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Often, people lashing out like this have some internalized shame or other emotional response that they are trying to cover. I'd guess that OP's mom probably followed the advice she was given at the time to end BF by 6mo, and hearing that there are benefits to BF for 1-2 years feels like an attack on her parenting or an argument that she did something wrong. This sub is filled with stories of grandparents and in-laws who want current parents to do things exactly as they did, and it usually just comes down to reinforcing that they did things the "right" way.
or theres another side, OP’s mother couldn’t breastfeed and is mad/jealous/upset OPs journey is going so well, which still leads down the rabbit hole of “i raised you, i did everything I could for you”
My mom is weird about breastfeeding too, but I've noticed that she associates extended breastfeeding (which obviously this is not) -- like anything over 6 months as "spoiling." Maybe something to do with the idea of giving in to a baby's demands? I have no idea. It's weird. She's also from this boomer generation, so she's constantly judging other people's decisions.
Because giving into a child’s request for comfort and bonding time is “spoiling them” 🙄🙄 what is it with boomers needing everyone else to be miserable and go through struggle just because they might have??
Augh, so much this. My mom gave me grief over getting an epidural during my labor. She kept emphasizing that she didn't have any when SHE had her kids. I told her, "that's cool. Cause I'm having one"
My ex MIL was like that. Brought me a cactus to the delivery room and sneered that *she* had never had any pain meds with her children. She always made snide comments about me breastfeeding too long too (I breastfed 18 months).
Yep. My mom (I’m the dad) annoyingly is weird about breast feeding to my wife, though no where near as bad as OP’s story. My mom did not breastfeed any of her three kids and I think she’s acting out some regret or guilt or just constantly trying to reassure herself her choice was valid. She is always kinda awkward about BF with my wife, makes cracks about “formula babies sleep so well,” and stuff like that.
It’s the classic dynamic you cite. “You kids today think we did everything wrong.” Type attitude.
That’s funny. My sister and I teased my mom a little like saying mom our IQs could have been higher WTH. Lol.
But honestly I did sense some guilt from her. So we discussed it. When I was little formula was touted as the new modern break through. They were told it was healthier than breast milk and thought they were doing what was best.
It made a lot of sense to me to find out that bteasfeeding was not en vogue when I was little. Formula was even better than mother's milk type of thing. And breasts are sexualized to a point where you want kids off the boob as soon as possible because otherwise you are harming them.
Really just a lot of different attitudes about things then.
My MIL took her Doctors advice and apparently took pills 🤷♀️ to dry up right away then spent all 3.5 years I was breastfeeding buying and offering my kid formula, then milk and eventually apple juice in a bottle every time we were there. She never actually criticized my breastfeeding to my face but was constantly prepared with bottles when we visited. I eventually allowed the formula when we left him there alone for a few hours while he was under two but he refused the milk telling her yuck only mommy milk lol. I put my food down hard on the apple juice in a bottle although I suspect she probably gave it to him in a sippy cup behind our backs. Al of meddling was backed by but my Doctor told me to and the old it’s what I did and look at my kids!! We had to pick our battles with her and we needed her free babysitting.
what makes this sadder is that I would bet that your wife would never judge your mom because she formula fed (she married one of those formula fed babies after all!) most people I know don’t have this black and white thinking today. so while your wife wouldn’t judge your mom for her choice, your mom is judging her from some long held insecurity.
If you're into some education or want to try to maintain the relationship, what I've found effective in conversations like that is to reinforce that what they did with their babies was probably what was considered best practice at the time, and commend them for following science-backed advice themselves. I.e. 'you did the right thing, but then doctors learned new information so now the advice is different, so I'm doing it differently'. Which leaves space for the person to feel good about having followed the best advice at the time, even if that's no longer what recommended.
But no one should be on the hook for that level of grace, especially not when the other person is being hurtful and confrontational.
Yeah this was my theory as well. She probably thinks that because OP is doing things differently than how she did it, that it’s an “attack” on her parenting. Definitely seems to be a common perception among Boomers.
This is likely it. I wish more parents / grandparents would realize how often guidence changes. Some had even changed from when my my sister had her first and her third.
I would go no contact too. Breastfeeding is hard enough, hearing cruel comments from your own mother about her own insecurities about breastfeeding is not helpful.
For real, i personally think this sub has too many people who's go to for any infraction is nc, but this is one of the cases where nc is the way to go.
She is emotionally abusive and projects sth connected to her inner shame onto you.
Boundaries are friends, especially with family members.
“I am the mother, I will do what is best for my baby, not what’s best in my mothers opinion. I won’t let you yell at me or call me names. You want to be treated with respect? Treat me with respect. If you can’t do that I have to leave this conversation.” Exit to the left..
This… my mother tries to act like because she is my mother she automatically is entitled to the max level of respect. The issue is that there is the basic human decency level of respect and then the other stuff… the other stuff is earned.
What Lililove said is such a good idea. I have to do it with my mother even as my kid is 8 to this day. The saddest part is they don’t see these actions as abuse they see if as normal and ok when it is not. They see all respect levels as required because they are your parent and that is not how it works either. Do what is best for you and your kid. And if “ mommy dearest” can’t accept all this shiz… NO CONTACT is the way to go. My mom pushed me of the edge recently so when my kid and I move countries we will be doing the same… literally ignoring your grandchild who is 2 arms lengths away from you in a pool crying for help as they begin to basically drown was my last straw. Hopefully you learn ,sooner than me, what is best for you and your kid with regards to this issue OP.
When our children become adults our relationships switch to that of two adults. We don’t owe our parents anything. They decided to have unprotected sex and brought us into the world. Raising a child is part of your responsibility as a parent. Children deserve unconditional love but adults do not.
You should tell her that *you* find *her* disgusting for sexualizing you and her grandson that way, and promptly go low contact.
Calling you "disgusting" for feeding your child is simply abusive. Maybe no or low contact with her will help her understand.
She has issues. Serious ones. This sounds unhinged. First of all, it’s weird to judge you, and second - say it out? Pick a damn fight? I’d probably take a break from a parent like that, and my kid takes a break from gran aswell.
Its very clear your mother is abusive. You probably already know this. I assume she didn’t take the time to breastfeed you and now seeing you do so for your child makes her feel threatened. This is a common sign of narcissism.
Old women are preticulraly judgmental and unfortunatly vocal. LIke information/standards havent changed in the last 20 years. So many judgy looks from my mother and MIL. They also told me not to hold her too much because she will be spoiled *EYE ROLL*. I just chalk it up to them being shitty and inflexable. Duck them, and their bad advice. I just finished BF my kid at 2.4 years, because I wanted to stop. Continue to your backbone now because uninformed people/family will always have opinions. You do you boo, and you and bebe will be better for it. Good luck!
My mom was the same as yours. I breastfed my kid until 2, and every time starting from birth she would make faces and gross comments like "What? You're _still_ breastfeeding??" each time she visited my home. That, combined with other unsolicited "advice" and peanut gallery commentary about my parenting choices, led to the severance of our relationship.
That's a her problem. Tell her to shut up and mind her own business. You are doing what's best for you and your baby. She doesn't get a say at all. And if she can't behave and nit berate you for your personal choice then she shouldn't get access to you or your baby. Full stop. If she can't respect that then what other things will she overstep on later down the road?
If your mother thought breastfeeding after 6 months is disgusting, SHE is disgusting. I nursed one of mine till about 18 months, another till just after 2 years. I know women who nursed till 3, which is still entirely in line with normal historical human behavior. Do not listen to this unstable, controlling, judgmental woman. You do it your way.
I sent a screenshot and the link to my husband’s grandma after getting a similar comment. It wasn’t as cruel and awful as your moms comments but still stung. My daughter is 32 months old and still breastfeeding. It’s beautiful and wonderful (& also sometimes my nipples are sick of it 😅) and we will stop when WE are ready, but probably when she turns 3. Your mom is a jerk and I’m so sorry you had that kind of commentary slung at you. There is NOTHING wrong with breastfeeding for AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO.
Who cares what anyone else thinks? Coming from someone who it took years to get here, make your mantra “fuck what other people think”.
Makes parenting easier
Our boy is now 28 months and we are trying to end breastfeeding now, as he have more started to use it for comfort rather than a source of food. Also I think it would be nice for the mother to not be woken up every night (he sleeps in a another room and shows up at about 01:30 most nights) ...
As a father I find it a bit weird when he shows up and asks for it, but don't find it disgusting or inappropriate.
Edit. Wrong word.
Hmm I thought the mother crazily viewed breastfeeding a 17mo as a somehow sexual/incestuous act. That was my first instinct because of the word ‘disgusting’. But yeah she needs to get her shit together, educate herself and apologize
That was my first though. The mothers inability to disconnect the sexuality of the breast from breast feeding is the issue here. The mother is 100% wrong.
I’ve been noticing this as well.. parenting criticism is some form of projection.
We are visiting grandparents currently—boomer neighborhood, and a friendly neighbor comes to see our infant and is like “do you ever put him down? You’re going to spoil him” (friendly but serious tone)
Getting unwanted advice is annoying, but over the years as I’ve become a more seasoned parent it’s easier to dissect. In this case I was thinking about it, and it’s like ok, guilty.. I will not ignore a tiny baby that wants nothing more than to be comforted. But YOU can because… it’s good for it?! Nah. You were depressed, resented motherhood, whatever. Your husband probably changed 0 diapers and comforted the kids 0 times. I feel for you. Boomer women had it rough, I’ll give them that.
Oh yes absolutely. They seem to love making it the Olympics of “who had it worse.” Just because we “turned out fine” (which is debatable for some of us, lol) doesn’t mean that we don’t want better or shouldn’t expect better for our own kids.
You feel awful because your mom was awful to you.
I don't know why women feel the need to attack eachother over their bf choices. I genuinely don't get why they care.
Unless you're actively starving your child, any person who has an opinion on how you choose to feed **your** child, is being ridiculous and should be ignored.
That being said, this is erratic behaviour. Is that normal for your mother? If she's always been like this, it's time to stop picking up the phone. But if this is out of character for her, maybe take mom to a doctor.
Very much agree with the theme of all the top comments, but I think it's worth punctuating that, should this be out of character for your mom, it would certainly be kind to look into whether this is a cognitive decline issue. It's probably not, but on the off chance she isn't OK - it's probably worth at least a thought.
8-track flashback! My mom wet nursed her friend’s kid back in the early 70’s.
Funny (but actually mortifying) story, my mom always said what a good baby my younger brother was. My aunt said it was because she was drunk all the time. Said she didn’t drink with me. (But my parents were going thru rough times with my brother, and she wanted me to have a sibling.) I wonder if those forces in play back then contributed to him becoming an alcoholic/addict (now recovered), but not me. (I have/had plenty of my own problems though!)
My mom and i were talking about bf in general and she said don't forget only a few decades ago women were pushed towards formula as the better option. I wonder if OPs mom internalized that along with the sexualization of female breasts and has some cognitive hangup about it. Seems like a borderline psychotic break the way OP describes it. I'm sorry she had to hear that from her own mother
You’re prob not wrong about the internalization. Honestly, it seems like something my own mom would say (forced into arranged marriage at 19, very naive and immature/weird about all things sexual), but it wouldn’t stop me from calling her out.
