I'm inventing a sliding scale of 0-10 of insufferability. For those at 0 the conversion rate is 365 days/year.
At 1, we immediately cut the days in half. By the time you get to 10, last week was probably at least a couple of years ago.
Nah, it’s old. I remember reading this in the stranger (in paper format!) a decade ago. I’m with her though… summer is my least favorite season. It’s gotten worse since then because of the damn fires.
It’s the Merc: they used to run a feature with fake testimonials about whatever. All fiction. All unfunny.
Looking forward the day that rag finally craps out completely.
She died. Tripped over a flip flop at a festival and fell into some stinky garbage where a mosquito bit her. The overuse of fans in her room caused diseases from the mosquito to spread quickly through her spindly frame.
She missed a few of the most hateful things about summer. Fireworks going off at all hours of the day and night for next two and half months. Loud vehicles racing down residential streets. Drunk assholes at 230am. More violence. At least mosquitoes and frolicking were on the list and im sorry about my ugly feet.
I hate winter. never see the sun, cant eat outside, confined in the evening due to rain, nobody out at the beer gardens, soggy seats, yard is dead and soggy, umbrellas, cant show off my spindly legs in cargo shorts, waking up in the dark, cant wear my burks, no outdoor entertainment, everybody wearing 5 layers, needing the heat on to not freeze....cant argue the stench from the homeless using the city as a toilet.
Anyways...happy summer all!
Nah dog. You’re doing it wrong. Wear shorts in February. Wear waterproof stuff or just get used to being a little wet. Umbrellas are for losers. Curl up at a cozy bar. Read books. Learn to ski or snow board. The gorge is beautiful in the fall. Welcome to the pnw.
I’m honestly SO confused by the “umbrellas are for losers” crowd. Like, if you like being a soggy asshole, good for you. But stop yelling “get used to Oregon” at me when I’m walking 3/4 of a mile to work in the rain to a job that will fire me for showing up sopping wet. Me staying dry to keep a roof over my head is more important to me than your weird soggy machismo.
I got Eagle Scout in Montana. I have camped in a tent in -27 degrees, gone backpacking during a flood, snowshoed through the wilderness, done ice fishing, white water rafting, white water kayaking, ocean kayaking, slingshotted myself over the Royal Gorge, and have spent more mornings dipping my feet in a creek running through a national park than most people have spent mornings in national parks. When the situation calls for being wet or uncomfortable, I am more than willing to rise to the occasion.
Me shopping downtown is not a situation that calls for being wet or uncomfortable. I bring an umbrella. I’ve lived in Portland for years at this point and the animosity towards umbrellas is still so weird to me.
“Happy to be moist in every day situations” just ain’t the flex you think it is.
Jokes homie. Relax. Thanks for sharing your bonafides. Nobody really cares about the umbrella, it’s just the mark of a transplant because locals who grew up here learn how operate in a region that has 150+ days of rain. It’s not a machismo or gendered thing so you can pack that back up. My point was that nobody in the PNW should let the weather effect them that much. It’s rainy 3/4s of the year so people deal with it even if it means getting a little wet from time to time. Notice I said “a little wet” not “soggy”. I’ve worked outside for years in all kinds of weather and the grey clouds don’t bother me cause I love this area and I wear waterproof gear. Use an umbrella if you need to. Enjoy the summer and the sun. But don’t let the rain stop you either.
Where I grew up, you were called a sissy lala if you used an umbrella.. First day at Oregon State U,. not a clowd in the sky,. buy the time I got to class,. I was dripping wet.. I went back to my car,. went to JC Penney and bought a fold up umbrella that would fit in back pack.. Wanted to hide umbrella when not using.. Lol.. I am much better now mentally.. Lol Btw grew up in Myrtle Creek Oregon
Do you overthink everything? But to respond, I have lived in Portland since the 60's. I only use an umbrella on the golf course. I have a rain coat and a bucket hat for shitty days. And yes, it smells better in the winter, which is why I couldnt make a counter argument. Not that complicated if you think about it.
This is an old repost from 2018. People wanted to nail her then, as well. But that's totally off topic and inappropriate. Her grudge is against summer and rank armpits. I have to agree on that. I do enjoy fall and early winter more. I hope Debbie is enjoying life in Siberia or wherever she relocated to be conscripted.
I feel the same way. Fuck the sun. Fuck summer. I wish it was October through march and then start over. Summer sucks hard and I hate it with all my being.
