someone sincere for a committed relationship.
So they are often at cross purposes to begin with.
Just because women get tons of guys wanting sex doesn't mean that's what they wanted, yet although she's not getting what she wanted either, guys envy them?
It's not even that, based on what I've heard men say who use them. Every single one of them that I've heard from say they fully intend to lie to get what they want. So no wonder women don't want to bother with the apps. Here's how it usually goes:
Guy says he's 'ready for sex", ideally wants to meet The One, but sex would be great too. But his profile doesn't make any kind of clear statement -- so someone tells him to pick one, hookups or relationships, that he's looking for and tailor his profile to that and forget about anything else. He refuses. He doesn't want to do that. What he wants is women who want to have a relationship with him, but he can pick and choose and string one or more of them along while he makes up his mind / collects some more options. So if he matches with someone but decides she's not The One, he wants to lie to her so that she thinks he wants a relationship with her long term so that she'll have sex with him while he continues to hunt for someone else.
And when you point out to these guys that this is why they're getting no matches -- women can tell there is something off because they sound too emotional for women who just want hookups and sound too hookup-oriented for women who want relationships -- they say that women won't know they're lying to them because they just won't tell them so their profiles/approaches should be just fine. And then they complain that they still get no matches.
> Your dick is not a magic stick, and most women don't want to jump on it for a quick thrill.
This part is often true.
Aside from the risk of STD and pregnancy and being beaten up or killed by a stranger, it's not about pumping for a lot of women. The magic button is on the OUTSIDE, yet a lot of guys seem to approach sex with a cis woman like she's the toilet and he's the roto rooter man.
He should have appreciated and valued you when you were in his life. Now he has basically nothing.
I think it's harder for men, because women are wary of men, because often men don't treat women very good and let's face it, women have standards! It's better to be alone than with a horrible man.
The apps make it incredibly difficult for men since the majority of women only swipe on a small minority of men. These men mess around a lot, which creates a lot of frustration for women looking to comit.
The vast majority of men have to compete for an incredibly small pool of potential partners, which creates a lot of frustration for men looking for anything.
What neither of these groups understand is that the opportunities to approach someone in real life have never been better, since so many people are focused on these apps acting as a marketplace.
There’s much fewer women on apps to begin with, meaning fewer potential matches for straight guys. Years ago though a survey was done on male vs female habits on dating sites. They took a group of men and women and made two profiles for them. On one they kept pictures as natural as possible, on the other they used professional photos and photoshopped images.
The men’s profiles got about the same amount of hits regardless of their pics. Whereas many of the women only got hits on their photoshopped profiles. So not only is there fewer opportunities to meet women to begin with on online sites, but men tend to shoot themselves in the foot by only going after the most highly attractive women they can find. Which means those women become overflooded with offers, and have to siphon through them all.
But these types talk about women over valuing their 'marketplace value.'
If the guy is not a supermodel but will only date supermodel or the like, he's over valuing himself, shooting his chances as you described. Not surprising at all.
Way long ago I noticed it didn't matter how little a guy had going on, in every way; he still wanted the cheerleader/beauty queen/model/etc.
Well, wanting is one thing; felt assured and entitled of her and only wanted her based on her appearance anyway. Rage when he didn't get what he wanted.
Nothing really changed but the internet came along.
A lot of men( well i guess this extends to women as well just see it more in men) don't realize what they have until its gone. He probably already realizes how bad he fucked up just probably won't admit it to you. Not a lot of women are gonna want to be with a guy who has no job, lives with parents and does nothing all day.
Correct! I don't care how good looking he is. I have a child to raise. I don't want my daughter thinking a "man" is someone who can't support himself and blames everyone else for the effort he doesn't want to put forth.
When you're calibrated to a scale of 0 to 1 over the span of years a handful of positive interactions in a short time frame can really mess up the projections.
I'm just speaking to my personal experience (probably in the bottom 25%-50% of adult men) but I think it translates to a pretty decent portion of the population. I remember the last time a woman who wasn't a waitress or a salesperson was slightly flirtatious with me in person because it happens so rarely, and it was a couple of years ago. It feels good. I still think about it.
Now, back when we were young and (relatively) fit and the market was saturated with single people we'd get a couple of looks a month maybe. A woman who would at least entertain the idea. A little back and forth, a good conversation, a window of opportunity. Sometimes it turned into something, sometimes it didn't, but we were in the game.
We find someone, we get married, we get all the attention we could possibly want from this one special person in our life. We start to take it for granted. We stop making sure we look put together before going out, we let our hair get a little too long. We don't shave on weekends because it just doesn't matter anyway. And you know, that woman we married doesn't really find a scruffy fat man attractive. Plus there are the kids and the house and all the things and there's just not any attention for us anymore. We get up, we go to work, we mow the lawn, we drink a beer. We do it again. We lose our edge.
Things happen. Marriages are complicated. That's a different story.
So then, a few years on, maybe we are having a good week or a good month and our hair looks good and our clothes are fitting well and the situation is right and out of the blue we run into a woman who seems like she might be interested. She laughs at our jokes, touches our arm. We get a little spark in the ignition. We strut around a little bit with the confidence boost. Then it happens again a couple of days later.
Baby, we are back!
We've just had more attention from women in the past week than in the previous 10 years combined. Holy smokes this thing about men aging like fine wine actually works. We are basically Leonardo Dicaprio. Better not let ourselves get tied down, you know how that turned out last time. We are going to live wild and free. We better go buy a new mattress and some new expensive sheets because this place is about to get BUUUUUSSSSSSAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
And then a couple of months go by and we figure out that we're still old fat ugly men and we just happened to bump into a statistical anomaly. And we live our lonely lives and think about the things we messed up last time we had an opportunity.
Until one day when we are having a good week and our posture is good and we are relaxed and smiling and the situation is right...
>We start to take it for granted.
Big time, I've heard about and seen so many instances of this, throughout life; I mean I paid attention to this type of stuff before I was old enough to date.
"You take me for granted!" "But I gave you the best years of my life!" but the guy(s) think they can get another just like her (when she was 20/they met) and have the same devotion as well. And that it will be that easy because hey, it happened once, right?
So they throw away the one who actually loved them.
Some might succeed -- for a while. Until the young one they picked gets bored or better deals them. If she just wanted money or easy attention, and then he begins to expect her to behave the same with much less, he finds out she didn't actually care about *him*, all along.
Then he gets to feel what he put the loyal one he dumped, through. Now he thinks "you took me for granted," "You were just using me," etc.
And now he has no one at all. Or he goes on a rinse, repeat cycle with sugar babies or similar interactions. Or he goes without company or hires it for a night.
Obligatory not all men.
Obligatory don't be that guy (or gal.)
And the guy doesn't factor in that time did not stand still for him either.
In his mind he still is the football hero from school or the guy who is the rising star at his job.
Women overlook a lot if they love the man. I'm not sure men do that in return.
Obligatory not all men.
The problem with modern dating is both men and women have the illusion of a lot of options due to technology. People are afraid to settle and also keep their standards too high
In certain aspects yes, in other aspects no. A lot of otherwise progressive women will date pretty shitty men despite saying that certain type dude is “problematic”.
I mentioned something similar to my late wife, that it's much more difficult to be a man in the dating world. I told her that until her and I met, I had 4 apps, hundreds if not thousands of swipes, 30ish matches, 5 replies, 1 phone number exchange (hers). I then asked her how many times she had been rejected. Never, she said. Never once had she been rejected. I can't even count how many times I've been rejected. Hell, I've even been laughed at. Ah well, that's show biz.
That is the typical 'it's easier for women to get sex' trope.
It's not fun to be inundated with dick pix or crass come-ons. Or guys who pretend interest but only want sex -- they really want a sex worker but don't want to pay for one. Lying to a woman is much easier, they think.
Sorting through all that is not fun.
Finding someone who will be decent to her, or who wants a legit relationship, is at least as hard for gals, as it is for guys to find a one-night-stand on an app.
Dating as a man is tough. I don't want to say that women have it easy either, because I don't know, I've never been a woman, and I'm sure they have different struggles, but men are lucky if we even get a match at all, let alone a response, and out of the few times I did get a response, she stopped replying after a few messages, so I've never been able to date anyone through dating apps, nor I have tried too hard because I gave up on them once I realized it was a waste of time.
As a man, the main struggle is to get a woman to pay you any attention at all. It's hard to approach a random stranger irl if you're concerned about coming off as annoying or creepy, and dating apps just don't work, so I don't think there is an easy way, just meeting people and hoping that at some point you'll meet someone you'll have chemistry with an a relationship will form organically.
> if you're concerned about coming off as annoying or creepy
Yep, that's the main issue. Already shot yourself in the foot. Why not approach women like people and then you shouldn't have concern?
It's not up to me how people will feel, and I have the impression that generally speaking women don't like having a male stranger hitting on her or just trying to have a conversation, and it could range from annoying to scary.
Maybe I'm being overly conscious, but I don't like feeling like I'm being a nuisance, so I avoid doing that. Besides, I'm not the best at reading subtle social cues, and I would hate to be making someone uncomfortable and not be able to notice.
>I'm not the best at reading subtle social cues
That might be why you tried apps but they only make it harder imo.
Apps aren't good for anyone imo. I don't know what to tell people who are dating today though. I'm not single. There is always the classic 'join things and meet people,' really get to know someone and then you are not just a face on an app.
They do have different struggles.
Like the fear of being made into some dudes coat if they reject him.
Dating as a man is frustrating.
Dating as a woman can be life threatening.
