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**Please just ignore all DM’s from here**
making posts like this can bring in some real freaks and they will have tempting offers but **IGNORE** them they are not going to do well by your baby, talk to child services in your area if you are looking into adoption, you have valid reasons why you being a parent will be hard think on it and come to a decision you can live with
**EDIT: thank you all for your kind messages and your attention to this very important topic, and please if you can spread a little joy in your own lives and others to help lighten the load of whatever they maybe dealing with**
Asking for help and/or recognizing you are not ready to be a Mom is not selfish it’s actually quite mature.
Definitely speak to a social worker or counsellor before making any decisions.
Ditto that comment. Be aware of the vultures circling to take your baby. Go through the legal channels for adoption. Please take care of yourself and counsel if need be. (You will need to talk to someone) (Therapist)
Yes, the vultures snatch up babies and children like they're adopting puppies from the pound- and then when they get tired of them they'll rehome them like unwanted animals too. Including to people (read: [pedophiles!](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/03/13/the-story-of-an-arkansas-politician-who-gave-away-his-adopted-child-and-the-tragedy-that-followed/)) who are even worse them themselves.
OP: NO ONE who has any place adopting a baby would be willing to go off the books. You do *not* want to give your baby to the sort of person who is willing to engage in a shady, unethical "private adoption" from a clearly desperate and vulnerable teenager they found on the internet. AT BEST, this is a person who doesn't have the good judgement to protect themselves, let alone a dependent child. At worst, you'd be throwing a defenseless baby directly to the wolves.
**Whatever you decide to do, OP, please do it through legal, official channels.**
It doesn’t cross normal , healthy people’s minds but I’ve seen it soooo many times on any kind of post like this, so I’m not shocked anymore. I guarantee she’ll be getting desperate DMs from infertile women begging for her child.
Oh ya. Look through the comments. I’ve seen it time and time again; a mom in crisis and instead of offering help or options women struggling with fertility jump at the change to get a baby. I find it disgusting.
Please get real help from professionals about any of this and definitely before deciding it. Giving away a child at 4 months is not the same as giving away a baby at birth. It may come with other consequences that you should be aware of. You need your parents. You will need to track down the father.
My recommendation is talk to the therapist first. Then contact a social worker. Depending on the type of adoption if you proceed you may want a lawyer as well.
Also, at 4 months postpartum she is at prime risk for postpartum depression - and some of the parts of her post really indicate that. She should talk to her mom and possibly a counselor at school about PPD, or try to find mental health help on her own. A licensed therapist or psychiatrist can help her work through what these feelings mean.
OP, becoming a mom at any age is really hard, and it’s ok to be vulnerable and need help. Just know that no matter how you move forward in life with your choices, the year after having a baby is very difficult physically and emotionally. You are not failing your baby. I bet you are doing your best.
I'm a therapist, and I totally agree. At that age, your hormones are already going crazy. Adding pregnancy and giving birth, mood changes would be expected.
At 4 months post partum, specifically, we see an uptick in depression as our hormones reduce dramatically then. It's the same reason post partum hair loss hits it's stride at the same time. I highly suspect OP might be struggling with PPD. I wouldn't recommend adoption until this is addressed. Wanting to give up baby is a very common symptom of PPD. I've seen people overcome PPD and want to keep their child.
Finally, a comment that takes this into account. At four months, baby has bonded and this will be traumatic. That being said, it may still be the best option! Talk to professionals asap.
You need more support than you're getting.
If you have a good relationship with your mother, talk with her first. She may be prepared to take on a larger role (even take on legal guardianship of your child).
You should also have support from social workers and doctors, particularly with your mental health issues. Please speak with your GP asap.
There may also be temporary options like fostering which would give you some time and space to focus on healing yourself and deciding whether you want to make a permanent decision or not.
*Whatever you do, don't be forced or pressured into anything by anyone*, and don't rush into anything. Reach out for more help and support and take your time.
If you eventually decide that adoption is best for you and your baby, that's 100% fine.
No you are not selfish at all. I had a child at 17 and I know how difficult it is. Giving your child up for adoption may be the best for both if you, but before you take that step, there are a few things you really should:
1) please see a doctor and get checked for postpartum depression. I definitely had a severe case and I was not treated for it. It lasted first several years in my case.
2) Talk to an adoption counselor.
3) Really understand that an open adoption may not legally enforceable, depending on the state you live in. Understand that you may not get the photos, visits, or whatever it is you agreed upon. Check your state laws.
I don't think it's selfish but it's a really heavy choice to make and I certainly wouldn't pressure yourself in either direction. It honestly sounds like you may likely be experiencing post partum depression. It's heavy weight to bear being mommy and I can't even begin to imagine taking on such a large important role/responsibility at 15.
I had my daughter a few months before I turned 21 and when got pregnant I fully believed I had it ALL figured out haha . The truth is no one is ever fully ready or prepared for a child. We do the best that we can for ourselves and our baby. It's a difficult balancing act. I also want to express that you'll likely still feel as isolated regardless of what choice you decide on. It will be difficult to relate to others your age because they won't have the same experiences as you anymore weither its parenting or the feelings that will still be there if you do adopt out. Friends will come back in time and you'll likely make many more strong connections with other parents to help support you along the way.
In the meantime, before you really settle on either choice please for your mental health start taking baby to mommy and me groups at the library, parks, talk to mom's online, etc. Make as much connection as possible and take care of yourself. Shower every single day, and be kind to yourself.... motherhood is a very rewarding opportunity if you take it, and there's several options with adopting out as well I believe.
Also I'm not sure what resources you're connected with but if you're in the US I have quite a few to recommend if you would be interested. Not necessarily adoption related but definitely worth at checking out to help get by with mental health, financial responsibilities while parenting, and potentially support while transitioning if you do decide the adoption route etc.
I also wanted to say that it really shows a lot about you as a person and a mother to be willing to make the best choice for your child even while you're suffering. It will get easier no matter what road you take. My inbox is open if you need someone to talk to who can relate to what you're feeling.
Also, I wouldn't take the people who say you aren't capable of caring for your child very seriously. You clearly have been taking good care of your baby for 4 months. You made it through pregnancy and you'll make it through this. I know several women who were teen moms when I was in high-school and they made it work. If they are capable of it so are you if you choose. Comments like that simply don't come off as empathetic, but actually just assholes and you obviously don't need that when you have such a full plate. Im sure you're doing a great job, and I'm impressed with your ambition to take this on in the first place. It's so fucking hard but also more than worth it, it won't come easy to every one but nothing good ever does. Try to remember why you chose to have her. My depression and trauma lie to me, they tell me I'm not good enough and that I'm a bad mom too.... but bad mom's don't worry about if they're good enough. You're learning life with her, and that's pretty awesome if you think of it.my daughters taught me more than anyone in my life and she's only almost 2. My heart really does go out to you right now. Just know you don't have to suffer alone and that so many mom's feel this way
Sorry last thing and I don't want to fear monger but it's really 50/50 about adoption as well.my boyfriend grew up in and out of homes I've heard great things from some people and horrible from others.
My heart goes out to you. I also have a 4 month old and I'm doing it alone, but I've got 21 years on you. It's hard. It's so hard. This is a huge decision. It's not something you decide on no sleep. This is also PRIME post partum depression time for you, which could absolutely be causing you to feel this way. Ask someone you trust to watch her so you can get some good rest, get a good meal, call a trusted friend, talk to a therapist, just make sure your head is right. Once you do it, there's no taking it back. One thing you should definitely do is talk to your mom about how you're feeling. You are so young. Maybe she'd adopt her so you can still be part of her life to some degree? If you do decide that motherhood just isn't for you, and no one you know will take your baby in, please remember that the safe baby boxes are legally protected drop offs. At least in the US. I don't know where you're located, but hospitals are all safe baby locations. You don't have to answer any questions, you just give the baby to a hospital worker and tell them you are surrendering your baby under the safe haven act. You can then leave. It's simple, but I imagine not easy, especially after getting to know your baby for four months.
If you do decide to keep her don't be hard on yourself for what you feel.
Talk to a mental health professional please. This is a HUGE DECISION. Just make sure you're in the right head space to make it.
You are very young and it doesn't sound like you are equipped to care for a child. I wouldn't have been either at 15. There is nothing selfish about giving your baby a chance at a better life. Don't fool yourself that it won't be hard though. Even though logically, you know you are doing what's right, it could be emotionally difficult and it wouldn't hurt to be prepared to seek counseling if you go forward with this choice.
as somoene who was adopted and has an adopted sister from birth. You arent selfish. you want to give your child a better life since you know you arent equiped to raise her properly. Your not just doing yourself a favour but your kid. DO it. ignore what anyone else trys to tell you. Its your life take control of it
You're not equipped to do it yet. You (directed at op) are not incapable of having a baby, and one day if you want, I know you will be an amazing mother, but this circumstance is unfair to you, you've made it 4 months. That's infinitely more than I could've done at your age.
My daughter was born before I turned 18, i know the stigma, I know the struggle, but I also know it is fathoms more complex and difficult for you than me. You shouldn't blame yourself for this decision, I certainly don't. You're making the right decision, and as a teen dad to a teen mom, I am proud of you
It’s the least selfish thing you can do, hun. You will have a second chance at a better life and so will she. You will also make a family’s dream come true. You can do this. Come back if u need support. We got your back! Xxo
Have you asked family members if they’d be willing to adopt? My cousin had a baby she wasn’t ready for and the baby was raised by her father and step mother so that they’d still be in the family
I want to hug you.
I put a baby up for adoption at 18.
Never regretted it.
You need to take care of yourself and make sure your baby is taken care of too.
You're a good mom for considering this.
My situation was pretty complicated because my baby's dad was my rapist, but I told my doctor that I couldn't do it and was worried my kiddo wouldn't have a good life with me. I never wanted to hurt her even just accidentally or because I was messed up in the head or whatever. I'm not sure where you are from and this was like 20 years ago for me but if I was your age and going through this... Hmm. There's a couple things you could do. You could go to a local ER, tell them you're 15 and you aren't able to parent your child right now, or if that seems too hard you could go to your babies doctor and tell them you want to give your child up for adoption, or you can Google your county's human services phone number and ask to speak to someone about giving your child up... Or you could call a crisis pregnancy center/local adoption service and tell them your age, etc. Not going to lie, you may have to milk it a bit, keep mentioning your age and how isolated/alone you feel and how you just want the best for your baby. Because the people you talk to are just working their jobs and might be having a tough day/be really tired and not listening like they should be. My family gave me a hard time about giving my daughter, Erica, up. But I kept telling them this was about what was best for the baby not me. It's hard, and it's scary, but you can do hard things. You are so brave just to know this might be what you need to do. I'll be thinking about you!!
Eta please ask a Dr about antidepressants too ok? You deserve to feel ok. You will get through this
There’s a VERY long waitlist for healthy infants in the United States (I know couples who spend money advertising even begging for a child on social media). If you contact a reputable adoption agency and social services in your area they will help you (you can google for one)- you can pick the couple yourself and ask for an open adoption if you want. Do not give your child to anyone unofficial or you meet online, you need to go through a reputable agency.
You are not selfish at all for considering adoption! Adoption and parenting can both be wonderful options (though each has its own challenges), and whichever choice you make is completely valid. Sending you love as you figure things out 💕
Actually it's the least selfish thing to do. My daughter just had a baby at 19. She's struggling. I couldn't imagine her being 15 and doing it. With that said it's not that I think a 15 year old can't do it but it would definitely be a sacrifice and allot of growing up. Only you can decide if you think you are capable. What is the arrangements with your parents? My daughter has to go to school and help around the house. That's our agreement. Do they expect you to work? My daughter wants to work and feels bad for it but at this time it's not feasible due to allot of circumstances, which is why she is focusing on school. I ask because I'm trying to figure out if your putting unnecessary stress on yourself. My daughter is this way she wants everything now ( job, car, etc.). I have to remind her everything comes in time and not to stress herself out about things that will come when the time is right. Focus on the positive and work towards goals.
Making the right choice for you and more importantly your baby shows maturity and bravery. There are a lot of factors that play a part here though, and I think your best option is to get help before making any big decisions. I was a teen mom as well, though I wasn’t quite as young, but still. And I felt this same way. I loved my baby dearly, but I didn’t feel like I could do it. I had severe, deeply severe… far worse than I thought… depression, anxiety, rage, etc. postpartum. I will shout it from the moon, get help before you make any decisions. I would give yourself a time period, a reasonable one, to allow yourself help. If your mind has changed, then great. If your mind hasn’t, then also great. You now will never have to wonder any of the “what ifs”. I would recommend seeking therapy or medication and stick with it for a solid 3-6 months. After that, you will be able to better decide what route you want to take. I don’t say that because I think you’re making a “wrong choice”, I say that because I would much rather you know you tried everything and can continue with no regrets. You seem unsure, so that would help give you clarity. I would also lean on the people around you. Talk about it. It’s hard. It’s really hard. You don’t have to be upfront and say I’m thinking of placing X for adoption. You simply could just say hey I’m really struggling. Make some changes and see how you feel. I think it’s better to ‘exhaust all your options’ before making any decisions, because clearly your head is a bit scrambled (which is totally reasonable).
Call the hospital where you delivered and ask to speak with the patient advocate or social worker. Explain what you wrote here. See if they can do an open adoption where you would get photos.
Don't respond to anyone on here that wants your baby. Do talk to your mom about how you're feeling and ask her for help in looking for an adoption agent /attorney and a counselor.
