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Visual aid?
Aka a calendar. I have a whiteboard one that I can draw pictures on. It think it helps somewhat.
Here's today! Thai box is today. Tomorrow is this box here. Yesterday is this box over here. See how yesterday has the picture of the book because we went to the library yesterday? Today has the pool because we go swimming today. Tomorrow has the camp picture because we go to camp tomorrow.
And/or describe the steps of getting to tomorrow. Today we woke up! We will eat breakfast and lunch. Then go on walk and watch movie. Then eat dinner and bath and go to sleep. When you wake up it's tomorrow. That's the next day, not today. While referencing visual aid.
It did seem to help mine to understand "we need to eat lunch and dinner and quite time and read books at bedtime and sleep AND THEN it's tomorrow
We tried a calendar a while ago, and he wouldn’t sit still for us to explain it to him. We’ve been considering trying it again, we’ll probably do that this weekend.
I will try the steps—it’s easy for me to get caught in the loop, especially when the high pitch screams start
If it's causing upset try not to get caught in the loop like you say! Try to stick to simple md consitent language like 'first we'll x, then we'll x' or if it's tomorrow 'after one sleep' etc. Bringing a visual aid to LO as suggested above consistently while using the consistent language would also help. They are tricky concepts and LO is likely just trying to clarify what you're saying and also getting stuck in the loop!
After x sleeps has been key for us. We count down the sleeps to all kinds of events. She still doesn't fully grasp it, anything before today was yesterday, but it has helped with waiting for future things.
We have been counting down the sleeps for our trip to the local children’s museum at our house. It’s finally “stop talking and eat your breakfast so we can leave on time!” lol
This is the way. My 4 yr old struggles to understand that the time between nap and bedtime is *not* a different day. But "3 sleeps til..." ( 2 night sleeps, 1 day/nap sleep) he gets, no problem!
Ours had a tough time with this as well. We have a magnetic calendar with a fun turtle magnet. We made our kiddo a part of the process. They move the turtle when they wake up and say it’s a new day! Before bed, we would talk about when you wake up it will be tomorrow. It took 6 months, maybe a year I think for it to have permanece in their mind. It’s a hard concept, and it’s not learned as quickly as we would like.
Don't make it a planned lesson. Have the calendar always at the ready, when he is starting one of those exhausting discussions.
At that point HE IS focused on that, because that's the time, when he wants to understand time.
Have you tried not using contextual language like tomorrow or later? Maybe definitive language would help "we'll go to camp on Wednesday" "sorry dear, it's Tuesday".
I would encourage maybe having him physically mark the day off the calendar at bedtime and say, "When you wake up with the sun, it's tomorrow. And that day has a name _____fill in the blank. Teaching days of the week may help make the connection with daily repetition. Good luck! I've got a teenager now, and the visual or crossing days off on the calendar is something she still does :)
At that age, we typically referred to how many "sleeps" or "big sleeps" (to differentiate from naps) until a given activity, after several similar conversations. You could also use sunsets, dark times, bed times, baths, dinners, or whatever daily activity makes most sense to your kid.
It probably is just a case of using too many terms. My son had trouble with the concept of yesterday/today/tomorrow until around age five. I stopped using the words tomorrow altogether for quite a while (probably six months or so) and then reintroduced the concept when he was a bit older and that helped a lot.
I stopped using the words today tomorrow and yesterday during the toddler years.
I used days of the week.
Right now is Tuesday. Camp will be on Wednesday. It will be Wednesday after it gets dark and you sleep.
That along with a visual calendar seemed to help.
Yep!
It’s super confusing that yesterday, tomorrow was today, but today tomorrow is tomorrow, and yesterday was today yesterday.
“Next morning”, “the day after this one”, “when you wake up” all make more inherent sense to toddlers, I think.
This is basically the kid equivalent of the Spaceballs "We're in now now" scene (it's worth looking up the clip on YouTube if you haven't seen it).
Today is yesterday's tomorrow
Tomorrow's yesterday is today
A little later today is still today
Much later is tomorrow
Soon tomorrow will be today
The two things that can help:
**Quantify the amount of time**
i.e.: "we're going to do that in 18 hours"
Even if they don't fully understand how much time an "hour" is, most kids that age understand the idea of counting backwards to 0.
**Help them visualize the amount of time**
Timers that they can watch count down can be a huge help with this. At our house this means big digital clocks in every room with a remote that lets you set custom timers. More recently we've also introduced smart speakers so you can just say "Alexa, set a timer for X hours" and then at any point you can ask how much time is left.
If you look up "16 inch led clock" on Amazon you'll see the type that we have.
I wasn't sure how much they'd help at first, but now I've lost count of just how many we have around the house.
They're also nice for helping kids learn about temperature and days of the week too.
Maybe instead of just saying tomorrow say “you’re going back on Wednesday, which is tomorrow” so if they say tomorrow is today you can say “no. Today is Tuesday. It’s going to be Tuesday all day. Today (give a breakdown like it’s 5 pm right now. At 6 we are having dinner. At 7 you’re taking a shower. At 8 pm you’re going to sleep. When you wake up at 6 am then it will be tomorrow and Wednesday. Then it will be time for you to go to camp.” So later on when they ask again you can say. “Right now it’s still Tuesday. Right now it’s 7 pm. So that means it’s time for your shower. Then at 8 pm it will be sleep time. Then when you wake up at 6am it will be tomorrow, Wednesday and time for camp”
These concepts are hard for kids! At least one of my kids once said "the day after yesterday," and told a story about "a yesterday that happened a long time ago."
So I usually hate this response, but in this particular case, I think it’s important to remember that “he’s not giving you a hard time, he’s having a hard time.”
He genuinely doesn’t understand what the words mean, and you using them in a way that expects him to get it is very frustrating for him. I don’t necessarily have good advice for how to get out of it, but good luck!
What is your child is trying to express is they are really looking forward to go back to camp. I would change the conversation by saying, “You must be really be looking forward to go back to camp!” and let toddler speak from there.