Same here. I live in Portland for the beautiful rain and grey skies, if I wanted to live somewhere where I constantly sweat I would move to California (no thanks) or Florida (absolute gag no thanks)
what an absolutely giga based opinion. fuck summer, its too hot, overstimulating, and i can only take so many identical cloudless sunny days before i want to shoot myself
Ok so I agree. Summer is a bust and i’m getting rid of my cargo shorts. Real men don’t wear flip flops other than prison showers because it would just look ridiculous rescuing feminists from burning buildings. I’m guessing she would be impressed that I bleach my ass though.
"Rancid garbage and boiling urine"
This is such an incredibly accurate description of how it smells during the summer. I've always said it smells like hot piss but this is perfect.
“I hate frolicking.” 😆😂
that was my favorite, too.
Çalmer than you are...
She is lying, the sun wakes you up at 5:30am duhhhh. This is the freedom of speech everyone is talking about 🤔
4 if the standard time bill goes through next legislative session.
And those damn birds start singing before the sun comes up around 3:45.
Someone tell Kendrick Lamar we found a bigger hater 😂
> Kendrick Lamar we found a bigger hater 😂 Not like us
Hatechella
No-chill-a
No-Chomo-la
Truthfully I don’t have a hatin’ bone in my body. NOW LET ME TELL YOU IM THE BIGGEST HATER.
I've seen this post a bunch of times. My somewhat functional brain tells me I may have seen the original in WW or the Mercury, but I'm not sure.
I was thinking that as well
It’s really old. I mean in hipster years.
Portland peaked in coolness in 2015
Good 😎
As annoying as hipsters are, I do miss my old fav dives that were doing great during those years.
Wait, what's the conversion between hipster and regular years?
Depends on how insufferable they are.
I'm inventing a sliding scale of 0-10 of insufferability. For those at 0 the conversion rate is 365 days/year. At 1, we immediately cut the days in half. By the time you get to 10, last week was probably at least a couple of years ago.
You can tell it's really old because she didn't say she hates all the wildfire smoke in the summer. Unless she actually likes it?
Nah, it’s old. I remember reading this in the stranger (in paper format!) a decade ago. I’m with her though… summer is my least favorite season. It’s gotten worse since then because of the damn fires.
It’s the Merc: they used to run a feature with fake testimonials about whatever. All fiction. All unfunny. Looking forward the day that rag finally craps out completely.
Wait, this isn’t funny?
Portland, aka the city entirely lacking a sense of humor
Stubborn, ain’t it?? 🦄 If you find one sleeping, leave it be.
That's what Portland is missing? Someone hire some clowns to cheer us up! Oh yeah...we voted them all into office.
Is that a joke?
What an unusual flavor of haterade you have there..bet it tastes like warm piss
Yeah, this was in I think the Mercury several years back. Still, we can add her to the list of Notable Portlanders.
That page 3 blurb in Mercury? I loved those bits.
I wanna know whats up w the stupid fucking miata off Freemont tho!
Same!
Gardening redeems summer for me. My balls may be uncomfortably stuck to my thigh, but damn the fresh tomatoes and basil and peppers are delicious.
TIL I am Debbie Hines.
We are Debbie Hines
i am also debbie hines. this summer has been very kind compared to last year, i just hope it remains as relatively mild as its been so far
Is that the kid from terminator?
Not Furlong!
John Karen
I can save her 🥵 /s
Can you fix her?
Is she broken?
NO! She's PERFECT! I just need to CHANGE one or two things...
Let me just mansplain to you real quick what women are supposed to be like.
Probably?
Flair checks out
All she needs is AC and black out drapes.
We need an update on her
She died. Tripped over a flip flop at a festival and fell into some stinky garbage where a mosquito bit her. The overuse of fans in her room caused diseases from the mosquito to spread quickly through her spindly frame.
I'd kick it with her
Debbie has been my spirit animal for years. I’m a huge fan.
This. 100%.
I'm in love
I mean, fair point for some of that. The boiling urine / rancid garbage combo is hellacious
I agree with her
I can't get over. " Stupid fucking Miata"
Oldie but a goodie!
She missed a few of the most hateful things about summer. Fireworks going off at all hours of the day and night for next two and half months. Loud vehicles racing down residential streets. Drunk assholes at 230am. More violence. At least mosquitoes and frolicking were on the list and im sorry about my ugly feet.
Miata owner feeling burned over here.
Same. Top down, crossing the Fremont at sunset is a real summer treat!
Mom, I think I found the one.
**I think I’m in love.**
[удалено]
Happy Cake day
I hate winter. never see the sun, cant eat outside, confined in the evening due to rain, nobody out at the beer gardens, soggy seats, yard is dead and soggy, umbrellas, cant show off my spindly legs in cargo shorts, waking up in the dark, cant wear my burks, no outdoor entertainment, everybody wearing 5 layers, needing the heat on to not freeze....cant argue the stench from the homeless using the city as a toilet. Anyways...happy summer all!
