In case this story gets deleted/removed:
My fiancée Allie(31f) is the type of person that calls people 2 or 3 times in a row when she wants to get ahold of them for anything. The first time she did this to my parents we were driving to a concert and I asked her to call my folks from my phone. She called, they didn't pick up. She started calling my mom again right away and I asked what she was doing. My mom picked up right away worried. Allie asked our question, I told mom false alarm, hung up. She asked why my mom had been irritated and I explained to her in my family, we only call twice in a row if it's an emergency.
Allie has never followed this and will always call them repeatedly for the most mundane stuff. If one doesn't answer she'll sometimes call my other parent.
All that to say a couple of weeks ago she broke her leg while working around the house. I was in a workshop for work that day and could only check my phone on breaks. She called my parents since they live a couple streets over but neither answered their phones. She wound up having to call an ambulance. I got her message about 2 hours after she fell and went to the hospital. She was pretty mad at my parents when I got there. I let then know what happened and they also rushed to the hospital to apologize and check on her. She didn't want them coming in so they sat outside for a bit, got her flowers from the gift shop and eventually went home.
I took some time off work to take care of her and my parents have been offering help as they could. Her sister drove in to help so I could go back to work. Last night I decided to make a nicer dinner than usual and wanted to invite my parents. I gave her a heads up I was inviting them and asked if she wanted me to rearrange some of the chairs and table so we can all eat together.
She got mad I wanted to invite them and is of the mind I shouldn't be wanting to see/speak with them after they ignored her. Her sister agrees with her and feels I'm putting my parents over my soon to be wife. Up until this point I haven't said anything to her about the situation but I did then and told her it was a massive fuck-up in communication on everyone's part and time we all talk it out to put behind us. Neither she nor her sister think she should stop being mad at them. Was I an asshole to invite my parents over?
Asked info: My parents were sitting outside for their quiet time when she called. It's not unusual for them to not answer calls/texts and wait to return them later when they do that. I myself had to do the two calls routine so they knew it was urgent.
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Yes, I also went through the effort of customising per person. Now, it's rarely off mute. Not always ideal but I get so much spam even on the do not call register
Actually, I’m just reaching out because we will be in your area tomorrow to install solar panels for your neighbor and wanted to find out when a good time was to stop over for your free consultation.
I got a letter about this in the mail, but it's actually real and my partner almost threw it away lol. They thought it was a scam and I was like "no I actually did forget to enroll, I need that"
I like to call. But if they miss my call I always let them know not to worry and i just wanted to check in.
I saw in the comments that she also did not text them to say what was going on.
I have the call "thrice back to back and it's an emergency" rule with my parents. I only have had to use it twice. Once when I locked my keys in my car and I was stuck an hour and a half drive from home. The other was when I was in a car accident.
Thrice?
For our family, back to back calls mean it's important or an emergency when the second call comes in.
Two calls = drop whatever you're doing and pick up the damned phone!
Likewise with my family. I figured this was pretty much standard since it even appears as an option to get through "Do No Disturb" on Android (calling twice within 15 min).
For my parents, their phones aren't great. I will call and it will go straight to voicemail even though their phone is on and if I try again, it's fine. Or sometimes it picks up be we can't hear each other. It's only their calls so I know it's not my phone. So we have the thrice rule to eliminate false alarms from crappy phones being crappy.
Having that be a thing with certain people, I feel, is totally fine!
But as a general practice?
Good way for me to just block your calls outright and only allow you to text me.
My house. My rules. 😊
I also have to do this with my parents phones (and often have to call the other parent or a sibling who might be around the parent I want to talk to) and one of my brothers does it to me as well as his phone is playing up currently.
Heck my Dad ended up in hospital and I only found out because a sibling I’m mostly estranged with (hadn’t spoken to in over a year) called to let me know (and they only knew because they were on the phone with another sibling when it was decided Dad was going to hospital). There was a whole group message (that estranged sibling wasn’t part of) though to update everyone that I hadn’t seen since my phone was on DND (although either of my parents calls would have come through).
However in my family multiple phone calls with voicemails left across multiple peoples phones equals an emergency, even though everyone calls or messages back whoever tried calling them when they see the missed call
Thrice is a pretty good idea if someone in the family has ADHD (or something similar)
I have sometimes double called because my brain was hyper focused on the thing I was calling for, and such didn't think what that could look like for the person on the receiving end. It's *significantly* more difficult to *triple* call someone on accident (even if only because my brain has finally caught up to what it's doing)
See, I need to set that policy with my boss. I WFH and he thinks stalk calling is appropriate because everything to him is an emergency.
Dude, call once then text me. I will call you back, I promise. Geez.
I'm old and cranky enough to remember when I didn't have an electronic leash that anyone could tug on at any time. I don't answer the phone when I'm in the middle of something and I don't always answer texts right away. I'll glance at what someone wants, then decide if I feel like having that conversation right then. Multiple calls really is a cause for worry, and I would be really annoyed at OOP's wife, too. I would likely ignore her calls on principle.
The girl that cried wolf.
He told her that in his family if you call twice it is an emergency. She wouldn't listen and now she is upset that his parents didn't respond to her calls.
And who expects a person to be on their phone 24/7. It is normal and healthy to sometimes have a moment to just be.
You read my mind.
Reading this, the very first thought was "She's cried wolf far too many times."
What kind of psycho makes repeated calls when it's not important or an emergency??
This chick needs to learn to text.