It’s literallly so good to have this conversation about how hard the dating world is for guys. I needed this vindication. I’ve had dating apps for almost 10 years now and only just recently had one connection come from it. We talked for maybe a day through texting and then she ghosted me. Kind of the just the way it is I suppose
> and I knew it was harder for men but didn’t realise just how much. Currently talking to a guy I’d consider to be way out of my league - perhaps I don’t have much self confidence - but he mentioned he’s lucky to get a message back.
I know this is a women-focused sub but, if I may... You hit the nail on the head there.
I don't know if in the grand scheme of things this is something more of the recent days or it has always been like this, but going out there for a night out and trying to meet people beyond the apps* is _hard_. It feels, depending on where you go, people have got their guards high up to the point that they're wearing the equivalent of a social Hazmat suit. But I understand, because now, maybe more than ever, it's very clear for everyone how dangerous it can be being a woman and how some guys out there really mean no good business, so I feel you. Maybe the thought of a stranger approaching you for conversation in a club/bar triggers all sorts of defense mechanisms/feelings, for reasons you would know better than me. I can see how it's not easy to allow yourself that kind of vulnerability. Whatever it is, I guess that's the big picture we live in now.
What I can tell you for sure is that the biggest challenge for guys is managing to build the thick skin you need rejection after rejection without letting your self esteem take a hit, which takes a lot of pain and time. It is to fabricate confidence out of thin air and try to show your best self at all times to people you find interesting, even when maybe things aren't really alright. All this because at the end of the day you care about finding a great partner for you too, because you think you deserve a happy relationship after all, but the road there is just one.
And it's not for everyone. Some just stop trying. Some grow resentful and paranoid (which btw, explains most of what's posted here). And some travel down this wicked road.
P.s. Gee... I know I went off on a tangent and wrote a long vent. But either way, I guess it can be a good contribution for us all to understand each other better.
*we all know the apps don't truly work save for a few cases here and there, so...
Men don’t realize it’s much much easier for us to get sex than it is for them. So, maybe be happy with the loving person you have by your side and stop thinking with your little brain.
Everyone knows.
The issue is men act like it’s some sort of privilege.
Sorry men are more thirsty? Sorry most women have standards besides the person having a dick to fuck.
Its just the... "we have more market value" is kinda like... I don't know if some men's lack of standards is value I'd want. I don't know I'd be able to find affirmation in some men's willingness to fuck a wider variety of women even women they aren't particularly attracted to.
However, I do think it is a privilege of sorts. Easier access to sex and prospective romantic partners? SURE. there are no shortage of men who won't satisfy you and won't commit to you. But you still have far more access to men who will than men do women who will.
I don’t care for the “market value” trend.
People aren’t object or goods.
No, it’s not a privilege. Again, just because men will fuck anything and women are choosy, is not a privilege.
It’s more like women have to be careful because lots of men are not safe.
Idk how that’s privilege.
I like the saying “women who say they can’t find a man, is like saying your hungry when there’s a perfectly good half eaten hot dog on the ground.”
I feel like men would have more luck if they didn’t just go for anything and actually tired to find intimacy then just get laid.
Dudes literally will talk about how they will swipe anything to just get someone to respond and not in a good way.
To me it seems like intimacy is a second thought, their personalities are a second thought. I know they didn’t bother to even read bios, just swipe.
Maybe don’t be so desperate?
Edit: typos and grammar
I don't dispute that women are choosy for good reason. But it makes finding them harder. It does. That doesn't mean women are at fault. Just that in practice... that's how it is. Women have a much easier time finding men than men do women. This is no way shaming to women or anything negative about women. Its just how things are in practice.
Men swipe on anything because of probability. Its simply a probability game for matches. It indicates nothing of intentions. Whereas women have to make a selection from a multitude of options.
I’m not saying that you are saying or thinking these things.
My issue is it’s used against women from men, like it’s some kind of double standard created by women.
There are people out there thinking that right now.
Women didn’t choose to be showered with dick.
I can understand how some men would like being showered in vag, and that’s fine, but it’s not what a lot of women want. They’re not going to do that.
So a lot of guys get bitter and blame women instead of the guys making it harder to reach women.
I see it so much on reddit and always gets heavily upvoted. It’s always a form of women getting attention and men not so women have it better in society.
It’s not though, and it’s harmful to both parties.
It’s not a privilege.
The best explanation I saw that resonates with me was someone saying from the age of 13 life for women is a constant dick-dodging contest. it’s dehumanizing and scary a lot of the time tbh
I hear what you're saying, I just feel compelled to point out that easier access to sex and easier access to prospective romantic partners are two *very* different things.
Oh absolutely. I don't dispute that. Finding someone to share your life with that you'll actually share your life with? That will always be a challenge. And you simply don't have enough life to make a sufficient evidentiated decision. You have to make some bold assumptions really based on... faith. Trust.
Its really scary, honestly.
Yea and my favourite thing about this is often the wife had kept up her appearance and stuff through the years while the husbands had not. So one is obviously more desirable.
Yeah, I also thought he really wanted to have sex with that coworker who was flirting with him and it only stopped when she started dating someone else and then he realized how hard it was to get another sex partner.
When he had nobody who wanted him, he became jealous of his wife. 😒
Literally happened with Will Smith fyi
He chronically cheated on Jada so often that she suggested they have an open marriage and then when she has an affair with August the whole world turns on her because Will acted shocked about it on camera when he's the reason the situation exists to begin with: the open relationship that emerged due to his rampant infidelity, HIS serial cheating, that SHE forced herself to come to terms with and make work for the sake of their family unit as a whole
I've followed all their careers
This is easily accessible information but it's gone overlooked since SlapGate but I knew everything about their relationship they made known since before the Oscar's so that's why I'm a lonely mind aware of this even though none of this comes from the tabloids and actually Jada and Will's mouths directly (for all the infantilization of Will on Twitter you'll find he's owned up to all his past misdeeds and wants to do right by his family now)
>He chronically cheated on Jada so often that she suggested they have an open marriage
I've consistently heard the opposite.
This isn't a gossip subreddit but will say that I've never read anything (and I've read about them over the years too) like that; rather, that even in high school before she was famous she saw no boundaries and would take up with other girls' boyfriends, and later, was not that monogamous either.
Famously had an affair with her son's friend.
Will seems to be the one who is trying to please her all the time, not vice-versa.
JMO and I don't really care. That's their concern.
All of what Jada has said recently has contradicted this. So I’m not sure what mean. Also sleeping with someone your sons age while mentoring him and helping with his mental issues is predatory as hell no matter how you spin in it.
Not at all, you haven't done your research
I also feel like you need to reassess what the word predator actually means because it's starting to lose all meaning thanks to people like you
At worst, it was maybe inappropriate
She's not a damn predator for the relationship
Yeah, she dated her adult son's adult friend, August Wilson. How exactly does that change Will agreeing to her right to date other people and the suggestion of an open marriage after he cheated on her (betrayed her trust and the sanctity of marriage) a shitton of times leading her to this compromise? How does that change that Will started off dating & sleeping with other people without permission and has come out the other side still allowed to date & sleep with other people, the same as her. Their agreement just states that they tell each other who they're getting with. The one time Jada didn't at first was when she got with August which made Will feel how he felt. But she came clean pretty soon after. Poor, victimized, lacking in agency Will had no issue ruining their relationship and wrecking their family before she did. How is dating a friend of her son's a "gotcha" exactly? He wasn't Jaden's best friend. They were never super close. Jada didn't watch the dude grow up before her very eyes. He's just a buddy her son acquired along the way in the industry/small town of Hollywood.
Still much younger than she and a different power dynamic and picking from your child's friends isn't that ethical.
Are you a big Jada fan?
I've never read any of that about Will. From what I always read, and I just remember this incidentally from over the years reading celeb gossip and such: She wanted to spice things up not him. He agreed to it, because he's into pleasing her.
She's the narc and he's a codependent per HG Tudor.
It kind of irks me that these people are why we'll never be able to see accurate stats for open relationships, they get too skewed by people like this who have no business getting into them or as a last ditch effort to save a doomed relationship. "90% of open relationships fail" well... yeah, but in reality, all of the people I know who had any business getting into them & have done the work before jumping into ENM, are legitimately happy & in a healthier relationship with each other as a result, bc of all the work in communication, empathy/compersion & the self that this type of relationship requires. One of my best friends grew up in a household like that & is legitimately one of the most well adjusted people i know.
I've used dating sites as both genders and though as far as I can tell my success rate presenting as a man was decent, I got matches when I swiped nearly every time, and some women would message me first. the difference was immediately and blatantly obvious though. By every time I mean when I'd get on tinder not that everyone swiped right in me. I didn't go weeks without matches.
I for sure put more effort into my profile presenting as a man than I did the other one but I got dozens of messages immediately. Probably a hundred or more by the next day.
What I took from that rather than men have it sooo hard and it's not fair was that men just don't engage in the same way with online dating as women do.
Men seem to see it as women being picky and choosing the cream of the crop . I saw it as an overwhelming deluge of mostly "hey" "hi gorgeous" "hey beautiful".
For me that was not a big deal as I was literally doing the thing they accuse girls of doing. Using likes and engagement as basically validation that I'm desirable, for someone actually looking for a partner? Not very good at all.
The big thing seems to be them seriously overestimating how many women are interested in hooking up with them and seriously underestimating how many men are interested in hooking up with their wife.
You have to be 100% clear and open when you suggest an open marriage or polyamory of any kind.