It's true! I saw a documentary where they interviewed those cultures and it was fascinating. Other mammals bf until approximately half of sexual maturity, which for us is around 6-7, which also aligns with other markers of psychological and physical development.
Re adding a month 🤣🤣
I guess this explains why my 5yo daughter (who weaned at 2) will randomly say “I wish I could drink your milk again.” I’m still bf her 2 year old sister. 😂
Yep. I weaned my daughter at 2.5 years because I needed to be done, she's 6 now and still occasionally expresses her want to nurse, but is happily fulfilled with a "cuddle snack" instead.
Awww. My 6 year old sometimes pats my boobs when he snuggles me. I think kids just think of boobs as big squishy mommy pillows that have food in them. Like a squishmallow with a drink inside.
She’s an idiot. Humans used to breastfeed to age 4 to 7 when proper nutrition was harder to reach. While this is no longer necessary, it is definitely not *wrong*. I breastfed both of mine till they were two, at the end just once a day. Don’t listen to her, and don’t feel bad.
The way she talks to you, however, I’d draw a line there. She can talk to you politely or she can not talk to you at all. Simply hang up next time. And let her know you’re happy to talk, but you will not be a catalyst for her bad day or old-fashioned biases.
If that was me, I’d tell her that if she speaks to me in that manner again I’ll keep her at arms length in future, and she won’t have a relationship with her grandchild.
Not at all, I did exactly what you're doing. I ended up breast-feeding both of my children until they were almost 3, but in later times it was just a quick comfort suck before falling asleep.
Obviously I don't know where you're from, but there are still plenty of countries where long term, child-centered weaning is completely normal, and it isn't even a question whether or not it's best for the child. There's a whole very interesting history about how that changed in more developed countries in the early 1900s, and the fact that it changed still has absolutely nothing to do with you or what you think is best for you and your child.
Please find a La Leche League group online or local to you, since their purpose is to support whatever the parents feel is best for their family.
When my daughter was a year old and my parents and one set of grandparents came for her birthday, my grandmother criticized me for giving her frozen peas for breakfast, saying I should be giving her cereal, eggs or some such breakfast food. (My daughter hadn't read the book yet that said that in this country those are "normal" breakfast foods, so I think she probably just appreciated that they felt good on her gums, as she was teething.)
My mother clearly acted disapproving every time I nursed her, because back in her day nursing was frowned upon. I was given bottles from birth, and they started me on rice cereal in my bottle at *four weeks*.
By the time they left I felt so insecure and upset, and immediately looked into LLL. When people went going around the circle introducing themselves at my first meeting, by the time it was my turn I was sobbing, because I was clearly going to get support for doing what I felt was best for my child.
Now the whole boundary thing with my mother was another whole story that took decades to sort out. The fact that she feels that it's her place to judge you and pressure you the way she did is going to be an ongoing problem unless you do something about it. And the fact that you reacted by feeling like you must be doing something wrong is going to be an ongoing problem unless you do something about it.
I can't encourage you strongly enough to do whatever you need to do to set and maintain healthy boundaries for yourself with your mother as soon as possible, regardless of how far you may need to take that. Get professional help if you need it, because believe me this is just the beginning of her criticizing your parenting until you show her you won't allow her to treat you this way anymore, and if you have this issue setting boundaries with her, I'm guessing you have the same problem with others as well.
You know what‘s disgusting? Abusing your daughter and swearing to her. Projecting sexual interests in breastfeeding is disgusting as well.
Stop talking to her about that! She has no right to be handed the ammunition she tries to hurt you with. And enjoy your son! All the best for both of you!
Breasts have become so oversexualized and shamed that even women who have had babies are unable to see breasts within their natural biological context.
Why are we so anti-breasts in America?
I breastfed openly without a cover and my family and inlaws had the most issues with it. Constantly shaming and embarrassed about me not going to a private room or leaving social situations in order to breastfeed.
My baby was born in the hottest months of the summer so covering up was also very uncomfortable for me and the baby.
People need to get over their "ick" of breastfeeding and realize that breasts are no more biologically sexual than feet or hands are. They are for the purpose of caring for a baby after it is born. Society has sexualized the breasts, so as far as I'm concerned it's not my problem people get uncomfortable.
Take care of your baby, ignore the rest.
Quite normal.. on both accounts. The breastfeeding at 17m and the mother having a problem with it.
My mom told me all the same stuff starting around the same age. “Some people might think you’re sexually abusive” or “some people will assume your getting something out of it” oh yeah, toddlers doing cartwheels on my nipples really turn me on. Said like a true person who’s never nursed a baby. Lol
Yep. She pulled all the punches. Whatever. I knew that wasn’t actually true. I was going to nurse that kid till 25 after those comments. Lol unfortunately he weaned at 15months.
Your baby isn’t too old. Your mom was told that milk stops at 6months old and the kid starts on 4 course meals at that age. 😆 that’s the problem. She’s not educated and outdated on the standards. She probably thinks car seats are pointless too. 🤷🏻♀️
I breastfed my children until they were about 3.5 I know some people thought it was very weird including my mum who went on about it for a while when the first one was about 1.5 saying things like if they can ask for it they are too old I just ignored her and carried on doing what was best for my children. For some reason a lot of people are uncomfortable with breastfeeding past the first year they are ignorant and you should take as little notice as possible.
17 months is still a baby really and it is natural and good to breastfeed them as long as you both are happy
My mom asked me if I was still breastfeeding my nine month old. Like ta hell no mom his planing his own garden and slaughtering animals for dinner. Yes I’m nursing him his a baby.
My mom doesn’t understand sarcasm and I was so taken back when she asked me I was like “yes”. She always told me she nursed me so I assumed she did it for a year now idk
I hear the ‘they’re too old for it if they can ask for it’ line a lot and I don’t understand why that’s the cut off. Prior to language development, your baby asks for milk by crying.
I’m still breastfeeding my 21 month old and probably plan to let him self wean. He likes it, I like the snuggles, it’s good for him. He’s really wild and it serves as a nice thing to help us reconnect. I just don’t see the issue. People are weird and sexualize it too much.
My first three kids all self-weaned before their 2nd birthdays. My fourth and final I finally weaned at 3.5 because I was over it.
Not because I was going to let someone else tell me how long was too long.
I breastfed mine until they were 2 and 3.5! Neither remembers it at all. My MIL made a comment when first baby had literally just turned one and I sat down to nurse her because she was fussy and tired. “I thought you were going to stop *that.*”
“I am. Eventually.” I was so firm that she didn’t ask more than once or twice after that in all the subsequent years.
Your mum is of the age when formula was new. Doctors encouraged it and suggested that mothers didn't need to breastfeed as that is something only cows do.
Since then we've learned more about the body's immune system and how antibodies are passed from mother to child in breast milk.
Your mother's reaction is understandable given her knowledge, but if she won't listen to reason then just ignore her or tell her to go fuck herself.
Lol yeah. Don’t drink human milk that is literally made for the baby, that’s disgusting and weird
Do the exact same thing from a different species, with a few extra steps in between
🤯
>Your mum is of the age when formula was new.
This is unlikely. Formula went mainstream in the 40s and 50s.
I'm all for OP breastfeeding as long as she wants, and I don't even think her child is especially old for it.
I'm just at the age where I could be a grandmother of a baby and I'm endlessly amused by how many people think that means I grew up in a cave.
How old is her mom? Formula has been around for a long time. It sounds more like a hangup around breasts and shame or some other twisted shit she's got going.
Read the lower part about the advantages of continuing to Breastfeed (BF).
But I’m going to address your Mom first. If she bottle fed or had a hard time nursing, she may see your continued BF as an attack against HER decisions/parenting. Your loving bedtime routine might threaten her ego as a rebuke of how she put HER kids to bed. Is she a narcissist? That kind of personality finds it necessary to bully you in order to negate you decision when it differs from her opinion of what is right. Rather than accept your decision to continue BF, she doubles down, sexualizing your behavior rather than listening to the science of why it’s so good for your child. This is toxic behavior that can spread to every parenting decision you later make. Set boundaries and beware. This behavior will demonize things like playing with toys that aren’t “boy toys”, things she doesn’t approve of, attending activities or sports she doesn’t seem appropriate “boy” activities. Right now she is basically saying that your son is getting off on nursing from his mother’s breast. She’s gross.
I’m in my 60’s. I felt pressured to stop BF my oldest child by the time she was 9 mos old. She transitioned to milk and food, but it later resulted in lots of dairy sensitivity and lactose intolerance, as well as steroid problems from additives in the dairy industry ( please go all organic dairy for your child’s future health from 1-5)!
I let my 2nd and 3rd child BF until they expressed an interest in cutting back to only nursing at bedtime. They were about 2 when they voluntarily gave up BF. Those two were healthier, had little to no food allergies, skin issues, puberty issues, etc. I know that longer BF and adding only organic dairy to their diets when they started drinking milk and eating things like cheese, yogurt and ice cream made a huge difference.
We have learned so much over the decades about the antibiotics and steroids given to cows in the dairy and meat industry. Don’t be swayed by those pushing to have you stop entirely, it’s so good for their health and immune system.
Add Edit: There’s a reason women bf their babies from the beginning of time for years, not months. It’s just better for them. As they grow, it supplements the introduction of food. Because breast milk IS food, not a drink.
I’ve heard it explained to me that a lot of boomers were led to believe that formula was superior bc it was cutting edge technology that was *specially formulated by highly educated scientists* (eye roll) and that breastfeeding was associated with those tribal ppl in Africa and decent, civilized ppl didn’t need to do that anymore. (double eye roll)
I breast fed all my kids but regardless, I have never felt the need to comment on anyone else’s choice.
I only have antidotal evidence for this but I was able to continue bf until mine were 2 and they have fantastic immune systems. Unfortunately my SIL was not able to continue anywhere near that long and her 2 are always sick. I have always thought it was related to bf.
Same. Mine were preemies too and they never get sick. I attribute it to breastfeeding. When they’re babies, their gut biomes are developing that will set the tone for the rest of their lives.
I followed my child's lead and breastfed until 4. He had never had an ear infection and only ever had a handful of colds until we quit. You don't feel bad for breastfeeding.... you feel bad because someone you should be able to trust is being an irrational asshole to you without logic OR empathy. Tell her if she thinks her disgust outweighs SCIENCE she can fuck off until after your little one weens themself.
Tell your mum to kindly fuck right off.
My son was BF in the mornings until he was 2. Why?? Because we wanted to, and it's no one else's business.
Please don't let idiots and fools make you feel bad or as though you're doing anything wrong. You're not.
I breastfed all my children past age 3. I remember before I became a mom, that I thought anyone who did this was weird as hell. Then once I became a mom, it felt so natural & nurturing. I felt very connected to my child.
However, I got a lot of comments like those from your mom. It was stressful and I felt shamed. And I doubted myself, yet I followed my gut mothering instincts and continued in my home just telling no one.
My kids are now teens or school age. Anecdotally, they are great kids, with no attachment issues. Research has demonstrated no adverse outcomes to extended breastfeeding and possibly some benefits. I have no regrets other than allowing all the naysayers to erode my confidence and make me second guess myself — really, this is her problem, not a you problem. Be confident you are doing the right thing for your family!