Besides, people miss calls! My best friend died and I missed saying goodbye on a call from the hospital because I was walking my dogs. What if his parents had been busy? Turned their ringer off? Put their phone somewhere and now can’t find it. Things happen, it always to OOP’s girlfriend.
(It sucked, but she was really gone by then and I don’t think she would have heard me. She was a bit deaf for one thing.)
I don't get it either.
I think she thinks the world evolves around her. She has a total disregard for other peoples time.
And now she has the deal with the consequences from her actions.
That's the thing. Ignoring everything else. She called, they didn't notice. Yeah that sucks but that's the problem with emergencies they happen unexpectedly and don't conform to anyone routine.
The parent could be napping, fucking, passed out drunk, making pancake in the kitchen, ...
Of course she trained people to ignore her, that's on her. The rest is bad luck.
OP’s fiancé sounds incredibly impatient and like she wants everyone in call for her. I’ve had people like that before and told them to either reserve double calls for emergencies or they will be blocked entirely. No negotiating with spammers.
My thoughts exactly! My kids know loss of blood, car accident and fire are emergencies. Their need for school supplies tomorrow is not.
P. S. She's going to lose her mind when someday someone tells her the Sun is the center of our solar system - not her.
If you read into the comments, OP also admits that GF has them visiting her parents every weekend along with giving them keys to come and go as they please.
Coupled with the constant phone calls and monitoring BS, classic abusive controlling behavior. She's trying to drive the wedge between his family to isolate him. Small wonder her sister is backing her play.
Dude needs to run ASAP
Its insane to think people like this will try to argue they are still right. Also the sister for enabling the behavior.
If this were me, I also would not have picked up the phone if the person who calls is known to call multiple times for mundane stuff.
Honestly, the sister sounds like just as much of a princess for enabling and condoning the behavior.
Definitely main character syndrome in that family.
Been married for 16 years and I can't imagine living with a wife who acted anything at all like this dude's wife.
You hear it a lot when people behave the way like his fiance does that the whole family behaves the same.
She and her sister are definitely raised to be insufferble people.
I have a sister who called me at 3am. When I asked her if it was an emergency (because she has a tendency to expect everyone to drop everything for her, including work or sleep), she said yes. So I stayed on the phone. She proceeds to talk about a guy FOR 6 HOURS. She only hung up because my battery was dying. I'm like, this is an emergency? "Well, then I'd feel bad."
I'll be stealing "drama llama."
I've never heard these words together like this and I love it!
My wife's spirit animal is a llama. But she's the least dramatic person I've ever met.
Oh... The poison for Kuzco. Kuzco's poison.
That poison?
Yes, Kronk, THAT poison!
Such a stellar movie! Kronk is my favorite cartoon character of all time.
There's no indication of abuse or anything here. People are, by and large, responsible for their choices. It's part of the whole "oh no consequences" concept we're in this sub to enjoy.
When I was a kid and wanted to call a friend or cousin, I’d spam call until someone picked up. That is until my parents found out and yelled at me lol. Why has no one ever told this woman to not repeatedly call unless it’s an emergency? Why does she have no patience?
I assume the only reason she did this is that when she was with her family, that was how she reliably got people's attention. Since she was rewarded for it, she never stopped it.
My Dad used to do this "call 3 fucking times in a row if you don't answer your phone" bullshit, but he also did the "You picked up your phone to tell me you'd call me back. Clearly you can have a half hour conversation about nothing important with shaving cream on half your face" bullshit. I can confirm it was VERY tiring and ended up being a driving factor in why I decided to go no contact with him.
The worst was one time I was delivering flyers in light rain as a young teenager. It was also the days of early Android phones (like 2.3) where any time a call came it, it paused whatever podcast you were listening to and took up the full screen with the "incoming call" message no matter what you were doing. My Dad somehow through to call me like 15 times in a row and my hands were full with fliers I was trying to keep dry and I ended up listening to my ring tone for 10ish minutes.
My MIL will do the multiple call thing for all kinds of stuff. Honestly I don’t answer her calls unless she texts first. Allie is a massive AH for not following the family rule of only calling twice in an emergency and now that there was an emergency they ignored her BS. Serves her right. She is an even bigger AH for making an issue out of this. If she wants to be mad she should look in the mirror. I think all kids have read about the Boy Who Cried Wolf, it isn’t hard to make the connection. Maybe Allie should reread the story.
She isn't even a DIL yet...can you imagine once he's actually married this behavior will probably worsen until she makes him NC with his parents over some petty stuff
I hate people like this. Its completely selfish to call somebody on repeat never caring about what the other person might have going on on their end as to why they were not available for a call. So selfish!!!
She cried wolf and is mad about it.
My family is the same way: more than one call in a row is an emergency. If I started calling people 2 or 3 times in a row everytime I called them, they would never know if it was an emergency and at some point they would stop answering altogether, because frankly that is annoying.
What kinda psycho calls the same person or persons repeatedly if they don't answer the first time?
Repeat calls are for emergencies only.
If you call me and I don't answer, it's for a good reason. The caller should respect that.
Maybe a text. Voicemail as a last resort.
I'm 43.
Millennials and Gen Z are even more anti-actually-talking on the phone.
I actually used to actually tell people to call me twice in the pre smartphone era. Usually I got to wherever I left my phone right as it cut off so calling again meant that I was right there to answer and saved them the trouble of leaving a message that was going to be pointless.
Nowadays not only does everyone text and my phone is usually near me unless it’s charging, but I have other ways of answering the phone.