My partner and I are poly. They're straight, I'm bi. They made it very clear from the first time we talked about being polyamorous that they wouldn't want me to be with another guy and would prefer if we only added women to our group. I was cool with that (I've only been with guys, so I was excited to be able to fool around with girls). But the important thing was complete transparency.
It was really bothering me as the different colors were never actually perfectly level. They were always like q
1 or 2 degrees off the plane of the horizon. I don't know why this was killing me.
"I wanted to bang my hot coworker so i convinced my wife to let me but now my wife is getting more booty than me. It isn't fair she's more attractive! Waawaa! The consequences of my own actions! Waaaa"
This and I saw a comment the other day talking about these types of men that said “for every 1 woman that wants to fuck you, there’s about 30 men that want your wife”
Ahhh yes, of course it's the woman's fault.
One partner asking to open the marriage so they don't technically cheat, then suffering consequences they don't like is so popular, it has its own sub
r/openmarriageregret
Theres also r/threesomeregret for the ones that fucked up their relationship that way.
Basically, grass is not always greener. Dont assume that adding other people will solve any of your relationship problems!
My fiancé and I have been in an open relationship for 9 years now and there is soo much that can go wrong and I feel like it almost takes more work and communication than regular relationships as there are many ways in how you can hurt your partner and if that happens it's important to talk about it and work on it.
We got to know a lot of couples that have been doing it for decades and are happy and others that just started and broke up within a few months of going open.
People should really think carefully about doing it and need to make sure they are the type of person that can do it.
And men should be aware that there are a lot more men than women open to hook up with stranger without attachement, so it's likely their partner will have more options
That's the thing. It seems problematic to me to open up a relationship with the goal of solving a problem.
I've been on two longer term relationships (one for 6 years, and the current one for 7 years), in which both of us have sex with other people, but both these relationships started out like that. We decided from the start we didn't want to be sexually exclusive.
That may have been done by whoever used the OOP post to put over top of a kinetic sand video in order to avoid the censors on tiktok and/or Instagram/Facebook.
These videos are so annoying because they’re stealing content from the actual OP’s and then flooding timelines with content that’s meant to split your concentration. Like are we really at a stage where reading a few paragraphs is too tedious and we need to turn on a pretty video so our brains don’t get bored? We’re training ourselves to be dopamine-addicted iPad kids with this plagiarized bullshit.
Yeah it’s a big thing on tiktok. Podcasters read the posts aloud and discuss amongst themselves, or people make videos like this one with text on the screen and something going on in the background that’s like asmr for your eyes (kintetic sand, satisfying vids, Minecraft parkour, subway surfer, etc.) and sometimes have a robot voice read the text. Tiktok doesn’t gaf unless you include words that violate their terms of service, like anything sexual or violent. Ergo changing words to “seggs” or “unaliving”.
He thought he'd be drowning in 😺 and now that he realizes that he's not as desirable as he believed himself to be and his wife actually is he wants to close up shop again since she's getting more action than he ever got. You can't have it both ways.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
That was great. Go girl!
Lol yeah. Unless you're already drowning in women, it's not a good idea to be in an open relationship if you're a dude. Congratulations, you played yourself, lol.
For most people. But, I've seen it work. Firstly, the relationship should start as an open one. If you start monogamous and then open it up later, the doom clock starts ticking down. Nextly you both need to be drowning in tail. So when one of you has a date, the other makes a phone call to set up their own. You can't be sitting around alone while your partner is with someone else. Thirdly, and the most important tenet, besides communication, is never see someone else while you're having problems. Wait until you work out whatever it is you're mad about before going outside the relationship again. Most people are not built for this, sure. But, I've seen it work.
This is all good advice, not not necessarily true 100% of the time.
>Firstly, the relationship should start as an open one.
My wife and I didn't start as open, we opened up after maybe 6 years, which means we've now been open for about 8 years.
>Nextly you both need to be drowning in tail.
This is true for neither of us. Although admittedly, my wife has had an easier time of getting dates. This caused a little bit of tension early on, but is a complete non-issue now. Mostly because she isn't actively looking for new partners at the moment, but even if she was, it would be fine.
>You can't be sitting around alone while your partner is with someone else.
I love having the house to myself for the night!
>Thirdly, and the most important tenet, besides communication, is never see someone else while you're having problems
This is 100% true, 100% of the time.
I realise our relationship might not be the norm for all open couples, but when absolute hard and fast rules are set out like this, I feel like it can convince newcomers to open relationships that they must do these things or else they are doomed. It might even put them off attempting it altogether. I've often felt like we are doing things wrong because of advice I've seen here, but after this much time doing it successfully, I've come to realise that everyone is different and has their set of guidelines for navigating openness.
This post is the most full circle thing I've ever seen lol.
A reddit AITA, proccesed to the max with some shit in the background to keep you from swiping up, reposted on reddit
The future
Gotta love the "yeah I want an open marriage....wait it's kinda hard to just go around and fuck other people. Wait my SO is getting attention? Now I'm jealous and they're being so selfish not wanting to close the marriage I opened. This is all their fault"
As a man you'd better be Ricardo Esteban if you're suggesting an open relationship. She's going to have a much easier time at making you find out than you will her.
I’m in a non monogamous relationship. And guess what, overtime, things change. Do I think this guy is being jealous? Yes. Do I think that he’s projecting his insecurities? Yes. Do I think that this situation might change in the future? Absolutely.
First, he’s got to talk to somebody qualified to help him navigate this. Second, if the couple isn’t doing regular check ins to make sure they are on the same page, they should be.
If he convinces her to “close” their relationship and then he meets someone he’d like to entertain, he’s going to look like a real asshole. Even more than he does already.
Yea, me and my fiance are polyamourous and when we started talking to someone we very often checked in with each other about how we were feeling about it all.
I do think too trying to just open the relationship because you think your sex life is boring instead of just, ya know, talking to your wife about it is an awful idea. If they did talk and try different things than that's one thing, but just jumping right to opening the relationship is a bad idea to me.
It seems with a lot of guys that do this they just want to sleep around but don't want their girlfriend/wife to and then get upset when they do and get more action than them. Its a weird thing.
A lot of my guy friends rather straight up cheat than be mature and let their girls go outside their relationship too. Blows up on them each and every time.
Well yea its different if a girl does it. She should be loyal always🙄 Like if you can't handle everyone being open in the relationship then don't open the relationship. If you want to sleep around then end it if you don't want her sleeping around too.
Yeah, my wife and I tried the poly stuff. I realized I actually wasn't into it, I definitely had jealousy and insecurity that I wasn't expecting.
You have to talk about these types of things, communicate openly without blame, and most importantly... Don't post about it on Reddit instead of speaking to your spouse.
There's nothing wrong with trying new things and changing your relationship dynamic, and there's nothing inherently wrong with trying something new and realizing it isn't for you.
What is wrong is realizing you have jealousy issues, blaming your wife for them, then complaining about he her behind her back instead of having open and honest communication.
I feel like 90% of dudes who want an open relationship don’t actually want an open relationship, they just wanna sleep with other girls while their girlfriend only sleeps with them
Lmao i abosultey love it when men forget how gorgeous thier girl is and how many men really want her, then they fuck around and find out that theyre nit desired and thier girl is.
"After several conversations"... So after repeatedly nagging her to the point of breaking her down, she caved. I would have just thrown the whole man away.
I really need to stop reading the comments on these. Everyone always laughs and enjoys these stories and thinks it’s awesome for the woman. But they never actually acknowledge the woman’s perspective, only the dude’s comeuppance.
These dudes that want to sleep around but act like jealous a-holes…we’re only getting their side of the story. They aren’t going to tell you how they’re really treating their partners throughout all this.
I can’t speak for all of the other side, but my perspective when this exact thing happened to me:
First, the ultimatum. Either we open the relationship, or divorce. I should have taken the divorce, but I was entrenched in his control. He had thrown away all of my furniture and stuff to replace it with his and would take it all with him, and I had no money so I knew I’d be screwed if he left me. So even though I was hurt that I wasn’t enough, I decided to make the best of it.
And I did. We set ground rules, and I followed them perfectly. But then he came home in a rage one day because someone accidentally insulted him so he left an obligation early, and I was with someone. (House wasn’t off-limits, by his request because he wanted to be able to kick me out of the house to have sex.)
He didn’t actually come in the room, I just let him know I wasn’t alone, so he slammed the door and left. The other person left and I texted my husband to come home.
He accused me of cheating on him even within the open relationship, because I had had sex a few times and he hadn’t gotten any. He wanted to re-close…*but now I owed him, to balance the scales.*
So then I was coerced into threesomes I didn’t want to be in, to balance the scales. I would have far rather had him go have sex with other people ten times as often as I had instead of being threatened into a sexual situation I didn’t want to be in.
I doubt this exact situation is what the wife goes through every time in these situations. But keep in mind that the common thread in these stories is that she’s stayed with a possessive jerk who wanted free rein to sleep around in these relationships. So it’s highly likely he’s guilting her and using this against her.
I’ve been in a few open relationships, the only thing we typically would agree upon as cheating is lying about what’s going on. But I also have lower drive then many of the women I’ve dated, I’m good with once a week or every other week. Anything more then that isn’t as fun and I’m not always focused enough to make it fun for her either. I’m much happier cuddling and watching a movie most of the time.
So if she’s chill with me snugglin it up with a friend while she gets laid then as far as I’m concerned that’s a W. This works especially well if we are already long distance and I couldn’t give what she want anyway.
I’ve seen so many relationships that stayed together only because of the sex and were horrible in every other way. I refuse to be a part of that bs.
Definitely the a— for forgetting what the dating life looks like for men and women and getting jealous over what you agreed to be a part of.