This! I feel like it's easy to get caught up in the logic and explaining, but really this conversation reads to me differently when you come at it from an emotional perspective. I think if you reflect his feelings back to him you might have more luck.
I agree. I’d also add: there’s a Sesame Street book called When Is Saturday? I remember it from when I was little bc we had a cassette version where the Grover voice read to you as you followed along with the book. It explains the days of the week, and deals with Grover’s disappointment and impatience on days that are not Saturday (the very exciting day that his uncle will visit). That might be useful for the emotional as well as the educational aspects of this situation. Good luck!
I always said “Wednesday, June 19th” (or whatever) and then encouraged them to ask Alexa how long it was until then. I don’t do nonsensical conversations. I outsource those to either Alexa or the dog. As in “I whispered the answer to Koda. See if you can get her to tell you.” We have always had a husky (and the breed is quite verbal), so that usually would get the kid distracted playing with the dog.
They make analog clocks that show the day of the week. I'd get one of those and put different colors on each day.
"You can go back to camp when the clock is pointing to the blue. We already did camp for the red day!" Or we don't go to camp when the clock is green and yellow.
I explain to my 3 and 5 year old that something is "2 sleeps away"...."5 sleeps away" and then we mark it off on a calendar. I then remind them at wake up that it's been one sleep. This has helped immensely with their ability to convene time
Good luck...it's hard concept.
To some degree, it's fun to enjoy these conversations. When they are little and they look up to you and they love to have you as part of their conversation. It's really something to cherish.
These conversations can be annoying, thankfully, little kids are relatively easy to redirect. After they ask when do they get to go camping, I would redirect by saying " tomorrow and I'm so excited we're going to have a campfire, do you like a campfire?". Continue on with questions to get them to change where they're focusing their mind. Like when we have that campfire I think we're going to have some marshmallows. Do you like marshmallows?
You know what else I like? swimming, swimming is a lot of fun, especially the sand. We could make sand castles. We're going to make a sandcastle so high. It's going to be taller than you. I'm going to need some help building that sandcastle, are you going to help me?
Keep engaging them in conversations like that, be sure to ask questions and do the same thing to them. That is ask the same question over and over until they finally give you an answer.
Try turning the question on him to make him think about it/process it ie "When do you think we're going to camp?" then gently guide and correct as necessary. It'll help him learn to try to think/figure it out instead of just asking. It's a process though
In my home country, parents often work with „one more time sleeping at night“ (it‘s a lot simpler in my language, I swear!).
Like instead of using words like „tomorrow“, „the day after tomorrow“, they would tell you „only once more sleeping until XY!“, which would translate to „only once more sleeping at night until you‘re going to camp again!“. Could have the effect that the child is also really eager to go to bed and sleep, because how my parents always told me „the sooner you‘re asleep, the quicker it will be morning!“ or it could make your child too excited to actually be able to sleep, like my daughter mostly.
This only works with children who are sleeping through the night, obviously.
I just change the subject after I feel that I explained it really well and the kid was listening. I am not always sure if they are not getting the concept or just playing the game, but I don't see any benefit in continuing that type of conversation.
Use absolute time (like “Wednesday”) rather than relative time (like “tomorrow”). Relative time can honestly be a bit confusing, since the labels we use keep changing as we go.
Yes, i deal with this all the time with my 3yo.
You just move on. Don't insist on the fact that tomorrow is tomorrow. For example, after he says that today is tomorrow, you explain what is tomorrow, or why he sleeps, or what he did yesterday.
Every time he gets stuck, you move on. Unless you're happy to be stuck for a bit, of course.
Same goes for arguments with your wife, your manager, etc.
Calendar - explain each day has a number and a name
Weekly calendar - show which day is today, then point to yesterday and tomorrow - before and after today
Instead of tomorrow say we’re going on Wednesday. Show him when Wednesday is on the calendar.
One more sleep
Also just more talk about time periods like yesterday and today and tomorrow and also now and next in your day to day language. They are tricky concepts for a little one to grasp. So if you went to the park yesterday, having a conversation.. 'I loved going to the park yesterday, it was so much fun' or if you're going to the park today 'I'm excited to go to the park today, after we have lunch. First/now we'll have lunch then/next we'll go to the park.' Or if you're going tomorrow 'I'm excited to go the park tomorrow, after one more sleep. First you'll go to sleep, then when you wake up we'll go to the park'
We have a calendar visual (just a weekly one I made and laminated) and use the day of the week rather than say today tomorrow or yesterday with my nephew.
Visual schedule with wake up, potty, brush teeth, eat breakfast, go to camp, come home, whatever blah blah blah on it. Stick it in a page protector or have it laminated and when he does The Things, check em off with a dry erase marker.
So when he asks about camp, show him "camp is over. Next is snack/screen time/sprinkler time!" It's simpler than a calendar and also leads the way to understand what a calendar does.
If your schedule changes a lot, getting a whiteboard and making icons that you can velcro to it so he can see what's coming in a given day might be a good idea. He's looking for reassurance that there's a plan on top of wanting to go to camp.
Oh gosh do I feel this. Other people have great suggestions like visual aids etc… but this happens ALL THE TIME. The two big things to help me:
1. I already answered that question two times so I am not answering again. (Change topic like what did you do today).
2. Ask THEM a question. “When do you think tomorrow is?” “What do you think you should pack?” Etc etc
Yes!
I did think to specify night, so they don't just go lie down for twenty minutes and tell you it's time to go.... But I should also have spotted that glaring loophole.
Give a specific time. We are going to camp at 8 am. It is now 8 pm. We will go to camp in 12 hours. Also, get them a clock or a watch and set timers and reminders.
This is normal. Calendar to show days that things a planned and show how many days are left. I took the approach of not telling my children anything til I was 99% sure we going to the activity. I had 5 children asking same question over and over. They are adults now. My daughter that has 2 children wait to tell her children about any activity until she knows it is 99% sure it going happen. In my opinion this save a lot of heartache on both sides.
