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Girl…you’re fine. Is this your first child? Crying over dangerous sleep practices any day. She won’t remember crying in her crib for less than an hour. You should try to get more help though for your own sake.
She is my first, and while I do have so much help and my husband is insanely supportive I think I just have this super mom narrative in my mind and it’s just not possible.
Nope it’s not. And when she’s a toddler she is going to dive head first off some piece of furniture when you’re sitting next to her, too. Being a good mom is worrying about being a good mom.
When my first was 5 she crashed forehead first into the corner of a shelf and the laceration was so deep I could see her skull. My second is FULL of piss and vinegar, NO FEAR and she bonked her head so many times as a toddler I was afraid she was going to have brain damage (all is well). I felt awful each time and I still feel awful any time I think I've done something wrong but you just have to power through and do the best you can.
My youngest daughter kept jumping headfirst into her bed. Gave herself several black eyes, even needed a catscan once.(Thankfully not a broken eye socket, just a wicked double black eye). She's stopped the head dives, but will still run into things. She *definitely* gets it from me.
This! I called my grandma after I freaked out and she said exactly this. And knowing from first hand experience (a parent that still doesn’t think he did anything wrong) this comment was very reassuring. I do agree with a lot of the comments recommending mental health support for PPA because I definitely freaked out a little too much, this is an amazing mindset shift for me.
I have regular anxiety and I had some PPA too.
I literally had this hand written on index cards in several key (easy to see) areas around my house, along with other affirmations and reminders not to let the racing thoughts win. It helped. Meds helped too, but having things written where I could see them would remind me to stop spiraling.
Hey there! So I def had PPA and I feel that it is still lingering around. Now it’s not NEAR as bad as it was but my baby just turned a year and wondering how long something like that can go on for? I don’t have health insurance otherwise I’d get therapy or go to a Dr…..wondering what meds helped you? Thank you!
I was pregnant or breastfeeding or both for 8 years straight, so I have no idea how long the PPA lasted for me.
For meds, I had paxil for overall lowering the anxiety, with the occasional as needed Ativan (yes, it's safe for breastfeeding per Infant Risk Center) for when I needed to break a panic cycle.
one of my earliest memories, I was a toddler still in a crib, and my mom told me "call me when you wake up and I'll get you"
I didn't really understand how that worked mechanically, so when I woke up I shouted out "I call MOMMYYYYYY!"
and she didn't get me for what seemed like quite a while, so I kept yelling that out, standing up in my crib
by emotionally, I was not angry, scared, sad, etc. Just slightly exasperated and bored
your kid isn't even capable of interpreting these emotions yet, she doesn't care, she was chilling
I'm glad you got some sleep and your baby is perfectly fine
You ARE A SUPER MOM! And don't forget it. Your daughter is ok and happy then you're doing great! Your concern is understandable but know in your heart that she's ok and will be ok. Try not to bear yourself up too much. A happy baby means you're doing it right. You need to rest in these early months too
Stay strong momma, you're doing great 💪💪
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All the anxiety and guilt is normal. You just become a mother. It's a hell of a responsibility. But relax girl, you got this! Just stop overthinking and replaying the scenario in your head in different ways.
“This awful situation…” phew you had me scared and then reading the story I felt instantly relieved 😂
Sounds like you got much needed sleep & baby was safe. At 6 months old being in her crib is the safest place she could be. And sounds like she was chilling? With you being so close to her room I’m sure you would have heard her crying. My baby wakes up early some mornings while I’m sleeping for another hour & she’s just rolling around lounging.
I’m sorry this made you feel so upset. Do things like this send you into a bit of a spiral often? Definitely take advantage of extra help & talk to someone if needed.
You’re obviously a great mom ❤️❤️
You are a great mom! I hope you don’t doubt it for another minute.
I let my second baby hang out in his crib intentionally. He’ll roll around happily for much longer than I expected with my first child. When I get him after 20-30 minutes, he babbles and points at all of the things he found interesting. He’ll point to the curtains, the smoke detector, the light fixture, and excitedly chat about all of the toys and books and things he saw, in adorably unintelligible baby language. I’m sure your baby was having a good time exploring her surroundings too.
My kid was the same. Just happily hanging in his crib doing his thing. Especially after naps. It's a good thing, they learn how to entertain themselves and not be entertained 24/7
Agreed. My baby wakes up before me most days & will roll around playing in his crib for a bit before I’m awake. Baby was in a safe spot and woke up happy & mama got a little nap in.
Shoutout to this comment specifically for making me giggle! But fr I know that there are children in worse situations (reference the mother than left her child in a pack’n’play and went on vacation) but I think for me and my husband both growing up in tough environments I just want to know that we’re being the best possible parents for our baby and future babies 🫶🏻
>Shoutout to this comment specifically for making me giggle!
Glad I made you giggle. You're doing fine.
The fact your baby didn't wake you says you're doing fine. Baby was happy and safe. Mama got to sleep. Happy days.
This is something similar to what my girlfriends and I say. One of them is super into therapy and her therapist told her that to be a good parent all you need to do is give 30% of yourself. If you have it the ole 30% try then you did what you could.
BTW. Coffee mom, you got this. No foul here.
Wheeewwwww. When I opened this post I was super worried I was going to read about something horrible.
When my kids were babies (6 and 2 now) I used to say that if they aren’t crying then they must like it, because they can only communicate by crying.
So I don’t think you should continue feeling super stressed about this because your little cutie was rolling around having a grand old time in the crib while you caught some much needed sleep. Because if she was feeling scared or lonely she would have started crying, right?
I also work some shifts where I get home after midnight and then woken up at 6 am (because kids) and I find my anxiety ratchets up to inappropriate levels the more sleep deprived I am.
OP - you’re working SO hard for your baby and if you’re so fatigued that you fell asleep that long and hard, you needed it! And like others have said, it would’ve been far worse if you guys fell asleep together in the living room.
It also would’ve been worse if you’d gotten dizzy and passed out once she was up or while you were driving. But your body and brain knew she was in a safe place and it shut down because your subconscious knew this was the safest time and place to do so… and if you didn’t get that rest, you’d have pushed past the point of exhaustion.
Don’t beat yourself up - it’s honestly the moments like these that our kiddos learn to self soothe, entertain themselves and it was only 45mins! Also it’s not like you do this all the time or even EVER… and the fact she sat in there crawling around and playing demonstrates that she feel secure, loved and wasn’t distressed because she knows Mommy always comes to get her after nap! And this time she got a fun surprise because Daddy was home too.
Great observation.
Motherhood is the most guilt-ridden profession. OP, you are a great mom and your baby was in the safest place. Hope you get a better schedule and support.
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Eh, not even crying? I would not notice when I’m sleeping frankly, he could be moving in his crib all night if I’m sleeping I would never know. Your baby would cry if they needed you and you would have heard it from 3 feet away? You’re doing great!
Letting your baby hang out in her crib by herself is SO SO important. The fact that she hung out in there for 45 minutes shows she is able to entertain herself, self-soothe and has a secure attachment to you because she can be alone.
This is a great thing! Time alone is the crib is critical for brain development.
You have nothing to feel bad about!
We do this all the time. Kids don’t come out of the crib unless they cry or are old enough to tell us they are ready. They love to party in there!
You should celebrate this little milestone, she is learning independence ❤️
Yes! This! They SHOULD hang out by themselves. If our kids weren't crying/whining we didn't go in. They didn't need us and we're practicing skills that are building blocks for independent play.
Right, I don't get mine out until about 20-30 minutes after I notice her wake up because even if I do rush in there to get her up immediately, she gets super upset that I'm in her face too quickly. She actually likes the alone time to play with her dolls or what ever. So 45 minutes where you were actually getting caught up on some sleep is a win win!
I think this requires a mindset shift. If your baby had been crying for 45 minutes and you couldn’t wake up that would be one thing. Instead your baby was in a safe environment practising independent play while you restored yourself to be able to take care of her
This is actually the exact thing you’re supposed to do. You’re human. You need sleep. She was in a safe space. She was safe! She was just a little uncomfortable. You did the right thing.
This sub has a lot of “I’m the worst mom ever” posts, and then a scenario is described which allows everyone to reply, “you’re an amazing mom, you’re super mom! You’re working so hard! You did so great! Better than my mom!” Etc, so I think sometimes people come here more for reassurance than actually thinking the situation is the “worst” thing ever.
Yeah I'm very sorry that parents are stressed out and feeling guilty...but when I read stories like this and things like "I thought a slightly unkind thought about my child am I a monster" I realize the thread is not for me.
I guess it’s not as bad as the posts where the baby falls off the bed and then everyone rushes to explain that it’s perfectly fine for babies to fall off things all the time like actually it’s dangerous for babies to fall off of things and maybe you should consistently put your baby in a safe place when you put them down.