The thing that really bothers me about this is when he says she puts more effort into looking nice for these guys than she ever did/does for him. My husband lightly complains when I look nice to hang with my lady friends, and it's like, "well do you take me anywhere where I *can* dress up? No? Then stfu." Like, you can't be mad at me for something you're doing.
I don't know where OOP is or isn't taking his wife, but if it's anywhere like where my husband takes me, it ain't nothing worth looking nice for. Moral of the story: if you want your partner to *look* nice, take them somewhere that *is* nice (and also make sure you look nice too).
this happened to a friend of mine. his boyfriend basically told him they were either gonna have an open relationship or they were going to break up (we hate his now ex boyfriend) so they ended up opening the relationship even though my friend really didn’t want that. well, my friend is a lot more pleasant and cool of a person than his boyfriend, so he had tons of people who wanted to sleep with him and multiple friends with benefits. the boyfriend had one or two one night stands and couldn’t find anyone else to sleep with him. the boyfriend eventually threw a fit and didn’t want to be in the open relationship he manipulated my friend into agreeing to :/
The funny thing is, this happened to a friend of mine. *SHE* insisted she was poly all of a sudden and demanded to open their marriage. She had a boyfriend the DAY my friend agreed (because he's a pushover and loved her and they had a kid). While they were planning their 2nd wedding she insisted on.
She tried to invite said boyfriend to *THEIR WEDDING*
She ignored their kid even more than before.
She only became unhappy when HE started dipping his toe in, then lost ot completely when boyfriend turned out to be a complete dickbag. Apparently she was the last to know 🙄🙄
They did divorce less than a year later and now she's neglectful and borderline abusing their kid. That she wants to take around her step-dad, who molested her and all her siblings when she was younger than her kid is now.
Opening a marriage like this never works. It just enables shitty behavior from shitty people.
If you're reading this Bree, fuck you. Your ex and your kid deserve better than your selfish bullshit
Does anyone remember when the site Ashley Madison was hacked and the user base was revealed? One member that came out of that was a Duggar?
Not to go into that at all...
What I want to say is that it was revealed about 98 percent of membership was male, and there were allegations that the 2 percent women were either paid employees who did not actually meet up with anyone, or were fake (bot or something.) Or they were professionals (sex workers.) Very very few actual married women joined it looking to cheat.
I do not think there is much payoff for casual sex for women -- not as a habit anyway. We are not even guaranteed an O, especially if it's a stranger just looking to use someone/get off/pump and dump.
My little rant: It’s so annoying how sad people, in sad little relationships love to use other humans to get over whatever is happening, as if they’re playthings and mean nothing. People like him constantly muddy up the dating market with this silly little bullshit. They also are never upfront with whatever situationship they placed their stupid selves in and lie to make themselves feel better.
This reminds of the one boat cartoon on Netflix. The guy coaxes his wife to swinging. He can’t get up and then finds her in a gangbang and gets mad. Like… you suggested it my dude …. Women typically have standards lol
I didn’t have an open relationship with my ex but he treated me like shit and afterwards when I went out single and I dressed nicely he started getting insanely jealous. My mother makes the comment that he forgot how beautiful I was and shit like that. POV, it truly hurts. It’s not fun and games for us. We think about how they are while we’re with others because we love them so much. But they couldn’t see what others see and take what they have for granted so when someone comes along and sees it they get offended. This isn’t just for girls either, there’s guys I know that have faced this.
"Open" doesn't just mean opening the relationship to other people. It describes everything about the relationship, but most importantly, communication.
A bad example is the above story. A good example would be something like this-
Guy is unhappy with his sex life and decides that opening the relationship might be the spice he needs. The conversation with his wife would go like this: "Honey, I'm dissatisfied with how things are in the bedroom, and I was thinking that allowing both of us to explore with other people new likes and fetishes. I don't know if I want it to be permanent or just a one-off, but I'd like to hear your thoughts."
Then, his wife gets a chance to rebutt or discuss her own concerns/fears/desires etc. Through discussion and compromise, a decision is reached to open the relationship for 1 month and then come back and discuss again.
During that time, Guy hooks up with his coworker and things are great for a few days until she decides she wants something more permanent/serious/monogamous/whatever so he moves on to dating apps where things go *very* poorly and he gets dissatisfied with his opportunities while his wife is dressing up and going on dates two or three times a week and occasionally stays out all night.
At the end of the trial month, they come back together, and the wife is delighted with the arrangement. But Guy isn't as cheerful. He admits things haven't gone the way he'd hoped and was wondering if closing the relationship would be the best option. Wife offers solutions - going over his profile together to make it more appealing to women, taking photos that show off his attractive points, reminding him that sometimes things take time, and while she might not be picky with admirers, that doesn't make this a competition and he's well within his rights to only date people he clicks with, even in an open relationship.
--end scenario--
Obviously, the above is polished and shined to be the absolute, 100% perfect way to do something like this, and that doesn't really exist. But the point is that both parties take each other's feelings at face value and are willing to take chances and make compromises in an effort to see each other happy.
Like all things in life, monogamy to polyamory is a spectrum. Some people are happy being another's one-and-only. Other people need 2 lovers to charge their batteries without overwhelming the other parties. And still others like to swing and swap partners for fun. And on and on it goes.
Exploring that spectrum isn't inherently bad, but it is dangerous. Pushing boundaries can lead two otherwise compatible people to realize that this new thing makes them uncompatible in the long run, and that's obviously scary. But being open, honest, and understanding can, and will, smooth over a lot of those uncertainties, even if it doesn't eliminate them.
She puts effort into her appearance for other men because you clearly never stepped tf up like those men. They make her feel alive and you’re dead weight. Women aren’t going to look good for dead weight 🤷🏻♀️
It wasn't cheating when you did it, but it is cheating when she does it? Nah, man. That's not how this works. Also, these men are giving her the attention she begged you for when you wouldn't give it. Obviously, she won't dress up for you. You never made her feel like she needed to. These other men have.
Like this man is damn dense.
This has been irritating me for ages! Who tf decided to show one word at a time in these videos?? I watch everything on mute and now I'm almost panic reading cuz if I blink too long I miss a few words and have no idea what's happening. 😭😭 I've not found a forum to complain about it yet so thanks for pointing it out!
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I've actually read about this happening quite frequently with men who suggest open marriages to their wives. They want to have sex with other women and want their wife to be okay with this, but they start becoming jealous and resenting the wife when she's having sex with other men. They blame the wife, but don't acknowledge the fact that they caused this themselves. 🙄
Men greatly overvalue their casual sex appeal to most women. Your dick is not a magic stick, and most women don't want to jump on it for a quick thrill. Men are not valuable enough to achieve casual sex regularly.
> Men are not valuable enough to achieve casual sex regularly. It's not that at all. On those apps the guys are mostly looking for a pump and dump. Most women are not into that and are not on the app for that. They hope to find someone sincere for a committed relationship. So they are often at cross purposes to begin with. Just because women get tons of guys wanting sex doesn't mean that's what they wanted, yet although she's not getting what she wanted either, guys envy them?
It's not even that, based on what I've heard men say who use them. Every single one of them that I've heard from say they fully intend to lie to get what they want. So no wonder women don't want to bother with the apps. Here's how it usually goes: Guy says he's 'ready for sex", ideally wants to meet The One, but sex would be great too. But his profile doesn't make any kind of clear statement -- so someone tells him to pick one, hookups or relationships, that he's looking for and tailor his profile to that and forget about anything else. He refuses. He doesn't want to do that. What he wants is women who want to have a relationship with him, but he can pick and choose and string one or more of them along while he makes up his mind / collects some more options. So if he matches with someone but decides she's not The One, he wants to lie to her so that she thinks he wants a relationship with her long term so that she'll have sex with him while he continues to hunt for someone else. And when you point out to these guys that this is why they're getting no matches -- women can tell there is something off because they sound too emotional for women who just want hookups and sound too hookup-oriented for women who want relationships -- they say that women won't know they're lying to them because they just won't tell them so their profiles/approaches should be just fine. And then they complain that they still get no matches.
I feel like a ton of women are on dating apps just for hookups, especially other women in open relationships like this guys wife
Dick is ubiquitous and low value....
> Your dick is not a magic stick, and most women don't want to jump on it for a quick thrill. This part is often true. Aside from the risk of STD and pregnancy and being beaten up or killed by a stranger, it's not about pumping for a lot of women. The magic button is on the OUTSIDE, yet a lot of guys seem to approach sex with a cis woman like she's the toilet and he's the roto rooter man.
According to a lot of cheating stories, that's exactly what they want.
[удалено]
He should have appreciated and valued you when you were in his life. Now he has basically nothing. I think it's harder for men, because women are wary of men, because often men don't treat women very good and let's face it, women have standards! It's better to be alone than with a horrible man.
*it’s better to be alone than with a horrible man* Thinking of getting tshirts with this printed on it
Why don’t more people realize this?
The apps make it incredibly difficult for men since the majority of women only swipe on a small minority of men. These men mess around a lot, which creates a lot of frustration for women looking to comit. The vast majority of men have to compete for an incredibly small pool of potential partners, which creates a lot of frustration for men looking for anything. What neither of these groups understand is that the opportunities to approach someone in real life have never been better, since so many people are focused on these apps acting as a marketplace.