You are so young and have so much ahead of you and being a parent is HARD even as an adult. It is ok to want a better life for both of you when you recognize the difficulty of your situation -especially at your age.
Please talk to a counselor about this though-regardless of whether or not you end up proceeding to find your baby a new family or keeping them.
Whatever you do, ensuring you and baby are safe is the most critical thing.
Is it possible your having PPD, baby's only 4 months... I'm almost 2 months PP and some days I think the same thing but other days I love my baby... it's been hard deffinitly, raising another human isn't easy but I would deeply regret it if I woke up the next day and she was no longer here... my mom did it at 15 with me so it's totally possible but deffinitly takes alot of hard work. Is their maybe some mommy and me classes you can go to in your community to make some mom friends? Is their some kind of social assistance you can apply for given you have a baby so if you want to move out it's possible? I'm glad you have your mom's support ❤️ she sounds wonderful! I would maybe talk to her about it, who knows she may offer to adopt baby for you
You may have PPD and if so, you should not make any permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. Check in with your doctor about PPD and anxiety before you make any decisions. Feel better first.
There's a girl I know who's daughter is in a similar situation. I'll talk to you like I would her, cause I don't know all your details.
Honey, you may not have the father, but you don't need him. Talk to your mom. Ask what she thinks. Think about the people in your village, even if it's a small village. You are still a child, and you do need help. Hell, I did at 23.
Talk to your mom, see about getting screened for any mental (or physical) issues. Are you in school? Sorry if you said, I missed it. But if you are, when school starts back you'll have at least a bit of a break from the baby.
If you can't talk to your mom or anyone in your family, try a friend's parent or your counselor or doctor. It is okay to not want to keep the baby. You do have options. Talk it out with your people, and you'll feel better just getting it out.
Please don’t think it’s selfish. It’s the opposite. You’re seeking the best situation for your child, as well as yourself. And there are countless other people in the opposite situation, unable to conceive but otherwise in the perfect position to be a parent. Just be sure to go through the right channels to find the adoptive parents, there are tons of agencies that keep the sketchy people from talking advantage of both of you. Best of luck!
My bio mom was 18 when she had me. I was put up for adoption as an infant.. I found my birth mom this year. Im 34. I am very grateful to her. I think her decision was the opposite of selfish. I had a very good life because she decided to put me in a better situation. Only now that I am a mom.can I understand how difficult that must have been. Only you can make this choice, but if it is something you're considering, I'd go ahead and start the process while your baby is still very young.
It’s a permanent solution to a temporary crisis. You are not selfish for considering it; you’re strong and compassionate. However, it is permanent. It’s possible you could be experiencing post partum depression or even psychosis (there’s NO shame in either; you’ve endured a lot). I would strongly urge you to meet with an impartial LCSW who does NOT assist with adoptions.
Stay away from religious groups bc they will encourage you to give up the baby. It’s ok if YOU make that choice but greedy adults do not get to influence you. They stand to profit from adoptions. Can you temporarily place the baby in guardianship with a relative? That way you can meet some goals without the finality of adoption.
Whatever brings the best outcome for you and your baby is the right choice and only you get to choose that. Consider that it is also possible that you or the baby will experience a lot of grief following adoption. I am absolutely not opposed to adoption but unfortunately there are many predatory baby people out there who want a baby but not the realities of raising a child.
You could always see if your parents or another trusted family member would consider adopting her. At least then you'd still be able to see her grow. My great grandparents adopted their granddaughter.
There are a lot of programs to help you adjust. If you are in America I recommend looking into state sponsored help, there are cash grants, housing, sponsored child care, food help etc. I would also really really recommend talking to the pediatrician about this. They can give you local resources and also screen you for postpartum. If you do want to put your baby up for adoption, please hire a lawyer first. Adoption agencies screw birth parents over all the time. You deserve to have support and if you choose adoption, you deserve the conditions that you set to be upheld by the adoptive parents
You 100% can do that. But use a reputable agency or talk to legit people who can help you. Do not respond to anyone HERE about adopting your baby. It is dangerous for both you and your baby and do not give private information here. Since your mom is helping she may be willing to help you with this as well. If not there are other avenues.
- Work with your baby’s doctor. Explain that you are struggling and want to put her up for adoption but you do not know how.
-Use safe haven. You may have to google but many fire dept have safe haven for babies and parents can anonymously surrender infants that cannot be taken care of by their parents. They will be there to care for the baby immediately on the other side. There is an informational packet you can voluntarily fill out. This you can give her name, all family medical information about hereditary illnesses, and anything else you’d like her to know.
-Closed adoption agencies will find parents for your little one. You won’t see her again but you can leave information for her that will be sealed.
-Open adoption agencies will help place baby in a home with a family. In this case you may negotiate anything from meeting/choosing her adoptive parents, to requesting picture updates to sometimes even being able to see your baby. It depends on what’s decided.
These are a few ways that you can get started. Just be aware that adoption is permanent so when you start the process you have so many days to say that this isn’t what you want, but at the end of that time it is permanent. If you have a trusted non biased adult you trust please consider talking to them. A teacher, guidance counselor, therapist, doctor ect are good examples. I say this because you say you have postpartum depression and ptsd and there are lots of ways to get support. You are NOT selfish you’re a baby with a baby and want her to have a good life. If adoption is the way then it’s the best way. If other supports work then you can do it. Hugs and love! I’m so sorry you’re going through this!
Oh honey. I wish I knew what to say to help you. Please ask your mom to help you find a therapist so that you can get help with your mental health and get help making a decision here.
Some therapy will help.
It’s rough AF in the beginning but once their personalities bloom you’ll gush over LO.
Hang in there and be strong OP.
See a lawyer if you can and serve papers to good for nothing POS who gave you this miracle so he pays his part till LO is 18.
Even if he denies, he’ll have his wages garnished so you get your money. Unless he works under the table forever.
It will come back to him and even if he escapes payments, good luck when he files taxes one day because then you’ll be getting your money.
❤️
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
My mom had me when she was 17. She was going to give me up for adoption, but my grandmother made her keep me.
I really wish I had been adopted. My mother could not handle being a mom. That's ok. What wasn't ok was making me live through it, too.
You absolutely should do what's best for your baby. You can have such things as an open adoption where when your baby grows up, you can still reach out to them, and they can always reach out to you. You dont have to cut yourself from their life completely if you dont want to.
You are not selfish. Honey, if you were my daughter and struggling, I'd want to see you get better. And see what's best for your baby.
Adoption isn't a bad thing.
As a kid to a teen mom, I wish she would have just put me up for adoption once she turned 18 after my grandmother had no say in the matter.
You are NOT selfish. Does your mom have the ability to adopt her? Do you have resources where you are? Somebody to talk to about the process? A Planned Parenthood?
If you were my daughter, I'd be all in on raising my grandchild and doing my best to give you a normal high-school experience.
I have friends that feel the same way.
Talk to your parents, maybe they feel the way I do and haven't articulated their feelings to you clearly.
I’m adopted.
My biological mother had her first kid when she was 14, then had me at the age of 16, and couldn’t handle two of us so she put me up for adoption right after giving birth to me.
I don’t blame her at all, and think she made the best choice in the moment, based on her circumstances!
I think it’s absolutely valid to put your baby up for adoption, and spend the rest of your teens figuring out who you are continue growing up at your own pace.
My mother had me at 17. She used to brag about how she kept me even though one of the churches was trying to get her connected to adoption resources. I grew up in poverty, she was ill-equipped to raise me, and I essentially raised myself. The more she bragged about keeping me the more I wished she hadn’t. I often wonder how different my life would be for the better if she had made the better choice.
Hi! I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you my story; which is that my mother had me around your age and did decide to put my up for adoption. While I can’t imagine the strength that took, I forever am thankful she did, as I have an amazing mother and father now who have supported me in ways she never could (and it obviously wasn’t not from a lacking of *wanting* but the fact she was in not place to support me). We now have a relationship and she’s actually coming to meet my daughter on Monday! I just tell this little anecdote to say; adoption or considering it is never a bad thing. You are so strong and so brave to even consider doing something this hard. You are not selfish, in fact; this may be the most selfless thing you could do. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Sending love and light 💕✨
You're not selfish, no. It sounds like the first priority is getting some support for your mental health so you can then think clearly and decide what you want to do.
Teen Mom checking in - my child is now your age. It's ok to choose adoption. It's a lifetime commitment, and it completely changes your life trajectory. If you aren't ready, that's ok! Choosing adoption is choosing what's best for you and baby.
As others have said, talk to a counselor before proceeding further.
All I can say if that a large portion of my friends has adopted or is hoping to and they are beautiful loving families. Helping people become a family and giving your child a healthy life is the opposite of selfish in my opinion. Open adoption is very common right now too, you don't have to be totally out of your childs life if you don't want to be.
Hay sweetie. I was 15 when I had my daughter. 14 when I fell pregnant.
It can be really scary, would it be worth haveing a conversation with your mother, she may well want to adopt her grandchild and raise them as your sibling or at least be able to help you with the process of putting little one up for adoption if you are not up to it.
That being said kiddo is only 4 months old, have you been evaluated for post natal depression? Because I had it and could not bond with my daughter. Then I went on meds and all of a sudden I realised that I had created this person and she needed me!
Do what you feel is right, but do check all your options too.
I'm 22 now and kiddo just turned 7. She's just as beautiful as she's always been and is such a velcro child!
On the topic of mental health and parenting, I have a dual diagnosis for ADHD and autism, I have PTSD and an Anxity disorder, and I'm probably one of the best parents I know, if you do wanna do It I promise you with therepy and the right support you can do this! But also if you know you cannot do this don't be afraid to take the steps to make sure that your kiddo and you have the best life you can, even if that means haveing your lives be seperate. Just please please make sure to go through official channels, if your not ready to be a parent your definitely not ready to go to prison for neglect/child endangsrment.
If you need a chat my dms are open to you, I'm always happy to help another parent out. I also have a degree in social care and social care law and I work in a school so I also get kids, and since both you and your buba are kids I think I can help if you need it.
Good luck in whatever path you choose to take!
It's not selfish at all (my husband was adopted) but it is the bravest thing a momma can do for their child.
It's also the hardest thing to do too.
You have several options regarding how the adoption would go, please seek out a qualified center to help you navigate this journey.
It’s not selfish. Before you make this big decision PLEASE get help for postpartum depression and make sure you do this from a place of clear headed resolve. It can’t be undone if you realize in 3 months that you just needed a little sleep and some Zoloft. 4 months is in the thick of it. My sister gave a child up for adoption and it’s the hardest thing she’s ever done-she doesn’t regret it but it still makes her sad, 10 years later. And I know a teen who gave up her child for adoption because she was in foster care, and now that child is almost 3 and she recently learned that the adoptive parents had her taken away by CPS, and she’s working her ass off to afford a lawyer to see if there is any way to get her back, because she does regret the choice she made out of desperation. Even if adoption is the right choice, it is still going to be traumatic, for both you and the baby, and therapy is going to be very necessary. Listen to adoptees and birth mothers about what this choice does long term, and make the choice after considering all of the facets.
You're not being selfish at all. Just think of in the long run. And make sure that whatever your decision is that it's the right one for you. Motherhood is never easy, whatever the age, but especially for a young girl like you. I would suggest you talk with your mom and seek help elsewhere (like talking with a psychiatrist), if needed, before you make a decision. My heart goes out to you. Stay positive, better days are coming 💪
Firstly, no, of course you’re not selfish. Have you told your mom this? If my own daughter was feeling this way I might adopt her baby myself. I don’t know your mom or her situation at all but I know what it’s like to be a mom and you do too now! I had a very hard time with my daughter when she was a newborn. I had very very bad ppd. Sometimes I look back at pictures and videos in complete awe but a bit sad that I wasn’t able to enjoy her as much as I do now. At fifteen I can’t imagine how much harder that would be. It will not only be tough on you but on your child. That being said you know what you’re capable of and what’s best for your child. Only you can make this decision and it’s a doozy of a decision. I wish you the best. Take care of yourself and don’t feel bad even for moment for having these thoughts or even completely following through with them. It’s okay. Just please talk to a professional and do thing’s proper. Don’t look for someone to adopt on your own. I would hate to see you get taken advantage of or something bad to happen.
Let me start by saying that I'm so sorry your boyfriend wasn't there for you. It's wrong, and weak. You were very strong for giving birth. Families, friends, and society at large tend to be very negative about carrying to term with an accidental pregnancy, and I'm sure you received pressure from all kinds of places outside of your boyfriend to just kill them. This choice alone shows that you have more strength than you might be giving yourself credit for. It isn't easy standing up to these kinds of pressures.
That said, I won't deny raising a child in that situation is very difficult. In fact, it might be one of the most difficult things a person can commit to doing, especially if your family refuses to help you. I don't think wanting to put them up for adoption is necessarily selfish, but it's also a decision that should be made as a last resort, not only for the baby's well being, but your own. Ultimately it must come down to your own discernment. If keeping this child puts them in danger, then it is best to search for a home that can provide a stable environment. At the same time, it's very difficult to find adoptive parents that will love your child the same way you can. If you earnestly look at your life and your future and you can see a way forward that can work, even if it's difficult (because there's no easy choice here no matter what), my advice would be to take that chance.
Now, if you can find an adoptive family that wants you involved in your baby's life despite them raising them, that might be the best option out there. It would take the weight directly off your shoulders, but it also wouldn't completely sever that connection between mother and baby.
I sincerely wish you wisdom and luck. This is a terrible position to be in at your age, but one way or another, you will come through it. You're tougher than you think you are.
