It won't be comfortable, but there is 0% chance that a goose or swan would win a fight against an adult human. Their necks are vulnerable to grabbing and twisting, and they are very vulnerable to bludgeoning damage so a well placed kick would fuck them up severely. They are between 1/5 to 1/10 of a regular adult human's size, and have no weapons that could cause serious injuries besides maybe a broken nose and some scratches. Y'all are delusional
There’s a wildlife park in Christchurch, New Zealand called Willowbank. Geese roam the paths you walk around on to view the other animals’ enclosures. Every child in Christchurch knows to be afraid of these geese because they will gang up on and chase unattended children. Every time I’ve been to Willowbank I’ve heard children crying in fear over these geese.
Geese are scary.
Considering out of the last 150 cassowary attacks only one person (a child I might add) died, I really don’t think so, they are nowhere near as dangerous as people think
Chimp at 1% chance? Nah, dude. You'll be lucky if all it does is kill you. Alligators would be easier for you to beat and you put them in the top tier.
I feel like only people who never lived near them are afraid of alligators, I spent so many summers swimming in natural springs near them and was never afraid
Yesterday I saw a video of a chimp slamming a monkey on the ground over and over again and casually snapping it's arms like twigs. People don't understand how terrifyingly strong they are. There's a reason they're one of the only animals that are kill on sight if they escape their enclosure
I still remember what the Chimp "Travis" did to Charla Nash. Would not recommend looking it up, the pre-facial reconstruction images are haunting o\_o;
That story and 911 audio from Charla Nash forever changed my view on chimpanzees and I absolutely refuse to be anywhere near them. Or kangaroos. Also fuck kangaroos.
Actually they have very few recorded kills, because most people know to stay the fuck away. But yes, a cassowary would absolutely destroy some guy with a knife.
Well how are we defining fight?
Like a bar brawl? Op is dead for sure but in a boxing match the animal will be disqualified and op will be posthumously awarded the win. 😆
Mustelids getting no respect. Badgers would seriously ruin your day, and the giant river otters regularly kill folks in the Amazon. Remember on their hind legs they're making eye contact. I know they're not weasels, but Tasmanian Devils also, it'd be like trying to wrestle a blender.
Hell I was working in Yellowstone one summer and a much smaller river otter nearly killed someone and they’ll only 10-30 pounds I wouldn’t go near the giant ones
Giant anteaters should be in the I'm getting fucking rekt tier. These things are almost blind, have claws that rip through concrete and can even kill a jaguar
Dude, you need to touch grass and maybe see some of these animals in real life.
A 120 Lbs. Whitetail doe will seriously fuck a grown man up if all he has is a small knife.
Absolutely true. I have a squirrel "pet" that I rescued and she fucks people up on a regular basis. The teeth are no joke and it's fucking impossible to catch her and get her off you while she is crawling all over you sinking her teeth 3/4" in repeatedly as she goes. Monstrous little creatures.
You should have made an entire new section above the “i’m getting gucking rekt” one just for the prairie dog.
Edit: the casowary should be in the “i’m probably getting beat up” section
I’m sorry cassowaries are dinosaurs. They are modern day velociraptors man! They will absolutely open up your guts without regret. It needs to be at least in the beat up category
You won't get poisoned at all if they are captive. We don't feed them the stuff that makes them toxic in the wild. Which since this is planet zoo I am assuming we are thinking zoo animals not wild versions.
Having gators in a tier above the saltwater crocodiles is nuts if you ask me. Gators are pretty shy of people. Salties go right for you. Them and niles are the most aggressive crocodiles on the planet
Not sure you could beat up a proboscis monkey. I don’t know much about them specifically but chimpanzees (their close relatives) are really fucking strong. Like rip your arm off strong.
Tell me you live in a place without swans without telling me you live in a place without swans
Swans are Denmark's national animal, and everyone here gets told at least 20 times during their childhood "don't go close to the swans, they can break your arm". They are territorial and quite scary when they hiss at you and flap their wings.
To be fair, you probably could win over a swans, but I think they should at least go in the "I definitely stand a chance" category.
