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Teacher here— the decision is yours, and every child is different, but all the parents I’ve known who elected to retain their child said it was the best decision the made years down the road.
August birthday kids often just need a year to catch up socially and academically, even if they not have additional concerns in play.
The only reason I would ever caution against it is if the child has an established group of close friends that a retention would cause him to be separated from. It doesn’t sound like that would be the case for your child.
I know it’s a tough decision, but if it were me, I’d ask the school to retain.
It can go either way - I was very similar to how op described their son, and my parents thought about that option, My biggest concern about repeating the grade is that if the kid \*is\* under stimulated, repeating a grade could result in more boredom/disinterest. Personally, I think that a lot of kids who repeat (at least in cases where it could go either way) would have done just as well not doing so/the improvement would have happened anyway. That said I agree, it's op's decision, and frankly, the kid will probably be okay regardless
I'd go over it, pros, cons, maybe talk to last year's teacher if you were on good or neutral terms, and just keep in mind that at the end of the day, this is a decision where he will be okay either way, so try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
We had our daughter repeat 1st grade. She started kindergarten the day ahead turned 5. She had the grades to pass 1st but I fought to have her held back. She just didn’t understand any of the things we worked with her on at home. Actually her grades didn’t make any sense unless the teacher was spoon feeding her the answers. When I say she didn’t have any idea how to do the work when she got homeI mean she had none. It was like I was talking Greek to her. My wife and figured it was a mixture of immaturity and too much help with answers instead of help with understanding the principles of the subjects. I refuse to set her up for failure. I would rather her graduate a little older and blame that on me than to harbor an insecurity about failing a grade. She just finished her second year of first grade and did amazing. Straight A’s, no issues with homework. It was 100% the right move. One thing to remember about how school is structured now: they move faster through subjects than ever before and what all the material we learned is now learned the grade year before we learned it. You essentially have to start kindergarten knowing everything we were taught in kindergarten. I say do it now, early, that way she doesn’t lose her social circle at a more delicate age later. Your job as a parent is to provide as much opportunity for success as possible, then let them fail, don’t set them up for failure.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I agree it's quite sad how hard they push them so early in public school. For example, I do feel like my son is in a solid place with reading now, but I feel like a lot of kids could read quite well going into second grade. In Europe they don't even start formal reading instruction until 2nd!
I’ve been an elementary teacher for 15 years. I’d definitely do it. The gift of time is real. You have the perfect opportunity! All 3 of my kids are summer birthdays and I held them all out. Best decision ever. They’re on the old side, will still graduate at 18, they’re more confident and socially more mature to make decisions in high school. I’ve never had a parent regret giving a child another year.. I’ve only had regrets from some who chose not to.
If he failed math, I think you shouldn't promote to 3rd.
Let's say he's facing one step advanced math with the concepts of 2nd grade, I bet the teacher of 3rd grade could repeat those concepts again. And it'll just be a torturous loop of skipping math in the entirety of his life and his academics could ruin.
The life itself is a learning process so skipping it won't help anyways.
True! Figure out whether he's failing math because he doesn't understand it or because he just doesn't concentrate. He says math is so easy he's bored, letting him repeat may make it worse. Try to sneak in some of the material at home and see how he does?
Yup. Math is literally how the life works in a nut shell. Especially elementary math is the foundation for his future career.
If he dislikes math after passing the high school, he will have a complete autonomy and decide to not pursue advanced math & focus on his favorite career path.
I've tried this! Based on how sharp he is, I initially believed him, but when I quizzed him at home he wasn't showing me that he could rattle off answers or anything.
I wouldn't say he "failed" math. I think a "1" is failing, and no one at his previous school said that or said he should be retained. More than he's a little behind. I get the sense his issue is consistency; for example, he generally knows how to add three digit number, but makes enough careless mistakes in the calculation that he only gets the right answer 70% of the time.
That said, I deeply agree math is always building on itself. I still remember I goofed off in 8th grade math and felt so screwed in high school math. I ended up going back a few levels when I started college to completely rebuild the foundation and then I got straight As.
I wish I had held my oldest back in elementary school. We ended up having to hold him back in 11th grade and there were all sorts of repercussions for spots. He wasn’t able to play anything his senior year. If I could go back in time, I would have had him repeat 2nd or 3rd grade. I also would have changed schools of that were an option. Good luck. It’s a hard decision either way. He doing well now BTW. Grown man, wife, kids. He went to trade school and makes a good living.
Yes- do it!
You have a great opportunity to restart.
Thankfully you are in a great place with his age and starting a new school. You can ease pressure off of both of you.
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Teacher here— the decision is yours, and every child is different, but all the parents I’ve known who elected to retain their child said it was the best decision the made years down the road. August birthday kids often just need a year to catch up socially and academically, even if they not have additional concerns in play. The only reason I would ever caution against it is if the child has an established group of close friends that a retention would cause him to be separated from. It doesn’t sound like that would be the case for your child. I know it’s a tough decision, but if it were me, I’d ask the school to retain.