This is why a safe sleep space is SO important. You actually didn’t do anything wrong. You did everything right! You put your baby somewhere safe when you were tired She did baby things in a safe space in a safe way. She would have cried if she needed something. It’s okay for her to be chillin in a safe spot doing baby things! Give yourself some grace.
sometimes (every time lol) i like to roll around in my bed before i get up. babies are little people too, sounds like she was just chillin after sleeping. if anything you just confirmed she is in fact emotionally safe alone in her crib because someone will come get her!
you’re fine. your baby was safe and not in any type of distress. you needed some sleep, that’s fine you’re human. you did nothing wrong, don’t blame yourself there’s no reason too. in fact what you did was safe and reasonable. you’re an amazing mom!!!!
I don’t go in to get my baby (now 2 lol) until she starts whining. I’ve done that with both kids. Sometimes they go back to sleep, sometimes they’re just happy “playing” alone. I hate getting right out of bed when I wake up so I just assumed my kids might feel the same way lol. You are not a bad mom
Not too long ago, we didn’t have phone notifications to alert us to kids moving in cribs. Not long before that, cameras were only for the rich or overprotective. For decades, parents relied on audio monitors only, if that, and would routinely miss the subtle cues your baby was giving you.
As others have said, if she wasn’t crying out, it’s probably a good thing for her to spend some alone time in her crib. Honestly, maybe jumping at every notification isn’t the healthiest way for either parent or baby
At this age, my kid just liked to chill in his crib sometimes. And the crib is designed to be a safe space for her. You were close enough that you would have woken up if she was crying. Don’t beat yourself up.
Hey if baby is happy, baby is happy!! I work overnight weekends and my LO is 10 months and she will happily roll around and play in her crib for upwards of an hour and a half. She will start to fuss / cry when she’s done with it and that wakes me up.
Sometimes she’s even cranky until we put her in her crib where she just seems to want to hang out sometimes.
We all like to lay in bed occasionally
Oh mama, you’re doing great. We love it when our 18 month old wakes up and rolls around entertaining himself for 45 minutes, because we get to sleep in! We did the same with our first who is 10, and I can assure you there’s no long-term harm (or even short-term harm!). You’re working so hard, don’t beat yourself up.
My baby plays in her crib quietly every morning after she wakes so I get a little extra sleep! I always go in there if she fusses but if she’s happy I just let her be!
when i was working 7 days a week i once left work to pick up my daughter from school & i waited outside the school for a good 45 minutes only to realize it was a holiday and she was at a babysitters...
she had already been there at 5:30am and it was 3pm at this point... it happens.
You can't pour from an empty cup. You needed that sleep to refill yourself in order to keep filling your baby. She wasn't upset, and you shouldn't be either.
OP, you are a beautiful mum to your girl. With my first, I felt I Had to make sure he was entertained and knew I was present and loved him every minute of the day. The thought of leaving him for even like 10 minutes to happily play by himself would make me feel like I was failing as a mum. Then, I realised that it was commonplace in western countries not that long ago, to just leave babies in the cot/crib like, all day?? Just set them up with toys and that’s where the baby was? I don’t do that with my second but I have relaxed a lot knowing, he is safe, warm, loved, fed and spoken to. He has everything he needs and if he needs me, he will let me know.
Child psychologists state that if you are in tune and responsive to at least 30% of your child’s emotional needs, they will turn out to be a well rounded human being. So even if she was screaming the entire time, that is one experience for her, among thousands and thousands of loving responsive moments I’m sure she has with you and other caregivers throughout the day.
I promise you she is perfectly ok. I’m more worried about you! Sounds like you need to have a long hot shower and some TLC, OP. You are a really freaking great mum!
If you’re a bad mom for that I’m the worst mom in the world. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve left my kiddos in their crib/bed (as long as they weren’t freaking out crying ofc) in the morning to enjoy my coffee or after their nap in the afternoon so I could get something done real quick… go easy on yourself! It’s fine!
If your little one was okay when you woke up then its okay! at least you didnt fall asleep with her in your hands and she wasnt crying. Kudos to you for getting the much needed rest.
It’s absolutely ok. Please buckle up because there will be countless more moments like this. You cannot be perfect. You’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to feel like you’ve failed. For your own sake and your daughter’s sake, give yourself some grace. You’re doing an excellent job. Your kid is so lucky to have you as their mom.
I’m writing this to myself as much as I’m writing it to you. It’s hard out here but we got this bb. Let go a little and be easy on yourself.
I once entrusted my teenage sister to watch my children one morning when I had to be at a very important appointment. I came home from that appointment to find my 4 year old crying at the end of the driveway, my 1.5 year old still in his crib, and my sister sound asleep on the couch. It was truly one of the worst moments of my life that could have been a thousand times worse than it was. You’re ok, she’ll be ok. She was safe and unharmed, don’t beat yourself up.
lol I used to let her ass roll around happily for 30-45 mins on occasion when I needed a break as long as she was happy and not crying. She’s also a super independent sleeper now so it’s really not a bad thing. You’re fine..
Happens to us all. You are NOT an awful mother. You unknowingly made sure that your baby was safe first before your body told you to rest! Which parent doesn't fall asleep while baby naps. It's not like you left the house for an hour or two to do god knows what. We all know that mother who left her baby at home alone for 10 days, you are not her! She is a bad representation for mothers at the moment, imo.
You have a very supportive and understanding husband. Post partem depression is whats making you feel not okay with what happened, that and a lack of sleep, you pushed out a human out your hoohah but not before sharing your body for 9 months, that's 3/4 of a year incubating! Right now, you were pregnant longer than your babys been in the world. Give yourself a well deserved rest. You are the best mother for your child.
I was where you were years ago, you get better, things get better.
Crib is a safe place for a baby when mom need rest. I did this the other day and it’s really nothing to feel bad about. Doctors tell moms if they need a break to do exactly what you did. Moms need to take care of themselves too.
Mama…I call that a win! She woke up and just played 🤩that’s awesome! If you had more than one child you would understand how wonderful that is because you can’t always pick up baby the moment they wake when you have other kids. And I’ve learned if baby is happy and playing I let them do their thing so I can do mine with chores or my other kids. You needed rest and she was in the safest place possible. Letting baby wake up like that is a healthy thing. If she was crying it would have woken you so don’t worry. She’s great!
When my oldest son was a baby, our pediatrician told me to feed him every 3 hrs even at night and he was a "good sleeper" at times, so one time I slept thru my alarm and it was 5 hrs between feeds and I was absolutely racked with guilt. It took a lot of people calming me down for me to feel okay. And one night we forgot to turn the monitor on. 😬😬 These things happen, and your baby was safe in her crib.
If your baby was safe in their crib or whatever i see nothing wrong here. You are severely sleep deprived. If you hired a sitter so you could get a nap a few times a week, you’d be completely justified. That wasn’t even that long! You are doing amazing 💖
She was happy and content in a safe space. At that point in time, you getting some rest was the safest thing for her. Hanging out in her crib causes no harm, if she’s content just chilling. But having an overtired mom can be dangerous. I know it’s hard, but try not to feel too bad. She’s probably not even aware that she was left to chill in her crib. She was probably enamored by the walls and her crib. Babies love just looking at shit
Honey, please please listen to your husband on this one. You made the right choice. Just want to tell you my story really quick, in hopes that it will make you feel less guilty..
I was extremely tired, nursing my youngest who at the time was 29 days old. (I had a 3 and a 5 year old as well but that doesn’t matter) anyways, I fell asleep nursing him on the couch. When I awoke 2 hours later, my son was gone. He was blue. Limp. I suffocated my son by accident during my nap.
You did the right thing.
So why the guilt? The baby practiced rolling around in a safe environment. She didn't seem upset when you got up? She was probably having the time of her life. You probably NEEDED that sleep.
My baby had been awake for 40 minutes this morning before we woke up. She was safe in her cot. We obviously needed the sleep if we didn't hear her. She was happy to see us and we are now having a lovely day. No big deal.
There is a meme ticktock about parents falling asleep with the monitor on mute. It happens to the best of us. You’ll hate yourself for a bit but the alone time is good for them. It will happen again.
Omg give yourself some GRACE! I have forgotten to plug in my monitor out of sleep deprivation, and my second cried for 2 hours once. I was so sick with guilt I threw up, multiple times. Your babe is fine, you got a rest, all is good!
It eases my mind when I know my daughter wasn't crying or in distress...because I've done this once or twice! When I'd wake up, I'd freak out! But she was content, testing her new skills and safe. Now she loves 5-10mins of quiet time in her room to explore
Definitely give yourself grace, Mama! You are not alone and some babies are okay with a little self time
Oh girl. I’m pregnant with my third now, and if my kids aren’t crying, I leave them in their crib or rooms until they start calling for me. It’s good for us all and I have a very strong bond with my two kids and we have a great attachment.
Sleep is vital. You HAVE to get sleep or it can be dangerous. Don’t feel guilty for asking family to help longer so that you can get adequate rest. If you’re not rested, that’s when the real danger begins. It won’t affect your bond or relationship with your daughter.
