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I’m a teacher and study child development. If these behaviors are affecting her ability to function in a classroom or to effectively learn in the general education setting, it’s probably time for an evaluation. There may be a diagnosis there of some kind and it would potentially make her elegible to receive more personalized support through her school day.
This is wonderful feedback. Thank you. I specifically requested an evaluation almost a week ago with no response from the teacher. I don’t want to come across as a squeaky wheel - what would warrant the best response from her? Should I wait, email again, or go to the principal and/or guidance counselor?
I would say to touch base with her again, maybe with the follow up question of “is this something the school is able to provide or should I make an appointment with her doctor?” Definitely nothing wrong with checking in if it’s been a week since you emailed!
Either way, if you share concerns with your daughter’s pediatrician, they can probably give you some evaluation packets for you and the teacher to both fill out. Highly recommend talking with pediatrician about if even if the school offers evaluation services.
Hey school psych here! Did you specifically request an evaluation for special education services? A psychoeducational evaluation? If yes they legally have a certain amount of time to respond and set a meeting with you- varies by state but typically 10-15 days. I’d definitely email the principal, counselor, and school psych directly to request an eval! Sounds like they need to look into anxiety or a learning disorder that may be triggering work avoidance. Good luck! Happy to answer any questions!
Thank you for these details - I feel so ignorant not knowing these things - it’s like a puzzle. Appreciate you! Will reach out if I have any additional questions.
No the school does the evaluation. For free, and usually with a much quicker turnaround time than going through a doctor or private eval. Although school cannot “diagnose” anything. We can only say “are showing signs of” xyz, and only if there’s a need educationally for services will we qualify them. Usually if I am doing an initial eval for something like autism, adhd, or anxiety, I’ll tell parents to bring our report to their doctor so they can review and take it from there from a medical standpoint.
If you’re getting no response from her teacher. It’s time to speak with the vice principal. Thats the next step you’ll need to take. The principal, won’t normally speak to you, till you’ve been in contacted with the vice principal.
But, if your daughter has a great vice principal. Then any issues should be resolved at this level. We had issues, last year, and we took it up with my child’s vp. She was great and handled the issue our child had, last year.
But call, do not email, calling or going in person is the way to handle this.
Teachers have no control over whether a child is referred for an evaluation, so the request should go to the principal and cc: the teacher for situational awareness. Come across as a squeaky wheel if you need to!
When you email the teacher, cc the principal and yourself. If that does get a response, forward the email that you sent to yourself and again cc the principal, district Spec Ed head and superintendent. First thing on the additional email is ask why no one has gotten back to you yet. I'd also consult the School Parent/Student Handbook and see what the school's policy is regarding responses from the teacher. Quote the Handbook of they are in violation. In my state a request for evaluation must be written on real paper and signed by the parent.
Why don’t you want to be a sparky wheel? This is your daughter’s education and future. She’s half way through the year and failing and will be months behind when she starts second grade. Be a squeaky freaking monster truck tire. Contact the office and request an evaluation. Who cares what the teacher thinks of you. And I bet the teacher has a certain amount of hours when they must reply to you. My districts policy is the teachers just reply in 24 hours unless they are out. The teacher doesn’t get to ignore you.
I know you’re trying not to be “that parent” but you need to advocate for your daughter. She might have a learning disability if adhd or something else.
Sounds like an ADHD and Anxiety differential eval is needed! Girls are notoriously overlooked– they're more often inattentive than they are hyperactive. We expect ADHD to look hyperactive, ergo, most girls don't get diagnosed till much later (like myself).
No one ever diagnosed me with ADHD because I wasn't bouncing off the walls– but *every single report card* stated I had difficulty focusing, talked too much in class, turned in incomplete work (if at all) and regularly forgot deadlines... and when my mom was looking at my first grade evals, it was there too. DEMAND the eval. If it comes back a no, then you have more information, and are closer to understanding what is happening. There is no loss to evaluating.
I have always liked to hide out in bathrooms when my anxiety gets too much. I have sensory processing issues and when a space gets to loud to for to long I go decompress in the bathrooms because it’s somewhere quiet and private. The walk to and from also helps let out anxiety physically. I started doing this pretty early on in my schooling and I still do it now.