>What kinda psycho calls the same person or persons repeatedly if they don't answer the first time?
My boss, for one (I WFH). It's annoying as hell. Can't tell you how many times I've told him that calling me 2-3 times in a row isn't going to get me off the toilet any faster. Call once, then text. Or leave a message. I'll call back.
And it's never nearly as much of an emergency as he thinks it is.
Like I said, "psycho."
My boss does it the way I like it and only ever texts me.
The one time he's ever called me on the phone was a genuine emergency that needed my attention specifically.
I've only been at this particular job for about 10 months, but I freaking love my job and what I do for a living.
My boss is also the chillest boss I've ever had, and just seems like a genuinely good guy.
Yes, psycho is exactly the right word. Funny thing is, he's real cool and I love him, until he gets into psycho-mode.
Then, after he's driven me crazy, he's all "Why are you yelling at me?"
My wife's sister used to do this - she didn't believe in boundaries and whatever she had going on was obviously the most important thing in the universe ... eventually for my wife the only answer was total NC.
With us, if the phone rings you pick it up - because unless it is an emergency we'll text first.
Generally this is a good rule but I do sometimes call my husband if it's just an urgent question - not an emergency. Say I'm standing in the store and they're out of what he wanted and I want to know what alternate, if any, he'd like. But I'd never double call for that sort of question. I just also know if I send a text I could be standing there for hours before he checks his messages. If he doesn't answer he just doesn't get the item and I can go back later in the week if I have time.
Texts: reply whenever.
Calls: please answer or it might fuck up my day
Repeated calls: SOS EMERGENCY
I didn’t think these people existed but my husband’s sister does this. If you don’t answer her first call, she’ll call back to back until you answer. She’ll even recruit other family members to call and ask why you aren’t answering and that sister was trying to get a hold of us. That’s not even the most annoying part; she’s one of those people that starts a conversation with “hey” and will say NOTHING else until you respond. You will get 4 messages in a row that say
“Hey”…”hey”….“hey” or you’ll finally get around to answering her 15 missed calls because it must be important right? “Hello?” “Hey……..”
Nah, wanting to avoid calls sometimes has always been a thing. Way back in the Before Times we used to take the phone off the hook and then smother the receiver with a pillow so we didn't have to listen to the open-line squawk when we didn't want to answer calls or have the phone ringing for awhile.
My family has the same rule of multiple calls is an emergency. Usually we don't even let the calls get to voicemail before we hang up to avoid actual conversation. On that second call, there is a very likely chance there is an injury or death. My heart sinks, and my anxiety explodes when I hear it.
My MIL is somewhat like this, but it's mostly with texts, and for mostly mundane stuff. She'll text my husband first, and knowing how bad he is about checking his messages or replying to them, she'll follow up with a text to me. And then another with "did you get my message?" It sounds rather mellow the way I describe it and I admit she's gotten better about it, but she was a lot like OOP's wife a few years ago, and to her, everything was an emergency (when it wasn't).
Edit: She doesn't usually call me because I'm partially deaf and she knows I don't always hear my phone ring.
Honestly sounds like an exhausting situation, especially since the fiancee has been told multiple times that calling more than once is deemed an emergency in the family. So it's essentially like the boy who cried wolf and when there's an actual wolf... You know...
OOP really seems to be the adult in the situation as well as the parents. The fact that she's still salty over something that they should talk about, especially in your 30s, proves how childish she is.
This one annoyed me because she's so fanatical and psycho about it that she will actually start calling people to find him if he doesn't answer her phone call! Like there is no option for time away from this girl! And the parents quit answering her calls because She's always using their emergency call signal when it's not an emergency.
Basically the boy that cried wolf. He sort of seemed like he was getting it that this is not sustainable because everything can't always be an emergency even when it's not... Like she admits it's not an emergency but she uses their emergency phone signal which is call twice in a row. But she won't text. They would have seen a text sooner.
You've already seen what a drama queen she is by repeat calling folks over minor matters. And it looks like at least one family members backs her behavior. She fails to accept that such behavior is why she was ignored during a **real** emergency. Are you **sure** you want to marry her without some couple's therapy and seeing changes in her behavior before taking that next step?
I'll be the first to admit I'm an asshole. I'm intolerant and menopausal and I give zero fucks. Fight me. His girlfriend sounds deranged and needy. Bitch, you're lucky if anyone cares about your broken leg. His parents are nice enough to come see her at the hospital when she's already shown she's crazy. They come from two different worlds. He comes from Earth and she comes from a 4th dimension in a Tool album somewhere.
She’s the asshole. She’s literally the boy who cried wolf.
We have the same rule in my family. My youngest sister always broke that rule because if SHE wanted to talk right now, fuck your plans. She would get so upset when she would get a telling off and hung up on for using the emergency system just because she was bored.
The girlfriend did this to herself. Normally I would be on her side but she had the rules explained and she ignored them because they couldn’t possibly apply to *her*!
So the parents adjusted their behavior accordingly and ignored her calls because SHE has created a pattern of back to back calls for no reason.
NTA-and I wonder how else she steam rolls everyone else’s boundaries but expects everyone to do what she wants.
I'm gonna play devil's advocate for a hot second.
Calling multiple times in a row for mundane reasons after being asked not to is annoying and inconsiderate, but it's also *weird as hell* enough to give me pause and consider whether there's a reason for it.
It could be as simple as someone she was close to not answering the phone because they were incapacitated and she's been (consciously or unconsciously) holding onto misplaced guilt about not trying harder to reach them.