(Also after my first I started zoloft because I felt very much like you do here and it was the best thing I ever did for myself)
She was in her crib not screaming... and you're a bad mom BECAUSE? I am confused... You needed sleep...
This is actually being a good mom. Taking care of yourself, and making sure your baby is safe. Stop over thinking EVERYTHING. Just love your baby, and make the best decisions you can for your baby. That is what good moms do.
I mean this in the nicest way possible! If you don’t break this thought process now it could lead to severe post partum depression. I know because I was that mom.. you are doing great and it shows because you care so much. Sending hugs!!
You literally did nothing wrong and your little one was in no distress at all.
Some mothers let their babies "cry it out" to train them not to expect help to come when they need it (yes I AM judging and I'm not sorry for it - babies don't learn to self sooth, they just learn to understand nobody is coming). They intentionally let their babies cry, lonely and in distress.
Go easy on yourself mama. The fact that you feel badly shows how much you care, but your baby is no worse off than she was before this happened.
If you are at all human, you are going to make mistakes much worse than this one (which I would argue was not much of a mistake at all).
They got me in the first half, not gonna lie.
With that title and the way the story was going (overworked, overtired, complete lack of proper sleep) I thought this was going to be a very, very dark post.
Glad to know it was not.
…I mean if my baby isn’t crying of fussing, I let her lay in bed in the morning so I can get a little extra sleep. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it
She was safe in the crib it's ok! I once dozed off on the couch for maybe 5 - 10 min and my 1 year old some how got over the gate and was eating dog food out of the dish in the kitchen. Thankfully he was fine and has no memory of it lol but I felt awful for ages.
I frequently nap while my daughter naps because I’m pregnant and work nights. I sleep with the baby monitor next to me so I’ll hear if she cries but she’ll wake up and play in her crib for quite a while perfectly content. She’s in a safe environment so it’s totally fine
Lord, you have nothing to worry about all mothers have this happen at one point or another we get exhausted as someone else said or your husband at least she was in the crib and you weren’t holding her to be dropped in the floor or something like that she was safe that’s the main thing. Don’t beat yourself up my best advice whenever baby sleeps you sleep.
Once, my first born went to bed and I woke up in a panic hours later like.....did he eat dinner?????!?!?! He has survived thus far and has had many dinners but I was fundamentally shaken over that. You are a loving, caring, and kind mom and your baby is so fortunate to have parents like she does
Neglectful parents knowing leave there children for an hour plus , with mould in there bottles from my experience. In a emotionally uproaring zone , at that !! Xoxoxo
Once I forgot to turn the volume back up on my baby monitor. I woke up so relaxed, then I panicked. I went to my daughter’s room, and she was knocked out! She probably woke up and cried at some point, and I felt bad about that…but we both got better rest. She woke up later than normal and was happy. I was a first time mom, and jumping up at every cry. After that, I would wait for at least 5 minutes. Lot of the time, she would go back to sleep. Give yourself a break
I remember being exhausted at the 6m mark and I wasn’t working (not in USA. So had a year Mat leave). Honestly sounds like you are an amazing mum. Bub was safe. Which is most important. I had post partum anxiety and something that stuck with me was my doctor telling me that if you only meet 50ish % of your child’s emotional needs they will still develop appropriately. I know I am meeting way more than 50%. So a slip up every now and again won’t lastingly hurt them. They won’t remember. We will and we’ll do our best every time. Be kind to yourself. It’s mental you’re working crazy hours with a little one.
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We've both been through this but the one thing we heard time and time again was as long as they are somewhere safe then it'll be fine. Honestly, it really is as unless they cry you won't know if they've woken up while you sleep and rolled around or murmured to themselves. It's okay. It is healthy and if they were distressed or in need then they would cry.
You as a parent need rest and time to recoup to stay on top of things. To balance all the needs of raising a family and maintaining a life whether that includes a job or the home or whatever. Baby was fine, you were better off for a nap.
She was a happy baby enjoying her playtime in her crib. I feel in my momma heart you'd have woken up if she had started crying loudly.
You were a responsible parent as well. You put her in a safe spot she would be comfortable and contained in before laying down. You did absolutely everything right, and I hope it's exactly what you do again if it comes to it. Do not guilt yourself about it, ok? Your baby is clearly loved and well taken care of.
This post is a few hours old with lots of comments so I hope you see this!
When I was cleared for exercise postpartum, I started using my indoor cycle when my son (age ~3 months at the time) napped. I also had a camera that connected to my phone and would send me notifications if it detected sound or motion, so this made me feel an extra safety net that allowed me to not feel anxious about him during a workout.
So one day I’m cycling and I realize it’s like 20 minutes past when my son usually wakes up, but I hadn’t gotten any notifications. So I take out my AirPods and immediately I can hear him screaming from the other side of our 2br apartment. I run to his room and he’s physically fine, but just red in the face from crying. I didn’t know how long he had been awake and crying for me ☹️ I felt SO much guilt. I felt like the worst mom ever.
I say this with compassion— have you been evaluated/are you treated for PPA and/or PPD? It sounds like you are on the grind almost all hours between work and home, and becoming a parent is already such a huge adjustment itself (look up “matrescence” if you’ve not heard of it). A lot of what you described in your post is what I experienced postpartum and I strongly believe I had both, though every doctor I saw failed to see past the generic depression paper screening we fill out at our PP checkup. On paper, I seemed fine but at home I was spiraling if there was a dirty dish in the sink, or if the baby only drank 3 oz instead of his usual 4oz, or if baby cried a little bit and I couldn’t get to him immediately.
Regardless of any diagnoses, your feelings are so real and felt by many of us parents, but especially mothers. Have compassion and grace for yourself. There are so many ways throughout the rest of our children’s lives we’ll inevitably fail because we’re human. The only way to survive this rollercoaster is with compassion and grace for yourself.
Btw, it took a full-blown panic attack/psychosis episode at ~18m PP for a provider, my wonderful PMHNP, to finally take my mental health symptoms seriously. She started me on an SNRI immediately and within days I was feeling better. I’d previously had 2 doctors dismiss my symptoms (one being my own OB smh).
I bet if baby cried you would have heard them. give yourself some slack there. how could you know baby was awake when they were calm and content in their bed 🤷♀️ no one was hurt physically or emotionally from the act itself. youre only causing yourself hurt by this self blame you are doing which isn't necessary or deserved. the fact this shook you to your core shows youre a loving caring great mom
You did nothing wrong. Your child is fine. Let them learn how to self soothe. And keep themselves occupied for a few.
Trust me when I say, always picking them up immediately when they start to fuss or make sounds builds for a child that wants held constantly.
If the baby isn't screaming, or crying and is just cooing and being good, then you're fine. Nothing to worry about
Im a single mum I often nap with the 2yr old and Mr 5 keeps himself happy, I have completely child proofed my home. But at the end of the day you know your own child, I don’t think 45mins is awful you can’t be a fully present and functioning mother if you are always exhausted, it’s ok to have a mummy moment and a reset, because that 45mins could turn into 4.5hours. Biggest thing I did for myself was reduce hours at work, I was full time and dropped two days, I have more time for myself but enjoy time with the kids. Yeah I took a little income hit but how much am I willing to sacrifice for mental health. You are doing great!
Everyone says to sleep when the baby is sleeping. Prior to phones surveillance, you would have woken up to a happy baby babbling in the crib and both felt refreshed and fantastic. You don't need to be alerted the moment the baby stirs, sweet girl will let you know when she needs you just like babies did before these high tech alert monitors.
This is completely fine. If she wasn’t crying and was happy then why should you be awake? She is safe. If she started crying and needed you, you would have woken up. I think this is totally healthy and great. We have friends who don’t get their girl until clock hits 7 whether she’s awake or not. My kids always screamed the house down as soon as they were awake so I never got this opportunity to just leave them happily in their cot. Get those Z’s when you can!
I’m 10 weeks pregnant with my first and have NO IDEA what I’m doing or anything about babies AT ALL. Can someone explain to me why this is a bad scenario and why OP is so distraught? Please be easy on me, I’m truly trying to learn and understand. If the baby wasn’t hurt or upset or anything, why is this a bad thing that happened? It actually sounds great, mom got her needed sleep and baby was happy hanging out in bed?!
1. You put your baby in a safe place, and made sure she was napping before you relaxed.
2. You had the monitor on her
3. You were 3 ft away if something happened.
All of this NOT EVEN KNOWING there was a chance you could fall asleep.
Also- I’m jealous you have a baby that sleeps in a crib, and wakes up happy to entertain themselves. My (now) 4 year old could never do that. Sounds like you are doing really well.
You did a really good job here! Your baby was exploring her environment somewhere safe while you were able to take care of your need for some rest. If she needed you, you were close enough/had the tech to be able to respond to her need. The fact that she was comfortable hanging out in her own for a while is a great thing! My kids both liked to have time to decompress in their cribs and enjoying spending time exploring.
I'm also glad to see your update that you are getting some help with things. Sleep is so important for mental health and it sounds like you have a good plan moving forward. You are doing a really good job!