Get a large paper calendar and use that to mark off days until your trip. Worked well with my daughter when she didn't understand time. Also we used to speak to her in terms of # of "sleeps" until the next fun event.
But then tomorrow becomes today, therefore the confusion. So many yesterdays were also todays. When we wake up tomorrow it will be today again. It seems tomorrow never comes.
I have 2 suggestions. One is the visual aid of a calendar that many others have suggested. Doesn’t need to be a long explanation, but just showing this box is yesterday. Maybe you talk about: What are some things we did yesterday? This box is today, and these are all the things we are going to do today before we go to sleep. This box is tomorrow, and this what we are doing tomorrow.
Then you can start crossing out the yesterday box at each bedtime or wake up (bedtime might get them riled up about the next day, so maybe morning is a better time to do it).
The second thing is that they may just need an acknowledgment that they WISH it were today. “You are very excited to go camping, aren’t you? Me too. I hear that you wish we were going camping today, and I get it. I wish we could go today too, but we have to wait until tomorrow. It can be hard to wait when you are excited about something. What about camping are you excited about?”
Although it’s not the same thing, it reminds me of this situation I had. I used to work with 5-year-olds, and sometimes they would tell the most fantastical stories as if they were truth. For example, “This morning, I went to the zoo and Seaworld and Disneyland!” It was awkward for me, because I didn’t love just endorsing the “lie” in front of the other kids, but I also didn’t want to imply that the kid was lying. A colleague told me that she would respond by saying, “Oh you mean you wish you visit go to all those places today? Yeah, that would be really fun!” I started trying that, and it worked very well. They always agreed that yes, that was what they wished would happen.
Does redirection help?
When my oldest was around that age, he needed a very structured day, so I made a schedule for him and posted it in the kitchen. One column had a picture of the activity with the words underneath, other column had a picture of a clock with the time of that activity. Him knowing what to expect, what dame next, saved a LOT of tantrums. It didn't fix everything, but helped a lot.
Unpopular opinion here, don't report me to the authorities.
Teach your child to take a no. No explanation, no rewards, just NO.
Try to use it as little as possible, but make sure you have it in your arsenal. Because if a kid senses that you don't have a strong NO, they will look to negotiate their way out of everything with you.
Strong argument there! But now, everyone reaps what they sow with their children.
It's easy to think short term and confuse discipline with abuse, but that kid will be a grown up one day, and we all know the pitfalls undisciplined adults fall into today.
When I am talking to my toddler about things in the future, we measure it by the number of "sleeps," not days. Like, "we are going to camp tomorrow, in one sleep." Or grandma is coming to visit in 1 week- only 7 sleeps!"
Nothing will cure toddler angst 😅 but sleeps are so much leas ambiguous than days.
We count everything by sleeps. Ie instead of saying we go to camp tomorrow, you could also say "one more sleep until we go to camp again."
Say it's Wednesday, and he wants to know when will it be x's party, which is on Friday. "Two more sleeps until x's party.
We count "sleeps" instead of "days" because it's more concrete.
I can't stress how great a calendar works. I made one for all the important stuff in my son's life and it sticks to the freezer drawer on the fridge (and is big enough for him to mark on when appropriate). These conversations used to happen so often, and its mind numbing because they simply don't understand.
We recently took a cruise and the count down poster we made in the boys room had a conversation like this almost every week:
Son (6): When are we leaving for the cruise?
Me: In 2 weeks.
Son: So tomorrow?
Me: No, in two weeks. 14 days.
Son: So this weekend?
Me: Nope. Count on your fingers to 14.
Son: Ok (does it)
Me: that many days is when we will leave for our cruise
Son: So in 3 days?
Me: .........
I'd just let it go at some point.
You’ve gotten a lot of good specific advice for this — we also used (and still use, and my son is now 7) a calendar which was helpful — but I have a more general suggestion too. When my kiddo has gone through frustrating phases of conversations, the circular, spiraling kinds, I turn very quickly to questions. So for example, when you said camp was tomorrow, and your daughter said “but tomorrow is today!” I would have said something like, “Really? What makes you think that?” She might answer in a way that makes it clear what she is confused about, in which case you’d know how to help her better understand it. Or she might say something silly and you can respond with something silly, and now you’re just kind of in a silly game.
This is also how I avoid fighting/arguing with my son about stuff. Sometimes he’ll be in a contrary mood, and I’ll offer him something for lunch, and he’ll say, “I hate that!” My mom and my husband both tend to say things like, “No, you don’t, you love it.” But then my son just argues back, which annoys me. So I say something like, “Oh, really? What do you hate about it?” or “Oh, how long have you hated it?” I swear, probably 80% of the time, he’ll respond with something like, “Well I don’t *hate* it…” 😂
Perhaps refer to the calendar in front of him, while he is nearby, without making it a "lesson." Just talk out loud to yourself. "I better find my bathing suit! I see we are going to the pool tomorrow."
Tbh, I would meet your child where they’re at if they’re not conceptualizing yesterday today and tomorrow as we adults understand them.
We separate units of time into days. That’s something that need to be learned. If all of time is a constant stream that includes the past present and future…if tomorrow is today, then sure! Roll with it.
“Tomorrow could be today. You still need to go to sleep and wake up to go to camp. You can go to camp later today, after you go to sleep and wake up.“
Because, remember, after we wake up it will be tomorrow, but when we exist in that moment tomorrow, we will call it today. This can be very confusing to a developing brain.
I would try to resist correcting terminology and focus on emphasizing that things will happen later, regardless of what day they are called.
They may or may not be ready for: “When we think about waking up later, we call it tomorrow.”
Visual aids definitely help.
Arguing is an uphill battle and not worth it. Most of the time you have to say (with a visual aid, if you have one available at the time) what you need to say and leave it at that. Arguing back and forth doesn't give them time to think about what you said either, honestly lol.