I felt the same before kids. Then I became a mom and I decided to follow my children's lead. 22 months, 5 years and 5.5 years. At the end they were nursing at bedtime. For my youngest I decided I was done. Supply was pretty much gone so I told my son the milk was all gone.
It’s the most normal and natural thing. In lots of cultures around the world mothers breastfeed until the child is like 5. Your mother is the one making it weird. Sorry you’re going through that hun, you are a great mama for your little one ❤️
Well, the APA recommendations for breast-feeding are exclusively for the first six months. They also support breast-feeding past the age of two.
Also, I am in Nutrition and wellness major and we have gone over so many times how extended breast-feeding can help reduce the risk of certain disease and boost immune system of the child when you extend past at six months, but there are so many benefits for the mother.
There is nothing wrong with Breastfeeding at the age of 17 months. My oldest breast-fed until I want is to pregnant to continue breast-feeding him comfortably (which was 15 months) and my youngest breast-fed until he was 2 years 2 months.
Next time she calls you and starts that up again, let her know "I will not let you talk to me like this. Let me know when you are ready to have a civil discussion" and HANG UP THE PHONE. Don't let her get another word in. She is being unreasonable. Swearing at you? Really? Because of bf a 17 month old?! That's ridiculous.
You don't have to explain yourself to her. You are an adult and a mother and get to make these decisions.
Does your mom have some kind of mental illness? I don't even mean to be mean, there's something off about your mother. That's not normal, to be so concerned with the healthy habits of other moms.
Your mother was part of a generation that was heavily sold industrialized milk and actively discouraged from breastfeeding. She internalized those values.
Best you can do is to agree to disagree. You’re parenting well.
Lol I mean I breastfed my first until 3 soooo I must be extra gross and abnormal. 🫠 But yeah that is toxic and obnoxious and motherhood is stressful enough without extra negativity.
ABSOLUTELY NOT F**K her. Why is it wrong? Why is she sexualizing a child?!? The kiddo came out your body and your body was created to feed him/her my doctor advised me to breastfeed up until 2 at least but that I could do 3/4 if my kid was really attached. Wtf is wrong with people. You go mama. You’ve got this. Tell your mom to touch grass
I breastfed both my kids until 18 months. With the first, I stopped because my milk dried up, with my second, I was just done after 3 combined years of BF - but definitely *not* because there was anything wrong with bfing at that age and beyond.
Your mom is confused about what breasts are for, and is sexualizing both you and her grandchild.
Is this the first time your mum has been this rude? She sounds like a meddler. I have a mum who will give random unwanted advice and it’s quite upsetting if I think too much about it. I just say mmm hmmm and then genuinely dismiss the advice and move on
Sometimes our logic faces negative emotions and pressure from others. And we doubt ourselves.
But again.. logic vs emotion. Go with breastfeeding. Most studies show it's extremely beneficial. For some reason i feel 3-5 years is the biological norm & ideal, but definitely not the social norm.
Stop listening to your mother - she is wrong. You are doing great - follow your mother’s instincts and limit your relationship with your own mother. She sounds like a toxic one.
Your mom is the disgusting one. I let my kid wean himself. He just happened to do it a few days after his second birthday. The WHO suggests two years if possible. Sounds like your mom needs a nice time out.
I breastfed my kids till 18 months, 26 months, and 36 mths old. They decided when it was time to give up, each one was different. There was nothing disgusting about it. This sounds like a them (your mother) problem, not a you problem. Just ignore her.
Your mum needs some
Therapy, did she breastfeed you? I remember my friend going ballistic on me because I was breastfeeding my one year old, few years after she confessed that she never bond with her only child and she was jealous of me.
Tell your mum to mind her own business and that you appreciated her help but you are a mum now and she need to respect your decisions even if she doesn’t support you
If my current pregnancy didn’t make it so difficult (yay aversions), I’d absolutely be still nursing my 16mo!
I’m sad we had to stop just short of 15mo, I’m hoping that when the new baby arrives, my hormones will behave and I’ll be able to tandem feed! My son will be 19mo by then.
Your mother can kindly mind her own business.
Any “grandmother” who calls their daughter disgusting for BF their barely 2 year old is very alarming. I hope you choose very carefully in deciding to keep her in your life because I can assure you that the verbal abuse will continue and eventually effect your daughter. I’ve lived with a family member like that all my life, gave them chances after having kids and nothing ever changed. It got to a point where my own kids were verbally abused by them and that’s where I drew the line
Girl, hang up on her next time. As soon as she starts in on this nonsense I would just end the call. Don’t entertain her ignorance by listening to it. She is just plain wrong. But even worse, she is also overstepping boundaries. This is not her decision and it’s none of her business.
I would tell her that you don’t want to hear anything else about it ever again. It was inappropriate for her to say. And that you won’t be tolerating her unsolicited opinions or the rude way she spoke to you. Tell her to mind her own tits and respect your authority as a mom or you will be forced to limit her contact with your family. I would put her on a time out every time she violates your boundaries or speaks unkindly to you starting now. 2-4 weeks of no contact with you or her grandchild should help her understand her mistake.
Boomers are so weird about this. I have friends who had an amazing breast feeding journey (I didn’t, mine ended at 4 months and was rough) but my mom always asks me if so and so is still breast feeding their 2 year old or whoever else. It’s strange lol. Tell your mom to mind her own business
I breastfed my oldest until he was 3 and my youngest until she was 2½. (She weaned way easier than he did.) I think it's a lot more common now. Very few people in my extended family had ever breastfed before so there was a lot of ignorance & misinformation around it. Your mother's behavior and sentiments were both 100% wrong though.
Moms and grandmas think they know best, even though recommendations have changed since they were parents of babies and toddlers. My mom and grandma are personally offended that my 3.5 year old is still rear facing. Do what you think is right 🤷🏼♀️
My mother is a lactation consultant and she always recommends breastfeeding for as long as you can. Breast milk has more nutrition than anything else you can give your baby and does wonders for their little immune systems and development. Don’t let your mother make you feel wrong for that. I don’t know what perverse thoughts she has in her mind but she should not project that on to you and baby.
What you are doing is perfectly normal. When I have babies I plan to breastfeed for 2+ years if my body allows. It is natural and our society is so messed up in their sexualization of women that breasts can’t be anything other than sexual.
Breasts were made to feed babies. Not for others to sexualize.
Nothing is wrong with you, but EVERYTHING is wrong of those who have such disgusting thoughts/judgements.
I planned on breast feeding for the first 6 months however I didn’t stop until my daughter was about 18 months because she wouldn’t drink cows milk . Your mum is being ridiculous. You’re not doing anything wrong .
My son is 2 years old and 7 months. Up until a week ago I nursed him to bed.
If someone finds it weird they have an issue not you. Nurse that baby!!! I only stopped because I took a solo vacation for my 30th birthday (thanks husband! :) ) otherwise I probably would still be nursing 🥰
My sister breastfed my niece until her 3rd birthday. She’s one of the smartest and brightest children her age. Breast milk is always good for a child’s development however it does become more controversial if you still do it when they hit school age. (The norm in some countries is double digits..) 18 months is totally fine to continue breastfeeding. I couldn’t make it to a full year, the biting got too bad. Go as long as you are comfortable with mama!
Let’s ignore the upper age of when you might stop, and take a look at when mom started complaining - 6 months! I can’t even.
Sure, many people stop BF even earlier, for various reasons. They might be good reasons. But if you don’t have one of those reasons at play and you’re good to keep going, that’s your business.
Calling you out of the blue like that? I’d personally worry about what’s going on with my mom if she acted that way, but that may not be an appropriate reaction in your case.
"If we discuss this topic again, it will severly harm your relationship with me as well as your grandson."
Being blunt and direct without insulting is important when dealing with family.
Pfft, I needed breastfeeding at that age as a tantrum tamer. My spouse would ask me how I handled freakouts and I’m like I dunno, boob? Once I stopped nursing I had to learn actual parenting techniques and couldn’t rely on the almighty boob problem solver.
My thing was: we will nurse as long as it’s working for both of us. Around 2.5, I was fed up with toddler gymnastics while nursing and called it quits. Surprised me as I thought I would let him decide when we were done but I was getting cranky about it.
I BF my daughter till 2.5 years, my son is 15m and I’m still BF at night too. Very normal. Some people sexualize breastfeeding which makes them nasty people.
Well one,
No offense but your mother probably comes from the generation where powdered formula became a big topic and became heavily pushed by the media... The concept of "break the cycle of breastfeeding once and for all" is absolutely disgusting to me...
Two,
YOUR BABY. YOUR BODY. Period! Nothing is wrong with feeding YOUR child...
Three,
The people who think it's "disgusting" should be ashamed of themselves because they are the true disgusting ones... They look at breasts as a sexual object of gratification & pleasure, rather than it's mean purpose which is to feed our children! At that point THEY ARE SEXUALIZING A CHILD for thinking in such ways!
Four,
There are some people who breastfeed their kids up until they are 5 years old, 6 years old or even 7 years old or even older! Who GIVES A SHIT! Your child is YOURS to feed as you will and to raise as you will.
Five,
You're absolutely KICKING ASS ❤️
Don't let her beat you down and cause you to give up giving your child the best kind of nourishment that he / she can get in this world! The formula nowadays just can't be trusted, I would rather feed my babies as long as possible with what I know and trust, that comes from my body, then feed something that I don't know what is entirely in it or could potentially be contaminated like what happened over the last few years with the formula shortage...
He isn’t too old. Breast feeding is more than just nutrients. It is incredibly bonding for both child and mother. It provides antibodies to fight off illness. My mother breastfed me until I was nearly 3 and I am fine. Your mom can mind her own business.
My son is almost 20 months and I don’t plan to stop breastfeeding him till he is ready. He still nurses for naps, sleep, and even just when hungry. I wouldn’t pay her any attention and honestly would probably go low to no contact with her if she were to be my mother and say that to me.
Same! Bf my first until he was 3.5, only at nights. It was so special. Currently, breastfeeding our newborn as I type this who will probably nurse until he’s ready to wean.
YNW. I think 2-3 is ideal. However I’ve seen mothers breast feed up until 5yrs and didn’t bat an eye. I was never able to get past 6 months of breast feeding myself. Not that I didn’t want to breast feed for longer. Just being a single mom I had to go back to work right away and I was never good at pumping.
Me neither, I wish I could have exclusively bf for at least 2 years. I "comfort nursed for about a year, but after 3/4 months I just wasn't producing enough, and what I was producing was giving my daughter terrible stomach aches. I'm super envious of OP.
Your mom sucks.
Personally I'm not a huge fan of extended breast feeding, but that's a *personal* preference. If you want to do it, then you do it. That's all there is to it. If your mother doesn't like it, then she doesn't have to do it, her body, her choice! But she can sure be quiet when it comes to your decisions 😂
I had some trouble breastfeeding so barely got to a year (with supplementing) but I have some family that breastfed until 4 or 5. I thought it was awesome and wish I was able to go that long as it is best for baby. Saying that, some family members (especially the older generation) would constantly bring it up and say things that often made no sense. My mom, for instance, told my sister-in-law that it was gross to BF that long and not good for baby, formula and cows milk is better, she said. I asked her why she would think that and she said that is what she was told by doctors and nurses when she had us. I asked a few other older family members and they thought the same. They felt the doctors/nurses wouldn’t say these things if they weren’t true. I said well doctors used to also tell people to smoke cigarettes to stay thin, and other things that weren’t considered healthy. So I say ignore the people saying it’s bad and you do what is best for your family. If they don”t agree, maybe go low or even no contact to show that they are not in control of your decision making.