Please do not respond to anyone on this app offering to adopt your baby. You sound like a loving mother, and if you truly cannot care for your baby and you think adoption is the best option, you’re not selfish for choosing it. Do some research specific to your state and maybe reach out to social services. You deserve to get help. Both of you do.
i was 15 when i had my first child. from my experience, my opinion is you will have a happier and more free life if you choose to put the baby up for adoption. there will probably always be a feeling of guilt or regret; but having a child at that age is truly detrimental to your own personal development. i never got to be a teenager; and now that im an adult i realized how important of a step in life being a teenager is, and i missed it.
If you feel that you can't or don't want to take care of her, it's probably best that you do give her up for adoption. I know how hard it is. I had my oldest daughter at 16 and while I did give her a good life and she's an amazing young lady now, it's incredibly hard. You would have to work your butt off to gain that good life for your child. If you aren't prepared to give up your childhood and put her first every single moment, adoption is a good choice.
It's OK to put the baby up for adoption. It really is. It's a kind of love. And it's most beneficial to put them up for adoption as early as possible because it will be easier for them to adapt. You are absolutely fine and this is not selfish. You listen to your wisdom and yourself.
Hi! **You are not selfish.**
I'm a biological parent who gave up a baby for adoption, many years ago. He's a grown man now. I've never met him. But I know that his adoptive parents gave him more of a shot in life than I ever could have in my late teens.
Giving up a child for adoption is an act of love. You'll never forget her, you will always love her, but you also need to prioritize your own health and well-being. It's okay. Look into social service resources in your area.
I know so many people who are adopted and they love their adopted parents and have a great life. If you don't want your baby, I promise there is someone out there who will love that baby more than anything and give them the world. It's very mature of you to consider this route and recognize that you're not ready.
There is nothing wrong with you making the best decision you can with what you have. You want your child to have a better life then you can give but if you can be as involved with the adoption process and have an open adoption it it might help you with some of the guilt and make sure your child knows that you still loved them and did what you had to do so there’s never any questions of why it happened, though if you need it to be closed adoption for your own sake that’s OK too. it’s not something to be ashamed of parenting is not for the weak. It’s one of the hardest things you can do and there is no shame it admitting if it’s more than you can handle right now .there are options. Just make sure you look into all of them to find the best possible ones for you and your child. Best of luck to you hun 💜
Also absolutely do not follow up with anyone on here offering just like they said it is a very easy way for a child traffickers to take advantage of uninformed parents, and steal a child away to be sold and into horrendous situations
It’s not selfish at all! You gave her life and if you choose adoption you will be giving a couple the child they have been dreaming of. If you’re serious I would maybe call a local hospital and they may be able to get you connected to a real adoption agency or social services.
You’re not selfish.
There also is no huge rush. Go see a therapist. Decisions made in depression are often the root of deep regret - even if the decision is the right one.
It may be the right decision for both of you to choose adoption. Really. And actually from a developmental standpoint your baby is better off being adopted now than if she had been separated from you at birth. As your baby forms secure attachment in infancy, it actually becomes easier, not harder, on the baby to form a new attachment later. So if you wait 2 or 3 months while you discuss with your therapist and then still decide adoption is the best route, assuming here that between you and your mom you are now able to provide the baby with a safe and loving environment, it won’t do any harm to the child to delay.
1. Make sure you don’t have post partum depression and get on meds if you do. Having ppd can really mess with the bonding process. Don’t make any major decisions until you’ve gotten tested. I had it with my 4th child and it had me questioning everything and had I not gotten checked and put on meds, I probably would’ve done something I’d regret.
2. You’ve got to do what’s best for you and your baby. As an adopted child, I’m glad my birth mother, who was also 15, gave me up, but that’s because she’s a garbage human, not because of her age at the time of my birth. However, my adoptive parents were abusive so if you choose adoption, give your baby to someone you trust and if you can stomach it, have it be an open adoption.
3. If you keep her, it really doesn’t matter what the father wants… If you don’t care if he’s physically in her life, fine, but he should absolutely be paying something towards the child he helped make. It’s not fair for you to shoulder all the responsibility and makes it hard at any age.
If you decide to keep baby, do the best you can and believe in yourself. You’ve got this, Mama, no matter what choice you make and I’m rooting for you.
I don't think you are being selfish at all. As a first time mom at 34, I am definitely having challenges taking care of my newborn despite my circumstances definitely being way better than yours. Please talk to a social worker or counselor to explore your options. All the best to you and your baby, OP.
You’re not selfish, but I really think you should talk to a therapist if possible. You could be experiencing postpartum, and you don’t want to make a decision that comes more from that than anything else. You’re in an overwhelming situation. And the question you should ask “do I want to put her up for adoption because I’m overwhelmed, or because I truly think it will be best? Would I want to keep her right now if I had more support and was not depressed?”
As someone else said, putting her up for adoption now is different than when she’s first born. There’s a stronger bond now, and though adoption can be a great and selfless choice, it can also be difficult and even traumatizing. Talk to therapists. Talk to social workers. Read stories from adoptees or those who made the same choice at a similar stage. Pray if that’s your thing. Look into what your options and rights are in terms of different types of adoption (closed, open, etc.)
There’s no wrong choice here.
Putting a baby up for adoption because you're not ready to be a parent is the most selfLESS thing you'll ever do. You are wise beyond your years. I wish you and your baby the best 🩷
No you're not selfish, you are thinking about the well being of a tiny human and your recognize that your ability to provide a life for it might not be great. That's okay. I would seek out an adoption agency or someone well-versed on the topic so that you can talk through the emotional and mental repercussions of adoption and see if it's something you can handle. Are you being treated for depression and ptsd? If not that will also take a toll on you too. You can't pour from an empty cup. Get some help for yourself too.
There is nothing selfish about placing your baby for adoption. It is one of the bravest choices one can make. You are thinking about the care of your child rather than your own feelings.
You are not selfish either way but I would go see what help you can get regardless of your choice. There’s food stamps, WIC, subsidized childcare, healthcare, many state/federal run programs that can help you out. Even some help you learn a field that aligns with unusual schedules.
Former teen mom here! I had my daughter at 15 too. I kept her but I can TOTALLY understand wanting to put your child up for adoption. And YES it is completely valid. You are in no way selfish for doing this. It really sounds like it would be best for your child too.
Start talking to your mom about this and start getting the ball rolling. I know it'll be hard sweetie but it really is the best you can do. Once again you are completely valid for this and it is not selfish. Sending love 💖
That’s so amazing of you to give birth at such age, that must have been so hard! Giving it up for adoption is the opposite of selfish, you and the baby will be better of if you do. Don’t feel bad op if you can’t take care of it please just give it up for adoption.
I am an adoptive mom. There is nothing selfish about placing your baby for adoption. My biggest advice is to find 1. An agency that is ethical. You will know they are by how compassionate they are to you/how they treat you. If they are pushy at all, they are NOT it. 2. A family who is not only open but excited about the amount of openness that you would like to have in the adoption. We have open adoptions with both of our adoptive children’s first/birth parents. If they were to decide to take time and not be involved, we’d be really sad but we’d understand. But we’d always be ready for more openness if they changed their minds. The amount of involvement you’d like in your child’s life may wax and wane but you never want to get stuck in a situation where you are never able to see your child.
It is so important for a first/birth parents mental health to know they can see their child often if they want to. Not that they have to, but knowing they can.
You are NOT selfish.
Parenting is hard, and you’re still a kid yourself. Putting a baby up for adoption is a hard decision, but one that will give your baby and you the best chance at a happy and healthy future. If that’s the choice you want to make, be sad for just a minute, but let it pass as you know you are doing what’s best for you and baby. It’s very easy to build resentment as a parent, and you aren’t even an adult yet.
Parenting is hard, and it's a lifelong commitment. Parenting also means sometimes making choices that may not feel great, but are for the best for you and your child.
I work in the foster care system, where oftentimes, it is parents that for whatever reason, can't properly care for their kids and the kids who stay with other families until their birth home is safe again.
If you want my opinion of what the selfish move is, it isn't parents who can't care for their kids, because life is hard and it happens to us all sometimes, it's parents who can't care for their kids but don't want to admit it, so they string the kids along because they don't want to take responsibility for what happened and actually make a decision about what to do. Kids will be stuck in the system with parents who know they don't really want the kids back, but also don't want to sign their rights away either, so the kids are stuck in this in-between space.
If you decide you can't parent, that's reasonable! You are 15 and that's a lot of responsibility when you still haven't had the opportunity to fully grow yourself. If this isn't a life you can sustain and decide to put your kid up for adoption, there's nothing selfish about that.
If you decide you want the kid (which, it sounds like you don't, but I will cover all the options) and are going to keep the kid, you do owe it to them to do the best job you can do, even if it's at your own expense sometimes. That is why I think at 15, this might be too tough of a job, because an adult has had the experience of being taken care of and figuring their stuff out before they have to give up those parts to take care of a child. You're still a child yourself, and deserve to still be taken care of.
If you want to avoid being selfish, try and put aside your guilt, your fear of judgement, your regret, etc and make a decision that you truly think is best for your little family - either stepping up and committing to being the best parent you can be knowing it will mean it's not entirely fair to you, or deciding to give up on parenting and let someone else take the reigns who is able to. Wherever you do, just commit to your decision fully.
Talk to the hospital and talk to counselors and therapists. This is way above Reddits pay grade. Just know that adoption to a good family is not selfish and be kind to yourself. I’m 30 and feel overwhelmed. You’re a kid raising a baby and it’s okay to regret your choices and realize you’re not ready!
Put the baby up for adoption. I was a 16 year old teen mom and this is literally the easy time of their life, it only gets harder. There are tons of families that would jump at the ability to raise your baby. You can do this, you’re so strong.
There is nothing selfish about what you want to do. In fact I would say you realizing you can't care for your baby (no 15 year old would be able to) and deciding to give it up for adoption is one of the most **selfless** acts any parent can do.
This isn’t selfish. There are certain states that have “Safe Haven baby boxes” that are located at Fire Departments etc. Google search it. You can do this up to 6 months. No questions asked. When you open the door and put the baby inside it sounds an alarm within a few seconds and the baby will immediately be removed by a fire fighter on duty.
You can also call your obgyn anytime and talk to the on call nurse or doctor who will connect you with the right people if that’s more comfortable. Helping you figure this out is peoples whole job! And not just at getting people adopted but at helping you get resources so you can make the decision and feel best about it. They can help identify what’s making the choice difficult and solve that so you can make the most informed choice possible.
You are going through a lot at 15 and as a new young mother. It isn't too late to think about options for adoption but you will need support to go down this path.
Please talk to your mother and it would be a good idea to talk to a counselor as well. You could be experiencing post partum depression which whatever you decide you need support for.
Oh honey. You're so young. It is 100% okay for you to look into adoption. Being a mom is hard as hell when it was planned and you're married. Being a young teen with no help is even harder. You deserve to be a kid. Because you ARE still a kid. Please don't feel shame. So many people are out there looking for a baby to love. You can even do open adoption if you wish to be a part of the baby's life. It's not selfish in the least. In fact, it's one of the most selfless things you can do.
It is not selfish. Former college classmate had child while in college. She dropped out of college, took a year off, gave birth, and gave her son up for adoption without any additional rights or visitation etc.....(some locations allow natural parent to still see child) Her thought was the best chance for this child to have a great life would be with a family who can love the child as their own and in a position to care for the child. She hopes the child when he turns 18 will look for her but she doesn't know.
Giving up for adoption in her case was the least selfish thing she thought she could do.
I know three fantastic families that have issues conceiving and want to raise a child. 2 of them have adopted kids and are amazing families. and the 3rd has gotten scammed once, and then tried fostering with possibility of adoption then adoption to not go through so they've given up on adopting along with their own ages getting older.
There are many loving families out there.
I would if I were you. Of course I think my family would do anything in their power to ensure I was able to get an abortion but not everyone has that kind of family. Good luck to you. It isn’t selfish to do what’s best for your baby.
Wanting what’s best for your baby is the greatest act of love imaginable. I’m a mom to 9, 6 I adopted from foster care, one the mom wanted her daughter to have a better life that what she could give her. Life is hard, and it’s expensive to raise children, I’ve seen the effects if parents who weren’t ready, it’s taxing on the child
If you don’t think you’re well equipped the best thing you can do for them is to admit you can’t do it and give them up to someone who can. I’m a 21 year old person with a 4 month year old, I can barely do it at times even with the father in his life and an entire family willing to support me. It’s not easy. You’re 15, probably still in school with no father to help.
Your not being selfish, your being selfless and strong for accepting you can’t do it. Despite how simple it seems this is a hard to make choice. No matter what you choose in the end, I’d recommend preparing to seek some therapy.
Giving a child a chance at the better life you know you can not provide for them is the least selfish thing you could do. Look into adoption and be kind to yourself
You are so young and to be raising a baby that young must be incredibly stressful. It’s okay to say you can’t do it. If adoption feels like the right path for you, give yourself grace and permission. It’s ok. You’re ok.
Raising a baby is HARD. I’m 31 and just had my first baby and it is not easy. My husband and I met when we were about your age and I couldn’t imagine us having a baby then.
You are not selfish whatsoever. You tried and now you are recognizing that you are maybe not the best option for this baby. And that’s okay!