Unless I missed it, there's no mention of her own parents in the post or comments. If they passed, especially if it was unexpected, her brain could easily go to the worst case scenario for why they aren't answering.
I'm not saying this to excuse her behavior or anything; in most cases no one should be expected to drop everything and answer the phone and his parents did nothing wrong here. I'm just also wondering if OOP ever had an actual conversation with her about it that went beyond telling her not to, because it's really not normal.
Okay I'm ready for my downvotes 😅
I’m with you. The repeated phone calls are annoying but like, it’s ultimately not harmful if it’s an isolated behavior. I also get anxiety when people don’t answer my calls (or if someone calls me tbf).
Sorry, Allie sounds exhausting. Blowing up their phones randomly and repeatedly for mundane crap gets old, and especially if if ends up wasting their time
If it was an actual emergency, she could have TEXTED that. Parents aren't mind readers and likely thought she was bugging them at quiet time as usual
The fiancee is a major AH for causing the crying wolf scenario
Are you sure you want to marry someone who is ALREADY setting up an "us vs them" towards your parents over something that was absolutely her fault?
I would be reassessing, honestly.
I would very, very quickly stop taking any calls unless I was in the mood to talk to her.. And would bitch at her every single time she called repeatedly for mundane things. 2 calls in a row is an emergency.
Run while you can. She is obviously the center of the universe, and all will have to bend to her or face the wrath. You're going to end up in situations that is going to peg her against others you care about because she will feel slighted every time something does not go exactly the way she wants it to.
Should just set up a new line for emergencies. Like you can set up programs like Google Voice to work on multiple phones, when people call that number, it'll pop up through the Google Voice app, not the phone app, on all the phones signed into that account.
Or maybe they should establish like, the first call has to be hung up quickly after the first ring, not let to ring out.
I mean, she's being a little unreasonable but this could've been avoided by not having an emergency protocol that most of the general public would activate out of default behavior. 🤷♂️
If I'm looking for someone, I'll call their house and then cell. If it's important, I text or leave a message.
Reverse is true for me. Call, then text, then leave a voicemail (I absolutely HATE checking my voicemail for no good reason). If you call twice, it's an emergency.
I had a prepaid cell, and a number I didn't recognize called 3x in a row. MUST BE an emergency!!! I answered and it was a sales call. Only time the PTA saw polite and quiet me completely lose my shit on someone.
If I get a call from someone I care about then I answer it despite not liking phone calls 🤷♂️ if I don't answer your call, it's because I don't care enough about you to be bothered to pick up the phone.
Op is the asshole. He establishes that his parents never answer the phone unless someone calls twice, but also they're SOOOOOO overburdened they need "quiet time" where they ignore calls until they feel like responding? He'll with them.
YTA . I would say you're the asshole, who the fuck doesn't answer their phone? If you have a phone you should fucking answer it I understand that there's telemarketers but god damn it. Just answer your fucking phone wait for them to spit their spiel and then fucking hang up on them. The amount of times where I've had an emergency and people wouldn't answer their fucking phone because oh look I'll just ignore it I can count them on both fucking hands and those people don't fucking talk to anymore because they can't be trusted
Did you read it at all? Stupid girl cries wolf and wonders why they don't respond in a real emergency. You don't have answer ever call. That what calling back is for.
"Answer every call"?
What do you believe people ought to do when sleeping, showering, emptying cat litter, getting it on, on a date in a restaurant, busy working at work, on a plane, crying over something you're going through, DRIVING, exercising, bicycling, jogging, at the movies, checking out at a register, washing your car, cooking, comforting someone who's crying, gardening, swimming...?
In case this story gets deleted/removed: My fiancée Allie(31f) is the type of person that calls people 2 or 3 times in a row when she wants to get ahold of them for anything. The first time she did this to my parents we were driving to a concert and I asked her to call my folks from my phone. She called, they didn't pick up. She started calling my mom again right away and I asked what she was doing. My mom picked up right away worried. Allie asked our question, I told mom false alarm, hung up. She asked why my mom had been irritated and I explained to her in my family, we only call twice in a row if it's an emergency. Allie has never followed this and will always call them repeatedly for the most mundane stuff. If one doesn't answer she'll sometimes call my other parent. All that to say a couple of weeks ago she broke her leg while working around the house. I was in a workshop for work that day and could only check my phone on breaks. She called my parents since they live a couple streets over but neither answered their phones. She wound up having to call an ambulance. I got her message about 2 hours after she fell and went to the hospital. She was pretty mad at my parents when I got there. I let then know what happened and they also rushed to the hospital to apologize and check on her. She didn't want them coming in so they sat outside for a bit, got her flowers from the gift shop and eventually went home. I took some time off work to take care of her and my parents have been offering help as they could. Her sister drove in to help so I could go back to work. Last night I decided to make a nicer dinner than usual and wanted to invite my parents. I gave her a heads up I was inviting them and asked if she wanted me to rearrange some of the chairs and table so we can all eat together. She got mad I wanted to invite them and is of the mind I shouldn't be wanting to see/speak with them after they ignored her. Her sister agrees with her and feels I'm putting my parents over my soon to be wife. Up until this point I haven't said anything to her about the situation but I did then and told her it was a massive fuck-up in communication on everyone's part and time we all talk it out to put behind us. Neither she nor her sister think she should stop being mad at them. Was I an asshole to invite my parents over? Asked info: My parents were sitting outside for their quiet time when she called. It's not unusual for them to not answer calls/texts and wait to return them later when they do that. I myself had to do the two calls routine so they knew it was urgent. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah this is why I text! If I call people usually think something’s wrong!