There’s much fewer women on apps to begin with, meaning fewer potential matches for straight guys. Years ago though a survey was done on male vs female habits on dating sites. They took a group of men and women and made two profiles for them. On one they kept pictures as natural as possible, on the other they used professional photos and photoshopped images. The men’s profiles got about the same amount of hits regardless of their pics. Whereas many of the women only got hits on their photoshopped profiles. So not only is there fewer opportunities to meet women to begin with on online sites, but men tend to shoot themselves in the foot by only going after the most highly attractive women they can find. Which means those women become overflooded with offers, and have to siphon through them all.
But these types talk about women over valuing their 'marketplace value.' If the guy is not a supermodel but will only date supermodel or the like, he's over valuing himself, shooting his chances as you described. Not surprising at all. Way long ago I noticed it didn't matter how little a guy had going on, in every way; he still wanted the cheerleader/beauty queen/model/etc. Well, wanting is one thing; felt assured and entitled of her and only wanted her based on her appearance anyway. Rage when he didn't get what he wanted. Nothing really changed but the internet came along.
A lot of men( well i guess this extends to women as well just see it more in men) don't realize what they have until its gone. He probably already realizes how bad he fucked up just probably won't admit it to you. Not a lot of women are gonna want to be with a guy who has no job, lives with parents and does nothing all day.
[удалено]
He expected you to be his mom...not his girlfriend.
[удалено]
Good for you 💜💙💜🩵
Correct! I don't care how good looking he is. I have a child to raise. I don't want my daughter thinking a "man" is someone who can't support himself and blames everyone else for the effort he doesn't want to put forth.
They overestimate their market value
While literally dismissing *our* higher market value.
Dudes need to spend a day in our dm's. Suddenly they'd see value.
When you're calibrated to a scale of 0 to 1 over the span of years a handful of positive interactions in a short time frame can really mess up the projections. I'm just speaking to my personal experience (probably in the bottom 25%-50% of adult men) but I think it translates to a pretty decent portion of the population. I remember the last time a woman who wasn't a waitress or a salesperson was slightly flirtatious with me in person because it happens so rarely, and it was a couple of years ago. It feels good. I still think about it. Now, back when we were young and (relatively) fit and the market was saturated with single people we'd get a couple of looks a month maybe. A woman who would at least entertain the idea. A little back and forth, a good conversation, a window of opportunity. Sometimes it turned into something, sometimes it didn't, but we were in the game. We find someone, we get married, we get all the attention we could possibly want from this one special person in our life. We start to take it for granted. We stop making sure we look put together before going out, we let our hair get a little too long. We don't shave on weekends because it just doesn't matter anyway. And you know, that woman we married doesn't really find a scruffy fat man attractive. Plus there are the kids and the house and all the things and there's just not any attention for us anymore. We get up, we go to work, we mow the lawn, we drink a beer. We do it again. We lose our edge. Things happen. Marriages are complicated. That's a different story. So then, a few years on, maybe we are having a good week or a good month and our hair looks good and our clothes are fitting well and the situation is right and out of the blue we run into a woman who seems like she might be interested. She laughs at our jokes, touches our arm. We get a little spark in the ignition. We strut around a little bit with the confidence boost. Then it happens again a couple of days later. Baby, we are back! We've just had more attention from women in the past week than in the previous 10 years combined. Holy smokes this thing about men aging like fine wine actually works. We are basically Leonardo Dicaprio. Better not let ourselves get tied down, you know how that turned out last time. We are going to live wild and free. We better go buy a new mattress and some new expensive sheets because this place is about to get BUUUUUSSSSSSAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! And then a couple of months go by and we figure out that we're still old fat ugly men and we just happened to bump into a statistical anomaly. And we live our lonely lives and think about the things we messed up last time we had an opportunity. Until one day when we are having a good week and our posture is good and we are relaxed and smiling and the situation is right...
>We start to take it for granted. Big time, I've heard about and seen so many instances of this, throughout life; I mean I paid attention to this type of stuff before I was old enough to date. "You take me for granted!" "But I gave you the best years of my life!" but the guy(s) think they can get another just like her (when she was 20/they met) and have the same devotion as well. And that it will be that easy because hey, it happened once, right? So they throw away the one who actually loved them. Some might succeed -- for a while. Until the young one they picked gets bored or better deals them. If she just wanted money or easy attention, and then he begins to expect her to behave the same with much less, he finds out she didn't actually care about *him*, all along. Then he gets to feel what he put the loyal one he dumped, through. Now he thinks "you took me for granted," "You were just using me," etc. And now he has no one at all. Or he goes on a rinse, repeat cycle with sugar babies or similar interactions. Or he goes without company or hires it for a night. Obligatory not all men. Obligatory don't be that guy (or gal.)
And the guy doesn't factor in that time did not stand still for him either. In his mind he still is the football hero from school or the guy who is the rising star at his job. Women overlook a lot if they love the man. I'm not sure men do that in return. Obligatory not all men.
The problem with modern dating is both men and women have the illusion of a lot of options due to technology. People are afraid to settle and also keep their standards too high
[удалено]
In certain aspects yes, in other aspects no. A lot of otherwise progressive women will date pretty shitty men despite saying that certain type dude is “problematic”.
I mentioned something similar to my late wife, that it's much more difficult to be a man in the dating world. I told her that until her and I met, I had 4 apps, hundreds if not thousands of swipes, 30ish matches, 5 replies, 1 phone number exchange (hers). I then asked her how many times she had been rejected. Never, she said. Never once had she been rejected. I can't even count how many times I've been rejected. Hell, I've even been laughed at. Ah well, that's show biz.
That is the typical 'it's easier for women to get sex' trope. It's not fun to be inundated with dick pix or crass come-ons. Or guys who pretend interest but only want sex -- they really want a sex worker but don't want to pay for one. Lying to a woman is much easier, they think. Sorting through all that is not fun. Finding someone who will be decent to her, or who wants a legit relationship, is at least as hard for gals, as it is for guys to find a one-night-stand on an app.
Dating as a man is tough. I don't want to say that women have it easy either, because I don't know, I've never been a woman, and I'm sure they have different struggles, but men are lucky if we even get a match at all, let alone a response, and out of the few times I did get a response, she stopped replying after a few messages, so I've never been able to date anyone through dating apps, nor I have tried too hard because I gave up on them once I realized it was a waste of time. As a man, the main struggle is to get a woman to pay you any attention at all. It's hard to approach a random stranger irl if you're concerned about coming off as annoying or creepy, and dating apps just don't work, so I don't think there is an easy way, just meeting people and hoping that at some point you'll meet someone you'll have chemistry with an a relationship will form organically.
> if you're concerned about coming off as annoying or creepy Yep, that's the main issue. Already shot yourself in the foot. Why not approach women like people and then you shouldn't have concern?
It's not up to me how people will feel, and I have the impression that generally speaking women don't like having a male stranger hitting on her or just trying to have a conversation, and it could range from annoying to scary. Maybe I'm being overly conscious, but I don't like feeling like I'm being a nuisance, so I avoid doing that. Besides, I'm not the best at reading subtle social cues, and I would hate to be making someone uncomfortable and not be able to notice.
>I'm not the best at reading subtle social cues That might be why you tried apps but they only make it harder imo. Apps aren't good for anyone imo. I don't know what to tell people who are dating today though. I'm not single. There is always the classic 'join things and meet people,' really get to know someone and then you are not just a face on an app.
And you feel the same way when approaching a man?
You’re automatically assuming he doesn’t.
They do have different struggles. Like the fear of being made into some dudes coat if they reject him. Dating as a man is frustrating. Dating as a woman can be life threatening.
It’s literallly so good to have this conversation about how hard the dating world is for guys. I needed this vindication. I’ve had dating apps for almost 10 years now and only just recently had one connection come from it. We talked for maybe a day through texting and then she ghosted me. Kind of the just the way it is I suppose
> and I knew it was harder for men but didn’t realise just how much. Currently talking to a guy I’d consider to be way out of my league - perhaps I don’t have much self confidence - but he mentioned he’s lucky to get a message back. I know this is a women-focused sub but, if I may... You hit the nail on the head there. I don't know if in the grand scheme of things this is something more of the recent days or it has always been like this, but going out there for a night out and trying to meet people beyond the apps* is _hard_. It feels, depending on where you go, people have got their guards high up to the point that they're wearing the equivalent of a social Hazmat suit. But I understand, because now, maybe more than ever, it's very clear for everyone how dangerous it can be being a woman and how some guys out there really mean no good business, so I feel you. Maybe the thought of a stranger approaching you for conversation in a club/bar triggers all sorts of defense mechanisms/feelings, for reasons you would know better than me. I can see how it's not easy to allow yourself that kind of vulnerability. Whatever it is, I guess that's the big picture we live in now. What I can tell you for sure is that the biggest challenge for guys is managing to build the thick skin you need rejection after rejection without letting your self esteem take a hit, which takes a lot of pain and time. It is to fabricate confidence out of thin air and try to show your best self at all times to people you find interesting, even when maybe things aren't really alright. All this because at the end of the day you care about finding a great partner for you too, because you think you deserve a happy relationship after all, but the road there is just one. And it's not for everyone. Some just stop trying. Some grow resentful and paranoid (which btw, explains most of what's posted here). And some travel down this wicked road. P.s. Gee... I know I went off on a tangent and wrote a long vent. But either way, I guess it can be a good contribution for us all to understand each other better. *we all know the apps don't truly work save for a few cases here and there, so...
This relates to the mythology that is popular amongst the manosphere that monogamy exists for the benefit of women.
I love reading these kind of stories even though the ending is the same each and every time. At least it is a happy ending!!!
Men don’t realize it’s much much easier for us to get sex than it is for them. So, maybe be happy with the loving person you have by your side and stop thinking with your little brain.