I keep picture a cow going to a vet and the vet being like “ewww you should be feeding your calf human milk or soy milk” “excmoooose me, doc?”
i know it’s not a great analogy but that’s
what ran through my mind haha
Don’t listen to her! Sounds like you are looking for approval from her that you are being a good mom. While it would be nice to get support from her, she is letting you know she feels justified in criticizing you. While it may be something she didn’t choose to do, she shouldn’t be bashing your decision. Trust yourself, she is being ignorant. Why is she getting all bent out of shape over something that doesn’t concern her? And like another commenter said, she is being disgusting by the way she is shaming/talking to you. I’m mad on your behalf. It’s tough enough being a mom and to have another mom (especially your own mom) shame you and make you feel bad is awful. This hurtful comments say a lot about her.
This seems to be a common thread here where mothers are interfering in their kids' and grandkids' lives. My advice is to tell her to fuck off, in as polite or blunt a manner as you feel is appropriate. You are your kids parent, not her. You know what they need and what you're able to provide. As long as the kid's needs are being met and they aren't being abused, then you and the father are doing what you feel is best, and nobody else's opinion is worth the hot air they used to give it
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I can empathize, with my first son EVERY woman in the older generation had an opinion about my choice to bf and then to continue it past 6months, past a year, till whenever we (my son and I decided we were done). You are right that it's perfectly natural, healthy and beneficial till you or he are ready. I can't say why she is so upset about it but it's definitely not about you or your child. Don't let her gaslight you into believing it's wrong and deprive you and your child the relationship you want to have, because you're right, 17months is still very little, they need their mama, and sometimes that includes bf and that's okay. Hang in there lady.
I'm a bit triggered by this but I'd set a boundary with mom that he she doesn't have something positive to say about your bf relationship, she needs to keep it to herself, because it's not her business.
Not wrong at all. My wife breastfed both until 12 months, but did stop pumping at that age and went to probably about 18 months for both at night (or somewhere around there). I think she would have gone further if she could have, but both of our kids were really fussy sleepers and I think she just wanted her sleep at that point (we both did).
My mom has always been a very pro-breastfeeding mom, she did it when it wasn't super popular and always talked about the pros of it.
I ended up breastfeeding my youngest a lot longer than I anticipated (weened off to cow's milk, but at night he was still bf at 2, he just didn't want to quit)
And at the point, she was like, uh, I think you should stop now, it's getting weird, too big, etc.
The point is, you can't please everyone. You do you. If you and your baby are happy, that's what matters.
I think take this as a win. Breastfeeding is an easy one to be criticized for because you know it’s not wrong and she’s just nuts.
If you weren’t still breastfeeding, she wouldn’t have something big enough to criticize you for so she would probably be attacking you for all sorts of smaller things you’re doing “wrong”.
17 months is still very young and many babies don’t wean that early. None of mine did, my earliest to wean was my oldest and she was just shy of 2. It’s literally none of her business and I would tell her she’s the one being weird and if she doesn’t drop it I would go no contact.
Only give up breastfeeding when you or your baby wants to. Nobody else has a say in the matter. Not even your abusive mother. Pay no mind to her. Enjoy the rest of your breastfeeding journey till you or baby is ready to wean off breastfeeding
A couple of people also told me “it’s disgusting with children old enough to verbally ask for it”. They are disgusting for thinking it! My parents did seem a bit weirded out by it, but as I do turn into a mamma bear on anything related to my son, they wisely kept their comments to themselves.
I don’t get it personally. I breastfed my son until he was 2 and a couple of months, and then stopped because I felt it was time.
Extended breastfeeding also has some benefits for both mother and child. The best perk for me was that my son was 2 years old before I got my period and became fertile again! And extra 500 kcals a day without gaining weight was nothing to sneeze at.
For the kid, it kept him out of hospital with a severe GI bug. He couldn’t hold on any food and barely any fluids for days, but he did breastfeed and stayed hydrated.
People will always get weirdly judgmental about parenting choices. I think mainly because they feel a different choice is implicitly criticizing their own choices. Good luck and you do you :)
Only I have to say about it is that it’s honestly pretty impressive that you’ve been breastfeeding for this long. I know it’s tough, especially once they have teeth. So props to you. Breast milk is the best stuff for babies
Tell her to fuck off. My 20 month old still nurses at night and occasionally during the day if she is feeling extra needy. She will stop at some point and she is still a baby. In that odd part baby part toddler point. I just follow her lead and set boundaries that work for me.
I still breastfeed my almost 14 month old. I am probably stopping soon but because I have terrible acne and can't do anything helpful while breastfeeding.
BUT, I have felt the pressure too, from friends and my mom too. Not to the extent you're mother took it. She is massively out of line.
You keep doing you!!
Breast is best mumma. You can feed him till he’s 4 if you wish, it’s your decision. In fact, it’s recommended they have breastmilk until 4 y/o to help build their immunity and lower risk of things like diabetes and obesity. So your mum can literally fuck right off in my opinion. Keep looking after your bubba your way. You’ll never be judged for breastfeeding here
Based on that story alone, your mom sucks.
Keep in mind that having a relationship with adult children is a privilege not a right. You should think long and hard about whether your mom deserves that privilege.
Don't feel awful! I breastfed my daughter at night until she was almost two yo. It was simply the only way to get her to sleep. My mom never understood that, since she breastfed for the first three months and then switched to formula because she had to go back to work and I stayed home with my dad, who was working on his master thesis. She started to tell me that its time to stop from the day my daughter turned 6 months. But then she never got agressive, she just totally lacked empathy on that matter.
But after almost two years all I wanted was an evening to myself or maybe even a whole weekend with my BFF, since I saw my husband being able to do all those things. She even took a bottle with formula before attaching to my boob, so it was not about being hungry. It was just that she wanted to use my nipple as a pacifier. And don't get me wrong: I loved cuddling with her and how close we were and with how much love she looked at me while breastfeeding, but shortly before her second birthday my husband and I decided that it was time for it to stop. So he took her to his parents for the weekend and while I was afraid it would hurt my relationshio to my daughter and the weekend was definitely hard for all three of us, it was the right decision.
So just continue until you feel its the right time for you both to stop. Don't listen to your mother and don't feel bad. Most mom's have a real talent to pull the right strings to make you feel bad about your parenting desicion if they are not in line with what they did.
I'm so sorry. Nothing you are doing is wrong. I would go LC or even NC with your mother if she can't even respect you enough to respect your decisions when it comes to your child.
I'd tell you to educate her on extended breastfeeding but I think you'd be wasting your breath. Does your mother have mental health issues? To specifically call to abuse you over something that has absolutely 0 effect on her or anyone else for that matter is alarming.
You and your son will decide when the time to end your bf relationship and it will be when you are both ready.
I highly suggest going on an information diet with her if she cannot be supportive or mind her own business. My daughter is 18 months and though I wasn’t ever able to breastfeed, other things I do still bother my mother so I just don’t share with her anymore. For example She was very upset and concerned with BLW so I just stopped sharing any food related info with her at all.
Your mom sounds awful, sorry. SHE'S the disgusting one for harassing her daughter over a behavior that is objectively beneficial for your son. What a piece of work... sorry she makes you doubt yourself like this :(
Nope not wrong. It’s your baby and you can BF until you want to stop. My wife BF my kids until they were two and a half. They are both very healthy kids with a strong immune system.
I BF until my daughters 3rd bday. I wanted to stop sooner but it wasn’t something she wanted to let go of. On her 3rd bday, a week before, I prepped her every night that once she was 3 mummies boobies wont have milk anymore. We were both sad when it ended. I still get my night time cuddles though so can’t be too sad my baby is getting bigger.
That’s not her call to make, it’s completely normal to feed for at least two years. Good for mama for making milk that long! I only produced enough for four months. If it bothers her that much, then she can go low contact or no contact at all until she can respect both of yours decision on how to raise your own child. It also sounds like projected personal guilt from her own parenting days. That’s her problem, not yours.
Nope. Nothing wrong with that.
Personally I nursed my son until he was 2 because they took forever to get the COVID vaccines out for his age group. He had to get antibodies somehow. I don't know if that was ideal but it's what worked for us. After his shots he lost interest.
If you feel you and your son aren't ready, that's okay. You guys do what you need to do and do it on your time. Also your mother needs to let you parent and frankly she needs to settle down because what she is saying is inappropriate and wrong. It's none of her business and she's out of line.
Remember, you do what you think is best for your kid. If anyone gives you crap or gets out of shape that's their problem, not yours.
This is totally normal. Also, you’re mother is a jerk most likely because of her own insecurities and jealousy. I still BF my 16 month old at night, and he shows no signs of stopping. You do you!
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It is not wrong and the World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding for 2+ years
Mmmhmm.. I told her that, even sent her the link to their page afterward, but nope, I'm "disgusting."
I think talking to your daughter the way she is talking to you is disgusting.
Often, people lashing out like this have some internalized shame or other emotional response that they are trying to cover. I'd guess that OP's mom probably followed the advice she was given at the time to end BF by 6mo, and hearing that there are benefits to BF for 1-2 years feels like an attack on her parenting or an argument that she did something wrong. This sub is filled with stories of grandparents and in-laws who want current parents to do things exactly as they did, and it usually just comes down to reinforcing that they did things the "right" way.
or theres another side, OP’s mother couldn’t breastfeed and is mad/jealous/upset OPs journey is going so well, which still leads down the rabbit hole of “i raised you, i did everything I could for you”
My mom is weird about breastfeeding too, but I've noticed that she associates extended breastfeeding (which obviously this is not) -- like anything over 6 months as "spoiling." Maybe something to do with the idea of giving in to a baby's demands? I have no idea. It's weird. She's also from this boomer generation, so she's constantly judging other people's decisions.
Because giving into a child’s request for comfort and bonding time is “spoiling them” 🙄🙄 what is it with boomers needing everyone else to be miserable and go through struggle just because they might have??
Augh, so much this. My mom gave me grief over getting an epidural during my labor. She kept emphasizing that she didn't have any when SHE had her kids. I told her, "that's cool. Cause I'm having one"
My ex MIL was like that. Brought me a cactus to the delivery room and sneered that *she* had never had any pain meds with her children. She always made snide comments about me breastfeeding too long too (I breastfed 18 months).
Yep. My mom (I’m the dad) annoyingly is weird about breast feeding to my wife, though no where near as bad as OP’s story. My mom did not breastfeed any of her three kids and I think she’s acting out some regret or guilt or just constantly trying to reassure herself her choice was valid. She is always kinda awkward about BF with my wife, makes cracks about “formula babies sleep so well,” and stuff like that. It’s the classic dynamic you cite. “You kids today think we did everything wrong.” Type attitude.
That’s funny. My sister and I teased my mom a little like saying mom our IQs could have been higher WTH. Lol. But honestly I did sense some guilt from her. So we discussed it. When I was little formula was touted as the new modern break through. They were told it was healthier than breast milk and thought they were doing what was best.