Girl, you are not a bad mom! You are an exhausted mom. Your baby was safe in her crib. She's happy and healthy. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about!! Just make sure you get some extra rest in.
The fact that you care enough to be upset shows you are NOT a bad mother! Our son usually plays in his crib for 30 min when he wakes up, because he wants to! He gets mad if I take him out as soon as he’s up lol. Just remind yourself she was in a safe place, she was not upset, everyone is ok 💕
Once upon a time when my first daughter was maybe a year old I heard her stir over the baby monitor in the middle of the night. I was SO tired, I decided to give it a couple minutes to see if she’d settle. I guess she did, because I fell back asleep and heard nothing else for the rest of the night. I went in to wake her up the next morning and her crib sheet was covered in puke. She was as happy as could be when I woke her. I decided if she wasn’t bothered I didn’t need to be. If your kiddo needed you for real, you were close enough that you’d know it. I’d put this firmly in the ‘alls well that ends well’ column.
Relax. It is okay. The only thing that really matters is that she was somewhere where she couldn't roam freely. In her crib, she is stuck there, unable to hurt herself or get into any trouble.
I drive a truck on the night shift and my wife works in retail management, first and second shift. During the summer, I have to sleep otherwise I crash and kill myself and/or other people. Our son is now 8 (autistic), and it's been this way for the last four years. I have always made sure to safe proof the best I can. After one escape into the backyard while I was taking a nap (believe me ,I also racked myself with guilt for days over it), I installed locks at the very top of our front and back door to make sure he couldn't get outside and we have an oven that can be locked. It was trickier before, but now that he's 8, he understands that dad needs to sleep and he is just fine with hanging out in bed with me for a few hours in the morning after mom goes to work.
I still lack sleep, but we make it work as best as we can. It's 2024, and unfortunately, most families need two working parents to be able to make ends meet. All you can do, is do the best you can.
Your baby was in her crib safely from the sounds of it. My wife was the same way about every little thing if she wasn’t watching our first every 5 seconds.
It’s normal to be anxious for your firstborn and its safety but you might have some form of postpartum like my wife did. She went from extremely anxious to full on depression after our first was born. Obviously not saying you sound like it’s that bad I’m just saying it can sneak up on you, and that talking to someone about it can only help you and your baby.
It sounds like your partner is being very supportive so I’d take some time for your mental health just in case as it’s just as important as anything else when it comes to taking care of your baby.
The first year is chaotic, your baby relies on you for everything, you’re barely sleeping or eating properly, and it sounds like you’re working on top of it. The crib is the safest place your baby can be. You didn’t fall asleep on the couch with her, and it sounds like you’re being protective which is normal.
Try to take care of yourself too even though it’s not easy to do with a very young baby. My wife and I have 3 boys under 5 and it’s been a ride lmao. If they have everything they need and are still fussy, it’s okay to go get other things done or take a quick nap. Sometimes babies just cry, it’s all they know how to do early on.
The older your baby gets the more you learn the difference between when your baby *needs* something or when it’s just being a baby. At one point we could tell if he was tired, hungry, or wet depending on what kind of crying it was lmao
You’re all going to be okay, it’s still new and it’s a lot to figure out for all of you. You’re not going to be perfect and you’re not going to know exactly what you’re doing. It’s a learning experience. You and your spouse are learning how to take care of a whole human that knows nothing, and your baby is learning how to exist.
^(I wrote this with 2 toddlers shoving their feet into my pockets. Sorry if it didn’t come out coherent lmao)
man, I often intentionally let them make noise in their room lol You needed the sleep! That nighttime anxiety is the worst. Your kid was safe! You're a good mom.
There have been less than a handful of times that I couldn’t console my little. So I placed him in his crib and eventually he fell asleep after a few cries. As long as they are in a safe place it’s completely okay to walk away. We must take care of ourselves before we can take care of a baby.
Being in the crib with nothing else is totally safe and is completely okay!!
Um a crib is where babies are safe. You took a nap while your baby was happy in the crib. That’s not a problem?
Imagine another mom coming to you and saying hey I put my baby in the crib and then I lay down for a couple hours. Would you think anything other than “hey did you get a good nap?”
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 To your outstanding husband. What he told you is absolutely correct and, it's what the professional recommendation is. I'm a pretty anxiety riddled individual, and I called my daughter's pediatrician on his after hours line more times than I'd care to admit. I had this exact problem and the first time it happened, he said:
If you are tired, which is perfectly normal, place your baby in a safe place and take a nap. She's not going to suffer in any major way if she cries for a little bit. Babies cry if they need something or are upset. She's fine being upset. As far as needing something, you know you're tired..just make sure her diapers dry and she's not hungry, then put her in the crib and go lay down. If you don't wanna crash out too long, set a timer on your phone.
I just wanna say we have an awesome pediatrician. He and his wife are peds and have 3 kids. I trust when he tells me how it is. Also, he looks like a Korean John Wick.
it happens to the best of us. your husbands right, it’s best she was in a safe space rather than your arms or crawling on the floor. i had bad anxiety too whenever i gave birth to my daughter, i recommend going and seeing your doctor to see if they can give you some sort of anxiety meds to help relieve some of that stress. i wouldn’t be functioning the way i do today if it weren’t for the prozac flowing through my body.
you’re a good mom, don’t let one mistake, that didn’t hurt anyone, drag you down. the fact that you’re here still feeling guilty about something that wasn’t going to hurt her just shows how much you care about her. she was probably just enjoying her personal playtime in the crib (which it’s good for her to explore things on her own!) just take some time and give yourself some extra love, babies feel their parents energy and emotions.
That is fine! I have two kids and at that age they often liked to roll around in their crib- sometimes for even longer than that.
They are just discovering the world so what seems boring to us is exciting to them- she probably checked out her hands, looked at the ceiling fan, grabbed her toes. Etc. she was busy and happy in there!
You’re nowhere near the [worst](https://www.wkyc.com/article/news/crime/cleveland-mom-pleads-guilty-aggravated-murder-daughter-home-alone-kristel-candelario/95-9ff99603-f221-4f49-ac38-e6fffbed740d#) mother ever.
It breaks my heart to read this...
you are amazing!!!!
i have 5 children (3 I delivered)...
And you gave birth in the 3rd world (I mean the USA... the country with the highest rates of dead mothers and dead babies in the world!!!!!!!!!)
No sane person would want you to leave your post... our next generation depends on you - china & India are winning - and I should know everyone in my family are doctors and Ive lived at least 1 year on 5 of the continents (toma ya) 😂
IT'S A CRIME THAT WE LIVE IN A
Fucr hole
that forces all of us tp pay for our Senatpr Moulton's viagra
and forces mothers to harm (by leaving) their babies before the first year'!!!!
SHAME ON YOU YOU SELFISH
mot f** any of these mothers
Hey, first-time mother here as well, and I just wanted to send my love. I too work a demanding, full-time position, and that, coupled with what I take care of at home, brought me to the point of starting anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. I allowed the stresses of it all to overwhelm me and I, too, would overthink everything and worry. It likely took me a little too long to recognize the place I was in, but I'm so glad I did and that I sought help. Whatever you decide to do, you'll get through it! This shit is tough, but it sounds like you're a wonderful mama. Stay strong!
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Girl…you’re fine. Is this your first child? Crying over dangerous sleep practices any day. She won’t remember crying in her crib for less than an hour. You should try to get more help though for your own sake.
She is my first, and while I do have so much help and my husband is insanely supportive I think I just have this super mom narrative in my mind and it’s just not possible.
Nope it’s not. And when she’s a toddler she is going to dive head first off some piece of furniture when you’re sitting next to her, too. Being a good mom is worrying about being a good mom.
Being a good mom is worrying about being a good mom!!!! That was perfect
When my first was 5 she crashed forehead first into the corner of a shelf and the laceration was so deep I could see her skull. My second is FULL of piss and vinegar, NO FEAR and she bonked her head so many times as a toddler I was afraid she was going to have brain damage (all is well). I felt awful each time and I still feel awful any time I think I've done something wrong but you just have to power through and do the best you can.
My youngest daughter kept jumping headfirst into her bed. Gave herself several black eyes, even needed a catscan once.(Thankfully not a broken eye socket, just a wicked double black eye). She's stopped the head dives, but will still run into things. She *definitely* gets it from me.
Pro tip - bad parents never think they're doing anything wrong. Good parents often overthink everything. So, no worries. You're doing great!
This! I called my grandma after I freaked out and she said exactly this. And knowing from first hand experience (a parent that still doesn’t think he did anything wrong) this comment was very reassuring. I do agree with a lot of the comments recommending mental health support for PPA because I definitely freaked out a little too much, this is an amazing mindset shift for me.
I have regular anxiety and I had some PPA too. I literally had this hand written on index cards in several key (easy to see) areas around my house, along with other affirmations and reminders not to let the racing thoughts win. It helped. Meds helped too, but having things written where I could see them would remind me to stop spiraling.