Wife and I are in our 40s. A few months ago, her phone range. She was startled and asked me "what's that noise?"
Remember when we paid real money for music to be our ringtones
I remember the crazy frog ringtone🙈😂
Oh my god I HATED that ringtone! And the commercials! THE ENDLESS REPEATING COMMERCIALS WITH THAT STUPID FROG!
I did. I paid for Hans Zimmer’s Interstellar theme for my phone.
Yes, I also went through the effort of customising per person. Now, it's rarely off mute. Not always ideal but I get so much spam even on the do not call register
It’s an emergency. The warranty on her vehicle is about to expire.
That IS an emergency
Actually, I’m just reaching out because we will be in your area tomorrow to install solar panels for your neighbor and wanted to find out when a good time was to stop over for your free consultation.
I got a letter about this in the mail, but it's actually real and my partner almost threw it away lol. They thought it was a scam and I was like "no I actually did forget to enroll, I need that"
Must be nice not getting 40 spam calls every day
I like to call. But if they miss my call I always let them know not to worry and i just wanted to check in. I saw in the comments that she also did not text them to say what was going on.
I have the call "thrice back to back and it's an emergency" rule with my parents. I only have had to use it twice. Once when I locked my keys in my car and I was stuck an hour and a half drive from home. The other was when I was in a car accident.
Thrice? For our family, back to back calls mean it's important or an emergency when the second call comes in. Two calls = drop whatever you're doing and pick up the damned phone!
Likewise with my family. I figured this was pretty much standard since it even appears as an option to get through "Do No Disturb" on Android (calling twice within 15 min).
Exactly! Android blocking rules are the standard we should all live by.
For my parents, their phones aren't great. I will call and it will go straight to voicemail even though their phone is on and if I try again, it's fine. Or sometimes it picks up be we can't hear each other. It's only their calls so I know it's not my phone. So we have the thrice rule to eliminate false alarms from crappy phones being crappy.
Having that be a thing with certain people, I feel, is totally fine! But as a general practice? Good way for me to just block your calls outright and only allow you to text me. My house. My rules. 😊
I also have to do this with my parents phones (and often have to call the other parent or a sibling who might be around the parent I want to talk to) and one of my brothers does it to me as well as his phone is playing up currently. Heck my Dad ended up in hospital and I only found out because a sibling I’m mostly estranged with (hadn’t spoken to in over a year) called to let me know (and they only knew because they were on the phone with another sibling when it was decided Dad was going to hospital). There was a whole group message (that estranged sibling wasn’t part of) though to update everyone that I hadn’t seen since my phone was on DND (although either of my parents calls would have come through). However in my family multiple phone calls with voicemails left across multiple peoples phones equals an emergency, even though everyone calls or messages back whoever tried calling them when they see the missed call
Thrice is a pretty good idea if someone in the family has ADHD (or something similar) I have sometimes double called because my brain was hyper focused on the thing I was calling for, and such didn't think what that could look like for the person on the receiving end. It's *significantly* more difficult to *triple* call someone on accident (even if only because my brain has finally caught up to what it's doing)
Many of us live in am area with spotty cell.service, back.to back might just be drops. Three in a row? Emergency.
Totally understandable in certain situations like yours. To each their own and whatever works for them.
The problem with back to back emergency rules in my family is no one ever picks up their phone regardless so😅
See, I need to set that policy with my boss. I WFH and he thinks stalk calling is appropriate because everything to him is an emergency. Dude, call once then text me. I will call you back, I promise. Geez.
A call is just a loud notification to check your texts. Let’s be honest.
I'm old and cranky enough to remember when I didn't have an electronic leash that anyone could tug on at any time. I don't answer the phone when I'm in the middle of something and I don't always answer texts right away. I'll glance at what someone wants, then decide if I feel like having that conversation right then. Multiple calls really is a cause for worry, and I would be really annoyed at OOP's wife, too. I would likely ignore her calls on principle.
The girl that cried wolf. He told her that in his family if you call twice it is an emergency. She wouldn't listen and now she is upset that his parents didn't respond to her calls. And who expects a person to be on their phone 24/7. It is normal and healthy to sometimes have a moment to just be.
You read my mind. Reading this, the very first thought was "She's cried wolf far too many times." What kind of psycho makes repeated calls when it's not important or an emergency?? This chick needs to learn to text.
Besides, people miss calls! My best friend died and I missed saying goodbye on a call from the hospital because I was walking my dogs. What if his parents had been busy? Turned their ringer off? Put their phone somewhere and now can’t find it. Things happen, it always to OOP’s girlfriend. (It sucked, but she was really gone by then and I don’t think she would have heard me. She was a bit deaf for one thing.)
I don't get it either. I think she thinks the world evolves around her. She has a total disregard for other peoples time. And now she has the deal with the consequences from her actions.
>I think she thinks the world evolves around her. (revolves)
That's the thing. Ignoring everything else. She called, they didn't notice. Yeah that sucks but that's the problem with emergencies they happen unexpectedly and don't conform to anyone routine. The parent could be napping, fucking, passed out drunk, making pancake in the kitchen, ... Of course she trained people to ignore her, that's on her. The rest is bad luck.
OP’s fiancé sounds incredibly impatient and like she wants everyone in call for her. I’ve had people like that before and told them to either reserve double calls for emergencies or they will be blocked entirely. No negotiating with spammers.