It made a lot of sense to me to find out that bteasfeeding was not en vogue when I was little. Formula was even better than mother's milk type of thing. And breasts are sexualized to a point where you want kids off the boob as soon as possible because otherwise you are harming them. Really just a lot of different attitudes about things then.
My MIL took her Doctors advice and apparently took pills 🤷♀️ to dry up right away then spent all 3.5 years I was breastfeeding buying and offering my kid formula, then milk and eventually apple juice in a bottle every time we were there. She never actually criticized my breastfeeding to my face but was constantly prepared with bottles when we visited. I eventually allowed the formula when we left him there alone for a few hours while he was under two but he refused the milk telling her yuck only mommy milk lol. I put my food down hard on the apple juice in a bottle although I suspect she probably gave it to him in a sippy cup behind our backs. Al of meddling was backed by but my Doctor told me to and the old it’s what I did and look at my kids!! We had to pick our battles with her and we needed her free babysitting.
what makes this sadder is that I would bet that your wife would never judge your mom because she formula fed (she married one of those formula fed babies after all!) most people I know don’t have this black and white thinking today. so while your wife wouldn’t judge your mom for her choice, your mom is judging her from some long held insecurity.
If you're into some education or want to try to maintain the relationship, what I've found effective in conversations like that is to reinforce that what they did with their babies was probably what was considered best practice at the time, and commend them for following science-backed advice themselves. I.e. 'you did the right thing, but then doctors learned new information so now the advice is different, so I'm doing it differently'. Which leaves space for the person to feel good about having followed the best advice at the time, even if that's no longer what recommended. But no one should be on the hook for that level of grace, especially not when the other person is being hurtful and confrontational.
Yeah this was my theory as well. She probably thinks that because OP is doing things differently than how she did it, that it’s an “attack” on her parenting. Definitely seems to be a common perception among Boomers.
This is the key to all the mom shaming over anything. If you’re doing something different it means that what they did was/is wrong.
This is likely it. I wish more parents / grandparents would realize how often guidence changes. Some had even changed from when my my sister had her first and her third.
Agreed. If someone is abusing you while calling you abusive, they're probably fucking wrong.
Truthfully if she was my mother I would be going LC
No contact
I would go no contact too. Breastfeeding is hard enough, hearing cruel comments from your own mother about her own insecurities about breastfeeding is not helpful.
For real, i personally think this sub has too many people who's go to for any infraction is nc, but this is one of the cases where nc is the way to go.
I had to with my mom for a little while due to this same situation OP is in. She has a boomer it sounds like, like I do. They SUCK
This boomer agrees with OP
Wait with OP, or with OP’s mom?
With OP. My point is not all boomers are hopelessly stuck in the past.
That’s marvelous!!!!! 😊
*NC
Sure, going on a vacation to North Carolina sounds nice and helpful, but I’d also try to go low contact or no contact with the mother.
Haha yeah that’s what I mean…go to North Carolina and stop calling your mom or taking her calls.
I'm in North Carolina now. Don't come here it's too hot.
She is emotionally abusive and projects sth connected to her inner shame onto you. Boundaries are friends, especially with family members. “I am the mother, I will do what is best for my baby, not what’s best in my mothers opinion. I won’t let you yell at me or call me names. You want to be treated with respect? Treat me with respect. If you can’t do that I have to leave this conversation.” Exit to the left..
I CANNOT like this comment enough. I would’ve added an “excuse you” and some extra choice words in there
This… my mother tries to act like because she is my mother she automatically is entitled to the max level of respect. The issue is that there is the basic human decency level of respect and then the other stuff… the other stuff is earned. What Lililove said is such a good idea. I have to do it with my mother even as my kid is 8 to this day. The saddest part is they don’t see these actions as abuse they see if as normal and ok when it is not. They see all respect levels as required because they are your parent and that is not how it works either. Do what is best for you and your kid. And if “ mommy dearest” can’t accept all this shiz… NO CONTACT is the way to go. My mom pushed me of the edge recently so when my kid and I move countries we will be doing the same… literally ignoring your grandchild who is 2 arms lengths away from you in a pool crying for help as they begin to basically drown was my last straw. Hopefully you learn ,sooner than me, what is best for you and your kid with regards to this issue OP.
When our children become adults our relationships switch to that of two adults. We don’t owe our parents anything. They decided to have unprotected sex and brought us into the world. Raising a child is part of your responsibility as a parent. Children deserve unconditional love but adults do not.
You should tell her that *you* find *her* disgusting for sexualizing you and her grandson that way, and promptly go low contact. Calling you "disgusting" for feeding your child is simply abusive. Maybe no or low contact with her will help her understand.
She has issues. Serious ones. This sounds unhinged. First of all, it’s weird to judge you, and second - say it out? Pick a damn fight? I’d probably take a break from a parent like that, and my kid takes a break from gran aswell.
Your mom is disgusting. Ignore that troll and tell her to fuck off if she ever wants to see her grandkid again.
Yah can’t fix stupid. Facts are facts. If someone wants to argue past that it’s trying to be hurtful not helpful
Its very clear your mother is abusive. You probably already know this. I assume she didn’t take the time to breastfeed you and now seeing you do so for your child makes her feel threatened. This is a common sign of narcissism.
Old women are preticulraly judgmental and unfortunatly vocal. LIke information/standards havent changed in the last 20 years. So many judgy looks from my mother and MIL. They also told me not to hold her too much because she will be spoiled *EYE ROLL*. I just chalk it up to them being shitty and inflexable. Duck them, and their bad advice. I just finished BF my kid at 2.4 years, because I wanted to stop. Continue to your backbone now because uninformed people/family will always have opinions. You do you boo, and you and bebe will be better for it. Good luck!
Not just old women... older men are too. My father said he was worried about me breastfeeding.
Her generation also thinks it's disgusting to show your children love or let them have feelings. Don't worry about it.
Babies drinking breast milk is “disgusting”???? - her opinion is worthless, sorry. She is objectively wrong.
My mom was the same as yours. I breastfed my kid until 2, and every time starting from birth she would make faces and gross comments like "What? You're _still_ breastfeeding??" each time she visited my home. That, combined with other unsolicited "advice" and peanut gallery commentary about my parenting choices, led to the severance of our relationship.
That's a her problem. Tell her to shut up and mind her own business. You are doing what's best for you and your baby. She doesn't get a say at all. And if she can't behave and nit berate you for your personal choice then she shouldn't get access to you or your baby. Full stop. If she can't respect that then what other things will she overstep on later down the road?
If your mother thought breastfeeding after 6 months is disgusting, SHE is disgusting. I nursed one of mine till about 18 months, another till just after 2 years. I know women who nursed till 3, which is still entirely in line with normal historical human behavior. Do not listen to this unstable, controlling, judgmental woman. You do it your way.
With all due respect, fuck that. It’s not your mothers child it’s yours and you get to decide
You can't control and shouldn't have to correct other people's disgust. It's a her problem, not a you problem.
I sent a screenshot and the link to my husband’s grandma after getting a similar comment. It wasn’t as cruel and awful as your moms comments but still stung. My daughter is 32 months old and still breastfeeding. It’s beautiful and wonderful (& also sometimes my nipples are sick of it 😅) and we will stop when WE are ready, but probably when she turns 3. Your mom is a jerk and I’m so sorry you had that kind of commentary slung at you. There is NOTHING wrong with breastfeeding for AS LONG AS YOU WANT TO.
Who cares what anyone else thinks? Coming from someone who it took years to get here, make your mantra “fuck what other people think”. Makes parenting easier
She’s guilty that her boobs dried up early or that she didn’t have the willpower to keep it up. Trying to make what she did the “norm” in her mind.
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And it used to really benefit people because in tribes if a mother wasn't able to, another mother would breastfeed her child.
Our boy is now 28 months and we are trying to end breastfeeding now, as he have more started to use it for comfort rather than a source of food. Also I think it would be nice for the mother to not be woken up every night (he sleeps in a another room and shows up at about 01:30 most nights) ... As a father I find it a bit weird when he shows up and asks for it, but don't find it disgusting or inappropriate. Edit. Wrong word.
It’s supposed to be a source of comfort. That is normal.
The American Association of Pediatrics has updated to reflect 2 years as well (mirroring the WHO).
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Hmm I thought the mother crazily viewed breastfeeding a 17mo as a somehow sexual/incestuous act. That was my first instinct because of the word ‘disgusting’. But yeah she needs to get her shit together, educate herself and apologize
That was my first though. The mothers inability to disconnect the sexuality of the breast from breast feeding is the issue here. The mother is 100% wrong.
I’d wager a bet that OP’s mom may have been lacking in a lot of areas and is jealous/resentful that OP isn’t making the same choices that she made.
I agree. This is certainly at play.
I’ve been noticing this as well.. parenting criticism is some form of projection. We are visiting grandparents currently—boomer neighborhood, and a friendly neighbor comes to see our infant and is like “do you ever put him down? You’re going to spoil him” (friendly but serious tone) Getting unwanted advice is annoying, but over the years as I’ve become a more seasoned parent it’s easier to dissect. In this case I was thinking about it, and it’s like ok, guilty.. I will not ignore a tiny baby that wants nothing more than to be comforted. But YOU can because… it’s good for it?! Nah. You were depressed, resented motherhood, whatever. Your husband probably changed 0 diapers and comforted the kids 0 times. I feel for you. Boomer women had it rough, I’ll give them that.
Oh yes absolutely. They seem to love making it the Olympics of “who had it worse.” Just because we “turned out fine” (which is debatable for some of us, lol) doesn’t mean that we don’t want better or shouldn’t expect better for our own kids.
Yup, this is the polite way to say that. OP I see this almost daily on r/justnomil or r/mildlynomil
My mom in a nutshell.
You feel awful because your mom was awful to you. I don't know why women feel the need to attack eachother over their bf choices. I genuinely don't get why they care. Unless you're actively starving your child, any person who has an opinion on how you choose to feed **your** child, is being ridiculous and should be ignored. That being said, this is erratic behaviour. Is that normal for your mother? If she's always been like this, it's time to stop picking up the phone. But if this is out of character for her, maybe take mom to a doctor.
Very much agree with the theme of all the top comments, but I think it's worth punctuating that, should this be out of character for your mom, it would certainly be kind to look into whether this is a cognitive decline issue. It's probably not, but on the off chance she isn't OK - it's probably worth at least a thought.
Your mom is disgusting for sexualizing how a baby eats. Wtf did she think we did before formula? Boobs make milk. That is their primary function!
Right? Formula is a newer thing....imagine her head when she finds out about wet nurses. It'll explode.
8-track flashback! My mom wet nursed her friend’s kid back in the early 70’s. Funny (but actually mortifying) story, my mom always said what a good baby my younger brother was. My aunt said it was because she was drunk all the time. Said she didn’t drink with me. (But my parents were going thru rough times with my brother, and she wanted me to have a sibling.) I wonder if those forces in play back then contributed to him becoming an alcoholic/addict (now recovered), but not me. (I have/had plenty of my own problems though!)