Men are well aware of it. I am glad someone said it though.
Everyone knows. The issue is men act like it’s some sort of privilege. Sorry men are more thirsty? Sorry most women have standards besides the person having a dick to fuck.
Its just the... "we have more market value" is kinda like... I don't know if some men's lack of standards is value I'd want. I don't know I'd be able to find affirmation in some men's willingness to fuck a wider variety of women even women they aren't particularly attracted to. However, I do think it is a privilege of sorts. Easier access to sex and prospective romantic partners? SURE. there are no shortage of men who won't satisfy you and won't commit to you. But you still have far more access to men who will than men do women who will.
I don’t care for the “market value” trend. People aren’t object or goods. No, it’s not a privilege. Again, just because men will fuck anything and women are choosy, is not a privilege. It’s more like women have to be careful because lots of men are not safe. Idk how that’s privilege. I like the saying “women who say they can’t find a man, is like saying your hungry when there’s a perfectly good half eaten hot dog on the ground.” I feel like men would have more luck if they didn’t just go for anything and actually tired to find intimacy then just get laid. Dudes literally will talk about how they will swipe anything to just get someone to respond and not in a good way. To me it seems like intimacy is a second thought, their personalities are a second thought. I know they didn’t bother to even read bios, just swipe. Maybe don’t be so desperate? Edit: typos and grammar
I don't dispute that women are choosy for good reason. But it makes finding them harder. It does. That doesn't mean women are at fault. Just that in practice... that's how it is. Women have a much easier time finding men than men do women. This is no way shaming to women or anything negative about women. Its just how things are in practice. Men swipe on anything because of probability. Its simply a probability game for matches. It indicates nothing of intentions. Whereas women have to make a selection from a multitude of options.
I’m not saying that you are saying or thinking these things. My issue is it’s used against women from men, like it’s some kind of double standard created by women. There are people out there thinking that right now. Women didn’t choose to be showered with dick. I can understand how some men would like being showered in vag, and that’s fine, but it’s not what a lot of women want. They’re not going to do that. So a lot of guys get bitter and blame women instead of the guys making it harder to reach women. I see it so much on reddit and always gets heavily upvoted. It’s always a form of women getting attention and men not so women have it better in society. It’s not though, and it’s harmful to both parties. It’s not a privilege.
The best explanation I saw that resonates with me was someone saying from the age of 13 life for women is a constant dick-dodging contest. it’s dehumanizing and scary a lot of the time tbh
I hear what you're saying, I just feel compelled to point out that easier access to sex and easier access to prospective romantic partners are two *very* different things.
Oh absolutely. I don't dispute that. Finding someone to share your life with that you'll actually share your life with? That will always be a challenge. And you simply don't have enough life to make a sufficient evidentiated decision. You have to make some bold assumptions really based on... faith. Trust. Its really scary, honestly.
Yea and my favourite thing about this is often the wife had kept up her appearance and stuff through the years while the husbands had not. So one is obviously more desirable.
He wanted to have sex with one specific woman and thought that suggesting an open marriage would give him a free pass.
Yeah, I also thought he really wanted to have sex with that coworker who was flirting with him and it only stopped when she started dating someone else and then he realized how hard it was to get another sex partner. When he had nobody who wanted him, he became jealous of his wife. 😒
Literally happened with Will Smith fyi He chronically cheated on Jada so often that she suggested they have an open marriage and then when she has an affair with August the whole world turns on her because Will acted shocked about it on camera when he's the reason the situation exists to begin with: the open relationship that emerged due to his rampant infidelity, HIS serial cheating, that SHE forced herself to come to terms with and make work for the sake of their family unit as a whole
How do you know this? Not doubting, just curious.
I've followed all their careers This is easily accessible information but it's gone overlooked since SlapGate but I knew everything about their relationship they made known since before the Oscar's so that's why I'm a lonely mind aware of this even though none of this comes from the tabloids and actually Jada and Will's mouths directly (for all the infantilization of Will on Twitter you'll find he's owned up to all his past misdeeds and wants to do right by his family now)
source: "trust me bro"
>He chronically cheated on Jada so often that she suggested they have an open marriage I've consistently heard the opposite. This isn't a gossip subreddit but will say that I've never read anything (and I've read about them over the years too) like that; rather, that even in high school before she was famous she saw no boundaries and would take up with other girls' boyfriends, and later, was not that monogamous either. Famously had an affair with her son's friend. Will seems to be the one who is trying to please her all the time, not vice-versa. JMO and I don't really care. That's their concern.
All of what Jada has said recently has contradicted this. So I’m not sure what mean. Also sleeping with someone your sons age while mentoring him and helping with his mental issues is predatory as hell no matter how you spin in it.
Not at all, you haven't done your research I also feel like you need to reassess what the word predator actually means because it's starting to lose all meaning thanks to people like you At worst, it was maybe inappropriate She's not a damn predator for the relationship
Didn't she start dating a friend of her son though?
Yeah, she dated her adult son's adult friend, August Wilson. How exactly does that change Will agreeing to her right to date other people and the suggestion of an open marriage after he cheated on her (betrayed her trust and the sanctity of marriage) a shitton of times leading her to this compromise? How does that change that Will started off dating & sleeping with other people without permission and has come out the other side still allowed to date & sleep with other people, the same as her. Their agreement just states that they tell each other who they're getting with. The one time Jada didn't at first was when she got with August which made Will feel how he felt. But she came clean pretty soon after. Poor, victimized, lacking in agency Will had no issue ruining their relationship and wrecking their family before she did. How is dating a friend of her son's a "gotcha" exactly? He wasn't Jaden's best friend. They were never super close. Jada didn't watch the dude grow up before her very eyes. He's just a buddy her son acquired along the way in the industry/small town of Hollywood.
Fair enough, wasn't trying to pull out a "gotcha", I just don't really follow celebrity gossip/lives.
Still much younger than she and a different power dynamic and picking from your child's friends isn't that ethical. Are you a big Jada fan? I've never read any of that about Will. From what I always read, and I just remember this incidentally from over the years reading celeb gossip and such: She wanted to spice things up not him. He agreed to it, because he's into pleasing her. She's the narc and he's a codependent per HG Tudor.
It kind of irks me that these people are why we'll never be able to see accurate stats for open relationships, they get too skewed by people like this who have no business getting into them or as a last ditch effort to save a doomed relationship. "90% of open relationships fail" well... yeah, but in reality, all of the people I know who had any business getting into them & have done the work before jumping into ENM, are legitimately happy & in a healthier relationship with each other as a result, bc of all the work in communication, empathy/compersion & the self that this type of relationship requires. One of my best friends grew up in a household like that & is legitimately one of the most well adjusted people i know.
/r/openmarriageregret Pretty much dedicated to this exact phenomenon.
I've used dating sites as both genders and though as far as I can tell my success rate presenting as a man was decent, I got matches when I swiped nearly every time, and some women would message me first. the difference was immediately and blatantly obvious though. By every time I mean when I'd get on tinder not that everyone swiped right in me. I didn't go weeks without matches. I for sure put more effort into my profile presenting as a man than I did the other one but I got dozens of messages immediately. Probably a hundred or more by the next day. What I took from that rather than men have it sooo hard and it's not fair was that men just don't engage in the same way with online dating as women do. Men seem to see it as women being picky and choosing the cream of the crop . I saw it as an overwhelming deluge of mostly "hey" "hi gorgeous" "hey beautiful". For me that was not a big deal as I was literally doing the thing they accuse girls of doing. Using likes and engagement as basically validation that I'm desirable, for someone actually looking for a partner? Not very good at all.
The big thing seems to be them seriously overestimating how many women are interested in hooking up with them and seriously underestimating how many men are interested in hooking up with their wife.
These guys want their cake and eat it too. But his wife can’t have cake
You have to be 100% clear and open when you suggest an open marriage or polyamory of any kind. My partner and I are poly. They're straight, I'm bi. They made it very clear from the first time we talked about being polyamorous that they wouldn't want me to be with another guy and would prefer if we only added women to our group. I was cool with that (I've only been with guys, so I was excited to be able to fool around with girls). But the important thing was complete transparency.
Not gonna lie, I thought the yellow stuff was cheese before the other colors came along.
What a weird video to put with an annoying voiceover.
It is the wrong video for this? 100% Would I watch an hour of it? Most definitely.
It’s a common sort of video on tiktok. Crappy robot voiceover of Reddit posts for kinetic sand, cake decorating, generally oddly satisfying things
It's visual stimulus to keep you occupied cuz otherwise no one would stick around just for the shitty voiceover
There was a voiceover? I was too busy being distracted by the shitty attempt at captioning, where if you blink, you've missed a paragraph.
>seggs
what a weird world we live in
It was really bothering me as the different colors were never actually perfectly level. They were always like q 1 or 2 degrees off the plane of the horizon. I don't know why this was killing me.
I thought it was mango sticks
Yep, I thought I was watching someone make a smoothie
I was hoping it was cheese too.
I, too, thought it was cheese! It's that sand stuff, right? I've seen these kinetic sand products at craft stores but never actually used them.
Idk what it is but that in the combination with the dialogue is strange captivating Jfc is this what tiktok does
Don't worry I'm in the same boat
Big same, bud
The schadenfreude I get from these posts is delicious
"I wanted to bang my hot coworker so i convinced my wife to let me but now my wife is getting more booty than me. It isn't fair she's more attractive! Waawaa! The consequences of my own actions! Waaaa"
This and I saw a comment the other day talking about these types of men that said “for every 1 woman that wants to fuck you, there’s about 30 men that want your wife”
Ahhh yes, of course it's the woman's fault. One partner asking to open the marriage so they don't technically cheat, then suffering consequences they don't like is so popular, it has its own sub r/openmarriageregret
Theres also r/threesomeregret for the ones that fucked up their relationship that way. Basically, grass is not always greener. Dont assume that adding other people will solve any of your relationship problems!