Edit: okay so I've definitely underestimated some animals lmao, giant Otters, pandas, jaguars and others would definitely fuck me up
BUT I'm standing on business that I would fuck up a Swan and I'll be taking no further questions
The fact that primates are not at the top of the list makes me laugh. There's a story at the zoo I work at about one of the male orangutans flipping a 30+ foot log end over end across his yard like it was nothing. They think he was going to lean it up against the back wall of his exhibit to escape. Primates will fuck you up, even smaller primates like gibbons.
Definitely saw this chart before seeing which sub I was on.
Thought it was Frank from The Basement Yard talking yet again about how he can fight any animal [of group of] in the animal kingdom 🤦🏼♀️ iykyk.
I don’t think you have a chance against any primate. They are built different. They might not look like it but most of them are really strong, like rip your arms off strong, and they have serious teeth.
Orangutans should be in the 1% probably even 0% tier they’re stronger and heavier than chimps just less aggressive but if you start attacking them they will use their strength to break you like a toothpick and orangutans know how to fight the males can get in quite heated conflicts so they will defend themselves and you have no chance against a 220-300+ male orangutan
Dude clearly hasn't met Swans in nature. When they have chicks they are really dangerous, aggressive and vicious.. way more than brown bears who mostly avoid conflict (unless you end up in between them and their cubs). It is still possible to win against Swans, but definitely they aren't in the bottom tier nor even in the tier above it.
If you have a knife you could absolutely beat a gharial, their bite isn't all that strong despite their size and there has never been a recorded death to a gharial.
Also put red river hog a tier up because I went to a zoo with them recently and those things are massive, way bigger than I thought they were.
And I'm curious how you think you have a better chance against a dingo than a platypus.
Clearly, you have never been close to a Mute Swan. They are nasty as fuck, and will fuck you up. Peacocks are also stronger than you think and can be nasty. Also, cats (sand cats) in general are nasty, and a bite can give you a hell of an infection.
(I'm a former rehab animal care Attendant and hobby farmer and vet tech so i can guarantee that most animal will fuck you up)
Please explain to me why do you think you have a better chance against a fucking saltwater croc than a gator? How?
Do you know what a saltwater croc is? Also, you are not "probably" going to be beat up by a painted dog. You'll be killed FOR SURE
Goliath Birdeaters are the size of a dinner plate and can shoot urticating hairs from their abdomen so painful, its been likened to having shards of fiberglass piercing your skin. I think the tarantulas might need to be moved up on the list lol
But how many prairie dogs are we talking about?
I feel like I'm more scared or a squirrel, but I haven't found myself in a physical altercation with either.
You put all the Venomous snakes at the bottom. You'll be victorious for a little bit... Then you die from a Venomous Snake bite. Also you do not have a chance against a Cassowary, especially not a higher chance then an Emu.
I'm sorry, is that a Komodo fucking dragon in the whooping category??? Are you not aware that they are pretty much just smaller crocodiles, who have exchanged the whole spinning thing for extra mobility, and strong enough poison to kill a wildebeest in minutes with only a quick bite
Bro thinks he has a shot at beating a Cassowary lmao
They literally have knives for claws and try to slice your gut open and you think your gonna do anything tk that death bird
I've worked with cranes. They look peaceful, but will absolutely kick your butt, especially if they have a baby. We used to have 2 people go in with brooms to fend off the parents (kept at chest level so they couldn't charge or jump and kick you) while a 3rd person grabbed and weighed the chick.
You seriously think you'd have a chance of winning a fight against a giant otter or cassowary?
Maybe watch a few nature documentaries and reconsider.
Also wolverine would destroy everything and everyone.
You're either really overestimating yourself or underestimating the animals.
if you die after the fight, does it still count as a win to you? Cause all those venomous snakes......
Your enemy dying tomorrow doesn't help you if you end up dying today
Doesn’t help the enemy either.
War of 1812 Rules: First one to die is the loser, last one to die dies a hero.
If you know how to handle snakes then it should not be a very big issue, however I doubt OP has experience handeling snakes.
Considering OP says they have a knife as a weapon, I don't think they plan on being respectful with the snake lol
More bites result from attempting to kill a snake then professionals handling snakes appropriately
Have you ever seen a swan get angry? Does things are crazy XD
I was gonna say he is underestimating the swan 😂😂
Swans and geese are quite capable of breaking bones in the face with the strength of their wings.