One of the most least selfish things you could do. As a parent they often tell you that it’s about making sacrifices but no one brings up how sometimes the best sacrifice you can make for them is yourself. Giving your child a better chance at life is not selfish. Giving yourself a better chance is not selfish. Especially when so many people out there are so eager and willing to help and share their love. 🫂
I know this has to be such a hard decision and it’s definitely not a selfish thing to do. In fact it’s the opposite of selfish, selfless . Why don’t you Look into an open adoption. That way you can still have a relationship with your baby girl. Lots of families are open to do an open adoption
It's not selfish. Having a baby as a teenager is so impossibly difficult (I was 16 with mine) and then making decisions about that baby is even worse. You will often feel like no choice is right and the emotions are overwhelming. It is ok to give your baby up. It is also ok to keep your baby. Please seek some therapy no matter what and talk out your ideas with someone that is not emotionally attached (your mom sounds awesome for helping but might not be the best opinion if she has one), you will want this no matter your decision to help you process everything that has happened. A good therapist can also help find the most appropriate route to go through with adoption if that is what you chose.
You are not selfish, you are already being an amazing person by considering what is best for this little life. It's ok if you decide that place is not with you.
You are not selfish. There are so so so many loving adult couples who are desperate for children and can’t have them, and you would be blessing them with that. I know this is such a hard decision, but there’s nothing wrong with making a choice that may, in fact, give you and your child a better life. Good luck.
It isn't selfish at all. Recognizing that you aren't able to meet your child's needs and consider making a hard decision isn't selfish at all. Definitely take a look at some of the available kinds of adoption out there and see what meets your and your child's needs best.
It’s never selfish to do whatever is best for your baby. If you feel that adoption is the best thing for her, have peace knowing that you’re doing the right thing.
OP - you’ve got a lot of life ahead of you. Don’t beat yourself up, because raising a baby is hard enough as an adult. If anything, thank you for recognizing your limitations. Talk to your doctor, mom, or another safe and trusted adult. However, if you talk with mom only, I would suggest having a counselor or some intermediary with no ties to either of you. I only say that because she is grandma and you guys need facts and support. I do not know what your mom is like, but raising your baby’s baby can be more daunting than she anticipates.
See what your options are, and if adoption is what will be best for you both, so be it.
You love this baby enough to recognize you can’t be there for them in the way they need you right now. Remember that. I do caution whichever adoption agency you choose. While many are reputable, there are many that are not as well. Work with a care manager to help you through this if this is what you choose.
Good luck op.
No, it's not selfish at all to do what may be the best thing for your baby. Have you considered a Foster family through an agency? I truly hope and pray for you guys 🙏🙏
Both of my Grandmothers were adopted. They went on to accomplish great things and give life to many kind and loving humans. I am grateful for the life I’ve lived because of them.
There’s an option for open adoption through many legit agencies so you can visit but not be the main caretaker. Please find a legit adoption agency. Planned parenthood can help connect you or even possibly a counselor via your school district. This is a very mature kind thing to do for your child. A lot of agencies will let you choose the family your child goes to as well.
The fact you feel selfish means you care more than you can imagine. I’d start with maybe finding help at a mothers clinic if there is one available in your area and start from there. Try to sort out your mental health before you jump into big decisions. Having a baby at 15 20 30 is hard obviously being a young teenager makes things a lot more difficult but things do get better.
I am sending you all of the positive energy. You sound like a very brave person to realize you aren’t ready to be a parent. If you think adoption would be the best option, then go that way. Perhaps an open adoption would be best!
I had a baby at seventeen. 2 years is a big difference at that age, especially as a teenage mother... but I can tell you when my son was 4 months old, I didn't feel this way. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I knew in my heart that I was doing the right thing for us. My parents helped, and I only had one more year of high school left. That was 20 years ago, but we both turned out okay. I think the fact that you're feeling this way tells you that you already know what is right for you guys. This is a decision that you need to make on your own. There are two people in this situation, and neither of them is your mother. You and your baby both deserve the chance to grow up properly. Whether you do that together or apart, neither way is selfish. You just have to go with what you think is best. ❤️
This is a hard decision, and you're just a kid.
Whether you're being selfish doesn't matter; adoption could be much better for both you and your baby.
It's a decision only you can make.
I wish you the best and I hope you make the choice that makes the most sense for you and the baby.
Big decision here and I think it would be best to talk to a therapist and work out your feelings.
Whatever choice you choose is the best. But you are so young I would try to look into a therapy so someone can help guide you through all this.
You are you going through a lot and if you keep baby or give her up, support is needed for you ether way.
I had my first at 18 and while I'm happy I kept him I can say looking back I was way to young, and didn't always make the best choices for us.
I didn't have any support and I should have been in therapy from the moment I became a teen mom. I think it would have helped me immensely.
My mom was 15 when she was pregnant with me and pit me up for adoption. I love the life I’ve lived and hold no ill will towards her. We have a relationship now that I am an adult and I completely understand why she made the decision she did. Not selfish at all.
Your not selfish at all, babies are a massive commitment and you are still very young and even older people can struggle. You do what is best for you and baby, you are both important and you both deserve to be happy however that happens
Definitely not selfish. This is the least selfish thing to do. You know you can’t give your baby all that she needs. Call your doctor and ask who you should speak with. A social worker is probably who you will need to speak to first, and then they can get you on your way. I commend you for realizing that you can not give her all that she deserves at this stage in your life. ❤️
It's not selfish at all. You'd be providing for your child. Contact an adoption service. Get counseling before, during, and after the adoption. Take good care of yourself. ❤️
You can surrender your baby at any police, or fire station, at any hospital. Do not respond to anyone on Reddit or social media about private adoptions etc. Many of these people are well intentioned, but there are some who are not and even if you don't want your baby, you want her to be safe. It's ok to say it's too much Mama.
Recognizing that you can't care for the child is a mature laudable trait. Adopted by loving parents is a wonderful thing for the baby and gives you a new chance with a life on track.
It's not selfish. You're being very brave and mature, and if I could give you a huge hug I would. I was in my mid-30s when I had a child and it was HARD. I can't imagine what it must feel like at 15.
You are one smart girl to acknowledge that it’s a hard job ….for most women it is …and you being so young I believe you are struggling… yes talk to helpful honest people that can advise you on how to do it …I believe it is a good idea to adopt out your child to someone that will appreciate your decision… good luck and keep us posted on how it goes… 🙂😘
Open adoption is a good choice for many people in your situation. Contact social services connected to the hospital. Usually, they have social workers staffed.
Wanting to place her for adoption to give her the best life is the most unselfish thing a parent can do. It’s a hard choice to make but sometimes it’s not only what’s best for the child but it’s also what’s best for you as a mother. Being a parent is hard work without other added factors of being a young parent, someone with depression and ptsd.
But please this to everyone on here saying to go through the proper channels to place her for adoption.
Coming from someone who had first baby at 23 (young but not as young as you), with no father present, and only my mom for help too. It is very hard. Just had my second baby he’s 7 months but I can tell you this stage IS very isolating. It is completely normal to feel that way. Post partum is a very very hard time. You are probably doing a lot better than you think. But all that being said if you aren’t in a situation to care for your baby adoption is good option. Another family will help her have the best life.
Adoption is a wonderful option if you aren’t ready to parent. It can be a very loving option for your baby! Please also seek care for your mental health!!
You’re aware you can’t provide the best life for her and want her to be somewhere she can thrive. You love her so much that you want her life to be better than what you can give her, that’s not selfish at all!
Putting your baby up for adoption isn’t selfish at all. If you believe they can have a better life and work on finding a loving family (through proper channels) that’s the best thing you can do. It’s a very selfless act that takes a lot of maturity.
If you also think you can’t raise a baby, that’s okay. Not a lot of girls can at 15, even with family support. It’s possible but it’s so goddamn hard, and you have to take your mental health into consideration. If this is something that will affect you very negatively then adoption is a viable option.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I wish things were different for you. Whatever choice you make will be the right one if you take your time and look at all options.
It's a truly selfless act to put a baby up for adoption when you're not in a place to parent them. Please speak with a safe and supportive person - whether that's your mother, a friend, or a social worker. It's important to make big decisions when you're in a clear frame of mind, so drink water, eat a meal, ask your mom if she can watch the baby so you can have a long sleep, and then see how you feel when you get up.
If after a little time and speaking with supportive folks, you're still considering adoption you can contact your local children's services group to facilitate an adoption or go to a private adoption clinic. This post may get people sending you messages - ignore those. They are trying to take advantage while you're in a vulnerable state.
As a teen, I had friends who took both paths after having a baby and both of them were happy with their choices but lived different lives. If you take care of yourself and decide you don't want to pursue adoption, it is okay that you wanted to in the first place; it's okay to consider what will be best for yourself and for your child.
100% not selfish. Very unselfish actually. And I'm not trying to persuade you either way, but there is a mother daughter duo on YouTube named Jennica and Annica. Jennica had Annica at 14 years old and they have a lot of mother daughter q and a's telling their story. I only bring it up because Jennica's story might be relatable, whichever you choose. Much love ❤️
I can't imagine the pain you going through 💔 You are not selfish for wanting the best for your child and recognizing that you can't provide that life for her. I just hope you can find a good home for her. Be very careful with whom you decide to give your child to. All the best you 🫂
Not at all selfish. In fact it is generous, creating a win-win-win. You would be giving your child a stable, loving, financially secure family and future. You would also be giving yourself a chance at developing your own growth I to adulthood, your education, your career plans: your life. Children are not equipped to have children. You need another decade to grow up before trying to have children. And you DESERVE it!
Go with a reputable, well-established agency. Good luck to you.
That is not at all selfish, i think that is a selfless act to give your child more opportunities than they can have with you. Also, your future self and possible future children will have many more opportunities and life in general will be easier.
This is so not selfish. I'm proud of you. One caveat: if you're going to do it, do it quickly: after 6 months of age, this could lead to attachment issues for the baby.
I have two things to say:
1. It is never selfish to give your child a better life. Whether that be with you, or someone else — it’s never selfish.
2. Check online for support groups for birth mothers that have placed their child for adoption. They do exist. I’m sure there are some online, but in person ones depend on your location, obvi.
2.5. Maybe call a planned parenthood to see if they can point you in that direction if navigating online is overwhelming/confusing. They are incredibly helpful and understanding. I went to one a while ago with my friend and I remember that it was basically all young women who worked there as nurses, at the front desk, even the doctor lol. They have a lot of resources you might not even know are available to you.
——————————————————
I wish you the best and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It makes sense to feel the way you do right now — how could you not? This is a shitty situation. Reaching out to people on here with your post was a good decision. It’s brave to ask for advice and help and it’s important to talk about how you feel. I hope life becomes easier for you, and that you never have to feel this way again. You’re stronger than you think 💕
No, you aren’t selfish for wanting to put her up for adoption. You’re a child with a child. While some teen mums make it work, others don’t. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person! Parenting is hard at the best of times!
Bless your heart young one. I think it’s commendable of you to acknowledge your struggles and seek help. I don’t think you’re being selfish at all, you want the best for your baby.
The most unselfish thing you could do is let that baby be raised by parents who want it.
My mom was forced to have a baby when she was 16. She was a terrible parent. I had an awful childhood. I wished my entire life she had adopted me out.
Try to have an open adoption so your baby can know who you are. You’ll be able to watch her grow up and know she is cared for. It’s so much better for everyone.
Seems like the kindest thing you could do for your daughter and yourself. Is your mom on board? Would she help you find a reputable adoption agency? Is there a social worker involved that you could talk to? Fire departments often have drop offs for infants; I don't know about older children, but I'm sure they could help you connect with services. Or contact your pastor if you're in a church. Make sure your baby gets to an appropriate system that will vet the parents and make sure they're good folks. Good luck.
Not selfish at all. That’s one of the best gifts you could give to yourself, the future parents, and that baby.
It’s a tough decision to make, and you’ll struggle with it for sure, but it sounds like you’re doing it for all of the best reasons.
You’re an amazing young woman for going through this far and I truly believe it’ll be better.
I’m praying for you.
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**Please just ignore all DM’s from here** making posts like this can bring in some real freaks and they will have tempting offers but **IGNORE** them they are not going to do well by your baby, talk to child services in your area if you are looking into adoption, you have valid reasons why you being a parent will be hard think on it and come to a decision you can live with **EDIT: thank you all for your kind messages and your attention to this very important topic, and please if you can spread a little joy in your own lives and others to help lighten the load of whatever they maybe dealing with**
This isn't getting the attention it deserves.
Asking for help and/or recognizing you are not ready to be a Mom is not selfish it’s actually quite mature. Definitely speak to a social worker or counsellor before making any decisions.
Ditto that comment. Be aware of the vultures circling to take your baby. Go through the legal channels for adoption. Please take care of yourself and counsel if need be. (You will need to talk to someone) (Therapist)
There’s so many good homes that would love that baby so much! OP is smart to realize her and the baby would benefit from that
Couldn't agree more with this comment. It's also not selfish to want the best for your baby.
Best advice ever
Please do not respond to anyone here looking to adopt a baby though.
I knew as soon as I saw this post the vultures would be circling.
My god that thought never even entered my mind. Do people really try to snatch up babies from online strangers?!
Yes, the vultures snatch up babies and children like they're adopting puppies from the pound- and then when they get tired of them they'll rehome them like unwanted animals too. Including to people (read: [pedophiles!](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/03/13/the-story-of-an-arkansas-politician-who-gave-away-his-adopted-child-and-the-tragedy-that-followed/)) who are even worse them themselves. OP: NO ONE who has any place adopting a baby would be willing to go off the books. You do *not* want to give your baby to the sort of person who is willing to engage in a shady, unethical "private adoption" from a clearly desperate and vulnerable teenager they found on the internet. AT BEST, this is a person who doesn't have the good judgement to protect themselves, let alone a dependent child. At worst, you'd be throwing a defenseless baby directly to the wolves. **Whatever you decide to do, OP, please do it through legal, official channels.**
when I was asking for opinions about adoption when I was pregnant I got creepy DMs from women offering to adopt my baby
Never crossed my mind either until reading the comment about it.