While you’re waiting for an evaluation, teaching her strategies to help reduce her anxiety both inside the classroom, and in the bathrooms might help reduce the frequency and amount of time spent outside of the classroom.
I got diagnosed at 30 -\_\_\_\_- I've always been written off as the quiet kid but my mind was always so cluttered to the point I couldn't even talk because I couldn't stay focused on what I wanted to say. I would sometimes do my homework and just NOT turn it in. While I'm glad I wasn't put on adderall as a child, it would have been nice to have the knowledge and tools to thrive.
This sounds an awful lot like my son. He’s very intelligent but before he was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, he did a lot of the same things. I had to fight for his diagnosis though, because he was t hyperactive. It was more off task or easily distracted behaviors like your daughter.
A 6 year old who doesn’t want to sit and do worksheets… must be a neurological problem—couldn’t be that 6 year olds aren’t wired to sit still and do worksheets most of the day
No shade to you OP, sad people have made you feel your child has problems, sad our education system doesn’t benefit the children in it
I'm an early years educator in Europe. There's an increasing amount of evidence that structured formal lessons aren't developmentally appropriate until after the age of 7 and its usually advised to stick to play based learning until then. I would hold off on pathologising any behaviour like this for a least another year.
Just to add that you should also reach out to your pediatrician to get referral for evaluation. They will want a copy of that at the school with any diagnosis for any potential IEP. It could also help with treatment, including medication if desired. This does sound like classic ADHD.
Ask about tutors sometimes they are free. Do not let her go to next grade level until she is ready otherwise this will get worse and worse. She may just be immature. What was kindergarten like? Better to repeat first grade then be a decent grader with same issues and get further behind. Have her hearing and vision checked. Talk to a counselor. I'd make this my number one priority in life because she's toast if she can't get a good education.
1st grade teacher here. Just adding in another possible explanation to the many valid possibilities already listed in the comments.
Sometimes students who are avoid doing their work find the subject matter too difficult and need extra support. First grade curriculum picks up steam very quickly and the pace of the skills taught is rigorous.
OR I’ve even had students who are completely capable of completing the work but are unaccustomed to working independently and feel very nervous taking risks as they try to navigate a task on their own. I’ve personally found success dividing the work sheet into parts (it can be cut into sections, or sections covered over with sticky notes). They are encouraged to simply give it their very best try independently, then check in with an adult to receive affirmation of their bravery (critique of the work/skills must come later - the skill being taught right now is self confidence and independence). If you work with your daughter at home to finish the worksheet is it too hard for her or is it more about her needing you to sit with her manage and affirm her?
In follow up conversations with your child’s teacher ask her what she thinks the cause of your daughter’s avoidance is. Ask your daughter too but often 6 year olds are not reflective and self aware enough to solve a problem like this BUT she may surprise you.
It could be: ADHD, trauma (big or little) at home or at school that is distracting her, lack of motivation or buy in to be on task at school, she is falling behind and needs support with the skills/content, or lack of confidence and skills needed to do independent work.
I would recommend emailing again, thanking the teacher for bringing this to your attention and ask if there is a time you could set a meeting to talk and problem solve around this issue. Mention a couple of reasons that you suspect the work is not being done and ask the teacher what she thinks. Once you both agree on what may be going on, ask to make a plan for what supports need to be put in place to help your daughter be successful. The great news is every possibility for why this is happening has a very manageable next step.
The best of luck to you!
I'm sorry. A 6 year old who doesn't want to sit and do worksheets? She's figured out she can hangout in the bathroom to avoid being still and listening and working?!? The horror. It's not ADHD, it's a normal 6 year old. Sheesh.
This was me in school all the way to failing out of college at 18. I was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) at 37. My brother was diagnosed with ADHD (combined) at age 7. Girls get overlooked for diagnoses, but it's worth asking specifically for an evaluation. We went to our pediatrician for an initial evaluation for my oldest son, and after that, she encouraged seeing a neuropsychiatrist and doing a full eval. it's a 5-6 hour process, and they were able to identify multiple factors that affected his schoolwork: ADHD, dysgraphia, anxiety. He's eager to please but a daydreamer like his mom, and getting him medicated and seeing a therapist has made a massive difference. (Medication and therapy are also making a huge difference for me.)
Kids often use the bathroom as an excuse if they're either over- or underchallenged. Could go both ways. ADD could also fit the description.