I like the a kids visual, just a single day "schedule" with morning, afternoon, and night, with things you will do. You could make it two days if you want to work on the difference of today/tomorrow and have them separated both visually and by sleep.
I work with kids with disabilities and my one advice is to not order the things in morning/afternoon/night to work on flexibility unless you are certain everything will happen and in what order unless you don't anticipate a meltdown with that. The one I have for my kid is just pictures on Velcro I put hap hazard in the section and take off as they happen
If validate, then distract and ignore future comments about it so:
“I know I’m so excited you get to go back to camp! I hear you’re excited too!” (Do not refer to time in any way)
“What should we do right now? Do you want to….”
When he says camp again you can say “I can’t wait!” Or nothing and focus on whatever activity you guys chose.
Honestly it’s just perfect ok to say to another human, including toddlers, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. So here’s how I’d do it-
4:are we going to camp later?
Me: no, we aren’t going to camp today. We are planning to go on Thursday after breakfast.
4: more on the subject ad nauseam.
Me: I don’t want to discuss this anymore. I’ve answered your question to the best of my ability. Would you like to help me make dinner (or some other deflection).
Don’t let your kid annoy you. It doesn’t help them or you.
Toddler: Are we going to camp later?
You: No.
Toddler: Why?
You: Because (whatever: work, laundry, grandparents visiting, etc). Maybe we can go some other time.
Toddler: Tomorrow?
You: I don't know yet. Ask again after your bedtime sleep and we have breakfast.
The day you are going to camp:
Toddler: Are we going to camp later?
You: Yes.
I only have something to offer for that last bit you said. Car convo/no time. How about a little felt schedule board with felt pictures of activities for the schedule. Let your child have this in the car and build the days schedule together over the drive possibly? I hope you find something here that helps. My kids it was the difference between hot and cold/breakfast and dinner. Countless explanations and back and forth. Very frustrating for everyone.
I talk my toddler through everything that has to happen first. “Yes, you’ll go to camp tomorrow. First you have to play with mommy, eat dinner, say hi to daddy, get snuggles, go to sleep, wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed…. THEN it’ll be time for camp” this has some really cute side effects like her listing off everything she’s done in the day in the wrong order. I find it really helps her to understand exactly what has to happen before we get to do a fun event!
I tell my kids how many more sleeps we have until the thing they are excited for, “4 more sleeps until we go the museum, 6 more sleeps until your birthday… etc”
I've seen this way be helpful... "We will go camping after one more sleep", "we will go to the park again after 6 more sleeps" etc obv harder if they nap or dont have a good track of time, but maybe that's coupled with a calendar or something you cross out or add a sticker to each day or something each morning when they wake up to visually see there's still days to go? Its hard with kids who don't really grasp time yet or the concept of yesterday today tomorrow next week etc.
Don't focus on the logic. Focus on the feeling.
Your child is telling you, "I wish I could go to camp right now!"
Acknowledge that. "Do you wish you could go to camp right now?"
If he says yes, then agree with his feeling. "It would be great if you could go to camp right now." (You can acknowledge the feeling without pointing out that it isn't possible to go to camp right now.)
Maybe say, "You love camp don't you?" Maybe ask a question: "What's your favorite thing about camp?" Now you are having a conversation about camp instead of arguing about definitions which don't matter.
Logic is not a strong suit for four-year-olds so don't get sucked down that path.
It's not about dates and their concept. Your toddler craves your attention. If you talk in way that seems like you are dismissing him, he will double down on the nonsense because that gets your attention.
Just lead the conversation into some other topic and enjoy while YOU have HIS attention. You will miss it dearly in ten years.
He might be repeating something he heard and misunderstood. "Tomorrow is today" sounds a lot like one of those motivational things about how it's always "today". Like if you put something off until tomorrow, it's just gonna be today again and then you're in the same situation.
Maybe outside of one of these conflicts you can have a conversation about time as it relates to the sun and bedtime and stuff. Like how "when the sun goes all the way down and it gets dark for bedtime, that's the end of the day. Then you wake up for a new day!"
It’s really hard to have a conversation with him. I try to have directed conversations about a topic. He cannot focus on them. He simply won’t engage—he’ll run and play, talk about something completely different, or if it’s an emotionally charged topic, he’ll get back in whatever the feelings were and restart the tantrum.
But I do think it is a misunderstanding of another phrase. Just can’t crack through it.
A lot of times when I try to declare and explain like that, he’ll just refuse to accept it. I’ll say it’s Tuesday, he’ll scream “no it’s Saturday!” Or with a time. Time is still a bit abstract for him. But someone else suggested outlining the steps, so I’ll try that. Though again, he’s pretty contrarian.
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Visual aid? Aka a calendar. I have a whiteboard one that I can draw pictures on. It think it helps somewhat. Here's today! Thai box is today. Tomorrow is this box here. Yesterday is this box over here. See how yesterday has the picture of the book because we went to the library yesterday? Today has the pool because we go swimming today. Tomorrow has the camp picture because we go to camp tomorrow. And/or describe the steps of getting to tomorrow. Today we woke up! We will eat breakfast and lunch. Then go on walk and watch movie. Then eat dinner and bath and go to sleep. When you wake up it's tomorrow. That's the next day, not today. While referencing visual aid. It did seem to help mine to understand "we need to eat lunch and dinner and quite time and read books at bedtime and sleep AND THEN it's tomorrow
We tried a calendar a while ago, and he wouldn’t sit still for us to explain it to him. We’ve been considering trying it again, we’ll probably do that this weekend. I will try the steps—it’s easy for me to get caught in the loop, especially when the high pitch screams start
If it's causing upset try not to get caught in the loop like you say! Try to stick to simple md consitent language like 'first we'll x, then we'll x' or if it's tomorrow 'after one sleep' etc. Bringing a visual aid to LO as suggested above consistently while using the consistent language would also help. They are tricky concepts and LO is likely just trying to clarify what you're saying and also getting stuck in the loop!