It doesn’t cross normal , healthy people’s minds but I’ve seen it soooo many times on any kind of post like this, so I’m not shocked anymore. I guarantee she’ll be getting desperate DMs from infertile women begging for her child.
Oh ya. Look through the comments. I’ve seen it time and time again; a mom in crisis and instead of offering help or options women struggling with fertility jump at the change to get a baby. I find it disgusting.
They sure do :(
why?!? thats so odd
Worse than odd
Desperation. Not endorsing it, just sayin’.
Agree. Not all offers are sus, but there are many desperate people seeking a baby.
I believe there’s mental illness involved.
Yes. They have no shame.
Yikes.
Yes! That’s all I could think about and I’m not sure if that was what OP was looking for.
Please get real help from professionals about any of this and definitely before deciding it. Giving away a child at 4 months is not the same as giving away a baby at birth. It may come with other consequences that you should be aware of. You need your parents. You will need to track down the father. My recommendation is talk to the therapist first. Then contact a social worker. Depending on the type of adoption if you proceed you may want a lawyer as well.
Also, at 4 months postpartum she is at prime risk for postpartum depression - and some of the parts of her post really indicate that. She should talk to her mom and possibly a counselor at school about PPD, or try to find mental health help on her own. A licensed therapist or psychiatrist can help her work through what these feelings mean. OP, becoming a mom at any age is really hard, and it’s ok to be vulnerable and need help. Just know that no matter how you move forward in life with your choices, the year after having a baby is very difficult physically and emotionally. You are not failing your baby. I bet you are doing your best.
I'm a therapist, and I totally agree. At that age, your hormones are already going crazy. Adding pregnancy and giving birth, mood changes would be expected. At 4 months post partum, specifically, we see an uptick in depression as our hormones reduce dramatically then. It's the same reason post partum hair loss hits it's stride at the same time. I highly suspect OP might be struggling with PPD. I wouldn't recommend adoption until this is addressed. Wanting to give up baby is a very common symptom of PPD. I've seen people overcome PPD and want to keep their child.
This so much! She needs to be evaluated before making life changing decisions.
Finally, a comment that takes this into account. At four months, baby has bonded and this will be traumatic. That being said, it may still be the best option! Talk to professionals asap.
It is traumatic always, including at birth.
Better an adoption at 4 months old than years of feeling like a burden and potentially going into the foster system later.
Agreed and that’s why I said it still may be the best option but she needs to think about all factors. It’s a baby, not a puppy.
You need more support than you're getting. If you have a good relationship with your mother, talk with her first. She may be prepared to take on a larger role (even take on legal guardianship of your child). You should also have support from social workers and doctors, particularly with your mental health issues. Please speak with your GP asap. There may also be temporary options like fostering which would give you some time and space to focus on healing yourself and deciding whether you want to make a permanent decision or not. *Whatever you do, don't be forced or pressured into anything by anyone*, and don't rush into anything. Reach out for more help and support and take your time. If you eventually decide that adoption is best for you and your baby, that's 100% fine.
No you are not selfish at all. I had a child at 17 and I know how difficult it is. Giving your child up for adoption may be the best for both if you, but before you take that step, there are a few things you really should: 1) please see a doctor and get checked for postpartum depression. I definitely had a severe case and I was not treated for it. It lasted first several years in my case. 2) Talk to an adoption counselor. 3) Really understand that an open adoption may not legally enforceable, depending on the state you live in. Understand that you may not get the photos, visits, or whatever it is you agreed upon. Check your state laws.
I don't think it's selfish but it's a really heavy choice to make and I certainly wouldn't pressure yourself in either direction. It honestly sounds like you may likely be experiencing post partum depression. It's heavy weight to bear being mommy and I can't even begin to imagine taking on such a large important role/responsibility at 15. I had my daughter a few months before I turned 21 and when got pregnant I fully believed I had it ALL figured out haha . The truth is no one is ever fully ready or prepared for a child. We do the best that we can for ourselves and our baby. It's a difficult balancing act. I also want to express that you'll likely still feel as isolated regardless of what choice you decide on. It will be difficult to relate to others your age because they won't have the same experiences as you anymore weither its parenting or the feelings that will still be there if you do adopt out. Friends will come back in time and you'll likely make many more strong connections with other parents to help support you along the way. In the meantime, before you really settle on either choice please for your mental health start taking baby to mommy and me groups at the library, parks, talk to mom's online, etc. Make as much connection as possible and take care of yourself. Shower every single day, and be kind to yourself.... motherhood is a very rewarding opportunity if you take it, and there's several options with adopting out as well I believe. Also I'm not sure what resources you're connected with but if you're in the US I have quite a few to recommend if you would be interested. Not necessarily adoption related but definitely worth at checking out to help get by with mental health, financial responsibilities while parenting, and potentially support while transitioning if you do decide the adoption route etc. I also wanted to say that it really shows a lot about you as a person and a mother to be willing to make the best choice for your child even while you're suffering. It will get easier no matter what road you take. My inbox is open if you need someone to talk to who can relate to what you're feeling.
Also, I wouldn't take the people who say you aren't capable of caring for your child very seriously. You clearly have been taking good care of your baby for 4 months. You made it through pregnancy and you'll make it through this. I know several women who were teen moms when I was in high-school and they made it work. If they are capable of it so are you if you choose. Comments like that simply don't come off as empathetic, but actually just assholes and you obviously don't need that when you have such a full plate. Im sure you're doing a great job, and I'm impressed with your ambition to take this on in the first place. It's so fucking hard but also more than worth it, it won't come easy to every one but nothing good ever does. Try to remember why you chose to have her. My depression and trauma lie to me, they tell me I'm not good enough and that I'm a bad mom too.... but bad mom's don't worry about if they're good enough. You're learning life with her, and that's pretty awesome if you think of it.my daughters taught me more than anyone in my life and she's only almost 2. My heart really does go out to you right now. Just know you don't have to suffer alone and that so many mom's feel this way
Sorry last thing and I don't want to fear monger but it's really 50/50 about adoption as well.my boyfriend grew up in and out of homes I've heard great things from some people and horrible from others.
In another post the OP made she said that she wanted the abortion but was forced to have the baby ):
My heart goes out to you. I also have a 4 month old and I'm doing it alone, but I've got 21 years on you. It's hard. It's so hard. This is a huge decision. It's not something you decide on no sleep. This is also PRIME post partum depression time for you, which could absolutely be causing you to feel this way. Ask someone you trust to watch her so you can get some good rest, get a good meal, call a trusted friend, talk to a therapist, just make sure your head is right. Once you do it, there's no taking it back. One thing you should definitely do is talk to your mom about how you're feeling. You are so young. Maybe she'd adopt her so you can still be part of her life to some degree? If you do decide that motherhood just isn't for you, and no one you know will take your baby in, please remember that the safe baby boxes are legally protected drop offs. At least in the US. I don't know where you're located, but hospitals are all safe baby locations. You don't have to answer any questions, you just give the baby to a hospital worker and tell them you are surrendering your baby under the safe haven act. You can then leave. It's simple, but I imagine not easy, especially after getting to know your baby for four months. If you do decide to keep her don't be hard on yourself for what you feel. Talk to a mental health professional please. This is a HUGE DECISION. Just make sure you're in the right head space to make it.
You are very young and it doesn't sound like you are equipped to care for a child. I wouldn't have been either at 15. There is nothing selfish about giving your baby a chance at a better life. Don't fool yourself that it won't be hard though. Even though logically, you know you are doing what's right, it could be emotionally difficult and it wouldn't hurt to be prepared to seek counseling if you go forward with this choice.
as somoene who was adopted and has an adopted sister from birth. You arent selfish. you want to give your child a better life since you know you arent equiped to raise her properly. Your not just doing yourself a favour but your kid. DO it. ignore what anyone else trys to tell you. Its your life take control of it
You're not equipped to do it yet. You (directed at op) are not incapable of having a baby, and one day if you want, I know you will be an amazing mother, but this circumstance is unfair to you, you've made it 4 months. That's infinitely more than I could've done at your age. My daughter was born before I turned 18, i know the stigma, I know the struggle, but I also know it is fathoms more complex and difficult for you than me. You shouldn't blame yourself for this decision, I certainly don't. You're making the right decision, and as a teen dad to a teen mom, I am proud of you
It’s the least selfish thing you can do, hun. You will have a second chance at a better life and so will she. You will also make a family’s dream come true. You can do this. Come back if u need support. We got your back! Xxo
Just make sure you know exactly what agency you are working with and who exactly is taking the baby
Couldn’t said it better myself. Second this.
Thanks! Also, your username 😂
This is great advice. Being a single teen mom is hard and I definitely wouldn't wish that on anyone. It's a better path for both mother and baby.
Have you asked family members if they’d be willing to adopt? My cousin had a baby she wasn’t ready for and the baby was raised by her father and step mother so that they’d still be in the family
I want to hug you. I put a baby up for adoption at 18. Never regretted it. You need to take care of yourself and make sure your baby is taken care of too. You're a good mom for considering this.
how did you do it? and thank you
My situation was pretty complicated because my baby's dad was my rapist, but I told my doctor that I couldn't do it and was worried my kiddo wouldn't have a good life with me. I never wanted to hurt her even just accidentally or because I was messed up in the head or whatever. I'm not sure where you are from and this was like 20 years ago for me but if I was your age and going through this... Hmm. There's a couple things you could do. You could go to a local ER, tell them you're 15 and you aren't able to parent your child right now, or if that seems too hard you could go to your babies doctor and tell them you want to give your child up for adoption, or you can Google your county's human services phone number and ask to speak to someone about giving your child up... Or you could call a crisis pregnancy center/local adoption service and tell them your age, etc. Not going to lie, you may have to milk it a bit, keep mentioning your age and how isolated/alone you feel and how you just want the best for your baby. Because the people you talk to are just working their jobs and might be having a tough day/be really tired and not listening like they should be. My family gave me a hard time about giving my daughter, Erica, up. But I kept telling them this was about what was best for the baby not me. It's hard, and it's scary, but you can do hard things. You are so brave just to know this might be what you need to do. I'll be thinking about you!! Eta please ask a Dr about antidepressants too ok? You deserve to feel ok. You will get through this
If you need anything just message me with this thread or the private message thing. I suck at technology but I'll try to keep checking it. Hugs
There’s a VERY long waitlist for healthy infants in the United States (I know couples who spend money advertising even begging for a child on social media). If you contact a reputable adoption agency and social services in your area they will help you (you can google for one)- you can pick the couple yourself and ask for an open adoption if you want. Do not give your child to anyone unofficial or you meet online, you need to go through a reputable agency.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
You are not selfish at all for considering adoption! Adoption and parenting can both be wonderful options (though each has its own challenges), and whichever choice you make is completely valid. Sending you love as you figure things out 💕
All I’m gonna say is don’t make a huge decision while you’re under such stress/ depression 💙
Actually it's the least selfish thing to do. My daughter just had a baby at 19. She's struggling. I couldn't imagine her being 15 and doing it. With that said it's not that I think a 15 year old can't do it but it would definitely be a sacrifice and allot of growing up. Only you can decide if you think you are capable. What is the arrangements with your parents? My daughter has to go to school and help around the house. That's our agreement. Do they expect you to work? My daughter wants to work and feels bad for it but at this time it's not feasible due to allot of circumstances, which is why she is focusing on school. I ask because I'm trying to figure out if your putting unnecessary stress on yourself. My daughter is this way she wants everything now ( job, car, etc.). I have to remind her everything comes in time and not to stress herself out about things that will come when the time is right. Focus on the positive and work towards goals.
Making the right choice for you and more importantly your baby shows maturity and bravery. There are a lot of factors that play a part here though, and I think your best option is to get help before making any big decisions. I was a teen mom as well, though I wasn’t quite as young, but still. And I felt this same way. I loved my baby dearly, but I didn’t feel like I could do it. I had severe, deeply severe… far worse than I thought… depression, anxiety, rage, etc. postpartum. I will shout it from the moon, get help before you make any decisions. I would give yourself a time period, a reasonable one, to allow yourself help. If your mind has changed, then great. If your mind hasn’t, then also great. You now will never have to wonder any of the “what ifs”. I would recommend seeking therapy or medication and stick with it for a solid 3-6 months. After that, you will be able to better decide what route you want to take. I don’t say that because I think you’re making a “wrong choice”, I say that because I would much rather you know you tried everything and can continue with no regrets. You seem unsure, so that would help give you clarity. I would also lean on the people around you. Talk about it. It’s hard. It’s really hard. You don’t have to be upfront and say I’m thinking of placing X for adoption. You simply could just say hey I’m really struggling. Make some changes and see how you feel. I think it’s better to ‘exhaust all your options’ before making any decisions, because clearly your head is a bit scrambled (which is totally reasonable).
Call the hospital where you delivered and ask to speak with the patient advocate or social worker. Explain what you wrote here. See if they can do an open adoption where you would get photos.