Haaaa I literally commented in the original post that she should revisit The Boy Who Cried Wolf story because yike.
My thoughts exactly! My kids know loss of blood, car accident and fire are emergencies. Their need for school supplies tomorrow is not. P. S. She's going to lose her mind when someday someone tells her the Sun is the center of our solar system - not her.
If you read into the comments, OP also admits that GF has them visiting her parents every weekend along with giving them keys to come and go as they please. Coupled with the constant phone calls and monitoring BS, classic abusive controlling behavior. She's trying to drive the wedge between his family to isolate him. Small wonder her sister is backing her play. Dude needs to run ASAP
Yup, this exactly.
Its insane to think people like this will try to argue they are still right. Also the sister for enabling the behavior. If this were me, I also would not have picked up the phone if the person who calls is known to call multiple times for mundane stuff.
To me this behaviour screams main character syndrome. Everything evolves around her. Those people are exhausting.
Honestly, the sister sounds like just as much of a princess for enabling and condoning the behavior. Definitely main character syndrome in that family. Been married for 16 years and I can't imagine living with a wife who acted anything at all like this dude's wife.
You hear it a lot when people behave the way like his fiance does that the whole family behaves the same. She and her sister are definitely raised to be insufferble people.
I have a sister who called me at 3am. When I asked her if it was an emergency (because she has a tendency to expect everyone to drop everything for her, including work or sleep), she said yes. So I stayed on the phone. She proceeds to talk about a guy FOR 6 HOURS. She only hung up because my battery was dying. I'm like, this is an emergency? "Well, then I'd feel bad."
Honestly, after reading this, I feel bad for OP. It seems like his wife-to-be is exhausting.
I've got limited sympathy for him. He knows what she's like and chooses to be with her anyway.
Good point. He knows she is a drama llama.
I'll be stealing "drama llama." I've never heard these words together like this and I love it! My wife's spirit animal is a llama. But she's the least dramatic person I've ever met.
Whenever I see the word llama, I have to say, "Yay! I'm a llama again." They're cool animals, with an excellent groove.
Oh... The poison for Kuzco. Kuzco's poison. That poison? Yes, Kronk, THAT poison! Such a stellar movie! Kronk is my favorite cartoon character of all time.
You know, in my defense, your poisons all look alike. You might consider relabeling some of them.
I can hear your post. 😂
Disney actually released a cookbook that has a recipe for Kronk's spinach puffs. They are BOMB, and not difficult to make.
Love that!
That's just victim blaming, people stay in shitty relationships for all sorts of reasons and you don't know anything about this guy.
There's no indication of abuse or anything here. People are, by and large, responsible for their choices. It's part of the whole "oh no consequences" concept we're in this sub to enjoy.
When I was a kid and wanted to call a friend or cousin, I’d spam call until someone picked up. That is until my parents found out and yelled at me lol. Why has no one ever told this woman to not repeatedly call unless it’s an emergency? Why does she have no patience?
I assume the only reason she did this is that when she was with her family, that was how she reliably got people's attention. Since she was rewarded for it, she never stopped it.
My Dad used to do this "call 3 fucking times in a row if you don't answer your phone" bullshit, but he also did the "You picked up your phone to tell me you'd call me back. Clearly you can have a half hour conversation about nothing important with shaving cream on half your face" bullshit. I can confirm it was VERY tiring and ended up being a driving factor in why I decided to go no contact with him. The worst was one time I was delivering flyers in light rain as a young teenager. It was also the days of early Android phones (like 2.3) where any time a call came it, it paused whatever podcast you were listening to and took up the full screen with the "incoming call" message no matter what you were doing. My Dad somehow through to call me like 15 times in a row and my hands were full with fliers I was trying to keep dry and I ended up listening to my ring tone for 10ish minutes.
My MIL will do the multiple call thing for all kinds of stuff. Honestly I don’t answer her calls unless she texts first. Allie is a massive AH for not following the family rule of only calling twice in an emergency and now that there was an emergency they ignored her BS. Serves her right. She is an even bigger AH for making an issue out of this. If she wants to be mad she should look in the mirror. I think all kids have read about the Boy Who Cried Wolf, it isn’t hard to make the connection. Maybe Allie should reread the story.
The poor parents must be exhausted with such an annoying DIL...
She isn't even a DIL yet...can you imagine once he's actually married this behavior will probably worsen until she makes him NC with his parents over some petty stuff
If every communication is urgent, none of them are.
I hate people like this. Its completely selfish to call somebody on repeat never caring about what the other person might have going on on their end as to why they were not available for a call. So selfish!!!
She cried wolf and is mad about it. My family is the same way: more than one call in a row is an emergency. If I started calling people 2 or 3 times in a row everytime I called them, they would never know if it was an emergency and at some point they would stop answering altogether, because frankly that is annoying.
This is so foreign to me. I don't even know if my phone makes calls.
What kinda psycho calls the same person or persons repeatedly if they don't answer the first time? Repeat calls are for emergencies only. If you call me and I don't answer, it's for a good reason. The caller should respect that. Maybe a text. Voicemail as a last resort. I'm 43. Millennials and Gen Z are even more anti-actually-talking on the phone.
I actually used to actually tell people to call me twice in the pre smartphone era. Usually I got to wherever I left my phone right as it cut off so calling again meant that I was right there to answer and saved them the trouble of leaving a message that was going to be pointless. Nowadays not only does everyone text and my phone is usually near me unless it’s charging, but I have other ways of answering the phone.