After x sleeps has been key for us. We count down the sleeps to all kinds of events. She still doesn't fully grasp it, anything before today was yesterday, but it has helped with waiting for future things.
lol my 5.5 y/o still judges how long with how many sleeps until… And then weeks become how many share days? (Share day is on Fridays at school)
We have been counting down the sleeps for our trip to the local children’s museum at our house. It’s finally “stop talking and eat your breakfast so we can leave on time!” lol
This is the way. My 4 yr old struggles to understand that the time between nap and bedtime is *not* a different day. But "3 sleeps til..." ( 2 night sleeps, 1 day/nap sleep) he gets, no problem!
Ours had a tough time with this as well. We have a magnetic calendar with a fun turtle magnet. We made our kiddo a part of the process. They move the turtle when they wake up and say it’s a new day! Before bed, we would talk about when you wake up it will be tomorrow. It took 6 months, maybe a year I think for it to have permanece in their mind. It’s a hard concept, and it’s not learned as quickly as we would like.
Don't make it a planned lesson. Have the calendar always at the ready, when he is starting one of those exhausting discussions. At that point HE IS focused on that, because that's the time, when he wants to understand time.
Have you tried not using contextual language like tomorrow or later? Maybe definitive language would help "we'll go to camp on Wednesday" "sorry dear, it's Tuesday".
Can he count? We explain tomorrow in sleeps. So in X sleeps we go to the museum and count down every day. That has really helped us
Having a days of the week song helps a ton.
I would encourage maybe having him physically mark the day off the calendar at bedtime and say, "When you wake up with the sun, it's tomorrow. And that day has a name _____fill in the blank. Teaching days of the week may help make the connection with daily repetition. Good luck! I've got a teenager now, and the visual or crossing days off on the calendar is something she still does :)
At that age, we typically referred to how many "sleeps" or "big sleeps" (to differentiate from naps) until a given activity, after several similar conversations. You could also use sunsets, dark times, bed times, baths, dinners, or whatever daily activity makes most sense to your kid.
My wife and I still use sleeps when one of us is out of town. Probobly because it's when we most notice the others absence.
This is what I do! “X amount of sleeps until we go to Y place”
I still do this to myself, and I’m an adult! 😂
I try to do that. But I could probably be more consistent in terminology.
It probably is just a case of using too many terms. My son had trouble with the concept of yesterday/today/tomorrow until around age five. I stopped using the words tomorrow altogether for quite a while (probably six months or so) and then reintroduced the concept when he was a bit older and that helped a lot.
I stopped using the words today tomorrow and yesterday during the toddler years. I used days of the week. Right now is Tuesday. Camp will be on Wednesday. It will be Wednesday after it gets dark and you sleep. That along with a visual calendar seemed to help.
This!!
Yep! It’s super confusing that yesterday, tomorrow was today, but today tomorrow is tomorrow, and yesterday was today yesterday. “Next morning”, “the day after this one”, “when you wake up” all make more inherent sense to toddlers, I think.
I would try to change the subject. Something like "Yep, we're going tomorrow... HEY what book would you like me to read?"
This is basically the kid equivalent of the Spaceballs "We're in now now" scene (it's worth looking up the clip on YouTube if you haven't seen it). Today is yesterday's tomorrow Tomorrow's yesterday is today A little later today is still today Much later is tomorrow Soon tomorrow will be today The two things that can help: **Quantify the amount of time** i.e.: "we're going to do that in 18 hours" Even if they don't fully understand how much time an "hour" is, most kids that age understand the idea of counting backwards to 0. **Help them visualize the amount of time** Timers that they can watch count down can be a huge help with this. At our house this means big digital clocks in every room with a remote that lets you set custom timers. More recently we've also introduced smart speakers so you can just say "Alexa, set a timer for X hours" and then at any point you can ask how much time is left.
We’re big on using the visual timer for short spans of time. It’s the larger units that’s hard. But I’ll look into a digital clock/timer!
If you look up "16 inch led clock" on Amazon you'll see the type that we have. I wasn't sure how much they'd help at first, but now I've lost count of just how many we have around the house. They're also nice for helping kids learn about temperature and days of the week too.
Maybe instead of just saying tomorrow say “you’re going back on Wednesday, which is tomorrow” so if they say tomorrow is today you can say “no. Today is Tuesday. It’s going to be Tuesday all day. Today (give a breakdown like it’s 5 pm right now. At 6 we are having dinner. At 7 you’re taking a shower. At 8 pm you’re going to sleep. When you wake up at 6 am then it will be tomorrow and Wednesday. Then it will be time for you to go to camp.” So later on when they ask again you can say. “Right now it’s still Tuesday. Right now it’s 7 pm. So that means it’s time for your shower. Then at 8 pm it will be sleep time. Then when you wake up at 6am it will be tomorrow, Wednesday and time for camp”
These concepts are hard for kids! At least one of my kids once said "the day after yesterday," and told a story about "a yesterday that happened a long time ago."
We get those a lot. Or he’ll tell us “when I was your age…” It’s cute until these spirals
So I usually hate this response, but in this particular case, I think it’s important to remember that “he’s not giving you a hard time, he’s having a hard time.” He genuinely doesn’t understand what the words mean, and you using them in a way that expects him to get it is very frustrating for him. I don’t necessarily have good advice for how to get out of it, but good luck!
What is your child is trying to express is they are really looking forward to go back to camp. I would change the conversation by saying, “You must be really be looking forward to go back to camp!” and let toddler speak from there.
This! I feel like it's easy to get caught up in the logic and explaining, but really this conversation reads to me differently when you come at it from an emotional perspective. I think if you reflect his feelings back to him you might have more luck.
A toddler’s vocabulary is limited. They have emotions but don’t know how to express. They need prompting.
I agree. I’d also add: there’s a Sesame Street book called When Is Saturday? I remember it from when I was little bc we had a cassette version where the Grover voice read to you as you followed along with the book. It explains the days of the week, and deals with Grover’s disappointment and impatience on days that are not Saturday (the very exciting day that his uncle will visit). That might be useful for the emotional as well as the educational aspects of this situation. Good luck!