Don't respond to anyone on here that wants your baby. Do talk to your mom about how you're feeling and ask her for help in looking for an adoption agent /attorney and a counselor. You are so young and have so much ahead of you and being a parent is HARD even as an adult. It is ok to want a better life for both of you when you recognize the difficulty of your situation -especially at your age. Please talk to a counselor about this though-regardless of whether or not you end up proceeding to find your baby a new family or keeping them. Whatever you do, ensuring you and baby are safe is the most critical thing.
Is it possible your having PPD, baby's only 4 months... I'm almost 2 months PP and some days I think the same thing but other days I love my baby... it's been hard deffinitly, raising another human isn't easy but I would deeply regret it if I woke up the next day and she was no longer here... my mom did it at 15 with me so it's totally possible but deffinitly takes alot of hard work. Is their maybe some mommy and me classes you can go to in your community to make some mom friends? Is their some kind of social assistance you can apply for given you have a baby so if you want to move out it's possible? I'm glad you have your mom's support ❤️ she sounds wonderful! I would maybe talk to her about it, who knows she may offer to adopt baby for you
You may have PPD and if so, you should not make any permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. Check in with your doctor about PPD and anxiety before you make any decisions. Feel better first.
There's a girl I know who's daughter is in a similar situation. I'll talk to you like I would her, cause I don't know all your details. Honey, you may not have the father, but you don't need him. Talk to your mom. Ask what she thinks. Think about the people in your village, even if it's a small village. You are still a child, and you do need help. Hell, I did at 23. Talk to your mom, see about getting screened for any mental (or physical) issues. Are you in school? Sorry if you said, I missed it. But if you are, when school starts back you'll have at least a bit of a break from the baby. If you can't talk to your mom or anyone in your family, try a friend's parent or your counselor or doctor. It is okay to not want to keep the baby. You do have options. Talk it out with your people, and you'll feel better just getting it out.
there’s so many predators in this chat. I’d say delete the POST.
Please don’t think it’s selfish. It’s the opposite. You’re seeking the best situation for your child, as well as yourself. And there are countless other people in the opposite situation, unable to conceive but otherwise in the perfect position to be a parent. Just be sure to go through the right channels to find the adoptive parents, there are tons of agencies that keep the sketchy people from talking advantage of both of you. Best of luck!
My bio mom was 18 when she had me. I was put up for adoption as an infant.. I found my birth mom this year. Im 34. I am very grateful to her. I think her decision was the opposite of selfish. I had a very good life because she decided to put me in a better situation. Only now that I am a mom.can I understand how difficult that must have been. Only you can make this choice, but if it is something you're considering, I'd go ahead and start the process while your baby is still very young.
It’s a permanent solution to a temporary crisis. You are not selfish for considering it; you’re strong and compassionate. However, it is permanent. It’s possible you could be experiencing post partum depression or even psychosis (there’s NO shame in either; you’ve endured a lot). I would strongly urge you to meet with an impartial LCSW who does NOT assist with adoptions. Stay away from religious groups bc they will encourage you to give up the baby. It’s ok if YOU make that choice but greedy adults do not get to influence you. They stand to profit from adoptions. Can you temporarily place the baby in guardianship with a relative? That way you can meet some goals without the finality of adoption. Whatever brings the best outcome for you and your baby is the right choice and only you get to choose that. Consider that it is also possible that you or the baby will experience a lot of grief following adoption. I am absolutely not opposed to adoption but unfortunately there are many predatory baby people out there who want a baby but not the realities of raising a child.
I just want to back your comment about the religious adoption agencies — they are especially predatory.
You could always see if your parents or another trusted family member would consider adopting her. At least then you'd still be able to see her grow. My great grandparents adopted their granddaughter.
There are a lot of programs to help you adjust. If you are in America I recommend looking into state sponsored help, there are cash grants, housing, sponsored child care, food help etc. I would also really really recommend talking to the pediatrician about this. They can give you local resources and also screen you for postpartum. If you do want to put your baby up for adoption, please hire a lawyer first. Adoption agencies screw birth parents over all the time. You deserve to have support and if you choose adoption, you deserve the conditions that you set to be upheld by the adoptive parents
You 100% can do that. But use a reputable agency or talk to legit people who can help you. Do not respond to anyone HERE about adopting your baby. It is dangerous for both you and your baby and do not give private information here. Since your mom is helping she may be willing to help you with this as well. If not there are other avenues. - Work with your baby’s doctor. Explain that you are struggling and want to put her up for adoption but you do not know how. -Use safe haven. You may have to google but many fire dept have safe haven for babies and parents can anonymously surrender infants that cannot be taken care of by their parents. They will be there to care for the baby immediately on the other side. There is an informational packet you can voluntarily fill out. This you can give her name, all family medical information about hereditary illnesses, and anything else you’d like her to know. -Closed adoption agencies will find parents for your little one. You won’t see her again but you can leave information for her that will be sealed. -Open adoption agencies will help place baby in a home with a family. In this case you may negotiate anything from meeting/choosing her adoptive parents, to requesting picture updates to sometimes even being able to see your baby. It depends on what’s decided. These are a few ways that you can get started. Just be aware that adoption is permanent so when you start the process you have so many days to say that this isn’t what you want, but at the end of that time it is permanent. If you have a trusted non biased adult you trust please consider talking to them. A teacher, guidance counselor, therapist, doctor ect are good examples. I say this because you say you have postpartum depression and ptsd and there are lots of ways to get support. You are NOT selfish you’re a baby with a baby and want her to have a good life. If adoption is the way then it’s the best way. If other supports work then you can do it. Hugs and love! I’m so sorry you’re going through this!
Amazing advise here OP!
Oh honey. I wish I knew what to say to help you. Please ask your mom to help you find a therapist so that you can get help with your mental health and get help making a decision here.
Some therapy will help. It’s rough AF in the beginning but once their personalities bloom you’ll gush over LO. Hang in there and be strong OP. See a lawyer if you can and serve papers to good for nothing POS who gave you this miracle so he pays his part till LO is 18. Even if he denies, he’ll have his wages garnished so you get your money. Unless he works under the table forever. It will come back to him and even if he escapes payments, good luck when he files taxes one day because then you’ll be getting your money. ❤️
I don't think it's selfish. There are lots of people who can't have kids who would love to raise your baby and to give her a great life.
Great for them, but please put the baby's needs first. Adoption is traumatic.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. My mom had me when she was 17. She was going to give me up for adoption, but my grandmother made her keep me. I really wish I had been adopted. My mother could not handle being a mom. That's ok. What wasn't ok was making me live through it, too. You absolutely should do what's best for your baby. You can have such things as an open adoption where when your baby grows up, you can still reach out to them, and they can always reach out to you. You dont have to cut yourself from their life completely if you dont want to. You are not selfish. Honey, if you were my daughter and struggling, I'd want to see you get better. And see what's best for your baby. Adoption isn't a bad thing. As a kid to a teen mom, I wish she would have just put me up for adoption once she turned 18 after my grandmother had no say in the matter.
You are NOT selfish. Does your mom have the ability to adopt her? Do you have resources where you are? Somebody to talk to about the process? A Planned Parenthood?
If you were my daughter, I'd be all in on raising my grandchild and doing my best to give you a normal high-school experience. I have friends that feel the same way. Talk to your parents, maybe they feel the way I do and haven't articulated their feelings to you clearly.
I’m adopted. My biological mother had her first kid when she was 14, then had me at the age of 16, and couldn’t handle two of us so she put me up for adoption right after giving birth to me. I don’t blame her at all, and think she made the best choice in the moment, based on her circumstances! I think it’s absolutely valid to put your baby up for adoption, and spend the rest of your teens figuring out who you are continue growing up at your own pace.
My mother had me at 17. She used to brag about how she kept me even though one of the churches was trying to get her connected to adoption resources. I grew up in poverty, she was ill-equipped to raise me, and I essentially raised myself. The more she bragged about keeping me the more I wished she hadn’t. I often wonder how different my life would be for the better if she had made the better choice.
Hi! I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you my story; which is that my mother had me around your age and did decide to put my up for adoption. While I can’t imagine the strength that took, I forever am thankful she did, as I have an amazing mother and father now who have supported me in ways she never could (and it obviously wasn’t not from a lacking of *wanting* but the fact she was in not place to support me). We now have a relationship and she’s actually coming to meet my daughter on Monday! I just tell this little anecdote to say; adoption or considering it is never a bad thing. You are so strong and so brave to even consider doing something this hard. You are not selfish, in fact; this may be the most selfless thing you could do. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Sending love and light 💕✨
You're not selfish, no. It sounds like the first priority is getting some support for your mental health so you can then think clearly and decide what you want to do.
Teen Mom checking in - my child is now your age. It's ok to choose adoption. It's a lifetime commitment, and it completely changes your life trajectory. If you aren't ready, that's ok! Choosing adoption is choosing what's best for you and baby. As others have said, talk to a counselor before proceeding further.
Talk to your mum
All I can say if that a large portion of my friends has adopted or is hoping to and they are beautiful loving families. Helping people become a family and giving your child a healthy life is the opposite of selfish in my opinion. Open adoption is very common right now too, you don't have to be totally out of your childs life if you don't want to be.
Get mental health help first and make your decision once you’re healthy.
Hay sweetie. I was 15 when I had my daughter. 14 when I fell pregnant. It can be really scary, would it be worth haveing a conversation with your mother, she may well want to adopt her grandchild and raise them as your sibling or at least be able to help you with the process of putting little one up for adoption if you are not up to it. That being said kiddo is only 4 months old, have you been evaluated for post natal depression? Because I had it and could not bond with my daughter. Then I went on meds and all of a sudden I realised that I had created this person and she needed me! Do what you feel is right, but do check all your options too. I'm 22 now and kiddo just turned 7. She's just as beautiful as she's always been and is such a velcro child! On the topic of mental health and parenting, I have a dual diagnosis for ADHD and autism, I have PTSD and an Anxity disorder, and I'm probably one of the best parents I know, if you do wanna do It I promise you with therepy and the right support you can do this! But also if you know you cannot do this don't be afraid to take the steps to make sure that your kiddo and you have the best life you can, even if that means haveing your lives be seperate. Just please please make sure to go through official channels, if your not ready to be a parent your definitely not ready to go to prison for neglect/child endangsrment. If you need a chat my dms are open to you, I'm always happy to help another parent out. I also have a degree in social care and social care law and I work in a school so I also get kids, and since both you and your buba are kids I think I can help if you need it. Good luck in whatever path you choose to take!
My mom had me at 15 and I wish she put me up for adoption. I had a tough childhood.
It's not selfish at all (my husband was adopted) but it is the bravest thing a momma can do for their child. It's also the hardest thing to do too. You have several options regarding how the adoption would go, please seek out a qualified center to help you navigate this journey.
It’s not selfish. Before you make this big decision PLEASE get help for postpartum depression and make sure you do this from a place of clear headed resolve. It can’t be undone if you realize in 3 months that you just needed a little sleep and some Zoloft. 4 months is in the thick of it. My sister gave a child up for adoption and it’s the hardest thing she’s ever done-she doesn’t regret it but it still makes her sad, 10 years later. And I know a teen who gave up her child for adoption because she was in foster care, and now that child is almost 3 and she recently learned that the adoptive parents had her taken away by CPS, and she’s working her ass off to afford a lawyer to see if there is any way to get her back, because she does regret the choice she made out of desperation. Even if adoption is the right choice, it is still going to be traumatic, for both you and the baby, and therapy is going to be very necessary. Listen to adoptees and birth mothers about what this choice does long term, and make the choice after considering all of the facets.
You're not being selfish at all. Just think of in the long run. And make sure that whatever your decision is that it's the right one for you. Motherhood is never easy, whatever the age, but especially for a young girl like you. I would suggest you talk with your mom and seek help elsewhere (like talking with a psychiatrist), if needed, before you make a decision. My heart goes out to you. Stay positive, better days are coming 💪
Firstly, no, of course you’re not selfish. Have you told your mom this? If my own daughter was feeling this way I might adopt her baby myself. I don’t know your mom or her situation at all but I know what it’s like to be a mom and you do too now! I had a very hard time with my daughter when she was a newborn. I had very very bad ppd. Sometimes I look back at pictures and videos in complete awe but a bit sad that I wasn’t able to enjoy her as much as I do now. At fifteen I can’t imagine how much harder that would be. It will not only be tough on you but on your child. That being said you know what you’re capable of and what’s best for your child. Only you can make this decision and it’s a doozy of a decision. I wish you the best. Take care of yourself and don’t feel bad even for moment for having these thoughts or even completely following through with them. It’s okay. Just please talk to a professional and do thing’s proper. Don’t look for someone to adopt on your own. I would hate to see you get taken advantage of or something bad to happen.
Let me start by saying that I'm so sorry your boyfriend wasn't there for you. It's wrong, and weak. You were very strong for giving birth. Families, friends, and society at large tend to be very negative about carrying to term with an accidental pregnancy, and I'm sure you received pressure from all kinds of places outside of your boyfriend to just kill them. This choice alone shows that you have more strength than you might be giving yourself credit for. It isn't easy standing up to these kinds of pressures. That said, I won't deny raising a child in that situation is very difficult. In fact, it might be one of the most difficult things a person can commit to doing, especially if your family refuses to help you. I don't think wanting to put them up for adoption is necessarily selfish, but it's also a decision that should be made as a last resort, not only for the baby's well being, but your own. Ultimately it must come down to your own discernment. If keeping this child puts them in danger, then it is best to search for a home that can provide a stable environment. At the same time, it's very difficult to find adoptive parents that will love your child the same way you can. If you earnestly look at your life and your future and you can see a way forward that can work, even if it's difficult (because there's no easy choice here no matter what), my advice would be to take that chance. Now, if you can find an adoptive family that wants you involved in your baby's life despite them raising them, that might be the best option out there. It would take the weight directly off your shoulders, but it also wouldn't completely sever that connection between mother and baby. I sincerely wish you wisdom and luck. This is a terrible position to be in at your age, but one way or another, you will come through it. You're tougher than you think you are.