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My mom and i were talking about bf in general and she said don't forget only a few decades ago women were pushed towards formula as the better option. I wonder if OPs mom internalized that along with the sexualization of female breasts and has some cognitive hangup about it. Seems like a borderline psychotic break the way OP describes it. I'm sorry she had to hear that from her own mother
You’re prob not wrong about the internalization. Honestly, it seems like something my own mom would say (forced into arranged marriage at 19, very naive and immature/weird about all things sexual), but it wouldn’t stop me from calling her out.
Your mom is an asshole. You are 100% fine and allowed to keep breastfeeding your baby. I’d suggest no more contact with your mom until she apologizes.
Nope, some cultures go as late as age six. Tell her you'll add a month every time she complains.
It's true! I saw a documentary where they interviewed those cultures and it was fascinating. Other mammals bf until approximately half of sexual maturity, which for us is around 6-7, which also aligns with other markers of psychological and physical development. Re adding a month 🤣🤣
Omg I would be exhausted
I guess this explains why my 5yo daughter (who weaned at 2) will randomly say “I wish I could drink your milk again.” I’m still bf her 2 year old sister. 😂
It's a security and comforting thing for them, of course they love it. They are being physically and emotionally nourished when they nurse.
Yep. I weaned my daughter at 2.5 years because I needed to be done, she's 6 now and still occasionally expresses her want to nurse, but is happily fulfilled with a "cuddle snack" instead.
Awww. My 6 year old sometimes pats my boobs when he snuggles me. I think kids just think of boobs as big squishy mommy pillows that have food in them. Like a squishmallow with a drink inside.
Makes sense. Kids lose their first baby teeth ("milk teeth") around that time.
She’s an idiot. Humans used to breastfeed to age 4 to 7 when proper nutrition was harder to reach. While this is no longer necessary, it is definitely not *wrong*. I breastfed both of mine till they were two, at the end just once a day. Don’t listen to her, and don’t feel bad. The way she talks to you, however, I’d draw a line there. She can talk to you politely or she can not talk to you at all. Simply hang up next time. And let her know you’re happy to talk, but you will not be a catalyst for her bad day or old-fashioned biases.
If that was me, I’d tell her that if she speaks to me in that manner again I’ll keep her at arms length in future, and she won’t have a relationship with her grandchild.
Not at all, I did exactly what you're doing. I ended up breast-feeding both of my children until they were almost 3, but in later times it was just a quick comfort suck before falling asleep. Obviously I don't know where you're from, but there are still plenty of countries where long term, child-centered weaning is completely normal, and it isn't even a question whether or not it's best for the child. There's a whole very interesting history about how that changed in more developed countries in the early 1900s, and the fact that it changed still has absolutely nothing to do with you or what you think is best for you and your child. Please find a La Leche League group online or local to you, since their purpose is to support whatever the parents feel is best for their family. When my daughter was a year old and my parents and one set of grandparents came for her birthday, my grandmother criticized me for giving her frozen peas for breakfast, saying I should be giving her cereal, eggs or some such breakfast food. (My daughter hadn't read the book yet that said that in this country those are "normal" breakfast foods, so I think she probably just appreciated that they felt good on her gums, as she was teething.) My mother clearly acted disapproving every time I nursed her, because back in her day nursing was frowned upon. I was given bottles from birth, and they started me on rice cereal in my bottle at *four weeks*. By the time they left I felt so insecure and upset, and immediately looked into LLL. When people went going around the circle introducing themselves at my first meeting, by the time it was my turn I was sobbing, because I was clearly going to get support for doing what I felt was best for my child. Now the whole boundary thing with my mother was another whole story that took decades to sort out. The fact that she feels that it's her place to judge you and pressure you the way she did is going to be an ongoing problem unless you do something about it. And the fact that you reacted by feeling like you must be doing something wrong is going to be an ongoing problem unless you do something about it. I can't encourage you strongly enough to do whatever you need to do to set and maintain healthy boundaries for yourself with your mother as soon as possible, regardless of how far you may need to take that. Get professional help if you need it, because believe me this is just the beginning of her criticizing your parenting until you show her you won't allow her to treat you this way anymore, and if you have this issue setting boundaries with her, I'm guessing you have the same problem with others as well.
You know what‘s disgusting? Abusing your daughter and swearing to her. Projecting sexual interests in breastfeeding is disgusting as well. Stop talking to her about that! She has no right to be handed the ammunition she tries to hurt you with. And enjoy your son! All the best for both of you!
Breasts have become so oversexualized and shamed that even women who have had babies are unable to see breasts within their natural biological context. Why are we so anti-breasts in America? I breastfed openly without a cover and my family and inlaws had the most issues with it. Constantly shaming and embarrassed about me not going to a private room or leaving social situations in order to breastfeed. My baby was born in the hottest months of the summer so covering up was also very uncomfortable for me and the baby. People need to get over their "ick" of breastfeeding and realize that breasts are no more biologically sexual than feet or hands are. They are for the purpose of caring for a baby after it is born. Society has sexualized the breasts, so as far as I'm concerned it's not my problem people get uncomfortable. Take care of your baby, ignore the rest.
Quite normal.. on both accounts. The breastfeeding at 17m and the mother having a problem with it. My mom told me all the same stuff starting around the same age. “Some people might think you’re sexually abusive” or “some people will assume your getting something out of it” oh yeah, toddlers doing cartwheels on my nipples really turn me on. Said like a true person who’s never nursed a baby. Lol Yep. She pulled all the punches. Whatever. I knew that wasn’t actually true. I was going to nurse that kid till 25 after those comments. Lol unfortunately he weaned at 15months. Your baby isn’t too old. Your mom was told that milk stops at 6months old and the kid starts on 4 course meals at that age. 😆 that’s the problem. She’s not educated and outdated on the standards. She probably thinks car seats are pointless too. 🤷🏻♀️
“I didn’t use a car seat for any of my 6 kids and you all turned out fine!”
I breastfed my children until they were about 3.5 I know some people thought it was very weird including my mum who went on about it for a while when the first one was about 1.5 saying things like if they can ask for it they are too old I just ignored her and carried on doing what was best for my children. For some reason a lot of people are uncomfortable with breastfeeding past the first year they are ignorant and you should take as little notice as possible. 17 months is still a baby really and it is natural and good to breastfeed them as long as you both are happy
My mom asked me if I was still breastfeeding my nine month old. Like ta hell no mom his planing his own garden and slaughtering animals for dinner. Yes I’m nursing him his a baby.
Wow wtf? What did she think he should be doing at 9 months? Some of these comments are so weird. I hope you actually told her that lol!
My mom doesn’t understand sarcasm and I was so taken back when she asked me I was like “yes”. She always told me she nursed me so I assumed she did it for a year now idk
I hear the ‘they’re too old for it if they can ask for it’ line a lot and I don’t understand why that’s the cut off. Prior to language development, your baby asks for milk by crying. I’m still breastfeeding my 21 month old and probably plan to let him self wean. He likes it, I like the snuggles, it’s good for him. He’s really wild and it serves as a nice thing to help us reconnect. I just don’t see the issue. People are weird and sexualize it too much.
My first three kids all self-weaned before their 2nd birthdays. My fourth and final I finally weaned at 3.5 because I was over it. Not because I was going to let someone else tell me how long was too long.
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I breastfed mine until they were 2 and 3.5! Neither remembers it at all. My MIL made a comment when first baby had literally just turned one and I sat down to nurse her because she was fussy and tired. “I thought you were going to stop *that.*” “I am. Eventually.” I was so firm that she didn’t ask more than once or twice after that in all the subsequent years.
Your mum is of the age when formula was new. Doctors encouraged it and suggested that mothers didn't need to breastfeed as that is something only cows do. Since then we've learned more about the body's immune system and how antibodies are passed from mother to child in breast milk. Your mother's reaction is understandable given her knowledge, but if she won't listen to reason then just ignore her or tell her to go fuck herself.
Lol yeah. Don’t drink human milk that is literally made for the baby, that’s disgusting and weird Do the exact same thing from a different species, with a few extra steps in between 🤯
>Your mum is of the age when formula was new. This is unlikely. Formula went mainstream in the 40s and 50s. I'm all for OP breastfeeding as long as she wants, and I don't even think her child is especially old for it. I'm just at the age where I could be a grandmother of a baby and I'm endlessly amused by how many people think that means I grew up in a cave.
Would it be easier if we wrote our replies in hieroglyphics for you? 🤣🤣🤣 I just became a grandma at the ripe old age of 53!
How old is her mom? Formula has been around for a long time. It sounds more like a hangup around breasts and shame or some other twisted shit she's got going.
Read the lower part about the advantages of continuing to Breastfeed (BF). But I’m going to address your Mom first. If she bottle fed or had a hard time nursing, she may see your continued BF as an attack against HER decisions/parenting. Your loving bedtime routine might threaten her ego as a rebuke of how she put HER kids to bed. Is she a narcissist? That kind of personality finds it necessary to bully you in order to negate you decision when it differs from her opinion of what is right. Rather than accept your decision to continue BF, she doubles down, sexualizing your behavior rather than listening to the science of why it’s so good for your child. This is toxic behavior that can spread to every parenting decision you later make. Set boundaries and beware. This behavior will demonize things like playing with toys that aren’t “boy toys”, things she doesn’t approve of, attending activities or sports she doesn’t seem appropriate “boy” activities. Right now she is basically saying that your son is getting off on nursing from his mother’s breast. She’s gross. I’m in my 60’s. I felt pressured to stop BF my oldest child by the time she was 9 mos old. She transitioned to milk and food, but it later resulted in lots of dairy sensitivity and lactose intolerance, as well as steroid problems from additives in the dairy industry ( please go all organic dairy for your child’s future health from 1-5)! I let my 2nd and 3rd child BF until they expressed an interest in cutting back to only nursing at bedtime. They were about 2 when they voluntarily gave up BF. Those two were healthier, had little to no food allergies, skin issues, puberty issues, etc. I know that longer BF and adding only organic dairy to their diets when they started drinking milk and eating things like cheese, yogurt and ice cream made a huge difference. We have learned so much over the decades about the antibiotics and steroids given to cows in the dairy and meat industry. Don’t be swayed by those pushing to have you stop entirely, it’s so good for their health and immune system. Add Edit: There’s a reason women bf their babies from the beginning of time for years, not months. It’s just better for them. As they grow, it supplements the introduction of food. Because breast milk IS food, not a drink.
I’ve heard it explained to me that a lot of boomers were led to believe that formula was superior bc it was cutting edge technology that was *specially formulated by highly educated scientists* (eye roll) and that breastfeeding was associated with those tribal ppl in Africa and decent, civilized ppl didn’t need to do that anymore. (double eye roll) I breast fed all my kids but regardless, I have never felt the need to comment on anyone else’s choice.
I only have antidotal evidence for this but I was able to continue bf until mine were 2 and they have fantastic immune systems. Unfortunately my SIL was not able to continue anywhere near that long and her 2 are always sick. I have always thought it was related to bf.
Same. Mine were preemies too and they never get sick. I attribute it to breastfeeding. When they’re babies, their gut biomes are developing that will set the tone for the rest of their lives.
I followed my child's lead and breastfed until 4. He had never had an ear infection and only ever had a handful of colds until we quit. You don't feel bad for breastfeeding.... you feel bad because someone you should be able to trust is being an irrational asshole to you without logic OR empathy. Tell her if she thinks her disgust outweighs SCIENCE she can fuck off until after your little one weens themself.