What's your kid like at home?
Talking to your pediatrican would be the first step to find out.
Do we have the same daughter 😆
They're so tiny. Be patient. *wish I could be patient too*
But that's the only way
If you pressurise she might develop aversion to studies
Just make her sit with you for 30mins everyday to revise her work. She will get better in a month ..
I have seen perfectionism manifest like this as well. Fear of failure can make people very risk averse. A wrong answer in a worksheet doesn’t feel like a big deal to us, but it can to her. If this tracks with other behaviour you’re seeing, I’d encourage you to research growth mindsets (if you don’t know about this already). Made a big difference with my daughter.
And you’re doing the right thing by asking questions and being involved. You will figure this out.
Because a teacher needs to be ready to partner with parents for the sake of the success of the student. I know very few teachers who wouldn’t be ready with ideas or recommendations on where to find help.
I’m not disagreeing - I just don’t know what to do. I praise her, love her, give her enough bedtime, good nutrition, we work on homework together, read together, walk through work. There’s a disconnect between school and home and I’m not sure what it is. Whatever is going on at school isn’t translating to how she is at home.
This happened with my kid. Massive anxiety issues, pretending she couldn't do the work, avoidance behaviors.
See if you can get an assessment done. While you wait for an appointment, see if something is bothering her. Could be something completely unexpected like she has food intolerance giving her irritated skin or belly. Also could be that she just doesn't want to do the exercises with certain people around.
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I’m a teacher and study child development. If these behaviors are affecting her ability to function in a classroom or to effectively learn in the general education setting, it’s probably time for an evaluation. There may be a diagnosis there of some kind and it would potentially make her elegible to receive more personalized support through her school day.
This is wonderful feedback. Thank you. I specifically requested an evaluation almost a week ago with no response from the teacher. I don’t want to come across as a squeaky wheel - what would warrant the best response from her? Should I wait, email again, or go to the principal and/or guidance counselor?
I would say to touch base with her again, maybe with the follow up question of “is this something the school is able to provide or should I make an appointment with her doctor?” Definitely nothing wrong with checking in if it’s been a week since you emailed! Either way, if you share concerns with your daughter’s pediatrician, they can probably give you some evaluation packets for you and the teacher to both fill out. Highly recommend talking with pediatrician about if even if the school offers evaluation services.
Thank you - most helpful!
In my district, the teacher would have already done an evaluation and be talking with you about intervention. Fight for your kiddo mamma!
I think it's worth being the squeaky wheel. Which is not to say that you can't squeak respectfully
Hey school psych here! Did you specifically request an evaluation for special education services? A psychoeducational evaluation? If yes they legally have a certain amount of time to respond and set a meeting with you- varies by state but typically 10-15 days. I’d definitely email the principal, counselor, and school psych directly to request an eval! Sounds like they need to look into anxiety or a learning disorder that may be triggering work avoidance. Good luck! Happy to answer any questions!
Thank you for these details - I feel so ignorant not knowing these things - it’s like a puzzle. Appreciate you! Will reach out if I have any additional questions.
Don’t feel ignorant! Unless you’re in this world every day, I’ve yet to meet anyone who knows these things 😊
Check out the website/fb group "a day in our shoes" for tons of info And how to related to special education
Does the school do the eval then? I was assuming I had to go through the pediatrician first for similar but was making assumptions.
No the school does the evaluation. For free, and usually with a much quicker turnaround time than going through a doctor or private eval. Although school cannot “diagnose” anything. We can only say “are showing signs of” xyz, and only if there’s a need educationally for services will we qualify them. Usually if I am doing an initial eval for something like autism, adhd, or anxiety, I’ll tell parents to bring our report to their doctor so they can review and take it from there from a medical standpoint.
If you’re getting no response from her teacher. It’s time to speak with the vice principal. Thats the next step you’ll need to take. The principal, won’t normally speak to you, till you’ve been in contacted with the vice principal. But, if your daughter has a great vice principal. Then any issues should be resolved at this level. We had issues, last year, and we took it up with my child’s vp. She was great and handled the issue our child had, last year. But call, do not email, calling or going in person is the way to handle this.
Teachers have no control over whether a child is referred for an evaluation, so the request should go to the principal and cc: the teacher for situational awareness. Come across as a squeaky wheel if you need to!