Please do not respond to anyone on this app offering to adopt your baby. You sound like a loving mother, and if you truly cannot care for your baby and you think adoption is the best option, you’re not selfish for choosing it. Do some research specific to your state and maybe reach out to social services. You deserve to get help. Both of you do.
i was 15 when i had my first child. from my experience, my opinion is you will have a happier and more free life if you choose to put the baby up for adoption. there will probably always be a feeling of guilt or regret; but having a child at that age is truly detrimental to your own personal development. i never got to be a teenager; and now that im an adult i realized how important of a step in life being a teenager is, and i missed it.
Do it. You're not selfish for doing so. Don't give the baby to anyone here or online. Go through an agency or an official organization.
My older sister was put up for adoption by my teenage parents. She grew up in an extremely privileged home and became a doctor.
If you know you can’t do it sweetheart then that’s all the justification you need to make the right decision for you and her 🤍
If you feel that you can't or don't want to take care of her, it's probably best that you do give her up for adoption. I know how hard it is. I had my oldest daughter at 16 and while I did give her a good life and she's an amazing young lady now, it's incredibly hard. You would have to work your butt off to gain that good life for your child. If you aren't prepared to give up your childhood and put her first every single moment, adoption is a good choice.
It's OK to put the baby up for adoption. It really is. It's a kind of love. And it's most beneficial to put them up for adoption as early as possible because it will be easier for them to adapt. You are absolutely fine and this is not selfish. You listen to your wisdom and yourself.
Hi! **You are not selfish.** I'm a biological parent who gave up a baby for adoption, many years ago. He's a grown man now. I've never met him. But I know that his adoptive parents gave him more of a shot in life than I ever could have in my late teens. Giving up a child for adoption is an act of love. You'll never forget her, you will always love her, but you also need to prioritize your own health and well-being. It's okay. Look into social service resources in your area.
Would your mom consider adopting the baby?
I know so many people who are adopted and they love their adopted parents and have a great life. If you don't want your baby, I promise there is someone out there who will love that baby more than anything and give them the world. It's very mature of you to consider this route and recognize that you're not ready.
Thanks for asking for help Please contact your local Children and Family Services Immediately they will help you
There is nothing wrong with you making the best decision you can with what you have. You want your child to have a better life then you can give but if you can be as involved with the adoption process and have an open adoption it it might help you with some of the guilt and make sure your child knows that you still loved them and did what you had to do so there’s never any questions of why it happened, though if you need it to be closed adoption for your own sake that’s OK too. it’s not something to be ashamed of parenting is not for the weak. It’s one of the hardest things you can do and there is no shame it admitting if it’s more than you can handle right now .there are options. Just make sure you look into all of them to find the best possible ones for you and your child. Best of luck to you hun 💜
Also absolutely do not follow up with anyone on here offering just like they said it is a very easy way for a child traffickers to take advantage of uninformed parents, and steal a child away to be sold and into horrendous situations
It’s not selfish at all! You gave her life and if you choose adoption you will be giving a couple the child they have been dreaming of. If you’re serious I would maybe call a local hospital and they may be able to get you connected to a real adoption agency or social services.
You’re not selfish. There also is no huge rush. Go see a therapist. Decisions made in depression are often the root of deep regret - even if the decision is the right one. It may be the right decision for both of you to choose adoption. Really. And actually from a developmental standpoint your baby is better off being adopted now than if she had been separated from you at birth. As your baby forms secure attachment in infancy, it actually becomes easier, not harder, on the baby to form a new attachment later. So if you wait 2 or 3 months while you discuss with your therapist and then still decide adoption is the best route, assuming here that between you and your mom you are now able to provide the baby with a safe and loving environment, it won’t do any harm to the child to delay.
if u want to go through with that go through an adoption agency. Not reddit
1. Make sure you don’t have post partum depression and get on meds if you do. Having ppd can really mess with the bonding process. Don’t make any major decisions until you’ve gotten tested. I had it with my 4th child and it had me questioning everything and had I not gotten checked and put on meds, I probably would’ve done something I’d regret. 2. You’ve got to do what’s best for you and your baby. As an adopted child, I’m glad my birth mother, who was also 15, gave me up, but that’s because she’s a garbage human, not because of her age at the time of my birth. However, my adoptive parents were abusive so if you choose adoption, give your baby to someone you trust and if you can stomach it, have it be an open adoption. 3. If you keep her, it really doesn’t matter what the father wants… If you don’t care if he’s physically in her life, fine, but he should absolutely be paying something towards the child he helped make. It’s not fair for you to shoulder all the responsibility and makes it hard at any age. If you decide to keep baby, do the best you can and believe in yourself. You’ve got this, Mama, no matter what choice you make and I’m rooting for you.
I don't think you are being selfish at all. As a first time mom at 34, I am definitely having challenges taking care of my newborn despite my circumstances definitely being way better than yours. Please talk to a social worker or counselor to explore your options. All the best to you and your baby, OP.
You’re not selfish, but I really think you should talk to a therapist if possible. You could be experiencing postpartum, and you don’t want to make a decision that comes more from that than anything else. You’re in an overwhelming situation. And the question you should ask “do I want to put her up for adoption because I’m overwhelmed, or because I truly think it will be best? Would I want to keep her right now if I had more support and was not depressed?” As someone else said, putting her up for adoption now is different than when she’s first born. There’s a stronger bond now, and though adoption can be a great and selfless choice, it can also be difficult and even traumatizing. Talk to therapists. Talk to social workers. Read stories from adoptees or those who made the same choice at a similar stage. Pray if that’s your thing. Look into what your options and rights are in terms of different types of adoption (closed, open, etc.) There’s no wrong choice here.
Putting a baby up for adoption because you're not ready to be a parent is the most selfLESS thing you'll ever do. You are wise beyond your years. I wish you and your baby the best 🩷
No you're not selfish, you are thinking about the well being of a tiny human and your recognize that your ability to provide a life for it might not be great. That's okay. I would seek out an adoption agency or someone well-versed on the topic so that you can talk through the emotional and mental repercussions of adoption and see if it's something you can handle. Are you being treated for depression and ptsd? If not that will also take a toll on you too. You can't pour from an empty cup. Get some help for yourself too.
There is nothing selfish about placing your baby for adoption. It is one of the bravest choices one can make. You are thinking about the care of your child rather than your own feelings.
You are not selfish either way but I would go see what help you can get regardless of your choice. There’s food stamps, WIC, subsidized childcare, healthcare, many state/federal run programs that can help you out. Even some help you learn a field that aligns with unusual schedules.
Former teen mom here! I had my daughter at 15 too. I kept her but I can TOTALLY understand wanting to put your child up for adoption. And YES it is completely valid. You are in no way selfish for doing this. It really sounds like it would be best for your child too. Start talking to your mom about this and start getting the ball rolling. I know it'll be hard sweetie but it really is the best you can do. Once again you are completely valid for this and it is not selfish. Sending love 💖
I don't think it's selfish at all. If you think adoption is the best option, so it shall be.
That’s so amazing of you to give birth at such age, that must have been so hard! Giving it up for adoption is the opposite of selfish, you and the baby will be better of if you do. Don’t feel bad op if you can’t take care of it please just give it up for adoption.
I am an adoptive mom. There is nothing selfish about placing your baby for adoption. My biggest advice is to find 1. An agency that is ethical. You will know they are by how compassionate they are to you/how they treat you. If they are pushy at all, they are NOT it. 2. A family who is not only open but excited about the amount of openness that you would like to have in the adoption. We have open adoptions with both of our adoptive children’s first/birth parents. If they were to decide to take time and not be involved, we’d be really sad but we’d understand. But we’d always be ready for more openness if they changed their minds. The amount of involvement you’d like in your child’s life may wax and wane but you never want to get stuck in a situation where you are never able to see your child. It is so important for a first/birth parents mental health to know they can see their child often if they want to. Not that they have to, but knowing they can.
You are NOT selfish. Parenting is hard, and you’re still a kid yourself. Putting a baby up for adoption is a hard decision, but one that will give your baby and you the best chance at a happy and healthy future. If that’s the choice you want to make, be sad for just a minute, but let it pass as you know you are doing what’s best for you and baby. It’s very easy to build resentment as a parent, and you aren’t even an adult yet.
Parenting is hard, and it's a lifelong commitment. Parenting also means sometimes making choices that may not feel great, but are for the best for you and your child. I work in the foster care system, where oftentimes, it is parents that for whatever reason, can't properly care for their kids and the kids who stay with other families until their birth home is safe again. If you want my opinion of what the selfish move is, it isn't parents who can't care for their kids, because life is hard and it happens to us all sometimes, it's parents who can't care for their kids but don't want to admit it, so they string the kids along because they don't want to take responsibility for what happened and actually make a decision about what to do. Kids will be stuck in the system with parents who know they don't really want the kids back, but also don't want to sign their rights away either, so the kids are stuck in this in-between space. If you decide you can't parent, that's reasonable! You are 15 and that's a lot of responsibility when you still haven't had the opportunity to fully grow yourself. If this isn't a life you can sustain and decide to put your kid up for adoption, there's nothing selfish about that. If you decide you want the kid (which, it sounds like you don't, but I will cover all the options) and are going to keep the kid, you do owe it to them to do the best job you can do, even if it's at your own expense sometimes. That is why I think at 15, this might be too tough of a job, because an adult has had the experience of being taken care of and figuring their stuff out before they have to give up those parts to take care of a child. You're still a child yourself, and deserve to still be taken care of. If you want to avoid being selfish, try and put aside your guilt, your fear of judgement, your regret, etc and make a decision that you truly think is best for your little family - either stepping up and committing to being the best parent you can be knowing it will mean it's not entirely fair to you, or deciding to give up on parenting and let someone else take the reigns who is able to. Wherever you do, just commit to your decision fully.
Adoption can be the most motherly and loving thing you can do.
Talk to the hospital and talk to counselors and therapists. This is way above Reddits pay grade. Just know that adoption to a good family is not selfish and be kind to yourself. I’m 30 and feel overwhelmed. You’re a kid raising a baby and it’s okay to regret your choices and realize you’re not ready!
Put the baby up for adoption. I was a 16 year old teen mom and this is literally the easy time of their life, it only gets harder. There are tons of families that would jump at the ability to raise your baby. You can do this, you’re so strong.
God i’m 16 and I feel WAYYY too irresponsible to even babysit. I hope your situation gets better!
There is nothing selfish about what you want to do. In fact I would say you realizing you can't care for your baby (no 15 year old would be able to) and deciding to give it up for adoption is one of the most **selfless** acts any parent can do.
This isn’t selfish. There are certain states that have “Safe Haven baby boxes” that are located at Fire Departments etc. Google search it. You can do this up to 6 months. No questions asked. When you open the door and put the baby inside it sounds an alarm within a few seconds and the baby will immediately be removed by a fire fighter on duty.
It’s NOT selfish at all.
It might be worth looking into fostering. That way, you can still somewhat be in the picture even if it's not as primary care giver.
You can also call your obgyn anytime and talk to the on call nurse or doctor who will connect you with the right people if that’s more comfortable. Helping you figure this out is peoples whole job! And not just at getting people adopted but at helping you get resources so you can make the decision and feel best about it. They can help identify what’s making the choice difficult and solve that so you can make the most informed choice possible.
You are going through a lot at 15 and as a new young mother. It isn't too late to think about options for adoption but you will need support to go down this path. Please talk to your mother and it would be a good idea to talk to a counselor as well. You could be experiencing post partum depression which whatever you decide you need support for.
First OP, please bring this up to your parents. Go the legal route and talk to a social worker or adoption agency and go from there.
I think you need to get therapy before making this decision. Also you need to speak with your mom.
Oh honey. You're so young. It is 100% okay for you to look into adoption. Being a mom is hard as hell when it was planned and you're married. Being a young teen with no help is even harder. You deserve to be a kid. Because you ARE still a kid. Please don't feel shame. So many people are out there looking for a baby to love. You can even do open adoption if you wish to be a part of the baby's life. It's not selfish in the least. In fact, it's one of the most selfless things you can do.
You said yourself that you want the best life possible for her. That’s not selfish at all.
It is not selfish. Former college classmate had child while in college. She dropped out of college, took a year off, gave birth, and gave her son up for adoption without any additional rights or visitation etc.....(some locations allow natural parent to still see child) Her thought was the best chance for this child to have a great life would be with a family who can love the child as their own and in a position to care for the child. She hopes the child when he turns 18 will look for her but she doesn't know. Giving up for adoption in her case was the least selfish thing she thought she could do. I know three fantastic families that have issues conceiving and want to raise a child. 2 of them have adopted kids and are amazing families. and the 3rd has gotten scammed once, and then tried fostering with possibility of adoption then adoption to not go through so they've given up on adopting along with their own ages getting older. There are many loving families out there.
I would if I were you. Of course I think my family would do anything in their power to ensure I was able to get an abortion but not everyone has that kind of family. Good luck to you. It isn’t selfish to do what’s best for your baby.
Wanting what’s best for your baby is the greatest act of love imaginable. I’m a mom to 9, 6 I adopted from foster care, one the mom wanted her daughter to have a better life that what she could give her. Life is hard, and it’s expensive to raise children, I’ve seen the effects if parents who weren’t ready, it’s taxing on the child
Whatever you do, stay honest and in the babies life.