>What kinda psycho calls the same person or persons repeatedly if they don't answer the first time? My boss, for one (I WFH). It's annoying as hell. Can't tell you how many times I've told him that calling me 2-3 times in a row isn't going to get me off the toilet any faster. Call once, then text. Or leave a message. I'll call back. And it's never nearly as much of an emergency as he thinks it is.
Like I said, "psycho." My boss does it the way I like it and only ever texts me. The one time he's ever called me on the phone was a genuine emergency that needed my attention specifically. I've only been at this particular job for about 10 months, but I freaking love my job and what I do for a living. My boss is also the chillest boss I've ever had, and just seems like a genuinely good guy.
Yes, psycho is exactly the right word. Funny thing is, he's real cool and I love him, until he gets into psycho-mode. Then, after he's driven me crazy, he's all "Why are you yelling at me?"
If someone calls me twice in a row without leaving a message, I hit the FU button and silence my phone. Send a text, you Neanderthal.
My wife's sister used to do this - she didn't believe in boundaries and whatever she had going on was obviously the most important thing in the universe ... eventually for my wife the only answer was total NC. With us, if the phone rings you pick it up - because unless it is an emergency we'll text first.
Generally this is a good rule but I do sometimes call my husband if it's just an urgent question - not an emergency. Say I'm standing in the store and they're out of what he wanted and I want to know what alternate, if any, he'd like. But I'd never double call for that sort of question. I just also know if I send a text I could be standing there for hours before he checks his messages. If he doesn't answer he just doesn't get the item and I can go back later in the week if I have time. Texts: reply whenever. Calls: please answer or it might fuck up my day Repeated calls: SOS EMERGENCY
Totally agree with that - and I think 'urgent' is a better word than 'emergency'. Basically phone rings with my wife or kids name ... I answer.
I didn’t think these people existed but my husband’s sister does this. If you don’t answer her first call, she’ll call back to back until you answer. She’ll even recruit other family members to call and ask why you aren’t answering and that sister was trying to get a hold of us. That’s not even the most annoying part; she’s one of those people that starts a conversation with “hey” and will say NOTHING else until you respond. You will get 4 messages in a row that say “Hey”…”hey”….“hey” or you’ll finally get around to answering her 15 missed calls because it must be important right? “Hello?” “Hey……..”
The boy who called wolf is a great story maybe your wife never heard it
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^LegitimateMove7645: *The boy who called wolf* *Is a great story maybe* *Your wife never heard it* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
It's so weird how we all got cell phones so we don't have to answer any calls.
Nah, wanting to avoid calls sometimes has always been a thing. Way back in the Before Times we used to take the phone off the hook and then smother the receiver with a pillow so we didn't have to listen to the open-line squawk when we didn't want to answer calls or have the phone ringing for awhile.
The key was to unhook the phone out the jack. Then no open-line squawk.
It was great when phones started having the removable jacks! Our first phone was hard wired in and it was such a pain. Old? Me? Nah....
My family has the same rule of multiple calls is an emergency. Usually we don't even let the calls get to voicemail before we hang up to avoid actual conversation. On that second call, there is a very likely chance there is an injury or death. My heart sinks, and my anxiety explodes when I hear it.
My MIL is somewhat like this, but it's mostly with texts, and for mostly mundane stuff. She'll text my husband first, and knowing how bad he is about checking his messages or replying to them, she'll follow up with a text to me. And then another with "did you get my message?" It sounds rather mellow the way I describe it and I admit she's gotten better about it, but she was a lot like OOP's wife a few years ago, and to her, everything was an emergency (when it wasn't). Edit: She doesn't usually call me because I'm partially deaf and she knows I don't always hear my phone ring.
Honestly sounds like an exhausting situation, especially since the fiancee has been told multiple times that calling more than once is deemed an emergency in the family. So it's essentially like the boy who cried wolf and when there's an actual wolf... You know... OOP really seems to be the adult in the situation as well as the parents. The fact that she's still salty over something that they should talk about, especially in your 30s, proves how childish she is.
This one annoyed me because she's so fanatical and psycho about it that she will actually start calling people to find him if he doesn't answer her phone call! Like there is no option for time away from this girl! And the parents quit answering her calls because She's always using their emergency call signal when it's not an emergency. Basically the boy that cried wolf. He sort of seemed like he was getting it that this is not sustainable because everything can't always be an emergency even when it's not... Like she admits it's not an emergency but she uses their emergency phone signal which is call twice in a row. But she won't text. They would have seen a text sooner.
You've already seen what a drama queen she is by repeat calling folks over minor matters. And it looks like at least one family members backs her behavior. She fails to accept that such behavior is why she was ignored during a **real** emergency. Are you **sure** you want to marry her without some couple's therapy and seeing changes in her behavior before taking that next step?
I'll be the first to admit I'm an asshole. I'm intolerant and menopausal and I give zero fucks. Fight me. His girlfriend sounds deranged and needy. Bitch, you're lucky if anyone cares about your broken leg. His parents are nice enough to come see her at the hospital when she's already shown she's crazy. They come from two different worlds. He comes from Earth and she comes from a 4th dimension in a Tool album somewhere.
What could his parents have done? They would have called the ambulance, too.
Good point. It's not like they could (or should) pick her up off the floor.
What, she's never heard the story involving a boy and a wolf?