Hey there! So I def had PPA and I feel that it is still lingering around. Now it’s not NEAR as bad as it was but my baby just turned a year and wondering how long something like that can go on for? I don’t have health insurance otherwise I’d get therapy or go to a Dr…..wondering what meds helped you? Thank you!
I was pregnant or breastfeeding or both for 8 years straight, so I have no idea how long the PPA lasted for me. For meds, I had paxil for overall lowering the anxiety, with the occasional as needed Ativan (yes, it's safe for breastfeeding per Infant Risk Center) for when I needed to break a panic cycle.
one of my earliest memories, I was a toddler still in a crib, and my mom told me "call me when you wake up and I'll get you" I didn't really understand how that worked mechanically, so when I woke up I shouted out "I call MOMMYYYYYY!" and she didn't get me for what seemed like quite a while, so I kept yelling that out, standing up in my crib by emotionally, I was not angry, scared, sad, etc. Just slightly exasperated and bored your kid isn't even capable of interpreting these emotions yet, she doesn't care, she was chilling I'm glad you got some sleep and your baby is perfectly fine
You ARE A SUPER MOM! And don't forget it. Your daughter is ok and happy then you're doing great! Your concern is understandable but know in your heart that she's ok and will be ok. Try not to bear yourself up too much. A happy baby means you're doing it right. You need to rest in these early months too Stay strong momma, you're doing great 💪💪
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All the anxiety and guilt is normal. You just become a mother. It's a hell of a responsibility. But relax girl, you got this! Just stop overthinking and replaying the scenario in your head in different ways.
Exactly, she was safe in her crib
“This awful situation…” phew you had me scared and then reading the story I felt instantly relieved 😂 Sounds like you got much needed sleep & baby was safe. At 6 months old being in her crib is the safest place she could be. And sounds like she was chilling? With you being so close to her room I’m sure you would have heard her crying. My baby wakes up early some mornings while I’m sleeping for another hour & she’s just rolling around lounging. I’m sorry this made you feel so upset. Do things like this send you into a bit of a spiral often? Definitely take advantage of extra help & talk to someone if needed. You’re obviously a great mom ❤️❤️
Thank you so much 🫶🏻
You are a great mom! I hope you don’t doubt it for another minute. I let my second baby hang out in his crib intentionally. He’ll roll around happily for much longer than I expected with my first child. When I get him after 20-30 minutes, he babbles and points at all of the things he found interesting. He’ll point to the curtains, the smoke detector, the light fixture, and excitedly chat about all of the toys and books and things he saw, in adorably unintelligible baby language. I’m sure your baby was having a good time exploring her surroundings too.
Came to say this, if she had been crying you would have woken up, but she was just happy hanging out. She must have known you needed the sleep. 😉
My kid was the same. Just happily hanging in his crib doing his thing. Especially after naps. It's a good thing, they learn how to entertain themselves and not be entertained 24/7
Agreed. My baby wakes up before me most days & will roll around playing in his crib for a bit before I’m awake. Baby was in a safe spot and woke up happy & mama got a little nap in.
Some moms do meth while they're pregnant, sleeping in a little bit is no big deal. Cut yourself some slack, you're doing great. <3
>Some moms do meth I thought you were about to recommend this to stay awake.
I wanted to upvote because it made me laugh, but I didn’t want anyone to think I was condoning the use of meth. lol
Shoutout to this comment specifically for making me giggle! But fr I know that there are children in worse situations (reference the mother than left her child in a pack’n’play and went on vacation) but I think for me and my husband both growing up in tough environments I just want to know that we’re being the best possible parents for our baby and future babies 🫶🏻
>Shoutout to this comment specifically for making me giggle! Glad I made you giggle. You're doing fine. The fact your baby didn't wake you says you're doing fine. Baby was happy and safe. Mama got to sleep. Happy days.
Wanting to be the best parent you can be, doesn’t mean you will be a perfect parent. Show yourself some grace, she’s okay!
And that awareness right there is why you won't be what your families were as parents.
I've never done meth so I don't know if it keeps you awake, either way I wouldn't recommend it at any point, LOL
This is something similar to what my girlfriends and I say. One of them is super into therapy and her therapist told her that to be a good parent all you need to do is give 30% of yourself. If you have it the ole 30% try then you did what you could. BTW. Coffee mom, you got this. No foul here.
I love coffee mom!! Taking that title with pride ☕️
Wheeewwwww. When I opened this post I was super worried I was going to read about something horrible. When my kids were babies (6 and 2 now) I used to say that if they aren’t crying then they must like it, because they can only communicate by crying. So I don’t think you should continue feeling super stressed about this because your little cutie was rolling around having a grand old time in the crib while you caught some much needed sleep. Because if she was feeling scared or lonely she would have started crying, right? I also work some shifts where I get home after midnight and then woken up at 6 am (because kids) and I find my anxiety ratchets up to inappropriate levels the more sleep deprived I am.
This killed me 😂😂😂 the joke, not meth.
🤣🤣
Thank you <3
OP - you’re working SO hard for your baby and if you’re so fatigued that you fell asleep that long and hard, you needed it! And like others have said, it would’ve been far worse if you guys fell asleep together in the living room. It also would’ve been worse if you’d gotten dizzy and passed out once she was up or while you were driving. But your body and brain knew she was in a safe place and it shut down because your subconscious knew this was the safest time and place to do so… and if you didn’t get that rest, you’d have pushed past the point of exhaustion. Don’t beat yourself up - it’s honestly the moments like these that our kiddos learn to self soothe, entertain themselves and it was only 45mins! Also it’s not like you do this all the time or even EVER… and the fact she sat in there crawling around and playing demonstrates that she feel secure, loved and wasn’t distressed because she knows Mommy always comes to get her after nap! And this time she got a fun surprise because Daddy was home too.
Great observation. Motherhood is the most guilt-ridden profession. OP, you are a great mom and your baby was in the safest place. Hope you get a better schedule and support.
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Eh, not even crying? I would not notice when I’m sleeping frankly, he could be moving in his crib all night if I’m sleeping I would never know. Your baby would cry if they needed you and you would have heard it from 3 feet away? You’re doing great!
Letting your baby hang out in her crib by herself is SO SO important. The fact that she hung out in there for 45 minutes shows she is able to entertain herself, self-soothe and has a secure attachment to you because she can be alone. This is a great thing! Time alone is the crib is critical for brain development. You have nothing to feel bad about! We do this all the time. Kids don’t come out of the crib unless they cry or are old enough to tell us they are ready. They love to party in there! You should celebrate this little milestone, she is learning independence ❤️
Yes! This! They SHOULD hang out by themselves. If our kids weren't crying/whining we didn't go in. They didn't need us and we're practicing skills that are building blocks for independent play.
Right, I don't get mine out until about 20-30 minutes after I notice her wake up because even if I do rush in there to get her up immediately, she gets super upset that I'm in her face too quickly. She actually likes the alone time to play with her dolls or what ever. So 45 minutes where you were actually getting caught up on some sleep is a win win!
I don't know if time alone in the crib is critical lol, my kid could never tolerate staying in there after she woke up and her brain seems okay to me
Your baby was happy and safe. Sounds like it went very well. Congrats on the 2 hour nap!
I think this requires a mindset shift. If your baby had been crying for 45 minutes and you couldn’t wake up that would be one thing. Instead your baby was in a safe environment practising independent play while you restored yourself to be able to take care of her
This is actually the exact thing you’re supposed to do. You’re human. You need sleep. She was in a safe space. She was safe! She was just a little uncomfortable. You did the right thing.
I don’t really understand what the problem is! She woke up, but was perfectly fine and safe in her crib? Sounds…fine?
This sub has a lot of “I’m the worst mom ever” posts, and then a scenario is described which allows everyone to reply, “you’re an amazing mom, you’re super mom! You’re working so hard! You did so great! Better than my mom!” Etc, so I think sometimes people come here more for reassurance than actually thinking the situation is the “worst” thing ever.
They are Virtue signaling
Yeah I'm very sorry that parents are stressed out and feeling guilty...but when I read stories like this and things like "I thought a slightly unkind thought about my child am I a monster" I realize the thread is not for me.
I guess it’s not as bad as the posts where the baby falls off the bed and then everyone rushes to explain that it’s perfectly fine for babies to fall off things all the time like actually it’s dangerous for babies to fall off of things and maybe you should consistently put your baby in a safe place when you put them down.
Yeah, she had a nap, baby had a nap... that's literally how it's supposed to work?
Yeah not sure how this is different then like, usual sleeping ?
When you are a mother, you’re not allowed to sleep. Ever.
This is why a safe sleep space is SO important. You actually didn’t do anything wrong. You did everything right! You put your baby somewhere safe when you were tired She did baby things in a safe space in a safe way. She would have cried if she needed something. It’s okay for her to be chillin in a safe spot doing baby things! Give yourself some grace.
Cut yourself some slack. She wasn't distressed, and you've been working hard and not getting enough sleep.