Thats scary
Mute swans kill a few people every year actually!
It won't be comfortable, but there is 0% chance that a goose or swan would win a fight against an adult human. Their necks are vulnerable to grabbing and twisting, and they are very vulnerable to bludgeoning damage so a well placed kick would fuck them up severely. They are between 1/5 to 1/10 of a regular adult human's size, and have no weapons that could cause serious injuries besides maybe a broken nose and some scratches. Y'all are delusional
I was just about to say lol
There’s a wildlife park in Christchurch, New Zealand called Willowbank. Geese roam the paths you walk around on to view the other animals’ enclosures. Every child in Christchurch knows to be afraid of these geese because they will gang up on and chase unattended children. Every time I’ve been to Willowbank I’ve heard children crying in fear over these geese. Geese are scary.
They put badgers on "probably whooping their ass" so..
A chance against a cassowary? either you’re not familiar with cassowaries or superhuman
Never seen one irl so I'm probably getting fucked up
You're 100% getting fucked up. They're about as tall as a human and can split your stomach open with one kick
Oh damn I ain't fucking with them
Their are basically modern world raptors
Considering out of the last 150 cassowary attacks only one person (a child I might add) died, I really don’t think so, they are nowhere near as dangerous as people think
Chimp at 1% chance? Nah, dude. You'll be lucky if all it does is kill you. Alligators would be easier for you to beat and you put them in the top tier.
I think the worst part about chimps is that you can potentially survive the attack even after having your face, fingers and even dick ripped off
The ol' dick twist!
Twist that dick! hahaha
OP has a small knife, which means if he doesn't land the perfect stab immediately, then chimp now has a small knife and we're all doomed.
Yeah alligators don't deserve the top
I feel like only people who never lived near them are afraid of alligators, I spent so many summers swimming in natural springs near them and was never afraid
It’s because every attack that happens makes national headlines and causes a stir. People that live around them know attacks are fairly rare.
In my expertise as a former zookeeper, a lotta these are gonna need some promotions lol
Bro put a badger in the wrong spot 100%
also all those pigs :) any kind of pig can be pretty terrifying
A chimpanzee would fucking rip your face off and not even break a sweat.
Yesterday I saw a video of a chimp slamming a monkey on the ground over and over again and casually snapping it's arms like twigs. People don't understand how terrifyingly strong they are. There's a reason they're one of the only animals that are kill on sight if they escape their enclosure
I worked with them a few years ago, and they're one of the few species I've had nightmares about escaping their habitat.
I still remember what the Chimp "Travis" did to Charla Nash. Would not recommend looking it up, the pre-facial reconstruction images are haunting o\_o;
That story and 911 audio from Charla Nash forever changed my view on chimpanzees and I absolutely refuse to be anywhere near them. Or kangaroos. Also fuck kangaroos.
Kangaroos will hang out in the water to bait annoyances just to attempt to drown them.
Aren’t cassowaries one of if not the most dangerous birds out there? Aren’t they literally nicknamed “murderbirds”?
Actually they have very few recorded kills, because most people know to stay the fuck away. But yes, a cassowary would absolutely destroy some guy with a knife.
Well of course they will if you give them a knife!
They were born with a few of them
Yeah that cassowary needs to be waaaay up top
1% against a jaguar? You're out of your mind.
Who else here is thinking OP only has a chance against the butterflies and cockroach...
And even then they'd be too fast lmao
Well how are we defining fight? Like a bar brawl? Op is dead for sure but in a boxing match the animal will be disqualified and op will be posthumously awarded the win. 😆
You think a wildebeest MIGHT beat you up?
Orangutan and panda would definitely kill you.
Everyone thinks they can take a panda until it crushes your femur like a twig
Im gonna go ahead and tell you any form of pig is going to wreck your shit. So go ahead and revaluate
Thats fair
any type of monkey and deer in i definitely have a chance is a pretty hot take
Gorilla finna obliterate u tho....
The tiny monkeys aren't going to win, but they'd sure get a few good bites in first.
A fit human can definitely beat a monkey, though would probably get majorly injured in the process.