When you email the teacher, cc the principal and yourself. If that does get a response, forward the email that you sent to yourself and again cc the principal, district Spec Ed head and superintendent. First thing on the additional email is ask why no one has gotten back to you yet. I'd also consult the School Parent/Student Handbook and see what the school's policy is regarding responses from the teacher. Quote the Handbook of they are in violation. In my state a request for evaluation must be written on real paper and signed by the parent.
Thank you - consulting the handbook is great advice!
Why don’t you want to be a sparky wheel? This is your daughter’s education and future. She’s half way through the year and failing and will be months behind when she starts second grade. Be a squeaky freaking monster truck tire. Contact the office and request an evaluation. Who cares what the teacher thinks of you. And I bet the teacher has a certain amount of hours when they must reply to you. My districts policy is the teachers just reply in 24 hours unless they are out. The teacher doesn’t get to ignore you. I know you’re trying not to be “that parent” but you need to advocate for your daughter. She might have a learning disability if adhd or something else.
Sounds like an ADHD and Anxiety differential eval is needed! Girls are notoriously overlooked– they're more often inattentive than they are hyperactive. We expect ADHD to look hyperactive, ergo, most girls don't get diagnosed till much later (like myself). No one ever diagnosed me with ADHD because I wasn't bouncing off the walls– but *every single report card* stated I had difficulty focusing, talked too much in class, turned in incomplete work (if at all) and regularly forgot deadlines... and when my mom was looking at my first grade evals, it was there too. DEMAND the eval. If it comes back a no, then you have more information, and are closer to understanding what is happening. There is no loss to evaluating.
Oh goodness. This brought tears to my eyes - it sounds so much like Amelia! Thank you!
I have always liked to hide out in bathrooms when my anxiety gets too much. I have sensory processing issues and when a space gets to loud to for to long I go decompress in the bathrooms because it’s somewhere quiet and private. The walk to and from also helps let out anxiety physically. I started doing this pretty early on in my schooling and I still do it now. While you’re waiting for an evaluation, teaching her strategies to help reduce her anxiety both inside the classroom, and in the bathrooms might help reduce the frequency and amount of time spent outside of the classroom.
This is my ADHD-I child too. Fight for them. Don’t let it be swept under as a choice- they’re struggling.
I got diagnosed at 30 -\_\_\_\_- I've always been written off as the quiet kid but my mind was always so cluttered to the point I couldn't even talk because I couldn't stay focused on what I wanted to say. I would sometimes do my homework and just NOT turn it in. While I'm glad I wasn't put on adderall as a child, it would have been nice to have the knowledge and tools to thrive.
This sounds an awful lot like my son. He’s very intelligent but before he was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, he did a lot of the same things. I had to fight for his diagnosis though, because he was t hyperactive. It was more off task or easily distracted behaviors like your daughter.
I feel so seen. I will fight for her! Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone.
Hey OP, This could have also been written about my daughter and she was diagnosed with ADHD primarily inattentive.
I just read about ADHD-PI. This makes so much sense. Thank you so much for your comment.
A 6 year old who doesn’t want to sit and do worksheets… must be a neurological problem—couldn’t be that 6 year olds aren’t wired to sit still and do worksheets most of the day No shade to you OP, sad people have made you feel your child has problems, sad our education system doesn’t benefit the children in it
Same. O wait...I'm an adult.
I'm an early years educator in Europe. There's an increasing amount of evidence that structured formal lessons aren't developmentally appropriate until after the age of 7 and its usually advised to stick to play based learning until then. I would hold off on pathologising any behaviour like this for a least another year.
Just to add that you should also reach out to your pediatrician to get referral for evaluation. They will want a copy of that at the school with any diagnosis for any potential IEP. It could also help with treatment, including medication if desired. This does sound like classic ADHD.
Thank you. I will shoot him an email tomorrow to get the ball rolling on a referral and/or an eval
Ask about tutors sometimes they are free. Do not let her go to next grade level until she is ready otherwise this will get worse and worse. She may just be immature. What was kindergarten like? Better to repeat first grade then be a decent grader with same issues and get further behind. Have her hearing and vision checked. Talk to a counselor. I'd make this my number one priority in life because she's toast if she can't get a good education.