She didn't even cry. She was safe and she was fine. You need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of her.
sometimes (every time lol) i like to roll around in my bed before i get up. babies are little people too, sounds like she was just chillin after sleeping. if anything you just confirmed she is in fact emotionally safe alone in her crib because someone will come get her!
you’re fine. your baby was safe and not in any type of distress. you needed some sleep, that’s fine you’re human. you did nothing wrong, don’t blame yourself there’s no reason too. in fact what you did was safe and reasonable. you’re an amazing mom!!!!
Give yourself some grace. Your baby was safe in her crib, and you are able to be a more attentive mom after getting some sleep.
Playing in the crib is perfectly fine. Seriously. Zero problem.
I don’t go in to get my baby (now 2 lol) until she starts whining. I’ve done that with both kids. Sometimes they go back to sleep, sometimes they’re just happy “playing” alone. I hate getting right out of bed when I wake up so I just assumed my kids might feel the same way lol. You are not a bad mom
Not too long ago, we didn’t have phone notifications to alert us to kids moving in cribs. Not long before that, cameras were only for the rich or overprotective. For decades, parents relied on audio monitors only, if that, and would routinely miss the subtle cues your baby was giving you. As others have said, if she wasn’t crying out, it’s probably a good thing for her to spend some alone time in her crib. Honestly, maybe jumping at every notification isn’t the healthiest way for either parent or baby
Baby is ok. That’s good!
At this age, my kid just liked to chill in his crib sometimes. And the crib is designed to be a safe space for her. You were close enough that you would have woken up if she was crying. Don’t beat yourself up.
Hey if baby is happy, baby is happy!! I work overnight weekends and my LO is 10 months and she will happily roll around and play in her crib for upwards of an hour and a half. She will start to fuss / cry when she’s done with it and that wakes me up. Sometimes she’s even cranky until we put her in her crib where she just seems to want to hang out sometimes. We all like to lay in bed occasionally
Oh mama, you’re doing great. We love it when our 18 month old wakes up and rolls around entertaining himself for 45 minutes, because we get to sleep in! We did the same with our first who is 10, and I can assure you there’s no long-term harm (or even short-term harm!). You’re working so hard, don’t beat yourself up.
Not a big deal at all! She was in a safe place and it seems likely you would’ve heard her if she cried. Don’t beat yourself up.
My baby plays in her crib quietly every morning after she wakes so I get a little extra sleep! I always go in there if she fusses but if she’s happy I just let her be!
when i was working 7 days a week i once left work to pick up my daughter from school & i waited outside the school for a good 45 minutes only to realize it was a holiday and she was at a babysitters... she had already been there at 5:30am and it was 3pm at this point... it happens.
Your baby was safe and happy. No need to feel like you did anything wrong.
You can't pour from an empty cup. You needed that sleep to refill yourself in order to keep filling your baby. She wasn't upset, and you shouldn't be either.
OP, you are a beautiful mum to your girl. With my first, I felt I Had to make sure he was entertained and knew I was present and loved him every minute of the day. The thought of leaving him for even like 10 minutes to happily play by himself would make me feel like I was failing as a mum. Then, I realised that it was commonplace in western countries not that long ago, to just leave babies in the cot/crib like, all day?? Just set them up with toys and that’s where the baby was? I don’t do that with my second but I have relaxed a lot knowing, he is safe, warm, loved, fed and spoken to. He has everything he needs and if he needs me, he will let me know. Child psychologists state that if you are in tune and responsive to at least 30% of your child’s emotional needs, they will turn out to be a well rounded human being. So even if she was screaming the entire time, that is one experience for her, among thousands and thousands of loving responsive moments I’m sure she has with you and other caregivers throughout the day. I promise you she is perfectly ok. I’m more worried about you! Sounds like you need to have a long hot shower and some TLC, OP. You are a really freaking great mum!
If you’re a bad mom for that I’m the worst mom in the world. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve left my kiddos in their crib/bed (as long as they weren’t freaking out crying ofc) in the morning to enjoy my coffee or after their nap in the afternoon so I could get something done real quick… go easy on yourself! It’s fine!
If your little one was okay when you woke up then its okay! at least you didnt fall asleep with her in your hands and she wasnt crying. Kudos to you for getting the much needed rest.
It’s absolutely ok. Please buckle up because there will be countless more moments like this. You cannot be perfect. You’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to feel like you’ve failed. For your own sake and your daughter’s sake, give yourself some grace. You’re doing an excellent job. Your kid is so lucky to have you as their mom. I’m writing this to myself as much as I’m writing it to you. It’s hard out here but we got this bb. Let go a little and be easy on yourself.
I once entrusted my teenage sister to watch my children one morning when I had to be at a very important appointment. I came home from that appointment to find my 4 year old crying at the end of the driveway, my 1.5 year old still in his crib, and my sister sound asleep on the couch. It was truly one of the worst moments of my life that could have been a thousand times worse than it was. You’re ok, she’ll be ok. She was safe and unharmed, don’t beat yourself up.
lol I used to let her ass roll around happily for 30-45 mins on occasion when I needed a break as long as she was happy and not crying. She’s also a super independent sleeper now so it’s really not a bad thing. You’re fine..
Happens to us all. You are NOT an awful mother. You unknowingly made sure that your baby was safe first before your body told you to rest! Which parent doesn't fall asleep while baby naps. It's not like you left the house for an hour or two to do god knows what. We all know that mother who left her baby at home alone for 10 days, you are not her! She is a bad representation for mothers at the moment, imo. You have a very supportive and understanding husband. Post partem depression is whats making you feel not okay with what happened, that and a lack of sleep, you pushed out a human out your hoohah but not before sharing your body for 9 months, that's 3/4 of a year incubating! Right now, you were pregnant longer than your babys been in the world. Give yourself a well deserved rest. You are the best mother for your child. I was where you were years ago, you get better, things get better.
Crib is a safe place for a baby when mom need rest. I did this the other day and it’s really nothing to feel bad about. Doctors tell moms if they need a break to do exactly what you did. Moms need to take care of themselves too.
Mama…I call that a win! She woke up and just played 🤩that’s awesome! If you had more than one child you would understand how wonderful that is because you can’t always pick up baby the moment they wake when you have other kids. And I’ve learned if baby is happy and playing I let them do their thing so I can do mine with chores or my other kids. You needed rest and she was in the safest place possible. Letting baby wake up like that is a healthy thing. If she was crying it would have woken you so don’t worry. She’s great!
When my oldest son was a baby, our pediatrician told me to feed him every 3 hrs even at night and he was a "good sleeper" at times, so one time I slept thru my alarm and it was 5 hrs between feeds and I was absolutely racked with guilt. It took a lot of people calming me down for me to feel okay. And one night we forgot to turn the monitor on. 😬😬 These things happen, and your baby was safe in her crib.
If your baby was safe in their crib or whatever i see nothing wrong here. You are severely sleep deprived. If you hired a sitter so you could get a nap a few times a week, you’d be completely justified. That wasn’t even that long! You are doing amazing 💖
She was happy and content in a safe space. At that point in time, you getting some rest was the safest thing for her. Hanging out in her crib causes no harm, if she’s content just chilling. But having an overtired mom can be dangerous. I know it’s hard, but try not to feel too bad. She’s probably not even aware that she was left to chill in her crib. She was probably enamored by the walls and her crib. Babies love just looking at shit
I’ve had 4 kiddos. As long as baby wasn’t crying or hurt you shouldn’t feel bad. You obviously love her and take care of her.
Honey, please please listen to your husband on this one. You made the right choice. Just want to tell you my story really quick, in hopes that it will make you feel less guilty.. I was extremely tired, nursing my youngest who at the time was 29 days old. (I had a 3 and a 5 year old as well but that doesn’t matter) anyways, I fell asleep nursing him on the couch. When I awoke 2 hours later, my son was gone. He was blue. Limp. I suffocated my son by accident during my nap. You did the right thing.
I am so sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing your story. I can’t imagine how hard going through that was, you are incredibly strong 🫶🏻
So why the guilt? The baby practiced rolling around in a safe environment. She didn't seem upset when you got up? She was probably having the time of her life. You probably NEEDED that sleep.
Relax. If you’re getting worked up over something this small, you may want to get some professional help for PP anxiety.
My baby had been awake for 40 minutes this morning before we woke up. She was safe in her cot. We obviously needed the sleep if we didn't hear her. She was happy to see us and we are now having a lovely day. No big deal.
There is a meme ticktock about parents falling asleep with the monitor on mute. It happens to the best of us. You’ll hate yourself for a bit but the alone time is good for them. It will happen again.
Omg give yourself some GRACE! I have forgotten to plug in my monitor out of sleep deprivation, and my second cried for 2 hours once. I was so sick with guilt I threw up, multiple times. Your babe is fine, you got a rest, all is good!