My dude...You're gonna get rekt by almost everything here
Mustelids getting no respect. Badgers would seriously ruin your day, and the giant river otters regularly kill folks in the Amazon. Remember on their hind legs they're making eye contact. I know they're not weasels, but Tasmanian Devils also, it'd be like trying to wrestle a blender.
Hell I was working in Yellowstone one summer and a much smaller river otter nearly killed someone and they’ll only 10-30 pounds I wouldn’t go near the giant ones
That 1% chance on a bison is quite bold..
It Might trip and break all Four legs i guess? Lol
I was nice to myself
As someone whose been bushwhacked by a swan, bro… bump them up, knocked my 4 year old shit sky ward
Why is everyone talking about swans when there are literal bears, hyenas and wolves on the “i might lose” category?? Like wat
Nah bc obviously swans are top of the food chain
Giant anteaters should be in the I'm getting fucking rekt tier. These things are almost blind, have claws that rip through concrete and can even kill a jaguar
Dude, you need to touch grass and maybe see some of these animals in real life. A 120 Lbs. Whitetail doe will seriously fuck a grown man up if all he has is a small knife.
Bro how do you think your gonna take on giant otters? Those fucking things kill jaguar and caimen.
Thats fair, a giant Otter would definitely fuck me up
I need an explanation on the prairie dogs 🤣🤣
This man doesn’t know about Big Ounce
I love stuff like this because I feel most people have animals they think they could take when in reality they'd destroy you
Yeah this is my opinion, but realistically a fat squirrel could probably do some damage on me
Absolutely true. I have a squirrel "pet" that I rescued and she fucks people up on a regular basis. The teeth are no joke and it's fucking impossible to catch her and get her off you while she is crawling all over you sinking her teeth 3/4" in repeatedly as she goes. Monstrous little creatures.
So from my understanding, you’re delusional.
Yes
1% gainst Chimpansees? You overestimate your chances...Those Primates will pull your arms clean out of their sockets and slap ypu with them.
You should have made an entire new section above the “i’m getting gucking rekt” one just for the prairie dog. Edit: the casowary should be in the “i’m probably getting beat up” section
No it should be in the I'm getting fucking rekt tier. One kick and your dead or at least incapacitated
I’m sorry cassowaries are dinosaurs. They are modern day velociraptors man! They will absolutely open up your guts without regret. It needs to be at least in the beat up category
Put the chimp in its own tier above the getting rekt. You're lucky if "getting rekt" is all it does to you
I thing you’re overestimating the ostrich and drastically underestimating the orangutan and camel.
Why is American Alligator higher, than Saltwater Crocodile..?
My bad that's a mess up
What exactly are you going to do against Babirusa? I think you have actually a good chance against Lynx and the weird cat below giant panda.
Even if you beat them in the moment poisones frogs and snakes will still wreck you in the long term
Nah you just have to stomp on the poison frogs. You'll only get poisoned if you lick them or something
You won't get poisoned at all if they are captive. We don't feed them the stuff that makes them toxic in the wild. Which since this is planet zoo I am assuming we are thinking zoo animals not wild versions.
Those Sand Cats are gonna end you
Your saying you can beat a SWAN but not a PRAIRY DOG
Prairie dogs are at the top of the food chain wdym
River otters can critically injure or kill humans, so that one should be reconsidered among others.
6 % Americans think they can kill a grizzly in a fight. Guess OP is in a bit larger group who think they can beat a swan or cassowary.
A cassowary would definitely mess me up, I've never seen one irl so that was a mistake
You ain’t kicking no swan ass, Chief
Put me in an octagon with a Swan I'm coming out eating Swan soup, and probably a missing eye
Ppffft, someone’s clearly never met a swan in real life!
I feel like you gotta reevaluate some positions
Having gators in a tier above the saltwater crocodiles is nuts if you ask me. Gators are pretty shy of people. Salties go right for you. Them and niles are the most aggressive crocodiles on the planet
And Salties are quite a bit bigger than gators too. Plus they are surprisingly intelligent compared to most non-avian extant reptiles
Not sure you could beat up a proboscis monkey. I don’t know much about them specifically but chimpanzees (their close relatives) are really fucking strong. Like rip your arm off strong.
I think you should research animals a lot more.