Nah dog. You’re doing it wrong. Wear shorts in February. Wear waterproof stuff or just get used to being a little wet. Umbrellas are for losers. Curl up at a cozy bar. Read books. Learn to ski or snow board. The gorge is beautiful in the fall. Welcome to the pnw.
I’m honestly SO confused by the “umbrellas are for losers” crowd. Like, if you like being a soggy asshole, good for you. But stop yelling “get used to Oregon” at me when I’m walking 3/4 of a mile to work in the rain to a job that will fire me for showing up sopping wet. Me staying dry to keep a roof over my head is more important to me than your weird soggy machismo. I got Eagle Scout in Montana. I have camped in a tent in -27 degrees, gone backpacking during a flood, snowshoed through the wilderness, done ice fishing, white water rafting, white water kayaking, ocean kayaking, slingshotted myself over the Royal Gorge, and have spent more mornings dipping my feet in a creek running through a national park than most people have spent mornings in national parks. When the situation calls for being wet or uncomfortable, I am more than willing to rise to the occasion. Me shopping downtown is not a situation that calls for being wet or uncomfortable. I bring an umbrella. I’ve lived in Portland for years at this point and the animosity towards umbrellas is still so weird to me. “Happy to be moist in every day situations” just ain’t the flex you think it is.
Jokes homie. Relax. Thanks for sharing your bonafides. Nobody really cares about the umbrella, it’s just the mark of a transplant because locals who grew up here learn how operate in a region that has 150+ days of rain. It’s not a machismo or gendered thing so you can pack that back up. My point was that nobody in the PNW should let the weather effect them that much. It’s rainy 3/4s of the year so people deal with it even if it means getting a little wet from time to time. Notice I said “a little wet” not “soggy”. I’ve worked outside for years in all kinds of weather and the grey clouds don’t bother me cause I love this area and I wear waterproof gear. Use an umbrella if you need to. Enjoy the summer and the sun. But don’t let the rain stop you either.
Where I grew up, you were called a sissy lala if you used an umbrella.. First day at Oregon State U,. not a clowd in the sky,. buy the time I got to class,. I was dripping wet.. I went back to my car,. went to JC Penney and bought a fold up umbrella that would fit in back pack.. Wanted to hide umbrella when not using.. Lol.. I am much better now mentally.. Lol Btw grew up in Myrtle Creek Oregon
Umbrella?
[удалено]
Do you overthink everything? But to respond, I have lived in Portland since the 60's. I only use an umbrella on the golf course. I have a rain coat and a bucket hat for shitty days. And yes, it smells better in the winter, which is why I couldnt make a counter argument. Not that complicated if you think about it.
I love Debbie.
could not have said it better myself tho
She is awesome!
She seems nice
That picture is a stock photo. I’ve used that exact one in a website I built out. This appears to be a troll
High summer approaches. Debbie arises once more. Tread lightly, good people.
Debbie Downer!
I HATE THE WAY THAT YOU WALK THE WAY THAT YOU TALK—
Amen
S T U P I D F U C K I N G M I A T A
I miss Frank Cassano’s Imbecile Parade
Debbie knows what's up.
This is an old repost from 2018. People wanted to nail her then, as well. But that's totally off topic and inappropriate. Her grudge is against summer and rank armpits. I have to agree on that. I do enjoy fall and early winter more. I hope Debbie is enjoying life in Siberia or wherever she relocated to be conscripted.
I'm more interested in the "stupid fucking Miata off the Fremont Bridge".
Spot on. Bunch of stank butt, weird legs, slow walking bs. Fall is superior.
Where is she now?
What up with the stupid fucking miata off the freemont bridge? 😂
That is so awesome. And I wear a baseball cap.
😂😂😂Accurate.
Yeah I’m more of a spring and fall kinda guy
Thank you Debbie, that put a smile on my face
If she is still alive and actually exists, Debbie hit me up. We could probably be good friends
here here
I think about this every single time I consider wearing chacos.
Don't we all?
That’s hilarious! And true. And how I feel about PDX in general
where's the lie
Based. Summer is my second least favorite season. Only beat out by Spring because it adds allergies
debbie crawling into the fridge like joaquim
I don't want to get ahead of myself but I think I found my soulmate.
“-stupid fucking Miata off the Fremont Bridge”. I’d love to know more about that.
She strikes me as the type of person who hasn't smiled since age four.
real
My soul mate!!!
She’s not wrong tho.
It's a joke.
Caffed thighs says everything I need to know.
She's like me. Also, I hate her.