She’s the asshole. She’s literally the boy who cried wolf. We have the same rule in my family. My youngest sister always broke that rule because if SHE wanted to talk right now, fuck your plans. She would get so upset when she would get a telling off and hung up on for using the emergency system just because she was bored. The girlfriend did this to herself. Normally I would be on her side but she had the rules explained and she ignored them because they couldn’t possibly apply to *her*! So the parents adjusted their behavior accordingly and ignored her calls because SHE has created a pattern of back to back calls for no reason. NTA-and I wonder how else she steam rolls everyone else’s boundaries but expects everyone to do what she wants.
I'm gonna play devil's advocate for a hot second. Calling multiple times in a row for mundane reasons after being asked not to is annoying and inconsiderate, but it's also *weird as hell* enough to give me pause and consider whether there's a reason for it. It could be as simple as someone she was close to not answering the phone because they were incapacitated and she's been (consciously or unconsciously) holding onto misplaced guilt about not trying harder to reach them. Unless I missed it, there's no mention of her own parents in the post or comments. If they passed, especially if it was unexpected, her brain could easily go to the worst case scenario for why they aren't answering. I'm not saying this to excuse her behavior or anything; in most cases no one should be expected to drop everything and answer the phone and his parents did nothing wrong here. I'm just also wondering if OOP ever had an actual conversation with her about it that went beyond telling her not to, because it's really not normal. Okay I'm ready for my downvotes 😅
I’m with you. The repeated phone calls are annoying but like, it’s ultimately not harmful if it’s an isolated behavior. I also get anxiety when people don’t answer my calls (or if someone calls me tbf).
Sorry, Allie sounds exhausting. Blowing up their phones randomly and repeatedly for mundane crap gets old, and especially if if ends up wasting their time If it was an actual emergency, she could have TEXTED that. Parents aren't mind readers and likely thought she was bugging them at quiet time as usual The fiancee is a major AH for causing the crying wolf scenario
Are you sure you want to marry someone who is ALREADY setting up an "us vs them" towards your parents over something that was absolutely her fault? I would be reassessing, honestly.
Would she still want to shun them indefinitely if they didn't answer because they were in a movie theater with their phones turned off?
My girlfriend: "If I die, I'll call you, so you can be there!" Me: "If you die call an ambulance, I only reply to texts..."
I would very, very quickly stop taking any calls unless I was in the mood to talk to her.. And would bitch at her every single time she called repeatedly for mundane things. 2 calls in a row is an emergency.
Run while you can. She is obviously the center of the universe, and all will have to bend to her or face the wrath. You're going to end up in situations that is going to peg her against others you care about because she will feel slighted every time something does not go exactly the way she wants it to.
Should just set up a new line for emergencies. Like you can set up programs like Google Voice to work on multiple phones, when people call that number, it'll pop up through the Google Voice app, not the phone app, on all the phones signed into that account. Or maybe they should establish like, the first call has to be hung up quickly after the first ring, not let to ring out. I mean, she's being a little unreasonable but this could've been avoided by not having an emergency protocol that most of the general public would activate out of default behavior. 🤷♂️
Tl:dr The boy who cried wolf broke his leg, you can guess the rest
If I'm looking for someone, I'll call their house and then cell. If it's important, I text or leave a message. Reverse is true for me. Call, then text, then leave a voicemail (I absolutely HATE checking my voicemail for no good reason). If you call twice, it's an emergency. I had a prepaid cell, and a number I didn't recognize called 3x in a row. MUST BE an emergency!!! I answered and it was a sales call. Only time the PTA saw polite and quiet me completely lose my shit on someone.
If I get a call from someone I care about then I answer it despite not liking phone calls 🤷♂️ if I don't answer your call, it's because I don't care enough about you to be bothered to pick up the phone.
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted for this. I prefer to be texted too, but if I recognize a number I’m going to answer the call
I would've blocked her number long ago.
I would have silenced her calls long ago. Really obnoxious.
Op is the asshole. He establishes that his parents never answer the phone unless someone calls twice, but also they're SOOOOOO overburdened they need "quiet time" where they ignore calls until they feel like responding? He'll with them.
Not what he said at all.
I don’t understand why this woman didn’t call 911 first. It was an actual emergency.
Ambulance ride costs $200-400 where I live *with* insurance. I’m driving lol
YTA . I would say you're the asshole, who the fuck doesn't answer their phone? If you have a phone you should fucking answer it I understand that there's telemarketers but god damn it. Just answer your fucking phone wait for them to spit their spiel and then fucking hang up on them. The amount of times where I've had an emergency and people wouldn't answer their fucking phone because oh look I'll just ignore it I can count them on both fucking hands and those people don't fucking talk to anymore because they can't be trusted
Did you read it at all? Stupid girl cries wolf and wonders why they don't respond in a real emergency. You don't have answer ever call. That what calling back is for.
Answer every call. For fuck sake that cry wolf bullshit cuts both ways. Why have a phone if you're not going to answer it that's all I got to say
Because my life doesn't revolve around the person on the other end of call. I have things to do too.
That's a horrible argument.... The reason I have a phone is to keep in touch I'm done with this I hope you have a great day
"Answer every call"? What do you believe people ought to do when sleeping, showering, emptying cat litter, getting it on, on a date in a restaurant, busy working at work, on a plane, crying over something you're going through, DRIVING, exercising, bicycling, jogging, at the movies, checking out at a register, washing your car, cooking, comforting someone who's crying, gardening, swimming...?
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If she doesn't like the parents then that's it. Honestly I don't see why she needs to like them after the incident.