Tell your mum to kindly fuck right off. My son was BF in the mornings until he was 2. Why?? Because we wanted to, and it's no one else's business. Please don't let idiots and fools make you feel bad or as though you're doing anything wrong. You're not.
I breastfed all my children past age 3. I remember before I became a mom, that I thought anyone who did this was weird as hell. Then once I became a mom, it felt so natural & nurturing. I felt very connected to my child. However, I got a lot of comments like those from your mom. It was stressful and I felt shamed. And I doubted myself, yet I followed my gut mothering instincts and continued in my home just telling no one. My kids are now teens or school age. Anecdotally, they are great kids, with no attachment issues. Research has demonstrated no adverse outcomes to extended breastfeeding and possibly some benefits. I have no regrets other than allowing all the naysayers to erode my confidence and make me second guess myself — really, this is her problem, not a you problem. Be confident you are doing the right thing for your family!
I felt the same before kids. Then I became a mom and I decided to follow my children's lead. 22 months, 5 years and 5.5 years. At the end they were nursing at bedtime. For my youngest I decided I was done. Supply was pretty much gone so I told my son the milk was all gone.
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Exactly and you deserve just as much support as someone nursing until 5,
It’s the most normal and natural thing. In lots of cultures around the world mothers breastfeed until the child is like 5. Your mother is the one making it weird. Sorry you’re going through that hun, you are a great mama for your little one ❤️
Your mom's a dick. You're doing what's best for you and your child. Pay her no mind
Well, the APA recommendations for breast-feeding are exclusively for the first six months. They also support breast-feeding past the age of two. Also, I am in Nutrition and wellness major and we have gone over so many times how extended breast-feeding can help reduce the risk of certain disease and boost immune system of the child when you extend past at six months, but there are so many benefits for the mother. There is nothing wrong with Breastfeeding at the age of 17 months. My oldest breast-fed until I want is to pregnant to continue breast-feeding him comfortably (which was 15 months) and my youngest breast-fed until he was 2 years 2 months.
Next time she calls you and starts that up again, let her know "I will not let you talk to me like this. Let me know when you are ready to have a civil discussion" and HANG UP THE PHONE. Don't let her get another word in. She is being unreasonable. Swearing at you? Really? Because of bf a 17 month old?! That's ridiculous. You don't have to explain yourself to her. You are an adult and a mother and get to make these decisions.
Wtf?! My kids (4 of them) all breastfed until they were almost 3!!
Does your mom have some kind of mental illness? I don't even mean to be mean, there's something off about your mother. That's not normal, to be so concerned with the healthy habits of other moms.
Your mom has issues.
Your mother was part of a generation that was heavily sold industrialized milk and actively discouraged from breastfeeding. She internalized those values. Best you can do is to agree to disagree. You’re parenting well.
Lol I mean I breastfed my first until 3 soooo I must be extra gross and abnormal. 🫠 But yeah that is toxic and obnoxious and motherhood is stressful enough without extra negativity.
ABSOLUTELY NOT F**K her. Why is it wrong? Why is she sexualizing a child?!? The kiddo came out your body and your body was created to feed him/her my doctor advised me to breastfeed up until 2 at least but that I could do 3/4 if my kid was really attached. Wtf is wrong with people. You go mama. You’ve got this. Tell your mom to touch grass
I breastfed both my kids until 18 months. With the first, I stopped because my milk dried up, with my second, I was just done after 3 combined years of BF - but definitely *not* because there was anything wrong with bfing at that age and beyond. Your mom is confused about what breasts are for, and is sexualizing both you and her grandchild.
Is this the first time your mum has been this rude? She sounds like a meddler. I have a mum who will give random unwanted advice and it’s quite upsetting if I think too much about it. I just say mmm hmmm and then genuinely dismiss the advice and move on
Sometimes our logic faces negative emotions and pressure from others. And we doubt ourselves. But again.. logic vs emotion. Go with breastfeeding. Most studies show it's extremely beneficial. For some reason i feel 3-5 years is the biological norm & ideal, but definitely not the social norm.
Stop listening to your mother - she is wrong. You are doing great - follow your mother’s instincts and limit your relationship with your own mother. She sounds like a toxic one.
When your mom is abusive and WRONG and toxic, hang up the phone and refuse to be around her! Keep breast feeding as long as you want.
Your mom is the disgusting one. I let my kid wean himself. He just happened to do it a few days after his second birthday. The WHO suggests two years if possible. Sounds like your mom needs a nice time out.
I breastfed my kids till 18 months, 26 months, and 36 mths old. They decided when it was time to give up, each one was different. There was nothing disgusting about it. This sounds like a them (your mother) problem, not a you problem. Just ignore her.
Your mum needs some Therapy, did she breastfeed you? I remember my friend going ballistic on me because I was breastfeeding my one year old, few years after she confessed that she never bond with her only child and she was jealous of me. Tell your mum to mind her own business and that you appreciated her help but you are a mum now and she need to respect your decisions even if she doesn’t support you
If my current pregnancy didn’t make it so difficult (yay aversions), I’d absolutely be still nursing my 16mo! I’m sad we had to stop just short of 15mo, I’m hoping that when the new baby arrives, my hormones will behave and I’ll be able to tandem feed! My son will be 19mo by then. Your mother can kindly mind her own business.
Your mom has issues. Both AAP and WHO recommend until at least age 2.
Any “grandmother” who calls their daughter disgusting for BF their barely 2 year old is very alarming. I hope you choose very carefully in deciding to keep her in your life because I can assure you that the verbal abuse will continue and eventually effect your daughter. I’ve lived with a family member like that all my life, gave them chances after having kids and nothing ever changed. It got to a point where my own kids were verbally abused by them and that’s where I drew the line
Girl, hang up on her next time. As soon as she starts in on this nonsense I would just end the call. Don’t entertain her ignorance by listening to it. She is just plain wrong. But even worse, she is also overstepping boundaries. This is not her decision and it’s none of her business. I would tell her that you don’t want to hear anything else about it ever again. It was inappropriate for her to say. And that you won’t be tolerating her unsolicited opinions or the rude way she spoke to you. Tell her to mind her own tits and respect your authority as a mom or you will be forced to limit her contact with your family. I would put her on a time out every time she violates your boundaries or speaks unkindly to you starting now. 2-4 weeks of no contact with you or her grandchild should help her understand her mistake.
Boomers are so weird about this. I have friends who had an amazing breast feeding journey (I didn’t, mine ended at 4 months and was rough) but my mom always asks me if so and so is still breast feeding their 2 year old or whoever else. It’s strange lol. Tell your mom to mind her own business
I breastfed my oldest until he was 3 and my youngest until she was 2½. (She weaned way easier than he did.) I think it's a lot more common now. Very few people in my extended family had ever breastfed before so there was a lot of ignorance & misinformation around it. Your mother's behavior and sentiments were both 100% wrong though.
Moms and grandmas think they know best, even though recommendations have changed since they were parents of babies and toddlers. My mom and grandma are personally offended that my 3.5 year old is still rear facing. Do what you think is right 🤷🏼♀️
My mother is a lactation consultant and she always recommends breastfeeding for as long as you can. Breast milk has more nutrition than anything else you can give your baby and does wonders for their little immune systems and development. Don’t let your mother make you feel wrong for that. I don’t know what perverse thoughts she has in her mind but she should not project that on to you and baby. What you are doing is perfectly normal. When I have babies I plan to breastfeed for 2+ years if my body allows. It is natural and our society is so messed up in their sexualization of women that breasts can’t be anything other than sexual. Breasts were made to feed babies. Not for others to sexualize. Nothing is wrong with you, but EVERYTHING is wrong of those who have such disgusting thoughts/judgements.
I planned on breast feeding for the first 6 months however I didn’t stop until my daughter was about 18 months because she wouldn’t drink cows milk . Your mum is being ridiculous. You’re not doing anything wrong .
My son is 2 years old and 7 months. Up until a week ago I nursed him to bed. If someone finds it weird they have an issue not you. Nurse that baby!!! I only stopped because I took a solo vacation for my 30th birthday (thanks husband! :) ) otherwise I probably would still be nursing 🥰
My sister breastfed my niece until her 3rd birthday. She’s one of the smartest and brightest children her age. Breast milk is always good for a child’s development however it does become more controversial if you still do it when they hit school age. (The norm in some countries is double digits..) 18 months is totally fine to continue breastfeeding. I couldn’t make it to a full year, the biting got too bad. Go as long as you are comfortable with mama!
Let’s ignore the upper age of when you might stop, and take a look at when mom started complaining - 6 months! I can’t even. Sure, many people stop BF even earlier, for various reasons. They might be good reasons. But if you don’t have one of those reasons at play and you’re good to keep going, that’s your business. Calling you out of the blue like that? I’d personally worry about what’s going on with my mom if she acted that way, but that may not be an appropriate reaction in your case.
"If we discuss this topic again, it will severly harm your relationship with me as well as your grandson." Being blunt and direct without insulting is important when dealing with family.
Pfft, I needed breastfeeding at that age as a tantrum tamer. My spouse would ask me how I handled freakouts and I’m like I dunno, boob? Once I stopped nursing I had to learn actual parenting techniques and couldn’t rely on the almighty boob problem solver. My thing was: we will nurse as long as it’s working for both of us. Around 2.5, I was fed up with toddler gymnastics while nursing and called it quits. Surprised me as I thought I would let him decide when we were done but I was getting cranky about it.
I BF my daughter till 2.5 years, my son is 15m and I’m still BF at night too. Very normal. Some people sexualize breastfeeding which makes them nasty people.
I think your mother needed two years BF.
Well one, No offense but your mother probably comes from the generation where powdered formula became a big topic and became heavily pushed by the media... The concept of "break the cycle of breastfeeding once and for all" is absolutely disgusting to me... Two, YOUR BABY. YOUR BODY. Period! Nothing is wrong with feeding YOUR child... Three, The people who think it's "disgusting" should be ashamed of themselves because they are the true disgusting ones... They look at breasts as a sexual object of gratification & pleasure, rather than it's mean purpose which is to feed our children! At that point THEY ARE SEXUALIZING A CHILD for thinking in such ways! Four, There are some people who breastfeed their kids up until they are 5 years old, 6 years old or even 7 years old or even older! Who GIVES A SHIT! Your child is YOURS to feed as you will and to raise as you will. Five, You're absolutely KICKING ASS ❤️ Don't let her beat you down and cause you to give up giving your child the best kind of nourishment that he / she can get in this world! The formula nowadays just can't be trusted, I would rather feed my babies as long as possible with what I know and trust, that comes from my body, then feed something that I don't know what is entirely in it or could potentially be contaminated like what happened over the last few years with the formula shortage...
He isn’t too old. Breast feeding is more than just nutrients. It is incredibly bonding for both child and mother. It provides antibodies to fight off illness. My mother breastfed me until I was nearly 3 and I am fine. Your mom can mind her own business.
My son is almost 20 months and I don’t plan to stop breastfeeding him till he is ready. He still nurses for naps, sleep, and even just when hungry. I wouldn’t pay her any attention and honestly would probably go low to no contact with her if she were to be my mother and say that to me.