1st grade teacher here. Just adding in another possible explanation to the many valid possibilities already listed in the comments. Sometimes students who are avoid doing their work find the subject matter too difficult and need extra support. First grade curriculum picks up steam very quickly and the pace of the skills taught is rigorous. OR I’ve even had students who are completely capable of completing the work but are unaccustomed to working independently and feel very nervous taking risks as they try to navigate a task on their own. I’ve personally found success dividing the work sheet into parts (it can be cut into sections, or sections covered over with sticky notes). They are encouraged to simply give it their very best try independently, then check in with an adult to receive affirmation of their bravery (critique of the work/skills must come later - the skill being taught right now is self confidence and independence). If you work with your daughter at home to finish the worksheet is it too hard for her or is it more about her needing you to sit with her manage and affirm her? In follow up conversations with your child’s teacher ask her what she thinks the cause of your daughter’s avoidance is. Ask your daughter too but often 6 year olds are not reflective and self aware enough to solve a problem like this BUT she may surprise you. It could be: ADHD, trauma (big or little) at home or at school that is distracting her, lack of motivation or buy in to be on task at school, she is falling behind and needs support with the skills/content, or lack of confidence and skills needed to do independent work. I would recommend emailing again, thanking the teacher for bringing this to your attention and ask if there is a time you could set a meeting to talk and problem solve around this issue. Mention a couple of reasons that you suspect the work is not being done and ask the teacher what she thinks. Once you both agree on what may be going on, ask to make a plan for what supports need to be put in place to help your daughter be successful. The great news is every possibility for why this is happening has a very manageable next step. The best of luck to you!
I'm sorry. A 6 year old who doesn't want to sit and do worksheets? She's figured out she can hangout in the bathroom to avoid being still and listening and working?!? The horror. It's not ADHD, it's a normal 6 year old. Sheesh.
This was me in school all the way to failing out of college at 18. I was diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) at 37. My brother was diagnosed with ADHD (combined) at age 7. Girls get overlooked for diagnoses, but it's worth asking specifically for an evaluation. We went to our pediatrician for an initial evaluation for my oldest son, and after that, she encouraged seeing a neuropsychiatrist and doing a full eval. it's a 5-6 hour process, and they were able to identify multiple factors that affected his schoolwork: ADHD, dysgraphia, anxiety. He's eager to please but a daydreamer like his mom, and getting him medicated and seeing a therapist has made a massive difference. (Medication and therapy are also making a huge difference for me.)
Sounds like my son, good luck on your journey! Agree with what others are saying.
Kids often use the bathroom as an excuse if they're either over- or underchallenged. Could go both ways. ADD could also fit the description. What's your kid like at home? Talking to your pediatrican would be the first step to find out.
Do we have the same daughter 😆 They're so tiny. Be patient. *wish I could be patient too* But that's the only way If you pressurise she might develop aversion to studies Just make her sit with you for 30mins everyday to revise her work. She will get better in a month ..
I have seen perfectionism manifest like this as well. Fear of failure can make people very risk averse. A wrong answer in a worksheet doesn’t feel like a big deal to us, but it can to her. If this tracks with other behaviour you’re seeing, I’d encourage you to research growth mindsets (if you don’t know about this already). Made a big difference with my daughter. And you’re doing the right thing by asking questions and being involved. You will figure this out.
Ugh. Yep. Definitely sounds like ADHD
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Because a teacher needs to be ready to partner with parents for the sake of the success of the student. I know very few teachers who wouldn’t be ready with ideas or recommendations on where to find help.
This is a terrible take. Teachers are also responsible for managing a classroom.
I’m not disagreeing - I just don’t know what to do. I praise her, love her, give her enough bedtime, good nutrition, we work on homework together, read together, walk through work. There’s a disconnect between school and home and I’m not sure what it is. Whatever is going on at school isn’t translating to how she is at home.
As others have said, ADHD
This happened with my kid. Massive anxiety issues, pretending she couldn't do the work, avoidance behaviors. See if you can get an assessment done. While you wait for an appointment, see if something is bothering her. Could be something completely unexpected like she has food intolerance giving her irritated skin or belly. Also could be that she just doesn't want to do the exercises with certain people around.
Get her tested for ADHD (or autism) from an inclusive, non-ABA, professional program
Man, to be 6 and already have a full time job like that. That must stink.