I always said “Wednesday, June 19th” (or whatever) and then encouraged them to ask Alexa how long it was until then. I don’t do nonsensical conversations. I outsource those to either Alexa or the dog. As in “I whispered the answer to Koda. See if you can get her to tell you.” We have always had a husky (and the breed is quite verbal), so that usually would get the kid distracted playing with the dog.
This is fucking brilliant Our houseplants are going to be the greatest all knowing entities
We also use sleeps at that age. Camp is one sleep away. Or your birthday is in 4 sleeps. Etc. it helps a lot.
They make analog clocks that show the day of the week. I'd get one of those and put different colors on each day. "You can go back to camp when the clock is pointing to the blue. We already did camp for the red day!" Or we don't go to camp when the clock is green and yellow.
I explain to my 3 and 5 year old that something is "2 sleeps away"...."5 sleeps away" and then we mark it off on a calendar. I then remind them at wake up that it's been one sleep. This has helped immensely with their ability to convene time Good luck...it's hard concept.
To some degree, it's fun to enjoy these conversations. When they are little and they look up to you and they love to have you as part of their conversation. It's really something to cherish. These conversations can be annoying, thankfully, little kids are relatively easy to redirect. After they ask when do they get to go camping, I would redirect by saying " tomorrow and I'm so excited we're going to have a campfire, do you like a campfire?". Continue on with questions to get them to change where they're focusing their mind. Like when we have that campfire I think we're going to have some marshmallows. Do you like marshmallows? You know what else I like? swimming, swimming is a lot of fun, especially the sand. We could make sand castles. We're going to make a sandcastle so high. It's going to be taller than you. I'm going to need some help building that sandcastle, are you going to help me? Keep engaging them in conversations like that, be sure to ask questions and do the same thing to them. That is ask the same question over and over until they finally give you an answer.
Try turning the question on him to make him think about it/process it ie "When do you think we're going to camp?" then gently guide and correct as necessary. It'll help him learn to try to think/figure it out instead of just asking. It's a process though
In my home country, parents often work with „one more time sleeping at night“ (it‘s a lot simpler in my language, I swear!). Like instead of using words like „tomorrow“, „the day after tomorrow“, they would tell you „only once more sleeping until XY!“, which would translate to „only once more sleeping at night until you‘re going to camp again!“. Could have the effect that the child is also really eager to go to bed and sleep, because how my parents always told me „the sooner you‘re asleep, the quicker it will be morning!“ or it could make your child too excited to actually be able to sleep, like my daughter mostly. This only works with children who are sleeping through the night, obviously.
I just change the subject after I feel that I explained it really well and the kid was listening. I am not always sure if they are not getting the concept or just playing the game, but I don't see any benefit in continuing that type of conversation.
Use absolute time (like “Wednesday”) rather than relative time (like “tomorrow”). Relative time can honestly be a bit confusing, since the labels we use keep changing as we go.
Yes, i deal with this all the time with my 3yo. You just move on. Don't insist on the fact that tomorrow is tomorrow. For example, after he says that today is tomorrow, you explain what is tomorrow, or why he sleeps, or what he did yesterday. Every time he gets stuck, you move on. Unless you're happy to be stuck for a bit, of course. Same goes for arguments with your wife, your manager, etc.
Yeah, I can imagine how frustrating it must be to need to explain what tomorrow means to your wife, your manager, etc.... 🫠
Yeah right?! When are you doing this? Tomorrow... When are you doing that? Tomorrow... They don't seem to get it.
I don’t mean to laugh / cry but I have this conversation with my older sister who has dementia.
Does he know numbers? Maybe get him a digital clock and tell him we go to camp at 9:00 AM.
Calendar - explain each day has a number and a name Weekly calendar - show which day is today, then point to yesterday and tomorrow - before and after today Instead of tomorrow say we’re going on Wednesday. Show him when Wednesday is on the calendar. One more sleep
We’re going to try introducing the calendar again this weekend:)
Definitely visual timetable or/and a now and next board
Also just more talk about time periods like yesterday and today and tomorrow and also now and next in your day to day language. They are tricky concepts for a little one to grasp. So if you went to the park yesterday, having a conversation.. 'I loved going to the park yesterday, it was so much fun' or if you're going to the park today 'I'm excited to go to the park today, after we have lunch. First/now we'll have lunch then/next we'll go to the park.' Or if you're going tomorrow 'I'm excited to go the park tomorrow, after one more sleep. First you'll go to sleep, then when you wake up we'll go to the park'
We have a calendar visual (just a weekly one I made and laminated) and use the day of the week rather than say today tomorrow or yesterday with my nephew.
Visual schedule with wake up, potty, brush teeth, eat breakfast, go to camp, come home, whatever blah blah blah on it. Stick it in a page protector or have it laminated and when he does The Things, check em off with a dry erase marker. So when he asks about camp, show him "camp is over. Next is snack/screen time/sprinkler time!" It's simpler than a calendar and also leads the way to understand what a calendar does. If your schedule changes a lot, getting a whiteboard and making icons that you can velcro to it so he can see what's coming in a given day might be a good idea. He's looking for reassurance that there's a plan on top of wanting to go to camp.
Could you call tomorrow ‘the next day’ instead?
Oh gosh do I feel this. Other people have great suggestions like visual aids etc… but this happens ALL THE TIME. The two big things to help me: 1. I already answered that question two times so I am not answering again. (Change topic like what did you do today). 2. Ask THEM a question. “When do you think tomorrow is?” “What do you think you should pack?” Etc etc
I usually say “after X sleeps”. Seems to make more sense than today/tomorrow/yesterday.
"it's hard to wait when you're excited! You wish we could go today! One more night of sleeping, and then it will be time."
Specify a full night of sleep. We’re dealing with a master here.
Yes! I did think to specify night, so they don't just go lie down for twenty minutes and tell you it's time to go.... But I should also have spotted that glaring loophole.