It eases my mind when I know my daughter wasn't crying or in distress...because I've done this once or twice! When I'd wake up, I'd freak out! But she was content, testing her new skills and safe. Now she loves 5-10mins of quiet time in her room to explore Definitely give yourself grace, Mama! You are not alone and some babies are okay with a little self time
Oh girl. I’m pregnant with my third now, and if my kids aren’t crying, I leave them in their crib or rooms until they start calling for me. It’s good for us all and I have a very strong bond with my two kids and we have a great attachment. Sleep is vital. You HAVE to get sleep or it can be dangerous. Don’t feel guilty for asking family to help longer so that you can get adequate rest. If you’re not rested, that’s when the real danger begins. It won’t affect your bond or relationship with your daughter. (Also after my first I started zoloft because I felt very much like you do here and it was the best thing I ever did for myself)
Omg you are fine! You’re a working mom who is exhausted what are you supposed to do?!?
If she wasn’t crying or hurt then what’s the problem?
Girl you if you don’t calm down with your dramatic ass. You’re in for a world of anxiety if this gets your panties in a bunch. 🙄
She was in her crib not screaming... and you're a bad mom BECAUSE? I am confused... You needed sleep... This is actually being a good mom. Taking care of yourself, and making sure your baby is safe. Stop over thinking EVERYTHING. Just love your baby, and make the best decisions you can for your baby. That is what good moms do.
I mean this in the nicest way possible! If you don’t break this thought process now it could lead to severe post partum depression. I know because I was that mom.. you are doing great and it shows because you care so much. Sending hugs!!
You literally did nothing wrong and your little one was in no distress at all. Some mothers let their babies "cry it out" to train them not to expect help to come when they need it (yes I AM judging and I'm not sorry for it - babies don't learn to self sooth, they just learn to understand nobody is coming). They intentionally let their babies cry, lonely and in distress. Go easy on yourself mama. The fact that you feel badly shows how much you care, but your baby is no worse off than she was before this happened. If you are at all human, you are going to make mistakes much worse than this one (which I would argue was not much of a mistake at all).
Will it make you feel better if I pretended to shame you and call you a bad mom?? And then we can put it all behind us =D
They got me in the first half, not gonna lie. With that title and the way the story was going (overworked, overtired, complete lack of proper sleep) I thought this was going to be a very, very dark post. Glad to know it was not.
…I mean if my baby isn’t crying of fussing, I let her lay in bed in the morning so I can get a little extra sleep. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it
She was safe in the crib it's ok! I once dozed off on the couch for maybe 5 - 10 min and my 1 year old some how got over the gate and was eating dog food out of the dish in the kitchen. Thankfully he was fine and has no memory of it lol but I felt awful for ages.
I frequently nap while my daughter naps because I’m pregnant and work nights. I sleep with the baby monitor next to me so I’ll hear if she cries but she’ll wake up and play in her crib for quite a while perfectly content. She’s in a safe environment so it’s totally fine
It gets easier with time Momma!
Lord, you have nothing to worry about all mothers have this happen at one point or another we get exhausted as someone else said or your husband at least she was in the crib and you weren’t holding her to be dropped in the floor or something like that she was safe that’s the main thing. Don’t beat yourself up my best advice whenever baby sleeps you sleep.
Once, my first born went to bed and I woke up in a panic hours later like.....did he eat dinner?????!?!?! He has survived thus far and has had many dinners but I was fundamentally shaken over that. You are a loving, caring, and kind mom and your baby is so fortunate to have parents like she does
Your baby was in a safe place, and you were exhausted. It is ok!
Neglectful parents knowing leave there children for an hour plus , with mould in there bottles from my experience. In a emotionally uproaring zone , at that !! Xoxoxo
Once I forgot to turn the volume back up on my baby monitor. I woke up so relaxed, then I panicked. I went to my daughter’s room, and she was knocked out! She probably woke up and cried at some point, and I felt bad about that…but we both got better rest. She woke up later than normal and was happy. I was a first time mom, and jumping up at every cry. After that, I would wait for at least 5 minutes. Lot of the time, she would go back to sleep. Give yourself a break
I remember being exhausted at the 6m mark and I wasn’t working (not in USA. So had a year Mat leave). Honestly sounds like you are an amazing mum. Bub was safe. Which is most important. I had post partum anxiety and something that stuck with me was my doctor telling me that if you only meet 50ish % of your child’s emotional needs they will still develop appropriately. I know I am meeting way more than 50%. So a slip up every now and again won’t lastingly hurt them. They won’t remember. We will and we’ll do our best every time. Be kind to yourself. It’s mental you’re working crazy hours with a little one.
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We've both been through this but the one thing we heard time and time again was as long as they are somewhere safe then it'll be fine. Honestly, it really is as unless they cry you won't know if they've woken up while you sleep and rolled around or murmured to themselves. It's okay. It is healthy and if they were distressed or in need then they would cry. You as a parent need rest and time to recoup to stay on top of things. To balance all the needs of raising a family and maintaining a life whether that includes a job or the home or whatever. Baby was fine, you were better off for a nap.
Your baby probably had a great time being on her own just chilling lol I see zero issue with anything that happened here :)
She was a happy baby enjoying her playtime in her crib. I feel in my momma heart you'd have woken up if she had started crying loudly. You were a responsible parent as well. You put her in a safe spot she would be comfortable and contained in before laying down. You did absolutely everything right, and I hope it's exactly what you do again if it comes to it. Do not guilt yourself about it, ok? Your baby is clearly loved and well taken care of.
This post is a few hours old with lots of comments so I hope you see this! When I was cleared for exercise postpartum, I started using my indoor cycle when my son (age ~3 months at the time) napped. I also had a camera that connected to my phone and would send me notifications if it detected sound or motion, so this made me feel an extra safety net that allowed me to not feel anxious about him during a workout. So one day I’m cycling and I realize it’s like 20 minutes past when my son usually wakes up, but I hadn’t gotten any notifications. So I take out my AirPods and immediately I can hear him screaming from the other side of our 2br apartment. I run to his room and he’s physically fine, but just red in the face from crying. I didn’t know how long he had been awake and crying for me ☹️ I felt SO much guilt. I felt like the worst mom ever. I say this with compassion— have you been evaluated/are you treated for PPA and/or PPD? It sounds like you are on the grind almost all hours between work and home, and becoming a parent is already such a huge adjustment itself (look up “matrescence” if you’ve not heard of it). A lot of what you described in your post is what I experienced postpartum and I strongly believe I had both, though every doctor I saw failed to see past the generic depression paper screening we fill out at our PP checkup. On paper, I seemed fine but at home I was spiraling if there was a dirty dish in the sink, or if the baby only drank 3 oz instead of his usual 4oz, or if baby cried a little bit and I couldn’t get to him immediately. Regardless of any diagnoses, your feelings are so real and felt by many of us parents, but especially mothers. Have compassion and grace for yourself. There are so many ways throughout the rest of our children’s lives we’ll inevitably fail because we’re human. The only way to survive this rollercoaster is with compassion and grace for yourself. Btw, it took a full-blown panic attack/psychosis episode at ~18m PP for a provider, my wonderful PMHNP, to finally take my mental health symptoms seriously. She started me on an SNRI immediately and within days I was feeling better. I’d previously had 2 doctors dismiss my symptoms (one being my own OB smh).
I bet if baby cried you would have heard them. give yourself some slack there. how could you know baby was awake when they were calm and content in their bed 🤷♀️ no one was hurt physically or emotionally from the act itself. youre only causing yourself hurt by this self blame you are doing which isn't necessary or deserved. the fact this shook you to your core shows youre a loving caring great mom
You’re fine, happens to the best intentioned parents.
You did nothing wrong. Your child is fine. Let them learn how to self soothe. And keep themselves occupied for a few. Trust me when I say, always picking them up immediately when they start to fuss or make sounds builds for a child that wants held constantly. If the baby isn't screaming, or crying and is just cooing and being good, then you're fine. Nothing to worry about
Im a single mum I often nap with the 2yr old and Mr 5 keeps himself happy, I have completely child proofed my home. But at the end of the day you know your own child, I don’t think 45mins is awful you can’t be a fully present and functioning mother if you are always exhausted, it’s ok to have a mummy moment and a reset, because that 45mins could turn into 4.5hours. Biggest thing I did for myself was reduce hours at work, I was full time and dropped two days, I have more time for myself but enjoy time with the kids. Yeah I took a little income hit but how much am I willing to sacrifice for mental health. You are doing great!
Everyone says to sleep when the baby is sleeping. Prior to phones surveillance, you would have woken up to a happy baby babbling in the crib and both felt refreshed and fantastic. You don't need to be alerted the moment the baby stirs, sweet girl will let you know when she needs you just like babies did before these high tech alert monitors.
This is completely fine. If she wasn’t crying and was happy then why should you be awake? She is safe. If she started crying and needed you, you would have woken up. I think this is totally healthy and great. We have friends who don’t get their girl until clock hits 7 whether she’s awake or not. My kids always screamed the house down as soon as they were awake so I never got this opportunity to just leave them happily in their cot. Get those Z’s when you can!