Swans will kill you. They are brutal in a fight. Big birds with heavy wings and a hard peak.
BAHAHAH the prairie dog in getting fuckin rekt
Dude getting tularemia and doesn't take meds, fair take
Bro thinks he can beat a cassowary in a fight
Tell me you live in a place without swans without telling me you live in a place without swans Swans are Denmark's national animal, and everyone here gets told at least 20 times during their childhood "don't go close to the swans, they can break your arm". They are territorial and quite scary when they hiss at you and flap their wings. To be fair, you probably could win over a swans, but I think they should at least go in the "I definitely stand a chance" category.
You may want to talk yourself up before fighting a cassowary. Those sonsofbitches have a reputation.
Panda Bear: Am I a joke to you?
You are mistaken about The Swan.
Edit: okay so I've definitely underestimated some animals lmao, giant Otters, pandas, jaguars and others would definitely fuck me up BUT I'm standing on business that I would fuck up a Swan and I'll be taking no further questions
Maybe, but the Swan is definitely going to get in some licks. They are like bigger, meaner geese. Decorator Geese, if you will.
Is that a prairie dog way up there LMAO
I'm no match
Is prairie dogs trolling or have they got some super deadly special ability I’m unaware of lol?
Both
The OP "I fear no man... but that thing" \*A Prairie Dog\* "It Scares me"
The prairie dog though!
You definitely don’t have a chance against the lemurs!
I donno man... You every met a mother swan? They feisty
You have a lot of faith in yourself to take on a swan
This is the side of planet zoo that i love😂
How is a platypus going to whoop your ass exactly? Well unless it is wearing a fedora...
A platypus? A platypus plumber? Perry the platypus plumber?
The fact that primates are not at the top of the list makes me laugh. There's a story at the zoo I work at about one of the male orangutans flipping a 30+ foot log end over end across his yard like it was nothing. They think he was going to lean it up against the back wall of his exhibit to escape. Primates will fuck you up, even smaller primates like gibbons.
Prairie dog lmao
Definitely saw this chart before seeing which sub I was on. Thought it was Frank from The Basement Yard talking yet again about how he can fight any animal [of group of] in the animal kingdom 🤦🏼♀️ iykyk.
Are we talking Luger or a small vegetable peeling knife as a weapon?
Why are the black and white, and the red ruffed lemur in different categories lol, they're the same size and everything
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You are VASTLY overestimating ostriches, they are absolutely pathetic
I completely agree with you about the prairie dog🤣
You have a very high opinion of yourself (which I support) 😂😂😂 a lot of those “probably” animals would destroy your life 😂😂😂😂
I feel like a lot of these animals should be lower. OP, can you link the tier list pls?
I don’t think you have a chance against any primate. They are built different. They might not look like it but most of them are really strong, like rip your arms off strong, and they have serious teeth.
Orangutans should be in the 1% probably even 0% tier they’re stronger and heavier than chimps just less aggressive but if you start attacking them they will use their strength to break you like a toothpick and orangutans know how to fight the males can get in quite heated conflicts so they will defend themselves and you have no chance against a 220-300+ male orangutan
Why are prairie dogs in the “getting recked” category
Badger, otter, beaver not a chance
Idk, man. I've heard wallabys pack a wallop.
Very bold with those large ungulates lol
You know pandas are just actual bears right? Their fairly passive demeanor won't mean they'll let you attack them
All primates are destroying you including capuchins
Op is delulu
1% against a komodo dragon is very ambitious.
Saltwater Croc not being in rekt is bold
Man my tier list really did a impact on this subreddit LMAO
Dude clearly hasn't met Swans in nature. When they have chicks they are really dangerous, aggressive and vicious.. way more than brown bears who mostly avoid conflict (unless you end up in between them and their cubs). It is still possible to win against Swans, but definitely they aren't in the bottom tier nor even in the tier above it.
Send me that tierlist, i wanna do it
I need to know the parameters for this would I have. Weapons and if so which ones
Kurwa Bobr
Bold of you to assume you got a 1% chance against a chimp of all things
yeah dude you got a chance against an European badger lmao
Lol the overconfidence. Or just fundamental misunderstanding of some of these animals.