Give a specific time. We are going to camp at 8 am. It is now 8 pm. We will go to camp in 12 hours. Also, get them a clock or a watch and set timers and reminders.
This is normal. Calendar to show days that things a planned and show how many days are left. I took the approach of not telling my children anything til I was 99% sure we going to the activity. I had 5 children asking same question over and over. They are adults now. My daughter that has 2 children wait to tell her children about any activity until she knows it is 99% sure it going happen. In my opinion this save a lot of heartache on both sides.
Get a large paper calendar and use that to mark off days until your trip. Worked well with my daughter when she didn't understand time. Also we used to speak to her in terms of # of "sleeps" until the next fun event.
WTF 😂
But then tomorrow becomes today, therefore the confusion. So many yesterdays were also todays. When we wake up tomorrow it will be today again. It seems tomorrow never comes.
I have 2 suggestions. One is the visual aid of a calendar that many others have suggested. Doesn’t need to be a long explanation, but just showing this box is yesterday. Maybe you talk about: What are some things we did yesterday? This box is today, and these are all the things we are going to do today before we go to sleep. This box is tomorrow, and this what we are doing tomorrow. Then you can start crossing out the yesterday box at each bedtime or wake up (bedtime might get them riled up about the next day, so maybe morning is a better time to do it). The second thing is that they may just need an acknowledgment that they WISH it were today. “You are very excited to go camping, aren’t you? Me too. I hear that you wish we were going camping today, and I get it. I wish we could go today too, but we have to wait until tomorrow. It can be hard to wait when you are excited about something. What about camping are you excited about?” Although it’s not the same thing, it reminds me of this situation I had. I used to work with 5-year-olds, and sometimes they would tell the most fantastical stories as if they were truth. For example, “This morning, I went to the zoo and Seaworld and Disneyland!” It was awkward for me, because I didn’t love just endorsing the “lie” in front of the other kids, but I also didn’t want to imply that the kid was lying. A colleague told me that she would respond by saying, “Oh you mean you wish you visit go to all those places today? Yeah, that would be really fun!” I started trying that, and it worked very well. They always agreed that yes, that was what they wished would happen.
Does redirection help? When my oldest was around that age, he needed a very structured day, so I made a schedule for him and posted it in the kitchen. One column had a picture of the activity with the words underneath, other column had a picture of a clock with the time of that activity. Him knowing what to expect, what dame next, saved a LOT of tantrums. It didn't fix everything, but helped a lot.
I’d print a calendar and cross off days and we count things in the number of bedtime sleeps “1 more bedtime sleep and then we go to camp!”
Unpopular opinion here, don't report me to the authorities. Teach your child to take a no. No explanation, no rewards, just NO. Try to use it as little as possible, but make sure you have it in your arsenal. Because if a kid senses that you don't have a strong NO, they will look to negotiate their way out of everything with you.
NO.
Strong argument there! But now, everyone reaps what they sow with their children. It's easy to think short term and confuse discipline with abuse, but that kid will be a grown up one day, and we all know the pitfalls undisciplined adults fall into today.
I said NO.
Tell them in nighttime sleeps.
When I am talking to my toddler about things in the future, we measure it by the number of "sleeps," not days. Like, "we are going to camp tomorrow, in one sleep." Or grandma is coming to visit in 1 week- only 7 sleeps!" Nothing will cure toddler angst 😅 but sleeps are so much leas ambiguous than days.
We count everything by sleeps. Ie instead of saying we go to camp tomorrow, you could also say "one more sleep until we go to camp again." Say it's Wednesday, and he wants to know when will it be x's party, which is on Friday. "Two more sleeps until x's party. We count "sleeps" instead of "days" because it's more concrete.
I can't stress how great a calendar works. I made one for all the important stuff in my son's life and it sticks to the freezer drawer on the fridge (and is big enough for him to mark on when appropriate). These conversations used to happen so often, and its mind numbing because they simply don't understand. We recently took a cruise and the count down poster we made in the boys room had a conversation like this almost every week: Son (6): When are we leaving for the cruise? Me: In 2 weeks. Son: So tomorrow? Me: No, in two weeks. 14 days. Son: So this weekend? Me: Nope. Count on your fingers to 14. Son: Ok (does it) Me: that many days is when we will leave for our cruise Son: So in 3 days? Me: ......... I'd just let it go at some point.
You’ve gotten a lot of good specific advice for this — we also used (and still use, and my son is now 7) a calendar which was helpful — but I have a more general suggestion too. When my kiddo has gone through frustrating phases of conversations, the circular, spiraling kinds, I turn very quickly to questions. So for example, when you said camp was tomorrow, and your daughter said “but tomorrow is today!” I would have said something like, “Really? What makes you think that?” She might answer in a way that makes it clear what she is confused about, in which case you’d know how to help her better understand it. Or she might say something silly and you can respond with something silly, and now you’re just kind of in a silly game. This is also how I avoid fighting/arguing with my son about stuff. Sometimes he’ll be in a contrary mood, and I’ll offer him something for lunch, and he’ll say, “I hate that!” My mom and my husband both tend to say things like, “No, you don’t, you love it.” But then my son just argues back, which annoys me. So I say something like, “Oh, really? What do you hate about it?” or “Oh, how long have you hated it?” I swear, probably 80% of the time, he’ll respond with something like, “Well I don’t *hate* it…” 😂
Teach him how to read a clock and give him actual times. Show him a calendar and the dates you plan to do things and let him count the days down.
What is today but yesterday's tomorrow?
No, today is tomorrow's yesterday.
Perhaps refer to the calendar in front of him, while he is nearby, without making it a "lesson." Just talk out loud to yourself. "I better find my bathing suit! I see we are going to the pool tomorrow."
Or just say no camping for now so he can move on to something else since you've tried calender and it's not helping.