It can go either way - I was very similar to how op described their son, and my parents thought about that option, My biggest concern about repeating the grade is that if the kid \*is\* under stimulated, repeating a grade could result in more boredom/disinterest. Personally, I think that a lot of kids who repeat (at least in cases where it could go either way) would have done just as well not doing so/the improvement would have happened anyway. That said I agree, it's op's decision, and frankly, the kid will probably be okay regardless
That's def my fear (understimulation)
I'd go over it, pros, cons, maybe talk to last year's teacher if you were on good or neutral terms, and just keep in mind that at the end of the day, this is a decision where he will be okay either way, so try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
Thank you! So nice to hear from a teacher who sees it, as I know the research generally does not support it (but you have to individualize)
I wouldn't
We had our daughter repeat 1st grade. She started kindergarten the day ahead turned 5. She had the grades to pass 1st but I fought to have her held back. She just didn’t understand any of the things we worked with her on at home. Actually her grades didn’t make any sense unless the teacher was spoon feeding her the answers. When I say she didn’t have any idea how to do the work when she got homeI mean she had none. It was like I was talking Greek to her. My wife and figured it was a mixture of immaturity and too much help with answers instead of help with understanding the principles of the subjects. I refuse to set her up for failure. I would rather her graduate a little older and blame that on me than to harbor an insecurity about failing a grade. She just finished her second year of first grade and did amazing. Straight A’s, no issues with homework. It was 100% the right move. One thing to remember about how school is structured now: they move faster through subjects than ever before and what all the material we learned is now learned the grade year before we learned it. You essentially have to start kindergarten knowing everything we were taught in kindergarten. I say do it now, early, that way she doesn’t lose her social circle at a more delicate age later. Your job as a parent is to provide as much opportunity for success as possible, then let them fail, don’t set them up for failure.
Thank you for sharing your experience! I agree it's quite sad how hard they push them so early in public school. For example, I do feel like my son is in a solid place with reading now, but I feel like a lot of kids could read quite well going into second grade. In Europe they don't even start formal reading instruction until 2nd!
I’ve been an elementary teacher for 15 years. I’d definitely do it. The gift of time is real. You have the perfect opportunity! All 3 of my kids are summer birthdays and I held them all out. Best decision ever. They’re on the old side, will still graduate at 18, they’re more confident and socially more mature to make decisions in high school. I’ve never had a parent regret giving a child another year.. I’ve only had regrets from some who chose not to.
Thank you!
Is regular tutoring an option? Something like Kumon for math and reading.
If he failed math, I think you shouldn't promote to 3rd. Let's say he's facing one step advanced math with the concepts of 2nd grade, I bet the teacher of 3rd grade could repeat those concepts again. And it'll just be a torturous loop of skipping math in the entirety of his life and his academics could ruin. The life itself is a learning process so skipping it won't help anyways.
True! Figure out whether he's failing math because he doesn't understand it or because he just doesn't concentrate. He says math is so easy he's bored, letting him repeat may make it worse. Try to sneak in some of the material at home and see how he does?
Yup. Math is literally how the life works in a nut shell. Especially elementary math is the foundation for his future career. If he dislikes math after passing the high school, he will have a complete autonomy and decide to not pursue advanced math & focus on his favorite career path.
I've tried this! Based on how sharp he is, I initially believed him, but when I quizzed him at home he wasn't showing me that he could rattle off answers or anything.
I wouldn't say he "failed" math. I think a "1" is failing, and no one at his previous school said that or said he should be retained. More than he's a little behind. I get the sense his issue is consistency; for example, he generally knows how to add three digit number, but makes enough careless mistakes in the calculation that he only gets the right answer 70% of the time. That said, I deeply agree math is always building on itself. I still remember I goofed off in 8th grade math and felt so screwed in high school math. I ended up going back a few levels when I started college to completely rebuild the foundation and then I got straight As.
I wish I had held my oldest back in elementary school. We ended up having to hold him back in 11th grade and there were all sorts of repercussions for spots. He wasn’t able to play anything his senior year. If I could go back in time, I would have had him repeat 2nd or 3rd grade. I also would have changed schools of that were an option. Good luck. It’s a hard decision either way. He doing well now BTW. Grown man, wife, kids. He went to trade school and makes a good living.
Thank you for sharing. So glad he's doing well!
It gets harder and harder to hold back. If you are going to, now is the time. Given what you’ve said, I would hold back.
Thank you!
Go ahead and do it. I think being held back can be very beneficial for kids.
Thank you!
Why don't you get your son checked for ADHD? If that is the issue, then holding him back would not be the solution
Yes- do it! You have a great opportunity to restart. Thankfully you are in a great place with his age and starting a new school. You can ease pressure off of both of you.