I’m confused how would you get you butt kicked by prairie dogs?, what’s so terrifying about them? 🤷♂️
Sweet baby boy, have you ever met an angry swan? They can maul you.
Otters have been known to kidnap and rape other animals to death.
If you can beat a dingo, you can 100% win against an alligator
If you have a knife you could absolutely beat a gharial, their bite isn't all that strong despite their size and there has never been a recorded death to a gharial. Also put red river hog a tier up because I went to a zoo with them recently and those things are massive, way bigger than I thought they were. And I'm curious how you think you have a better chance against a dingo than a platypus.
Clearly, you have never been close to a Mute Swan. They are nasty as fuck, and will fuck you up. Peacocks are also stronger than you think and can be nasty. Also, cats (sand cats) in general are nasty, and a bite can give you a hell of an infection. (I'm a former rehab animal care Attendant and hobby farmer and vet tech so i can guarantee that most animal will fuck you up)
I would wreck all of these I just need a fully operational tank and a good starting distance so I can gun them down before they reach me
The wolverine would eat you alive
The prairie dog takes no prisoners.
This guy hasn't seen angry swans
Not this shit again
You'll get teared to shreds by hyenas.
Did you just put a capybara in the same category as a warthog, badger and casowary?
Please explain to me why do you think you have a better chance against a fucking saltwater croc than a gator? How? Do you know what a saltwater croc is? Also, you are not "probably" going to be beat up by a painted dog. You'll be killed FOR SURE
Goliath Birdeaters are the size of a dinner plate and can shoot urticating hairs from their abdomen so painful, its been likened to having shards of fiberglass piercing your skin. I think the tarantulas might need to be moved up on the list lol
Lol I don't think you have a chance against a Kimono Dragon
This is the most based post on this sub.
But how many prairie dogs are we talking about? I feel like I'm more scared or a squirrel, but I haven't found myself in a physical altercation with either.
You put all the Venomous snakes at the bottom. You'll be victorious for a little bit... Then you die from a Venomous Snake bite. Also you do not have a chance against a Cassowary, especially not a higher chance then an Emu.
He knows his place under big ounce No one can beat him
something so funny about seeing butterflies in the "i could beat their ass" tier LMAO
You're getting killed by anything from a donkey to a water buffalo really easily. Like you're absolutely not a threat to either.
Swans have killed people. You have zero chance against a cassowary, where is Giant Anteater???
Monkeys are no joke man
You think you have a chance against a honey badger? That should be FIRMLY in the top tier.
I'm sorry, is that a Komodo fucking dragon in the whooping category??? Are you not aware that they are pretty much just smaller crocodiles, who have exchanged the whole spinning thing for extra mobility, and strong enough poison to kill a wildebeest in minutes with only a quick bite
Are you a snake wrangler or something?
Swans and badgers are *not* animals I’d bet to win against 😭
Oh really that would be something to see
You severely underestimate swans
As an Australian, you sir are gettin fucked up by kangaroos/cassowary/emu 😂😂😂
There is no way you beat a chimp probably not even a bonobo
Prairie dog is in the right spot for sure
Getting rekt for the saltie, they are the largest living reptiles
Saxton hale rating the animals he put into near extinction
You thought you could sneak in that prairie dog at the top there
You have a lot of confidence in yourself.
Probably way too much 💀
Bro thinks he has a shot at beating a Cassowary lmao They literally have knives for claws and try to slice your gut open and you think your gonna do anything tk that death bird
I’ve got a question…. How the hell would u beat up a butterfly
I've worked with cranes. They look peaceful, but will absolutely kick your butt, especially if they have a baby. We used to have 2 people go in with brooms to fend off the parents (kept at chest level so they couldn't charge or jump and kick you) while a 3rd person grabbed and weighed the chick.
As a brit, i can say that You massively underestimate swans
Putting Jaguar and Spotted Hyena in 1% is a streeetch lol
As an Australian, I say this as kindly as I can - you don’t have a chance against the saltwater croc he should not be in the middle category
You seriously think you'd have a chance of winning a fight against a giant otter or cassowary? Maybe watch a few nature documentaries and reconsider. Also wolverine would destroy everything and everyone. You're either really overestimating yourself or underestimating the animals.