Good for you! I breastfed mine until they were 3, only at night before bed but it helped them sleep well and they are the healthiest kids I know.
Same! Bf my first until he was 3.5, only at nights. It was so special. Currently, breastfeeding our newborn as I type this who will probably nurse until he’s ready to wean.
YNW. I think 2-3 is ideal. However I’ve seen mothers breast feed up until 5yrs and didn’t bat an eye. I was never able to get past 6 months of breast feeding myself. Not that I didn’t want to breast feed for longer. Just being a single mom I had to go back to work right away and I was never good at pumping.
Me neither, I wish I could have exclusively bf for at least 2 years. I "comfort nursed for about a year, but after 3/4 months I just wasn't producing enough, and what I was producing was giving my daughter terrible stomach aches. I'm super envious of OP. Your mom sucks.
Personally I'm not a huge fan of extended breast feeding, but that's a *personal* preference. If you want to do it, then you do it. That's all there is to it. If your mother doesn't like it, then she doesn't have to do it, her body, her choice! But she can sure be quiet when it comes to your decisions 😂
I had some trouble breastfeeding so barely got to a year (with supplementing) but I have some family that breastfed until 4 or 5. I thought it was awesome and wish I was able to go that long as it is best for baby. Saying that, some family members (especially the older generation) would constantly bring it up and say things that often made no sense. My mom, for instance, told my sister-in-law that it was gross to BF that long and not good for baby, formula and cows milk is better, she said. I asked her why she would think that and she said that is what she was told by doctors and nurses when she had us. I asked a few other older family members and they thought the same. They felt the doctors/nurses wouldn’t say these things if they weren’t true. I said well doctors used to also tell people to smoke cigarettes to stay thin, and other things that weren’t considered healthy. So I say ignore the people saying it’s bad and you do what is best for your family. If they don”t agree, maybe go low or even no contact to show that they are not in control of your decision making.
I keep picture a cow going to a vet and the vet being like “ewww you should be feeding your calf human milk or soy milk” “excmoooose me, doc?” i know it’s not a great analogy but that’s what ran through my mind haha
Don’t listen to her! Sounds like you are looking for approval from her that you are being a good mom. While it would be nice to get support from her, she is letting you know she feels justified in criticizing you. While it may be something she didn’t choose to do, she shouldn’t be bashing your decision. Trust yourself, she is being ignorant. Why is she getting all bent out of shape over something that doesn’t concern her? And like another commenter said, she is being disgusting by the way she is shaming/talking to you. I’m mad on your behalf. It’s tough enough being a mom and to have another mom (especially your own mom) shame you and make you feel bad is awful. This hurtful comments say a lot about her.
This seems to be a common thread here where mothers are interfering in their kids' and grandkids' lives. My advice is to tell her to fuck off, in as polite or blunt a manner as you feel is appropriate. You are your kids parent, not her. You know what they need and what you're able to provide. As long as the kid's needs are being met and they aren't being abused, then you and the father are doing what you feel is best, and nobody else's opinion is worth the hot air they used to give it
I'm sorry you have to go through this. I can empathize, with my first son EVERY woman in the older generation had an opinion about my choice to bf and then to continue it past 6months, past a year, till whenever we (my son and I decided we were done). You are right that it's perfectly natural, healthy and beneficial till you or he are ready. I can't say why she is so upset about it but it's definitely not about you or your child. Don't let her gaslight you into believing it's wrong and deprive you and your child the relationship you want to have, because you're right, 17months is still very little, they need their mama, and sometimes that includes bf and that's okay. Hang in there lady. I'm a bit triggered by this but I'd set a boundary with mom that he she doesn't have something positive to say about your bf relationship, she needs to keep it to herself, because it's not her business.
Not wrong at all. My wife breastfed both until 12 months, but did stop pumping at that age and went to probably about 18 months for both at night (or somewhere around there). I think she would have gone further if she could have, but both of our kids were really fussy sleepers and I think she just wanted her sleep at that point (we both did).
My mom has always been a very pro-breastfeeding mom, she did it when it wasn't super popular and always talked about the pros of it. I ended up breastfeeding my youngest a lot longer than I anticipated (weened off to cow's milk, but at night he was still bf at 2, he just didn't want to quit) And at the point, she was like, uh, I think you should stop now, it's getting weird, too big, etc. The point is, you can't please everyone. You do you. If you and your baby are happy, that's what matters.
I think take this as a win. Breastfeeding is an easy one to be criticized for because you know it’s not wrong and she’s just nuts. If you weren’t still breastfeeding, she wouldn’t have something big enough to criticize you for so she would probably be attacking you for all sorts of smaller things you’re doing “wrong”.
Tell her to go speak to a medical doctor (but don’t call you back) 🤣 You are absolutely fine.
17 months is still very young and many babies don’t wean that early. None of mine did, my earliest to wean was my oldest and she was just shy of 2. It’s literally none of her business and I would tell her she’s the one being weird and if she doesn’t drop it I would go no contact.
Only give up breastfeeding when you or your baby wants to. Nobody else has a say in the matter. Not even your abusive mother. Pay no mind to her. Enjoy the rest of your breastfeeding journey till you or baby is ready to wean off breastfeeding
A couple of people also told me “it’s disgusting with children old enough to verbally ask for it”. They are disgusting for thinking it! My parents did seem a bit weirded out by it, but as I do turn into a mamma bear on anything related to my son, they wisely kept their comments to themselves. I don’t get it personally. I breastfed my son until he was 2 and a couple of months, and then stopped because I felt it was time. Extended breastfeeding also has some benefits for both mother and child. The best perk for me was that my son was 2 years old before I got my period and became fertile again! And extra 500 kcals a day without gaining weight was nothing to sneeze at. For the kid, it kept him out of hospital with a severe GI bug. He couldn’t hold on any food and barely any fluids for days, but he did breastfeed and stayed hydrated. People will always get weirdly judgmental about parenting choices. I think mainly because they feel a different choice is implicitly criticizing their own choices. Good luck and you do you :)
Breastfeeding your 17 month old is fine. Breastfeeding your 17 year old might be a problem.
You’re doing great, your mom just earned an information diet :)
Only I have to say about it is that it’s honestly pretty impressive that you’ve been breastfeeding for this long. I know it’s tough, especially once they have teeth. So props to you. Breast milk is the best stuff for babies
If you are in the US I would just tell her the aap recommendation is 24 months minimum and to mind her own business
I wonder what crazy shit was drilled into that generation to make them hate really normal stuff?
Most humans evolved bf their kids until 4ish. It’s completely natural.
Tell her to fuck off. My 20 month old still nurses at night and occasionally during the day if she is feeling extra needy. She will stop at some point and she is still a baby. In that odd part baby part toddler point. I just follow her lead and set boundaries that work for me.
I still breastfeed my almost 14 month old. I am probably stopping soon but because I have terrible acne and can't do anything helpful while breastfeeding. BUT, I have felt the pressure too, from friends and my mom too. Not to the extent you're mother took it. She is massively out of line. You keep doing you!!
Breast is best mumma. You can feed him till he’s 4 if you wish, it’s your decision. In fact, it’s recommended they have breastmilk until 4 y/o to help build their immunity and lower risk of things like diabetes and obesity. So your mum can literally fuck right off in my opinion. Keep looking after your bubba your way. You’ll never be judged for breastfeeding here
Based on that story alone, your mom sucks. Keep in mind that having a relationship with adult children is a privilege not a right. You should think long and hard about whether your mom deserves that privilege.
I thought it was common knowledge to breastfeed till age 2
Don't feel awful! I breastfed my daughter at night until she was almost two yo. It was simply the only way to get her to sleep. My mom never understood that, since she breastfed for the first three months and then switched to formula because she had to go back to work and I stayed home with my dad, who was working on his master thesis. She started to tell me that its time to stop from the day my daughter turned 6 months. But then she never got agressive, she just totally lacked empathy on that matter. But after almost two years all I wanted was an evening to myself or maybe even a whole weekend with my BFF, since I saw my husband being able to do all those things. She even took a bottle with formula before attaching to my boob, so it was not about being hungry. It was just that she wanted to use my nipple as a pacifier. And don't get me wrong: I loved cuddling with her and how close we were and with how much love she looked at me while breastfeeding, but shortly before her second birthday my husband and I decided that it was time for it to stop. So he took her to his parents for the weekend and while I was afraid it would hurt my relationshio to my daughter and the weekend was definitely hard for all three of us, it was the right decision. So just continue until you feel its the right time for you both to stop. Don't listen to your mother and don't feel bad. Most mom's have a real talent to pull the right strings to make you feel bad about your parenting desicion if they are not in line with what they did.
Talk to your mom. I am on team OP. Do not feel bad. Breastfeeding is 100% normal.
I think this is more of a what’s your mom projecting onto you than about breastfeeding
Your mother just isn’t educated on BF. It’s your baby, your body, your rights.
I'm so sorry. Nothing you are doing is wrong. I would go LC or even NC with your mother if she can't even respect you enough to respect your decisions when it comes to your child.
I'd tell you to educate her on extended breastfeeding but I think you'd be wasting your breath. Does your mother have mental health issues? To specifically call to abuse you over something that has absolutely 0 effect on her or anyone else for that matter is alarming. You and your son will decide when the time to end your bf relationship and it will be when you are both ready.
I highly suggest going on an information diet with her if she cannot be supportive or mind her own business. My daughter is 18 months and though I wasn’t ever able to breastfeed, other things I do still bother my mother so I just don’t share with her anymore. For example She was very upset and concerned with BLW so I just stopped sharing any food related info with her at all.
Your mom sounds awful, sorry. SHE'S the disgusting one for harassing her daughter over a behavior that is objectively beneficial for your son. What a piece of work... sorry she makes you doubt yourself like this :(
Nope not wrong. It’s your baby and you can BF until you want to stop. My wife BF my kids until they were two and a half. They are both very healthy kids with a strong immune system.
I BF until my daughters 3rd bday. I wanted to stop sooner but it wasn’t something she wanted to let go of. On her 3rd bday, a week before, I prepped her every night that once she was 3 mummies boobies wont have milk anymore. We were both sad when it ended. I still get my night time cuddles though so can’t be too sad my baby is getting bigger.
That’s not her call to make, it’s completely normal to feed for at least two years. Good for mama for making milk that long! I only produced enough for four months. If it bothers her that much, then she can go low contact or no contact at all until she can respect both of yours decision on how to raise your own child. It also sounds like projected personal guilt from her own parenting days. That’s her problem, not yours.
Nope. Nothing wrong with that. Personally I nursed my son until he was 2 because they took forever to get the COVID vaccines out for his age group. He had to get antibodies somehow. I don't know if that was ideal but it's what worked for us. After his shots he lost interest. If you feel you and your son aren't ready, that's okay. You guys do what you need to do and do it on your time. Also your mother needs to let you parent and frankly she needs to settle down because what she is saying is inappropriate and wrong. It's none of her business and she's out of line. Remember, you do what you think is best for your kid. If anyone gives you crap or gets out of shape that's their problem, not yours.
This is totally normal. Also, you’re mother is a jerk most likely because of her own insecurities and jealousy. I still BF my 16 month old at night, and he shows no signs of stopping. You do you!