Lololol same
Wow a real ray of sunshine
Idk why she hates baseball cap 🧢, I like them.
Why isn't Portlandia irl over yet? I lived through this BS in the '90's yet here we are... Again.
HaVe U SeEn CoNes
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I could write that same post but substitute “hiking and camping” for “summer.”
I like this woman.You don’t have to ask how ya feeling?
Based
I am totally with her, except for bikinis and short shorts are cool
I feel the same way. Fuck the sun. Fuck summer. I wish it was October through march and then start over. Summer sucks hard and I hate it with all my being.
Same here. I live in Portland for the beautiful rain and grey skies, if I wanted to live somewhere where I constantly sweat I would move to California (no thanks) or Florida (absolute gag no thanks)
Seems like a nice lady ...
The sticker on the back of her early 2000's hatchback: "LOVE NOT HATE"
That's gotta be the mercury or am I old?
Definitely the kind of drivel the PM prints. Useless rag.
She looks like a GTA character
Portland... yup.
I think she just did.
[удалено]
Agree to disagree, and move on. Disagreements can be respectful, but being a dick is just uncool. Please try and do better.
There are a lot of dicks on here for sure. I’m not one of them.
Bro needs to just move to Alaska
“Stupid fucking miata off the Freemont Bridge”
Sounds like a real joy to be around.
I feel this so hard. Glad I’m not alone.
I think I love her
Try NYC in August, PDX is a bed of roses
Typical.
i agree with this person full heartedly
I guess it beats socal transplants who move up here then complain there’s not enough sun
Did someone print an Onion article?
what an absolutely giga based opinion. fuck summer, its too hot, overstimulating, and i can only take so many identical cloudless sunny days before i want to shoot myself
Wow someone is big mad
If she never started an only fans she wouldn't be sleeping with fans 😂
Funny, she doesn’t look like a Debbie
Can we have an update on Debbie? Is she a real person and still in the area!?
Me and Debbie Hines are like this 🤞 and i wanna knkw whats w the "stupid fucking miata off the Fremont bridge" it has me actually dying
She should go smell Bourbon Street when it's warm outside. Incapacitating.
Following from texas because I’m trying to move there and man does this hit. I HATE summer here
I ❤️ Debbie
Ok so I agree. Summer is a bust and i’m getting rid of my cargo shorts. Real men don’t wear flip flops other than prison showers because it would just look ridiculous rescuing feminists from burning buildings. I’m guessing she would be impressed that I bleach my ass though.
The only thing that person doesn't hate is Hamas.
Multi-Hate!
>boiling urine What
Same, girl. Same.
So much unhappiness I bet I can guess her political party
Im with her i rather it be cold and me with a blanket than hot and fucking sweaty 😓
https://preview.redd.it/gn8jrhu5jv8d1.jpeg?width=599&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f1a1a1bbdedf6822866be5c189fc5632a4bfa6d5
I love that above that all I can make out is “imagine dragons” and “stupid fucking Miata off the Fremont Bridge “
OP, I have no idea why this qualifies as a rant "without telling us how you feel". She was extremely detailed and specific.
Person in Portland is miserable. More at 9.
I am her and she is me
"Rancid garbage and boiling urine" This is such an incredibly accurate description of how it smells during the summer. I've always said it smells like hot piss but this is perfect.
She single? (Probably) Just the miserable women I really need in my life.
Imbecile! I hope she chips her bicuspid on an espresso cup while reading Ayn Rand's meandering screeds.
Must be a Democrat.
Haha. Send her to the southern US for the summer. Gotta love her passion though.
She just needs a good nailing
Yeah she's a ray of sunshine, don't care.... I wanna hear more on the previous story about the miata off the fricking Fremont bridge.
I bet she’s fun at a party.
So….she’s okay with Summer, then.
This is the face of depression
If you hate Sauvie Island you need a psychiatrist and should be locked up in the state mental hospital
Who hates frolicking 😂
She seems like a lot of fun
People know this is a parody, right? I want to believe yes and everyone is playing along, but also I can't be too sure with some of these 😅😅
She sounds like a fun person
I'll never understand people who are offended by the sight of a foot. That's so weird
Oh I am
She hates summer the way I hate winter. I’m curious what her idea of a good time is. Also,3 fans?! Maybe a really old house or…?
Is she single though?
This would be epic is the pic was some super cutesy smiley in pink girl like Reese Withspoon in Legally Blonde.
Who hurt her?
To be fair the city is pretty disgusting and does smell rancid. She’s not a nice person no, but she’s also not wrong. Portland sucks.
Bottom line: There are some very miserable S.O.B.'s out there. Don't buy into their misery.
chill out emo kid