My fiancé and I have been in an open relationship for 9 years now and there is soo much that can go wrong and I feel like it almost takes more work and communication than regular relationships as there are many ways in how you can hurt your partner and if that happens it's important to talk about it and work on it. We got to know a lot of couples that have been doing it for decades and are happy and others that just started and broke up within a few months of going open. People should really think carefully about doing it and need to make sure they are the type of person that can do it. And men should be aware that there are a lot more men than women open to hook up with stranger without attachement, so it's likely their partner will have more options
"This community has been banned This subreddit was banned due to being unmoderated. Banned 4 days ago."
That's the thing. It seems problematic to me to open up a relationship with the goal of solving a problem. I've been on two longer term relationships (one for 6 years, and the current one for 7 years), in which both of us have sex with other people, but both these relationships started out like that. We decided from the start we didn't want to be sexually exclusive.
A real leopards ate my face moment here.
The most annoying part is he keeps saying "seggs".
That may have been done by whoever used the OOP post to put over top of a kinetic sand video in order to avoid the censors on tiktok and/or Instagram/Facebook. These videos are so annoying because they’re stealing content from the actual OP’s and then flooding timelines with content that’s meant to split your concentration. Like are we really at a stage where reading a few paragraphs is too tedious and we need to turn on a pretty video so our brains don’t get bored? We’re training ourselves to be dopamine-addicted iPad kids with this plagiarized bullshit.
Is it a thing where he's worried about getting demonetized possibly?
Does TikTok monetize content stolen from reddit aita?
Probably? I sure see a lot of sites stealing content from AITA
Yeah it’s a big thing on tiktok. Podcasters read the posts aloud and discuss amongst themselves, or people make videos like this one with text on the screen and something going on in the background that’s like asmr for your eyes (kintetic sand, satisfying vids, Minecraft parkour, subway surfer, etc.) and sometimes have a robot voice read the text. Tiktok doesn’t gaf unless you include words that violate their terms of service, like anything sexual or violent. Ergo changing words to “seggs” or “unaliving”.
He thought he'd be drowning in 😺 and now that he realizes that he's not as desirable as he believed himself to be and his wife actually is he wants to close up shop again since she's getting more action than he ever got. You can't have it both ways.
I'm dealing with something similar. Not exactly the same but enough that it's bothersome.
Yes, you are the A hole. A big one indeed.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH That was great. Go girl!
Lol yeah. Unless you're already drowning in women, it's not a good idea to be in an open relationship if you're a dude. Congratulations, you played yourself, lol.
\*It's not a good idea to be in an open relationship.
For most people. But, I've seen it work. Firstly, the relationship should start as an open one. If you start monogamous and then open it up later, the doom clock starts ticking down. Nextly you both need to be drowning in tail. So when one of you has a date, the other makes a phone call to set up their own. You can't be sitting around alone while your partner is with someone else. Thirdly, and the most important tenet, besides communication, is never see someone else while you're having problems. Wait until you work out whatever it is you're mad about before going outside the relationship again. Most people are not built for this, sure. But, I've seen it work.
This is all good advice, not not necessarily true 100% of the time. >Firstly, the relationship should start as an open one. My wife and I didn't start as open, we opened up after maybe 6 years, which means we've now been open for about 8 years. >Nextly you both need to be drowning in tail. This is true for neither of us. Although admittedly, my wife has had an easier time of getting dates. This caused a little bit of tension early on, but is a complete non-issue now. Mostly because she isn't actively looking for new partners at the moment, but even if she was, it would be fine. >You can't be sitting around alone while your partner is with someone else. I love having the house to myself for the night! >Thirdly, and the most important tenet, besides communication, is never see someone else while you're having problems This is 100% true, 100% of the time. I realise our relationship might not be the norm for all open couples, but when absolute hard and fast rules are set out like this, I feel like it can convince newcomers to open relationships that they must do these things or else they are doomed. It might even put them off attempting it altogether. I've often felt like we are doing things wrong because of advice I've seen here, but after this much time doing it successfully, I've come to realise that everyone is different and has their set of guidelines for navigating openness.
This post is the most full circle thing I've ever seen lol. A reddit AITA, proccesed to the max with some shit in the background to keep you from swiping up, reposted on reddit The future
Gotta love the "yeah I want an open marriage....wait it's kinda hard to just go around and fuck other people. Wait my SO is getting attention? Now I'm jealous and they're being so selfish not wanting to close the marriage I opened. This is all their fault"
Play stupid games win stupid prizes
A TALE AS OLD AS TIME LMAO Seriously how does *every* man who suggests this not realize that they are not the desirable ones 😭
Why they gotta do Kinetic sand dirty like that??
I’m mostly irritated that they didn’t credit the kinetic sand video
As a man you'd better be Ricardo Esteban if you're suggesting an open relationship. She's going to have a much easier time at making you find out than you will her.
It’s always the way too. Man wants to open woman’s fine with it, man doesn’t get enough action but woman is so now mans mad.
This alway blows up in their face everytime and everytime I will always laugh! Sausage is abundant and of low value.
I’m in a non monogamous relationship. And guess what, overtime, things change. Do I think this guy is being jealous? Yes. Do I think that he’s projecting his insecurities? Yes. Do I think that this situation might change in the future? Absolutely. First, he’s got to talk to somebody qualified to help him navigate this. Second, if the couple isn’t doing regular check ins to make sure they are on the same page, they should be. If he convinces her to “close” their relationship and then he meets someone he’d like to entertain, he’s going to look like a real asshole. Even more than he does already.
A ton of people just into ENM without any of the relationship skills needed to make it work.
So ethical without the ethics? Agreed. lol
Yea, me and my fiance are polyamourous and when we started talking to someone we very often checked in with each other about how we were feeling about it all. I do think too trying to just open the relationship because you think your sex life is boring instead of just, ya know, talking to your wife about it is an awful idea. If they did talk and try different things than that's one thing, but just jumping right to opening the relationship is a bad idea to me. It seems with a lot of guys that do this they just want to sleep around but don't want their girlfriend/wife to and then get upset when they do and get more action than them. Its a weird thing.
A lot of my guy friends rather straight up cheat than be mature and let their girls go outside their relationship too. Blows up on them each and every time.
Well yea its different if a girl does it. She should be loyal always🙄 Like if you can't handle everyone being open in the relationship then don't open the relationship. If you want to sleep around then end it if you don't want her sleeping around too.
Yeah, my wife and I tried the poly stuff. I realized I actually wasn't into it, I definitely had jealousy and insecurity that I wasn't expecting. You have to talk about these types of things, communicate openly without blame, and most importantly... Don't post about it on Reddit instead of speaking to your spouse. There's nothing wrong with trying new things and changing your relationship dynamic, and there's nothing inherently wrong with trying something new and realizing it isn't for you. What is wrong is realizing you have jealousy issues, blaming your wife for them, then complaining about he her behind her back instead of having open and honest communication.
I feel like 90% of dudes who want an open relationship don’t actually want an open relationship, they just wanna sleep with other girls while their girlfriend only sleeps with them
So he just wanted to hook up with his co-worker
Rules for thee, not for me
Lmao i abosultey love it when men forget how gorgeous thier girl is and how many men really want her, then they fuck around and find out that theyre nit desired and thier girl is.
"After several conversations"... So after repeatedly nagging her to the point of breaking her down, she caved. I would have just thrown the whole man away.
I'm not even gonna argue. The only accurate response to this is: lol.
I really need to stop reading the comments on these. Everyone always laughs and enjoys these stories and thinks it’s awesome for the woman. But they never actually acknowledge the woman’s perspective, only the dude’s comeuppance. These dudes that want to sleep around but act like jealous a-holes…we’re only getting their side of the story. They aren’t going to tell you how they’re really treating their partners throughout all this. I can’t speak for all of the other side, but my perspective when this exact thing happened to me: First, the ultimatum. Either we open the relationship, or divorce. I should have taken the divorce, but I was entrenched in his control. He had thrown away all of my furniture and stuff to replace it with his and would take it all with him, and I had no money so I knew I’d be screwed if he left me. So even though I was hurt that I wasn’t enough, I decided to make the best of it. And I did. We set ground rules, and I followed them perfectly. But then he came home in a rage one day because someone accidentally insulted him so he left an obligation early, and I was with someone. (House wasn’t off-limits, by his request because he wanted to be able to kick me out of the house to have sex.) He didn’t actually come in the room, I just let him know I wasn’t alone, so he slammed the door and left. The other person left and I texted my husband to come home. He accused me of cheating on him even within the open relationship, because I had had sex a few times and he hadn’t gotten any. He wanted to re-close…*but now I owed him, to balance the scales.* So then I was coerced into threesomes I didn’t want to be in, to balance the scales. I would have far rather had him go have sex with other people ten times as often as I had instead of being threatened into a sexual situation I didn’t want to be in. I doubt this exact situation is what the wife goes through every time in these situations. But keep in mind that the common thread in these stories is that she’s stayed with a possessive jerk who wanted free rein to sleep around in these relationships. So it’s highly likely he’s guilting her and using this against her.
What are these things they put inside the glass?
Kinetic sand. It's a type of toy technically I think, but it's often used in asmr
This looks so soothing and satisfying. I didn't even listen to the video, watching the sand was just too mesmerising. Time to go order some!