Tbh, I would meet your child where they’re at if they’re not conceptualizing yesterday today and tomorrow as we adults understand them. We separate units of time into days. That’s something that need to be learned. If all of time is a constant stream that includes the past present and future…if tomorrow is today, then sure! Roll with it. “Tomorrow could be today. You still need to go to sleep and wake up to go to camp. You can go to camp later today, after you go to sleep and wake up.“ Because, remember, after we wake up it will be tomorrow, but when we exist in that moment tomorrow, we will call it today. This can be very confusing to a developing brain. I would try to resist correcting terminology and focus on emphasizing that things will happen later, regardless of what day they are called. They may or may not be ready for: “When we think about waking up later, we call it tomorrow.”
Visual aids definitely help. Arguing is an uphill battle and not worth it. Most of the time you have to say (with a visual aid, if you have one available at the time) what you need to say and leave it at that. Arguing back and forth doesn't give them time to think about what you said either, honestly lol.
I like the a kids visual, just a single day "schedule" with morning, afternoon, and night, with things you will do. You could make it two days if you want to work on the difference of today/tomorrow and have them separated both visually and by sleep. I work with kids with disabilities and my one advice is to not order the things in morning/afternoon/night to work on flexibility unless you are certain everything will happen and in what order unless you don't anticipate a meltdown with that. The one I have for my kid is just pictures on Velcro I put hap hazard in the section and take off as they happen
Try pointing out that today is yesterday’s tomorrow. That kind of thing worked with mine at that age.
If validate, then distract and ignore future comments about it so: “I know I’m so excited you get to go back to camp! I hear you’re excited too!” (Do not refer to time in any way) “What should we do right now? Do you want to….” When he says camp again you can say “I can’t wait!” Or nothing and focus on whatever activity you guys chose.
Just say things like “today is the yesterday of tomorrow”.
Honestly it’s just perfect ok to say to another human, including toddlers, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. So here’s how I’d do it- 4:are we going to camp later? Me: no, we aren’t going to camp today. We are planning to go on Thursday after breakfast. 4: more on the subject ad nauseam. Me: I don’t want to discuss this anymore. I’ve answered your question to the best of my ability. Would you like to help me make dinner (or some other deflection). Don’t let your kid annoy you. It doesn’t help them or you.
I’ve tried that—the result is usually screams
Toddler: Are we going to camp later? You: No. Toddler: Why? You: Because (whatever: work, laundry, grandparents visiting, etc). Maybe we can go some other time. Toddler: Tomorrow? You: I don't know yet. Ask again after your bedtime sleep and we have breakfast. The day you are going to camp: Toddler: Are we going to camp later? You: Yes.
I only have something to offer for that last bit you said. Car convo/no time. How about a little felt schedule board with felt pictures of activities for the schedule. Let your child have this in the car and build the days schedule together over the drive possibly? I hope you find something here that helps. My kids it was the difference between hot and cold/breakfast and dinner. Countless explanations and back and forth. Very frustrating for everyone.
I talk my toddler through everything that has to happen first. “Yes, you’ll go to camp tomorrow. First you have to play with mommy, eat dinner, say hi to daddy, get snuggles, go to sleep, wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed…. THEN it’ll be time for camp” this has some really cute side effects like her listing off everything she’s done in the day in the wrong order. I find it really helps her to understand exactly what has to happen before we get to do a fun event!
I tell my kids how many more sleeps we have until the thing they are excited for, “4 more sleeps until we go the museum, 6 more sleeps until your birthday… etc”
I've seen this way be helpful... "We will go camping after one more sleep", "we will go to the park again after 6 more sleeps" etc obv harder if they nap or dont have a good track of time, but maybe that's coupled with a calendar or something you cross out or add a sticker to each day or something each morning when they wake up to visually see there's still days to go? Its hard with kids who don't really grasp time yet or the concept of yesterday today tomorrow next week etc.
Don't focus on the logic. Focus on the feeling. Your child is telling you, "I wish I could go to camp right now!" Acknowledge that. "Do you wish you could go to camp right now?" If he says yes, then agree with his feeling. "It would be great if you could go to camp right now." (You can acknowledge the feeling without pointing out that it isn't possible to go to camp right now.) Maybe say, "You love camp don't you?" Maybe ask a question: "What's your favorite thing about camp?" Now you are having a conversation about camp instead of arguing about definitions which don't matter. Logic is not a strong suit for four-year-olds so don't get sucked down that path.
It's not about dates and their concept. Your toddler craves your attention. If you talk in way that seems like you are dismissing him, he will double down on the nonsense because that gets your attention. Just lead the conversation into some other topic and enjoy while YOU have HIS attention. You will miss it dearly in ten years.
No new suggestions but you’re not alone and I feel your pain! Argh….
I appreciate it!
He might be repeating something he heard and misunderstood. "Tomorrow is today" sounds a lot like one of those motivational things about how it's always "today". Like if you put something off until tomorrow, it's just gonna be today again and then you're in the same situation. Maybe outside of one of these conflicts you can have a conversation about time as it relates to the sun and bedtime and stuff. Like how "when the sun goes all the way down and it gets dark for bedtime, that's the end of the day. Then you wake up for a new day!"
It’s really hard to have a conversation with him. I try to have directed conversations about a topic. He cannot focus on them. He simply won’t engage—he’ll run and play, talk about something completely different, or if it’s an emotionally charged topic, he’ll get back in whatever the feelings were and restart the tantrum. But I do think it is a misunderstanding of another phrase. Just can’t crack through it.
A lot of times when I try to declare and explain like that, he’ll just refuse to accept it. I’ll say it’s Tuesday, he’ll scream “no it’s Saturday!” Or with a time. Time is still a bit abstract for him. But someone else suggested outlining the steps, so I’ll try that. Though again, he’s pretty contrarian.
No help, but you might watch the Spaceballs scene where they watch Spaceballs. You might find it even funnier having experienced similar.
I had a hard time explaining days to my toddler too. Then I realised he always thought nap was bedtime and after nap was a whole new day.
That’s adorable!