If you don’t think you’re well equipped the best thing you can do for them is to admit you can’t do it and give them up to someone who can. I’m a 21 year old person with a 4 month year old, I can barely do it at times even with the father in his life and an entire family willing to support me. It’s not easy. You’re 15, probably still in school with no father to help. Your not being selfish, your being selfless and strong for accepting you can’t do it. Despite how simple it seems this is a hard to make choice. No matter what you choose in the end, I’d recommend preparing to seek some therapy.
Giving a child a chance at the better life you know you can not provide for them is the least selfish thing you could do. Look into adoption and be kind to yourself
You are so young and to be raising a baby that young must be incredibly stressful. It’s okay to say you can’t do it. If adoption feels like the right path for you, give yourself grace and permission. It’s ok. You’re ok.
Raising a baby is HARD. I’m 31 and just had my first baby and it is not easy. My husband and I met when we were about your age and I couldn’t imagine us having a baby then. You are not selfish whatsoever. You tried and now you are recognizing that you are maybe not the best option for this baby. And that’s okay!
One of the most least selfish things you could do. As a parent they often tell you that it’s about making sacrifices but no one brings up how sometimes the best sacrifice you can make for them is yourself. Giving your child a better chance at life is not selfish. Giving yourself a better chance is not selfish. Especially when so many people out there are so eager and willing to help and share their love. 🫂
I know this has to be such a hard decision and it’s definitely not a selfish thing to do. In fact it’s the opposite of selfish, selfless . Why don’t you Look into an open adoption. That way you can still have a relationship with your baby girl. Lots of families are open to do an open adoption
It's not selfish. Having a baby as a teenager is so impossibly difficult (I was 16 with mine) and then making decisions about that baby is even worse. You will often feel like no choice is right and the emotions are overwhelming. It is ok to give your baby up. It is also ok to keep your baby. Please seek some therapy no matter what and talk out your ideas with someone that is not emotionally attached (your mom sounds awesome for helping but might not be the best opinion if she has one), you will want this no matter your decision to help you process everything that has happened. A good therapist can also help find the most appropriate route to go through with adoption if that is what you chose. You are not selfish, you are already being an amazing person by considering what is best for this little life. It's ok if you decide that place is not with you.
You are not selfish. There are so so so many loving adult couples who are desperate for children and can’t have them, and you would be blessing them with that. I know this is such a hard decision, but there’s nothing wrong with making a choice that may, in fact, give you and your child a better life. Good luck.
It isn't selfish at all. Recognizing that you aren't able to meet your child's needs and consider making a hard decision isn't selfish at all. Definitely take a look at some of the available kinds of adoption out there and see what meets your and your child's needs best.
It’s never selfish to do whatever is best for your baby. If you feel that adoption is the best thing for her, have peace knowing that you’re doing the right thing.
OP - you’ve got a lot of life ahead of you. Don’t beat yourself up, because raising a baby is hard enough as an adult. If anything, thank you for recognizing your limitations. Talk to your doctor, mom, or another safe and trusted adult. However, if you talk with mom only, I would suggest having a counselor or some intermediary with no ties to either of you. I only say that because she is grandma and you guys need facts and support. I do not know what your mom is like, but raising your baby’s baby can be more daunting than she anticipates. See what your options are, and if adoption is what will be best for you both, so be it. You love this baby enough to recognize you can’t be there for them in the way they need you right now. Remember that. I do caution whichever adoption agency you choose. While many are reputable, there are many that are not as well. Work with a care manager to help you through this if this is what you choose. Good luck op.
YOU are jot selfish at all. You are still a child yourself. How d is the father and why isn t he in Jail?
No, it's not selfish at all to do what may be the best thing for your baby. Have you considered a Foster family through an agency? I truly hope and pray for you guys 🙏🙏
Both of my Grandmothers were adopted. They went on to accomplish great things and give life to many kind and loving humans. I am grateful for the life I’ve lived because of them.
There’s an option for open adoption through many legit agencies so you can visit but not be the main caretaker. Please find a legit adoption agency. Planned parenthood can help connect you or even possibly a counselor via your school district. This is a very mature kind thing to do for your child. A lot of agencies will let you choose the family your child goes to as well.
The fact you feel selfish means you care more than you can imagine. I’d start with maybe finding help at a mothers clinic if there is one available in your area and start from there. Try to sort out your mental health before you jump into big decisions. Having a baby at 15 20 30 is hard obviously being a young teenager makes things a lot more difficult but things do get better.
I am sending you all of the positive energy. You sound like a very brave person to realize you aren’t ready to be a parent. If you think adoption would be the best option, then go that way. Perhaps an open adoption would be best!
I had a baby at seventeen. 2 years is a big difference at that age, especially as a teenage mother... but I can tell you when my son was 4 months old, I didn't feel this way. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I knew in my heart that I was doing the right thing for us. My parents helped, and I only had one more year of high school left. That was 20 years ago, but we both turned out okay. I think the fact that you're feeling this way tells you that you already know what is right for you guys. This is a decision that you need to make on your own. There are two people in this situation, and neither of them is your mother. You and your baby both deserve the chance to grow up properly. Whether you do that together or apart, neither way is selfish. You just have to go with what you think is best. ❤️
This is a hard decision, and you're just a kid. Whether you're being selfish doesn't matter; adoption could be much better for both you and your baby. It's a decision only you can make. I wish you the best and I hope you make the choice that makes the most sense for you and the baby.
Big decision here and I think it would be best to talk to a therapist and work out your feelings. Whatever choice you choose is the best. But you are so young I would try to look into a therapy so someone can help guide you through all this. You are you going through a lot and if you keep baby or give her up, support is needed for you ether way. I had my first at 18 and while I'm happy I kept him I can say looking back I was way to young, and didn't always make the best choices for us. I didn't have any support and I should have been in therapy from the moment I became a teen mom. I think it would have helped me immensely.
My mom was 15 when she was pregnant with me and pit me up for adoption. I love the life I’ve lived and hold no ill will towards her. We have a relationship now that I am an adult and I completely understand why she made the decision she did. Not selfish at all.
Your not selfish at all, babies are a massive commitment and you are still very young and even older people can struggle. You do what is best for you and baby, you are both important and you both deserve to be happy however that happens
Definitely not selfish. This is the least selfish thing to do. You know you can’t give your baby all that she needs. Call your doctor and ask who you should speak with. A social worker is probably who you will need to speak to first, and then they can get you on your way. I commend you for realizing that you can not give her all that she deserves at this stage in your life. ❤️
Recognizing that she deserves more than you can currently provide is the least selfish thing you can do.
It's not selfish at all. You'd be providing for your child. Contact an adoption service. Get counseling before, during, and after the adoption. Take good care of yourself. ❤️
You can surrender your baby at any police, or fire station, at any hospital. Do not respond to anyone on Reddit or social media about private adoptions etc. Many of these people are well intentioned, but there are some who are not and even if you don't want your baby, you want her to be safe. It's ok to say it's too much Mama.
Recognizing that you can't care for the child is a mature laudable trait. Adopted by loving parents is a wonderful thing for the baby and gives you a new chance with a life on track.
It's not selfish. You're being very brave and mature, and if I could give you a huge hug I would. I was in my mid-30s when I had a child and it was HARD. I can't imagine what it must feel like at 15.
You are one smart girl to acknowledge that it’s a hard job ….for most women it is …and you being so young I believe you are struggling… yes talk to helpful honest people that can advise you on how to do it …I believe it is a good idea to adopt out your child to someone that will appreciate your decision… good luck and keep us posted on how it goes… 🙂😘
Open adoption is a good choice for many people in your situation. Contact social services connected to the hospital. Usually, they have social workers staffed.
Wanting to place her for adoption to give her the best life is the most unselfish thing a parent can do. It’s a hard choice to make but sometimes it’s not only what’s best for the child but it’s also what’s best for you as a mother. Being a parent is hard work without other added factors of being a young parent, someone with depression and ptsd. But please this to everyone on here saying to go through the proper channels to place her for adoption.
You are not selfish at all. You are showing such maturity and love by wanting what is best for your baby.
Coming from someone who had first baby at 23 (young but not as young as you), with no father present, and only my mom for help too. It is very hard. Just had my second baby he’s 7 months but I can tell you this stage IS very isolating. It is completely normal to feel that way. Post partum is a very very hard time. You are probably doing a lot better than you think. But all that being said if you aren’t in a situation to care for your baby adoption is good option. Another family will help her have the best life.
Adoption is a wonderful option if you aren’t ready to parent. It can be a very loving option for your baby! Please also seek care for your mental health!!
You’re aware you can’t provide the best life for her and want her to be somewhere she can thrive. You love her so much that you want her life to be better than what you can give her, that’s not selfish at all!
Putting your baby up for adoption isn’t selfish at all. If you believe they can have a better life and work on finding a loving family (through proper channels) that’s the best thing you can do. It’s a very selfless act that takes a lot of maturity. If you also think you can’t raise a baby, that’s okay. Not a lot of girls can at 15, even with family support. It’s possible but it’s so goddamn hard, and you have to take your mental health into consideration. If this is something that will affect you very negatively then adoption is a viable option. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I wish things were different for you. Whatever choice you make will be the right one if you take your time and look at all options.
It's a truly selfless act to put a baby up for adoption when you're not in a place to parent them. Please speak with a safe and supportive person - whether that's your mother, a friend, or a social worker. It's important to make big decisions when you're in a clear frame of mind, so drink water, eat a meal, ask your mom if she can watch the baby so you can have a long sleep, and then see how you feel when you get up. If after a little time and speaking with supportive folks, you're still considering adoption you can contact your local children's services group to facilitate an adoption or go to a private adoption clinic. This post may get people sending you messages - ignore those. They are trying to take advantage while you're in a vulnerable state. As a teen, I had friends who took both paths after having a baby and both of them were happy with their choices but lived different lives. If you take care of yourself and decide you don't want to pursue adoption, it is okay that you wanted to in the first place; it's okay to consider what will be best for yourself and for your child.
100% not selfish. Very unselfish actually. And I'm not trying to persuade you either way, but there is a mother daughter duo on YouTube named Jennica and Annica. Jennica had Annica at 14 years old and they have a lot of mother daughter q and a's telling their story. I only bring it up because Jennica's story might be relatable, whichever you choose. Much love ❤️
I think what you 're experiencing is very common. no good outcome at this late stage. best you can do is draw motivation and own life.
I can't imagine the pain you going through 💔 You are not selfish for wanting the best for your child and recognizing that you can't provide that life for her. I just hope you can find a good home for her. Be very careful with whom you decide to give your child to. All the best you 🫂
Not at all selfish. In fact it is generous, creating a win-win-win. You would be giving your child a stable, loving, financially secure family and future. You would also be giving yourself a chance at developing your own growth I to adulthood, your education, your career plans: your life. Children are not equipped to have children. You need another decade to grow up before trying to have children. And you DESERVE it! Go with a reputable, well-established agency. Good luck to you.
That is not at all selfish, i think that is a selfless act to give your child more opportunities than they can have with you. Also, your future self and possible future children will have many more opportunities and life in general will be easier.
This is so not selfish. I'm proud of you. One caveat: if you're going to do it, do it quickly: after 6 months of age, this could lead to attachment issues for the baby.
I have two things to say: 1. It is never selfish to give your child a better life. Whether that be with you, or someone else — it’s never selfish. 2. Check online for support groups for birth mothers that have placed their child for adoption. They do exist. I’m sure there are some online, but in person ones depend on your location, obvi. 2.5. Maybe call a planned parenthood to see if they can point you in that direction if navigating online is overwhelming/confusing. They are incredibly helpful and understanding. I went to one a while ago with my friend and I remember that it was basically all young women who worked there as nurses, at the front desk, even the doctor lol. They have a lot of resources you might not even know are available to you. —————————————————— I wish you the best and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It makes sense to feel the way you do right now — how could you not? This is a shitty situation. Reaching out to people on here with your post was a good decision. It’s brave to ask for advice and help and it’s important to talk about how you feel. I hope life becomes easier for you, and that you never have to feel this way again. You’re stronger than you think 💕
No, you aren’t selfish for wanting to put her up for adoption. You’re a child with a child. While some teen mums make it work, others don’t. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person! Parenting is hard at the best of times!
Bless your heart young one. I think it’s commendable of you to acknowledge your struggles and seek help. I don’t think you’re being selfish at all, you want the best for your baby.
The most unselfish thing you could do is let that baby be raised by parents who want it. My mom was forced to have a baby when she was 16. She was a terrible parent. I had an awful childhood. I wished my entire life she had adopted me out.
Try to have an open adoption so your baby can know who you are. You’ll be able to watch her grow up and know she is cared for. It’s so much better for everyone.
Seems like the kindest thing you could do for your daughter and yourself. Is your mom on board? Would she help you find a reputable adoption agency? Is there a social worker involved that you could talk to? Fire departments often have drop offs for infants; I don't know about older children, but I'm sure they could help you connect with services. Or contact your pastor if you're in a church. Make sure your baby gets to an appropriate system that will vet the parents and make sure they're good folks. Good luck.
Not selfish at all. That’s one of the best gifts you could give to yourself, the future parents, and that baby. It’s a tough decision to make, and you’ll struggle with it for sure, but it sounds like you’re doing it for all of the best reasons. You’re an amazing young woman for going through this far and I truly believe it’ll be better. I’m praying for you.