I’m 10 weeks pregnant with my first and have NO IDEA what I’m doing or anything about babies AT ALL. Can someone explain to me why this is a bad scenario and why OP is so distraught? Please be easy on me, I’m truly trying to learn and understand. If the baby wasn’t hurt or upset or anything, why is this a bad thing that happened? It actually sounds great, mom got her needed sleep and baby was happy hanging out in bed?!
It's not, the mum guilt got to her (exacerbated by sleep deprivation).
1. You put your baby in a safe place, and made sure she was napping before you relaxed. 2. You had the monitor on her 3. You were 3 ft away if something happened. All of this NOT EVEN KNOWING there was a chance you could fall asleep. Also- I’m jealous you have a baby that sleeps in a crib, and wakes up happy to entertain themselves. My (now) 4 year old could never do that. Sounds like you are doing really well.
You did a really good job here! Your baby was exploring her environment somewhere safe while you were able to take care of your need for some rest. If she needed you, you were close enough/had the tech to be able to respond to her need. The fact that she was comfortable hanging out in her own for a while is a great thing! My kids both liked to have time to decompress in their cribs and enjoying spending time exploring. I'm also glad to see your update that you are getting some help with things. Sleep is so important for mental health and it sounds like you have a good plan moving forward. You are doing a really good job!
Girl, you are not a bad mom! You are an exhausted mom. Your baby was safe in her crib. She's happy and healthy. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about!! Just make sure you get some extra rest in.
You are feeling guilty for no reason. She was safe and happy.
The fact that you care enough to be upset shows you are NOT a bad mother! Our son usually plays in his crib for 30 min when he wakes up, because he wants to! He gets mad if I take him out as soon as he’s up lol. Just remind yourself she was in a safe place, she was not upset, everyone is ok 💕
All moms can relate. Mom guilt is a bitch. It’s just your brain overcompensating. Hugs 🤗
Once upon a time when my first daughter was maybe a year old I heard her stir over the baby monitor in the middle of the night. I was SO tired, I decided to give it a couple minutes to see if she’d settle. I guess she did, because I fell back asleep and heard nothing else for the rest of the night. I went in to wake her up the next morning and her crib sheet was covered in puke. She was as happy as could be when I woke her. I decided if she wasn’t bothered I didn’t need to be. If your kiddo needed you for real, you were close enough that you’d know it. I’d put this firmly in the ‘alls well that ends well’ column.
Relax. It is okay. The only thing that really matters is that she was somewhere where she couldn't roam freely. In her crib, she is stuck there, unable to hurt herself or get into any trouble. I drive a truck on the night shift and my wife works in retail management, first and second shift. During the summer, I have to sleep otherwise I crash and kill myself and/or other people. Our son is now 8 (autistic), and it's been this way for the last four years. I have always made sure to safe proof the best I can. After one escape into the backyard while I was taking a nap (believe me ,I also racked myself with guilt for days over it), I installed locks at the very top of our front and back door to make sure he couldn't get outside and we have an oven that can be locked. It was trickier before, but now that he's 8, he understands that dad needs to sleep and he is just fine with hanging out in bed with me for a few hours in the morning after mom goes to work. I still lack sleep, but we make it work as best as we can. It's 2024, and unfortunately, most families need two working parents to be able to make ends meet. All you can do, is do the best you can.
Your baby was in her crib safely from the sounds of it. My wife was the same way about every little thing if she wasn’t watching our first every 5 seconds. It’s normal to be anxious for your firstborn and its safety but you might have some form of postpartum like my wife did. She went from extremely anxious to full on depression after our first was born. Obviously not saying you sound like it’s that bad I’m just saying it can sneak up on you, and that talking to someone about it can only help you and your baby. It sounds like your partner is being very supportive so I’d take some time for your mental health just in case as it’s just as important as anything else when it comes to taking care of your baby. The first year is chaotic, your baby relies on you for everything, you’re barely sleeping or eating properly, and it sounds like you’re working on top of it. The crib is the safest place your baby can be. You didn’t fall asleep on the couch with her, and it sounds like you’re being protective which is normal. Try to take care of yourself too even though it’s not easy to do with a very young baby. My wife and I have 3 boys under 5 and it’s been a ride lmao. If they have everything they need and are still fussy, it’s okay to go get other things done or take a quick nap. Sometimes babies just cry, it’s all they know how to do early on. The older your baby gets the more you learn the difference between when your baby *needs* something or when it’s just being a baby. At one point we could tell if he was tired, hungry, or wet depending on what kind of crying it was lmao You’re all going to be okay, it’s still new and it’s a lot to figure out for all of you. You’re not going to be perfect and you’re not going to know exactly what you’re doing. It’s a learning experience. You and your spouse are learning how to take care of a whole human that knows nothing, and your baby is learning how to exist. ^(I wrote this with 2 toddlers shoving their feet into my pockets. Sorry if it didn’t come out coherent lmao)
First time mother. Been there. You are fine. :)
man, I often intentionally let them make noise in their room lol You needed the sleep! That nighttime anxiety is the worst. Your kid was safe! You're a good mom.
There have been less than a handful of times that I couldn’t console my little. So I placed him in his crib and eventually he fell asleep after a few cries. As long as they are in a safe place it’s completely okay to walk away. We must take care of ourselves before we can take care of a baby. Being in the crib with nothing else is totally safe and is completely okay!!
Um a crib is where babies are safe. You took a nap while your baby was happy in the crib. That’s not a problem? Imagine another mom coming to you and saying hey I put my baby in the crib and then I lay down for a couple hours. Would you think anything other than “hey did you get a good nap?”
That's a "meh" from me dawg.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 To your outstanding husband. What he told you is absolutely correct and, it's what the professional recommendation is. I'm a pretty anxiety riddled individual, and I called my daughter's pediatrician on his after hours line more times than I'd care to admit. I had this exact problem and the first time it happened, he said: If you are tired, which is perfectly normal, place your baby in a safe place and take a nap. She's not going to suffer in any major way if she cries for a little bit. Babies cry if they need something or are upset. She's fine being upset. As far as needing something, you know you're tired..just make sure her diapers dry and she's not hungry, then put her in the crib and go lay down. If you don't wanna crash out too long, set a timer on your phone. I just wanna say we have an awesome pediatrician. He and his wife are peds and have 3 kids. I trust when he tells me how it is. Also, he looks like a Korean John Wick.
it happens to the best of us. your husbands right, it’s best she was in a safe space rather than your arms or crawling on the floor. i had bad anxiety too whenever i gave birth to my daughter, i recommend going and seeing your doctor to see if they can give you some sort of anxiety meds to help relieve some of that stress. i wouldn’t be functioning the way i do today if it weren’t for the prozac flowing through my body. you’re a good mom, don’t let one mistake, that didn’t hurt anyone, drag you down. the fact that you’re here still feeling guilty about something that wasn’t going to hurt her just shows how much you care about her. she was probably just enjoying her personal playtime in the crib (which it’s good for her to explore things on her own!) just take some time and give yourself some extra love, babies feel their parents energy and emotions.
I am so confused. What happened here that is bad exactly lol
That is fine! I have two kids and at that age they often liked to roll around in their crib- sometimes for even longer than that. They are just discovering the world so what seems boring to us is exciting to them- she probably checked out her hands, looked at the ceiling fan, grabbed her toes. Etc. she was busy and happy in there!
I like feel mother worst ever than.
I completely understand where ur at BUT you’re instantly snapped bk into mom mode. A rare quality in many people!!
You’re nowhere near the [worst](https://www.wkyc.com/article/news/crime/cleveland-mom-pleads-guilty-aggravated-murder-daughter-home-alone-kristel-candelario/95-9ff99603-f221-4f49-ac38-e6fffbed740d#) mother ever.
This has to be disorder, everything is nowadays.
Yea a little over the top
It breaks my heart to read this... you are amazing!!!! i have 5 children (3 I delivered)... And you gave birth in the 3rd world (I mean the USA... the country with the highest rates of dead mothers and dead babies in the world!!!!!!!!!) No sane person would want you to leave your post... our next generation depends on you - china & India are winning - and I should know everyone in my family are doctors and Ive lived at least 1 year on 5 of the continents (toma ya) 😂
IT'S A CRIME THAT WE LIVE IN A Fucr hole that forces all of us tp pay for our Senatpr Moulton's viagra and forces mothers to harm (by leaving) their babies before the first year'!!!! SHAME ON YOU YOU SELFISH mot f** any of these mothers
Hey, first-time mother here as well, and I just wanted to send my love. I too work a demanding, full-time position, and that, coupled with what I take care of at home, brought me to the point of starting anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. I allowed the stresses of it all to overwhelm me and I, too, would overthink everything and worry. It likely took me a little too long to recognize the place I was in, but I'm so glad I did and that I sought help. Whatever you decide to do, you'll get through it! This shit is tough, but it sounds like you're a wonderful mama. Stay strong!