Ohh okay thank you!
I thought it was Velveeta cheese at first, and was horrified.
Once you open Pandora’s box it’s too late to close it. What is the purpose of the video?
The story aside, how do I find more videos of that stuff. It looks very satisfying to watch it all just get smooshed.
r/oddlysatisfying
Same, apparently what we want is "kinetic sand" videos.
😂😂😂 Women will ALWAYS have a higher sexual market value than men. “The wall” is a myth.
This guy is an idiot.
Wtf is that background shit? Just cross link the post Censoring the word sex like we're puritanical Christians or some shit
Well well well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions 😂
I’ve been in a few open relationships, the only thing we typically would agree upon as cheating is lying about what’s going on. But I also have lower drive then many of the women I’ve dated, I’m good with once a week or every other week. Anything more then that isn’t as fun and I’m not always focused enough to make it fun for her either. I’m much happier cuddling and watching a movie most of the time. So if she’s chill with me snugglin it up with a friend while she gets laid then as far as I’m concerned that’s a W. This works especially well if we are already long distance and I couldn’t give what she want anyway. I’ve seen so many relationships that stayed together only because of the sex and were horrible in every other way. I refuse to be a part of that bs. Definitely the a— for forgetting what the dating life looks like for men and women and getting jealous over what you agreed to be a part of.
The ultimate fuck around and find out.
Sister can you just post the Reddit thread instead of a TTS TikTok video my god
She's not cheating on him. He asked for an open relationship & she agreed to his request.
Haha, what a moron. Hey buddy, enjoy the consequences!!!
LOL, just so he could shag that hot flirty girl from work. What a fuckup.
The thing that really bothers me about this is when he says she puts more effort into looking nice for these guys than she ever did/does for him. My husband lightly complains when I look nice to hang with my lady friends, and it's like, "well do you take me anywhere where I *can* dress up? No? Then stfu." Like, you can't be mad at me for something you're doing. I don't know where OOP is or isn't taking his wife, but if it's anywhere like where my husband takes me, it ain't nothing worth looking nice for. Moral of the story: if you want your partner to *look* nice, take them somewhere that *is* nice (and also make sure you look nice too).
this happened to a friend of mine. his boyfriend basically told him they were either gonna have an open relationship or they were going to break up (we hate his now ex boyfriend) so they ended up opening the relationship even though my friend really didn’t want that. well, my friend is a lot more pleasant and cool of a person than his boyfriend, so he had tons of people who wanted to sleep with him and multiple friends with benefits. the boyfriend had one or two one night stands and couldn’t find anyone else to sleep with him. the boyfriend eventually threw a fit and didn’t want to be in the open relationship he manipulated my friend into agreeing to :/
We have come full circle. A reddit post, then posted to tiktok and read out with an AI, then the tiktok gets reposted to reddit. Outstanding.
I will never get tired of this kind of content. I love when the open relationship backfired on the one who pushed it
Is this a reddit post being read by text to speech for a tiktok that was then reposted to Reddit
Dumbass.
The funny thing is, this happened to a friend of mine. *SHE* insisted she was poly all of a sudden and demanded to open their marriage. She had a boyfriend the DAY my friend agreed (because he's a pushover and loved her and they had a kid). While they were planning their 2nd wedding she insisted on. She tried to invite said boyfriend to *THEIR WEDDING* She ignored their kid even more than before. She only became unhappy when HE started dipping his toe in, then lost ot completely when boyfriend turned out to be a complete dickbag. Apparently she was the last to know 🙄🙄 They did divorce less than a year later and now she's neglectful and borderline abusing their kid. That she wants to take around her step-dad, who molested her and all her siblings when she was younger than her kid is now. Opening a marriage like this never works. It just enables shitty behavior from shitty people. If you're reading this Bree, fuck you. Your ex and your kid deserve better than your selfish bullshit
I was with him on the title. I’m glad he gave the context so early on tho so I could change sides early lol
I'm not watching an "AI voice reading reddit posts" video, least of all *on reddit.*
Couldn't focus on the words with the sand in the background. I thought it was cheese at first. Annoyingly relaxing
Does anyone remember when the site Ashley Madison was hacked and the user base was revealed? One member that came out of that was a Duggar? Not to go into that at all... What I want to say is that it was revealed about 98 percent of membership was male, and there were allegations that the 2 percent women were either paid employees who did not actually meet up with anyone, or were fake (bot or something.) Or they were professionals (sex workers.) Very very few actual married women joined it looking to cheat. I do not think there is much payoff for casual sex for women -- not as a habit anyway. We are not even guaranteed an O, especially if it's a stranger just looking to use someone/get off/pump and dump.
Ngl, my fat ass thought that was cheese at first
Pfffffttt lmaooo serves ya right. Ya made ya bed...now shuddup and lay there 😂😂
LOL aaaand another man that overstated his value 😂😂😂😂😂 she deserves better than you bro
How many iterations?
An open relationship is like the biggest red flag ive heard when i became more commited in relations.
Whenever I hear stories like that, I can‘t stop grinning like an idiot cuz YES GIRL go on these dates!!😂❤️
My little rant: It’s so annoying how sad people, in sad little relationships love to use other humans to get over whatever is happening, as if they’re playthings and mean nothing. People like him constantly muddy up the dating market with this silly little bullshit. They also are never upfront with whatever situationship they placed their stupid selves in and lie to make themselves feel better.
This reminds of the one boat cartoon on Netflix. The guy coaxes his wife to swinging. He can’t get up and then finds her in a gangbang and gets mad. Like… you suggested it my dude …. Women typically have standards lol
Thank god for the comments because I couldn’t focus on anything but how glorious that visual ASMR was for me.
Does this qualify for cross posting in r/LeopardsAteMyFace ?
I didn’t have an open relationship with my ex but he treated me like shit and afterwards when I went out single and I dressed nicely he started getting insanely jealous. My mother makes the comment that he forgot how beautiful I was and shit like that. POV, it truly hurts. It’s not fun and games for us. We think about how they are while we’re with others because we love them so much. But they couldn’t see what others see and take what they have for granted so when someone comes along and sees it they get offended. This isn’t just for girls either, there’s guys I know that have faced this.
"Open" doesn't just mean opening the relationship to other people. It describes everything about the relationship, but most importantly, communication. A bad example is the above story. A good example would be something like this- Guy is unhappy with his sex life and decides that opening the relationship might be the spice he needs. The conversation with his wife would go like this: "Honey, I'm dissatisfied with how things are in the bedroom, and I was thinking that allowing both of us to explore with other people new likes and fetishes. I don't know if I want it to be permanent or just a one-off, but I'd like to hear your thoughts." Then, his wife gets a chance to rebutt or discuss her own concerns/fears/desires etc. Through discussion and compromise, a decision is reached to open the relationship for 1 month and then come back and discuss again. During that time, Guy hooks up with his coworker and things are great for a few days until she decides she wants something more permanent/serious/monogamous/whatever so he moves on to dating apps where things go *very* poorly and he gets dissatisfied with his opportunities while his wife is dressing up and going on dates two or three times a week and occasionally stays out all night. At the end of the trial month, they come back together, and the wife is delighted with the arrangement. But Guy isn't as cheerful. He admits things haven't gone the way he'd hoped and was wondering if closing the relationship would be the best option. Wife offers solutions - going over his profile together to make it more appealing to women, taking photos that show off his attractive points, reminding him that sometimes things take time, and while she might not be picky with admirers, that doesn't make this a competition and he's well within his rights to only date people he clicks with, even in an open relationship. --end scenario-- Obviously, the above is polished and shined to be the absolute, 100% perfect way to do something like this, and that doesn't really exist. But the point is that both parties take each other's feelings at face value and are willing to take chances and make compromises in an effort to see each other happy. Like all things in life, monogamy to polyamory is a spectrum. Some people are happy being another's one-and-only. Other people need 2 lovers to charge their batteries without overwhelming the other parties. And still others like to swing and swap partners for fun. And on and on it goes. Exploring that spectrum isn't inherently bad, but it is dangerous. Pushing boundaries can lead two otherwise compatible people to realize that this new thing makes them uncompatible in the long run, and that's obviously scary. But being open, honest, and understanding can, and will, smooth over a lot of those uncertainties, even if it doesn't eliminate them.
r/openmarriageregret
"It's not working in my favor so we're no longer in a open relationship"
"She didn't make that much effort in her appearance when it was just me." I WONDER FUCKING WHY
Yeah that’s definitely an issue with polyamorous relationships.
She puts effort into her appearance for other men because you clearly never stepped tf up like those men. They make her feel alive and you’re dead weight. Women aren’t going to look good for dead weight 🤷🏻♀️
Broke straights problems.
Womp womp. Should've done marriage counseling instead
It wasn't cheating when you did it, but it is cheating when she does it? Nah, man. That's not how this works. Also, these men are giving her the attention she begged you for when you wouldn't give it. Obviously, she won't dress up for you. You never made her feel like she needed to. These other men have. Like this man is damn dense.
Open relationships lol fuck those
Rules for thee, but not for me.
Lol seggs
Amateurs. Gotta do it like I did it. Be open with a bisexual man. Dick is abundant and low value.
Is this have Americans read now - one word at a time?
[удалено]
This has been irritating me for ages! Who tf decided to show one word at a time in these videos?? I watch everything on mute and now I'm almost panic reading cuz if I blink too long I miss a few words and have no idea what's happening. 😭😭 I've not found a forum to complain about it yet so thanks for pointing it out!
I thought Reddit wasn’t only Americans?